User blog:Thomperfan/LH episode commentaries- Heavy Meddle (transcript)



Oh, so two episodes in and we’re now going to school. Interesting. So Lincoln is trying to get through his school day, but someone keeps on pranking him and embarrassing him in front of all his classmates, who take delight in taking embarrassing pictures of him. At the end of the day, Lincoln says he’s finally had enough.

[Lincoln and Clyde are walking home from school.]

Clyde: "So, you really confronted that bully?"

Lincoln: "That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this."

Clyde: [worried for his friend] "Whoa! You're gonna fight?!"

Lincoln: "I'm not an animal, Clyde. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it."

Ah, that’s Lincoln. Always trying to be as rational as he can. Clyde then notices that Lincoln has a note and sum gum in his hair that the bully left for him, and Lincoln says he can’t let his sisters find out, because they’ll want to get involved and make things worse. Like they always do.

''Clyde: "I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Lori gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman." [looks lovesick]''

(sigh) The poor deluded kid. He’s so blinded by Lori’s beauty he can’t even tell when she’s being mean to him. Lincoln then says that Clyde has no idea what it’s like to have ten sisters who always meddle, and then flashbacks to one of those times.

[Flashback to what looks like Lincoln being sick; Lori puts a thermometer in his mouth and checks his temperature; Lisa comes in with an X-Ray machine and takes his X-rays, leaving him with glowing radiation; Luan dressed as a doctor with a clown nose and Luna bandaged him up real tight; Lincoln muffles and Luan removes the bandages covering his mouth so he can breathe.]

Lincoln: "Phew."

''Leni: [carrying a bowl of piping hot soup] "Here comes the airplane!" [spills it all over Lincoln's crotch] "Oopsie."''

''Lincoln: [agonized] "AAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!" [as Leni walks off screen embarrassed.]''

[Luna and Luan bandage up his crotch; end flashback.]

Lincoln: [holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it.] "And that was just a paper cut!"

A paper cut? Jeez, Linc just got a papercut and the girls thought he was sick? I mean, it’s nice to see that they’re caring for him, but there is such a thing as worrying too much. Did Lincoln ever tell them that it was a papercut or did the girls not even listen to him? I don’t know, maybe Lincoln was exaggerating things, you know how he does have a pretty big imagination. Ah well, I guess we’ll find out later.

Lincoln tries to get the gum out of his hair but fails, Clyde then suggests to use peanut butter, which Lincoln agrees to do. Then he comes through the door, without any of his sisters seeing him.

[Just then, a news broadcast weather board appears next to him with his face in the sun.]

LHN 6 LIVE

WEATHER REPORT: CLEAR SKIES

LINGERING BUTT-INS

KEEP UMBRELLA HANDY

Lincoln: "The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy."

Good to know, Linc. Good to know. So after sneaking past Lily and Lori he makes it to kitchen and starts looking for the peanut butter, but just then Luna comes in, and Lincoln hides the gum in one of the crisper drawers.

Luna: "Hey, bro."

Lincoln: "Oh, hey, Luna. What's the haps?"

Luna: [seeing Lincoln's position] "Rad way to chill out, bro."

Lincoln: "Right. Totally rad."

Luna: "Hey, hook me up with some pudding."

''Lincoln: [feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of broccoli.] "GROSS!" [shakes the broccoli texture off his hand, finds a pudding cup and hands it to Luna.]''

''Luna: "Thanks. Stay cool." [leaves]''

Well, that was easy. After Luna leaves Lincoln gets the peanut butter jar and opens it, only to find it’s empty.

''Lincoln: [frustrated.] "Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?!" [puts it back in despite what he just ranted about] "I need a Plan B."''

But, Lincoln, you just… Oh never mind. After hearing Lori talk, Lincoln gets an idea to cut the gum out with some scissors, but after getting the scissors, he runs into Luan, luckily he manages to hide the gum, before she finds out.

