User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: Will Lynn Tell?

This next fan episode utilizes something of an old trope in animation that I personally haven't seen in TLH (though I haven't seen all of Season 1, so I could be wrong). And I think the best person to utilize this trope is not Lincoln, surprisingly enough, but "Winning" Lynn Loud. What's that trope, you might ask? Well, you'll see as we answer another question:

Will Lynn Tell?
Plot Summery: After Lynn accidentally injures Lana in an archery-related mishap, she takes it upon herself to nurse her back the health while simultaneously trying to keep the whole thing a secret from the rest of her family.

Script
''[We open in the backyard of the Loud House, where there is a target set up on a tree. Lynn enters the scene, a bow in hand and a quiver of arrows slung over her shoulder. She takes a quick look around, making sure the coast is clear. Once she confirms this, she takes an arrow from her quiver, strings it to her bow, and lets it fly. Naturally, it lands in the center of the target.]''

Lynn: Boom! Bull’s eye, baby! [she then notices the audience and smirks] I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking: “Wow! I didn’t know you did archery, Lynn! That’s super cool!”  Well, to that I say: I know, right? I just started a few days ago. But, uh, don’t tell my family about it, okay?

[Lynn fits another arrow to her bow before taking another glance at the camera.]

Lynn: What do mean “why not?”  Ugh, fine, I’ll explain. See, when you live with a bunch of younger siblings, some sports are just off-limits. So far, I’ve been barred from fencing…

''[We cut to a flashback where Lynn is wearing a fencing outfit and wielding a foil. Rita is shielding Lily and giving Lynn a dirty look.]''

Lynn: Mom, it’s just a practice foil! It’s not actually sharp!

''[To demonstrate, Lynn plucks out a strand of hair from her ponytail and slashes with her foil. In her haste, she accidentally pokes Lola in the butt as she’s walking by.]''

Lola: Ow~! My tushie!

''[Rita deadpans as all Lynn can offer is a nervous chuckle. We cut back to the present.]''

Lynn: Javelin toss…

''[We cut to another flashback, where Lynn is holding a javelin in the front yard. Once again, Rita is shielding Lily from her and giving her a dirty look.]''

Lynn: Mom, it’s just a practice javelin! It’s not actually sharp!

[We hear a scream from above.]

Lola: [offscreen] Ew, gross~! Lana~!

''[A half-eaten apple suddenly falls from the upstairs window and impales itself on Lynn’s javelin. Sure enough, there is a worm inside. Rita deadpans as once again, all Lynn can do is offer a sheepish chuckle. We cut back to the present.]''

Lynn: And don’t even get me started on sharpshooting. All I’ll say is that considering how much Lisa blows up her room, I think Mom and Dad have a pretty big double standard. [she sighs] But y’know what? It doesn’t matter. Life is all about taking risks, and I’m responsible enough to make sure my siblings don’t get hurt. Plus, once I win first place at the Royal Woods Archery Meet this weekend, I’ve got a feeling Mom and Dad will change their tune. Now, if you’ll excuse me…

''[Lynn draws back her bowstring and takes careful aim at the target. She’s about to let the arrow fly when a fly suddenly buzzes by her ear.]''

Lynn: [annoyed] Shoo! Get out of here, you stupid—

???: Flies, Hops! Flies!

''[There’s a loud snap as a long, mucus-covered tongue snags the fly, grazing Lynn’s ear and almost causing her to drop her bow. Lynn turns to see Lana with Hops, who let out a satisfied croak.]''

Lana: Awesome work, buddy! I bet you could out-jump any frog in Royal Woods!

Lynn: Lana? What’re you doing out here?

Lana: [shrugs] Just teaching Hops some new tricks. What’re you doing out here?

[Nervous sweat begins to form on Lynn’s brow.]

Lynn: Who, me? I-I, uh…  Sports practice! Just… regular ol’ sports practice! Nothing unusual about that!\

Lana: [raises an eyebrow] Oh really? What sport?

Lynn: Oh, just this little thing I picked up at school. You probably wouldn’t be interested.

Lana: [skeptical] Uh-huh. [she points to Lynn’s bow] What’s that?

Lynn: Oh, this?! How did that get there?! [she drops her bow to the ground] Heh, must’ve picked this out of my closet instead of my cesta. Silly me.

Lana: [folding her arms] Lynn, I’m not dumb. There’s no such thing as a cesta.

Lynn: There is so! Haven’t you ever played jai alai?

Lana: No. Does hi Eli involve having a quiver of arrows?

Lynn: Well, actually it…  You see, when I play it, I…  One thing you gotta… [she sighs in defeat] Oh, who am I kidding? You caught me, Lana. I’m practicing archery.

[Lana’s expression changes from accusatory to intrigue.]

Lana: I didn’t know you did archery.

Lynn: Just picked it up a few days ago. I’m planning to win the Royal Woods Archery Meet this weekend. [she gives Lana a pointed look] And no, you can’t tell Mom and Dad.

Lana: Why not?

Lynn: Because if I want to pursue these kinds of sports in the future, I have to prove to them that I can handle it. I can’t really do that if Mom and Dad shoot down my suggestion the second I bring it up. Uh, no pun intended.

Lana: Oh. I gotcha.

Lynn: [nods] Good. [she picks up her bow] Now, stand back. I don’t want you getting hurt.

''[Lynn knocks an arrow from her quiver, takes a deep breath, and lets the arrow fly. Once again, she hits the bull’s eye. Lana’s eye sparkle.]''

Lana: Cool~. Hey, Lynn! Let’s do that thing where you shoot an apple off my head!

[Lynn whips her head around, giving Lana a bug-eyed stare.]

Lynn: What?! No way! This isn’t kid’s stuff, Lana!

Lana: [glowers at Lynn] No fair! That’s ageist!

Lynn: No, it’s I-don’t-want-to-send-my-little-sister-to-the-hospital-ist!

Lana: [slyly] What’s the matter, Lynn? Afraid you can’t do it?

[Lynn suddenly envisions a miniature angelic version of herself appearing on her right shoulder.]

Angel Lynn: She’s just trying to bait you. Stand firm, Lynn Loud Junior.

Lynn: [lets out a deep, cleansing sigh] It’s not that, Lana. Like I said, I just don’t want you to get hurt.

Lana: But I’m not gonna get hurt. I trust you, Lynn.

[Lynn swallows as a miniature devil version of herself appears on her left shoulder.]

Devil Lynn: Kid’s got a point. You can hit an apple off her head, no problem.

Angel Lynn: But what if you can’t? Are you really willing to take that chance?

Devil Lynn: Oh, don’t listen to that pansy. You’re Lynn Loud Junior, the sports champion of the world! There’s nothing you can’t do!

[Lynn starts sweating bullets as she debates with herself.]

Lynn: Lana, I—

Lana: [shrugs] I get it, Lynn. You don’t wanna play with me. You’re too busy doing grown-up stuff. [she sighs and starts walking towards the house] I guess I’ll just go back inside. Maybe I’ll hang out with Lola. [she suddenly stops and turns to Lynn, a mischievous gleam in her eye] I’m sure she’d love to know about your new hobby.

Lynn: [gasps] You wouldn’t dare!

Lana: [sneers] Wanna try me?

Devil Lynn: Well, now you have to do it, kid. You can’t let her blab to Little Miss Tattletale!

Angel Lynn: Don’t give in, Lynn! You know it’s a bluff! Lola promised she wouldn’t do that anymore!

Devil Lynn: Are you really willing to take that chance?

''[Lynn scrunches her eyes shut and tenses up, trembling as she continues to argue with her conscience. Finally, both miniature Lynns disappear, and she lets out a reluctant sigh.]''

Lynn: Okay, fine. But you have to promise me that you won’t tell anyone about this, got it?

Lana: [salutes] Bluebell’s honor. [she then squeals in delight] Eee~! This is gonna be so cool!

''[She reaches under her hat and takes out an incredibly-rotten apple. It’s so brown and mushy that Lynn barely recognizes it as one. Lynn arches an eyebrow.]''

Lynn: Um, Lana?

Lana: What? I always pack myself a snack before I go outside to play.

''[Lana walks over to the target and stands under the tree. She places her hat at her feet and balances the apple atop her head.]''

Lana: Okay! Ready~!

[Lynn swallows.]

Lynn: O-okay. Here I go.

''[Lynn raises her bow and slowly draws an arrow from her quiver. She notices her hand trembling as she tries to string the arrow to her bow.]''

Lynn: [to herself] Okay. You got this, Lynn. It’s gonna be alright. Lana trusts you. You’re not gonna hurt her.

''[She draws her bowstring back, sweat dampening her brow. She can’t seem to aim properly, as she’s still trembling all over. After a few seconds, Lana starts to get impatient.]''

Lana: What’s the holdup, Lynn? C’mon, you can do it! I believe in you!

''[Sadly, her encouragement only serves to make Lynn more nervous. Unable to take the tension anymore, she lets the arrow fly. Fortunately, it does not hit Lana. Unfortunately, it starts ricocheting around the backyard, as though it has a mind of its own. Lana shrieks and ducks down, the mushy apple rolling off of her head. Hops ducks as well.]''

Lynn: Hang on, Lana! I’m coming!

''[Lynn tries to make a mad dash towards Lana, but the arrow zips by and blocks her path. She ducks and dodges around the arrow’s erratic course in a desperate attempt to reach Lana. After hitting Charles’s water bowl, the arrow zips into the tree Lana’s standing under and cuts through a branch. The branch falls and conks Lana in the head.]''

Lana: Oof! Ugh…

''[Lana is knocked out cold as the rogue arrow vanishes over the horizon. Lynn gasps in horror, dropping her bow and quiver as she runs to Lana’s side.]''

Lynn: Lana! Lans, are you okay?!

[Lynn gives Lana’s body a once-over.]

Lynn: Alright. She’s still breathing. It’s probably just a minor concussion. [she sighs and shakes her head] I shouldn’t have let you talk me into that. Now what am I gonna do?

[Angel Lynn and Devil Lynn reappear on Lynn’s shoulders.]

Angel Lynn: You know what you have to do, Lynn. You have to take Lana to Mom and Dad.

Devil Lynn: Oh, and how do you think Lynn is going to explain this, hmm? They’re gonna figure out she’s been practicing archery behind their backs! They can’t know about this!

Angel Lynn: You say you want to be responsible, Lynn? Prove it and own up to what you did.

Devil Lynn: Or, you can prove it by taking care of Lana all by yourself. That way, no one else has to know. It can be our little secret.

Angel Lynn: [rolls her eyes] Oh, gee. I can’t imagine that plan backfiring at all.

Devil Lynn: See? Even the pansy agrees with me!

Angel Lynn: Wh-what?! No, I don’t!

Devil Lynn: You just said—

Angel Lynn: I was being sarcastic, you dunce!

Devil Lynn: [scowls at Angel Lynn] Call me that again. I dare you.

Angel Lynn: [mockingly] Dunce dunce, you’re a dunce~!

Devil Lynn: [rolls up her sleeves] Okay, that’s it! You’re going down, pansy!

Angel Lynn: [adopts a fighting stance] Bring it, dunce!

''[The twin manifestation of Lynn’s conscience begin brawling on her shoulder, turning into a miniature Loud Cloud. Lynn lets out a sigh, and the cloud vanishes.]''

Lynn: I-it’s okay. I can handle this on my own. [she kneels down and scoops up Lana] You hear that, Lans? We’re gonna be just fine. I promise.

