User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Ace-Romantic

PLOT SYNOPSIS: When Luna hears that Sam is a huge fan of Ace Savvy, she enlists the help of Lincoln.

Script
''[We open at Luna's school. Luna is leaning against her locker, chatting with one of her guy friends.]''

Luna: ...so I said to her, "I'm sorry, but if your main instrument is an accordion, you're not a rock star!" And she said-

Guy Friend: Hey, Luna! Sam Sharp, twelve o'clock!

Luna: Sam?!

[Luna pops in a couple of breath mints, neatens her hair, takes her shirt off, reapplies her deodorant, puts her shirt back on and strikes a casual pose before Sam enters the frame.]

Sam: Hi, Luna. What's up?

Luna: Eh, y-you know, same ol', same ol'. How about you?

[Sam opens up her locker and starts rifling through it.]

Sam: Well, I just got out of bio. I swear, Mr. Carrera will never stop cracking me up. [In a goofy, hard-to-place accent] "Ladies, can the conversation stop, please? Can the conversation stop, please?"

Luna: [Laughs hard] Oh, man, good one. That's spot on.

[Sam goes back to rooting through her locker, when suddenly something spills out and falls onto the floor.]

Luna: Oh, hey, lemme get that for you!

''[When she bends down to pick it up, Luna notices that it's an Ace Savvy comic book. Her eyebrow raises with intrigue.]''

Luna: [Hands the comic book back to Sam.] So is this your brother's, or something?

Sam: [Smiles] No, dingus, it's mine! I've loved Ace Savvy ever since I was a little girl.

[Sam puts the comic book back in her locker.]

Sam: How about you? You an Ace fan?

Luna: Um, y-yeah! Yeah, I totally am! Biggest Ace Savvy fan in the whole school!

Sam: Not when I exist, I can tell you that.

[Luna gives off a nervous chuckle.]

Sam: By the way, I was thinking of dropping by the Royal Woods Café Friday after school. Wanna join me? We can talk about our favorite issues and share our fan theories!

Luna: [Starts sweating] Uh- definitely! Yeah, I'm there.

Sam: Great! I'll see you then.

''[Luna waves goodbye and starts walking away. As she turns her back on Sam, her forced smile shifts into a pained frown.]''

Luna: Nice one, Lunes...

''[The next scene opens in Lincoln's room. Lincoln's lying on the bed playing his 3DS.]''

Lincoln: [Singing] Gonna waka waka walk away, from Pac-Ma-

[Suddenly, a panicked looking Luna bursts into the room.]

Lincoln: Whoa! Ever heard of knocking?!

Luna: Linc, I need your help. Fast. I got a date with Sam comin' up this Friday.

Lincoln: You mean that girl you have a crush on? That's great, Luna!...But why do you need my help with that?

Luna: Well, see, she's a really big Ace Savvy fan.

Lincoln: She is? Sweet!

Luna: No! Not sweet! She's gonna expect me to know all about him!

Lincoln: [Tilts head] Why would she expect that? You're not an Ace Savvy fan.

Luna: [Sheepishly] Yeah, but I... kinda told her I was.

[Beat]

Lincoln: Why?

Luna: I was nervous and she put me on the spot, okay?! Point is, I'm gonna have to bone up on Ace before this Friday. That's where you come in.

Lincoln: Well, Luna, I-

[The next thing he knows, Luna is on her knees with her hands clasped in front of her, giving him puppy eyes.]

Lincoln: [Sigh] All right.

[We then see a montage of Luna sitting at Lincoln's desk and poring over his comic collection, with Lincoln providing commentary by her side.]

Lincoln: Well, his super strength used to come from gamma radiation. They retconned it last year, so now it comes from the Bracelet of Pai Gow.

Luna: Ret-what now?

Lincoln: Retcon. Basically, it's when a comic writer changes their mind about something they wrote in the past.

Luna: Isn't that bad writing?

Lincoln: Well...

Luna: Wait, so does Ace Savvy talk super fast? Is that one of his powers?

Lincoln: No, why?

Luna: [Points to comic page] Well, in this panel the Suicide King cuts the chandelier loose, and Ace gets through an entire monologue before it hits him in the head! How does that work?

Lincoln: Luna, there's something you've gotta understand about comics...

Lincoln: Now, to really understand One-Eyed Jack's motivation in this one, you've got to read the tie-in comics.

