User blog:007Jamesdean/Heavy Meddle (Done Anew)

It starts at Royal Woods Elementary [Lincoln's School; Lincoln opens up his locker, but someone pantses him.] Lincoln: [to someone off-screen] "Really?" [The other kids laugh at and take photos of his expense; after class; Lincoln gets out of his desk, but the same kid tied his shoelaces together and he trips.] Lincoln: [sarcastically] "Oh, real original!" [The other kids laugh and photograph this, too; at lunch, Lincoln sits down in his favorite lunch seat only to make a fart noise and find he sat on a whoopee cushion.] Lincoln: [sarcastically] "That's real mature!" [The other kids laugh and photograph again; the bell rings and he checks his locker only for a pile of garbage to fall onto him; the kids do what they did before again.] 

I make the scene

Me: (yelling) Don't you Buzzard Faces have anything better to do!?

They all run off

Lincoln: [opens up a door from the trash; not taking it anymore.] "All right! That's it! Thanks for sticking up for me J.D.

Me: No problem buddy. That's what friends do.

[Lincoln, Me and Clyde are walking home from school.] Clyde: "So, you really confronted that bully?" Lincoln: "That's right. I said to meet me at 3:30 in front of my house, and we're gonna settle this." Clyde: [worried for his friend] "Whoa! You're gonna fight?!" Lincoln: "I'm not an animal, Clyde. I'm going to deliver a strongly worded speech...as soon as I write it."

Me: Good Thinking. Clyde: [noticing something] "Looks like that bully left you a note of their own." Lincoln: "Huh?" [sees a sticky note on his head, pulls it off, and reads it.] "Lame-O." [There's also a piece of gum in Lincoln's hair.] Clyde: [sniffs the gum] "Ooh! Watermelon lime!" Lincoln: "Better not let my sisters see this, 'cause then they'll want to get involved and make things worse, the way they always do." Clyde: "I don't know. Maybe they'd be helpful. Your sister Lori gives great advice. She told me to never be myself. I love that woman." [looks lovesick] Lincoln: "Aw, Clyde. Sweet, innocent Clyde.[to the viewers] He has no idea what it's like to have ten meddling sisters."

Me: It can't be that bad Lincoln [Flashback to what looks like Lincoln being sick; Lori puts a thermometer in his mouth and checks his temperature; Lisa comes in with an X-Ray machine and takes his X-rays, leaving him with glowing radiation; Luan dressed as a doctor with a clown nose and Luna bandaged him up real tight; Lincoln muffles and Luan removes the bandages covering his mouth so he can breathe.] Lincoln: "Phew." Leni: [carrying a bowl of piping hot soup] "Here comes the airplane!" [spills it all over Lincoln's crotch] "Oopsie." Lincoln: [agonized] "AAAHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!" [as Leni walks off screen embarrassed.] [Luna and Luan bandage up his crotch; end flashback.] Lincoln: [holding up a finger with a bandage wrapped around it.] "And that was just a paper cut!" Me: Okay I stand corrected.

Clyde: "Well, then, you'd better get that gum out. You wanna look intimidating for that bully." Lincoln: "I was born intimidating." [tries to pull it out, but it's too grody to touch for him.] "Ew, ew! Gross!" Clyde: "You know, peanut butter will get that gum out." Lincoln: "Should I use chunky or smooth?" Clyde: "Well, if you use chunky, you're gonna have to use smooth to get the chunks out." Lincoln: "Good point. Thanks, pal."

[Lincoln goes into his house and looks around to see if any of his sisters are lurking; the coast is clear and he steps in and puts his backpack on the floor; just then, a news broadcast weather board appears next to him with his face in the sun.] '''LHN 6 LIVE WEATHER REPORT: CLEAR SKIES LINGERING BUTT-INS KEEP UMBRELLA HANDY''' Lincoln: "The National Weather Service reports clear skies with only a 20% chance of meddling sisters. But we advise keeping your umbrella handy." Me: Good Thinking.

[Lily is playing with some of her toys and notices Lincoln coming in.] Lincoln: "Shh..." [steps on a squeaky toy and lifts his foot up with some squeaking aftershocks from said toy.] Lily: "Shh..."

Me: Shh... Lincoln: "Shh..." [sneaks off]

''Laney: Why are we shushing? [Lincoln jumped]''

Lincoln: [Nervously] Uh, Laney! What are you doing here?

Laney: I always read my book in the living room. And why do you have gum stuck in y-

Lincoln covered her mouth before she could say anything else

Lincoln: Shhh! [whispers] Please don't tell the others! I got bullied at school and I don't want anyone else to know! You know how my sisters can be when it comes to these problems.

Laney: [whispers] Oh I do. One time they found out I was being bullied at my school and they tried to help me stand up to him. And their meddling was so critical, it almost gave me whiplash!

Me: [whispers] That's awful Laney. Just a forewarning Laney, I have this powerful vigilante complex. It comes out whenever one of my friends are being threatened.

Laney: [Whispers] I understand J.D. Thank you for telling me.

Me: [whispers] Your Welcome.

Lincoln: [Whispers] So you won't tell?

Laney: [Whispers] Not a soul.

Me: [whispers] We owe you one Laney.

Lincoln: [Whispers] Great! Now where can I find some peanut butter?

Laney: [Whispers] In the Fridge.

Me: [Whispers] Thank you Laney.

Lori: [from the other room] "Hold it right there!" [Lincoln thinks Lori has spotted him, but she's really talking to a friend of hers on her phone.] Lori: "He wore cargo shorts on your date? That is literally the worst thing I have ever heard." Me: That was close

Lincoln: "Phew." [sneaks into the kitchen and gets to the fridge and looks for the peanut butter.] "Peanut butter, peanut butter...where's the peanut butter?"

Me: (Hears Luna singing) (Whispers) Luna's Coming. [Luna comes in humming a tune and Lincoln hides the gum by sticking his head in one of the crisper drawers.] Luna: "Hey, bros.

Me: Hey Luna. Lincoln: "Hey, Luna. What's the haps?" Luna: [seeing Lincoln's position] "Rad way to chill out, bro." Lincoln: "Right. Totally rad." Luna: "Hey, hook me up with some pudding." Me: Let Me get it for you. [feels around for a pudding cup and touches a piece of broccoli.] Hmm Broccoli [Takes a piece of broccoli, finds a pudding cup and hands it to Luna.] Luna: "Thanks. Stay cool." [leaves]

''Me: Rock on Dudette! (Makes Rock on Hand Sign) {Eats the Broccoli' as Lincoln gets his head out of the crisper drawer with a head of cabbage on the gum and shakes it off; he finds the peanut butter jar.]'' Lincoln: "Peanut butter!" [opens the jar and discovers that it's empty; frustrated.] "Ah! Why do people put empty jars back in the fridge?!" [puts it back in despite what he just ranted about]

Me: It's a bad habit of some people.

Lincoln: "I need a Plan B." Lori: [still on the phone] "Socks and sandals? Cut it out!" Lincoln: ""Cut it out." That's it!" [sneaks past Lori] Hey, Laney, where do we keep the scissors?

Laney: In mom and dad's room. Lori: "Now that is literally the worst thing I have ever heard." [Lincoln sneaks into his parents' room and grabs a pair of scissors to cut the gum out with; as he makes his way to the staircase, Luan is coming down] 

Me: [whispers] Luan's coming!

[Lincoln sticks the gum to the wall to hide it.] Lincoln: "Hey, Luan." Luan: "Hey, Lincoln. Hey J.D. What do you think of this joke? "If I were you, I'd go for the baboon!"" Lincoln: [puzzled] "I don't get it." Me: That one I don't get.

Luan: "Oh. Well, that's just the punchline. I still gotta think of the setup."

