User blog comment:Thomperfan/The Loudest Mission: Relative Chaos (my version)/@comment-31563773-20170910191629

So I skimmed through it, wasn't really impressed. To be honest, the added epilogue was touching, though I've seen it done before on one other story somewhere else, so it's not that impactful to me. Added with the fact this new OC Brian doesn't seem all that different from Nolan despite being Carlota's beau and the fact he's into Thomas the Dank  Engine doesn't help him stand out much. It just seems like he was there just to be a love interest for Carlota. Added with the fact you still copied copy/paste directly from the transcript makes it worse. If you're going to have your OC be in focus, you coudlve did away with the whole scene where Ronalda was trying to find a different spot to sleep, and the part where she talks to the viewer. Otherwise, I see it's not different than your other stuff.