User blog:Thomperfan/Pasture Bedtime (my version)

(It starts with Liam opening his school locker.)

Liam: “Well, we're all set for tonight, fellers. Paw said we can bunk in the barn as long as we don't wake the chickens.”

Lincoln: “The barn?”

Me: Awesome!

Zach: “Cool!”

Rusty: “Can't wait!”

Liam: “Same here, I'm more excited than a 'squitor on a cow pie!”

Clyde: “Liam, it's a real honor to be invited to your first sleepover. [Holds up a bag of medicine.] “I got my hay fever medicine, and I'm ready to RAGE! Rage responsibly of course.”

Liam: “Okay, but you better hide that from my Paw, he don't like city medicine.”

[Enter Girl Jordan with Artie and Mollie.]

Girl Jordan: “Hey guys, guess who just got a pool and is throwing a party? [Points to self] “This girl!”

[Lincoln and the rest of us exclaimed in excitement.]

Rusty: [Whispers to the boys] “Guys, boy/girl party, good thing I've been doing my crunches.” [Holds his breath and thins out his chest.]

Girl Jordan: “Great! See you tonight.”

Clyde: “Tonight? Dang it, we already have plans.”

Zach: “Whoa, whoa, wait, can't we do both?”

[The boys looked at Liam for his decision.]

Liam: “Well, I reckon we could.”[Feeling hurt]

Me: “Guys, come on. It's Liam's first sleepover.” [To Girl Jordan] “Sorry, Girl Jordan, maybe another time.”

Clyde: “You're right.”

Zach: “Aww, thanks for the invite.”

Girl Jordan: “Well, it's gonna be a late one, so if you change your minds, come on by.” [Walks away with her friends.]

Liam: “Aww, y'all are good buds.”

Rusty: [Still holding his breath] “Just to be clear, there won't be any ladies in the barn, right?”

Liam: “Just Virginia, my pig.”

Rusty: [Rusty lets out his breath.] “Cool.”

[Late evening, at Liam's barn, he is giving us a grand tour.]

Liam: “Now this here, is chicken manure. And that there is cow manure. And up there is the loft I fell out of.”

Rusty: “Intense! Did you break anything?”

Liam: “Nah, I fell into goat manure.” [Points to said manure] “That's the softest of your manures.”

[Later, we're setting up their sleeping bags on the hay.]

Clyde: “Hey Liam, is it okay if I plug in my humidifier?”

Liam: “Sure.”

Clyde: “And, what about my dehumidifier?”

Liam: “Well, now were gonna need a little extra juice.” [Holds up a chicken and puts it on a hamster wheel powered generator with the other chickens, powers on.]

Liam: “Alrighty then! Y'all ready to have some fun?”

[The rest of us cheer in excitement as we swing from the loft, Zach gets nailed by the wood while the rest of us land in the haystack. Next, we do a rodeo with a goat, Rusty gets launched face first into the manure.]

Rusty: [Raises his fist] “Yeah!”

Liam: [Releases the chickens from the coop.] “Round 'em up, boys!”

[We try to catch some chickens, but then crash into each other, Rusty gets an alert tone on his cellphone.]

Artie: [Over Rusty's phone] “Dude, look what your missing, a 'Make Your Own Sub Station'.”

Zach: “Is that the video from Girl Jordan's party?”

Rusty: “Yeah, look at all the grub.”

Me: (Hungry) Fooooooooood.

[Liam is having fun being chased by the chickens while the rest are attacking the rest of us. Next, we’re pushing a tractor tire with Liam inside of it. Just then, Zach gets an alert tone on his cellphone.]

Karate Girl: [Over Zach's phone] “Check it out, Zach. Girl Jordan's party has a temp tat station!” [Shows her butterfly tattoo on her wrist.]

Zach: “Oh, man.”

[While he says that, Liam (who’s still inside the tire) is rolling down the hill and lands in something squishy.]

Me: (gasps) Liam! Are you OK?!

Liam: “I’m okay! Landed in manure!”

[Later that night, We’re playing hide-and-seek.]

Liam: [Counting] “97, 98, 99...”

[As Lincoln, Clyde, Rusty, Zach and I hid inside the coop, Lincoln gest an alert tone on his cellphone.]

Mollie: [Over Lincoln's phone] “Too bad you're not here, Lincoln. I'm planning on breaking your cannonball splash record tonight.”

