User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: Missing Linc (Chapter 1)

Chapter 1: House of Cards
November 26, 9:59 PM Loud House

***

“You all have been wonderful sailors on this fine voyage, but out of all of you, my first mate is going to be…  Boris!”

Whoa. I literally didn’t see that coming. What a way to end such a beautiful marathon. I guess Lincoln was right about Boris all along. The others were just trying way too hard to get Keisha’s attention, but all Boris had to do was show her that he cared. Lincoln would’ve loved this.

Speaking of Lincoln, it’s getting pretty close to curfew, isn’t it? He usually calls ahead if he’s gonna be late. Before I could check the time, Dad walked in.

“Girls, could one of you call your brother?” he asked. “It’s ten o’clock; he should be home by now.”

Huh. Sounds like we’re totally in sync.

“I got this,” I said, taking out my phone. Heh, knowing him, he probably had so much fun with Clyde that he lost track of time. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened. I mean, yeah, he’s usually more responsible than that (especially for someone his age), but he’s not perfect. Luckily, we all have each other’s numbers in our contacts.

Alright, it’s ringing. He’s probably gonna panic and beg me not to be mad. I’ll just tell him that it’s not the end of the world and to just hurry…

“Hello, this is Lincoln Loud. I’m not able to take your call right now, but please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

Okay, red flag. Lincoln would never let a call from one of us go to voicemail like that unless it was an emergency. I-I can’t just assume the worst. M-maybe it’s just a prank.

“Okay, Lincoln. Very funny,” I said dryly. “Just pick up. I know you’re there.”

I hung up, waited a few seconds, and called back. But once again, it just went straight to his voicemail. I could feel everyone’s eyes staring at me as I tried to reach him.

“Sweetie, is something wrong?” Mom asked. “Where’s Lincoln?”

Normally, when Lincoln breaks curfew like this, I would try to distract Mom and Dad as long as possible to cover for him until he got home. That wasn’t gonna work this time. We all knew something wasn’t kosher here.

“I-I don’t know, Mom,” I croaked weakly. “H-he’s not picking up. I-I’ll try one more time.”

I hung up and redialed. C’mon, Lincoln. Pick up. I’ll accept any excuse you throw at me; just let me know you’re still—

“Hello, this is Lincoln Loud. I’m not able to take your call right now, but please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

Dang it. I’m really starting to freak out here. And one quick glance around the room told me that I wasn’t the only one.

“M-maybe try calling Clyde?” Lynn suggested.

Right, Clyde! He should know where Lincoln is. I quickly dialed the McBrides. This time, I got an answer right away.

“McBride residence,” came a familiar voice.

“Mr. McBride? It’s Lori,” I said. “Listen, is Lincoln still over there?”

“Lincoln? No, he left ten minutes ago.”

I swallowed hard. That’s red flag number two. I-I cannot even right now.

“A-are you sure about that?”

“Positive. Clyde saw him off himself.”

Oh geez. Ooooh geez. C-calm down, Lori. This is not the time to panic.

“I-I see. Thank you, Mr. McBride,” I said, hanging up.

“Well?” Leni asked.

I sighed. No point in hiding it.

“Lincoln’s not there,” I said. “They said he left ten minutes ago.”

Everyone gasped in horror, with one notable exception. I looked to see that despite all of this, Lisa was just sitting there, cool as a cucumber. She cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses.

“Fret not, brethren,” she said. “As it just so happens, I have implanted a tracking device on our male sibling. I should be able to ascertain his whereabouts. A moment, if you please.”

Lisa hopped off the couch and made her way upstairs. Well, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. This isn’t exactly the first time one of her crazy inventions actually came in handy like this. Even so, part of me wishes she’d show at least a little respect for our privacy, y’know? Seriously, she can be such a creep someti—

“No! I-inconceivable!”

Oh no. That was Lisa just now. I really doesn’t want to know what’s gotten her so riled up, but it can’t be avoided. I bolted out of my seat and dashed up the stairs to her room. I could hear everyone else at my heels as I barged in. Lisa was pacing back and forth, fiddling with some sort of device and sweating bullets.

“C’mon, c’mon! This shouldn’t be happening!” she yelled, shaking the device violently. “All of the other transmitters are showing up; why isn’t his?!”

I ventured forward and cleared my throat. “Um, Lisa? Is everything okay?”

Lisa turned to me, her eyes wide with panic. “As a matter of fact, eldest sibling, everything is the exact opposite of ‘okay!’  Lincoln’s transmitter isn’t transmitting his coordinates! I-I can’t track him!”

And there’s red flag number three. I-I think I’m gonna be sick.

“O-okay, everyone. J-just try to remain calm,” said Dad, who didn’t seem to be following his own advice (not that I blame him). “I-I’d better go call the police.”

With that, he rushed off. Mom let out a shaky sigh and turned to me.

“You’d better keep an eye on your siblings,” she said. “I-I need to help your father pull himself together.”

And so, she left. I took a glance around the room. Everyone looked so worried. The twins held each other for comfort; Leni scooped up Lily and clutched her like a security blanket; Lucy hugged Lynn with all her might; Luan was crying into Luna’s shoulder. And Lisa. Poor Lisa was still pacing around and hyperventilating.

“I-I must’ve calibrated my transceiver incorrectly,” she muttered to herself. “Yeah. That’s it. I’ll just have to…  Dang it, still nothing?! P-perhaps the battery on the transmitter was worn down? Impossible. That battery should be good for another eight years. B-but that could only mean—”

She didn’t finish her thought. She just collapsed onto the ground and curled up into a little ball, rocking back and forth and sucking her thumb. It’d be cute if it wasn’t so utterly horrifying. Lisa isn’t an emotional person by any means, but she’s certainly no robot. And when she breaks down like this, you know things are bad.

Well, there’s only one thing to do at a time like this. I knelt down and pulled her into a big hug.

“Shh~. There there. I-it’s okay,” I cooed. “Lincoln’s going to be fine, I promise.”

“Th-that is a promise you cannot keep, sibling,” Lisa whimpered. “Y-you don’t know that with absolute certainty. None of us do.”

I bit my lip. It’s kinda hard to argue with that. After all, she’s right. I don’t know if Lincoln’s safe. Heck, I literally have no idea what’s going on right now. But I do know one thing.

“Lisa, I get it. We’re all scared for Lincoln right now,” I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. “But we can’t just… fall apart like this. L-Lincoln would want us to be strong for him, and that’s what I plan to do.”

Lisa simply sniffled and buried her face into my chest. I held her close and cried along with her. All the while, the same thoughts played my mind over and over again. What on Earth happened to Lincoln? How could he have gotten lost like this? Why didn’t he answer his phone? Why isn’t the transmitter Lisa planted on him working? Oh, I can just picture him being just as scared as we are, wherever he is.

Just then, I heard a loud thump from the other side of the room. I turned to see that Lynn managed to make a hole in the wall with a single punch. She glared at us through misty eyes.

“Dang it! What’re we doing just standing around?!” she barked. “Lincoln needs us right now! We have to go find him!”

“Th-that would actually be ill-advised,” murmured Lisa, poking her head over my shoulder. “Our parental units are in a massive state of hysteria as is. If we leave now, it would just cause them more undue stress.”

“Besides, Mom and Dad are already calling the police,” I added. “They’ll be able to find him.”

“But, like, he’s our brother,” whimpered Leni. “We should always be there for him. He’d do the same for us, wouldn’t he?”

Actually, she’s not wrong. If any of us were lost or hurt, Lincoln would try to rescue us. Still, I don’t know…

“Guys, if it were up to me, I’d literally be out there looking for him right now,” I said. “But it’s not up to me. And I’m sure Mom and Dad don’t want us going out this late at night, especially not with Lincoln missing.”

“So what? We just sit here and do nothing?!” Lana snapped, stamping her foot in anger. “Th-that’s not fair!”

“Perhaps the spirits know where Lincoln is,” suggested Lucy. “I could hold a séance. Then we can help the police find him.”

“Right, ‘cause I’m sure the cops are gonna buy that,” said Luna, rolling her eyes.

Lucy let out a snort. “Well, I don’t see you coming up with any ideas,” she said snippily.

“Oh, I-I can’t take this,” Lola muttered. “I’m not gonna get any beauty sleep at this rate.”

Lana raised an eyebrow. “Seriously? That’s what you’re worried about right now?”

“I’m worried about that because I’m worried about Lincoln, you dingus!” Lola snapped, clearly hurt by Lana’s subtle accusation. “Wh-what if he’s hurt, or-or scared?! Wh-what if…  What if we never see him again?!”

She then broke down sobbing. Yeesh, we really are falling apart at the seams here, aren’t we? Before I could go over to comfort her, Luan walked over, mustering up a small smile.

