User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: The Afterlife Activist Against ARGGH!

Got another fan episode for you guys today. I don't know if it's as strong as my previous work, but this is something I really wanted to explore. So without further ado, here is:

The Afterlife Activist Against ARGGH!
Plot Summery: Lucy takes a stand against the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters when all signs point to Hunter Spector's next target being Great Grandma Harriet.

Script
[We open in the living room of the Loud House, where Lincoln is watching ARGGH!.]

Hunter: This is it, cadets! The last known resting place of the Musky Marauder, one of the most dangerous and smelliest spirits to ever haunt a ghost town. With any luck, we just might be able to sniff him out.

Lincoln: Alright! Time for some supernatural justice!

???: Lincoln.

Lincoln: Ahh~!

''[Lincoln jumps in surprise. From seemingly nowhere, Lucy has appeared, wearing her mystic’s turban.]''

Lucy: Do you mind keeping it down? I’m trying to contact Little Jojo. I need to know if his spirit is at peace after, well, what Gran-Gran did.

Lincoln: Oh, right. Sorry, Luce. [Lincoln turns down the volume on the TV before turning to the audience] That’s one of the things about our family. Sometimes, we like the same stuff, but not in the same way. Take me and Lucy, for instance. As you all know, I’m a junior cadet of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, better known as ARGGH!. I love this kind of stuff. But even though Lucy likes ghosts too, I have never been able to get her into this show. And believe me, I’ve tried.

''[We cut to a flashback, where Lucy is on the couch watching ARGGH! with Lincoln.]''

Hunter: Ha ha~! It’s lights out for you, Lord Luminous!

Lucy: Wait, Lord Luminous? I know him.

Lincoln: [gives Lucy an odd look] You do?

Lucy: Sure. He used to haunt the garage. He’s actually really—  Gasp!

''[We see Hunter trap the ghost in his containment unit on the screen. Lucy stares at the TV, her mouth agape in horror.]''

Lincoln: Um, Lucy? Luce? [waves his hand in front of her face] Hello~? Earth to Lucy.

Lucy: Wh-why did he do that? What did Lord Luminous ever do to him?

Lincoln: Lucy, he was terrorizing the restaurant. Weren’t you paying attention?

Lucy: [snippily] Oh, sure. Just because a restless spirit scares a few people, that automatically makes them evil. Maybe if Hunter actually made an attempt to contact these spirits, he’d understand how they feel. Sigh.

[We cut back to present day, where Lincoln has a bemused look on his face.]

Lincoln: Believe it or not, she kept pestering me about that for months. And I wasn’t even the one who caught Lord Luminous! [he sighs] But, that’s okay. I’m a ghost hunter; Lucy’s more of a ghost… séance… er. The point is, we respect each other’s lifestyles, and that’s all anyone can ask for.

Hunter: Ah-ha~! Thought you could hide from me, Musky Marauder?! Not with that stench! Time to clean up your act!

''[Hunter takes out his vacuum pack and sucks up a green, spectral mass. He draws the specter to his containment unit and pops it open, creating a sparkling light show. The specter howls and vanishes within the trap. After it rattles for a bit, the light on the trap turns from red to green. Hunter wipes some sweat from his brow.]''

Hunter: Phew~! Another successful hunt. This varmint won’t be stinking up this town any longer!

Lincoln: Woo~!

Lucy: Lincoln.

Lincoln: Yah~!

''[Lincoln jumps again. Lucy has reappeared out of seemingly nowhere.]''

Lincoln: [sheepishly] Right. Keep it down. Sorry.

''[Lucy gives Lincoln a curt nod before venturing back into the side room. Before she can leave completely, an announcement on the TV catches her attention.]''

Hunter: Next time on ARGGH!, we will be returning to the sleepy little suburb of Royal Woods, Michigan, where it is said that the spirit of an ancient witch still lurks within the local park. And she may be our toughest hunt yet! People say that those who cross her are met with horrible curses. Phones dying!

''[We see people gabbing away on their cellphones, only for them to cut out mysteriously. Lucy looks concerned.]''

Hunter: Itchy behinds!

''[We see people scratching their butts, writhing in pain. Lucy’s jaw drops.]''

Hunter: Sticky fingers!

''[We see a bunch of people with their hands stuck together, trying to pry them apart in vain. Lucy places a hand to her mouth.]''

Hunter: But not to worry, cadets! If she tries any of that on me, it’ll only spell doom for her! Tune in next week, when we exorcise this demon! ARGGH~!

''[The show ends. Lincoln turns off the TV and hops off the couch. He is about to head upstairs when he notices Lucy standing there in shock.]''

