User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: Missing Linc (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5: Logic Chess: Flip
It appears the police had come to the same conclusion I did. When we pulled up to Flip’s Food & Fuel, there was a police cruiser parked outside. It was situated right in front of the front entrance rather than by one of the gas pumps, immediately implying that this wasn’t a mere pitstop.

“At least we know the police are doing their job,” said Lori. She then looked at me through the rearview mirror. “Maybe you should come with me and Leni, Lisa. We don’t want to get in their way.”

“Your concern is duly noted, sibling,” I said frankly. “Nevertheless, we need all the intel we can get if we want to find Lincoln. That means we need to know what the police know.”

“But, like, what if you and Lily get arrested for making the cops mad?” asked Leni.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Sweet naïve Leni, always relying on her emotions rather than her intellect. It may be strange to hear this from me, but a part of me genuinely admires her for that. At least she never has to worry about someone accusing her of being cold and heartless. I, on the other hand, get that a lot more often than I’d wish. But, I digress.

“Leni, the chances of the police arresting a four-year-old child and a baby for Obstruction of Justice are quite remote,” I explained. “The worst they can do is take me back home, in which case I will simply resume listening in on their radio transmissions. Besides, if we aid in their investigation, we’re not exactly engaging in Obstruction of Justice, are we?”

I have my doubts that Leni comprehended all of my statement. She always did struggle with my loquacious manner of speech. Fortunately, Lori was able to translate.

“If the cops see that Lisa’s there to help, she thinks they’ll leave her alone,” she clarified.

“Oh~. I get it,” said Leni. “Um, are you sure they’ll be okay with that?”

“I’m never certain of anything,” I stated plainly. “Science is never about being one hundred percent certain. However, as Lynn would probably say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

Lori sighed. “Well, we shouldn’t waste time arguing about it. Just be sure to call me if you get into trouble.”

“I shall,” I said with a nod. “Come along, Lily! The game is afoot!”

“Poo-poo!” Lily chirped, which roughly translates to an affirmation. As an aside, I will be providing translation for Lily for the remainder of our investigation. Baby talk just so happens to be one of the many languages I’m fluent in, though I’ve never put that on my résumé. Mainly because it’s not really an officially-recognized language. But again, I digress.

Lily and I disembarked and gave Lori and Leni one last wave farewell before they drove off to see Clyde. Mind you, I’m not entirely sure what we’ll find here. According to my hypothesis, Lincoln never reached this destination. However, those who are familiar with Flip know that he’s no stranger to shifty dealings. He must’ve heard something about Lincoln’s abduction. And that’s what I intend to find out.

***

Once Lily and I set foot inside the convenience store, it was about what I’d expect. Two police officers were there, getting into a shouting match with the store’s proprietor: the titular Flip. In my experience, Flip has always been a belligerent curmudgeon whose priorities lie solely on his own well-being. I had a suspicion that he wouldn’t cooperate with the authorities so easily.

“If I told ya once, I told ya a thousand times!” Flip bellowed. “I don’t know nothing about that kid going missing! Now either buy something or clear out!”

I wonder. Was that double negative mere ignorance of English grammar, or a Freudian slip? Considering this is Flip we’re talking about, it could go either way.

“Sir, we have reason to suspect that Lincoln Loud came this way,” said one of the police officers. “If you would just tell us where he went—”

“I’m not that kid’s keeper!” Flip interrupted. “Go ask someone who cares and stop holding up my customers! I’ve got a business to run here!”

If this continues, I speculate it will end with Flip being arrested. It’s honestly no skin off of my proverbial nose; the man is a selfish lout and the police interrogators will get the information they seek from him one way or another. However, time is of the essence. If I can expedite this process, then we can rescue Lincoln that much sooner. I cleared my throat.

“I beg your pardon, good sirs,” I said. “My sister and I are in a hurry, and we need to make a purchase.”

The police officers both raised an eyebrow at me, which is a typical reaction to seeing a child my age unattended with a baby. But before they could inquire as to the presence of my parental units, Flip came around the counter and shoved them aside. That’s… probably not going to do him any favors.

“Whaddya want, kid?” he growled.

“Hey! We’re not done with you!” barked one of the officers.

“Paying customers take precedence, pal,” Flip said curtly. He quickly turned back to me. “So, whaddya want?”

“Information,” I said, adjusting my glasses. “Specifically, information regarding one Lincoln Loud.”

Flip snorted. “Oh, for crying out loud! You too?! What is it with everyone giving me the third degree today?! I keep tellin’ ya mooks; I don’t know nothing about Lincoln!”

Again with the poor grammar. I understand men like Flip aren’t as vigilant about this sort of thing, but his behavior suggests that he’s clearly hiding something. I’m not sure what that something is yet, but I might have a way to find out.

You may not know this about me, but I’ve participated in scientific debates once or twice. And I find the best way to approach such debates is to treat them like my favorite prepackaged recreational pastime: Chess. Chess is all about being several steps ahead of your opponent and maneuvering around their defenses. The same applies here, only my pieces are pure logic. And just like chess, I must plan my moves accordingly.

I’ll start by discovering why Flip is being so uncooperative. After all, I’d think even he would have the good sense not to pick a fight with the po-po. That is, unless he had something to hide.

“So, you claim to have no knowledge of Lincoln’s disappearance?” I asked.

“I’ve got nothing to say to you,” Flip snarled. “Not unless you’re planning to actually buy something.”

Not much to work with there. I’ll just wait and see what he says next.

“Heh. I knew that’d shut you up,” Flip scoffed. “Now, are you actually going to buy something, or do I need to kick you out?”

“What if I were to compensate you for the information you provided?” I offered. “Would that satisfy you?”

Flip furrowed his brow and stroked his chin. “Well, that depends. How much are you offering?”

It’s tempting to assume that because he was interested in selling, he actually had information to sell. But I know Flip is a wily opportunist. There’s still a possibility that he genuinely knows nothing, and he’d just make off with my allowance money. I’ll have to hold off on my attack and wait to see what he says next.

“Y’know, I’m sure those cops wanna know about Lincoln, too,” said Flip. “This is a limited-time offer. If you don’t give me a price, I’ll just ask them.”

That was a bad move on his part. Time to capitalize.

“First of all, we’re after the same information,” I said. “It’s not as though they can prevent me from hearing it. Secondly, I must thank you.”

“For what?”

“For proving that you know something. You’re not that reckless, Flip. If you truly knew nothing, you wouldn’t risk scamming the police. Not that they would kowtow to your greedy ways, anyway. I’m offering you a way out of the interrogation cell. I suggest you take it.”

Flip turned as white as a sheet as he found himself powerless against my logical prowess. “O-okay, maybe I do know something about Lincoln. But I ain’t giving it away for free, you hear?! I’m still running a business!”

“Sir, that’s not your call to make,” said one of the officers. “You need to tell us what you know. That kid’s life might be in danger!”

Flip shrugged. “Then I suggest you pay up, coppers.”

While I admire Flip’s moxie, there’s only so far you can push the po-po, and he’s testing those limits. It’s time for the big question here.

“You appear to be quite stressed, Flip. More so than usual, anyway,” I said. “Is there something that could, say, compromise your position if the police knew about it?”

“Th-they have nothing on me!” Flip snapped. “I didn’t do anything to Lincoln, I swear!”

Ah-ha. That’s the opening I need.

“Well, no wonder you’ve been so uncooperative,” I said. “You think you’re a suspect, aren’t you? You know full well of your own insidious nature, and when the police came knocking, you panicked and started dodging their questions. The irony, of course, is that your actions make you more suspicious, not less! So I suggest you start telling the truth, now!”

Flip recoiled from my logic, knocking some merchandise off the shelves as he stumbled. “Alright, alright! Look, I-I really don’t know that much. You’d be better off bugging someone else.”

“But you do know something,” I said, adjusting my glasses.

“Nothing that’ll help you find him,” Flip grumbled.

“Allow me to be the judge of that,” I insisted. Now that I’ve alleviated his fears, it’s time I discovered what exactly he knows about Lincoln’s abduction. Let’s see if his information is as paltry as he says it is.

“Tell me, Flip. When did you first hear about Lincoln’s disappearance?” I asked.

“Uh, let me think about that,” said Flip, furrowing his brow. “Was it last night? I don’t really remember…”

He’s stalling. I can tell from the sweat dripping from his brow. I should give him some motivation.

“I already demonstrated that it’s in your best interest to be honest,” I said. “So unless you want to come off as more suspicious, you will give me a prompt answer to my question.”

Flip flinched. “U-uh, yeah! I-I remember now. I-it was on the radio last night.”

“So you knew that Lincoln had disappeared before the police arrived,” I mused.

“Y-yeah. Of course I did,” said Flip. “And when they busted down my door and started pestering me, I was sure they thought I did it.”

As I suspected. I guess when you have as many illicit dealings as Flip does, you’re more prone to becoming paranoid. But in the eyes of the law, he’s innocent until proven guilty. I shouldn’t spook him too much. I’ll hold off and see what he says next.

“Look, I know I’ve had my differences with your brother in the past,” said Flip. “But that’s all water under the bridge. He’s just one of my regular customers now, nothing more.”

Meaning he has no motive to kidnap Lincoln. That’ll be important later, I’m sure. For now, let’s change the subject.

“Where exactly were you last night, Flip?” I inquired.

“I was tending the store like normal,” said Flip. “And before you ask, no, Lincoln did not pass by.”

Hmm. It appears he’s anticipating my next move before I make it. Perhaps I haven’t completely erased his fears after all.

“So you didn’t see Lincoln at all yesterday,” I said.

“No. Well, not last night,” said Flip. “I know he was here yesterday afternoon with that mechanic sister of his. They were looking for mechanic parts or something, but I said we wouldn’t be getting ‘em until tomorrow.”

Oh, that’s right. Lana was supposed to pick up supplies from Flip today. That further solidifies his alibi. He wouldn’t disrupt his own business like that. With that in mind, I don’t have much to add. Time to move on.

“Tell me, were you expecting Lincoln at all last night?” I asked.

Flip shrugged and rubbed the back of his head. “Th-that’s not an easy question to answer, missy. I mean, if he didn’t show up, it’s no big deal. But after the big news, I figured he’d at least drop by, y’know?”

Now this is curious. What big news would cause Lincoln to risk breaking curfew?

“I’m not sure I’ve been made privy to this news,” I said. “Care to fill me in?”

Flip flashed me a grin. “Sure. But it’ll cost ya.”

We’re back to this, are we? Well, I’m not going to placate him that easily. I refuse to entertain such delusions.

“You drive a hard bargain, missy,” said Flip. “Fine, how about this? I’ll throw in those supplies your sister wanted, no extra charge.”

Does he… does he honestly believe that I’m in the mood for haggling right now? My elder brother’s life is in jeopardy; I don’t have time for this! I should’ve just let the police haul him off and…

No, calm down. I can’t lose my head. There has to be a way to get him to cooperate without loosening my purse strings. Let’s see what else he has to say.

“Fine. Your loss,” said Flip with a shrug. “Like I said, it probably won’t help you find him, anyway.”

Ah, another misstep. Time to make my move.

“If it was really that unimportant, you wouldn’t charge me for it, would you?” I said. “Well, perhaps you would, but then you’d be swindling me right in front of the police. What would that do to your business, I wonder?”

Flip swallowed hard. “P-point taken,” he said. “Still, I can’t believe you don’t know about this. There were rumors all over the place.”

“Rumors about what?”

“What do you mean rumors about what? Lincoln’s an Ace Savvy fan, ain’t he?”

Curiouser and curiouser. “Why exactly is Ace Savvy relevant to this discussion?”

“You mean he never mentioned this to you? I mean, yeah, it was just a rumor, but I’d figure he’d at least tell you.”

“Stop beating around the proverbial bush, Flip. Tell me what?”

“How about you pay up and find out? Or are you too busy counting cards to pay attention to what’s going on around you?”

…

Now that was a Freudian slip if I’ve ever heard one. I think I can ascertain what’s going on here.

“My my, Flip. I didn’t know you were a fan of Ace Savvy,” I said coyly. “After all, how else would you know about my character, the Card Counter?”

The pigment drained from Flip’s face in an instant. “F-forget I said that.”

“I don’t think I will, thank you,” I said, adjusting my glasses. “Clearly, this involves the comic that Lincoln and Clyde submitted to that contest some time back. The one where he created a bunch of characters based off of myself and my siblings. This is just a supposition, but if he heard good rumors about that comic, and they were proven true, that would give him a reason to celebrate. That being the case, you must think quite highly of yourself, Flip. Why else would you automatically assume that he would rush over to this establishment and risk breaking curfew just for a celebratory Flippie?”

I then pointed a finger at him. “And it’s all the more reason why your alibi is airtight! No one has any reason to accuse you of any misconduct regarding Lincoln, Flip! Disregard your paranoid delusions and do not shy from the truth!”

Flip jumped and knocked some more merchandise off the shelves. “A-alright, alright! I’ll tell you everything! No charge! J-just don’t let those cops arrest me!”

Hmph. Checkmate.

“Uh, thanks, kid,” said one of the officers, looking quite bewildered. “We’ll take it from here.”

Honestly, I’m surprised they allowed me to interrogate Flip uninterrupted. While I’m grateful for that, I might want to write our mayor about issues with the Royal Woods Police Department. I’m used to Mother and Father letting things like this slide, but I believe our police force should be held to a higher standard.

“Look, I don’t know how this’ll help you find him, but that comic of his is being made into a movie,” said Flip. “It was on TV last night, with his name in the credits and everything.”

It appears my hypothesis is correct. Flip must’ve saw that commercial and believed that Lincoln would drop by to celebrate. I can probably think of dozens of other places Lincoln would rather go if he wanted to treat himself for this achievement, but that’s neither here nor there.

“And that’s all you know?” asked one of the officers.

“That’s everything,” said Flip firmly. “Now either buy something or clear out.”

We’re back to this again, are we? It’s as though I’m listening to a lacerated vinyl disk, or as it’s more commonly known, a broken record.

“There’s one thing I still don’t comprehend,” I said. “Why not just tell the truth from the beginning? You knew you were innocent, so you should have nothing to hide.”

Flip scoffed. “I couldn’t take any chances. That’s how these coppers get ya, y’know. They try and frame ya for something you didn’t do, and the next thing you know, they book ya for every dirty thing you ever did.”

“Um, sir? We’re standing right here,” said one of the officers.

Flip blanched. “D-did I say did? I meant might have done.”

Oy vey. This is just getting pathetic at this point. Perhaps it’s time Lily and I took our lea—

Wait a moment. Where is Lily? Dang it, I got so caught up in the logic chess match that I lost track of her. Luckily, I know her tracker is still functioning. I just need to take out my transceiver and…

Ah, good. She hasn’t left the store.

“Do excuse me, gentlemen,” I said. “I have some other matters to attend to.”

Before the po-po could inquire anything of me, I started off. We already have one sibling missing; we don’t need two. Since following the tracker isn’t taking up much of my cognitive function, this will give me time to reflect on my interrogation. Flip said the information wouldn’t be useful in locating Lincoln, and on the surface, he’s correct. This Full House Gang movie, while intriguing, appears superfluous. However, I recall the day when Lincoln and Clyde submitted that comic. They were almost prevented from doing so thanks to a rival contestant. Could history be repeating itself, now that the Full House Gang has more notoriety? If that’s so, is Clyde in danger as well? And what of…?

Hmm. Odd. The tracker is leading me right into a shelf full of canned soup. That doesn’t seem right. Where could she…?

“”

A tiny hand reach out of the cans and squeezed my proboscis. Well, crisis averted, I suppose.

“Lily, this is no time for games,” I scolded. “We’re on a serious mission here, and you shouldn’t wander off on your o—”

Lily suddenly put a finger to her lips and shushed me. She then pointed over my shoulder. I turned around. There stood a rather dapper gentleman with a rotund build and a bushy white mustache. His nice navy suit and top hat made him stand out from the usual customers Flip typically got. He appeared to be browsing a display of comic books Flip had set up.

“I admire you taking initiative and trying to seek out anomalies, Lily,” I said with a sigh. “But next time, inform me before you disappear like that. We are in a very precarious position here; more so than our other siblings. Besides, how is this relevant to the case?”

“” said Lily, pointing to the gentleman.

I turned back, and sure enough, the dapper gentleman had a copy of Ace Savvy in his hand. It’s curious, to be sure, but correlation does not necessarily imply causality. There’s a reason the word “coincidence” exists in the dictionary.

“I don’t think that’s enough to go on, Lily,” I informed her. “Now, come along. We should call Lori and get back to the house. We can use the police radio to find our next—”

Before I got any further, Lily squeezed my proboscis again and crawled away. After recovering from the ordeal, I saw that she was following the dapper gentleman out of the store.

“Dang it, Lily,” I muttered. I swear, if I hadn’t burned all of my hair off with my nuclear experiments, it would be turning grey right now. In hindsight, perhaps I should’ve partnered with Lori or Leni instead. Well, at least her tracker is still working.

When I got out of the store, I saw a large stretch limousine starting to drive away. Before it took off, Lily had climbed onto the back of the vehicle and gripped onto the spare tire. This is not ideal, to put it mildly. I know I should call Lori, but I don’t think she’d get here in time. As they say, desperate times call for drastic measures.

I rushed back inside and ran up to the police officers.

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” I said. “I hate to be a bother, and I understand you have other obligations. However, my baby sister has just hitched a ride with a stranger, and I need to follow her.”

One of the officers raised an eyebrow at me. “Um, where are your parents, kid?”

I suppose that question was inevitable. Again, hindsight is 20/20.

“I have been awarded a Junior Noble Prize, and I regularly give lectures at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,” I said. “I believe I am capable of taking care of myself. Now please, I implore you. Help me rescue my sister.”

The officers shared a shrug and lead me out to their police cruiser.

“Can you describe this stranger’s car for us?” asked the officer.

“No need,” I said. “My sister has a tracking device implanted on her person. I can use that to find her. Just follow my directions.”

The officers exchanged a look before shrugging again. I suppose they weren’t equipped to deal with my specific circumstances, so they simply played along. Again, I might have to write a stern letter to the mayor about this grave oversight when all this is over. For now, I’ll just count my blessings.

I do hope your instincts prove to be correct, Lily. Otherwise, I’m going to have some rather choice words for you…

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