“Hey. I-it’s okay,” she said weakly. “This is our brother we’re talking about. We all know he’s not a weak Linc.”  She giggled at her own pun. “Get it?”

We all just gave her a dirty look.

“Seriously, dude?” said Luna.

Luan sighed. “I tell jokes when I’m scared. Gimme a break, will ya?”

Leni let out a sigh of her own and slumped over. “I wish Lincoln were here. He’d know what to do.”

Lynn facepalmed. “Leni, if Lincoln was here, we wouldn’t be having this problem.”

Leni blinked. “Um, yeah. That’s my point.”

I don’t know whether that’s incredibly profound or incredibly stupid. Then again, it’s sometimes hard to tell with Leni. Lynn just groaned and shook her head.

“Whatever. I’m heading out there to look for him,” she said, heading for the door. “You guys can just sit around moping if you want.”

“This isn’t about what we want, sibling,” said Lisa. “Brazen acts of recklessness are simply not the correct remedy for our situation.”

Lynn turned savagely towards me and Lisa. “Alright, Lisa. If you’re so smart, what should we do?”

Lisa cast her gaze downward, biting her lip. “I-I don’t know yet.”

Lynn scoffed. “And there you go. My plan’s better.”

“Your ‘plan’ is running out blindly into the night,” said Luna, raising an eyebrow. “That’s not a plan. That’s stupid.”

“You’re stupid!” Lynn barked.

“Hey, back off! I’m just saying I don’t want anything to happen to you, either!”

“What, you think I’m not tough enough?!”

“We can still contact the spirits and ask them.”

“Stop talking about spirits! I don’t wanna think about Linky being gone!”

“H-he’s not gone, Lola. W-we’ll find him.”

“Don’t touch me, Lana!”

“Whoa, hey! I-I’m sorry I said that…”

“Liar!”

Okay, this is getting out of hand fast. If I don’t do something soon, we’re gonna end up tearing each other apart. But what do I say? On the one hand, we’re not trained for this. It’s better to just leave this up to the professionals. On the other hand, it doesn’t feel right to just sit around and wait. That’s not how the Louds roll. Finally, I cleared my throat.

“Guys!”

Everyone stopped and turned to me.

“Look, how about this?” I said. “We’ll compromise. We’ll put our faith in the police and let them handle it for now. If they don’t find Lincoln by morning, we’ll go find him ourselves.”

Most of my sisters agreed to this, but Lynn simply stood there and gave me a defiant look.

“Lori, if this is happening, it has to happen tonight or not at all,” she said firmly.

“Don’t be stubborn, Lynn,” I scolded. “We’re not going to do any good just rushing out there blindly while Mom and Dad are literally worried sick.”

“But I’m not gonna be here tomorrow!” Lynn yelled. “You know that!”

Oh, that’s right. Lynn has an away game tomorrow.

“Well, just tell them that there’s a family emergency and you can’t play,” I said.

Lynn pouted and folded her arms. “I don’t know if that’s gonna be enough. My coach is gonna want details.”

“So give him the details,” I said. “Tell him your little brother is missing.”

“He’s just gonna say that the cops are gonna handle it and that I shouldn’t worry,” Lynn argued.

“And if you reveal your intention to help us investigate, our parental units may restrict us from doing so,” Lisa mused. “It is a bit of a catch-22. I do not envy your position, dear sibling.”

Lynn sulked as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Man, this bites. I know I should be putting my family first, but I-I can’t. I-I feel like such a heel.”

I sighed. “Lynn, we’re not gonna hold this against you. This is something out of your control.”

“Besides, maybe the police will find Lincoln,” Leni added, conjuring up a small smile. “We can’t just assume the worst. That won’t do us any good.”

“Your optimism is indeed welcome in these dark times, my considerate elder sibling,” said Lisa gravely. “However, I still suggest we prepare ourselves for the worst as a contingency plan. To that end, if you would please set me down, Lori…”

“Oh, right. Sorry,” I said, putting Lisa down. “You feeling better?”

“I shall persevere,” said Lisa, adjusting her glasses. She then wheeled out a whiteboard and began drawing up some sort of diagram. “Now, as it stands, there’s not much for us to go on. Since we’ll essentially be working alongside the authorities, we should keep ourselves apprised of their efforts. I believe Lincoln still has that police radio in his room. Seeing as it hasn’t seen use since the burglar scare several months back, it might need some repair.”

“Leave that to me,” said Lana, rolling up her sleeves. “I’ll have her up and running in no time.”

With that, she dashed away. Lisa nodded and continued drawing on her whiteboard.

“We’ll also need to collect testimony from potential witnesses,” she continued. “Though at present, the only witness we have is the last person who saw Lincoln: Clyde McBride.”

“I can go talk to him,” said Leni. “Maybe he can help out, too. You know how he and Lincoln are always great at solving mysteries.”

Well, that much is true. One of Lincoln’s biggest heroes, Ace Savvy, is known for being a great detective. At least from what I’ve heard; I haven’t read any of his stuff myself.

“Ooh, ooh! I can help, too!” said Lola, flailing her hand in the air. “Maybe we can find some clues in Lincoln’s diary!”

Luan gave Lola an incredulous look. “I thought you said you were gonna try to break that habit.”

Lola blushed and pouted. “W-well, it’s an emergency this time.”

“I still don’t know how that’s gonna help, Lola,” I said.

Lola furrowed her brow and started pacing. “Call it a hunch, but I’m starting to think that this wasn’t an accident. If someone held a grudge against Lincoln, he’d have written about it in his diary.”

“That’s nothing but mere conjecture,” said Lisa. “As well as a sign that you’ve been watching too much of that Prison Pageants show.”

“Hang on there, Brain Box,” said Luna, stroking her chin. “She may be wrong for all we know, but she may be right. Lincoln wouldn’t just get lost like this. He knows this town like the back of his hand.”

“Yeah, now that you mention it, I’m also suspecting some foul play,” said Luan. She brandished a rubber chicken and laughed at her own joke. “Get it?”

Ugh~. Leave it to Luan to make light of a situation like this. Then again, she did just say she tells jokes when she’s scared. I can totally see that from her.

“So, it’s settled, then,” said Lola. “I’ll go see what I can dig up.”

And off she went, quick as a wink.

“So, what about the rest of us?” asked Luna.

Lisa looked over the notes on her whiteboard. “I’m afraid there’s not enough information for us to form a complete plan yet. We’ll have to play it by ear.”

“Um, question,” said Leni, raising her hand. “Which ear are we playing it by?”

No one knew what to say to that. I mean, honestly, what would you say to that, bearing in mind that this is Leni we’re talking about? I know she’s not as dumb as most people think she is, but it’s really hard to tell sometimes.

“Moving on. Besides Lynn, does anyone else have anything going on tomorrow?” I asked.

“Oh, thanks for reminding me,” said Luan. “I’m gonna have to call Sunset Canyon tomorrow and tell them I won’t be there for my Giggling Geezer gig.”

“You sure they’ll allow you to do that?” Lynn asked.

Luan shrugged. “I don’t see why not. I reschedule gigs all the time. It’s no biggie.”

Lynn sighed bitterly. “Lucky.”

Just then, there was the sound of a police siren wailing from outside, and familiar red-and-blue lights flashed outside our window.

“Sounds like the police are here,” I said. “I think this is a good place to stop for now. We’ll just have to hold out and see what the police come up with.”

“I’m gonna break out all of my lucky charms tonight,” said Lynn, still looking rather disappointed. “It’s the least I can do.”

“I’ll see what the spirits have to say,” said Lucy.

Lana then came in, polishing her screwdriver. “Radio’s all wired up, Lis’.”

“Thank you, sibling. I shall keep you all apprised,” said Lisa.

With that, we all headed back to our rooms, while Lisa went to Lincoln’s room to listen in on the police radio. What a fine mess this is. We’ve got no suspects, no alibi, no witnesses, no evidence, and yet it’s all a mystery to me. I’m beginning to see where Leni was coming from. I wish Lincoln was here right now, too. Mysteries are his thing, seeing as he’s so into Ace Savvy.

…

Wait a minute. That’s right! Lincoln wrote that Full House Gang comic for that big Ace Savvy contest a while back! And he used us as inspiration! So if they can do it, why can’t we?

Hang in there, little bro, wherever you are. Just like Ace Savvy can always count on the Full House Gang, you can always count on us. We just need to shuffle up and deal with this together.

…

OMG, that was hokey. I’m glad I didn’t say that out loud; otherwise Luan would never let me hear the end of it. My point still stands, though. We’re coming for you, Lincoln. Mark my words…

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