Thread:Weavillain/@comment-30498740-20180501012410/@comment-31022739-20180501155046

Okay, so the major piece of advice I can give you is to expand on what you have.

- Why is Lori thinking about on her golfing failures?

- Where is Lori while she's thinking about this?

- Why does Lori care that she's lost so many times?

Those are three questions that your opening paragraph don't answer, and I can't really paint a mental picture of what's going on or what I'm suppsoed to be feeling.

For the flashback parts, I suggest breaking them apart. Make one section for when she's 14, one for when she's 15, and one for when she's 16.