User blog:Chanyhuman/Stage Flight (Genderbent Stage Plight)

The fallowing is a genderbent version of Stage Plight. Story

[At Royal Woods High School, Lane goes to his locker, opens it, looks in the mirror inside and sees Betty getting stuff from her locker, he stares at her with a passionate look.]

Ms. Coconuts: "Hey, who's the dream boat, hunk? You're looking at him the way I look at a fresh coat of varnish."

Lane: *Covering her mouth* "Shh. That's Betty, the girl I've been telling you about, but it's hopeless. How can I get to know her better if we never spend any time together?"

Ms. Coconuts: "I may be a dummy, but it seems to me if you want to spend some time with her, try talking, not gawking."

Lane: "I know, but the only class we have together is Advanced Mime. I can't exactly talk to her then." *Sees something* "Hold on. What's Betty doing?"

[Betty is signing a poster on the bulletin board and walking away. Lane and Ms. Coconuts are watching from behind the lockers, Ms. Coconuts takes a look and signals to 'move out', they head to the board to see what Betty did.]

Lane: *Intrigued* "Ooh, auditions for the drama club production of Romeo & Juliet. This sounds like bad gender bending..." *Signs up* "... but it’s perfect, if Betty and I both get cast, I'll finally be able to spend time with her."

[Ms. Coconuts chatters her teeth, and winks at Lane.]

[At the auditions, Ridley is first.]

Ridley: "Like, to be, or like, not to be, that is like, the question."

[Samus’s turn]

Samus: "To thine own self be-" *checks her arm* "blue! No, wait. True!"

[Betty’s turn]

Betty: "A rose, by any other name, would smell as sweet."

[Offstage, Lane is blissfully staring at his crush, and sighing dreamily.]

Ms. Coconuts: *Bringing Luan back to their world. * "Sir! Put your peepers back in your head. You're on."

Lane: *Realizes* "Whoops."

[He goes in his turn, and tosses Ms. Coconuts onto the director's chair, where she landsinn a rather observant position.]

[The next day at school, the results of the play are posted onto the bulletin board, and everyone is trying to see if they made the cut or not. Lane and Ms. Coconuts are seen hiding behind a wall.]

Lane: "Ooh, there's the cast list." *Moans in stress* "What if I didn't make the cut?"

[They all leave and half a second later, Lane and Ms. Coconuts sneak up to the list.]

Lane: *Looks away* "I'm too nervous to look."

Ms. Coconuts: *Looks at the list* "Relax, hunk, you're in the play, and so is your maiden." [Lane hugs Ms. Coconuts, while squealing with excitement.] "Hey, save that drama for the stage."

[At the rehearsal, everyone is chatting, as Lane walks up to Betty.]

Lane: "Oh, hey Betty, I didn't know you were in the play."

Betty: "Hey Lane, yeah," *looking at her scarf* "I'm a Montague."

Lane: "Oh," *points to his hat* "and I'm a Capulet. Guess we're sworn enemies."

Betty and Lane: *Pointing at each other with dirty looks. * "Ooooooh!"

[They laugh, and smile at each other, when suddenly the lights in the auditorium go down.]

Mro. Bernardo: *Offscreen* "... And now thespians," [No one knows what’s going on.] "here's your drama teacher," [Riley hiccups] "the two time nominee for 'Royal Woods Dinner Theatre's Best Director'," [everyone is looking for where this is coming from, and Preet points up.] "Mro. Bernardo!" [Small applause]

Betty: "Did he just announce himself?"

Lane: "It sure looks that way."

Mro. Bernardo: "Stop it, you're too kind." *chuckles and claps* "Gather round, children, gather. I am so thrilled to be helming this production of Romeo & Juliet!"

Riley: "Sounds like bad gender bending."

Mro. Bernardo: *ignoring her* "Now, Capulets, I want you stage left, Montagues, stage right. You'll be rehearsing separately."

Lane: "What? Why? *Looks at Betty* I mean, uh, is that really necessary?"

Mro. Bernardo: "Yes! It'll enhance the dramatic tension. Remember, these families hate each other!" *chuckles again*

[Everyone heads over to the assigned group. Betty shrugs and waves to Lane as she walks to her group, Lane waves back, and is now bummed.]