Lincoln: Um, Lucy? What’s wrong?

Lucy: G-g-great Grandma Harriet…

Lincoln: [raises an eyebrow] What?

Lucy: H-he’s going after Great Grandma Harriet.

Lincoln: What makes you so sure?

Lucy: Those curses he mentioned. They’re all in her book of spells in the attic.

Lincoln: [sighs] Lucy, I’m sure he’s not talking about Great Grandma Harriet. Hunter only goes after evil ghosts.

Lucy: [sulks] Tell that to Lord Luminous.

Lincoln: Okay, let’s not get started on that again. Besides, maybe he won’t find her. He told me himself that sometimes, they can’t find the ghost they’re looking for, so they just fake a capture to stay on schedule.

Lucy: But what if he does find her? Do you think he’ll show mercy to her like he did all of those other innocent spirits he’s captured?

Lincoln: [exasperated] Lucy, none of the ghosts Hunter has captured are innocent.

Lucy: Except for Lord Luminous, apparently.

Lincoln: You are just never going to let that go, are you?

Lucy: Sigh. Why do I even bother? It’s obvious you don’t care.

''[Lucy marches up the stairs in a huff. Lincoln rushes after her]''

Lincoln: Lucy, wait! I-it’s not that I don’t care; I just think—

[He is interrupted by Lucy slamming her door.]

Lincoln: Dang it. She can be so impossible sometimes.

***

''[We cut to that night in Lynn and Lucy’s bedroom. Lucy is tossing and turning in bed, mumbling in her sleep.]''

Lucy: No…  Great Grandma…  L-let her go…  She’s not…  Please…  Gasp!

''[Lucy wakes up in a cold sweat, panting heavily. Lynn is stirred from her slumber. She lets out a yawn and rubs the sleep from her eyes.]''

Lynn: Mmph. Who turned off the sun? [she then notices Lucy sitting up in bed] Lucy?

''[Lucy doesn’t acknowledge Lynn. She simply curls up into a ball on her bed, trembling in fear. Lynn’s expression softens, and she groggily staggers over to her younger sister.]''

Lynn: Whoa, hey. Y-you alright there?

Lucy: [shakes her head] I-I can’t let it happen. I can’t let him take her…

Lynn: [blinks] Okay, that made… absolutely no sense.

''[Lucy whimpers and turns away from Lynn. Lynn sighs and takes a seat next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.]''

Lynn: C’mon, Luce. Something’s obviously wrong, so spill. What’s the matter?

Lucy: [sniffles] Sigh. I-it’s Great Grandma Harriet. She’s going to be captured by Hunter Spector next week.

[After a beat, Lynn lets out a muted chuckle.]

Lynn: Wow. I never thought I’d see the day. [she shuffles closer to Lucy, placing her arm around her] Luce, it’s okay. You just had a nightmare.

Lucy: No. Not a nightmare. A vision. Hunter said so himself. He’s going after Great Grandma Harriet.

Lynn: [raising an eyebrow] You were watching late night TV with Lincoln again, weren’t you? [she sighs] Lucy, that show’s not real. They don’t actually catch ghosts.

Lucy: No. Lincoln says they do. They only fake it when they can’t find the ghost they’re looking for.

Lynn: [facepalms] Of course Lincoln would find a way to justify that. Look, Lucy. It’s okay. Nothing bad’s gonna happen to Great Grandma Harriet, I promise.

[Lucy takes a moment to calm down before giving Lynn a nod.]

Lucy: You’re right. Nothing bad’s going to happen to her.

Lynn: [grins] Exactly. Now, just try to relax and go back to—

Lucy: Because we’re going to stop Hunter Specter.

Lynn: [does a double take] ¿Qué?

Lucy: Great Grandma Harriet is part of this family, ghost or not. I won’t let her be imprisoned by some thoughtless spirit poacher.

Lynn: Um, Lucy? I don’t mean to sound, well, mean, but don’t you think you’re overreacting? Just a little bit?

[Lucy turns to face Lynn, her lips forming into a stern frown.]

Lucy: We’re talking about Great Grandma Harriet here, Lynn. You know how much she means to me. I’ve spoken to her enough times. She does not deserve the fate Hunter has in store for her. We have to stop him.

Lynn: Uh, I’m sorry, “we?”  No offense, but so far, this is sounding like a “you” problem.

Lucy: You don’t understand, Lynn. Great Grandma Harriet is a powerful witch who has protected this family for generations. If she disappears from the nether realm, it will bring disaster to our family.

Lynn: [arching an eyebrow] Okay, I’ll bite. What kind of disaster?

