User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Peeking Through the Fourth Wall (Episode 8)

Credit goes to Thomperfan for the cover!



[We open, naturally, with Lincoln on the couch with four of his sisters - Leni and Luna on his left, and Lucy and Lisa on his right.]

Lincoln: Welcome back, everyone! Today, we're gonna be looking outside the Wiki. We're reading a story from the wondrous world of deviantART!

Leni: Well, that's weird. A story on an art site? I thought art was, like, sculptures and paintings and stuff.

Lisa: Au contraire, my dim elder sister. There are many, many avenues of creative expression beyond the visual arts - including the written word.

Lincoln: Um… yeah. What she said. Anyway, this story is called "One Angry Person" by Vincent-Starman. Let's check it out!

The sun rises over the Loud home, Lincoln wakes up, all groggy, and gets dressed for the day ahead.

''Lincoln to viewer: (yawns) The start of a new day, of misery. With a family like this, it's hard to stay positive, especially when you're the one trying to maintain the peace. But, I still manage to hold on to my patience, no matter how much torture I seem to get.''

Luna: Ohh, boy…

Lincoln: "Oh, boy" is right. [Looks into the camera] Guys, I don't know how many times I have to say this, but… I don't hate my sisters. I don't hate living here. I love it, and I love them. [Turns back to the TV] Okay, let's just hope that sinks in.

Lucy: I wouldn't count on it.

Lincoln finishes getting dressed and heads to the bathroom, but upon getting there, he finds the door is locked.

Lincoln: Oi, Lori, are you in there?

Lincoln: "Oi"? Did I just turn Australian for a second there?

Lori: What's it to you?

Lincoln: I hope you're not just hogging it just to put on your makeup again.

Leni: Hey! I'll have you know that putting on makeup is a very compressed process.

Lisa: Complex.

Leni: What she said.

Lori: Beat it, twerp, I've got a very important date with Bobby today!

Lincoln: (Feeling irritated) Fortunately, I don't need to go that bad. ''Lincoln decides to head down to the kitchen to fix himself breakfast while he waits. On the way, he notices Lucy and senses that something is distressing her.''

''Lincoln: Lucy, are you okay? You seem nervous.''

Lucy: How can you tell?

Lincoln: As a big brother, I've developed some new instinct that helps me see your emotions just by looking at you.

Luna: Lucy has emotions?

Lucy: How dare you. Of course I have emotions. And right now I'm very upset with you.

[Beat]

Lucy: Can you tell?

Luna: No.

Lincoln: Now, what's the matter?

''Lucy: I don't know, Lincoln, I just feel like something terrible will happen today. Something awful, something irreconcilable''

Lincoln: Well, don't worry, I'm sure it can't be something we can't resolve.

Lincoln continued to the kitchen...

Lisa: '''Past. Or. Present. Tense.'''

...leaving Lucy with a smile of encouragement, which quickly went back to worry. In the kitchen:

''Lincoln: Aw man, we're out of frozen waffles, again. Every time we get them, I can never get even one.''

Lynn: Sorry, bro, you snooze, you lose.

''Lincoln gave a sigh, feeling a little more annoyed. He decided to just have some cereal instead, but once he had taken a sip from his orange juice, he suddenly had a feeling of shock as his tongue had become long and alien-like.''

Lisa: Intriguing, subject seems to have experienced mutation of oral tasting muscle.

[Beat]

Lincoln: You know what's weird?

Leni: People who wear fanny packs as a fashion statement?

Lincoln: Um… yes, but you know what else is weird?

Lucy: What?

Lincoln: I don't have any problems with what just happened. This is usually the part where I'd come in and say, "Hey, Lisa wouldn't do that!"

But she would. She absolutely would. She does experiments on us without our consent all the time.

Lisa: That's because I know that I would never receive your permission anyway.

Lincoln: Yeah. For good reason.

Lincoln tried to ignore Lisa and continued eating his breakfast, using his new tongue like a straw to drink up his cereal.

Luna: Okay, you gotta admit, that's pretty cool. I'd love to have a tongue like that. [Smiles dreamily] Boy, oh, boy, the things I could do with it. I'd pin Sam to the table and-

Leni: Luna! Not in front of the kids!

Luna: [Blushes] Heh… whoops.

[Lincoln, Lucy and Lisa just shrug and look back at the TV.]

''Finished with his breakfast, Lincoln decided to watch TV, Ace Savvy was on soon. But once he jumped on the couch, the cushion launched him up screaming, ending with his head through the ceiling.''

''Luan: Looks like my ratings are through the roof. (laughs)''

Lincoln had gone from annoyed to upset, till he realized that his head was now stuck in Leni and Lori's room.

Lisa: The phrasing of that sentence implies that he stopped being upset once he realized he was in Leni and Lori's room.

Lincoln: Yeah, I don't see how that would help the situation.

''Leni: Oh, hi Lincoln, is this, like, some new entry method? I guess the door is so last year.''

Lincoln reacted the same as always does when Leni acts dumb.

Leni: Hey!

But then he was afraid when he heard Lori come in the room.

''Lori: Hey! What do you think you're doing here?!''