Lane: *Groans* "This is not gonna work for me."

[Later, everyone is doing vocal warm ups and Lane seems bored.]

Mro. Bernardo: *Clapping* "Okay everyone, good vocal warm up. Let's take five, and then we'll dive into the text."

Lane: *Comes up to Sheldon* "Hey, Sheldon, would you mind switching with me? I can't be a Capulet, I'm, uh, allergic to hats, they make my head swell up, and then I, can't get the hat off, it's a vicious cycle."

Sheldon: *Gasps* "That sounds awful, of course I'll switch. *realizes however* "Ooh, wait, I can't be a Capulet if my arch nemesis Alden is." *Points to Alden*

Lane: "Oh, okay, hang on." *Goes to Alden* "Hey, Alden, how'd you like to be a Montague?"

Alden: "A what? Sure, whatev, but only if my girlfriend Riley can be one too. She kind of like, can't be without me."

[Meanwhile, Riley is standing right next to him, looking at Jackie, who winks at her. Alden grabs her arm and pulls her in.]

Lane: "Ooh, okay, one sec." [Leaves while Alden gives Riley a dirty look, and she awkwardly smiles at him. Lane approaches Lucas.] "Hey Lucas, you know, you strike me as more of a Capulet, they're so much cooler. How'd you like to switch with Riley?"

Lucas: "Sure, but only if my BFF Ling can be a Capulet."

Lane: * Not surprised, sighs* "Yup, I'm on it."

[Lane goes back to the Capulet side of the stage, and without saying anything, pushes one of the Capulets to the Montague side, and pushes Sheldon to the Capulet side. Everyone switches sides of the stage, and trade hats and scarves.]

Mro. Bernardo: "Thespians, assemble."

[Lane sighs with relief, and Betty approaches him.]

Betty: "Hey Lane," *sees his scarf* "So, you're a Montague now?"

Lane: "Yeah, Ling really, really wanted to be a Capulet. So what are you gonna do? Break the kid's heart?"

[The next day]

Mro. Bernardo: "Welcome to day two of rehearsal, now, we'll start with act one, scene five, better known as, the kiss; Romeo, Juliet, center stage, the rest of you, take five." *Claps*

[Everyone goes to take a seat, Lane goes to get his bag.]

Lane: Come on, Ms. Coconuts, let's grab a seat next to-" *sees something* "Huh?" [Sheldon has one of the seats next to Betty, and Ling and Lucas are about to take the other one.] "Go, Ms. Coconuts!" [He throws her into the seat. Ling, who just sat down, jumps into Lucas arms, and they fall over offscreen; Lane calmly sits next to Betty.] "Oh, hey Betty, did you see last night's episode of The Real Mimes of Miami?"

Betty: "Yeah. I really felt for Matt when he was trying to order a pizza over the phone."

Lane: "Mime life. Am I right?" [Just then, Betty's stomach grumbles, causing her to blush, and the two of them laugh; Lane pulls a banana out of his bag.] "Here, your stomach might find this apeeling."

Betty: *laughs* "Thanks, a bunch!"

Lane: *laughs* "Good one."

[Back at the stage, Samus and Ridley are about to do the scene.]

Mro. Bernardo: "And... action!" *Heads offstage, moving his arms in a waving motion.*

Ridley: "Like, saints do not, like, move, though grant for, like, prayer's sake." Samus: "Then move not-" *Stops and looks at her arm.* "Hang on." [Mro. Bernardo looks disappointed at this.] "While my prayer's effect I fake. No, wait, that's a 'T', take, not fake."

Mro. Bernardo: "No, no, no no no no, this is all wrong; I'm just not feeling it." [He then notices how good Betty and Lane are at making themselves, and each other laugh. Betty has the banana peel on her head and is making a monkey face for Lane, who is blushing, and laughs so much he snorts, and covers his mouth in embarrassment, the two continue to laugh. This gives Mro. Bernardo an idea.] "Ridley, Samus, this is the hardest part of any director's job, but, I've decided to go another way with my Romeo & Juliet, don't be discouraged, if you keep working your craft-"

Ridley: *Not discouraged at all* "So, like," *holds up the script* I don't have to memorize, like, any more of this."