Me: You'll think of it Luan. After all you're the funniest person I know. Oh that reminds me. What do you call 2 Bananas?

Luan: I don't know. What?

Me: You call them a pair of Slippers! (Rimshot) (Luan and I Laugh)

Luan: (Laughs) Good one J.D. That one had lots of APPEAL! (Rimshot) (Me and Luan Laugh some More)

Lynn Sr.: (Offscreen) [Laughs] Good ones you two!

Me: Thank's Mr. Lynn. (Luan Walks away) [We heads up the stairs and makes it to the door to Lincoln's room, but his mother calls Lincoln.] Rita: [off-screen] "Lincoln, honey! I need you to take out the trash!" Lincoln: "Okay, Mom! Five minutes!" Rita: "Not five minutes! Now!" Lincoln: "I will! Just give me three minutes!" Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln, listen to your mother!" Me: I'll Take it out for you Lincoln.

Lincoln: Thanks J.D.

I take the trash can out to the backyard and I put a trash can lid on my head. Then Leni comes out.

Me: Hey Leni. Leni: "Hey, J.D.. Is my desk lamp in there? I can't find it anywhere." Me: [Opens the trash can and doesn't see it] Nope. Have you tried looking on your desk in your room? Leni: "So smart!" [sees the lid on my head] "What's up with that hat?" Me: "Oh, this?" [striking a few poses] "I use to wear trash can lids as hats when I was a little kid. It's funny Leni: [inspired] "Hmm..." I Rush up to Lincoln's room and find him talking to Lisa. Lisa: "Greetings, human. There's Liquidambar Styraciflua in your follicular area." Lincoln: "A what in my who now?" Me: She means you've got gum in your hair Lincoln. Hey Lisa. You need some help with any scientific experiments today?

Lisa: Unfortunately no J.D. but thank you. Now back to Lincoln. Lincoln: "Oh, yes. I'm sure it's just-" Lisa: "I assume that being of average intelligence, you didn't place it there yourself. Therefore, I can only deduce that someone has been picking on you." Lincoln: [begging his genius sister] "Lisa, please! You can't tell! I don't want everyone getting involved." Lisa: "Don't worry. I do not have enough room in my brain for this kind of tomfoolery." [walks away] Lincoln: "Phew." [enters his room]

[Lincoln takes out the scissors and snips the gum out.]

Me: I sense a disturbance in the Force, Lincoln. Lisa will tell your sisters and they will come up here in 3...2...1...

[But just as he's about to dispose of it, Lynn kicks the door open with every sister there.]

Lynn: "You're being picked on."

Laney: I didn't tell them Lincoln. I swear!

Me: I know you didn't Laney.

Lori: Wait! You knew about this?! Lincoln: [irritated] "Lisa, I thought you weren't going to say anything." Lisa: "No. What I said was I did not have room in my brain for your secret. Hence, I removed it and transferred it to Lynn, whose brain apparently has ample room." Lynn: "Thanks." [beat] "Hey!" Luna: "So, you are being picked on."

Leni: I bet it was the same jerk who bullied Laney! Lincoln: [nervous] "Of course not!" Luan: [points to the gum] "Then what's that?" Lincoln: "That's just my gum." [chews it trying to cover it up but obviously disgusted by it.] "Mmm...watermelon lime. AND HAIR!" [Lincoln coughs it out]

Me: Blech!

[the girls start demanding him to let them help him.]

Laney: Please girls! Don't help Lincoln! You'll only make it worse! Lincoln: [begging them] Please stay out of this! You'll only make it worse!" Lori: "If by worse you mean better, I agree." Lola: "You should go straight to the school principal!"

Me: That's the mature choice Lola. Thank you. We should've done that before we came home though. Lori: "Forget that. You should literally text an embarrassing picture of him to all his friends." Luan: "I'm gonna write an insult comedy routine that will leave him in tears!" Lynn: [flips at Lincoln] "HOO-WAH!" [J.D. Blocks a Kick meant for Lincoln] "Good defense J.D. Basic stealth ninja kick. That's how you're gonna take him down."

Me: Thanks Lynn. You have quite the fighting spirit. But Lincoln is not gonna fight.

Laney: I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-... [Smoke begins puffing out of her ears; her eyes started spinning around] [Lincoln gives us an update on the weather of his life with storm clouds coming in over his face.] '''SISTERNADO WARNING: CATEGORY 1 BUTTING IN PRIMARY RISK: Making things worse for me Damaging childhood Bad advice BREAKING NEWS: FIRST ALERT SEVERE SISTWISTER THREAT''' Lincoln: "Well, folks, the National Weather Service has just released a Category 1 Sisternado Watch. We advise boarding up your windows and preparing your emergency supplies." [Lynn suddenly grabs me and has me in a hold.] Lynn: "That's the camel clutch. Another good option for ya."

Me: [Grabs Lynn and reverse twist and pin her to the floor] Not bad Lynn. But I'm a 9th degree Black Belt. I'm impressed Lynn.

Lynn: Thanks J.D. Luan: "We'll start with some basic dumb jokes. Like, "You're so dumb you locked yourself inside your car." That kind of thing."

Laney: [Stammers Gibberish] Lola: "Ooh I know! I'll invite him to a tea party and make him use the chipped cup!" [has a sinister smile with a sinister sting to accompany it] "I'm so evil, sometimes I scare even me."

Me: You're gonna have to do better than that Lola. [I notice Lynn standing in a strange pose.] Me: "What are you doing?" Lynn: [pulls my shirt over my face] "SURPRISE MIME ATTACK! I invented that one myself."

Me: Nice. Clever sneak attack! Lincoln: "Lynn, I'm not going to fight. I-" Lynn: "Ugh! Fine! I'll take care of this myself." [walks off] Luna: "You should do this!" [I cover my ears as Luna slams a pair of cymbals right in Lincoln's ears] "His ears'll be ringing for days!" Luan: "Ugly jokes are always good, too. Like, "You're so ugly, you have to trick-or-treat over the phone!"" Lincoln: [his ears still ringing] "WHAT?!"

Laney: [continues to stammer gibberish] [Lynn returns with a boy and is carrying him by the seat of his pants.] Lynn: "Look! I found him!" [The girls surround him and are not very happy with him.] Lori: "How dare you bully our brother! Only we get to do that." Lana: [spits the gum right into Lincoln's hand] "Smoosh your watermelon lime gum in his hair, Lincoln!" [sees Lincoln is too hesitant to do it] "Fine. I'll do it." Lincoln: "Wait! Stop! This guy isn't my enemy! Although, thanks to you, he probably will be now." [The boy growls at him for what he's been put through.]

''Me: [Threateningly] Don't even think about it you chump! (Roars like a Tiger at the boy)''

The boy was so scared that he peed his pants. Lynn: "Whoa! That was awesome. [kicks the boy out] "Why are you still here?" Lana: "I can't believe I almost wasted perfectly good gum on him." [takes gum back and chews it] Lynn: "I'll go get another boy." [proceeds to do so] Lincoln: "No! Lynn, stop! IT'S NOT EVEN A BOY!" [Lynn suddenly stops surprised at that fact and the others are perplexed.] Leni: "Is it a dog?" Lincoln: [sighs] "It's a girl..." [The girls are flabbergasted and gasp to hear the news, but then, all of them except Lisa start squealing with delight. All Laney did was faint] Lincoln: [perplexed] "What?"

Me: Okay why is everyone squealing like giddy fangirls? [All the girls except Lisa give him a big group hug and suffocate him.] Lisa: "Normally, I don't care for inane human emotions, but..." [squeals just as delighted as they did and joins the hug.] Luna: "Lincoln! Why didn't you tell us you had a girlfriend?" Lola: "She sounds so pretty." Lincoln: [suffocating] "What is happening?" [They all release Lincoln from their hug.] Lori: "When a girl picks on you, that only ever means one thing: she likes you~." [The girls all squeal again and Lincoln is just dumbfounded at this explanation.]

''Me : I always thought that that was nothing more than a fairy tale. Her name is Ronnie Anne Santiago.''

Lori Gasped when she heard that name.

Lori: Bobby's little sister is picking on Lincoln and she likes him?

Lincoln: (to Lori) Your boyfriend's little sister is picking on me and you think she likes me?

Lori: That's right. Lincoln: [Disbelieving] "That's ridiculous! She shoved a sandwich down my pants! I was picking sesame seeds out of my butt for days!"

Me: Ew! [The girls swoon over such a flirty prank.] Leni: "So romantic..." Lori: "That's a classic." Lincoln: "You guys are nuts! She hates me! I'm gonna meet her today and give her a piece of my mind!" Lori: "You need to give her a piece of your heart instead." Lincoln: [scared] "WHAT?!" Leni: "I think he needs to kiss her." [Lily makes kissy faces in agreement.] Lincoln: [petrified] "WHAT?!"

Me: (Terrified) Uh-Oh! Sisters: "KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!" [At that moment, as the girls continue chanting Lincoln to kiss his bully, they all start forming miniature tornadoes around them and merge together to create the Sisternado; a weather warning pops up with the tornados taking over Lincoln's space.] '''SISTERNADO RED ALERT BREAKING NEWS S.O.S./TAKE COVER/#AAAHH!''' Lincoln: "This just in from the National Weather Service! The Sisternado watch has been upgraded to a Sisternado warning. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY!" Sisternado: "KISS HER! KISS HER!" [traps Lincoln inside] "KISS HER! KISS HER!" [Lincoln escapes]

Me: [I grab Laney] Lets run for the bathroom!

[We run into the bathroom to seek shelter]

Me: What's wrong with Laney, Lincoln?

Lincoln: She's having an episode.

''Me: I've seen this before. This is stress overload.''

I get a cup of water and splash her and she's cured.

Laney: What happened?

Me: You were having a stress attack because of your sister's overprotective meddling. I know you did your best to look out for Lincoln, Laney. The girls became the SISTERNADO and I brought you here in the bathroom for shelter.

Laney: Thank you J.D. You're a true friend. But I'm so embarrased! I do that every time I get confused. I wanted to help back there, but I didn't know what to do. And.... and I-I...

Me: (Iput my hand on her shoulder) I'd do anything for my friends and it's alright. I know can be hard live in a big family and there will be times where you don't have the solution to everything. But we will always be there for you and we will never give up on you. Because siblings and friends always know the right thing to say.

Laney hugs me.

Laney: Thank you J.D.

Me: Anything for a friend. Lincoln: "[picks up his radio.] MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Clyde, do you copy?" Clyde: "Roger. I mean, this is Clyde, not Roger. But yeah. Roger, it's Clyde."

Laney: What's Lincoln calling Clyde for?

Me: For advice. The girl that's bullying Lincoln is Ronnie Anne Santiago, Lori's boyfriends Little Sister and your sisters think that she's picking on Lincoln because she likes him. Laney: I thought that was a fairy tale.

Me: I was thinking exactly the same thing.

Lincoln: [panicking] "My sisters have lost their minds! They think the bully likes me! They want me to kiss her!" Clyde: "I don't know. Maybe they're right, Lincoln." Lincoln: "My sisters are never right! All they do is meddle." Clyde: "They're girls, Lincoln. They know more about these things than we do. It's a scientific fact." Lincoln: "Yeah, but there's no way that-" [suddenly starts considering the possibility] "Wow. Me? You really think she might like me? How would I know?" Clyde: "There's only one way to find out."

Me: Oh boy. I have a feeling that this is not gonna end well.

Laney: Lets go with him to support him.

Me: You read my mind. [Lincoln goes out to confront the Sisternado.] Sisternado: "KISS HER! KISS HER! KISS HER!" Lincoln: "Hold it!" [The Sisternado comes to a stop and the sisters turn back to normal.] Lincoln: "So am I going to kiss this girl or what?" [smirks] [The girls sans Lisa squeal again.] Lisa: "Again..." [squeals again]

3:30 Lincoln: "It's 3:30. Lola, lip balm." [Lola applies it] "Lana, breath mint." [Lana puts it in his mouth] "Let's do this." [heads on out to meet the girl of his dreams.] Lynn: "Go get her, Romeo." Lori: "You so got this, little bro." Lola: "Aw, our little Lincoln." Lana: "All grown up." [Lola hands Lana a tissue for her to blow her nose.] Leni: [wearing the trash lid on her head having believed Lincoln's lie.] "All the bridesmaids should wear these hats at Lincoln's wedding. These are all the rage right now." [Lincoln, me and Laney step outside, Lincoln marches up to Ronnie Anne, and gives her a kiss.] Sisters: [sweetly] "Aww..." [The bully, however, responds to this romantic gesture by' trying to punch Lincoln in the face and J.D. grabs Ronnie Anne's arm]

Me: Ronnie Anne, please don't do that and hear us out. This was something that was not supposed to happen. Lincoln's sisters minus Laney here were totally overprotective of Lincoln and Laney and they were doing everything in their power to protect him and her.

Laney: You see, Ronnie Anne we have a big family. Lincoln's our only brother. 1 boy 11 girls, me included and it gets really overpowering.

Me: Also Ronnie Anne, bullying is wrong on so many levels. It destroys lives and tears families apart and Lincoln's sisters minus Laney thought that you were picking on him because you have a crush on him. That's not how it works. Bullying is still bullying. I've seen people lives ruined because of it.

Ronnie Anne started feeling guilty about what she has done to Lincoln and tears started welling up in her eyes and she bursted out crying and embraced Lincoln in a tearful hug.

Inside the Loud House, Ronnie Anne explained why she bullied Lincoln.

Ronnie Anne: You see, the reason I started bullying Lincoln is because ever since Bobby started dating Lori, whenever Bobby's not busy, he spends practically all his free time texting and making goo-goo eyes at Lori and barely spends time with me. So I figured if I pick on Lincoln, then Lori will be upset about it and break up with my brother permanently.

Rita: I understand, but this is not the way to go about it. Talk to Bobby and ask him to find some special time with you.

Lori: Mom's right. I understand and Bobby needs some free time with you.

Ronnie Anne: I'm sorry Mrs. Loud. I didn't mean any harm to Lincoln. I was just so fed up with Bobby spending more time with Lori than me.

Lincoln: It's alright Ronnie Anne. I forgive you. But I'm concerned that if anyone saw us together, they would make fun of me.

Me: Let them try. Because I'm not only Lincoln's best friend and brother figure. I'm also a protector for him.

Because I will be his guardian angel. Watch this

I show everyone my greatest gift. I spread black angel wings that are darker than the night. Everyone gasped at this.

Lincoln: J.D. You're an angel?

I nod my head.

Lincoln then hugged me and he was so happy.

Luna: Dude you are more awesome than ever.

I make the Rock on Hand Sign.

THE END

Me: Wasn't that a great episode everyone?

Loud's: Yeah.

Me: Now Remember kids. It is never okay to bully someone. If someone you know is a victim of Bullying, do not hesitate to help. Get an adult to help as well.

Lori: You can make a difference in the fight against bullying.

Laney: Friends are always there for you even in rough times.

Me: You have the power to make sure bullies never win. Until next time. Stay tuned to another great episode of the Loud House

EVERYONE: Good-Bye!

This message is brought to you by Stomp Out Bullying.

My 3rd fanfiction is complete.

I despise bullying with a grudge. IT makes me sick.