User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfic: Peeking Through the Fourth Wall (Episode 17)

Here's Episode 17! I tried something a little... different this time around. Thanks to That Engineer, EpsilonMk46 and WildKirbyAtrox for collaborating with me, and thanks to Muppetspot for getting YoshiRocker13's permission!

''[We open on the couch, but there's not a single Loud in sight. Instead, we're greeted with the faces of…''

...MrTyeDye, EpsilonMk46, WildKirbyAtrox and That Engineer.]

MrTyeDye: Hey, everyone! Welcome to Peeking Through the Fourth Wall. You might be wondering why you can't see any of the Loud kids here, and why four sketchy-looking men have taken their place.

EpsilonMk46: Sketchy?! Who you callin'...

...Okay, we're kinda sketchy…

That Engineer: Not denying it.

MrTyeDye: The reason is that I've decided to do something a little different. Rather than letting the kids do all the riffing, I thought it'd be fun to break into their home, invite a few of my friends over, and do the riffing ourselves. Cool, huh?

WildKirbyAtrox: That… um… the way you said that last part.. that's not concerning at all. Hehehehe…

MrTyeDye: The story we've decided to look at today is "Luck" by YoshiRocker13 - also known as No Such Luck Follow-Up #24601.

EpsilonMk46: Woo hoo… this should be fun.

That Engineer: Ah, I remember that one. Yoshi put it out a little after I made chapter 4 of "What is a Person Worth".

WildKirbyAtrox: I can imagine the Loud sisters getting pissy and trying to act like they never did anything wrong, and then make Lincoln take the blame… even though technically he lied about it…. eh. They're all warthogs for doing that nonsense.

That Engineer: That's with all No Such Luck fics.

EpsilonMk46: But wait. Weren't they simply following their superstitions?

WildKirbyAtrox: Kinda? Maybe? Either way, I sold their superstitious stuff from that time to the Middle East.

EpsilonMk46: Wait, what?!

''[We cut to the middle of Saudi Arabia, where said superstitious stuff is seen crash landing there in an escape pod. Cut back to the couch.]''

EpsilonMk46: [stammering] B-B-But, we can't steal from them like that!

WildKirbyAtrox: Oh, and the squirrel suit? I gave it to Rick Sanchez.

[MrTyeDye smacks Kirby and Epsilon upside the head.]

MrTyeDye: You two done? I was hoping we'd start the story some time this decade.

''[Epsilon nods rapidly. WildKirbyAtrox stops smirking and also complies.]''

That Engineer: Now, let's see how Yoshi did.

''It has been a few weeks ever since Lincoln convinced his family he was good luck. The only problem was that he was forced to wear a squirrel costume, otherwise he'd still be considered bad luck. The experience was okay at first…''

MrTyeDye: I want to know what about that situation could be considered even remotely "okay".

That Engineer: Maybe it was ok for everyone enjoying his "luck"?

''...but over time, Lincoln was beginning to feel a bit stressed out. One day, Vanzilla pulled up near the beach, as the family came out.''

Rita: I hope you kids remembered your gear.

Luan: Relax Mom, we've got what we need.

MrTyeDye: "Everything except our remaining traces of likability. We left those at home."

Leni: This is going to be so much fun!

Lily: (giggles) Poo poo!

''Lola: Top rule everyone! No one splashes water on me!''

Lisa: Obviously that rule is declined, due to how often we head into the ocean.

''Lynn Sr.: Lincoln? You coming?''

(Out of the van came Lincoln, who of course, was dressed up as a squirrel)

Lori: Come on Lincoln, we literally need you for good luck!

''Lana: Yeah! Maybe with our good luck charm I'll find a shark!''

Lincoln: Uhh, isn't a shark supposed to be a bad thing?

Lana: I made this new trap and I might be able to catch it and take it home with me!

MrTyeDye: And keep it in what, exactly? I don't think you have any fish tanks that are shark-sized.

EpsilonMk46: Unless you play Ratchet and Clank. The sharks there don't need anything to catch you.

That Engineer: On that note, are there even sharks in a freshwater lake like Lake Michigan?

''Lynn Sr.: Come on kids! The more time we waste, the sooner we have to go!''

(The family all went down to the sand, but Lincoln slowly follows them down)

''Lincoln: (to himself) I finally convince my family I'm good luck, and they make me wear this stupid costume... Well, maybe I can try to have fun today.''

(Lincoln heads down to the beach and he tries to get into the water)

That Engineer: Is he seriously trying to swim in a massive suit?...

WildKirbyAtrox: Not like he has a choice.

''Luan: Whoa Lincoln! You'll have to "wave" to the water! (laughs)''

Lincoln: W-What do you mean?

''Lola: She means you have to get out of the water! It could ruin the suit!''

MrTyeDye: Well, hold on, now. They said that the suit is good luck. They didn't say anything about it having to be dry. Besides, what kind of mascot suit gets ruined by a little bit of salt water?

EpsilonMk46: The kind that is set in place conveniently for the sake of drama.

''Lynn: Do you really want any of us to get bad luck when you don't wear the suit? It could turn out worse than the first time you went to my softball game!''

MrTyeDye: Cue Family Guy-style cutaway…?

Leni: We could be attacked by a shark!

Lisa: But with your good luck, that might not happen.

Rita: Sorry sweetie, but you're going to have to stay away from the water for now.

Lincoln: (sighs) Fine.

WildKirbyAtrox: Wait, wait, wait, BACK IT UP A BIT….. Are they really at a beach that's part of an ocean? Or is this beach part of one of those lakes that's part of both the U.S. and/or Canada…? I don't think sharks can be there. Just saying.

(Lincoln softly sits down on the sand, and notices people laughing at him)

Boy 1: (laughing) That dude is such a freak!

Girl 1: (laughing) Who wears a suit like that in public?!

Boy 2: (laughing) Only idiots like him!

(Lincoln looks down with embarrassment as everyone laughs at him. Later that day, the family all arrived home talking about the great day they had)

That Engineer: Everyone but the guy with the suit.

WildKirbyAtrox: And nobody ever paid attention to the teasing that hit Lincoln like a freight train? Yep. I guess Mr. Grouse from PttFW After Dark 1 was right: Rita and Lynn Sr. are a couple of jokes.

Lori: (smiles) That was literally the best beach day ever!

Luna: (smiles) You said it sis!

Lynn: I totally owned you guys at volleyball!

Lana: I even got to see a shark underwater!

Lucy: Me too, it was wicked.

Leni: I hope we like, totally go again!

''Luan: Yeah, giving the beach a goodbye "wave" was sad! (laughs) Get it?''

That Engineer: I think she means 'wave goodbye'. What's a goodbye wave?

Lola: Well it was all great, thanks to Lincoln's suit!

Luna: (smiles) Yeah dude, with you in that suit everything little thing is gonna be alright.

MrTyeDye: That's both a grammatical nightmare and a mangling of a classic song lyric. I don't know which aspect of that offends me more.

That Engineer: Wanna ask Lisa?

Lincoln: (sighs) Woo hoo for you.

LATER THAT DAY

(Lincoln was outside reading a comic book, without his suit on)

''Lincoln: (groans) Maybe now I can take a break from that suit. I almost passed out from heat thanks to that thing!''

MrTyeDye: I guess you could say he almost had a… breakdown on the beach. Wink wink.

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Don't quit your day job.

(Lana tackles Lincoln and ties him up similar to how she did it to him previously)

Lana: Hey Lincoln, I need you to come to my lasso tournament today!

MrTyeDye: What the hell is a lasso tournament? Is that a contest to see who can swing a lasso the fastest, or who can rope the most cattle, or what?

WildKirbyAtrox: Also, doesn't Lana do alligator wrestling instead….? Eh, oh well.

That Engineer: I think we all know how that went, hint hint.

''Lincoln: (groans) That hurt... (realizes) Wait, you want me to come with you? So maybe we can spend more time together?''

Lana: Also I need you in the suit so I can make sure that I win!

(As Lana said this, Lincoln's hope suddenly sank, realizing that's all she wanted him to come for)

''Lincoln: Oh... (sighs) Sure Lana…''

That Engineer: Hasn't Lana won a lasso tournament before? Why exactly would she need luck for this-oh right. Their IQs dropped...

LATER THAT DAY

(Lana and Lincoln came home with Lana wearing a gold ribbon)

''Lana: (excited) I won the gold ribbon! I lassoed like a pro!''

Lincoln: (sighs) Yeah, you sure did.

WildKirbyAtrox: Uhh… So you're just gonna "tell it," but not show it? I guess now I can see why I was told that stuff when I had my material criticized or something.

(Soon, Lola came outside)

''Lola: LINCOLN! I need you to come to my next beauty pageant! And I want you to wear that suit so I can win!''

Lincoln: But don't you ALWAYS win?

Lola: True, but…

EpsilonMk46: "I feel like acting a bit less confident in my skills today. So you gotta roll with the punches while I win another pageant I'd obviously win before. Okay, Linky?"

That Engineer: Canon Lola would be insulted.

MrTyeDye: Canon everyone would be insulted.

Lola: ...you in the costume will increase my chances!

Lincoln: (looks down) Sure Lola...

(At the pageant, Lola was up on stage. A few of the girls were watching Lincoln and laugh at him, embarrassing him. Later, the two walked back home)

Lola: (smiles) I got first place once again!

That Engineer: Roll credits!

(As Lola heads inside, Luna comes outside and sees Lincoln)

Luna: Oh good you're back, listen dude I need you to come to my next show I'm performing at.

EpsilonMk46: 3

(Lincoln gasps, realizing Luna might be wanting Lincoln to have fun as she performs)

EpsilonMk46: 2

''Lincoln: (excited) Really?! You want me to come to your show?! I'd love-''

EpsilonMk46: 1

''Luna: (interrupts) Oh and don't forget the suit too! I need the audience to love me!''

EpsilonMk46: Yeesh. Even aesop predictability is blushing.

(Lincoln's heart sank. Luna always wanted to have fun days with Lincoln, but thanks to the costume, it seemed like those days were over)

That Engineer: What fun days? You mean the days where she's always blasting her music and somehow not breaking all the windows in the house?

''Lincoln: Oh... (looks down) Sure Luna...''

(At the concert, Luna was on stage playing her music as the audience cheers. Lincoln was in the audience looking miserable)

''Luna: (smiles) The crowd loves me! (continues playing her guitar)''

(As Luna was playing, party lights accidentally went into her eyes)

''Luna: (covering her eyes) Ah! My eyes!''

(Luna rubs her eyes, and begins to see properly. Then, she notices Lincoln in the crowd without his head on, and begins to get angry. After the concert was over, the two began to leave)

Lincoln: (fans his face) Gosh, this heat is going to kill me!

WildKirbyAtrox: And the heat didn't kill you, while you were wearing the suit in the beach… How?

That Engineer: And, Luna gets mad at Lincoln over a little light show? I mean, she should be lucky none of those sand bags dropped on her head.

''Luna: (angry) Why did you take your suit off Lincoln!? I got blinded and nearly ruined my show!''

''Lincoln: (panics) L-Luna! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I was trying to keep myself cool from the heat!''

''Luna: (angry) Well remember to keep your suit on! I brought you here so I can perform perfectly and you nearly ruined it!''

That Engineer: So you're saying you were mediocre before then?

WildKirbyAtrox: "Luna is the nice one," yeah I really see it alright. I REALLY SEE IT, FANDOM.

MrTyeDye: Also, if you need some bizarre good luck ritual in order to perform, you're not a very good performer. Just saying.

''Lincoln: (worried) Luna come on! You gotta believe me! I'm not bad luck! You're my guardian, you'd never let me suffer this much!''

MrTyeDye: No. Screw this baseless headcanon malarkey. The only way Luna would ever be his "guardian" is if Rita, Lynn Sr., Lori and Leni all died in a car crash, leaving her the legal caregiver of Lincoln and all the rest of her siblings.

WildKirbyAtrox: And this is one of the reasons why I cannot take Luna Loud seriously anymore.

That Engineer: Two words: Garage. Banned.

''Luna: (angry) You know what? Forget it, let's go home! I'm really mad at you! (storms off)''

EpsilonMk46: "I'm also storming away from you! I'm also heading home! I'm also saying, 'You know what?'."

(Lincoln looked down with utter sorrow. Luna, his guardian, no longer wanted to spend time with him, and only brought him with her just for his good luck.)

MrTyeDye: Oh, for the love of Christ… even the narrator is calling her his guardian now?

EpsilonMk46: Be honest. Is that really surprising?

(Eventually, the two made it back home, with Luna still looking angry over what happened)

Luna: (annoyed) Next time wear the costume like you should!

MrTyeDye: "With pizzazz!"

(Luna looks down at Lincoln, but she notices how upset he's looking. He wasn't crying, but he looked like he wanted to)

Luna: (sighs) Hey bro are you okay, I think I might've been too harsh tonight.

EpsilonMk46: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! RRREEEEEAAAAAALLLLLYYYY?!

WildKirbyAtrox: You don't say, Luny-Girl? HAH!

''Lincoln: Forget it, I'm fine. Let's just go to bed... (sniffs) If I had one...''

(Lincoln sadly walks inside, making Luna look a little worried)

Luna: (worried) Ah man, I think I was too harsh on my little bro.

That Engineer: "Luna is the first sibling to feel remorse" cliche. [We hear a "DING", and a Sin Counter appears at the bottom of the screen.]

(Lincoln walks back into his room, only to once again find nothing in it. He slowly gets onto the floor and sleeps silently, feeling more depressed than ever)

THE NEXT DAY

(The whole family was at the park having a picnic)

Lori: Ah, such a nice day to have a picnic.

MrTyeDye: And Lori just repeats what the narrator already said. Is this a Loud House fanfic or a Peppa Pig fanfic?

WildKirbyAtrox: Also, I think the author forgot to put a "period" at the end of that sentence in the parenthesis. Just saying.

''Lynn: Yup! Time to enjoy this meatball sub! (eats her meatball sub)''

(Lincoln was sitting by the table trying to get a sandwich into his suit's head)

''Lincoln: (groans) Come on! I need to eat!''

Lana: Well keep your suit on or else our food will get ruined!

Lola: Yeah, or a bird might come and steal it!

MrTyeDye: You laugh, but one time at the beach I had a seagull snatch my pizza slice. No joke.

EpsilonMk46: Oh, my God. And a seagull once snatched my hamburger bun. I even thought to leave the bun off that day! [Sighs] Good times…

''Lincoln: (struggles) Come on! Just let me have a bite!''

MrTyeDye: I… guess they're just going to let him starve. I mean, he technically doesn't have to be alive to bring good luck, I guess.

EpsilonMk46: And does anybody else find it morbidly strange that everyone else other than Lincoln is having the time of their lives while Lincoln is just sitting there?

WildKirbyAtrox: I thought we were supporting the butt-monkey thing… Oh wait. We're not.

(Lincoln's sandwich splatters onto his face, as the sauce inside gets onto him)

''Lincoln: (shrieks) My eyes! They burn! I can't see anything!''

(Lincoln begins to tumble over, but he then trips on a rock and hits his head onto the ground)

''Lincoln: (groans) Ow! My head!''

Lori: (gasps) Oh my gosh!

(The whole family rush over to Lincoln)

''Lynn Sr.: Son! Are you okay?!''

Lincoln: (groans) I-I'm f-

Lynn: Is the suit okay!?

(Lincoln's heart sank again, he couldn't believe his family was more concerned about his suit than himself)

That Engineer: I may have made Lincoln almost gator food, but this feels kinda shallow.

EpsilonMk46: And just in case you didn't understand what was meant by Lincoln's heart sinking, we gave you a little help! Do we need to bring in Omochao too?

MrTyeDye: Hell, call in Navi and Clippy while you're at it.

Lincoln: (shocked) B-But I just hurt my head...

Leni: Don't worry Linky, the suit would have protected it!

Lana: I told you to keep the suit on so bad luck won't happen!

''Lincoln: Bad luck happened to ME! Not you guys! And that was just an accident!''

''Luan: Gee Lincoln, just relax. You'll be fine, just don't damage the suit.''

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Hmmmmmmm…...Hey, Tye. Where are we on the "Fanfic Character Portrayed as a Jacka**" Meter?

MrTyeDye: Lessee… we've passed "Ronnie Anne in A Night to Forget" and "Lynn in Anger Management"... aaaaand now we're right between "Everyone except Leni and Luna in Whipped" and "Chandler in everything ever".

That Engineer: [looks at Tye] Oh come on. Ronalda wasn't that bad.

MrTyeDye: Why do you think she's at the bottom of the scale?

Lori: Yeah, keep the suit on and we'll all be okay.

(The family all head back to the table. Lincoln only sat there, continuing to stare at his family with utter shock. It was quite clear to him that at this point, his family only cared about their good luck rather than what they've been doing to him. Back at the Loud House, the whole family was in the living room watching TV, but Lincoln came downstairs towards the door)

''Lynn Sr.: Son? Where are you going?''

Lincoln: (grits his teeth) I'm just going for a walk, Dad.

(Lincoln leaves the house and slams the door)

Luna: Guys, don't you think we're being too selfish using Lincoln only for our benefit?

That Engineer: You know what? I'm gonna start adding five sins every time Luna acts like she's Lincoln's favorite.

WildKirbyAtrox: Of course, the author would make LUNY-GIRL be the one to stand up for him or something. Has the main continuity ever had Luny-Girl do something like that?

[Beat]

WildKirbyAtrox: C'mon! I'm all ears! Don't leave me hanging.

[Beat]

MrTyeDye: I'm a Luny Girl, in a Luny world…

''[Epsilon simply screams and runs out of the house. After 30 seconds he comes back on the couch, shivering in his seat.]''

MrTyeDye: Oookay. Note to self: never reference that song again.

[MrTyeDye turns to Epsilon.]

MrTyeDye: You know, Aqua's a pretty decent band, overall. Look up "Turn Back Time".

EpsilonMk46: I'll…..I'll consider it.

Luan: Come on Luna, Lincoln's bring us good luck with that costume!

''Lola: Luan's right! Let's not forget what happened without that costume!''

Lynn: I lost a game because of him!

