User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction Review: A Night to Forget

Well, been a while since I've done one of these!

An explanation of the rubric and grading scale can be found here.

Also, I should point out once again that my review will contain spoilers for the story, so if you've been meaning to read it, do it now before looking at this. Here's a link.

Now that that's out of the way, let's dig into A Night to Forget.

A Night to Forget by That Engineer
 Official Synopsis:  The Sadie Hawkins Dance is supposed to be the best night of any kids' life. But for Lincoln, what was supposed to be a simple plan quickly got out of control and ended in disaster. With his social reputation damaged and his relationship with Ronnie Anne severely strained, it's up to four sisters to fix their mistake and make amends to everyone involved.

Full Synopsis: We begin during the events "Dance Dance Resolution", right at the beginning of the Sadie Hawkins dance. At first, the events play out just like they do in the episode, with Lincoln desperately trying to juggle four dates while avoiding Ronnie Anne. But things start to diverge from canon when Lincoln offers his dates to Rusty, Liam and Zach, and they decline and bail on him.

Later, everyone's attention is turned to Lincoln when he's announced as the winner of the raffle. Tabby, Giggles, Haiku and Polly are furious, taking him for some kind of adulterous lech - and this time, they don't have anyone else to fall back on, so they just beat him up instead. But even their fury pales in comparison to Ronnie Anne, who ends the night by pinning Lincoln to his locker and pledging to make his entire school year a living hell.

Once Lincoln gets home, he blows up at Luna, Luan, Lynn and Lucy, chewing them out for their carelessness and shortsightedness before storming up to his room. Moments later, an angry Lori comes home, fully prepared to scream at Lincoln for "cheating" on Ronnie Anne (she heard about what happened via Bobby after Ronnie Anne texted him). But his four sisters stop her and confess that the whole debacle was their fault, so she screams at them instead, and warns them that they'd better figure out a way to set things right before the weekend is over. Afterwards, she goes up to Lincoln's room to comfort him, and assures him that, one way or another, she and the rest of the girls will get him out of his situation.

Luna calls Tabby, explains the whole situation and apologizes to her, but the other three prove to be a little harder to reach. Meanwhile, Lori calls Bobby and tells him that Lincoln wasn't at fault, but when he tries to relay the information to Ronnie Anne, she won't listen. All Bobby can do is promise that Lincoln's sisters will explain everything the next day.

Fortunately, Luna hatches a plan to do exactly that. The plan, as we find out, is to invite all of Lincoln's dates and Ronnie Anne to a meeting at the Royal Woods Mall food court, where she, Luan, Lynn and Lucy will explain why Lincoln wasn't at fault (at least, not entirely). By her reasoning, their side of the story will be much more credible if they deliver it together, backing each other up. Unfortunately, since Giggles, Polly and Haiku still aren't answering their phones, Luan, Lynn and Lucy end up having to track down their friends in person and drag them down to the mall.

Around 11:30, the Loud sisters and the dates they set up all convene at the same location. Things are a bit tense at first (since the dates weren't expecting each other to show up), but the sisters still manage to explain everything and convince them to forgive Lincoln. But Ronnie Anne arrives moments later (with Bobby and Lori accompanying her), and even after overhearing the whole story, she still insists that Lincoln should've just said "no".

Polly steps in and points out that doing so would incite the wrath of his four sisters, three of whom are bigger, stronger and older than him. Haiku, Giggles and Tabby all back her up, and Ronnie Anne finally gives in and admits that maybe she was wrong to accost Lincoln like that. Conveniently, Lincoln happens to be at the mall arcade (Lori brought him there to cheer him up), so she and the four dates all show up to apologize to him. Ronnie Anne and Lincoln kiss and make up, The End.

So that's the story in a nutshell. Let's break it down!

Story:  Well, I'll say this; I did not expect to see an AU fic based on "Dance Dance Resolution". Usually, that kind of treatment is reserved for infamous or controversial episodes, but "Resolution" is the kind of episode that you either like or don't care about.

However, That Engineer makes a very compelling point about the plot of that episode; namely, that it could have easily blown up in Lincoln's face, and he's pretty lucky that it didn't. By fudging one single detail, he turns a quirky, lighthearted episode into one of the worst nights of Lincoln's life.

The problem is that it's also based on the assumption that Lincoln and Ronnie Anne are in a committed relationship. And while I would have bought that earlier in Season 2, by the time the fic was published there was just too much evidence to the contrary. At the end of Relative Chaos, after Ronnie Anne hugs him, Lincoln remarks that it was the first time she ever did that. How serious can their relationship be if they don't even hug?

Now, I actually talked to That Engineer about the issue, and he said that he sees them as two kids who really like each other but are too shy to admit it. I can understand that point of view, and I could see her getting hurt or upset if she saw Lincoln at the dance with four other girls. But I'm sorry, I just can't see her getting that angry at Lincoln - at least not justifiably so - which makes it hard for me to feel sorry for her when she's bawling her eyes out about how Lincoln broke her heart.

And it's not like there was some vital piece of the story that she was missing. Lincoln tells her that his four sisters forced him to go, and she keeps insisting that Lincoln "could've just said no" until Polly Pain points out something to her that she should have figured out for herself. She comes off less like a woman scorned and more like a vindictive little brat who expects Lincoln to sacrifice everything for her.

Overall, points for originality, but the story is pretty flawed in execution.

2.5/5

Prose: Decent. I can't recall any time I was particularly impressed by his wordplay or his attention to detail, but it's competent enough. Like Gumball, he tends to take the "simple and direct" approach, and he's pretty good at setting a scene.

However, there are times when he lapses into unnecessary telling. Like here, for instance:

Whatever it was drove off a second after, and in the few seconds that followed after that, the girls heard someone stomping up to the door. Lori slammed the door open, and it was clear she was very pissed about something.

"Where is that little two-timer?..."

If you ask me, the part after "Lori slammed the door open" could have been cut out entirely, since it's pretty easy to glean that she's pissed based on the other details provided. Better yet, replace it with a description of Lori's face, or her body language.

3.5/5

Mechanics:  Iffy. For the most part, his sentence structure is fine, but there are some recurring formatting errors - like, say, dialogue tags that are capitalized when they come in the middle of a sentence. I also spotted a few sloppy mistakes that I really shouldn't expect from a writer of That Engineer's caliber (like in chapter 3, when Giggles says, "Your a bigger clown than I am").

Also, maybe this is just a matter of personal preference, but I think That Engineer needs to ease up on the ellipses. I don't have a problem with ellipses being used to denote a long pause, but I spotted countless incidents of ellipses being used where periods, commas or even semicolons would have sufficed.

2.5/5

Adherence to Canon:  As I mentioned before, I'm not a fan of the way Ronnie Anne was written here. But before we get back into that, let me talk about the characters I was pleased with.

I really liked the way Lincoln was written, because the story went out of its way to emphasize one of the most compelling aspects of his character; he's not strong, but he's durable. He has a high tolerance for punishment, and a propensity to forgive the people who inflict it upon him. As Polly Pain puts it in Chapter 3, he's a lover, not a fighter. (Granted, he does blow up at his sisters at the end of Chapter 1, but it's pretty justified, and he gives them a chance to set everything right.)

Lori's written well, too. I like that she's a harsh but understanding authority figure. The story doesn't deprive her of her usual edge, but it makes sure to establish that she only acts that way because she cares. That, and the moment in Chapter 2 when she comforts Lincoln is really sweet.

Now… Ronnie Anne. Earlier, I talked about how her behavior in the story makes her unlikable. The reason I'm bringing her up again is because, in my view, it also makes her out-of-character. Let's look back at the actual episode this fic is based on. Do any of you remember how well she took it when she found out that Lincoln was ducking her?

"Not cool, Lincoln. But to be honest, if I thought you were gonna ask me to the dance tonight, I would have ducked you, too."

Point is, in canon she's way more reasonable than the fanbase gives her credit for. Here, she's irrational, presumptuous and selfish, and while the story does try to redeem her by having her apologize to Lincoln at the end, it doesn't change the fact that half the story's conflict stems from her expecting Lincoln to fight off four girls at once, one of whom can bench press their second eldest.

It's a shame, because I don't have a problem with the portrayal of anyone else in this story, but I have to dock points for Ronnie Anne since she's such a major part of it.

3/5

Immersion

While the fic never elicited that strong of a reaction from me, I don't recall any moment when I wanted to stop, or when I lost interest. As much as I disliked Ronnie Anne, I did want to see how Lincoln would get out of his predicament, which compelled me to keep reading. That Engineer seems to have a knack at keeping the events of a story just bleak enough to make you cling to the hope that everything will be all right in the end, without taking it to the point where a happy ending sounds impossible.

Also, I think it was quite cathartic to hear Lori chew out her sisters in Chapter 2, and I liked that she was so firmly in Lincoln's corner after she heard the whole story.

4/5

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Story: 2.5/5

Prose: 3.5/5

Mechanics: 2.5/5

Adherence to Canon: 3/5

Immersion: 4/5

FINAL SCORE: 15.5/25

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MrTyeDye's Review Scorecard:

Popcorn Flick: 23/25 [Great]

Lori's Birthday: 21.5/25 [Great]

Luan's Problem: 18.5/25 [Good]

A Night to Forget: 15.5/25 [Okay/Good]

Lincoln is Done: 2/25 [Garbage]

So what do you think? Was I fair? Did you agree? What do you want me to review next?