User blog comment:IronRaphRa/My Fourth Fanfic: Model Brother/@comment-32202721-20171218195326

Not bad. The resolution was pretty heartwarming, and I'm always a sucker for Leni/Lincoln bonding.

One suggestion I have for you is that you include more detail in your narration. Take a moment to describe the characters' facial expressions and body language. Take this snipped, for example:

“But I barely know anything about fashion,” Lincoln replied, “and I’m not much of a model.”

''“Please Lincoln?” Leni pleaded, “We’ll make a great sister-brother team. And I promise I won’t dress you up in something too frilly.”''

What does a pleading Leni look like? Does her bottom lip start trembling? Does she clasp her hands together? Do her eyes get big and wide? Details like that really make your story feel more vivid.