User blog:Weavillain/FANFICTION: Lip Service

Synopsis: Lana goes to her older brother for advice on a very important matter. Also, it may or may not involve a certain crush of hers.

After about thirty minutes of careful consideration, Lana's list of seven options had been cut down to one.

This issue was strictly a "no parents allowed" quandary. She didn't see the point of dealing with her overprotective daddy trying to shield his twelve-year-old "little angel" from those eeeeeeevil boys, an annoying tendency he grew into once Lynn had left the house for college. Like always, he'd get over it once she was old enough to drive (knowing how to fix a car didn't count, unfortunately), but he'd stay on high alert for now. She still remembered how much of a fit he threw when he found out that Lola had held hands with Winston back in the fifth grade (those poor pillows were soaked after all that crying), and the last thing she wanted was a repeat of that with her.

Mom was more level-headed, but arguing with her husband to see reason on a boy-related matter was about as effective as trying to get Lola to stop vainly accessorizing. With her hands tied, that made both of her parents about as effective as screen door on a submarine.

Lily, bless her little cotton socks, was still in the "boys are icky!" phase of her life at the tender age of seven. Even if there was some expertise that she had been holding out on everyone, Lana couldn't imagine that Lily would have the stomach to talk about "the process" past Step 2 without feeling sick. After her parents, she was the next to get dropped like a bad habit.

As smart as she was, Lisa still had some ways to go with her social development. She just got the memo a few weeks ago that, no, it was not okay to use surveillance equipment to ogle at your crush while they were in the sanctity of their home. Lana didn't even want to think about what her idea of doing that was, so she was next to go.

Lana didn't even have to think twice to exclude Lola. She could see past her boasts, her claims that she had done that with several boys before (the cutest ones, of course) and that she had left Lana behind in the dust.

 'Sure, Lola, sure,'  Lana thought with an eyeroll at the time she crossed Lola off her list of potential allies.

It took her a while to knock off Lucy, but Lana found herself satisfied with her decision. It was true that out of all her siblings, Lucy was the only one who was dating (without their father's knowledge, of course), but the last thing that Lana could think about with Lucy and Silas' relationship was…romantic. She couldn't even imagine them doing as much as hugging, let alone anything else. Maybe her prejudice was unfair, but this was an emergency, gosh darn it! Lana felt that she was obligated for only the wisest counsel…

…which is why she was presently in front of Lincoln's door, waiting for her older brother to both answer her knock and her plea.

As much of a dork as he was, Lincoln had still been around that block before, and when it came out to looking out for her well-being, Lincoln had constantly proven himself as a reliable confidant. Although it was a tad bit cliché to run to him with a problem, Lana couldn't care less; she wanted the best, and she was certain that she'd get it with her big brother.

If anyone could teach her how to kiss, it was Lincoln.

Looking back at his younger sister with confusion, Lincoln got up from his bed——putting down his phone in the process——and strolled over to her spot in front of the door, hoping to hear her much better from over there.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" he asked.

Lana knew that Lincoln's request was fair——it wasn't as if she had asked it clearly; it was more of a mumble, if anything. Still, it didn't mean that this wasn't annoying! It was supposed to be simple; ask Lincoln for kissing advice and be done with it. Simple, right? But Lana had found herself only able to mutter her inquiry after putting herself on the spot. It wasn't embarrassing before she was face-to-face with her brother, but now here she was, body trembling, face flushing, and words stuck in her throat like they were honey.

 'Get it together, Lana!'  the tomboy screamed to herself in her head, but her body was unable to submit to the task of undergoing what was now a daring venture.

"I…uh…" Lana muttered, unable to look Lincoln in the face. The most she could, besides that, was wring her hands together nervously.

Lincoln titled his head in confusion. "Lana?"

Lana gulped. "Y-yeah?

"Is there something I can help you with?"

Lana nodded, as if she were a dog trying to shake water out of its fur after a bath.

