User blog:Chanyhuman/Friend or Coes (Genderbent Friend or Fax)

The fallowing is a Genderbent version of Friends or Faux.

Story

[Royal Woods Elementary School. Mr. Shrinivas's classroom. The kids are playing, except Levi, who is working with chemicals, as the bell rings.]

Mr. Shrinivas: "Okay, it's almost noon, kids. Please clean up your toys. I have an exciting announcement. Today, you'll be getting your very first report card." *holds up a card*

Kindergarteners: *confused* "Huh?"

Levi: *turns around while dropping a chemical* "Excellent. The first installment of my perfect academic career." *gets his card* "Let's see. An A in Science."

[Flashbacks to the kids rubbing balloons in each other's hair while laughing. They even make a little electricity; Levi powers up some electricity from a generator he built, then the flashback changes to writing class.]

Levi: *narrating* "An A in writing."

[The other kids are trying to learn how to write, while Levi writes something long with a feather quill. The flashback changes to the kids counting change.]

Levi: *narrating* "An A in Math."

Kindergartner: "One penny..."

Levi: *adding up all of his money* "That's $4.11, or approximately 416 Japanese yen. Also, I took the liberty of preparing your tax returns." *hands Mr. Shrinivas the returns*

[The flashbacks then end.]

Levi: *continuing to read the rest of his grades* "An A in Physical Education, an A in Vocabulary, and an F in Social Skills. Perfect." *realizes what his last grade was* "Wait-what? An F?" *looks at it again in shock, gasps, as Fs appear in his eyes, he then walks up to his teacher.* "Excuse me, Mr. Shrinivas, there appears to be an error in my academic evaluation. If you could just go ahead and remedy that, I'll be on my merry way."

Mr. Shrinivas: "Actually, Levi, that's not an error. You got an F because you haven't made a single friend in class yet."

[Levi turns to his classmates. One of them is a girl holding a windup car with snot leaking from her nose, and another is a boy who smacks a block in his face, for no apparent reason, giving himself a black eye.]

Levi: "I prefer to see my classmates as co-workers, or occasionally, test subjects."

[Mr. Shrinvias looks at him suspiciously and not impressed with that last statement.]

Levi: "Look, how can I turn this around? In the future, when I represent Earth in the interplanetary council, it's gonna be acutely embarrassing to have an F on my otherwise perfect academic records."

Mr. Shrinivas: "Tell you what. If you make a friend, I'll raise your grade."

Levi: "Done." *immediately builds a robot* "There. I made one. Behold the FriendBot 1000. It can bring me things I need." *presses a remote's button and it brings him some paperwork. * "Thank you, FriendBot." *takes papers* "It can also chill juice boxes with its ice vision."

[FriendBot blasts a beam of cold air through the room which almost hits two classmates who scream, drop their juice boxes, and run. The beam freezes the discarded juice boxes in blocks of ice.]

Mr. Shrinivas: *facepalms* "Uh-uh, Levi. It doesn’t work like that. No robots. Humans only. Preferably a classmate."

Levi: "Hmm. A real stickler, huh? Very well. I will make a human friend." *thinking* "However one goes about doing that."

[The Loud House. Levi is currently researching on friendship. Leon walks up to him babbling.]

Levi: "Not now, youngest sibling. [Leon sits down] I am trying to find scientific guidance or the forging of social bonds, street name: friendship." *sighs* "Unfortunately, nothing in my vast library addresses this topic."

[The doorbell rings. Linka answers it and Clare is at the door.]

Linka: "Hey, buddy."

Clare: "Hey, pal."

[The two high five each other, Linka twirls Clare, and they end it with a fist bump.]

Levi: *after observing it* "Hmm... who needs textbooks when I can do field research?"

[Later, Linka and Clare are playing a dancing video game. Clare is not getting the moves right.]

Clare: *trying* "And, left kick, right, stomp-wait, hang on. Oops! Ugh. It goes so fast."

Linka: "Don't worry, Clare. You're looking good."

[Levi watches them, using a periscope in the chimney.]

Levi: *recording on tape* "Observation number one: friendship seems to require compliments and flattery, whether deserved or not."

[Outside, Lynn is in Hockey gear as a goalie. Marco slams the puck right into the net past Lynn.]

Lynn: "Nice snipe." [He and Marco chest bump] "But you won't be so lucky next time."

Levi: *having observed it in the tree and recording. * "Observation number two: friendship also appears to require engaging ina casual sportt and/or play."

[One of the pucks come flying through the air and almost hits Levi, who loses his balance.]

Levi: "Whoa!" *falls out* "Oof!"

[Cuts to Loki and Loni’s room. Loni is reading a magazine when Loki comes in.]

Loki: "Look at this outfit I found in the hand-me-downs from Uncle Ray!" *holds up a gorgeous past era outfit. *

Loni: *impressed* "Wow! It's so outdated, it's back to being trendy again! You're so lucky. I wish I'd found it."

