Head Poet's Anxiety/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Head Poet's Anxiety".

Script
[One morning at Sunset Canyon Retirement Home, Luan is entertaining on the day trip bus] Luan: "Guess who I bumped into, on the way to the optometrist. Everyone!" [The elders laugh at this joke] "What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? I'll never part with it." ''[The elderly continue to laugh and applaud. Bernie laughs so hard his dentures fly out]'' Scoots: [To Pop-Pop] "There go Bernie's teeth again." Pop-Pop: "How about that talent, eh? That's my granddaughter." Luan: [Takes a bow] "A-thank you." [Puts her funny glasses on] "Well, this is my stop, so I mustache you, to excuse me." [The elders laugh as the bus pulls up in front of the Loud House and Luan gets off and walks past Lincoln and Clyde who are on their bikes] Lincoln: "What's that all about?" Luan: "Oh, that's my new gig, I'm the entertainer on the Giggling Geezer." Clyde: "Giggling Geezer?" Luan: "The bus Sunset Canyon uses to take the seniors on day trips, do you realize what this means? Today the Giggling Geezer, tomorrow the Royal Woods Theater." Clyde: "Tomorrow? Can we still get tickets?" Luan: "No, not tomorrow, tomorrow, someday tomorrow, I hope to be the youngest person to ever perform there." Lincoln: "Well, congratulations, keep reaching for those dreams." Luan: [Touched] "Aw, thanks, you're so supportive." [Goes into the house] Lincoln: [To Clyde] "The more success she has, the less time she has to prank us." Clyde: "Ah." [sits on his bike seat which is revealed to be woppee cushioned, Clyde holds it up] "Guess she still has time." ''[Luan goes into the house and up the stairs, and gasps when she steps on something, or rather someone. She looks down and sees Lucy depressed]'' Luan: "Lucy, what are you doing on the stairs?" Lucy: "Sigh, I submitted my best poem to the Transylvania Review, they didn't want it, I must not have what it takes to be a poet." Luan: "Your first rejection letter, huh? Well step into my office, I wanna show you something." [Later, in Luan's room, Lucy is laying on the bed, and Luan brings out a bag full of papers] "These are my rejection letters." Lucy: [Takes a look] "It's like a coffin for your dreams." Luan: "It's just part of the creative life, you can't expect to shoot to the top right away, when I was your age I had to start at the bottom," [Flashback to when she was eight years old, and performing at Charles' birthday for him Cliff and Walt, using a hairbrush as a microphone] "Performing for our pets birthdays." Young Luan: "What did the dalmatian say after eating a snack? That hit the spot." [The pets don't seem very interested] "Wow, ruff crowd." [Sees that Charles peed on her shoe, and is now aggravating] "Dang it, Charles!" Luan: ''[Still narrating. Flashback to her performing at the bowling alley's open mic, with her soon to be soul mate Mr. Coconuts]'' "It was a long time before I was ready to try my act out in public." Young Luan: [Laughs] "Good one Mr. Coconuts, you bowl me over. [Looks around to see no applause] Mr. Coconuts: "Guess that one landed in the gutter, toots." [Mr. Coconuts laughs, but the audience starts booing and throwing curly fries at both of them] Young Luan: [Using Mr. Coconuts as a shield] "Ah! Curly fries!" Luan: [Currently narrating] "Even then, I still had a lot to learn about comedy." [Flashback changes to Luan graduating from clown school] "So I enrolled in a clowning academy." [Her instructor places a red nose on her face and Luan shakes his hand, getting joy buzzed, which she laughs at] "Finally, after paying my dues, I was ready to build my own business." [Flashback to her 'Funny Business' performing at a kids birthday, she jumps through the banner] "How do turtles talk to each other? On their shell phones. [Laughs, the kids cheer and Luan takes a bow, her hat falling off, end flashback, she puts her hand on Lucy's shoulder] "Just be patient, and keep trying, and no matter how hard it gets, remember, you always have a sister who knows you're [Puts her funny glasses on] spec-tacular!"

Lucy: [smiles] "I feel a lot better. You know so much, Luan. Maybe you could help me become a successful poet."

Luan: I suppose I could stanza to do that. After all, I am pretty well versed in mentoring. We'd make quite a couplet!"

[She and Lucy laugh]

[Later they are in Lucy's room, Luan writing 'LUCY'S PLAN' on a whiteboard, she underlines that, and starts a list of what to do] Luan: "Okay, so your first step is to, sharpen your skills, at home." [Later, they are in the living room with their father, him reading the manuscript Lucy created for the Aloha Comrade's new menu] Lynn Sr.: "'Fresh tuna, shrouded in a cold beet sauce, and laid to rest on a bed of pineapple' Great job Lucy, this is the perfect update to the Aloha Comrade menu" [Luan winks at Lucy] "I was just gonna say 'fish and sauce'". [Even later, Lucy and Luan are in Leni's room, Leni reading Lucy's review of a black sequin gown] Leni: "'Looking for a outfit that'll knock them dead? This black sequin gown shimmers like the eyes of a hundred vampires, on a moonless night.' This is perfect, I can't wait to put it on my fashion blog". [Tears the page out of the notebook, and slaps it onto her computer screen] "Done." [Luan and Lucy just look at each other]

Lucy: "You're the best mentor ever." Lynn Sr.: "Honey! Lucy's smiling, get the camera!"

Luan: "You don't say.

Lynn Sr.: "Honey! Lucy's hugging someone, get the camera!"