Lincoln chuckled and smirked. "Then what's the problem?"

Lana cringed at how sweaty her palms were now, and she wiped them against her overalls before she tried to speak again. "W-well, the thing is…i-is…I just need you t-to…ummmm...uhh..."

'' "Yeeeeeeees?" ''

Lana growled at the teasing tone in her amused brother's voice, which ultimately made her snap and blurt out, '  "I NEED YOU TO TEACH ME HOW TO KISS, OKAY?!"  '

Lana's skin paled like a ghost, and her guts tied into nervous little knots. Ignoring Lincoln's surprised reaction, she immediately clamped her hands over her mouth, trying in vain to keep her incriminating words from permeating through the thin walls of her home and wafting into her father's vicinity.

But after a good twenty seconds passed, Lana dropped her hands and sighed in relief as no sign of an objecting father was anywhere in sight. Although now that she got a good look at Lincoln, and what she thought was apprehension on his face, there was a chance that she'd have to try to win her proposal over with him, an idea that didn't sit well with her at all; she was one white dress, a blaster, and a pair of side hair buns away from calling Lincoln her only hope——she did not need him flaking on her!

Thankfully, instead of him living out her fear of him running out on her or ratting her out to her father, Lincoln's shock finally wore off, a smile taking place of the "o" his mouth had been in before.

"Is that all?" Lincoln asked with a laugh.

Though she wasn't thrilled with Lincoln's mirth at her expense, Lana was at least happy enough with how he appeared to not be against the idea.

"Yeah," Lana said with a tone that was far too casual to expunge her prior nervousness. "That's all."

With that, Lincoln took a seat on the edge of his bed and patted the spot beside him. Once Lana took him up on the invitation, Lincoln's smirk returned in rare form as he asked, "So, what's his name?"

Lana quirked an eyebrow, confused. "Huh?"

"The boy you want to kiss," Lincoln clarified. "What's his name?"

As if a switch was flicked on her face, Lana's cheeks bloomed with a dusting of bright red. This time, though, she understood why. No wonder why she was so nervous to ask; Lincoln getting snoopy was exactly what she was embarrassed about. There most certainly was a boy and he most certainly was the reason why Lana had wanted to be taught in the "smooching arts" in the first place. But if she wanted to get what she wanted from Lincoln, she'd have to give up the deets...

…

…

Or, y'know, Lincoln could always just get to the bottom of it without her having to say a word.

Playfully nudging her in ribs with his elbow, he asked, "It's Skippy, isn't it?"

Lana felt her blush grow hotter and when words failed her, she feebly nodded. Apparently, the insistent "I like him as a friend" cover could only work so well, especially after the contrary was established more than six years ago with that gosh darn letter——Lana still wondered what would've happened to their friendship if she had the guts to come out as the one who wrote it.

Yes, Skippy was a dear friend, but Lana had always found herself wanting more than just that, and since she couldn't see herself professing her love with some sappy, mushy-gushy monologue or another anonymous love letter, she opted for resorting to the quickest and most effective method——grabbing him by those cute, freckled cheeks of his, yanking him forward, and kissing him until he melted into a puddle.

"Ha!" Lincoln said with a triumphant grin. "I knew it!"

Despite herself, Lana cracked a smile. "Want the key to the city, Ace Savvy?" she teased.

The joke earned her a light pinch on the cheek, which she took in stride well enough not to grimace like she usually did.

"No, but I'll take a 'thank you' once we're done," Lincoln said as he pulled his hand away. "Now then, onto our first and only lesson."

Lana looked at him in puzzlement, as if her brother sprouted an eagle head out of his shoulder. "Seriously? It only takes one lesson?"

Lincoln snorted. "Of course. Kissing is easy once you know what to do and you get enough practice before you do it."

Lana's fists clenched in anticipation as she bounced in her seat. "This is gonna be good!" she exclaimed.

