User blog:007Jamesdean/Kraven's Greatest Hunt

Part 1: DEMORALIZING A DORK

Jared, Mary and Luan were in the simulator doing an exercise.

Me, Varie, Rachel, Cody, Vince, The Ed's and the Gang, The Loud Kids and Yuko were in the control room.

The Exercise began and they found themselves in Peach Creek Middle School.

''[It is the next day. Rolf hauls a huge load of meat out of his locker and throws it into the trash. He then goes back into his locker to get more. Sarah turns her head while walking to watch, and runs into Eddy.]''

Sarah: "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING FISHFACE!"

[Eddy opens his mouth to yell back, but sees Rolf and Kevin watching him.]

Rolf: "Hell-lo."

Eddy: [normally] "Ahem. Nice try, windbag." [He pokes Sarah's nose and walks away.]

Jimmy: "Jeepers, Sarah, what was that all about?"

Jared: They have a bet going on. Eddy can't yell with a voice that can be heard from a mile away.

Jimmy: Oh.

Sarah: That's stupid.

Jonny: "Jimmy!" [He attacks.] "Quick! Tell me to do something, anything!"

Jimmy: "Oh-uh-okay. Do my math homework for me?"

''[Jimmy cowers, expecting a punch. Instead, Jonny grabs Jimmy's math and goes off to the library.]''

Jonny: [seeing Plank on a book cart] "I'm my own person, Plank."

''[The door closes behind Jonny. Eddy watches eagerly, and makes as if to yell. Remembering the bet, he stops and goes to fetch his friends. He gets Edd and shows him the scene inside.]''

Eddy: "Check it out, Shakespeare. Without Plank, Melonhead's falling apart, begging to get bossed around. Ready to chicken out?"

Edd: [nervous] "No, not at all. It is...fun! To...mmm...speak in small words all day. Not hard one bit."

''[Ed runs into Eddy. When he stands up, he has rings under his eyes and looks horrid.]''

Ed: "Double D! How much longer, must me and gravy–" [He scratches himself all over.] "–not be as one?"

[Edd grabs Eddy and shows Ed to him.]

Ed: "Oh, the suffering!" ''[He runs into the book cart. Ed then proceeds to run the cart over him repeatedly.]''

Luan: What's wrong with Ed?

Mary: He's suffering from what I call Gravy Withdrawl Syndrome. Whenever he goes too long without Gravy he acts like a Heroin Addict going cold turkey.

Jared: Sheesh. Ed what do you like in Gravy?

''[It is lunchtime. Kevin sets a brown paper bag on a table and starts to take out his lunch. Suddenly, a spitball zooms through the air and lodges above Kevin's ear. Five more quickly follow it.]''

Kevin: "KNOCK IT OFF, YA–"

[Eddy looks surprised and then turns his ear, exaggeratedly listening for the insult.]

Kevin: [let down] "Um...you know." [Eddy snickers.]

Mary: Kevin if you call Eddy a Dork I will tie your tongue in a knot and pull it out through your ears.

Kevin looked at Mary and he was scared.

Edd: "Don't...um...push! Ed–dee. You are not...oh...fair!"

Jonny: "Here you go, Eddy!" [He drops a huge pile of socks on the table.] "Washed, dried, and static-free!"

[Jonny grins fearfully, then looks over to Plank, at the next table.]

Jonny: "I'm not listening to you!" [He plugs his ears and walks away.]

Jared came back with the whole tray of fruit and a tray full of desserts.

Jared: Here Mary.

Mary: Thanks bro.

''[Eddy grins, while Edd looks worried. They then turn to the end of the table; Ed looks worse. On top of this, he is sucking ferociously on the table, trying to feed his addiction.]''

Ed: "Table coulda–kinda tastes like gravy."

[Eddy hauls him upright and speaks sympathetically.]

Eddy: "Forget the gravy, Ed. Here. Gnaw on this." ''[He gives Ed a plate of mashed potatoes. Ed's face falls into it. Ed looks up.]''

Ed: "Mashed potatoes? No gravy?"

''[The plate sails across the lunchroom and slams into Kevin. Kevin gets up angrily. He throws a football at Eddy, and it slams into the three-haired boy's face. Kevin runs up.]''

Kevin: "Nice catch ya–" [he strains to hold back, then gives up] "DORK!" [letting it out] "Dork dork, dorky dorky–dork!" [He cracks his neck.] "Man, that felt good."

Mary went up to Kevin and reached into his mouth and tied it into a tough knot and pulled it out through his ears.

Mary: Try talking with your tongue like that you stupid freak!

Jared: Nice one sis.

Mary: Thanks bro.

Luan: He sure got his tongue tied. (Laughs to rimshot) Get it?

They laughed.

Jared: That was a good one Luan.

