User blog:007Jamesdean/Lock 'N' Loud (Done My Way)

[The episode begins with Lynn Sr. and Rita pulling in the driveway.]

Rita: "I am so glad we signed up for those ballroom dance classes."​​​​​​

Lynn Sr.: "Me too. One tango lesson and I am a pro." [Scats as he spins Rita but she ends up crashing into a shrub.]

Rita: "Ow! Ow! Thorns!"

Lynn Sr.: "Doh! Oh, sorry! Sorry! I'll get the first aid kit!" [Goes to unlock the door but it is already opened and he growls in frustration.] "Those darn kids!" [bursts inside the house which attracts me, Varie, Vince, Aylene, Naruto and the Girls, the Eds, Lilly, my children and grandkids and the siblings' attention.] "I have told you guys a million times: you gotta lock the doors at night."

Luna: "Come on, Pops. What's the big whoop?"

Lynn Sr.: "Oh, I'll tell you what the big whoop is. There've been some burglaries in the neighborhood and I don't want us to be next.

Me: Burglars?

Lynn Sr.: Yes. So PLEASE! JUST! LOCK! THE! DANG! DOOR! It's not that hard!" [He locks the door as he says that and walks off, forgetting about Rita who is still stuck outside.]

Rita: "Uh, honey?"

Laney thought about her dad warning her about the burglars. Cound there really be people who are after her precious chest? That thought filled her with fear.

Laney: Burglars?

[Later, the siblings are in Lori and Carol's room.]

Lincoln: [concerned] "Listen, guys. Dad's right. We need to start acting responsible or we're gonna lose all our stuff."

Me: I agree guys. Burglars are no laughing matter and they as crafty and sneaky as raccoons.

Luna: [worried] "I don't wanna lose my ax." ''[Luna imagines a burglar creeping into Luna and Luan's bedroom window and stealing her guitar. Cut back to reality as Luna clutches her guitar.]''

Lana: [worried] "I don't wanna lose mine, either." ''[Lana imagines the same burglar yanking Lana's axe from a stump and falling over in the process. Cut back to reality as Lana clutches her axe.]''

Varie: I don't think a burglar would want your axe Lana.

Lucy: [worried] "I don't want to lose my soulmate." ''[Lucy imagines the burglar grabbing Edwin's bust from the window. Cut back to reality as Lucy clutches Edwin.]''

Luan: [worried] "And I don't want to lose mine, either." ''[Luan imagines herself with Mr. Coconuts until a hand snatches Mr. Coconuts from Luan. Cut back to reality as Luan clutches Mr. Coconuts.]''

Lisa: [worried] "I don't want to lose my life's work." ''[Lisa imagines the burglar popping out from a drawer and swiping Lisa's chemistry set into the bag. Cut back to reality as Lisa clutches her chemistry set.]''

Leni: [scared] "I don't want to lose mine, either." ''[Leni imagines her life's work, which turns out to a kiddie's jigsaw puzzle being swiped by the burglar who is hanging from the ceiling. Cut back to reality as Leni clutches her jigsaw.]''

Laney: And I don't want to lose... My passion... [Laney imagines her whole art chest being hauled off by the burglar who came through the window and threw it out, a breaking sound was heard and the burglar just shrugged. Cut back to Laney shaking with fear from that worrysome thought]

Aylene: I don't think burglars are after your stuff girls. They usually go after stuff that's valueable like money, jewelry, televisions and electronic equipment.

Carol: Aylene is right.

Wednesday: When I lived in my old house we had a lot of attempted thefts on the Addams Family Fortune but they all failed.

Yuko: I had no idea your family's fortune was that coveted Wednesday.

Lincoln: "Well, if we wanna protect our stuff, locking the door isn't enough. We gotta lock this place down!"

[They all cheer in delight]

Lily: [holds her fist up] "Lets do it guys!"

[The next day, Clyde arrives at the Loud House but is stopped by Bobby who is dressed in his mall cop uniform and riding a Segway.]

Bobby: "State your name and business."

Clyde: "Bobby? What's going on?"

Bobby: "New security measures. Lori asked me to protect Casa Loud. So come on, Clyde: name and business." Clyde: "Sure, but...wait. You just said my name."

Bobby: "Do we have a problem here?"

Lori: [from her bedroom window] "It's okay, Boo Boo Bear. I'll vouch for him. Go ahead, Clyde."

Clyde: [lovesick] "Thanks, L-L-Lori. She vouched for me." [breathes into his paper bag as he walks inside but as he enters, two airhorns blow and a siren goes off, causing him to yelp.]

Lisa: [runs up and switches the alarms off] "Splendid! My motion sensors are working perfectly."

Jessie K.: [Writes on a clipboard] Motion Sensors operational.

''[Clyde starts to walk up the stairs but he accidentally sets off a laser beam, which turns the stairs into a slope. Clyde lets out a scream as he tumbles back down.]''

Lisa: "Excellent. My staircase ramp is also working.

Jessie K.: Staircase ramp working. Check.

Lisa: Now to check the alligator pit" [brings out a remote and smiles deviously at Clyde.]

Clyde: [alarmed] "Noooooooooo!" [quickly races up the stairs]

[Me, Lincoln, Lilly, Linka, Janeen, Gabrielle are looking through the blinds when Clyde enters the room.]

Clyde: [salutes] "Agent McBride reporting for duty."

Lincoln: "Welcome to the Command Center, McBride. Anything goes down in Royal Woods, we'll be the first to know about it."

Me: Yep. We're keeping our eyes and ears open for burglars.

Clyde: [presents 6 cups of coffee] "Coffee?"

Lincoln: "You read my mind."

Janeen: Thanks Clyde.

Me: Thank you.

Linka: Thanks.

[Me, Linka, Gabrielle and Janeen drink the coffee and like it but Lincoln, Lilly and Clyde drink the coffee but hate the taste and end up spitting it back out all over each other.]

Lincoln: "I'll go get us some juice. And some napkins."

Me: Good cup of Joe.

Woman over scanner "Attention, all units! We've got an 11-25 at 7 Mile and Oak."

Clyde: "An 11-25? What's that?"

Lincoln: [reads a police code book] "Failure to pick up dog poop."

Clyde: "This used to be a nice town."

Linka: That's only a misdemeanor.

Lilly: No burglars yet.

Gabrielle: (British Accent)

[Later, Me and Lincoln exit his bedroom and are surprised to see the girls taking their stuff into the basement and when we go take a look.]

Laney: Okay people! Keep it moving!

Lincoln: "Uh, what's going on?"

Laney: It's for the good of our stuff guys. Inside my chest are the many things that made me me. All my creativity, my art, my costumes, I cannot risk all that being taken away by some low down thief.

Lisa: "Indeed, if you have valuables to protect, you can store them in the safe room."

Lincoln: "Why are you taking your stuff into the basement?

Lisa: Follow me please.

We got to the basement and saw a huge vault door opened and it was a huge vault.

Me: Whoa! That is a giant vault!

Laney: It's massive.

Naruto: It's a 50 ton vault door and it's made out of solid triple thick titanium reinforced steel. It's also protected by an impenetrable security laser shield. If the beam is broken the door will slam closed and seal the intruder inside. The only way to open the vault is by turning these two keys on both sides of the door at the same time.

Me: That's genius.

Lisa: Indeed.

Lincoln: I agree. This vault door is big and heavy and strong too.

Luan: [walks into the vault with Mr. Coconuts] "I think it's the perfect place to store our stuff." [laughs] "Get it?"

Eddy: (Laughs) I get it.

Me: (Laughs) I get it too Luan.

Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "Whoa, Toots! You're leaving me locked in here with Count Creepy?"

Lucy: [sighs] "Please, Edwin is the one who should be complaining."

Lincoln: [unsure] "Okay..."

Lynn: [off-screen] "It's the burglar!"

[Me and Lincoln, alarmed by this rushes to Lynn and Lucy's bedroom, only to find Lynn, Ed, Leni, Aylene, Anna, Shannon, Vince, Carol and Lola dressed in karate outfits and a dummy made to look like a burglar.]

Laney: Don't mind them guys. Ed, Leni Aylene, Anna, Shannon, Vince, Carol and Lola are training to defend themselves against the burglar

Lynn: "Leni, what's your first move?"

Leni: [flirting with the dummy] "Hey! So, like, how long have you been burgling?"

Ed: (Sad) Leni.

Lynn: [annoyed] "What are you doing?"

Leni: "Breaking the ice. He's cute." [takes a selfie with the dummy]

Lynn: [groans] "Okay. Lola, this burglar just stole your tiaras."

[Upon hearing this, Lola roars angrily and attacks the dummy, much to Lynn's satisfaction.]

Leni: [upset] "Lola! I think he liked me!"

They fought the dummy viciously.

[Me and Lincoln are in the kitchen when a hooded figure tries to break in through the window.]

Lincoln: [gasps] "The burglar!" [grabs a banana which he uses as a gun but the hooded figure is revealed to be Lana.]

Lana: "Chill, banana boy! I'm training Charles to be a vicious guard dog!" [imitating a burglar] "I'm the burglar! Attack, boy!" [But Charles just lies there and yawns so Lana grabs a handful of his dog food.] "Look, I'm stealing your food!" [eats the food but Charles lies on his back and falls asleep; frustrated.] "Charles! Mmm! What is this? Chipped beef?" [continues to eat Charles' food while Lincoln just stares awkwardly at the audience.]

[That night, Lynn Sr. and Rita are going to dance class again.]

Lynn Sr.: "Got my dancing shoes on and I am ready to get down and get back up again." [does a dance when Bobby comes]

Bobby: "State your names and business. Sorry, new security measures." [holds up a sheet of paper explaining the new measures.]

Lynn Sr.: "You hear that, honey? New security measures. I think I've really gotten through to the kids. Thank you, Bobby."

Bobby: "Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Loud, but before you go dancing, I really do need your names and business."

Rita: "Uh, you just said our names and business."

Bobby: [facepalms] "Dang it! I gotta stop doing that."

[Later, Me, Lincoln, Linka, Lilly, Janeen, Gabrielle and Clyde are asleep when a voice on the scanner wakes them up.]

Woman over scanner: "Attention, all units! We've got a 10-15 at 8 Mile and Lindbrook."

Clyde: [horrified] "10-15? Oh no! I missed my curfew!"

Lincoln: "No, Clyde, that's a code." [reads the book and gasps in excitement before coming out of his room.] "You guys! They caught the burglar!"

[Everyone Leni, cheer in delight.]

Leni: [looks at her smartphone] "Oh, Donny, we should have run off to Mexico while we had the chance."

[Later, Lynn Sr. and Rita return from dance class.]

Lynn Sr.: "I tell you, honey. One lesson in the hustle and I am a pro." [Scats as he spins Rita but she ends up falling over and getting covered in mud.]

Rita: "Ow. Why don't you hustle in and get me a towel?"

Lynn Sr.: [Goes to unlock the door but once again finds it is already opened.] "Ah, come on!"

[The siblings are removing their belongings from the vault.]

Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "Eddie, baby, call me! We'll do lunch. What? He's spooky but he's got a heart of porcelain."

Lynn Sr.: "Guys, I just found the door wide open! What gives?"

Lincoln: "Oh, we're sorry, Dad. But we don't have to worry anymore. They caught the burglar!"

Me: Yeah Mr. Lynn they got him.

Lynn Sr.: "That's peachy, guy, but there could be other burglars out there."

Laney: Other burglars.

Lisa: "Actually, Father, based on Royal Woods' crime rates per capita, that is statistically unlikely."

Varie: I agree with Lisa.

Lincoln: "Yeah, I've been listening to the scanner all day and the worst crime I've heard about is someone not picking up their dog poop."

Lana: [excitedly] "Where? I'll pick it up!"

Carol: Go for it Lana.

Lynn Sr. "But kids..." [The siblings just walk off, telling their father not to worry; annoyed.] "Why does nobody listen to me?"

[He goes to lock the door, once again forgetting about Rita who is still stuck outside.]

Rita: "Uh, honey?"

[The next night]

Lynn Sr. "Off to dance class, kids! Please, keep the door locked while we're gone."

Me: Have fun you two.

''[The kids just murmur that they'll do that, Lynn Sr. sighs as he and Rita leave. Just seconds after they've gone...]''

Mr. Grouse: [off-screen] "Help! Help! I've been robbed!"

[Upon hearing this, the siblings quickly rush down the street to Mr. Grouse's house.

