Suite and Sour/Script

[Rita and Lynn Sr., in their bedroom, are getting ready to pack up for vacation]

LYNN SR.: "Well, it took 18 years, but the old jug of loose change is finally paying off!"

RITA: "I can't believe we saved enough for a luxury spa weekend! I can't remember the last time we had two whole days to ourselves."

LYNN SR.: "Summer of '98. Clinton, The Spice Girls and Mark McGwire." ''[he puts a rather tacky hat into the suitcase, while Rita discretely takes the hat out, and puts it on Geo's hamster ball, where Geo quickly runs off. Lynn Sr. pulls out some red Speedos and sticks them into the suitcase]'' "You think the kids will be okay? I feel bad we aren't taking them."

RITA: "Oh, they'll be fine." [when Lynn Sr. turns around, she flings the Speedos out the window]

''[Unbeknownst to them, all the Loud kids are listening to them from the bathroom air vent]  LOLA: "We will not ''be fine!" [picks up and looks at the spa pamphlet] "Look at this place, you guys! It's got a spa, eight different pools, and a business center! We are missing out on all of it!!"

LYNN: "Yeah, and while Mom and Dad are living it up, we'll be sucking in cat hair at Aunt Ruth's!"

LUAN: [touches her nose] "Ooh, I call dibs on not clipping her toenails!"

[Everyone does the same, but Lincoln is the last to react]

LINCOLN: [realizing he was last] "Dang it!"

LORI: "We're just gonna have to convince Mom and Dad to take us with them."

LINCOLN: "I know just the thing."

''[Living room. Rita and Lynn Sr. are sitting in front of a closed curtain]''

RITA: "Oh, it's so cute the kids are putting on a play for us."

LYNN SR.: "Yeah, yeah, do I have time to pee?" [the lights go off] "Dang it."

[Luan comes out of the curtains]

LUAN: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Loud House Theater Production of "Weekend at Aunt Ruth's"!"

''[Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other in confusion. Luan pushes the curtain away to reveal Leni, Lana, and Lily wearing cat costumes, behaving and making sounds like a cat]''

LILY: "Kitty cat!"

[Luna comes out, eating out of a pudding container]

LUNA: "Ugh! This pudding expired four years ago!" [Lincoln comes into the scene, dressed as Aunt Ruth]

LINCOLN: [imitating Aunt Ruth's voice] "You waste that, and it's litterbox duty for you!"

[Luan closes the curtain]

LUAN: "One day later."

[Luan re-opens the curtain to reveal Luna playing dead, and Lucy playing the priest]

LUCY: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to say farewell to our sister, Luna, if only her pudding had been as fresh as her jams." ''[Lucy places Luna's guitar on her laying body. Luan closes the curtain again]''

LUAN: And now, another play entitled "Weekend at a Luxury Spa Hotel"."

''[Luan opens the curtains to show a business center set. Lola and Lisa appear] '' LOLA: "What a beautiful business center!"

LISA: "Sister, keep your voice down! We must be respectful of other guests." [Lori and Lynn come out dressed up as Rita and Lynn Sr., respectively]

LYNN: [as Lynn Sr.] "Golly, our kids are so well-behaved."

LORI: [as Rita] "And since we took them on this nice trip, maybe they will put us in a nursing home when we're older."

''[The curtains close, and re-open again to reveal all the siblings as they take a bow. Rita and Lynn Sr. look rather unimpressed]''

RITA: [unconvinced] "I take it you kids want to go the hotel this weekend."

LYNN SR.: Look, kiddos, this is the first chance your mother and I have to relax for a long time."

LINCOLN: "But, Dad, we'll be so good! You won't even know we're there. We promise!"

[The Loud kids look at them with promising faces, as Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other with concern]

''[Royal Woods Spa. The Loud family arrives. Rita walks in with a couple suitcases, while Lynn Sr. walks in with the jug of  change]''

LYNN SR.: "Lynn Loud Sr. checking in."

MANAGER: "Welcome. Uh, just the two bags?"

LYNN SR. "Yup. Ha Ha, just kidding! [the Loud kids are seen struggling to pull out all of the luggage] "Everything in the van, good sir."

[The manager is shocked]

[The Loud family is in their room. The manager puts down the last piece of luggae]

LYNN SR.: "Thank you much! Oh, I almost forgot:" [takes out several coins and hands them to the manager] "There's more than there came from." [the manager leaves. To the kids] Okay, gang. Your mom and I are headed to the spa. Now we're trusting you to stay out of trouble." [the kids agree and quickly dash off] "Could've sworn I packed my feathered fedora." RITA: [feigning concern] "No. Oh, darn. You look so good in it too." [Rita slowly backs away]

''[Lynn and Lana are at the elevators. Lynn is pressing the down button, and both elevators open up]'' LYNN: "Race you to the bottom!" LANA: "Oh, it is on! [Lynn and Lana enter both elevators and begin to mash all the buttons. As the two elevators descend, Lynn's elevator breaks down, and halts to a stop. As Lana laughs at Lynn at her fate, her elevators breaks down as well, causing the two groan in agony. Lori, wearing a baby carrier with Lily in it, is impatiently waiting for the elevator to arrive]​ LORI: "Ugh! What is taking so long? If I don't get back to the room and get my phone, I could literally die!" [groans in frustration] "Let's just take the stairs." [As Lori heads to the staircase, Lincoln walks by, holding a ghost scanner] LUCY: What are you doing? [Lucy's sudden appearance causes Lincoln to fall over in shock. He stands himself up] LINCOLN: