Friendzy/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Friendzy".

Script
''[There are brawls breaking out all over the house. The loud noise catches the attention of a policeman, whose car pulls up to the house. In the dining from, the siblings are fighting, when suddenly...]'' Policeman: "Police! Open up!" [Hearing a policeman at their door, the siblings immediately stop fighting] Lincoln: [to the viewers] "You're probably wondering "What did you guys do now?" Well, to explain, I have to go back a few days."

A FEW DAYS EARLIER ''[Flashback. Vanzilla is seen pulling out of the driveway] Lincoln: [narrating]'' "You know us Louds. We're notorious for fighting over everything, which usually leaves us with nothing." Lynn Sr.: "Okay, we need some tunes for the ride. What should it be?" Luna: "Rock!" Lori: "Love songs!" Lynn: "The sports station!" Lisa: "West Coast rap!" ''[Realizing they all have differing opinions, the siblings begin arguing with each other, where they begin fighting. Without warning, Rita takes out an air horn, and blares it, making the kids stop fighting, covering their ears, and causing the back window to shatter]'' Rita: "If you kids can't decide, your father and I will decide for you." [Rita turns the radio on, and some country music begins playing] Rita and Lynn Sr.: "YEE-HAW!" [The kids groan in defeat]

[Flashback] Lynn Sr.: "Kids! I'm off to the grocery store! Any requests for dinner?" ''[Suddenly, the house begins shaking. The siblings begin rushing downstairs, shouting their requests]'' Lisa: "Sardines!" Lincoln: "Chicken nuggets!" Lori: "Bean chips!" Luan: "Banana cream pie!" [Lynn Sr. hollers at the impending chaos] Lana: [from upstairs] "Worms! The butcher usually sets some aside for me." [The siblings begin arguing with each other, and, without warning, Lynn Sr. blares the air horn, which makes the kids stop fighting] Lynn Sr.: "If you guys can't decide, I'll decide for ya. Goulash it is!" [Lynn Sr. twirls around for a second, and exits the house, making the kids groan in defeat]

''[Flashback. The siblings are rushing to the TV. Lincoln hops over his sisters, and gets to the couch first. Lincoln grabs the remote.] Lincoln [sighs] "Time for ARGGH!''." [From behind, Lucy snags the remote, and her sudden appearance makes Lincoln fall over out of panic] Lucy: "You mean Vampires of Melancholia?" [From behind, Lana bumps Lucy with her butt, where the remote falls out of her hands, and Lola catches it] Lola: "You mean Prison Pageants." Lynn: "Basketball!" [Suddenly, the kids begin fighting over possession of the remote] Luan: "You guys can't be remote-ly serious!" [laughs] "But really, I wanna watch the Circus Channel!" [The siblings are now arguing with each other, and, without warning, Rita arrives, and blares the air horn, making the kids stop arguing] Rita: "Well, if you kids are going to fight, I'll take the remote. Thank you." [Rita forcefully takes the remote from Lola, sits down, and changes the channel to an elderly woman watering a plant] Gardening Grandma: "Now we just wait... and watch it grow." ''[After that sentence, the woman just stares at the plant while doing nothing. After five seconds of complete silence, the kids groan in defeat. Cuts back to the present scene.]''

Lincoln: “But then, I discovered that to get what you want in this family, you don't necessarily have to fight.”

[Cuts to a flashback of Lynn and Margo watch TV together, when Lincoln comes up.]

Lincoln: “Uh, Lynn, I usually watch ARGGH! after school.”

Lynn: “Aw, no problem, Lincoln. Only 6 ½ innings left in this game.”

[Lynn and Margo cheer as Lincoln storms into the dining room, where Rita is working on her novel.]

Lincoln: “Mom, I usually watch ARGGH! after school!”

Rita: “I know, Lincoln, but let Lynn watch her game, okay? She has a friend over.”

Lincoln: [thinking] “A friend, do you say?” [Cuts back to the present time] "I called my discovery 'Playing the Friend Card' it means Mom and Dad give you special privileges if you have a friend over." [Cuts to Lincoln and Clyde watching ARGGH, when Lori, Leni, and Lucy approach them] "I'm pretty sure my sisters weren't aware of it, but I was." Lori: [Unhappy] "Move it, Lincoln, we're watching the Dream Boat." Rita: [Just coming out of her room] "Uh, girls, let Lincoln watch ARGGH!, he has a friend over.”

''[The girls groan in frustration, as Lincoln slyly smiles. Cuts to Lynn Sr. baking cookies]''

Lynn Sr.: [calling out] "Kids, I'm baking cookies! Who wants to lick the beaters?!"

[A commotion starts to take place and a glass of milk on the counter starts to shake, Lynn Sr. looks worried as Lincoln, Clyde, Lana, Lola and Lisa all rush in wanting to lick said beaters.]

Lola: [pushing Lana aside] "Get out of my way, or I'll find you in your cell after lights out!"

Lana: "Lola, you really gotta stop watching those prison shows." Lynn Sr.: "Girls. Lincoln has a friend over, let them have the beaters." [Lincoln and Clyde enjoy the beaters, while Lola, Lana and Lisa look on with suspicion.] ''[Cuts to Lincoln and Clyde walking out to the backyard, where Rita is gardening. They're about to grab the badminton rackets, when Lynn and Lana snatch them first]''

Lynn: "Drop it, Stinkoln. We have dibs." Rita: "Girls, let Lincoln play. He has a friend over." ''[Lynn and Lana glare as Lincoln and Clyde grab the rackets. Later that evening, it's dinner time]'' Lynn Sr.: [Holding a covered tray] "Dinner is served." [Uncovers the tray revealing chicken nuggets] Luna: "Chicken nuggets? Bogus dude, I asked for bangers and mash." Lisa: "And I clearly recall requesting sardines. I'm low on my Omega-3s." Lynn Sr.: "Well, Lincoln has a friend over so Clyde got to pick tonight's dinner." [The girls shoot him questioning looks, and then their brother dirty glares] Lincoln: [Nonchalantly] "And I suggested chicken nuggets." Clyde: [Also nonchalantly] "And i said that was a great idea." [Lincoln smirks at his sisters, who glare at him even dirtier]

[Cuts to the siblings, except for Lincoln and Lily in Lisa and Lily's room.]

Lisa: "I call this emergency sibling meeting to order. Something stinks in this household, and I'm not referring to our collective chicken nugget breath." [goes into her closet and grabs a white board.] "According to my calculations, there is a direct correlation between the amount of time Clyde has been over, and the number of privileges approved by Lincoln. Someone who fancies himself a wit might call this "Playing the Friend Card".

[The sisters gasp and start complaining]

Lola: "I got this! During guard change, I'll sneak up on him in the shower!"

Lisa: "Um, sister, that won't be necessary. I have another plan."

[The next day, Lincoln and Clyde are preparing to watch ARGGH] Lincoln: "I can't wait to watch ARGGH." Clyde: "Me too, I hope Hunter can escape from that haunted porta potty." [The two see Lola watching TV, and she has a friend too] Lola: [Nonchalantly] "You boys wanna join me and Roxanne for Prison Pageants?"

Lincoln: "And now you're caught up." [Lincoln answers the door to see the policeman standing there] Policeman: "Okay, kids. Break it up! Party's over." [The horde of friends leave the house] Lori: "Wait, Leni!" [exasperated] "You don't leave, you live here." Leni: [heading back into the house] "Oh right!"