Lucy: Just imagine, centuries upon centuries of bad luck for us all.

[Lynn’s eyes grow wide.]

Lynn: You serious?

''[Lucy nods. Lynn growls and punches her fist into her palm.]''

Lynn: That no-good Hunter Spector is going down.

***

''[We cut to the next day in the park. Lincoln is decked out in his ARGGH! gear and sneaking around the park. Clyde is with him, though he looks a bit confused.]''

Clyde: Look, Lincoln. I get it. You’re totally stoked that Hunter Spector’s coming back to Royal Woods. I’m excited, too. But, uh, he’s not supposed to get here for a few days. Aren’t you jumping the gun a little?

Lincoln: Relax, Clyde. We’re just doing a bit of reconnaissance for Hunter. I want to confirm something.

Clyde: [tilts his head] Confirm what?

Lincoln: That the spirit he’s hunting is not who Lucy thinks it is.

Clyde: Wait, Lucy? I didn’t know she watched ARGGH!.

Lincoln: Well, she kinda doesn’t. Not since that episode with Lord Luminous, anyway.

Clyde: Oh, yeah. Season 2 Episode 13; the mid-season finale before Hunter went on that month-long hiatus to track down Gilda Mensch, the overly-polite poltergeist of the Middle East. Why didn’t Lucy like that one? That showdown was one of his most epic in the entire series.

Lincoln: [sighs] Because apparently, Lord Luminous was a friend of hers.

[Beat]

Clyde: Beg pardon?

Lincoln: Look, it’s complicated. The point is, if I can somehow prove that this next ghost isn’t who Lucy thinks it is, she’ll—

''[Lincoln is interrupted by a loud, indistinct chant coming from down the road. Curious, Lincoln takes out a pair of binoculars and gets a better look. His face turns pale.]''

Lincoln: Oh, no…

Clyde: What’s up, Linc?

Lincoln: It’s probably better if I just show you. C’mon.

''[Lincoln leads Clyde down the road. As they get closer, the words of the loud chant become clearer.]''

???: Hunter Spector, you must cease~! Let this spirit rest in peace~!

''[The two boys reach the source of the chanting. It turns out to be Lynn, wearing a headband and yelling into a bullhorn. She’s marching around and carrying a sign that reads “SAVE THE SPIRITS!”  Lucy is there as well, sitting cross-legged on a picnic blanket with Edwin by her side. Both of them are wearing flower headbands, and in front of Lucy is a large sign showing a portrait of Great Grandma Harriet. Clyde blinks in confusion.]''

Clyde: Ooookaaaaay. That’s new.

[Lincoln scowls and marches up to Lynn.]

Lincoln: Alright, what’s going on here?

[Lynn stops chanting and scowls back at Lincoln, poking him with her sign.]

Lynn: I think you know perfectly well what’s going on, you little ghost killer!

Lucy: Lynn, ghosts are already dead. You can’t kill them.

[After a beat, Lynn clears her throat.]

Lynn: You little ghost… capture… er!

Lincoln: [deadpan] Did Lucy put you up to this?

Lucy: [pointedly] Well, it wasn’t like I could go to you for help.

Clyde: Ouch. She sounds really mad at you. [he squints] I think. It’s so hard to tell with her.

Lincoln: Lucy, c’mon. I’m on your side here.

Lucy: Then why aren’t you helping us protect Great Grandma Harriet?

Clyde: Wait, that’s what this is about?! Lucy thinks that Hunter Spector is going after the ghost of your great grandma?!

Lincoln: It’s… a long story.

Lynn: Anyway, Luce and I are gonna make sure that Spector jerk doesn’t lay a hand on her.

Clyde: And you thought you could do that by camping out in the middle of the park?

Lucy: We’re conducting a peaceful protest. If Hunter Spector wants Great Grandma Harriet, he’s going to have to go through us. [she glowers at Lincoln] And that goes for you, too.

Lincoln: What?! Why do you think I want to catch Great Grandma Harriet?! I don’t even think she’s the ghost Hunter’s looking for!

Lucy: How can you be so sure?

[Lucy reaches behind her and pulls out Great Grandma Harriet’s book of spells.]

Lucy: Hunter clearly said that those who cross the spirit are met with curses, which correspond to the spells Great Grandma Harriet wrote. It has to be her.

Clyde: Whoa whoa, wait! Your great grandmother wrote magic spells?! Why am I just hearing about this now?!

Lincoln: [shrugs] Well, it’s not as though any of us believed that Great Grandma Harriet was a witch. We just saw her as a person with, um… unique tastes.

