Future Tense/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Future Tense".

Script
''[The kids are having fun outside. Lincoln is reading comics, Lisa carrying a microscope, Lana is playing in the mud, Lily is holding Cliff, Lynn is playing soccer, Lola is driving her car, Luna is playing guitar, and Lori is taking a picture of Luan, Leni, and Lucy posing with her phone]'' Lori: "Say hi to the internet!" Luna: [playing her guitar and singing] [Lynn Sr. and Rita are pulling dandelions out of their yard] Rita: [exhausted] "Ich. I'm covered in dandelions." Lynn Sr.: "Well you look dandy, and I'm not lion." [laughs] ''[A fancy car horn blurs and gets the Louds' attention. A car drives by with a family with gleaming smiles]'' Lola: "Who's that? They look so...so...perfect!" Lana: [nauseated] "Yeah, I'll say. Their shiny teeth hurt my eyes." [rubs her eyes] Lincoln: "Looks like they bought the Crowleys' old house." Lynn Sr.: "Guess we got a new family moving in on the straight." Rita: "Let's put off weeding until tomorrow and welcome them to the neighborhood. As soon as I clean up." Lynn Sr.: "On it!" [blows the leaf blower at his wife, getting her clean] "Good to go."

[Lynn Sr. and Rita arrive at their new neighbors' home and knock as the new folks answer] Rita: "Hi! We're your neighbors. I'm Rita Loud, and this is my husband Lynn." [They shake hands] Bumper Sr.: "Great to meet you. Bumper and Jancey Yates." Lynn Sr.: "And I brought you a little housewarming gift: some of my famous lynn-sagna." [gives it to Jancey] Jancey: "Thank you. How nice. Though, we really don't do dairy." Bumper Sr.: "It makes our kids sluggish. But we could share it with the needy." Jancey: "Oh, won't you come in?" Rita: "Uh, we won't take up too much of your time. We're sure you have a lot of un-pack-ing...to...do..." [notices that the house is already furnished exquisitely] Lynn Sr.: [notices as well] "Or...not." Rita: "Wow." [chuckles] "How did you do that so fast?" Bumper Sr.: "We don't like putting things off. It sends a bad message to the kids." [The parents laugh] Jancey: "Oh, speaking of our kids..." [Enter the first Yates kid] Beatrix: "Hey, Mom and Dad. Can I borrow the car tonight? I have debate practice and then my computer coding class." Jancey: "Of course, Beatrix." [picks up a bag of snacks] "Don't forget to eat your protein-based snack before class, and your carb-based snack after." ''[Beatrix takes the snacks. Enter the second Yates kid with a trophy]'' Bumper Jr.: "I got first place in the state math bowl!" Jancey: "Great work, Bumper Jr.! You can put that in the trophy room." ''[Bumper Jr. puts the trophy in a closet filled with other trophies, much to Lynn Sr. and Rita's astonishment. Enter the third Yates kid with a letter]'' Belle: "I got the internship at the UN!" Jancey: "That's fantastic, Belle!" Belle: [takes out a fiddle] "And I finally nailed that tricky passage of Bach's fortita in D Minor!" [She plays the passage which shocks the Loud parents as her parents applaud her] Bumper Sr.: "Almost. But watch your transitions." [Enter the final Yates kid] Beau: "Will you guys take me to my gallery opening tonight?" Jancey: "Of course, Beau." Beau: [speaks Korean] [The Loud parents are confused] Jancey: "He's in a Korean-English immersion program." [The kids leave] Rita: "Wow. Your kids sure are impressive." Lynn Sr.: "Yeah. Is there anything they're not good at?" Jancey: "Well, we feel like they have to be well-rounded. It's such a competitive world out there." Bumper Sr.: "If we don't encourage them to realize their full potential, we're failing them. I'm sure you guys can relate." [He and Jancey grin]

[Rita and Lynn Sr. are walking home] Rita: [uneasy] "So...they were nice." Lynn Sr.: "Oh yeah." [Beat] Rita and Lynn Sr.: [distraught] "WE'RE FAILING OUR KIDS!!!"

[Inside Vanzilla] Lana: "Where are we going? I was supposed to meet the guys at the mud hole after school!" Rita: "Your father and I signed you up for some extracurricular activities today." Lynn Sr.: "We just feel it's really important for you guys to be well-rounded in this competitive world." Lynn: "Well-rounded? Ho ho! You want us to bulk up?" [starts lifting a dumbbell] "Sweet!" Lynn Sr.: "No, Lynn. You're actually going to the learning center." Rita: "You're great at sports, honey, but to realize your full potential, you could use a boost in your academics." Lynn: "I'm great at math! A TD plus extra point equals 7! But if you go for a conversion, that is 8. Boom! Math." [They drop her off at the learning center anyway] Lynn: "FLAG ON THE PLAY!" [throws her sweatband on the ground] [The arts and crafts center] Lisa: "A ceramics studio? Are we lost?" Lynn Sr.: "No, sweetie. This is your stop. You're great at science, but to be well-rounded, you need to embrace the arts." [drops her off] Lisa: "YES, GOOD CALL! I WAS JUST ON THE VERGE OF CURING THE H1N1 VIRUS, BUT HEY, WHY DON'T I GO MAKE A COFFEE MUG INSTEAD?!" [The community college] Luna: "Royal Woods Community College? What the hay, Pop Star?" Lynn Sr.: "Luna, we love your fun lingo, but to get ahead in life, it wouldn't hurt to brush up on your English?" [Luna steps out] Luna: "That's wack, brah!" Rita: "And Lori and Leni, you'll be taking SAT prep classes. That's the best way to get into a good college." [Lori and Leni step out] Leni: "What about just using the front door?" Rita: [worried] "Let's put Leni for the double session." [Vanzilla drives off] Luna: "WE DON'T NEED NO EDUCATION!" [The parents drop Luan off at City Hall] Rita: "Laugh isn't all about laughs, honey. We think you'll learn more about serious matters by interning at the mayor's office." Luan: "Well, mayor day be ruined, too!" [laughs] "But, seriously, I don't wanna do this." [They drop Lucy off at the basketball court] Lucy: "Basketball?" Lynn Sr.: "We love how independent you are, honey, but when you get out into the real world, you'll need to know how to work with a team." Lucy: "Of humans?" [gags] [They drop Lola off at the community help center] Rita: "Volunteering at a soup kitchen will look great on your résumé." Lola: [furious] "You know what won't look great? ME IN A HAIRNET!" [They drop Lana off at Finishing School] Lynn Sr.: "Finishing School will teach you some valuable social graces." [drives off] Lana: "I'VE GOT SOCIAL GRACES UP THE WAZOO!" [belches] Lincoln: [petrified] "Where am I going? A police academy? Military school?" Lynn Sr.: "Nope. You're going home. To read comics." Lincoln: [relieved and under a beam of light] "I knew I was your favorite." ''[The light turns out to have been coming from Vanzilla's inside light. Lynn Sr. turns it off and hands Lincoln some comic books about the government] Lincoln: [confused]'' "The Senator Squad: Law Making In Action?" Rita: "Yes! This are educational comics that'll help broaden your outlook." [smiles] Lincoln: "So...not your favorite?"