Butterfly Effect/Script

(Open up on an exterior shot of the Loud House on a sunny day; Lincoln leaps out of his room to perform for the viewer)

LINCOLN: Watch in awe, as The Amazing Lincoln displays is unbelievable yo-yo skills! I shall now "walk the dog"!

(Charles enters the scene, carrying a leash in his mouth)

LINCOLN: Not you, Charles. I meant the yo-yo.

(Charles wimpers, and he walks out of the scene; LIncoln does his "walk the dog" trick)

LINCOLN: I shall now go "AROUND THE WORLD"!

(Charles enters the scene, carrying a suitcase)

LINCOLN: Sorry, still talking about the yo-yo.

(Charles wimpers, and he walks out of the scene; LIncoln attempts to do the "around the world" trick, but the yo-yo flies off his finger, ricochets around the hallway, and flies into Lisa and Lily's room, causing a crash)

LINCOLN: (nervous) The Amazing Lincoln will now take a brief intermission.

(Lincoln and Charles look into the room, and they see that the bottles on Lisa's desk have been broken, with their contents spilled)

LINCOLN: Yikes. I better go tell Lisa.

(flash into Lincoln's imagination, where Lisa observes the damage in a dark, stylized environment)

LISA: (turning red with anger, with her teeth sharpened) You've completely destroyed my life's work! I DESPISE YOU, AND YOU NO LONGER EXIST TO ME!

(a wall of fire burns in the background behind her; the scene flashes back to Lincoln)

LINCOLN: Yeah, I'm not telling Lisa.

CHARLES: (wimpers)

LINCOLN: Oh, come on, Charles. When did you get a conscience? I've seen you poop on the couch! Besides, id I just walks away, what's the worst that can happen?

(Charles glances at the viewer; Lincoln takes the yo-yo from the damage)

LINCOLN: I'll just remove the evidence, and they'll be none the wiser.

(Lincoln and Charles walk out of the room; a drop of one chemical falls into a puddle of another chemical, causing an explosion that raises the roof)

(transition to Lisa, who is examining the damage on her desk)

LISA: I don't understand what went wrong. Science is a fickle mistress.

(Lori is looking over a hole in the wall causes by the explosion, which leads to the closet in her's and Leni's room; Leni pokes her head through the hole)

LENI: Hi, Lori! Have we always had a window in our closet?

LORI: Ugh, it's not a window. Lisa's experiment blew a hole in the wall. (notices a picture frame peeking out from the other side) What's this?

(Lori sees that the frame contains a signed photo of Bobby)

LORI: "To my bodacious babe"? Leni, why is this picture Bobby hidden on your side of the closet?

LENI: Oh, there is it is! That was a surprise present from Bobby for your 88-day-iversary. He asked me to hide it for him, but I forgot where I put it.

LORI: That anniversary was eight days ago, and Bobby gave me socks! I can't believe this! You're literally been seeing Bobby behind my back! You are no longer my sister!

LINCOLN: (walks into the room) Everything okay after that unexpected and totally random explosion that I know nothing about?

LORI: (shouts in anger, marches out of the room, and slams the door)

(A coat rack in the closet falls onto Leni, knocking her out; a shelf also tips over, causing several pairs of shoes to fall on her)

(Leni opens her eyes as she regains consciousness on Lisa's bed; Lincoln and Lisa are looking down on her)

LENI: What happened?

LINCOLN: A shelf fell on your head.

LENI: Of course! Everyone knows that an object falling at a velocity of 9.8 meters per second squared will result in a temporary loss of consciousness.

LISA: I knew that. The question is, how did you?

LINCOLN: Hey, I saw this in a movie once. I bet getting hit on the head altered Leni's brain and made her smart.

LISA: Lincoln, you seem unable to distinguish between scientific fact and preposterous Hollywood schlock.

LENI: I don't get it.

LISA: See? Same old Leni. Can't even understand simple english.

LENI: No, I don't understand why you multiplied your "Z" polynomials before solving your non-negative integer exponents.

LISA: (looks over the equation, and gasps as it dawns on her that Leni is right)

LENI: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to disprove Newtonian physics. Buh-bye!

