User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: The Fool Who Cried Foul (Chapter 1)

Chapter 1: Starting Off on the Wrong Note
“So, let me get this straight. Your family is having a big event every day this week?”

“Yep. We’re calling it the Loud Week to Shine.”

Clyde nodded and stroked his chin. “That’s pretty cool, bud. I’m honestly surprised this didn’t happen sooner.”

I had to chuckle. “You and me both. And guess what? Luna managed to score SMOOCH tickets for all of us so we can support her opening act.”

Clyde’s eyes went wide. “No way! Lucky dog. I had to mow so many lawns just to save up enough money to go to this thing. My dads are really trying to make sure that I can be financially responsible.”

Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. That’s the thing about me and Clyde. We know each other’s families so well, we’re practically related. It’s been that way ever since we first met.

“Still, super psyched you’re gonna be there, Linc,” Clyde continued. “This is gonna be awesome!”

“Heh, yeah. Awesome.”  I didn’t try that hard to hide my worries. After all, the reason I called Clyde was to voice those worries in the first place. As expected, Clyde caught on right away.

“You okay, bud?” he asked.

I shrugged sheepishly. “Kinda? I mean, I’m super excited about all of this, but I dunno. I feel like if anything bad were to happen at these performances, it would ruin the whole thing for all of us.”

Clyde raised an eyebrow. “Are you that certain something is gonna go wrong?”

“N-no, no no. It’s not like that,” I insisted. “I’m just trying to be careful, y’know?”

Clyde sighed and shook his head. “Lincoln, you can’t live your life thinking about the worst-case scenario all the time. Trust me, I’ve been there more than once. But Dr. Lopez says if you keep focusing on the negative, you’ll never be able to experience the positive in life.”

…

Wow. That makes a lot of sense, actually. Good to see Clyde’s taking his therapist’s advice to heart. I knew it was a good idea to call him.

“You’re right about that,” I said. “Still, can’t hurt to take a few precautions just in case, yeah?”

Clyde shrugged. “Eh, I suppose.”  He then gave me a sly look. “I mean, after all, no criminal can catch us with our pants down. Ain’t that right, Ace?”

I had to smile at that. He’s absolutely right, after all. As junior crime fighters, Clyde and I always wear our Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack costumes under our clothes in case of an emergency. So no matter what happens, we’re ready for it.

“You got that right, Jack,” I said. “Thanks for the talk. I feel a lot better.”

“Always happy to help, buddy,” said Clyde with a salute. “See ya tomorrow.”

“Right. Seeya.”

With that, we hung up, and I got under my covers. Ah, there’s nothing like talking to a friend about your problems to help you cope with them. Well, of course, you guys know all about that.

***

Even after my talk with Clyde, I couldn’t sleep much that night. How could I sleep when we had such an awesome week ahead of us? I was so fixated on the whole Loud Week to Shine that most of the day was just a blur. All I remember was practicing my magic tricks and thinking about Luna and SMOOCH. I would’ve practiced with Luan, but she actually wasn’t around. Come to think of it, I didn’t see Luna, Lucy, or Lola much, either. I guess that makes sense. We all have big performances coming up, and we had to make sure we were at our best.

Luckily, we all managed to reconvene just in time to head off to the Royal Woods Mall where Luna and SMOOCH were going to perform. Of course, with this being a SMOOCH concert, I just had to dress for the occasion. That’s right, I went all out. Leather suit, face paint, and all. Since I’m the only real SMOOCH fan in the family, I kinda stuck out like a sore thumb walking around with everyone else. Or I would have, if most of the mall wasn’t also full of SMOOCH fans all dressed up and looking at my casually-dressed family like they were the weirdos. Wow, irony.

“Huh. I suddenly feel underdressed,” Leni mused. “Think we should’ve broken out our own SMOOCH outfits for this?”

“I’m sure it’s fine, sweetie,” said Mom. “Luna said we could dress casually. Let’s just get in line.”

“In line? Mommy, we’re VIPs,” said Lola. “Can’t Luna just let us in?”

“Luna just got us tickets, honey. That doesn’t automatically make us VIPs,” Dad explained.

Lola huffed and pouted. “That’s dumb. We’re all here to support her; the least she can do is give us the royal treatment.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Lols,” said Luan. “I’m sure once we get in line, it’ll be SMOOCH sailing.”  She laughed at her own pun. “Get it?”

Okay, that one was a groaner. I swear, Luan is just so quick-witted in the worst possible way. There’s almost nothing she can’t turn into some sort of joke or pun.

“Let’s just get going, guys,” I said. “I’m sure the line’s not that long.”

From there, we all got ourselves situated. After a few steps, I managed to spot Clyde walk in, also dressed for the occasion. He was flanked by a few of our other friends and fellow SMOOCH fans. I quickly waved them over.

“Hey, Linc. You all ready for tonight?” asked Clyde.

I chuckled. “You know I am.”  I did a quick headcount of my friends and noticed that someone was missing. “Hey, where’s Liam?”

