User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: I Not Stupid

We all know that one of Leni Loud's most endearing traits is her ditzy nature. Heck, we have a whole page on the wiki dedicated to such moments. But I have yet to see an instance in the show where Leni has had to confront this weakness of hers in a serious manner. Now, I'm sure there's plenty of fanfiction out there that already does this, but I still have to wonder: would it make for a good episode? Can this aspect of Leni's personality that has been used as a punchline since the beginning be addressed in serious context while still maintaining the tone of humor and heart TLH is known for?

Well, that's what I'll be attempting in this next fan episode. Wish me luck, as I present to you:

I Not Stupid
Plot Summery: After Leni is humiliated in front of Chaz for being dim, she goes on a puzzle binge in a desparate attempt to make herself smarter.

Script
''[We open in Lori and Leni’s room on a beautiful Sunday morning. Sun shines through the window, causing Lori and Leni to stir. Leni perks up out of bed, bright and cheerful. Lori, not so much.]''

Leni: [takes in a deep breath and lets it out in a whimsical sigh] Ah~! What a beautiful day~!

Lori: [groggily] Ugh~.

''[Leni sits atop her bed cross-legged and lets out a long, meditative hum. Meanwhile, Lori takes out her phone and starts scrolling through it.]''

Lori: Dumb. Stupid. Stupid. Dumb. Literally nobody cares about your trip. [her expression suddenly brightens] Ooh, Bobby got the day off today! I’d better clear my schedule…

''[After a few seconds, Lori gets distracted by Leni’s meditation. She looks over and raises an eyebrow.]''

Lori: Uh, Leni?

[Leni opens her eyes and waves to Lori.]

Leni: Good morning, Lori!

Lori: Yeah, ‘morning. Um, weird question, but, what are you doing?

Leni: Meditating, silly. I’ve got, like, the biggest day planned, and I can’t go into it all stressed out.

Lori: [blinks] Huh. Okay then. Well, could you do it more quietly? I’m trying to organize my schedule.

Leni: [whispering sheepishly] Oh, sure. Sorry. Hey, by the way, do you think you can drive me and Lily to the library later?

Lori: [half-asleep] Y-yeah, sure. Whatever. [after a beat, she perks up and whips her head around] Wait, what?

Leni: [pouts] Oh, don’t act surprised. What, I’m not allowed to go someplace that isn’t the mall?

Lori: N-no, no. Y-you’re allowed. It’s just… why the library? And why are you taking Lily?

Leni: [sighs whimsically] Well, if you really must know, I promised Chaz that I’d meet him at the library to do some studying today.

[After a beat, Lori’s face lights up.]

Lori: You finally managed to ask Chaz out on a date? That’s wonderful, Leni! Sheesh, no wonder you’re so cheery today.

Leni: [blushes] Yeah. I mean, like, it’s not really a date. He just asked if I wanted to help him study, and I just said yes. [she starts twiddling her fingers] But then I remembered that I also promised Mom to look after Lily today while she goes to the spa with Mr. Nutter Butter.

Lori: [blinks] Who?

Leni: Y’know, that squirrel she made friends with while she was doing community service.

Lori: Ah.

Leni: [sighs] So, yeah. I kinda double-booked myself into a corner. That was pretty dumb of me, huh?

[Lori smiles and takes a seat next to Leni.]

Lori: Don’t worry about it, Leni. You can easily do both. In fact, this could work to your advantage. Boys like girls who can take care of a baby. Just ask Bobby.

Leni: But what if Chaz gets mad at me because I’m paying attention to Lily and not him? Or what if Lily gets into trouble because I’m paying attention to Chaz and not her? [she starts hyperventilating and clinging to Lori, shaking like a leaf] Wh-what if there’s this super hard problem that I can’t help him with?! What if Lily starts crying and gets us kicked out?! What if I have a zit on my nose and I don’t notice it until it’s too late?! [she gasps in horror] O-M-Gosh, Lori! D-do I have a zit on my nose?! Please, be honest with me!

[Lori sighs and places a firm hand on Leni’s shoulder.]

Lori: You know what? I can do my scheduling stuff later. I’m gonna go take a shower. You just get back to your meditation; it sounds like you need it. What time did you say you were meeting Chaz?

Leni: A-about noonish.

[Lori double-checks her phone.]

Lori: That should work for me. I can swing by the library and drop you and Lily off on my way to see Bobby, no problem.

Leni: [lets out a sigh of relief] Thanks, Lori. You’re the best.

[Lori smiles and pats Leni on the shoulder.]

Lori: You’re going to be fine, Leni. Just be yourself. ''[she gets up and walks towards the door. Before leaving the room, she turns back to Leni]'' Oh, and for the record, you don’t have a zit.

Leni: [sighs in relief again] Thank goodness.

[Lori smiles and leaves the room while Leni returns to her meditation.]

***

''[We cut to outside the library later that day. Lori parks Vanzilla, and Leni steps out with Lily in her arms and a diaper bag slung over her shoulder. She starts rummaging through it.]''

Leni: Okay. Spare diapers, Lily’s blankie, baby formula, pacifier… [she blinks in confusion] My history textbook? Isn’t that a bit advanced for Lily?

Lori: Leni, I think that’s for you and Chaz.

Leni: [blushes] Oh, right. Silly me. [she sighs]

Lori: [smiles] Relax, Leni. Like you said, you’re just here to help him study. You’re not asking him to marry you. And I’m sure Lily won’t give you too much trouble. Isn’t that right, Lily?

Lily: Aba sha na. Shh~. [she puts a finger to her lips, imitating a librarian]

Lori: Attagirl. [she turns to Leni] So, I’m probably not going to get home until late. You’re okay with taking the bus back, right?

Leni: Y-yeah, sure. Have fun with Bobby.

Lori: [nods] You have a good day too, Leni. Remember, just be yourself. You got this.

''[Lori gives Leni a wave goodbye before driving off. Leni sighs and looks down at Lily.]''

Leni: Well, here goes nothing. Wish me luck, Lily.

Lily: A-goo. [gives Leni a thumbs-up]

''[Leni enters the library, her eyes nervously darting around the room. She soon spots Chaz, who is sitting at a table reading. Chaz looks up and waves her over.]''

Chaz: Leni! Right on time. Chaz like that. Come, have a seat!

[Leni swallows and musters up a big smile, waving back to Chaz as she makes her way over to him.]

Leni: H-hey, Chaz. I, uh… I hope you don’t mind if my little sister Lily joins us. I kinda promised my mom I’d look after her today.

Chaz: [chuckles] No worries. Chaz like babies. [he gives Lily the hi sign] Hello, little Lily~.

''[Lily giggles and coos. Leni chuckles as well, feeling a bit more at ease.]''

Chaz: Thanks again for agreeing to study with me today, Leni. I always feel better going over this kinda stuff with someone else.

Leni: I totally get what you’re saying. I get confused while studying all the time. Especially math. Like, why is it that they want you to solve problems in one specific way when other ways make just as much sense?

Chaz: [smirks] Well, good thing we’re studying history and not math.

Leni: [chuckles nervously] Yeah…

''[Chaz notices Leni’s discomfort and takes her hand. Leni’s face turns red.]''

Chaz: Hey, relax. I’m sure we can figure this stuff out together. You know what they say: two heads are better than one.

Leni: [blinks] Who says that?

Chaz: [chuckles] You’re a funny girl, Leni. Chaz like.

[Leni’s face turns even redder.]

Leni: I-I, uh…

Lily: Ooba gee.

''[Lily tugs on Leni’s dress, trying to get her attention. Leni shakes herself.]''

Leni: Hey, uh, actually, think we can go study somewhere else? I think Lily’s getting restless.

Chaz: [shrugs] Fine by me. I think the kid’s section is this way.

''[Chaz gets up from his seat and heads into the library, beckoning Leni to follow. Leni stands up, takes a deep breath to calm her nerves, and obliges, carrying Lily with her.]''

***

''[We cut to the children’s section of the library. Lily is on the floor playing with a shapes-in-the-hole game while Leni and Chaz are pouring over their history textbooks.]''

Leni: Okay, like, this is kinda weird.

Chaz: What do you mean?

Leni: Well, it says here that Germany tried to invade Russia during the winter, and they got, like, totally defeated.

Chaz: Yeah. So?

Leni: Didn’t France try that exact same thing earlier? Why didn’t they tell Germany that was a bad idea?

[Chaz takes a look at his textbook.]

Chaz: I think France was fighting Germany at the time, Leni.

Leni: Oh. But, like, that whole thing with France and Russia had to be in the news or something. Didn’t anyone in Germany pick up a newspaper?

Chaz: [shrugs] Well, you know what they say, Leni. Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

[Leni blinks in confusion.]

Leni: Okay, seriously. Who’s “they?”  Everyone always says “you know what they say,” but they never say who “they” are.

Chaz: Well, y’know. It just means… people in general. Look, let’s try not to lose focus, Leni.

Leni: Oh, right. Sorry.

???: Wow. I know you said you needed help studying, Chaz, but I didn’t think this is what you meant.

''[Chaz scowls and tries to ignore the jeers. Leni curiously looks up from her book. She spies two valley girls about her age.]''

Leni: Uh, Chaz? Who are those two?

Chaz: [gruffly] No one. Don’t pay attention to ‘em.

Valley Girl #1: I guess it makes sense. If you chose Leni Loud to be your study partner, it’s only fair to go to a place that matches her reading level.

Valley Girl #2: Like, fer sure. I mean, is she supposed to be helping you, or are you just taking pity on her?

''[The girls laugh mockingly. Leni’s face turns bright red as she hides behind her book. Chaz gives the girls a look.]''

Chaz: First of all, you’re just jealous because I chose Leni to be my study partner and not you two giggling idiots. Second, we’re in the children’s section because Leni promised to look after her baby sister today.

Valley Girl #2: [scoffs] Oh, Chaz. Chaz, Chaz, Chaz. You don’t need to cover for this dimwit. If you wanted to avoid studying with giggling idiots, you wouldn’t have chosen her in the first place.

Valley Girl #1: Like, yeah. Everyone knows that Leni Loud is the dumbest girl in school.

Leni: [mumbling under her breath] I’m not that dumb…

''[Lily notices Leni getting teased and scowls. She crawls up to the valley girls.]''

Lily: Poo-poo!

Leni: Huh? Is everything alright, Lily?

Lily: Poo-poo, poo-poo! ''[she makes a grab for her diaper. Leni freaks out and leaps out of her seat, scooping up Lily]''

Leni: Lily, no! That is not appropriate.

Valley Girl #1: Oh, wow. Your family actually trusted you with a baby? They must all be as dumb as you are.

Leni: Hey! I do a great job taking care of Lily!

Lily: Eeba! [she nods in agreement before blowing a raspberry at the valley girls]

Chaz: Leni, just calm down and ignore ‘em. They’re not worth it.

Valley Girl #2: [offended] Um, excuse me? We’re not worth it? Geez, Chaz. You may be cute, but you’ve got a horrible taste in women if you think this dumb bunny is better than us.

Leni: [trying to keep her voice down] You leave Chaz alone! Of course he wouldn’t want to study with a couple of jerks like you!

Valley Girl #1: No, of course not. He’d rather study with the biggest airhead in Royal Woods.

Leni: There’s more to my head than just air, y’know!

[The valley girls look at each other and suddenly sneer mischievously.]

Valley Girl #1: Is that so? Alright then, Ms. Smarty Pants, prove it.

[She picks up the shapes-in-the-hole game Lily was playing with and puts it on the table in front of Leni.]

Valley Girl #1: If a baby can solve this puzzle, it should be a piece of cake for you.

''[Leni swallows, staring down at the toy. Chaz sighs and places a hand on her shoulder.]''

Chaz: Leni, you don’t have to do this. They’re just trying to—

Leni: N-no. It’s okay. I got this.

''[Leni picks up a square block and stares down at the holes. Sweat tricks from her brow, and she trembles nervously. She tries to focus, but all she can think about is Chaz and the valley girls staring at her and judging her. She bites her lip, fighting back tears.]''

Valley Girl #2: We don’t have all day, Loud. Or is it really taking you this long to figure it out?

Valley Girl #1: Aw, I think she’s gonna cry! Heh, how fitting. She’s about as smart as a baby, after all.

Lily: [incredibly offended] Poo-poo… [she makes another grab for her diaper]

Leni: Lily, no. That’s just gonna get us kicked out. I-I can do this. I’m not dumb. I-I’m not…

''[Leni keeps staring at the puzzle as the pressure inside her continues to mount. She scrunches her eyes shut and quivers violently. Finally, she slams the block into the toy. When she hears no response, she opens one eye. Much to her dismay, she tried to jam the square block into the round hole. Her whole face turns bright crimson, and her eyes well up with tears.]''

Valley Girl #1: Heh, called it. Still wanna pretend you aren’t as dumb as a post, Leni Loud?

Chaz: Leni…

Leni: I-I have to go.

''[Leni flees the library, taking Lily with her. The valley girls laugh and jeer at her as she leaves.]''

Chaz: Leni, wait!

''[Before Chaz can catch up to her, Leni is already out the door. Chaz sighs and scowls at the valley girls, who are still laughing. It isn’t long before the library patrons shush them.]''

Chaz: Chaz does not approve.

***

''[We cut to the living room of the Loud House. Luna is on the couch with Lisa, watching a video on her laptop.]''

Laptop: [autotuned singing] The universe is made of, twelve particles of matter, four forces of nature…

Luna: [whimsically] Man, if they played this at my school, I’d pay way more attention to my science classes.

Lisa: [smirks] I had an intuition that this would be something we could both enjoy.

''[Leni and Lily enter the scene. Leni’s eyes are all red and puffy from crying. Luna turns her head to greet her.]''

Luna: Hey, Leni. How was your day with—? [she notices the state Leni is in and gasps] Whoa there! Y-you okay?

[Leni simply shakes her head.]

Lily: Don.

''[She tugs on Leni’s dress, indicating that she wants to be let down. Leni complies, and Lily waddles over to Lisa. She begins babbling in baby talk while Lisa furrows her brow and nods.]''

Lisa: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. [a concerned look forms on her face] Oh, goodness! How heinous!

Luna: What’s up?

Lisa: [adjusting her glasses] Lily has just informed me that Leni’s study session with the object of her romantic affections had been cut short by a pair of ne’er-do-wells mocking her for her lack of intelligence.

Luna: Bogus. That’s wicked harsh, dude. [after a beat, she gives Lisa an odd look] Wait, how’d you understand all that?

Lisa: [shrugs] It’s a gift.

''[Luna decides not to prod further. She instead closes her laptop, sets it aside, and turns to Leni.]''

Luna: [pats an empty spot on the couch] Lay down, Leni. Rest here in my arms.

''[Leni complies, sniffling as she buries her face into Luna’s lap. Luna affectionately strokes her back.]''

Luna: There, there. It’s okay.

[After a pause, Leni looks up at Luna.]

Leni: Luna?

Luna: Yeah?

Leni: Do you think I’m dumb? Be honest with me.

[Luna sucks in a sharp breath through her teeth and rubs the back of her head sheepishly.]

Luna: Well, I, uh…  See, the thing is…  Sheesh, how do I put this? You’re, uh, um…

''[She looks to Lisa for help. Lisa shrugs.]''

Lisa: Don’t look at me. Tactful language has never been my forte.

Luna: [sighs] Look, Leni. It doesn’t matter how smart you are. We still love you.

Leni: [glumly] Yeah, I know. But now I’ll never get Chaz to like me. He must think I’m the biggest dummy in the world.

Luna: Oh, Leni. Don’t say that.

Leni: But it’s true. Lori told me to just be myself, and look where that got me. [sighs] If only there was some way I could get smarter.

Lisa: Actually, I believe there is.

Leni: [turns to Lisa] Really? I-it’s not gonna hurt, is it?

[Lisa gives Leni a blank stare.]

Lisa: No, it isn’t. Why would you think that?

Leni: ‘Cause, like, all of your suggestions usually involve scary science stuff.

[Beat]

Lisa: A fair point. But rest assured, there’s a much simpler solution to your dilemma.

Leni: Well, what is it?

Lisa: [adjusting her glasses and adopting a matter-of-fact tone] The brain is just like any other muscle in the human body. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. If you were to pursue intellectual stimulation, it would provide your mind with the exercise it needs. Such activities include reading books and solving puzzles.

[Leni taps her chin in thought, thinking back to the shapes-in-the-hole game that caused her so much embarrassment.]

Leni: Puzzles, huh? Well, I guess it’s worth a try. [she smiles] Thanks, Lisa.

''[She gets up from the couch and makes her way upstairs. Luna turns to Lisa.]''

Luna: You really think that’ll make her smart, brah?

Lisa: In the long run, yes.

Luna: Think Leni has the patience for that?

Lisa: [sighs and shakes her head] That, I do not know. Leni has always fascinated me for being quite unpredictable in her actions and behaviors. We’ll simply have to wait and see.

***

''[We cut to Leni in Lincoln’s room. Lincoln is setting up a video game. The title flashes on the screen.]''

Leni: Muscle Fish’s Eruption?

Lincoln: Yep. This is one of my favorite puzzle games. What you do is you line up the lava rocks that are the same color as they drop down from above. The more lava rocks you can connect, the more junk rocks you send to your opponent’s side. If they run out of room before you do, you win!

''[Leni studies the screen as the demo plays, showing her what Lincoln just described. The lava rocks all have little googly eyes. Leni shakes herself, trying to avoid making eye contact with any of them.]''

Leni: O-okay. Sounds simple enough.

Lincoln: Great! [he starts the game and places the controller in Leni’s hand] There’s your first opponent, Elder Angler. He shouldn’t be too tough.

''[Leni swallows and starts playing the game. After a few seconds, she appears to get the hang of it. Suddenly, Elder Angler lands an impressive combo.]''

Elder Angler: Work harder, ya gup!

Leni: [blinks in confusion] What did he just call me?

Lincoln: That’s just what Elder Angler calls Muscle Fish. It’s short for guppie. Try not to get distracted, Leni. Just focus on the game.

''[Leni soldiers on, mashing the buttons on her controller like crazy as sweat trickles from her brow. Eventually, she loses the game.]''

Elder Angler: You have much to learn, young gup.

Lincoln: What happened, Leni? You were doing so well.

[Leni sighs and shakes her head.]

Leni: Sorry, Lincoln. It’s just… those little rock thingies were, like, totes adorbes~! I couldn’t bear to hurt them!

[Lincoln groans and facepalms.]

***

''[We cut to Leni in the master bedroom with Lynn Sr.. He gives her a Rubik’s Cube.]''

Lynn Sr.: Believe it or not, this puzzle was all the rage when I was your age.

Leni: [stares at the cube, finding her father’s claim hard to believe] Uh-huh. How does it work?

Lynn Sr.: It’s simple, honey. You just have to make it so that each face of the cube is one solid color.

[Beat]

Leni: Does it, like, come with paint or something?

Lynn Sr.: [sighs and shakes his head] No, Leni. You’re supposed to twist the blocks around, like this.

''[He takes the cube from Leni and demonstrates. Leni’s face brightens.]''

Leni: Oh~. Got it.

[Leni takes the cube back from her father and attempts to solve it.]

Lynn Sr.: Now, don’t get discouraged if you can’t figure it out. Truth be told, I’ve never been able to solve that ding-dang thing. But with enough time and patience, I’m confident that you will—

Leni: Done!

''[Leni presents the cube. It’s not even close to being solved. Leni realizes this and frowns.]''

Leni: Dang it. Hold on, let me try again.

Lynn Sr.: Honey, like I said, it’s okay if you—

''[Leni ignores Lynn Sr. and makes another attempt. When she finishes fiddling with the toy, she finds that once again, it’s not solved.]''

Leni: Dang it. [she makes another attempt, only to get farther away from the solution] Dang it!

''[Increasingly frustrated, her hands become a blur as she vigorously fiddles with the cube. Suddenly, her fingers become tangled, with the cube trapped between her palms. She gives Lynn Sr. a pleading look.]''

Leni: Uh, help.

Lynn Sr.: [sighs] Like a chip off the ol’ block.

***

''[We cut to Leni in Luna and Luan’s room, her fingers now untangled. Luan is with her, holding one of her joke notebooks.]''

Luan: Whenever I want to give my mind a workout, I like to go to my book of brain teasers.

Leni: [nervously] Are you sure about this, Luan? I don’t think my brain can take much more teasing.

[After a beat, Luan lets out a light chuckle and shakes her head.]

Luan: Don’t worry, Leni. I’m not actually going to tease you. These are just riddles.

Leni: Oh. Okay. Sorry.

Luan: [sheepishly] No no, it’s fine. I… probably should’ve worded that better. [she lets out a small cough and opens her notebook] Now, I’m gonna give you some simple ones first, and then we’ll move up from there. Sound good?

Leni: Y-yeah, sure.

[Luan nods and clears her throat.]

Luan: [reading from the notebook in a mystical, cryptic tone] I can be caught, but I cannot be thrown. Despite my name, those who catch me can sometimes have a hot head. What am I?

Leni: [blinks] You’re Luan. And you’re not a what; you’re a who. Don’t talk bad about yourself like that.

[Luan stares blankly at Leni for a beat before she realizes the problem.]

Luan: Ah. Pronoun trouble. I should’ve seen that coming. [she clears her throat and turns the page] Okay, let’s try a simpler one. What has four wheels and flies?

[Leni furrows her brow and scratches her chin for a moment.]

Leni: A… flying car?

Luan: [deadpans and shakes her head] No, Leni. You’re thinking about this the wrong way.

Leni: Well, what way should I be thinking about it?

Luan: I can’t tell you that, Leni. That’d ruin the point of the riddle. [she sighs and flips through her notebook some more] Okay, let’s try one more. I was taking pictures at the zoo, and they all came out black and white. Can you tell me how that’s possible?

''[Leni purses her lips and strokes her chin, sweat trickling down her knitted brow as she wracks her brain. Luan gives her a hopeful smile.]''

Luan: You can do it, Leni. Just think.

[Leni’s expression brightens.]

Leni: I got it! That one’s totes easy!

Luan: Awesome, Leni! What’s the answer?

Leni: You were using a sepia filter, right?

''[Luan gives Leni a bemused look. Leni’s elation dissolves as she strikes a thinking attitude again.]''

Leni: Oh, wait. Sepia isn’t really black and white, is it? Maybe a zebra filter? Is that a thing?

Luan: Closer. You’re getting warmer.

Leni: Hmm. Maybe a noir filter? Like those old mystery movies Mom and Dad like to watch?

Luan: [facepalms and shakes her head] No, no. Cold.

[Another lightbulb goes off in Leni’s head.]

Leni: Wait, cold! That’s it!

Luan: What’s it?

Leni: You were taking pictures of penguins!

Luan: [smiles and shrugs] Not exactly what I was going for, but eh, good enough.

Leni: Really? Yay~! [she claps her hands excitedly before a thought strikes her] But wait. That doesn’t make sense. Don’t penguins have, like, bits of orange on their faces or something?

[Luan’s eye twitches.]

Luan: Excuse me for a moment.

''[Luan walks out of the room. After a beat, a thumping sound is heard from the hallway. Leni sighs and slumps over.]''

***

''[We cut to the living room. Leni is working on a crossword puzzle while Lola sits next to her, looking over her shoulder. Leni taps her chin with her pencil.]''

Leni: Okay. Marksman.

[Beat]

Lola: How many letters?

Leni: [counts the letters] Eight.

Lola: [nods] Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. What’s the first letter?

Leni: [blinks] Well, M.

Lola: So, write it down then.

[Leni gives Lola an odd look.]

Leni: No, “Marksman” begins with M; that’s the first clue.

Lola: [jabbing the page with her finger] So, put it down~!

Leni: But there’s only room for six letters.

[Lola looks over the puzzle and rubs her chin for a moment.]

Lola: I think you have to spell it wrong.

Leni: Um, okay. [she scribbles on the page]

Lola: So, what’ve we got?

Leni: [reading what she wrote] “Jpxfrd.”

''[Lola gives Leni a blank stare. Even she can tell that her answer is probably incorrect, but she doesn’t have the heart to say so.]''

Lola: Well, okay. That…  That’s a start. How does that help with 2 Down?

Leni: Hmm. Let’s see here. 2 Down, a type of fish, seven letters, now starts with… X. [she taps her chin thoughtfully] X, X…

Lola: Xylophone! Xylophone fish!

[Beat]

Leni and Lola: [in unison] Nah, that would sink, wouldn’t it?

[Lori enters the scene, a large smile on her face.]

Lori: Hey, guys! I’m back from my date with Bobby! [she notices Leni on the couch and raises an eyebrow] Uh, Leni? What are you doing?

Leni: [looks up] Oh, hey, Lori! Just doing a crossword puzzle.

Lori: Since when do you do crossword puzzles?

Lola: [snippily] None of your beeswax. What, is there some rulebook that says what Leni can and can’t do?

Leni: Lola, take it easy. I can speak for myself.

''[Curious, Lori walks around the couch and takes a look at the crossword puzzle. She frowns.]''

Lori: Um, Leni? I don’t think that’s right.

Leni: [looks at her answer] It isn’t? But “marksman” won’t fit.

Lori: Just write down a word that’s six letters long and means the same thing as “marksman.”

Leni: [gives Lori a concerned look] But isn’t that cheating?

Lori: [pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head] No, Leni. That’s literally the entire point of a crossword puzzle.

[After a beat, Leni lets out a scream of frustration and tears the crossword puzzle in half.]

Leni: It’s no good! I’m never gonna get smart like this!

Lori: [stunned and confused] Uh, what?

Lola: Leni, i-it’s okay.

Leni: [sobbing] No, it’s not! Those girls were right! I’m just a big dumb dummy! Lisa’s idea didn’t work! [she suddenly perks up] Wait. Lisa! That’s it!

''[Without further explanation, she runs upstairs. Lori stares off into space for a moment before turning to Lola.]''

Lori: Mind telling me what that was all about?

Lola: [sighs] Look, I just heard this from Luna, so don’t quote me on it, okay? Basically, Leni got embarrassed by a couple of meanie-faces in front of Chaz for not being smart, so she’s been spending the whole day doing all sorts of puzzles and stuff to try and make herself smart.

[Beat]

Lori: Oh. O-oh gosh. I-I’d better go talk to her.

Lola: Yeah, and I’d be quick about it if I were you. I don’t know what she wants Lisa to do to her, and I don’t wanna find out.

[Lori nods and darts upstairs.]

***

''[We cut to Leni in Lisa and Lily’s room. Lisa is staring at her as though she has three heads.]''

Lisa: You want me to what?!

Leni: C’mon, Lisa! You do science stuff to us all the time! What makes this any different?!

Lisa: [sternly] I’ll tell you precisely what makes this different. While it’s true that I often conduct experiments on you and our other siblings, any harm that befalls you because of those experiments is purely accidental in nature. So while I am willing to take great risks in the name of scientific discovery, I must draw the line at giving my own sibling a lobotomy!

Leni: See?! I don’t even know what that word means! I’m not getting smarter! Your puzzle idea isn’t working! I can’t beat Lincoln’s game; I don’t know how to do crosswords; I don’t understand Luan’s riddles! [she takes the Rubik’s Cube out of her pocket] And don’t even get me started on this gaudy thing! [she throws it to the ground and falls to her knees, groveling at Lisa’s feet] Please, Lisa! Just use your science stuff to fix my brain and make me smart! Please oh please oh ple-he-he-heeeease~!

Lisa: [sighs] Leni, I assure you. Your brain does not require fixing. If anything, were I to comply with your request, I’d only run the risk of damaging it beyond repair. I do not wish to put you into such a compromising position. I’m sorry.

''[Leni flashes puppy-dog eyes at Lisa, but she refuses to budge on the matter. Leni lets out a defeated sigh and turns away, tears rolling down her cheeks.]''

Leni: So, that’s it, then. I’m just gonna be dumb forever.

Lisa: [pained] Leni…

[Lori suddenly barges in, wild with panic.]

Lori: Lisa, whatever you’re planning to do to her, stop it right now!

Lisa: [raises her hands defensively] Eldest sibling, I promise you that I have not subjected Leni to any sort of scientific procedure, nor do I have any intention of doing so.

Lori: [arching an eyebrow] Can I hold you to that?

Lisa: [nods] Affirmative. [she sighs wearily] I suppose I only have myself to blame for setting such a precedent.

''[Lori breathes a sigh of relief before approaching Leni. Leni gives her a sideways glance before turning away from her.]''

Leni: Go ‘way.

Lori: Leni, Lola told me about what happened. I-I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

Leni: [sniffles bitterly] Yeah, you should be sorry. You’re the one who told me to be myself. Well, apparently, that means being dumber than a doornail. How is anyone supposed to like someone like that? And I can’t fix it, no matter what I do. I-it’s not fair.

''[Leni continues sobbing as Lori and Lisa look on. Lisa adjusts her glasses.]''

Lisa: I normally do not engage in this type of behavior, but given the circumstances, I feel it’s necessary.

''[With that, she walks up to Leni and places a firm hand on her shoulder. Leni gasps and looks over at Lisa.]''

Leni: L-Lisa?

Lisa: Leni, look me in the eye.

[Leni complies.]

Lisa: Perhaps it’s true that you’re not exactly the most intelligent person in our family, or even in general. But to be completely honest, your mental capacity is greater than you think.

Leni: Wh-what makes you say that?

Lisa: [smiles] Well, for one, you recognize your own flaws, and you strive to overcome them. I know plenty of people who would find that commendable; myself included.

[Lori walks over and kneels down, placing a hand on Leni’s other shoulder.]

Lori: She’s right, Leni. And besides, there’s more to you than just your brains. You have tons of other great qualities. I mean, no one in this house knows more about fashion than you do. Not only that, but you’re literally one of the sweetest and most thoughtful people I’ve ever met. I know plenty of boys who find those things appealing. And yes, that includes Chaz.

[Leni sniffles and brushes her nose with her arm.]

Leni: Y-yeah. You guys are totally right about all that. But, like, I still don’t know what’s wrong with me. [she turns to Lisa] I tried doing all those puzzles like you said, and I still don’t feel smart. Actually, I just feel dumber for not being able to solve them.

Lori: [sighs and shakes her head] Leni, you’re expecting instant results when that’s not how it works. Of course you’re not going to become a genius like Lisa just by solving a few puzzles, and of course it’s going to be difficult when you start. That kind of thing takes time and patience.

Leni: [thoughtfully] Oh yeah. Dad said something like that when he gave me that cube thingie. [her brow furrows] But, now I’m confused.

Lori: About what?

Leni: Well, should I keep trying to get smart? Or, should I just be happy with who I am?

