Save the Date/Script

''[The episode begins with Lincoln at school sitting with his friends at the lunch table trying to get something out of his pants. It eventually comes out, and it's a sloppy joe with a note on it.]''

CLASSMATE #4: (reading the note) Happy Sloppy Joe Tuesday, Lame-o. Signed, Ronnie Anne. (he says her name with flair)

CLASSMATE #3: And there's a heart!

CLASSMATES #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 and Clyde: Oooooooo! Lincoln's got a girlfriend!

LINCOLN: What?! No I don't.

LINCOLN#3: When's the wedding day, Lincoln?

[The classmates, including Clyde, laugh.]

LINCOLN: Ha-ha. Very funny, guys.

CLASSMATES #1, #2, #3, #4, #5: 🎶 Ronnie Anne and Lincoln sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. 🎶 (they start laughing again)

LINCOLN: Guys, Ronnie Anne is NOT my girlfriend. She's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss that weirdo.

[''A gasp is heard, and it turns out it came from Ronnie Anne. Lincoln turns around and is shocked to see her.]''

LINCOLN: Ronnie Anne!

[Ronnie is at first shocked but then puts on an angry scowl and storms out of the lunch room with her food tray in her hands.]

CLYDE: Whoa, Lincoln, I think you really hurt her feelings.

LINCOLN: C'mon, Clyde, Ronnie Anne is the toughest girl at school. She'll be fine.

[Later that day, Lincoln comes home after school.]

LORI: YOU MONSTER! [she screams, throwing a tissue box at Lincoln]

LINCOLN: Ow! What was that for?

LORI: You made Ronnie Anne CRY!

LINCOLN: Cry? I didn't mean to! Wait, how do you know?

[Lori tries to aim a teddy bear at Lincoln.]

LORI: Bobby told me... [starts to cry] RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!

LINCOLN: What? Why does Bobby care? [Lori tries to aim a couch cushion at Lincoln; she opens a photo album showing a picture of Bobby and Ronnie Anne together]

LORI: Because Bobby is literally Ronnie Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurt someone he's related to! Or something like that!

LINCOLN: Ronnie Anne has a brother? I thought she was raised by trolls.

[Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid fire fashion; Lincoln shields himself with the cushion]

LORI: D'AAAAHH!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT!

{Lori chases after Lincoln, who hides behind the chair; he trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt]

LORI: You have to make things right with Ronnie Anne!

LINCOLN: Okay! Okay! I'll call her right now and apologize! (picks up the phone)

LORI: NO! (hangs up the phone) Nuh-uh! Actions speak louder than words! Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!

LINCOLN: WHAT?!

LORI: It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at six! AND YOU! WILL MAKE HER! FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!

LINCOLN: (gags) I'd rather lick the bathroom...

''[Lori picks up the end table and threatens to crush him with it] '' LINCOLN: I'll go iron by khakis! (runs out of the scene)

[Up in his bedroom, Lincoln gives Clyde a call.]

LINCOLN: Clyde, I need your help.

CLYDE: What's up, Lincoln?

LINCOLN: I have to go on a double date at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet with Ronnie Anne.

CLYDE: Ooh, I love fusion cuisine! But why?

LINCOLN: Because you were right. I did hurt her feelings, she told Bobby, and he broke up with Lori, and now Lori's making me-- [hears nothing but static on his walkie-talkie] Clyde? Clyde?

[Clyde doesn't answer him because he is dancing in front of a gold-framed portrait of Lori with a spotlight shining on it.]

CLYDE: 🎶 Clyde and Lori sitting in a tree / Oh there's no room for dumb Bobby! Woo! 🎶

''[Later, the two pairs of siblings arrive at the restaurant. Lori and Bobby look happy to see each other, but their respective siblings don't.]''

LORI: Hi, Bobby.

BOBBY: Hey babe--I mean, Lori.

[Ronnie Anne rolls her eyes.]

LINCOLN: Hi, Ronnie Anne. [Lori heavily nudges him] You're looking lovely this evening.

RONNIE: Yeah, we weirdos clean up nice. Let's just get this over with.

[The four of them walk inside when suddenly, to Lincoln's surprise, they find a poorly-disguised Clyde (standing on a phone book) at the counter.]

CLYDE: Good evening, Monjour et Senoritas. Welcome to Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet!

LINCOLN: [pulls Clyde towards him] Clyde, what are you doing!?

BOBBY: [noticing the bowl of mints situated on the counter] Ooh, mints! [eats one]

CLYDE: [growls jealously at Bobby and then turns his attention back to his best friend] Just here to help you, buddy.

LINCOLN: I know what you're up to. Please don't mess this up for me.

CLYDE: Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here!

''[But just as Clyde steps back onto the phone book he was standing on, he knocks the counter over and spills the bowl of mints, startling Lincoln and making Lori jump into Bobby's arms. As Bobby puts Lori down, a waiter slips on the mints and crashes offscreen, sending a mask rolling away from where he crashed.]''

CLYDE: So, table for three?

BOBBY: Actually, there are four--

CLYDE: [ignoring his rival] Very good. Three. Right this way. [He brings Lincoln, Lori, and Ronnie to their table, and then pulls up a chair for Lori as he calls her...] Ma'amsellita.

''[Lincoln tries to do the same for Ronnie, but she instead just sits in another chair, so he sits in the chair he offered her. Bobby approaches their table.]''

BOBBY: Wow, table blankets? Pretty romantic.

LORI: I know. Isn't it?

BOBBY: I mean, whatever. It's fine. [Clyde suddenly pulls away the table's last chair] Hey, thanks, man. [He prepares to sit down, thinking Clyde has pulled up the chair for him, but instead Clyde walks away with the chair and Bobby ends up hitting the floor with a thud.] Ow! Hey, wait! [He pulls a nearby potted plant to use as a seat]

''[Lincoln, not sure of what to say right now, looks at Ronnie Anne, who's still scowling at him. But she is then suddenly started by the appearance of...]''

MUSICIAN: Ooh, la la! Young amour! This calls for... música! ''[But before he and his two companions can perform...]

LINCOLN: No, no! Please, no música. [The three musicians dejectedly walk away.] ...So, I hear the Quiche Rancheros is excellent.

'[His attempt at small talk does not appear to have done him any good; Ronnie is still scowling at him.]

CLYDE: [comes up with three glasses of water and gives two of them to Lincoln and Ronnie] Two flat waters... [gives the third one to Lori] ...and one sparkling, to match your eyes.

BOBBY: [taps Clyde's shoulder] Uh, could I get a water? [Clyde just ignores him again and walks off, to his annoyance] And maybe a chair?