User blog:Thomperfan/LH episode commentaries- The Sweet Spot (transcript)



Hm, looks like we’re having another nighttime adventure. Eh, I’m down for that. After all, Nighttime is a very eventful time. So we see Lincoln is in his room, packing up most of his things for road trip he and his family are going on tomorrow, and he tells the audience while may seem like fun, it’s not. Not when you have 13 people packed in a really big, worn out 1960s wagon, A.K.A. Vanzilla.

Lincoln then lifts up his mattress and starts showing us all of the bad seats in Vanzilla, weather it be sitting next to the beat throwing Lily, sitting in the back seat with two bickering twins, or sitting right where your father can see you, but it doesn’t stop there, there’s sticky gum, bouncy springs, the list goes on. That leaves only one good seat left, and it’s called, you guessed it, the Sweet Spot, and Lincoln is planning to stake it out tonight. So, when everyone turns off their lights, Lincoln sneaks out to the car, and gets into the seat.

Lincoln: [takes out his radio] "Come in, Nose Bleeder. This is Road Tripper."

Clyde: "Sorry, Road Tripper. I have to keep the line for my friend Lincoln."

Lincoln: "This is Lincoln.

Clyde: "Oh. Hi, Lincoln!"

Oh, there you are Clyde. Hey, where were you in the last two episodes? Lincoln could’ve really used your help. Seriously, he was in some pretty tight situations. Oh, but then again, they also had a lot to do with Lori, so, it could be for the best that he wasn’t there. Eh, it already happened, so it doesn’t matter know.

So Lincoln tells Clyde that he’s in the sweet spot, and then Clyde asks a very thought-provoking question.

Clyde: "So, who did you get to sit next to you?"

Lincoln: "Who did I get to sit next to me?"

[Lincoln shouts in anger]

Geez, Linc. Calm down. It’s not that bad. So Lincoln goes back to his room and starts evaluating on which sister he can have sit next to him. It can’t be Luan, because… [Flashback; Lincoln is sitting next to Luan in the car.]

''Luan: [hits Lincoln with a pillow] "Airbag deployed!" [Laughs]''

(wince in pain) That’s gotta hurt. And it can’t be Lola, because…

[switch over to Lola giving Lincoln a manicure while his hand is oddly bobbing up and down.]

Lola: "Hold still!"

Lincoln: [voice vibrating; bobbing up and down due to the spring] "I can't! I'm on the spring seat!"

OK, not as bad as Luan’s but, still I see the problem, and it can’t be Lynn because…

[Switch over to when he sat next to Lynn.]

Lynn: "Let's play Auto Attack."

Lincoln: "How do you play that?"

''Lynn: "I punch you every time I see a car." [sees a car carrier with a ton of cars driving by.] "Ooh...good timing." [starts throwing a barrage of punches at Lincoln; end flashback.]''

Good Lord! I know who I’m never sitting next to in any car! Lincoln then decides that Leni should sit next to him, because…

[Flashback to a road trip with a dazed Leni with Lincoln looking at her.]

Lincoln: "The motion of the car always puts her in a daze, and she'll leave me alone."

Wait a minute, this kinda confuses me. If Leni gets put in a daze, when she’s in a moving car, then how is she going to get her driver’s license and drive. Dazed people and driving is not a good a combination. I’m really concerned about Leni’s driving future.

So Lincoln goes into Leni’s room, where Leni is having a nightmare. And asks her if he can sit next to her. Leni says yes, and Lincoln goes back to tell Clyde his progress, and Clyde responds with another question.

Clyde: "So, who's sitting behind you?"

''Lincoln: "Who's sitting behind me?" [shouts in anger again]''

Lincoln, this situation is really not that bad. Just take some deep breaths. So Lincoln goes back to his room and starts thinking of which sister he can have behind him. It can’t be Lana, because…

[Flashback to Lana sitting behind Lincoln and torturing him with a peashooter.]

Lincoln: "Can you please stop?"

[Lana fires a pea right into his mouth and he starts choking]

(Facepalms) Oh boy. And it can’t be Lori, because…

Lincoln: "She spends the whole ride texting with Bobby. Which means..."

''Lori: [gags from nausea] "CARSICK!" [throws up on Lincoln and takes a picture of her vomit.] "I totally have to text that to Bobby! What did I eat?"''

OK, that is so wrong on so many levels. But Lincoln finally settles on Lisa, because…

Lincoln: "I got it! Lisa! True, she won't shut up about all the dangers of car travel..."

[Flashback to Lisa behind Lincoln.]

Lisa: "Tires could blow, a low-flying plane could shear the roof off, the brakes could fail, and we could plunge off a cliff..."

[Lincoln gets notably irritated from her babbling; end flashback.]

Lincoln: "...but the beauty of the Sweet Spot is that it has one working window. The wind of the road will drown her out."

OK, I guess this would be a serviceable choice. So, Lincoln goes to ask Lisa and she says yes.

''Lisa: "It's safer there anyway in case the engine comes loose and flies into the car, crushing everyone up front." [goes back to sleep]''

Geez. That’s pretty morbid. I’d hate to think what she thinks about in her teenage years. So later, Lisa comes up to Lincoln and tells him she’ll behind to him if Luna’s not next to her, because her singing gives her tinnitus, so Lincoln goes to Luna, and asks her if she’ll sit up front, and Luna says she will as long as she’s not near Lori. And so Lincoln begins going to different sisters, making deals with them, and putting them in different seats, and I really like this scenes because it shows how much of a strategizer Lincoln really is, and even if he is trying to get the best seat he’s still trying to make sure all of his sisters are happy. That highlights what good of a big brother he is.

So Lincoln gets back in the car, and tells Clyde his success. Clyde is about to ask another question, but Lincoln chucks the walkie talkie out of the window before he can finish. Lincoln is about to go to sleep, when suddenly the other sisters show up, and they don’t look too happy.

Lincoln: [rolls down the window] "Hey, guys. What's up?"

Lola: "What are you up to, Lincoln?"

Lincoln: [acting] "Me? I'm not up to anything. Just, you know, catching some Z's in the car like guys do."

Lori: [livid] "Oh yeah? Then what's...THIS?"

[They show Lincoln his seating chart, having found out about his operation.]

Uh-oh, busted. So, it appears the sisters found out about Lincoln’s plan and want answers. Lincoln tries to cover up his tracks, but Lisa exposes him, by figuring out what took Lincoln 8 months in a few seconds, that “The Sweet Spot” is really the best seat in the car, and of course this makes the sisters all want the seat for themselves, Lincoln tries to state the laws of possession, but the girls aren’t having it and decide to attack.

''[Lincoln ducks down, rolls up the window, and locks the door, before they can attack and thinks he's safe. His sisters angrily yell at him, as he stares at them and laughs in triumph, but to Lincoln's shock, Luan opens a door and is peeved.]''

Lincoln: [laments] "Dang it. I forgot about the broken lock."

[Luan immediately decks Lincoln and both of them are brawling, Luna joins in and the rest as well.]

Oh man, this is getting good, I wish I had some snacks. So the siblings’ fighting starts to wake up the rest of the neighborhood, and Rita wakes up and tells her children to go back to their rooms and not get back in the car until 7:00 A.M.

Lincoln is in his room panicking, he tries to go back to the car, but his sisters are all awake and on watch. So Lincoln decides he’ll just have to stay awake and beat his sisters out the door. Now behold, what comes next is pure and utter chaos, and it’s freaking awesome.

[Lincoln takes a quick peek, only to sees that his sisters are just as ready as he is; the clock strikes 7:00 AM and they all rush for the door to get to the Sweet Spot first; the others shove Lincoln and Luna off the stairs and burst out the door; Luan gets knocked into the yard from behind by Lana; Lori opens the door, but Lynn pulls her back; Lincoln dives in, but Luan pounces him; Leni attacks them and Lisa gets on the roof of the car and wails like a maniac; Lana beans her with beets and Lola tackles her; the fight gets so out of hand and brutal that the onslaught wrecks Vanzilla down to scraps, as the dust bubble expanded.]

Lynn Sr.: "ENOUGH!!!"

[Vanzilla is totally destroyed and the fight is over; clearly, no one gets the Sweet Spot.]

Oh my god, that was even better than the last fight scene! Man, I seriously wish I had something to eat here, it’s that good! So, as clearly shown the 9 siblings’ giant brawl destroyed Vanzilla, which leave Lynn Sr. devastated. And Rita tells them that the road trip is off and that they’ll be spending the next few days sitting on the couch learning how to get along, which of course leaves everyone disappointed. Lincoln comes into his room and apologizes to the audience and says he should have known that you can’t control everything in a big family. Then he says he found a sweet spot in the living room.

''Lincoln: [to the viewers] "It's at the end of the couch; close to the bathroom with a great view of the TV. And it's going to be mine!" [grabs his radio] "Nose Bleeder, this is Couch Potato. Operation: Snag the Sofa is a go!" [wails crazily and heads out the door to catch the best spot on the sofa, probably his sisters did as well.]''

(laughs) It’s just so- (laughs) And you know he’s gonna fail! (laughs) Oh man, this was a fun episode. I honestly don’t see why people say road trips are better, because as shown is this episode, what goes on before a road trip is always more entertaining, and what makes it so great is the main man himself, Lincoln. Everything about his characters shines here, how he’s the man with the plan, how he wants to make his sisters happy, and he still doesn’t give up even though he might fail. And that just makes me like him even more. Clyde was also useful, because he brought up stuff Lincoln didn’t think about, and this is why it’s good to have a partner to make sure you don’t forget. The sisters had some nice and funny moments too, and they didn’t really feel out of character.

but the highlight of the episode, for me at least, was the fight scenes. Most people hated the fight scenes but I thought they were pretty awesome, And about no one learning anything, in the end, I actually didn't mind that at all. I mean, the characters don't have to learn lesson in EVERY episode, and they DID get punished for what they did to Vanzilla, so, I think that's justice enough.

One last thing, now that I know what 10 kids (Not counting Lily) can do to a van, I don’t think I’ll ever have that many people once I get a car. Next up is A Tale of Two Tables. Thank you for watching.