[Mro. Bernardo nods]

Samus: *Sighs with relief, and pulls up her shirt, revealing smeared ink.* "I sweated off the rest of my lines in gym class."

[She and Ridley leave.]

Mro. Bernardo: "Fear not, thespians, the show will go on. The perfect Romeo & Juliet, have been with us all along," *Jumps off the stage to the pair he has in mind. * "Betty and Lane!" [They gasp at this] "I've been watching you two, and I know you are going to be wonderful." [He brings them close, almost choking them, and they look at each other, blushing. Mro. Bernardo pushes them towards center stage.] "Now, Romeo and Juliet, let's pick up where we left off, the kiss, and what ever do, don’t say it’s bad gender bending." *Goes offstage, moving her arms in a waving motion. *

Lane: [Realizes something, and gets nervous] "The kiss? Uh, oh, I just remembered, I have a... an orthodontist appointment today, gotta get the old braces tightened, otherwise this'll be Romeo and Drooliet. *Awkwardly laughs as he makes a run for it. *

[At home, Lane is laying in his bed.]

Ms. Coconuts: "Hey, what happened back there, hunk? You and the doll make a great Romeo and Juliet. Isn't that everything you wanted?"

Lane: "Yeah, but, we have to... kiss."

Ms. Coconuts: "So?"

Lane: *Sits up* "I've never kissed anyone before. I bet everyone else in my class has, including Betty. What if I'm bad at it, and she thinks I'm lame?"

Ms. Coconuts: "You're overthinking it, doll. You'll be fine. It's just a smooch. There's nothing to it."

Lane: "Maybe you're right, Ms. Coconuts."

Ms. Coconuts: "I know I'm right. You can do this."

[Lane smiles at Ms. Coconuts.]

[At the next rehearsal, they are trying to practice the kiss again.]

Betty: "Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take." *Leans in to kiss Lane. *

Lane’s Thoughts: "I can't do this."

Lane: "Time out! I need a pee break, I really hit the old OJ hard this morning." *Leaves, and returns later* "Sorry, sorry, I'm ready to go."

[Suddenly, one of the sandbags falls from the rafters, right in front of Sheldon, who yelps. Ling looks up and jumps into Lucas’s arms again just before one hits him, and Preet immediately dodges another one.]

Mro. Bernardo: "Gadzooks! Which is also the name of my one man show. Rehearsal's cancelled until I can get the janitor to fix this safety hazard." *Leaves to get the janitor*

Lane: "Aw, shucks. No rehearsal? So, uh," *Awkwardly walks away, while holding a pair of scissors behind his back. * "parting is such sweet sorrow." [Runs off, almost dropping his scissors, which he places in his bag, much to Ms. Coconuts discomfort.]

Ms. Coconuts: "Ouch! Watch it, hunk."

[The next rehearsal...]

Mro. Bernardo: *Rides in on a rolling trellis* "Once more onto the breach, dear thespians, which is theatre talk for, let's try that kissing scene again." Lane: *Offstage* "Come on Lane, it's just a kiss, you got this." [He walks onto the stage with confidence, but as soon as he sees Betty, and she smiles at him, it all goes away.]

Lane's Thoughts: "Ooh, oh no you don't."

Lane: *Pulls out a banana peel, and casually throws it in his path. * "Hey everybody, can't wait to rehearse." *Steps and slips on the pee. .* "Woah!" [Falls onto the stage, Mro. Bernardo and Betty check on him.]

Mro. Bernardo: "Heavens, my dear boy! Are you okay?!"

Lane: "Oh, it's nothing. Probably just a slipped disk. No pun intended. *Laughs* Ow--I mean, ow, ow, ow!"

Mro. Bernardo: "Rehearsal's cancelled for today!"

Lane: "Whew."

[The Very Next Day...]

Lane: *Offstage again* "Okay, come on Lane, no more stall tactics. You have to do this."

Mro. Bernardo: *Gets the thespians' attention* "Comrades, look to the skies. It's Mro. Bernardo!" *Flies toward the stage with wires attached to him. * "Where's my Romeo? Where's my Juliet? Chop chop, it's kissing time."

