User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Peeking Through the Fourth Wall (Episode 4)

''[We open, as usual, in the living room. This time, Lincoln is joined by Luna, Luan, Lucy and Lisa.]''

Lincoln: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to Peeking Through the Fourth Wall. Now, our last two episodes were a little intense, so hopefully we'll get to look at something more lighthearted today. Today's fic is...

..."Road Trip Rage" by CircularBoat742.

Lisa: Oh, dear.

Lucy: So much for lighthearted.

After the whole brawl for the "Sweet Spot" in Vanzilla, Lynn Sr. and Rita came outside and stop the brawl.

Lincoln: Oof, the Sweet Spot incident. I think that's something I'd prefer to forget.

Lucy: We all got pretty carried away. Sigh.

Lisa: Also, right off the bat, we have a random tense change. I'm already excited.

''Rita: Alright, alright! Enough! What's getting you to fight this early?!''

Lincoln: I was trying to get a seat in vanzilla, but they then started attacking me!

Lola: Because that's the best seat in the van!

Lori: Yeah, and he's literally trying to hog it!

''Lynn Sr: Really? That's it? Just because of a seat?''

Luna: Well, yeah.

Luna: Wow. It does sound really stupid when you hear someone else say it.

Lisa: Indeed. But I suppose it's human nature to get absurdly invested in trivial, inconsequential matters.

Luan: Oh, don't act like you're above it all. I saw you standing on Vanzilla whooping out a war chant.

[Lisa just pouts and gives Luan a dirty look.]

Luan: How did you even get up there?

''Rita: You kids have been in this van for years now and you didn't complain before, but now you are? Unbelievable!''

''Lincoln: I really wasn't complaining. I was trying to get my place in the van. That's it.''

Lynn Sr: And that's the seat your getting!

Lincoln: Mom and Dad taking my side? That'd be a first.

Lisa: And, of course, he's using the incorrect form of "your", as if to imply that Lincoln owns a "getting".

Sisters: WHAT?!

Lynn Sr: If he said he was just getting his place in the van, then that is his place! Lori: But Dad-

''Lynn Sr: No buts! Now everyone get in the van and I don't want to hear any complaining!''

''They all groan and give cold stares at Lincoln as they enter the van. Lincoln then enters and sits in the sweet spot.''

Lincoln: Ohh, boy. This is not going to end well.

Lucy: Indeed. It doesn't take a clairvoyant to predict that this upcoming trip will not be pleasant for you.

''Lincoln: (talking to viewers) Well, that was some shuffle to get the seat, but it was all worth it because i'm sitting in it right now. Well, I might as well get some sleep, since I barely got to last night.''

''Lincoln then swiftly falls asleep. 10 minutes later, he feels a kick from his seat. He opens his eyes a little and felt nothing.''

[Lisa raises her remote control.]

Lincoln: Don't you dare. It already cost a fortune to replace those windows from the first episode.

Lisa: [sighs] Fine. Hairless apes 1, English language 0.

''He closes his eyes again, but is abruptly awoken from a slap on his head. He jolts up to feel another slap on his head. He turns around and sees Lola slapping him.''

Lincoln: (irritated) Um, do you mind?

Lola: (sarcastic) What?

Lincoln: (irritated) You hitting me!

Lola: (lying) That wasn't me!

Lincoln: (irritated) I clearly saw you slap me!

Lola: Where's your proof?

Lincoln: I clearly saw it, that's my proof!

Lola: Sure it is!

Lincoln turns around and tries to sleep again, but is abruptly awoken again from a loud slap in the back, with a ear piercing screech from Lola.

''Lola: (acting) OW! DAD! LINCOLN SLAPPED ME!''

''Lincoln: What?! No I didn't!''

Rita: Lincoln, why would you slap Lola?!

Lincoln: I didn't, I was trying to sleep!

Lola: LIES!

Luna: Hold on. Pump the brakes for a second.

Luan: What's wrong, Luna?

Luna: Lola was sitting behind Lincoln, right? Earlier we saw her kicking his seat from behind. And Lincoln had to turn around to see her. There's no way he could've slapped her unless he unbuckled his seatbelt and crawled over the seat - which everyone would have noticed.

Lucy: It's not like that would stop Lola from trying to lie about it.

Luna: Yeah, but my point is, if Dad took one peek into the rearview, he'd know that Lincoln was innocent.

Lori: Yeah Lincoln, you're clearly lying!

Lincoln: No i'm not!

Lynn Sr: Lincoln, you better say sorry before I turn this van around!

''Everyone in the van then start arguing to Lincoln, yelling in his ears. After a minute of non stop screaming, Lincoln finally spoke.''

''Lincoln: Fine! I didn't do it, but i'll say sorry anyways!''

Rita: See, wasn't that easy?

Lincoln: (irritated) I guess.

''Lincoln then hears everyone giggling at him, making him even more irritated. As the ride continued, he was bullied even more. One point of the trip, Luan sits on a whoopie cushion and then looks at Lincoln.''

''Luan: Ew Lincoln! Passing gas, huh? Hahahaha!''

Luan: [clenching her fists] That. Is not. A pun.

Lucy: Also, how did you sit on the whoopie cushion when you were already seated and buckled in?

Lynn: That's disgusting dude!

Lana: At least warn us next time, so we can open the window!

Lincoln: (irritated) You can't be serious!

''They all start laughing at him. Later on, Lincoln is reading Ace Savvy comics, when Lori intentionally pours water on his head, causing water to hit the pages, damaging them.''

''Lincoln: (angry) Oh come on! Really?!''

Lori: (lying) Sheesh Lincoln, it was an accident!

Lincoln: No it wasn't, I saw you pour it on me!

Lori: (taunting) Where's your proof?

''Lincoln: That's it! Da-''

Lori covers Lincoln's mouth and goes up to his ear

Lori: (threatening) Unless you want your whole collection to drown, I suggest you keep your flappy mouth shut!

Lincoln: Okay, no. My VR goggles were one thing, but if Lori threatened to do that to my comics, I would turn her into a human pretzel.

Lucy: He's not bluffing. [turns to Luan] Ever wonder how the twins lost their front teeth?

[Luan gulps]

Lisa: As I recall, they fell out naturally, like their other baby teeth.

Lucy: [scowls at Lisa] You're no fun.

''She lets go of Lincoln and giving him a stare. Lincoln keeps his mouth shut. After it seems like hours, they finally stop at a rest stop.''

Lynn Sr: Alright, I bet everyone needs to use the bathroom, so let's pull over and use it quickly!

''They pull over at the bathroom and everyone gets out. Lincoln is standing nearby, stretching when Lynn comes up from behind, kicking him in the leg. This causes him to get a charlie horse.''

''Lincoln: OW! CHARLIE HORSE!''

Lisa: I am quite certain you can't get a charlie horse that way.

''Lynn: Haha! Have fun with that!''

''Lynn leaves Lincoln in pain on the ground. 5 minutes later, Lincoln is finish using the bathroom and is admiring the forest nearby.''

Luan: Pretty sure Dad said, "Let's pull over and use it quickly," not, "Let's pull over, use it and then take a minute or five to look at the scenery."

Luna: Yeah, dude. That's just asking to get left behind.

Lincoln: Wow…

''Just then, he is pushed from behind and is covered in mud. He doesn't see who did push him, but knows it was one of his sisters. He rushes into the bathroom once again, to clean himself off.''

''Lincoln: (talking to viewer, angry) Uh! Ever since this road trip has started, i've been pick on by everyone! Lola blamed me for hitting her, Luan pulled another prank with a whoopie cushion, Lori poured water on me and destroyed my comic book, Lynn gave me a charlie horse and someone pushed me into mud! This is the worst!''

''Lincoln then exits the bathroom all clean, but notices the van missing. He looks around and sees it riding away on the highway.''

Luna: See what I mean?

Lincoln: Hold on a second. There were twelve people packed into that van and none of them noticed that I was missing?

Lisa: Given how uncharacteristically spiteful we've been acting up to this point, I wouldn't be surprised if we left you behind on purpose. Though that still wouldn't explain how our parental units would fail to notice your absence.

Lincoln: (shouts out) WAIT!

''It is too late, as the van is too far for anyone to hear his call. He then gets even more angry''

''Lincoln: (talking to viewers, livid) Are you serious! Now you ditch me?! What kind of trip is this?! Bully Lincoln trip?! AHH! This is the worst day ever! And they're only bullying me because I got to have the sweet spot!''

Lincoln goes over to a bench and sits down, but then remembers

Lincoln: Wait, I can just call them!

He pulls out his phone and tries to call them, but his phone then dies

Lincoln: (livid) COME ON!!!

Meanwhile, everyone in vanzilla are going down the highway when they see some attractions.

Lynn Sr: Oh look kids, there's the famous hershey roof!

They all see a hershey kiss looking tower off the highway

Luna: Man, I would like a hershey right now!

Leni: You said it!

Luan: "This story has been brought to you by Hershey's."

Luan: Speaking of which, i'm hungry!

Lynn Sr: Don't worry sweetie, we'll be at a park soon, so we can set up our picnic

Luna: Sweet!

''Rita: Oh kids look! There's the umbrella building!''

They look to the left to see a giant building with an umbrella logo in the middle of it

Lynn: Well...I guess they'll be ready when it rains!

Lincoln: Or when the T-virus starts spreading! [laughs]

[All of the sisters just look at him blankly, except for Lucy, who giggles a little.]

Lincoln: See? Lucy gets it!...wait, how do you get it?

Lucy: I spend a lot of time at Haiku's. Her parents let her play violent games.

[Beat]

Lucy: Please don't tell Mom.

They all start laughing at Lynn's comment

Luan: Good one sis!

Lynn: Thanks!

Back at the restrooms, Lincoln is still on the bench, thinking

''Lincoln: Oh, they'll come back! I know it!''

As he keeps thinking, his anger returns

''Lincoln: (livid) Just because I got the sweet spot! Unbelievable! They bully me for that! Pretty stupid!''

Lucy: This is just me, but if I were as livid as the author says Lincoln is, I'd opt for a stronger choice of words than "pretty stupid".

Just then, a man walking pass notices Lincoln sitting on the bench alone

Man: Hey kid, you ok?

''Lincoln: Not really! I was just ditched by my family!''

Man: What do you mean?

Lincoln: I guess they just forgot about me when I was in the bathroom!

Man: Well, do you have a phone or something?

Lincoln: I do, but it's dead!

Man: Here…

The man pulls out his phone

Man: Use my phone to call them.

Lincoln: Thanks!

''Lincoln dials his mom and waits for an answer. Meanwhile, Rita is talking to her husband, Lynn Sr''

''Rita: Ah, well isn't this nice honey? Just us as a family, going on another road trip?''

''Lynn Sr: Yeah it is! We get to see all of this as a family!''

Luan: "Gosh, it sure would be a shame if we suddenly realized that the whole family isn't here! Good thing that's not going to happen!"

Rita: Beautiful!

''Just then, Rita's phone starts ringing. She looks at the I.D. and it says Unknown''

''Rita: Hmm, unknown huh? (answers) Hello?''

Lincoln: (livid) Aren't you forgetting someone?

Lisa: That is the fifth straight time that Lincoln has been described as "livid". Could somebody please get this author a thesaurus?

Rita: Who is this?

Luan: "Pardon me, I seem to have forgotten the sound of my only son's voice."

Lincoln: (livid) Honestly, you should know at this point, considering i'm not even in the van!

''Confused, Rita looks behind her and notices the sweet spot is empty. Lincoln is missing''

''Rita: (gasp) Oh my god! Where are you honey?!''

''Lincoln: (livid) I'm at the restrooms! Pick me up!''

''Rita: The restrooms?! That's gonna take a while to get there, but we're on our way!''

Lincoln: A while?! How long had they been driving without noticing that I was gone?!

Lincoln: (livid) Thanks for noticing so quickly!

Rita: What?

Lincoln hangs up on Rita, who is confused from his last comment

Lisa: "How odd. He thanked me for noticing him quickly, but it took me quite a long time to notice. Perhaps this is this "sarcasm" phenomenon I've heard so much about."

''Rita: Lynn, honey! You gotta turn around and head back to the restrooms!''

Lori: Wait, what's happening?

Rita: (angry) Look in front of you!

They all look up to see Lincoln missing from the sweet spot

Luna: Dudes, Lincoln is missing!

Leni: How is that possible?