Lucy: [dryly] Nice save. But I feel I must correct you, Lincoln. Great Grandma Harriet did indeed delve into the arcane arts, and she used those powers to protect our family.

Lynn: Yeah, and if she goes down, we’re gonna get a bazillion years of bad luck! How does that not bother you?!

''[Lincoln gives Lucy a bemused look, as though he’s figured out how she managed to convince Lynn to side with her. Lucy shrugs.]''

Lucy: Ask yourself, Lincoln. Do you really want to take that chance?

Lincoln: Lucy, you’re making a big mistake here, and Clyde and I are gonna prove it! Hunter Spector is the most honorable ghost hunter to ever come out of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters. He would never stoop so low as to catch an innocent ghost!

Lucy: [sarcastically] I’m sure Lord Luminous would agree with you. Let me ask him right now. [beat] Oh, wait. I can’t contact him. Because his spirit is locked away in some ghost poacher’s prison.

Lincoln: [getting peeved] Would you just drop the whole thing with Lord Luminous already?! That was three seasons ago!

Lucy: Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it. Or are you saying Hunter captured Lord Luminous knowing full well that he meant no harm?

[Lincoln and Lucy glare at each other for a moment before Lynn steps in-between them.]

Lynn: Okay, look. As far as I’m concerned, you’re both a couple of dorks. At the same time, though, I don’t wanna have bad luck for a bazillion years. So, here’s what I’m thinking. [she turns to Lucy] Lucy, we should give Lincoln a fair shot to prove that Hunter Spector isn’t going after Great Grandma Harriet.

Lucy: [tilts her head quizzically] Are you sure about that, Lynn?

Lynn: [sighs] C’mon, Lucy. This is Lincoln we’re talking about. Do you honestly think he’d let his own family get hurt like this?

[Beat]

Lucy: I… guess you have a point. [she looks up at Lincoln] But if it turns out Hunter Spector is going after Great Grandma Harriet, you’re going to have to pick a side.

Lincoln: [gulps] R-right.

Clyde: So, uh… what’s the plan, Cadet Lincoln?

Lincoln: [stroking his chin in thought] Hmm. Answer me this, Lucy. Is Great Grandma Harriet the only ghost who can curse people?

[Beat]

Lucy: Well, no.

Lincoln: So, if we see someone suffering from a curse that isn’t in Great Grandma Harriet’s spell book, then that’s definite proof that this ghost is not her.

Lucy: Ah, but just because the ghost isn’t Great Grandma Harriet doesn’t mean she’s evil, now does it?

Lincoln: Touché. But you can contact her, right? So you can find out if she’s evil or not. And if it turns out she is evil, you have to step aside and let Hunter do his job.

Lucy: And if it turns out she’s not evil, you will allow our protest to continue without incident. Agreed?

Lincoln: Agreed. Let’s go, Clyde.

''[Lincoln stomps off. Clyde shrugs and follows.]''

Lynn: Just so we’re clear, Lucy. If it turns out you’re wrong about all this, you owe me big time.

Lucy: Sigh. I guess that’s fair. [she shakes her head] But I can’t take that chance. Not with Great Grandma Harriet.

[Lynn smiles softly and places a hand on Lucy’s shoulder.]

Lynn: I get it, Luce. Believe me, I do. [beat] Welp, better get back to it. [she raises her bullhorn and starts marching again] Hunter Spector, you must cease~! Let this spirit rest in peace~!

***

[We’re treated to a montage of Lincoln and Clyde investigating the park throughout the week, trying to prove that the ghost isn’t Great Grandma Harriet.]

''*On Tuesday, Lincoln and Clyde see a woman’s hair grow abnormally long, until her entire body is enshrouded in hair. They go back to Lucy, who shakes her head and points to a spell in the book that reads “Bad Hair Day.”  While the boys return to their investigation, Lynn is getting into a shouting match with Scoots.''

''*On Thursday, Lincoln and Clyde find a man who trips over seemingly nothing. They return to Lucy, who shakes her head and points to a spell in the book that reads “Two Left Feet.”  Meanwhile, Lynn is explaining the protest to a couple of park rangers, who give each other weird looks.''

''*On Friday, Lincoln and Clyde find two siblings arguing. One of them tries to speak his mind, but due to laryngitis, he cannot say a word. Clyde is about to return to Lucy, but Lincoln holds him back, shaking his head despondently. We then see Lynn explaining the protest to Lynn Sr. and Rita, who are accompanied by the park rangers from earlier. Lynn Sr. and Rita just offer the park rangers a shrug.''

