Snack Pact/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Snack Pact".

Script
''[At the Casagrande Apartment, Rosa is cooking taquitos for dinner. She transfers them onto two plates. Hector walks by, wearing Carl's shirt and with purple skin, showing how tight it is.]''

Hector: "Rosa, you shrunk my shirt!"

Rosa: "That's Carl's shirt, tonto." ''[Hector rips it off with his body. His skin turns from purple to his normal skin color. He is shirtless now.]''

Hector: "Whoops."

''[Hector walks off screen smiling. Sergio is then seen on the windowsill between the living room and kitchen watching an infomercial about a marshmallow blaster.]''

Sergio: [Squawks] "Ooh, marshmallow blaster, Sergio want!"

''[Ronnie Anne walks to the kitchen, about to take a bite of one of the taquitos. Rosa stops her. Ronnie Anne's teeth grit.]''

Ronnie Anne: "Mm. Oh, man. I'm starving!"

Rosa: "Uh, uh, mijita, not before dinner!"[She quickly grabs popsicles away from Bobby, Carl and CJ.] "And no ice cream for you, either!"

[The boys are sad, suddenly Hector comes back in with a new outfit.]

Hector: [Wearing women's clothes and eye shadow.] "Oh, this one fits well."

Carlota: [Pops in, aggravated] "Abuelo, that's my romper."

Rosa: [Having had enough] "That's it, fuera," [escorts everyone out] "everybody out of my kitchen or dinner will never be ready." [Grabs Sergio's TV] "You too Sergio." [Turns it off]

Sergio: "Awe man, that was a limited time offer."

[In the park across the street, the family is kicking a soccer ball around, Carl kicks it to Frida, who kicks it up and bounces it off Carlitos to Bobby, who's so busy texting Lori, he doesn't even notice himself get hit in the head and fall over like a domino, his text reads 😘XOXO, Ronnie Anne stops the ball, and is eating a tamale.]

Maria: "What 'cha got there, Ronnie Anne?"

Ronnie Anne: [Swallows] "You guys have to check out that tamale truck." [Gestures over to it] "These are so good."

Carl: [Horrified] "What are you doing?! If Abuela sees you eating that, you're toast!"

Maria: "Once, she caught Tio Carlos eating a churro from the new bakery, she stopped cooking for him for a month."

Carlos: "Gah, I had to survive on frozen waffles!"

[Carlitos puts his pacifier to Carlos' mouth and he sucks out it.]

Frida: [Comforting her husband] "She gets super jealous when any of us likes someone else's cooking."

Ronnie Anne: "But these are the best tamales I've ever tasted, seriously, try a bite."

[Carl takes it and tries.]

Carl: [Imagining himself in tamale heaven.] "Woah!"

Maria: [Tries a bit, and imagines herself in a pink wedding dress holding a bouquet of tamales, and marrying a giant one.] "It's like eating pure joy."

Carlota: [Takes a bite, and imagines herself on a runway rocking a tamale romper.] "I totally want one."

Rosa: [Cuts Carlota's fantasy short.] "Want what?"

[The family is startled, and Carlota quickly stuffs the tamale in her mouth.]

Carlota: "Um, what you're cooking?"

Rosa: "Well, good. Dinner's ready!"

[They follow Rosa back to the bodega, as Ronnie Anne gets a tamale, and eats it.]

Ronnie Anne: "Wait for me!" [hopes to catch up]

[At the bodega, the Casagrandes (except Rosa) are at the 'Not Secret, Secret Club' in the laundry room.]

Carlota: "I am obsessed with those tamales! I'd dreamt about them all night!"

Carl: "Abuela can't find out or we're rat bait!"

Carlos: "We need a plan!"

Ronnie Anne: "Way ahead of you." [Pulls down a screen] "I mapped out Abuela's schedule, she's got cooking from seven to eight, building repairs from ten to two, and laundry from three to four, she'll be the most distracted during the repairs, so that's when we hit the truck."

Maria: [Proud] "Nice planning sweetie!" She get's that from me." [Laughs]

[Later, they are all in the living room, watching Adios Ana Adios, when Rosa pushes a door along.]

Rosa: "If anyone needs me, I'll be replacing a door in 4A."

[She takes the door out of the apartment.]

Ronnie Anne: "Let's move."

[They family celebrates their opportunity, then suddenly Rosa reenters the apartment, and they all hold still.]

Rosa: "Oops, forgot my tools."

[Gets them and leaves.]

[Later, the family is at the truck.]

