User blog comment:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Breakdown on the Beach/@comment-31536324-20180325153547

I hate this.

The beginning completely ignores that fact that Lincoln already confessed and attoned for his wrong in the episode, and acts like this is the first time he told the truth. When he already did it a day ago with a megaphone!

The middle is so one sided and manipulative that it makes me hate the family even more.

The ending feels so shallow and undeserved that all it feels like is a result of manipulation; not genuine love or guilt.

My main 6 gripes here are Lori, Leno, Lynn, Lincoln, Lisa, and the family.

Lori: She deserves to be yelled at for this line, "What did you think was going to happen?" As if she expects Lincoln to think of them disowning and abusing him, which I will prove that they did in NSL in a bit.

Leni: Her line is flat out manipulative, redundant, and relies soley on the fact that you purposefully ignore that you outright have Lincoln say the truth, A FUCKING SECOND TIME MAY I ADD, earlier in both this fic and the episode.

Lynn: You cannont have her, or anyone else in this story, say this, "Of course we'd listen!" When the episode itself disproves it.

Lisa: That law is nothing more than an excuse to try and cover up their negligence to check the suit. All it does is paint them as negligent assholes who don't care for Lincoln's wellbeing.

Lincoln: Barely puts up an arguement, states and deconstructs a thing or two but that's it. Submissively agrees with almost everything the family says - effectively glossing over the family's wrongs and not actually doing anything about them or having them actually LEARN. Is portrayed as being the one soley in the wrong.

The family: It feels like they learned nothing, and were just manipulating Lincoln so that they won't get in as much troubke as they should've. They ignore that Lincoln told the truth THREE FUCKING TIMES (once in the episode, twice here), and don't even actually acknowledge that they did wrong and essentially abused Lincoln. The whole fic feels like nothing but one big wall of excuses to try and justify the family's actions; which ironically only male them seem worse rather than better.

Here are their actions in the episode:

1. They boarded up his room. 2. Sold his stuff (here it's a pisspoor joke that Luan would come up with.) 3. They evicted him from the house for two days. 4. Treated him like an animal. 5. Treated him like an object. 5.5. Brought him to a beach - a place notorious for reaching absurd levels of heat - in a mascot costume - a type infamous for its poor quality and ventilation - with no care for his well being. (Regardless if there was a law, they still negelected to check the suit for safety. Had Lincoln not done what he did, then he would have gotten a much worse heatstroke and died.) 6. Their actions paint that they lied in Ties that Bind.

That's disownment and abuse, mo matter what way you look at it. And yet, you continuously paint Lincoln as the bad guy, when he already attoned for his wrong in the episode and his family did not. Which is the key difference between them.

Here's what should have happened:

1. The heat causes Lincoln to go on an angry rant, in which he shatters the family's statements, and deconstructs Lynn's attempts to shrug off responsability onto him. He passes out, but not before sarcastically stating how it's nice to know that his life and bond with them was all a lie.

2. The family brings him tk the hospital, not home, the hospital, and thinks about Lincolns words as they try to sleep. Lynn is punished.

3. They visit him the next day and the arguement starts. Lincoln stands his ground and gives facts, arguements, and past lessons to deconstruct their arguements. All the while pointing out how while he accepted responsability for his actions and attoned, the family - especially Lynn - refuse to do so when they've constantly preached about doing it his whole life. Calling them out for trying to make him feel guilty and accept blame that's not his, but theirs. (They have a bad habit of doing something similar to this.) They do prove that they do care though.

4. The family realizes Lincolns points, submit, and apologize. (None of that "we love you and hug" BS.)

5. Time skip, one of the sisters is asking Lincoln if he WANTS ro attend their event. He politely declines, and the sister accepts that. Show the rules.

6. The End.

This whole fic honestly feels like a NSL Apologizer wrote it. (Someone who states that Lincoln is soley at fault, and disregards the family's own wrong doings.) It's far too one-sided, and what little you do highlight of the family's actions, that's not them caring for Lincoln, you treat like a joke or with a handwave. If this is how you write your arguements, then I think I'm going to avoid any of your work that's not Peeking Through The Fourth Wall. Sorry, but that's just how this affected me.