Lincoln chuckled at her eagerness. "Alright, alright. Just calm down so we can get started, okay?"

Lana's body stilled at once as her big, bright eyes gazed into Lincoln's, as if she could retain his knowledge faster via siphoning it through their stare.

"Okay, so the first part you need to know about kissing is that you've gotta check your breath first," Lincoln said. "The last thing you want to have is halitosis before you lock lips. That means no horseradish, tuna, and baloney sandwiches before you go through with it. And it never hurts to pop in a mint or two before you kiss. Don't overdo it, though; overly minty is almost as bad as stinky."

Lana jotted down the mental note, but she did so with a bit of sadness. Departing from her favorite lunch, at least for a little bit, would be a sacrifice, but at least it'd be worth it.

"You should also make sure you shut your eyes right before your lips make contact," Lincoln continued. "It can get awkward if you keep looking at the person you're kissing while you do it. Plus, and this is just from my experience, you really get lost in the moment when everything else is closed off from you."

A silly grin broke out on Lana's face, and she sighed dreamily at the thought. She had to admit, that did sound pretty nice.

"Okay, so good breath and closed eyes," Lana parroted once she got out of her lovesick haze. "Is that right?"

"Yep," Lincoln said. "Now then, for the next step, you should remember to breathe through your nose. I know it sounds obvious, but some people forget and pull away quickly to gasp for air because they were so focused on the kissing, that they forgot to breathe. So again, remember to breathe through your nose."

"Got it!" Lana said, the instruction emblazoned in her mind. "Continue, please!"

Lincoln smiled and patted her on the head. "Patience, young grasshopper. I'll get to the end, soon enough."

Lana just stuck her tongue out cheekily while Lincoln moved on.

"The next thing you must remember," Lincoln continued, "is to tilt your head, so that your noses don't bump into each other. If that happens, it'll hurt like crazy, and you'll instantly lose the element of surprise."

Lana shuddered in fright. Catching Skippy by surprise was the only thing that helped her retain the courage to go through with her scheme. Even though that stuff about the mints and the breathing seemed important, remembering to tilt her head took priority over everything else.

"Alright, Lana," Lincoln said, "here comes the last and most important part, so make sure you pay close attention."

Lana leaned in, her eyes ablaze with wonder as to where Lincoln was going with this.

"Make sure your lips are just right," Lincoln told his "student". "It should go without saying that you should make sure that they aren't chapped, but having the right pair of lips goes way beyond that."

To clarify his point, he said to Lana, "To demonstrate, I want you to make a 'kissy' face; pretend that you're about to kiss Skippy."

Lana shrugged and did what he asked, puckering her lips as tightly as she could, to the point where her cheeks were sunken in. Lincoln threw a hand over his mouth, but his amusement was too obvious for Lana not to take notice of.

"Okay, so, no," Lincoln said between snickers. "Don't do that as you kiss him."

Lana, too annoyed to be embarrassed, just harrumphed and unclenched her lips from its pout. "I'm glad you thought that was funny," she grumbled as she shifted around until her back was to him.

Now feeling a little guilty, Lincoln reached forward and wrapped her up in a hug. Despite her attempts to stay angry, Lana found herself sighing in defeat and pushing herself back into his embrace.

"Sorry," Lincoln said softly. "I shouldn't have laughed. I was just trying to show you what you were supposed to, and I got a little carried away. You mind giving your boneheaded brother another shot?"

Lana sighed wearily, feeling a little defeated. "Yeah, I guess," she said, sadness wavering in her voice.

She had forgiven Lincoln, but that didn't mean that his impression of her didn't sting. She knew she was a little in over her head, but was she so out of her element that Lincoln felt her attempt worth laughing at?

Though she was filled with tendrils of angst and self-doubt, Lana listened intently to what Lincoln had to tell her next after he had pulled away from her and she swiveled around to face him once more.