Lane: "Ohhh... *Walks onto the stage and in front of Benny. *

Mro. Bernardo: "And... action!"

Betty: "Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take." *Puckers her lips to kiss Lane. *

[Lane gets a dose anxiety as Betty moves closer, until um...]

Lane: "Wait! Uh, I have an idea. Um, um, instead of a kiss, why doesn't Romeo, uh, *Pulls out his phone* send Juliet a text."

Mro. Bernardo: "A text?"

Lane: "Yeah. I think a kissy emoji and a heart would really get the message across."

Mro. Bernardo: *cross* "Lane, what are you suggesting is..." [Lane gets nervous and Mro. Bernardo is now blissful.] "... pure genius~! A modern take on a classic, bravo! Prop department," *Flies away on the wires* "I need cell phones for Romeo and Juliet, pronto!"

[Lane looks at his phone, and then looks over to Betty, giving her flirty eyes, and walks off. Betty on the other hand, looks at the ground with a look of disappointment.]

[At what is supposed to be the next rehearsal, which by now the audience is worried that Lane’s going to blow it again.]

Lane: "Hey, Mro. B. Ready for rehearsal, been doing some thumb strengthening exercises for my big texting scene."

Mro. Bernardo: *In defeat* "You've done them in vain! Rehearsal's cancelled until I can find a new Juliet."

Lane: *Shocked* "What?! What happened to Betty?"

Mro. Bernardo: "She up and quit, she suddenly remembered she has a conflict with the chess club. Chess club!" *Pretends to faint* "Check and mate." *Wheels himself away on the trellis* "Uh, I was a fool to leave the dinner theatre circuit."

Lane: *Walks up to Ms. Coconuts, confused. * "This doesn't make any sense, Betty isn't even in chess club."

[He later finds Betty sitting on a bench.]

Lane: "Hi, Betty." *Joins her*

Betty: "Hey."

Lane: "I heard you quit the play."

Betty: "Yeah."

Lane: "How come?"

Betty: "Honestly Lane, because of you, it's clear you aren't comfortable with me playing Juliet."

Lane: "No! Just the opposite." *Sighs, and looks away* "The only reason I wanted to be in the play is so I could spend some time with you."

Betty: "Really? Then, why did you keep finding ways to avoid kissing me?"

Lane: "Oh, it's not you, uh, it's... Never mind."

Ms. Coconuts: "He was nervous because he's never kissed anyone before."

Lane: *Shocked* "Ms. Coconuts!"

Ms. Coconuts: "What? Someone's gotta say it."

[Lane nervously looks at Betty, as she pulls out her own marionette.]

Mro. Appleblossom: "Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Bethainy's never kissed anyone either."

Betty: *Gasps* "Mro. Appleblossom, ah, you weren't supposed to tell."

[Mro. Appleblossom shrugs]

Ms. Coconuts: "Well, I gotta say that's a load off. Lane didn't want to embarrass himself in front of old Betty girl. Just between you and me, he's sweet on the gal."

Mro. Appleblossom: *Laughs* "Really? Bethainy rather fancies him as well."

Ms. Coconuts: *With Lane’s voice* She does?"

Lane: I mean," *starts blushing* "you do?"

[Betty nods, and starts blushing herself. The two gaze at each other sheepishly, they laugh, and then kiss. Ms. Coconuts and Mro. Appleblossom wink at each other. The next scene is in the theatre where the play has ended. Everyone applauds and Luan and Benny, who were dressed as Romeo and Juliet, but with reverse gender roles, thank the audience.]

Ms. Coconuts: "Well, Mro. Appleblossom, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

Lexx: *Hears that, and gasps with fear. * "Who said that?"

Gallery

Trivia


 * I figured I would have some fun with the fact that I didn’t genderbend the names of Romeo and Juliet.
 * Unfortunately, there was no male version of Mrs. So I invited one, Mro.
 * Tip: Sometimes, you have to overcome your fear and take risks, in order to have more success, regardless.
 * The original was written by Kevin Sullivan.
 * Please support the official release.