User blog:American Titan/AT's Famous FanFicks 3: "Rage Quit: Fish Tales"

A big tip of the hat to Michael Jones from the Youtube channel “RoosterTeeth/Achievement Hunter” for heavily inspiring Lexi Loud’s character, and to Mark Ritchie, Pat McMahon, and Python Angelo for creating such a sh***y pinball machine. Also, as an aside, I highly recommend that you check out my “Will I Be Making Any More Fanfics?” blog if you have not done so yet. On that blog is a full character description of Lexi Loud. You should also look up images or gameplay footage of the 1992 Williams pinball machine “Fish Tales” before reading this fanfic. Understanding both of these key components to the fanfic is necessary to understanding the fanfic itself. And finally, A LOT OF STRONG, CENSORED LANGUAGE IS USED! DISCRETION IS ADVISED FOR YOUNGER READERS!



*Lexi Loud is walking on the sidewalk outside of her school. She just got through a day of detention, and is heading to a pizza parlor.* Lexi: Hello, there. Lexi here. I just got out of detention at school over something SOOOOO dumb. In the girl’s restroom, when I was washing my hands after dissecting frogs in science class, I saw this poster advertising a local fat camp sponsored by “The Biggest Loser”. So I did what any normal person would do and punched a hole right through the poster, like a boss. But when I destroyed the poster, it turned out that there was this stupid brick wall behind the poster that I broke, so the principal sent me off to detention! Pfft! Pure bullc**p! I mean, how would YOU feel if your own public school system demonized you based on appearance? That’s all society thinks of when they see me! They don’t judge me based on my intelligence, my personality, nothing! Except for my siblings and my parents, everyone just points and laughs at my stupid belly whenever they look at me. Here’s to the gift of liposuction for Christmas this year; let’s hope! So, instead of beating up the first person I see on the street over me going to detention today, I’ve decided for the first time that I’m going to calm myself down by fighting fire with pinball! I’m going to play a pinball machine at a local pizzeria, because my house is a REALLY long walk from here, and God knows that I can’t wait that long to get my mind off of this cr***y school system! I’ve heard that they have a hard pinball machine over at Luigi’s Pizzeria, but hey, just anything to get my mind off of this stupid school system! I mean, how hard can a pinball machine really be? *Lexi enters Luigi’s Pizzeria.* Lexi: Oh god. It smells like rotten fish in here. Luigi’s Employee: *shouting* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">ONE PARTY SIZED ANCHOVY PIZZA FOR HERE! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*sigh* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lovely. That smell is gonna stay inside of this dump for as long as I am. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi goes towards the restaurant’s bathroom. Next to the bathroom is a pinball machine called “Fish Tales”.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Irony is my favorite type of humor. Welp, let’s see how many death-defying stunts I’ll have to perform with the flippers on this machine just to keep the BALL in play. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi looks at the rubber fish statue on top of the pinball machine, “staring” at her.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Is that fish checking me out? Wow, even HE thinks I’m fat!” <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*With a frown, Lexi takes a look at the playing field before inserting money into the machine, and her frown turns into a confused look on her face.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Huh? This machine doesn’t look challenging at all! It looks so EASY! What were those popular girls at school talking about? Forget them and their inexperienced, little butts! They probably can’t even get past the first Goomba in Super Mario Brothers! And with my wicked pinball playing skills, my initials are practically GUARANTEED to go into the #1 spot! Let’s do this! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi inserts 2 quarters into the slot, and begins her first game.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Fisherman ( <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">who says this whenever you are about to launch your first ball into play <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">): Gone fishin’. Leave a message! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi launches the ball and hits it with the left flipper, but the ball shoots out of the launch area so fast, that she accidentally hits it down the right draining lane.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">AUTOFIRE (This machine’s version of “BALL SAVED- KEEP SHOOTING”.) <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*heavy sigh* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Alright. Let’s see if we can keep the ball in play for more than five f**king seconds this time. So, I’ll just catch the ball with my left flipper… <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*This time, the ball bounces off of the rubber on the left flipper, and down into the left drain lane.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">BALL LOST <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: WHAT?!? <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Woah, this happy-go-lucky pinball machine ain’t f**kin’ around! If you don’t make each move precisely by freaking out about the ball’s physics and s**t, your a** is going down the drain! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Welp, let’s see if I can hit either of those two middle ramps on my next ball. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*She keeps the ball in play this time and aims for the middle boat ramps, but instead, she hits the distracting captive ball in between the two ramps. She earns a useless “hold bonus”.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Alright….. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*She tries again for the ramps, but accidentally hits the captive ball. Nothing happens.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Okie dokie….. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*She tries AGAIN for the ramps, but accidentally hits the captive ball. Still, nothing happens.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: COME ON! Go up the f**king ramps already! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*She hits the ball with the fat part of the flipper so that it lightly hits the captive ball and it drains down the middle.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">AUTOFIRE <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Yep! That’ll happen! THAT’LL HAPPEN! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Like, all you can really do in this game is either hit the middle ramp, which sends your ball flying down the middle thanks to “Mr. Captive” over there, or you can this useless caster club shot, which locks your balls for multiball! That sounds f**king fantastic, right? Well, if I can’t keep the ball from draining for more than 30 seconds, THEN HOW THE FLYING F**K AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MULTIBALL?!? F**K! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*talks while knocking the ball around with the flippers* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">You know what this game is? F**king BALLS! Heh, he, he, he, he. HAH-HAH, HAH, HA- <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*She drains the ball down the left side because she spent too long knocking the ball back and forth aimlessly with the flippers.