User blog:Discofurby/Rhyming Recaps: Lincoln Loud: Girl Guru

Lincoln and Clyde tried to make chocolate pies.

All the chocolate was gone, but it wasn't a surprise;

All of his sisters liked chocolate a lot.

"Let's use salt and vinegar, which we have got."

Artie took a bite. "This is terrible!", he said,

So the two boys switched to making birdhouses instead.

They made one together, but it fell down.

Which made Lincoln and Clyde both want to frown,

Until they saw that Luan had made lots of dough,

By selling balloon creatures, but could they do it? No.

Liam said, "There's this girl that I'd like to impress.

How do I do that-- no more and no less?".

"Try giving her chocolate, that's what my sisters like to eat."

Liam came back and said, "It worked a treat!

You're a girl guru!", then Lincoln and Clyde,

Thought, "If Linc gives advice with Clyde by his side,

That would be a neat way to earn us some money."

So they set Lincoln up and they dressed him up funny.

Andrew said, "I wouldn't know this since I am a boy.

Tell me, what exactly do all girls enjoy?".

Lincoln said, "Dutch ovens," remembering Lynn.

They were unsure for a moment, but then Rusty came in.

He said, "How do I get a girl to fall for me?".

Lincoln said, "With a horse and armor as far as I can see."

(He'd remembered a bedtime story that Lola liked a lot.)

Then, Zach came and said, "Here's a problem I've got:

I have a crush on this girl she thinks she's too good for.

How do I get her to open up the door?".

Lincoln remembered what Lisa had stated:

"Just learn basic chemistry and then you'll be dated."

Lincoln said to Papa Wheelie, "Put a frog in her pants.",

Then to Flat Tire, "A funeral's the place for romance.",

And to Coach Pacowski, he had this to say:

"Buy her a squirting flower. It'll make her day."

They made some cash, but their advice didn't work:

Andrew's Dutch oven made Jordan think he was a jerk,

And Jordan did not like the frogs at all,

So she and her friends chased Papa Wheelie down the hall.

In class, Flat Tire wanted to go to a funeral with Mollie,

But she said, "You're too morbid. I want a date who's more jolly."

Coach Patowski gave Mrs. J a squirt flower,

But she called him a yokel and gave him a glower.

Lincoln and Clyde bailed out of the room,

To find Zach trying chemistry, but it went boom,

And it burnt Kat's braids, which made the girl mad.

Lincoln and Clyde thought, "This is really bad.

We should've known there's no one way to be a lady.",

Then Rusty tried to be a knight in shining armor with Sadie.

They jumped into trash cans and then tried to run,

But Clyde didn't like what one one girl had done:

Put plastic in the trash, not the recycle bin,

And he corrected her on what bin it should go in.

She and the rest of the customers took chase.

They tried giving them money back but they still kept the pace.

They arrived at the Loud house and bumped into Lori,

So Clyde did his usual and Linc shared the story.

His sisters all laughed and said, "Girls ain't the same."

Lincoln thought, "Oh my gosh, you're all right, that was lame."

Then Lynn Sr. took a big bite of pie,

And said, "These pies are gross. They're too salty, that's why.

We'll need to toss them!", so the boys thought of a way,

To make more money by the end of the day:

Just have pay all these people who are still on their case,

To throw all the pies at Lincoln Loud's face.