User blog:InklingBear/Life of Pets - Nowhere to Hydrant

Story #23 - Nowhere to Hydrant
 10:15am

A typical warm, but humid day in the middle of the week down in the good neighborhood of Royal Woods. It was very peaceful outdoors, even the birds were happily chirping away at it without a single care in the world. Another day where the Louds weren't around the house thanks to seven to eight whole hours of school interfering their days five times a week. It definitely wasn't a slow day for them. It was extremely productive, much to the siblings surprise.

Ever since they leave at the break of dawn each weekday to tackle on their education, they've always wondered how the pets are doing without then for that lengthy amount of time. They were sure they'd be fine. Heck, they've got four pets around to kill some time. It wasn't like they'd be in complete solitude or anything. No amount of boredom could ever take place in the lives of those four furry little animals.

Nevertheless, let's infiltrate the whereabouts of the Loud family's pets.

Charles was outside next to his favorite fire hydrant. He sniffed about on the red pump, savoring the musk he applied to it just earlier today. It was like he was in love with it, as if the object was his one true soulmate. He wagged his little tail as he made some lovey-dovey eyes to it before he would soon waggle his brows.

"Hoo boy," Charles said as he sluggishly caressed the pump, before turning to the reader. "How I love dis here fire hydrant. It's one of da tings dat mean a lot ta me. I've been layin' my scent on dis baby ever since I laid my eyes upon it."

The white hound inhaled deeply on his property. It's like the connection point to a water supply stole the heart of the very contented animal as red hearts floated about above his head. "Ahhh..." the dog uttered. "Nothin' like da pure sensation of sniffin' yer own signature scent. Dat's how ya know it's yer own territory! And if anybody dares ta step in it, dere gonna hafta go through me first!"

A dog that's about the same size as Charles approached him in a naive motion. The animal set his sights on the white hound's fire hydrant before the white hound walked up and softly growled at him.

"Back off you," Charles spat, influencing the innocent pup to keep his distance. "Dis here's my property!"

The dog yelped before taking off shortly after. Not a single shred of remorse filled the single-minded canine at all. The fire hydrant was like a golden key to him. He wouldn't dare to let any other animal in the neighborhood even think of tainting the nickel-silver brass. The only dog who could taint the hydrant with a signature musk was Charles himself.

He immediately returned back to stuffing his nose on the hydrant, sniffing about without a care in the world. That is, up until he heard a meow catching him off his guard. It made him jump a little, until he realized that meow came from Cliff himself. He sighed for a brief moment before he drew a sentence.

"Gee cat, ya don't need ta sneak up on me like dat." the hound irritably spat.

"Whatcha doin'?" Cliff sincerely asked.

Charles' sights swiftly shifted from the left and right. He wasn't sure what to do. "Uh... nothin'?" he nervously answered before he gave the cat a sheepish smile.

Cliff was suspicious. "C'mon dog, you were doin' somethin' alright. What are ya doin' sniffin' around that ting?"

Charles rolled his eyes in an irritable fashion. It was almost like it was none of the feline's business. In this case, it really wasn't. "Does it matter ta youse?" he questioned.

The black feline sat there and thought about it for a second. "Eh... kinda, yeah? I mean, it's just a fire hydrant. Nothin' dat important if ya ask me."

"Well, it is ta me!" Charles retorted. "All these years, I've been stoppin' by here nonstop, makin' sure nobody lays dere musk on dis here hydrant."

Cliff tilted his head. He was understandably confused. "Now, ain't it kinda unnecessary ta y'know, guard a fire hydrant just cause you love ta stink it up on yer own time?"

"'Scuse you, we dogs call it 'musk' nowadays." Charles corrected. "Get wit' da program."

Cliff sighed. "Dis is so pointless, dog. Who cares about whoever lays their... musk on a dumb ol' hydrant?"

"It's nowhere near pointless, cat!" Charles retorted again. "When ya mark yer territory on anythin', that makes it yer property! Besides, it's a dog ting. Ya wouldn't understand a ting about it anyway."

Cliff took that as an offense, as if he thought the dog think's he's somewhat either dim-witted or inept to other animal cultures. "Well I'll have ya know that I know a lot about yer mutt culture-"

"Hey, watch it..." Charles warned the feline.

"...About your canine culture." Cliff recommenced, before he walked back to the Loud house. "Come back inside da house and I'll explain more while we dig in some 'a dat juicy meat we got!"

