User blog:Discofurby/Dr. Lisa

''Hi there, Loud Crowd! This fanfiction is a parody of the kids' book Dr. Dog and its sequel A Dose of Dr. Dog, but neither book belongs to me; like I said, it's just a parody. I changed things up a little bit because I felt the original was too judgmental and unsatisfactory. I changed it so that nobody really gets any blame and everyone wins. Hope you enjoy.''

Part One
One morning, Lisa was looking around her family kitchen when she noticed something wasn't quite right with four of her sisters:

"Dude, my throat hurts!" said Luna in an even hoarser voice than usual.

"And I'm so dizzy that I don't know where I'm verti-going! Ha ha ha, get it?" said Luan.

"Ugh, my stomach hurts," groaned Lana.

Lola didn't say anything, but she was scratching her head like mad.

"Never fret, sisters," said Lisa, "I will examine all of you. Meet me in my room."

So Lisa and her out-of-sorts sisters walked up the stairs.

She then swabbed Luna's throat and analyzed it. "Just as I suspected," said Lisa, "The third-oldest sibling has tonsillitis!"

"Is it because of the time when she went out in the rain without her raincoat and hat?" asked Lola.

"Negative," said Lisa, "and you should know better, being the identical twin of a girl who frequently goes outside during precipitation without the appropriate clothing. No, she simply has an infection. I will have to operate," and she took Luna into her bunker, put her under anaesthesia, and removed her tonsils.

When that was over, Luna was a bit groggy from the anaesthesia and still a bit hoarse, but was otherwise back to normal.

Lisa then looked through Lola's hair. "Her irritation is caused by pediculus humanus captis," she said.

"What?!", said the twins and Luan.

"She's got lice," said Lisa, and put shampoo on Lola's hair, "My advice to you, Lola, is to refrain from using other people's combs and hairbrushes."

Next up was Lana. "Lana has contracted intestinal parasites," said Lisa.

"Eh?" said Luan.

"She's caught worms," clarified Lisa, "Remember to always sanitize your hands after using the lavatory and avoid placing your extremeties into any orifice while they are contaminated. Fortunately for you, Lana, I have invented a formula which instantly kills intestinal parasites," and she spoon-fed Lana a serum. It tasted bad, even to Lana, but it worked, and her tummyache was gone.

"And finally, Luan, you were experiencing dizziness?"

"Yes," said Luan, "Is it because I was turning cartwheels?".

"Negative," said Lisa, "You have contracted an inner ear infection. Thankfully, I have a remedy for that as well. Rub this in your ears," she instructed, so Luan did, and her dizziness went away.

Things were uneventful until a few hours later, when one of Lynn's classmates popped over and they tried smoking. However, both of them got sore throats and Lisa found them and lectured them on the health risks, so they both swore never to do it again.

At the end of that day, Luna, Luan, Lynn, and the twins said, "Sorry that we took time away from your experiments by needing your cures."

"No problem at all, sisters," said Lisa, "Luna and Luan were simply unfortunate, and while the twins may have been statistically less likely to have contracted lice and worms if they had followed the advice I gave them, it may have happened anyway and, regardless, they were uninformed. And I'm pretty sure Lynn will never smoke again."

"You're right there, Lis!" said Lynn.

Later, Lori farted the roof off of Lola's playhouse, and while that was a bit embarrassing, it was not serious and eventually even Lola was able to laugh about it.

Part Two
The Louds were having a holiday on Aloha Beach. While there, Lisa met her classmate David.

"I've been studying herbal medicine," said David, "For example, you with the white hair, you appear to have a mosquito bite."

"Yeah, I do," said Lincoln, scratching his leg.

"Well," said David, "Here's some garlic juice, you can rub it on the bites."

"Thanks, David, you're a lifesaver," said Lincoln, applying the juice.

"Do you have anything for me?" said Lori, "I forgot to put on sunscreen and now my skin feels like it's literally on fire."

"Silly girl," said David.

"Do not insult my oldest sibling," said Lisa, "We all make mistakes, even us child prodigies."

David agreed, apologized to Lori, and rubbed her with some aloe sap.

Just then, a giant carnivorous plant popped up. "Oh no," said David, "You're right that everyone makes mistakes, this is probably my biggest mistake. Earlier, I created those by accident."

"Silly boy," said Lori, then winked at him to show she was just kidding.

"Well, I'm not afraid of it" said Lucy, climbing up the plant.

"They're actually sort of sweet," said Leni, and began using part of it as a jump rope, but that made her nauseous.

"Here, drink this," said David, giving Leni some ginger tea.

"My backside hurts," said Lucy.

It turned out that she'd sat on one of the plant's spikes and gotten a boil on her behind. Thankfully, David was there to put dried marigold petals on it, which Lucy found very awkward.

Some time passed, and everyone avoided the carnivorous plant, but eventually, it grabbed Lily.

Right at that moment, Lucy's boil burst and splat the plant in the eye and it spat Lily out.

Then, Lisa and David used the plant's own tendrils to tie it up.

"Don't worry," said David, "I won't breathe a word of this to anybody, so you don't have to worry about being known as the girl who saved the day with a boil."

"And I won't tell anyone about the plant," said Lucy, "So you don't have to worry about being known as the boy whose plant nearly killed Lily."

So Lucy and David became friends, and Rita gave everyone ice cream.