[She carries Lana back into the house, with Hops hopping along behind her.]

***

''[Inside the Loud House, the Loud siblings are out and about, taking part in their usual activities. Leni is doing her nails; Lori is texting; Lincoln is playing video games on the couch. Lynn tiptoes around them and sneaks up the stairs. Once she reaches her room, she breathes a sigh of relief and sets the unconscious Lana in her bed, pulling the sheets over her body.]''

Lynn: Okay, I just gotta keep her here until she recovers. Easy peasy. [she feels Lana’s forehead] Yeesh. That’s a pretty nasty bump. I’d better go downstairs and get an icepack.

???: Hey, Lynn.

Lynn: Gah~!

''[Lynn jumps as a familiar spooky voice makes itself known. She whips around and sure enough, Lucy has appeared out of seemingly nowhere.]''

Lynn: For Pete’s sake, Lucy! Have you ever heard of knocking?!

Lucy: Why would I knock on the door of my own room?

[Beat]

Lynn: I hate it when you’re right.

[Lucy looks over Lynn’s shoulder and notices a large lump in her bed.]

Lucy: Um, Lynn? Someone’s sleeping in your bed.

[Lynn’s face turns pale as she tries to block Lucy’s view.]

Lynn: What? Lucy, that’s ridiculous. Y-you’re probably just seeing things.

''[Lucy scoots around Lynn and sees the unconscious Lana. She turns to Lynn.]''

Lucy: What’s Lana doing in here?

Lynn: Um, sleeping. Just… sleeping.

Lucy: I can see that. Why is she sleeping in our room?

[Lynn swallows and tugs at her collar.]

Lynn: Well, sh-she just needed a nap, and she couldn’t sleep in her bed, so I offered her mine.

Lucy: Why couldn’t she sleep in her own bed?

Lynn: ‘Cause it was too… uh… messy! Yep, too messy to sleep in!

[Beat]

Lucy: [incredulously] That’s really the best you could come up with, huh?

Lynn: [groans] Look, it’s complicated, alright? Just… promise not to tell anyone else. I-I’ll make it up to you, I swear.

''[Lucy walks over to her own closet and takes out a crystal ball. She hovers her hand over it and lets out a meditative hum.]''

Lucy: The spirits inform me that a demon eats away at your soul. If you don’t let that demon out, it will destroy you.

Lynn: [gulps] Heh, what? Luce, th-that’s crazy. I’m fine, really. Just please. Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?

Lucy: [shrugs] Very well. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Remember, Lynn. The spirits never lie.

''[Lucy leaves the room. Lynn crosses her arms and pouts.]''

Lynn: [muttering to herself] Doesn’t mean they’re always right. I’ll show her. Everything’s gonna be just fine.

''[She hears a disapproving ribbit and turns around. Hops is sitting on her bed, giving her a bemused look. Lynn scowls.]''

Lynn: I didn’t ask for your opinion. [she sighs] Look, it’s not like I’m ditching my responsibility here. I’m still looking after Lana and making sure she’s okay. I can do this. Now, I just need to go get that icepack. You can look after her while I’m gone, right?

''[Hops rolls his eyes and shrugs. Lynn gives Hops a thumbs-up.]''

Lynn: Awesome. I’ll be right back.

''[Lynn dashes out of the room. As she leaves, Hops turns to the camera and shakes his head.]''

***

''[Lynn pokes her head through the kitchen doorway, making sure no one else is there. Once she confirms that the coast is clear, she takes a chair and walks over to the fridge. Climbing onto the chair, she opens up the freezer and starts rummaging around.]''

Lynn: Icepack, icepack…  Ah, here we go! Same place it always is.

''[She pulls the icepack out of the freezer, and a triumphant smile forms on her face. She closes the freezer and hops off the chair. She’s just about to leave the kitchen when Lisa walks in. Lisa is wearing a pith helmet and a khaki vest, and she has a knapsack on her back overflowing with tools.]''

Lisa: Greetings, my athletic elder sibling.

Lynn: Ahh~!

''[Lynn jumps, startled by Lisa’s sudden appearance. Lisa tilts her head.]''

Lisa: Um, are you alright?

Lynn: Huh, wha? Oh, I-I’m okay. Just… didn’t expect to see you there. [she notices Lisa’s attire] What’s with the getup?

Lisa: [adjusting her glasses] If you truly must know, I have some important field research to conduct. On that note, have you perchance come across Lana today? I require her assistance to practice proper excavation techniques for my upcoming paleontological expedition.

[Beat]

Lynn: Huh?

[Lisa lets out an exasperated sigh.]

Lisa: I need Lana’s help to practice digging up fossils. She told me she’d be available this afternoon.

[Lynn’s eyes go wide.]

Lynn: Wait, Lana promised to do that with you today?!

Lisa: Affirmative. Is there a problem?

[Lynn swallows, sweat forming on her brow.]

Lynn: Aw, shucks, Lis’. Y-you just missed her. She, uh…  She went to her friend’s house! Yeah, that’s it. Don’t know how long she’ll be gone. Sorry ‘bout that.

[Lisa arches an eyebrow and strokes her chin in thought.]

Lisa: Now that’s quite peculiar. She hadn’t informed me of such an arrangement.

Lynn: Oh, it was just a last-minute thing. Y’know how it is.

Lisa: I see. Well, I suppose I can give her a rain check. I’ll just head out to the backyard and—

Lynn: W-wait, the backyard?

Lisa: [perplexed] Yes, the backyard. [she gives Lynn a concerned look] You seem to be experiencing high levels of stress, Lynn. Are you certain everything is copacetic?

''[While Lisa voices her concerns, Lynn quickly glances out the backyard window. Sure enough, her bow, quiver of arrows, and the target she set up are still there. Her pupils shrink.]''

