The Loudest Thanksgiving/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "The Loudest Thanksgiving".

Act I
''[The episode begins with a leaf gently falling down the sky as the camera pans down to Flip's Food & Fuel. Flip gets his dinner out of the microwave and turns towards the audience]'' Flip: "Hey there, happy holidays to you. Make yourselves comfy 'cause ol' Flip's got a Thanksgiving tale to tell ya." [slurps a Flippee] "Aah. Twas the day before Thanksgiving, and the Loud and Casagrande families were getting ready for the big shabang." [Fade transition to the Loud House as Lori gets the groceries out of the trunk of Vanzilla while chatting with Bobby] Lori: "OMG, Boo-Boo Bear, I am so excited for turkey day." Bobby: "Me too. We haven't spent it with the Casagrandes in like five years. When we lived in Royal Woods, Mom always had to work the Thanksgiving shift at the hospital." ''[Flashback to Bobby and Ronnie Anne eating their meals at the hospital with glum expressions and Maria approaches them to what appears to be blood on her face and outfit. The two siblings scream in terror and Bobby passes out.]'' Maria: "Oh, this is just cranberry sauce. I tripped on the way over." [End flashback] Bobby: "It wasn't great, but I was always up to date on my booster shots." Lori: [laughs] "Hey, Bobby, check out all the cool stuff my family's doing for Thanksgiving." ''[Enters her house and closes the front door. She then sees Lynn adjusting a pair of baggy pants]'' Bobby: "Hey, Lynn." Lynn: "Sup, Bobby." Bobby: "Digging the new look." Lynn: [chuckles] "These are not for fashion, they are my pee pants. This way, I don't have to miss any of the meal or the football game by running to the bathroom like a chump. Test run!" [runs to the kitchen] Bobby: "Is she gonna pee her pants?" Lynn: [She grabs some chicken stock from the counter and pours it down her pants] "Aah." [tests it out by wiggling her hips while Lori looks cringed] "Mmm. Noice! Dry as a bone." [walks away] Lynn Sr.: [at the stove] "So much for my chicken stock." Lori: [sets the groceries on the counter] "How's the turkey coming, Dad?" Lynn Sr.: "Ha, turkeys are for amateurs, Lori-lou, I'm making a turgooseon." [Cuts to the turgooseon in the oven] "A pigeon stuffed inside a goose, stuffed inside a turkey. Three times the bird, three times the deliciousness." Bobby: "Ooh." Sergio: [flies past squawking] "Triple homicide." Lori: [sees what's inside the pot] "Ooh, mashed potatoes~." [Just then, the twins pop up with sunglasses] Lola & Lana: "Scram!" [Lori gets startled and falls to the floor] Lana: "Nice try, sister, but as officers of the Feast Force, it's our job to protect this food till tomorrow." Lori: "I was just-" Lola: "We said scram!" [Lori scurries off and the twins fist bump each other] Lynn Sr.: "Where were you two when Lynn took my chicken stock?" [Lola growls at him and flinches] Bobby: "Babe, we got a lot cooking on our end too." Lori: "Oh, show me." Bobby: [He walks to the kitchen where a plate of tamales is shown on the stove] "Oh, I wish you could smell Abuela's famous tamales." [sniffs one] [Rosa enters through the kitchen shutters and smacks Bobby's hand with a wooden spoon] Bobby: "Ow!" Rosa: "No, Roberto, there are only enough tamales for dinner." ''[A bunch of piles of different flavored tamales are shown as a horn blares. Carlitos pops in waving a spatula, startling Bobby and he crawls out of the kitchen]'' Bobby: "Abuela doesn't need guards. She's her own one-woman Feast Force." [Lori laughs and sees Lincoln and Leni, who is holding a pillow] Leni: "Here's your pass-out pillow, Lincoln." [gives Lincoln the pillow] Lori: "Oh, every year, Lincoln eats so much turkey, he falls asleep at the table and misses dessert." Lincoln: "But not this year. I've got a plan." [picks up a bucket of ice water] "If I start to feel sleepy, I'll just dip my head in this bucket of ice water, like so." [dunks his face in the bucket but screams at the cold texture of the ice] "Need a new plan!" [runs off, throwing the bucket aside] [Cut to Bobby approaching the Casagrande living room and sees Frida behind an easel and Carlos is dressed like a yellow pepper reading a book] Frida: "Carlos, put the book down. I need to see your eyes." [Carlos groans and closes his book] Bobby: "Tia Frida paints a family portrait every year, and this year's theme is "Emotionally Raw Vegetables"." [Carlota puts a corn costume on Bobby's head] "Huh?" Carlota: "How's the fit?" Bobby: "Uh, a little tight." Carlota: "I can make some alterations." [takes it off him] [Just then, an acoustic guitar is heard playing] Lori: "Ooh, is someone playing guitar?" Bobby: "That's Abuelo. He serenades the family every year at Thanksgiving." Hector: "Let me just tune my guitar. Sergio, give me a G." Sergio: [squawks] "G~." ''[Hector attempts to tune it but a string breaks loose, startling him. He turns toward Bobby and the teen just grins. Scene wipes to Bobby entering the bodega.]'' Bobby: "The Mercado does a canned food drive every year." [Camera pans to Ronnie Anne and CJ doing the said food drive] CJ: "I call it "Yes, we can"." Lori: "Very clever, CJ." Ronnie Anne: "And now that I'm joining him, we're gonna double last year's donations." [notices something] "CJ, look, it's Mr. Park. He hasn't donated yet." CJ: "Get him!" [He and Ronnie Anne run past Bobby and out of the boedga] [Cut to Lori in her room on her bed] Lisa: [offscreen] "Wait, come back, GravyBot!" GravyBot: [enters the room and approaches Lori] "Gravy?" Lori: "Excuse you?" [GravyBot squirts gravy all over Lori's bed] "Gaaah!" [glares at the bot] Lisa: [runs inside] "Apologies, first born sibling, [pushes the bot away] just doing a test run with GravyBot, the robot I built to ensure equal gravy distribution. I'll send in Clean-Up-Bot." Lori: "No! [wipes the gravy off her knees] No more bots! I got it." [Lisa shrugs and leaves the room] Bobby: "Your Thanksgiving looks awesome, babe." Lori: "So does yours." [sighs] "I just wish we could spend it together." Bobby: "Me too." [Cut to Lincoln walking out of the bathroom and appears to has taped his eyelids opened] Lincoln: "This ought to keep me awake till dessert." [suddenly hears Lori] Lori: "Wait, why can't we be together?" [Lincoln leans in outside her door to listen] "What if I came to the city to spend Thanksgiving with your fam?" [Lincoln's eyes go wide, making the tape on his eyelids fly off and gasps] Bobby: "Or I could come to Royal Woods to be with your family." [Hector is at the guitar strings display when he overhears this] Hector: "What?!" [He grows suspicious and sneaks off to listen] Lori: "Hmm, both sound great. You decide." Bobby: "Aw, babe, I can't do decisions. You know how I get in restaurants when they ask, 'Booth or table?'" [Hector accidentally knocks a bunch of cans off the shelf with his arm and runs off to avoid being seen] "Uh oh, I'll call you back tonight. I think something fell in the bleach-cat food-guitar strings aisle." [goes to check it out] [Later, the Louds and Casagrandes, except Bobby and Lori, are each having a meeting in Lincoln and Ronnie Anne's rooms] Louds & Casagrandes: "They're thinking of doing what?!" Rita: "No one in our family has ever missed a Thanksgiving." Maria: "But we're all finally together." Hector: "What if Bobby likes it so much at the Loud's, that he wants to spend Christmas there too?!" Lynn Sr.: "First, it's Thanksgiving, next thing you know, we lose her for every holiday." Lincoln: "Guys, we still have time. They haven't decided where to go." Ronnie Anne: "Maybe if we can show Bobby how much he'd be missed-" CJ: "He won't wanna leave." Lucy: "Maybe if we can convince Lori that leaving would be a grave mistake." Louds & Casagrandes: "Let's do this!"