Lincoln: "Hey, Luan."

Luan: "Hey, Lincoln. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"

OK, this joke I don’t get.

''Luan: "Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup." [walks away]''

Oooooooooooooh. Well, anyway, Lincoln is about to get to his room, when suddenly…

Rita: [off-screen] "Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!"

Lincoln: "Okay, Mom! Five minutes!"

Rita: "Not five minutes! Now!"

Lincoln: "I will! Just give me three minutes!"

Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln, listen to your mother!"

(groans) I hate it when that happens. When you’re in the middle of doing something, but you’re parents come and tell you to do something else. So, Lincoln has to take out trash, when Leni comes out. Oh boy! I haven’t seen Leni since the first episode! Let’s see what she’s doing this time.

Leni: "Hey, Lincoln. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere."

Lincoln: "Nope. Have you tried looking on your desk?"

Leni: "So smart!"

(laughs) Classic Leni. After telling Leni trash can lids are all the rage, Lincoln manages finally manages to get to his room, but not before Lisa finds him.

Lisa: "Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area."

Lincoln: "A what in my who now?"

Lisa: "You've got gum in your hair."

Lincoln: "Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-"

Lisa: "I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you."

Whoa, she figured that out all by herself. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. She is a genius after all, Lincoln begs Lisa not to tell the others, and Lisa says this.

''Lisa: "Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery." [walks away]''

OK, I don’t know what that means, but if it means you’re not going to tell anyone, OK. So, Lincoln manages to get the gum out of his hair, but just before he can get rid of it, the sisters burst into his room, and say they know he’s being picked on.

Lincoln: [irritated] "Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything."

Lisa: "No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room."

OK, lesson learned. Never trust Lisa with a secret. Lincoln tries to hide it, but the sisters don’t believe him and insist on helping him out. Hm, OK, let’s see what you girls come up with.

Lola: "You should go straight to the school principal!"

Oh, that’s a really good solution. Good job, Lola! That’s all Lincoln needs to-

Lori: "Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends."

Uh, OK, Lori, that’s a little bit much, don’t you think-

Luan: "I'm gonna write an insult comedy routine that will leave him in tears!"

Uh, Luan, that’s really not necesar-

''Lynn: [flips at Lincoln] "HOO-WAH!" [kicks him]''

Lynn, why’d you do that?!

Lynn: "Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down."

Take him down?! Girls this getting to excessive!

[Lynn suddenly grabs him and has him in a hold.]

''Lynn: "That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya." [gets off him]''

Lynn, why are you demonstrating your moves on Lincoln? If you didn’t know, he’s being bullied!

Luan: "We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, "You're so dumb you locked yourself inside your car." That kind of thing."

Luan, I really don’t think we should be insulting anyone.

''Lola: "Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup!" [has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it] "I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me."''

Oh, come on, Lola! You had really good solution, and now you’re sinking down? And that’s your evil solution? What about all that other stuff you did episodes after this?! Did you forget about that or something?

[Lincoln notices Lynn standing in a strange pose.]

Lincoln: "What are you doing?"

Lynn: [pulls Lincoln's shirt over his face] "SURPRISE MIME ATTACK! I invented that one myself."

Lincoln: [pulls his shirt back down] "Lynn, I'm not going to fight. I-"

''Lynn: "Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself." [walks off]''

Lynn, no! You don’t even know what the bully looks like!

''Luna: "You should do this!" [slams a pair of cymbals right in Lincoln's ears] "His ears'll be ringing for days!"''

Luna, maybe let’s not make anyone’s ears ring.

Luan: "Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you have to trick-or-treat over the phone!"

Luan, that’s really not something you should be doing.

[Lynn returns with a boy and is carrying him by the seat of his pants.]

Lynn: "Look! I found him!"

[The girls surround him and are not very happy with him.]

Lori: "How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that."

Um, no you don’t, Lori.

''Lana: [spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand] "Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Lincoln!" [sees Lincoln is too hesitant to do it] "Fine. I'll do it."''

Lana, don’t! This won’t solve anything!

Lincoln: "Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now."

[The boy growls at him for what he's been put through.]

See girls? Look what you did.

''Lynn: "Oh." [kicks the boy out] "Why are you still here?"''

Uh, Lynn, what the heck?! You could’ve said sorry, and escorted him out politely.

''Lana: "I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him." [takes gum back and chews it]''

''Lynn: "I'll go get another boy." [proceeds to do so]''

UGH! This is just too much! (groans and facepalms) Now, I understand everything. At first, I wasn’t sure why Lincoln didn’t want his sisters interfering. Now, it all makes perfect sense. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to see the girls so determined to help their brother out, but this is too much. Lola’s first solution was all that needed to be done. And they don’t know it yet, but they kinda screwed themselves, because by doing what they did to that boy could cause serious problems, that kid could tell his parents, and then his parents would talk to the LKs’ parents and they all would get in serious trouble, they'd probably get Lincoln in trouble too. The girls really need to think before they act.

Anyway, before Lynn can go and bother another boy, Lincoln tells his sisters that the bully is not even a boy, it’s a girl. Kinda odd how they didn’t already think this, after Lincoln said it wasn’t a boy.

[The girls are flabbergasted and gasp to hear the news, but then, all of them except Lisa start squealing with delight.]

Wait. Why are they squealing? This isn’t funny, this is serious.

[All the girls except Lisa give him a big group hug and suffocate him.]

''Lisa: "Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but..." [squeals just as delighted as they did and joins the hug.]''

OK, that line did get a chuckle out of me.

Luna: "Lincoln! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?"

Lola: "She sounds so pretty."

Lincoln: [suffocating] "What is happening?"

Yeah, I’m with Lincoln, what is happening?

[They all release Lincoln from their hug.]

Lori: "When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you~."

[The girls all squeal again and Lincoln is just dumbfounded at this explanation.]

What the-? That doesn’t make any sense!! I mean, why would a girl picking on you mean of all things she likes you?! Looks like the girls have been watching too much Hey Arnold, if you know what I mean. (Giggles) Hint Hint.

Lincoln, like any sensible person says that the girls are wrong and that she hates him. But the girls still think otherwise.

Leni: "I think he needs to kiss her."

[Lily makes kissy faces in agreement.]

Lincoln: [petrified] "WHAT?!"

Sisters: "KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!"

[At that moment, as the girls continue chanting Lincoln to kiss his bully, they all start forming miniature tornadoes around them and merge together to create the Sisternado; a weather warning pops up with the tornados taking over Lincoln's space.]

SISTERNADO RED ALERT

BREAKING NEWS

S.O.S./TAKE COVER/#AAAHH!

Lincoln: "This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY!"

''Sisternado: "KISS HER! KISS HER!" [traps Lincoln inside] "KISS HER! KISS HER!"''

[Lincoln escapes and runs into the bathroom to seek shelter and picks up his radio.]

What was that?! The girls just made themselves into a tornado! Is that actually a common occurrence? Are they seeing someone about that? Because if not, they should. And kissing her?! Really, girls? Lincoln does even know this girl or if he likes her or not. And I’m no expert, but I’m pretty girls would not like to be kissed out of the blue. These 10 ladies have issues. I love them, but they have issues.

So Lincoln calls up Clyde and tells him what just happened. Clyde tells Lincoln that he thinks the girls are right, because they know more about this stuff then boys do. Uh yeah, Clyde, I see why you would think that, but this is not about what boys know and girls know, this about common sense, and come to think of it, weren’t you just on Lincoln’s side a few minutes ago? So, Lincoln completely throws everything to defend himself away and decides to go kiss his bully.

''Lincoln: "It's 3:30. Lola, lip balm." [Lola applies it] "Lana, breath mint." [Lana puts it in his mouth] "Let's do this." [heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams.]''

Lynn: "Go get her, Romeo."

Lori: "You so got this, little bro."

Lola: "Aw, our little Lincoln."

Lana: "All grown up."

Um, girls, this is not a time to be celebrating, Lincoln could get himself killed and none of you are trying to talk him out of it? (sigh) Of course not.

Leni: [wearing the trash lid on her head having believed Lincoln's lie.] "All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now."

(sigh) OK, that Leni moment made me feel a little bit better, so Lincoln steps out and kisses his bully.

[Lincoln steps outside, marches up to his bully, and gives her a kiss.]

Sisters: [sweetly] "Aww..."

[The bully, however, responds to this romantic gesture by punching Lincoln in the face.]

Sisters: [concerned] "Ooh!"

Mm-Hm. Just as I predicted. As the Nitpick Critic would say: I hope you girls feel STUPID!

Lincoln is understandably mad at his sisters, and when they try to apologize, he finally snaps.

''Lincoln: [infuriated] "QUIET!!! Every time you guys butt into my life, you make things worse! Well, guess what? Never again! NO! MORE! MEDDLING!" [walks to his room and slams the door in rage as his sisters stand there feeling guilty.]''

That’s right, you tell them, Lincoln. Now, do I think Lincoln was too harsh on his sisters? No. Lincoln was totally justified to say what he said. So Lincoln goes up to his room, still upset about what just happened.

Lincoln: "I knew it all along. I should never have listened to them. My sisters are always wrong."

OK, Linc, that’s a little extreme. I mean I’m pretty sure your sisters aren’t always wrong. I mean you’ve known them for eleven years. I’m pretty sure they’ve been right on at least some occasions. But just then, he gets something through his window.

[Someone whistles from outside to get Lincoln's attention.]

''Lincoln: "Huh?" [looks out his window on one end as a rock comes flying in through the other end and sees there's a note attached to it and reads it.] "Sorry, Lame-O. Here's my number. Text me?" [confused; smiles and looks out the window and gets a steak thrown at his eye; notices it has a note too and reads it.] "For your eye. XOXO, Ronnie Anne." [smiles hopefully, places steak over his shiner and turns to the viewers.] "Okay, maybe just this one time my sisters were right. But don't tell them that!"''

Of course not, Linc. Of course not. And to all my male viewers out there. This is not true. A girl picking on you, does not mean that she likes, if anything it means that she hates your guts. And if a girl is picking on you and she does like you, don’t kiss her, tell her “I’m sorry but I don’t date girls who are mean to me, so you can find someone else.” Or just let a trusted adult know.

This episode was just OK, at best. My only two issues with it are the whole “girl picks on boy because she likes him thing” which I already talked about and the sisters meddling. Now, I do appreciate and even admire their willingness to help Lincoln and they did have good intentions, but their solutions and things they did were just too much. I mean, there is such a thing as going overboard with stuff and the girls were doing just that. Also, if Lori was so sure about the bully liking Lincoln, did she and Bobby pick on each other before they started dating? Just a thought. And convincing Lincoln to kiss a girl he doesn’t even know that well? What if she does something worse to him, like beating him to a pulp? Would that be good? Does that sound like love? The girls could’ve gotten Lincoln killed. It was just frustrating.

Once again, I felt the most sorry for Lincoln because he didn’t do anything wrong and he was treated badly. Clyde assuming the girls were right felt weird, because he was on Lincoln’s side originally. As for the bully, if you couldn’t already tell, her name is Ronnie Anne. And I do not think what she did to Lincoln in this episode was okay. I would’ve liked to see her get some sort of comeuppance for her actions. But, this isn’t the last we’re going to see if her, because she is a crucial character in some later episodes and we’re actually going to see her on screen. Can’t wait? Neither can I. Making the Case is next. Thank you for watching.