Gabby: [Yelling] "Order up! One pork, one sweet!"

Bobby: [Excited] "Whoo-hoo-hoo! That's me!"

[Bobby takes the tamales, when Ronnie Anne looks over and gasps, Rosa is headed their way.]

Ronnie Anne: "Abuela's coming, abort. Abort!"

[Everyone except Bobby makes a run for it, Bobby panics, and stuffs the very hot tamales in his shirt, and screams in pain.]

Bobby: "Abuela, hi, hi," [clears his throat] "I, uh, I thought you were doing repairs."

Rosa: "I was, I'm heading to Jack's Hardware for more parts." [Sees her grandson moving in an awkward manner.] "Bobby, do you need to go potty?"

Bobby: "What? No, uh." [sees his way out of this.] "Actually," [cringes] "yes, bye."

[Takes off, Rosa shrugs.]

[Back in the laundry room, the family are rethinking their plan.] Ronnie Anne: "Okay guys, obviously we've gotta up our game; we need lookouts, signals, codenames..." Carl: "Right, next level stuff." Ronnie Anne: "And we can't all go to the truck, it's too risky, so just one of us will go get the tamales for everyone." [Puts her hand in] "Sound good?" [Everyone stacks their hands.] Everyone: "Tamales!"

[Later, Rosa is walking along the sidewalk with a bag of tools, Ronnie Anne, wearing funny nose glasses, spots her from behind a dumpster in an alley.] Ronnie Anne: [Into a walkie talkie] "Fashion plate, come in, Mama Grande is heading to home base." Carlota: [Sees Rosa from the bushes in the park.] "Copy that, Mercado Man, wait for my signal." [Some bees gets attracted to the bush on her head.] "Ah, bees, get away." [She starts screaming and running in circles, Hector sees her from a tree.] Hector: [Into a walkie talkie, thinking Fashion Plate is signalling him.] "Roger that, signal's a go." Carlota: "Wait, what?" [Hector starts waving flags.] "No!" Carlos: [Sees the flags] "The professor is setting sail." [Zip lines from the top of building across the street from the truck.] "Woohoo!" [He's heading for the truck, when he sees Mama Grande.] "Uh, mayday, I'm about to crash into Mama Grande." ''[Mama Grande sees a coin on the ground and bends over to pick it up, The professor zips right over her, and smashes into a brick wall, he drops into the bushes below, leaving an impression on the wall, and Mama Grande, completely unaware, picks up the coin and continues. The professor gets up and shakes it off, but the truck revs up.]'' "Gah! Oh! The truck is on the move." Ronnie Anne: [Runs after it] "I'm on it." [Runs, but the truck lands in the worst spot.] "Dang it! It's parked right in front of our building, and Abuela is right by the window, we're going to need a new plan." [Later she and Bobby are watching their Abuela from behind the door.] Carl: [Through the walkie talkie] "Hurricane, Panther, Shark, Ninja is in position." Ronnie Anne: "Carl, you only get one code name." Bobby: "Stand by and wait for our signal." [They approach Rosa] "Hey Abuela, we can chop the onions for you." [Takes the knife and the onion.] "Take a break." Rosa: [As Ronnie Anne takes her to the couch.] "Oh thank you, I was getting tired of standing." Ronnie Anne: [She and Rosa sit down] "Take a load off, Bobby's got everything under control." ''[Bobby, whose eyes are burning, gives a thumbs up. Meanwhile, Carl, in a ninja costume outside the building, listens to an earpiece.]'' "Mama Grande has been contained." Carl: "Time to put my ninja skills to the test." [Laughs, jumps over the side of the stairs, and drops down, and starts narrating his moves as he does them.] "Ninja roll trick, slide," [slides to a stop, and shuffles.] "shuffle, shuffle," [does a chop] "chop, kick, kick, kick, karate." [does three roundhouse kicks, and a crane stance.] Hector: [Seeing Carl from inside the mercado, talks into the walkie talkie.] "Carl, stop fooling around." [Back upstairs, Bobby's eyes are spouting tears like fire hoses.] Rosa: "Bobbito, the onions are too strong for your sensitive eyes." Bobby: "No, no, this," [sniffles] "this is great." Rosa: [Gets up] "Alright, then I'm off to Jack's Hardware for a new plumbing snake." Bobby: [Takes out the walkie talkie.] "Fashion Plate, we have a situation;" [Carlota is in her room primping.] "Mama Grande's on the move." [Carlota puts some lipstick on her arm, and comes through the apartment door just as Rosa is leaving.] Carlota: "Uh, Abuela, quick, I need one of your famous remedies to cure this rash." ''[Shows the lipstick marks. Meanwhile Carl is at the truck with a list.]'' Carl: "Uh, three chicken, and three pork." Gabby: "We're out of pork." [Everyone talks to Carl through his earpiece.] Maria: "Get the chicken." Hector: "No, the beef." Carlos: "Oh, can they check the back?" Carl: "Ugh, I'm making an executive decision." [To Gabby] "Uh, five beef and five chicken." [In the bathroom, Rosa is looking through the medicine cabinet, and closes it.] Rosa: "Oh, I just remembered, I put the remedy on the window sill." [Goes to it] Carlota: [Wipes the makeup off.] "Nooo! wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I feel better." [Goes after Rosa, back at the truck, Carl has two bags of tamales.] Carl: "Uh, do you guys have a loyalty card?" Gabby: "No." [Back upstairs, Rosa is approaching the window.] Carlota: [Catching up to her] "Abuela, no, I'm fine." ''[She and the Santiago siblings catch up to Rosa just as she gets the remedy, and gasps at the window, but then proceeds to clean a pink spot off the glass and walk away, the kids look at the street, Hurricane, Panther, Shark, Ninja is nowhere in sight, they sigh with relief. Later, the family are in the laundry room, enjoying their tamales.]'' Carlota: "Mmm, amazing." Maria: "Ah, worth it." Frida: "So good." Carlos: "Deliciosos." Ronnie Anne: "Good job team, we pulled it off." [Suddenly a flash of light goes off.] Sergio: [Who just took their picture.] "Busted! [Squawks] "Outside tamales." Ronnie Anne: "Quick! Grab his camera!" [She and Carl jump at him, but he dodges them and they smash into each other.] Sergio: [To Ronnie Anne] "Backed up to the cloud." Ronnie Anne: "What do you want Sergio? A tamale?" Sergio: [Squawks] "Thinking bigger."

