User blog:TheMaximumMatt/Shortfiction - What's on TV?

[Short begins with Lola and Lana sitting excitedly hopping on the couch]

Lola: Oh man! I'm so excited!

Lana: [grabs remote] It's finally time!

Lola: I can't wait to fianlly watch the greatest movie of all time...

Lana and Lola: THE BLARNEY THE DINOSAUR MOVIE!

Lola: Hurry up and turn on the TV!

Lana: [turns on TV]

[A kids TV channel turns on]

Lola: Hey! This isn't Blarney.

[On the lower right corner is a block that reads "Blarney the Dinosaur: The Movine in 00:10:00"]

Lana: Ten minutes?! I thought it was now!

Lola: Yeah! It must've been delayed or something! The schedule said 6 o'clock!

[The kids look at the clock and see they're ten minutes early]

Lana and Lola: Oh...

Lana: Well, we're just gonna have to wait then.

Lola: But I wanna watch it now!

Lana: Oh come on! It's only ten minutes. Let's just watch something else for now until then.

Lola: Fine... let's see what else is on... [flips channel]

Lana: Pingi? What's this? Let's watch it.

Lola: Looks dumb...

[A stop-motion bouncy penguin flops on screen and starts speaking inaudible gibberish]

'''Pingi: Nakbuighdisjfhusjdhf? QEFIfjrief! Oeirnfdeufi fishy!)'''

Lola: ... What did he say?

Pingi: Nobokitdakakakadfugifirhfur!

Lana: ...I think it might be a foreign language.

Lola:Maybe we're on the Spanish channel or something. Give me that! [clicks remote] English? This is English?! You can't even undestand what they're saying!

Pingi: Nonhojeifrieiughir!

Lana: What is he doing?

Pingi: [begins slapping his own butt] Pytiorituityy!

Lana: ...Ok. This is too wierd for me. I'm out!

Lola: Same!

[Flips channel]

Lola: What's this show?

Lana: Apparenty it's called "Cayou..."

Lola: Cayou... what's Cayou?

[on TV] Cayou: I'm getting ready for my big day at the circus!

'''Cayou's Dad: Oh sorry Cayou... w'ere not going to the circus today. The circus isn't until tomorrow.'''

Cayou: ...

'''Cayou's Dad: Cayou... are you o-'''

'''Cayou: [screams] I WANT TO GO TO THE CIRCUS TODAY! I GOT READY AND EVERYTHING! [screams]'''

Lola: AHH! Change the channel! I can't take this anymore!

​Cayou: I WANT TO GO TO THE CIRCUS!

'''​Cayou's Dad: You will go! Just tomorrow!'''

​Cayou: If you don't take me to the circus now, I'll pinch Rose!

'''​Cayou's Dad: Not your baby sister! You wouldn't do that!'''

'''​Cayou: Oh yes I would! [pinches sister]'''

​Lola: Oh my gosh! What is wrong with this kid?!

Lana: Yeah, I'm done with this! [hits remote and pants] What was that?!

Lola: What was with that brat? He's so annoying!

Lana: He sounds like you... [snickers]

Lola: [angrily] I'm just gonna pretend I didn't hear that...

Lana: What's this show? Dog Patrol?

[On TV] '''Captain kid: Oh no! There's a fire at the match and gasoline factory! Martial! We need you and your fire truck!'''

[Martial is revealed to be an ordinary dalmation in a fire costume..]

'''Captain kid: Martial! Hurry!'''

'''Martial: [pants while looking in the air. He then walks over to the fire hydrant.])'''

Lana: So he's gonna use the fire hydrant?

Lola: Wait, why is he lifting his hind leg at it? What is he- EEEWWW! GROSS!

Lana: [laughs] I cannot believe he did that onscreen! [laughs]

'''Captain kid: Martial! Help us!'''

​Martial: [barks]

Lola: Watch something else!

Lana: Alright, fine! [changes channel]

Lola: Oh no. It's Flora the Explorer.

Lana: Ugh. I hate this show. Everyone's so slow and dumb.

Flora: '''​We must make our way to the Musical Cake Festival! Right Heels?'''

​Heels: Ooh ooh ahh ahh!

'''​Flora: Kids! We need to go to the Musical Cake Festival! To get there, we need to go to...'''

