User blog:Lord KOT/Get the Message: Clynn Edition

Here's a little rewrite fanfiction of "Get the Message" to honor Clynn Week, 2019. What happens after this story is left entirely to your imagination.

Script
Clyde: [frantic, via walkie-talkie] Lincoln! Lori's coming! [acting all suave] Don't worry, I'll stall her.

''[Clyde shoves the communications device into his pants pocket. He brings up a marker, drawing a fake mustache on his upper lip. The color is light green instead of the planned black, but he doesn’t appear to notice. The chance to impress Lori completely occupies his mind.]''

''[As he throws the marker away, he prepares to tear his shirt off from the left side, but the fabric won’t give. He tries the right side. The result remains the same. Left again, and no positive result.]''

''[Desperate, Clyde pulls the hem of his shirt up, switching to the old-fashioned way. He’s halfway there, arms waving wildly like tentacles, when the shirt becomes a bit stuck between the neck and head. But it only lasts a fraction of a second. The shirt rockets into the air.]''

''[Clyde stands there, face expressing blank surprise and arms up. Then he quickly resumes a cocky grin and positions his body in a “Here I am” sort of gesture. He ignores the article of cobalt blue and olive, mixed with white sleeve bands and collar, hitting the carpet about a foot from his left.]''

Lynn: [off-screen] Clyde???

''[Clyde’s eyes widen, utterly taken aback. He looks to his right to find Lynn standing in the doorway of her and Lucy’s room, staring at him with that same expression. Her jaw appears to slacken. She drops the soccer ball she has been holding under her right arm.]''

Clyde: [chuckles nervously, scratching his head] Oh, uh… Hi, Lynn. Back from practice al—

''[Lynn’s entire body begins to shudder back and forth out of control. She stutters as if in the middle of a violent earthquake. Her feet hit the soccer ball, causing it to roll slowly forward.]''

''[Lori marches up the stairs, then stops upon see the ball bouncing down. She catches it, sighing in annoyance as she resumes her journey.]''

Lori: Lynn, how many times do I have to literally spell it out? No dribbling in the house! You could hurt someone with this thi—

''[Lori’s voice trails off, the ball falling from her slackening grasp as she watches Lynn slam her own face onto the wall repeatedly. Cracks are spreading on the paint with each blow, followed by tiny chips.]''

Lori: [worried] Lynn…?

''[Suddenly, Lynn rants out in a mixture of garbled speech and raspberries. She spins around the hall like a tornado. Lori lets out a yelp, then retreats down the stairs, her head peaking from behind the top one.]''

[At that moment, Hall Monitor Lola dashes out of her and Lana’s room, flashing a palm at Lynn.]

Lola: Halt! There’ll be no spinning around in the hall on my—

''[Lana yanks Lola away and shuts the door to their room. No sooner does Lynn rotate continuously by when she reverses direction, inches away from the Lincoln’s door. Clyde presses his back against the wall, narrowly escaping Lynn’s path, and maintains that position as she turns about face.]''

Clyde: [concerned] You feeling, uh… okay there… Lynn?

[Lynn stops at the doorway, arms stretched forward, and advances towards the stairs with long goosesteps while sticking her tongue out.]

Lynn: [zombie-like] Blah, blah, blah, etc.

''[Lori, frantic, grabs Lynn, turns her in the opposite direction and releases her. Lynn walks towards the doorway to her and Lucy’s room, still blathering.]''

Clyde: Lynn, watch out for that—

''[It’s too late. Lynn’s right sneaker steps on the ball. She wobbles, wobbling on top of the ball with one foot. Then the ball slips backward, and as a result, Lynn is propelled into the room.]''

''[Her noggin hits the floor, her body still as an upside-down statue and arms still stretched out. She remains that way for a second before gravity pulls her back to the floor, followed by the feet. Eyes closed, blood spouts upward from her nose like a fountain.]''

Clyde and Lori: [simultaneously] Lynn!

