User blog:Chanyhuman/No Guts, No Gloki (Genderbent No Guts No Glori)

The fallowing is a genderbent version of No Guts, No Glori.

Story

[Linka’s room; the girl is enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with a crazy straw; turns to the audience.]

Linka: "Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game." *gets out a copy of Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter and smells it. * "Love that new game smell." *Suddenly picks up another scent that worries her. * "Wait a minute." *sniffs again* "Is that... Oh no!"

[Soon, her brothers start picking up the scent as well.]

Lars: "Sniff. Sniff."

Linka: "Dad’s very expensive men's perfume. Which can only mean one thing." *checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is... * "Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!"

Randy: "Loki’s in charge! Do as he says! Bye!" *leaves*

Linka: "NOOOOOOOOO! He gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the King of-"

Loki: *from upstairs* "NO!" *unplugs Luke’s amplifiers* "NO MUSIC!" *tosses Leif’s mud pie in the trash* "NO MUD PIES!" *approaches Loni who's talking on the phone* "NO-"

Loni: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"

Loki: *hangs up Leni's call* "No phone calls." *takes away Linka’s game* "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!" [Loki dresses up in a military uniform and blows a whistle that calls his siblings and the pets to the front room.]

Loki: "At ease!" [Everyone calms down with relief.] "JUST KIDDING! NOBODY IS TO BE AT EASE IN MY PRESENCE!" [The others regain their forms.] "As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"."

[Charlotte, Chris, and Gea sit down on command, but Wilma tips over in her attempt and knocks Gia’s hamster ball to the side.]

Loki: *brings out a chart of tonight's schedule* "Now, here is our schedule for this evening. 6:00 to 7:00: Sitting on bed with arms folded. 7:00 to 7:30: Chow. 7:30 to 8:00: Thorough cleaning of mess hall. 8:00: Staring at the wall until falling asleep. Everyone got that?" Linka, Loni, Luke, Lane, Lynn, Lars, Lexx, Levi, and Leon: "SIR, YES, SIR!"

Leif: "MA’AM, YES, MA’AM!"

[Loki glares at Leif for calling him "Ma’am". Leif then covers his mouth, in terror.]

Loki: *groans* "DISMISSED!"

[Everyone rushes back upstairs while Gia hops in her ball up each step.]

[Linka opens her door and puts a note in Gia’s hamster ball.]

Linka: "Hey, Gia. Want a snack, girl?" *throws the snack over to Lexx and Leif’s door.*

[Gia rolls over, opens her ball, gets the treat, and manages to get the twins' attention; Linka does this with her other brothers; the note tells them to meet in Linka’s room, and they sneak over there; Lane has camouflaged himself with the wall and sneaks in; Loni is the only one who still hasn't snuck out of his room since he’s with Loki at the moment; he tries to sneak off while wearing a scarf.]

Loki: *suspicious* "Loni, what are you doing?"

Loni: "I'm not Loni. I'm wearing a scarf."

Loki: *not buying it* "You've got five minutes to do your business."

[Loni goes out and sneaks over to Linka’s room to join the others for a big meeting.]

Lexx: This better be good. You know how much trouble we'll be in if Loki finds out we're not in our rooms?"

Linka: "Rooms? More like prison cells! Every time Loki left in charge, he makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! Luke, do you like it when Loki unplugs your amp mid-jam?"

Luke: "It's way harsh."

Linka: "And Leif, how about when Loki throws out your mud pies?"

Leif: "I work hard on those!"

Linka: "And Leon, what about when Loki won't let you run around naked?" [Leon takes off his diaper and blows a raspberry in protest.] "Then let's do something about it!"

Loni, Luke, Lane, Lynn, Lars, Lexx, Leif, Lisa, and Leon: "YEAH!"

[Back in Loki and Loni’s room, Loki is trying to paint his toenails like in Sixteen 1/2 Magazine, but he doesn't seem to get it right; suddenly, Luke’s music turns back on, which Loki does not take seriously since it goes against his orders.]

Loki: *sees Leon playing* "Leon? What are you-"

[Just then, there are some creaks and Loki then notices that the others are right behind him; they tackle him as he screams for help; afterwards, they tie him up to a chair.]

Loki: *furious* "Hey! What is going on?"

Linka: "Your power trip is over! We're taking back our Friday nights!"

Loki: "Power trip?"

Linka: "Just admit it. You get a sick thrill out of bossing us around."

[The other brothers agree.]

Loki: "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."

Leif: "Yuh-huh. Linka could."

Linka: *surprised* "I could?"

