User blog:007Jamesdean/A Chili of Death

It starts with us cooking in the kitchen. We have a big pot on red hot coals and in it was chili.

Me: Okay add some hot sauce.

Lola added some Frank's Red Hot Cayenne sauce.

Lola: Say when.

Lola added the whole bottle.

Me: It's a big pot so the whole bottle is perfect. Now we need lots of cans of beans.

Laney: Okay. I got navy, kidney, black, garbanzo, pinto, and chili beans. 5 cans of each.

Me: Perfect. (To the viewers) In case you're wondering what we're doing, we're cooking a big pot of chili for the annual Royal York Chili Cook Off at the Michigan State Fair. And they are having a contest for the spiciest and most delicious chili.

Lincoln: (To the Viewers) That's right and the winner gets a trophy and $5,000,000.00 in cash.

Me: We've been known for eating all kinds of nuclear hot spicy food and more. So we're sure to win the contest. We have a special strategy for winning the contest.

Lincoln: Oh yeah. And it's gonna be awesome!

Lori came in.

Lori: That chili literally smells really good guys.

Me: It's for the Chili Cook Off, Lori. We have a few ingredients that are a surprise for the judges.

Lori: And what would they be?

Me: I'll show you.

I go to the fridge and pull out a black case with the radioactive symbol on it. I press a couple of buttons and open it and it had a jar of peppers in it.

I put on some welding gloves and take it out and put it on the table.

Me: These are the hottest peppers in the world and the most insanely spicy peppers ever created in the galaxy. These are the Merciless Peppers of Quetzalacatenango A.K.A. the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers.

Everyone gasped in sheer horror.

Lori: Those peppers will literally kill anyone that eat them!

Lucy: I'll be sure to make sure they have a nice funeral.

Me: I know. These peppers were made by the inmates of a maximum security Guatemalan Insane Asylum.

Luna: Why would they make peppers like that dude?

Me: I don't know the full extent of the story but it's said that if you eat these peppers they will induce hallucinogenic delusions on you. Now once I add these peppers into the chili we have to duck.

Lori: Okay.

Leni: What do ducks have to do with chili?

Me: Here we go.

I poured the whole jar of peppers in and we duck and covered as a huge fiery explosion blasted out of the pot of chili!

KRABBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We got up and saw the chili in the pot glowing neon red and my geiger counter was clicking like crazy.

Me: Wow! That is potent and deadly. It's like eating Plutonium.

Luan: That is an insane pot of chili. The heat coming off of it is incredible!

Bart: It sure is. Dad from what I remember you had the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers right?

Homer: I sure did son. It was the most stupidest thing I've done at the Springfield Chili Cook Off. I had to coat my mouth in candle wax and I ate 7 of those peppers.

Me: That is crazy Mr. Simpson.

Bart: But this chili is wicked hot.

Me: It sure is Bart.

Varie: This chili looks like it will pack a wallop.

Rachel: Yeah.

Me: But nonetheless it's ready and just in time too. The Cook Off is in one hour.

We brought the pot of chili to our booth at the Chili Cook Off. It was an Occult Booth with a dark theme.

Me: Everything is ready.

Lola: Did you have to use a dark flare for it Lucy?

Lucy: It was all my idea. I had a feeling we were making a chili that looked like it was from the Netherworld.

Me: It's perfect for this Lucy.

Tim arrived.

Tim: Hey guys.

Me: Hey Tim. You entering the contest too?

Tim: I sure am. My Chili that I'm entering is Mexican Tofu Chili. (Hands me a bowl) Try some J.D.

Me: Sure. (I ate the chili and it was tasty) Delicious. You make great chili.

Tim: Thanks man. What chili did you make J.D.?

Me: We call it Nuclear Apocalypse Death Chili. You may want to stand back because it's really potent.

I take the top off the pot and the heat coming from it was unbelievable.

Tim: Whoo! That is hot!

Me: Yeah. It's got a special ingredient. This.

