User blog:This Spy/One Loud Renegade: Level 2 - War in the Family

(Author's Note: I decided to skip the Dance, Dance Resolution episode, because I couldn't think of anything now that Lincoln has refused to accept Ronnie Anne in his life, and this'll be the final part of this AU.)

LEVEL 2

WAR IN THE FAMILY

PRESS Z TO CONTINUE

(We press Z, and a title card shows up, depicting Lincoln, without any sight of fear whatsoever, at huge showdown against all of his own sisters, minus Lily.)

LOADING...

(We open up in the Loud residence, day. Lincoln goes to a kitchen for a quick snack, but Luna stands in his way, barracading the doorway with her foot.)

Luna: Sorry bro, kitchen's off limits. Lori's in there cooling off. She and Leni had a major throwdown.

Lincoln: (rolls his eyes) Whatever. Hey, Lori? It's Lincoln, can you throw me something over here?

(Lori, knowing that it's Lincoln, and not Leni, silently obliges. She throws him a bar of Snickers.)

Lincoln: Thanks.

(He eats it, Luna shrugs at this, and gets back to her "post". A bit later, he's approaching the living room where Lynn, Lola and Lucy are reading. Lincoln is about to grab a remote, but Lynn catches it first and throws it away in the distance.)

Lynn: Sorry, TV is off limits too.

Lola: Lori and Leni are still mad at each other, and I don't think you watching your shows would make it go away.

Lincoln: That's bull! Just what the H were they fighting about, dammit?!

(Lynn does the talking, she explains how Lori earlier came home with a blue dress, only for Leni to come downstairs and shows that she has the identical dress. This ends up in serious argument, they growl at each other. Flashback ends, back to present.)

Lincoln: That's it? Oh, please. And I'm not going to tolerate being blocked off from the rest of this damn house, I'll settle things myself.

(He proceeds to go upstairs, but Lynn blocks his way with her hockey stick.)

Lynn: Uh-uh, negative. In this family, we have a sister fight protocol. Butt out, and let them resolve it on their own.

Lincoln: (sternly) Like I give two shits about your retarded "si[BEEEEEP]".

Lola: (angrily) Lincoln, language!

Lynn: Lincoln, I'm serious. Stay out if you value your health and our relations with you as well.

(Lincoln realizes that he can use the protocol to make things worse, and just to get back at his sisters after everything they've put him through. He slightly chuckles at this, manically.)

Sometime later...

(He enters his elder sisters' bedroom.)

Lincoln: Ay, 'sup, boos?

Leni: Lincoln.

Lincoln: Oh my Gosh!

Lori: Lincoln.

Lincoln: (exaggeratedly gasps) Did you hear that, Lori?! Leni called you a selfish bimbo!

Leni: No, I didn't say that!

Lincoln: And Leni, I heard how Lori was going to break your fingers!

Lori: NOOO!

(Now that Lincoln was successful with his first part of the plan, the eldest sisters now growl, yell and start to beat the hell out of each other. Lincoln leaves, only to be greeted by the rest of his sisters that look at him with mixture of anger and disappointment. The former is unfazed.)

Lisa: (with serious tone) Lincoln, please do not tell me, that you did it on purpose.

Lincoln: Oh, but I did.

Lynn: (exasperated) Open your stupid eyes, Lincoln! Don't you care what would happen to this family if things would keep going at this rate?!

Lincoln: (glares back at his sisters) I don't care, as long as I get back at YOU retards for everything you've put me through!

(The sisters widen their eyes at this, seeing that their only brother might be serious. The sole Loud boy approaches his room.)

Lincoln: And this is just the beginning. When I'm through, (slightly growling) you stupid jerks will face a true nightmare like you've never seen before.

(He then calmly enters his room and stays there for now.)

The next day...

(Lincoln is in his room reading manga. Luna and Luan enter the room.)

Luna: Scram, dude. We need your room.

Lincoln: Sure you do.

Luan: Lori's approaching the sector, and we can't risk a run-in with Leni.

Lincoln: Uh-huh, yeah. Keep telling yourselves that, I don't give a poop.

(Luna pushes Lincoln out of his room as walks back in, as Luan pushes Leni in there.)

Luna: Coast is clear, brah.

Lucy: Copy that. (allows Lori to go upstairs) You may proceed.

(Lori walks upstairs to her bedroom. Luna gets out of Lincoln's room, and Luan pushes Leni out. Lori gets out of her room while texting on her phone.)