Lincoln: Either they're playing dumb and they left me stranded on purpose, or they honestly went that long without noticing that my seat was empty. I don't know which I find more appalling.

Lynn Sr: Maybe because you girls are blind and didn't notice!

Lynn: Who was sitting next to him?

''They look up to see Lily and Lisa on each side from the middle. Lily was sleeping and Lisa was stating how the trip could end in tragedy.''

Lisa: The car could flip off a cliff, the engine could explode, a car could rear end us and send us off the highway, the walls could fall off, our seatbelts could break, causing us to fly around, the steering wheel could fall off the-

''Luan: Lisa! Look to your left!''

Lisa looks and is surprised to see Lincoln missing

Lisa: Wait, was Lincoln the first victim?!

Lori: NO! We left him at the restrooms!

Lisa: Oh.

Lisa: [pouts, folds arms] I refuse to believe that the author takes me for that much of a fool. Thus, I can only conclude that the Lisa in the story is feigning ignorance. Not that I'd ever leave Lincoln stranded on purpose either.

Luan: None of us would.

Lincoln: Really? Because you've done it before.

Luna: Well… yeah, but that was on the way to school. We wouldn't leave you in the middle of nowhere miles away from the city.

''Lynn Sr turns around and heads back to the restrooms. It takes about an hour to get back because of the traffic. Once they finally get back, they pull over and see Lincoln sitting on a bench. They all rush over to him, but see his angry expression and back up''

Lori: Woah, I know we did ditch you, but I didn't think you would be that mad!

Lincoln: Oh, really, Lori? How mad did you expect me to be, exactly?

Lincoln: (livid) It's not just that Lori, but because this could be the worst road trip i've ever been on!

Lynn Sr: Why do you say th-

''Lincoln: (livid) ZIP IT DAD! You should know from this point! I was constantly pick on before I was left out!''

Rita: What?

''Lincoln: (sarcastic) I KNOW MOM! SHOCKING! It was completely blinded by you guys. I was constantly pick on by them!''

He give a cold stare to his sisters, who seem uneasy by his anger

''Lincoln: (livid) They slapped me, they pranked me, they even poured water on me and ruined my comic book, and none of you noticed! Some parenting!''

Lisa: Incensed. Furious. Mad. Irate. Indignant.

Luna: What are you doing?

Lisa: I'm listing all the words the author could have used instead of "livid".

Lucy: I'd prefer it if he didn't use any at all. We already know that Lincoln is angry. We don't need to be reminded.

Rita: (turns to girls) Why?

Luna: Um....Because he took the......sweet spot

Rita and Lynn Sr got angry at them

''Lynn Sr: (angry) REALLY?! AGAIN?!''

''Rita: (angry) Really immature! It's just a seat!''

Lincoln: You know what just occurred to me?

Luna: What's that, Linc?

Lincoln: Even if you were spiteful and petty enough to ditch me on purpose just because I got the Sweet Spot… wouldn't one of you have tried to take it? If the seat mattered that much to you, why would you just leave it empty?

Luan: Oh, wow. That is weird.

Lincoln: There's just no way to make sense of this story. Either you left me behind by accident, in which case you should have noticed I was gone when you tried to start picking on me again, or you left me behind on purpose just so one of you could get the Sweet Spot, except that none of you did.

Lincoln: (livid) Not only that, they gave me a charlie horse and shoved me into mud!

The parents are shocked to hear more information

''Lincoln: (livid) Yeah! And because they pushed me in the mud, it delayed me since I had to clean up! Then you guys ditched me afterwards!''

''Rita: I'm s-sorry honey! I didn't know!''

''Lincoln: (livid) Of course you didn't know! Well, now you got me, so lets continue the roadtrip!''

The parents then gets nervous

Lincoln: (livid) What?

Rita: Um...you see....there's heavy traffic now and it's gonna be impossible to get to all of the attractions now, so we're gonna have to.....head back…

Lincoln: Attractions? I thought we were going to the park to have a picnic. What's this about attractions?

Luan: Also, there's a perfectly good park where we live. Why would we plan a road trip just for that?

At that moment, Lincoln's anger completely ignited into blind rage

''Lincoln: (blind rage) Are you KIDDING ME?! FIRST I GET BEATEN UP BECAUSE I JUST WANT ONE SEAT, THEN I GET BULLYED BECAUSE OF SAID SEAT, I THEN GET DITCHED AND YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME…''

Luna: Wait a minute! Lincoln didn't miss anything!

[Everyone turns to look at Luna.]

Luna: ...well, at least, he didn't miss anything that we didn't miss. I don't know if we were going to an amusement park or a park-park, but either way, we never made it there. Scroll up and take a look at what Dad said after Lincoln called Mom.

[Lincoln scrolls back up to the previous scene.]

Luna: See? He said we had to turn the van around. If we were coming back from the park, the rest stop would be in front of us, not behind us!

Lucy: Well, unless we had already passed the rest stop again by the time Lincoln made that call.

Luna: Oh, right.

[Beat]

Luna: Wait, no, that would make even less sense! How could we have spent an entire day at the park without noticing that Lincoln was missing?!

Lisa: I concur. In order for this story to be even the least bit plausible, there's no way we could have left the car at any point after we left Lincoln behind.

Lincoln: Yeah, I'm with you two. Nothing about this is adding up.

Luan: And the story doesn't even show us doing anything fun, except driving by some neat-looking buildings. In which case… really? That's the part of the trip Lincoln was so excited about?

Lincoln: ...WHILE I HAVE TO SIT HERE FOR AN HOUR AND NOW YOU CAME BACK TO ME SO YOU CAN TELL ME THAT WE HAVE TO HEAD HOME?!

Rita: (shocked) Honey calm do-

''Lincoln: (blind rage) NO! I DON'T HAVE TO CALM DOWN! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR A MONTH TO HAVE THIS ROAD TRIP BUT ALL I GET IS A REST ROOM STOP AND SOME BULLYING ADDED?!''

Luan: [As Lincoln] "I've been looking forward to seeing the umbrella building all month! Grrrr!"

He turns his attention to his sisters, who are spooked from his outrage

''Lincoln: (blind rage) This is all of your fault! All I wanted was just one seat and you made my day the WORST IT COULD EVER BEEN! Do you know how I feel now?! DO YOU?!''

Everyone backed up from Lincoln, who was getting close to them

''Lincoln: (blind rage) Welp! Time to head home! THIS WAS THE BEST TRIP EVER! I GOT TO SEE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! THANKS FOR NOTHING!''

Lincoln takes a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down

''Lincoln: (livid) Let's just go! I'm wasting your time right now!''

''Everyone jumps into the van and doesn't say anything for the rest of the drive home. All of the sisters are feeling guilty for letting themselves just bully Lincoln like that, causing him to miss everything.''

Luan: Yeah, especially the umbrella building.

''The parents are feeling guilty as well, not noticing that Lincoln wasn't in the car in the first place. They're also mad at the girls for doing such thing to Lincoln, especially since he's been waiting for a month for this trip.''

Luan: [shakes fists towards the heavens] UMBRELLA BUILDIIIIIIING!

It takes them the rest of the day to get back home, and once they finally do, they go in.

Lisa: I'm so glad that the author took the time to clarify that we went in the house. You know, as opposed to going around it.

They all look at Lincoln, who is now depressed from the whole incident and they watch him walk upstairs and enter his room.

Luna: Man, we ruined his day.

''Lori: Just because of a seat. What kind of sisters are we?''

Lynn: We're monsters, that's what.

Leni: We gotta make it up for him!

Lynn Sr: You better!

They look at the doorway to see their parents walk in

Rita: Just because of a seat gave you the idea to pick on Lincoln?

Lisa: Careful, mother. Your grammar is deteriorating.

Lynn Sr: He was looking forward today t'o see all of the road attractions, but you ruined it for him!

Luan: Like the umbrella bui-

Luna, Lincoln, Lucy and Lisa: Enough.

Rita: We're disappointed at you!

They walk away and enter their bedroom, leaving the sisters by themselves

Lola: It was stupid of us to bully him!

Lynn: You said it, but what can we do now?

They all think about it, then Luna gets an idea

Luna: I know!

Lori: What?

Luna: You're gonna have to wait till tomorrow, but I believe it should chear up Lincoln!

Lori: Let's hope so, because we ruined his day once again.

Luna: What does she mean, "once again"?