***

''[We cut to Sunday, just as the sun is about to set. Lincoln and Clyde collapse onto a park bench, exhausted.]''

Clyde: [panting] I had… no idea… your great grandmother… wrote so many… spells.

Lincoln: Me… neither. [he sighs] But now what’re we going to do? Lucy refuses to budge, and Hunter’s going to be here any minute. Am I really going to have to choose between my sister and my hero?

[Clyde thinks for a minute before his expressions brightens.]

Clyde: Wait a minute. Lucy can talk to ghosts, right? Why don’t you just ask her to ask your great grandma if she’s the one doing all this?

[After a beat, Lincoln smacks his forehead.]

Lincoln: Of course! Duh! It’s not my job to prove that the ghost isn’t Great Grandma Harriet; it’s her job to prove that it is! Why didn’t I realize that before?!

Clyde: [shrugs] I can’t speak for you, but I was just caught up in the craziness of the whole thing. Look, you go talk to Lucy; I’ll try and stall Hunter.

Lincoln: Thanks, buddy.

''[Lincoln darts off just as the ARGGH! crew arrives. The camera starts rolling.]''

Hunter: [clears his throat] Welcome, ARGGH! cadets! On this very special episode, we’ll be tracking down the ghost of an ancient witch here at this local park in Royal Woods, Michigan. We’re not sure what surprises she’ll have up her sleeves, but needless to say, I’m ready for whatever she’s going to throw at me!

[Hunter takes out his ghost detector, which beeps at a slow, steady pace.]

Hunter: Hmm. A weak signal, but something’s definitely here. We’ll have to venture further into the park to pick up her trail. Come, cadets! The hunt is on!

Clyde: Wait! Mr. Spector!

''[Clyde runs up to Hunter, who seems pleasantly surprised by his appearance. His crew, on the other hand, are less than enthused by the interruption.]''

Stage Manager: [facepalms] Oh, for the love of…  Cut! [she gives Clyde a stern look] What exactly are you doing here? Didn’t the park rangers tell you that this park would be off-limits while we’re filming?

Clyde: [sheepishly] Really? Oh, whoops. Sorry, I’ll just—

Hunter: Just a moment, young man. You’re Clyde McBride, right?

[Clyde’s eyes suddenly sparkle.]

Clyde: Y-you remember me?

Hunter: [chuckles] Hard to forget a cadet as dedicated as you, bud. I probably wouldn’t have gotten Groundskeeper Jim if it wasn’t for you and your pal Lincoln.

Clyde: [chuckles] Yeah, that was something, alright.

Stage Manager: [annoyed] Mr. Spector, we’re on a tight schedule here. We need to get this kid back to his parents and get back to—

Clyde: Hold on! I, uh…  I can help!

Stage Manager: [groans and pinches the bridge of her nose] If I had a nickel for every overly-enthusiastic fan who said that to me… [turns back to Clyde] Look, buddy. You’re holding us up. Would you kindly move along so we can—?

Hunter: Hang on. This might be the angle we need. [turns to Clyde] How do you plan to help, cadet?

Clyde: Well, Lincoln and I have been scouting out the park all week. We know exactly what this witch ghost is capable of. And personally, I don’t think you can handle this one alone.

[Hunter strokes his chin in thought while the stage manager gives him a bemused look.]

Stage Manager: Mr. Spector, you aren’t really going to go through with this, are you? You know there isn’t actually a—

''[Hunter suddenly rushes to his stage manager and shushes her. Clyde looks on, confused.]''

Hunter: [whispering] Look, I already crushed this kid’s dreams once. I am not doing it again. Besides, don’t you think this would make for an awesome milestone episode? Just picture it: A dedicated fan, uniting with his mentor to help him capture the most dangerous ghost we’ve ever come across. Who wouldn’t love that?

[The stage manager sighs.]

Stage Manager: Fine. But if the kid’s getting compensated, it’s coming out of your paycheck.

Hunter: [nobly] A sacrifice I’m willing to make. Remember, the fans always come first.

Stage Manager: [rolls her eyes] Oy vey…

[Hunter turns back to Clyde and smiles.]

Hunter: Sorry about that. You know how managers are. Now, let’s go get us a ghost!

Clyde: Yeah!

Stage Manager: [groans] Just roll with it, people. Alright, and…  Action!

Hunter: [clears his throat] Hark! Look there! It seems one of our cadets has done some reconnaissance for us!

[Clyde’s eyes go wide.]

Clyde: A-are we on TV right now?! [waves at the camera] Hi, Dads!

''[The stage manager repeatedly hits herself in the face with her clipboard. Hunter chuckles nervously.]''

Hunter: Okay, cadet. No need to get too excited. Save that for when we find our spectral spellcaster. So, what do you have to report?

Clyde: Huh wha? Oh, my report! Yes, that. [clears his throat] Well, Mr. Spector, sir, it’s just as you say. This ancient witch has been cursing anyone who even looks at her funny. In fact…

[Clyde takes out his ghost detector, which whirrs to life and starts beeping.]

Clyde: I think I’m picking up her trail! She’s this way!

[Clyde is about to rush off when Hunter hold him back.]

Hunter: Careful, cadet! I don’t think this is a specter one ghost hunter can handle alone. We have to stick together if we want to get out of this alive.

Clyde: [salutes] Sir, yes, sir!

Hunter: Now, lead the way! [turns to the camera] Stick with us, cadets! This one’s bound to be a doozy!

''[Clyde and Hunter venture into the park. The stage manager sighs and takes out her walkie talkie.]''

Stage Manager: Make sure our “cursed” park-goers are in position, and be ready for anything. We don’t know where this kid is going to lead us. [she groans and shakes her head] I can’t believe I dropped out of acting school for this…

***

''[We cut to Lucy and Lynn. Lucy is meditating while Lynn is still marching and chanting. Lincoln emerges, a serious look on his face. Lucy looks up.]''

Lucy: Sigh. Must you be so stubborn? You weren’t able to prove that the spirit haunting this park isn’t Great Grandma Harriet. Just give up and let us protest in peace.

Lincoln: Lucy, I don’t think you know if this ghost is Great Grandma Harriet or not.

''[Lynn stops chanting and looks at Lincoln with interest. Lucy is seemingly unfazed.]''

Lucy: What?

Lincoln: Think about it. You’re just assuming it’s Great Grandma Harriet because she’s using the same spells. But have you actually tried, I don’t know, asking her?

Lynn: Hey, yeah. You talk to spirits all the time, Lucy. Why not just call up Great Grandma Harriet and get the truth from her?

Lucy: [shakes her head] You guys don’t get it. Great Grandma Harriet already told me she was in danger. She sent me a vision last week.

Lincoln: A… vision?

Lynn: [sighs] Lucy had a nightmare about Hunter Spector catching Great Grandma Harriet after watching TV with you last week. Trust me, I kinda have my doubts, too. But I’d rather not risk…

Lincoln: [finishing Lynn’s thought] …getting cursed with a bazillion years of bad luck. Yeah, I think I got that part, Lynn. [he gives Lucy a concerned look] Why didn’t you mention this before?

Lucy: [averts her gaze from Lincoln] Sigh. It wouldn’t have mattered, anyway. How could I expect a ghost hunter like you to understand what the spirits go through?

[Lincoln sighs and sits down next to Lucy.]

Lincoln: You’re right. I don’t understand spirits the way you do.

Lynn: And I don’t understand either of you dorks. That doesn’t mean we don’t care about your feelings, Luce.

Lincoln: [raises an eyebrow at Lynn] I thought you were just in this to prevent us from getting a bazillion years of bad luck.

Lynn: [blushes and pouts] What? I can’t have more than one reason for doing something?

[Lincoln rolls his eyes and turns back to Lucy.]

Lincoln: Look, Lucy. It doesn’t have to be like this. I’ve talked to Hunter Spector before. He’s a pretty cool guy. I bet if you just explained everything to him, he’d understand.

[Lucy turns her head towards Lincoln.]

Lucy: Do you really believe that?

[Beat]

Lincoln: [sighs] If I’m being honest, I don’t know. This kinda thing has never come up in an episode of ARGGH!.

Lucy: [bemused] I’m not surprised.

Lincoln: But that doesn’t mean I’m going to turn my back on you, Lucy. You or Great Grandma Harriet. [he places an arm around her] I may be a ghost hunter, but I’m also your big brother. And if Hunter won’t listen to you, I’ll make him listen.

[Lucy’s lip quivers.]

Lucy: Lincoln, I—

???: Ah-ha~! We have a strong reading now! She’s this way!

''[The moment is interrupted by Hunter Spector’s voice just in the distance. Lynn snorts and rolls up her sleeves.]''

Lynn: Go time.

''[After a beat, Clyde, Hunter, and the rest of the ARGGH! crew emerge from the shadows. The ARGGH! crew, including Hunter, is completely flabbergasted.]''

Stage Manager: Really? Really?! Ugh, cut, cut cut! [she glares angrily at Lincoln, Lynn, and Lucy] What the heck is all this?! Don’t tell me you’re all ARGGH! fans, too!

Lucy: Well, I wouldn’t say that, exactly. [she looks up at Hunter] Hunter Spector, we are protesting your crimes against the dead. If you want Great Grandma Harriet, you need to go through us first.

Hunter: [blinks] Wait, Great Grandma Harriet? [turns to Clyde] Cadet, did you know about this?

Clyde: [sheepishly] Well, kinda? Sorta? Honestly, we don’t really have proof that it is her; it could just be some other witch’s ghost.

Lincoln: One who may or may not be evil, by the way. Y’know, in case you were wondering.

[Beat]

Stage Manager: Oookay, it is way past all of your bedtimes. All of you, scoot. We’ve got an episode to shoot here.

Lynn: [cracks her knuckles] Maybe you didn’t hear us, lady. We ain’t moving.

Stage Manager: Oh, you’re moving, alright. We don’t have time to play these silly games. [she turns to the stage crew] You three, get these troublemakers out of frame. And you, call the police.

Hunter: Now hold on a minute, Cathy. There’s no need to get the police involved in this.

[While Hunter argues with the stage manager, Lynn cracks her neck and adopts a fighting stance.]

Lynn: Bring it.

Lincoln: [nervously] Um, Lynn? I know your heart is in the right place here, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t get arrested for assault.

Lynn: You gotta take a stand and be ready to fight for what you believe in, Linc. Besides, I can take these chumps.

''[As if on cue, one especially muscular stage hand approaches her. She scoffs.]''

Lynn: I stand by what I said. You’re going do— Ow!

''[She is interrupted by the stage hand grabbing her arm. His grip is a lot tighter than anticipated. Lynn writhes and squirms in pain.]''

Lynn: H-hey! No fair!

''[Lynn is dragged away. Lucy, meanwhile, has not moved from her spot. A stage hand approaches her.]''

Lucy: I refuse to leave. I’ll protect Great Grandma Harriet to the bitter end if I have to.

Stage Hand: [sighs] Kid, this isn’t funny.

Lucy: Do I look like I’m joking?

[Beat]

Lincoln: Don’t answer that.

''[The stage hand, clearly having no patience for Lucy’s protest, takes her by the arm and drags her away. Lucy squirms in his grip.]''

Lucy: L-let go. Y-you’re hurting me.

Hunter: [appalled] Whoa there, fellas! They’re just kids! No need to—

Stage Manager: [tersely] Ms. Spector, we’re behind schedule as it is. Let’s just get these troublemakers out of here and catch this ghost already.

Lucy: NO~!

''[All eyes turn to Lucy. Even her siblings are taken aback by her outburst. Lucy hangs her head and begins to tremble.]''

Lucy: Y-you can’t. You can’t do this. Not to Great Grandma Harriet. Sh-she didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I swear. Please. D-don’t lock her away. She doesn’t deserve this.

''[Lucy starts crying. After a beat, Hunter sighs and walks up to her.]''

Hunter: Let her go, Bill. I’ll handle this.

''[The stage hand complies. Hunter kneels down to Lucy’s height and places a hand on her shoulder.]''

Hunter: Hey. What’s your name, kid?

Lucy: [sniffles] L-Lucy. Lucy Loud.

Hunter: Listen, Lucy. I’m not going to hurt your Great Grandma Harriet. As leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, I made a vow never to catch a spirit who has done nothing wrong.

Lucy: B-but what about Lord Luminous? H-he was my friend, and you…  And you…

Hunter: [blinks] Lord Luminous? Um, uh… [brushes the back of his head sheepishly] Well, this is kinda awkward. I—

[He stops short when he notices Clyde just within earshot.]

Hunter: Hey, uh, Cadet Clyde? Why don’t you go do a bit of scouting? This Great Grandma Harriet impostor has to be close.

Clyde: [raises an eyebrow] Wait, you think this ghost is trying to impersonate Lincoln’s great grandma? How’d you come to that conclusion? You never even heard of her until today.

Hunter: Well, I uh…

Lincoln: [sighs, and then lets out a mock gasp] Oh my gosh, Lori! What are you doing here?! And in a bikini, no less!

Clyde: L-L-Lori?! [suddenly becomes stiff and robotic] Does not compute~! Does not compute~! Abort mission~!

''[Clyde runs off into the bushes. Hunter gives Lincoln a blank look.]''

Hunter: Do I want to know?

Lincoln: No. No, you do not.

[Beat]

Hunter: Right. [clears his throat] Well, the truth is, we never actually caught Lord Luminous. That was one of the hunts we had to fake. [he chuckles] Actually, if I’m being completely honest, this hunt’s a fake, too.

Lincoln: Wait, what? But, what about all those people getting cursed? Clyde and I saw it happening all week.

Stage Manager: Those were just plants. Mr. Spector really wanted to sell this one, for some reason.

Hunter: [shrugs] This is a milestone episode for us, Cathy. And unfortunately, we don’t exactly have the luxury of taking another hiatus to find the next Gilda Mensch.

Lucy: [sniffles] So, you’re not trying to hunt down my friends?

Hunter: I wouldn’t dream of it.

[After a beat, Lucy looks up at Hunter.]

Lucy: Can I at least double check?

Hunter: [blinks in confusion] Um, sure. By all means.

Stage Manager: Mr. Spector, we really don’t have time for—

''[She is interrupted by Hunter giving her a pointed look. She sighs.]''

Stage Manager: Right, fine. Whatever. [she grumbles] They don’t pay me enough for this…

''[Lucy retakes her spot on the picnic blanket and sits cross-legged. She breathes out a meditative hum.]''

Lucy: O, spirits of Great Grandma Harriet and Lord Luminous. I summon thee to this very park. Please, grant me a sign that you are both well.

''[There is a pause. A strong gust of wind blows by, causing the corners of the picnic blanket to flare up. Once the wind dies down, Lucy nods.]''

Lucy: It appears you are telling the truth, Mr. Spector. We’ll get out of your way.

[She packs up the picnic blanket, along with Edwin and the book of spells.]

Lincoln: I’m really sorry about this, Mr. Spector. Lucy… really likes ghosts. And she has a very strong connection to our Great Grandma Harriet.

Hunter: I can see that. No worries, it happens. [he laughs] Honestly, this isn’t the first time someone confronted me about my ghost hunting.

Lincoln: Heh, no wonder you were able to handle it so well. You really are something, Hunter Spector.

Hunter: Well, I try. Um, you kids need a ride home or anything?

Lynn: Nah, we’re good. I can get us home. [she glares at the stage hand holding her] Once this ugly palooka lets go of me.

Hunter: [sighs] Yeah, I’m really sorry about that. Needless to say, this will be mentioned in their next performance review. Douglas, if you would.

''[The stage hand released Lynn, who rubs her wrist and give him a dirty look. Suddenly, Clyde reemerges from the bushes, his ghost detector going haywire.]''

Clyde: Guys! She’s here! I got a bead on her!

Hunter: Attaboy, cadet! We’re on our way! ''[he gives Lincoln a wink and a thumbs up before following Clyde. The rest of the crew soon follow, leaving the three Loud siblings alone. There is a pause which is punctuated by Lynn clearing her throat.]''

Lynn: So…

Lucy: [hangs her head] I know, I know. I owe you one. Sigh. I’m really sorry about all this, guys. I-I was just so scared. I-I didn’t want to lose Great Grandma Harriet.

Lincoln: We know, Luce. C’mere.

''[Lincoln pulls Lucy into a hug. Lynn smirks and joins in.]''

Lynn: I guess even the Duchess of Darkness has her fears, huh?

Lucy: [shrugs] I never said I didn’t. Now, let’s go home. I just hope Mom and Dad don’t ground us too badly.

''[The three of them walk side-by-side out of the park as a bright green flash illuminates the sky for a brief moment. Lucy turns to Lincoln and smiles.]''

Lucy: Y’know, you were right about Hunter Spector. He wasn’t so bad after all. Maybe I’ll give his show another shot.

Lincoln: [smiles back] Cool. But, it’s okay if it’s not your cup of tea. We like the same stuff; just not in the same way. And that’s perfectly alright, because we still support each other regardless.

Lucy: I couldn’t agree more. By the way, would you guys mind if Lord Luminous moved back into our garage? He told me he misses the place, and he was wondering if Ms. Yoga Farts moved out yet.

[Lynn snickers.]

Lucy: [shrugs] His words, not mine.

The End



Triva

 * Besides the name Gilda Mensch being an obvious pun on the name of the Mesopotamian hero and recurring Final Fantasy boss Gilgamesh, it is also a refernce to the fact that part of Gilgamesh's battle theme in Final Fantasy V sounds very similar to the theme song of ARGGH!.  Or, am I the only one who thinks that?
 * I wasn't sure if I should have Clyde be privy to the behind the scene antics of ARGGH!, since that wasn't made entirely clear by the end of the episode ARGGH! You For Real?  I ended up keeping him in the dark, as that lent to more comedic possibilities (namely the exasperated stage manager and Lincoln using Lori to get Clyde out of the picture).