User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Peeking Through the Fourth Wall (Episode 21)

''[We open on the couch. This time, Lincoln and Lisa are joined by Luan, Lynn and Lola.]''

Lincoln: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to Peeking Through the Fourth Wall. Today we'll be taking another dive into the world of deviantART. This is "Truth or Dairy" by fishprom2955!

(It starts at night; Lincoln and his siblings are playing Pictionary)

Lynn: Is it… a football?

Lisa: Negative.

Lynn: Lisa's drawing? That's a recipe for disaster.

Lola: We're probably gonna be guessing for an hour. At least.

Lisa: Are you denigrating the artistic skills of a four-year-old?

Lynn: A Nobel Prize-winning four-year-old.

Lisa: ...fair enough. Still, I must concede that the visual arts are my Achilles' Heel. Stubby fingers.

''Lana: Ooh! I know! It's a really weird-looking cactus!''

Lisa: Nope.

(Everyone starts arguing over what it is that Lisa's trying to draw)

''Lincoln: (to the audience) Ah, family game night, the perfect way to get along with your family after dark, but in a house and family this big, things tend to get out of hand quickly. We've played many games that would ultimately end in madness.''

(It cuts to a flashback of Lincoln and his sisters playing charades)

(Lynn is pretending to be a police officer while her siblings try to guess)

''Luan: I know! You're a police officer! And you're cop-notch at your job! (laughs)''

(Lynn points to Luan, making it clear that she got it right as she rolls her eyes.)

(Lucy is pretending to be a vampire)

''Luan: You're a vampire! I'd hate to break it to you, Luce, but you're really bat at charades. (laughs) Get it?''

Luan: Police officer? Vampire? What is this, baby charades? What about, you know, book and movie titles?

Lincoln: Don't even start. You lost your charade privileges for good when you tried to mime The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies?!.

Lisa: As I recall, we spent the first hour trying to guess that monstrosity and the second arguing over whether "mixed-up" counts as one word or two.

Luan: Not my fault you guys don't know your movies.

Lola: You picked a dumb movie that doesn't even exist!

[Author's Note: Yes, it does.]

(Lucy dully points towards Luan as the others groan.)

(It cuts to them playing Would You Rather)

Leni: Like, would you rather wear socks and sandals or speedos and spandex?

Lynn: I thought speedos were made of spandex. Also, aren't they for boys?

Lori: Leni, you've literally been asking us about fashion-related questions since the first round.

Leni: What round are we in?

Lynn: Eight.

Leni: Oh.

(Flashback to them playing Telephone)

(The Loud kids are whispering to one another the phrase "Don't go up in the closet, until Luna, being her upbeat and peppy self, blurts it out to all of her siblings)

Luna: DON'T GO UP IN THE BLOODY CLOSET, MATES!

''Lola: Ugh! LUNA! You're supposed to whisper!''

Luna: Oh… sorry, little sis'.

(End flashback)

''Lincoln: But that's what makes it all worth it. It's all in good fun, and there's nothing better than having a good time.''

''Lisa: Time's up, fellow Homo sapiens. If you hadn't lacked the mental capacity to comprehend obvious facts, you would immediately recognize that I was attempting to artistically visualize an Ananas comosus.''

Lola: English, please?

(Lisa sighs in response, and reveals the finished picture)

Lisa: I was drawing a pineapple.

Everyone else: Ohhhhhhhh.

Lincoln: So we're dumb because you can't draw a pineapple well enough for us to guess it.

''Lori: You know, Pictionary is literally so boring. Let's play something else.''

''Lynn: We could play indoor hockey! (Reveals a hockey puck and hockey stick) Who's with me?''

Everyone else: Pass.

Lynn: Yeah, I agree. I think it's pretty obvious why that wouldn't be okay.

Lisa: I must say, Lynn, that's remarkably responsible of-

Lynn: There's an odd number of us. We'd have uneven teams!

Lisa: And as usual, I spoke too soon.

(Lola is thinking of something to do)

''Lola: I know! Why don't we play a nice, wholesome game of… Truth or Dare!''

Lola: Ooh, I love that game! Love it, love it, love it!

Lincoln: Why am I not surprised?

(The very words began to ring inside Lincoln's head)

Lincoln: (nervously laughing) I… don't think we should play Truth or Dare…

''Lola: Okay, then. Everybody else?''

(The remaining Loud sisters gleefully raised their hands in approval)

''Loud sisters: Yeah! Truth or Dare!''

Lincoln: Okay, Lola I could understand, but all of you? I have to imagine there's at least one or two of you who'd say no.

Lisa: Including yours truly. It's a juvenile game in which enjoyment is derived from the humiliation of your peers.

Lola: Uh, duh. That's what makes it so fun!

Lola: Then it's settled!

Lori: Everyone, head up to me and Leni's room, stat!

(Lincoln gulped)

''Lincoln: (to the audience, in a state of near-panic) Okay, maybe it's not all fun and games. Especially until someone gets hurt. And I know what you're thinking. "Lincoln, what's so bad about playing Truth or Dare with your sisters?" I'll tell you what's so bad about it. With every passing round, each dare gets increasingly extreme and/or embarrassing.''

Lola: That's the point! It wouldn't be any fun if the dares were easy.

Lynn: Besides, nothing's stopping you from picking truth over and over.

Lola: A rookie mistake. Truths can be just as humiliating as dares. [Sneers at Luan] Isn't that right, chicken-lover?

Luan: [Sneers back] Sure is, super soaker.

Lola: [Gasps] How dare you!

Lynn: Wait, what did you two-

Lincoln: I think we're better off not knowing.

(It cuts to a flashback of the last time they played Truth or Dare. All that could be seen was Lola with her hair covered in mud chasing Lana down with her princess car, Lynn shooting soccer balls all around the house...)

Luan: ...did someone dare her to kick soccer balls?

Lola: That's not much of a dare.

(...Leni running away from a cluster of (albeit, non-venomous) spiders, and an explosion coming from upstairs as a result of Lincoln being dared to willingly volunteer as a test subject in one of Lisa's experiments)

Lincoln: (narrating) And the worst part, the next time we play, the level of intensity or embarrassment only increases from the end of last game.

(End of flashback)

''Lincoln: (to the audience) When I willingly took part in one of Lisa's experiments, lizard scales started to grow on my back, and they still are. (revealing it by pulling his shirt up and turning around) See?''

Lynn: Aww, why didn't she choose me?! I want lizard scales!

Lincoln:(turning back to the audience) I hope we'd never have to go through with this again, but Lola's awakened the sleeping giant.

''Lori: (from her room) LINCOLN! Are you coming or not?!''

(Lincoln sighs)

Lincoln: At least it couldn't get any worse, right?

(Rita and Lynn Sr. return home)

Rita: Kids, we're home!

Lynn Sr.: And you all might wanna come down to see this!

(Lincoln sighed in relief)

Lynn Sr.: Kids, this is big news!

Rita: We managed to buy a season's pass to DairyLand's newest water park, La Leche Lagoon!

Lisa: Technically, that should be "La Laguna de Leche".

All of the Loud kids: (excited) La Leche Lagoon?

Luna: You mean the place with the rockin' Cow-abunga wave pool?

Lana: And the Lazy Lactose River?

Lincoln: And home of Royal Woods' tallest waterslide, the Ar-Moo-Geddon?

''Lynn Sr.: That's the place! But we were only able to get three tickets, and we didn't know which one of you to take with us.''

Lisa: A natural pitfall with a family as large as ours. With every ticketed event, our parents either have to buy thirteen tickets or force us to compete for them.

Rita: The tickets were really expensive, and the line felt like it was as long as the Great Wall of China!

Lincoln: Well, then who are you taking?

''Lynn Sr.: We don't know yet, sport. That's why we need you to come to a group decision.''

Lincoln: Okay, no. If that decision was left up to us, we'd fight like savages until only one of us was left alive.

Lynn: Isn't that usually how we settle arguments anyway?

''Lincoln: Finally, a real water park! I've been waiting for something like this to happen my entire life!''

(Lori then pushes Lincoln aside)

''Lori: Step aside, twerp. If you want to go, then I want to go.''

Lincoln: So... if I didn't want to go, then she wouldn't want to either?

Lisa: No, that's not how it works. That's a logical fallacy known as "denying the antecedent".

Lynn: What's that?

Lisa: Well, when you have two logical clauses, and one of them is-

Lynn: Forget it. I already don't care.

Lori: And since I was born first, I should be the one that's going.

''Luna: No way, sis'! You aren't just gonna force me to miss out on the wet 'n' wild action!''

Lana: I've been to Dairyland more times than all of you!

Lola: ...so then shouldn't you give one of us a turn?

(All of the siblings start to argue, and eventually a fight breaks out)

''Rita: Kids, calm down! Maybe there's a way we can settle this!''

''Lola: I know! Whoever wins this game of Truth or Dare gets the last ticket!''

Lincoln: (shocked) What?!

''Lynn Sr.: That's not a bad idea, sweetie. After all, it is family game night.''

Luna: Then why don't you play with us?

Rita: Because the last time we played, Leni was dared to be chased all of those spiders.

Luan: First of all, how is that your concern? Second of all, what kind of dork invites their parents to play truth or dare with them?

Lola: Geez, I don't even want to think about that. It'd be beyond awkward. [Shudders]

Lynn Sr.: (shaking in fear) Spiders… so many… so creepy… so crawly!

''Lynn: Whatever. Have fun doing whatever you're doing. We have a game of Truth or Dare to play!''

Lincoln: (to himself) Help.

(Later that night)

''Lori: Alright, everybody. Listen up. Which rules are we going to play by? Sit-in-a-circle rules or spinner rules?''

Lincoln: Sit-in-a-c-

All of the Loud sisters: Spinner!

Lincoln: (sighs) Dang it.

Lisa: Oh, of course. We're all female, so it's only logical that we'll all agree on everything imaginable.

''Lori: Okay then, the rules are as follows. We go in a counterclockwise direction taking turns spinning the spinner. Whoever it lands on, the person who spun has to ask, "Truth or Dare?" You should all literally know the rest by now. But here's the catch. If you lie or chicken out of your dare, then you're out. Last Loud standing wins.''

Lynn: Sounds okay, but how will we know when someone's lying?

Lola: Easy! Just use a lie detector test.

Lisa: Lie detector tests are nothing but archaic pseudo-science. They're so faulty that classes are offered on how to pass them.

Lola: [Pouts] Phooey. Lisa ruins everything.

''Luna: What are we waitin' for, then? (waving her hands in the air) Let's get it on!''

''Lisa: Okay, you Neanderthals, listen closely. I have constructed an electronic multi-colored spinner in which each color represents the player who shall be the victim of the sibling who is currently spinning. It was a difficult task, but I managed to perfectly divide a circle into eleven equal parts. I'm normally better with even-numbered fractions.''

Luan: ...or, you know, just use a regular spinner. I'm sure we have one somewhere.

Lisa: Where's the fun in that?

Lori: First born, first serve.

(The spinner's light blue spot turns white...

Lincoln: White? Which one of us is white?

Luan: We all are! [Laughs]

Lincoln: I... that's not what I meant and you know it.

...meaning that Lori will be unable to land on that spot)

Lincoln: Oh.

Lisa: Just push that button and the game of Truth or Dare shall commence!

(Lori follows Lisa's instructions, and the spinner begins to spin. Shortly, it slows down and stops on the dark blue spot)

Lori: Lana, Truth or Dare.

Lana: Give me a dare

Lola: Starting things off with a dare. Bold.

''Lori: Okay, then. If you want to continue playing and stay in the running to win the last ticket, then you're going to have to do the dare.''

Lola: We know how the game works, Lori. We're not stupid.

(Lana confidently puffs up her chest)

''Lana: (Confidently): Bring it on! I can take anything you throw at me!''

''Lori: Okay, then. I dare you to… take a bath.''

Lincoln: Oof. The last time we tried that, we ended up chasing her down the street with a hose and some soap.

(Lana's chest reduced to normal size, as Lana, whom cherishes her raunchy odor, had not taken a bath in a very long time)

Lana: (sighs) On a normal occasion, I'd say no in a heartbeat, but since the stakes are so high…

(The camera turns so that Lana's backside is showing, as she proceeds to rip her clothes off)

Lisa: Oh, thank you, cinematographer. That shot of Lana's bare behind added a lot to the scene. I'm sure you're proud of yourself.

Lana: I'll do it!

(Lana rushes to the bathroom with the heart of a warrior)

Lana: FOR LA LECHE LAGOOOOOOOOOON!

(Lana leaps into the bathroom with the bathtub covering her lower body)

Lisa: How? The bathtub is propped up against the wall. There's no way it could have "covered" her unless she was already in the tub...

Lana: I'm goin' in!

(She then closes the door...)

Lisa: ...which she clearly wasn't, or else she wouldn't have been able to close the door. And if the cinematographer was that concerned about averting full frontal nudity, why did they follow Lana into the bathroom in the first place? We know what the dare is, so we can already assume that she's going to take a bath without having to see her do it. If you're going to add this much unnecessary detail to a scene, at least make sure that the details add up.

(...turns on the faucet and takes her bath)

''Lola: Sheesh, overreacting much? Anyway, it's my turn!''

(The pink spot turns white as the light blue spot returns to its normal color)

''Lola: C'mon, I need a new pageant gown! (Pushes the button)''

Leni: But you have, like, so many!

Lincoln: I think that was an expression, Leni.

(The spinner begins to spin)

Lincoln: (In his mind) I can only imagine what's in store for me if they land on the orange spot.

(The spinner lands on the red spot)

Lynn: (excited) Dare, without a doubt!

''Lola: Hmmph. I knew that you'd say that.''

(It cuts to Lynn and Lucy's room, in which it's revealed that every single one of Lynn's air-filled sports balls and the bouncers from the attic have been completely deflated, as they lay flat on the floor.

Lynn: MY BALLS!

Lynn: [Laughs] Oh, man, that never gets old. [Gives Lola a pointed look] But seriously, Lola, if you ever do that I'll piledrive you off the roof.

Lola: N-noted.

Luna: How did ya manage to deflate them all so quickly, sis?

Lola: I have my ways.

''Lisa: No, she requested that I construct a device that can create zero-kelvin temperatures, or the point of absolute zero. Although scientists haven't been able to invent such devices, but have been researching, I found my intellect to be so far ahead of the rest of society, that I was able to research and develop the Volume Vacuum 2000. Patent pending.''

Luan: So... she somehow knew that there was a truth or dare game coming up, so she asked Lisa to build this elaborate new device, and also rig the spinner so that it would land on Lynn when Lola took her turn.

Lincoln: And Lisa agreed to develop this groundbreaking invention just so Lola could set up a dare?

Lola: Well, when you put it that way...

Lincoln: What other way is there?!

(Lynn runs up to Lola and grabs her by the dress)

''Lynn: Alright, Lola! What's the big idea? Is this a part of the dare?!''

Lola: No, I just like deflating balls for fun. Get a clue, nimrod.

(Lola slaps Lynn in the face, causing her to drop Lola, as she dusts off her dress)

''Lola: As a matter of fact, yes. Seeing that you're the family's residential athlete, I was wondering "hmm… what could I possibly dare Lynn to do if the stakes are so high? She'll do anything to win." Then it hit me! If she thinks that she's the best at playing for sports, then she probably also thinks that she's the best at preparing her equipment.''

Lynn: Wait, what are you targeting me for?! What did I do to you?!

Luan: Actually, this just occurred to me, but maybe she has a dare prepared for each of us. I wouldn't put it past her.

(Lynn scoffs in response)

''Lynn: Lame. (pulls out her sports pump and gets the foot pump from the attic) I could do this in my sleep if I wanted to.''

Lola: Oh, really?

(Lola swipes both pumps away from Lynn and detaches the needle from her sports pump and unscrews the nozzle from the foot pump. She then proceeds to stomp on both pumps repeatedly, then goes into her room only to come out with her princess car to run over and destroy them, and then hands her the needle and nozzle)

Lincoln: ...and Lynn just stood there and let her do it?

''Lynn: Hey! What was that for?!''

''Lola: For the dare, of course! If you want to stay in the game, then I dare you to fill up all of those balls without the pumps. (holds out the needle for the sports pump and the nozzle for the foot pump)Blow through these to get the job done. Or don't. I don't care.''

Lincoln: So is there a time limit, or will Lynn just have to sit out the rest of the game?

Lynn: As if! I could get that done long before the spinner turned red. No problemo.

Lincoln: If you say so.

Lynn: No, for real. I've got supergirl lungs. Wanna see how long I can hold my breath?

Lincoln: Not rea-

[Lynn takes a deep, deep breath and holds it in.]

''Lynn: Hmm… (considers) Has a feat ever been done? Can it be done? Of course, it can! Anything's possible! It's a good thing that I exercise so much! All of that heavy breathing's all gonna pay off here! Lola, I accept your dare!''

''Luan: Good luck, Lynn! I hope you have a ball! (laughs)''

Everyone else except for Lynn: (groans)

Lola: And since I'm not a monster, you can take a break any time you want.

Lincoln: So Lynn can take as long as she pleases, and she doesn't have to respond to any more dares until she's done. I think your plan's backfiring, Lola.

[Lynn is still holding her breath.]

''Lynn: You know, this also sounds kind of fun! LET'S DO IT!''

Luan: There's no way she'll be able to do it. She's just full of hot air! [Laughs]

[Lynn glares at her, but continues holding her breath.]

(Lynn dives into the pile of uninflated balls and starts with a soccer ball. She moistens the needle by putting it in her mouth, and sticks the needle into the air hole, and begins to blow)

Lisa: Only Lynn would be able to find levity in such a tedious and time-consuming task.

''Leni: You know, if Lynn does more physical damage to her surroundings than the rest of us, I wonder if that includes the air she breathes. Would those balls hit us harder than before, and thereby hurt us more?''

Lisa: Yes, Leni. Lynn has the magical ability to change the physical properties of oxygen just by taking it into her lungs.

[Lynn is starting to turn purple.]

Lincoln: Leni, please, don't be ridiculous.

Lola: Though if they were to pop, then that would make one putrid stink bomb.

Everyone but Lana and Lola: Ewwww!

Lana: Cool!

''Lori: Let's take her and the pile into my room. You can think about it as the game progresses.''

(It cuts back to Lori's room, where Lynn is busy at work blowing up each and every one of her balls)

Lucy: Wow, she's really going at it.

''Lincoln: Lynn's confidence knows no bounds. So, who's turn is it?''

Lisa: Whose.

Lori: I think it's Lily's turn.

(The spinner's lavender spot turns white)

Lily: (Babbles and pushes the button)

Lola: What, Lily's playing too?! She can barely even talk!

(The spinner spins and then stops on the orange spot, which mean Lincoln is up)

''Lincoln: Huh, I guess it's not gonna be so bad after all. Dare, I guess. What's the worst that could happen?''

Luan: Really, Linc? You're not gonna pick truth?

Lola: As I said before, a truth is-

Luan: I know, I know, but what's a baby gonna ask him? "What's your favorite shape?" "Does the sheep go baaa or moo?"

[At this point, Lynn is bright purple, and her veins are popping out of her neck.]

Luan: Um... should we do something about-

Lisa: Just let her finish.

Lily: (points offscreen)

Lincoln: What?!

''Lori: Awww! It's that adorable costume Lincoln wore on Easter!''

(Not even Lucy seems to have been able to resist the allure of the supposedly captivating costume. Being an avid fan and reader of the Princess Pony book series, even she has to take a break from the darkness at points; Lincoln's costume is just the break she needed then and there)

Lola: If that's what she wanted, wouldn't she want to wear the costume?

Luan: I'd rather not think about Lucy in a bunny costume.

[Lynn is now writhing around on the floor, pounding her fists.]

''Lucy: Not even I can resist the allure of such an adorable costume. Bunnies are one of the only things in this mortal world that make me feel like I have a heart.''

''Lola: Put it on, Linky! Put it on!''

''Lincoln: No! Absolutely NOT! The last time I wore that thing, you smothered me very close to the point of suffocation!''

Lincoln: Isn't that just how our last episode-

''[Finally, Lynn cracks, opening her mouth and sucking in air. She climbs up onto the couch, gasping and panting.]''

Lynn: O...okay. How long was that?

Lincoln: We don't know.

Luan: We weren't counting.

Lynn: What?! Aw, man! Now I have to start all over again!

[As she's trying to take a deep breath, Lola reaches over and socks her in the stomach.]

Lola: Enough.

Lori: Do you want to go to La Leche Lagoon… or not?

(Lincoln started to sweat and gulped with fear. He takes the costume and proceeds to head into the bathroom to change into it. When he came out, he was wearing an orange tuxedo with a blue bowtie and dress pants with a cotton tail where Lincoln's rear would be. He was also wearing an orange hat with bunny ears and a pair of slippers that looked like bunny feet. He was also holding a basket full of colorful Easter eggs)

''Lincoln: (walks in nervously) Okay… I'm in the costume. Now what?''

Lily: (proceeds to pucker up her lips and make kissy faces)

Leni: I think Lily wants to see how much love we can give Linky in that pwecious costume, too!

Luan: To be honest, I think he looks adorable in just about anything.

[Lincoln blushes.]

Lola: Oh, you don't know the half of it. Did I ever tell you about the time we shrunk him?

Luan: What?

[Lisa clamps a hand over Lola's mouth.]

Lisa: Nothing! You heard nothing!

(Lincoln's eyes narrowed; he quickly jolted to the door of Lori and Leni's bedroom, only for it to be locked)

Lincoln: Oh, no.

''Lynn: (stops blowing) There is no way I'm missin' out on this! C'mere, Bunny Boy!''

(All of Lincoln's sisters cornered Lincoln like hungry lions waiting to pounce on a single gazelle. Lincoln begged for mercy, attempting to escape from his overly-captivated sisters, but his pleas fell on deaf ears, as they dove towards Lincoln and smothered him in everlasting platonic affection that one could only imagine. They relentlessly pinched and nuzzled his cheeks; patted his head; ruffled his hair; gave him tight; tender hugs; booped and kissed his nose and the rest of the area around his face, including the forehead. Each of them did so in varying intervals, in no particular order, as they all simultaneously shower him with adoration. Lincoln could hardly breathe, as if he was being strangled by a boa constrictor)

(Once they finally stopped, Lincoln felt like he was barely able to stand, as he slowly limped across the floor covered in multiple multi-colored kiss marks and his hair was all messed up)

''Lincoln: There… (pant) I did it. (falls on his face)''

Leni: That costume just makes your face even more kissable than it already is.

Lisa: Normally, I wouldn't lose my composure to such tomfoolery, but that costume of yours is to indescribably adorable to even pass up such an opportunity.

Lincoln: If you could, perhaps try and be a bit more gentle?

Luna: Sorry, bro, but in the Loud House, we like to show our love rough.

Lincoln: (sighs) On the bright side, I can finally take this thing o-

''Lola: No, no. I think Lily wants you to keep it on. Isn't that right, Lily?''

''Lily: Winky! (babbles happily)''

Lincoln: Wha- that wasn't part of the dare!

Luan: Who knows? Maybe it was. All she did was point. That could've meant any number of things.

Lincoln: This is gonna be a loooong night.

''Lynn: Welp, that was fun. But now, I've got some blowin' to do. (continues blowing)''

[Lynn snickers, while the others just look at her blankly.]

(It's Luan's turn, and she lands on Lori)

''Lori: Truth. The last thing I need is someone forcing me to break up with Bobby.''

Luan: Speaking of whom, when did you two first meet?

Lola: Really? That's the best you can come up with? Ask her if she's ever cheated! Tell her to read the mushiest message she ever sent him! Just because it's "truth" doesn't mean you have to go soft!

''Lisa: If you chose truth, you must wear this collar. If in any way you lie about the details, an electric shock will be administered throughout your body.''

''Lori: We met back when we were freshmen. I dropped my ice cream on the sidewalk. It was chocolate, my favorite.''

(Cut to said flashback)

''Lori: (narrating) I went to go get another, but they were all out. Then, he came into my life.''

Flashback Bobby: Excuse me, did you drop your ice cream?

Flashback Lori: (visibly upset) Yeah.

''Flashback Bobby: Here. You can have mine (he gives her his ice cream, which is also chocolate)''

Flashback Lori: (sniffling) Thank you.

Flashback Bobby: So, what's your name?

''Flashback Lori: Lori. Lori Loud.''

''Flashback Bobby: Bobby Santiago. It's a pleasure to meet you.''

Lori: (narrating) It was literally the happiest day of my life.

Everyone else: Awwwwwww!

(A green light on the collar flashed. Lori was telling the truth)

Lola: Of course she was. She had no reason not to! That question sucked!

''Lisa: A beautiful and honest story, eldest sibling. Now, (sniffling) let's proceed.''

(Everybody else looked at Lisa strangely)

''Lisa: What? Just because I rarely express human emotion doesn't mean I entirely lack any emotions.''

Lisa: That much is true, but I doubt that a story so saccharine would reduce me to tears.

(Lisa pushes the button, and the spinner lands on the black spot)

Lisa: Lucy, I-

Lucy: Dare.

''Lisa: Really? If you insist. Wear pink.''

Lola: Classic rookie mistake. Lisa just gave Lucy a freebie.

Lisa: How so? Lucy despises that color.

Lola: But you didn't say what she has to wear. She can choose just about anything and still win the dare. A pink scrunchie. Pink socks. Pink underwear. A pink bracelet. There's a dozen ways for her to get out of this.

(As the camera panned back, Lucy was already gone)

Luna: Dudes, where did she go?

Lucy: (out of nowhere) I'm right here.

(Everyone jumps up in shock)

''Lucy: You could never get me to wear pink. Even if you tried.''

Leni: But what about the time you wanted to impress Ro-

(Lucy cut her off)

''Lucy: That was one exception. I was desperate.''

''Lynn: You know, she has a point. (continues blowing into a football)''

''Lucy: Sigh. Farewell, La Leche Lagoon. You will be dearly missed.''

Lola: She gets a freebie and she just gives up?! Does everyone in this story stink at this game?!

(The spinner then began to speak in a robotic voice)

Spinner: Player – Lucy eliminated

(The black spot on the spinner disappeared, and the circle was now split into ten equal parts)

''Lisa: Ah, yes, I forgot. Whenever a player is eliminated from the game, the number of applicable colors on the wheel decreases.''

(A montage plays, starting with the spinner landing on Lori, with Leni's space whited out)

Lori: Dare.

Leni: Go, like, one day without using your phone.

Luan: Okay, Lynn's dare was bad enough, but we're seriously gonna give Lori a dare that she can't finish until tomorrow?

(Lori accepts the dare, but the pressure soon gets to her, and she gives up)

Spinner: Player – Lori eliminated

Luan: ...well, I guess it doesn't matter since she gave up pretty quickly.

(Lana lands on Lynn)

Lynn: (Finishes blowing up a basketball) Truth.

Lana: What was the first sport you ever played?

[Lola facepalms.]

Lola: Really? Really? What is this, Baby's First Truth or Dare?

''Lynn: Easy! Soccer!''

(The green light on the collar flashed)

(Lincoln landed on Luan)

Luan: Dare!

Lincoln: Try not to tell a joke for a who-

''Luan: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! (tries to run out)''

Spinner: Player – Luan eliminated

Lisa: That wasn't a joke. Technically speaking, she should still be in this.

''Luan: Dang it. Well, on the bright side, at least I have a bags-worth of DairyLand's udder-shaped balloons to keep me in the spirit of things.''

''Lana: You mean the ones where you're supposed to blow through the teats? How did you even get those?''

''Luan: (stretching one of the balloons out) Funny Business was sponsored by DairyLand for one of their birthday parties! (begins to blow through one of the four teats, blowing up one of the chambers, and a quarter of the balloon) I think it's quite teat! (laughs) Get it?''

Lynn: ...no. I don't get it.

[Everyone looks at Luan.]

Luan: Don't look at me! I don't get it either!

(Luna lands on Lynn)

''Lynn: Dare! (Finishes with a soccer ball)''

Luna: Score a goal from the kitchen to the front door!

(It cuts downstairs, Lynn has another flat soccer ball in her hands. After completely blowing it up, she kicks the ball from the kitchen into the goal post near the front door)

Lynn: GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALL!

(The montage ends as Lynn lands on Lola)

''Lynn: Lola, (blows a breath into a basketball) Truth… (blows another breath) …or Dare? (blows the last breath into the basketball and the first into a volleyball)''

Lola: Dare.

''Lynn: It's payback time, Lola. (blows another breath into the volleyball) Let El Diablo slither inside your dress for 5 minutes!''

''Lola: What?! Uh… I mean… hmmph. Very well. A proper lady never refuses a challenge.''

Lola: Um, El Diablo isn't poisonous, is he?

Lynn: Unless I'm mistaken, he's a candoia, so no. And the proper term is venomous, not poisonous.

[Beat]

Lynn: I like snakes.

(Lola nearly completes the dare, but she freaks out at the last second and tries to pull El Diablo out of her gown)

''Lola: Eww! So slithery! So SCALY! SO CREEPY!''

Spinner: Player – Lola eliminated

(Lily lands on Luna)

Luna: Dare me, sis!

(Lily babbles)

''Luna: Change you?! I thought that was Luan's job!''

Luan: Wha- since when?!

Lola: And it doesn't matter anyway! A dare's a dare!

''Lincoln: You have to accept, Luna. If you don't, then no La Leche Lagoon.''

Luna: (sighs) I've never actually done this before...

Lisa: Untrue. Everyone in this house has been burdened with the task at one point or another.

Luna:...so don't expect me to- (As soon as Luna took off her baby sister's diaper, the odor of her excrements began to spread around the room like wildfire. (gags) Ugh, what reeks so bad?! Were ya droppin' gas bombs, love?

''Leni: Bombs? WHERE?! (Leni then ran over to hide behind Lori)''

''Lynn: Ugh, come ON! Can't a girl fill her own gas bombs around here? (starts blowing up the last sports ball, a basketball)''

''Luan: Poop jokes aren't my favorite, but I think it's safe to say that they're #2! (laughs) (coughs) But seriously, change that diaper, pronto!''

(Lisa rushes in wearing a hazmat suit)

''Lisa: Remain still, infantile sibling! I shall tend to your fecal conundrum immediately!''

(Lisa successfully disposes of the dirty diaper and changes Lily into a new one)

Spinner: Player – Luna eliminated

Lincoln: Isn't that against the rules? Lisa didn't even give Luna a chance to try.

Lola: Yeah, but she was taking too long. I think Lisa was just stepping in for our sake.

''Luna: I don't know how I was supposed to do somethin' like that, dudes. That smell is RANCID!''

''Lynn: Phew, now that that's over, it's time for the main event! (Lynn starts to blow up the first bouncer)''

(Lisa lands on Leni)

Lisa: Leni, Truth or Dare?

Leni: Truth!

''Lisa: (to herself) This is going to be simple. Leni's feeble mind is too capable of making obvious mistakes. That ticket to La Leche Lagoon is mine for the keeping.''

''Leni: Hey! I heard that! (hears Lynn blowing the last breath into the first bouncer) Is there an elephant in the house?''

Lisa: What color was your first dress?

Lola: ''Who. Cares?! The point of a truth isn't to stump'' the other person! You're supposed to embarrass them!

''Leni: Ooh! I know! I think it was… uh… white?''

A red light flashed, and Leni was shocked by the collar, causing her hair to frizz.

Leni: (gasps) My hair!

Luan: In all fairness, that was pretty embarrassing for Leni.

Lola: Okay, I'll give you that.

Player – Leni eliminated

Lisa: Easy as freshly-baked rhubarb pie.

Lincoln: And then… there were five.

(Lana lands on Lincoln)

Lana: Truth or Dare, Lincoln?

Lincoln: (out of fear) TRUTH!

''Lana: Relax, big bro. I'm not gonna pressure you.''

Lola: Oh, gosh, why would she? It's not like it's the point of the game or anything!

Lana: I was just gonna ask which of my pets you think is your favorite.

[When we cut back, Lola is absent from the couch, and there's an incessant thumping noise coming from the right.]

Lincoln: What is that-

Luan: I think you can guess.

[When we pan to the right, we see that Lola is beating her head against the wall.]

Lynn: Lola, you're gonna get a concussion if you keep doing that.

Lola: I don't know what that is!

''Lincoln: (relieved) Really? Oh. Well, that would be Hops. After all, he did help us save all of those other frogs from being dissected.''

(The collar light flashed green)

''Lincoln: (to himself) Yes! La Leche Lagoon, here I come!''

(Lincoln lands on Lana)

Lincoln: Truth or Dare?

Lana: Truth!

Lincoln: At one point, did you really have a frog named Seymour?

''Lana: Yeah, but I had to let the little guy go. He was getting too big for me to protect him, so I let him roam the wild like nature intended''

Lisa: An unwise decision. Releasing a domesticated pet into the wild may seem like a noble act, but all you're doing is placing them in an environment they've never been exposed to, and thus would be unfit to survive in. Seymour would have lasted a few days, at most.

(The collar flashed green)

(Another montage happens, this time with Lincoln being on the receiving end on several truths and dares. He, however, manages to complete all of them, all while Lynn is still working on finishing the second bouncer. In one of them in particular, he's forced to take a direct hit to the face from one of Lynn's soccer balls)

''Lynn: (realizing that she forgot to blow up one of her soccer balls) Oh! Hold on, missed a spot! (moistens the needle, sticks it into the soccer ball, and proceeds to blow it up. Once she's finished blowing, she kicks the soccer ball directly at Lincoln's face, causing him to fall face-first on the ground)''

''Lincoln: (picking his head up) Huh. I guess Leni was right. It does hurt worse when she blows it up herself.''

Lisa: She was correct, but for the entirely wrong reasons. If Lynn has a propensity for overinflating her balls, that would make them hit harder - but it wouldn't be because the air itself was harder.

(Lana lands on Lily)

Lily: (babbles)

Lisa: She requests that you give her a dare.

Lana: Stay away from your blankie for a whole d-

(Before Lana could finish her sentence, Lily whipped Lana with her blankie with a disapproving look)

Player – Lily eliminated

(Lincoln lands on Lisa)

Lisa: I'm not wasting my time with another truth.

[Lola is now back on the couch, with a bandage on her head.]

Lola: Why not? They're basically freebies anyway.

Lincoln: Try not to make the house explode during one of your experiments.

Lisa: That one is almost insultingly easy. "Experiment" is such a broad term, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve volatile substances. Even subjecting a group of people to an ink blot test could be considered an "experiment". You're going to need to choose your words far more carefully in order to-

(Cut to a shot outside of the house a few minutes later, as the roof is blown off)

Lisa: Dang it.

Lisa: ...or not.

Player – Lisa eliminated

(Lily lands on Lana)

''Lana: Dare. How bad could it be?''

Lily: (babbles) (Translation: Let Hops go back to the wild)

''Lana: Sorry, Lil', but no can do. Hops and I are as close as close can be. Isn't that right, Hops?''

(Hops comes out of Lana's front pocket and ribbits happily in response)

Player – Lana eliminated

Lincoln: Okay, Lynn… after trial and error, it's down to the two of us.

''Lynn: Yep. It all come down to this. (blows the first breath into the third and final bouncer) Truth or Dare?''

Lincoln: Truth.

Lola: Oh, no, what could she possibly ask? I hope she doesn't go too hard on him!

Lynn: What was the first Ace Savvy comic you read?

Lincoln: Issue #23, Ace vs the Card Counter!

(The collar flashed green)

Luan: I thought the Card Counter was a good guy. Also, didn't you come up with her?

Lincoln: Yes, and yes. Whoever wrote this really needs to double check their facts.

Spinner: Sudden Death

Lincoln: Truth or Dare?

Lynn: Truth.

''Lincoln: Give up sports? Or give up on your family''

Lola: And of course it's a - wait, what was that?

[Lola reads the last line again.]

Lola: That's... actually a pretty good question. I'm impressed.

[Everyone looks at Lynn.]

Lynn: I mean, I-I-I don't know. I love all of you. You know that I do. But sports... sports are my life. If I gave them up, what would I even do?

Luan: Well, giving up sports wouldn't mean you'd have to give up being active. Maybe you could be a personal trainer.

Lincoln: Or a bodybuilder! That's not a sport, is it?

Lynn: No, I don't think so...

[Lynn gives herself a minute to think it over.]

Lynn: Hmm... I don't think I'd enjoy that stuff as much as I enjoy baseball or football, but I guess it'd be the next best thing. So given the choice, I think I'd give up sports.

(Lynn gasped. Her entire passion, her reason to live, she had to give that up, or the ones she loved. She had to think carefully about it. But then, she remembered. She had one last trick up her sleeve. But she knew, whether she told the truth or a lie, she would ultimately win)

[Everyone peers at the screen curiously.]

Lynn: Give up my family

(The collar shocks Lynn as the light flashes red)

''Lincoln: Well, Lynn. I gotta say. You put up a good fight.''

Spinner: Player – Lynn…

…

…

…

Dare still in progress.

Everyone: WHAT?!

Everyone: (in utter shock): WHAT?!

Luan: Is there an-

Lisa: No! There's no echo in here! We're in an average sized suburban living room! Stop asking that!

Lola: So you're telling me that until Lynn finished that dare, she couldn't lose?!

''Lynn: Gotcha, Linc! You took the bait hook, line, and sinker!''

(Lynn blows the final breath into the third bouncer, plugs up the hole, and places it upon the pile of completely inflated balls)

Lincoln: (jaw drops)

Lincoln: So... I guess the game's still going on-

Spinner: Winner – Player – Lynn

[The Loud siblings sit there in dumbfounded silence for a spell.]

Lynn, as per her usual, prideful self, began to gloat.

''Lynn: Uh-huh! Go Lynn! Uh-huh! Go Lynn!''

''[The Loud sibling exchange knowing glances. Luan takes out her phone, pulls up the stopwatch app, and sets the timer for one minute.]''

Luan: Go.

Lincoln: How is it fair that I lost even though I didn't fail a single truth or dare?

Lisa: If all failures are ruled null and void while a dare is in progress, isn't the optimal strategy to take as much time to complete a dare as possible?

Lynn: Why was I the only one who knew about that stupid rule? And if I wasn't, why didn't anyone else catch on to what I was doing?

Lola: How could this have been part of Lynn's plan all along when I was the one who thought up her dare?!

Luan: Some of the other dares would have taken a day to finish. If Lori went the rest of the game without her phone, wouldn't that make her the winner by default?

Lincoln: What if both of us were still doing dares? Would the winner be whoever finished first or whoever finished last?

Lola: And why would I go through all that-

[When the phone starts beeping, Lola grabs the phone and throws it against the wall, smashing it.]

Lola: And why would I go through all that trouble setting up that dare if I knew that it would just give Lynn an easy way to win?! And why was Lisa surprised when the machine said that Lynn won?! She built it! She was the one who programmed in that stupid rule that doesn't even make any-

[In the midst of her ranting, Lisa takes out a dishrag, soaks it in some unidentified solution, and holds it under Lola's nose.]

Lola: ...doesn't even make any... any...

[Lola collapses on the floor, unconscious.]

Lincoln: Dare I ask what that was?

Lisa: A specially made concoction of warm milk, chamomile, and over-the-counter children's cough syrup.

(Lincoln just sits there, completely flabbergasted that Lynn was able to double-cross him, despite knowing that she would always put family over sports)

Lincoln: I… lost?

Luan: Believe us, Lincoln, we're just as dumbfounded as you.

''Lynn: I'll be taking this, thank you very much. (Lynn swipes the last ticket to La Leche Lagoon from the counter, and proceeded to march out the door… but then immediately stopped and looked back at her sulking little brother)''

Lynn: (to herself) Oh, no. I think I went to far on him.

Lincoln: She… beat me… but… how?

''Lynn: (to herself) I played dirty, and now Linc's suffering for it. I have to do what I know is right. It's just like Lincoln said: I always put family over competition and sports.''

Lincoln: I never said that. You said that.

...wait, no you didn't! You lied and said the opposite!

Lynn: Don't waste your time, Linc. This story's confusing enough already.

(Lynn then proceeds to walk over, and kneel down to Lincoln)

''Lynn: Linc? I think this belongs to you.''

Lincoln: (on the brink of tears) (sniffles) W-what?

Lincoln: Okay, I wouldn't cry over losing a game. I'd like to think I'm a little more mature than that.

''Lynn: You deserve it more than I do. It's like you said. I would never put sports and my pride ahead of my own family. Take it. It's yours.''

''Lincoln: B-but… I don't understand. You won.''

''Lynn: But you put up a good fight. And I can't respect you enough for doing so despite your initial reluctance to play. After all, it is family game night)''

Lincoln: T-thank you, Lynn.

(Lynn helps Lincoln up)

''Lynn: You know, Linc, it's probably the costume talkin', but you're just the cutest when you're happy. (Ruffles his hair)''

Lincoln: Oh, that's right, I'm still wearing the costume. I almost forgot about that.

Lisa: Probably because the story did, too.

''Lynn: Let this be a lesson to all of us. We shouldn't put our on hobbies or competitions ahead of our own family. Who wants a group hug?''

(All of the other sisters join Lincoln and Lynn in a group hug)

(A few minutes later, the Loud kids are getting ready for bed. After Lynn finishes brushing her teeth, she goes towards her room, but sees that the light from Lincoln's bedroom has already been turned off. Lynn slowly opens the door to investigate, only to find that her little brother had already gotten a head start, as he was sleeping peacefully, patiently awaiting the next day ahead of him, holding Bun-Bun close to him)

''Lynn: (quietly) Looks like someone wanted to get ahead of schedule. G'night, li'l bro. I hope you have a wet 'n' wild time tomorrow.''

(Lynn, understanding what her brother's been through today, gently kisses Lincoln on the forehead, causing Lincoln to smile a little during his sleep as Lynn slowly and quietly exited his bedroom)

(It then cuts to Lincoln getting ready to go to La Leche Lagoon the next day)

Lincoln: Are you really sure about this?

Lynn: Positive.

Lisa: By any reasonable standard, Lincoln won that game. The ticket is rightfully his.

Lynn: No argument there.

(Lincoln then walks out the door)

Lori: Tell us how the trip goes!

Leni: We can't wait to go there ourselves someday!

(Lincoln meets his mom and dad by the car doors)

''Lynn Sr.: So, kiddo? Who's going to La Leche Lagoon?''

Lincoln: Well, we originally thought Lynn would go, but she knew that family was more important.

Luan: So, prioritizing family means... putting Lincoln first? Even the message of this story is confusing.

Lynn: Yeah, and what if I did win fairly? Would I still have to give my ticket to Lincoln just because he was sad he couldn't go?

Rita: Awwww… that's our girl, knowing when to put herself behind others.

Lynn Sr.: Now who's ready for a Moo-rvelous time?

Rita and Lincoln: We are!

''Lincoln: (to the audience) Well, Lynn won the game of Truth or Dare, but she knew what was right. And that's another reason why I love living in a family this big. No matter how many times we fall out, we always realize what's at stake.''

(The car drives off to La Leche Lagoon as the episode closes)

[Lola is just starting to wake up.]

Lola: Uggghhh... what happened?

Lisa: You went off on an unhinged tirade and I had to sedate you.

Lola: [Still a bit groggy] Oh... right. And sorry 'bout your phone, Luan.

Luan: Don't worry about it. I was due for an upgrade anyway.

Lynn: Hey, guys, I'm just spitballing, but how about we go upstairs and have ourselves a real game of truth or dare? One where the rules actually make sense?

Luan: I'm down!

Lisa: I suppose one game wouldn't hurt me.

Lincoln: I... guess it could be fun. Let's go!

[The five of them go upstairs, with Lincoln carrying the woozy Lola on his back.]

THE END