User blog:This Spy/The Wacky House - L is for Loveless

(4 days passed after events of L is for Love. James' and Normand's mansion, evening. Our famous European adults are enjoying themselves, James is watching TV, while Normand is playing some arcade in the game room. Sometime later, they regroup in the living room, and discuss their plans for the tomorrow.)

Normand: So what do you want to do for tomorrow, dude?

James: Why don't we get down to mall and buy ourselves plenty of snacks and drinks?

Normand: You read my mind. Anything else?

James: Yeah, we should hang out more often with Louds. Firstly. we'll play some golf with Lori and Lincoln.

Normand: Why not? Not like they're that boring, anyways.

James: Uh-huh. (yawns) I'm beat. Let's get down to our beds and enjoy some fresh air tomorrow.

Normand: Sure thing. See ya next morning, mate.

James: Likewise, dude.

The next day...

(James and Normand are in the golf course, playing the sport with Lori and Lincoln together. They're not competing against each other or anything, just casually playing all together.)

Lincoln: Hey Lori...I'm sorry again about your clubs, I just wanted some me time, but-

Lori: It's alright, Linc, and don't worry - I should've been more concerned about your well-being than some silly clubs. (to James) And thanks Jimmy, for buying me new clubs.

James: No problem, Lori.

(They keep playing golf for quite some time.)

Sometime later...

(The four are coming out of golf course, then Lori makes a strange decision.)

Lori: Hey Lincoln, why don't you follow me and Normand back home with James in his sports car?

Lincoln: Sure.

James: Fine by me.

Lori: Alright. Come on in, Normand.

Normand: (a bit confused) ...OK.

(James and Lincoln enter sports car while Normand and Lori get into Vanzilla. The blonde teenager starts the van, and both parties are going home now.)

Lori: Normand, listen...we're literally going to talk about Jimmy.

Normand: OK, what is it?

Lori: ......Does he have his own girlfriend?

Normand: No, he doesn't.

Lori: (shocked) What? Why not?

Normand: Well, not going to lie here - he cares about his own survival than love. In fact - he's loveless for the rest of his life.

Lori: I...see. How come, though?

Normand: Well, like your grandfather, he fought in a war. Two major ones, to be precise.

Lori: He fought twice?!

Normand: Yeah. World War II, and European Civil War.

Lori: Never heard of that one...

Normand: Well, it happened between Italy and Switzerland. He decided to fight against Italy, since they were Nazi Germany's allies.

Lori: Yeah? And how long did it last?

Normand: From December 1979 to November 1982.

Lori: I see.

Normand: As for moral support, he decided that girls aren't the thing he needs, because he's the leader of his group, and it's called European Commonwealth.

Lori: Yeah?

Normand: Yeah.

Lori: And all of them are males only, yes?

Normand: Correct.

Lori: Huh, OK.

40 minutes later...

(James, Normand, Lori and Lincoln have made it back to their home street. European duo reconcile at their mansion, while the Loud kids go back inside their house.)

James: Man, golf can really relieve your nerves.

Normand: It indeed can.

James: Come on, let's get down to mall.

Normand: Alright. Right behind you, dude.

(They get in James' sports car and drive off to the mall.)

Several minutes later...

(The European duo park right outside the mall, exit car and enter the building.)

Normand: So what are we going to do?

James: Why don't we grab some snacks and enjoy the fancy food?

Normand: And you even ask. Come on!

(And with that, they go to plenty of resturants the mall has to offer.)

Sometime later...

James: Man, that was really tasty.

Normand: Indeed. Now let's go play some arcades.

James: You read my mind. Heh heh heh.

(They walk now to the arcades. Haiku, Lucy's best friend, is in the mall, unknown to European two. She's already there, playing Mortal Kombat 3. She finishes several minutes later, but just as she's about to leave, she spots James and Normand entering the arcade. And that really does it - Haiku sees James, hears his deep voice...and suddenly gasps, gets in love with him, because he wears red suit, looks so strong and manly.)

Haiku: Ba...ba...ba...ba...ba...

(The European two notice this.)

James: Excuse me?

Haiku: Ba...ba...ba... (giggles dreamily and widely smiles)

(The British realizes what's going on, and this has dealt a strong blow to his mental state.)

James: No, no, NO, NOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Everyone else in the area has heard this and is shocked.)

James: (really pissed) GodF[BEEP]dammit! I thought I got over this f[BEEP]ing bullS[BEEP]!!!

Normand: Yeah!

James: First HER, now this! And I thought things couldn't get any f[BEEP]ing worse!

Normand: Same here.

James: Let's get the f[BEEP] out of here, before this girl will tackle me down and shower with damn kisses!

Normand: Agreed, come on.

(The two make it out of mall quickly. Afterwards, Haiku is really lovestruck, she now begins to get crazy over the British psychopath. She leaves the mall, goes home, and begins to draw lots of anime-like pictures of James, while imagines herself going out with our British hero, making love to each other (and not in the way we think it is) and enjoying themselves the most pleasant way possible.)

Sometime later...

(We cut to the park where Lucy and Haiku are sitting there together, and discussing the latter's crush on the British.)

Haiku: OK Lucy, I am not going to lie here...I am madly in love with a guy in red suit.

Lucy: Really? I...see. If you're talking the brown-haired one, his name is James, and is our neighbor next door.

Haiku: Your...neighbor?

Lucy: Yes, he lives in a mansion next to us, along with his partner, Normand.

Haiku: The one with black hair and green shirt?

Lucy: Yeah, that's him.

Haiku: Oh, man, I'm so in love with your neighbor, Lucy. He's so strong, so manly, so...psychotic, so red...yeah... (smiles dreamily again)

Lucy: O-K...?

Haiku: Yeah. Your neighbor is so good, Lucy, I can't wait to be his dear girlfriend.

Normand: About that, actually.

Lucy: Huh?

(The goth girls turn around and see Normand, who's approaching them.)

Haiku: You must be Normand, yes?

Normand: Yeah, that's me.

Haiku: Can I talk to Jimmy? Because I really wish to express to him how much do I love him. But...why did he flipped out earlier?

Normand: When he realized that you were having a crush on him, it really began to aggravate him.

Lucy: How come?

Normand: Well, let's just say a certain girl already caused him to go nuts one time with her bizzare crush on him.

Haiku: I...see. Anyway, I'm gonna get home and do some things. See you guys later.

Lucy: Later, Haiku.

Normand: See ya.

(Haiku goes home, she sits at her desk and starting writing down on paper the same "secret admirer" fiasco that involved Luna and Sam last time.)

The next day...

(Haiku finishes her letter, exits her home and goes to Loud house and knocks on the door. Lucy opens.)

Lucy: Hey, Haiku. What's up?

Haiku: Lucy, here, you should give this letter to James.

Lucy: OK, I'll take it

Haiku: Thanks, I'll be in touch. Bye, Lucy.

Lucy: Alright. Later, Haiku.

(She leaves the Loud residence. Lucy closes the door, then all of sisters and Lincoln are approaching her.)

Luna: Hey, Lucy. What's with that letter?

Lucy: No idea. Should we read it, though?

Lori: I don't see why not. Not like it's for us anyway.

Lisa: I concur.

Leni: Come on, read it!

Lincoln: I don't know, though...

Leni: Don't be shy, Linky, all fine.

Lincoln: ...Alright.

Lucy: Very well, then. "Dear James, you really have no idea how madly am I in love with you. You look so cool, so good, so psychotic, that I really wish to become your most loved girl ever. Please, show up to me as soon as you can, then we'll talk this out. -Your secret admirer"

(Everyone oohs from hearing such thing.)

Lori: So someone is in love with him?

Lucy: Yes. Haiku, she's the one having crush on our British neighbor.

(Then they gasp from this.)

Lori: We gotta help Jimmy!

Luna: We have to set him up!

(Everyone is now shouting their help for James, until Normand comes in and interrupts it all.)

Normand: I'm sorry to interrupt, but there is one problem that we should be aware of.

Luna: What is it, Normand?

Normand: There is 95% chance that he'll refuse to do this.

Lynn: What? Why not?

Normand: He cares about his own survival than love. He decided that love is nothing to him, and will keep it that way forever.

Girls: Aww...

Lori: And there's no way to convince him otherwise, right?

Normand: Correct. He does not accept love whatsoever in his life.

(Everyone in the living room disperses, sad from hearing such bitter fact. Normand leaves the Loud residence for his and James' mansion.)

Sometime later...

(James and Lucy meet up in the park.)

James: So, you called me, Lucy?

Lucy: Yes, Jimmy. Here.

(Gives him Haiku's letter. Haiku herself sees this from behind a tree, and proceeds to look on. James reads the letter, with Haiku getting excited. The British finishes reading, several seconds later.)

Haiku: (whispering) Please, please...!

James: ......No, I am NOT doing this.

Haiku: (gets shocked) Wh-what?!

James: (crumbles the letter into ball and throws it away) Not this doing retarded s[BEEP], and this secret admirer can go f[BEEP] themselves.

(And with that, he walks away, angrily. Lucy is somewhat shocked, until she sees Haiku, completely heartbroken by what James just did. She approaches her best friend.)

Lucy: Haiku...?

(She completely breaks down by crying and runs away while leaving her tears behind. Lucy is now really flabbergasted.)

Lucy: ...... (to readers) And I thought Lincoln was bad enough when he lied about Ronnie Anne coming to that dance with him.

(She now walks away too, completely sad by what just happened between James and Haiku.)

THE END