[Both Lori and Clyde rush into the room, kneeling over the fallen Lynn from either side.]

Clyde: You alright? Lynn, do you copy? What’s your status? Come in! Do you copy??? [shakes her] Say something, girl!

Lori: [hurriedly] She can’t hear you, genius, she’s out cold!

Clyde: Does she usually act like this?

Lori: No!

Clyde: First time ever?

Lori: How should I know?!?

Clyde: Where’s the first aid kid?

Lori: I’ll get it! Stay here with her! [runs off] Lisa!

''[Clyde hears a groan and looks down to find Lynn’s mouth moving. He puts one arm behind her back and, with some effort, scoops her up to the point where she’s in a sitting position.]''

Clyde: [propping up her head] Don’t worry, Lynn. I’ve got you. Just hold on for a little longer, okay?

[Lynn opens her eyes halfway, moans and uses an index finger to wag her lips, burbling before she passes out again.]

Clyde: [unsure] I’ll take that as a yes…?

''[Lori returns to the room one second later, first aid kit in hand. She leans down and feels for Lynn’s forehead.]''

Lori: No bumps… no sign of any skull damage… [sighs in relief] Might be a slight bruise, but she’ll be fine. Okay, Clyde, lay her back down.

Clyde: [complying] Lucky thing you’ve got a carpet for every room.

[Lori opens the first aid kit and rummages through it.]

Lori: No… Not it… Don’t need that… [growls with frustration] There’s literally no nose plugs??? [pulls out a tissue] Well, better make the most of it.

''[Lori tears two pieces from the tissue and puts one into each of Lynn’s nostrils. Once finished, her left hand unconsciously slips onto the jockey’s bloody shirt. Her eyes widen upon feeling the running liquid.]''

Lori: [waves her hand hysterically] Ugh! Gross! Should’ve put on gloves! Ew, ew, ew!

''[Clyde silently holds up a few alcohol wipes. Lori takes them with her right hand and uses them to wipe the blood off her left. One final wipe, and the hand is clean.]''

Lori: Thanks, Clyde.

Clyde: Not a problem. [turns back to Lynn] All she needs right now is a good clean shirt, and we’ll be good to go.

Lori: One problem… I just put all of Lynn’s clothes in the wash ten minutes ago. It’ll take twenty before it’s done, and another half-hour before they’re dry.

Clyde: Well, we can’t have her looking like this! Any shirts you have that she can borrow?

Lola: [off-screen] Hold it right there, dirtbags!

''[Lori and Clyde turn around to find the Hall Monitor twins standing in the doorway, faces serious and arms crossed. In Lola’s left hand is a notepad, a pencil in her right. Lana likewise holds a clear plastic bag in each hand.]''

Lori: [annoyed] Girls, do you mind? Lynn’s probably in a coma right now and—

Lola: CAN IT, SISTER!!! [writes in her notepad] Lack of consciousness doesn’t let this perp off the hook. [Finished, Lola tears off the ticket and places it on Lynn’s bed.]

Lola: She can read it when she wakes up.

Lana: [to Clyde] Are these yours…?

[Lana holds up the two sealed bags: one of them contains Clyde’s shirt; the other reveals the discarded green marker.]

Clyde: Shirt, yes; marker, no: I borrowed that off Lincoln.

Lola: The last item will be returned to its owner, McBride. [hands him a ticket] In the meantime, take this one for being a careless litterbug. We don’t need another Lincoln or Lily on the premises. [stands inches from Clyde’s face] Comprende?!?

Clyde: [cringes] Yeah, uh… I comprende, officer.

Lana: [raises her sunglasses] Well, well, well… [lowers them] What do we have here?

''[Lana approaches the used, bloody alcohol wipes, where are resting next to Lori. She pulls out a pair of tweezers and lifts a wipe for inspection. She gives it a series of sniffs.]''

Lori: [dejectedly] Lana, what are you doing?