[A video drone is observing from the air while Levi controls it and sees his two oldest brothers' conversation.]

Loki: "Why don't we share it?"

Loni: *gasps* "Great idea!"

Levi: *recording* "Observation number three: friendship requires the sharing of goods and commodities."

[In the garage, Lynn Sr. and Kaoru are getting ready to play music; Lynn Sr. on her cowbell, and Kaoru on her keyboard.]

Lynn Sr.: "One, two, three, four!"

[They start playing their instruments with Lynn Sr. scat jamming and Kaoru giving her a thumbs up while Levi observes from behind the paint cans.]

Levi: *recording* "Observation number four: friendship requires common interests."

Lynn Sr.: "WOMAN, WE ARE SO GOOD!"

Levi: "Almost, common delusions."

[The next day in Mr. Shrinivas's classroom.]

Levi: *going over his data* "Okay, compliments, sports and/or play, sharing and common interests. I'm ready. I shall befriend the first person to walk through the door." *sees a girl eating paste come in and groans. * "Not Peppa Wimple. She eats paste." *sees a boy with an overbite, and bites taken out of an apple, come in. * "Hmm... not Carol Yang. He’s a biter." *sees a boy casually come in and gasps. * "Danny Homendollar. He’ll do."

[Danny walks in and heads over to Levi.]

Levi: "Greetings, Danny. I have observed that your sneakers, light up. Though they appear to lack purpose, I would like to compliment you on their whimsy."

Danny: "Thanks, Levi. I've always liked your shoes, too. They remind me of my grandma’s." *puts his things in his cubby*

Levi: *into recorder* "Compliment has been administered. Subject appears to be receptive to pursuing friendship."

[The playground. Danny is playing on the jungle gym. Levi walks up to him.]

Levi: "Greetings. Would you care to join me in a casual sport and/or play?"

Danny: "Sure!" *gets off the jungle gym* "Do you like the seesaw?"

Levi: "Can't say I've heard of it, but, uh, what the heck?"

[Danny takes Levi to the seesaw. Mr. Shrinivas comes by and sees the two of them playing. Danny is having fun while Levi is looking nervous.]

Darcy: "Whee! Isn't this fun?"

Levi: *gives Danny a thumbs up and speaks into the recorde. .* "The subject's dilated pupils seem to indicate further cementing of friendship."

Danny: "I gotta tinkle." *gets off, which leaves Levi to fall down, rapidly. * Levi: "OOF!"

[It’s lunchtime; Danny is eating a sandwich.]

Levi: "Care to share my homemade kelp leather? Full of nutrients, but zero taste, so it goes down smooth."

Danny: *swallows his sandwich bite* "Um... okay. Thanks, Levi." *bits the kelp leather and chews with an uncomfortable face. * "It's so... chewy." *smiles*

[Mr. Shrinivas has observed this; Cuts to nap time as Levi brings his cot next to Danny, who's sleeping with a stuffed giraffe.]

Levi: "Oh! I see we have a common interest in the GiraffaCamelopardalis."

Danny: "Oh, you mean Rafa. You have a stuffed giraffe, too?"

Levi: "No, but I have a giraffe cerebrum soaking in formaldehyde."

Danny: *giggles* "You use funny words, Levi."

*They go to sleep* Mr. Shrinivas: "Okay, class, it's sharing time! Who wants to start?"

Danny: *raises his hand* "Ooh! Ooh! I have something to share! It's my new friend, Levi."

Mr. Shrinivas: "Great sharing, Danny." *whispering to Levi* "And great social skills, Levi. You just turned that F into an A."

[Levi smiles and goes back to his research at the table.]

Levi: *lightheaded* "Now that my academic record is secure, and my seat on the interplanetary council is solidified, I can return to my beloved research." *hugs the equipment* "Have you missed me, electron microscope?"

Danny: "Hi, new friend!"

Levi: *realizes Danny is right behind his; nervous. * "Oh, uh..." *pauses* ... .right. Greetings, Danny."

Danny: *grabs some beakers* "Are we playing scientist today? You always make it look so fun."

[He’s about to mix some chemicals, but Levi gasps and, in berserk, takes them from him.]

Levi: "This isn't really playing. It's complex and potentially dangerous research." [Danny looks at him confused] "Uh... maybe we can engage in play and/or sport later."

Danny: "Oh. Okay." *walks away* "I'll save you a spot on the seesaw at recess!"

Levi: *recording* "Slight complication: I failed to consider that the subject might wish to remain friends after I achieved my objective."

Danny: *waves to his new friend* "Levi! Levi!" *shows a drawing he made of the two of them together. *

Levi: *sighs and speaks into the recorder. * "Although she did help me secure that A."

[Nap time comes and Levi tries to sleep, but Danny disturbs him with Rafa.]

Danny: "Hi, giraffe twin. Rafa wants to play. Did you bring your giraffe?"

