User blog:AustinDR/Well....

I am honestly not happy. I just don't see the point of doing this anymore. I have been through a lot of things lately. While I am no longer bothered by criticism that serves only to make me feel bad for what I have written, I am honestly just not feeling like I have nothing else to live for. For one, it's obvious that my so-called friend Daniel doesn't give two darns about me. He never supports me, but for some reason I always support him with whatever he does, he hardly ever answers my notes over on deviantART, he always makes me feel miserable ever since he insulted my artwork years ago, etc. It's clear that he doesn't share any of my interests. I often ask him my stories that I had done on the Loud House, and he always says that he will, but he never gets around to doing that. I mean, I have drawn pictures for this person, wrote a few stories for him....Come to think of it, he never thanks me for anything that I do, and yet, he'd prefer other people's art over mine. Look, it's not my fault that I can't do digital art. I just prefer traditional over that. He doesn't even acknowledge how much effort I put into drawing. All he cares about is himself, video games, producing video games....I mean, he had one that was planned for September that wasn't even released yet.

Or then there was my other friend, AntonioRenteria, who I had also met over at dA. Unlike Daniel, he was appreciative of the drawings that I did for him, and he gave me support, and always cheered me up. That was until I decided to review movies and the LH. Suddenly, he seemed to drop me like a hot potato. I asked my watchers what they thought about my reviews, and he stated that he didn't personally care for them. OK, that was bad, but it got worse. Sometime later, I started to make more reviews for the Loud House over on my dA account, because I thought if you guys liked them, maybe my watchers will too. Still, I didn't receive as many faves. I still got about 200 or 300+ people viewing me, but I felt it as odd. Eventually, I asked my watchers if they still watched me, and Antonio told me that he hated the show and Nickelodeon in general because he was mad that the executives were planning on making a water park on a Philippines island. Yes, guys.....he despised an entire network for this even though I'm sure that Savino and the others had no say on this. Naturally, I told him that was idiotic, and he blocked me. This hurt the most because he seemed to care about me, but he was mad that I was choosing to talk more about movies and shows than draw as much. I felt he was using me for his own interests.

And then a few others left. I always gave small updates whenever I felt depressed, but none of my watchers cared if I was feeling miserable. They always thought I was trying to have a pity party. One even left when I drew a picture of a cartoon character so that I could blow off steam. I don't get it; it seemed that I had a lot of watchers as long as I did what they wanted, but when I started to change, they hightailed it out of there. This just made me feel terrible about liking the show. How could I enjoy the Loud House if none of my watchers give a crap about it?

I try to put effort in everything I do, but I feel that it's pointless. Instead, people always criticize me for my decisions rather than give me credit for trying, or acknowledge any improvement on my part. Like with "Shattered Innocence." I tried to make the story entertaining, but I either get accused of making this fic out of hatred for the episode, or I get the feeling that some don't read it because it's not a lighthearted, happy tale. I'm sorry that I wanted to make a story like that. I thought that by making the story, I could ease some tension that many had for the episode. I mean, the parents get arrested for child abuse, I thought that was what everyone was wanting. Seriously, though, if all of the effort in making "Shattered Innocence" would lead to hate, I regret making it.