User blog:American Titan/AT's Famous Fanficks 7: "Wrath Of Con"

Co-authors note: If I had to choose my favorite story I've written with Muppet so far, this one takes the cake. I love how we separated all of these gag-filled subplots on how the two main characters got dressed up with each item and everything. I think it's a unique addition to this one! -American Titan

Today was the big event for Lincoln and Brittany. No, not necessarily a meetup at their houses this time, but rather a social gathering! It was the annual Not Copyrighted Fair Use comic convention, and this year, it was being held right in Royal Oaks! Both Lincoln and Brittany were excited for the convention and they decided secretly to cosplay as the character Ace Savvy for the meetup, a daring and brave superhero which both of them admired. The convention was mainly designed for Ace Savvy fanatics, as well, so this would be the perfect time for the two to meet up again and hang out at the convention whilst getting to know each other better.

But as they both thought to themselves about the big day coming, they each noticed something.

“Oh, goodness, I don’t think Brittany specializes in costume making. Remember that paper Ace Savvy mask she drew in Superhero Club? *shudder* I wouldn’t want to upset her by having the better costume.” Lincoln said to himself

“You know, Lincoln might not put together the best outfit for the convention. Remember the drawing he did last time for the art wall in Superhero Club? He was too busy talking to me, that he accidentally put One Eyed Jack’s eyepatch over Ace’s right eye and didn't notice until right before I got picked up by my dad after school. An honest mistake, but still, I don’t want to upset him by having the better costume.” Brittany said to herself.

Unfortunately, they both didn’t want to be the better Ace Savvy cosplayer, so both Lincoln and Brittany in secret decided to make somewhat bad Ace Savvy costumes to put a smile on the other’s face. So without further ado, let’s see how these two got dressed up!

WIGS!!!

The night before the convention, Lincoln decided to go without a wig, while Brittany ran down to the nearby Dollar Shrub to get one.

“Excuse me sir, do you have any wigs?” Brittany asked a worker.

“THERE'S SOME OF THOSE STUPID THINGS OVER THERE, TAKE EM OR LEAVE EM.” the busy, hag worker replied.

“Okay,” Brittany gulped.

She walked to the wig section and found an unfortunate surprise. There was only one of them left in the entire store. It was in an ugly, dingy ponytail style, too. At least it was red hair, like her natural hair color. Brittany decided that it didn't look too bad when she purchased it. But once she got home, she could barely get all of the snarls out of the cheaply made, plastic hair piece.

“Urgh, I would hate for this snarly mess to be what my real hair feels like”, Brittany mumbled.

CAPES!!!

Lincoln decided to see if a sibling had a blue towel for him to use as a cape.

“Hey, Mr. Story Narrator! I have a blue towel thing!!!” Lynn replied promptly.

“Oh, geez, why did it have to be Lynn? Welp, cross my heart and hope it isn’t covered in her head sweat.” Lincoln said quietly in his room.

“I heard that! I’m reading along, you know!” Lynn stated to Lincoln.

“Stop breaking the fourth wall, Lynn. Just give me the towel,” Lincoln demanded, annoyed.

“Bleh, bleh bleh, Mr. Buzzkill. Come to my room and get it.” Lynn said to Lincoln across the hall.

Lincoln walked to her room and realized her towel was the one she used to clean her jockstraps.

“And my ‘plastic cups’, too!” Lynn added.

“Aw, man! I was praying for it NOT to be covered in your disgusting body fluids!” Lincoln winced.

“Don’t underestimate the power of breaking the fourth wall,” Lynn quipped back at him.

“I am washing this right now,” Lincoln said.

But little did Lincoln know that Lynn’s extra-special, patent pending sweat takes weeks to wash out of fabrics and select cottons.

“Ahh, quit making Lynn win!” Lincoln shouted at the narrator

“Ha, ha!” Lynn taunted.

Meanwhile, Brittany was having a hard time finding a cape.

“Come here, capey, capey! Come on! Who's a good cape? WHO’S A GOOD CAPE?” Brittany hollered.

A FEW MINUTES LATER...

“Darn, that usually works.” Brittany remarked, with no cape to be found still.

“What am I going to do now?” Brittany asked disappointed.

Just then, a light blue blanket buried in her closet caught her eye. She recognized that thing. It was her baby blanket from when she was first born in the hospital. Although, despite the touching backstory, the blanket was in less than decent shape nowadays. It had rips in it galore, just like her teared up winter jeans that reveal what underwear she's wearing to the world. And the blanket had a little bear on it. Literally. It was a “Little Bear” blanket. (Great show, especially since our network owns it, too!)

“Looks like I have to wear this as a cape, I guess.” Brittany said in defeat.

SHIRTS!!!

“Daaaaaaaad!” Lincoln yelled downstairs.

“I’m right up here making Lisa’s bed. Quit shouting.” Lynn Sr. answered.

“................Daaaaaaaaaaaaaad!” Lincoln yelled into the bedroom that DAAAAAAAAAD was in.

“*sigh* Alright, how much money do you need this time?” Lynn Sr. asked, annoyed.

“I don’t need money this time. I was looking for a red shirt that I could wear to the annual Not Copyrighted Fair Use comic convention!” Lincoln assured him.

“Okay Lincoln, come with me into my room. I think I might have something SPICY! HAA, CHA, CHA!” Lynn Sr said.

“Oh, joy.” Lincoln thought to himself.

Lynn Sr. looked through his closet until he pulled out a baggy, dark red shirt. Lincoln first saw the back of it. It looked normal enough.

“Eh, it looks normal enough.” Lincoln repeated over the superior storyteller here.

That is, until Lynn Sr flipped the shirt to the front revealing a huge printed image on the shirt reading “World’s Greatest Rinker”.

“Huh!? Why does this shirt look so...dated? I don’t even know what a rinker is!” Lincoln stated.

“Oh, man, this takes me back!” Lynn Sr. started. “You know, after that in-show backstory we told you kids about with whatever stupid stuff we did when we met, me and your mother went to the roller rink on our first date! Ahh, the 80’s were a magical time to be alive. The DJ blasting up the juke’ was hosting a skating contest to see who could skate the best over tons of E.T, ALF, and Gremlins plushies on the ground. Because it was the 80’s, ya see!” Lynn Sr told in passion.

“Lovely.” Lincoln sarcastically groaned.

“I won first prize in the contest. And as my reward, Michael Jackson got me a role in his Thriller music video.” Lynn Sr said in passion.

“Really?” Lincoln was amazed.

“Yeah! My role is ‘Unseen Man Under Gravestone Number 3’!” Lynn Sr. proudly exclaimed. “And your honey bunny mother was so excited for my victory, that she bought me this shirt from Ames, which I’m lending to you right now!”

“I must be the luckiest boy in the world.” Lincoln dryly commented.

Meanwhile, Brittany had a proper Ace Savvy shirt…

“HALLELUJAH! HALLELU-”

...but it was covered in dust and lint.

“-WHA?”

So Brittany needed to lint roll the shirt off.

“Aww, maaan! But lint rollers are so expensive these days!” Brittany complained.

Brittany decided to use an old lint roller she found in a junk drawer in the kitchen. The only one she could find was a dingy, 30 year old lint roller from Elmer's Glue, which advertised how their lint rollers now had rubber cement on it to pick up even the toughest of dirt off clothes!

“Well, here goes nothing.” Brittany sighed.

She took off the protective wrapping and started rolling the lint roller up and down until it got stuck right in the middle of the shirt.

“Urgh! Come on! Get off of there, you stupid hunk of junk!” Brittany yelled.

“Hey! I have feelings too, you know!” the lint roller replied back.

She kept tugging at it with all her might.

“AY! EEY! IY! OH! UU! SOMETIMES Y!”

She tried as she may, but this sticky rubber cement roller wasn't coming off any time soon. She let out a big sigh.

“Welp, I guess I’m taking you along the ride to the convention with me.” Brittany told the lint roller.

PANTS!!!

Lincoln was looking for pants all over his sisters bedrooms, trying to secretly snag a pair that fit him for his date at the convention.

“Maybe Luna has some sweet threads for me. I’m sure she’s gotten a few stylish jeans from her world tours.” Lincoln thought to himself.

Lincoln quietly tiptoed into her room, like Ace Savvy did when he went into Spy Mode (as seen in issue 263) and got into her pants drawer. The first thing he saw was a stupid blue pair of jeans.

“Nope, not this one.”

He threw it out of her neatly folded drawer onto the floor. He rinsed and repeated with practically every pair of blue jeans in the drawer afterwards until the floor was a complete jean-filled mess and there were only two odd pairs out left.

He then found a pair of Luna’s pajamas pants with kiss marks.

“Grody!” Lincoln exclaimed.

He threw those pants outside the door, where a groggy Luna in the hallway, who just woke up, noticed that someone might be robbing her room.

“Aha! Finally! Some black jeans in this place! And these look perfect, too! Can’t wait to try these puppies on!” Lincoln exclaimed.

There was something in his throat that made his voice sound unfamiliar, and Luna crept towards the room with a baseball bat in her hand.

Lincoln stepped over all the jeans, now messily thrown on the floor, to try on his borrowed threads.

He buttoned the buttons, zipped the zipper, and…

“What? The waist is too big? Aw, nuts!” Lincoln said.

“STOP IN THE NAME OF LUV, YA BLIMIN’ THIEF!” Luna yelled at the evil robber.

WHACK, WHACK, WHACK!

Luna booted the unsuspecting Lincoln out of her room, making him slam into the wall in the upstairs hallway.

“Duuuuur, I’ll take two spoons of sugar, Mr. Sparkles!” Lincoln said as he saw stars.

“Hey, Lincoln,” Lucy said as she came up behind him.

“GAAAAAH! Lucy, quit scaring me like that!” Lincoln screamed when he turned around to see her.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt your unicorn-filled tea party, but I heard you were looking for black jeans,” Lucy continued.

“I was until Luna kicked me out of her room,” Lincoln said.

“I think I can help get you a pair.” Lucy assured him.

She pulled down the ladder leading into the attic.

“Follow me.”

Lincoln and Lucy walked up to the attic where Lucy went into an old trunk.

“Mom and Dad’s old wedding clothes,” Lucy said with a smirk.

“Lucy, you know that Mom’s wedding dress is important to her! No touchy! No touch!” Lincoln reminded her.

“Relax, I’m just getting Dad’s black wedding pants for you.” Lucy told him. “Although, there is one major problem with them.”

“What, is there in a hole in the front?” Lincoln asked.

Lucy pointed to inside of the pants. Lincoln glanced inside to find a moth struggling for dear life in a huge web as a gigantic black widow spider was slowly eating its partially alive body.

“Ahh, the circle of life. Isn’t it beautiful?” Lucy said to Lincoln as she cuddled up next to his side.

Lincoln thought for a moment. The boy had two options: either only wearing his boxers to the convention, humiliating himself in the process, or wearing the pants with the spider, potentially damaging his precious “equipment”.

“I’ve ‘mothered’ several black widows in the past. From experience, you NEVER want to kick them out of their natural home, or else they will attack you. If you want the pants, you might need to let this little guy reside in there while wearing them.” Lucy explained to Linc.

“Help...me…” the moth cried out as it slowly died. The black widow then started to nibble on its head and eyeballs.

“Yeah, I’m going to just wear my boxer shorts to the convention, I’d rather be mocked across town than to have broken ‘equipment’, Lucy,” Lincoln said, creeped out.

“Good luck with finding a pair that won’t be mocked by literally everyone there.” Lucy. warned him.

She then stuck her finger out and let the black widow crawl on her finger.

“Come on, little guy, let’s get you some ants to eat out of that anthill in the backyard,” she said while petting the spider’s head.

Over at Brittany’s house, she just remembered that her only pair of black pants were just put in the washer. She forgot that these would have complemented her outfit nicely.

She went downstairs to the laundry room and saw the pants floating around the washing machine, getting soaked in Tide Ultra Soft and bleach galore.

“Dangit! Well, it’s no time to clean out all those hot sauce stains on these pants, I need to get them outta the wash as soon as possible! The convention’s tonight!” Brittany said to herself.

“Maybe I will take off my current jeans and see how the costume looks so far. I need to kill some time to let the pants soak, anyways,” Brittany said.

She removed her current jeans revealing her infamous pink Ace Savvy panties. Once looking in the mirror at this get up, she heard a whistle that seemed to come from out of nowhere.

“Huh? Where did that come from?” Brittany thought to herself. She then shrugged her shoulders and went back into the laundry room where she found something horrible. The washer Broke.

“Not understandable. Don’t you dare have a nice day; get your butt working again!” she yelled at the machine. She kicked the washer which lead into the laundry room flooding. Her pants were still trapped inside, so she hit the Emergency Cough button on the washer which got it to open up the machine door and cough the pants onto her.

“Bleck! You know, you could have covered your mouth before sneezing onto me!” Brittany said to the inanimate washer. (Man, these people must be seeing things.)

“My pants are soaked! I can’t wear these,” Brittany said.

But after realizing how expensive new, dry jeans are these days, thanks to our corrupt government, she had to make do with these wet ones for now.

“Ewww! They’re even making my undies wet!” Brittany complained.

She sighed, hoping that at least her underwear would be dry come the time when her and Lincoln would be meeting up.

MASKS!!!

Warning: The following tale of Lincoln’s cosplay mask is quite graphic. We advise young readers to skip to the next section in order for them to not experience any of the following symptoms while reading Lincoln’s story: or…
 * diarrhea
 * high pitched screaming
 * broken eardrums
 * barfing
 * vomiting
 * hurling
 * puking
 * explosive diarrhea
 * incredible laughter
 * intense agony
 * insatiable cravings
 * suicidal thoughts
 * atomic bombing diarrhea
 * diarrhea, explosive diarrhea, and atomic bombing diarrhea 3 in 1 combo breakers

So, without further ado, let’s see how Lincoln deals with procuring a mask of his very own…

“Ehh, what the heck, I don’t need a mask for my outfit,” Lincoln said to himself.

Meanwhile, Brittany was at the party goods store looking for a good mask. But she had a choice to make. Which one, which one? The plastic mask for $2, or the fancy schmancy latex one for $10?

“I’m not a cheapskate! Gimme the tenner!” Brittany said.

“Uh, who are you talking to?” a nearby cashier pondered.

Ignoring the simple request for an answer, Brittany wanted to try the mask on first to see how good it looked on her. After slipping it on her head, she looked dazzling, amazing, stupendous! Except for those hives breaking out all across her face.

“I feel like a villain from that cartoon with the meddling kids and the dog,” Brittany complained. She felt quite dizzy, too. She found out in that very moment that she was deathly allergic to latex and passed out.

“Madam you okay?” the clerk asked.

The next thing she saw was doctors faces in the hospital, and her mother waiting for her recovery. She had the alternative plastic mask in a shopping bag.

“Oh, thank god you’re OK, sweetie,” Brittany’s mother told her.

“I love you too, Mom. Thanks for sticking by my side,” Brittany slowly said.

“I heard you were looking for a mask to your costume when you passed out. So I got you this non-latex one. And it was cheaper, too! You know how I love bargains and all.” Brittany’s mother explained.

“I know you do, Momma.” Brittany remarked. “Also why is there a draft underneath the blanket?”

“The doctor told me your pants and underwear were soaked. Ooh, you must have peed yourself scared while unconscious. So I took them off and bought you a new pair.” Brittany’s mom said, revealing both the mask and a new change of bottom wear that were much less embarrassing.

“Let’s see how this mask turns out to be first.” Brittany told her mom.

Well, it didn’t make her break out this time. But it was so cheaply made. She could barely see out of the tiny eyeslots in the thing. She tried walking out of bed to grab her new clothes, but she ended up stumbling all over the room, eventually falling face down on the ground like a klutz.

“Oh, honey! Are you alright?” her mother asked.

“Uhh, yeah, I must still be a little dazed from being unconscious, is all. The face mask is great, Mom!” Brittany said with a smile.

“Good, now let’s get some bottoms on you, you don’t need to show your cute little tushy.” her mother told her.

“Yeah, but it seems quite drafty down here.” Brittany admitted.

As Brittany kept her secret from her mom to make her happy about the plastic mask she got, Brittany’s mom saw that her oversized hand me down pants were falling off of her daughters waist, exposing quite an embarrassing pair of Grover's undies. Mom quickly pulled the pants back up to Brittany’s waist without her noticing.

“What draft? I don’t feel any draft, sweetiekins,” Mom remarked.

“What underwear did you get me?” Brittany asked.

Seeing as how she rounded these clothes up from around the house as hand me downs and merely folded them to make them look new,...

“Oh your Grover brand Ace Savvy Rules panties,” Mom admitted.

“Ahh, Grover underwear company. Good licenses they can obtain for their products, but they never know how to sew a proper pair of undies together without a hole or two in the stitching.” Brittany noted.

“Brrrr, that draft is coming on again. Maybe we should get back to our warm house so I can get set for the convention tonight. With better underwear, too...”

SHOES!!!

Lincoln stood in front of his mirror in his homemade Ace Savvy costume, so far. He turned around and clenched his buttcheeks together and he stared in amazement.

“Oh, yeah! These buns be sizzling in my mediocre costume!” Lincoln said.

“Eww! Keep your buns behind closed doors, Lincoln Loud!” Lola remarked as she walked past his room, slamming the door shut for him.

“Moooooooom!!! Lincoln is shaking his butt in the mirror!” Lola could be heard saying outside of the room.

“Leave him alone and let him do what he wants, dear.” Rita replied.

“Now I need shoes to walk around in at the convention. And I have quite possibly the best Ace Savvy look alike shoes out there.” Lincoln said.

“Big, bright red, all new, Coverse-”

Lincoln peeks into the closet where he was saving up some bright red Coverses for quite a while since he received them for his ninth birthday. He peeked into the shoebox to find that the shows were mangled beyond repair.

“-HEAVENS TO MURGATROYD!” Lincoln gasped.

“And I don’t even know what Murgatroyd is!”

Lincoln stormed out of his room towards Lana’s bedroom, where she was playing fetch with Charles in the hallway while taking care of Lucy’s black widow spider in the meantime. Lincoln walked into the room angry, holding the shoes in his hand.

“Uh, can I help you, Linc? I’m kinda busy at the moment,” Lana monotonously told him. She was too busy focusing her emotions on the adorable pets.

Lincoln held up the shoes in front of her face.

“What the darn heckity heck is this?” Lincoln demanded.

Charles was staring at the shoes, drooling. He was craving them as a chew toy. He jumped up in the air, stole one of them out of Lincoln’s hand, and ran away with it.

“HEY! Gimme that back, Charles! Bad boy!” Lincoln commanded. His orders, however, weren’t very successful with the pooch, who was having a blast tearing the destroyed shoes to bits.

“It’s not my fault that Charles is curious. You need to leave your door closed more so he can’t get in. You only have yourself to blame, man,” Lana blatantly told him.

“Hahaa! Score one for the ‘door closed’ team!” Lola cheered as she entered the bedroom.

“Oh, would you look at that? Lana’s taking care of a huge, deadly black widow spider right on your bed, Lola!” Lincoln told her with a smirk.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! YUCKY SPIDERS! MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!” Lola shrieked, running out of the room.

“Score one for the ‘door open’ team,” Lincoln thought to himself.

“Ahh, well, I guess I’m just going to have to make do with these slobbered over shoes for the convention tonight,” Lincoln said.

He then realized that Charles was still playing with the other shoe.

“Hey! Charles! Drop it, now!” Lincoln yelled, running out of the room.

Meanwhile Brittany was looking for her shoes in her closet. But she wouldn’t settle for the red summer flip flops near the door of her closet, oh no. She dug deep for this pair. She remembered that as a baby, she used to love watching that old Ace Savvy cartoon. She also distinctly remembered having matching shoes that were branded after the cartoon series, but she hadn’t worn them in years. She dug and dug through her closet until she reached the very back, where an old cardboard box lay. She never even knew it was inside here until now, because of all the clothes in there that cluttered the closet for years.

Opening it, she just so happened to find the Ace Savvy shoes she wore as a kid. They were a perfect fit, and they were in great shape. The batteries built into the shoes still worked, even!

Brittany slipped both of them on her feet as her mother called up to her room:

“Brittany! Dinner!”

“I’m coming, Mom!”

Brittany placed both of her feet down on the ground, preparing to run downstairs to eat some meatloaf before the big convention.

“COOLAWESOME!” the sneakers both said through their speakers on the side of the shoes.

“Aw, man! Now I remember these shoes! Just my luck!” Brittany complained.

These shoes were actually merchandise made for a “babyfied” version of Ace Savvy called “The Savvy Clubhouse” that used to air on the Playhut Disnee channel. You could imagine why such an attempted reboot got cancelled in one season.

Brittany picked up her left foot and stomped in on the bedroom floor.

“COOL!”

She picked up her right foot and stomped it on the bedroom floor.

“AWESOME!”

She then facepalmed herself, cringing at the horror she was going to have to wear to the convention tonight.

“Honey, stop stomping your feet upstairs and come down here. Your meatloaf and beans are getting cold!” Brittany’s mother told her.

“Ok, Mom!” Brittany replied. She took her shoes off and ran downstairs, but not before taking one last look at the shoes before dinnertime and cringing at the mere sight of them.

At long last, it was time. The clock struck 6:30 pm, and the convention started at 7 on the dot. Lincoln and Brittany headed downtown to the event in separate cars, nervous of what was to come.

Lori and Luan joined Lincoln for the car ride.

“Lincoln, I have a bunch of questions for you.” Lori said.

“Ask away, honey,” Lincoln replied.

“Really? Lori smells more like an Eau De Toilette perfume to me! Emphasis on ‘ew’ and ‘toilet’,” Luan replied. “BWA, HA, HAAAAAA! Get it?”

Lori groaned at her comment, while Lincoln chuckled a bit.

“Anyways, why aren’t your wearing pants, Linc?” Lori asked.

“Excuse you! I am quite certain that Brittany would love my outfit the way I am, thank you very much, Lori!” Lincoln proudly exclaimed.

Lori sarcastically and quietly muttered “Yeah, right…”

“Boy, Brittany must have a preference for boys in red,” Luan said. “In red boxers that is.”

“Or she might just be desperate,” Lori chimed in.

Both sisters were laughing their butts off as Lincoln sadly thought to himself that the date wouldn’t go well, especially with how poorly he was dressed. He started to sweat and stress out.

“Aww, it looks like we made Linky sad,” Luan noticed, giving Lincoln a hug. He hugged her back.

“I bet the baby wants big boy pants now,” Lori sarcastically blurted out.

“Oh, hush hush, Lori!” Lincoln mildly defended himself. He told Luan in her arms, “Look, guys. It’s not about you teasing me. I get that all the time and I’m fine with it. It’s just...I don’t think the date is going to go well because of it.”

“There there, Lincoln here’s a tissue,” Luan said as she gave him a handkerchief she normally used in her magic tricks to cover items up with. Lincoln blew into the expensive magic trick cloth and put it back on Luan’s lap so she could have it back.

“Err...I’m so honored to have this souvenir from our little chat…” Luan said as she threw the hankie out the car window.

“No offense, bro, but your suit looks kinda...low quality,” Luan commented.

“You literally look like that ugly clown that was at my 7th birthday party!” Lori added, laughing herself into hysterics yet again.

“Hey! Wasn’t I that clown?” Luan said.

“What’s wrong with my costume?” Lincoln asked angrily.

“It looks so bad, that anything Brittany put on at the last second would be better than that...THING!” Lori was rolling around in the driver seat as she pulled up to the dropoff spot for the convention.

Before Lincoln burst into tears yet again, he thought of something. He just realized.

The poorly made costume.

Since his costume was so awful, it was sure to please Brittany! It was a great way to dress for the meetup!

“You’re right, Lori!” Lincoln said, jumping for joy in his seat. “My costume DOES look like garbage! Like only wearing boxer shorts, my cape being Lynn’s special towel, I mean I will be the laughing stock of the building!”

“Huh?!? What are you talking about, dude?” Lori said, confused.

“Um...are you okay, Lincoln?” Luan pondered, also confused.

“Yes, actually! I am great!” Lincoln said. “MY COSTUME IS TRASH! YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!”

Lincoln hugged his two sisters with all his might and kissed them on the cheek.

“MUAH, MUAH! OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!” Lincoln shouted gleefully.

He then ran out of the car and headed inside of the convention.

“WOO HOO! HA, HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! PERFECT DATE!”

Lori and Luan stared at Lincoln running into the conventions with their jaws dropped.

“I’ll have what he’s having,” Luan said slowly in disbelief at what she just witnessed.

“Ditto,” Lori said.

Brittany was getting a ride to the convention with her father.

“Well, honey, all this time and you still haven’t shown me your outfit for this party I’m taking you to!” Brittany’s father told her. “Well, since we’re caught in traffic on this highway and we might not get to the place twenty minutes past 7, at least lemme take a quick looksie at it, sweetie. It can’t be that bad!”

Brittany, after a moment of hesitation, gave in to her father’s request. After all, he was doing her a big favor driving to the convention.

“Okay, daddy. You can take a look at me in the back seat.” Brittany shyly squeaked.

Brittany’s father turned his head to get a quick glance at her “masterpiece” of a get up and he took her dressing in a messy outfit quite well.

Just kidding!

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brittany’s father screamed.

He was in such shock looking at her rather “unique” and poorly put together costume that he forgot about…

“THE ROAD, DAD! STAY ON THE ROAD!” Brittany quickly yelled at him.

“I CAN’T, SWEETIE! MY EYES ARE BURNING, LIKE IF SOMEONE POURED ACID ON THEM!” Brittany’s dad replied.

The car went off course and went off the road, plummeting high off a skyway bridge into the downtown area.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brittany screamed.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brittany’s dad screamed.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” they both screamed at the same time.

As they plummeted towards the hard-as-a-rock downtown street pavement and both said their prayers, they just so happened to land directly tire-first in the dropoff zone for the convention right on time…

…demolishing their car and a parked, fancy, modern car which they landed on top of in the process.

The car airbags burst all over Brittany’s dad in the front seat, partially squishing his chubby belly.

When the car airbags retracted, Brittany and her dad just stood still like petrified statues.

“W-well, we made it on t-time, at least,” Brittany said before fainting.

“Good luck at the convention, honey! I might need to stay here for...millions of dollars worth of car insurance.” Brittany’s dad told her.

Brittany knew that there was no time to waste. She got up from her brief fainting and ran into the entrance door to the convention.

“COOL, AWESOME, COOL, AWESOME, COOL, AWESOME…”

“I am having no such luck with my darn shoes, how could this get any worse?” Brittany said.

At the middle section of the convention, where all of the dressed up people hung out, Lincoln was trying to locate Brittany to no avail. While searching throughout the room, everyone was making fun of Lincoln’s poorly designed costume and laughing at him.

“The operation guy called. He wants his boxers back!” a convention goer shouted.

“Which run-down Goodwill dumpster did you have to go through to get that stupid roller rink shirt, kid?” another guy taunted at poor Lincoln.

Lincoln had taken back what he said in the car. He was running out of the convention to hopefully make it back to his ride before they left him stranded him there. He almost made it outside of the central cosplayer room when someone turned the corner and he couldn’t stop quick enough.

WHAM!

“Ugh, my head…” Lincoln said dazed. “Hey, hippie, watch where you’re-”

It turned out that he bumped heads with Brittany, who just entered the convention.

“Lincoln?” Brittany said.

“Oh my! Brittany! Look, look, I’m terribly sorry, it’s just-”

It was at that point that they noticed each others costumes.

“You couldn’t have…” Lincoln said surprised.

“Did you really?” Brittany said surprised.

“But, I just wanted to make you happy. Even if we both dressed sloppily, your costume is ten times better than mine. Because you’re so beautiful in that mask…” Lincoln started out.

“No, no! Your costume is WAY better! You look so handsome in those boxer shorts. You did a much better job than me...” Brittany interrupted.

After a brief moment of silence, they both said at the same time, “You dressed like this for me?”

They both stared at each other in amazement. They started to tear up and run towards each other for big hug.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!”

They hugged each other and kissed each other on the lips.

“You’re the best girl a man like me could ask for.” Lincoln told her.

“You’re the best nerd I could have ever hoped for.” Brittany told him.

Until the worst thing that could have happened did happen.

Brittany’s pants fell down, exposing her infamously bright pink Ace Savvy undies.

Everyone in the room went silent, staring at her undies.

Even Lincoln took a quick peek, although he tried his best to resist looking.

Everyone in the room burst out in laughter all at once.

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

“Are those Grover brand undies?” Someone yelled at Brittany.

“Bet those were second to none...in that stupid Goodwill dump!”

“Were those a hand me down from your mommy, after she had her period?”

Brittany started to cry and ran out of the convention with Lincoln following her.

Just as they went out the exit door, Brittany was about to run away from all the humiliation when Lincoln scooped her up in his arms and held her.

“Come on, Brittany. Let’s go home.” Lincoln told her.

She stopped tearing up and rubbed her cheek onto Lincoln’s face.

He felt so heroic saving her from all of those bullies inside the convention. He felt like the real Ace Savvy, doing good and saving the day.

“I’ll walk all the way home and carry you while doing it, baby girl,” Lincoln assured her.

“Uh, Lincoln, do you have any spare clothes for me?” Brittany asked.

“Er, I’ll walk all the way home with you...as soon as I retrieve your pants from the lost and found. Be right back!” Lincoln said as he set her down and almost dashed back into the convention, where people were still pointing and laughing from inside.

“Wait, Lincoln,” Brittany said as she grabbed onto Lincoln’s shirt and cape.

“Forget about it. Let’s just go home without them.” Brittany explained.

“As you wish.” Lincoln replied.

Lincoln started his journey around the first block when he noticed that Lori and Luan parked Vanzilla at a Sanic Drive-In stall as they were eating fast food inside of it.

Lincoln didn’t want to tell Brittany, but he was already getting tired from carrying her. And he was only one block down, 499 more to go.

“Hey, Lori! Lori! Over here!” Lincoln shouted over to her.

“Oh goodness, Lincoln’s carrying his date in his arms.” Lori told Luan.

“And is she even wearing pants?” Luan commented.

The two sisters gave each other a devilish grin.

“Step on it!” Luan told Lori.

Lori burned rubber out of the drive-in parking lot, driving on the path back home.

Still carrying Brittany in his arms, Lincoln frantically ran after the speeding Vanzilla and shouted, “HEY! WAIT FOR US!!!”

The End