Luna: Dare I ask what those are?

Lincoln: A tie-in comic is a separate comic series that gives you extra information about the one you're reading.

Luna: Wha- then why can't they just include that information in the series we're reading?!

Lincoln: Well, that's a complicated question, Luna. Some argue that it's a way to give the reader a richer, more detailed look at-

Luna: It's just a way to get people to buy more comics, right?

Lincoln: Pretty much.

Luna: This is what Sam is so passionate about?!

[After a while, Luna closes the last comic in Lincoln's stack and lets out a sigh of exhaustion.]

Luna: Phew. That's the last one.

Lincoln: So you think you're ready?

Luna: As ready as Ace was when he broke Gin Rummy's arm in Ace Savvy #1!

Lincoln: Actually, he did that in All-Star Ace Savvy #1. Also, that wasn't Gin Rummy. It was Gin Rummy Prime.

Luna: ...what?

Lincoln: Gin Rummy Prime. His alternate universe counterpart.

Luna: There's a whole other universe in this series?!

Lincoln: Yeah. There's Earth, which is where Ace Savvy lives, and then there's Earth Prime, which is supposed to represent the real world. They don't really get into it until Casino Multiverse #1, which I don't have, but I think Clyde might have a-

[Luna groans and bangs her head on the desk.]

Luna: Lincoln, this is hopeless! I'll never have all this lore memorized in time for my date!

[Lincoln's brow wrinkles with concern.]

Lincoln: Gosh, I'm sorry, Luna, but I'm doing the best I can. I wish there was a way I could just funnel all of my knowledge into you.

Luna: Yeah...

[Suddenly, Luna gasps and her eyes burst open.]

Luna: Wait, maybe there is!

Lincoln: Eh? What are you getting at?

Luna: You know those walkie-talkies you and Clyde play around with?

Lincoln: We're not playing! We're using an advanced form of comm... [clears throat] I mean, yes, what about them?

Luna: Well, if we can get it hooked up to my Bluetooth, then you can come with me on my date and feed me all the answers I need!

Lincoln: Luna, I see several problems with that plan. First, how on Earth are we going to hook a walkie-talkie up to a Bluetooth?

Luna: Eh, I'm sure Lisa could think of something. Or Lana. One of them.

[Beat]

Lincoln: Fair enough. But Luna, do you really think this plan is going to work? This is the kind of scheme that only works in cartoons.

Luna: Trust me, Linc. With your knowledge at my disposal, there's no way I could fail! What could possibly go wrong?

[After Luna exits the room, Lincoln sighs and looks at the camera.]

Lincoln: She just had to say that line, didn't she?

''[We fast forward to that Friday. Luna is seated at the Royal Woods Café, adjusting her earpiece.]''

Luna: You ready, Linc?

Lincoln: Yep! Picked a comfy spot in the bathroom. Let me know when Sam's coming!

Luna: Got it!

[Just then, Sam walks into the door and gives Luna a smile and a wave.]

Luna: Oh, hey, speak of the devil!

Sam: Hi, Luna! Glad you could make it!

Luna: Of course! You know I wouldn't pass up a chance to hang out with a fellow Ace-aholic!

''[Sam giggles and takes a seat at the table opposite Luna. A moment later, they're approached by a waiter.]''

Waiter: And what will you two ladies be having this afternoon?

Sam: Just some avocado toast and a mocha latte for me.

Luna: Yeah, I'll have the same thing.

[The waiter nods, writes down their orders and walks back to the kitchen.]

Sam: So! Let's get down to business. What did you think of Savvy & Jack #10?

Luna: Savvy & Jack #10, eh? Hmm... Savvy & Jack #10...

Lincoln: [Through the earpiece] Good! It was good!

Luna: ...yeah, I'd say that issue was pretty good. No complaints.

Sam: Really? What was your favorite part?

Luna: Ooh, that's a tough one. My favorite part... um...

Lincoln: [Through the earpiece] Definitely the reveal of Old Maid's origin story. Say that!

Luna: ...the reveal of Old Maid's origin story! I was waiting for ages to hear that.

[Sam giggles.]

Luna: What, you didn't like it?

Sam: Oh, no, I loved it. It really added a lot of depth to the Old Maid's character. But did you really forget that they already revealed it two years ago?

Luna: ...scusi?

Sam: In High Card Adventures #3. It's the whole reason High Card ended up letting her go free. Did you not read those?

[Luna's hands clench into fists.]

Luna: [Grits teeth] Um, just a sec, Sam. I gotta go tinkle.

''[Luna gets up and starts stomping towards the bathroom. Lincoln hears the door swing open, turns toward it, and is met with Luna's furious glower.]''

Lincoln: Heh heh... sorry, Luna. I guess I forgot about tha-

[Luna grabs Lincoln by the collar and shoves him into the wall.]

Luna: You listen here, Lincoln Loud. If you blow this for me, I am going to rock you like a hurricane.

Lincoln: [Gulps] G-got it.

[Luna releases Lincoln and walks back to her table, forcing a smile as she meets Sam's eyes again.]

Sam: There you are! So, anyway, I've got this whole theory about what's gonna happen in #11. Wanna hear it?

Luna: Um, yeah! I'd love to. Lat it on me!

Sam: Okay. So, at the end, Ace Savvy says, "Time to deal in some justice". You noticed that, right?

Luna: Oh, yeah. Deal in some justice? What does that even mean?

Lincoln: [Through the earpiece] I noticed that too. I think it was just a printing error.

Luna: Could've just been a printing error, though.

Sam: [Laughs] A printing error? When was the last time you saw one of those in a Lee Stanford issue? Guy proofreads like nobody's business.

Luna: Well, you never know. Sometimes there's a typo.

Sam: Typo? Come on, Luna. Everyone knows Stanford does all of his lettering by hand. [Snorts] "Typo"... that's cute.

[Luna's smile falters.]

Luna: Um, yeah. Silly me.

Sam: Anyway, like I was saying, my theory is that the Ace Savvy we saw at the end of that issue was not actually Ace Savvy. He was the Crazy Eight in disguise.

''[Luna suddenly remembers Lincoln introducing her to the character during their study session. As she recalls, the Crazy Eight is half Ace Savvy's height and much less muscular.]''

Luna: Wait a second. How would a disguise like that fool anyone? Crazy Eight's half Ace Savvy's size!

Lincoln: [Through the earpiece] Luna, wait! Crazy Eight has a-

Sam: [Smiles smugly] Oh, I don't know. Maybe with the hologram generator that lets him mimic anyone else's height and constitution, as introduced in Savvy & Jack #4? You know. Just a hunch.

Lincoln: [Sighs] Too late.

Sam: But hey, maybe you're right. Maybe they won't follow through on something they've been foreshadowing for six straight issues. Who knows?

[Luna clenches her fist and starts gnashing her teeth together.]

Luna: I get the point, Sam.

[We then see a montage of Sam correcting Luna, while Luna looks increasingly irate.]

Sam: Um, actually, Ace Savvy's super strength does come from gamma radiation. Lee Stanford confirmed it last week on Twitter.

Sam: You were shocked by the Suicide King's death scene? Why? Jack Marx always kills his villains off right after they go through their redemption arcs. Duh. Don't you remember what happened to The Moon? Guy got shot an issue after he joined the Full House Gang.

Luna: Um, yeah. [Groans] Must've forgotten that one.

Sam: Well, if you'd read any of Bill Buck's Ace Savvy comics from the 60's, you'd know that they already explained that in-universe. I mean, I like to know about my idol's roots, but if you just want to stick to the new stuff, I guess that's okay too.

''[At this point, their meals have been served. Luna is tearing off pieces of her avocado toast with her bare hands and shoving them into her mouth.]''



Sam: You can't be serious. Texas Fold 'Em? That's your favorite tie-in series? The art in that is terrible! I swear, Robert Lehman has no idea how to draw a human being.

[Luna grips her glass so hard it starts to crack.]



Sam: No, Ace Savvy's suit redirects impact. It doesn't absorb it.

Luna: Wha- that's the same thing!

Sam: It's not the same thing. They specifically point out the difference in All-Star Ace Savvy #5. Were you just asleep during that scene?

Luna: No... I... I...

Sam: You what?

Luna: ...I'm not an Ace Savvy fan.

[Sam loses her smile.]

Sam: Come again?

Luna: I'm not an Ace Savvy fan!

Lincoln: [Through the earpiece] Luna, what are you doing?!

[Luna rips out her earpiece and throws it onto the table.]

