User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: Ronnie Anne Overboard! with the Casagrandes

Well, this took a bit longer than expected, but I finally got it done. Just so you know, this is a sequal to my previous story, A Most Dangerous Game, so it's recommended that you read that one first. Beyond that, please enjoy my own contribution to the Casagrande arc:

Ronnie Anne Overboard! with the Casagrandes
Plot Summary: To prepare for her role in the upcoming Dream Boat dating sim, Ronnie Anne is sent on a Dream Boat cruise with her friends and family.

Script
[We open in Ronnie Anne’s room, where Ronnie Anne and Sid are watching Dream Boat on Ronnie Anne’s laptop.]

Ronnie Anne: So you see, since Bucky had to walk the plank for attempted sabotage, Katlyn only has three contestants left to choose to be her first mate.

Sid: [enthralled] Ooh, I hope it’s Bertram. That guy is so dreamy~.

Ronnie Anne: [skeptical] Bertram? Seriously? Sid, the man’s a total space cadet. He lost the Cupid’s Paintball challenge just to rescue some random seagull that got caught in the crossfire, for crying out loud.

Sid: [practically swooning] I know, right? Isn’t he the sweetest thing?

[After a beat, Ronnie Anne just chuckles and rolls her eyes.]

Ronnie Anne: I guess you would go for the animal lover, huh?

[Just then, Rosa comes in holding a bunch of letters.]

Rosa: Mail call, Mijita! [she notices what Ronnie Anne and Sid are watching and smiles] Ah. I see you’re introducing your friend to the wonders of Dream Boat.

Ronnie Anne: Yeah. I kinda figured she’d be into it.

Sid: Are you kidding? I think I have a new favorite show now!

Rosa: [chuckles] It is so nice to see you two enjoying yourselves. Anyway, this came for you, Ronalda. It seemed rather… important.

''[She winks at Ronnie Anne as she hands her the letter. Ronnie Anne raises an eyebrow as she accepts it.]''

Ronnie Anne: Uh, thanks, Abuela.

Rosa: Not a problem, Mija. Now, I’d better get to the kitchen. I hope you’re hungry, because I’m making your favorite~.

[Rosa leaves, and Sid and Ronnie Anne stare at each other.]

Sid: What was that all about?

Ronnie Anne: [shrugs] Beats me. [she scans the envelope for a moment, and then her eyes sparkle] Holy smokes! I’ve been waiting for this!

Sid: What? Waiting for what?

Ronnie Anne: Before you moved here, I took part of a video game tournament held at our local arcade. The grand prize was a starring role in the upcoming Dream Boat dating sim.

[Beat]

Sid: [excited] Is this story going where I think it’s going? Did you actually win that tournament?!

[Ronnie Anne simply nods, to which Sid squeals with delight.]

Sid: Omigosh, that is incredible! No wonder your grandma was acting like that!

Ronnie Anne: Yeah. Honestly, I was wondering if they were ever gonna get back to me. This must have all the details about the role.

Sid: [giddy] Well, what’re we standing around here for?! C’mon, open it, open it, open it~!

''[Ronnie Anne complies and scans the letter. After a beat, her jaw drops.]''

Sid: So? What’s it say?

[The letter falls from Ronnie Anne’s fingers as she stands there, stiff as a board.]

Ronnie Anne: [stunned monotone] Sid? Could you do me a favor and punch me as hard as you can?

Sid: [baffled] Wait, what? Why?

Ronnie Anne: [stunned monotone] I need to make sure this is not a dream.

''[Confused, Sid walks over and reads the letter. After a beat, her eyes go wide. We quickly cut to the outside of the building, and we hear Sid let out a loud, high-pitched squeal that causes pigeons to scatter every which way. We then cut back to the room, where Ronnie Anne’s face has contorted to a pained expression. After a pause, she smacks her own ear a couple of times.]''

Ronnie Anne: Well, on the plus side, I’m not dreaming. Dang, you’ve got some powerful lungs, Sid.

Sid: [chuckles sheepishly] Sorry ‘bout that.

***

''[Some time later, the Casagrande family is gathered in the dining room. Carlos has Ronnie Anne’s letter, and he is reading it aloud.]''

Carlos: “…and so, to properly prepare you for your new role, we have booked you and your family for an all expenses paid authentic Dream Boat cruise.”  Wow. I-I don’t know what to say.

Ronnie Anne: Yeah, pretty sweet, right?

Maria: We all think it’s great, honey. But I’m not sure if all of us can make it. You know how demanding our jobs are.

Frida: Ay yi yi. Maria, you and Carlos are always talking about work. In my opinion, you both could use a vacation.

Carlota: Besides, this is the opportunity of the lifetime! I cannot miss out on this!

[Everyone stares at Carlota, who blushes.]

Carlota: [clears her throat] I-I mean Ronnie Anne can’t miss out on this. Y-yeah.

Carl: [scoffs] Whatever you say, Carlota.

Carlota: Hey, don’t act like you don’t wanna go!

Carl: [defensively] Wh-what? Me? Wh-why would I care about some mushy Dream Boat cruise? Th-that’s just crazy.

Carlota: [knowingly] Uh-huh.

CJ: [brandishing a toy sword] Hooray~! We’re gonna be Dream Boat pirates!

Carlitos: A-gah~! [raises his fist triumphantly]

Sergio: [donning a pair of shades] Brawk~! Anchors away!

Rosa: Now now. Let’s not lose sight of the bigger picture here. As a family, we should be there to support Ronnie Anne on this momentous occasion.

Bobby: [thoughtfully] Abuelo, do you think it’s possible we can close the mercado for this trip?

Hector: [furrowing his brow and stroking his chin] Hmm. I suppose it would be alright if it was for a family vacation. What’s more, they did say they’d pay for everything, so we wouldn’t have to worry about money.

Ronnie Anne: [to Maria] Besides, it’s not gonna be for a couple of days. I’m sure you and Tio Carlos can work something out before we leave.

[Maria and Carlos look at each other for a moment.]

Carlos: Well, I guess I could let the dean know that I’ll be away on family business.

Maria: And it would be good for all of us to spend more time together.

Frida: Exactly. So, it’s decided?

[Beat]

Hector: It sure seems that way. [he smiles and places a hand on Ronnie Anne’s shoulder] We’re all very proud of you, Mija. And I know it would mean a lot to you if we were there to celebrate with you.

[The rest of the Casagrandes encourage and congratulate Ronnie Anne, who simply blushes and smiles.]

Ronnie Anne: Thanks, guys. [she gets up and starts to leave]

Bobby: Where are you going, sis?

Ronnie Anne: I need to make a couple of calls. The guys at the studio said it would be important for the trip. Call me when dinner’s ready!

[As Ronnie Anne leaves, Carlos adjusts his glasses and takes another look at the letter.]

Carlos: [reading from the note] “Though it was difficult given our budget and the size of your family, you are allowed to invite two friends. We recommend one male friend and one female friend to best… gauge your interactions… with both… genders…”

[Beat]

Frida: O-oh my. D-do you think she knows what that means?

Maria: [nervously] I-I’m sure she does. She’s always been a bright girl, after all.

Bobby: [confused] So Ronnie Anne is gonna invite a couple of friends to join us on the cruise. What’s the big deal?

Carlos: Bobby’s right. They probably just want to gather data on Ronnie Anne’s demeanor so they can capture that personality in the game. It’s not as though they would go out of their way to force an adolescent girl into a serious relationship. That would just be absurd.

[Beat]

Maria: [panicking] That’s exactly what they’re doing, isn’t it?! Th-they can’t do that to my baby girl! Sh-she’s only eleven!

Bobby: [patting Maria’s shoulder] Mom, calm down. Ronnie Anne’s gonna be fine.

Carlota: Yeah, conspiracy theory much? Dream Boat pulls a lot of crazy stuff, but they wouldn’t go that far for a publicity stunt.

Hector: Besides, Ronnie Anne has proven to us that she’s more than capable of looking out for herself. There’s nothing to worry about.

[Beat]

Maria: Y-yeah. That’s right. Nothing to worry about.

Hector: [nods] Exactly. Now, how should we go about…?

Maria: [interrupting] Because we’ll be keeping an eye on her.

Frida: Ah, that’s right! We’re going on this cruise with her, are we not? We can make sure these people don’t try anything funny!

Carlota: [flabbergasted] Have you two lost your minds?! You’re just being paranoid! This is the Downtown Spying incident all over again!

Rosa: [darkly] The dangers of the city are nothing compared to the complexity of the heart, Mija. Maria’s right, we need to make sure Ronnie Anne is free to make her own decisions.

Carlos: Come now, Mother. You don’t honesty believe any company in this day and age would stoop so low as to exploit a child and force her into a situation well beyond her maturity level, do you?

[Beat]

Rosa: Hmm. Fair point. No sense in jumping to conclusions.

Carlos: [adjusting his glasses] Precisely. Now, we should probably discuss…

Rosa: [interrupting] I will consult the cards tonight, just to be safe.

[Carlos groans and facepalms.]

Frida: Carlos, Ronnie Anne is family. We need to look out for her well-being. [she looks around the table] And I mean all of us.

Carlota: Or, better idea. How about we don’t make ourselves look like a bunch of maniacs and potentially ruin the whole thing?

Frida: [sternly] Carlota, try thinking of someone other than yourself, yes?

Carlota: [stammering] Th-this isn’t about that! I just think—

Carl: [teasing] Yeah, Carlota. Just because Ronnie Anne’s the one who’s gonna be in the Dream Boat game doesn’t mean you can act all jealous.

Carlota: [blushing] I-I am not jealous!

[Everyone raises a knowing eyebrow at Carlota.]

Carlota: Well, okay, I’m a little jealous. But that doesn’t make you guys any less crazy!

Maria: Crazy or not, my little girl needs us.

Frida: [nods] Agreed. And you kids will be helping, too.

Carl: Uh, yeah. Sure. Whatever.

CJ: Secret pirate mission on the Dream Boat~! [brandishes his toy sword]

Carlota: [groans] Fine, but only to prove how completely insane you two are acting.

Frida: [sternly] No talking back, Carlota. Remember, try to put someone else before your own needs.

''[With that, the meeting is adjourned. The Casagrandes all go their separate ways, with Bobby standing there with a blank expression on his face. Sergio flies over and perches himself on his shoulder.]''

Bobby: I’m gonna level with you, Sergio: I have no idea what just happened.

