User blog:This Spy/The Wacky House - Dissolving the Case

Author's Note: The following story is based on the Making the Case episode.

''The Loud residence, day. James, Clyde and Normand are inside with Lincoln, and the three look over the family's trophy case.)''

Lincoln: (to the European duo) This, guys, is our family trophy case. We put all our achievements in here. My sisters had done really awesome things to get in here. There are Lynn's soccer and other sport trophies, Lola's pageant crowns, Lisa's nobel prizes, even Lily has own prizes for sucking competitions. But as for myself...I'm zero. (shows his completely empty case) Believe me, you guys. I tried everything from scratch to get just one real trophy, but...

(Flashback of montages about Lincoln doing everything for a trophy, but all of his efforts ended in traumatizing failures.)

...let's just say chances of that happening are 1 out of 10.

James: Sorry to hear, dude.

Normand: Yeah. But hey, at least they were worth a shot.

Lincoln: I guess...but now, I do finally have a chance to get one!

Normand: How?

Lincoln: There's a 5th grade video contest coming up in school, whoever gets most votes - wins this beauty right here. (shows them the picture of contest's trophy)

James: Hm.

Normand: OK.

Clyde: Are you really sure you'll win this one, Lincoln?

Lincoln: We'll see, Clyde. Now let's get that camera rolling.

Sometime later...

(We cut to the Loud backyard, Clyde is the cameraman, James with Normand are observers, and Lincoln is in some of stunt uniform. He stands on the roof and proceeds with his introduction.)

Lincoln: Hey, 5th grade! Ever wondered how it feels like to be splashed by something you love since early childhood?

(Camera zooms out to reveal a big pool of coke underneath him.)

Lincoln: That's right! I'm going to splatter all this yard with the coke! Something that you ever wanted to do! (prepares himself, puts on his swimming glasses and off he goes) CANNONBALL!

(He jumps off the roof straight into the pool of coke, and after such powerful impact, the coke goes high up in the air, and splatters almost everywhere in the backyard. He gets down from the pool, wholly covered in coke.)

Clyde: That rocked! Seriously, you'll win this one, Lincoln!

(Sometime later, the gang goes back inside, Lincoln cleans himself up, afterwards the two boys uploaded their video on the school site, but as time goes, nobody voted so far.)

Lincoln: Seriosuly, why isn't everybody voting for this?

James: Because they chose this dumb s[BEEP] over there.

(The four watch HamstaCam, which is about just random hamster running in their wheel like crazy.)

Clyde: Seriously, what's this all about?! There's nothing cool about those darn things anyway!

(Geo overheard that, and just as he's about to chitter in anger, but decides not to bother and leaves. Then, a ping from the computer is heard, indicting either vote or comment.)

Lincoln: Look, a comment.

"Nice try, U shld go to UR BIG SISTER'S site for some tipzz. Her videos R sick: L.O.L. COMEDY CHANNEL"

Clyde: Sick?

James: It means rad, or cool, or sweet.

Clyde: Ah.

(Lincoln clicks on the link and observes Luan's channel.)

Normand: Aaaand she has 50,000 followers. Hmph.

Lincoln: THAT much?!

James: That's more like it.

Normand: If she has that much, perhaps she can help us out.

Lincoln: OK, let's give it a try, then.

(The four leave the living room and proceed to Luan's room.)

A couple of minutes later...

Luan: I'm afraid this one won't do, boys.

Clyde: How come?

Luan: Stunts are so 2009, boys. If you want to win, why don't you go with comedy instead?

Lincoln: And how do you propose we film those?

Luan: Easy as pie, just be sure to follow this simple rule - always keep a camera on at all times. Because you never know when you'll eventually get the perfect occasion. Oh, like that! (films Clyde scratching his butt)

Clyde: Knock it off, Luan! Come on!

Luan: No worries, Clyde. Because I would never post it without your permission. And like I said, only the perfect occassion.

Sometime later...

(The two young boys are outside and tried everything they could to get the perfect occassion, but to no avail.)