Loni, Luke, Lane, Lynn, Lars, Lexx, Leif, Levi, and Leon: "WE'RE THINKIN' LINKA! WE'RE THINKIN' LINKA!"

[Linka and Loki are amazed at this.]

Loki: *superiorly* "Linka in charge? Ha! She couldn't even lead Chris to the litter box."

[Chris is right next to his little box and suddenly goes right on the carpet.]

Linka: "Oh yeah? Challenge accepted!" *takes the whistle* "Take him away!"

[The other brothers carry him to his room.]

Loki: "You won't last five minutes!" *laughs like a maniac* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Linka: *closes the door* "Lexx, guard this door. No one goes in, no one comes out."

[Lexx nods in agreement and gets a Golf club to guard the door while dressing up as a security guard.]

Linka: "Say goodbye to the King of No..." *tosses whistle on the floor* "... and hello to the Queen of Yes!"

[The brothers cheer in victory; Luke is finally jamming out.]

Linka: "Yes to music!" *cranks the volume and puts a smiley face on Leif’s mud pie. * "Yes to mud!"

Loni: *on the phone* "Seriously?"

Linka: "Yes to phone calls! And yes to video games!" *turns her game on* SUPER MEGA BRAWLERS TURBO FIGHTER XXIV

Game announcer: "Round 1: Fight!"

[However, just before Linka can finally start playing, Loni screams. Linka then pauses the game to see what's wrong; it turns out that Lane is chasing Loni around with a rubber spider.]

Linka: "Uh... okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy."

[Just then, Luke’s amps are at a really high volume.]

Linka: "RAD SOUNDS! MAYBE NOT SO LOUD!" *turns it down a little, which Luke doesn't understand. *

[Linka tries to get back to her game, but there's a sudden explosion and the smoke alarm goes off; Levi comes out of his room.]

Linka: *concerned* "What was that?!"

Leon: "It's science. You wouldn't understand." [Suddenly, a tentacle grabs Levi and drags him back in.] "AAH!" *the door closes. *

Linka: "Just keep it on a leash!"

[Just before she can resume her game, she finds Leon on top of a bookshelf throwing books on the floor and walking to the edge of the shelf; Linka starts climbing to save him.]

Linka: "LEON! STOP!"

[Leon walks over the edge and Linka catches him; at that moment, Leif casts a fishing rod right into the fish tank.]

Linka: "Leif! You can't fish in there! Those are pets." *notices Leon escaped and uses Leif’s fishing rod to reel him back in. *

[Lynn comes in with a bucket of dirt and pours the dirt on the floor.]

Linka: "Lynn! What are you doing?"

Lynn: "Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt."

Linka: "Give me that bucket!"

[Suddenly, Linka is in a crossfire of pizza slices and waffles tossed by Leif and Lars who are having a food fight; she shields herself with a cookie sheet and the pizza and waffles plaster all over it and make a rather gorgeous painting which impresses him; Lynn is pouring water from the hose all over the carpet and then gets pegged by an incoming gourd; the hose then starts going wild; Loni is on the phone while Lane is still chasing him with his rubber spider.]

Loni: "Hi, exterminator girl! Do you do spiders?" *sees the hose* "Ew! What about water snakes?"

[The hose squirts Lane but he continues chasing Loni; Linka trips over the telephone wire and lands in the mud and notices Lars built a fort of diapers.]

Linka: "Lars! What are you doing with all those diapers?"

[Leif screams like a psychopath and fires a stream of meatballs.]

Lars: "Incoming." *gets down*

Linka: *takes cover with him only having their fort wall damaged. * "Diaper wall breach!"

[Leif fires a cupcake at them, but Lars stops it by plugging up the hole with Leon’s butt; Leon giggles.]

Luke: "FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!!!" *Sets his amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks set up for a big finale.*

Linka: "LUKE!" *slow motion* "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

[Too late; Luke plays a chord and the noise blasts Linka right into the wall, leavening a dent of unsettling remains; afterwards, Loki’s taunting words echo in her mind.]

Echo Loki: "Linka in charge? Ha! She couldn't even lead Chris to the litter box."

[Chris is right next to her litter box, but goes on the fireplace instead.]

Linka: *annoyed* "Oh, really, Chris?" *gets upset; unplugs Luke’s amps* "No guitar playing..." *takes Leif’s food* "... no food fights..." *stops Lynn from riding his bike in the house* "... no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!" *takes Levi’s beakers and tosses them aside, causing an explosion.*

[The others aren't too happy with Linka suddenly changing her mind.]