Lana: This is obviously the jockey’s DNA, but I’m getting something else…

[Another long sniff, and Lana instantly whips an index finger at Lori, catching the eldest sibling by surprise.]

Lana: Aha! Looks like we’ve got ourselves another litterbug!

Lori: What?!?

Lola: Don’t give me that, toots! Your fingerprints are practically all over these wipes!

Lana: [pointing at Clyde] And so are his!

[Lola looks at her twin, raising her shades to reveal eyes of confusion.]

Lana: [shrugs] Well, hers a lot more than his. I can tell. [pause] Look, we’ll do a print count at the lab. Just give her the ticket so we can get doughnuts!

Lola: Oh, alright, fine.

[Replacing her glasses, Lola writes hurriedly on the notepad and hands Lori her ticket.]

Lola: Thought yourself clever, huh blondie? That just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean the rules don’t apply to you?

Lori: [fretful] Oh, come on, Lola!

Lola: [points to the wipes] And you figured you could hide these in plain sight, did ya?

Lana: Or did it just slip your mind that there’s a garbage bin downstairs?

Lori: Hey, I was busy tending to Lynn! And it’s literally not my fault she and Lucy don’t have a waste basket in their—

Lola: [to Lana] Wrap up the evidence, partner. Time to blow this joint. She literally disgusts me.

Lana: Coming right up.

''[As Lola struts away, Lana puts all the wipes in one of the empty plastic bags and seals them up. She walks over to Clyde, taking him aside.]''

Lana: [in a half-whisper] You’re too good a kid for this one, McBride. Find someone with a smaller age gap.

''[Lana exits the room, leaving Lori and Clyde alone again with the unconscious Lynn. They look at each other awkwardly for a few moments before returning their attention to the blood-stained shirt.]''

Clyde: Um… [picks up his own shirt] Will this make the most of it?

Lori: [takes it] Yeah, I think it will. But first things first; gotta get this outta the way.

''[Lori puts one hand under Lynn’s head to raise it slightly, then lowers it upon reaching the pony tail. Gently, she pulls the younger sister’s red hair band upwards, freeing her brown locks.]''

Lori: No telling if there’s any blood on it.

''[Clyde looks down at Lynn again. He is entranced to see her hair spread out in several directions on the carpet. In fact, he doesn’t know he’s touching a strand until his eyes rest on the palm of his left hand.]''

Clyde: [feels it, enamored] Wow…

Lori: [off-screen] Ahem.

''[Clyde looks up, trance interrupted. Lori locks her eyes onto him. Her hands are holding up Lynn’s shirt as if to signify something.]''

Lori: [flatly] You might wanna wait outside…

''[It takes Clyde a second to realize what Lori means. He removes his hand from Lynn’s hair and sheepishly places it on the back of his head.]''

Clyde: Oh. [chuckles] Right. Um… Take your time.

''[Clyde walks out of the room, closing the door behind him and resting his back against the immediate wall. Almost instantly, the walkie-talkie in his pants pocket crackles to life. He pulls it out and puts a hand over the speaker as Lincoln’s voice pierces through.]''

Lincoln: [VO] Mission accomplished. I repeat: mission accomplished. Don’t know what you did out there, Clyde, but I really appreciate it. I’ll be out of here before Lori even—

Clyde: [whispers uneasily] That might not be a good idea, Lincoln. Lori might leave Lynn and Lucy’s room any second.

Lincoln: [VO] Huh? Well, what’s she doing in there?

Clyde: Long story. Whatever you do, don’t come out until you get confirmation she’s heading downstairs.

Lincoln: [VO] But how will I know?

Clyde: Just put your ear against the door; you’ll hear a lot better.

''[Just then, Clyde hears a sound to his left. His eyes spot the knob on Lucy and Lynn’s door turning.]''

Clyde: [hurriedly] Over and out.

''[Clyde quickly replaces the walkie-talkie in his pocket. The door opens and Lori steps out. Lynn’s shirt lies neatly folded in her arms, the hair band resting on top. In her left hand can be found a hint of used alcohol wipes.]''

Clyde: Well…?

Lori: Your shirt looks a little snug on her—not surprising, given how fit she is—but it’ll have to do. [lowers her head, sighing sadly] Looks like I’m biting my own words now.

Clyde: What do you mean?

Lori: I keep warning her of the dangers of playing sports indoors; that someday, one of her balls will hurt someone if she’s not careful. Well, today, I wasn’t careful. I let that ball slip from my hands, and Lynn—however crazy she’d been acting—paid for my mistake.

[Clyde turns away slightly, feeling guilty.]

Clyde: Um, Lori, that was actually—

Lori: Anyway, I’d better get these to the kitchen sink. Washer should be halfway done. [looks behind her] Wish I wasn’t leaving her like this, even if she’s a lot more comfortable now…

[As Lori is half-finished with that sentence, Clyde gets an idea.]

Clyde: I-I-I could stay there and wait for her to wake up, if you like.

Lori: [butters up] Really? Thanks a bunch, Clyde. [kneels to his level] You may be a weirdo, but I figured Lincoln liked you for a reason. You’re literally such a good friend.

''[Lori kisses Clyde on the cheek. Clyde freezes, pupils shrinking and cheeks reddening. However, he shakes his head forcefully, snapping out of it.]''

Lori: [stands back up] Oh! Better make a small detour. My phone must be fully recharged.

[Lori walks casually to her room.]

''[Clyde, not waiting to see Lori enter her destination, makes it back into Lynn and Lucy’s room. Looking to his right, he gazes at something that gives him a mild jolt.]''

''[There, on her bed, lies Lynn. She is now wearing Clyde’s shirt, just as Lori said. Her shoes sit on the floor beside the bed, completely exposing her usual socks. The tissues used to stop the bleeding remain in her nose. Her hair is neatly aligned atop the pillow, though a few locks touch her shoulders. Both hands are cupped together upside down on her stomach.]''

[The captivating figure of her beauty, unfortunately, does nothing to ease the terrible feeling deep in Clyde’s heart.]

Clyde: [to the viewers] When I said I’d keep Lori distracted, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind. [lowers his head in shame] Oh, Lynn…

Lucy: [off-screen] How’s she holding up?

''[Clyde jumps, screaming with alarm. Lucy is standing right behind him, externally cold and internally rigid as usual. A camera hangs from a strand around her neck.]''

Lucy: I heard the accident echo through the walls and really wanted to be there, but then I realized you and Lori were in the middle of patching Lynn up. Thought it best not to interfere, since Lori’s the professional, so I took the long way ‘round.

Clyde: [partly conflicted] Okay… Lucy: And then I remembered the twins were on Hall Monitor duty. Had to wait until it was their break.

Clyde: Um… Totally understandable, Lucy. And, uh, what’s with the camera?

Lucy: [looks behind her] Wait right here. Be right back.

''[Lucy exits camera right in a flash. The door can be heard being shut. Clyde stands in bewilderment, even more so as he listens to what goes on immediately out of the room.]''

Lucy: [VO] One moment, please.

Lori: [VO] Not right now, Lucy, I— [voice raised] Hey, what are you doing?!?

[There is the faint sound of a camera clicking.]

Lucy: [VO] There we go. Thanks for your time, Lori.

''[The sound of Lori growling with annoyance is enough to make Clyde wince. Then the door is heard opening and closing again, followed by a locking mechanism. Lucy zips in camera left.]''

Lucy: Sorry about that, Clyde. I couldn’t pass up this opportunity of seeing blood on Lynn’s person… or at least her clothes. Needed to have a souvenir for this day before it was washed away forever.

[Almost immediately, Lucy spots the blood stains on the carpet below her.]

Lucy: [to Clyde] Feet off the carpet, please.

[''Clyde takes the hint and hops backward onto Lynn’s bed, careful not to sit on her. Lucy takes a big step back, aims the camera at the stains and takes the picture.]''