Charles stomach growled. Talk about timing, as if it was a complete coincidence. The mention of the word meat had him wagging his tail nonstop. "Really? Boy, I sure hope ya got some porterhouse!"

The dog turned back to the pump. He caressed it ever so slightly once again before he soon joined Cliff back indoors. "I'll be back ta smell ya later, my hydrant..."

 Fifteen Minutes Later

Vanzilla was back at the Loud house now. The siblings that go to the Royal Woods elementary school managed to get out a bit early due to some faulty electrical wiring that gave out on the school without any given warning whatsoever. Lucky them. What were the chances of something like that happening in a lifetime?

The white hound exited out the front door of the residence with a satisfied stomach along with the dark feline of the household. Filled up with a quarter pound of meat, he was ready to resume back to his precious red object after all that boring information about his culture presented by the cat.

"Delicious!" Charles said before licking his lips. "Pretty juicy indeed. Warm, meaty goodness worth sinkin' my teeth into!"

The dog had his eyes fixated on the fire hydrant once again. He wagged his tail around just looking at it. He treated it as if it was an irresistible treat for him to enjoy. "Hellooooo hydrant!" he exclaimed. The white hound himself couldn't help himself but zip directly to the hydrant and sniff at it some more. Cliff wasn't surprised about it in the slightest.

"Aw c'mon dog," the cat uttered, approaching the dog from behind. "Ya just had a nose-full of dat ting fifteen minutes ago! How much fragrance does it even have?"

Charles turned his sights on the concerned feline. "Ya don't understand, cat!" he said. "Dis here hydrant needs my frequent attention everyday of the week!"

"Yer wastin' yer time wit' dis hydrant ting." Cliff assured. "It ain't necessary ta be so possessive about it..."

Charles inhaled deeply on his own aroma for a brief moment of time before out of the deep blue, he caught a new scent that infiltrated his moist nose. It was a completely different scent. A smell that the dog never smelled before. That bloodhound nose of his certainly didn't play any mind tricks on him. It was a very unique aroma to the canine, to the point where his wagging tail came to a screeching halt. That eclectic canine mood of his was about to be whiplashed in a snap. An infuriating scowl took over the dog's face as he omitted a rowdy growl.

"Somebody marked their territory on my hydrant!" Charles exclaimed, shifting his eyes left and right. This was consequential to the white beast. Cliff was highly strung. At the same time, he was baffled as to why the snarling pup on high alert would act out over something this disproportionate.

"Now now, simmer down pup..." Cliff nervously said, attempting to soothe the angry dog. "I'm sure dis ain't dat much of a concern ta youse-"

Charles ran up to the surprised cat's face. He didn't have the time to accept any of his jokes. "Ya tink dis is some kinda joke?!" he spat before walking around his hydrant. "Somebody here's committed a crime, tryin' ta claim my property?! Well dey better watch out, cause I ain't stoppin' 'til I find da culprit. Even if I hafta sniff out ev'rybody or butt here in dis neighborhood! I know yer out dere, I've got da nose of a bloodhound! Don't tink I ain't gonna find ya."

"Okay now," Cliff irritably said. "Yer bein' way too dramatic about dis. It's just a dumb ol' hydrant-"

Charles grabbed Cliff, pulling him towards his face as his eyes squinted tightly in deep anger. "Listen here you, dat hydrant ain't dumb. I've spent almost ev'ry day layin' my precious scent on dat ting. And ain't nobody gonna douse a single drop on my baby while I'm around."

Cliff corrected the white animal before he gave him a smirk. "Someone just did based on what ya just said not long ago."

Cliff's snark had Charles growling yet again. The hound threw the cat to the side before he threw both of his paws down in a fierce matter. "Dat's it." he said. He was mad, yet determined to catch the offender sooner or later. "In my many years of bein' a good hound, da offender normally returns back to dis hydrant after leavin' dere mark on it. Until I sniff out da trespassin' jerk who tainted my precious trophy, we ain't movin' from dis spot!"

It struck Cliff like a jump scare to his heart. The latter sentence caught the cat in a daze, albeit letting out a gasp as he didn't see this coming. "Whoa whoa whoa dere, dog." he frantically uttered. "Ya hafta be kiddin' me! I ain't sittin' out here all day wit' ya ta find someone dat left a scent on yer hydrant, it's a total waste 'a my time! Plus, the bird's waitin' for me ta play some game wit' him in half an hour and I ain't gonna leave him hangin' knowin' how he is!"