Sergio: Brawk~! You and me both, buddy.

***

[We cut to Ronnie Anne in her room talking to Sid via video chat on her phone.]

Ronnie Anne: So, what’s the story? Did you get permission from your parents?

Sid: [nods enthusiastically] Sure did! I mean, yeah, I had to promise that I’d help my mom at the zoo for a week when I get back, but it was totally worth it.

Ronnie Anne: Sweet! This is gonna be awesome!

Sid: You don’t have to tell me that! Hey, who else are you gonna invite?

Ronnie Anne: [ambiguously] Eh, you’ll see.

[Beat]

Sid: [slyly] Oh ho ho~. It wouldn’t happen to be your…

Ronnie Anne: [interrupting] Nope. Stop right there.

Sid: [teasing] What? What do you think I’m gonna say?

Ronnie Anne: [flustered] You know very well what I think you’re gonna say!

[Sid lets out a hearty laugh.]

Sid: Sheesh, no need to get all worked up about it. Listen, I’d better go pack. See ya later!

Ronnie Anne: [sighs] Right. Later.

''[Ronnie Anne hangs up and scrolls through her phone. She stares at it for a bit before taking a deep breath.]''

Ronnie Anne: [to herself] Just get a grip. This isn’t what Sid thinks it is. He’s just a friend.

''[Ronnie Anne taps her phone. After a beat, the screen lights up, revealing a familiar face.]''

Lincoln: Oh, hey, Ronnie Anne.

Ronnie Anne: [smirks] Hey, Lame-O. How’s it going?

Lincoln: [shrugs] Eh, same old, same old. What about you?

Ronnie Anne: Funny you should ask. Um, out of curiosity, are you doing anything this weekend?

[Lincoln knits his brow and strokes his chin for a moment.]

Lincoln: I don’t think so. Why?

Ronnie Anne: Well, remember when I won that starring role in the upcoming Dream Boat dating sim in that Muscle Fish tournament?

Lincoln: Yeah.

Ronnie Anne: The developers said that to prepare me for the role, they booked me for an actual Dream Boat cruise. They said I could invite some friends, and well, I know you like Dream Boat, so…

[Lincoln tilts his head as Ronnie Anne trails off.]

Lincoln: Are you… inviting me to join you? On a Dream Boat cruise?

Ronnie Anne: Um, duh! O-of course I am. There’s nothing weird about that.

Lincoln: [confused] Who said anything about it being weird?

Ronnie Anne: [blushing] Look, can you make it or not, Lame-O?

Lincoln: Well, I’d have to double-check with my parents, but I’m pretty sure I can make it. It sounds like fun.

[Ronnie Anne’s expression brightens.]

Ronnie Anne: Great! That’s… great. [clears her throat] We’ll be casting off from the pier just outside Aloha Beach Saturday at 10:00. Looking forward to seeing you.

Lincoln: Gotcha! Seeya then!

[The call ends, and Ronnie Anne breathes out a sigh and flops back onto her bed.]

Ronnie Anne: [groans] Why did I have to make that more painful than it needed to be?

''[She hears a creek and looks up to see Rosa leaning against the door while holding Carlitos. She scowls.]''

Ronnie Anne: Seriously, Abuela?

Rosa: Th-this isn’t what it looks like, Mija. I-I was just going to tell you that it’s almost time for dinner.

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: [skeptical] I’ll be out in a few.

Rosa: R-right.

[Rosa closes the door and breathes out a sigh before letting out a chuckle and looking over at Carlitos.]

Rosa: It appears Maria doesn’t have to worry so much about Ronalda’s maturity. Perhaps she can handle herself after all.

[Carlitos nods.]

***

''[The next scene opens on Saturday morning outside the apartment complex. The Casagrandes are all packing up the station wagon. Sid is standing with her parents with a backpack slung over her shoulder. Mr. Nakamura is there as well, along with his dog Nelson and the Casagrande dog Lalo.]''

Frida: Thank you ever so much for agreeing to look after Lalo while we’re gone, Mr. Nakamura. Are you sure you can handle him?

Mr. Nakamura: It’s no trouble at all, Mrs. Casagrande. I’ve gotten a real handle on Nelson here; I’m sure Lalo won’t be a problem.

''[Nelson catches sight of a butterfly flying pass and gives chase. Lalo quickly follows suit.]''

Mr. Nakamura: [sheepishly] Could you excuse me for just one moment? [he runs off after them] Nelson, no! Sit! Stay!

Stanley: Don’t worry, Mrs. Casagrande. Becca and I can help Mr. Nakamura look after him.

Frida: That’s very kind of you, Mr. Chang. We would certainly appreciate it. It is a shame we couldn’t take him, but we weren’t sure if they’d allow him on the boat.

''[Ronnie Anne walks in, carrying a pair of suitcases while a bag is slung over her shoulder. She is followed by Maria and Bobby.]''

Maria: Are you sure you packed everything, sweetheart?

Ronnie Anne: [rolls her eyes] Mom, relax. How many times have I packed for you and Bobby again? We’ve got everything, trust me.

Maria: Alright, alright. I-I’m sorry, sweetie. [she notices Sid and raises an eyebrow] Um, is that all you’re taking?

Sid: [shrugs] Why not? We’re only gonna be gone a for the weekend, yeah? No need to over-prepare for this kinda thing.

''[As if on cue, Carlota, Carlos, and CJ emerge from the apartment carrying several heavy trunks and suitcases. Ronnie Anne raises an eyebrow.]''

Ronnie Anne: [sarcastically] Geez, Carlota. Did you remember to pack?

Carlota: [simply] Just a few necessities. I would’ve packed more, but Dad insisted that I travel light.

[Ronnie Anne opens her mouth to make a snide remark, but she decides against it.]

Ronnie Anne: Too easy.

[She joins Carlos and CJ and loads the last of the luggage into the car.]

Hector: Is that everything?

Carlos: [gasping for breath] I-I believe so. [he gives Carlota a wary look] Or at least, it’d better be.

[Beat]

Carlota: What?

Ronnie Anne: We’re all good here, Abeulo. [she turns to Sid] You ready?

Sid: Just a sec. [she turns to her parents] Welp, I’m off.

[Sid’s parents kneel down and give her a hug.]

Becca: We’ll see you in a couple of days, sweetie. Have fun on your trip. [she kisses Sid’s cheek]

Stanley: [playfully] Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

Sid: [laughs] Of course, Dad. Love you. [she blows a kiss]

Becca: [smiles] We love you, too, Sid.

''[With that, they part ways. Sid then salutes to Ronnie Anne.]''

Sid: Sorry ‘bout the sap, captain. Permission to come aboard?

Ronnie Anne: [laughs] You big goof. C’mon, let’s get this show on the road.

Sergio: Brawk~! Set sail for love!

''[As the family piles into the station wagon, Frida and Maria exchange worried looks. Mr. Nakamura returns with Lalo and Nelson just in time to see the Casagrandes drive off.]''

***

''[We cut to sunny Aloha Beach. The Casagrandes park the station wagon and climb out.]''

Carlos: [looking at the note] It says here out cruise director will be meeting us at the pier. We probably shouldn’t keep them waiting.

[Ronnie Anne looks around the empty parking space.]

Ronnie Anne: Hang on, Tio Carlos. Not everyone’s here yet.

Bobby: Huh? Who else did you invite, Nie Nie?

[Ronnie Anne blushes and rubs the back of her head.]

Ronnie Anne: J-just an old friend of mine.

Sid: [grins] I know who it is~.

Ronnie Anne: [exasperated] Sid, I am begging you right now. Do not embarrass me.

Carl: Ugh, we’re not gonna care, Ronnie Anne! Just tell us already!

[Frida clears her throat and gives Carl a stern look.]

Carl: [backpedaling] I-I mean, we’re not gonna judge you. Yeah, that’s it.

Carlota: [rolling her eyes] Smooth.

''[Before anyone can say anything else, a familiar van pulls up and parks a few spots away. Bobby recognizes the van right away and smiles.]''

Bobby: Well, this trip just got a whole lot cooler. Hey, Lincoln!

''[Sure enough, Lincoln steps out along with Lori. He is holding a suitcase and has a backpack slung over his shoulder.]''

Lincoln: Hey, guys! Long time no see!

[Ronnie Anne composes herself and tries to play it cool.]

Ronnie Anne: [scoffs] Didn’t think you were gonna make it, Lame-O. [she gives Lincoln a playful sock in the arm]

Lincoln: [sneers back] You know me better than that, you big loser. [he socks Ronnie Anne back]

Sid: [looking on] I am both disturbed and intrigued.

Ronnie Anne: Oh, right! You two haven’t met! [clears her throat] Lincoln, this is—

[Before she can finish, Sid jumps in and shakes Lincoln’s hand vigorously.]

Sid: Sid Chang. I’m Ronnie Anne’s upstairs neighbor. I met her my first day in the city, actually. So, you must be the great Lincoln Loud she’s been talking about. It is so great to finally meet you!

Lincoln: [discombobulated] L-likewise. I-I think.

Ronnie Anne: [chuckles nervously] Sorry about that. Sid’s a bit… excitable. [hisses through gritted teeth] Rein it in, Sid.

Sid: Oh, right. Duh. [she releases Lincoln, who takes a moment to collect himself]

Rosa: It’s very nice of you to join us, Lincoln. Was it difficult getting permission from your parents?

Lincoln: Nah. Believe it or not, that was the easy part. The hard part was dealing with my sisters.

Sid: [blinks] Your sisters? What do you mean?

[Lincoln and Lori exchange looks.]

Lori: Well, I don’t know how much Ronnie Anne has told you about our family, but…

''[We cut to a flashback at the Loud House, where Lincoln is being chased all over the house by a Sisternado. All of the siblings (sans Lori) are begging him to take them with him on the cruise.]''

Lincoln: I’m telling you, Ronnie Anne just invited me! I don’t have any control over this!

[The Sisternado persists until they are stopped by Lori.]

Lori: Guys, Lincoln’s right. As much as I’d love to be on this cruise, Ronnie Anne’s the one who earned it. Therefore, she can invite whoever she wants, and she chose to invite Lincoln. Not us.

Lola: Aw, c’mon~! That’s not fair!

Lana: What if we snuck in his luggage? We promise to behave ourselves! You won’t even know we’re there!

Lincoln: [dryly] Oh, gee. Where have I heard that one before?