"So, look, the reason I wanted you to make a 'kissy face' is because I wanted to see how your lips looked," Lincoln said. "Your lips were way too stiff. You don't want to make them hard enough to the point where you're making him feel like he's kissing a marble statue."

Lana's self-afflicted misery quickly evaporated under such simple wisdom, leaving her with the thought that she still had a shot, after all.

"So," Lana said, hope swelling as a smile began to form, "all I've gotta do is just make my lips soft?"

"Yeah, but not too soft. You don't want him to think that he's kissing a dead fish, either" Lincoln replied, taking her by one hand. "Let me show you how it's done."

Before Lana could have the chance to protest, Lincoln leaned down and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand. He looked up and was quick to stifle a merry chuckle at her adorable, confused face, as he wanted to keep Lana's dignity intact after promising to do so.

"Why'd you do that?" Lana asked as he drew back.

Lincoln replied with a question of his own. "Remember how that felt against your hand?"

"Um…warm, I guess," Lana said, unsure if she was on the mark.

Lincoln shook his head. "I mean, you weren't wrong but that wasn't what I was referring to. My lips were neither too soft nor too hard. Here, I'll do it again."

As he repeated the action, Lana made sure to pay attention to what Lincoln had wanted her to focus on. Sure enough, the kiss was just as Lincoln described; the perfect balance between firm and loose.

"See? Now again, remember how that felt," Lincoln said after pulling back. "That's how hard you want to kiss Skippy. And if you want to practice, keeping kissing your hand until you can get that same feeling down without even trying."

By this point, Lana's heart was bursting with excitable joy as a wide grin covered half of her face. This was what she was looking for all along, and she couldn't have asked for a better set of instructions from a better teacher. If this was all she had to do, then she could initiate her plan as soon as tomorrow!

Hopping off her seat, she tackled Lincoln onto the bed with a bear hug, her legs kicking flailing as she nuzzled her head against his chest.

"Thank you so much, Linc!" Lana cried.

Lincoln's chest puffed up from the pride he felt; helping his younger sisters never got old. He'd miss this kind of up close and personal interaction once he left the house for college in a year, so he'd take in every opportunity to feel like a reliable big brother whenever he could.

"No problem," Lincoln said as he held Lana tight. "Just don't kiss him too well, okay? We don't wanna have to make wedding plans."

After sharing a laugh at the joke, Lana broke away from the hug, waved goodbye, and left her "teacher" so she could go back to her room and practice what she had been taught.

 'Meanwhile,'  Lana thought as she began pecking the back of her hand with her lips,'' 'I've got work to do. Watch out, Skippy, here comes Lana Loud!' ''

Even though Lana thought she'd be ready as soon as the day after her lesson, she decided to go against that in favor of another two days of practice. Ultimately, she thought it'd be better to be safe than sorry and besides that, she needed some time to think of the right approach for this anyway.

Said "right approach" had her waiting by a set of lockers on the third floor of her school during lunchtime and texting Skippy to come meet her there. Thankfully, only a few other students were hanging around from a distance, meaning that Lana would most likely not have an audience as she lunged forward and kissed the boy of her dreams…

Wait, the boy of her dreams? Yech! Either Lola's disposition was starting to rub off on her or she was so hopelessly in love this whole time and didn't even know it; she reluctantly chose the latter, considering that Lola had no influence on this plan of hers in the first place.

She didn't have the time to muse on it longer, though, as before she knew it, he rounded the corner, approaching her with that impossible cute grin of his. It was all Lana could do not to squirm and melt on the spot as she leaned against the locker behind her for support. He'd be there in about five seconds flat, but Lana almost wished that he could take longer, just so she could admire him for an eternity…

Okay, yeah, she had it bad for him, alright. Lord, give her strength——particularly in her wobbly legs.

 'Minty breath, don't fail me now,'  Lana thought, her thoughts calm and collected despite her shaky grin, hammering heartbeat, and clenched fists…

…along with a shade of scarlet spread across her cheeks as Skippy finally approached her. Lana could usually compose herself better around her crush, but when kissing said crush was her modus operandi, she quickly found herself as a trembling pile of squirmy goo.