Levi: "Uh, mine does not travel well. Now, if you don't mind, I do need my REM sleep. I have a lot of short-term memories I need to convert to long-term." [Danny looks sad] "Oh, tell you what? You, Rafa, and I can circle back to that play date post slumber. Sound like a plan?" *goes to sleep*

Danny: *as Rafa* "Naps are boring. Let's play now. Maybe we can wake him up with a... TICKLE FIGHT!"

[He starts rubbing Levi with Rafa much to the little genius's annoyance.]

[Snack time. Levi is eating his kelp leather and reading a book. Danny comes up.]

Danny: "Levi! My mom packed two cookies today. One for me and one for my new friend."

Levi: "Oh, that is very generous, but I must decline. Spikes in blood sugar affect my mental acuity. So, just kelp leather for me today."

Danny: "That's okay. We can still sit together." *sits down*

Levi: *nervous* "Uh, actually, if you don't mind, I was hoping to use snack time to brush up on my Mandarin. I have a video conference coming up with my colleagues in Singapore."

Danny: "Ooh! I have a book too!" *takes out a book called A Cat Book. * "Reading twins!" *opens the book and tries readin. .* "Th... .ca... .s-s-sat..."

[Levi face palms in distress.]

[Levi is now working on some more chemicals.]

Levi: "And now, to add a single drop of the concentrated acid..." *prepares the drop*

Danny: *behind him* "Hi, friend!"

[Levi gets startled and almost drops the beaker, but he recovers it in the nick of time.]

Danny: "I made you something in craft time." *takes out a bracelet and wraps it around Levi’s arm. *

Levi: "What is this bizarre shackle?"

Danny: "A friendship bracelet. I can show you how to make one for me too, and then we can be bracelet twins!"

Levi: *sighs* "Danny, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make one of these."

Danny: "Well, I know it looks hard, but I can help you."

Levi: "No-no-no-no. See, you're a great kid, but my lifestyle isn't really conducive to having friends. To be perfectly frank, I sought you out to improve my grade in Social Skills. Now that that objective has been achieved, I feel it would be best for both of us if we went our separate ways." *gives the bracelet back to the heartbroken Danny. * "I do appreciate your assistance, though, and if you ever need a reference for another friend, I would be glad to give you a glowing recommendation."

[Danny starts to cry.]

Levi: *unaware of sadness* "What's wrong? Did some of the concentrated acid get in your eye?"

Danny: *crushed* "NO! YOU HURT MY FEELINGS!" *cries*

Levi: *guilty* "Oh, dear. Danny, please don't be despondent."

Mr. Shrinivas: "Boys, what's going on here?"

Levi: "Oh, uh, nothing you need to worry about, Mr. Shrinivas."

Mr. Shrinivas: *notices Danny acts sa. .* "Danny, why are you crying?"

Danny: *tear jerking* "Levi..." *sniffs* "... said he didn't want to be my friend anymore." *cries and sobs*

[Mr. Shrinivas hugs Danny and gravely looks at Levi, who looks just as upset.]

Mr. Shrinivas: "Danny, why don't you go get Rafa and meet me in my reading chair?"

[Danny nods and sadly leaves to get Rafa.]

Mr. Shrinivas: "Levi, why would you say that to Danny?"

Levi: "Look, Mr. S, I understand that friendship is an academic requirement, but to be honest, I just don't see the point of it."

Mr. Shrinivas: "I'm afraid until you do, I can't give you that A in Social Skills. Now, I'd like you to go sit in time out and think about how you treated Danny."

[Levi dreadfully does that.]

[Timeout]

Levi: *sighs with despondent* "Well, there goes my perfect academic record. What am I gonna tell the other beings on the interplanetary council." *gasps horrifically* "Now I might not even make the council! I might have to be an... alternate..."

Danny: "Levi?" [Levi turns to him.] "I thought you might like this." *gives Levi a cookie*

Levi: *surprised* "W-why are you giving this to me?"

Danny: "You looked sad. I wanted to make you feel better."

Levi: "But, why would you want to make me feel better?"

Danny: "Because that's what friends do for each other."

Levi: *realizes; repeats Danny* "Because that's what friends do for each other. Would you excuse me for just one moment?" *talks into his recorder* "Research epiphany: I have discovered the point of having friends. Not to check off an academic record requirement, or to impress a bunch of aliens, but because friends make your life better."

[Danny smiles at what Levi said.]

Levi: "Thank you, Danny." *breaks the cookie in half and gives Danny his half.] "Care to join me?"

[A glee Danny sits next to him on the time out stool. Mr. Shrinivas witnesses this special bond between the two and changes Levi’s F to an A as the two enjoy their cookie.]

Levi: "Hey, you wanna come over after school and play with my CAT scan machine?" Danny: "We have a kitty, too!" *hugs Levi* "CAT TWINS!"

[Levi smiles at his new friend.]

Trivia 


 * This Reenactment was requested by Maddie dite13 on deviantart.
 * Tip; Friendship is not meant to be used as an object, especially related to work, but a bond between one and another.
 * the original was written by Karla Sakas Shropshire.
 * Please support the official release.