Thread:Dragonzako/@comment-31231137-20180802190033/@comment-30498740-20180802220202

I liked the general plot of the story, your OC was okay, some characters felt like themselves, the beginning was good and had promise.

I didn’t like some of the characters (there were too many at the end), the ending was really underwhelming and boring to me, Lil Poast could have been replaced with the kids finding some incriminating documents and trying to stop Cal. Some of the sequences felt a bit out of place since it feels like it isn’t flowing with the story. There was some cringe dialogue it was from Lynn Sr.

It could have Lynn Sr somewhat not want his family anymore causing them to be sad and he realizes after awhile he misses them or the family snaps him out of with some sort of speech. The OCs role could have been a bit reduced as he didn’t seem that important by the ending. The OCs friends were really pointless, they could have been taken out.