Lincoln: That's her first question? Not, "Are you all right?" or even, "How the hell did you get up there?"

Lori then pulls Lincoln up through the floor and proceeds to kick him out of the room, landing him into Luna and Luan's room, where Luna was practicing for her next concert.

Luna: STAGE DIVE!

Luna jumps right off the top bunk of the bed, not knowing that Lincoln was right below her till she landed on him.

Lincoln: OOOHHH!!!

Luna: Hold up. If Lincoln wasn't there, what was gonna break my fall? Usually I put a beanbag or somethin' on the floor when I practice my stage dives.

Lucy: Coward. A true performer embraces the pain.

Luna: Ooo, sorry bro.

''Lincoln walks out of the room, now getting a little angry. He almost forgot his anger when he noticed a familiar smell, then saw Lily walking around, dragging an overstuffed diaper on her. He then grabs Lily and heads into her room to give her a change, thinking of how he could never be angry at the youngest of his sisters, since she is only a year old and could never mean to annoy him.''

Luna: Don't be too sure about that, bro. Lori told us all about the time she had Lily as a roommate.

Lincoln: Oh?

Luna: Yep. That little tyke uploaded a bunch of pictures of Lori that made her look fat. And she knew what she was doin'.

''He put Lily down on the floor and let her go on with her business as he went back downstairs to the tv, only to find Lana there watching her favorite cartoons. He didn't bother to convince her to leave, once she started watching cartoons, not even mud could get her to leave. He decide to just go back to his room to shed his clothes and read comic books, until he ran into Lola with an infuriated look on her face and a pageant gown clutched in her fist.''

Lincoln: Is everything alright?

Lincoln: Am I really asking that question?

Lola: Do you see this?

Lincoln: One of your pageant gowns?

''Lola: WRONG! AN IMPROPERLY WASHED PAGEANT GOWN! You're suppose to hand wash it, hang dry it, steam it, put it in the dryer on gentle with daffodil dryer sheets, and check to see if it need to be washed all over again! YOU CLOD, YOU NITWIT, YOU'LL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY WASH A PRINCESSES OUTFIT!''

Lincoln: Wait a second! Laundry is Lori's chore! Why is she blaming me for this?!

Lisa: To bolster the narrative that we're all vindictive misandrists who single you out for no adequately explained reason.

Leni: Who's Miss Andy?

''Lola threw the gown on the floor and stormed off in a huff. Lincoln was stunned, being called an idiot over a dress. Lucy was watching as Lola had yelled at him…''

Lincoln: She was just standing there watching?

Luna: That does sound like something Lucy would do.

Lucy: Not in this case. I'd only be able to tolerate that screaming for five seconds before I grabbed that dress and shoved it in her mouth.

''...as she watched as Lincoln continue his trip to his room, she had to wonder if her fear was coming true. Lincoln had reached his room and tried to read his comics, but even in his most comfortable position he couldn't get his mind off what he went through in just one morning. He wondered how he managed to put up with such obnoxious sisters.''

Leni: [Crosses arms] I don't like this narrator. He's mean.

''After dinner, Lincoln sneaked over to the TV to catch the Saturday evening action hour, he had inspected the couch to see if he is absolutely alone. He found that not even Lucy was there, he got so exited…''

Lisa: ...that he left the house. Because that's what "exited" means.

''...as he got on the couch cushion that wasn't spring loaded and got ready for a night of Ace Savvy and friends. That is until Lori swiped the remote from his hand.''

Lincoln: And this was after I thoroughly searched the room?

Luna: Sheesh. Lori's a ninja.

''Lincoln: OH, COME ON LORI! I WAS HERE FIRST!''

Lori: Sorry, first born, first serve.

''Lincoln was shocked as she had used that same excuse to once again claim her dominance. But before Lori could turn on the tv, Leni grabbed the remote from her hand just the same.''

Leni: Fashion Fallout, here I come!

''Lori: LENI! I had the remote first!''

Leni: [Smugly] Sorry, Lori. First born, first serve.

Lincoln: Um, Leni? You do realize that Lori was born before you, right?

Leni: Well, duh. That means she has to serve me first!

Lincoln: YOU DID NOT!

Leni: Sorry, but, like, I DARE not miss a single episode.

''Lisa: Not on your life. Besides, there's a documentary on stem cell research to enjoy.''

''Luna: In your dreams! The Mick Swagger concert is way more awesome than that.''

Lynn: Not during the big game!

The argument raged on as Luan and the twins joined in…

Luna: ...even though they didn't have anything they wanted to watch.

Lincoln: I guess they saw everyone else fighting and they didn't want to feel left out.

...and were all grabbing the remote left and right.

The only two sisters that weren't involved in the argument were Lily, who was just innocently standing there watching the fight go on, and Lucy, who was more concerned about Lincoln.

Lucy: Come on, guys, Lincoln was here first.

Luna: Oh, of course. All of us get in a huge fight except sweet, innocent, saintly little Lucy.

Lisa: I, too, am detecting high degrees of favoritism.

Leni: Does the author think she's, like, better than us or something?

[Lucy just slouches in her seat, grimacing.]

Leni: Oh, no offense, Lucy. We're mad at the story, not you.

Lincoln: Yeah, it's okay, Lucy. [Tries to put his arm around her] I'm sure they're just-

Lucy: Don't touch me.

[Lincoln withdraws his arm.]

''Lincoln sat there confused as Lucy was standing up for him. But the arguing sisters payed no mind to her, as simple words had turned to violent action. Lincoln was thrown out of the conflict and landed on his chin in front of the staircase.''

''He tried to remain calm, but his mind was filled to bursting with anger. As he watched his sisters kicking and scratching, biting and yelling, the fury on his brain built up faster and faster until:'' Lincoln: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

This outburst got the attention of the sisters, who were surprised and confused.

Lincoln: I can't stand anymore of this, I try to stay calm, but my life in here is a complete disaster!

Lisa: Run-on sentence alert.

''Lincoln: I do so much for all of you, but what do I get? Obnoxious rock music,''

Luna: (gasps)

Luna: Hey, bite your tongue! Rock and roll ain't noise pollution!

Lincoln: bad jokes,

Luan: Bad?

Lincoln: a sister with more eyes than brain cells,

Leni: (saddened) Linky?

[Leni starts counting on her fingers.]

Lucy: What are you doing?

Leni: I'm trying to remember how many that is.

Lincoln: unwanted experimentation,

Lisa: It's all in the name of Science.

Lisa: Apparently, all of my experiments are done for the benefit of a person named "Science". Either that or the author doesn't understand how proper nouns work.

Lincoln: an evil little brat,

Lola: Who are you to talk to me like that?

Lincoln: fun little games made hazardous,

Lynn: You're no fun.

Lincoln: and reptiles in my room.

Lana: I can't help it if Izzy keeps getting out of his tank.

Lincoln: No, I'm pretty sure that's something you can help. If you want to be a responsible pet owner, that is.

''Lincoln: And you, Lori. I don't even know where to begin with you. They way you go around like the world owes is to you, as if you're the queen of Earth.''

[Lisa's nose starts bleeding.]

Lincoln: Whoa! Lisa, are you okay?

Lisa: Yep… just an aneurysm from sheer grammatical incompetence.

''[Lucy takes a drop of Lisa's nose blood and puts it in her mouth. Everyone else cringes in disgust.]''

Lucy: Mmm… salty.

Lincoln: The way you only think of yourself and barely even show that you care.

Lori: (Becoming angry and ready to blow) You got something to say, say it.

Lincoln: Okay then, you are THE WORST, SISTER, IN THE WORLD!!!

Luna: Geez, Lincoln! Talk about puttin' your foot in your mouth!

Leni: Is Lincoln that flexible?

The words Lincoln uttered had echoed through the house, the sisters all shocked at the remark, but none more upset about it than Lori.

Lori: Why you little…

She had raised her hand up high and brought it back down to bring a hard slap to Lincoln's cheek.

Leni: [Gasps] Lori would never lay a hand on her family!

Lincoln: What are you talking about? She does that all the time. She gave me an atomic wedgie when I questioned her about the clogged toilet, she beat Lynn up with a loaf of bread, she-

Luna: All right, all right. We get it.

[Beat]

Luna: Man, she's got issues.

All the other sisters too shocked to say anything as a brief silence filled the room until…

Leni: Linky?

Lincoln had run off pushing Luan and Luna out of the way to rush upstairs to lock himself in his room, stopping at the top to say the last thing he'd say for the night.

Lincoln: Nobody cares about me, nobody loves me, well, don't expect me to do another thing for any of you, EVER!

Lincoln: [Facepalms] Oh, no. Not this Lincoln again.

Lucy: Hmm?

Lincoln: The Lincoln who does nothing but cry and mope because he thinks he's the biggest victim who ever lived. Where are authors even getting this from?! I don't do that! That's not what I'm like!

''He then slammed the door so loud you can hear it outside. He hadn't notice his parents standing by the staircase, having heard everything. Rita and Lynn Sr were looking at each other thinking that this might the worst way their children's conflict could might have ended.''

Lisa: Do we have to continue reading this? I fear that if we do, my grammar might become more worser as a result. [Gasps, clamps a hand over her mouth]

''They turned their attention to their daughters most of whom watched their only brother run off in anger, then turning to Lori, clutching her hand in pain. The slap had left her hand sore after hitting Lincoln so hard, and that was all she could think about.''

''Lori: Little jerk, I'll be feeling this in the morning. I better not have broken a nail.''

Lucy: Oh, no. The horror.

Lori had finally noticed her sisters giving her a look of disgust.

''Lori: What? He'll get over it. I need an ice pack.''

Lori was heading to the kitchen when an angry voice stopped her in her tracks.

''Rita: LORI LOUD! What were you thinking?!''

''Lori had turn to her parents with disapproving faces, she feared the worst. Later at bed time, Lori was sitting in her bed, soaking her hand to dampen the soreness while Leni was looking at her with a sour face.''

Lincoln: Wait, wait. Lori turned to her parents… and then what? Did she get grounded? Did she get sent to her room?

Luna: And did Mom and Dad call out Lincoln for saying all that nasty stuff?

Lucy: I think we all know the answer to that last one.

Lori: Will you literally stop looking at me like that?

''Leni: It's still about you, is it? IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, ISN'T IT?!''

''Lori: How is this my fault? Lincoln was yelling at all of us.''

Leni: If I was anything like you, I'd take that sore hand of your's…

Lisa: I want nothing more than to rip that last apostrophe off the page and smack the author over the head with it.

''Leni: ...and slam it in a drawer just to, like, make you feel how Lincoln's cheek must feel. Doesn't being grounded for a month OR until you apologize mean anything to you?''

Luna: So… she's not mad at all about what Lincoln said about her?

Lincoln: Also, huh. It looks like she did get grounded after all.

''Lori: Leni, it'll be fine. You'll see, in the morning this whole thing will just be a funny memory.''

Luna: Well, except for the fact that you'll still be grounded until you say sorry.

''Lori then placed the bowl on the side table to her bed, turned the lights off and went to sleep, leaving Leni with an annoyed look on her face before going to sleep herself. Lori couldn't be anymore wrong, Lincoln was lying in his bed, still sore and upset after the recent abuse. He clutched his Bun-Bun close to him as he thought about how Lori thought he was the wrong one.''

Lincoln: Stupid Lori, we'll see how she likes being mistreated.

Lucy: That sounds eerily similar to my nightly prayers.

''The next morning, the Loud sisters were all in the bathroom doing their morning routine. Most of them all acted like what happened last night never did, Lori especially. However, they were all being shoved out of the way one at a time, and they were surprised to see the one pushing them away was Lincoln.''

Lori: Well, someones not a morning person all of a sudden.

Lisa: So you use apostrophes where you don't need them, and you don't use apostrophes where you do need them. Wonderful.

Lincoln: Cram it, Lousy!

All the sisters were shocked to hear Lincoln openly insult one of them like that.

Lori: (angrily) What did you call me?

''Lincoln: Oh dry up, it can't be any worse than what I called you last night. - He said rudely with a mouth full of toothpaste foam, then started gargling.''

Lori: Lincoln, you can't talk to me like-

Lori couldn't finish scolding Lincoln because he had spat the water he was gargling into her open mouth.

Everyone: Ewwwww!

Lincoln: Well, get used to it, this is the new me.

''Lincoln walked away while most of the sisters were afraid of what was in store for them from him. Lori was more concerned with the backwash in her mouth as she coughed it out into the sink and let loose with the mouth wash, practically drinking it.'' Leni: Oh, 'he'll get over it' will he?

Lori: Give it some time, he'll be himself again sooner than you think.

Lucy: Somehow, I doubt it.

''Lori paid no mind as she continued applying acne cream to her face, not even thinking about what Lincoln would do. Everyone had gone one with their everyday lives, Lynn was playing hallway hockey using tennis balls instead of hockey pucks.''

Luna: Um… why? She has hockey pucks. Seems like using tennis balls would just make it way more awkward.

Lucy: Lynn likes playing outside the rules.

Lisa: Even when it makes no logical sense to do so?

[Lucy nods.]

One of them was headed towards Lincoln.

Lynn: Heads up! ''Too late, for the ball had hit Lincoln in the back of the head. Lynn came to ask if he was alright, and was given a viscous response.''

Lisa: Then, Lincoln's flesh melted into a thick, dense, sticky fluid. Because that's what viscous means.

Leni: I thought "viscous" was that weird frisbee they use at the Olympics.

Lisa: That's a discus.

Lori was on the living room couch, reading one of her teen magazines, when someone had swiped it from her hand, giving her time to notice Lynn with a cast on her nose and an angry look on her face.

Lynn: LINCOLN JUST BROKE MY NOSE!

Lori: How does that concern me?

Lincoln: Are Lori and I just competing to see who can be more awful?

''Lynn: I think Lincoln is starting to turn into you, but worse. You better do something nice to make up for that slap last night before it gets out of hand for the rest of us!''

Lori: It's just a phase, it'll pass.

Lincoln: This… really doesn't sound like Lori. She's the one in charge of keeping us in line. She wouldn't just sit back and wait for this all to blow over. Especially not after I spat into her mouth.

Lynn: I hope it passes before my nose heals, it's really hard to breath through this thing!

Lisa: Yes, I would imagine so, given the fact that "breath" isn't a verb.

Lori got up from the couch and headed upstairs, she walked towards the bathroom when she noticed Leni, Luan and Luna were lined up in front of the door looking like they couldn't hold it in anymore!

Lori: How long have you all been standing there?

Luna: 'bout a half-hour.

Lori knocks on the door to see who's hogging it.

Lori: Hey, other people have to go you know!

Lincoln: Then go!

Leni: Go where?

Lucy: I'd rather not have that question answered.

Lincoln: I'm not leaving till I've finished with all 15 of my comics, and I've just finished my first.

Lori's eye had twitched over that response, but this was only the beginning.

''Throughout the week, Lincoln had gone through the house venting his misery on his sisters. He had done some pretty cruel things:''

-Luna was having a jam session till Lincoln had cut the cord on her speaker, then proceeded to smash the guitar to pieces.

Luna: Whoa! What'd he do that for?! I wasn't even the one who hit him!

''-Lana had finished making what she figured had to be the perfect mud puddle. She stepped back a few feet getting ready to jump into it, but when she came back to it, she noticed Lincoln had setup his pool over it.''

Lincoln: Well… that was quick. Did I just teleport my pool over the puddle?

Leni: Also, how do you make a mud puddle?

Luna: If there's anyone who could figure out how, it's Lana.

''Lana: Hey come one, Lincoln! I spent all day on that!''

Her plead had fallen on deaf eyes, and he wasn't wearing his Noise-B-Gone's.

''-Lisa had been wondering where one of her chemicals had gone, as she needed it to successfully complete her experiment. She then noticed Lincoln walking by with the beaker that once held her needed chemical was now holding lemonade. She can only assume her chemical had been poured down the drain.''

Lisa: Off the top of my head, I can name at least half a dozen lab safety rules you'd be breaking by doing that.

Lincoln: Since when do you care about lab safety?

Lisa: Touché.

-Luan was ready to get Lincoln to 'smell her new flower', but he took it off her shirt, threw it on the floor, stomped on it, and told her to her face that she wasn't funny.

Lucy: Bad form, Lincoln. You shouldn't say something like that to Luan's face.

Lisa: Indeed. Just say it behind her back, like the rest of us.

Luan had looked at the pieces of her gag in sadness.

-Lola had found him wiping the carpet with a familiar looking 'towel'.

Lincoln: You know how to clean this, good luck getting that off!

''Lola took a look at the cloth and realized it was her favorite gown. She had wondered what he had been wiping and what that smell was, until she notice Charles the dog standing there. She had let out a loud scream.''

Lucy: So… was it his-

[Lincoln covers Lucy's mouth.]

Lincoln: None of us want to know.

''-Leni had just finished making a dress that had taken her 5 weeks to perfect. But when she turned her back to put her tools away, she found that that not only was the dress gone, but the whole mannequin. She looked out the window to find Lincoln throwing darts at it. Leni was about ready to cry.''

Leni: He WHAT?!

[In a fit of rage, Leni stands up, grabs Lincoln by the neck and lifts him off the ground with one hand.]

Luna: Leni, chill! It's just a story! He didn't really do any of that!

''[Leni's anger immediately vanishes, and she gently sets a terrified Lincoln back down on the couch. Leni lets out a sheepish giggle as she retakes her own spot on the couch.]''

Leni: ...oh. Right. Silly me. Tee hee.

''-Lori had been given the most out of all this. She had found Lincoln on her bed in his underwear, using her phone for a coaster and wiping his face of a very messy burrito with the pages of her magazines, all at once. Needless to to say, she was ticked off.''

Lisa: Needless to to say, she was ticked off off.

But, even with that, she still went on thinking Lincoln will get over it, as she kick him out of her room once again.

Lisa: But even with that that, she still went on on thinking Lincoln will get get -

Leni, Luna, Lincoln and Lucy: LISA!

Lisa: I'm done.

''Lincoln hadn't done anything bad with Lucy and Lily, but Lucy was still sad. She had witnessed him doing all the things he had done with the others and was just as affected.''

Luna: So was she just followin' him around the whole time, or what?

Lucy: I don't need to. My eyes and ears are everywhere.

[Beat]

Luna: Okay, but how did-

Lucy: Everywhere.

''She couldn't stand watching her only brother become a monster, and she was into dark demons. She really had to do something to get Lori to realize that she was wrong, and she knew what to do.''

Lucy: Mom, I have to talk to Lori, but I need your help with something.

Lori was sitting alone in her and Leni's room, reading what was left of her new magazine.

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lana, Lola, Lisa, and Lynn Sr: LORI!

''Lori, startled and annoyed, looks behind her to find her sisters and father looking furious at her. The girls had told their father all the things Lincoln had done and Lynn Sr knew exactly why.''

Leni: Lori, we need to talk.

Lana: We can't take anymore of Lincoln acting like a bully around the house!

Lynn: I said it before and I'll say it again, he's become you, but worse!

Lincoln: How so? Lori has anger issues, but she doesn't go out of her way to hurt people.

Lola: I can never wear that dress again!

Lisa: I was working on a cure for ignorance, but I guess I'll never achieve it!

Lisa: There already is a cure for ignorance. It's called learning. Unfortunately, willful ignorance will forever remain incurable.

Luna: You've GOT to apologize to Lincoln!

''Lori: What for? He's the one acting like a total jerk!''

Lynn Sr: Well, he had every right to be angry.

Luna: To be angry? Yes. To trash my axe and Leni's dress? No. He better at least apologize for those.

Lucy: I wouldn't get my hopes up.

Lynn Sr: The way you all go about with your lives, I'm surprised he hasn't been that way a long time ago, but what you did was probably the worst!

''Luan: Yeah, this is serious business! I'm not even THINKING about making a joke about this!''

Lori: He had the nerve to say to my face that I was the worst sister in the world.

Sisters: You ARE the worst sister in the world!

Everyone: She is not!

Lori: (stands up stunned) Well, I'm not convinced, I don't see Lucy complaining.

Luna: Well, duh. This version of Lucy doesn't complain about anything.

Rita: Sorry we're late, Lucy wanted a trim.

Lisa: Two comma splices in a row. This story is continuing to test my patience.

''The sisters appear surprised, then stepped aside to reveal Lucy, having had her bangs trimmed to show her eyes, with an indifferent look on her face. Lori was briefly surprised then tried to make a joke.''

Lori: So you DO have eyes.

Lucy: Of course I have eyes. I just think that the world looks better when it's shrouded in darkness.

''Lucy gives an angry squint, scaring Lori to silence. Lucy then walks up on Lori's bed to look at her other eye-to-eye.''

''Lucy: Now listen, I won't repeat myself. Do you remember the incident with Princess Pony book in the toilet?''

Lori: The Princess Porcelain Pony incident?

Lucy: [Pinches nose] Not this again…

''Lucy: Yes, now shut up. Lincoln was lying about him throwing that in the toilet. That was MY book, I was hiding it in the toilet because I was afraid of the taunting. He knew that I couldn't live with a lifetime of mockery, but he could, so he took the blame for me. He missed his convention and took a week of grounding just to defend me.''

Lori: Whoa.

''Lucy: I'll always remember that as the best show of his love for us. (Turns around, beginning to cry.) But now, thanks to you, we may never see it again.''

Lucy: How many times are they going to have me confess to that? It's getting old.

''Lucy jumps off the bed and continues to leave the room, weeping along the way. Lynn walks alongside her, patting her back on the way, while the rest of the present family members look then give Lori and angry glare before leaving all together, except Leni.''

Leni: I'm not sharing my room, but I'm not the one sleeping on the couch.

''She pushes Lori out the door, then locks it. Lori, left with a severe feeling of guilt, looks down the halls and sees the rest of her family go into their respective bedrooms. Alone in the hallway, she walks over to Lincoln's door to try and apologize, but stops as she can hear him talking to Clyde via video chat.''

''Lincoln: NO, I'm fed up with her! I put in a lot of time and effort into doing all that stuff for Lori…''

Lincoln: All what stuff?

Luna: Yeah, did we miss something here?

''Lincoln: ...for nothing in return but her appreciation, and all I get in return is attitude. I really think you should get a new crush.''

Leni: Ooh! Ooh! Can I be the new crush?

Lincoln: Unless you like bloodstains on your shoes, I don't think you'd want to be.

Clyde: But Lincoln, you can't stay mad at her forever.

''Lincoln: Clyde, ever since she hit puberty, she's been so hard and abusive. My dad told me that he can remember a time when we use to play together all the time. But I don't seem to know what he's talking about.''

That notion had really hurt Lori, she can remember when Lincoln was born, she was so surprised and happy to have a brother for a change.

Lincoln: You know, I'm really starting to think we should've had Lori read this with us. [Shrug] Oh, well. Too late now.

Leni: Well, you have me. And I remember that when you were born, Linky, Lori would spend hours and hours hovering over you.

Lincoln: Really?

Leni: Mm-hmm. [Ruffles Lincoln's hair] She's always loved you so, so much.

Lincoln: [Smiles] Aww...

''She used to spend all her time with him, she even wanted to show him to her friends. But it was true, when Lori hit 13, she started to care less and less every 2 months. When she started high school, all she became concerned about was status and dating, she had gone though more boyfriends than she can count.''

Lisa: Much like this paragraph is going through more run-on sentences than we can count.

Leni: And that's not true, anyway. Bobby's really the only boyfriend Lori's ever had.

She didn't know how she became so dominant over her siblings, but she knew Lincoln was right about how she hardly shows her caring side.

Lisa: This author seems to have a very skewed perception of Lori.

Luna: Ya think?

''She tried to make it look like she 'knew' he would be himself sooner or later, but in reality, she was in denial. She didn't want to think that she could turn her loving brother into the new family bully. She knew she had to make things right. That night, the parents are suiting up and getting ready for bed, when a knock on their door is heard.''

Rita: Who is it?

Lori: It's me, Lori.

Rita opens the door to see if Lori needs apology advice.

Lori: I think I know how to apologize to Lincoln, but I'll literally need some support.

Rita: How can we help?

Lori: Can I have the car keys and emergency credit card?

Lucy: Let me get this straight. Lori needs to put forth all this effort to properly apologize to Lincoln, but nobody expects Lincoln to apologize for yelling at his sisters, calling Lori the worst sister in the world, breaking Lynn's nose, smashing Luna's guitar, insulting Luan, ruining Leni's dress, ruining Lola's dress, blocking Lana's mud puddle, and taking Lisa's science equipment without asking.

Lincoln: If I did all that, I wouldn't blame you for wanting to pulverize me. Hell, I'd want to pulverize me.

''Lori had explained her idea and offered to help pay the bill as best she could. A few minutes later, Lori is sneaking towards the front door, and as she reaches for it, a voice is heard.''

''Lola: Where do you think you're going? Aren't you grounded?''

Lola was standing nearby getting a glass of milk before bed, she wondered if Lori was up to something worth telling about.

''Lori: Lola, it's OK, Mom and Dad let me use these so I can work out my apology for Lincoln. I owe him for 4 years of oppression.''

Luna: Oppression? "Abuse" was already pushin' it, but oppression?

Lincoln: You know, on second thought, I'm kind of glad Lori isn't here. By now she'd either be yelling at the screen or crying. Or both.

Luna: Can we help?

Lori looks up in surprise as the other sisters, minus Lucy and Lily, were standing in the staircase.

Luna: This is horse- [BLEEP]!

Leni: Luna! Language!

Luna: All I did to Lincoln was jump on him by accident. And I apologized for that. He cut my amp and smashed my guitar to pieces. And they're still gonna act like I'm the one who wronged him?!

Lori: Guys, you don't need to-

Lana: Don't try to talk us out of it, Lori.

Luan: Linc's mad at us to, we wanna be apart of this too.

''Lori was touched by her sisters' offer for assistance, she told them to get dressed and hop in the van. She explained her plan on the way.''

''The following morning, Lincoln wakes up, ready to do what he wants. He went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, surprised by the fact that it seems empty.''

Lincoln: Huh, if only it was this empty during the day when I really need it.

Lucy: Poor Lincoln. What a burden it is to have to share a bathroom. Truly, his suffering knows no bounds.

[Beat]

Lucy: I'm rolling my eyes, in case you couldn't tell.

''Lincoln started to brush when he noticed Lucy walk up right beside him to do the same. For a moment Lincoln acted casual, then realized that he can see Lucy's eyes and spat out the water he was gargling out of shock.''

Lincoln: Lucy?!

Lucy: Morning, Lincoln, surprised?

''Lincoln: Well, yeah. When did you decide to get a haircut?''

Lucy: Yesterday, I wanted to show Lori how bad these events were to me.

Lincoln: And you thought you could do that by getting a haircut?

Lucy: Don't ask me to pick apart this story's logic.

Lisa: Such a task would be beyond even my capabilities.

''I just couldn't stand having you hating us all because of her. I even told her the truth about the Princess Pony incident while I and the rest of the family confronted her just to remind her of what a good brother you use to be.''

Lincoln was touched by what Lucy had said, as he smiled and put his arm around her shoulders.

''Lincoln: Oh, Lucy, I don't hate you, and I certainly wouldn't dare to hurt Lily. I just hate what I had to go through on a regular basis. Every time I think I've finally gotten used to it all, the others just rise up to the challenge.''

Lincoln: I know I've said this before, but this isn't me. This isn't my attitude. [Looks from side to side] You guys know I love all of you, right? Equally?

Luna: Of course!

Leni: Totes!

Lisa: Affirmative.

Lucy: I think this is the third time you've had to say that on the show. At least.

''Lincoln: But now I know I should just expect anything to happen and move on with my life. By the way, thanks for sticking up for me last Saturday.''

''Lincoln's sympathetic words had once again brought a smile to Lucy's face. Her concern for Lincoln had died down completely.''

Lucy: Anything for you, big brother.

Luna: [Mockingly] "Anything for you, big brother!"

[Lucy gives her a dirty look.]

Luna: Sorry, Lucy. It's the story. It's not you.

Lincoln: Come on, let's get Lily and go fix up breakfast.

''After waking up Lily, being greeted by her first giggle of the day and checking her diaper, the 3 loving siblings went down stairs to find all the other sisters, except Lori and Leni, appearing passed out around the couch. They stood there confused momentarily then looked at each other and gave a shrug, then continued into the dining room, finding that the place was decorated with Ace Savvy birthday decor, and the table had a huge pile of amazing stuff with a sign that had Lincoln's name on them. They ranged from the new toy-to-life video game to the new SMOOCH album to a 1st edition classic Ace Savvy omnibus. Lincoln was so confused, it wasn't his birthday or anything, but then Lily noticed Lori there, laying her head on the table asleep.''

Lincoln: So I spend half the story treating my family like garbage, and I get rewarded with toys, video games and merchandise. What's the moral of this story, exactly?

Lincoln: Lori?

''Lori: (wakes up, abruptly) Huh? What? Oh, good morning, Lincoln.''

Lincoln: Were you up all night?

''Lori: We all were. I wanted to make it up to you about the slap, and all the years of cruelty, and the rest wanted to get involved. I used Mom and Dad's emergency credit card to get you all these gifts.''

Lincoln: (even more surprised) Wow, really.

Lori: Yeah, most of them were setting up the decor while Leni was working on something else and I fixed up a special breakfast for you.

''Lori had pointed to a special silver serving plate. Lincoln lifted the lid and saw a breakfast that made his eyes widen. It was a stack of chocolate chip pancakes shaped into a spade topped with glazed strawberries, with a variety of syrups to drizzle over them.''

Lincoln: Check that: toys, video games, merchandise and breakfast.

''Lincoln: W-wow! I don't know what to say.''

''Lori: You don't need to say anything, it's just my way to say I'm sorry, and I just hope you can forgive us. You were right, I really need to show that I care more often.''

Lincoln walked up to Lori and gave her a tender hug, she knew that she had been forgiven.

Lincoln: Thank you, Lori.

''Lori hugged him back. They then noticed that the other sisters had been watching from the doorway, Lincoln motioned to them all to join in. They were happy to see that their one and only brother was back as they came in to make it a group hug. Then Lincoln thought of something:''

Lincoln: Hey, where's Leni.

Lisa: And where's my question mark?

''Leni: Here I am. Sorry, but I was putting the finishing touches.''

''Leni had pulled out the most perfect homemade Ace Savvy costume Lincoln had ever seen. Stars were in his eyes.''

Lincoln: Check that: toys, video games, merchandise, breakfast and a homemade costume.

Lincoln: Wow, Leni, that's so awesome!

Leni: And stretchy, so you'd never outgrow it.

''Lincoln: (tears starting to develop in his eyes) I never knew how much you really cared about me. I love you all so much, and I'm sorry for what I've done!''

Lincoln: Oh, there we go. I was wondering when I'd say that.

''The sisters were all so very happy to hear him say that, as they all joined in for another group hug. Lucy was so happy to see this, she had picked up Lily and joined the both of them in this happy moment. Nobody was more happy about this than the parents, who had been watching from the kitchen. Their hearts had swelled from all this, they were so proud to see their children at peace again. Lori then noticed them.''

Lori: Oh, morning, Mom, Dad.

Rita: I'm so proud of you all.

''Lori: Thanks, Mom. Oh, and Dad…''

Lori handed Lynn Sr the receipts from their shopping spree, he held a worryingly surprised look on his face.

Luna: Don't worry, Dad, Luan, Leni and I will pitch in to help pay for the bill.

Lola: I'll just stay away from beauty pageants till then.

Lana: We can live without allowances till then.

Luna: [Sarcastically] We all must make sacrifices for the greater good. All hail Lincoln.

Leni: Can't it be snowing instead?

Lynn: But, Lucy wasn't with us at the time, so…

Lucy: No, use mine too, I insist.

Lincoln: Yeah, keep mine too, I owe it to all of you, and I think I'll be set for a while.

The family had been moved by Lincoln's insistence, he was definitely back to his caring self.

Rita: That's great to hear, but for now, why don't the rest of you get a little rest while we make breakfast for all of you.

The sleepy sisters had all gone into the living room to crash around the couch, Lori had stopped for a moment to tell Lincoln:

Lori: It's good to have you back.

''Lincoln: It's good to be back. I think I'll wait till everyone else's breakfast is ready before I start on mine. It wouldn't be a good breakfast without the family.''

Luna: Oh, really? Because just a few pages ago, you were saying that you can barely put up with us.

Lincoln: Yeah, but that was before you all bought me all those neat things. Money solves everything!

''Lincoln had spent the day enjoying his presents while most of his sisters were asleep and Lucy was playing with Lily. Later after dinner, the siblings were all gathered in front of the TV, mostly going about their usual business, except that Lucy was reading her replacement Princess Pony book while Leni watched.''

Lisa: By my calculations, we only need to go without chore related finances for the next 4 weeks.

Luna: I love that estimate.

''Luan: When's the wedding? (laughs)''

[All five siblings look baffled.]

Lincoln: Pardon?

Leni: Yeah, I don't even get that one.

Lucy: You know, this wasn't such a bad week after all.

Leni: How do you mean?

Lucy: Well, Mom loves having to see my quote unquote, "beautiful eyes", and I can read my Princess Pony without shame.

Lincoln: You know, after reading that, I kind of do want to see Lucy's eyes. I'm curious.

[Leni, Luna, Lincoln and Lisa look intently at Lucy.]

Lucy: Sigh. Fine. You get one peek.

''[Lucy gets up, stands in front of the couch and parts her bangs. All four of her siblings gaze upon her in starry-eyed awe…]''

Lincoln: Oh, my word…

Leni: They're gorgeous...

Lisa: Even with my extensive vocabulary, I lack the words necessary to describe such beauty.

Luna: In your eyes, I see the doorway to a thousand churches.

[Leni, Lincoln and Lisa eye Luna confusedly.]

All the other siblings had given a light chortle.

Lincoln: I really appreciate what you did for me, Lori.

Lori: Don't mention it, it was all for the sake of the family.

''Lincoln: And I thinks that's awesome. You really are showing that you care.''

Lori: I'll be sure we never have to suffer like that again.

Lincoln and Lori had given each other a warming smile, Lincoln could see that Lori would be true to her word.

''Lincoln (to viewer): When it comes to a family this big and diverse, you just never know what to expect. But the best way to be happy with them is to accept everyone for who they are.''

Lori (to viewer): Just as long as you don't mistreat them so regularly.

Lincoln (to viewer): So, no matter how bad they seem, just remember, they love you and you love them.

The End

[When we cut back to the couch, Lucy is back on it, having retaken her seat.]

Luna: So what did we learn here today?

Lincoln: That if your family member resents you, you can always buy their affection back?

Lucy: Or that if you act like a brat, your family will shower you with gifts.

Luna: Sounds about right.

[Beat]

Luna: Cookie break?

Leni: I'm down!

[The five of them leave the couch and walk into the kitchen.]

THE END