Lucy: [satisfied] One more for the album. [to Clyde] Anyway, how did she make it happen?

Clyde: Nosebleed.

Lucy: Really? Isn’t that usually… your thing?

Clyde: [blushes briefly] Yeah, and the malfunctioning robot. And the fainting. But that’s only when I either see Lori or hear her voice.

Lucy: Except you were with Lori for more than a few minutes. And you did neither of those things. Not even when she kissed you.

Clyde: [surprised] You saw that?

Lucy: And the fact that your shirt was missing when you went to Lynn’s aid. Your latest attempt to impress Lori, I take it?

[Clyde can only respond with another sheepish laugh and scratching of the head.]

Lucy: Now I wasn’t there to see it, but I’m assuming Lynn did…?

Clyde: [gulps] Yeah, why— Lucy: [quickly] Not important. [walks up to Lynn] Look at her. It’s as if she’s ready for her own funeral. And this is the first time I’ve seen her hair down in a while. Somehow, I’m reminded of—

Clyde: A poem?

Lucy: Not exactly, but it rhymes. Now how did it go…? Oh, yes. [recites] “She is indeed most wondrous fair, brown of chestnut in her hair, lips that shame the red, red rose. In ageless sleep, she finds repose.”

''[As Clyde listens, he looks wonderingly at Lynn. His face slowly forms a smile. The eyelids begin to lower.]''

Clyde: [dreamily] You can say that again, Lucy.

Lucy: And there’s another saying… Heard it from an episode of Vampires of Melancholia. [recites again] “Lips red as the blood, hair brown as werewolf fur, skin white as ghosts.”

''[Clyde leans closer to Lynn, not the least perturbed by Lucy’s morbid description. He imagines the elder sister’s hair sparkling in the sunlight. Her frown and nose plug substitutes fade, the former replaced magically by a smile.]''

[More smitten than ever, Clyde reaches for Lynn’s hands.]

Lucy: [off-screen] Do not disturb the model.

''[Clyde is snapped out of his fantasy. His eyes turn in the direction of Lucy, who is holding up the camera.]''

Lucy: On my bed. Now.

''[Clyde, looking from Lynn to Lucy, understands the command almost immediately. He hops off Lynn’s bed, then scurries onto Lucy’s.]''

''[A short montage of photos ensues. Lynn’s unconscious form is given a good snapshot from every available angle: three body shots, three half-body shots and four head shots. After a few seconds, the montage ends.]''

Lucy: Perfect. Not a single muscle or hair out of place. The Morticians Club will love these… You can resume watching her now, Clyde.

Clyde: Thanks, Lucy. Really need to be there.

''[Lucy heads for the door, while Clyde gets back to Lynn’s bed. As she unlocks the door, a thought comes to her.]''

Lucy: Oh, and you may want to relock once I’m out.

Clyde: [eyebrow raised] Why?

Lucy: It’s, uh… best Lynn doesn’t find too many faces staring at her when she wakes up. She can be unpredictable.

''[With that said, Lucy exits and closes the door. Clyde, confounded, shrugs before acting on the Goth girl’s advice.]''

''[Lincoln sprints up to Lucy, a worried look on his face. He is still wearing that grey bonnet.'']

Lincoln: Hey, Lucy! Is Lynn awake yet?

Lucy: Still out, I’m afraid. But she’ll be fine.

Lincoln: How long will she be like this?

Lucy: Before the day is out, I reckon.

Lincoln: [becomes irritated] A little more specific, please???

Lucy: A few hours at the most; minutes if we’re lucky.

[Lincoln groans as he approaches the door to his destination.]

Lincoln: All the same, I’d better go check on her.

Lucy: I’m sorry, Lincoln, but the room’s heavily guarded from the inside. No visitors allowed until further notice.

Lincoln: Huh? Why not?

Lucy: Because Clyde is the keeper of the crypt, the only one with the key. He has his duty. He will fulfill it. And in case you get any ideas…

[Lucy turns Lincoln around and snatches the walkie-talkie from his jeans pocket.]

Lincoln: Hey!

Lucy: This will be confiscated to make sure the crypt-keeper is neither distracted nor influenced by bribes from the living. [turns to leave] By the way, don’t try sneaking in through the vents: I’ll be watching… and listening.

[Lucy walks towards the stairs, careful not to let Lincoln see the smirk forming in her mouth.]

''[Lincoln gulps. He looks back towards the door. He ponders for a moment before remembering Clyde’s advice.]''

Lincoln: “Hear a lot better…” [to the viewers] I know what you’re thinking: “Lincoln, isn’t it wrong to eavesdrop? Won’t you get caught” Well, I don’t care if the twins throw me in the clink. I will not be kept in the dark. Besides, Lucy didn’t say I can’t listen in from out here… [winks]

[Lincoln lies sideways on the rug, back against the wall, putting an ear to the bottom of the door.]

''[Clyde hears a feminine moan, which coincides with a light tip on his right leg. He finds a left foot enveloped in a sock stretching forward. That can only mean one thing…]''

Clyde: Lynn?

''[The sporty Loud lifts her back off the bed. Her eyes are still shut tight, but the lids give off hints of movement. Her legs fold back slightly. She puts a hand to her forehead, rubbing it.]''

Lynn: [voice all nasally] Ugh… Did we win?

Clyde: [touches her shoulder] Easy there, girl. Take it easy. You’ve just had a pretty bad accident.

Lynn: Clyde…? How… How long was I out?

Clyde: Oh, not that long. [shrugs] Maybe ten minutes?

''[Lynn shakes her head, then stretches her arms. Her eyes slowly open. They are just beginning to adjust.]''

Lynn: Just had the craziest dream… Here I am, back early from soccer practice, which was cancelled due to health hazards, and I find the twins on patrol, Luna playing in the hall and you taking off your—

''[The vision is restored within Lynn. She sees Clyde sitting beside her, wearing only his normal black pants and matching shoes. There is a weak, nervous smile on his face. He draws a hand up and tries to pull at the place where his shirt collar would normally be, except there’s not one to be found.]''

''[That’s when Lynn’s sanity runs loose again. This time, there is a tint of red on each cheek.]''

Lynn: [splutters] What?!? It wasn’t a dream?!? And you’re still—

''[Lynn goes into spasms, sticking out her tongue as she utters gibberish and thrusts her limbs about in several directions. Clyde, horrified, rushes behind her and wraps his around her waist tightly in the hopes to rein her in.]''

[He need not bother, for Lynn’s reason swiftly returns upon a most puzzling find.]

Lynn: Wait a minute… How come I sound like this? What’s wrong with my nose?

''[She puts a hand to that area, feeling the tissues. Then she stops upon looking at her arm.]''

Lynn: [looks back] Clyde, why am I in your shirt?

''[As Clyde meekly withdraws his arms from Lynn’s waist, the jock notices long locks of familiar brown hair hanging over her shoulders. She nearly freaks out upon touching her whole head.]''

Lynn: Where’s my hair band?!?

Clyde: Calm down, Lynn. Nothing to get jittery over…

[Just then, Lynn spots the ticket sticking out of her pillow.]

Lynn: [snatches it] A-a-and what… is… this?

Clyde: You’re not alone there. Lori and I each got one for littering. All in the same day.

Lynn: [mumbles while reading] “Misplacement of soccer ball?” “Vandalism, i.e. cracking wall paints?” “Reckless spinning throughout the hall?” “Spilling DNA on the furniture???” [stops reading] What are they talking about? I’m not one of the pets! I always reach the bathroom on time before it gets outta con—

''[Lynn’s ranting stops upon seeing the blood stains on the carpet below. Getting a good idea, she touches her nose again. Next, she carefully pulls the tissues out and examines them. There are traces of red on each one.]''

[Indignation gives way to embarrassment as the answer dawns on him.]

Lynn: Oh. That kind of DNA. [sighs] Man, I really messed up today.

Clyde: No, Lynn. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t tried to sweep Lori off her feet the way I did, none of this would’ve happened. I’m sorry…

''[Lynn looks at Clyde with a kind smile. She pulls him into a sideways hug.]''

Lynn: Aw, don’t beat yourself up, Clyde. It was all just bad timing… Or maybe bad luck. [shrugs] Eh, all the above.

''[Lynn takes her eyes off Clyde and turns them to the right, aiming for the ceiling. Eyes half-closed, she assumes a dreamy look.]''

Lynn: [in a half-whisper, to herself] But I’m kinda glad it did happen…

Clyde: What’s that?

Lynn: [hurriedly] Nothing! Anyway, uh, where have my shirt and band gone?

Clyde: Waiting in line at the cleaners, as far as I know.

[Lynn tries—and fails miserably—to stifle a laugh.]

Clyde: What?

Lynn: You could give Luan a run for her money with lines like that!

Clyde: I dunno, Lynn: comedy’s not really my thing. And I wasn’t even trying to be funny.

Lynn: Good. [in a gruff, hermit-like voice] Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.

[Clyde stares at Lynn, jaw slackened. Then he and Lynn find themselves in stitches.]

Clyde: You spend that much time with Lincoln when I’m not around?

Lynn: [snickers] Once you’re under the same roof as a nerdy brother, you tend to learn a few things. [pause] Um, no offense, Clyde.

Clyde: Pfft. Nah, I’m pretty sure I needed that. [gets off the bed] Well, now that you’re awake, I’d better head over to Lola and Lana.

Lynn: What for?

Clyde: Those tickets we got, they’re all on me. Someone’s gotta pay up before they make you share a cell with Luan.

Lynn: [lies on her stomach] Clyde, don’t worry about me. I can handle those twin twerps while balancing on one leg. [pause] Then again, Lana’s wrestled more alligators than I can remember.

Clyde: And we both know exactly what Lola’s like. Luckily, my dads are loaded, which means there’s more than enough in my allowance for your bail.

''[Lynn’s eyes lock on Clyde with marvel. She is rendered speechless. It’s almost as if she was listening to another Clyde.]''

Clyde: [continues] Maybe after this, I can get us front row seats for the next Red Wings game.

Lynn: [gasps excitedly] You mean it?!?

Clyde: Yeah, if you’ll be available.

Lynn: Oh, you bet I’ll be available! [becomes unsure] Or not. [shrugs] Eh, we’ll see what Coach says.

Clyde: Great. Thing is, knowing the Wings, my folks are bound to have some issues for players that fly off the rink—

Lynn: [cackles again] Red Wings…! Fly off the rink…!

Clyde: [with a quiet chuckle] Yeah, uh… I know. Anyway, it’s the least I can do. You really deserve it after that accident.

''[Lynn can contain herself no longer. She jumps off the bed, screeching with delight, and runs up to Clyde. She gives him a tight bear hug. Clyde winces, but the pressure isn’t too bad, so he just smiles it off.]''

Lynn: Thanks a bunch, Clyde! You’re the best!

''[Then, almost unconsciously, Lynn plants her lips on Clyde’s right cheek for a good three seconds. His eyeballs shrink and reappear as heart shapes. His whole skin shows changes of bright red from the waist up, as if he were a thermometer.]''

[Once he regains his proper color and Lynn breaks the embrace, Clyde gazes at her with a big, goofy grin, all the while reaching for the lock on the door.]

Clyde: [giddily] You, uh… You should have your hair down more often.

''[Lynn’s cheeks flush. She puts her hand behind her back, not knowing what to say or do except return a beam. She remains that way as Clyde vacates the room, keeping his eyes on her until he puts the door between them.]''

[Clyde turns about face and lets out a long, deep sigh of affection.]

Lincoln: [off-screen] How did it go, Romeo?

''[Senses immediately return to Clyde as soon as he hears the voice of his best friend. He finds Lincoln leaning back between Lucy and Lynn’s room and that of Lisa and Lily, arms and legs crossed, eyes half-open and a mischievous, all-knowing, toothy smile flashing on his face.]''

Clyde: [nervously] Oh! Lincoln! I, uh… I can, uh… How long have you been listening?

Lincoln: Long enough. [walks over to Clyde, now whispering] And relax: we’d need not say anything about it in front of these doors.

[Clyde is about to reply, when they both hear Lori’s voice coming from downstairs.]

Lori: [off-screen] Bobby. Only twelve messages today? I thought you cared about me.

[Lincoln and Clyde keep quiet as the eldest Loud sibling walks up the stairs and talks on her cellphone.]

Lori: [in a sweetly tone] Aw, Boo-Boo Bear, I’m just playing with you. I know you’ve got this big job on the weekends… [giggles before acting all deadpan again] But seriously, try asking for more break time.

[Lori closes the door to the bathroom on her way in.]

Lincoln: Before you start pleading out Lynn’s case before the Twin Squad, Clyde, we need to get you a shirt. And I have plenty of matching ones you can borrow from my domain.

Clyde: But won’t my dads notice the change in—

Lincoln: Trust me, Lynn’s shirt will be all cleaned before you head back home.

Clyde: Thanks, buddy. I owe you one.

Lori: [off-screen] LINCOLN!!!

[Lincoln’s bonnet briefly pops up from his head as he and Clyde recognize that wrathful voice.]

''[The bathroom door is swung wide open to reveal Lori with a face resembling that of a lion on the hunt. She thrust out a familiar-looking yellow parchment.]''

Lori: WHAT! IS! THIS?!?

Clyde: Not that one… [scarpers off]

[Clyde rushes into Lincoln’s room, slams the door shut and presses his back against it, arms stretched out and heels digging in as he waits anxiously for the storm to die down.]

Lori: [off-screen] WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I’M GONNA—

''[Lori’s ranting is drowned by the jamming of Luna’s guitar. Clyde’s mind is now set at ease as he reaches a shirt from the hanger overlooking Lincoln’s mirror.]''

Clyde: [to the viewers] While Lincoln’s learned to talk things out with his sisters instead of badmouthing them, I now realize that I’ve been falling for the wrong Loud girl. Don’t get me wrong: Lori’s beautiful and all that, but she’s too old and already taken. Lynn, on the other hand, needs no shrine from me, as we’ll start hanging out together ASAP.

[Monologue finished, Clyde tries on the orange polo.]

Clyde: Shirt’s a bit big… [with a confident grin] but it’ll have to do!

''[Lynn is back on her bed, trembling in a fetal position. Her teeth clench behind that wobbly smile.]''

Lynn: [to herself] I’m wearing Clyde’s shirt… Clyde compliments my hair… [slowly, voice rising] I am going to a Red Wings game with Clyde!

''[Grabbing her red pillow, Lynn buries her head under it to muffle the girlish squeal emanating from her mouth. Her legs kick up in excitement.]''

''[Lucy watches and listens to her roommate from the section of the vents overlooking their room, poem in one hand and a pencil in the other. She draws her head away, returning to her poem. She manages a small smile.]''

Lucy: Way to go, Lynn. Way to go…

Trivia

 * This story took me about a week to finish before Clynn Week was up. Getting material from the original episode is easy; coming up with the new material yourself is hard, depending on how you want to write it.
 * While not technically my first Loud House fanfiction, this happens to be my first rewritten episode.
 * The idea came to me after reading a rewritten episode by BladeSword91. Be sure to check it out.
 * Lynn's maniacal spin was based on the Tasmanian Devil (aka Taz) from Looney Tunes.
 * A few of cross references can be found here:
 * Scooby-Doo! and the Goblin King
 * The Inspector Gadget movie
 * Disney's Sleeping Beauty and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
 * Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
 * "The Anything Can Happen Recurrence"; The Big Bang Theory