I take some tongs and pull out a Guatemalan Insanity Pepper and it was glowing red hot and the stripes on it were glowing yellow.

Me: These are the Merciless Peppers of Quetzalacatenango. They are the hottest peppers in the world and they were made my the inmates of a maximum security Insane Asylum in Guatemala.

Everyone gasped in sheer horror when they saw it.

Tim: Whoa! That looks like a deadly chili and I love spicy food!

Me: Want to try some?

Tim: Sure.

I pour a bowl for him.

Me: Here. Wear these for protection. This stuff is like handling Lava from the Earth's core.

I hand him a pair of welding gloves.

Tim: Oh thanks. Good thinking.

He put on the gloves and I hand him a bowl and he ate it. Suddenly he screamed in agony.

Tim: YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lily fired a blast of water and it went into his mouth and cooled him down.

Tim: (Relieved) Aah. That was intense!

Lynn: Glad you liked it TIm.

Bart: My dad ate these peppers in Springfield's Chili Cook Off before we blew it up. It screwed up his mind so bad that he couldn't think right.

Homer: Why you... You're right son.

Tim: I can believe it. Thanks for the chili guys and good luck.

Varie: Thanks Tim.

Lana: Here come the judges guys.

The judges were Rita, Volcana, Rock Lee, Hercules and Zoe.

Me: Ms. Rita, Volcana, Lee, Hercules & Zoe. I didn't know you guys were the judges for this years Chili Cook Off.

Rita: It's the best job ever for the annual event J.D.

Volcana: I love spicy food. Being made of fire I love the stuff.

Me: I believe it. How has your training coming along Lee?

Lee: It's coming along great J.D. I've been learning so much under Guy-sensei and my youth is gonna go far!

Me: That's the youthful spirit Lee.

Hercules: Yeah. So what chili do you guys have?

Me: This is our Nuclear Apocalypse Death Chili. It's made with the hottest peppers in the world. The Merciless Peppers of Quetzalacatenango!

I pull out a pepper and they gasped in sheer horror.

Zoe: I've heard alot about those menacing peppers. They are so insanely spicy that they will blow you to pieces.

Me: Yep. And in you eat them they will cause hallucinogenic delusions.

Lisa: Affirmative. These Capsicum Peppers contain the hallucinogenic drug called Psilocybin.

Me: Psilocybin? The Magic Mushroom drug?

Lisa: Correct.

Rita: That is some potent stuff.

Zoe: It sure is.

Volcana: Lets see if it has that.

I make bowls of our nuclear chili and handed them welding gloves.

Me: This chili is really hot so you have to wear welding gloves for handling it.

Rita: Good thinking J.D.

They put them on and I handed them their bowls. They took a bite and they screamed in agony and enormous bursts of fire exploded out of their mouths.

Rita, Volcana, Rock Lee, Hercules and Zoe: YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Hit the deck!

We ducked as they ran like frightened chickens and fire blew out of their mouths.

Lily fired blasts of water into their mouths and cooled them down.

Me: You guys all right?

Rita: Yeah. That was really good.

Volcana: Yeah. It was delicious.

Me: Glad you all liked it.

Rita: Liked it? We loved it! And we have our winner!

We cheered wildly and we were handed the trophy. It was a gold fiery chili pepper. We got a case with $5,000,000.00 in cash.

Me: Great job guys.

Lincoln: Thanks J.D. We made a really good chili.

Lori: We sure did Lincoln. We literally blew their taste buds away.

Ember: Yeah we sure did blow them away dudes.

Carol: Yep.

Cody: It was an awesome experience.

Later we celebrated with ice cream at a local ice cream bar.

THE END

Another fanfiction complete.

I got the idea for this one from the Simpsons episode "El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer (The Mysterious Voyage of Homer)" That was one of the funniest episodes I've seen. The part where Homer went nuts because of the Guatemalan Insanity Peppers was probably the craziest part of the episode. It was weird. Not as weird as where Brian went nuts because of those Mushrooms on Family Guy. Now THAT was crazy. Let me know what you all think.

See you all next time.