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">BALL LOST <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: You motherf**kers. You stupid, sack of s**t flippers. YA DUMB F**KING PLASTIC BITS!!!.....................................................Heh, f**king balls. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*hitting left and right flippers rapidly after launching the ball* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh, COME OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON! <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*By pure luck, she manages to get the skill shot by hitting the ball inside of the caster’s club.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">BALL 1 LOCKED <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Wow! WOW! WOW!!! How the f**k did I GET THAT?!? I wasn’t paying attention at ALL! I was actually TRYING to get it in there before!!! <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*sighs* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Oh my God. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*starts to get annoyed at the main theme music while her ball is in play* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> I absolutely love this soundtrack. It’s like, the best thing to ever exist. It’s a f**king fiddle played over, and over, and over, AND OVER, AND OVER… <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*ball drains and she couldn’t hit it with the flippers in time because it was moving so quickly.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">GAME OVER <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: ...AND GAME F**KING OVER!!! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi is so tired, that she just lets a freshly launched ball drain down the flippers twice.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">BALL LOST <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my life is f**king wastin’ AWAAAAAAAAAAY! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi hit the ball into the machine’s pop bumper area, and it won’t get out of the area because the pop bumpers keep gaining points by hitting the ball.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: You know what? This game is so god awful, that I just want to shoot whoever played a part in creating this machine…………………...IS THAT A NORMAL REACTION?!?!? <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*The pop bumpers are still hitting the ball back and forth.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Stop binking and bonking the bumpers and let me smack you into oblivion with my flippers! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*The ball shoots out of the pop bumper area at the speed of light, straight down the middle.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">BALL LOST <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Wha- IT BINKED MY BONK! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Look at this fisherman’s face in the middle of the playing field. Look at his stupid, ugly f**king face. He’s like “DURRRRRRRRRRRR, THE WATER’S BLUE……………………...WHY?” <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Besides “Dumba** Fishy McGee” over here, the rest of the artwork on this machine is pretty decent,… <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*While talking, Lexi manages to lock a second ball into the caster’s club.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">BALL 2 LOCKED <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi:...but it’s kind of sad to know that this really good artwork had to be wasted on such a terrible game. Like, it takes GUTS to be the one person who is proud of what they contributed to this HUNKA S**T!!! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Bumpers right near the flippers are bouncing the ball from left to right, and right to left.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: I’m f**ked! Iiiiiiiiiiii’m f**ked! I’m… <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Ball drains down right side lane.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">GAME OVER <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi:...F**KING F**KED!!!..................................................f**k. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*calmly says* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Why the h**l am I still playing this? <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Fisherman: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*says before launching the ball* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Gone fishin’. Leave a message. <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*beep* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Ah, roger, Captain Loud to Big Daddy Fisher, ah, this game is in fact a f**kin’ piece of s**t that suck donkey balls, ah, over. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Either expand the two fucking boat ramps that are clogging up the middle of the playfield like a Big Mac, or don’t put them in the game! God, this isn’t f**king rocket science! <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*tries to hit the ball up one of the ramps yet AGAIN, but hits a pillar holding the captive ball in place and flings the ball right down the middle.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">AUTOFIRE <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*sighs* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">But perfecting this s**t IS rocket science. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;"> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi hits enough targets to be able to tell a lie and stretch out a fish tale. She then successfully hits the ball into the spinner on the left side of the machine so she can tell a lie, and she gains millions of points.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lying Fisherman: YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THAT MY FISH WAS THIS BIG! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Nope, I believe that this irredeemable gorilla turd is absolutely HUGE. <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Impressed & Gullible Friend: Oh yeah, that’s a keeper! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: AW, H**L NO! GET RID OF THIS C**PPY MACHINE RIGHT NOW!!! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Luigi, the owner of the pizzeria, walks up to Lexi.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Luigi: Hey, hey, hey! Inside-a voices! Your a-nnoy-in’ screamin’ got a-few-a guests complainin’ to ol’ Papa Luigi! Either chill out-eh, or get out-eh! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*to Luigi* <span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Oh, so you want peace and quiet, huh? I’LL GIVE YA PEACE AND QUIET!!!!! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi picks the entire pinball machine up with her muscular arms and SLAMS it against the ceiling and the floor. The pinball machine is a shattered, broken, useless pile of garbage now. Luigi’s jaw drops open and his eyes widen in shock. He gets down on both knees, scoops up what is left of the boat ramp, and tears slowly fall down his face. Before he can say anything back to Lexi, she is already storming out the door, not in fear, but in anger.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">Lexi: Screw this s**t, fishing’s for NERDS! <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:italic;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">*Lexi SLAMS the exit door shut.* <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:2.4;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:0pt;"><span style="font-size:14.666666666666666px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;">THE END

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