Along Came a Sister/Script

''[Mrs. Johnson's class; there's a spider in a tank that the students are eying]'' Lincoln; "Hey, Frank." Classmate: "Frank! Over here, buddy!" Clyde: "He's so cool!" Mrs. Johnson: "Now, before we pack up, I need a volunteer to look after Frank this weekend while I'm out of town." [The kids all volunteer to look after him, especially Lincoln] Lincoln: "Come on, please, Mrs. Johnson! Me! Me!" Mrs. Johnson: "Lincoln." Lincoln: "Yes!" Clyde: "Way to go, Lincoln!" [All the other kids moan in disappointment] Mrs. Johnson: "Now, Lincoln, this is a major responsibility. Frank needs to be fed twice and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. Unlike me this weekend." [chuckles] [The kids all awkwardly glance at each other over what their teacher meant on that last part and the bell rings] Lincoln: "Well, see ya Monday, Mrs. Johnson." [grabs Clyde's cage and heads home]

Lincoln: "This is gonna be the best weekend ever!" Clyde: "I'm not sure your sister Leni will think so. Remember last Halloween?" [Flashback to last Halloween; the doorbell rings] Leni: [dressed as a flamingo] "I got it!" [answers the door to see Clyde in a spider costume] Clyde: "Trick or tre-" Leni: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [sprays bug spray everywhere and runs out toe door while trampling Clyde] Clyde: "I'm all right..." [End flashback] Clyde: "She hid in her room for three weeks." [Lincoln stops and turns to the viewers] Lincoln: "If I had to worry about my sisters every time I wanted to do something, I'd never do anything." [to Clyde] "Besides, I have a plan. Stealth mode." [waves his hand in front of his face and changes his expression and sneaks into the house] Clyde: "Now I'm worried." [Lincoln opens the door to see if Leni is around] Leni: "SPIDER!!!" [being chased by Luan holding a rubber spider over her face] "GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" Luan: "Aw, come on. It's fake." [Lincoln conceals Frank's tank with a trench coat and hears Walt chirping and covers up his cage with a hoodie; he makes it to his room and uncovers Frank's tank] Lincoln: "There you go, buddy." [Someone's knocking at the door and reveals to be Lana with Lola's doll] Lana: "Can I borrow the big kid scissors?" [sees Frank and gasps] "Hey, what's that? Oh-ho! He's so creepy! Can I play with him? Can I?" Lincoln: "No, no. Frank stays in the cage." Lana: "Aw..." [Enter Lola] Lola: "Lana, give me back my dolly!" [sees Frank, gasps and squeals] "He's so adorable!" Twins: "Has Leni seen this?" Lincoln: "No. And we want to keep it that way, don't way? So, shh." [Enter Lisa] Lisa: "Excuse me, some of us are trying to solve for Y." [sees Frank] "Ooh! Is that an aphonopelma chalcodes?" Lincoln: "Uh...it's a tarantula. My class calls him Frank." Lisa: [gets a closer look] "Fascinating specimen. Has Leni seen this?" Lincoln: "No! That's why I'm trying to keep him a..." [In no time, all of the other sisters who are not Leni are gathering around Frank's tank and ogling him] Lincoln: "...secret." [The girls keep looking at him] Luna: "Has Leni seen it?" Lincoln: "Guys, for the last time! Leni's not gonna see--" [Leni opens the door] Leni: "See what?" Siblings: [covering up Frank's tank] "NOTHING!" [Leni gasps and her siblings gasp back] Leni: "Oh, my gosh! Are you planning a surprise party for me?! Wait! Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised." [leaves] [The others sigh with relief] Lori: [leaving with the others] "That was close. You'd better know what you're doing, Lincoln." [leaves Lincoln to it] [Lincoln looks in the tank to see that Frank is looking a little upset] Lincoln: "Hey, you look a little sluggish, buddy. Bet you'd really like to get out and stretch your legs. I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt." [carefully places Frank out of his tank and onto his drawer] "Now, where did I put those crickets?" [gets them out of his backpack] "Maybe this'll cheer you up." [notices he's gone] "Frank? Where'd you go? Frank, come out! This isn't funny!" [beat] "Crud..." [gets out a magnifying glass and looks for Frank] "Where are you, Frank? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?" [bumps into the twins] Twins: "Where's who?" Lincoln: [faking relief] "There you are! The two cutest twins in town! Found 'em! See ya!" [takes off] Lola: "He was talking about me." Lana: "I sure hope so." [The twins go back to skipping rope; Lincoln checks Lisa's research table and knocks over a few of her beakers] Lisa: "What in Schrödinger's Cat?!" Lincoln: "Sorry, Lis! I'll clean it up later." [An explosion occurs and Lynn comes running out playing Basketball, which worries Lincoln] Lincoln: "Lynn! Freeze!" Lynn: [freezes] "We're playing Freeze Tag? Cool!" [Lincoln checks Luna and Luan's room and gets bonked by Luna's drumstick during her jam session] Lincoln: "Ow!" Luna: "Dude!" Lincoln: "Really dig what you're laying down there, sis!" [checks their closet and sees a spider and thinks it's Frank] "Gotcha!" Luan: "What are you doing with my fake spider?" Lincoln: "Fake? Oh, nothing." [hands it back] "Here. And here's your fake dog poop." Luan: "I don't have any fake dog poop." [Lincoln reviles in disgust] "Just kidding!" [They both laugh and Lincoln resumes his search] Lincoln: "Where are you. Where are you? Where are you?" [checks under the bathroom door] Lori: [bursts open the door] "What are you doing, you weirdo?!" Lincoln: "I'm...uh...looking for my contact lens! Oh! There it is!" [picks up a lint ball and pits it in his eye, making it puffy and red] "That's better." [runs off past Lynn who's still standing still] Lynn: [through clenched teeth] "Can I unfreeze now?"

Lincoln: [frantic]] "Crud, crud, crud!" [The others open the door] Lori: "Alright, Lincoln! You don't wear contacts! What is going on?" Luna: "You've been acting even weirder than usual, bro." Lola: "Yeah. There's no way you think Lana is cute." [Lana picks her nose in agreement and they demand answers] Lincoln: "Okay, I'll tell you! Well, Frank was looking sluggish, so I took him out of his cage to get a little exercise, and then I turned to get the crickets, and he was gone." [The girls ramble about Lincoln's idiocy and worry about Leni finding out about Frank; Leni appears] Leni: "What are we whispering about? Oh right! My surprise party! Don't worry. I won't tell me!" [The second she turns around, Frank is shown to be on her back and the others scream in horror and follow them to the kitchen] Leni: "See? I know nothing. Just making a smoothie." [opens the fridge to get her ingredients] [When her back is turned, it's revealed that Frank is gone again; they mutter about the issue at hand and fear what could happen next] Leni: "Oh, I need milk." [opens the fridge where Frank happens to be on the milk bottle] Lisa: "Wait!" [slams fridge shut] "You're lactose intolerant!" Leni: "No, I'm not. I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not." [opens the fridge again] Siblings: "NOOOO!!!" [notice Frank's not in that spot anymore] "Huh?" [sigh with relief] Lily: "Eee, pider!" [Frank is scurrying across the floor and Luna traps him under a pot; Leni turns around to see what's going on and Luna and Lily pretend to have a jam session by banging pots and pans and utensils together; Leni digs the beat; as she's too distracted by the tune, they look under the pot under to see Frank escaped again] Leni: "So, who wants to try my new recipe? It's curds and..." [takes a sip while Lincoln notices Frank on the ceiling light] "...way, way too much spinach!" [her siblings gasp] "Ugh! I know! What was I thinking?" [Frank plops right onto her glass] Leni: [thinking it's fake] "Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders. Though, this one looks pretty real." [Frank blinks, leading Leni to realize...] Leni: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [busts out the bug spray] Siblings: "NOOOO!!!" [Too Late; Leni unleashes a massive spray cloud to ensure she got Frank] Leni: [running off in fury] "WORST SURPRISE PARTY EVER!!!" [The cloud clears up and Lincoln spots what appears to be Frank's corpse] Lincoln: [lamenting] "Frank! No-ho-ho-ho-ho!" Lucy: "I just wanna say I'm sorry for your loss...and that I'd be honored to serve as funeral director." [holds out a brochure for a business she owns called "Lucy's Lament"] "I keep an assortment of caskets on hand. Were you thinking shoe box, or for a little more money, mahogany?"

[Lincoln has settled for the shoe box deal, and everyone who does not fear spiders is there to attend Frank's funeral, even Clyde] Clyde: "Hey, Lincoln. I brought you this casserole. My nana says that there's no greater comfort in times of grief." Lincoln: "Thanks." [sighs] "This might as well be my funeral, too. Our whole class is gonna hate me for letting this happen to Frank." [Everyone, kids and pets, gathers around to pay their respects to Frank] Lucy: "We are gathered here to mourn the untimely passing of Frank the Tarantula, a pet beloved by all." Lola: [spiteful] "Except Leni!" Lana: "The murderer!" Lori: "Yeah! This is all Leni's fault!" [The others agree except Lincoln] Lincoln: "Guys, this isn't Leni's fault. It's mine." [Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Leni is washing her hands to wash away any and all tracings of Frank] Leni: "Ew! Ew! Ew!" [overhears Lincoln] Lincoln: "I knew Leni was afraid of spiders, but I brought Frank home, anyway. It was a bad idea. I guess I deserve to have my whole class hate me." [Cliff prematurely coughs up a hairball] Lola: "Ew! Gross, Cliff! Show some respect!" Lana: [notices something odd] "Weird! This hairball looks like Frank!" [picks it up] Lola: "Ew! Gross, Lana! Show some respect!" [Lincoln then looks at the hairball and the corpse] Lincoln: "Because this isn't Frank! It's a hairball, too! Which means...Frank could still be alive!" ???: "AAAHH! SPIDER!" Lincoln: "And it sounds like Leni just found him!" Clyde: "Uh, that wasn't Leni. I know that scream." [Another flashback to last Halloween; Clyde had come to after Leni had mistaken him for a spider and attacked him] Clyde: [coughs a little] "Oh, hi, Mr. Loud. Trick or tre-" Dad: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [tramples Clyde and runs after Leni] Clyde: "I'm all right." [End flashback] Luna: [grinning] "Dad's afraid of spiders?" [A pest control van pulls up out front] Lori: [concerned] "And it looks like he's got the exterminator on speed dial!" Kids: "Frank!" [The kids watch as the exterminator gets out of his van and notices two caterpillars] Exterminator: "Oh, hello, cute little caterpillar family." [shots them with bug killer and laughs wickedly] Lincoln: "It's okay, sir. There's been a misunderstanding. You don't need to kill the spider." Exterminator: "Huh. What are you, a spider hugger? Nobody stops me from getting my spider..." [heads into the house to find and kill Frank] Lincoln: "I gotta go save Frank!" Lynn: [still in her freeze tag pose and through clenched teeth] "We can help!" Clyde: "I can help, too!" [They all request Lincoln to let them help him] Lincoln: "Okay. You guys distract the exterminator while I look for Frank." [The others head in to do their job, but Lynn is hopping about; Lincoln runs up to her and tags her] Lincoln: "Unfreeze." [Lynn now hustles]