Lucy: Is the author suggesting that we always ruin his day?

''They all go upstairs and enter their rooms. Meanwhile, Lincoln is in his room, depressed after the door''

Lincoln: (low voice) Well, I should've expected that for today, because they'll always find a way to ruin my day.

Lucy: I guess that answers my question. Sigh.

Luna: We're not that awful to you, are we, Linc?

Lincoln: No, no, of course not! You're all wonderful.

Lincoln: Well, I just want this day to be over, so I might as well go to bed.

Lincoln falls asleep, sad

''After yesterday, the girls have one mission to do: To get Lincoln happy again. They all wake up and head over to Lincoln's room, who is still in bed''

Luna: Alright girls, I already told you where we're going today…

Luan: Is it the umbre-

[Luna smacks her upside the head.]

Luan: I'll stop.

Luna:...but first we'll have to make it up to Lincoln

Lisa: No, first you'll have to find a period for the end of that sentence.

Lori: You sure this will work?

Luna: It's the best we got.

Luan: Let's hope he likes it

Leni: Let's go in

Lisa: It seems the problem is far worse than I thought. We've encountered some sort of bizarre punctuation deficit.

They all knock on his door, and that causes him to wake up

Lincoln: (groggy) Who is it?

Lucy: It's us, your sisters…

''Lincoln: (sigh) What do you want? You here to ruin my day before it even starts?''

Luan: And there it is again. How awful does this author think we are?

Lisa: Let us not forget that the entire plot of this story depends on us acting either horribly cruel or impossibly stupid.

Luna: No, we're actually here to apologize to you.

Lori: we're very sorry for being real jerks just because of a seat in vanzilla

Lana: Mom was right, we've been in this van for years and we just made you feel miserable.

Leni: We never thought about our actions and we just went with them

Lynn: It caused you to miss everything

Lola: We're very sorry

''Lincoln: It's not that you bullying me was really the problem, it's that I didn't have fun. I was planning for a month to see everything and you girls just ruined it.''

Luna: That's why we're gonna make it up for you.

Lincoln: What do you mean?

''Lori: We're gonna be taking you to many places today that'll be very fun. It's for you''

Lincoln's frown turned into a small smile

Lincoln: You would really do that for me?

''Luan: Why wouldn't we? We did take the "amusement" out of you! Hahahaha! Get it?''

Luan: Ooh, so close, author. But unfortunately, that joke doesn't make sense in this context, because we never actually went to an amusement park.

Everyone groaned

''Luna: It's the least we can do. We did so much to you yesterday and you didn't deserve it.''

''Lincoln ran up into them and started hugging them. They all group hugged''

''Lincoln: Thanks girls! What would I do without you?''

''Lori: It's nothing. Like we said, it was the least we can do.''

They all remained in the bedroom, hugging

THE END

Lincoln: Wait, that's it? I don't even get to see where my sisters took me?

Lisa: Hmm... the author's note at the end says that it would have been "too long", had he included that in the ending. Given the fact that this is the shortest story we've examined so far - by word count, at least - I'm rather skeptical of that claim.

Luan: And even then, couldn't we at least tell him where we were going? Just have Lori say, "Hey, Lincoln, we're going to the-"

Luna: If you say the umbrella building again I'm gonna pop you.

Lincoln: All right, all right. Easy, Luna.

[Lincoln turns back towards the screen.]

Lincoln: But seriously, what was that? That was probably the most confusing story we've read so far. Nothing about it made sense.

Lucy: Well, of course it didn't, Lincoln. None of this actually happened.

Lincoln: Well, yeah, I know it's just a story, but I-

Lucy: No, I mean none of this actually happened.

Lincoln: Come again?

Lucy: You're asleep, Lincoln.

Lincoln: What are you even talking abo-

''[We cut to the inside of Lincoln's room. We briefly see Lincoln sleeping before he pops up in his bed, groggy and confused.]''

Lincoln: Wha... what happened? Was that all...

Bun-Bun: It was just a dream, Lincoln. Go back to sleep.

Lincoln: Oh. Okay, Bun-Bun.

[Lincoln lies back on his pillow and begins to close his eyes.]

Lincoln: Wait...

THE END

Next Episode: "Trustworthy" by YoshiRocker13!