Lynn: "Who do you think you are? Loki?

[They all start laughing at her and go back to enjoying their Friday night.]

Linka: "No. I'm not." *gasping with realization* "Loki!" *heads to Loki’s room only to be stopped by Lexx. *

Lexx: "Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"

Linka: "Those were my orders! Let me in!"

Lexx: "I'm gonna need you to step back, ma’am."

Linka: "Sorry about this, Lexx." [She charges at Lexx with a war cry; Lexx hits her on the head with the golf club, knocking her out.]

[As soon as Linka wakes, she notices that Lexx had tied her up like they did to Loki.]

Lexx: "Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Linka. ANYONE ELSE?!" *beat* "I DIDN'T THINK SO!"

[Linka tries to break free but is unable to do so; She sees Gia.]

Linka: "Gia! You want a treat, girl?" [Gia rolls over to get the treats.] "They're in my back pocket. Come on. Get 'em!" [Gia starts gnawing on the rope.] "Little more." [Gia bites in a gap.] "YOW! Too far!" [Gia gets her free.] "Good girl." *gives her a treat. *

[Meanwhile, Loki has somehow already broken free of his rope bindings and is filing his nails.]

Linka: "Loki! Loki!" *climbs in through window. *

Loki: "Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes."

Linka: *despondently* "It’s only been five minutes?" *gets it together* "It's a mad house down there! You've got to help me!"

Loki: "Nah. I'm thinkin' Linka. You handle it."

Linka: "I can't! You're the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble." [Luke’s fireworks go off] "Or ashes."

Loki: "And?"

Linka: "I couldn't even lead Chris to the litter box."

Loki: "And?"

Linka: "I'm sorry."

Loki: "That's all I needed to hear." *puts on military glasses* "Let's roll!"

[They open the door with Lexx still standing guard.]

Linka: "I don't know how to get past him. He’s an animal."

[Loki covers her mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Lexx’s direction.]

Lexx: *weakly chases after the sparkly cloud* "GLITTER!!!"

Linka: *impressed* "Glitter. Nice. How do I keep forgetting that out of all of the guys that are feminine in this family, Lexx is the most feminine?"

[They go downstairs where Linka shows Loki the chaos caused by their brothers' antics.]

Linka: *scared* "See what I mean?!"

Loki: "Observe." *brings out his whistle and blows it to get their attention.* "MOM AND DAD ARE GONNA BE HOME IN 10 MINUTES!"

[The other brothers hurry and get to cleaning up the mess they made.]

Linka: "Brilliant."

Loki: "Yeah, you learn a few tricks as you get older." *hears his phone ringing and answers it* "Hello? Uh-huh. Sure. Okay. Bye." *hangs up*

Linka: "Who was that?"

Loki: "Mom and Dad. They're gonna be home in 10 minutes."

Linka: *panicking* "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!"

Loki: "I got this. Luke. A little clean up music?"

Luke: "You got it, bro!"

[Three colorful boxes, one red, one yellow, and one purple are shown with Luke preparing to start the montage; he is also colored himself to match the boxes like in the show's opening.]

Luke: "1, 2, 3!"

[Loki blows his whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house; Leif puts the fish back in the tank, Levi scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of his tentacle friend; Loni and Lane untangle the phone wire; Lynn uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside; Chris is about to go on the carpet, but Loki glares at her and she obeys to go in her litter box; Lexx ties up some trash and Lynn yanks it up on his dirt bike; Linka fishes out Leon’s diaper and puts it back on him; they do the finish touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.]

Luke: "GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE!"

[The other brothers go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night; their parents are approaching and just as it seems everything is fine, there's still a dent in the wall from Linka’s impact caused by Luke’s power chord.]

Linka: *gasps* "The wall!" *sees the painting from the food fight* "Loki! Catch!" *tosses it to Loki.*

[Loki catches it and puts it right over the dent, then their parents enter.]

Lynn Sr.: "Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!"

Linka: "What'd you expect? Loki’s in charge."

Randy: "So, what are you guys up to?"

Loki: "Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time."

Randy: "Oh, and look at this lovely piece of food art the kids made."

[Everything seems fine as Loki and Linka begin to play some Super Mega Brawlers Turbo Fighter XXIV. But...]

Lynn Sr.: *screams* "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!"

Trivia


 * Yes, there's prefume form men, (not cologne), I checked.
 * Tip; Someone my seem more qualified to do something, but in reality it levels based on experience and profitionalness.
 * The original was writen by Haley Mancini.
 * Please support the official release.