[At the table, Edd is folding socks.]

Edd: "Must–fold–socks."

Eddy: "Let's see here..." [Eddy is looking at a dictionary, pen between his teeth.] "Con-she-en-che-us? What kinda bunk word is that?" [He scratches it out.] "Oh, here's another one. Tem-pera-mental." [He gets rid of it.]"Well I don't know about you, but that's just plain stupid."

Edd: [tormented] "STOP!" [He snatches the dictionary away.] "I will not tolerate your singlehanded annihilation of the English language for your own monetary gain, Eddy!"

[Edd realizes what he just said and clamps his hands over his mouth.]

Jonny: "Think, Jonny, think!" [He is at an impasse over which sandwich to have.] "Just make up your mind!"

Eddy: "What's that Plank?" [He's pretending to listen to Plank.] "You want me to what? Move all your stuff to my house? You wanna boss me around instead? And hang out with someone with a normal-sized head? You're a riot, pal-o-mine!"

[Jonny knocks Eddy out of the way and grabs Plank.]

Jonny: "Nobody takes orders from this hunk of termite food except me! Nuts to your stupid bet, homewrecker!" ''[Jonny exits the cafeteria, having lost the bet but gotten his friend back. A haggard Rolf enters.]''

Rolf: "Thank you Jonny the woodboy, Rolf could not find the strength to open the door!"

''[The door runs into him, pushing him forward. Ed, meanwhile, crawls along the floor.]''

Jared: Geez. Rolf looks like an anorexic.

Mary: Yeah. It's what happens when he goes too long without meat. He's suffering from what's called Meat Withdrawl Syndrome.

Jared: Boy he's all skin and bones.

Luan: Yeesh. No kidding. No bones about it. (Laughs)

They laugh again.

Ed: [desperate] "Gravy?"

[Sarah and Jimmy are drinking from steaming bowls of some brown liquid.]

Jimmy: "I've got love in my tummy, Sarah!"

Sarah: "Me too, Jimmy!"

Mary: Hey bro get me some of what Jimmy and Sarah are eating.

Jared: Sure sis.

Jared walked up to the counter and poured some into a bowl for her.

Jared came back and Mary ate it and she knew what it was.

Mary: Mmm. Butterscotch pudding my favorite.

''[Rolf is hovering over the vegetables counter, trying to decide what tasteless lump he should serve himself. He plucks a stick of celery, but cannot find the strength within his jaw to bite through it.]''

Eddy: "Mmm. Meaty." [He takes a giant bite out of a sausage.] "Yep. Real meaty meat."

[A tear leaks out of Rolf's eye as he watches Eddy chew.]

Rolf: "The games have ended! Rolf can no longer resist the sweet flesh draped in fat like Papa's therapeutic truss!" ''[Rolf proceeds to eat his way through the entire counter of meat. Coming to the end, he knocks the lid off of a barrel of what appears to be gravy. Ed, seeing it, smiles happily.]''

Ed: [overcome by the addiction] "It is you. Come to Ed! Belly misses you!" [He runs to the barrel.]

Edd: "Ed, stop!" [He stands by Ed, who is balanced on the edge of the barrel.] "You and Eddy are the only ones left in the bet!"

Jared: (Gasp) Oh no!

He ran over and just as Ed was about to dive into the pudding Jared used the Force and pulled him away at the last second and he tied Ed up in the chair with chains.

Jared: Sorry about this Ed but that was not gravy. It was Butterscotch Pudding.

Ed: Oh. Thanks Jared.

Jared: No problem Ed. From what I remember you are allergic to Butterscotch Pudding.

Edd: That's an unusual allergy. Who would've thought.

Mary: My sentiments exactly.

Luan: Yeah.

Then the lunch lady brought out some gravy in a gravyboat and Ed saw it and broke out of the chain. He ate the gravy and Eddy had won.

Eddy: "I WIN! Ha ha ha! Am I loud enough for you now, Double D? HOW BOUT NOW! NO? HOW BOUT NOW!!!!!"

Eddy won the bet and he was given $4.00 in quarters.

Mary: Way to go Eddy.

Jared: You won the bet fair and square.

Luan: No bets about it. (Laughs) Get it?

They laughed.

Mary went to the candy store and she brought a big bag of jawbreakers for them.

Eds: JAWBREAKERS!

Mary: They're all yours boys.

Mary gave Kevin the "L" sign for Loser.

Jared: Stinks to be you Shovelface!

Kevin: (Muffled) I'm gonna pound ya!

Jared: Come and try it sewage breath!

Kevin was enraged and he ran at Jared and he kicked him in the face and as he did Kevin's whole tongue was bitten off and he crashed into the wall.

Kevin got up and he saw felt that his tongue was gone and he screamed.