Lynn: O-oh, yeah! Everything’s, uh, what you said. All’s good on the Lynn front. Just, uh… maybe the backyard isn’t a good place to dig right now.

Lisa: Well, I can’t very well practice in the front yard. If you’ll recall, Lucy already claimed that location as our pet cemetery. And you know how she feels about grave desecration.

Lynn: Well, uh…

[Angel Lynn and Devil Lynn reappear on her shoulders.]

Devil Lynn: You’re not really scared of the Duchess of Darkness, are ya? Just tell Lisa to go dig in the front yard.

Angel Lynn: No, bad idea! Lucy already knows that Lana’s in your bed! If you tick her off, she’ll blab!

Devil Lynn: Lucy doesn’t have to know it was your idea, though. She’ll just blame Lisa.

Angel Lynn: Is it really worth getting your four-year-old sister in trouble just so you can keep this whole thing a secret?

Devil Lynn: Well, I don’t see you coming up with any ideas.

Angel Lynn: Hey, here’s a thought. Just tell Lisa that she can play in the backyard after you clean up your sports equipment. Boom, done.

Devil Lynn: Oh, sure. Just tell the truth. That’ll work out great. Hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you tell her that Lana’s in your bed with a concussion right now because you were an irresponsible doofus?!

Angel Lynn: Actually, yeah. Why don’t you just say that?

Devil Lynn: Oh, now who doesn’t get sarcasm? Sheesh, and you call me the dunce.

Angel Lynn: ‘Cause you are a dunce.

Devil Lynn: [snarls and rolls up her sleeves] You take that back!

Angel Lynn: [adopts a fighting stance] Never!

''[The two manifestation of Lynn’s conscience begin brawling again, disappearing into a miniature Loud Cloud that vanishes. Lynn takes in a deep breath to calm her nerves.]''

Lynn: Actually, I think my equipment is still out back. Think you can wait a bit while I clean it up? You… probably don’t want a messy dig site.

[Lisa ponders for a moment before nodding.]

Lisa: That is acceptable. Just be sure to inform me when you’re done.

Lynn: [gives Lisa a thumbs-up] Sure, no prob.

Lisa: Thank you, sibling. Oh, and while you’re cleaning the backyard, you might want to refreeze that icepack. [she exits the kitchen]

Lynn: [tilts her head] Refreeze the icepack? What does she—?

''[Lynn suddenly remembers that she was getting an icepack for Lana. Looking down in her hand, she feels that the icepack has gotten warm in the time she was talking to Lisa. She deadpans.]''

Lynn: Dang it.

***

''[We cut to Lynn and Lucy’s room some time later. Lynn stumbles in, carrying her archery equipment and the icepack. She stashes the archery equipment under the bed and places the icepack on Lana’s forehead. She wipes some sweat from her brow.]''

Lynn: Phew~! That’s all that taken care of. [she pokes her head out into the hallway] Okay, Lis’! Backyard’s all yours!

Lisa: [offscreen] Thank you!

''[Lynn closes the door and breathes a sigh of relief. She then walks up to Lana and kneels at the side of her bed. Lana suddenly stirs and mumbles.]''

Lana: Ooh~. Ow, my head. [she weakly looks around the room] Wh-what’s going on?

Lynn: Lana! You’re awake! [she holds up two fingers] Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?

Lana: [squints] B-bunny rabbit?

[Lynn looks at her own hand and frowns.]

Lynn: Ooookay. I-I guess that’s technically correct. What’s my name?

Lana: L-Lynn.

Lynn: Try spelling your name.

Lana: Uh, L-A-N-A.

Lynn: Good, good. Do you feel nauseous at all?

Lana: N-no.

Lynn: Can you remember what happened?

Lana: Mmph. I-I know I was out in the backyard with you. W-we were playing with… grown-up stuff, I think. And then something scary happened, and I got hit on the head. That’s it.

Lynn: [sighs] Alright, it’s not as bad as it could’ve been, but you clearly need some rest. Just take it easy, Lans. I’ll have you back on your feet in no time. Can I get you anything? Water? Something to eat?

Lana: I-I’m good. [her eyes suddenly snap open] Wait! I-I just remembered. I promised to do something with Lisa today! I’d better go—

[Lynn places a firm hand on Lana’s shoulder, keeping her in bed.]

Lynn: Relax. I already told Lisa. She said she’d give you a rain check on your little fossil dig.

Lana: Oh. She knows I’m in here?

[Lynn’s eyes shift around the room.]

Lynn: Uh, sure! She knows all about it. [she chuckles nervously]

Lana: [groggily] O-okay, good. I know she was really looking forward to this. [her brow furrows] Hmm. I think I had some other stuff to do today, but I can’t quite remember…

Lynn: Whatever it is, I’ll take care of it.

Lana: Mmph. Y-y’sure, Lynn?

Lynn: Absolutely. I’m the one that got you into this mess; it’s only fair that I help you any way I can.

Lana: [smiles weakly] Thanks, Lynn. You’re a great big sister.

''[Lynn smiles at that, only to notice Hops giving her a stern look. She lets out a muted groan.]''

Lynn: [whispering through gritted teeth] I know, I know! Look, I’m still making up for what I did! Stop judging me!

Lana: Huh? What was that, Lynn?

Lynn: [hastily] Nothing! You just relax and focus on getting better. I’ll go get you some water. It’s probably best if you stay hydrated.

Lana: Mmm. Okay.

''[Lana lays down and falls asleep. Lynn smiles, leans over, and gives Lana a kiss on the cheek. She quietly leaves her room and shuts the door behind her. After breathing out a sigh, she turns around, only to find Luna standing outside her door.]''

Luna: Hey, Lynn.

Lynn: Wah~!

''[Lynn flinches, startled by Luna’s appearance. Luna raises an eyebrow.]''

Luna: Whoa. Chillax, brah. It’s just me.

