User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: Serpentine Fright

I've gone on record (at least on my Message Wall) saying that I think Lola Loud is at her best when she's playing off of other characters. After writing this next story, I might have to rethink that position. Then again, I tend to develop a strong connection to characters when I write them in an immersive first-person style like this. But, enough about that. Here's Lola in:

Serpentine Fright
“Ahh~! The bloodsucking aliens are after me~!”

Ugh, again with the aliens? Lana should really stop watching late night TV with Lincoln. Doesn’t she know that she always interrupts my beauty sleep when she does this? She can be such a baby sometimes. Not like me. I am a dignified young lady; I don’t have to run to Lori just because of some lame dream.

Speaking of which… yep. That’s where Lana’s going. Looks like I can finally get some peace and quiet in here. Just me, my stuffed animals, and, of course, Lana’s little friends. Izzy, Hops, Torry, El…

Wait. Where’s El Diablo? Oh no. Did he get out again? Dang it, Lana. How many times do I have to tell you not to let your stupid pets run loose in our room? I don’t want their icky grossness all over the place. I swear, if I find that dumb snake in my bed, she is in so much—

Eep! Wh-what just touched me?! Oh. It’s just you, Genevieve. That was not very nice. You should know better than to startle me like that, you naughty giraffe, you! Just for that, you’re using the chipped cup at our next tea party.

Okay. Get a hold of yourself, Lola. El Diablo’s not in your bed. You’re fine. Everything’s a-okay. Just go to sleep.

…

Wait. What if he’s under my bed? What if he’s waiting for me to fall asleep so he can gobble me up?! I-I gotta get out of—

No, no! C-calm down, Lola. You’re not a baby. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Lana would never let her pets hurt you. Isn’t that right, La—?

Oh. Right. She’s not here right now. She’s sleeping in Lori’s room. But, that means there’s nothing to stop El Diablo from eating me alive! Oh no, oh no, oh no~! I-I need to call for—

No. Relax. I-it’s okay. M-maybe he’s not hungry. Maybe he’s just sleeping somewhere else. Like under my bed. No, stop! Get it together, young lady! You’re not going to get your beauty sleep if you keep freaking yourself out.

Okay, just think. If I was El Diablo, where would I be? Hmm. Oh, that’s right! He always likes to hide in Lana’s bed, not mine! Phew, that’s a relief. Heh, maybe that’s why he got out. Maybe he just wanted someone to snuggle with. Hmmph, silly snake.

…

Hang on. Lana’s not there to snuggle with him. What happens if he realizes that? What if he mistakes me for Lana?! What if he gets his icky snake slime all over me?! Or worse, what if he smells me and decides that I’m plump and delicious?! Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that last slice of pie! This is—

Easy, easy. I’m not afraid of some dumb ol’ snake. I-it’s just like that song that French girl sang in that cartoon. Hmm, how’d it go? Oh, right!

I am not afraid of snakes, no no no,

I am not afraid of snakes, no no no,

I’m not the kind of miss, who’s frightened by a hiss,

I am not afraid of snakes, no no no.

Ah~. I feel much better now. Well, goodnight.

Sssssss…

What was that? I think I just heard something. L-Lucy? Is that you? You’d better not be hiding in our vents again. Wait, Lucy doesn’t hiss, does she? I mean, I guess she does, sometimes. But, that didn’t sound like a vampire hiss. It sounded more like a…

Ssssss…

Eek! Please don’t eat me, El Diablo! I don’t taste good! I-I’d give you a tummy ache! L-Lana would be super upset with you! I-I— wah~!

Thud!

Oof! Ow, my poor tushie. What was—? Ugh, Genevieve~! That’s it! You’re going in time-out! I expect better from y—

Ssssss…

There it is again. He’s here. I can hear him. Okay, just stay still. Don’t move a muscle. Snakes can’t see in the dark, can they? Ooh, I hope they can’t. I don’t wanna be a midnight snack.

Ssssss…

Eek~! Something just touched my foot! G-get away from me! Get away get away GET AWAY~!

Okay. Okay. I think I lost him. But, now what? I can’t sleep with th-that monster slithering around! But if I run to Lori, I’ll just be a big baby like Lana. I have to be brave. I’m a big girl. I can handle some stupid snake. I don’t need Lori or anyone else!

Ssssss…

That… sounded closer than last time. Wh-where is he? I can’t see squat! Ugh, maybe I can find a flashlight somewhere…

Squeak-ie!

Ack~! How did Charles get his stupid chew toy in here?! Dumb d—

Ssssss…

Oh no. H-he must’ve heard that. Okay, um…  What to do, what to do? I-I should get back in bed. I-I’ll be safe there. I think. I hope.

Okay. Slow, silent steps. Easy does it. Just move very quietly and listen very closely. He’s not gonna sneak up on me…

Poink!

Ow~! Owie owie ow ow ow~! Stupid chicken beak! First thing tomorrow morning, I am going to have some serious words for—

Oh, wait. That isn’t Lana’s chicken beak. It’s one of my jacks. Which I forgot to clean up. Heh heh. Whoops. I’ll just… move around them and take care of that in the morning.

Ssssss…

Assuming I make it to morning. No, don’t think like that, Lola. You can do this. You’re going to be okay. Just keep moving. You’re almost there.

Yes! Made it! Now I just need to hide under the covers, and he won’t be able to get me. Th-that’s usually how it works, right? I mean, it’s not like he can see me under here. I just have to stay still and not make a sound. Then he’ll go away, and I’ll finally get some—

Eep! Errgh, Genevieve, you are treading on thin ice! I have half a mind to… to…

Wait, that’s Genevieve over in the time-out corner. So, who’s touching me right—?

Ssssss…

Oh no. No no no no no. I-I have to call for— no! Calm down. You’re a big girl, Lola Loud. You’re not a baby. You’re not scared. Remember?

I-I am not af-f-fraid of snakes, no no no,

I-I am n-not afraid of snakes, no no no,

I-I’m not the type of miss, wh-who’s frightened by a h-hiss,

I-I am n-n-not af-f-fraid of s-s-snakes, no no…

Ssssss…

No~! H-he’s got me! H-he’s gonna squeeze me to death and swallow me whole! I-I can feel him wrapping around me! Oh, why didn’t I call for help?! Why didn’t I run to Lori or Mom and Dad when I had the chance?! I-I just wanted to be brave! Now I’m a goner! I-I’m sorry, everyone! I-I—

Ssssss…

I— heeheeheeheehee~! S-stop it! Th-that tickles~! Quit toying with me a-and just eat me alread— heeheeheeheehee~!

Ssssss…

Heehahahahaha~! N-no more! Please~! Hahahahaha~!

Ha. Ha. Phew. H-hey. Wh-why aren’t you crushing me? D-don’t you wanna eat me?

Ssssss…

Hmm. I guess I taste too sweet or something. Huh. I thought you’d be a lot slimier than this. Your skin feels all… bumpy. Like Mommy’s fancy leather purse. Weird.

Ssssss…

Heehee~! Okay, l-let’s not go through that again. S-stop hissing in my ear. Phew. Hmm. Maybe you really did just want someone to snuggle with. Well, I’m sorry, but Lana’s not here. I should put you back into your tank.

Ssssss…

Tee-hee~! Okay, okay. Y-you really don’t like being alone, huh?

Ssssss…

Yeah, me neither. Alright, fine. You can sleep with me. But just for tonight. And if you tell anyone about this, I’m turning you into a jumprope, capisce?

Ssssss…

Good. Glad we understand each other. Heh. You’re not as scary as I thought. Ah~. Well, goodnight, El Diablo.

Ssssss…