User blog:Thomperfan/LH episode commentaries- No Guts, No Glori (transcript)

OK guys, I've decided that I'm not gonna stop production of Loud House episode commentaries. So I'm still going to upload the transcripts and make the videos, but the videos are just not gonna be uploaded for a while.



[Lincoln's room; the boy is enjoying a nice glass of lemonade with a crazy straw, turns to the audience.]

Lincoln: "Ah, Friday night. You survived another week of school. Now it's time to kick back, forget your troubles, and crack open a brand new video game."

(sigh) I know how you feel Lincoln. I love Friday nights too. So, if you couldn’t already tell, it’s Friday night in the Loud House, and Lincoln is ready to play a new video games. But just then he and his sisters smell something serious.

''Lincoln: "Mom's expensive perfume. Which can only mean one thing." [checks the calendar and finds out what tonight is...] "Date night! Which can only mean one other thing!"''

''Rita: "Lori's in charge! Do as she says! Bye!" [leaves]''

Lincoln: "NOOOOOOOOO! She gets a sick thrill from bossing us around! In this house, we call her the Queen of-"

''Lori: [from upstairs] "NO!" [unplugs Luna's amplifiers] "NO MUSIC!" [tosses Lana's mud pie in the trash] "NO MUD PIES!" [approaches Leni who's talking on the phone] "NO-"''

Leni: "Way! That's totes cray cray!"

''Lori: [hangs up Leni's call] "No phone calls." [takes away Lincoln's game] "AND NO VIDEO GAMES!"''

(groans) Why am I not surprised? Oh wait, I know why. Because Lori is has been looking like one of, if not THE worst sister ever in these past few episodes. We all saw her terrible behavior in Get the Message and Driving Miss Hazy and now here she is again, squashing her siblings’ fun just for the sake of it. Well, to be fair, in Driving Miss Hazy, Lori did feel guilty for her actions and tried to make things right, so maybe she’ll do the same in this episode. Let’s find out.

So we see that Lori basically turns the Loud House into a military camp, while her parents are away, and makes everyone, even Lily and even the pets, do as she commands.

Lori:"As you know, Mom and Dad left me in charge. That means, you have to do as I say, whether you're tall, short, or covered in fur and can only understand the word "sit"."

[Charles, Cliff, and Geo sit down on command, but Walt tips over in his attempt and knocks Geo's hamster ball to the side.]

(laughs) OK, that part was funny. Anyway, Lori goes over the really boring schedule before sending everyone back to their rooms.

Lori: Everyone got that?"

Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lisa, and Lily: "MA'AM, YES, MA'AM!"

Lana: "SIR, YES, SIR!"

''[Lori glares at Lana for calling her "sir". Lana covers her mouth, aghast.]''

(laughs) Lana, you crack me up! That was hilarious! So, apparently, Lincoln is not having any of Lori’s crud, and decides to do something. He gets Geo the hamster to send notes to all the other sisters except for Lori, and they all head into Lincoln’s room.

[Leni is the only one who still hasn't snuck out of her room since she's with Lori at the moment; she begins to sneak off while wearing a scarf.]

Lori: [suspicious] "Leni, what are you doing?"

Leni: "I'm not Leni. I'm wearing a scarf."

(laughs) Oh, Leni. So with everyone in his room, Lincoln delivers a strong and very motivating speech.

Lincoln: "Rooms? More like prison cells! Every time Lori's left in charge, she makes our lives miserable. Well, I say no more! It's time to take back our Friday nights! Luna, do you like it when Lori unplugs your amp mid-jam?"

Luna: "It's way harsh."

Lincoln: "And Lana, how about when Lori throws out your mud pies?"

Lana: "I work hard on those!"

''Lincoln: "And Lily, what about when Lori won't let you run around naked?" [Lily takes off her diaper and blows a raspberry in protest.] "Then let's do something about it!"''

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: "YEAH!"

Wow. You just gotta love Lincoln here. He wants his sisters and himself to be happy, so he’s standing and taking action. That is something I really admire.

So Lincoln and his sisters decide to take action. Oh boy are they going talk to Lori using reason and rational- they tied Lori up to a chair? Ok. That’s a little weird. Eh, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, the siblings confront Lori saying how they’re tired of Lori bossing them around for the thrill of it, and Lori has this to say.

Lori: "You think I enjoy this? Unfortunately, I'm the only one who can keep this house from ending up in a pile of rubble! It's not like any of you could do it."

Lana: "Yuh-huh. Lincoln could."

Lincoln: [surprised] "I could?"

Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lola, Lana, Lisa, and Lily: "WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN! WE'RE THINKIN' LINCOLN!"

Um, it's really not a surprise at all, that Lana said that. I mean, think about it. Lincoln was the one who organized this plan, he was the one who suggested the siblings do something about Lori. I’d say he’d do a way better job then Lori. Lori laughs at this idea and says Lincoln couldn’t even lead Cliff, the cat, to the litter box and that is enough to make Lincoln step up as leader. He has the sisters lock Lori in her room, and has Lola guard it.

So with Lori now out of the picture, Lincoln claims his role as the “King of Yes” and let’s all of the girls do what they originally wanted to do, and then he gets to doing what he wants to do, but then something happens.

[But just before Lincoln can finally start playing, Leni screams and Lincoln pauses the game to see what's wrong; it turns out that Luan is chasing Leni around with a rubber spider.]

Lincoln: "Uh...okay. Have fun. Just don't get too crazy."

Ugh, those crazy kids. Lincoln tries to get back to his game, but he gets interrupted by, Luna playing her music too loudly, Lisa doing… I don’t even wanna know what, Lily crawling on top of the bookshelf, and Lana fishing in the fish tank. Wait, what is Lynn doing?

[Lynn comes in with a bucket of dirt and pours the dirt on the floor.]

Lincoln: "Lynn! What are you doing?"

Lynn: "Can't ride a dirt bike without dirt."

Uh, Lynn, really? Come on, I know you’re not the smartest of the bunch, I’m pretty sure you can be smarter than this, I mean couldn’t you think do this in the backyard? That’s a more reasonable and sensible choice.

But no things are getting even more crazier with Leni and Luan are still carrying out their spider charade, Lucy and Lana are getting into a massive food fight, and Luna is doing… Whoa.

''Luna: "FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK!!!" [sets her amps to "Super Max" and has fireworks all set up for a big finale.]''

''Lincoln: "LUNA!" [slow motion] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"''

[Too late; Luna plays a chord and the noise blasts Lincoln right into the wall which leaves a dent of unsightly residue.]

Geez. So, obviously Luna’s big blast sends Lincoln flying into the wall. He remembers what Lori said, and sees that Cliff is still not going to the litter box, and this causes Lincoln to finally snap.

''Lincoln: [gets steamed up; unplugs Luna's amps] "No guitar playing..." [takes Lana's food]"...no food fights..." [stops Lynn from riding her bike in the house] "...no dirt bikes, and no science experiments!" [takes Lisa's beakers and tosses them, causing an explosion.]''

[The others aren't too happy with Lincoln suddenly changing his mind.]

Lynn: "Who do you think you are? Lori?

[They all start laughing at him and go back to enjoying their Friday night.]

OK, girls. That was just mean. Looks like they let all this freedom get to their heads. You guys do remember that Lincoln was the one you all voted to be in charge, right? And frankly, some of you should know that the stuff you’re doing is not good to do in the house. This scene certainly did not make the sisters look that likeable.

So Lincoln realizes Lori is the only one who can put things right again and goes to get her, but Lola is still not failing on her guard duties.

Lola: "Hey! No one goes in, no one comes out! Boss's orders!"

Lincoln: "Those were my orders! Let me in!"

Lola: "I'm gonna need you to step back, sir."

''Lincoln: "Sorry about this, Lola." [charges at Lola with a war cry; Lola whacks him with the golf club and knocks him out.]''

[As soon as Lincoln comes to, he sees that Lola tied him up like they tied Lori up.]

''Lola: "Uh, no no no. I'm sorry, Lincoln. ANYONE ELSE?!" [beat] "I DIDN'T THINK SO!"''

OK, there’s another thing to add to my list of “Things never to provoke”: Lions, Tigers, Bears, Sharks, Snakes, Jellyfish, Bees, poisonous spiders, and short-tempered six year olds with golf clubs.

So, with Geo’s help, Lincoln gets himself free and manages to get to Lori’s room via window.

Lori: "Ha! I knew you wouldn't last five minutes."

Lincoln: [despondently] "It's only been five minutes?"

Um, let me check. Hmmmmmm. Oh, wait a minute. Adding in the time Lincoln got knocked out by Lola and the time he took going between each sibling, that’s more than five minutes. Lincoln lasted more than five minutes, so take that, Lori! So after confessing and apologizing to Lori. She agrees to help out.

[They open the door with Lola still standing guard.]

Lincoln: "I don't know how to get past her. She's an animal."

[Lori covers his mouth, holds up a pile of glitter, and blows it in Lola's direction.]

Lola: [giddily chases after the sparkly cloud] "GLITTER!!!"

Glitter? Seriously, that’s all Lincoln needed to do? Oh well you learn something new every day. So Lori comes down and tells the girls their parents will be home in ten minutes and they all start cleaning up. But then, the parents call Lori and tell her they’ll be home in ten minutes. But not to worry, Lori has a plan. A little something called “Cleaning Montage”.

Luna: "1, 2, 3!"

[Lori blows her whistle and everyone does what they can to clean the house; Lana puts the fish back in the tank, Lisa scrubs up the living room with a soap cannon and the help of her tentacle friend; Leni and Luan untangle the phone wire; Lynn uses the hose to clean the kitchen and then puts it outside; Cliff is about to go on the carpet, but Lori glares at him and he obeys to go in his litter box; Lola ties up some trash and Lynn yanks it up on her dirt bike; Lincoln fishes out Lily's diaper and puts it on her; they do the finish touches and carry everything else away as if the house was the same as it was when their parents left.]

Luna: "GOODNIGHT, LOUD HOUSE!"

[The other sisters go back to their rooms after a crazy Friday night.]

Wow. It’s amazing how a simple addition of music can make cleaning up go by a lot faster. I must say, Luna does have the magic touch. So Lori and Lincoln manage to cover the hole in the wall, with a painting, just as their parents come in.

Lynn Sr.: "Wow! I can't believe the house is still standing!"

Lincoln: "What'd you expect? Lori's in charge."

Rita: "So, what are you guys up to?"

Lori: "Oh, we were just about to play a video game. You can't say "no" all the time."

Aw, that was nice. It’s good to see Lincoln wasn’t the only one who learned a lesson. So Lincoln and his oldest sister start playing video games, happy that everything worked out in the e-

Lynn Sr.: [screams] "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GOLF CLUB?!"

[Lori and Lincoln realize they forgot something and are gonna get it.]

Ooooooooohh. Oh no. You guys are in for it now. Good luck. Wow. An episode where both 11 minute stories are actually good. That’s amazing! And what makes it even better, is that I originally didn’t think it was going to be that good, so I was pleasantly surprised.

Lori was the character I was most worried about. I thought she was going to be just like she was in Get the Message and most of Driving Miss Hazy, but I was mistaken. We see that the only reason she’s tough on her siblings is that they’ll go crazy and bring the house down. She did have some unlikeable moments, and I really don’t think it was fair banning some of her siblings activities as they were not that dangerous, but at least she did have a reason for doing so, and she did learn that you can’t say no to stuff all the time. Hopefully, Lori will have her siblings have a little bit more freedom next time she’s in charge.

Lincoln was once again, great in this episode, as usual he wants his sisters and himself to be happy, so he’s doing something about it, and he was doing a good job before things got out of hand.

The other sisters were a mixed bag for me, they did have a lot of funny moments, Lana and Leni were the funniest, and is was kinda cool to see them do what they wanted to do, but at the same time, some of them are old enough to know what indoor and outdoor activities are. And that scene where they call Lincoln Lori and laugh in his face was just bad. But I will say they are some of the best clean-uppers I have seen in my lifetime.

We also have new things introduced in this episode. Here, we actually get some very funny moments with the pets, minus Charles the dog. And we also get to see the parents on screen. Of course, we don’t actually see their faces yet, that comes later. And they honestly don’t look that bad. And lastly, please note how Clyde was once again, not present in any shape or form for this episode. This makes the first episode where Clyde is absent for both stories, and I once again, am okay with that. Next up is the Sweet Spot. Thanks for watching.