''[In the living room, the TV is playing a show about pigeons. The family is bored out of their skulls, but Sergio laughs.]'' Sergio: "Classic." [Hector can't take it, and tries to pick up the remote, but Sergio stops him; threateningly.] "Don't even think about it." Rosa: [Walks in] "Sergio, a smoothie maker and a neck pillow just came for you. Did you sign up for a credit card again?" Ronnie Anne: "No Abuela, they're his, uh, belated birthday gifts from all of us." [Everyone looks at Sergio; Sergio looks at them menacingly, and they all nod.] Rosa: "But his birthday isn't for another six months." Ronnie Anne: "Uh, I mean his half birthday." Sergio: [Squawks] "What can I say? They spoil me." [Ronnie Anne rolls her eyes.]

[Later, a marshmallow launcher is shown to be seventy dollars on the computer.] Carlos: [Flabbergasted, while his wife eats a tamale.] "Seventy dollars for a marshmallow blaster?!" Sergio: [Leaves them a plate of tamales; squawks.] "Small price to pay, add to cart." ''[Carlos makes the order, while he and Frida eat more tamales. Next, Sergio is laying on the living room chair, with an avacado mask, cucumbers over his eyes, his neck pillow, a roman wreath headdress, and a toga. Hector is feeding him crackers, Maria is fanning him, and Ronnie Anne is giving him a pedicure, she looks around and eats a tamale out of her suds bucket. Next, Sergio is in the birdbath with two pigeons, and wearing yellow party glasses; the birdbath is bubbling, because Bobby and Carlota are blowing into it through straws, they turn purple and stop to catch their breathe.] "More bubbles, for my friends''!" ''[Next, he and Ronnie Anne are in her room, posters of exotic birds taped over her skate posters. Ronnie Anne is eating a pile of tamales, and Sergio is looking at a travel magazine.]'' "Fiji looks nice, or maybe Brazil." [Ronnie Anne crushes her tamale in her hand, and licks the filling on her face.]

[Back in the laundry room, the family is trying to figure out what to do.] Bobby: [Frantic] "Now he wants to go to Fiji? How are we gonna afford tickets to Europe? [Passes out into a pile of tamale wrappers.] Carlos: "Fiji is not in Eur-" [Realizes that's not the gravity of the situation and groans.] "This is ridiculous." Ronnie Anne: "Don't worry, I think I have a solution to all of our problems." [Takes out her phone and makes a call to her father, who is currently in a cave with some bats, rubbing guano on himself.] "Hey Dad, how's it going?" Arturo: "Muy bien, Ronita, just testing out the healing powers of bat dung." [Suddenly, some dung lands on his nose.] Ronnie Anne: "Awesome, so quick question; can Sergio come visit you in Peru?" Arturo: "Well, sure, Mija, he can stay as long as he like." [To the bats on his arm.] "Right guys?" [The bats agree and poop in his arm.] "See? They agree" Ronnie Anne: "Thanks, Dad. Good luck with the dung. Bye." [Hangs up. To her family.] "BRB." [Takes off, and returns with a crate ready to ship to Peru.] "Hey Sergio, come on down to the basement, we have your next present." Sergio: [Offscreen squawks] "Ooh, is it my fur coat?" [Sergio flies in.] Ronnie Anne: "Get him!" Sergio: [Squawks] "It's a trap!" [Hector jumps at him, but misses, Ronnie Anne does the same, Carlos gives Carl a boost, but Sergio knocks them over, CJ jumps but gets stuck in the dinosaur head, then Bobby manages to grab Sergio.] Bobby: "Stop resisting! You're only making it worse!" [Sergio then bites Bobby's hand to get himself free.] Sergio: "Arrk! Not going down!" [flies away] Maria: "He's getting away!" Hector: "After him!" [They chase Sergio up the stairs and into the apartment, where Sergio arms himself.] Carlos: "Look out, he's got the marshmallow blaster." [Sergio fires and pins Carlos to the wall.] Carl: "I'll get him with my ninja skills!" [Carl jumps onto the table, only to get pinned to his father.] Frida: "Carlota! Let's trap him." [Frida, Carlitos and Carlota surround him.] Sergio: [Squawks] "In the can!" [Throws the blaster into the smoothie maker and turns it on, Carlota screams as it starts blasting marshmallows all over, and Carlitos gives his mom a dirty look for using him as a human shield.] Frida: [To Carlitos, slowly] "Sorry." [Just then, Rosa returns and grows curious by the sounds she hears from outside the apartment, she enters and is shocked when she sees what her family is doing.] Sergio: [Flies to Rosa] "Help! They're trying to send me away!" Rosa: "What's going on? Have you lost your minds?!" Ronnie Anne: "She's right, we have lost our minds, I can't believe we're trying to get rid of Sergio over something do silly, guys, we have to come clean." Hector: [Sighs] "You're right, Ronalda." [Everyone else nods] Maria: "Can you do it? Thanks." [Pushes a disdainful Ronnie Anne over to Rosa.] Ronnie Anne: "Ah!" [Gives her mom a dirty look] "Abuela, we've been going to the new tamale truck across the street." Carl: [Swallows the marshmallows in his mouth.] "Sergio was threatening to tell you unless we gave into all his demands." Carlota: "But we never should have lied to you in the first place." Ronnie Anne: "We're so sorry." [The family all ramble about how sorry they are.] Rosa: So, What do you think of those tamales? Are they better than mine? [They don't answer.] Ronnie Anne: Oh! Uh... Bobby: [Drops to his knees and begs.] "Okay! They are better than yours, I'm so sorry! Please don't make us eat frozen waffles." Rosa: [Laughs] "Glad to hear you love my tamales." The family (except Rosa): What? Rosa: "Gabby, the woman who owns the tamale truck is using my recipe." Frida: "Since when did you give away your recipes?" Rosa: "We made a little swap. Her husband owns Jack's Hardware store. So, she got the recipe, and I got a life time discount on tools" Hector: "I'm glad I wasn't paying full price for those new tools." Rosa: "My delicious tamales are paying for them, thank you very much." Sergio: [With all his swag, squawks.] "Happy ending, well," [flies off] "I'll be in my room." Rosa: [Snags him by the tail] "Not so fast! Blackmailing your family? Shame on you, Sergio." Ronnie Anne: "I think I know a way for Sergio to make it up to us." [Rosa gives Sergio a sinister look, and Sergio gulps.]

[Later, the whole family are enjoying a tamale lunch on the roof of the building.] Ronnie Anne: [Sips her lemonade] "Sergio, we need more ice." Sergio: [Wearing a waiters outfit, brings an ice bucket and squawks.] "I'm coming, I'm coming." Hector: "Sergio, mas agua fresca por favor." Frida: "And then you can walk Lalo." [The family all starts barking out orders to Sergio.] Sergio: "Sheesh, so demanding, rather go to Peru."