Lincoln: “Look at that diving board! It's gonna make a tsunami! [After he says that, Clyde gets an alert on his phone.]“Another video from the party?”

Clyde: “No, just my dads checking to make sure I re-apply my bug spray.” [The rest of us look at Clyde, unimpressed. Then, he gets a video from the party.] “But, that's a video from the party.”

Artie: [over Clyde’s phone] “So, this is happening.” [Slides down the slide and lands in the water with the camera still rolling.]

Clyde: “You've gotta be kidding me! A waterslide?!”

(Just then, I get an alert on my phone.)

Me: Guys, now I just got a video from Girl Jordan’s party, and it’s from Girl Jordan!

Girl Jordan: (over my phone) Oh Nolan, did I forget to mention there’s a face painter here? (shows said face painter painting faces)

Me: Wow! He’s so artistic!

Rusty: “I can't believe we're missing this! Maybe Liam would be okay with us going over there, just for a little bit.” [Attempts to sneak out of the coop, but Liam pops up.]

Liam: “Found you guys!” [The rest of us yelp in surprise.] “Boy, this is a hoot, ain't it? Best night of my life! Who needs them pool parties when you got all you can ask for right here on the farm?” [Chuckles] “Come on! Rattlesnake roundup’s next!” [Leaves]

Zach: “Aww, man, he's not gonna go for it.”

Rusty: “True, but what if he never knows? We can wait til' he falls asleep, and then swing buy and check the party out for a bit.”

Zach: “Yeah, as long as we're back before he wakes up, everything's cool.”

Clyde: [Nervously] “I don't know, guys, lying gives me stomach aches. I didn't bring any medicine for that.”

Rusty: “We're not really lying, Clyde, we're just sparing Liam's feelings.”

Me: And we’re not ditching him, because we’re gonna come right back.

Lincoln: “Good point, guys, and if we happen to protect my cannonball record while we're there, so be it.”

[Later, while Liam is pig wrestling Virginia, the rest of us are on the fences watching him from the sidelines.]

Lincoln: “We've rounded up rattlesnakes, caught frogs, and gone on five tractor rides. And Liam's not showing any sign of slowing down.”

Me: “Maybe this pig wrestling would do the trick. It looks exhausting.”

Liam: [Off-screen] “Hey! You fellers wanna give me a hand?”

[Virginia was on top of Liam, pinning him down, raising her eyebrows at the boys. We go over to help Liam up.]

Liam: “Ah, phew. That done tuckered me out.”

Lincoln: “Yeah, tuckered me out just watching you. How about you, Clyde? [Grins slightly at him.]”

Clyde: [Nervously] “Yeah, this is the most tired I've ever been in my life. I could sleep for three days. [His stomach rumbles, grunting] “My stomach.”

Rusty: “Maybe we should just hit the hay.”

Liam: “Oh, no, no, no, fellers! We can't do that! Virginia likes to go the full fifteen rounds! I just need a little pick-me-up.” [Liam does a quick face wash.] “WHOO-HOO! C'mon, old gal! Let's dance.”

Zach: [Giving up] “We're never going to that party.”

Lincoln: [Gets an idea] “I know how we can tire him out.”

[Cuts to five bottles being filled with milk, from a goat. Liam hand one to each of us.]

Liam: “Huh, didn't think you city slickers would have the guts to try fresh goat's milk.”

Lincoln: “Well, country life is growing on us.”

Clyde: “Yep. I can stay in this farm forever!” [His stomach rumbles again as he groans in pain.]”

[Liam chugs down his milk while the rest of us dump ours to the side pretending we enjoyed it, smiling nervously.]

Liam: “I don't know 'bout you, fellers But, I'm feeling mighty bushed.”

[The rest of us exclaim that they're tired, too. Cuts to late night where the crescent moon shines.]

Liam: “Been a swell night, boys. See y'all when the rooster starts a-crowin'.”

[A few seconds after Liam falls asleep, Rusty and Zach woke up.]

Rusty: “How did you know that would work?”

Lincoln: [Waking up, along with Clyde and I] “Years of babysitting. Let's move!”

[We sneak out from the barn while Clyde holds on to his stomach in pain.]