And could anyone blame her? Just look at him, for crying out loud! That kissable button nose, that adorable tooth peaking under his warm grin, those strands of brown locks slipping under his hat and just asking to be played with with her fingers, those round, plump cheeks with freckles that she dreamed about pecking one at a time…it should be illegal to be this cute!

Fortunately, she had enough wherewithal for conversation, albeit a bit stilted.

"Uh, h-hey, Skippy," Lana stuttered, complimenting the greeting with a jittery hand wave.

"'Sup?" Skippy asked, seemingly oblivious to his friend's nervousness. "You wanted to see me for something important, right?"

"Um…u-uh-huh."

As if he was determined to make her insides tingle even more, he stepped a bit closer to her, his bright, blue eyes sending the heat of a white dwarf star through her veins. "Well then, lay it on me."

A sudden flash of something indescribable swept over her at that moment with the suddenness of a lightning bolt. To this day, Lana still had no idea what to call it (courage, realization, moxie?), but whatever it was, it nearly deadened her antsy nerves in an instant. The irony of his words, the underlying invitation to execute what she had wanted to do all this time, was all it took for her anxiety to relent considerably.

After all, he had said it himself; he wanted her to "lay it on him". And now that she took the chance to look around, she realized that those students from moments ago were no longer there.

Her lips curled mischievously, thanking whatever or whomever it was that made that possible. The shift in her emotions was enough for Skippy to notice, but he wasn't permitted with the time to think it through as Lana gripped his shoulders, and leaned forward until the tips of their noses barely brushed.

"If you insist," she whispered before she closed her eyes, titled her head slightly, and closed the gap with her lips melded against his.

Immediately, her head spun as the heat on her face intensified tenfold, the slow burning making her brain tingle. The feeling of butterflies swarmed her gut, fluttering about wildly. Her lips were nearly numb, already reaching the threshold of pleasure after only about ten seconds. By now, her heart was rocketing about, thrashing against her ribs like a bat out of heck.

And then, with instinctual drive guiding her motions, her lips began to softly shift against his. She felt him shudder in her grip, and it only encouraged her to massage them slower and more tender than before.

Her hands left his shoulders, smoothing up his neck, across his cheeks, and, finally, underneath his hat to thread her fingers into his hair. His cap was knocked off in the process, but the sound it made against the floor didn't even register to her; she was far too gone in the kiss to pay it or anyone else but the boy in front of her any mind.

Thanks to Lincoln's breathing tip, she was able to keep their kiss intact for a full two minutes (or was it three?) before she pulled away, her eyes half-lidded and her breath slightly ragged. It wasn't until her breathing returned to normal and her head was out of its fog…

…that she realized that Skippy's expression was well beyond what she had thought it'd be. The warmth that had settled in her belly froze in icy pangs; instead of a content daze, he simply stared back at her, eyes widened. He looked almost…petrified, if anything else.

Lana gasped. This was the exact opposite of what she wanted! Was her breath too smelly?! Did she go too far with the hair thing?! Did she breathe too hard against him through her nose?!

The fact that he didn't pull led her to believe that he not only didn't mind the kiss, he downright enjoyed it much like she did. But if his face was to go by, she was way off the mark.

But before she could scramble for an apology, a new development made her take pause.

Skippy's once shocked face was now touched by a blush that burst across his entire face and his lips fixed into a droopy grin. Then, his body began to rock back and forth before the last sway sent him falling backwards, landing on the floor with a thump. His lovestruck face continued to stay plastered on as his unfocused gaze looked past Lana and up at the ceiling.

Meanwhile, Lana just looked on at the boy, both pleased with his response yet a little perturbed by how well everything had gone down.

"Oops," Lana said, chuckling. "I think Linc taught me a little too well."