User blog:BatSam247/Picture Perfect + Sam

This was the 3rd choice in the 1st poll. Enjoy!

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[The episode begins with Sam walking into the kitchen and seeing Lincoln working on something.]

Sam: Hey, Linc. Whatcha doin'?

Lincoln: Making a coffee mug for my parents. In fact, the key to the perfect anniversary present for your parents is simple: know your audience. And since my folks love what I bring to the table, I make them the same thing every year: this awesome coffee mug! [raises a "coffee mug" which doesn't look complete]

Sam: Yeah... it looks like a coffee mug, all right.

Lori: Coffee mug? I thought it was a paperweight.

Lynn: Paperweight? That thing is definitely a pencil holder.

Lisa: Negatory. Clearly it's a bust of German philosopher Immanuel Kant.

Luan: [in her gag glasses] I Kant even tell what it is! [laughs]

[All the other sisters walk in the scene to their brother.]

Lola: Clearly no one can figure out what that thing is. No wonder Mom and Dad just throw all your old gifts in the attic.

[The girls gasp at what Lola just said and Luna shuts her up.]

Lincoln: [flabbergasted] WHAT?! [rushes up to the attic]

Sam: [to Lori, Luan, Lynn, Lisa, and Lola] You always have to put a man down, don't you?

[Cut to the attic, where Lincoln is looking around for evidence of what Lola just said.]

Lincoln: Lola must've been messing around with me. Mom and Dad love my coffee mugs. [notices a box] What's this? "DO NOT OPEN!" Okay. [opens it and finds that Lola was telling the truth and gasps.] It's true...Mom and Dad do hate my gifts!

[Luna, Sam, and Lucy are looking at the mug Lincoln worked so hard on.]

Luna: If you turn your head to the side and squint, it almost looks like Aunt Shirley.

[An image of Aunt Shirley shows up and a scream of horror is heard upon her appearance.]

Sam: Oh my goodness, get that abomination off the screen! [shoves the image off-screen]

Lucy: Or an inflamed liver.

Lori: When he's this pathetic, it takes all the joy out of making fun of him.

Lincoln: [insulted] I HEARD THAT!

Sisters: WE KNOW!

Sam: [glares at the sisters] Geez, what's your problem today? Dude just wanted to make an anniversary present, and this is how you treat him for doing so?

Lori: Puh-lease! I could make a better coffee mug than him.

[Cut back to Lincoln in the attic.]

Lincoln: [facepalms in anger] Mom and Dad's anniversary is tomorrow. What am I gonna do?

[He sits down on a box that causes a flash to occur. He examines it and finds Dad's old camera and finds out there's still some film in it.]

Lincoln: Oh, I think an idea's developing!

[Lincoln walks backwards and falls down the stairs. Luckily, Sam catches him.]

Lincoln: Thanks, bro.

Sam: Don't mention it.

Lincoln: I've figured out the perfect present for Mom and Dad! [holds up camera] Ta-da!

Lana: You're giving them Dad's old camera?

Lincoln: What... No! Not the camera. A photograph of all of us!

Lori: Why use that old thing when you can just use a cellphone? [holds up her phone]

Lincoln: [defensively] Because that would be like painting the Mona Lisa with a crayon.

Lori: Wow. This may be the year you don't fail miserably and crush Mom and Dad's souls.

Lincoln: [offended] Well! [confidently] Everyone, to the backyard!

[Cut to the backyard. Sam is focusing the camera to make sure everyone, kids and pets, stays perfectly in the frame.]

Sam: Okay, that's it. Leni, scooch to the left. [Leni moves to her right which is Lincoln's left.] Your other left. [Leni gets it right] Perfect! Someone grab Lily. [Lucy grabs her and puts her back in the frame.] Thank you. Good. One last question. Can I be in it?

Lori: Sam, you are NOT family. This is a family picture. Ergo, you can't be in it since you're not family.

Sam: [offended] Well! I'll just take the picture then.

Lincoln: Everybody say cheese!

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[The picture is taken, but Sam's thumb was in front of the lens. Cut to the siblings looking at the picture. They all then glare at Sam.]

Sam: What? I don't have much experience with these types of cameras.

[Cut to the Loud Kids in the same stance.]

Lincoln: Alright, we're not leaving until we get this right.

Sisters: [groaning]

Sam: [setting up the camera] Alright, the camera's raring to go.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[Clyde is walking through the shot.]

Clyde: [nervously infatuated] L-L-Lori? [gets a nosebleed that spills onto the camera lens]

[The picture comes out like it was taken in a red filter.]

Sam: Are you serious right now, Clyde? During a family picture, you decide to get your nose blood on the camera?

Clyde: I was wondering if Lincoln-

Lincoln: I'm pretty busy right now, Clyde.

Clyde: [feeling down] I understand. [walks off]

[Cut to the Loud Kids in the same stance.]

Lincoln: Let's just hope no more mishaps occur today.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... [While smiling, some of them end up sneezing when the camera snaps a picture.]

Lincoln: Alright, Leni, Lana, Lucy, Lana, can we make sure you get anything that might ruin the picture out of your system before we take any more pictures?

[The aforementioned four nod.]

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[Mr. Grouse is mowing his lawn, but the Louds get covered in grass stains as the picture is taken. Cut to the Louds each taking a turn in the bathroom, washing off the grass stains.]

Lola: [washing grass out of her hair] Ugh! I can't believe I got grass in my beautiful hair. [finishes and leaves the bathroom] Your turn, Lincoln.

[Cut to later when the Louds are back in the backyard.]

Sam: Well, fifth time's the charm.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

[Suddenly, all the siblings, sans Luan, starts to get really itchy. They proceed to scratch themselves like crazy. This ends up getting photographed.]

Lana: [scratching her back on a tree] Hey Luan, why aren't you itchy like the rest of us?

Luan: Must've been one of my leftover April Fools' pranks. There was itching powder in all your beds last night.

[The siblings glare at Luan for doing so. She laughs nervously.]

Luan: Why don't we move on to the next picture? I'm sure that this time, it's gonna be a snap. [laughs]

[Cut to a montage of the Loud Kids trying to take a good picture, but fail miserably each time, on account of loose fire hydrants that sprayed water on them, Cliff chasing a field mouse around the backyard, Lana rolling around in mud and getting the others covered in it, one of Lisa's experiments going off in the house, producing lots of smoke outside, making the picture blurry, etc.]

Lincoln: Alright, I think one last picture will be good.

Sam: Actually... we ran out of film. And the rest of it burnt up from Lisa's experiment. [points to the enflamed camera film]

[Lincoln facepalms in frustration. Cut to later where the siblings are looking over the collection of photos they took from earlier with worry.]

Lincoln: Look at us. We're like a vision of insanity. We can't give this to Mom and Dad. [holds up the coffee mug] This is worse than my coffee mug!

Leni: Actually, there's some friends of mine that do photography.

Lincoln: What are you waiting for? Call them up.

[Leni does so.]

Leni: Hi, Lara, Collin, Jessica. I was wondering if you could do me a favor...

[Cut to the Loud Kids at a photography studio.]

Collin: Hi, Leni. This must be your family. [handshakes each sibling] Nice to meet you all. [to Sam] And who are you?

Sam: I'm Sam, Lincoln's friend.

Jessica: No offense, but... we're only taking pictures of Leni and her family right now.

Lara: Go ahead and sit on the bench over there. [points to said bench]

[Sam reluctantly walks over to the bench and sits on it while waiting for the Louds to finish their picture. Cut to the Loud Kids in front of a sunny backrop.]

Collin: [setting up the camera] Just a few adjustments there, and... Ready! Everybody say cheese!

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Jessica: No, no, wait! I know what could make this picture better. [puts Christmas sweaters on each of the siblings] Perfect!

Collin: Now, you can say cheese.

Loud Kids: [while holding big smiles] Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... [The picture is taken, and it's a success.]

Lincoln: [holding a framed version of the picture] This looks pretty good.

Sam: [takes out the collection of other photos from his pocket] Maybe we can give your parents these as well, to show the long and hard process we went through for their anniversary present.

Lincoln: That's actually a great idea. [takes the collection] Bye, Sam.

Lori: [honking Vanzilla] Hey, Lincoln, you coming?

Lincoln: Be right there! [hops into Vanzilla]

Sam: Good luck with your present, guys! Actually, I'm gonna come along too! [follows suit]

[Cut to the next day, when it's Mom and Dad's anniversary.]

Loud Kids and Sam: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Rita: Thanks, kids.

Lynn Sr.: Ooh. Whose present should we open first?

Lincoln: Mine!

[It turns out Lincoln gave his parents the picture from the first takes in the backyard, as well as the one from the studio.]

Rita: Oh, Lincoln, this is wonderful! These are the best gifts we've ever gotten.

Lynn Sr.: They're going above the mantle right now. [places them there]

[The girls are confused and unhappy with Lincoln's last-minute decision.]

Lola: Lincoln, you bonehead! You gave them the wrong pictures!

Lincoln: Actually, I showed them the pictures that led to the perfect picture. The ones that show hard we worked for their present.

[The girls embrace Lincoln in gratitude and happiness.]

Girls: Aww! Thank you, Lincoln!

[Cut to later in the living room, when Lola is looking at herself through her hand mirror, Lana is adding her booger to Lisa's chemical, Lynn is tossing a baseball up in the air bored, Luna is playing a ditty on her acoustic guitar, Luan and Lucy are reading books, Lori is texting Bobby, and Leni is playing with Lily.]

Lincoln: [comes into the living room with Sam] By the way, I forgot to tell you this earlier. You might all wanna put your presents for Mom and Dad in here. [shows them the box the discarded coffee mugs were once in.] Since they'll all look super lame next to my awesome gift!

Sam: Oooooo! Burn!

Lincoln: [sits on the table and does "The Savage Dance" ]

Lori: What are you doing?

Lincoln: This is the savage dance.

Lynn: Oh, yeah? You're not the only one who can do it. We can do it too!

[The sisters start doing the "Savage Dance" as well.]

Lincoln: No, none of you earned it. Now, who's savage?

Sam: [to Lincoln] You!

Lincoln: Who's savage?

Sam: You!

Lincoln: Now let me hear it.

Sam: [gradually louder] Savage. Savage. Savage. Savage. Savage! Savage! SAVAGE!

Lincoln: [does the splits to end the dance] Uhh!

Sam: Woo hoo! Too savage.

Lynn: Oh, so when we make fun of you, it's too far, but when you do it, it's SAVAGE.

Lincoln: Yeah, it is savage. [hops off the table; to the viewers] Good night, everybody!

THE END