'''​the mall... the mountains... the river. Say it with me. The mall... the mountains... the river... The mall... the mountains... the river... the mall... the mountains... the river...'''

​[Lola and Lana stare at the screen frustrated]

Lana: Come on! Hurry up!

Lola: We get it already! You don't need to repeat it 5 times!

Lana: What do you think we are? Dumb?!

'''​Flora: Great! Let's go! We're through the forest! We're walking through the forest! We're walking through the forest! We're walking through the forest!'''

​Lola: [eye twitches] I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! [changes channel]

Lana: Maybe Blue's Hints will chear us up.

'''​Stevie: Hey kids! Today is a very special day! Today is my dog, Blue's, birthday. Blue has left us hints around the town to tell us what she wants for her birthday. We need to spot pawprints on these hints...'''

​Lana: So this dog goes around town vandalizing public property for some silly game?

Lola: ...WHY?!

'''​Stevie: We're going to play... Blue's Hints! Come on! [walks down the house] I sure do hope we find the first clue quickly!'''

​Lola: Hey, look! There's a pawprint on the table!

'''​Stevie: You see a clue? Where?'''

​Kids on TV: On the table!

​Stevie: What?

'''​Kids on TV: On the table! A clue!'''

​Stevie: You see a shoe?

​Kids on TV: No! A clue!

​Stevie: You see glue?

​​Lola and Lana: [Angrily] A clue! On the table! Turn around!

'''​Stevie: What's that you say? A moose on the stable?'''

'''​Kids on TV: [laughs] No! A clue! On the table!'''

​Stevie: You see a car on Jupiter?

​Lola: How did you get that?! That doesn't even rhyme with anything!

Lana: Let's just flip the channel before we get anymore enraged... [flips channel]

​[Two pigs appear onscreen]

​Narrator: Today, Poppy Pig and her little brother, Hammy, are going to the store.

'''​Poppy: Oh boy! I'm so excited to go the store!'''

​Narrator: Poppy Pig is very excited to go to the store!

​Lola: That's what she just said.

Lana: Dumb narrator...

​Poppy: I hope we find a dolly!

​Narrator: Poppy hopes she wil find a dolly at the store!

​Poppy: Let's go!

​Narrator: They're going to the store!

'''​Poppy: Oh no! The car's broken down! We can't go to the store!'''

'''​Narrator: Oh no! The car's broken down! They can't go to the store!'''

​Lola: You're just repeating what she's saying!

Lana: Do you not understand the purpose of a narrator?!

Lola: Next! [flips to next channel]

​Announcer: The Magical Horsie Friendship Show!

'''​Horses: FRIENDSHIP! RAINBOWS! SPARKLES! MAGIC! WEEEE!'''

​Dragon kid: I need to find some new friends...

​Lola and Lana: Next... [flip channel]

'''​Bella: Hello! I'm Bella, and I'm a princess knight!'''

​​Lana: ...A princess knight?

Lola: How can you be a princess and​ a knight? That doesn't make sense! They're different ranks!

Lana: And where are these princesses' parents anyway? If they're not around, wouldn't that make her queen?

Lola: Skip?

Lana: Skip. [next channel] Ooh! It's Timothy the Talking Train! You've heard of this show right, Lola?

Lola: Oh yeah! I remember! That's always a fun show.

Lana: You see? I knew something good would come out of this!

'''​Narrator: Timothy puffed down the line with the large cocoa powder in his cars. Suddenly, Teri the Green Train came the opposite direction pulling a goods train at the station. Timothy was about to crash right into Teri! Timothy's driver applied the brakes but it was too late!'''

'''​[Offscreen, a giant crash can be heard. from the TV. Explosions boom everywhere and people scream for their lives.]'''

​[Lola and Lana's smiles slowly turn into horrified frowns.]

​[The explosions slowly fade away and nothing but fire can be heard]

​​Narrator: Cocoa powder and broken bricks tumbled everywhere...

Lana: [turns off TV completely silent]

Lola: ...I'm not sure if I want to watch Blarney the Dinosaur anymore...

Lana: Man. Kids shows these days are messed up. Aren't they?

Lola: ...yeah...

[The two awkwardly leave the couch. Ending the short.]