User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Peeking Through the Fourth Wall (Episode 14)

''[We open on the couch. This time, Lincoln is joined by Lisa again, along with Leni, Luan and Lola.]''

Lincoln: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to Peeking Through the Fourth Wall. Today we'll be revisiting another author. This is "Nolan's Birthday" by Thomperfan!

Lola: The guy who puts himself into his own stories?

Lincoln: Yeah, that one.

Lola: Think he's gonna be in this one, too?

Lisa: His name is in the title, so I would assume so.

(It starts with me laying in bed. Just then I open my eyes and wake up. I turn and notice the viewers)

''Me: (to the viewers) Oh, hi guys. It's me, Nolan.''

Lincoln: Hi, Nolan.

''Me: You may not know this, but… Today is my birthday! I'm turning 15 years old today. And I'm gonna have a birthday party! It's gonna be so cool.''

Leni: I thought we were reading a story about us.

Lisa: I'm sure we'll show up eventually.

''Me: All of my friends are coming. Me and my little sister Sophia made the invitations last night. And we're going to have the party at Spunk E. Pigeon's Pizza Palooza paradise! I can't wait!''

(I get dressed and head down to the living room, where my family is waiting.)

Dad: Hello, my favorite 15-year old, son!

Me: Dad, I'm your only son.

''Mom: (sighs) How is it that you're turning 15 already? No. I refuse to accept that. It can't be happening.''

Me: Mom.

(She hugs me and kisses me on the cheek.)

[Lola starts squirming and fidgeting in her seat.]

Lisa: Is something wrong, Lola?

Lola: This is boring. I wanna read about us! Why are we reading about some kid we don't even know?!

Sophia: Happy birthday, big brother!

''Me: Thanks, Sophia. What did you with the invitations?''

Sophia: Invitations?

Me: Yeah, the invitations we worked on last night.

Sophia: Oh, yeah, I put them in the bathroom closet.

Luan: That sounds like a good place to dump 'em! [Laughs] But seriously, where are we?

''Me: Oh, okay. Excuse me for a second.''

(I go upstairs, grab the invitations and come back down and head to the door.)

Me: Well, I'm heading out.

Mom: OK, but be back in time for us to set up the party.

Me: Don't worry, I will.

Lisa: Twenty-seven lines in and not one of us has even been mentioned by name.

Luan: Are you sure this story's about us, Linc?

(I leave. Cuts to a montage of me delivering my invitations to everyone. After it ends I head over to the Loud House. The LKs are watching TV, when suddenly I come in)

Me: Hey guys!

LKs: Hi, Nolan!

Leni: Oh, there we are. So is this guy, like, our friend?

Lisa: Indeed. As Lola pointed out earlier, we actually saw him introduced in a previous installment. He writes self-insert stories in which he casts himself as a close friend of ours.

Me: You guys know what today is?

''Leni: Of course we do, sweetie! It's your 15th birthday today!''

Leni: "Sweetie"?

Lola: That's a little weird. Who does Leni ever call "sweetie"?

(The LKs all cheer.)

''Lynn: Party! Party! Party!''

''Lisa: Another year older, Another year wiser. Not as wise as me, but you're getting there.''

Lisa: The author seems to be conflating wisdom with intelligence. And I must humbly admit that while I have plenty of the latter, I don't have quite so much of the former.

''Lana: It must be so cool to be fifteen. Do you feel any different than you did when you were fourteen?''

Me: Uh, no. Not really.

Luan: Fifteen isn't exactly a milestone age. Well, except for girls down in Mexico.

[Beat]

Luan: Different cultures are weird.

''Luna: Oh man, dude. I just realized something.''

Me: What is it, Luna?

''Luna: I'm 15, and you just turned 15! So now, we're the same age!''

Me: Oh my gosh, you're right!

Luan: (to herself; sadly) Yeah, and we're not.

[Luan raises an eyebrow.]

Luan: Really? I'm gonna get all broken up because one of my friends isn't the same age as me? That doesn't even make sense.

Lincoln: Especially since you'll be fifteen soon enough.

Leni: Will she? 'Cause, like, she's been fourteen for the past three April Fool's Days. Is it just me, or are none of us getting any-

Lincoln: [Points to the screen] Hey, look! More story!

(She looks down)

''Luna: Aw man, dude. I can't wait to show you all the cool things we can do now.''

Me: Cool.

Luan: Like what? What can a fifteen-year-old do that a fourteen-year-old can't?

(Just then, Rita and Lynn Sr come in.)

''Rita: There he is! The new fifteen-year-old!''

Lynn Sr.: Happy Birthday, sport!

(I give them a hug)

''Me: Thanks, guys. (to everyone) And tonight, at my party, we're gonna party 'til we're purple.''

''Lana: (Excited) GAH! I love being purple!''

Lincoln: ...come again?

Leni: Well, sometimes when she eats grape popsicles, she gets really purple and sticky. Does that count?

Lincoln: Not really. She likes being messy, not purple.

Me: We're going to the place, with ALL the action!

(The Loud Family gasps.)

Lucy: You don't mean…?

Me: Oh, I mean, dear Lucy.

All of us: (at the top of our lungs) SPUNK E. PIGEON'S PIZZA PALOOZA PARADISE!

Lincoln: Nolan, that's amazing!

''Me: I know. In fact, I was just heading over there to start getting ready. Lincoln, Luna, Lynn, Lana. I need your help.''

Lincoln: You got it!

Lana: Awesome!

Luna: Rocking!

Lynn: Sweet!

(Me, Luna, Lynn, and Lana head out. Lincoln stays in for a minute.)

''Lincoln: (to the viewers) This is a big day, and a big job. We're gonna need all the help we can get. (He busts out his walkie-talkie and calls Clyde.) Come in, Birthday Candles. This is Cake-Man.''

(Cuts to Clyde in his room)

''Clyde: This is Birthday Candles, I read you loud and clear. I am so proud of Nolan. Turning fifteen years old is a right of passage''

Lisa: First of all, that's rite of passage. Second of all, no it isn't.

''Lincoln: Me too. And guess what? He's having his birthday party at Spunk E. Pigeons!''

Clyde: YES!

''Lincoln: Anyway, he asked me, Lynn, Luna, and Lana to come help him. We're gonna need your help too.''

''Clyde: Affirmative. I'll be right over.''

Lincoln: Thanks, Birthday Candles, over and out.

(Lincoln hangs up and heads out. Meanwhile, Lori and Lola are discussing my party)

Lori: This is literally going to be the best party I've ever been to.

Leni: I wouldn't be too sure. Lori's been to some pretty wild parties. Did I ever tell you guys about Becky's sweet sixteen? Well, at the party, she...

[Cut to five minutes later: Luan, Lincoln, Lola and Lisa all look dumbfounded.]

Leni: ...and after they let her out of jail, they let her keep the diving helmet as a souvenir.

''Lola: I know. I bet the pizza is going to be even tastier than the pizza I made.''

Lola: LIES!

Lola: What do you think, Leni?

(She and Lori realize, Leni is not there.)

Lola: Where'd Leni go?

''Lori: I don't know. Maybe she went up to our room.''

(Lori and Lola go to Lori and Leni's room. When they open the door they find Leni pacing the floor, looking very freaked out.)

Lori: Leni, are you OK?

(Leni turns and notices them)

''Leni: (nervously and fast) Who? Me? Nervous? No, I'm not nervous. What makes you think I'm nervous? I mean, it's not like I don't what to give my amazing boyfriend for his birthday! No! Nothing like that. (laughs nervously)''

[Beat]

Leni: "My amazing boyfriend"?

Luan: Ohhh, dear.

Lisa: So not only is this self-insert beloved by every member of our family, but he's also in an idyllic relationship with Leni. I believe this is what writing gurus call a "Gary Stu".

Leni: Well, I don't know who Gary or Stu are, and I'm not sure how I feel about this. I've never even met this boy. Sure, he might be nice, but I don't know that.

''Lori: Leni, we're your sisters. We know when something's wrong with you.''

''Leni: (sigh) OK, you guys got me. I'm just really under pressure right now.''

''Lola: Say no more, girl. We are going to spend some time at the mall and you can tell us there.''

(Cuts to the Royal Woods Mall, where Lori, Leni, and Lola are getting their nails done.)

Lori: So, Leni, wanna tell us what's going on?

Leni: I don't know, you guys probably wouldn't be interested.

Lisa: You just heard her say, explicitly, what she was nervous about. Granted, she was trying to claim the opposite, but anyone could tell that that was a lie.

''Lola: Oh, you know we're interested. Girlfriend, spill.''

Lola: I have never, ever called any of my friends or family "girlfriend". That is beyond basic.

Lincoln: ...how do you know that word?

Luan: Someone's been watching too much daytime TV.

Leni: But-

Lola: SPILL!

''Leni: OK, it's Nolan's birthday today, and I still have no idea what to get him for his present by me! I wanna get him something really special, because, he's the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. I just don't know what.''

Lisa: This writer has all of us- especially Leni- talk at length about what an amazing human being this "Nolan" is, but we don't see him demonstrate any of these alleged qualities. Show, don't tell.

Leni: "Show, don't tell?" So it's like doing show and tell at school, but you only do half of it?

Lisa: [Deadpan] Yes, Leni. It's exactly like that.

''Lori: OK, calm down. Leni. Let me tell you something if anyone can get a good present, it's you.''

Lola: Yeah, that's whole reason we made you our official party planner in the first place.

Lori: You take the time to think about what people like, and are always thinking of ways to make things better.

''Leni: You know what? You're right! I can find a good present for Nolan's birthday.''

''Lori: And you know what? Lola and I are going to help you.''

''Lola: We are? (Lori nudges her) Uh, I mean, we are.''

''Leni: (sighs) Thanks, girls. I don't know what I'd do without sisters like you. Now come on! Let's go shopping!''

''Lori: Leni, wait! We haven't finished our nails yet.''

Luan: You know what's weird? I completely forgot that they were getting their nails done.

Lisa: A little scene direction to remind us of that fact would have been nice.

Leni: Oh, right.

(Meanwhile, Luan is on her bed, looking really sad.)

Luan: (sighs) I'm too sad to even make a joke.

(Just then, Lisa comes in.)

Lisa: Elder sister, I have noticed that you seem as other humans put it "down in the dumps".

''Luan: Oh, me? I'm doing fine. Just trying to deal with the fact that my best friend in the world is not the same age as me anymore.''

Luan: Ugh, this is ridiculous. Even if he was my best friend in the whole world, I wouldn't care if he was one year older than me.

Lincoln: Yeah, Bobby and I are six years apart, and we're still bros. Friendship transcends age.