Nazz: That's gonna hurt!

Jimmy: No kidding.

Luan: That's what I call Biting off more than you can chew. (Laughs) Get it?

They laugh.

Mary walked up to Kevin and punched him in the face and gave him a nasty black eye.

Mary: Try saying Dork now loser.

BURN!

Because of that Kevin couldn't talk anymore. He was thrown off the football team, flunked english and was put on Academic Probation. Kevin's life was spiraling downhill fast. If that weren't enough Jared, Mary and Luan dug up some terrible dirt on Kevin and found out that he was bullying Jimmy and Sarah and was now made the most biggest loser in all of Peach Creek. They also revealed everything about what Eddy's brother was doing to Eddy and how he became the way he was. Everyone felt bad for Eddy and they now respected the Eds. Kevin was now made the biggest and dumbest outcast in the neighborhood.

The exercise ended and we all cheered for them.

Lincoln: That was awesome guys!

Jared: Thanks Lincoln.

Luan: It was a Simulation of Amazment! (Laughing) Get it?

Most of us laugh while the rest groaned.

Me: (Laughs) That was funny. But you sure showed Kevin a thing or two.

Jared: We sure did.

Mary: Yeah. What a pheeb. No offense Kevin.

Kevin: None taken Mary. I can't believe I was like that. Sorry for calling you Dorks guys.

Ed: No worries Kevin.

Edd: We understand.

Eddy: No hard feelings Kevin.

Kevin: Good.

Then the alarms went off.

Me: Uh oh.

PART 2: KRAVEN'S GREATEST HUNT

We went to the living room and pull up the computer. The chief was calling.

Chief: J.D. and friends. We got word of a mysterious creature terrorizing Royal York Central Park.

Me: What kind of creature chief?

Chief: Here's an image of it.

He pulled up an image and we saw a mysterious creature silhouetted in the trees.

Me: Whoa!

Varie: What is that?

Rachel: It's a monster.

Lincoln: It could be anyone.

Linka: That could be.

Me: Chief have you been able to find this creature?

Chief: We have not. It only comes out at night.

Me: That's an interesting trait. We'll get right on it Chief and there's one person I know who can help us.

Chief: I have a feeling I know who you're going to recruit and if you can help him then you can help anyone.

Me: Thank you Chief.

The video call turned off.

Lori: Who are we gonna recruit?

Me: Sergei Kravenov.

Luna: Are you crazy dude!? He's one of the Sinister 6! He was hired by Paul to kill us!

Me: Yes. I'm well aware of that. But the reason I spared him is because I can sense that he has a spark of good inside him and I could tell that he was looking for someone. Kraven joined Paul against his will. I could sense that Paul threatened him somehow. He was looking for someone that he loves and was trying to help her.

Lori: That Paul is literally a monster.

Dawn: Yeah. He's worse than a monster. He's a total psychopath.

Laney: You said it Dawn. But why are we getting Kraven?

Me: Because I know he can help us. He helped Spiderman in the past and I know he can help us like he did before.

Venom (to Sandman): Don't you think Kraven's going to be a little ticked off when he sees you?

Stewie: Venom's right. What are you going to say to him?

Sandman: Don't worry, guys. I'll think of something in the moment.

William: Word of advice, Flint. Think harder.

Me: Well we're not wasting any time just sitting here. Varie, Rachel, Cody, Talia, Lincoln, Laney, Lucy, Redemption Squad you all come with me.

Lincoln: You got it J.D.

Me: Lets roll!

We arrived at Royal York Maximum Security Prison.

Guard: Kravenov you got some visitors.

Kraven: (Russian) Wonder who they are.

We arrived.

Kraven: J.D. Knudson and friends. How nice to see you.

Me: You too Comrade Sergei. We came to the prison because we need your help. I take it you heard of the mysterious creature attacking people in the night.

Kraven: Yes I have. But first.

He looks at Sandman with disdain.

Kraven: Sandman.

Sandman: Hey, Kraven! Long time no-

Kraven punches Sandman, knocking him to the ground.

Sandman (gets up): Ok. I deserve that.

Kraven: Yes. You do. Why did you do it, Flint?

Sandman: Why did I do what?

Kraven: Why did you betray me, Paul, and the rest of the Sinister Six?

Sandman (sighs): Because all I wanted was my daughter to be healthy. That's why I became a criminal in the first place. But J.D. showed me that what I was doing was wrong. And that made me realize that being a hero is what I'm really good at.

Kraven: I can understand that. But I just wished that it did not have to cost Electro, Vulture, and Hydro Man their lives. After all, they were your comrades in arms as well.

Sandman: Comrades in arms? Let's be honest here, Kraven. You, Shocker, and Rhino were my only friends in the Sinister Six. Everyone else just used me as a tool. And Paul was no better with his abusive attitude.

