User blog:TheMaximumMatt/Shortfiction - Hops and Kisses

[Lola is in her room reading a book titled "The Princess and the Frog".]

Lola: [sigh happily] Such an enchanting story... [sees audience] Oh hello there. Ever since Lincoln taught me to read, I've been reading a whole lot all by myself. Right now I'm looking at what my brother calls "a fairy tale". They are these magical stories where all of these beautiful things happen. This one is called "The Frog Prince!"

Luan: Hi, Lola! Watcha reading?!

Lola: Ah! Don't scare me like that! Anyway, I was reading this magic-filled tale about a princess who kisses a frog, which turns him into a prince. A little weird for it to be a frog of all things, I'll admit, but then again, it's in the inside that counts. [reads part of the fairy tale] "You have broken the spell that evil witch had cast on me", said the prince, "and now I have nothing to wish for but that you go with me to my kingdom, where I will marry you, and love you as long as you live." [sighs] I wish it were that easy to find myself a prince to rule with. Wouldn't that just be great.

Luan: [blinks] You know... that story is not a tale.

Lola: It isn't?

Luan: Oh no. Did you know? This story is actually based off of an ancient legend that happened a long time ago. A princess did in fact kiss a frog, and he did in fact turn into a princess!

Lola: [excitedly] Really?! It is that easy?! Oh boy! Wait... is this a prank of yours?

Luan: OF course not! It's all real! Lisa told me!

Lola: Really? Well, if she says so...

Luan: Yep! [snickers] All you have to do, is find yourself a frog and kiss him!

Lola: Ooh! Ooh! I want to try it! But where can I find a frog at this time? [gasps] Hops! Of course! Eeeeeh! [runs outside of room] Thanks, Luan!

Luan: No problem! [bursts laughter] Oh man! This'll be fun to watch!

''[Elsewhere, Lana is playing int he dirt with Hops. Lola bursts out the front door and runs in front of Lana]''

Lola: Lana, Lana, Lana! I need to borrow Hops for a bit!

Lana: Woah, woah, woah! Even if I were to just give Hops to you like that, Why exactly do you need him?!

Lola: It's a surprise! You'll see! [squeals]

Lana: I don't think I trust you-

Lola: Please?! Pwetty please? I promise I won't hurt him! It'll be good!

Lana: Well... [reluctantly] If you're so sure, but what- ?

Lola: [snatches Hops] Thanks, Lana! [laughs]

Lana: Be careful with him!

Lola: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

''[Cut to later where Lincoln is on the couch watching TV. Lola suddenly steps down from upstairs in a puffy gown.]''

Lola: Not just that! Everyone gather!

[Lincoln, Lana, Luan, and Lisa do so]

Lisa: Just exactly what kind of tomfoolery are you up to now?

Lola: It isn't tomfoolery! [pulls out Hops] It's magic!

''[Hops is in a prince suit with a cape and crown and all. Lana is horrified by this sight.]''

Lana: W- What did you do to Hops?!

Lola: You'll see... and now, the moment I've been waiting for, the event that defines history-

Lincoln: Lola! What are you doing?

Lola: I am going to kiss Hops, and he will turn into a handsome prince!

[Hops' eyes shrink in horror]

Lana: Sh- She not serious is she?!

Luan: [smugly] Oh no. She is.

Lisa: This will not end well... not well at all...

''[Lola places her lips on Hops'. Everyone gasps.]''

Lincoln: Eww! Lola! What the heck are you doing?!

''[Lola opens her eyes. Nothing happens. She kisses Hops again. Nothing happens. She does it again. Nothing happens.]''

Lola: Why isn't this working?! [kisses Hops hard] Come on! [kisses Hops]

Lincoln: Stop it! I don't think Hops likes that!

''[Hops shivers in disgust and fear. Lana just faints.]''

Lisa: Disgusting. Think about the germs that are contaminating that creature's mouth!

Lola: B- But he should be turning into a prince!

Lincoln: What do you think this is?! Some sort of fairy tale?!

Lola: Well... yeah! From The Prince Frog! I'm a princess and I kiss him! So therefore he should be a prince! It happened in the story I read earlier! It's based on a true story!

Lincoln: And who gave you that idea?!

''[Lola's eyes shrink as she suddenly realizes what she has gotten herself into. She glares at Luan, who can't hold in her laughter and bursts into laughter, rolling on the floor.]''

Luan: Got you! [laughs] I didn't actually think you'd do it, but- oh man! This is gold! [laughs]

Lincoln: Really, Luan?

Lisa: Lola. There are so many things wrong here, but I'll get to the point: A frog cannot transform into a human from lip contact. That is not how biology works. [grabs Hops from Lola]

Lola: Y- You mean... I kissed a frog for nothing?! [screams and runs upstairs to throw up]

Luan: Oh wow! That is just hilarious! Guess you could say she's feeling a bit "froggy" now!

Lincoln: Luan! Not funny! That was just gross!

Luan: Oh come on. It's only a prank. Compared to my other stuff, this is pretty tame.

Lisa: That I can agree with.

Lincoln: Lisa. Not helping! [runs upstairs to find Lola]

Lana: [waking up] Ugh... what happened?

Lincoln: [finding Lola] Lola! Lola! [sees her sobbing in her room] Lola?

Lola: It's not fair! It just isn't fair! Why couldn't Hops turn into a prince?! I just wanted one

Lincoln: [sighs] Lola. Come here. [hugs Lola] Listen. That story, the one with the princess and the frog, is just a fairy tale. All of those other things that happen in fairy tales aren't meant to be mimicked in real life. It's fantasy, meaning it's not real. Made-up. It's only written for entertainment purposes. Of course frogs don't turn into human. That's silly, but it still makes for a good story.

Lola: [sniffles] Yeah. You're right. I guess it was kind of silly for me to believe that. Luan made it sound so convincing though. [sighs] If only I had a prince who wanted to marry me, like in the story...

Lincoln: [pats Lola's shoulder] Well, I'm sure one day you'll find someone. And let me tell you, that man would be the luckiest man in the world to be with someone like you.

Lola: [hugs Lincoln] Thanks, Linky!

Lincoln: No problem.

Lola: I think I also learned another lesson...

Lincoln: And what's that?

Lola: Never listen to Luan Loud.

Lincoln: Now, that I can agree with...

Epilogue
[Lola then spots her collection of books and grows a devilish smile.]

Lola: Say, I think I know how to get back at Luan. While I was looking through books, I happened to read some interesting nursery rhymes. Have you heard of one called "Humpty Dumpty"?

Lincoln: I like where this is going... [smiles slyly]

[Cut to the next day...]

Luan: [yawns] Huh? W- What the?! [Luan tries to stretch] What the?! Why can't I move?! Where am I?! Why am I sitting on a wall?! What's this thing on me!?

Lola: Oh, hello Luan.

Luan: What did you do to me?!

Lola: Well, since you showed me how fun fairy tales and rhymes can be, I thought I'd give you a similar experience. Right now, you're in an egg costume.

''[Luan looks around to see she's in a giant cardboard, white, egg-shaped costume where only her hands and feet poke out. She's also sitting on a small wall near a school.]''

Luan: Let me out of here! What are you doing?!

Lola: No. Let me read you a nursery rhyme called "Humpty Dumpty", and you'll be the star of it.

Luan: [worried] I don't like where this is going...

Lola: [takes out a book] Ahem. Humpty Dumpty, sat on a wall...

Luan: Oh no! Lola! Stop!

Lola: smiles] Humpty Dumpty... had...

Luan: No! Please!

Lola: a great...

Luan: I'm sorry for pranking you! Please don't do this!

Lola: Fall!

''[Lincoln and Lana jump out of nowhere and give Luan a big push, causing her to fall off the wall. She screams as she feels she's about to plummet to her death... only to realize she's just laying on the ground.]''

Lana: Maybe we should've picked a place with a higher wall.

Lincoln: Or costume that breaks more easily.

Luan: [sighs] Oh thank goodness. I thought was going to go into pieces.

Lincoln: Nah! We just wanted to get back at you!

Luan: [tries getting up, but the egg costume is too big for her to do so] Great! Just perfect!

Lola: [clears throat] Ahem... is there anything you'd like to say to me?

Luan: I'm really sorry I made you kiss Hops yesterday. It was only a joke.

Lola: A gross one at that!

Luan: It was probably a lot funnier to me than it was to you. Please forgive me and help me out of this costume! [tries getting up]

Lola: Say it first.

Luan: [sighs] Help me. I've fallen, and I can't get up.

Lola: [laughs] Okay. Apology accepted. [walks off]

Luan: Hey, wait! Aren't you gonna help me out of this?!

Lola: You don't think I was serious with that. Do you?

Luan: Lola! [groans]

Lincoln and Lana: You're on your own. [walk off]

Luan: Wait! [tries getting up] Ugh. It looks like the yolk's on me. [laughs] But seriously... help.

THE END

Trivia

 * This is based off of a recent RP I did with Thomperfan. I thought the idea of this concept was so good, it warranted it's own fanfic.
 * While Weigh Anger is still in production (I've been held up by a lot of school-related issues), this is just a quick one-shot I whipped up to keep you guys entertained.

Thanks for reading and until next time, salutations!