User blog:AustinDR/Fanfiction: Surfin' Bird

''[Episode starts with Luan, Lisa, and Lola sitting at the table. Lisa was reading the newspaper.]''

Luan: Hey, Lis. Could you hand me that paper for a sec?

[Lisa gives her the paper]

Luan: Huh...that's odd. I expected it to be big news.

Lisa: May I ask what you've expected to be big news?

Luan: Well there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece: a headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety.

Lisa: (confused) I didn't expect you to know what that is.

Luan: Oh, you haven't heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard.

Lisa: Heard what?

Lola: Lisa, Don't!!

[Luan starts to dance while "Surfin' Bird" is played at full blast.]

Luan: OH WELL A BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD,

BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD

BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD,

BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD!

Lisa, don't you know about the bird? Well, Luan's gonna tell you about the bird!

BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD!!!

BIRD, BIRD, BIRD, BIRD....

S-U-R-F-I-N  B-I-R-D

[She spasms out and falls onto the ground, foaming at the mouth]

Lisa: (horrified) Luan, are you okay?!!

Luan: MMMMMMMmaaaaaaaaaa......OOOOOP!! MAMOW, MAMAOW, OOPA, MAMOW, MAMOW, MAMOW, OOPA, MOW, MOW......

''[Lisa is irritated and she heads back to her room. Lola produces a gun and sticks it into her mouth.] ''

Later.....
[The family is eating breakfast, but they suddenly stop once they hear Luan scream]

Lincoln: What the?

[Luan walks in mad]

Luan: Which one of you low lives did it?

Lisa: Did what?

Lola: What got you so mad, sis?

Luan: Surfin' Bird is gone. I did a comedy routine with it, I bathed with it, it fell asleep in my arms....and now it's suddenly gone!

Lynn: Maybe it flew away!

[She laughs at her own joke; Luan passes her an angry glance causing her to shut up]

Rita: Well, dear, no one would steal it from you.

Luan: No! It's not like any of you had a motive! All of you had a motive! Mom knew that the song was old so she sold it on the black market. Leni wanted to get a passport with the left over money so that she could leave the country with some cute guy. Only she didn't count on me finding out that there was no guy and that she escaped from the nuthouse. That's where Lana comes into the picture.

[Lana points a gun at Luan]

Lana: So you figured it all out, eh? You couldn't just leave well enough alone!

Luan: You wouldn't shoot me, Lana. You don't have the stomach for it.

Lana: (laughs) Sorry, Luan, I don't know what any of this is about.

Lynn Sr.: (offscreen) Where did you get that gun, little miss?!!

Rita: Well, maybe it'll show up, Luan.

Lisa: I consider that a scientific impossibility.

[Lisa and Lola had stolen the record, and they take it out far away in a parody of Office Space''. Lola begins to step on the record, while Lisa demolishes it with the baseball bat. They head to leave the ruined record, only for Lisa to hold Lola back as teh deed was already done.] ''