Luna: I'm sorry. I lied about being an Ace Savvy fan. Truth, is, I've never even bought an issue before. The only reason I "knew" as much as I did is because my little brother's been hiding in the bathroom, feeding me lines through this. [Points at earpiece] But you know what? I'm done. It isn't worth it.

[Luna looks at Sam pointedly.]

Luna: And do you know why it isn't worth it?

Sam: Luna-

[Luna stands up, knocking over her chair in the process.]

Luna: Because you're a pain! This whole time, you've been doing nothing but correcting me and one-upping me, like it... like it's a contest to see who the bigger Ace Savvy fan is! Who does that?!

[Luna rips out her wallet and throws a $20 bill down onto the table].

Luna: There. That should cover my food and the tip. Peace out.

[Luna storms out of the café.]

Sam: Luna, wait!

''[We then cut to Luna walking down the street away from the café, pouting and sulking. Lincoln catches up with her.]''

Lincoln: Luna? Luna, I'm really sorry I let you down. I had no idea Sam was that big a fan.

Luna: Don't be sorry, Lincoln. If anything, I should be thanking you. You just helped me dodge a bullet. [Looks back over her shoulder, glaring] I mean, can you believe her?! All she wanted to do was act smug that she knew more than I did!

[As she turns back towards Lincoln, she takes notice of the pained look on his face, and her expression softens.]

Luna: Oh, and Lincoln? I'm really sorry for roughin' you up back there. I mean, I was the one who roped you into this in the first place.

Lincoln: It's fine, Luna. Really, it is. But I... um...

Luna: Yeah? What's up?

Lincoln: ...look, I'll just come out and say it. I think you should give Sam another chance.

[Luna's eyes bug out of her skull.]

Luna: Are you kidding me?! You saw the way she treated me!

Lincoln: I did. But there's something you've gotta understand about geek culture. See, when two people are really geeky about something - like comic books, for instance - sometimes they'll try to one-up each other to try to prove who the geekier one is. It may sound petty, but it's all in good fun and it's kind of how we bond.

[Luna pauses for a moment to mull this over.]

Luna: So the whole time, she was just trying to be my friend?

Lincoln: I think so.

[Luna looks guiltily down at the ground.]

Luna: Oh, geez. I really screwed up, then. I'm gonna have to apologize to her this Monday.

Lincoln: That'd probably be for the best.

[Beat]

Lincoln: [Twiddles fingers] So... we're cool, right? You and I?

[Luna smirks at him.]

Luna: Aw, get over here, you!

''[Luna pulls him into a headlock and gives him a light noogie. Lincoln chuckles as he tries to pry her off.]''

Luna: You know you're my bro.

[After a few seconds of snuggling, she releases him.]

Lincoln: And don't worry about Sam. I'm sure she'll understand.

[Luna's smile dims.]

Luna: Yeah, I sure hope so...

''[We cut to three days later. Luna and Sam are standing across from each other in the school hallway, unable to look each other in the eye.]''

Sam: Luna...

Luna: Sam...

[Beat]

Sam: Look, I'm really sorry for all the teasing. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Luna: It's fine. I'm the one who should be sorry. I mean, I lied to your face and then I blew up at you when you were just trying to bond with me.

Sam: It's okay, Luna. But... why, though? Why did you have to lie like that? I wouldn't have cared if you said you weren't a comic fan.

Luna: I-I don't know. I guess I just really wanted to impress you. I... [Blushes] I think you're really cool.

Sam: [Smiles] Well, next time you don't have to try so hard. Besides, we already have a shared love of music. Like, hello? Isn't that enough?

Luna: [Chuckles] Oh, right. I guess I hadn't thought of that.

[Luna looks into Sam's eyes, returning her smile.]

Luna: So, what do you say? Want to start over?

[Sam walks over to Luna's side and locks arms with her.]

Sam: I'd like that. And by the way...

[Sam reaches into her pocket and pulls out Luna's Bluetooth.]

Sam: ...I believe this is yours.

[The two of them laugh and walk down the hall, arm-in-arm.]

THE END

Trivia

 * The title is a pun on "aromantic", a term for people who don't experience romantic attraction.
 * The song that Lincoln is singing in his first scene is "Inky's Lament" by Starbomb.
 * When Luna accosts Lincoln in the bathroom, she references the song "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions.