User blog comment:TMNT1987Dude/Fanfiction - Depths of Darkness/@comment-Emmaelise401-20170320005756

Alright, lets get started.

So, lets go over some of the things I like, then I can give you some constructive criticism on how to make it better. So, first off, the heartwarming factor. I will admit, it is rather heartwarming, and I love the setup it gives into the fear in the twins and Leni. I also like your choices of who would actually be scared. Lincoln is in character, Lori is in character, and Luna is in character. I could also imagine Lynn doing that to Lola.

Now lets go into things that can be improved. First of all, some of this is honestly just like reading a script from a movie. I would recommend adding something in that would make it a little more engaging. For example, after saying something like "Lincoln Said", try something like "Lincoln said, with the thought lingering on his mind." Help the reader realize the feelings of the character. Moreover, Lincoln falling overboard could have been improved massively with the addition of a shark, which would give a sense of fear and danger into the reader.

Other then that, I liked the story, and I would rate it a solid 7/10. Good job mate.