Lisa: Luan, I fall to see what is so upsetting about our male elder friend not being the same age unit as you.

Everyone: So do we!

''Luan: You don't understand, Lis. Me and Nolan did almost everything together. Now that he's the same age as Luna, he's gonna start doing stuff with her and he'll probably forget about me!''

Lincoln: So, to recap, in this world he's Leni's boyfriend and Luan's best friend in the whole wide world. Next you'll be telling me that he's Lola's godfather.

Luan: Minus the father! [Laughs] Get it?

''Lisa: Need I remind you that Nolan manages to incorporate time for each of us every day? Come on, we have some stuff to do for Nolan's birthday party. Maybe that will take your mind off of this issue.''

Luan: I doubt it, but okay.

(Luan goes with Lisa to the living room. Meanwhile, in Lynn and Lucy's room, Lucy is working on a poem for me.)

''Lucy: No, that won't do. (Takes out a picture of Great Grandma Harriet.) Sigh. Great Grandma, I can't think of a good rhyme. And Nolan's party is only a few hours away. What do I do?''

(Just then Lucy's phone goes off. She takes it out and looks at the screen to find that Craig sent her a text.)

Lincoln: Who's Craig?

''Lucy: Oooh, it's a text from Craig. (Reads it) "Hi, Lucy. Can you come over to my place? I have something important I need your help with." Hm. Sounds important. I guess I could see what's going on.''

(Lucy takes her poetry book and heads over. Cuts to Craig's house. Inside, Lucy sits on the couch next to Jack.)

Lincoln: Who's Jack?

Leni: I think they're, like, the writer's friends or something.

Lisa: Yet more evidence that this is more a story about him than it is a story about us.

Lincoln: Well, it is called "Nolan's Birthday".

''Jack: Oh, hey Lucy. Did you get a note from Craig too?''

''Lucy: Hello, Jack. Yes, I did get a note from Craig.''

Jack: I wonder what he needs us for.

Lucy: Me too.

(Just then a bomb of smoke appears causing Jack and Lucy to cough. The smoke disappears to reveal Craig.)

Craig: Jack, Lucy, hi!

Luan: Ah, a classic Craig move! He's always making wacky entrances like that!...assumedly. I don't know for sure.

Jack: Hi, Craig, what did you ask us to come here?

Lucy: Yeah, is something wrong?

Craig: Oh no, nothing's wrong, I just needed you guys help with something.

Jack: With what?

Lincoln: Is it Nolan's birthday?

Craig: Well, as you may know, it's Nolan's birthday today...

Lincoln: What a surprise.

Craig:...and as a surprise, I've decided to a magic show for him and I need you guys' help to perform my tricks.

Jack: I'd be glad to help.

Lucy: I like to do these type of things, so OK.

Craig: OK, now let's get started.

(Craig takes Jack and Lucy up to his room to start working. Meanwhile, at Spunk E. Pigeon's, Me, my family, Lincoln, Clyde, Luna, Lynn, and Lana getting ready)

''Me: OK, If we're gonna get this place decorated in time for my party, we're gonna have to split up in terms of jobs. (to Lincoln and Clyde) Clincoln Mcloud, I'm gonna need you guys to take care of the streamers.''

Lincoln and Clyde: Clincoln Mcloud reporting for streamer duty.

Lincoln: We need two kids to take care of the streamers?

Luan: Yeah, that's easy. All you have to do is wait until they get off of Twitch! [Laughs]

Me: (to Lana) Lana, I'm gonna need you to do the balloons.

''Lana: I can do that! And just in case I run out of balloons, I have more of my backup ABC gum.''

Lola: [Rolls her eyes] Classic Lana move.

''Me: Uh, I don't think that'll be necessary, we bought enough balloons. (to Lynn) Lynn, can you help me set the table?''

Lynn: Heck yeah, I can!

Me: (to Luna) And Luna, I'm gonna need some montage music.

''Luna: You got it, dude. (pulls out her guitar and starts playing)''

Me: OK, now let's get started!

(The 6 of us get started. Meanwhile at the mall, Leni, Lori and Lola are walking around)

''Leni: Girls, We've been around the whole mall, and I still can't think of anything. And we're running out of time.''

''Lori: Hey, I just remembered. Nolan told me about a Thomas train he really wants, maybe we can get him that.''

Lincoln: A toy train?

Luan: Is this for his fifteenth birthday or his fifth?

''Leni: Great idea! Where is it?!''

Lori: Oh, I think it's in (Points to a toy store) There.

''Leni: Yay! Come on, girls, let's go!''

(the 3 girls go into the toy store and start looking for the train. Until, finally Lola spots it on the top shelf, and there's one left.)

''Lola: (to Lori and Leni) Guys! I found it! It's over here!''

(Lori and Leni head over to where Lola is)

''Leni: Great job, Lola! And it's the last one! Just our luck!''

(Leni is about to grab the train, but then another hand gets on it. It reveals that an older woman is trying to get the train too.)

Woman: Um, hello, I'm trying to buy that train.

Lola: Tough cookies, lady! First to touch it gets it!

Leni: Um, but I need to buy it.

Woman: You don't understand, I-

Leni: No, you don't understand, it's my boyfriend's birthday today, he really wants this train and I can't let him down!

''Woman: Oh, that does sound important. Well, I guess I'm just going to have to let my son know.''

Leni: Wait, your son?

''Woman: Well, you see, I have this 7-year old boy who has a huge fan of Thomas, but we never had the money to buy him any Thomas toys, now I finally do have the money to get one for him, but someone else buys it, before I do. Now I have to break the bad news to him, he'll be so crushed. (starts walking away) It was nice meeting you.''

(The woman starts walking away, Leni looks on with tears in her eyes.)

Leni: Awww...

Lola: Personally, I would've just walked off with the toy while she was talking. Finders keepers!

''Leni: (sniffs) So sad. (wipes away her tears) I have to give her the train.''

(Leni catches up with the woman)

''Leni: Wait! (pulls out the train) Here. You can have it.''

''Woman: Really?! Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! God bless you! (Takes out a $5 bill) Here. Consider it a token of my gratitude.''

''Leni: Oh, it's fine. You don't have to give me anything.''

''Woman: No, keep it. I insist.''

Leni: OK, thank you.

''Woman: No, thank you. Now, I can go show this to my son. Thank you again, uuuuuh, what's your name?''

Leni: What kind of a name is "What's your name"?

''Leni: My name's not "What's your name", it's Leni. And you're welcome.''

Leni: Yeah, exactly. That was such a weird guess.

Woman: OK, bye, Leni.

Luan: [As the woman] "By the way, I don't actually have a son and I just wiped my butt with that dollar! Smell you later, sucker!"

(The woman walks away and Leni goes back inside the store where Lola and Lori are waiting)

Lori: So, did you get it?

Leni: (sighs) No. I gave it away.

(Lori and Lola gasp)

Lori: But why?!

''Lola: Did someone steal it from you?! (threateningly) Cause when I find them I am gonna-''

Leni: No, no! I gave it away to a woman, she had a son who really liked Thomas as much as Nolan does, but she didn't have enough money to buy any toys for him and when she did, I bought the last one, so I decided to give it to her.

Lori: Leni, that is… One of the sweetest things you have ever done.

''Leni: Come on, guys. Let's go home.''

(Leni, Lori and Lola head out. Cuts to Lisa, Lily and Luan making birthday cards for me. The other siblings already made their birthday cards earlier. Lily is finger painting on her card. Lisa is writing something on her card, and Luan has barely finished writing Happy Birthday on her card.)

Lisa: (Notices Luan) Luan, I seem to have noticed you haven't written anything on your card.

Luan: I know, I'm just too sad to write cards right now.

Luan: We're really still going with this, huh? Forget "best friend": this kid must be my entire universe.

(Lily walks over to Luan and babbles questionly)

Lisa: "Questionly" is not a word.

''Luan: Oh, Lily, It's Nolan. Now that he and Luna are the same age he's gonna spend more time with her and forget about me.''

Lisa: Luan, need I tell you again that Nolan is not going to forget about you.

Luan: (sigh) I don't know.

Luan: You know, it makes me wonder. How good a friend can he really be if I expect him to desert me just because he's not the exact same age as me?

''Lisa: Luan, you're going to need your proverbial act together. Our parental units are going to drive us to Nolan's party later, and I don't think he'll appreciate you moping around like a depressed elephant.''

Luan: That's... oddly specific.

Lincoln: What would a depressed elephant look like? Do elephants even get depressed?

[Everyone looks expectantly at Lisa.]

Lisa: What?...No, I don't know if elephants can feel depression! What, do you think I know everything about everything?!

''Luan: (sigh) OK, I'll try not to mope. (Tries to smile.)''

Lisa: That's the spirit.

(Lily giggles. Cuts back to Craig's house where Lucy is in a box with only her head and feet sticking out.)

Lucy: So, how is this gonna work again?

''Craig: Simple. You're gonna be in this box and I'm gonna pretend to saw you in half, and then I'll reveal that you're still in one piece.''

Lucy: OK.

Jack: What can I do?

''Craig: You, Jack are going to hid under this tablecloth, I'll say the magic words and then you'll disappear. I'll say the magic words again and then you'll reappear.''

''Jack: Ooooh! Sounds cool!''

''Craig: And for the grand finale, you two will go into two separate human boxes, I'll tap on the boxes and your parts will be all mixed up. Then I'll tap on the boxes again. And then you'll be back to normal.''

Lucy: Wicked.

Jack: I can't wait.

(Meanwhile, back at Spunk E. Pigeon's, me and my friends are still decorating. Cuts to Lincoln and Clyde hanging the streamers)

Luan: Hanging the streamers? What did they ever do to you? [Laughs]

Lincoln: Nice job, Birthday Candles.

Clyde: You too, Cake-Man.

(Meanwhile, Lana has finished blowing up the balloons.)

''Lana: Well, that's all the balloons. (she looks nervous) Aw man, I know Nolan said I didn't have too, but… (Lana reaches into her pocket, pulls out some of her ABC gum and starts blowing bubbles to use as balloons.''

Lola: That's not just gross- it's impossible. You can't blow bubbles with dried-up gum.

''Meanwhile, Me and Lynn are putting the plates on the table. I pick up a plate.''

''Me: Lynn, catch! (I throw a plate to her.)''

''Lynn: (Catches the plate) Lynn Loud catches the plate! She puts it on the table (puts it on the table) Touchdown!''

(While, we're all doing that Luna is still playing her guitar.)

LATER

(the 6 of us have finished getting the place ready.)

Me: Well, we finished our decorating, and we still have a lot of time before the guests arrive, so, you wanna play the games they have?

(My friends cheer as we go to play games. Lincoln and Clyde find a two-player rowing game.)

