User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction: Lincoln Runs Away

Here's a fanfic I've been meaning to write for a while now. Hope you all enjoy it!

SUMMARY: Lincoln finally gets fed up with his family and runs away from home. Can his sisters find a way to get him back?

''[Lincoln is seen in his room late at night, packing up a bindle. He stuffs Bun-Bun in and looks towards the audience.]''

Lincoln: Oh, hi there. You may be wondering why I'm packing up my stuff like this. Well, I've decided that I've finally had enough. I can't take my sisters' constant meddling, teasing, belittling, and taking me for granted. Besides, they'll probably be happier without me anyway.

I mean, remember when they locked me out of the house? They sure didn't miss me then, so why would they miss me now? And remember when they kicked me out of the van? I had to make it to school on foot, and Mrs. Johnson chewed me out for being late. I didn't tell any of them about that, but I'm sure they wouldn't have cared if I did. Besides, with me gone, there'll be no one to interfere with the Sister Fight Protocol, and I know they'll appreciate that.

I know it may sound like I'm just whining, but lately it feels like I'm the black sheep of this family. The odd one out. I am the only boy, so I guess that's to be expected, but I can't help but think that the girls resent me sharing a space with them -like they wanted another girl instead of me.

So I'm out. I don't know where I'm gonna go, but there's no way I'm staying here.

''[Lincoln sighs, ties his bindle shut, and walks out the door. Before he starts down the stairs, he casts a sad glance towards the other doors in the hall.]''

Lincoln: Goodbye, everyone.

''[Lincoln walks down the stairs with his bindle over his shoulder. Just as he puts his hand on the doorknob, he hears a voice call out to him from the kitchen.]''

Lana: Lincoln!

Lincoln: ...oh. Hi, Lana. What are you doing up so late?

Lana: I want a graham cracker!

Lincoln: They're in the pantry. Help yourself.

Lana: I can't reach them! Can you get them down for me, please?

Lincoln: [Sighs] Okay.

[Lincoln walks into the kitchen, grabs a box of graham crackers from the pantry, and hands it to Lana.]

Lana: Thanks, Lincoln.

Lincoln: You're welcome.

[Lincoln starts walking towards the front again, and just when he reaches for the doorknob...]

Lana: Lincoln!

Lincoln: What now?

Lana: I need something to wash it down with. Where's the milk?

Lincoln: In the fridge behind the OJ.

Lana: That's 2% milk. I want whole milk!

Lincoln: Sorry, our whole milk went bad a couple days ago. Just drink the 2%.

Lana: But I don't like 2%!

Lincoln: Lana, I... [Sighs] I really don't know what to tell you. The 2% is all we have.

Lana: Well... I guess it would taste okay with some chocolate syrup.

Lincoln: There you go.

[Lincoln reaches for the doorknob again.]

Lana: Hey, Lincoln? Where do we keep the chocolate syrup?

Lincoln: In the pantry next to the graham...

...dang it.

[Lincoln walks back into the kitchen, grabs some chocolate syrup from the pantry and hands it to Lana.]

Lincoln: There. Got your cracker, got your milk, got your syrup. Happy?

Lana: Mm-hmm. Thanks, Linc.

Lincoln: Don't mention it.

[Lincoln starts to walk out of the kitchen.]

Lana: Hey, Lincoln?

Lincoln: [Groans] What?

Lana: Why do they call them graham crackers?

Lincoln: I... I really don't know, Lana.

Lana: I mean, they're not crackers. They're cookies. And what's a "graham", anyway?

Lincoln: [Sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose] Lemme look it up.

[Lincoln takes out his smartphone, opens his browser and starts googling for the answer.]

Lincoln: Hmm... okay, here we go. They were named after the minister Sylvester Graham, who invented the recipe in 1829. He was an advocate for healthy eating, and he encouraged his followers to satisfy their cravings with whole grain crackers sweetened with honey.

Lana: Ohhh. But that still doesn't explain why they're called crackers.

Lincoln: Lana, they are crackers.

Lana: Nuh-uh! Crackers are salty! Cookies are sweet!

Lincoln: Well, what about animal crackers? Those are sweet, too.

Lana: ...oh, yeah. That's true.

Lincoln: So there's your answer, kiddo.

[Lincoln starts to walk out of the room.]

Lana: Lincoln?

Lincoln: Now what?

Lana: Can you read me a bedtime story after I finish my snack?

Lincoln: I... you... fine, Lana. I'll read you a bedtime story.

''[Lincoln walks Lana upstairs, leaving his bindle on the kitchen floor. We then cut to a few minutes later, when Lana is tucked into her bed and Lincoln is at her bedside.]''

Lincoln: [Looking through Lana's bookshelf] So, which one of these do you want me to read?

Lana: I've read all of those already. I want you to make up a new story!

Lincoln: Um... okay.

Lana: One about graham crackers!

Lincoln: Sure. Graham crackers.

[Thirty minutes later...]

Lincoln: And then Sylvester Graham used the Kikoho technique to push the dragon off the cliff and into the ocean. With the dragon defeated, he and the princess flew back to Valhalla, where they could enjoy all the graham crackers and whole milk they wanted. The end.

''[By now, Lana has fallen asleep. Lincoln gives her a peck on the forehead and walks out of the twins' room.]''

Lincoln: Phew! Glad that's finally over. Now I can...

...um...

[Lincoln looks at the camera.]

Lincoln: Refresh my memory. What was I going to do again?

[Beat]

Lincoln: Eh. I'm sure I'll remember it in the morning.

[Lincoln walks back to his bedroom.]

THE END

APRIL FOOLS