Lincoln: We tried everything, and still we didn't got the perfect occassion! ...Clyde, are you listening or something?

Clyde: Sorry, man. Just worried that Lynn might hit herself with the rake, thus make a series of epic fails.

Lincoln: Epic fails?! (quickly hides in the bush to secretly film such equation)

Lynn: (bounces a soccer ball on the heard while counting at the same time, but steps on the rake and it hits her straight in the head) Yeow! (falls down, her ball flies down hits her in the stomach, then it bounces and lands on the ground)

Lincoln: That was sure great!

Clyde: Let's go upload it! This will sure grant us victory!

Lincoln: (an idea pops up in his head) With 9 sisters, we got oursevles Comedy Fort Knox!

(The two laugh with evil, and then they walk off-screen. James and Normand do not like this.)

James: Ah...s[BEEP].

Normand: What is it, Jimmy?

James: This crap again.

Normand: Their plan?

James: Yeah.

Normand: Oh, now I remember. It's like that one time when Tommy did the same with his pals to win the same contest?

James: Exactly. Looks like we have to deal with this crap again, Normand.

Normand: Afraid so...

Sometime later...

(The two boys proceed with their plan, and capture every embarassing moments of Lincoln's sisters on film. Luna gets her jeans ripped by accident and Lucy kissing her Edwin only for the wax to get on her lips. They then secretly film Lori who is walking up to the fridge and looks around and thinks she's alone; she lets out what looks like a fart; next, they film Lola who is sleeping with a mud mask, a sleeping mask, hair curlers, and a retainer to make herself beautiful; they move onto Lana who rummages through the trash and finds a piece of gum and chews it; they film Lori again while she's texting and she presumably lets out another fart; they film Lisa who is reading a science book until she walks into the banister; Leni comes in and walks into the wall next to the banister; they film Lori yet again while she's getting ready to go out for a drive and she presumably farts again; she notices the stench and rolls down the window.)

Clyde: (intoxicated) Ah, Lori. Your farts are music to my ears.

Lincoln: This is gonna definitely beat HamstaCam!

(Clyde remains under the guise of Lori's flatulence and Lincoln drags him along.)

The next day at school...

Male Classmate: Lincoln, your video is awesome! You got my vote!

Female Classmate: And you got mine! Lucy and her bust! What a weirdo.

Male Classmate: Man, I'd really hate to post something like this unless I got a deathwish!

Lincoln: D-deathwish?

Female Classmate: How embarassing!

Lincoln: (now scared) Embarassing?!?

Male Classmate: Of course. My sisters would turn me into shreds if I really posted something like that online.

Lincoln: T-t-turn into sh-shreds?!

Sometime later...

(James, Clyde, Lincoln and Normand are walking.)

Clyde: You can't be turned into shreds! I won't be able to find another best friend!

James: Relax, Clyde. You have us.

Clyde: True, true.

(The four approach the Loud residence.)

Clyde: Just in case...(hugs Lincoln)...we had good run together, man.

Lincoln: Relax. I'll delete the video on Friday once I win that contest, and my sisters won't know by the time.

(But just as he opens the door, his sisters are right there, very pissed off. Lori holds her phone with the video on it.)

James: Their death stares say otherwise.

Normand: (under his breath) Son of a bi[BEEP].

(The sisters then proceed to rant and yell about the controversial video.)

Lincoln: Wait, I can explain!

Lori: You've got exactly three seconds before we pul-

James and Normand: (in unison and rage) AND YOU GOT THREE FRIGGING SECONDS TO SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTHS BEFORE WE TURN ALL OF YOU (expect Lily) INTO MEATBAGS!

(Everyone else gasps in horror from hearing such language, but the sisters comply, nonetheless, because they know well there's no way they can beat 2 adults who are much stronger than them.)

James: Now let him speak.

Lincoln: Look, there's a school contest going on, and I really wanted to win a trophy, like you guys.

Lola: YOU SHOWED MY SLEEPY FACE JUST FOR SOME DARN CONTEST?!

Luna: You think you deserve one after what you did, bro?

Lincoln: No, but look! I'll just delete the video, OK?

Lucy: Too late, Lincoln. The damage is already through.

Lori: You literally made us look like a bunch of freaks.

(Then they go upstairs, and Lincoln follows them. Clyde leaves, nervously, but James and Normand stick to him, and go upstairs along with him.)

Lincoln: Look, guys, I'm sorry!

Lori: You literally disgust me.

Leni: Yeah. (walks into wall, then Lori grabs and takes her into the room, shutting the door)

James: Heh.

Lincoln: Come on! Lola and Lana!

Lola: You are banned from my birthday parties forever!!! (slams the door on him, with Lana following the suit)

Lincoln: Lisa! Lisa? (knocks on her door, she slides a note under it) "Vengeance will be mine." (turns to Lucy and Lynn) Come on, guys! I'm your brother! (Lynn angrily rolls her eyes)

Lucy: I have no brother. I know I say that a lot, but this time, ''I mean it. (slams the door on him as well)''

Lincoln: (now addressing Luan for the last time) Luan, you gotta help me! I only did what you told me to do!

Luan: Well, I would, if you didn't broke the unspoken rule: never upload without a person's permission.

Lincoln: And why you didn't told me that?

Luan: Because it's unspoken.

James: "Unspoken", my ass! You just love being sometimes damn cryptic, don't you?!

Luan: It's not my fault if some people didn't thought twice before doing something. Even you should understand, Jimmy. (calmly closes door, then the three men walk downstairs to the computer)

Lincoln: Now how the heck am I going to fix this...? Well, fare thee well, trophy. (deletes the video)

James: Looks like HamstaCam wins this one.

Lincoln: Guys, will you help me fix my relations with sisters?

Normand: Sure. Come on.

(They leave the Loud residence and proceed to the mansion.)

Sometime later...

(James and Normand are inside the mansion, finish helping Lincoln with his video as means to apologize to his sisters.)

Lincoln: Thanks, guys. This should really fix my relations with my sisters.

James: I hope so, too.

Normand: Likewise.

The next day...

(At school, classmates are laughing at Lincoln for the video he did yesterday. It's about massive amount of epic failures with his face all over, and they are much more humiliating than what he posted earlier.)

Female Classmate: Just so you know that we're laughing at you, Lincoln.

Male Classmate: Sorry, but you still lose to HamstaCam.

Female Classmate: Ouch. We know you tried, but still, we're sorry to hear.

Sometime later...

(James and Normand accompany Lincoln back to his home.)

Lincoln: Phew. I sure hope that worked.

Normand: Same here.

James: Yeah.

(He opens the door, and sisters are, once again, very pissed off.)

Normand: (whispering) F[BEEP].

James: You've got to be kidding me.

Lincoln: And it didn't...

Lori: (sternly) Boys...

James: Ah...forget it. Looks like we spent the whole evening for nothing.

Lincoln: Yeah, who are we kidding? Guess trophies do cost a fortune to get one. Let's go.

Normand: For f[BEEP]'s sake...man.

(But just as they about to leave, Luan stops them.)

Luan: Wait! (the three stop and look at her)

Lynn: Actually, your video was way worse!

Lori: Yeah, that video was very hysterical!

(The sisters surround Lincoln and assure him that they're back on good terms.)

Lincoln: So we're good?

Lucy: Indeed we are...brother.

Luan: Sorry that you didn't won the trophy.

Lori: But we really appreciate what you did, so here you go. (hands him a small trophy)

Lincoln: Wow, thanks. (takes it, Luna strokes his hair, Lynn and Lola hug him, goes to trophy case, with European adults joining, and puts the prize in his display) "Most Improved Brother."

James: And there you are, dude. (hands him a big, real trophy) 

Lincoln: (gasps in surprise) Wow! Thanks guys, you are the best! (puts it into his case as well) "Best Child Actor Ever." My sisters no longer depsise me, and I finally made the case.

James: Yeppers.

(Then suddenly, a fart is heard. All the sisters stare at Lori.)

Lori: Dang it...

THE END