User blog:AustinDR/Contemplating on Requesting for "Remembering Lincoln" to be Deleted

I have another confession to make: I am actually thinking about asking for my this particular fanfiction to be deleted. For those that don't know, "Remembering Lincoln" was basically my take on Requiem for a Loud, a well-known fan work in the LH community. Now, while reception on my take on it went over well here, I then decided to post it to FanFiction.net. Now, while reviews were mostly pretty well, one review caught my attention. Essentially it said that while my interpretation of the fanfic was pretty well written, it suffered from the fact that it was too short and didn't really take too many emotional punches primarily around Lincoln's death. Given that Requiem is no where near completion yet, I basically had nothing much to work with. While I wasn't offended by the comment, I wanted to get a better score than an 8/10 so I deleted and rewrote the second part of the fanfic entitled "Lincoln's Farewell." And despite all that, I only manage to get an 8.5/10 stars. At least the original author of Requiem liked it, so I guess there's that.

That's the honest truth: simply put, I am obsessed with trying to be accepted by my peers to the point that I was willing to completely rewrite my own opinions. For instance, I did have a review for "Heavy Meddle" up once before I asked for it to be removed. The reason? I had explained that I liked the episode at first, but then I found it average mostly because I disliked how much of a jerk Luna was in this episode. The episode didn't destroy her character for me (that OTHER episode did), but that didn't mean that I hated the episode. However, when I saw that several users actually liked the episode -- enough to give it a 9/10 in some instances -- I tagged my review for deletion and vowed to never review the episode again. I didn't want to feel like the odd one out for not liking the episode. The same goes for "Butterfly Effect," "April Fools Rules," and the like. I know that they're largely despised by most fans of the show, but I couldn't bring myself to hate them as they didn't incite anger from me. But because I didn't hate them, I felt like I was wrong in my verdict. Or then there was that time that I reviewed The Loud Comic, or I Love My Brother, but Jump Jump (the author of the fan comic) didn't like my review primarily because I stated that it was nothing but shock value for the sake of shock value. I mean, incest is a taboo subject already, but he or she takes it a step further by having Luan develop homicidal tendencies. So, I deleted my review of the comic and vowed to never review it again.

The same goes for drawing and writing. I always try to please others by what I do, but they hardly ever acknowledge what I do for them. Often they tell me that while I'm doing pretty good in my craft, I could improve in some areas. Itry to do what they say, but they always tell me to improve. Heck, there was one time I was drawing an OC for a person I know, and they didn't comment or fave it when it was first uploaded. Thus, I deleted it from my account and spent hours reworking it. But I still got the same results. I'm sorry that I'm not a skillful artist or storyteller. I want to share my ideas with the world, but I always feel that I need to change myself even if it costs me my happiness.

I shouldn't care about what others think, but I just want to be recognized for my work; I want to feel that I belong. All I ever wanted was to be accepted.