Lori: [sighs] This isn’t up for debate, guys. It wouldn’t be right of us to ruin this for Ronnie Anne or for Lincoln.

Lincoln: [satisfied] Thank you, Lori.

Lori: We need to give them their space. If Ronnie Anne wants to have some alone time on a romantic cruise with her boyfriend, we shouldn’t stop her.

[As Lori talks, Lincoln’s eyes snap open, and his expression quickly changes to annoyance.]

Lincoln: I’m not her—

Lori: [interrupting] This is literally the only way to get them to back off, Linc.

[Beat]

Lincoln: [sulks] Dang it.

[We cut back to the present, where both Ronnie Anne and Lincoln are blushing.]

Ronnie Anne: Ah. I-I see.

''[Sid giggles, prompting Ronnie Anne to give her a pointed look. Quickly, Sid casts her gaze upwards and starts whistling.]''

Lori: Well, I’d better get back home. [she kneels down and gives Lincoln a hug] Have an awesome time, Lincoln. We’ll all be thinking of you.

Lincoln: Thanks, Lori.

[Lori stands up and gives Bobby a whimsical look.]

Lori: And I’ll certainly be thinking of you, Boo-Boo Bear.

Bobby: [whimsically] And I’ll be doing the same, babe. Every night.

Ronnie Anne: [rolls her eyes] Blech~.

''[Lori blows Bobby a kiss and hops back into Vanzilla. She gives Lincoln one last wave goodbye as she drives off.]''

Carl: [sniffles] Farewell, my sweet angel. [he turns angrily to Ronnie Anne] Why couldn’t you have invited her?!

Ronnie Anne: ‘Cause… I already invited Sid? The letter said one boy and one girl. [scoffs] Besides, there’s only so much mushy sap I can handle.

Lincoln: Ditto.

''[Sid gives Ronnie Anne and Lincoln a sly smirk. Ronnie Anne stares back.]''

Ronnie Anne: What?

Sid: [coyly] Nothing.

Carlos: [clears his throat] Well, seeing as we’re all here, we should be making our way to the pier, yes?

CJ: Hooray~! Dream Boat pirate mystery time~! [he dashes off]

Frida: CJ, slow down! [she gives chase]

Lincoln: [chuckles] Still as crazy as ever. Some things never change.

Ronnie Anne: Heh. Yeah.

[As the group moves off, Maria watches Lincoln and Ronnie Anne, a concerned frown on her face.]

***

''[We cut to the pier, where there is a massive cruise liner moored at the dock. The Casagrandes approach the boat, wide-eyed with wonder. Carlos is lagging behind the group, struggling to drag all of Carlota’s luggage.]''

Sid: Whoa~. It’s just like the actual Dream Boat!

Ronnie Anne: Well, they did say they wanted to give us an authentic Dream Boat experience.

???: I’m glad you noticed. It cost us quite a bit to put this all together, but we believe in sparing no expense.

''[Everyone turns to see a young woman with dark skin and jet black hair. She is wearing a royal purple tank top, khaki shorts, and large glasses that obscure her pupils.]''

Maria: [awkwardly] Um, hello? You must be our cruise director.

Woman: Hmm? Oh, no. He’s on board. I’m Katrina Dowd, but most people call me Katt. I’m the head programer for the dating sim. [she looks down at Ronnie Anne and smiles] And you must Ronnie Anne Santiago, the star of our new story.

[Ronnie Anne blushes and looks away.]

Ronnie Anne: Heh, yep. Th-that’s me.

Katt: Hmm. A bit shy, are we? Interesting. [she takes out a notepad and jots something down]

Frida: [narrows her eyes] And just what is so interesting about that?

Katt: [looks up] Hmm? Oh, don’t mind me. I’ll be making notes about Ronnie Anne’s behavior throughout the cruise. It’ll help us properly mold her character in the final game.

Carlos: [whispers to Frida] Exactly as I suspected.

Frida: [whispers harshly] I still don’t trust her.

[Maria takes in a deep breath and forces a grin.]

Maria: [strained] Well, it is very nice to meet you. [she extends her hand] Maria Santiago. I’m Ronnie Anne’s mother.

Katt: [unnerved] Um, charmed, I’m sure.

''[She accepts Maria’s handshake, but she winces in pain when Maria grips her hand tightly. Ronnie Anne notices this and raises an eyebrow.]''

Ronnie Anne: You okay, Mom?

[After a beat, Maria notices her faux pax and releases Katt’s hand.]

Maria: F-fine, sweetie. Just… fine. [sighs] I am so sorry about that. I-I’m a nurse in the city, and, well…

[While Maria trails off trying to apologize, Katt smiles and her glasses seem to shimmer.]

Katt: Say no more. I completely understand. This must be your first vacation in a while, huh?

Maria: Y-yeah. Something like that. [chuckles nervously]

Katt: [nods] Well, don’t you worry. We arranged for all of you to get the VIP treatment on this little cruise. You just sit back and leave everything to the crew.

Carlota: [cheers] Yes! This is gonna be a dream come true!

[Everyone looks over at Carlota, who blushes.]

Carlota: Um, for Ronnie Anne, I mean. Y-yeah.

Lincoln: [whispers to Ronnie Anne] I think someone’s jealous.

Ronnie Anne: [dryly] Oh, really? I haven’t noticed.

[Katt’s glasses sparkle again.]

Katt: Oh my. This kitty’s got claws. [she makes another note in her notepad]

Carl: Are you gonna be doing that every time Ronnie Anne does something? It’s getting kinda annoying.

Carlos: [sternly] She’s just doing her job, Carl. Mind your manners. [he turns to Katt] I am so sorry about that, Ms. Dowd.

Katt: [chuckles] Please. Ms. Dowd’s my mother’s name. Call me Katt. There’s no need for such stuffy formalities on the Dream Boat. [clears her throat] Anyway, I probably kept you here long enough. Come aboard, come aboard! We’ll have the porters take care of your… [she notices the massive pile of luggage from Carlota] bags. You… do realize the cruise only lasts a couple of days, right?

Ronnie Anne: [scoffs] Yeah, she knows. That’s her packing light, believe it or not.

Carlota: [narrows her eyes] Was that a shot?

Frida: [sternly] Carlota…

Carlota: What, now I’m not allowed to get annoyed at her when she teases me?

Bobby: [hastily trying to defuse the situation] L-let’s just get on board, yeah?

''[The Casagrandes shuffle up the gangplank, with Katt leading the way. Maria and Frida give Carlota, Carl, and CJ stern looks.]''

Maria: [whispers] I still don’t trust that woman. Who knows what she has planned for Ronnie Anne? I’m counting on you to make sure she’s safe.

Carlos: [interjects] She seems perfectly trustworthy to me.

Carlota: Also, the last time we tried to keep tabs on Ronnie Anne, it didn’t work out so well.

Frida: [hisses] This is different, and you know it, young lady. Stop being selfish and help us look after your cousin. I know she’d do the same for you.

Carlota: [fuming] I’m not being…

''[She is shut down by an unyielding glare from Frida. Meanwhile, towards the front of the line, Ronnie Anne, Sid, and Lincoln are having a discussion of their own.]''

Sid: So, maybe it’s just me, but do you think your mom was acting kinda, I don’t know, weird?

Ronnie Anne: [shrugs] Maybe a little? I dunno, it could just be nerves. You know how my mom can get.

Lincoln: [skeptical] Well, here’s hoping that’s all it is. I’ve seen this kinda thing play out a few times before, and trust me, it ain’t pretty.

''[Ronnie Anne gulps. Noticing her discomfort, Sid smirks and pats Ronnie Anne on the shoulder.]''

Sid: Hey, don’t sweat it, Ron. No matter what happens, you can count on us to help you through it. That’s what friends do, y’know?

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: [smirks] Heh. Thanks, Sid. I’m really glad you’re here. [she turns to Lincoln] Both of you.

[After a beat, Lincoln and Ronnie Anne blush and avert their eyes while Sid grins coyly.]

***

''[We cut to the interior of the ship, which is just as extravagant as the outside. The reception area has wall-to-wall red carpeting and beautiful marble white walls. Oddly enough, there is no one to greet the Casagrandes as they enter the room.]''

Hector: Huh. That’s odd. I thought we were supposed to meet with the…

''[He is interrupted by a burst of confetti raining down from the ceiling. A large banner is unfurled over the reception desk, reading “WELCOME RONNIE ANNE SANTIAGO”. From the desk, a bronzed gentleman in a concierge uniform and a sailing cap jumps out and beams radiantly. Carlota is immediately smitten.]''

Gentleman: Welcome aboard, lovers~! My name is Bart Throbber, and I will be your cruise director on this beautiful voyage~! Are you all ready to set sail for love?

Lincoln: Wow. They’re really pulling out all the stops to make this a real Dream Boat experience, huh?

Ronnie Anne: Yeah, no kidding.

Katt: Oh, it’s more than that. Bart here is going to be the captain of the upcoming new season of Dream Boat.

Carlota: [whimsically] He can certainly be my captain~.

Frida: [appalled] Carlota!

Bart: [laughs] It’s fine, it’s fine. I get this all the time. [he turns to Ronnie Anne] I’m sure you’ll soon know what it’s like once the Dream Boat game comes out.

Ronnie Anne: [uncomfortable] Y-yeah, I guess.

[Maria notices Ronnie Anne’s discomfort and steps in.]

Maria: That’s assuming it’s what she wants, Mr. Throbber.

Bobby: Mom, take it easy. Why would Ronnie Anne agree to this if she didn’t want it?

Ronnie Anne: [muttering under her breath] Making a lot of assumptions here, Bobby.

''[Katt notices this and makes another note in her notepad. Bart clears his throat.]''

Bart: Anyway, we should be casting off in a few minutes. I’ll have the crew show you to your cabins. Oh, except for you, Ronnie Anne. We need to discuss a few things.

Maria: Now hold on there. Anything you can say to my daughter, you can say to me.

Lincoln: [sighs] And it begins.

Sid: You say that like you’ve been through this kinda thing before.

Lincoln: Well, maybe not this exact thing, but I know a thing or two about overprotective family members.

Maria: I am not being overprotective!

Sergio: [sarcastically] Sure you’re not. Brawk~!

[Maria suppresses the urge to scream and takes a moment to collect herself.]

Maria: Look, Mr. Throbber…

Bart: Just Bart will do. No need for stuffy formalities on the Dream Boat. [he winks at Carlota, who swoons into Carlos’s waiting arms]

[Beat]

Maria: Right. Bart. Listen, my daughter is eleven years old. She might not understand all of… this.

[Beat]

Bart: I don’t follow.

Rosa: [sighs] Mija, would it make you feel better if I stuck around? You know I have a sixth sense for this sort of thing.

[Katt and Bart look at each other and shrug.]

Katt: I suppose that’s acceptable.

Maria: [lets out a sigh of relief] Right. Thank you, Mom.

Bart: Well, now that that’s settled…

''[He whistles, and several strapping young men in bathing suits and sailor caps march in to escort the Casagrandes to their cabins, with Carlos carrying the lovestruck Carlota away while Hector fans her. Lincoln and Sid are about to follow, but Katt raises her hand.]''

Katt: We want you two to stay for this as well. It’s rather important.

[Ronnie Anne, Lincoln, and Sid look at each other before sharing a shrug.]

Sid: Uh, sure. What’s up?

Katt: [adjusting her glasses] Bart here has scheduled various Dream Boat-themed activities for the cruise. We ask that you three participate in as many as you can.

Rosa: And what about the rest of us?

Katt: The activities are open to all passengers, but they’re not mandatory. We have many other accommodations to make sure you all have the best experience possible.

Rosa: [thoughtfully] I see. Well, I sense no ill intent here, but I have my spirit-cleansing incense on hand just in case. Either way, I’m sure we’ll be fine.

[Ronnie Anne sighs and rolls her eyes while everyone else just gives Rosa a baffled look.]

Bart: We’re… glad you feel that way, Mrs. Casagrande. [the sound of a foghorn is heard] Whoops! Sounds like we’re casting off! Let’s get you all to your cabins.

Katt: We’ll call you when it’s time for the first activity. Enjoy~!

''[Rosa, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln, and Sid follow Bart out of the room. Ronnie Anne rubs her arm apprehensively.]''

Sid: Are you gonna be okay?

Ronnie Anne: Huh? Oh, sure. Th-this is just a lot to take in at once, y’know?

Lincoln: Well, we’re all here for you if you wanna talk about it.

Ronnie Anne: [huffs] Just because we’re on the Dream Boat doesn’t mean I’m gonna turn into a sap, Lame-O. That’s not my style.

''[Ronnie Anne walks off ahead. Lincoln sighs.]''

Lincoln: Like I said, some things never change.

Sid: Really? ‘Cause I’ve never seen her close herself off like that before. She’s always been very open with me.

Lincoln: Trust me, she wasn’t always like that. And it looks like that part of her hasn’t exactly disappeared completely.

[After a beat, Sid’s expression brightens.]

Sid: Well, if anyone can break through that shell of hers, it’s us two. We just gotta be there for her and make sure she has fun with the rest of us.

Lincoln: [grins] It’s like you read my mind, Sid. I think you and I are gonna get along just fine.

Sid: Absolutely! Bestie-Boyfriend Combo, go~!

[Sid dashes off while Lincoln’s face contorts in disgust.]

Lincoln: [hollering after Sid] I’m not her boyfriend~! [groans] Dang it. I’m gonna have to put up with that for the whole thing, aren’t I?  Fun or not, this is gonna be a loooong voyage…

***

''[The long voyage gets underway, and already, the Casagrandes are taking full advantage of the ship’s amenities. Hector is playing shuffleboard with Carlos, Bobby, CJ and Carl, and Carlitos are playing around in the pool, and Frida, Carlota, and Sergio are lounging poolside.]''

Carlota: Ah~. We so needed this.

[Frida turns to Carlota and lowers her shades.]

Frida: I agree, Carlota. But please, try to remember what we promised Maria.

Carlota: [groans] Mom, c’mon. You’re the one who said she needed to relax a little.

Frida: Yes, and we’re helping her do just that by looking after Ronnie Anne.

[Rosa then walks onto the scene, comforting a nervous Maria.]

Maria: I don’t know, Mom. Are you sure you didn’t sense anything?

Rosa: [shakes her head] Not a thing. Ronnie Anne’s going to be just fine, I promise you.

Maria: Well, do you really think she understands any of this?

Rosa: [shrugs] What’s to understand? We’re just on a fun family cruise. There’s nothing more to it. You really should relax and have fun with the rest of us.

Maria: How can I do that when my little girl is in danger?

Rosa: [shakes her head] Tsk tsk tsk. You’re far too stressed, Mija. Here, why don’t you relax by the pool while I head down to the galley? I’m sure some seafood tacos will cheer you right up.

Maria: [blinks] They have seafood tacos?

Rosa: I don’t know, but they will soon.

[Beat]

Maria: Mom, I don’t think they’re gonna let you cook. They’re expecting you to take it easy with the rest of us.

Rosa: You relax your way; I relax mine. Besides, I’m sure these chefs could do with learning a few new recipes.

''[Before Maria can say anything else, Rosa dashes off. Maria sighs and takes a seat next to Frida.]''

Frida: Don’t you worry, Maria. We’re still on your side.

Carlota: Yeah, Tia Maria. Just chill out. We’ve got the sun, the sea, cute boys waiting on us. Life really doesn’t get much better than this.

???: Cannonball~!

''[Lincoln suddenly dashes across the deck in his orange swim trunks. He leaps into the pool and creates a large splash, nearly soaking the pool loungers.]''

Carlota: [annoyed] Okay, so maybe it’s not perfect.

Frida: Ah, let them be. They’re just being boys.

???: My turn, my turn~!

''[Sid dashes across the deck, wearing a striped one-piece. She does her own cannonball, which makes a slightly smaller splash that completely soaks Sergio. Sergio flies about and sputters angrily.]''

Sergio: Brawk~! Watch it!

[Carlota gives Frida a bemused look.]

Carlota: So, what’s her excuse?

Frida: You know what I mean.

[Sid emerges from the pool and sees the soaked Sergio.]

Sid: Whoops! Sorry ‘bout that. Didn’t see you there, Sergio.

Lincoln: [chuckles] Not bad, Sid. Hey, where’s Ronnie Anne?

''[As if on cue, Ronnie Anne strolls onto the deck, followed by Katt. She is sporting her simple lavender two-piece, while Katt is holding another bathing suit on a clothes hanger. The bathing suit in question is a lot more glamorous, with the bra shaped like two lifesavers and a large pink heart over the crotch area.]''

Katt: Now, you’re sure you wouldn’t prefer this one? It cost us quite a bit to customize it for you.

Ronnie Anne: [bluntly] I told you, I’m fine with my regular bathing suit. That one feels a bit too tight on me, anyway.

[Beat]

Katt: Would you believe me if I told you that was… kind of the idea?

[Maria’s eyes go wide, and she makes a beeline right for Katt.]

Maria: I beg your pardon?!

Katt: [startled] Wh-what seems to be the problem? All I’m saying is a lot of Dream Boat contestants wear a bathing suit like this. It helps show off their figure.

Maria: [fuming] My eleven-year-old girl does not need to show off her figure!

Carlota: [muttering under her breath] I wish I could show off my figure to that hunk Bart Throbber…

Frida: [sternly] I heard that, young lady.

[Carlota groans.]

Ronnie Anne: Mom, chill. I already told Katt that I’m not wearing it.

''[Maria gives Katt the evil eye before letting out a huff and marching back to her seat. Katt shakes herself and jots down a note in her notepad.]''

Katt: R-right. I’ll abide by your wishes, Ronnie Anne.

[Ronnie Anne nods and walks over to the edge of the pool.]

Bobby: Hey, Nie Nie! Come on in! The water’s great!

CJ: [brandishing a pool noodle] Pirate attack~! Protect the Dream Boat!

Carl: You should’ve been here earlier, Ron! Lincoln made the biggest cannonball splash ever!

[Ronnie Anne smirks.]

Ronnie Anne: That right, Lame-O?

Lincoln: [smugly] I don’t mean to brag, but I do still hold the biggest splash record back at Royal Woods. Though I gotta say, your friend Sid’s no slouch.

Sid: Yeah, but I think Lincoln here had me beat. There’s no way you’re gonna top him.

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: [sneers] Challenge accepted.

Bobby: Hang on there, Ronnie Anne. Just let me get Carlitos here out of the way.

Carlitos: Canoball~! Canoball~!

Carlota: [gripes] Oh, c’mon~! I just put on this suntan lotion!

''[Ronnie Anne climbs onto the diving board and bounces a couple of times. Before she takes a dive, a pleasant sounding chime is heard over the intercom.]''

Bart: [on the intercom] That sound means it’s time for our first activity! Ronnie Anne, Lincoln, Sid, and all who are interested. Please meet me in the galley.

Ronnie Anne: [sulks] Dang it.

Carlota: [relieved] Oh, thank goodness.

Lincoln: [smirks] Oof. Tough luck there, Ronnie Anne. Guess I’m still the Cannonball Champ.

Ronnie Anne: [scoffs] We’ve still got a few days, Lame-O. Besides, I’m sure I’ll cream ya in this competition.

Lincoln: You’re on.

''[Lincoln and Sid climb out of the pool and walk with Ronnie Anne over to the galley, with Katt right at their heels. Maria frowns.]''

Maria: [muses] Well, Mom’s already down there, so she can keep an eye on things.

Frida: Exactly. Ronnie Anne is in good hands, Maria. So just kick back and relax.

Maria: [sighs] I’ll try. Still, the nerve of that woman, trying to parade Ronnie Anne around like some trollop.

Carlota: [dryly] You mean how she offered Ronnie Anne a form-fitting bathing suit for her to wear, but she refused? Oh, the horror~.

Frida: Please try to take this seriously, Carlota. I know you care about your cousin just as much as we do, so how about putting aside this silly jealousy and showing it a little more, eh?

[Carlota groans and facepalms.]

***

''[We cut to the galley, where there are several cooking stations set up. Rosa, of course, is at one of them, and she waves to Ronnie Anne as she walks in with Lincoln, Sid, and Katt. Bart stands in the center of the kitchen, wearing a cliché “KISS THE COOK” apron.]''

Bart: Welcome to our first Dream Boat challenge.

Lincoln: The Lover’s Cook-Off, huh? This should be a piece of cake. Literally.

Ronnie Anne: [smirks] Don’t get ahead of yourself, Lincoln. I’m pretty sure I can take ya.

Sid: [raises her hand] Hi, newbie to the show here. What exactly is the Lover’s Cook-Off?

Bart: I’m so glad you asked. See, everyone knows that the best way to your lover’s heart is through their stomach. In this competition, you’re expected to create a dish that shows how well you know the captain. But since this is a special circumstance, we’re changing the rules a little.

Ronnie Anne: How so?

Bart: Ronnie Anne, your challenge is to cook your friend’s favorite dish in forty-five minutes. You can choose one person to cook for and one person to be your sous chef.

''[Ronnie Anne furrows her brow and strokes her chin. After a beat, she nods.]''

Ronnie Anne: Alright. Sounds easy enough. Lincoln, you’re with me. We’re gonna be cooking for Sid.

[Katt makes a note of this in her notepad while Rosa approaches Ronnie Anne.]

Rosa: Are you sure you don’t want me to help you, Mija? I’ve never given you proper cooking lessons.

Ronnie Anne: Thanks, but we’ll be fine, Abuela. I’ve cooked dinner for Mom and Bobby before; this should be a cinch. Besides, I think I know what Sid would like.

Sid: [slyly] Oh really now? Well, I’ll be the judge of that.

Bart: Splendid! Ronnie Anne, Lincoln. I hope you have something in mind, because your forty-five minutes start… [he pauses to check his watch] Now!

[After being caught off-guard, Ronnie Anne and Lincoln scramble to a cooking station and get right to work.]

Ronnie Anne: Alright, let’s try to keep this simple. Lincoln, can you do eggs?

Lincoln: Scrambled, deviled, hard boiled, sunny-side up, funny-side up, or extra well done?

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: Wait, funny-side up?

Lincoln: It’s a Luan thing.

Ronnie Anne: Ah. Um, just scrambled will do. I’ll get started on the other stuff.

Lincoln: Yes, chef! [he salutes]

''[Ronnie Anne scoffs and rolls her eyes as she sets to work gathering other ingredients. After a bit of cooking, Lincoln turns to Ronnie Anne.]''

Lincoln: So, you and Sid are pretty good friends, huh?

Ronnie Anne: Yeah. We really hit it off when I just bumped into her at the park one morning. I was even more stoked when I found out that her family was gonna be moving into our building. [she lets out a self-mocking chuckle] Maybe a bit too stoked.

Lincoln: Dare I ask?

Ronnie Anne: Long story short, we tried to dissuade other people from buying the apartment, but it ended up getting us in trouble. I’m actually lucky the manager let her move in after that debacle.

Lincoln: Wow. You must really like her, huh?

Ronnie Anne: Well, of course I like her. She’s my best friend.

Lincoln: She also mentioned something about you being very open with her.

Ronnie Anne: Yeah, that’s actually thanks to you. After that whole thing with Nikki’s gang, I thought that maybe I should stop hiding stuff like that. Though it helps that she’s such a great listener. [chuckles] Actually, I see a lot of you in her.

Lincoln: [blinks] Really?

Ronnie Anne: Well, yeah. I feel like you both really get me, y’know? Like I can tell you… anything…

''[She trails off as she keeps absently sautéing her rice. Lincoln gives Ronnie Anne a concerned look.]''

Lincoln: Hey, you okay?

[Ronnie Anne shakes herself.]

Ronnie Anne: F-fine. Just fine.

Lincoln: Are you sure? ‘Cause if you need to vent…

Bart: Five minutes to go~!

Ronnie Anne: [curtly] You heard him. Get your head in the game, Lame-O. We still need to cut open the pineapple.

''[Lincoln sighs and gets right back to cooking. We get a quick montage of Ronnie Anne and Lincoln putting the dish together mixed with flashes of Katt taking notes and Rosa appearing concerned.]''

Bart: Five, four, three, two, one, and serve~!

''[Ronnie Anne manages to slam the dome over the dish at the last minute. She breathes out a weary sigh and gives Lincoln a nod.]''

Bart: Alright then! You happy with your dish, Ronnie Anne?

Ronnie Anne: [sneers] As long as Lame-O over here didn’t screw it up.

Lincoln: [dryly] Oh, ha ha.

''[The two of them walk the dish over to Sid, who licks her lips in anticipation. They unveil the dish, and Sid’s eyes sparkle.]''

Sid: Whoa~. That looks delicious.

Bart: It certainly does. Ronnie Anne, please explain your dish.

Ronnie Anne: It’s pineapple fried rice. I wanted to do something simple, but at the same time, I know Sid is always up for trying something new and exotic.

Sid: [grins] Guilty as charged.

Bart: Wow. So this is your first time making this.

Ronnie Anne: [sheepishly] Uh, yeah. I’ve done a lot of cooking back when I lived in Royal Woods, but I never tried anything like this.

Lincoln: Same. The most cooking I’ve done successfully is making breakfast for my sisters.

[Beat]

Sid: Well, if it tastes as good as it looks, I think you’ve got nothing to worry about. Time to dig in!

''[Sid takes a spoonful of the dish and pops it in her mouth. After chewing for a bit, her eyes sparkle.]''

Sid: Mmm~! Oh, man. Th-that is so good~!

Rosa: Really? I must try.

''[Rosa takes a spoonful and tastes it. She chews for a bit and furrows her brow.]''

Rosa: Hmm. A bit too light on the seasoning, but for your first attempt, this is rather impressive, Ronalda. And the eggs are spot-on.

Lincoln: Thanks, Mrs. Casagrande.

[Ronnie Anne blushes and rubs her arm sheepishly.]

Ronnie Anne: Wow. Th-that really means a lot coming from you, Abuela. Thank you.

Rosa: [chuckles and places a hand on Ronnie Anne’s shoulder] I only say it because it’s true, Mija. And if you ever want proper cooking lessons, you know where to find me.

Bart: Well, even though this isn’t strictly a competition, I think it’s safe to say you won that one, Ronnie Anne! Congratulations!

Sid: Yeah! We should totally take this to the others!

''[Before anyone can say anything, Sid dashes off like a shot. Ronnie Anne chuckles.]''

Ronnie Anne: That girl never seems to run out of energy.

Lincoln: Sure looks that way. C’mon, let’s go see what everyone else thinks of our dish!

Ronnie Anne: Uh, yeah. Sure.

[The two of them head upstairs while Katt takes some more notes.]

***

''[After lunch, the chimes ring again. The Casagrandes are all on the deck, and they are greeted by Bart and Katt. Both of them are wearing lifejackets, and Bart is holding a large oar.]''

Bart: There’s always something about sea-fairing adventure that sparks the romance in us all. Here on the Dream Boat, we believe that applies to any form of marine transportation, from our luxurious cruise ship to the smallest rowboat. That’s why our next competition is the Siren’s Slalom! Ronnie Anne and all who are interested, follow me to the stern, please.

''[The Casagrandes oblige. Down by the stern, they see a large motorboat moored to the Dream Boat. The motorboat is tugging a large inflatable raft. Sid’s eyes sparkle.]''

Sid: I-is that a banana boat? Omigosh, I’ve always wanted to go on one of those!

Lincoln: Aw, yeah! This is my favorite event in the whole show! Well, next to Cupid’s Paintball.

Katt: Indeed, this event is very popular with the show’s male audience. Normally, the captain controls the boat while the contestants try to stay on the banana boat for as long as possible. But the twist is—

Maria: [interrupts] Hold your horses! My Ronnie Anne can’t drive a boat!

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: [incredulous] Seriously, Mom? Did you really think they were gonna do that?

Frida: Yeah, even I think that’s pretty unlikely, Maria.

[Maria’s face turns bright red, and she clears her throat.]

Maria: R-right. Silly me. [chuckles nervously] Please, continue.

[Beat]

Katt: Right. [she adjusts her glasses] As I was saying, if a contestant falls off the raft and the captain heeds their call for help, then the captain has answered the Siren’s Call, and that contestant is rewarded.

Bart: So, since Ronnie Anne is our captain and cannot drive the boat herself, she will be directing our boat driver, who is none other than last season’s winner, Boris!

''[We see a handsome young sailor in the motorboat waving to the Casagrandes. When we pan back up to the deck, several young sailors arrive brandishing lifejackets.]''

Katt: Of course, Ronnie Anne, Lincoln, and Sid are expected to participate. But the challenge is open to everyone who is…

Carl: Dibs!

''[In a flash, Carl grabs a lifejacket. Ronnie Anne chuckles and rolls her eyes.]''

Ronnie Anne: Of course. [she turns to CJ and Bobby] Whaddya say, guys? Think you can brave my waves?

CJ: Hooray~! Siren’s Slalom!

Bobby: Eh, I’ll pass. I promised Lori I’d text her before sundown. [sighs whimsically] I miss her already.

Ronnie Anne: [pretends to gag] Spare me.

[As CJ grabs a lifejacket, Hector strikes a thinking attitude.]

Hector: Just a moment. Wouldn’t Ronnie Anne be answering the Siren’s Call no matter what?

[Ronnie Anne does a double-take.]

Ronnie Anne: What do you mean, Abuelo?

Hector: Well, think about it. The boat will be holding your cousins, your best friend, and your boyfr—

Ronnie Anne: [interrupting] He’s not my boyfriend!

Lincoln: [at the same time] I’m not her boyfriend.

Hector: [raising his hands defensively] Alright, alright. But still, Ronnie Anne. The point of this challenge is to reveal who the captain cares about the most. Do you really think you can do that?

''[Ronnie Anne casts her gaze downwards and bites her lip while Katt takes some notes. Maria steps forward and clears her throat.]''

Maria: My dad’s right, Bart. Y-you shouldn’t force Ronnie Anne to make a tough decision like this.

Bart: What tough decision? The captain doesn’t lose anything if they answer the Siren’s Call. That’s just how the game works.

Maria: [sternly] I know how the game works, thankyouverymuch! And I don’t think Ronnie Anne should be…

Hector: Maybe we should let her decide that, yes?

Maria: Dad, you just said that this game is supposed to reveal who the captain cares about the most! Isn’t that a bit much to ask for an eleven-year-old girl?!

Bobby: O-okay, Mom. J-just calm down…

Maria: [hysterical] I AM PERFECTLY CALM~!

''[Ronnie Anne shuffles her feet and stares at the ground while the Casagrandes try to rein Maria in. Finally, she sighs.]''

Ronnie Anne: Bart, can I make a request?

Bart: Um, sure.

Ronnie Anne: I wanna trade places with Lincoln for this challenge.

[Lincoln and Bart stare at Ronnie Anne in disbelief while Katt takes some more notes.]

Lincoln: Wait, why me?

Ronnie Anne: One, if I’m not taking the helm, it’ll get my mom off our backs. [she sneers] And two, I know you wouldn’t be able to knock any of us off, anyway.

Sid: Oh dang, son! She just called you out!

[Lincoln’s eyes narrow.]

Lincoln: Is that what you think? Well, I’m gonna make you eat those words, Ronnie Anne.

Ronnie Anne: Bring it on, Lame-O.

[Beat]

Bart: Well, I suppose that’s settled then. Maria, any objections?

Maria: [blinks] Um, what? Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.

[Beat]

Bart: Good enough for me. Let’s get everyone on board!

Maria: [aghast] Wait, what?! Now see here, you—

''[Maria keeps ranting as Hector and Bobby drag her away. Ronnie Anne sighs and shakes her head.]''

***

''[A quick jump cut later, and everyone’s on board. Lincoln is standing with Boris at the helm, while Ronnie Anne, Sid, CJ, and Carl are on the banana boat. Bart is looking on from the ship, holding a megaphone.]''

Bart: Alright, everyone! Ready to get this slalom started?!

CJ: Brave the waves~!

Carl: This is gonna be awesome~!

Ronnie Anne: [smirks] Don’t go easy on us, Lame-O. Not that we’d be able to tell.

Lincoln: [scoffs] We’ll just see about that.

Bart: Okay! Boris, start the engine!

''[As the engine of the motorboat roars to life, Sid taps Ronnie Anne on the shoulder. Ronnie Anne turns around and gives Sid a quizzical look.]''

Sid: So, I wasn’t gonna say anything before, but this has been bugging me for a while, and I just gotta know. Why do you keep calling Lincoln Lame-O?

Ronnie Anne: Huh? What do you mean?

Bart: On your mark…

Sid: Well, it’s just that Lame-O sounds like a some schoolyard bully taunt, and you and Lincoln are apparently…

Ronnie Anne: If you say “boyfriend and girlfriend,” I am shoving you off this banana boat right now.

Sid: [coyly] We both know you’re not gonna.

Bart: …get set…

Ronnie Anne: Sid, it’s not a big deal. I’ve always called him that. He doesn’t mind.

Sid: Have you asked him?

Ronnie Anne: [annoyed] I don’t need to ask him!

Sid: Then how do you know if he’s okay with it?

Lincoln: Alright, Boris! Pedal to the metal!

Ronnie Anne: [frantic] Sid, is now really the best time for us to be talking about…?!

Bart: …GO~!

''[The motorboat takes off, towing the banana boat behind them. As the raft skips along the waves, CJ and Carl hoot and holler in glee. Sid, however, has not dropped the subject.]''

Sid: [hollering over the motor] I’m just saying your relationship with Lincoln is a little confusing to me!

Ronnie Anne: [also hollering] We’re not in a relationship!

Sid: Well, you’re friends, right?! Doesn’t that count as a relationship?!

Ronnie Anne: [blushes] D-don’t get technical with me! I know what you meant!

''[The banana boat skips along the water, nearly causing the passengers to fly off. Everyone manages to stay on board.]''

Ronnie Anne: H-ha! That all you got, Lame-O?!

Lincoln: [sneers] You haven’t seen anything yet! Boris, let’s take her around!

Sid: Hoo boy~! If you keep egging him on like that, this is gonna be epic!

Ronnie Anne: Heh. That’s kinda the idea! Hang on tight, everyone!

''[The motorboat takes off at full speed, causing the banana boat to skip across the water. The banana boat passengers laugh with delight.]''

Sid: Ha ha~! I think I get it now! You two like to tease each other!

Ronnie Anne: [sarcastically] Gee, I have no clue where you got that idea from!

Sid: But don’t you see?! Only people who really like each other can tease each other like that!

[Ronnie Anne blushes and scowls.]

Ronnie Anne: I-it’s not what you think! Th-that’s just how we are, Sid! I don’t have to justify it to you!

Sid: I’m just saying you’ve never called me Lame-O or anything like that!

Ronnie Anne: W-well, our dynamic is different!

Sid: [coyly] Different how?!

[Ronnie Anne grinds her teeth in frustration before turning around to look Sid in the eye.]

Ronnie Anne: For the last time, Sid! Lincoln Loud is not my—

CJ: Ronnie Anne, look out!

''[In that moment, Boris makes a tight u-turn. In her frustration, Ronnie Anne leans into the turn and loses her balance. After flailing for a beat, she slips off and falls into the ocean.]''

Sid: Ronnie Anne! Hang on!

''[Sid dives in after her, and both of them float to the surface thanks to their lifejackets. As the boat loops around, Ronnie Anne gives Sid a dirty look.]''

Ronnie Anne: I blame you for this. Also, you didn’t have to dive in after me.

Sid: [chuckles] Well, you know me. I don’t really… think this stuff through. [sighs] Are you mad at me?

Ronnie Anne: [sighs and shakes her head] Nah. I know you were just goofing.

Sid: [scoffs] Maybe my dynamic with you isn’t that different from your dynamic with Lincoln, after all.

Ronnie Anne: Heh. Guess not. [beat] I still don’t think I’m gonna be calling you Lame-O anytime soon, though. It just wouldn’t feel right.

Sid: [coyly] Oh? Why’s that?

Ronnie Anne: Okay, let’s not get started on that again. We should probably signal to Lincoln and…

''[As if on cue, the motorboat pulls up to Ronnie Anne and Sid. Lincoln looks down with a smug expression.]''

Lincoln: What was that you were saying about me not being able to knock you off?

Ronnie Anne: [scoffs] Joke’s on you, Lame-O. You answered the Siren’s Call before we even asked.

Lincoln: Well, of course I did. I wasn’t gonna leave you behind, Ronnie Anne.

CJ and Carl: Ooooh~!

''[Ronnie Anne and Lincoln blush. Ronnie Anne then turns to see Sid making smooching noises.]''

Ronnie Anne: [grumpy] Yeah, yeah. Just get on the boat, wise guy.

[Lincoln and Boris help Ronnie Anne and Sid into the motorboat and speed off back towards the cruise ship.]

***

''[We then get a montage of the various other Dream Boat challenges over the course of the cruise. First, there’s the Blind Trust challenge. Lincoln, Sid, and Carlos are blindfolded while Ronnie Anne leads them around the ship.]''

Ronnie Anne: Alright, Sid. Take three steps forward and turn left. Then hold out your arm and make a bird call.

''[Sid complies. After she makes the bird call, Sergio flies in and perches on her arm. Sid removes the blindfold.]''

Sergio: Brawk~! What’s shakin’, sister?

[Sid giggles and pets Sergio while Katt makes some notes.]

Ronnie Anne: Your turn, Tio Carlos. Turn right and walk five steps. Your target is waiting for a smooch.

''[Carlos complies and ends up kissing Frida on the cheek. Recognizing Frida’s giggle, he takes off his blindfold and smiles.]''

Carlos: I believe we both knew that was a foregone conclusion.

Carlota: [pretends to gag] Blech~. I thought you hated this kinda stuff, Ronnie Anne.

[Ronnie Anne just smirks and shrugs.]

Katt: [taking notes] Fascinating.

Maria: [giving Katt a look] And just what’s so fascinating about it? Ronnie Anne knows that Carlos and Frida are married; of course she’d lead him to her. That doesn’t mean she’s ready for…

Ronnie Anne: [raising an eyebrow] Mom, do you mind?

''[After a beat, Maria lets out a frustrated sigh and backs off. Ronnie Anne sighs as well.]''

Ronnie Anne: Alright, your turn, Lincoln. Just walk straight ahead ten steps.

Lincoln: [skeptical] How do I know this isn’t a trick?

Ronnie Anne: [snide] I guess you don’t, do you?

[Warily, Lincoln takes a few steps forward, but he stops midway.]

Lincoln: Oh no. I’m not falling for that. I’m gonna just turn right here and…

''[He is cut off when he falls straight into the pool. Ronnie Anne bursts out laughing while Katt takes some more notes.]''

Ronnie Anne: You should’ve listened to me, Lame-O!

[Lincoln sputters and gives Ronnie Anne a dirty look, which soon turns into a sly smirk.]

Lincoln: I guess we’re even now.

***

''[Next is the Cupid’s Paintball challenge. It’s Lincoln, Sid, Bobby, CJ, and Carl against Ronnie Anne. Ronnie Anne walks around the deck with her guard up, waiting for her opponents to spring from the shadows.]''

CJ: Ambush~!

Carl: Sneak attack~!

[Ronnie Anne sees both of the boys coming and steps out of the way of their crossfire, causing them to tag each other.]

Ronnie Anne: Just FYI, sneak attacks don’t work if you just announce them like that.

???: Then how about this?!

''[Several paintballs fly in from the left, narrowly missing Ronnie Anne. She turns to see Bobby and smirks.]''

Ronnie Anne: Clever. But I’m still in this, Bobby!

[She chases Bobby around the deck while Lincoln and Sid hide behind a couple of beach chairs.]

Lincoln: Okay, now when I give the signal, we rush out in the classic Clincoln McCloud Pincer Maneuver.

Sid: [blinks] The what-now?

Lincoln: [sheepishly] Right, you’re not Clyde. Um, okay. Give me a sec to think of a better name…

Sid: How about the Bestie-Boyfriend Pincer Maneuver?

Lincoln: [growling through gritted teeth] I’m not her boyfriend!

Sid: [coyly] Yeah, yeah. You keep telling yourself tha—

''[She trails off when a pained squawk is heard. Peeking from her hiding place, she sees that a seagull got pegged by a paintball and is unconscious on the deck. Sid gasps.]''

Sid: Hold that thought.

Lincoln: Uh, Sid? What’re you doing?

[Instead of answering, Sid rushes out of her hiding place and cradles the seagull in her arms.]

Sid: It’s gonna be okay, little guy. My mom’d have you patched up in a jiffy, but she’s not here. [she looks around] Is there a vet on this boat?!

???: I’d be more worried about you than the seagull, Sid.

''[Sid’s eyes go wide as she slowly turns around. Sure enough, Ronnie Anne has her paintball gun pointed right at her nose. Sid sighs.]''

Sid: Aw, fiddlesticks.

[As she gets tagged, Lincoln shrugs and swoops in, tagging Ronnie Anne while she’s distracted.]

Ronnie Anne: Wha—? Dang it, no fair!

Bobby: [laughs] Alright! Nice thinking, you two!

[Lincoln and Sid look at each other blankly.]

Sid: [sheepishly] Y-yeah. Totally meant to do that.

Bart: Well, whatever the case, it looks like Lincoln has nailed Ronnie Anne with Cupid’s Paintball. That makes him the winner!

[Sid smirks and opens her mouth to say something.]

Ronnie Anne: [curtly] Don’t even think about it.

Sid: [coyly] You can’t stop me from thinking it~.

[Ronnie Anne groans while Katt takes some more notes.]

***

''[After that is the Love Guard challenge. Ronnie Anne is in the pool surrounded by obstacles made from various pool toys. Maria looks on with a disapproving frown.]''

Maria: I never really liked this one. Why does the captain have to rely on one of the contestants to save them? My Ronnie Anne is not some damsel in distress.

Carlota: [dryly] Funny. You’ve been treating her like one all throughout this trip.

Hector: You’re thinking too much about it, Maria. It’s just a fun game to show how far the contestants are willing to go to claim their captain.

''[Lincoln dives in first, swimming and shifting around the obstacles until he reaches Ronnie Anne. The two share a fist bump.]''

Bart: [checking his stopwatch] Just under thirty seconds. Not bad, Lincoln.

''[Sid is next. She dives under the water and stays down there for a long time. Ronnie Anne looks on, worried about what happened to her.]''

Ronnie Anne: Sid?

[After a beat, Sid emerges from behind and starts tickling Ronnie Anne.]

Ronnie Anne: [laughing] Ah~! O-okay, okay! S-stop~!

Carlota: Okay, that is just adorable. [she takes a picture with her phone]

Ronnie Anne: [catching her breath] H-how’d you do that?

Sid: [shrugs] You did say I have powerful lungs.

Bart: [checking his stopwatch] Just over thirty seconds. It’s close, but it looks like we have a winner.

[Carlitos begins fidgeting in Rosa’s arms.]

Rosa: Hmm? Something wrong, Mijo?

Carlitos: Aneh~. Aneh~. [he reaches out towards the pool]

Carlota: Aw~! Looks like Carlitos wants to try. Here, give him to me.

''[Rosa complies. Carlota then slips into the pool and carries Carlitos on her shoulders as she swims towards Ronnie Anne. Ronnie Anne notices this and chuckles.]''

Ronnie Anne: Aw, hey, Carlitos! You wanted to save me, too, huh?

Carlitos: Aneh~!

''[Carlitos pokes Ronnie Anne’s nose, causing Ronnie Anne to giggle. Carlota smiles as well.]''

Rosa: [to Maria] You see? Everyone else here is enjoying themselves. Why aren’t you?

''[Maria can’t come up with an answer. She simply sighs while Katt takes some more notes.]''

***

''[That night, Katt is sitting with Ronnie Anne in her cabin. Maria, Frida, and Carlota sneak up to the porthole.]''

Frida: [whispering] I’m starting to have my doubts about this, Maria. What if these Dream Boat people truly are on the level?

Carlota: [dryly] You’re just realizing that now?

Maria: [whispering] Shh~! We need to make sure. This is my daughter we’re talking about.

[Inside the cabin, Katt is going over her notes.]

Katt: I have to say, Ronnie Anne. You’re one interesting girl. I think we have a lot to work with.

Ronnie Anne: Cool. Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask something.

Katt: What’s that?

Ronnie Anne: When you say I’m gonna have a starring role in the game, you’re not actually gonna put me in the game, are you?

[After a beat, Katt laughs.]

Ronnie Anne: [raising an eyebrow] What’s so funny?

Katt: [collecting herself] Oh, Ronnie Anne. Of course we’re not actually going to put you in the game. It’s just going to be a character based off of your personality. And with your voice, of course.

Ronnie Anne: [breathes a sigh of relief] That’s good to hear. It’s just that… I’m not really used to some of this stuff, and…

Katt: [nods and makes some notes] Say no more. I understand completely. After all, this cruise is not only meant to collect data for the game, but it’s our gift to you and your family. It wouldn’t be right if we made you uncomfortable.

[Frida blushes and looks over at Carlota, who folds her arms and arches an eyebrow.]

Carlota: I guess this is the part where I say “I told you so.”

Frida: [sighs] I suppose so. I’m sorry, Carlota. It’s hard to let go of these motherly instincts sometimes. You’ll understand when you have your own children.

Carlota: [scoffs] I guess so.

Maria: [frowns] Don’t let your guards down, girls. She might be lying.

Frida: [sighs] Case in point. Maria, we should just go. Ronnie Anne’s clearly safe.

[Back inside the cabin, Katt scrolls through her notes.]

Katt: We just have one more event tonight, Ronnie Anne: the Big Ballroom Dance. Unfortunately, we’ve hit a bit of a snag.

Ronnie Anne: What’s up?

Katt: Well, we did have a dress tailored for you, but after my research, I don’t think it’s your style. It’s a bit last minute, but we’ll make sure you’re able to slip into something more… comfortable.

[Maria’s eyes go wide.]

Frida: [nervously] Okay, Maria? C-calm down. I don’t think she meant what you think she mean—

[Before she can finish, Maria barges in.]

Maria: [angrily] I thought we made it clear that my eleven-year-old daughter doesn’t need to show off her figure!

Ronnie Anne: [embarrassed] Mom~! What the heck?!

Katt: [startled] I-I assure you, Maria. Th-that was just a slip of the tongue…

Maria: That’s Mrs. Santiago to you, buster! And if you think for one minute that I’m going to let you exploit my little girl, then—

[Ronnie Anne growls and facepalms.]

Ronnie Anne: [strained] Would you excuse us for a moment, Katt?

''[Without waiting for a response, she takes Maria by the hand and leads her out onto the deck. Maria’s rage fades into concern.]''

Maria: Sweetie, what’s wrong?

Ronnie Anne: What’s wrong? Mom, what’s wrong with you?! Why are you being so paranoid?!

Maria: I-I was just trying to protect you.

Ronnie Anne: From what?! Katt said this was just to prepare me for the role in the Dream Boat dating sim! She wasn’t gonna hurt me!

Maria: But sweetheart, you’re only eleven years old. I know you love Dream Boat, but there are some parts of the show that you’re not ready to experience yourself.

Ronnie Anne: [groans] Look, Mom. Yes, there is some stuff that I’m not comfortable with. And yeah, I don’t understand all of it. But you know what isn’t helping? You trying to shield me from everything! Didn’t anyone tell you about the Downtown Spying incident?

[Beat]

Maria: [sheepishly] It… might’ve been mentioned…

Ronnie Anne: Well, after that, everyone else realized that I was able to take care of myself. Apparently, you didn’t get the memo.

Maria: Th-that’s not true. I-I know you’re very resourceful for your age. I-it’s just that…

Ronnie Anne: Just that what? You forgot? Well, here’s a reminder: I’m not a baby anymore! How old do I have to be for you to stop treating me like one?!

''[Before Maria can say anything else, Ronnie Anne stomps off in a huff. Maria sighs and sheds a tear.]''

Maria: [weakly] B-but you’re my baby.

[Frida walks over to Maria and comforts her.]

Frida: It’s hard watching your child grow up so fast, isn’t it? Maybe she is more mature than we gave her credit for.

[Meanwhile, Carlota turns to Katt.]

Carlota: So, sorry about eavesdropping and junk, but I couldn’t help but overhear that you had a bit of a fashion emergency? I think my mom and I can help.

[Frida looks over at Carlota in confusion.]

Carlota: What? Just because I’m jealous of Ronnie Anne doesn’t mean I’m not happy for her or that I don’t want to help her out. I’ve been trying to tell you that this whole time.

[After a beat, Frida chuckles.]

Frida: It seems we both learned a little about motherhood today, eh, Maria?

Maria: [glumly] Yeah…

***

''[We cut to Ronnie Anne sulking on the deck, hanging off of the railing and staring out into the ocean. She lets out a deep sigh.]''

???: Nice view, isn’t it?

[Ronnie Anne perks up and turns her head to see Sid standing next to her.]

Ronnie Anne: Sid? What’re you doing here?

Sid: We thought you needed someone to talk to.

Ronnie Anne: Wait, we?

''[She hears someone clearing his throat and turns her head. Sure enough, Lincoln is standing on the other side of her. She sighs again and turns her attention back to the horizon.]''

Lincoln: Ronnie Anne, you know it’s better to get this kinda stuff off your chest. We can’t enjoy this cruise if you’re not happy.

Ronnie Anne: Yeah, I know. And I’ve been having a great time. It’s just… [sighs]

Lincoln: Let me guess. Your mom?

Ronnie Anne: Well, kinda. I-I dunno, it’s hard to explain.

Sid: [places an arm on Ronnie Anne’s shoulder] That’s why we’re here, Ron. You know the Bestie-Boyfriend Combo’s always got your back.

Lincoln: [deadpans] You’re gonna keep calling us that no matter what I say, aren’t you?

Sid: [playfully] I see no reason not to.

Ronnie Anne: [sighs] Sid, please. I’m not in the mood. I-I really don’t know how I feel right now.

[Sid’s grin vanishes.]

Sid: What do you mean?

Ronnie Anne: Well, on the one hand, I’m totally frustrated with my mom. It’s like she forgot who I was and just saw me as her vulnerable little girl who can’t handle all this mature stuff.

Lincoln: Yep. That sounds familiar.

Ronnie Anne: But after I blew up at her, I started thinking. And, well, what if she’s right? I mean, I like Dream Boat as much as the next guy, but all this mushy junk is just so… complicated.

Lincoln: That sounds familiar, too.

[Ronnie Anne gives Lincoln a blank look.]

Ronnie Anne: Huh?

Lincoln: Here’s the thing, Ronnie Anne. Your mom wouldn’t worry about this kind of stuff if she didn’t care about you. Yeah, it can be really annoying, but you can kinda appreciate it at the same time. That’s just how things are.

Ronnie Anne: I guess. [sighs] Great, now I feel extra terrible for snapping at her.

Sid: Well, that’s okay. Not the snapping part; the feeling terrible part.

Ronnie Anne: [blinks] Huh?

Sid: Ron, I feel like I’ve really gotten to know you since I moved to Great Lakes City. I know you like being this tough tomboy, and no one can take that away from you. But I also know that there’s more to you than that. You’re compassionate, you’re funny, you love your fam, and most of all… [she trails off and breathes out a small chuckle] Oh, geez. I can’t believe I’m about to say this.

