User blog:MrTyeDye/The Nice House: Making The Loud House Nicer

Recently, a user on here claimed that The Loud House would be "happier and more wonderful" if there was no fighting or meanness. And it got me thinking: what if the show was that way? How would it affect each episode's plot?

Let's see for ourselves, and take a look at a few episodes of...

THE Nice HOUSE

Slice of Life
Lincoln: "In a family this big..."

(Lincoln moves to the side of the stairway to avoid his sisters stampeding down; Lana then comes sliding down the banister.)

Lori, Leni, Luna, Lola, Lisa, Lynn, Lucy, and Luan: "PIZZA!!!"

Lana: "OOH, PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA, YEEES!"

Lincoln: "...getting seconds is rare." [runs down]

(cut to a pizza box getting set down on the dining room table.)

Lincoln: "Especially when it comes to pizza."

(Lincoln opens the box to reveal a pizza pie; he and his sisters reach in and take out a slice each, leaving only one remaining.)

Lincoln: "With twelve slices and eleven kids, there's always one slice left. Who gets the last slice? Well, that's easy. We take turns."

Lori: "Whose turn is it this time?"

Lana: "I believe it's mine."

Lori: "Right you are. The last slice is yours."

Lana: "Why, thank you!"

THE END

Left in the Dark
Hunter Spector: "Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, spectre hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!"

Lincoln: [marks calendar] "It's finally here! The live season finale of the greatest show ever! [Lincoln looks at the viewers.] All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And, you'd be wrong!"

(Lincoln steps out of his room to see all of his sisters outside his room, smiling.)

Leni: "TV's all yours! We know this season finale means a lot to you so we'll let you watch it."

Lincoln: "Thank you, Leni!"

THE END

Sleuth or Consequences
[Lincoln is dressed up in a costume next to a poster of one of his favorite superheroes: Ace Savvy.]

Lincoln: [stoically to the viewers] "I'm Ace Savvy, the world's savviest crime fighter. A man of few words, and fewer emotions. Except for today." [dancing with excitement] "Because today is the day of the big Ace Savvy comic book convention! YEAH!" [stoically again] "And now to call my trusty sidekick." [breaks out walkie talkie] "One-Eyed Jack, this is Ace Savvy."

Clyde: [dressed in his costume] "This is One-Eyed Jack. Just putting the finishing touches on my costume. And when it's ready, I'll be keeping one eye out for crime." [pulls an eyepatch over his glasses and lets go, causing the impact to smack the lens of his glasses.] "Ow!"

Lincoln: "Roger that. I'll meet you at 4:00 when it's time to..." [bursts out of room] "...deal out some justice!" [pulls out a deck of cards that spill all over the floor.] "Dang it."

[his sisters notice his costume and compliment him.]

Lynn: "Your costume totally rocks, bro!"

Lola: "I agree. I wish I had an outfit that stylish!"

Luna: "You're a sharp dressed man!"

Lincoln: "Aw, shucks, guys..."

[as he enters the bathroom, water from the toilet gushes out.]

Lori: "Oh, no! Who clogged the toilet?!"

Lucy: "It was me. I clogged it with a Princess Pony book. Please don't make fun of me."

Lori: "Of course we won't, Lucy! What do you think we are, monsters?"

Lucy: "You're right. I'm sorry for doubting you."

[They all engage in a group hug]

THE END

It's a Loud, Loud, Loud, Loud House
[Lincoln is looking around and sneaking about in the living room and leaps onto the sofa.]

Lincoln: "Money. In the Loud House, there just isn't a lot of it to go around." [searches between the cushions and gets wads of chewed gum on his fingers.] "Ew!" [shakes it off and pulls out a pair of dirty underwear and tosses it.]"Grody! Which is why, if you happen to find some, even the smallest amount...you gotta keep it to yourself." [finds a quarter] "Jackpot!" [kisses it]

[Just then, his sisters happen to come across him and his coin.]

Lynn: "Oh, hello, Lincoln! Found a coin, did you?"

Luan: "Well, you can go ahead and have it. Finders keepers!"

Lincoln: "Oh, you're too kind!"

THE END

The Sweet Spot
[Nighttime in the Loud house, Lincoln is getting dressed up and is packing up for tomorrow's road trip.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Ah, road trips. That beloved tradition for families everywhere. Tomorrow, the Loud family's going on a trip of our own. Sounds fun, right? Not with 13 of us packed into the family wagon. Or as we affectionately call it: 'Vanzilla'. [looks down at the family van] Every seat in Vanzilla offers one kind of torture or another." [pulls up his mattress to reveal the above view of the van; circles the third seat from the front row]"Getting stuck next to Lily's car seat is no good."

''[Flashback; Lincoln is seen reading his book. Offscreen, Lily's saliva gets on it.]''

Lincoln: "Gah! Lily!"

''[Giggling, Lily throws a beet, juice, and finally another beet at Lincoln. The boy is rendered unconscious.]''

[Cut back to Lincoln's room; Lincoln x's out that seat and points to the back row.]

Lincoln: "The back row is so far away from Mom and Dad, that it turns into the wild, wild west."

[Flashback; Lola and Lana look at each other angrily while Lincoln is seen with a comic book and soda between them.]

Lola: "Stop looking at me."

Lana: "You stop looking at me!"

[Lola and Lana fi-fi-fi-fi-fi-404 SCENE NOT FOUND]

[Cut back to Lincoln's room; Lincoln crosses out the back row and points to the first seat from the front.]

Lincoln: "And this seat has the exact opposite problem."

[Flashback]

Lincoln: [voiceover] "It's right in Dad's sight line."

Lynn Sr.: "Feet off the seat!"

''[Lincoln looks at Lynn Sr., whose furious eyes can be seen in the driver's mirror. He scowls and takes his foot off; a sappy tune plays over the radio.]''

Lincoln: "Plus, it's next to the one-working speaker."

Lynn Sr.: "Ooh, honey. It's our prom theme. Prrrrrrrr!"

[He turns up the music even louder, much to Lincoln's annoyance.]

[Cut back to Lincoln's room; he x's out that seat.]

Lincoln: "And the rest of the seats only get worse." [shown here are still flashbacks of Lincoln on the other seats that aren't useful for him.] "There's the sticky, the soggy, the springy, and the slanty. [x's out more seats until he points to the first seat from the second row.] From my calculations, that leaves just one seat safe from it all. I call it 'The Sweet Spot.' Fortunately, my sisters will let me have it if I ask politely enough. Problem solved!"

THE END

The Sound of Silence
Lincoln: [kicks off shoes] "Shoes off." [takes off shirt] "Shirt removed." [removes belt and drops pants] "Pants, be gone." [enters room] "Whoo-hoo! It's New Comic Wednesday! And there's no better way to read comics than in my undies! Ultra rare comic? Check. Optimal reading attire? Check." [puts on gloves] "Comic protection? Check. Well deserved and much desired peace and quiet? Check."

[We cut to Lori's room, where all ten sisters are having a meeting]

Lori: "Girls! Lincoln is reading comics in his underwear. Let's all stop what we're doing and be very, very quiet until he's finished."

Everyone Else: "Okay!"

THE END

Undie Pressure
''[We open on an exterior view of the Loud House on a rainy day. Inside, the eleven siblings are sitting in a circle, holding hands and singing Kumbaya.]''

THE END

So what do you think? Isn't this so much more pleasant and wholesome than the nasty, mean-spirited show we have?