LISA: (collapses to the floor) My world no longer makes sense.

(Charles looks up and growls at Lincoln)

LINCOLN: Don't you have a couch to poop on?!

(cut to Lincoln finishing cleaning up the couch)

LINCOLN: Charles, that was a rhetorical question!

(Lynn enters the house, screams loudly, and pounds her fist against the wall; she hyperventilates as Lincoln walks up to her)

LINCOLN: What are you so upset about?

LYNN: I just got kicked off all my sports teams because I'm failing school!

LINCOLN: How could you fail? Doesn't Lisa tutor you?

LYNN: She used to, until she dropped out and got a job as a gas station attendant at Flip's Food & Fuel!

LINCOLN: She WHAT?!

LYNN: UGH, WITHOUT SPORTS, MY LIFE IS MEANINGLESS! (kicks her soccer ball hard)

LOLA: (walks down the stairs) I present to you your new "Miss Cute and--" (the ball hits her in the face) OH, MY NOSE!

(Lola looks into a mirror, and sees that her nose has severely swollen up)

LOLA: (gasps) I am a hideous...monster.

LINCOLN: It's not that bad, Lola.

LOLA: MY PAGEANT CAREER IS OVER!

(Lola runs up the stairs, and she trips and falls on her face when she reaches the top)

LOLA: OH, MY TEETH! (cries)

(Charles looks up at Lincoln, and he shakes his head in disapproval)

LINCOLN: Fine, I'll fix it.

(Lincoln rides his bike over to Flip's Food & Fuel, and he sees Lisa wearing a gas station attendant's uniform)

LINCOLN: Lisa, why are you doing this?

LISA: Flip's the only guy who will hire four-year-olds with no experience.

LINCOLN: No, I mean, why are you doing any of this? Come home, Lynn needs you!

LISA: Why don't you get Miss Smartypants to help her!

(Leni drives up in a purple convertible)

LISA: Speak of the Devil. Regular or unleaded?

LENI: (brandishes a certificate) Oh, I don't need gas. I just won the Nobel Prize for inventing a car that runs on apple juice.

LISA: Of course you did.

LENI: (hands Lisa a juice box) Fill 'er up, please.

LISA: (opens up the fuel tank, and squirts the box's contents into it)

LINCOLN: And then we'll all get in Leni's juicemobile, go home, and forget all this nonsense.

LENI: Can't! I'm off to Harvard! Au revoir, adios, auf Wiedersehen, and aloha!

LISA: A-HA! "Aloha" means "Hello"!

LENI: It also means "Goodbye"! (speeds off)

LISA: Dang it. I used to know that.

(Flip, the owner of the station, opens a window and calls out to Lisa)

FLIP: Hey, Chatty Cathy, GET TO WORK!

(the station's payphone rings, and Lincoln answers it)

LINCOLN: Hello? Charles? She's WHAT?! Alright, I'm on my way!

(Lincoln enters Lola's room, holding an ice pack)

LINCOLN: Look who it is, Miss Soon-to-heal.

(Lola, who is trying to stuff a bunch of clothes into a suitcase, turns to Lincoln; she still has her swollen nose, and all but one of her teeth are gone)

LOLA: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

LINCOLN: AAAAAHHH! I mean, you're looking better!

LOLA: Oh, nice try, Lincoln, but I am out of here! I can't stay where I'm constantly reminded of my former self! (looks up, sadly, at old photos of herself) My beautiful, beautiful thhelf.

LINCOLN: But...But...

(Lola struggles to pull her stuffed suitcase, and the handle breaks off)

LOLA: I'll send for this! (grabs the ice pack and walks off)

LINCOLN: Lola, wait!

(Lincoln tries to run for her, but she bumps into a plastic bubble containing Lana)

LANA: Careful, Lincoln! You could get seriously injured!

LINCOLN: Lana, what are you doing in there?

LANA: I saw that happened to Lola. Life is a fragile thing. I don't want to take any risks.

LINCOLN: But you're the queen of risks!

LANA: Was the queen of risks! From now on, I'll stay in here, where it's safe! You know what I'm talking' about, huh, Geo?

(Geo rolls by in his hamster ball)

LINCOLN: Lana, you can't be serious! (Lana rolls past him) Lana?!

(Lincoln suddenly hears Luna singing)

LUNA: (singing) "Things have gotten drastic / Now, my sister lives in plastic / Where did it all now wrong?"

LINCOLN: Luna?

LINCOLN: (shows Lincoln a laptop) Check it, bro. I uploaded a song I wrote about our family going down the Highway to--HELLO! I just got fifty more hits!

(the ceiling breaks open, and Mick Swagger descends holding into a rope ladder from a helicopter)

LUNA: (gasps) Mick Swagger?!

MICK: Your singing is amazing! You gotta join my tour! (holds Luna's hand)

LUNA: Luna is IN!

(the rope goes up though the hole in the ceiling, carrying both away)

LINCOLN: Don't you leave, too! THE FAMILY'S FALLING APART!

LUNA: (from the helicopter) SORRY, DUDE!

(the helicopter flies away)

(Lincoln goes into his room, and he decides to contact Clyde with his walkie-talkie)

LINCOLN: Clyde, this is Lincoln! Come in! I've got a Code Blue!

(the screen splits in half to show Clyde's location)

CLYDE: Code Blue?! You did something wrong and lied about it, and now everything is all messed up?!

LINCOLN: Affirmative! Can you come over?!

CLYDE: Negative. I've got a Code Green!

LINCOLN: You showed up to school in your underwear?

CLYDE: No, that's Code Orange? Hang on.

(Clyde's is revealed to be skydiving with Lori, and he takes a picture of them with his camera phone; Lincoln gets the picture via text message on his phone, and he jumps up in surprise)

LINCOLN: SWEET MOTHER OF...What are you doing with Lori?!

CLYDE: I've been trying to tell you! A Code Green; Lori broke up with Bobby, and I'm the rebound guy!

LORI: Happy eight-minute-iversary, Snookie-Booboo-Sugarbear.

(Clyde leans in for a kiss, but Lori deploys her parachute, causing Clyde to kiss a flying bird instead)

LINCOLN: (gags and throws away the walkie-talkie) WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY FAMILY?!

(Luan shows up, solemn and depressed, and knocks on Lincoln's door)

LUAN: Knock-knock.

LINCOLN: Who's there?

LUAN: This is not a joke, Lincoln. Do you know what's going on in the world? Here, take Mr. Coconuts. He just reminds me of all the trees being cut down in the rainforest.

LINCOLN: Wait, Luan, what brought this on?

LUAN: Well, ever since Luna left, I've had no one to try my jokes out on. So, I've been watching a lot of cable news, and what I've seen is horrific. So, I've decided to become...an ACTIVIST!

LINCOLN: Don't be ridiculous! You're a comedian! (hits himself with a pie) See? Funny, right?

(a horde of wild animals stampedes past Lincoln)

LINCOLN: What was that?!

LUAN: They're just Lana's pets. I liberated them. And now, I'm off to heal this ticking time bomb we call Earth.

LINCOLN: Wait, Luan, you can't be serious!

(a monkey appears, spooking Lincoln, and it takes Mr. Coconuts)

(the monkey and a big snake are in the living room; Lincoln chases Izzy, who hides under the couch)

LINCOLN: Get back here, Izzy!

(the snake glares at him, and hides behind the couch)

LINCOLN: Izzy, come to Uncle Lincoln!

NEWS ANCHOR: (on the TV) And now, for tonight's top stories. Former rising star Luna Loud was kicked off the Mick Swagger tour for trashing her hotel room.

(the news cut to footage of Luna screaming amidst the wreckage of her hotel room)

LUNA: (in a British accent) ALL I WANTED WAS A BLEEDING PILLOW MINT!

LINCOLN: Luna?

NEWS ANCHOR: In a related story, former comedian turned activist Luan Loud has chained herself to a giant redwood.

(the news cuts to footage of Luan chanted to a giant redwood tree, while onlookers record her with their mobile devices)

LUAN: (chanting) Hey-hey, ho-ho! Keep your hands out, let out grow!

LINCOLN: Luan?!

(Izzy, the snake, and the monkey join him in viewing)

NEWS ANCHOR: I'm being told we have breaking news.

LINCOLN: Please don't be one of my sisters!

(the news cuts to a reporter on the scene at Flip's Food & Fuel, with Lisa drinking a "Flippie" ice drink right next to her)

REPORTER: Tucker, I'm here at Flip's Food & Fuel, where two unknown bandits have just made off with a carload of beef jerky and a cotton candy machine!

LISA: They're not unknown, they're my sisters. (sips) Their betrayal hurts more than this brain freeze.

REPORTER: I'm getting word that the bandits are currently leading police on a slow-speed chase!

(cut to an army of police cars chasing Lola's kiddie car through the desert; Lola, her face now covered in bandages, is driving, while Lynn is is the passenger seat, eating cotton candy)

(Lincoln and the animals look on in shock; Izzy, Lincoln, and the monkey take on the familiar "wise monkey" poses)

LINCOLN: WHERE DID IT ALL GO WROOOONG?!

REPORTER: One has to wonder, where did it all go wrong for these girls? And why is a four-year-old working at a gas station?

(Flip takes hold of the camera)

FLIP: Interview over! Wait, don't forget to come down to F'ip's Food & Fuel, home of the Flippie! Now this interview's over. (puts his hand over the camera)

(Lincoln turns off the TV; Lucy suddenly appears next to him)

LUCY: I was watching that.

LINCOLN (screams and jumps up in terror) Lucy! At lest you're still normal!

(Lucy looks toward Lincoln, and she opens her mouth wide to reveal a pair of fangs)

LINCOLN: D'AAH! NOT NORMAL!

LUCY: I was bitten by Lana's liberated vampire bat! ''Greatest! Day! EVER!'' (turns into a bat and flies away)

LINCOLN: Nine sisters lost, but there's still one I can save!

(Lincoln enters Lisa and Lily's room, and he looks into Lily's crib; he finds that she is not in it)

LINCOLN: Lily?

(the roof is lifted up from outside by Lily, who has grown to gargantuan size; she looks down at Lincoln, and she giggles)

LINCOLN: LILY!

(Lincoln sees a trail of Lisa's chemicals leading from her desk to the crib)

LINCOLN: Oh no, Lisa's chemicals! What have I done?!

LILY: Mmmm...glob-glob!

(Lily reaches down for Lincoln as he tries to run away; he gets caught, and Lily opens her mouth)

LINCOLN: DON'T EAT ME, LILY!

(Lincoln screams as Lily lifts him toward her mouth; his open mouth fills the camera, turning the screen black)

(The screen flashes back to the point where Lincoln looking)

LINCOLN: So that's the worst thing that could happen.

CHARLES: (barks)

LINCOLN: I totally agree! I'm going to tell Lisa!

LISA: (in the doorway) Tell Lisa what? (gasps as she sees the damage)

LINCOLN: (fearful) I was playing with my yo-yo, and it got out of control, and it wrecked your experiment, and I'm really, really sorry! Go ahead and disown me, 'cause I deserve it!

LISA: (smiles, and hugs Lincoln)

LINCOLN: I'm confused. You're not mad.

LISA: Mad? I'm ecstatic! You proved my hypothesis! Your recklessness was the one variable my ridgedly-controlled experiment sorely needed!

LINCOLN: I'm still confused.

LISA: I'm saying thank you for being a clumsy doofus. And thanks for admiting what you did.

LINCOLN: I didn't have a choice choice. I didn't want you to work at a gas station, or Lynn and Lola to turn to a life of crime, or Lana to live in a bubble, OR-OR-OR...

LISA: (walking away) Fascinating. Exposure to my checmicals appears to have damaged his cerebral cortex.

LINCOLN: (sighs; speaks to the viewer) Boy, am I glad that nightmare's over.

(Lincoln hears a bicycle bell ringing from outside; he looks out and sees Lori and Clyde riding a tandem bike, which is dragging a string of cans and a sign reading "JUST MARRIED")

LINCOLN: (screams in horror)