EpsilonMk46: And….and...that's...really it, isn't it? Literally nothing else happened.

...Don't need more than that!

[Epsilon grabs a keyboard and smashes his flat hands all over it.]

Lana: But when he wears the suit good things happen to us!

Lori: It's literally best for all of us, including Lincoln.

Rita: Don't worry sweetie, we'll make things work for everyone.

''Lynn Sr.: Of course! Lincoln'll be fine, I know it!''

That Engineer: Nope.

(Lincoln arrives at a dumpster site, and takes one hard look at the squirrel suit, giving it all the hatred he's wanted)

Lincoln: (angry) I'm never wearing YOU ever again!

That Engineer: All that's missing is Lincoln getting attacked by dogs.

WildKirbyAtrox: [Now suddenly and inexplicably in a dog suit] Should I attack him?

(Lincoln throws the squirrel suit into the dumpster and begins to walk away. Back at the Loud House, everyone was getting ready for dinner)

Luna: Where's Lincoln?

Lana: He'll be back.

Lynn: Yeah, let's just hope he didn't do anything to hurt that suit.

MrTyeDye: "I especially hope he didn't angrily tell it off and then throw it in a dumpster! That'd be the worst!"

Lynn Sr.: We'll just wait until he comes back, then we can eat.

(Suddenly, the family heard the door swing open. They notice Lincoln without his squirrel suit, looking very angry)

That Engineer: I think we all know what's gonna happen, down to the letter.

EpsilonMk46: In fact, let's play a game out of this. -ahem- "Lincoln! Where is your suit?!"

''Lori: (angry) Lincoln! Where is your suit!?''

EpsilonMk46: "Do you want us to die?!"

Lynn: (angry) Do you want us to die!?

EpsilonMk46: [eye-twitching] Are you sure we can't just skip this?!

That Engineer: Nope.

WildKirbyAtrox: Resistance is futile. Accept your fate.

''Lincoln: (angry) HERE'S A NEWS FLASH FOR YOU! I THREW THAT STUPID SUIT AWAY!''

''Lynn Sr.: Lincoln Loud! Do not shout at your-''

''Lincoln: (points to Lynn Sr.) ZIP IT! There's a reason I threw that stupid thing away, because you guys have been treating me like a good luck charm rather than a brother! (gets more angry) All you guys want from me is good luck, and you haven't even had time to think about what I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH! (to Rita and Lynn Sr.) You two threw out all of my furniture, and when something slightly bad happens, (to Luna)they blame it on me! (to everyone) Look, I was wrong for lying to everyone, but even after I apologized, you STILL treat me like I'm no good luck! There's NO SUCH THING!''

That Engineer: Hold up...where did it say they threw out his furniture? I read back through it and didn't find any dialogue or narration hinting at it.

WildKirbyAtrox: I like the catharsis levels, but….. Not really my type of execution.

EpsilonMk46: Uuhhh...what catharsis?

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Wait...you mean we're supposed to be rooting for Lincoln in this? I thought this was just a comedy of rancid characterization to just gorge on sugary drinks and riff on.

MrTyeDye: Well, in the author's defense, who else are we gonna root for?

WildKirbyAtrox: Believe whatever you want. I'm just here to watch Lincoln turn into an Edgelord… That's not gonna happen, is it?

Luna: (shocked) Lincoln, please calm down.

Lynn: Yeah Lincoln, you're acting like a baby over some dumb luck.

That Engineer: The hypocrisy is real with this one.

''Lincoln: (angry) You guys may think you're getting good luck, but my life right now has been a pain! I can't do anything fun during our activities, my only reason to go is just so you guys can get good luck, and to top it all off, everytime something bad happens to me, you always worry if my suit is going to be okay! ALL YOU GUYS CARE ABOUT IS MY SUIT! NOTHING ELSE! I INJURED MYSELF AT THE PARK, AND YOU GUYS DIDN'T BOTHER TO CARE ABOUT ME!''

''Leni: (worried) Linky! We do care about you!''

WildKirbyAtrox: Yeah-no. Everything that happened up until this point? Don't make me laugh.

''Lincoln: (angry) No you don't! You guys don't care about me at all! All you ever cared about was my suit, even when I'm hurt!''

Lynn Sr.: Lincoln-

''Lincoln: Spare it Dad! (to Rita and Lynn Sr.) I remember the time you guys said you'd never throw out your children! Great job at showing how hypocritical you guys are! Is that what you guys are trying to do?! GET RID OF ME?! YOU MADE ME SLEEP OUTSIDE IN THE COLD!''

MrTyeDye: In the family's defense, I imagine it was pretty toasty in that suit. Could've just used that during the night.

That Engineer: It also wasn't that cold out if he slept just fine in his PJs.

Lynn: Well to be fair, it was your fault.

WildKirbyAtrox: If anyone forgot, Lincoln's the one who went and spread the rumor of being bad luck just to have his own time to himself.

EpsilonMk46: Wild Kirby used Balanced Culpability!

(Lincoln suddenly turns his attention to Lynn, and he slowly walks up to her and she gets nervous)

''Lincoln: (angry) Lynn, this is all YOUR FAULT! You forced me to come to your game, even threatening me with a bat, and when you lose, and after I actually felt sorry for your loss, you suddenly blame ME for it?! You labeled me as bad luck, instead of admitting that you can't always win!''

EpsilonMk46: It's not very effective…

That Engineer: [imitating Mr. Grouse] He's gotcha there, Loud.

Lynn: (annoyed) Uh yeah I always win, I'm Lynn Loud always number one.

MrTyeDye: Cue impromptu appearance by Robbie Rotten.

Lynn: I just did what I had to do so I can win, what's so wrong about that?

''Lincoln: (angry) I know you try your best, but that doesn't mean you ALWAYS win! Not everyone is perfect at everything, and instead of admitting your loss, you made my life a nightmare!''

Lynn: (scroffs) Well it's over now so just get over it you baby.

MrTyeDye: "Scroffs" is not a word.

That Engineer: And where's the comma?

''Lincoln: (clenches his fists) Over for you, not for me! You guys get away scot-free, while I have to suffer so much misery! (to Lynn) THANKS TO YOU!''

(Lynn pushes Lincoln down)

Lynn: (annoyed) Now you're really starting to annoy me.

''Lynn Sr.: Kids! That's enough!''

(Lincoln didn't listen to Lynn Sr., instead, he stood up and clenched his fists really tight. He was in such a bad mood right now, and nobody seemed to care about how he was feeling for the past few weeks. Nothing but misery, depression, and no love. Then, Lincoln suddenly punched Lynn across her face as she falls over, shocking everyone. Lynn noticed that her nose was bleeding)

MrTyeDye: PAST. OR. PRESENT. TENSE.

...ah, sheesh. My Lisa is showing, isn't it?

WildKirbyAtrox: Definitely.

''Lynn: (shocked) Lincoln you jerk! You broke my nose!''

WildKirbyAtrox: Poor, poor, poor 'ol Lynny-Girl.

That Engineer: Cue fight scene.

''Lincoln: (angry) You deserved it, for causing all of this! (to the rest of the family) You shocked?! You should be! Because I had to release the emotion within me, and I think right now everyone has been treating me like I'm not even part of this family anymore! No instead, you guys think I'm bad luck and ruin my life here!''

(Before anyone could say anything, Lynn suddenly tackles Lincoln and she starts to hit him several times)

Lynn: (angry) STAY DOWN AND TAKE IT LIKE THE LITTLE WIMP YOU ARE!

MrTyeDye: Aaaand now we've passed "Chandler in everything ever" and are skirting dangerously close to "Lincoln in Lincoln is Done".

WildKirbyAtrox: You mean Edgelord Loud? Or, I could call him "Fancoln Loud." Because it's like Lincoln, but not…. a whiny, edgy, victim-complex clone of Linky-Boi himself.

That Engineer: Honestly, why is it when people put Lincoln in a fight, they think he'll just sit there and take it? He gets into fights with nine people on a daily basis.

(As Lynn kept hitting Lincoln, Luna suddenly came in and pulled Lynn back from Lincoln)

''Luna: (worried) Lynn stop it! You're making things worse!''

[That Enginer starts mashing the sin counter repeatedly.]

''Lynn: (angry) I'm not making things worse! I only did because my so called brother only cares for himself and not what could possibly happen to his family! (to Lincoln) You selfish brat!''

(Lincoln slowly got up, and he had several bruises on his face, and a bloody nose similar to Lynn)

''Lincoln: (voice breaking) So that's it then, isn't it? I guess this alone proves how little you guys even care about me. You think I only care about myself? You're wrong. I love each and every one of you, but you're not doing the same for me. All you want from me is to wear that stupid costume so you can get your precious good luck while I remain miserable. If you wanted to say you never loved me, just say it loud and clear. And if Lynn thinks I'm not part of this family, then maybe she's right... (tears flow freely) If you don't want me to be apart of this family, then fine! Maybe after I leave, you'll never get bad luck... EVER AGAIN!''

(Lincoln runs straight to the front door and rushes outside while slamming the door)

WildKirbyAtrox: ….. "What is a Person Worth" did this better….

EpsilonMk46: Better? More like it did it first.