Luna: [fake screaming] "There's a big scary spider in the last room on the right! I hope someone can exterminate this ugly spider!" [The exterminator sprays what looks like a spider and laughs triumphantly, but it turns out to have been one of Luan's fake spiders, making the exterminator flinch] Luan: [tauntingly] "What's the matter? Afraid of a little rubber spider?" [laughs] Exterminator: "I ain't afraid of nothin'." Lucy: [right behind the exterminator] "Excuse me." [the exterminator screams at the sight of her] "The scary spider went in there." [points to the bathroom] Exterminator: [checking under the bathroom door] "Hmm..." [sniffs] Lori: [bursts open the door] "What are you doing, you weirdo?!" Exterminator: [embarrassed] "Oh, well, uh...I-I-I-I-I-I-I didn't..." [Clyde appears in his spider costume from last Halloween] Clyde: "Roar! I'm a spider. Come and get me!" [the exterminator nonchalantly shoves him aside] "I'm all right." [The twins ensnare the exterminator into a jumprope tangle and Lily shoves her pacifier in his mouth; he spits it out in disgust] Lisa: "Kids. They can be so juvenile. Mouthwash?" [shoves the container in his mouth, and when he sloshes it, it's revealed to be a little spicy] "My special ghost pepper formula. The tingle means it's working." [Enter Lincoln] "Frank's not downstairs. So, he must be..." [spots him] Exterminator: [coldly] "Upstairs..." [Lincoln tries to save Frank, but the exterminator trips him and beats him to Frank] Exterminator: "Ha! I've got you now!" [Frank trembles in fear of his untimely demise] Lincoln: [begging] "WAIT! STOP! NOOOOOO!!!" [The exterminator blasts bug killer everywhere, thus dooming Frank; the kids all gasp at his untimely demise, just as the cloud dissipates, someone in a hazmat suit appears] Lincoln: "Huh?" Exterminator: "WHA?!" ''[The person in the hazmat suit takes off their helmet and reveals to be...Leni! And she saved Frank!]'' Lincoln: [overjoyed] "FRANK!" [The other kids cheer] Exterminator: [threateningly] "Why you..." Leni: [strong-willed] "Hold it right there, mister! If you exterminate this spider, you'll exterminate..." [pointing to Lincoln] "...this boy's future! Everyone will think he's a spider killer and no one will ever trust him again! Do you really want that on your conscience?" Exterminator: [remorseful] "Wow...I never thought of it that way. Lady, you just changed my life." Lincoln & Leni: "Really?" Exterminator: [disdainfully] "Of crouse not, you spider huggers! Exterminator out! Here's my bill." [plants the bill on Clyde's face and leaves] Lincoln: "Leni! That was amazing! But why?" Leni: "I heard what you said at the funeral. And besides, maybe spiders aren't so bad after all. I mean, this one's kinda cute." [second thoughts] "No, it's not! Take it! Take it!" [gives Frank back and runs off] "Ew ew ew ew ew! It blinked at me!" Lincoln: "Let's get you back in your cage, Frank." Lisa: "I always thought Frank was a strange name for a female spider." Lincoln: "Frank's a girl?" Lisa: "Mm-hmm. I can tell from the markings. Plus, female spiders always get sluggish before they give birth." Clyde: "Frank's gonna be a mommy?" Sisters: "Aw..."

[Monday; Frank has now been renamed Frances and all the sisters who are not Leni bid farewell to her] Lincoln: "I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here." [In her room, Leni is brushing her hair] Leni: "20...21...22..." [However, it seems Frances laid her egg sac in the vents; the babies hatch and scurry into Leni's room] Leni: "AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! SPIDERS!!!!!"