“He said he’d catch up with us later,” said Zach. “Something about picking up a date for the concert. Probably that rocker girl Tabby.”

Huh. I didn’t know Liam and Tabby were still a thing after the Sadie Hawkins dance. Heh, lucky dog.

“Anyway, why are your parents and sisters here?” asked Rusty. “I didn’t know they were all SMOOCH fans.”

“Oh, they aren’t really,” I said. “We’re mainly here for Luna. She’s performing the opening act.”

Zach and Rusty’s eyes went wide. “For real? Dude, that’s so cool!”

“Yeah, we like to think so,” I said modestly. I decided not to go into detail about the Loud Week to Shine. Rusty and Zach already know about my intentions to enter the talent show on Thursday, and they probably wouldn’t be interested in any of the other performances. I know, I already shared that with Clyde, but let’s be real. There are some things that you can only share with your best friend.

“H-hey, watch it!”

“Oof~! Literally?!”

“Whoa! What’s the big idea?!”

I was quickly distracted by annoyed yelps from Lynn, Lori, and Mom. I turned to see a man and a woman brushing past her without so much as an apology. Right off the bat, I could tell they weren’t exactly SMOOCH fans. The man was wearing a slick black blazer, and the woman had a sparkling dress on. For some reason, both of them were wearing shades. That was enough to set off a red flag. Only two kinds of people wear shades indoors: people with eye problems and stuck-up jerks. And judging how they were now standing ahead of us in line, these two were clearly in the latter category.

“C’mon, gang. Let’s not let something like this ruin our Loud Week to Shine,” said Dad. “I’ll go talk to them.”  He walked up to the couple and cleared his throat. “Um, excuse me? Sorry to bother you, but we were here first.”

The man turned around and lowered his shades, looking over my dad for a bit before letting out an indignant snort.

“Right. Of course,” he said curtly. “Terribly sorry.”

The two of them shuffled to the back of the line, though I could hear them muttering to each other as they left. They were also giving everyone this judgmental look, like a couple of snobs. Did they forget what kind of concert this was? Sheesh, that was weird. And rude. Ah well.

***

After that incident, the line moved fairly quickly. The usher took us to the front row, where there were several seats with the tag “RESERVED FOR THE LOUDS” pasted on the back.

“This royal enough for you, Your Highness?” Lana said, sneering at Lola.

Lola huffed and shrugged. “It’s a start.”

Of course. Lola has always been so hard to please.

“Hmm. Mother, could you hand me my earplugs, please?” Lisa asked. “I do not wish for my tinnitus to act up during the performance.”

“Sure thing, sweetie,” said Mom, rummaging around in her purse. She frowned and furrowed her brow. “Dang it, I know I put them in here before we left. Ugh, they must’ve fallen out when that rude couple tried to cut in front of us.”

“I can go get them,” Luan volunteered.

Mom gave Luan a quizzical look. “Are you sure, honey?”

“Sure I’m sure. I know Lisa’s all about being smart, but at a place like this, she needs things to be dumbed down.”  She laughed. “Get it?”

I… actually don’t. Though Lisa apparently did, because I heard her snicker a little.

“Alright, I confess. That was a clever play on words,” she said.

“Just trying to stay sharp for my big performance!” Luan trilled cheerfully. “I’ll be back in a jiffy!”

Before anyone could react, she dashed off. Huh. Did she volunteer just to make that pun? I mean, I wouldn’t put it past her. Like I said, Luan can make a joke out of almost anything.

Just then, the lights dimmed, and the curtains opened. Looks like they’re starting, meaning Luan could end up missing Luna’s act. I hope she can at least hear it. Should’t be too difficult, considering the decibel levels Luna likes to work with. Speaking of which, I should probably do something to help Lisa. Leni seemed to have the same idea, because she took out a pair of tissues, balled them up, and stuck them in Lisa’s ears. Well, that takes care of that.

The spotlight shined from above, and I could see Luna take the stage. She was accompanied by her roadie, Chunk, and a bunch of her friends. The lead singer of SMOOCH, Pucker Uppenheimer, stepped up to the mike and cleared his throat.

“What’s up, Royal Woods~?! You all ready to rock?!”

There was a huge cheer from the audience.

“Alright, alright, alright! That’s what I’m talkin’ about!” said Pucker. “Now, before we take the stage, we’ve got a little warm-up act for ya. These guys may seem young, but from what we heard, they’ve got a big future in the world of rock. Put your hands together for Luna Loud and the Royal Woods Rockers!”

I’m guessing Luna came up with that name at the last minute. I dunno, it just sounds kinda generic. Eh, whatever. Everyone else seemed to be into it, so who am I to complain? Pucker left the stage and handed the mike over to Luna.

“Thanks a bunch, dudes,” she said. “Man. It’s a real honer to be here tonight. I can’t tell you how stoked I am to be here, so we decided to put together a little song instead. This is all about the highs and lows in my career that got me where I am today. Hope you enjoy.”

She then stepped back from the mike and singled to Chunk, who lifted his drumsticks up and tapped them together. After a few rhythmic taps, they launched into the song. I could already recognize the more classical rock style Luna was going for, similar to some of the old CDs Dad liked to collect. After a few bars, Luna leaned up to the mike and began to sing, with her bandmates doing backup vocals.

 I tried flying solo, with only my voice making sound (Flying Solo, ooh, Flying Solo) I ended up flying so low, that all I could touch was the ground (Flying Solo, ooh, Flying Solo) But that ain’t me anymore, ‘cause I’ve got my friends and fam around (Flying Solo, ooh, Flying Solo)

I met some people who wanted to tell me how to fly (Flying Solo, ooh, Flying Solo) I ended up flying so low, I couldn’t even see the sky (Flying Solo, ooh, Flying Solo) But now I’m true to myself, and because of that, I’m flying high (Flying Solo, ooh, Flying Solo)

Huh. I think I get what Luna meant when she said this was about the highs and lows in her life. I recognized some of the incidents she mentioned in the lyrics, like when she threw us out of her family band to impress Mick Swagger, or when she let a couple of corporate goons try to change who she was. She always said there was no shortage of inspiration in her life.

As she launched into a rocking guitar solo, I could feel the excitement and joy building up inside. I can think of no better way to start off the Loud Week to Shine. Sitting here, listening to my sister rock out to warm us up for SMOOCH…  There’s just something magical about it, y’know? Clyde was right. If I focus too much on what could go wrong, I won’t enjoy myself when everything goes right. I should just relax and enjoy the show.

But just when I was lulled into that sense of security, the lights went out all at once. I could hear yelps of confusion in the pitch blackness. Dang it, did I jinx it? N-no, I can’t think like that. Maybe it’s just a small power outage. It’ll pass, and everything will go back to…

Or maybe the lights will come on again, and Luna will suddenly be surrounded by chickens. I have so many questions, but right now, I’m most concerned about Luna. She’s actually terrified of chickens.

After a stunned silence, the chickens began clucking and dashing around. Luna yelped and hopped around onstage, trying to avoid their sharp beaks. As she panicked, one of Luna’s bandmates started making chicken noises herself, trying to lure them away. Luckily, it seemed to be working. Well, that was random, but at least Luna can take a moment to chill out and get back to…

“Cock-a-doodle-doo~!”

A loud, piercing crow echoed from the stage, followed by the screeching sound of feedback. I clamped down on my ears and scrunched my eyes shut. I don’t get it. Everything was going so well. What the heck is going on?!

When I finally opened my eyes, it was an utter mess on stage. Brown feathers covered the whole place, and Luna and her friends all lay in a heap. One of the ushers got to the front and cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, everyone. Due to difficulties with our sound system, we have to cancel the concert. Please exit in an orderly fashion. Thank you.”

Even with my ears ringing, I could hear a wave of disappointed groans from the audience. Honestly, I was kinda bummed out, too. But more than that, I just felt bad for Luna. This was a major step in her music career, and it was ruined by… whatever that was.

“Whoa. What’d I miss?”

I looked up to see Luan, standing in the aisle and holding Lisa’s earplugs. After a pause, my family started to give her suspicious looks.

“Y’know, Luan. Your father and I know you love your jokes, but we would’ve expected you to know better than to do something like this,” Mom scolded.

Luan blinked. “What? What’re you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb. We’re onto you, Little Miss Joker Pants,” Lola growled. “You’re the one who let all those chickens loose to scare Luna and ruin her show!”

Luan gasped. “Wh-what?! Wh-why do you think I did this?! I-I would never…”

“Except you would,” Lisa said frankly. “If your April Fool’s record is anything to go by, this fits your modus operandi to a T.”

“Yeah, and it’s exactly like the pranks you pulled on us before,” Lana agreed.

“Plus, we literally didn’t see you all day,” Lori added.

Luan turned pale and started backing away. “G-guys, c’mon. Th-there’s no foul play here.”  She giggled nervously. “Get it? But seriously, I have nothing to do with any of this! Don’t you trust me?”

Dad sighed. “It’s not that we don’t want to, honey. But your sisters are right; this does feel like the kind of prank you would pull on us.”

“Not to mention you left to retrieve my earplugs just before Luna took the stage,” Lisa added. “I admit the evidence is circumstantial, but it’s still against you at the moment.”

“B-b-b-b-but…”

Dad cut across Luan with another sigh. “Luan, I think you and I need to have a little chat. Honey, could you take the kids home? We’re gonna stick around here and make sure Luna’s okay.”

“Sure thing,” said Mom. “Come along, kids.”

We all started marching back to the car. I could see most of my sisters giving Luan dirty looks as we passed her by, while Luan just hung her head. Personally, I don’t know what to think. They’re right, of course. Luan has pulled some pretty nasty pranks on us in the past. But looking at her now, I dunno. Something doesn’t feel right about any of this.

Well, there’s only one way to find out what’s really going on. While Mom was distracted, I slipped away from the crowd and changed into my Ace Savvy uniform. I think it’s time for Ace and Jack to deal out some justice.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter (TBA)