Lucy: (voice) Abort, abort. Leni is headed back up. (Luna and Luan pushes Lori into Lincoln's room)

Lori: Ah!

Lincoln: (As Luna and Luan enter the room with Lori) Damn!

Luan: Lincoln, make like a drum and beat it! (chuckles) Get it? But seriously, out.

(Lincoln is kicked out of his room, however, he's enraged by this, instead, severly.)

Lincoln: (pulls out his crowbar) Okay, you bimbos asked for it!

(And with that, he kicks the door open with all force, storms into his occupied room, beats Luan, Luna and Lori with his melee weapon of choice. After 3 minutes of beating and yelling, he physcially kicks them all out of his room.)

Lincoln: (imitating Mr. Grouse) MY room, MY territory! GET YOUR FREAKING OWN!

(He slams the door, and locks it.)

Sometime later...

(Lincoln is in kitchen, eating a bag of chips. He finishes, goes up to his room, only to find out that his blanket, along with sheets, are missing.)

Lincoln: Hey, where the hell are my sheets and blanket?

Lana: Sister fight protocol. We used them to make a divider in Lori and Leni's room.

Lincoln: The heck you are! (storms into his elder sisters' room, angrily takes away his sheets and blanket, carries and puts them back in his room, and gets back to Lori's and Leni's room)

Lana: Lincoln, what are you doing? They were supposed to suppress things or something!

Lincoln: Well, I don't give a shit about that!

(He enters his eldest sisters' room.)

Lincoln: OK, you two, this f[BEEP]ing bullshit needs to stop! I've had enough of this crap!

Luan: Lincoln, this has to run its course. Sister fight protocol.

Lincoln: You know what you can do with that "si[BEEEEEEEP]" of yours?!

Leni: Well, I'm not sleeping in here with her!

Lori: I'm not sleeping in here with her, either!

Lincoln: Fine by me! Lori, you can sleep in the basement, then!

Lori: Suits me enough, just so I don't have to deal with her!

(Lori picks up her pillow and goes down to the basement. Lincoln leaves the room.)

Luna: You're playing with fire, bro!

(The other sisters all talk at once in agreement.)

Lincoln: And you're playing with childish bull! And this is just a part of it all, retards.

(He walks back into his room while Lily judges him for such idea, only for the former to respond in...shall we say, "appropiate" manner.)

Lincoln: (imitating Jules from Pulp Fiction) Shut the heck up, little bimbo, this ain't none of your goshdarn business!

(Lincoln continues his way and makes it back to his room. The female infant is in shock from such answer, but nevertheless knows, that she brought it upon herself.)

The next day...

(Lincoln wakes up the next morning, hears nothing for now.)

Lincoln: Ah, yes. I love golden silence in the mornings.

Luan: (voice) Just admit you're wrong!

Luna: (voice) You're wrong, dude!

Lincoln: (sighs with frustration) Looks like someone has no self control, dammit...

(He leaves his room to encounter Luna and Luan, fighting.)

Luna: Lori had the dress first! She told me the whole story last night!

Luan: Well, Leni told me her side, and she clearly had the dress first!

Luna: Ha! That's funnier than most of your lame jokes!

Luan: Oh I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you! I've gone partially deaf from your horrible guitar playing!

Lincoln: Hey, stop it, both of you!

(Luna and Luan growl at him...only for them to inadvertently provoke him this way. This does provoke him, indeed, he cracks his knuckles, and now beats the hell out of his rocking and comedian sisters, respectively. He finishes, minutes later.)

Lincoln: If you think if you can scare me...think again, retards.

(Lincoln gets back to his room. The rest of sisters are shocked at this, and now decide that they shouldn't bother Lincoln any further if they don't want a taste of his big strength...again.)

Sometime later...

(The Loud sisters are at their so-called "duties". We see Lynn on break, much to Lucy's disappointment.)

Lucy: Gasp! What are you doing? You're supposed to be watching Lori, Luna, and Lola.

Lynn: Can't I have a break? I've been working for nine hours.

Lucy: So have I, and you don't see me complaining.

Lynn: Oh yeah, cause you're always such a ray of sunshine.

Lucy: At least I don't smell like crusty athletic socks.

Lynn: Please! Like Eau De Death is better.

(Lisa walks into the dining room with Leni, Luan, and Lana, as Lucy and Lynn begin to argue.)

Lisa: Oh, boy. Here we go. We are now at Erupting Volcano, people.

Lana: ENOUGH WITH YOUR DUMB CHART!!! (Grabs the chart from Lisa, and takes a big bite out of it.)

Lisa: How would you like to eat that hat?!

(The rest of the sisters enter the scene, and all of them are arguing now, which ends up with them fighting. Lincoln comes downstairs to witness the usual commotion. He pinches his nose at this, out of frustration, and has no choice but to use his last plan to stop it all. He gets to minimum safe distance and addresses the viewers to explain.)

Lincoln: (to readers, sternly) That's it, guys, I've had enough of this goshdarn poop. Time to execute my last plan to stop it once and for all. What that could be? You'll see for yourselves, because let's just say that I wouldn't like to spoil something at a time like this.

(He grabs his portable console, heads outside to the backyard, and stays there while playing for a while now.)

An hour and a half later...

(Lincoln gets up, goes back inside to check on his sisters. He hears nothing, which says that the heat has died down for now. He enters the living room, and it's true - the sisters have finally stopped their brutal fighting.)

Lincoln: Hey, why did you stop all the action?

Lori: Pfft. We're over that. We made up.

Lincoln: Exactly all of you.

Lisa: Correct. Threat level is back to Field of Daisies.

Lynn Sr.: (from inside his room) Oh, thank goodness!

Lincoln: So everything got calm as soon as I left, correct?

Luan: We told you, if you just butted out, we'd resolve it on our own.

Lincoln: What about the dress, though?

Leni: I came up with the perfect solution. Lori gets to wear it on the days that end in "Y", and I get to wear it the rest of the time.

(Lincoln looks at Lori who shrugs being just as confused as him.)

Lynn: And once they made up, the rest of us made up. For real.

Lincoln: Heh. Well, I guess I've learned my lesson - to respect the things going the way you intend them to.

Lana: Glad you're finally getting it.

Lincoln: Yeah, sure I do. But there's something I can't find the answer to. What would happen if, I don't know, Lynn keeps further complaining that Lisa won't stop spitting into her face whether she talks, or Lana won't stop saying that Lola's snoring is on par with Pop-Pop's? Hm?

(And that did it - he'll be using new feud he intentionally sparked as a distraction, just to launch full-blown assault against Lori, because after all, she is the primary reason of all things that happened.)

Lisa: (furiously at Lynn) You said what now, JOCKY?!

Lola: (lividly to Lana) Oh, I snore, do I? HOW CAN YOU HEAR ME OVER ALL YOUR SLEEP-FARTING?!

(The Loud father is coming out of his room, with the bucket full of used-up toilet paper.)

Lynn Sr.: Ah, finally. Can't wait to use the real toilet again.

(The girls all start bickering and then getting into a violent melee over everything that Lincoln revealed.)

Lynn Sr: AAAHH!!! RETREAT!!! RETREAT!!!

(He runs and shuts himself back in his room. Lincoln, in the meantime, pulls out his crowbar, hits Lori with it, she's stunned, falls down, Lincoln grabs her by shirt and drags her into the front yard. The fighting continues for a little while, until the rest of sisters stop it when they hear Lori's screaming. They rush outside, and witness the unbelievable - their only brother is giving their eldest sister a beating of the latter's lifetime.)

Lincoln: That's for your threat to turn me into a human-frigging-pretzel!

Lori: Ouch!

Lincoln: That's for attacking me over petty reasons!

Lori: Ow!

Lincoln: That's for making me do chores just to get around town!

Lori: Argh!

Lincoln: AND THAT'S FOR TODAY!

(He beats her up multiple times in a row.)

Lori: YEARGH!...Lincoln...

Lincoln: Time's up, bimbo!

(And that's that - Lincoln is delivering the final blow to Lori's head, thus.......rendering her unconcious. Now finished, he stands up, and looks at his sisters, who are in complete shock after what they just saw.)

Lincoln: There! It's over! I stopped it all! Now for one last thing.

(He goes back inside the house, storms into Lori and Leni's room, grabs the former's dress, heads back outside, and throws it into nearby dumpster.)

Lincoln: (to the rest of his sisters) Well, I hope all of you learned your lesson to NOT to mess with me! And you know what? After everything I've done today...I regret nothing.

(And with that, he walks away from his house. The sisters are now standing around Lori, who's still unconcious, pick her up and carry back into the house. The screen fades to black, ending our violent story.)

THE END