''[Later, Lori is channel surfing in the living room when the front door knocks. She gets up and answers it to find a note attached to the door]'' Lori: "Hmm. Meet in the kitchen?" [She walks into the kitchen to find the fridge locked with a confused expression until she gets startled by Lola] Lola: "You got our note." [Scoots in and pushes the foot pedal of the trash can to let Lana out] Lana: "Still hungry?" [Lola undoes the lock and they open up the fridge with tons of food stored inside] Lori: "Ooh." Lana: "Go ahead, have a little taste. We won't say anything." Lori: [suspicious] "Wait a minute. Is this a trap? This seems like a trap." Lola: [feigning innocence] "No way. We would never trap our favorite sister. Oldest and most important." Lori: "Yeah, I literally am." [Lori walks out of the kitchen with some feast food and Leni notices her walking by in the living room while measuring Lynn, along with Luna, Lincoln, and Lily in a turkey costume.] Leni: "Lori, there you are. Come here for a sec." [Lori quickly hides her food and enters the living room] "I was just doing the costume fittings for our turkey-pardoning skit. [to Lynn] Quick, bring judge Lori her robe." [smiles widely] Lynn: [Dashes off and puts the said robe on Lori] "Here you go, your honor." Lincoln: [holding Lily up] "And here's our new turkey. Aren't you excited, Lily? We've all been pardoned by Lori, and now it's your turn." [Lily cutely gobbles like a turkey] Lori: [adored] "Awwww." Luna: "Can you dudes imagine a Thanksgiving skit without our rad judge? I sure can't." Lynn: "Me neither. She's our MVP." Lori: [suspicious again] "Why are you guys acting so weird?" Lincoln: "Us? Weird? Whaaaat?" Rita: [offscreen] "Oh, Lori!" ''[Lori dashes off to the dining room and the three sisters give a thumbs up to Lincoln. Rita is seen hanging up some decorations.]'' Rita: "I was just hanging all the hand turkeys you kids have made over the years, and I came across the one that started it all." [Takes down one to show that it is the hand turkey Lori made back in kindergarten] Lori: "Aww, my kindergarten turkey." Rita: "Look at that. All of my 11 turkeys up there, together. [showing a wee bit of insanity] One big, happy family, [takes Lori's hand] the way it's always been, and hopefully always will be. Lori: [scared] "Mom, you're hurting my hand." [Meanwhile at the Casagrande apartment, Rosa is holding a plate of buñuelos and has the aroma go under Bobby's door. Once she hears his door opening, she quickly runs back to the kitchen and Bobby smells the aroma, having him walk into the kitchen] Rosa: [acting] "Roberto, I didn't know you were home!" Bobby: "Do I smell...?" [sniffs again] Rosa: "My buñuelos? Why, yes." Bobby: "They're my all-time favorite!" Rosa: "They are? Huh, I didn't remember. Please, have one." Bobby: [takes one but grows suspicious] "Wait, didn't you tell me before I wasn't allowed to taste anything?" Rosa: "Nonsense. I never said that." [starts to get emotional] "It's been five long years since I've had the chance to cook a Thanksgiving meal for you." [sobs] "You can have whatever you want." [Bobby is touched by this and eats one up, savoring the taste] Rosa: [holds up another dish] "Here, have some more." Bobby: "You made pozole too?! Another one of my faves." Rosa: [feeds him the pozole] "Shh, shh, keep eating." [Afterwards, Bobby walks into the family room, swallowing a mouthful and sees Ronnie Anne, Maria, Carlos, Carlota, CJ, and Carl making paper chains] Carlos: "Hey, Bobby, come join us. We were just making our traditional paper chain of all the things we're thankful for." Carlota: "I already wrote mine. "I'm so glad the Santiagos are back with us this year, all three of them."" Ronnie Anne: [she and Maria approach Bobby] "See, big brother? Everyone's so happy that we're together again." Maria: "And hopefully will be forever." [she and Ronnie Anne are crushing his arms] Bobby: [scared] "Guys, you're hurting my arms." [Back with Lori...] Lucy: "Hey, Lori, I'm workshopping this year's Thanksgiving poem, can I get your opinion? I call it, "Ode to an Empty Chair". [clears her throat] "Appetizers have been vanquished. The meal has come to pass. Desert is on the horizon, yet this space remains so vast. [referring to Lori's seat] Where once sat a warm body. Now there is only cold wood. [knocks on the chair] All that remains is a lock of blonde hair, a reminder of what was once good." [goes up to her and snips off some locks of Lori's hair] Lori: "Gah! Lucy!" Lucy: [sets the locks on Lori's chair] "So, what do you think?" Lori: [growls, being fed up with this] "Okay, that's it." [Back with Bobby...] Hector: [enters the bodega out of breath] "I just heard the most horrible thing! Saul from Saul's Sandwich Shop heard from Street Meat Malik that Vito Filliponio's son is spending Thanksgiving, at his friend's house!" [Ronnie Anne and CJ dramatically gasp at this] "Can you imagine the pain he's causing his family? What a sin." Bobby: [also fed up with this] "Okay, that's it!" [Cuts to both the Loud House and the Casagrande bodega] Bobby & Lori: "Family meeting!" Lori: [She marches into the living room and faces her family] "I literally know you guys are up to something. Out with it!" Bobby: "And be honest with me." ''[Bobby's family look at each other and pretend they don't know what he's talking about. Cut back to Lori growling in anger, probably resulting in the same thing.]'' Lynn Sr.: "Fine. We know that you might go to the Casagrande's for Thanksgiving." Lori: [gasps] "You've been eavesdroppping on me?!" Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln did it!" Lincoln: "Dad!" Lynn Sr.: "What? She forced it out of me, son." Rita: "Look, honey, Thanksgiving means so much to our family." Rosa: "Thanksgiving means so much to our family." Rita: "The thought of our first-born not spending it with us, [starts to tear up the same time Lily does] I don't want too emotional, but-" Lynn Sr.: [latches onto Lori's legs, crying] "Please don't go!" Lori: [starts to feel bad] "Aw." Hector: "You were gone for so many years, and now that you're back with us- I'm an old man, Bobby [coughs] I don't know how much time we have left together." Bobby: [starts to feel bad as well] "Ah..."

[Later, Bobby and Lori are having another conversation on video chat] Lori: "Boo-Boo Bear, I have something to tell you." Bobby: "I have something to, uh, tell you too." Bobby & Lori: "You first. I can't leave my family for Thanksgiving." Bobby: "Ah, babe, what are we gonna do?" Lori: [gets an idea] "What if, just for this one year, we all have Thanksgiving together?" Bobby: "That's a great idea! Our families haven't met, it'll be perfect." Lori: "Just one problem: How are we gonna decide whose family should-" [Suddenly, the two families open the door to their rooms] Louds & Casagrandes: "We'll host!" Lori: [annoyed] "Seriously? You guys are eavesdropping again?" [She and Bobby get knocked off their beds by their families] "Ahh!" [The two hold their phones up for their families to chat to the other] Hector: "It would be an honor for us to host your family here in the city." Lynn Sr.: "No, we insist. You should come to Royal Woods." [The two families start chatting, overlapping over one another until Lori speaks up] Lori: "Guys, guys, let's just flip a coin, and winner gets to host. Bobby, you call it." [flips the coin up in the air] Bobby: "Heads! No, wait, uh, tails! Uh, uh, heads! Yep, definitely heads." [The coin lands on the ground] Lori: "It's tails." [The Louds cheer, much to the Casagrandes' dismay] Carl: "Of course this one would call heads."

[The two families, except Lori and Bobby, are now having another meeting] Lynn Sr.: "We're not out of the woods yet. What about next year? And the year after that? We need to show Bobby and Lori that this is where they want to spend all future Thanksgivings." Rita: [gasps] "Your father's right. We need to throw the greatest holiday ever!" Frida: [depressed] "Well, that's it." [sobbing] "It's over!" Rosa: "Nonsenese. The Louds may have won the battle, but we will win the war. We just need to bring our Thanksgiving to them." Maria: "If we show Bobby and Lori that we do Thanksgiving better than the Louds, they'll want to spend it with us next year." Hector: "And every year after that." Ronnie Anne: "Yeah! Watch out, Louds, 'cause-" Louds & Casagrandes: "It's on!" [End of Act I]

Act II
[Flip is picking something out of his teeth until he sees the audience has returned] Flip: "Oh! Whoops, didn't realize you were back. Oh, so where was I?

Lincoln: "Welcome! What you're about to see is a case of the bird's so cute, you can gobble her up." [pulls back the curtains] "All rise for the honorable Lori Loud! [Lori enters wearing her judge robe and sits at her podium, knocking her gavel] And now let's meet the defendant, Turkey Lily!" [Leni brings Lily in her turkey costume and cutely gobbles] Bobby: [adored] "Aw, she's adorable." Lori: "I officially commence the People vs. Lily Loud." [Gavel knocks] [Outside, Frida and Carlota are making the turkey masks near Vanzilla.] 82 MINUTES LATER... [The gavel knocks and the Casagrandes seem bored but Bobby still looks on with glee] Lori: "Your verdict?" Lana: "We the jury find the defendant guilty." [Lily looks sad and frowns] Bobby: "No, this is an outrage!" Lori: "Guilty of being the cutest turkey ever." [Lily giggles and everybody applauds] Bobby: "Ah, what a relief."

Hector: "Lori, Bobby, we saved you a spot." Lincoln: "No, we saved you a spot." Lori: "Um, how about we sit in the middle?" [She and Bobby do so]

Rita: [clinks her glass] "I'd like to make a toast. Bobby, Lori, I just want to say how much it means to have you here with us." [tears up] "I don't know if I can't get through this." Lori: [touched] "Oh, Mom." Hector: [clinks his glass] "Uh, excuse me if I might. I'm sure it means a lot to you, Rita, but with all respect, it means more to us. Rita: "Well, Hector, that seems really unlikely because nothing means more to us, kay?" Rosa: "Oh, really?" Rita: "Yeah." Rosa: "Is that so?" Rita:' "Yeah, that's right."