...I'm not even kidding. This just seems like someone running out of ideas and taking some "references" to popular material, twisting around the diction just the teensiest bit, and using it as his own!

That Engineer: I wasn't even the first person to do it. I just tried to make it as interesting as possible.

Luna: (calls out) Lincoln come back!

That Engineer: I know I'm guilty for doing it too, but I'm adding another sin anyway. [DING]

Lori: (shocked) Where is he going!?

Lana: (shocked) I don't know, should we run after him?

''Rita: Everyone! In the van! Right now! We're going after Lincoln!''

(Everyone gets into the van, except for Lynn, who only stood still as her anger began to diminish)

Lynn: (sighs) He'll be back, I just hope this doesn't get worse for us.

(Lynn slowly gets into the van as it drives off)

MrTyeDye: And apparently Lincoln is The Flash, because in just a few seconds he can run so far away that they need the van to catch up with him.

''Leni: (calls out the window) Lincoln! Where are you?!''

''Luan: (calls out the window) Come on Lincoln! You're worrying us!''

''Lana: (calls out the window) Lincoln where are you!? I promise to not randomly tie you up like before!''

MrTyeDye: Oddly specific promise…

''Lori: (calls out the window) Come back! You'll literally get hurt!''

Luna: (calls out the window) We're so sorry dude!

WildKirbyAtrox: "No you're not!" "Yes we are!" "No you're not!" "Yes we are!" "SEARCH YOUR FEELINGS."

EpsilonMk46: "And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII….will always love you-"

''[All the windows begin to simultaneously shatter. Epsilon looks down with his eyes looking down.]''

(As the van continues driving down the road, Lincoln was hiding behind a tree and wasn't seen. Once the van was gone, Lincoln finally sat down and let his sorrow go)

''Lincoln: (crying) What am I going to do? I don't have a family anymore, and they all probably don't care about me... I know they're trying to find me, but only so I can wear another stupid suit! (sniffs) I need to find a place to stay, but where?''

(Lincoln begins to think, then he gets an idea)

Lincoln: I think I know the perfect place.

WildKirbyAtrox: Is it "The Umbrella Building?" ….. I'm sorry, I had to.

(At Sophia's mansion…

EpsilonMk46: Wait...who the what now? Who's this Sophia person? Why does she have mansion? And most importantly...why, oh why is it so conveniently available to him the moment he just happens to run away?

WildKirbyAtrox: It's because for every OC in fan-made Loud House stuff, these OCs almost always have to be this "sunshine and rainbows" type of gimmick with a bunch of "positives" that only make them look like a Mary Sue.

That Engineer: Perrrfeeeeect….. [Kiddy Land!]

...she was in her room reading some comic books when she heard the mansion's doorbell ring)

Butler: (calls out) Miss Sophia, you have a guest here at the front door.

Sophia: (slightly confused) A guest, was I expecting somebody tonight?

(Sophia walks downstairs shocked to find Lincoln with bruises and blood on him)

''Sophia: (gasps) Oh my god Lincoln! What happened to you!? (runs up to Lincoln)''

(The minute Lincoln saw Sophia, he ran up to her and hugged her tightly as his tears stained her shirt)

''Sophia: (worried) Seriously Lincoln what's wrong?! You're really starting to scare me!''

Lincoln: (crying) M-My family doesn't care about me anymore!

''Sophia: (worried) What are you talking about!? Did something happen with you and your family!?''

Lincoln: (crying) It's a long story!

FIVE MINUTES LATER

MrTyeDye: Five minutes isn't very long.

That Engineer: You did say he was The Flash.

Lincoln: (crying) And then, after Lynn attacked me, I left!

''Sophia: (gasps) That's awful! Why would Lynn would that to you!?''

''Lincoln: (sniffs) She just thinks I only care about myself! Which is not true! She still thinks I'm bad luck, so that's why she attacked me!''

Sophia: (upset) I'm really sorry to hear to Lincoln, it sounds like things are really rough with your family right now

MrTyeDye: So rough that she didn't bother to end her sentence with a period.

''Lincoln: (sniffs) I'm never going back there again! They only care about me for wearing that stupid costume! They don't even want to spend time with me unless it's their own activity!''

WildKirbyAtrox: Yes, because it TOTALLY did not transpire from something that YOU took advantage of, am I right?

Sophia: That's cold, so all of your siblings have been like this with you?

Lincoln: Yes...

MrTyeDye: "Even the Goddess Luna has been corrupted."

WildKirbyAtrox: Luny-Girl is not a Goddess…. If anyone's a Goddess… It's Lana. Nah, just kidding… Or am I?

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: I feel like I should say something, but I'm afraid Lana will become the next Luna…

WildKirbyAtrox: … There's always Lola Loud, too….?

That Engineer: Shh! Don't mention the pink one!

Lincoln: Ever since that day, they've never cared about what's happened to me.

Sophia: (upset) This is horrible what's happened to you.

''Lincoln: (begins to cry again) I know! (sniffs) It IS horrible!''

''Sophia: (pulls out a tissue from a nearby tissue box) Aw don't cry, it's not the end of the world. (wipes Lincoln's tears)''

''Lincoln: S-Sophia? Can I stay with you for a few days?''

Sophia: (smiles) Of course you can, there's plenty of room for you here.

Lincoln: (hugs Sophia again) Thank you so much!

Sophia: (rubs Lincoln's head) Of course.

WildKirbyAtrox: You might as well change your identity, stay away from your original family, and become a new family with these individuals… Who knows? Maybe you'll become a "Long Lost Loud….." Hint hint?

EpsilonMk46: Sheesh. We really do have a lot to those to reference, don't we…?

That Engineer: Honestly, this is the part of the story I stopped caring about the OCs.

(There was another ring of the doorbell)

Butler: Miss Sophia, it appears you have another guest.

That Engineer: Oh, hello Jeeves.

EpsilonMk46: No, his name's Alfred.

[Beat]

That Engineer: Should I add a sin because the OC is a rich Mary Sue?

Sophia: It's probably my friends, let them in.

(The butler opens the door, revealing Maria and Zoe as they come in)

Maria: Hey dude, we had nothing better to do so we came here.

''Zoe: Oh! And Lincoln's here too!''

That Engineer: In the words of Eustace Bagge: Who the heck are you?!

Sophia: Yeah, but he's in a very sad mood right now.

Zoe: How come?

Maria: (looks at Lincoln) Wait, where did all those bruises come from?

Lincoln: It's a long story, let me explain.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

WildKirbyAtrox: Oh goodie. Another explanation ends up taking five minutes.

MrTyeDye: [As Sophia] "Are we really going through this whole thing again?"

Lincoln: (sighs) So I left the house and I came here.

(Lincoln notices that Maria was upset and Zoe was actually crying)

Zoe: (crying) Why is your family full of such monsters!?

EpsilonMk46: Because the author decreed them to be so.

Maria: (upset) That really is low of them to do that, especially to our friend.

Sophia: That's why I'm letting Lincoln stay here for a while.

Zoe: (sniffs) That's a good idea, he'll be safe here.

Maria: And luckily he won't be completely alone.

Lincoln: (sniffs) I just hope my family doesn't find me…

EpsilonMk46: "Because now that their heads were miraculously cleared due to my rant, they may recognize my whiny fanon persona and Lucy'll perform some satanic ritual to cleanse me…

...Wait a second. Maybe I do want that to happen…"

WildKirbyAtrox: If that happens, I'm gonna watch while eating nachos.

MrTyeDye: May I have some too?

''Sophia: (rubs Lincoln's head) Hey Lincoln, don't cry. We can do something to cheer you up.''

Maria: (smiles) You've been through a lot and you need support from others.

''Zoe: You don't need those jerks. (pinches Lincoln's cheek)''

MrTyeDye: "Who needs family when you have Mary Sue and her bevy of a**kissing clones?"

That Engineer: What about Lincoln's real friends in the show? Are we supposed to believe they wouldn't be useful here? He could've hid on Liam's farm for all we know.

Lincoln: (lightly smiles) Thanks guys.

(The three girls give Lincoln a tight hug)

Sophia: Hey why don't we watch a movie?

Lincoln: Sure, that could cheer me up.

Maria: What are you in mood to watch?

Zoe: Do you want something upbeat to help you forget about your troubles?

Lincoln: Yeah, that might help.

MrTyeDye: "You got Schindler's List?"

That Engineer: Meh, I prefer one of the Die Hard movies.

Sophia: (smiles) Come on, let me go see if I've got something in my movie library.

(The four head into another room filled with lots of movies)

''Lincoln: (amazed) Whoa! That's a lot of movies!''

Zoe: We helped Sophia with picking out movies.

Maria: It helps being with a rich girl curious about movies.

Lincoln: (smiles) This is great!

Sophia: So Lincoln, what movie do you want to watch?

Lincoln: (thinks) Hmmm...

''Zoe: Oh! I remember this! (pulls out the DVD box that's a collection of all three Toy Story movies)''

''Lincoln: Oooh! Yes! I want to watch Toy Story!''

That Engineer: I hope it's Toy Story 2...

Maria: (smiles) Looks like we got our movie.

(Meanwhile, the family was at a police station. Rita and Lynn Sr. were talking to the policemen while the sisters were waiting outside)

That Engineer: Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't the police be the last place the family would want to speak with? I mean, what exactly are they gonna tell the cops that doesn't involve, "We treated our son like an object and he ran away"?

WildKirbyAtrox: Good idea! Let's complicate the story some more!

''Leni: (voice breaking) This is awful! We've lost our little Linky!''

Luan: (voice breaking) I feel terrible!

''Lisa: Normally I don't show human emotions, but... (rapidly begins crying)''

Lola: (begins crying) What if we never see him again?!

Lily: (crying) Wink-con!

Lana: (begins crying) I knew I shouldn't have forced him to wear that stupid suit!

Lucy: (voice breaking) This is morbid even for me.

That Engineer: Kinda late to develop a moral conscience, ain't it?

Luna: (voice breaking) I can't believe I acted like that towards Lincoln, my own brother!

Lori: (voice breaking) We gotta pull together and make sure we find him.

(Lynn was sitting beside her sisters. She was fiddling with her fingers, worried about where Lincoln is and if what she did was wrong)

Lynn: (to herself) This can't be getting worse, I've punched the kid for years and he's quickly gotten over it everything will work out between us.

That Engineer: Insert period here.

(Luna overhears Lynn talking, and she begins to get angry)

Luna: (angry) None of this would've happen if you just admitted what you did was wrong!

EpsilonMk46: Well, aren't you in a position to preach, Miss Luna-is-perfect-sister.

WildKirbyAtrox: Took the words out of my mind. Neat.

[That Engineer adds 5 more sins.]

''Lynn: (to Luna) Hey I was never wrong alright! I only did what I had to in order to not lose at my sports! And that's a lot coming from you, aren't you suppose to be his guardian!?''

Luna: (angry) Yeah what I did was wrong but I at least feel regretful for what I've done, you seem to think it's all nothing!

Lynn: (clenches her fists) I'm ready to go for round two with the selfish brat's guardian angel!

MrTyeDye: I don't think it counts as round two if you're fighting someone completely different.

''Leni: (gets upset) Stop! Both of you, stop it!''

Luan: Seriously Lynn, are you too tomboyish to admit you're wrong?!

That Engineer: ….What does being a tomboy have to do with this?...

''Lola: Yeah! Lincoln's gone, and all you think about is how you think you're somehow right for doing what you did?!''

Lynn: Well I kinda am, Lincoln was the one who made the lie even worse.

MrTyeDye: Acknowledging Lincoln's culpability?! CRUCIFY HER! CRUCIFY HER!

Lisa: That is true, but he wouldn't have done it if you hadn't have told him he was bad luck all because you lost a game.

''Lola: Yeah! After you forced him to go with you!''

That Engineer: She's gotcha there, Loud!

(Lily raspberries Lynn)

''Lynn: (growls) Look! Let's just focus on finding Lincoln so he's back home safe with us and we don't have to deal with this nonsense ever again!''

(Lynn sits back down looking annoyed. All the sisters shake their heads at her behavior, and then the parents came back out)

That Engineer: Adding 30 sins for making Lynn an uncaring [BLEEP]. At least I had her feel regret as soon as Lincoln ran out the door.

WildKirbyAtrox: And then she became the Queen of Mopiness.

That Engineer: And she would've made Lucy proud, if it wasn't due to the current situation.

Lynn Sr.: Alright everyone, we've spoken to the police, and they're going to try their hardest to find Lincoln.

Rita: But right now, we all need to go home and rest.

''Leni: But Mom! I wanna find Linky!''

Rita: (hugs Leni) We will sweetie, I promise.

Lynn Sr.: We'll start looking for him tomorrow, okay?

Leni: (sniffs) Okay Dad.

(The family get into Vanzilla and begin driving back to the Loud House)

Luan: (looks down) I hope we find Lincoln soon.

Leni: Me too!

Lori: Yeah we literally need to make sure he's not hurt.

That Engineer: Didn't you all just agree to search for him tomorrow?

Lana: Especially after how we've been acting towards him.

Luna: What we did was unacceptable.

Lynn: (sighs) We'll find him.

(Back at the mansion, the girls had just finished watching Toy Story, and notice Lincoln was asleep on Zoe's lap)

Zoe: (quietly giggles) Looks like someone fell asleep.

Maria: (whispers) Let's try and not wake him up.

Sophia: (whispers) Yeah, he's been through a lot today, let's get him to bed.

''Zoe: (whispers) Alright. (picks up Lincoln while he's asleep) Whoa he's heavy.''

That Engineer: I'm guessing all that weight is in his head?

(The girls head into a spare bedroom and gently place Lincoln into the blanket)

Sophia: (whispers) Night Lincoln.

Maria: (whispers) Sleep tight.

Zoe: (whispers) Tomorrow will be a better day.

MrTyeDye: Yes, thank you, Little Orphan Annie.

(The three girls quietly leave the room and slowly close the door. Back at the Loud House, Luan and Luna were getting ready for bed, when Luan notices Luna's upset look)

Luan: (sighs) I know how you feel Luna.

Luna: (upset) I feel horrible over the whole thing, I took advantage of Lincoln just so I can be better at my concert, and I forgot about why I take him to my concerts!

''Luan: (pats Luna's shoulder) Don't worry Luna, we'll find him. I know we will. But I had no idea you were considered Linc's guardian. I thought that was Leni.''

[That Engineer sighs and hits sin button with a wrench.]

MrTyeDye: They're both wrong. It's obviously Mr. Coconuts. Like, duh.

Luna: (upset) Well now after this I don't even deserve to be his guardian, I know, he knows, even Lynn knows.

That Engineer: Oh for God's sake…[DING]

EpsilonMk46: Stand aside. I got this.

''[Epsilon stands up, pulls a minigun out of of thin air, and starts firing wildly at the sin button. After all 200 bullets are fired, he sits down and admires his handiwork.]''

EpsilonMk46: Whew. That was handled reasonably excessively, wouldn't you say?

That Engineer: I have a feeling I'm gonna need to erect a dispenser real soon.

''Luan: Hey, don't say that Luna. You showed more concern for Lincoln than anyone else, and it's clear you really want to find him. That's proof of a great guardian.''

MrTyeDye: Mister. Coconuts.

[That Engineer starts building multiple dispensers, and sentry guns.]

Luna: (sniffs) Thanks sis, I really do want to find Lincoln and make things right with him.

''Luan: I know you will, and when we do, you can prove that to him. (hugs Luna)''

[That Engineer's sentries start shooting 17 sins a second at the last two sentences.]

Luna: (smiles) Alright let's get some sleep we'll have a long day tomorrow.

(Luna and Luan turn off the light and get into bed. In Lynn and Lucy's room, Lucy was getting ready for bed and notices Lynn sitting on her bed kicking her legs back and forth)

Lucy: You look sad.

Lynn: I'm frustrated Lucy, this is so stupid how Lincoln is acting, I just want him home so this stupid bad luck, good luck thing can be over.

Lucy: (getting annoyed) So you're still not sorry for how you were behaving?

Lynn: It was Lincoln's fault, what else can I do!?

''Lucy: I think you're just afraid of admitting you're also wrong for what you did. Yes, what Lincoln did was wrong, but he tried to apologize and tell the truth, yet you continued to label him as bad luck. And even after that, we all made him wear that squirrel costume and only brought him along for good luck, and less like a brother. Sigh, and we made him upset by not showing that we care about him, even during the time he got hurt. I understand why he got so upset, but you still didn't want to admit you're also mostly to blame for this whole thing. If you hadn't have started the whole bad luck trend, none of this would've happened. Is that it Lynn? Are you just afraid to admit you can't always win, and that sometimes you think you're always right for what you did?''

[Epsilon looks at the screen intensely.]

EpsilonMk46: Alright, strings attached to Lucy. Where are you?

[Everyone gives Epsilon a peculiar look.]

EpsilonMk46: What? Don't we all think that Lucy is being controlled by the author to speak his own thoughts to the characters?

WildKirbyAtrox: I can see it, kinda. Isn't that what Brian Griffin from Family Guy is?

That Engineer: Yeah. Before he became an alcoholic bore.

Lynn: (sighs) Look Lucy, I'm tired let's just get some sleep.

(Lynn slowly gets into her bed and tries to go to sleep)

''Lucy: Sigh, forget it. I'm going to go sleep in Lincoln's room tonight.''

MrTyeDye: Did she forget that he doesn't have a bed anymore?

EpsilonMk46: Like she needs one. The dark, hard floor is her eternal resting place.

Lucy: I feel like I shouldn't even sleep in the same room with you.

(Lucy leaves the room and slowly closes the door. Lynn continued to try and get some sleep, but she couldn't due to her thinking about what she did and whether or not Lincoln is safe)

''Lynn: (groaning) Come on Lynn just sleep! You need the sleep to be number one!''

MrTyeDye: Good luck taking that title from Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen.

(As much as Lynn tried to convince herself, she just couldn't do it. She did show the pain, but she was afraid of showing everyone how she feels and instead shows her own ways of emotion)

''Lynn: (pants) Lynn, it's not your fault. Lincoln made his lie go too far. After... I threatened him to come with me, and... and I called him bad luck after I lost... It's... (sniffs) No, don't do it. It's not my... Not my…''

WildKirbyAtrox: That's right, Lynny-Girl. Continue to convince yourself that Linky-Boi is in the wrong, and that he's definitely bad luck, so you can continue to get away with it all…. [evil laughter]

(Then, Lynn finally did it. She suddenly began to cry softly. She did love Lincoln, and she began to regret everything she did to him. Thanks to her, he was gone, and she might not be seeing him again)

''Lynn: (crying) Who am I kidding?! I'm s-such a monster! I don't deserve to be... number one! (sniffs) I-I miss Lincoln! I love him!''

That Engineer: It took her that long to finally admit it? Eh, better than her just outright refusing to admit her faults.

(Lynn continued to cry throughout the night, trying not be too loud to awake her sisters. She was going through so much guilt, she would give anything just to see Lincoln and make up for what she did)

THE NEXT DAY

(Lincoln slowly opens his eyes and yawns)

''Lincoln: (yawns) That was a great sleep. (looks around) I must be in a spare bedroom.''

(Lincoln walk out and goes downstairs as Sophia approaches him)

Sophia: Morning Lincoln, I got breakfast all set in the dining room.

''Lincoln: Oh wow, thanks Sophia. (sits down and begins eating)''

EpsilonMk46: Wha…? And she has breakfast, too?!

[Epsilon starts spazzing out for a few seconds before calming down.]

EpsilonMk46: Okay...I gotta be real here. Take out the fact that Lincoln ran away from an out of character family. Take out the fact that there just happens to be this perfectly perfect little girl ready and able to take him in and essentially raise him as her own. Take all that away and just ask yourself: if there was a gigantic mansion in your neighborhood, and you lived in a small house where your only dinners were frozen TV trays...why would you even bother living anywhere but the mansion?

WildKirbyAtrox: Maybe this is a fake mansion?

MrTyeDye: A fake mansion? What, does it only exist in the Matrix?

That Engineer: And wait a second, what happened to Jeeves?

WildKirbyAtrox: [Burps out Jeeve's shirt] …. I got hungry…

[Everyone looks at WildKirbyAtrox with bewilderment.]

MrTyeDye: How?

Sophia: I got omelettes, bacon, sausage links, waffles, and much more so eat up.

Lincoln: Whoa, that should fill me up for today.

(Lincoln continues eating his breakfast. When he was done, he belches)

Lincoln: (covers his mouth) Excuse me.

''Sophia: (giggles) I hope you enjoyed it. Maria and Zoe are coming over soon and we're gonna go out and have some fun today.''

Lincoln: (excited) Oooh, sounds like fun!

''Sophia: Yup, I also did something to help you out. (pulls out a bag with extra pairs of Lincoln's clothes) I snuck in your house to get you some new clothes to wear.''

EpsilonMk46: So what do they look like?

...No, really. That's my biggest question right now! I already know the plot of this fic from the mention of "No Such Luck", so this should give some perspective how as to predictable this story has become…

WildKirbyAtrox: I dunno. Given that they're Mary-Sues, they could end up looking like a bunch of hotties or pretty-people or something….?

''Lincoln: (shocked) Snuck in? (shrugs) Meh, at least it wasn't for a bad reason. (takes the bag) I'll go get changed, be right back! (runs off)''

(Shortly after Maria and Zoe came inside as Sophia and Lincoln were in the living room)

That Engineer: Ok, seriously. Who are these people?

WildKirbyAtrox: [Batman Impression] "Your worst nightmare!"

Maria: Hey we're here.

Zoe: Ready for a fun day?

''Sophia: Yup! And I can tell Lincoln's ready.''

Lincoln: So, where are we going first?

Maria: We can go to the arcade.

Zoe: Sounds fun!

Lincoln: Sure, let's go there!

(The four head into Sophia's car and drive out of the driveway, shortly after they're in the arcade at the mall looking around)

Maria: Now we gotta find something fun to play.

MrTyeDye: "Nah, we did that last time we came here. This time I'm in the mood for something boring."

Sophia: I wonder if they have any new games here?

(The four of them then spot a new air hockey table)

''Zoe: Oh cool! They got an air hockey table for this place!''

Sophia: Come on guys, let's go play!

Maria: Alright, me and Zoe will go against Sophia and Lincoln.

Zoe: (smiles) Awesome!

Lincoln: You guys are on!

(Maria and Zoe go to one side of the air hockey table while Sophia and Lincoln go to the other side of the table with each of them ready to play)

Zoe: Alright let's do it!

Maria: (grins) We're gonna kick your butts at this dudes!

Sophia: Not until we kick yours first!

That Engineer: They must really like that hockey table.

Lincoln: Let's do this!

(The four of them begin to play Air hockey and after some time both teams are tied)

Maria: Alright whoever gets this one wins.

Sophia: And that will be us!

Zoe: Not before me and Maria beat you first!

(The four continue to play Air hockey, and Lincoln manages to get the final goal)

EpsilonMk46: ...That's it then? ...Okay.

''Lincoln: (excited) Yay! we won!''

''Sophia: (excited) Yay! We did win!''

EpsilonMk46: So only the teens get capitalized words at the beginning of sentences.

That Engineer: I think this fic was made on a budget.

Maria: Ah man!

Zoe: (smiles) Well you two did win fair and square, congrats.

Sophia: (smiles) Thanks guys, that was fun!

Maria: Yeah it was, (to Lincoln) feeling any better today?

Lincoln: (smiles) I am, thanks to you guys.

(The four continue to play at the arcade as it cut to Sophia dropping off Maria and Zoe at Zoe's house in Sophia's car)

That Engineer: Wait, so were they still playing at the arcade before getting cutscened over to this other OC's possibly middle class house?

Maria: That was such a fun day dudes.

Zoe: (to Lincoln) I hope things get better for you and your family Lincoln.

Lincoln: (sighs) I hope, but I'm not sure how things will go for me.

''Maria: Well even if things get worse, remember that we'll still be here if you ever need any help. (rubs Lincoln's head)''

MrTyeDye: To summon them, just say "Bland OC" three times in the mirror.

[That Engineer slowly lifts a handheld mirror.]

EpsilonMk46: Engi, you are toying with forces you can't possibly comprehend.

That Engineer: Ah, what's the worst that could happen?

''[Epsilon stands up and pulls out a board with 4 different pictures. The first depicts Engineer summoning the perfect OCs. The second shows the OCs turning on Engineer. The third shows them enslaving the planet due to their overpowered Mary Sue abilities. The fourth shows us turning a wheel and building statues in their honor. After the show, Epsilon sits down.]''

[Beat]

[That Engineer throws the mirror out the window.]

Lincoln: (smiles) Thanks guys.

Zoe: Bye Lincoln!

Maria: We'll see ya later

(Maria and Zoe hug Lincoln from outside the car and they head into Zoe's house)

That Engineer: Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is to try and hug someone from outside a car? It's quite a stretch.

Lincoln: So, where to next Sophia?

Sophia: (smiles) Why don't we go for a walk through the park?

''Lincoln: Sure! That sounds nice.''

WildKirbyAtrox: Okay. Every time I see that name, I keep thinking of "Sophia the First." Why do I do this to myself?….

(Later that day, Sophia and Lincoln were walking through the park on a beautiful day)

''Lincoln: Hey Sophia, thanks for the fun day today. (smiles)''

Sophia: (smiles) Of course, you needed some after what happened yesterday.

(Soon, Lincoln notices a mother bird with it's babies)

Lincoln: Aww, such cute babies.

(The mother bird notices Lincoln, and suddenly begins to attack him)

''Lincoln: (shrieks) Stop! I'm not trying to hurt your babies!''

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Hey...hey, guys. I'm...I'm not too sure about this, but...I think those birds were babies.

Sophia: (gasps) Lincoln!

(Lincoln tries to run away from the mother bird, but he trips on a rock and hits his head on the ground)

Lincoln: (groans) Ow!

(The mother bird approaches Lincoln and is about to attack him, but then the bird gets tackled by Sophia as she angrily holds down the bird wrestling with it)

That Engineer: Someone get PETA on the line, stat!

''Sophia: (angry) Don't you HURT him! (gets hit in the forehead by the bird's beak) Ow!''

(Sophia kicks the bird to the side as it finally gives up and flies away from her)

''Sophia: (pants) Oh man. (turns to Lincoln and kneels down to him) Lincoln are you okay?''

Lincoln: (groans) I'm fine, (smiles) thanks for helping me Sophia.

MrTyeDye: I can just hear the narrator yelling, "See? SEE?! See how much nicer my completely original character is, compared to Lincoln's awful family?!"

''Sophia: (smiles) Of course Lincoln. (holds her forehead) Ow, I think I'm bleeding from the bird hitting me.''

(Lincoln tries to stand up, but he suddenly falls down)

''Lincoln: (holds his head) Ow... That's the second time I've hit my head on the ground.''

Sophia: (holds her head) Let's go back to my house.

(Sophia helps Lincoln up and they head back to her mansion)

Sophia: Man I really gotta control my temper next time I could've seriously hurt that bird.

That Engineer: Anyone got Lisa's phone number? She'd have a field day with this.

''Lincoln: (hugs Sophia) Thanks again Sophia. Normally at this point my family wouldn't have helped me.''

''Sophia: Really? Even if you could've gotten more hurt from that bird?''

''Lincoln: It happened yesterday. I got hit on the head, and all my family cared about was my suit.''

Sophia: That's awful of them to think that.

''Lincoln: Yeah... (thinks) Umm, Sophia? I'm not sure if I should, but can I ask you something?''

Sophia: Sure what is it?

''Lincoln: With how well you've been caring for me, and with how awful my family's been... (breathes) Can you adopt me as your brother?''

''Sophia: (shocked) Oh wow... Lincoln... uh that's really thoughtful for you to say but…''

WildKirbyAtrox: Wait, I thought it's "thoughtful of you," not "thoughtful for you"... is it?

MrTyeDye: No, "thoughtful for you to say" is correct in this context.

Lincoln: What is it?

''Sophia: (sighs) I can't adopt you as my brother, it's not right. Your family will be devastated over it and completely hurt from it.''

WildKirbyAtrox: No no no no. The Louds are only being devastated and hurt from it all, because "Lincoln finally had enough." Not because "what we did was wrong." It's sort of like an "I'm sorry I got caught" type of thing.

''Lincoln: But they don't care about me anymore! If I go back, they'll only be happy because they can put me back in a new squirrel suit!''

''Sophia: But what does moving in with me prove? That you want your family to suffer with you gone out of their lives? Do you think they're not searching for you and worried for you?''

Lincoln: (looks down) Well, I don't know...

Sophia: (sighs) Lincoln look, I'm flattered that you look at me as like your older sister but adopting you wouldn't be right.

EpsilonMk46: "The plot demands a resolution sooner or later. Let's just rip off the band-aid right now."

WildKirbyAtrox: That's nasty, boi. In more ways than one, I guess.

EpsilonMk46: This overused plot line is nasty in more ways than one.

That Engineer: Unless it's from Tye, Eps, and Weavillain, this is typically why one-shots about this subject don't work too well...

''Sophia: I get the feeling that all you're trying to do is run away from your problems with your family rather than talk things out. I'm sure they've suffered enough and are willing to talk with you and see if they can make things right, even if I can't be your older sister I can still settle being one of your best friends. (winks)''

That Engineer: Oh God, I just pictured a crack ship in my head…

WildKirbyAtrox: Want a worse crack-ship? Hugh and Jabba the Hutt, both BUCK NAKED all while hugging it out.

That Engineer: Why are you trying to put that in my head?!

''Lincoln: (sighs) You're right. I shouldn't have ran away from all my problems. The only way for me to fix it, is to go back and talk to my family.''

Sophia: I'm glad to hear that, I really hope this helped you all I'm trying to do is see you happy.

''Lincoln: And that's why you're one of my best friends. (hugs Sophia) Thanks for everything Sophia.''

Sophia: (smiles) You're welcome Linky.

WildKirbyAtrox: Yep… "Linky-Boi."

MrTyeDye: What's with you and using someone's gender as some kind of suffix?

''Lincoln: Did you just call me Linky? (giggles) That's cute.''

Sophia: (giggles) Oh please, Luna told me about the cute nicknames given to you I've known her longer before you.

[That Engineer screams while mashing the sin counter.]

''Lincoln: (smiles) I never knew that. (stands up) Well, it's time to go home. I'll see you around Sophia.''

Sophia: (waves at Lincoln) Later Lincoln, good luck.

(Lincoln begins to head out Sophia's mansion, and heads in the direction the Loud House is. Back at the Loud House, all the siblings were in the living room while Rita and Lynn Sr. were in the kitchen talking to the police)

Leni: I hope the police found Linky!

WildKirbyAtrox: Nope. The police won't be able to find Linky-Boi, because he managed to get adopted by the people he stayed with, changed his identity (and his name), and is now living as a new person AWAY from the Loud Family…. Merp.

MrTyeDye: That… honestly sounds like what you wished had happened.

EpsilonMk46: And did you have to reference the same NSL fic twice?

WildKirbyAtrox: Sorry, I'm such a terrible person. Hehehe.

Luan: I'm getting more worried than ever!

Lisa: I don't think I've ever been this worried in a long time.

Leni: Wait, where's Lynn?

Lucy: She's still upstairs getting changed.

Luna: Or maybe she doesn't want to bother being around us since she still thinks it was all Lincoln's fault.

Lori: Whatever, we can all agree Lynn was the one who started this stupid mess!

WildKirbyAtrox: Um, noooo. Lynny-Girl isn't the only one who started it. Linky-Boi did too.

That Engineer: Technically, her calling Lincoln bad luck gave him the idea.

Lana: I agree!

Lucy: For sure.

(Rita and Lynn Sr. came into the living room)

Lola: Well?

Rita: They haven't found him yet.

Lynn Sr.: B-But we'll keep looking for him!

WildKirbyAtrox: Of course! Pretty soon, days will turn into weeks! Weeks will turn into months! All of your friends will eventually find out about what has happened, and then they're gonna leave you behind… I should stop, huh?

MrTyeDye: Please.

Luna: We need to go search for him ourselves, I don't want to lose Lincoln forever!

(Lincoln went up to the front door, and could hear his family talking from inside)

Lola: (upset) Me neither!

Leni: (upset) I feel so terrible for what we did!

''Luan: (upset) Come on guys, we'll find him! I know it!''

(Suddenly, there was a small knock on the door. The parents went to open it, and as they did, saw Lincoln lightly smiling at them. The other sisters notice him and gasp with shock)

Lincoln: (quietly) Hey everyone...

Sisters & Parents: LINCOLN!

(Everyone instantly gave Lincoln a group hug)

Lori: Where have you been!?

WildKirbyAtrox: "I've been in Far Far Away Neverland!"

EpsilonMk46: "And then I stopped by Sweet Mountain for endless candy!"

MrTyeDye: "But not before taking a detour through the Emerald City!"

That Engineer: "Where I met Sanic the Hedgehog and his useless sidekick!"

Lana: We've been worried sick about you!

Leni: Don't ever run away again!

Lola: You made us cry!

Lisa: Even me!

''Lincoln: Guys, it's okay! I was at Sophia's house, she kept me safe!''

Luna: Wait, you were at one of my best friends house the whole time!?

Lucy: Smart.

EpsilonMk46: "And you were kinda stupid for thinking to run away from home without a plan would end well...but whatever."

MrTyeDye: To be fair, they were kind of stupid for not ever thinking of calling their friends in the neighborhood to ask if they'd seen him.

That Engineer: Said friends could've also lied about not seeing him, just like Bobby did to Lori in a certain fic we all know.

''Lincoln: (smiles) Yeah, and Sophia was great! She acted almost like a guardian sister, (to Luna) kinda like Luna…''

WildKirbyAtrox: TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER-

[Kirby gets smacked by MrTyeDye.]

WildKirbyAtrox: I'll stop.

MrTyeDye: Thank you.

[That Engineer adds 100 sins.]

(As Lincoln says this, Luna begins to release her tears, as she kneels down and hugs Lincoln tightly)

''Luna: (crying) Lincoln please don't hate me forever! I'm so sorry for how I treated you lately! I want you to still be in my life! I love you!''

''Lincoln: (hugs Luna back) Luna, it's okay! I'm home! But you do realize it wasn't just your fault, right? Why do you feel that way?''

Luna: (sniffs) Because I let you down, after Mom and Dad appointed me as your guardian…

That Engineer: Ok, now you're just milking it…[adds another 100 sins]

MrTyeDye: And now it's an official title bestowed upon her by her parents.

EpsilonMk46: Maybe they did it so they wouldn't have to guard him. As sad as that is...it wouldn't be too out of line for them...

''I let both of them and most importantly you down for yelling at you and not noticing how much you were suffering from being forced to wear that stupid costume! I don't want that to happen with us I want things to get back to being great like they were before. (voice breaking) Not just so I can be your best friend or the best sister but so I can be the best guardian for you just in case something does end up happening and I need to step up so you're safe.''

MrTyeDye: MISTER. COCONUTS.

[Beat]

[That Engineer gets up from his seat and walks off screen.]

Lincoln: (smiles) Luna, that's so thoughtful of you.

''Luna: (sniffs) Well I feel awful dude, I was being way too selfish to notice you were miserable! You have nothing in your room, you're forced to wear a stupid squirrel suit, people are making fun of you for being in the suit, and all we're doing is just ignoring all of it just so we're all happy.''

''Lincoln: That's why I ran away, because I thought nobody cared about me anymore. When really, I should've stayed home and sorted this whole thing out. (voice breaking) I'm really sorry if I worried you all, especially you Luna.''

Luna: (sniffs) No Lincoln, we're sorry for everything, (voice breaking) what we did to you was so much worse than a simple lie.

''Lincoln: Shh, it's okay Luna. (hugs Luna again) I'm home now, and now I know you really do care about me this time.''

''Luna: (smiles) Thanks bro. I promise Lincoln, to be the best guardian for you.''

MrTyeDye: MISTER. COCO-

That Engineer: [offscreen] Forget Mr. Coconuts! [Comes back onscreen wielding a Killing Floor 2 flamethrower] I'm about to burn that whole section off. It doesn't deserve the amount of sins I want to give it!

''[Before he has the chance, Engineer feels a horrible pain in his back. He turns to see Epsilon backstabbing him with a deadpan look on his face. Engineer then falls to the ground and respawns 10 seconds later.]''

EpsilonMk46: As much as I'd love to support your crusade, if you destroy one part, you destroy all of it. So no deal, Dell.

That Engineer: Fine. But I'll get you back later…[adds 200 sins]

Lola: And you're right Lincoln, we don't care about that stupid costume anymore.

Lori: We've already suffered possibly losing you that's worse than bad luck.

[WildKirbyArtox inhales and prepares to mention a certain NSL fic again.]

Everyone else: Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

Lana: And if we end up becoming the most unlucky family because of you, we'll take it just to keep you in our lives.

Luan: We don't even believe in bad luck or good luck anymore.

[Epsilon pinches his nose in frustration.]

EpsilonMk46: What is it with people and bashing superstitious beliefs? Look, if you don't believe in them, that's fine. More power to you. But there's no need to make it out like they're the devil. Really.

MrTyeDye: What if your superstitions involve the devil?

[Epsilon starts to open his mouth, but then thinks for a second before sitting upright on the couch, entirely silent.]

Lisa: Agreed, it was stupid of us to believe such a thing.

WildKirbyAtrox: You especially, you little creeper, you.

Lucy: All nine of us think so.

''Lincoln: (sniffs) Thanks everyone, but I'm also to blame for this. I ran away instead of talking to you guys to fix this problem. I'm really sorry I made you all worried about me.''

Luna: You were right to be mad at us, now that you're back and the suit is gone, let's move past this and forget that luck even exists.

Lori: We want you to still be a part of our family Lincoln.

Rita: And you can be sure we'll get your furniture back.

Lynn Sr.: And if we can't, we'll buy you some new ones, just to make you happier son.

WildKirbyAtrox: I thought this family is on a budget…? Eh. Cartoon logic.

Lincoln: (smiles) Thanks everyone, I should never trade this family for another.

Lori: (smiles) And we should never only use someone just for good luck.

''Leni: (smiles) We want to spend time with you, because we love you. (kisses Lincoln's cheek)''

Luan: And we promise we won't use you for good luck ever again.

Luna: Are we good bro?

''Lincoln: Of course! I love you guys!''

(The family gives Lincoln another group hug. Lynn came downstairs and saw her family, but couldn't see Lincoln yet)

Lynn: Wait, what's going on?

(The family move aside, Lynn notices Lincoln and gasps)

''Lynn: (gasps) Lincoln! You're actually home!''

(Lynn runs downstairs towards Lincoln. He cowers in fear, expecting more beatings from Lynn. But instead of that, Lynn tightly hugged Lincoln, beginning to cry)

''Lynn: (crying) I was wrong! It was all my fault! I made you miserable and angry all because of me! Please Lincoln I'm so sorry for everything I did to you from forcing you to come to my game to beating you up! All I want is for you to come back into the family please!''

''Lincoln: (gently rubs Lynn's back) Lynn, it's okay. I'm home now.''

That Engineer: Easily forgiven much?

EpsilonMk46: Given how similar it is to your story, that is kind of jarring…

That Engineer: Now that I think about it, did even go out to search for Lincoln again? I mean, it sounds like they just sat at home and prayed for him to come back.

Lynn: (sniffs) Are you sure because I don't want you to think that we don't love you!

''Lincoln: Lynn, don't worry, we already talked about it. I just want to know if YOU love me, and if you really are happy to have me back. Don't be afraid to show your real emotions.''

''Lynn: (sighs) I know I just have a hard time letting out emotions that I use anything to cover it up like punching you or farting around you, but I'll try to show off my real emotions towards you cause I don't want you to be scared of me. I... (gulps) love you, I love you Lincoln.''

Lincoln: You mean it?

Lynn: (smiles) Yeah I do.

WildKirbyAtrox: No she doesn't. In fact, nobody here means it all. Why? Because after a long while, if 'ol Linky-Boi ever mentions ANYTHING about what the Loud sisters or the parents did that can be interpreted as "wrong" to him, they're gonna shut him up and try to act like they never did anything wrong. And at the same time, they're going to smother him with how much they love him and all that jazz, just as long as they can get away with censoring 'ol Linky-Boi in order to prevent him from talking about his problems with the sisters, or the family as a whole. All that, just so they can continue to get away with whatever nonsense they put Linky-Boi through, and act like they never did anything wrong. Isn't that fantastic, everyone? [gets into a laughing fit for a while]

Bite me.

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Would you like someone to hug?

WildKirbyAtrox: I'm just being a jerk, but…. Sure, why not?

[Epsilon embraces Kirby.]

EpsilonMk46: It's okay. Let it all out. Let the pain flow through you.

[Kirby spews out a huge atomic breath as this happens.]

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: ...Feel better?

WildKirbyAtrox: I guess so. Thanks.

Lincoln: (smiles) That's all I wanted to hear.

(Lynn hugs Lincoln again, as he hugs her back)

Lincoln: There there, everything's good now.

(The rest of the family join in the hug grateful to have Lincoln back in their lives)

ONE WEEK LATER

(The family was at the beach again, but this time, Lincoln was having fun with his family in the water)

Lynn: Alright Lincoln, ready for a chicken fight?

Lincoln: Sure, just don't be too rough on me this time.

Lynn: Alright then, but I'm still taking you down!

(Lincoln was on Luna's shoulders, while Lynn was on Luan's shoulders. Lincoln and Lynn soon tried to push each other off)

Lynn: You think you got it in ya to knock me down?

(Lincoln manages to push Lynn off Luan as she falls into the water)

That Engineer: I got this weird feeling that Lynn lost on purpose. I mean, isn't she stronger than Lincoln?

''Luan: Whoa, looks like Lynn had a splash! (laughs)''

''Lincoln: (excited) Yes! We won Luna!''

''Luna: (smiles) Awesome bro! Up high! (high fives with Lincoln)''

Lincoln: (giggles) It feels great to have fun again!

Lynn: (smiles) It sure is!

(Lincoln jumps back into the water, but since he jumped in, he trips on some seaweed and falls back as his arm is cut by a small stone)

''Lincoln: Ow! My arm!''

EpsilonMk46: That...sounded too familiar. And it was in a scene much more grim than this…

That Engineer: Stone Fish?

WildKirbyAtrox: Oh god, those things… egh.

Lori: (gasps) Oh my gosh!

Lynn: Are you okay Lincoln?

Lincoln: I accidentally fell back and a stone cut my arm!

''Leni: Don't worry Linky! We'll help you!''

Luna: I'll go get a band-aid to help that cut.

(Luna runs off as the rest of the sisters aid him)

Lincoln: Thanks for helping me out guys.

''Lana: It's what siblings do. (smiles)''

(Luna comes back with band-aids and puts one on Lincoln's arm)

Lincoln: That should help the pain.

Lisa: Fun fact Lincoln, sea water can actually soothe cuts.

WildKirbyAtrox: Is that so? Really?

MrTyeDye: Yeah. Saltwater has been used to treat wounds for centuries.

WildKirbyAtrox: I see.

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Looks like our riffing is growing stale along with this story's epilogue…

That Engineer: Allow me to refresh it. [clears throat] Really? All that crying over a small cut? Go get stung by a jellyfish, then we'll talk.

''Lincoln: Really? I never knew that!''

Lori: Well now you know.

Lynn: Feeling better?

(Lincoln smiles, knowing his family really do care about him this time)

Lincoln: (smiles) I'm feeling better, but I feel even more better when you guys are around.

Leni: Aww, thanks Linky!

(The sisters give Lincoln a tight hug as he feels happy to be in their lives again)

The End

EpsilonMk46: And that was "Luck"! So...how was it, gents?

MrTyeDye: ...I've read better.

That Engineer: I made one better...

WildKirbyAtrox: [Shoots an atomic breath] Oh uhh it's…. I like "Worth" better. [Returns to shooting atomic breath]

[Beat]

That Engineer: Why do I feel like something is missing?...

''[A group of footsteps are heard coming down the stairs. Everyone turns to see the Loud Kids looking at us in confusion.]''

Lola: Uh, who are you guys?

EpsilonMk46: We're...uhhh….

[Beat]

EpsilonMk46: Wait! I'm the guy who made your favorite story on this show!

Lori: [Frowns] I'm literally calling the police…

WildKirbyAtrox: Oh no you don't! [shoots an atomic breath at Lori's phone, thus destroying it]

''[Everyone's eyes widen as their mouths become agape. Lori clutches what remains of her phone before casting a hate-filled glare at WildKirbyAtrox. The next few seconds involve almost everyone trying to pry her off Kirby as she strangles him.]''

That Engineer: [turns to screen] Lesson learned: don't destroy Lori's phone. [looks at Tye] So, are we gonna be doing something like this again?

MrTyeDye: Probably not.

''[As this goes on, WildKirbyAtrox gags out his atomic breath and Lori actually dodged it. Unfortunately, the atomic breath ends up hitting Lincoln's eyes.]''

Lincoln: AAAUUUUGGHHH!