Lynn: S-sorry. Just… didn’t expect to see you there. [she strikes a casual pose, leaning against her door] ‘Sup?

Luna: [shrugs] Eh, y’know. Same stuff, different day. Hey, have you see Lana around anywhere?

Lynn: [blanches] L-L-Lana?

Luna: Yeah. I promised her we’d play Timp-muddy today.

Lynn: [blinks] Timp-what now?

Luna: It’s a game Lana came up with that one time we switched rooms. I jam out on my mud-covered timpani while Lana plays in the mud. She’s been dying to do that again all week, and Luan’s out doing one of her gigs, so I figured what the hey?

Lynn: O-oh. Is that right? Huh. [nervous sweat begins to form on her brow] I-I thought she was playing out back with Lisa.

Luna: [thoughtfully] Oh, yeah. She did mention that she promised to do something for Lisa today. Well, doesn’t mean we can’t jam afterwards. I’ll just go out back and ask her when she’ll be done.

''[Luna heads for the stairs while Lynn stifles a shriek. She suddenly darts in front of Luna and blocks her path.]''

Lynn: Um, I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Luna. I mean, you know how crazy Lisa’s experiments can get, amiright?

Luna: [arching an eyebrow] Yeah, I don’t think Lana would agree to help Lisa if the stakes were that high.

Lynn: [muttering under her breath] Well, if she has enough moxie to dare me to shoot a freaking apple off her head…

Luna: What?

Lynn: I-I mean, Lana’s not with Lisa right now. She… went somewhere else. She had to go do the… thing at the… place. Yeah.

[Luna gives Lynn a bemused look and folds her arms.]

Luna: Anyone ever tell you that you’re a horrible liar, dude? Something’s obviously up.

Lynn: Wh-what?! No, nothing’s up! It’s just… one of those things, y’know?

Luna: Actually, I don’t. Care to enlighten me?

[Angel Lynn and Devil Lynn reappear on Lynn’s shoulders.]

Devil Lynn: You idiot! You just told Lisa that Lana was at a friend’s house! Why didn’t you just stick to that story?!

Angel Lynn: Wow, this is getting sad. You know you can’t keep this up forever, right?

Devil Lynn: It’s not “forever,” you pansy. We just have to hold out until Lana recovers. That shouldn’t take too long.

Angel Lynn: Uh-huh. And, what exactly are we supposed to tell Luna now?

Devil Lynn: Just go back to the story you told Lisa. That seemed to work.

Angel Lynn: [deadpan] Right, because Luna is totally going to buy that.

Devil Lynn: [shrugs] Well, it’s either that, or we tell Luna “Enjoy death!” and push her down the stairs.

Angel Lynn: Are you nuts?! That’ll just get Lynn into more trouble!

Devil Lynn: Hmm. You’re right about that. However, she won’t get in trouble if she’s also injured.

Angel Lynn: [pinches the bridge of her nose] Let me get this straight. Your suggestion is for Lynn to push Luna down the stairs, then throw herself down the stairs and pretend that it was just an accident?

Devil Lynn: Like I said, that’s just Plan B.

Angel Lynn: More like Plan Y. As in why would you think that would work?!

Devil Lynn: Oh, like you have a better idea.

Angel Lynn: I have plenty of ideas!

Devil Lynn: Oh really? Any ideas that don’t get us in trouble?

[Angel Lynn scowls at Devil Lynn, but says nothing.]

Devil Lynn: [sneers] Thought so. It’s almost like you want Lynn to send herself to the gallows. I’m starting to wonder who the real evil one is here.

Angel Lynn: Says the conscience who just suggested shoving her own sister down the freaking stairs!

Devil Lynn: As a Plan B!

Angel Lynn: That doesn’t make it better!

[Devil Lynn snorts and rolls up her sleeves.]

Angel Lynn: Oh, you wanna go?! Then let’s go, dunce!

Devil Lynn: I told you to stop calling me that, you son of a—

''[The two manifestations of Lynn’s conscience launch into yet another brawl, disappearing in a miniature Loud Cloud that vanishes. Lynn gulps.]''

Lynn: Oh, yeah! I-I forgot to mention. Lana’s at a friend’s house right now.

Luna: [skeptical] A friend’s house? But she’s been looking forward to playing Timp-muddy with me all week; I just told you that.

Lynn: Yeah, it was kinda a last-minute thing. Sorry I didn’t mention it sooner. Brain fart.

Luna: Uh-huh. And she told you about this and not me, why, exactly?

Lynn: Well, uh… [unable to come up with an excuse, she just shrugs]

Luna: Let me guess. Another brain fart?

Lynn: L-look, Lisa can vouch for me. She’s out in the backyard; go ask her.

Luna: [shrugs] Alright, dude. But if Lisa says she got the info from you, we’re gonna expect an explanation.

Lynn: [swallows] G-got it.

''[Luna makes her way downstairs, giving Lynn the evil eye the entire time. Once she is gone, Lynn lets out a sigh.]''

Lynn: Okay, at least that bought me some time. Man, I really hope Lana pulls through soon. I don’t know how much more I can take…

***

''[Lynn returns to the kitchen and fetches a glass of water. When she turns around, she barely notices Lola walking by.]''

Lola: [waves to Lynn] Hey, Lynn.

Lynn: Ahh~!

''[Lynn jumps in shock. Once she recovers, she gives Lola an exasperated glare.]''

Lynn: Seriously, what is with everyone today?! Did you all just randomly decide to imitate Lucy or something?!

Lola: [raising an eyebrow] Sheesh, what flew up your butt? I was just saying hi.

Lynn: [sighs] Sorry, sorry. It’s just been… a really stressful day for me. I don’t wanna get into it.

Lola: Um, okay. By the way, I was wondering…

[Lynn suddenly turns pale.]

Lynn: [whimpering to herself] Oh no. Please, no. Not her, too!

Lola: Do you know if anyone’s in the backyard? I need to practice my driving for the Little Miss Chauffeur pageant coming up.

''[After a beat, Lynn breathes a massive sigh of relief. Lola takes note of this.]''

Lola: Uh, you okay?

Lynn: Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just thought you wanted something else.

Lola: [blinks] Okay, you’re weird.

Lynn: [clears her throat] Anyway, Lisa’s playing in the backyard right now. She’s practicing digging up dinosaur bones or something.

Lola: [thoughtfully] Oh yeah. Lana did mention she wanted to do that today. [she shrugs] Heh, must’ve slipped my mind. Thanks, Lynn! [she starts walking off]

Lynn: Yeah, n-no prob. [she sighs again]

Lola: It’s just as well. I need to get a tune-up from Lana, anyway.

''[Lynn’s relieved expression changes to one of suppressed panic as she drops the glass of water to the floor. The commotion causes Lola to stop in her tracks and give Lynn a bewildered look.]''

Lola: Um, Lynn? Are you sure you’re okay?

Lynn: [eye twitching] Yep! Never better! Hey, weird question, but you don’t need to get that tune-up done today by any chance, do you?

Lola: [confused] Uh, I mean, it’d be nice. The pageant is this weekend, and I need to be at the top of my game.

Lynn: So, you’re saying that Lana promised to dig in the backyard with Lisa, play Timp-muddy with Luna, and fix your toy car all on the same day?

Lola: [arching an eyebrow] Okay, how do you know Lana’s schedule?

[Lynn starts sweating bullets.]

Lynn: L-lucky guess?

''[Lola deadpans, clearly not buying Lynn’s story. After a beat, she makes her way to the backdoor.]''

Lola: You said Lana was playing with Lisa in the backyard, right? I’ll just go and ask her when she can give my car a tune-up.

???: Don’t bother trying to find her, Lola. She’s not there.

''[Lynn and Lola turn around to see Luna and Lisa standing in the kitchen entranceway. Neither of them look particularly happy.]''

Lisa: After sharing some intel with my third eldest sibling, we have come to the conclusion that your behavior has been rather atypical today, Lynn.

Luna: Yeah, you’ve been jumpy all day, especially when we talk about Lana. And guess what? That bit about Lana being at a friend’s house? Turns out Lisa did get that info from you.

[Lola joins her other siblings in giving Lynn an accusatory glare.]

Lola: Is there something you want to tell us, Lynn Loud Junior?

[Lynn swallows and backs away from her sisters, who only advance towards her.]

Lynn: [sputtering nervously] Well, I, uh…  See, the thing is…  Guys, watch out! Glass on the floor!

''[The three look down at the shattered glass of water Lynn dropped. They all take a step back.]''

Luna: Yeesh. Thanks for that, sis.

Lisa: While I, too, appreciate you looking out for our safety, you still have to answer for—

''[When they look up, Lynn has disappeared. The three of them groan.]''

Luna, Lola, and Lisa: [in chorus] Dang it.

***

''[Lynn dashes into her room and slams the door. She takes a moment to catch her breath.]''

Lynn: [to herself] Alright. There has to be a way out of this mess.

[Angel Lynn and Devil Lynn reappear on her shoulders.]

Angel Lynn: Maybe now’s the time to fess up. You’re only going to make them angrier if you keep lying.

Devil Lynn: You’re going to make them angry either way, kid. Why bother? Just think of another lie and keep the heat off of yourself for as long as possible.

Angel Lynn: Right, because that’s been working out so well for her.

Devil Lynn: She doesn’t need your sass, pansy. She needs a new cover story.

''[Lynn looks over at Lana fast asleep in her bed, and then at a pair of hockey sticks jutting out of her closet. While Devil Lynn strokes her chin in thought, Angel Lynn shakes her head.]''

Angel Lynn: Oh, no. You honestly can’t be this desperate. They’ll see right through that!

Devil Lynn: You don’t know that. ‘Sides, Lana’s a heavy sleeper. She won’t even realize what’s going on.

Angel Lynn: I thought this entire plan was to help Lana recover, not risk hurting her more.

Devil Lynn: [sighs] See, this is why you’re a pansy. [she turns to Lynn] You said it yourself, kid. Life’s about taking risks. Besides, you know you’ll be careful with her. This is foolproof!

Angel Lynn: If you actually believe that, you really are a dunce.

[Devil Lynn’s eye twitches as she rolls up her sleeves.]

Devil Lynn: You know what’s coming, right?

Angel Lynn: [snorts and adopts a fighting stance] Bring it on.

''[Once again, the two manifestations of Lynn’s conscience get into another brawl, disappearing into a miniature Loud Cloud. The cloud vanishes when Lynn hears a pounding on her door.]''

Luna: [from the other side of the door] We know you’re in there, Lynn! Come out of there right now and tells us what the heck is going on!

''[Lynn whimpers as she looks around the room. She looks over at Lana, sleeping peacefully in her bed. After a beat, she sighs.]''

Lynn: It’s okay. We’re gonna be okay, Lana.

''[Hops croaks and gives Lynn a dark look. Lynn groans.]''

Lynn: [hissing through gritted teeth] Not. One. Word. I don’t like it either, man, but my hands are kinda tied here. Just… trust me. I know what I’m doing.

''[Hops simply rolls his eyes, clearly not believing her. Lynn sighs and swallows a lump in her throat.]''

Lynn: Okay. Here goes nothing…

[Before we see Lynn enact her plan, we cut to Lola pounding on the door.]

Lola: So help me, Lynn; if you did something to Lana, I’m gonna make you regret it for the rest of your life!

???: If you ask me, I think she already regrets it.

Luna, Lola, and Lisa: [in chorus] Yah~!

[They turn around to see Lucy, who has spontaneously appeared out of nowhere.]

Luna: Sheesh, Luce! A little warning next time? We’re kinda in the middle of something here!

Lucy: Sigh. I can see that. [she takes out her crystal ball and hovers her hand over it] The demon within Lynn’s heart continues to consume her. It’s only a matter of time.

[Lisa stares blankly at Lucy.]

Lisa: Just so we’re clear, you’re speaking metaphorically, correct? Because, we’ve already figured out that she’s concealing something from us.

''[Before Lucy can answer, Lynn’s door opens with a creak. There is some shuffling heard from inside her room, along with some grumbles and grunts.]''

Lola: Lynn?

''[Suddenly, Lana’s body is thrust out from behind the door. She’s still fast asleep, and the icepack on her head is hidden under her cap. Two hockey sticks also protrude from the door, hoisting Lana up like a marionette. The sticks move, making it appear that Lana is waving.]''

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana] Oh, hey guys! How’s it going?

[Beat]

Lisa: Please tell me none of you are buying into this pathetic charade.

Luna: Not a chance.

Lucy: No.

Lola: Nope. [she suddenly grins evilly and dips her voice] But let’s play along for now. I know just how we can get her to crack.

Lucy: And people say I’m the scary one.

''[Lola does not dignify Lucy’s comment. She instead turn to the Lana puppet and clears her throat.]''

Lola: Lana~! We were getting worried about you! Where’ve you been all day?

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana] Oh, y’know. Around. Just had to take care of some stuff at the last minute. I didn’t mean to ditch you guys, honest.

Lisa: Lynn informed us that you were at the residence of one of your companions. Is that correct?

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana] Oh, yeah! That was the last-minute thing I was just talking about. Totally didn’t see it coming. I told Lynn about it before I left so that she’d tell you guys later. Y’know, ‘cause she’s super responsible and awesome like that.

Luna: [rolls her eyes] Oh, brother.

Lola: [sneers] Is that right? Well, which friend’s house did you go to?

Lisa: And what exactly was this last-minute business you had to address?

Lucy: And why are you in my room instead of your own?

[The Lana puppet jostles from side to side as Lynn begins trembling.]

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana and failing miserably] W-well, y’see, I…  I mean, Hops and I were just…  Lynn was trying to…

Lola: [interrupting Lynn] I get it, Lana. You’ve had such a long day. Maybe you can tell us all about it later. Right now, I need a favor from you.

[After a beat, Lynn clears her throat.]

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana] Anything for you, Lola! What do ya need?

Lola: [sweetly] Well, as you know, I’ve got the Little Miss Chauffeur pageant coming up, and my car needs a tune-up. Think you could take a look at her?

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana] Oh, is that all? Sure, absolutely!

Lola: Great! She’s just downstairs.

''[Lola moves towards the stairs. Of course, Lynn doesn’t follow. Lola turns her head.]''

Lola: Well? Aren’t you coming?

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana and failing miserably] Well, y’see, Lynn needs me to do some stuff up here, too. Super important stuff.

Lisa: [pointedly] More important than my paleontological research which you promised to assist me with?

Luna: [pointedly] More important than Timp-muddy, which you wanted to do all week?

Lynn: [trying to imitate Lana and failing miserably] N-no! That stuff’s important, too! Obviously! And I’ll do all that stuff with you, I swear! Just… gotta take care of the Lynn thing first.

[After a beat, Lola shrugs.]

Lola: Okay, I get it. Don’t worry about it, Lana.

Lynn: [breaking character] You mean it? I-I mean… [gets back into character] You mean it?

Lola: Sure! I’ll just bring my car up here. [she grins evilly] Maybe Lynn can help me, since she’s so super strong. Say, where is Lynn, anyway?

''[The Lana puppet sways to and fro as Lynn begins quivering like gelatin in an earthquake. Suddenly, in her fear, she drops Lana, who lands on the floor with a thud. The impact causes her hat to fly off, revealing her injury. As she wakes up, Lola gasps.]''

Lola: Omigosh, Lana! Wh-what happened to you?!

Lana: [groggily] Huh? Wh-what’s going on? Why am I out of bed? L-Lynn said I needed to rest.

Lola: [fuming] Oh she did, did she?

[Lynn tries to close her door, but Luna blocks her from doing so.]

Luna: Nowhere to run, dude; nowhere to hide. It’s high time you told us the truth.

Lola: Yeah! What have you done to Lana?!

''[Lynn cowers in the corner, clasping her hands over her ears and shivering. She envisions her sisters’ disapproving glares circling her like a pack of hungry wolves, beckoning her to tell the truth. Finally, she cracks.]''

Lynn: I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

''[The sisters are taken aback by Lynn’s sudden outburst. Lynn takes in a deep breath.]''

Lynn: [practically in one breath] I wanted to take up archery, but I knew Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me, so I did it in secret, and then Lana caught me, and she wanted to play archery with me, and then there was an accident, and Lana got hurt, and I thought I could make up for it by taking care of her, but I didn’t realize she had so much stuff to do today, so I lied to everyone, and I’M SORRY~!

''[There is a pause. Lana rubs her head.]''

Lana: Oh, yeah. I-I kinda remember that now. Well, the parts I was there for, anyway.

Lucy: [takes out her crystal ball and hovers her hand over it] The demon has been released. Just as the spirits have foreseen.

Luna: [folds her arms and shakes her head] Not cool, brah.

Lisa: Lana, allow me to treat your injuries. Our expedition can wait for another day.

''[Lola glares at Lynn as though she were a pet who just misbehaved. Lynn hangs her head in shame. After a pause, Lola forces her to look her in the eye.]''

Lola: You know what I’m going to do now, right?

Lynn: [sighs and nods] Yeah. You’re gonna go tell Dad.

