User blog comment:Atomic9595/My fanfiction based on "No Such Luck" is been made/@comment-32202721-20170608212316

I'm gonna be blunt here; I saw more than a few problems.

First of all, the characters just seem senselessly cruel and OOC. The Loud parents, even as they were written in NSL, would never go so far as to exile their own son permanently and then tell him, straight to his face, that they don't care about him. And his sisters definitely wouldn't cheer their decision to do so.

Now, I've seen several dark fics where Lincoln becomes estranged from the family in one way or another, and I don't oppose that premise on principle. But in order for me to become invested, I have to want to see the family get back together. That's definitely not the case here, where the Loud sisters and parents are written as such unbelievable monsters that the very idea of Lincoln staying with them makes me shudder.

And their reasoning for kicking him out doesn't even make sense. They insist that Lisa lost the science fair because Lincoln didn't show up, and then they decide to exile him for being... bad luck? What? If they lost because he stayed home

Finally, please proofread your fics before submitting them. I see tense changes, half-finished sentences, missing words and improper formatting everywhere.