Before the black feline could even hop up off the concrete sidewalk, Charles turned to growl at him in hopes to get him to reconsider. He stopped the moment he heard getting growled at, eliciting an uncomfortable expression before the cat leisurely lowered his haunches back on the concrete.

"Now, I tink you 'n I understand each other." Charles spat. "Ya ain't goin' nowhere until we catch dis culprit. 'N if yer in such a hurry, at least put yer nose ta work!"

"Wha? Me helpin' you sniff out da offender?!" Cliff questioned. "Yeah, no. I ain't doin' dat. Besides, what normal cat uses dere nose like you do?"

"You'd be surprised at da number 'o cats dat actually do." The dog answered without having to hesitate a second. "Now get ta sniffin'!"

Cliff just sat there. All he did for the past ten seconds was examining the white growling dog stuffing his nose near other dogs that walked past the two of them. He kept sniffing at them nonstop, trying to break down the source of the taint.

"Nope."

"Not him."

"Dat ain't him either."

Cliff looked down at his paw to look at the time on his right fore leg. It read almost twenty minutes to eleven. He was nervous about missing out on the bird's meetup for a game down the road. He had to reassure himself. There was still plenty of time. The cat took a good glance towards the reader before he gave a long sigh as he rolled his eyes around.

This was about to get a little... putrid for the feline. He just wanted this over and done with, no matter how ridiculous this sounded to him. "Dat dog's gonna owe me big time fer dis." he uttered before he unwillingly blushed.

Another dog approached the two down the sidewalk. As the animal was in range with the two, Cliff stuffed his big nose near his backside and inhaled deeply. "Blech. Dunno if that's the one..."

Cliff sniffed at another dog's backside, albeit he looked bigger than he was and was surprisingly in a friendly mood. "Ugh! What has he been eating?!"

The cat sniffed at another dog. This time, it was a small puppy passing by. At least the dog in question wasn't as filthy as the previous two. "Sure cleans up nice..."

One Hour Later

It was slightly getting cloudy down in the neighborhood now. The grey skies above was almost to the point of receiving a slight chance of precipitation. Cliff was still sitting with a hostile Charles next to the hydrant. Aghast filled him all the way up, to the point where he felt the urge to gag from sniffing the rear ends of all of the passing animals for that amount of time.

Cliff pawed away at his nose before he snorted only once in disgust. "I don't understand how you can handle doin' somethin' this... repulsive, dog." he uttered.

"Darn it all!" Charles uttered. "An hour into inspectin' all dese strangers and we still ain't got no leads to da culprit."

"Well, I sure hope yer happy dog," Cliff spat before crossing his paws. "Now, once we're done here, I just hope da bird doesn't flip once he sees me."

Charles scoped his surroundings before he landed his gaze on the complaining feline. "Dat ain't important ta me right now cat. Just get back ta sniffin out da intruders." He turned his sights back out on the horizons as he squinted his eyes once again in reassurance. "I know yer out there somewhere..."

Cliff gravely sighed. This had gone on far enough to the cat's own standards. He didn't ask for any of this to take place for him. He had to pass up a game with Walt just to assist Charles with finding who tainted his red pump. To simply say that this didn't seem fair in the slightest to him is a major understatement.

"This is ridiculous." the cat muttered to himself before he turned to the reader. "And I know I don't get nothin' in return fer somethin' like dis."

More dogs passed by, minding their own business. Cliff prepared himself. Although he personally didn't like it, albeit embarrassed about it at least, it was for his faithful companion.

He inhaled deep at the animals along with Charles. Unfortunately, not a single one could fit the description of the musk from the hydrant.

"Nope."

"Not dat one."

"He's clean."

The two house pets went at it for an endless amount of time. To no avail, the both couldn't manage to find the one that soiled the pump. Hopefully the cat could manage to think of some plan to get himself out of this nostril-induced torture.

 Two Hours Later

It was casually windy now. Charles was right behind his tainted hydrant, still on his determined search for the dog that left his mark. The gusts of wind brushing against his white fur made him look majestic like a statue that stood tall and presentable.

He growled ever so mildly, shifting his own gaze upon horizontal directions. Not a single progress was made, but Charles was willing to make that change by today. "Where are ya, good fer nothin' trespasser." the white hound angrily muttered. "Don't tink yer gettin' by me anytime today..."

On the other paw, Cliff was tired out from using his big nose out on innocent animals that walked back for the past three hours. He was sleeping like a peaceful angel on a wonderful night. As time went on, he unknowingly uttered some words much to grabbing the attention of the hound.

"Salmon..."

"Scratches..."

"Solitaire..."

Charles walked to the snoozing feline before he bopped his head a few times, waking him up in the process like he stopped an alarm clock. Yes, he was indeed still as mad as ever about his situation.

"Get up!" he loudly spat. "Da heck do ya tink yer doin', cat?"

"What does it look like I'm doin', dog?" Cliff retaliated. "I'm takin' a quick nap here! I was tired of helpin' ya sniff out all of dose animals dat walked by, 'n I deserve ta rest!"

Charles was slightly disappointed with the feline's response. Who could blame him, really? The cat does tend to snooze around at random times. It wasn't like the dog never saw this coming. It was evidently an everyday occurrence.

The white hound himself rolled his eyes before landing his gaze upon his precious fire hydrant again. He sniffed at just the top for a brief moment before he spoke to it, as if the object was a son of his own.

"Dont'cha worry, my precious." he uttered. "I promise ya, I ain't gonna stop sniffin' around fer ya until I find out the perpetrator who's wronged da both of us."

The cat irritably sighed. "Good grief," Cliff muttered to himself. "Now he's sweet talkin' ta dat ting. So much fer-"

A small recognizable scent came rolling past the feline's nose, interrupting what he had to say about the dog's valuable possession. It came from the fire hydrant. He took a good whiff in hopes to break down the origin it held within.

Underneath all that filth Charles showered it with, Cliff might have a good lead to where it would've came from, but he wasn't a hundred percent sure about it at the precise moment. Either it was that or the dog was simply playing with him. It definitely wasn't the latter in this case.

"Hey dog," Cliff said, grabbing the dog's attention for a good few seconds. "Ya don't tink da scent right here could be comin' from one of dose humans right?"

"Watch out." Charles commanded, walking towards the worn out feline. He stuffed his nose near the area Cliff pointed out on the fire pump and inhaled at it through his nostrils. He continued to sniff at the area. He might have some sort of clue as to who would mark their territory on his hydrant. Although he was somewhat stumped at the very moment. Finally, there was some bit of progress. They were growing closer to finding out this strange mystery after all.

"I tink I... know dat scent from somewhere before." Charles uttered. "I just can't put da pieces together fer some reason..."

That very same scent would soon travel towards the suspicious Charles. The second that unique musk entered the hound's nostrils, it struck an immediate reaction in him.

"Wait a minute!" Charles spat. He sniffed at the scent, albeit more frantic than usual. A small shred of connection finally managed to piece itself together. He could finally solve that puzzle in no time, as long as he let his bloodhound nose do all the communication for him.

Charles was ready to find his culprit. Insistence filled the dog as he sniffed about on the scent he managed to pick up. All that he had to do was let that nose of his lead him to the source of origin.

"I've got da scent, cat!" Charles exclaimed.

Cliff was dumbfounded now. "Really? Ya do?" he asked.

Charles gave the cat a smirk. "Ya bet yer tail I do!" the dog answered before he ran off to find the source of the intruder's musk.

Cliff's curiosity would soon overcome him at some point. Before he could lose sight of the musk sniffing hound, he was quick enough on his paws to follow him from way behind. He wanted to see who was the true offender behind all of this, from making him miss out on his game with Walt to being forced to sniff the rumps of other animals. It was time to get to the bottom of this.

The two animals were in range of the hound's pooch pen now. Charles was still sniffing around, trying to find the source as the scent grew much more stronger to his nostrils. He was close. Real close.

As he looked around, nobody seemed to be around his doghouse. He kept sniffing about as he tried the interior of his home. He stopped sniffing as he made contact with the bum of someone else, much to her somewhat nonplussed reaction to the sudden sensation.

"Whoa there, Charles," a voice said. "Down boy!"

Much to Charles' own surprise as well as Cliff's, the two pets couldn't believe they managed to find the culprit they've been searching for this entire time.

Lana Loud.

She was in the middle of repainting the interior of his doghouse, only to be stopped by a cold nose. She sat up with her haunches on the grass to talk to the two pets. "If ya wanted ta say hi, you could've just barked ta me, boy." she said.

Charles gazed at the six year old tomboy in the face. He thought "I don't believe it... It was... you all along?" as he felt somewhat betrayed that one of his favorite playmates of all time would wrong him in one of the worst possible ways ever.

He swiftly drooped his ears down and growled at her. "Why? Why would ya do me like that?" he thought. He turned around and walked away from the young child.

Lana was gravely confused. She wanted to find out about his sudden change in his attitude. She could never recalled on the first time Charles had been cross with her. This was serious enough for her to try and break it down.

"Charles, what's the matter?" Lana said walking towards the hurt animal. "Why are ya so mad at me?"

"Oh boy." Cliff quietly muttered before he rolled his eyes. "All 'a dis over some dumb fire hydrant. Da nerve of some dawgs."

Almost immediately after, a hostile Charles would soon lead Lana to his favorite hydrant. There it lay, forever tainted by her filthy ways. The hound couldn't even look at one of his favorite siblings to play with after what she did. It was like it was an unforgivable act that had been served to cause a rift between her and a child's best friend.

As dumb as it may be, it was only a fire hydrant. Nobody would care about who laid their precious signature stink on it or anything. As for Lana's case, Charles took it very personal. It was one of the things that meant a lot to him other than the family he loved to hang out with.

The damage was strong with this one. Lana had wronged her best friend of four years. From this point forward, she was willing enough to do anything to change the dog's angry attitude towards her.

She quietly sighed before she broke the silence. "Look Charles, hear me out, okay?" she said. "I-I had a little too much orange juice this morning and I could barely hold it in while I was outside doing some important work a couple of hours back in the day. I didn't feel like going back to the house to relieve myself so... I just did what I had ta do here when nature called... but I had ta make sure nobody was present..."

Charles rolled his eyes as if Lana was telling a lie she just now made up. Unbeknownst to him, she was being as truthful to him as possible.

"In case ya don't believe me, I'm being completely honest with ya, boy. And besides, I didn't know this was your hydrant... I really didn't. As much as I really mean ever single word that read my lips, I honestly do down in the depths of my beating heart."

The hound had to lighten up a bit. This was one of his favorite sibling to play with, alongside the middle child and the musical rockstar of the bunch. He had to be strong about this. He needed to find it in him to keep that shred of bonding memories he had with the filth-loving child. All of that shouldn't be worth throwing it all away in an instant. She wanted his friendship to prevail as much as he did for both of the parties involved. What he really wanted to find down deep inside, was forgiveness.

"Please, Charles... I'm really sorry about what I did."

In all seriousness, it was all some strange coincidence for the both of them the more they thought about it. This conclusion sounded like it could definitely be justifiable. Abhorrence slowly drained out of Charles as he threw his head down in sorrow, while Cliff joined the two to gaze upon some bit of resolution after going through three or so hours of investigation.

"Or... if that's not enough to get you ta forgive me, How about I promise to throw in double treats for ya at the dinner table from now on?"

The mention of the word treats had the dog perk his head up. He was already willing to take Lana back after a simple apology thanks to a coincidence they both didn't know about. After getting promised twice the amount of treats, he was very exuberant.

Charles elicited some happy whining as ran to the tomboy, jumping right into her arms with a fast wagging tail. The result had Cliff smiling as he was in content. Lana petted Charles on his head. She knew her bonds with the white pup was all to pure to just throw way.

"I knew ya couldn't stay mad at me forever, boy." Lana happily said before Charles swiped his wet tongue up on her face. "Let's go back home and getcha those treats."

As Lana and Charles headed back to their residence. Cliff looked dead on to the readers, asking a piercing question.

"Really, all dat over a fire hydrant?" Cliff asked in confusion.

A voice reached out to Cliff. The angry tone of it all had the feline scared stiff.

"Hey puss!" Walt spat. "How dare you have the nerve to skip out on our game session!"

Cliff's eyes widened as he let out a gasp before Walt came charging swiftly at his head.

*MEOW!*

Meowing and chirping ensued, as the cat ran off frantically as he's chased by the hostile yellow bird.

~End~





Trivia

 * This episode is somewhat based off an episode of CatDog.
 * Originally, the culprit in question was going to be the poodle that Charles has been eyeballing as revealed in the episode Pets Peeved. The revealation was suggested by That Engineer himself. S/O to him!