Me: He's right Kraven. Paul is a monster and he deserves to spend every day of his miserable life on that island all alone forever. But we're getting off topic here. The reason we came here is because we need your help in finding this creature.

Kraven: Yes I had a feeling you would come. But let me tell you what this creature is. It's my beloved Calypso, Mariah Crawford.

We gasped when we heard that name.

Spiderman: Mariah Crawford is the creature?

Me: How can that be?

Kraven: Tragedy is like strong acid. It dissolves away all but the very cold of truth.

FLASHBACK.

It shows that Kraven was down in Africa helping Mariah Crawford with the people who have been infected with a deadly plague.

Kraven: (Narrating) My beloved Mariah went to Africa to help the victims of a lethal virus. I was devastated when I found out she had contracted the disease herself. The doctors said that she could not be saved. There was only one hope: The serum that Mariah used to save my life when I was the hunter. She was still trying to perfect it. To make it safe. That was why we had it with us. I did not know if I had done the right thing. Her recovery was miraculous. She seemed completely healed. I brought her back to Royal York to recouperate. All was well at first. But then the serum had an effect on her even stranger than the one it had on me. She became a worse feral creature than I had once become.

Mariah became a terrible monster. Her hands grew claws, her hair grew longer, her teeth became fangs and her eyes became green and slit.

Past Sergei: Mariah?

Mariah pounced on Sergei with incredible strength.

Kraven: She was too strong. I couldn't hold her.

Mariah overpowered Sergei and lept out the window.

Kraven: I only knew one thing powerful enough to make me catch her. The remaining sample of serum that made me into Kraven The Hunter. I didn't want to take it but I knew it was my only hope. As Kraven I could hunt her with abilities far beyond that of an ordinary human. I only wanted to catch her before someone else did and cure her. But before I could Paul came and he threatened my life if I didn't join the Sinister 6 to hunt you all down and kill you.

FLASHBACK ENDS

Me: That's awful Sergei. I'm so sorry. Now I understand. You only wanted to be reunited with Mariah.

Kraven: Yes. You must know I would never harm my beloved Calypso.

Black Cat: Calypso?

Spiderman: His nickname for her. Calypso was a Greek Goddess who offered Odysseus the gift of life.

Me: I believe you Sergei and we're gonna do everything we can in our power to help you.

Lincoln: But how are we gonna help her?

Black Cat: I know how. Debra Whitman figured enough of this out to ask Dr. Curt Conners for help. Conners was familiar with Crawford's work. He used that knowledge to make this.

Black Cat had a vial full of a blue liquid.

Black Cat: It's a possible antidote based on a sample of Dr. Crawford's plasma which was on file at the Hardy Foundation. It probably won't be a complete cure. But it might reverse some of her transformation.

Me: That's perfect. It just might work.

I take the vial.

Me: Ready for your test to go on the path of redemption Sergei?

Kraven: I am ready J.D. But one question. Why did you spare me?

Me: Because I knew that you were looking for someone that you love. I knew that you were looking for Dr. Crawford. So I spared you because in the future I wanted to help you and now we are.

Kraven: Thank you comrade J.D.

Me: You're welcome. Lets do it.

Kraven (to Sandman): You and me fighting together like the old days, my friend.

Sandman: Just don't get any ideas about double crossing us, alright?

We head out to find the creature and we were at the zoo. We saw the creature and it went after Stewie.

The monster was about to attack when Stewie held up a steak.

Stewie: See the steak? You want it? Go get it!

Stewie threw the steak and the monster went after it.

Kraven held her and I gave her the formula and Mariah was back to her sanity.

Kraven: Calypso?

Mariah: Kraven.

Me: Glad you're back to normal Dr. Crawford.

Mariah: Yes. Thanks to you and your friends J.D.

Lincoln: We had to help out.

Spiderman: Dr. Crawford?

Mariah: Spiderman.

Me: We got word about what went down with you and we went to help you.

Mariah: Thank you J.D. I can't thank you enough.

Me: You're welcome.

Lincoln: We had to help out.

Lucy: It was no easy task but we did it.

Sergei Kravenov redeemed himself. He and Mariah decided to join the Redemption Squad. Mariah is now known as Calypso and she has the same abilities as Kraven.

THE END

Another Fanfiction Complete.

NicoChan11 gave me the idea for this one. Thanks for that man. I wanted to make this a two part chapter. I saw the episode of Ed Edd N Eddy All Eds are Off and that one was really funny and I wanted to make a twist to this one where Eddy wins the bet instead of losing it. Kevin got what he deserved for calling the Ed's dorks. The Spiderman Episode The Return of Kraven was awesome. It was a great episode.

Let me know what you all think.

See you all next time.