Ronnie Anne: Say what?

[Sid sniffles and looks over at Ronnie Anne with misty eyes.]

Sid: You’re the greatest best friend I’ve ever had.

[After a beat, Ronnie Anne snickers.]

Ronnie Anne: Sheesh, Sid. S-stop being such a sap.

Lincoln: Ronnie Anne, if there’s anything I learned from living with ten sisters, it’s that it’s okay to be a little sappy every now and then.

Ronnie Anne: Heh, yeah. I guess you’re right, Lame-O. [beat] You don’t… mind if I call you that, right?

Lincoln: [shrugs] Eh, I’ve gotten used to it. No offense to Bobby and Lori, but I’d take Lame-O over Boo-Boo Bear any day.

Ronnie Anne: [laughs] Yeah, you would, wouldn’t you?

Sid: Aw~! You two really do get each other.

Ronnie Anne: [glares at Sid] It’s not what you—

Sid: [interrupts] Group hug~!

''[She pulls Ronnie Anne and Lincoln into a tight embrace. The two of them struggle for a second before simply returning the affection in kind.]''

Ronnie Anne: You two are the best, you know that?

Sid: That’s the Bestie-Boyfriend Combo for you.

Lincoln: I’m not her… [sighs in defeat] Never mind. Nothing I say’s gonna change your mind at this point.

Sid: Nope~!

[There is a pleasant-sounding chime over the intercom.]

Bart: [over the intercom] All passengers please report to the ballroom. It’s time for our big finale. Oh, and Ronnie Anne? I believe we have a bit of a surprise in your cabin.

Ronnie Anne: Well, I’d better go see what it is. Catch you two later.

[The three friends release each other, and Ronnie Anne walks off.]

***

''[We cut to the ballroom. Almost everyone is present and accounted for, except for Ronnie Anne, Frida, Carlota, and Katt. Maria still looks distraught, which doesn’t go unnoticed.]''

Bobby: Everything alright, Mom?

Maria: I’m not sure. I think Ronnie Anne is still mad at me. [sighs] I guess I was just trying too hard to be a good mother.

Carlos: We understand completely, Maria. We went through the same thing with her.

Maria: I know. And I know how resourceful she is for her age. I just… lost sight of that.

Rosa: [sagely] That is easy to do when it comes to your own family. We don’t blame you for being concerned, and I’m sure she doesn’t, either.

[The lights suddenly dim, and a spotlight points to the entrance of the ballroom.]

Bart: And now, the guest of honor and the captain of this fine voyage! Put your hands together for the one, the only, Ronnie Anne Santiago!

''[The doors swing open, revealing Ronnie Anne standing beside Frida, Carlota, and Katt. Ronnie Anne is sporting a simple yellow dress and a sleek hairdo. The Casagrandes recognize the look right away.]''

Carl: No way.

Hector: It’s like a spitting image.

Carlos: Ah, Frida. This may be your best work yet.

CJ: Hooray~! It’s Ana!

Lincoln: [confused] Ana?

Bobby: Ana Ronalda, from Adios, Ana, Adios. It’s a telenovela my family watches all the time. Ronnie Anne just got into it. Long story.

[Ronnie Anne shuffles over to Lincoln.]

Ronnie Anne: [shyly] So. How do I look?

[Beat]

Lincoln: [flustered] Uh, great! I-it’s very… pretty. I-I mean cool! I-I mean…

Ronnie Anne: [chuckles] You are such a dork, Lame-O.

''[Sid giggles as well and rolls her eyes. Maria steps forward.]''

Maria: You look fantastic, honey.

[Ronnie Anne looks up, and her smile fades a little.]

Ronnie Anne: Thanks. Uh, Mom? I’m sorry I got mad at you. I know you were just worried, but I can handle some of this stuff on my own, y’know?

Maria: I know, sweetie. And I’m sorry I overreacted. [she turns to Katt] Especially to you and Bart. It’s just that my girl means so much to me, and I couldn’t bear to think that anyone would try to take advantage of her.

Katt: [nods] Rest assured, that was not our intention, Mrs. Santiago.

Maria: [grins] Please, call me Maria. There’s no need for stuffy formalities on the Dream Boat, after all.

Frida: [chuckles] Glad to see you finally lighten up, Maria. Even if this is our last day on the cruise.

Bart: Well, the least we can do is make it a memorable one. The Big Ballroom Dance is usually where the captain picks his or her first mate, and the two of them dance to celebrate. Ronnie Anne, you’re our captain. Who do you choose to dance with?

''[Ronnie Anne’s cheeks turn slightly red as her eyes shift between Lincoln and Sid. All eyes are on her as she wracks her brain. Finally, she smirks.]''

Ronnie Anne: Actually, I wanna mix it up a little.

Bart: [blinks] How so?

Ronnie Anne: Sid, come over here. Let’s show Lame-O here our dance moves and see if he can keep up.

[Beat]

Sid: Seriously? You just wanna have a dance-off with Lincoln?

Ronnie Anne: [shrugs] Why not? I’m not comfortable with picking a first mate just yet. As far as I’m concerned, that title belongs to both of you.

Sid: Aw, thanks, Ron! Heh, I guess no Boyfriends Before Besties or anything like that, huh?

Ronnie Anne: He’s not my boyfriend!

Lincoln: [at the same time] I’m not her boyfriend!

Sid: [laughs] You two are just so fun to tease.

Ronnie Anne: [rolls her eyes] Just get over here, ya goof. Bart, you’ve got any Twelve is Midnight?

Bart: I… believe we do.

Ronnie Anne: Then put it on and let’s get this party started!

''[Bart shrugs and motions to the DJ. Soon enough, K-pop begins blaring over the speakers.]''

Lincoln: Wow. I didn’t know you liked this kinda music, Ronnie Anne.

Ronnie Anne: Sid got me into it. So, you gonna gawk, Lame-O, or are you gonna dance?

''[Ronnie Anne and Sid launch into a synchronized dance routine while Lincoln shows off his DDR moves. CJ and Carl join in while the rest of the Casagrandes look on and take pictures.]''

Katt: [to Maria] That certainly is one bright and talented daughter you’ve got there, Maria. You must be very proud of her.

Maria: [getting choked up] You have no idea.

<p style="text-align:center;">***

''[The next morning, the Dream Boat pulls into the harbor just outside Aloha Beach. The Casagrandes disembark, with several porters struggling with all of Carlota’s luggage.]''

Katt: We truly hope you enjoyed the experience, Ronnie Anne. I’ll be sure to keep in touch with you about your lines once we complied all the data.

Ronnie Anne: Gotcha. Thanks for everything.

Bart: It was an honor to be your cruise director, Ronnie Anne. You all take care now, and I’ll see you on the Dream Boat.

[The Casagrandes all say their goodbyes, with Carlota staring dreamily at Bart.]

Carlota: [motioning with her hand] Call me~!

Frida: [rolling her eyes] Ay yi yi. Give it a rest, Carlota.

[They walk over to the parking lot and start loading up the station wagon.]

Sid: Well, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I had a blast! Thanks again for inviting me, Ronnie Anne.

Lincoln: Yeah, thanks. It was a lot of fun.

''[Just then, Vanzilla pulls up. Lori runs out and hugs Bobby.]''

Lori: Oh, Boo-Boo Bear. It feels like the ocean kept us apart for an eternity.

Ronnie Anne: [deadpan] It was just a couple of days.

Bobby: [chuckles] I missed you, too, babe. We all had a great time.

Lori: I’m sure you did. I can’t wait to hear all about it. [she turns to Lincoln] But for now, I promised Mom and Dad that Lincoln would be home for dinner.

Sid: [sighs] Welp, I guess this is goodbye.

Lincoln: For now. I’ll still keep in touch with Ronnie Anne, and beyond that, who knows what the future holds? Maybe one of these days, you can come out to Royal Woods and meet my sisters. You’d love Lana. She’s really into animals.

Sid: [grins] We’ll see. [she shakes Lincoln’s hand] It was really nice meeting you, Lincoln. Ronnie Anne’s very lucky to have someone like you for a…

Ronnie Anne: [tersely] Sid…

Sid: What? I wasn’t gonna say “boyfriend.”

Ronnie Anne: No, but you were probably thinking it.

''[Sid just gives Ronnie Anne a smarmy grin, to which Ronnie Anne groans and facepalms. Lincoln chuckles a little despite herself.]''

Lincoln: I think Ronnie Anne’s lucky to have a friend like you as well, Sid. It was really nice to meet you, too. [he then walks over to Ronnie Anne] Well, I’d better get going.

Ronnie Anne: [smirks] Yeah. Smell ya later, Lame-O.

''[She gives Lincoln a sock in the arm, which Lincoln returns in kind. He then climbs into Vanzilla with Lori, and the two drive off.]''

Carlos: [wiping some sweat from his brow] I-I think that’s everything. Let’s go home.

Sergio: Brawk~! All ashore that’s going ashore!

[The Casagrandes pile into the station wagon, with Sid taking a seat next to Ronnie Anne.]

Hector: Well, Ronnie Anne? Did you enjoy the cruise?

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: I certainly did, Abuelo. I’ll admit, there was some stuff that I wasn’t super comfortable with, but all in all, I had a lot of fun.

Maria: Well, I’m sure you’ll figure that stuff out when you get older, honey. And if you have any questions about it, you can ask any of us.

Ronnie Anne: Thanks, Mom. I love you.

Sid: [places an arm around Ronnie Anne] And we all love you, Ron.

Ronnie Anne: [blushes] Sid~!

Sid: What? It’s like Lincoln said. Nothing wrong with a little sap every now and then. Especially when it comes to the Dream Boat.

[Beat]

Ronnie Anne: [chuckles] You big goof.

[The Casagrandes all share in Ronnie Anne’s merriment as they drive off back to the city.]

<p style="text-align:center;">The End

Trivia

 * It was actually rather difficult to write this story without shipping Ronnie Anne and Sid, but I think I managed to pull it off with Sid coining the term Bestie-Boyfriend Combo.  Still, you're free to interpret it any way you wish.
 * I actually have never really watched a reality show aside from Hell's Kitchen, so I had to improvise a lot when coming up with challenges for the Dream Boat (especially considering we've never seen an entire episode in the show's canon).