[Beat]

Lisa: Well, this may sound a bit counterintuitive, but I feel that you should take comfort in knowing that there is no cognitive dissonance between those two mindsets.

[Leni blinks in confusion.]

Leni: Huh?

Lisa: [sighs] Lori, a translation, if you please.

Lori: What Lisa’s trying to say is that yes, it’s important to like yourself for who you are. But it’s also important to recognize where you struggle and try to make yourself better. You don’t have to pick one or the other. You can do both. [she then picks up the Rubik’s Cube and holds it out to Leni] But there’s one thing you need to understand.

Leni: What’s that?

Lori: If you really want to work on making yourself smarter, that’s fine. But this has to be something you want. Don’t do this for Chaz, or for some vapid nobodies making fun of you. Heck, don’t even do it for us. Do it because you feel that it’s something you need. Get it?

''[Leni stares at the Rubik’s Cube for a moment. She then smiles through her tears and nods.]''

Leni: Yeah. I totes got it. [she accepts the cube from Lori and gives her and Lisa a big hug] Thanks, you guys. I don’t know what I’d do without you.

Lori: Anytime, Leni. Anytime.

Lisa: While I do hope you continue to hone your mental capabilities, I concede to Lori’s sentiments about engaging in such pursuits for the correct reasons. Ergo, I trust you to make your own decision on the matter.

Leni: I will. Thanks again, guys.

''[Leni gets up and walks out of Lisa’s room. Lisa watches her leave, a soft smile on her face. She then notices Lori looking down at her with a sly smirk.]''

Lisa: What?

Lori: Oh, nothing. Just glad to see our little genius isn’t completely detached from her emotions.

Lisa: [blushes and pouts] Spare me the ridicule. There’s more to me than just science.

Lori: [giggles and ruffles Lisa’s wig] I know, Lis’. Just like there’s more to Leni’s head than just air.

Lisa: [lets out a small chuckle] Indeed.

***

''[We cut to that night in Lori and Leni’s room. Leni is in her nightgown, sitting on her bed and playing with her Rubik’s Cube. She’s suddenly startled when her cellphone starts ringing. Confused, she sets the Rubik’s Cube down on her nightstand and answers it.]''

Leni: Hello?

[We see Chaz appear in a split screen shot.]

Chaz: Hey, Leni? It’s me, Chaz.

[Leni blushes and takes in a deep breath to calm herself down.]

Leni: H-hey, Chaz. What’s up?

Chaz: Um, listen. You… kinda left your history textbook at the library. Do you want it back?

''[Leni’s eyes go wide. Her face turns even redder as she facepalms.]''

Leni: Ugh, I’m such an idiot. Yeah, that’d be— [a thought suddenly dawns on her] Wait, why are you calling me about this now?

Chaz: Actually, I’ve been trying to call you all day. Didn’t you get my messages?

''[Curious, Leni checks her phone. Indeed, she has several unanswered calls from Chaz. She bites her lip.]''

Leni: Oh geez. I-I’m so sorry, Chaz. I was just dealing with a lot today. After, well, you know…

Chaz: Yeah, about that. [he sighs] Leni, I want you to know that I really don’t care how smart you are. I mean, I’m really not that smart, either.

Leni: Then, like, why did you want me to be your study partner?

Chaz: W-well, I just figured it’d be cool if we could, y’know, help each other. We both need to learn this stuff, and we both kinda have difficulty with it. We might as well figure it out… together? I-I know, it’s silly.

[Leni’s eyes well up with tears, and she lets out a soft laugh.]

Leni: Oh, Chaz. That’s not silly at all. I think it’s sweet.

Chaz: [blushes] Th-thanks, Leni. [beat] So, uh, I’ll just give you your textbook tomorrow, then?

Leni: Yeah, sure. And uh, I’ll have to ask my parents, but maybe after school, we can hit up the library and, like… pick up where we left off?

Chaz: [smiles] Chaz like that. I’ll see you tomorrow, Leni.

Leni: Totes. Seeya.

''[Leni hangs up and collapses on her bed, hugging her phone and letting out a whimsical sigh. We pan over to the Rubik’s Cube on her nightstand. It’s revealed that one face of the cube is solid green.]''

The End

Triva

 * Leni's complaints about math reflect my own struggles with the subject back in high school.
 * When Leni returns home, Luna and Lisa are watching a music video of The Quantum World by Symphony of Science.
 * When Luna offers to comfort Leni, she references the song Lay Down Sally by Eric Clapton.
 * Muscle Fish's Eruption is a reference to the puzzle game, Kirby's Avalanche.