Lincoln: "Mr. Grouse, what happened?"

Mr. Grouse: [distraught] "They cleaned me out! My polka records! My black and white TV! My encyclopedias! All gone!" [walks back inside and closes the door]

Lori: "I literally don't know what any of those things are."

Lucy: "Dad was right. There are other burglars."

Twins: [worried] "And our house could be next!"

Lincoln: [determined] "Not if we have anything to say about it!"

Me: Lets build up security levels everyone.

[The siblings place their belongings back into the vault.]

Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "Eddie, baby! I bought my Pinochle deck!" ''[Mr. Coconuts tosses a deck of card in the air but is horrified to see them scatter on the floor.]''

Leni: [holding a bottle of perfume] "You guys! I found a deadly spray to use against the burglar. See? "Fatal Encounter"."

Lori: "Leni, that's a perfume sample."

Fu: That will be perfect.

Lisa: "Siblings and friends, I'm enhancing my security system. I need a retina scan." [scans Lori, Carol, Jessie, Anastasia, Joan, Sakura, Ino, Fu and Leni's retinas before holding some plastic containers.] "I also need a stool sample."

Lori: [suspiciously] "For your security system?"

Lisa: "Uh...sure, that's it!" [gives another devious smile]

[In the kitchen, Me, Jared, Nicole, Heidi, Janeen, Lincoln and Clyde are filling a vat with hot bacon grease.]

Lincoln: ""Operation Grease Release" is a-go! Let's get this baby upstairs."

Heidi: Okay.

Clyde: "What do we do with all the bacon?" [the camera reveals a stack of bacon on the table.]

Lincoln: "That's a high class problem to have, my friend."

Nicole starts eating the bacon.

Nicole: (With her mouth full) Good bacon guys.

Janeen: Yummy.

Lincoln: That problems been solved.

[Just as Lincoln and Clyde leave with the vat, Charles runs into the kitchen with Lana chasing after him.]

Lana: "Charles!"

[Suddenly Charles spots the bacon and starts eating it.]

Lana: "You're supposed to chomp burglar butts, not bacon! [groans] I should have trained the cat."

[In the Front Yard]

Laney: Okay... Monitor. [Lola has set up a spotlight to monitor the house and gives Laney the thumbs up.] Check. Ditches.'' [Walks over to Lucy, Penny, Sakura, Anna, and Lily digging a ditch. They give her the thumbs up as well.] ''Check. How are we doing with the mousetraps and barbed wire? [Luna places barbed wire around the ditch and Luan, Eddy, Shannon and Allie place several mousetraps off-screen.]

Luan: "These will put a ro-dent in the burglar's plan." [laughs] "Get it? They're mousetraps."

Eddy: (Laughs) Good one.

[Lucy and Lily just look annoyed]

Luna: [annoyed] "Really, dude?"

Luan: [gets caught by a mousetrap off-screen] "Ow!"

Brittney came and she was driving a truck that had a spool of razorwire.

Brittney: Hey Laney I brought some razorwire for the fences.

Laney: Perfect.

Riley: Let me help you Brittney.

Brittney: Okay Riley but this wire is really sharp so wear work gloves.

Riley: Okay.

Riley puts on some work gloves and she and Brittney thread it around the top of the fence and part of the entrance gate.

Jessie was installing a power dynamo to the fence.

Jessie B.: Okay. Dynamo is in place.

She hooked a cable to the fence and threw a switch.

Jessie B.: 20,000 volt Electric Fence is ready.

Laney: Roger that. Yuko are the Laser Turrets read?

Yuko: They are ready Laney.

Yuko installed ion laser turrets on the four sides of the Knudson-Loud-Anderson house perimeter.

[Laney was checking the area when Lynn and her Roller Derby team roll up.]

Lynn: "Hey Lanes, my roller derby team is gonna help Bobby patrol."

Laney: Excellent! How are them at Handling criminals?

[Two of her teammates then proceed to biff into Bobby who falls over.]

Bobby: [groaning] "You're hired!"

''[Later, Lynn Sr. and Rita return and are shocked to see the now fortified house. Lola shines a spotlight on them but recognizes them and the gate powers down and opens to let them in. Just as, Lynn Sr. and Rita get out of the van, Bobby and Lisa, who is also dressed in police attire, come up to them.]''

Lisa: "Good evening, parental units! We are going to need to conduct a routine body search."

Rita: [shocked] "What in the world is going on?"

Lynn: "Mr. Grouse got robbed! We had to beef up security!"

Lola: "We used your credit card."

Brittney: I brought the razorwire from a prison. They gave it to me for it.

Jessie B.: I found the power dynamo in the mansion storage room and it was perfect for this.

Lynn Sr.: "Kids, I'm glad you're taking this seriously but you may have gone a little overboard."

Rita: [being scanned by Lisa and feeling annoyed] "A little?"

Lynn Sr.: "We don't need all this security. If we just lock the doors and windows, we'll be fine. Now, everyone to bed."

[The siblings, Bobby and the roller derby team leave.]

Lisa: "I'm still gonna need those stool samples."

''[Later, a shadowy figure creeps out of the Loud House from the kitchen, runs past the barricades and comes up to Mr. Grouse's house. The figure is revealed to be Lynn Sr. holding a basket. Lynn Sr. knocks on the door and Mr. Grouse answers.]''

Lynn Sr.: "Thanks for pretending to be robbed. I think my kids really learned their lesson." [hands Mr. Grouse the basket]

Mr. Grouse: "I would have scared them for free but I'll gladly take your muffins." [closes the door]

''[Lynn Sr. runs back to the Loud House. ''

''Laney: Don't worry dad. I'm not taking any chances! This time I'm gonna lock the doors! [Goes over to the kitchen and locks the back door and all the windows in the mansion] ''Okay, you guys go on ahead. I'll stay down here and stay on guard.

Lincoln: Are you sure you'll be okay, Laney?

Laney: I'll be fine. I'll let you guys know if there's anything to report. Besides, crime doesn't sleep and neither will I.

[cuts to Laney sleeping on the kiddie table minutes later.]

''[Lynn Sr. tries to get back inside but groans in frustration as he realizes the door is locked. He then steps onto a tricycle in an attempt to open the window. He struggles for a bit before yelping as he falls over.]''

[Laney heard something banging on the do​​​​or and she saw a mysterious hooded figure and gasped]

Laney: IT'S THE BURGLAR!!!!​​

Lincoln: [gasps in horror] We have a Burglar!

Me: Oh no!

I run over ''and push a red button on a clear case that said "In Case of Burglar Push Button" which sets off alarms in the other bedrooms and red sirens flash, thus waking up everyone and Rita. A police badge transition occurs with the scene shifting to all of us standing outside Lincoln's room.]''"Battle stations, guys! We've got a burglar on the premises!"

[Everyone gasp in horror]

Lori: [panicking] "Oh my gosh! What do we do? He's gonna take all our stuff!"

Lola: [slaps Lori with her glove] "Get it together, woman!"

Lori: "Thanks. I needed that." [threateningly] "But I'll get you back."

Me: Lets get him!

[They waste no time in rushing off to set off their traps but Lana looks at Charles who is just lying there.]

Lana: [sarcastically] "Don't trouble yourself or anything, Charles."

''[Lana walks off, leaving Charles to whimper. Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. tries to get back into the house via the basement but Luan blows an air horn, which startles him and gets covered in Luan's mousetraps, making him yelp "Ow!" a lot. Lincoln and Lynn are holding the vat of bacon grease from Luna and Luan's window.]''

Lincoln: "Eat hot bacon grease!"

[As the vat is tipped, the grease is revealed to have been congealed and Lynn Sr.'s head is stuck inside.]

Lincoln: "Make that congealed bacon grease!"

''[As Lynn Sr. gets up, Lola shines a spotlight on him and lasers fire at him. Lynn Sr. backs away but falls into the ditch. Bobby and the Roller Derby team approach him.]''

Bobby: "Keep a tight formation, ladies! This is what we trained for!"

[The Roller Derby team then attacks Lynn Sr. just as the Loud siblings and Rita run up.]

Laney: I hope that thief has a good lawyer!

Me: Yeah cause he'll be going to prison for 10 to 20 years.

Rita: "Wait! Wait! I recognize those dancing shoes! Off! Off!"

[The Roller Derby team stops attacking Lynn Sr. and Rita helps him out of the ditch.]