Me: (coming back for Clyde) Come on, buddy. Let’s go. (I take him with me)

[Cuts to the 5 of us arriving at Girl Jordan's pool party. The music is playing, kids are dancing, splashing, and hanging in the pool, applying tattoos, and eating large subs. The boys are excited by it.]

Lincoln: “This is even better than the party Andrew threw when he got his braces off.”

Rusty: “I'm hitting the food table. I can't get my flirt on on an empty stomach.”

Me: I’m going there too, because I’m hungry.

Zach: “I gotta check out the Tat Station.”

Clyde: “I have a waterslide to ride.”

Lincoln: “And I have a cannonball record to defend. Okay, guys, lets meet here in an hour to go back to Liam's. Set your alarms.”

[We all do so on their watches. Rusty sets his on a vintage chain watch.]

Zach: [Unimpressed] “Really, Rusty?”

Rusty: “The ladies dig it.” [We split up to do their activities, Rusty is making his sandwich on the sub station and I’m stuffing myself silly, when Rusty sees two girls walk by.] “What's the good word, ladies?” [Squirts on a condiment on his sandwich, which is revealed to be hot sauce.]

[Next, Zach is applying tattoos on his face, stomach, and his arm. The girls are applying some hair dye.]

Zach: “You got any gold or silver? Quick for an alien invader DJ vibe?” [The girl hands him both cans as applies them on his head.]

[Later, at the pool, where Lincoln and Clyde are.]

Lincoln: “Anyone got any extra swimsuits we can borrow?”

Artie: “Nah, but we’re all dudes here. Just go in your skivvies, the girls are all over there.”

[The boys took a glance and saw Girl Jordan and the girls petting her dog then they took off their clothes and jumped in the pool. Rusty chowed down the whole sandwich, while I finish eating my food.]

Me: OK, now to go see that face painter. (I leave to do so)

Rusty [starts to sweat] “Wait a minute.” [Checks the condiment on the bottle.] “Hot sauce?! I thought that was ketchup! [Gasps] “My allergies!” [Rusty's face swells up] “Yikes, ladies! I can't be seen like this!” [Walks off in fear while the same two girls from before approached the sub station.]

Zach: [After applying the hair dye] “Oh, yeah. Time to lay down some intergalactic grooves.” [Sings a bit, then rubs his hair, removing some of it.] “What the?” [Checks the warning on the hair dye can.] “Warning: May cause severe hair loss in redheads?!” [Looks around and makes a break in the pool house. When Zach turned on the light, Rusty was there and both screamed in surprise.]

Rusty: [Through his swelled face] “I thought I looked bad.”

[Zach is annoyed. Meanwhile, Clyde slides down to the pool making a splash, when suddenly, Mollie makes an announcement.]

Mollie: “Hey! Look who just showed up for the cannonball contest.”

Lincoln: “You're on, Mollie!”

Clyde: [stops him] “Lincoln, they're gonna see us in our underwear!”

Lincoln: “Ah, I forgot! Let's get out of here!” [The boys exited the pool, trying to grab their clothes, but a dog snatches them. Clyde growls in anger.] “The pool house! Quick!” [They both make their way inside, but when Lincoln turns on the light...]

Clyde, Lincoln, Zach, and Rusty: “Ahhhhh!”

Lincoln: [To Rusty and Zach] “What happened to you guys?”

Rusty: “Hot sauce.”

Zach: “Hair dye.”

Rusty: [To Lincoln and Clyde] “What happened to you guys?”

Lincoln: “Clothing thief.”

(Meanwhile, I’m just waiting in line to get face painted, and after the kid in front of me gets painted, it’s my turn.)

Me: Hi! I would like, um… Thomas the tank engine, please!

Face Painter: Hm… What is this, “Thomas the Tank Engine” you speak of?

Me: Well, he has a blue body and a grey face.

Face Painter: Ah, I don’t know about the body, but I can do the face.

Me: (Excited) Oh boy!

(The painter takes his grey paint and starts painting. Cuts to a few minutes later, he’s finished)

Face Painter: Voila! (holds up a mirror so I can see what he did)

Me: Ahhh! I’m all grey! I look like a rock! That’s not what I wanted! I look ridiculous! I gotta wash this off!

Face Painter: Uh, sorry. This paint is permanent

Me: What?! Aw, man! I’ve gotta hide! (I run over to the pool house and head inside. But just when I turn on the light)

Me, Lincoln, Clyde, Rusty, and Zach: Ahhhhhhh!

Me: Oh, it’s only you guys. What happened?

Rusty: Hot sauce.

Zach: Hair Dye.

Lincoln and Clyde: Clothing thief.

Me: Face paint gone wrong.

Clyde: “We should have never left Liam's. I should have listened to my stomach.”

Zach: “We're just gonna have to stay here all night. 'Cause I'm definitely not going out there like this.”

Me: “But, we have to get back to Liam's before he wakes up. Or he's gonna be really bummed that we ditched him.”

Zach: “Aw, Nolan's right, guys. Well, there's only one thing to do. Rusty, Go use your scary face as a diversion while we make a getaway.” [Rusty doesn't like that idea.]

Lincoln: “No, Zach, we're doing this together. We'll just stick to the shadows and hope for the best.”

Zach: “Okay.” [Brings Rusty in front of him.] “Walk in front of me, Rusty, you're taller.”

[We sneak behind the pool house.]

Mollie: [At the diving board] “Cannonball contest is on!” [looks around] “Where's Lincoln?”

Lincoln: [Nervously] “Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!” [We go over to the wall, but our alarms go off.] “Agh! Dang timers!”

[Just then two lights shine on us, getting everyone's attention.]

Kid: “What's wrong with his face?”

Me: Hi.

Rusty: “Don't mind us. Just on our way out.”

Clyde: “Great party.”

[We smile sheepishly and look at the gate. There are kids who have their cell phones.]

Lincoln: “That's our only way out! Remember guys, we're doing this together!”

[The 5 of us make our way to the exit as all of the party guests take pictures on their cell phones. We finally reach the gate and make a run for it. But Lincoln comes back.]

Lincoln: “I just need to grab my...” [Is about to grab his clothes, but then the dog from earlier grabs them, and tears them to shreds; deadpanned.] “Never mind.”[leaves]

[The next morning back at the barn, a rooster crows.]

Liam: [Yawning, waking up] “Boy, that goat milk sure knocks me right out.”

[The rest of us exclaimed in agreement.]

Zach: “Slept like a log!”

Liam: [deadpan] “Really? Was that before or after y'all went to Girl Jordan's party?”

Rusty: “What do you mean?”

Me: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Zach: “Who's party?”

Lincoln: “We don't know a 'Girl Jordan'.”

Liam: “Oh, come on guys. [To Rusty] “Rusty looks like he kissed a beehive,” [To Zach] “Zach looks like he's been run over by a lawnmower,” [to me] Nolan’s greyer than a rain cloud on a thunderstorm, [To Lincoln and Clyde] “And you two are in nothin' but your skivvies. I weren't born yesterday.”

Lincoln: [Feeling guilty] “You're right, Liam, we did go, and we're really sorry. Girl Jordan's party just looked so fun, they had subs and a waterslide and--”

Liam: [Cuts Lincoln off, feeling sad] “I know, I know. People were texting me from the party, too. I just thought we were having a good time here so, I didn't say nothin'.”

Clyde: “We were having a good time. We never should've left.”

Rusty: “Sorry, man. We stink.”

Zach: “And if it makes you feel any better, we definitely got what was coming to us at Girl Jordan's.”

Liam: “Oh, I know. I got that text, too.” [Shows them a recording of the us exposed at the party yesterday.]

Me: [Stops the video] “OK, we do not need to re-live that.”

Rusty: “So, we still friends?”

Liam: “I reckon. You fellers can't shake me that easily. Now, come on, this party ain't over yet, can't leave without a big ol' farm breakfast.”

[We cheer and follow Liam. Cuts to the dining table where breakfast is served with a huge plate of bacon and eggs. We're all having breakfast.]

Lincoln: “Wow, Liam, this is some good bacon.”

Me: (mouthful) Yeah, it’s delicious!

Clyde: “Yeah, I'll say. Can't get enough!”

Liam: “Well, you can thank Virginia.”[All of us except Liam were stunned at that statement.] “Well, she did lose the wrestling match, she knew the rules.” [Rusty was about to throw-up while Clyde fainted. Fortunately for Liam, Virginia was right at the window.] “Aww, that was just a little country humor.” [Chuckles, but speaks threateningly to the viewers.] “But seriously, don't cross me again.” [Enjoys a piece of bacon while Me, Lincoln and Zach were left speechless.]

THE END