''Clyde: Look, Lincoln! One of those two-person rowing games.''

Lisa: And the character repeats what the narrator says. I feel like we're watching an episode of Hattie Hog.

Lola: Ooh, I love that show!

Lincoln: Shall we?

Clyde: We shall.

Lincoln and Clyde: Clincoln Mcloud!

(Lincoln and Clyde start playing the game. Lynn finds one of those basketball games)

''Lynn: Sweet! One of those hoop games!''

(Lynn starts shooting the ball. Lana comes up to Frogger)

''Lana: Cool! Frogger! Don't worry little buddy, you're not gonna die. Not on my watch!''

(Lana starts playing the game. Luna goes up to Guitar Hero.)

''Luna: (to me) Hey, bro! Wanna play this game with me?''

Lincoln: No. Unacceptable.

Lola: Lincoln...?

Lincoln: I'm her bro! She calls me that! Me! No one else!

Leni: Okay, okay. Calm down, Linky.

''Me: Guitar Hero? Eh, it seems kind of difficult, but what the heck? Sure. I'll play.''

(I go up and start playing the game with Luna. Cuts to Leni, Lori and Lola in Lori and Leni's room after their trip to the mall. Lori is on her phone, Lola is looking in her pocket mirror and Leni is moping on her bed.)

Lola: (noticing Leni) Leni, are you OK?

Leni: (Sigh) No. Nolan's birthday party is only a few hours away and I still don't have a gift for him!

''Lori: Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you make Nolan a present?''

Leni: Make him a present?

''Lola: Yeah, that's a good idea. You are the most creative out of all of us. And you always make such great things.''

Leni: I do? [Blushes]

''Leni: You're right, I do. (gasps) And I think I just came up the perfect idea for a gift! (to Lori and Lola) And I'm gonna need your help.''

''Lori: Don't worry. We've got your back.''

Leni: For how long? [Looks behind her] I don't think I can go too long without it.

Lola: Yeah, you can count on us.

(Cuts to a montage of Leni, Lori and Lola working on Leni's present. A few minutes later the 3 girls are done.)

Lori: It's literally beautiful.

Lola: Do you think he'll like it?

''Leni: Oh, he'll like it. Or at least I hope he likes it.''

''Rita: (offscreen) KIDS! GET IN THE CAR! IT'S TIME TO GO TO NOLAN'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!''

Lori: Well, we'll just have to hope for the best.

(Lori, Leni, Luan, Lola, Lisa and Lily go out the door and into Vanzilla. So do the pets.)

Lola: Wait, where's Lucy?

''Lori: Oh, she said something about having to do something at Craig's house, but don't worry. Knowing Craig, I'm sure he'll just poof her over to Spunk E. Pigeon's.''

Luan: Oh, that Craig! I never know what he'll do next!

...no, really. I have no idea what he'll do next. Or what he did before. Or what he does in general.

(The rest of the sisters agree. Lynn Sr. puts the keys in and they head off. Meanwhile, Craig, Jack and Lucy are perfecting their last trick for my birthday. Craig taps on the boxes Lucy and Jack are in)

''Craig: Alakazoo! Alakazam!''

(He then opens the boxes to reveal that their perfectly safe.)

Lisa: Their what is perfectly safe?

''Craig: Great job, guys! Now we just have to get us all the way to Spunk E. Pigeon's, and I know just how to get us there.''

Jack and Lucy: How?

''Craig: With magic. I'll just poof us over to Spunk E. Pigeon's. (Waves his wand and says some magic words) Hocus Pocus!''

(Just then smoke appears and the 3 of them disappear. Meanwhile, Rita, Lynn Sr., the rest of the sisters and the pets arrive at Spunk E. Pigeon's and go inside. The rest of us notice them coming in.)

''Me: Hey, guys! You made it! Wait, where's Lucy?''

''Lori: Oh, she was doing something with Craig. But don't worry, they should be here in 3, 2, 1-''

(Just then a bomb of smoke appears causing us to cough. It reveals Jack, Craig, Lucy and Craig's magic equipment.)

Lori: Told ya.

''Me: (coughing) Lucy! Craig! Jack! You guys are here!''

''Craig: You bet! And me, Jack and Lucy are gonna do a magic show for you!''

Me: (gasp) Awesome!

Leni: So, did you guys have a good time here?

''Me: Oh, we did! We decorated the place, and then we played some games. Luna introduced me to Guitar Hero and we played it, I don't know how many times. We were like, so good at it, but then again, we're now the same age, so I guess it makes sense.''

Lincoln: ...that's not how that works. That's not even kind of how that works. Just because you're as old as someone doesn't mean you're as skilled as them.

Lola: Yeah! I mean, I'm younger than you, Lincoln, but I'm better at dancing, and baton twirling, and singing, and modeling, and photo editing, and makeup, and-

Lincoln: I get the point, Lola.

Me: I can't wait to see all the other fun stuff Luna I are gonna do together now that we're the same age.

(After I say that Luan's eyes start to water and then she bursts into tears.)

Luan: Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall.

[Luan starts to get up from the couch, only to have Lincoln grab her by the wrist.]

Lincoln: I'd rather you didn't. We already went through this with Lisa a few episodes ago.

Luan: Really?

Lincoln: Yep. I ended up having to carry her to bed. And no offense, Luan, but you're a little too heavy for that.

Leni: I could carry her!

''Luan: (crying) It's true! Nolan has forgotten about me!''

(Luan runs into the restroom section, leaving the rest of us dumbfounded.)

Lana: Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhh, what just happened?

Lisa: I think we all were going to ask the same thing.

''Lisa: I think I can explain. (To me) Elder friend, ever since you have turned fifteen years old. Luan has seemed to fall into a state of depression. She thinks that now you and Luna are the same age, you would spend all your time together and forget about her.''

Me: (gasps) But doesn't she know that I'd still love her even though we're not the same age?

Lisa: Eh, I tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen.

Me: OK, I'd better go talk to her.

(I go to the restroom area where Luan is. Luan is sitting in a corner crying. I go up to her.)

''Me: Hi, Luan. Is this spot taken?''

Luan: (sniffs) No. You can sit there.

(I sit down next to Luan and put my arm around her.)

''Me: Look, Luan. I'm sorry if I haven't been paying that much attention to you lately. It was never because I stopped liking you.''

Luan: Then why did he? I mean, we're apparently best friends, so why would he do something like that?

...and can I continue talking about how asinine this concept is?! I checked out that story of his that you guys read a few episodes ago, and if anything, he seemed closer to you than he did to me. And you're three years younger than him!

Luan: Well, it's just we were the same age ever since we met and we did lots of stuff together.

''Me: Oh yeah, remember the first time you showed me how to pull a prank. (Chuckles) Mr. Grouse was soaking wet!''

Luan: And now that you and Luna are the same age, I was worried that you two would start doing everything together and that you would forget about me, and, and…

(She starts crying in my chest. I hug her.)

''Me: Luan, let me tell you something. I will never ever ever forget about you. I love you just as much as Luna, Lincoln and the rest of your siblings. I manage to make time for each and every one of you every day and I have fun with you too. So don't you worry. No matter how old I get. I'll remember you the same.''

''Luan: (Sniffs) Thanks, Nolan. I needed that. I feel much better.''

Me: (I kiss her cheek) I love you, Luan.

Luan: I love you too, Nolan.

Luan: Wait, I thought Leni was his girlfriend. Platonic friends don't kiss each other on the cheek.

Lincoln: They do in France, I think.

Luan: Well, this is America!

[Suddenly, fireworks go off behind the couch and "The Star-Spangled Banner" starts blaring throughout the house.]

Luan: ...oops.

(We hug again.)

''Me: Now come on. We still have a party to do.''

Luan: Yeah, I can't cake'' to start! (laughs) Get it?''

Luan: Wha... that's what he calls a pun?! That's just swapping out two words that almost rhyme!

Me: (sigh) That's the Luan I know and love.

(Me and Luan head back into the main area.)

''Lincoln: You guys are just in time! The guests are just arriving!''

Me: Oh, goodie!

(I go up to the door to greet them. Rusty, Liam and Zach come in.)

Rusty: Make way for the party master!

Zach: This party is gonna be so sweet!

Liam: More funner than when my Meemaw drank 10 gallons of root beer.

Lisa: I don't see how that would be "fun" for anyone besides the Meemaw in question.

''Me: (To Rusty, Liam, and Zach) Hey, guys. Gifts go over there.''

(The 3 guys put their gifts there, each giving me a high-five before doing so. Enter Mr. Grouse.)

''Mr. Grouse: Alright, alright, let's get this over with. I'm not a fan of these loud party places.''

''Me: (hugs him) Mr. Grouse! You came!''

''Mr. Grouse: Course I did. Now let's get this over with.''

Me: Presents go in the back.

(Mr. Grouse puts his present for me in the back. Enter the Yates family.)

''Me: Hey guys. So glad you could make it.''

''Bumper Sr.: Of course. It's no trouble.''

Jancey: Not to mention, this is a perfect time for the kids to practice their well-roundedness.

Me: Oooookay… well presents go in the back.

Jancey: You heard what he said, kids.

(Beatrix, Bumper Jr., Belle and Beau come in and put a big present in the back. Enter Howard and Harold McBride.)

''Howard: Are we too late? How's Clyde?''

''Me: He's doing just fine. The presents go in the back.''

(The McBride parents do just that.)

Lola: Is Nolan best friends with everyone in our lives? Who are they gonna bring in next, Bobby and Ronnie Anne?

Mom: Nolan, there are a few more guests who that will be arriving.

''Me: (Gasps) Really? Who?''

''Mom: They're a surprise. Close your eyes.''

''Me: Okay. (I close my eyes)''

(Just then I hear two voices.)

Voice #1: Happy birthday, bro!

Voice #2: Happy B-day Lame-o.

''Me: (gasps) It isn't. It couldn't be! Because there is no possible way those voices could belong to-''

(I turn around and the voices are revealed to be the Santiago siblings themselves.)

''Me: Bobby! Ronnie Anne!''

Lola: I was kidding!

(I run up and hug them)

Me: I can't believe you guys actually came!

Bobby: Yep, we came all the way to city just to see you.

Lola: [Pouts] I didn't see them driving down to Royal Woods for my birthday party.

Luan: Well, maybe that's your fault for not being as super special awesome as Nolan apparently is.

Lincoln: Wait a minute. Where's Nolan's sister? You're telling me that Bobby and Ronnie Anne showed up for this kid's party, but she didn't?!

Lori: (gasps; to Bobby) Boo-Boo Bear!

Lincoln: (gasps; to Ronnie Anne) Ronnie Anne!

(Lincoln and Lori run to their respective Santiagos. Lincoln and Ronnie Anne hug, Lori and Bobby kiss.)

''Bobby: Yep, babe. It's me.''

''Ronnie Anne: And it's not just us. (Calls out) Okay guys, you can come in now.''

(Just then, Maria comes in followed by the Casagrandes, Rosa, Hector, Frida, Carlos, Carlota, CJ, Carl and Carlitos and Brian.)

Lincoln: Okay, this is getting kind of ridiculous. Was this really such a monumental occasion that Ronnie Anne had to bring her entire extended family? Also, who's Brian?

Leni: (gasps) Carlota!

Leni: Who?

Lincoln: Ronnie Anne's cousin. I guess in this story you two are best friends for some reason.

Carlota: Leni!

(The two run and hug)

Leni: Honey, you look fabulous!

''Carlota: You too, girl! We have so much catching up to do!''

(The two squeal and hug each other again, while Brian and I hug too.)

''Me: Brian, buddy! It's so good to see you! And guess what? We're the same age now too!''

Brian: I know right?

''Dad: Okay everyone, enough chattering! Time for cake!''

(Everyone cheers for heads to the table to eat the cake. Dad brings the cake out with 15 birthday candles on it. He then places it on the table, while everyone else gets ready to sing the happy birthday song.)

Mom: 1, 2, 3.

''Everyone except for me: (singing) Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Nolan. Happy birthday to you.''

Dad: Make a wish, son.

Luan: "I wish that everything that just happened was canon!"

Leni: I don't know, Luan. That sounds pretty violent.

(I close my eyes, it's silent for a minute and then I blow out the candles. Everyone cheers.)

''Howard: One question. Is this cake safe for Clyde to eat? You know about his allergies.''

''Dad: Don't worry. Nolan warned me of Clyde's allergies. This cake has no nuts in it.''

(Mom and Dad start cutting slices of cake for everyone and we eat it. Later, we're eating pizza while I start opening my presents.)

''Me: OK, Let me see. Which present should I open first? Eeny Meeny Miney… Lincoln's!''

(Lincoln grins smugly while his sisters scowl at him. I open the present, to reveal an Ace Savvy train set.)

Lincoln: Ace Savvy has a line of train sets? Since when?

Me: An Ace Savvy train set, cool!

''Lincoln: I know, it's cool. Cost me $50, but it was so worth it.''

Lola: You don't tell someone how much their gift cost! That's gift-giving etiquette 101!

Me: Well, thanks, brother.

Lincoln: Anytime, brother.

(We hug. I then open Lori's present. It reveals to be a Ed, Edd n Eddy phone case.)

Me: Whoa, a new phone case.

Lori: I found it at the mall, and I literally knew you just had to have it.

(I hug her.)

''Me: Thanks Lori. I love it.''

Lori: I knew you would.

(She kisses my cheek, and I go back to opening my presents, I notice Leni's present.)

''Me: Leni? Is this present from you.''

Lisa: Lincoln? I would like to ask you a question.

Lincoln: Go ahead.

Lisa: What do questions end in?

Lincoln: ...question mar-

Lisa: Question marks.

Leni: (nervously) Uh, yeah, it's from me.

''Me: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! I can't wait to see what my awesome girlfriend got me.''

Leni: [Smiles] He thinks I'm awesome? I'm flattered.

Lincoln: I doubt he would have tried to ship you with himself if he didn't.

(Lori notices that Leni is nervous.)

Lori: (to Leni) Calm down, I'm sure he's going to love it.

(After she says that, I've finished opening the present.)

Me: (gasps) I love it.

(Leni looks surprised)

Lori: See, told you.

(It reveals that Leni's present was a shirt she made (With Lori and Lola's help) with me and Leni on it that says Nolan and Leni.)

Me: What is it?

Luan: [Deadpan] A toaster.

''Leni: It's a shirt I made, with Lori and Lola's help. It's of you and me. D-Do you like it?''

''Me: No, I don't like it… I love it! It's so cool! And you know what the best thing about it is?''

Leni: What?

''Me: You made it, and anything made by Leni has to be awesome, because you put so much love and care in every piece of clothing you make. And I would be proud to wear this until the day I died if I had too. I love it THAT much.''

[Leni's smile shrinks.]

Leni: That's a bit much.

Lincoln: Yeah, he's laying it on a little too thick.

Everyone else: Awwwwwww!

''Me: (hugs Leni) Thanks Leni. You're the best.''

(Leni returns the hug and then smirks)

''Leni: You know what? I have one more surprise for you. But I need to show it to you over here.''

(Leni drags me over to the bathroom area and applies her lipstick.)

Me: (Nervously) Leni, what are you doing?

Leni: Pucker up cutie.

(Leni grabs me and starts smooching me. A few minutes later I come back with smooch marks all over my face.)

[Leni starts squirming.]

Leni: This is making me kind of uncomfortable.

Lincoln: Why?

Leni: Well, how would you like it if my friend Jackie wrote a story about you smooching her and being her boyfriend?

Lincoln: Leni, I've never even met your friend Jackie.

Leni: Exactly! And besides, I've already got a great guy in my life. His name is Ch-

[Lincoln clasps a hand over her mouth.]

Lincoln: We've been given special instructions not to mention that name.

Leni: From who?

Lincoln: Don't worry about it.

Lisa: And it's from whom.

''Me: OK, next present. (I open up Luna's present, it's a mix CD, with Luna on the front.) A mix CD? Luna, you made this?''

''Luna: Sure did, dude. All original songs, by yours truly.''

''Me: Thanks, Luna. Now which present should I open next?''

''Luan: Oooooh! Oooooh! Me next! Me next!''

Me: Where's your present, Luan?

''Luan: My present for you, is 2 jokes. What did the birthday cake say to the fork?''

''Me: I don't know, Luan. What did the birthday cake say to the fork?''

''Luan: You wanna piece of me? (laughs) Get it?''

Leni, Lincoln, Lola and Lisa: Booooo!

Luan: [Scoffs] Philistines.

Me: (laughs) Yes, I DO get it!

''Luan: And my other joke. What did one candle say to the other?''

''Me: I don't know. What did one candle say to the other?''

''Luan: Don't birthdays just burn you up? (laughs) Get it?''

''Me: (laughs) That was so funny! Thanks, Luan.''

(Luan sits back down and then I open Lynn's present. It's a Thomas the Tank Engine tennis racket dampener.)

Me: Cool, a Thomas dampener.

''Lynn: Put on your tennis racket. It'll come in handy the next time we play tennis.''

Me: Thanks Lynn.

Lucy: Nolan, can I give you my present?

''Me: Sure, Lucy. What is it?''

''Lucy: OK, it's a poem. (clears her throat) Nolan. 15 years old, A great friend. Someone who, we can depend. Nolan.''

Lisa: ...on. Someone who we can depend on. You can't just write a mangled, half-formed phrase and call it "poetry".

Me: Wow, nice poem, Lucy thank you.

Lana: Nolan, open my present next!

Lola: No, open mine next!

Lana: No mine!

Lola: No mine!

''Me: Whoa, whoa, girls, calm down! Tell you what? I'll open both of yours at the same time? Does that sound good?''

(The twins nod. I open both of their presents and find out that Lana gave me a wrench and Lola gave me a tea set.)

Lola: Were we shopping for him or shopping for ourselves?

Lana and Lola: Do you like them?

''Me: Yes, I do. They're lovely. Thank you girls.''

(The twins give me a hug. And then I open Lisa's present. It's revealed to be a math book.)

Me: An algebra book.

Lola: Guess that answers my question.

Lisa: So you can use it to better your education.

''Me: Yeah, sure. And let's see what you made Lily.''

(I open her present and it reveals it's a finger painting she made.)

Me: Lily, you made this?

(Lily babbles "yes".)

''Me: Well, thank you, Lily. It's amazing.''

(Lily gives me a hug. Cuts to me opening the other presents. Clyde gave me a new Ace Savvy comic book. Mr. Grouse gave me a handmade Thomas the Tank Engine that his mother made for him when HE was a kid. Rusty, Liam and Zach each got me a different superhero DVD, Craig gave me a beginner's magic kit, Jack gave me a new Percy the Small engine, the Yates gave me a life-size Thomas sculpture, much to the jealousy of Rita and Lynn Sr.)

Luan: What is it with this kid and Thomas?

(And the Casagrandes gave me a collage of all the TV shows that I like.)

Me: Wow, you guys, thanks for all the cool presents.

Craig: And now time for the best part: Jack, Lucy, It's time for the magic show!

(Cuts to Craig and Lucy doing the saw trick.)

Craig: I will now saw assistant #1 in half!

(He does just that and pulls apart the two boxes. We gasp in awe. Then Craig puts the boxes back together, opens them and Lucy is exactly the same as when she started. Then Jack comes up.)

Craig: I shall now make assistant #2 disappear and then reappear!

(Craig covers Jack with a tablecloth and waves his wand.)

Craig: Hocus-Pocus!

(Jack disappears from under the tablecloth. Then Craig waves his wand again.)

Craig: Abracadabra!

(Jack reappears from under the tablecloth and Jack reveals him. Cuts to the final trick Lucy and Jack get into the two boxes. Craig taps on them and then opens up the boxes and reveals their body parts, he then closes the boxes and taps on them again, and then he opens them to reveal Jack and Lucy back to the way they originally were. We cheer, Craig, Jack and Lucy come to the center and take a bow.)

Lincoln: This would be a lot more impressive if we could see it.

''Me: Thanks, guys. That was amazing! (to everyone else) Now, since we still have a lot of time left, so let's party!''

(Me and the rest of the kids go to play, while the adults start talking with each other and Mr. Grouse just stands in a corner with cotton balls stuck up his ears.)

Luan: Why did he even come to this party if he was just gonna do that?

LATER THAT NIGHT

(My party is over and everyone has gone home. I invited the LKs over to my house for a sleepover. Right now, we're eating pizza in my room, while watching Captain Underpants.)

''Me: (to the viewers) This has been the best birthday party I've ever had. And the best part was that I got to spend it with my best friends.''

''Lincoln: Nolan, shhhhhh! The movie's about to start.''

''Me: (quietly) Sorry. Well, I'll see you guys next time. Bye.''

(I go back to watching the movie with the LKs.)

THE END

Lincoln: Well, that was... something.

Luan: Yep.

[Lincoln looks at the camera.]

Lincoln: Thanks for sending us this one. But from now on, we'd like you to stick to stories about us.

Lisa: Please and thank you.

[The siblings get off the couch and start walking up the stairs.]

Leni: You know, Linky, I think you and Jackie would get along. I'll put in a good word for you next time we're hanging out...