User blog comment:Harburton81/Fanfiction - Mount AvaLoud/@comment-31199313-20170131212951

Lana: (relaxed) Uh huh. The steam in here is really good for your skin. Plus, you get lonely in your spare time, big bro.

Awwww. She doesn't want him to be lonely. :)  Oh, and who'd have thought Lana of all people cared about healthy skin?  Once again proving that maybe she and Lola aren't that different after all.

Lynn: Yeah, little bro. You think we'd just let you be all by your lonesome in a room full of hot steam?

I repeat: Awwww

Lisa: Agreed. In a room full of warm steam that is over 200 degrees Fahrenheit.

It's over 200!!! :D  I couldn't resist.

Lincoln: Really, girls? Even in a place like this, you still wanna hang out with me?

Hmm. Sweet scene, but now he sounds more concerned about his loneliness than any privacy issues. I would change that to something like:

Lincoln: Really, girls? This is okay?

Also, take note of how I edited the characters' dialogue in this post. Those are just a sample of the issues with grammar and dialogue structure scattered throughout. Other than that, I like this story. I can't say this enough: The show would be so much better if written more like this.