Siblings: [surprised] "DAD!?"

Me: Mr. Lynn?

Lynn Sr. [nervously] "I...was just taking a walk and I got locked out."

[The siblings apologize to Lynn Sr. for attacking him.]

Varie: All right what's going on here?

Mr. Grouse: [off-screen] "Hey, Loud!" [camera pans over to Mr. Grouse's window down the street and his face is incredibly swollen.]"These muffins got walnuts in them! Next time you want to pay me off for pretending to be robbed, how about giving me something I'm not allergic to?"

Lincoln: "Pretending to be robbed?!"

Siblings: "Dad!" / "Our own father." / "You lied to us?" / "Bogus move, Dad." / "That's not funny."/ [The siblings and Rita angrily scold Lynn Sr. for lying.]

Lynn Sr. [sighs] "I'm sorry, everyone. I was just trying to teach you to lock the dang door. I just want to protect my most important valuables: you guys."

Siblings and Rita: "Awwww!" [hug Lynn Sr. in forgiveness]

Siblings: "Okay, Dad, we'll lock the door." / "You're the greatest." / "Love you."

''[Suddenly Charles spots two rashers of bacon on Lynn Sr.'s butt and charges. Everyone, except Lynn Sr., get out of the way.]''

Lynn Sr. [as Charles bites him off-screen] "OUCH!"

Lana: [satisfied] "Finally!"

Me: Wait look!

I point to a shadowy figure digging a hole in the yard trying to get under the electric fence and I pounce on him and pin him down.

Me: Now lets see who you are.

I pull off his ski mask and it was an old enemy of Naruto's in the Leaf.

Me: Newazashi Yamanaka? What are you doing here?

Newazashi: I came to get revenge on that demon for throwing me into jail! My life was ruined because of you and I'm going to kill you all!

Naruto: I thought you were locked up in prison and you got what you deserved because of your overzealous ego and overinflated superiority complex you had it coming.

Laney: Who is he Naruto?

Naruto: He's Newazashi Yamanaka. An old enemy of mine and he was formerly next in line to be Heir of The Yamanaka Clan. He has a huge superiority complex as big as Mount Everest in Nepal and it far surpasses that of all the Evil Sasuke's that we know and despise. He is one of the bullies that picked on Sakura when we were 7. He hates my guts because of my Jinchuriki status and he menaces people with a knife.

Sakura: Yeah. I was there when Naruto saved me.

Naruto: Yeah. Newazashi was thrown in prison when he tried to rape a young woman and I stopped him.

Me: I remember that bro. This guy is a heartless psychopath.

Laney: He's Level 18 on the Scale of Evil.

Nicole: Yeah.

Jared: I agree.

Lady Tsunade: I agree too.

They saw Lady Tsunade and the ANBU.

Me: Lady Hokage, Captain Tiger and Frog. I was just gonna call for you. Newazashi here somehow escaped from the Leaf prison to get revenge on us for locking him in jail. He's one of those doo-doo dunderheads that hates Naruto's guts for being the 9-Tails Jinchuriki.

Lynn Sr.: So you were the burglar that was making us live in fear.

Newazashi: Yes! And I would've done it too if it weren't for you meddling kids and that stupid demon!

Me: Wrong cartoon stupid. Get him outta here.

The ANBU slapped the cuffs on him and took him back to prison. This time he was gonna be transfered to the Moon Supermax Prison.

Me: I'll have my report ready for you first thing in the morning before I go to school milady. We're sorry to disturb you.

Lady Tsunade: That's all right everyone. Have a good rest of your night.

Lady Tsunade went back to the Leaf.

The next day I filed my report at 6:30 AM and went to school at 7:30 AM. Lady Tsunade gave us A-Rank mission credit.

THE END.

Another Fanfiction Completed.

I am still doing my Shinobi of The Cosmic Storm miniseries and I'm gonna be doing episodes in between chapters of the series. I wanted to do Lock 'N' Loud for a while but I didn't know how to set it up. So I made it a different set up and incorporated a scenario from a chapter in my books that I write at home. I figured it would be perfect to store everything in a big bank vault instead of the bathroom. We may have gone way overboard with the security messures but it's a way to stay safe. Let me know what you all think.

See you all next time.