User blog:TheMaximumMatt/Listen Out Loud - Rita Loud (Valentine's Day Shortfic)

'''The following is a fan-made episode of the Listen Out Loud Podcast. If you want, you can also count this as an early Mother's Day special too.'''

Luna: (singing) ♫Listen! Listen! Listen out Loud! Find out all you need to know about life in The Loud House!♫

Rita: (sets up microphone) Is this thing on? Hello? Testing? Oh! It is on! Okay! Here we go! (takes deep breathe) Hi there. I'm Rita Loud...

...

Rita: (whispers to herself) No. That sounds to boring. I gotta think of something that'll wow them.

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Rita: Hold on. Let's try this. Ahem. (to the audience) Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. I am Rita Loud, your humble- uh- (wispers to herself) No. That won't work. Uh-

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Rita: (to the audience) What is up everybody?! Rita Loud here bringing you a very special episode of the Loud Podcast! (whispers to herself) Yeah, no kidding they are. That's why they clicked on this podcast. Stupid! Come on!

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Rita: Hola! Como estás?... (to herself) Seriously? You don't even speak Spanish! What are you doing?

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Rita: (to the audience) HEEEEEEYYYYYYYOOOOOO! What is going on you guys?... (facepalms) Stupid! Am I trying to chase my audience away? AAGGH!

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Rita: (to the audience) Howdy, everybody! I mean- uh- Welcome to my humble a- wait- I meant to say- uh- Rita Loud here- or maybe- Oh! Hello! I didn't see you there- Well, actually, uh, you can't really see me either since this is a podcast, which is entirely audio (nervously laughs) Uh...

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Rita: Okay! I got it! For real this time! Ahem. Hi there! I am so glad you could drop by! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Rita Loud, the mother of the ever-so-popular Loud Family. With 11 kids to look after, one might say my life is nothing but a hazard, but if you ask me, it's one of the best things I could ask for. (laughs)

...

...

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Rita: Now what?... Uh... Oh. Oh dear. I didn't plan this out too well did I?... Is this thing still on? Oh- I mean- uh- Welcome! I- uh-... you wanna see what I can do?

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Rita: Uh- what else can I say about myself?... (to the audience) I'm a dentist and uh- it's a pretty fun job. I look at people's teeth... and uh-... check to see how well they are doing. It's a pretty complicated process. I wouldn't wanna bore you with the details...

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Rita: I also... write stories too. I'm also an author and I- well- you wanna know what my story is about. It's a long story. No pun intended. Haha.

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Rita: It's a story about a young adventurous boy who can- uh-(to herself) Wait. I wanna introduce me being an author better. Let's see uh- I'll have you know that I am a very professional writer who can-... write stories and...

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Rita: (bangs table) Who am I kidding?! This podcast was a terrible idea! Ugh! I should just turn off this before I humiliate myself any further.

Lynn Sr.: (comes in from door) Hi, honey. Whatcha' doin?

Rita: Oh! It's nothing I-

Lynn Sr.: Ooh! Are you doing a podcast!

Rita: Honey, please don't I-

Lynn Sr.: What's wrong?

Rita: Nothing. It's just- I was about to turn this off and I-

Lynn Sr.: Why? It look like you just began.

Rita: It's nothing. You wouldn't understand.

Lynn Sr.: Now, listen here. This is your husband you're talking to. Of course, I'll understand! Go on. Tell me what's wrong.

Rita: (sigh) I just don't think I'm good enough for this podcast like you guys are. (tears up) I mean, look at you! You can cook, you got all those ties, you can do your British accent, you have every talent imaginable. Everyone loves you! Even the kids love you more than me! And what am I? A dentist who writes about her boring daily life! You got everything that makes you so special and I have nothing, no matter how hard I try! Now if you don't mind, I'll be-

Lynn Sr.: Honey! Don't say that about yourself! You aren't just an average everyday mom. You are a mother of 11 children. You have the ability to write stories and adventures! You express yourself through literature! And you're a flipping dentist for crying out loud! That job takes years of precision to master! I can't even do any of the things you do!

Rita: Really? Well... I'm just worried if- what if the Internet still doesn't like me?

Lynn Sr.: Honey. Listen to me. You are more special than you could even yourself to be. You don't need to try to try to impress other people by being someone you're not. You should just be you. That's why I love you. I don't just love you because of talents. I love you for- well... you. You being my wife means more to me more than anything, and I couldn't have asked for a better person to be here with me in this family.

Rita: (tears up) I'm sorry. I just- that really means a lot. Thank you! (hugs Lynn Sr.) I love you too, sweetie!

Lynn Sr.: I love you too, honey. Say, is that thing still on?

Rita: Oh! It is still on!

Lynn Sr.: Well in that case, what do you say? Shall we do this podcast together?

[The two take a deep breath before they're interrupted by a loud noise from outside their room]

Rita: Oh dear.

Lynn Sr.: (sighs) Looks like the kids are fighting over the couch again.

Rita: Well, it's time to the parents we were meant to be, Lynn.

Lynn Sr.: Right, Rita. (walks outside)

Rita: (to the audience) Sorry, guys. We're gonna have to do this podcast another time, but next time, at least I know I have someone who'll be there by my side with me. This is Rita Loud signing out. Stay tuned, everyone!