''[Lola nods and begins to march downstairs. Lynn makes no move to stop her. Lana looks over at Lynn, a concerned frown on her face. After a beat, she turns to Lola.]''

Lana: Wait a second, Lola. It’s not Lynn’s fault. It’s mine.

[Lola stops and turns around.]

Lola: What are you talking about, Lana?

Lisa: Clearly, she is still delirious from the concussion she suffered.

Lana: No, I’m being real here, guys. Lynn told me it was too dangerous, but I didn’t listen to her. I made her play archery with me. Besides, she did her best to take care of me after I got hurt. She doesn’t deserve to be punished; I do.

''[Lynn looks up, dumbfounded by Lana’s words. Angel Lynn and Devil Lynn reappear on her shoulders.]''

Devil Lynn: Congratulations, kiddo! You’re about to get off scot-free! [she sneers at Angel Lynn] And you said my plan wouldn’t work.

Angel Lynn: Oh, take a hike, you dunce. Can’t you see how upset she is?

Devil Lynn: C’mon. She’s got no reason to be upset. Lana said she’d take the fall.

Angel Lynn: [raising an eyebrow] Oh, really? Last I checked, taking care of Lana was your idea. Are you saying you convinced Lynn to look after her just so she could use her as a scapegoat?

[Devil Lynn gulps and begins shrinking in stature.]

Devil Lynn: W-well, no. Th-that wasn’t my intention. I-it was just how it played out.

Angel Lynn: Oh. Well, that makes everything alright then, doesn’t it? Except, no wait. Lynn’s still going to get in trouble for practicing archery without permission! Man, you really are a dunce!

Devil Lynn: S-stop calling me that! My plan worked! Sorta! [she turns to Lynn] C’mon, you can vouch for me, right, kid? I haven’t steered you wrong!

''[Lynn says nothing. She lets out a labored sigh and raises her hand to her shoulder. Devil Lynn blanches.]''

Devil Lynn: Dang it.

[In one swift motion, Lynn flicks Devil Lynn off of her shoulder.]

Devil Lynn: I’ll be back~! [she disappears]

Angel Lynn: Heh, it’s about dang time.

''[Angel Lynn vanishes as well. Lynn stands up and shakes her head.]''

Lynn: No, Lana. It’s sweet of you to think that, but this whole mess really is my fault. I’m gonna go tell Mom and Dad everything.

Lana: [shakes her head] D-don’t say that, Lynn. I’m the one who got you in trouble. Y-you were just trying to look out for me, and… and…

''[Lana begins sobbing. Lynn sighs and walks over to her. She kneels down and places a hand on her shoulder.]''

Lynn: Lana, listen to me. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into doing that crazy stunt. Heck, I probably shouldn’t have been practicing archery without permission in the first place. No matter how you slice it, I’m the one to blame. And part of being responsible is not just making up for what you did, but also taking your lumps.

Lana: [sniffles] B-but…

[Lynn cuts across Lana with a hug.]

Lynn: Shh. It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. You just focus on getting better. That’s all that matters to me right now.

[She releases Lana and somberly walks down the stairs while her sisters look on.]

***

''[We cut to the door to the master bedroom some time later. The door opens, revealing a remorseful Lynn and her two disappointed parents.]''

Lynn Sr.: Well, we’re glad you finally decided to come forward, honey, but we’re still going to have to punish you. You should know better than to hide stuff from your family like that.

Lynn: [glumly] I get it. I’m sorry. How long am I gonna be grounded for?

Rita: A week. No leaving the house except for school or if your father and I say it’s okay. And you can forget about that archery meet this weekend. Do I make myself clear, young lady?

Lynn: [nods] Crystal.

Lynn Sr.: [sighs] You know we care about you, Lynn. That’s why we expect better from you than this. I really hope you learn something from what happened today.

Rita: And once Lana gets better, we’ll be having a word with her, too.

Lynn: Don’t worry about Lana. I’ll talk to her.

''[Lynn leaves her parents’ room with a heavy heart. She looks up at the audience.]''

Lynn: Well, I can officially put archery on the list of sports I can’t play. Maybe it’s for the best. There’s a reason Mom and Dad don’t let me play every sport out there. And, I know I should’ve done what was actually responsible instead of what I thought was responsible. [she smirks weakly] But hey, you can’t say I didn’t try.

''[Lana approaches her in the hallways with her hands behind her back. She now has a bandage on her head.]''

Lynn: Hey, Lans. What’s up?

''[Lana shuffles her feet and looks down. Finally, she hands Lynn a shiny red apple.]''

Lana: Don’t worry, there’s no worm in it. I checked. [she sighs] I’m sorry I got you in trouble, Lynn. I know you said it wasn’t my fault, but—

Lynn: [smiles] I get it, Lana. Thanks. ''[she accepts the apple. After a pause, she gives Lana a stern look]'' That being said, I want you to learn something from this, too.

Lana: What’s that?

Lynn: I know that I like to play rough and do all kinds of dangerous stunts. That’s part of who I am. But I would never forgive myself if I ended up seriously hurting you or any of my other siblings. I just love you guys too much to risk that. So the next time I tell you that something is too dangerous for you, maybe it’s best if you just took my word for it. Deal?

[Beat]

Lana: [nods] Deal.

''[Lynn and Lana clasp hands, and Lynn pulls her into a hug. Off to the side, Hops and Charles are watching. Hops croaks and shakes his head. Charles rolls his eyes and casts his gaze over to Lincoln, who’s walking by playing with his yoyo. Lincoln gives Charles a curious look.]''

Lincoln: What’re you looking at me like that for?

The End

Trivia

 * The title of this tale is a pun on the name of the famous marksman, William Tell.
 * When Luna tells Lola that Lana isn't around, she references the song She's Not There by the Zombies.
 * When the sisters finally corner Lynn, Luna references the song Nowhere to Run by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas.