Middle Men/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Middle Men".

Script
Lynn: "Huh, ahh!" [She kicks open the door and sniffs something] "Do I smell cookies?"

Lola: "Yeah, but don't waste your time, they're "not for family."

Lynn: [walks over to the kitchen where Lincoln and Clyde are making cookies.] "Hey, Stinkin', think fast!"

Lincoln & Clyde: [Dodges the basketball, then the ball bounces off the fridge and aims at Lincoln at Clyde as they dodge] "Ahh!"

Lincoln: "Lynn!"

Clyde: "That’s okay, we needed a taste tester. I'm worried the bottoms are soggy."

Lynn: "Nope, nice crunch. What are they for?"

Lincoln: "Clyde and I have middle school orientation tomorrow."

Lynn: [Spits out cookie] "You guys are coming to my school?"

Clyde: [Takes off the crumbs] "Yeah, we got assigned an eight grade buddy who's gonna take us around, and show us what the next three years of our lives would be like."

Lincoln: "And we wanna make a good impression, so we're coming prepared. [Pulls out a picture then moves his fingers as if he had sprinkles] Designed these ourselves."

Lynn [Grabs the picture] "Clincoln McLoud-BFFS, Cookies and business cards? That's your plan?"

Clyde: "I'm also planning to use word association, to learn everyone's names." [Moves hands by the opposite directions] like Lynn once bruised my shin."

Lynn: "Woah, woah, woah, wait a minute, time out. This stuff might fly in elementary school, okay? But middle School is different. It's the jungle. If you walk in their looking like a couple of weak chumps, you'll get eaten alive."

Lincoln & Clyde: [worried] "Eaten alive?"

Clyde: "Does that mean we should reconsider wearing turtle necks?"

Lynn: [Groans and calls up the principal] "Don't worry, LJ's got your back. Ahem, yo, Principal Ramirez? Lynn Loud. Hey listen, who can I talk to about becoming an orientation buddy?" [Winks]

Clyde: [to Lincoln] "Psst, don't throw out those business cards, they might still work for high school."

[Cut to where the middle school is as the bus arrives, then everyone walks out the bus]

Clyde: [impressed] "Lincoln, check out those columns! You think they're real marble?"

Lincoln: "Probably, this place is so much bigger than our school. Good thing they gave us maps."

Lynn: "Eh, huh? Guys, guys, guys, ditch the maps! First rule of survival. Don't act like a total noob."

Clyde: "But... we are noobs."

Lynn: [giggles] When some of our class men realize that, you'll be a prime target for pranks! [looks back to see if anyone hears what she's gonna say] like the kid who asked an eighth grader for directions on the first day of school."

Lincoln & Clyde: [worried and scared]

[flashback to what happened]

Lynn: "That poor fool got sent on a wild goose chase on the tunnels in school, then she didn't make it out until the day was over."

Lincoln & Clyde: [gasps, writes down:] Don't... be... noobs..."

''[Later... the bell rings as students went to their classes]''

Lynn: "Okay, homeroom. There's no assigned seats, so it's time for rule number two. Don't get stuck with a crumby desk. Move out!"

Clyde: "Oh, Sorry, please, it's all yours, I'd pull out the chair for you, but [clears throat] it's attached."

Lynn: [facepalm] Wrong. Hey! Back off, pigtails. My buddy saw this first! [She takes the desk, and places it near Clyde and Lincoln.] Huaghh! Boom! Dominant! Nobody's messing with that. Ha!"

Clyde: "Uh... wasn't that a little aggressive?"

Lynn: Mmm... not if you wanna end up with the kid who got stuck with the worst desk in the room."

Lincoln & Clyde: [Worried; again.]