User blog:Ianj1997/Save The Date Rewrite

(Starts with Lincoln at school sitting with his friends at the lunch table trying to get something out of his pants. It eventually comes out, and it's a sloppy joe with a note on it.)

Classmate #4:(Reading the note) Happy Sloppy Joe Tuesday, Lame-o. Signed, Ronnie-Anne. (he says her name with flair)

Classmate #3: And there's a heart!

Classmate #1, #2, #3, #4, & #5: Ooooooooo! Lincoln's got a girlfriend!

Lincoln: What?! No I don't.

Classmate #3: When's the wedding day, Lincoln?

(The classmates, including Clyde, laugh)

Lincoln: Ha-ha. Very funny, guys.

Classmates: Ronnie and Lincoln sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

(They start laughing again)

Lincoln: Guys, Ronnie-Anne is NOT my girlfriend. She's rude and gross and totally annoying. I'd rather lick the bathroom floor than kiss that weirdo.

(A gasp is heard, and it turns out it came from Ronnie-Anne. Lincoln turns around and is shocked to see her.)

Lincoln: Ronnie-Anne!

(Ronnie-Anne at first shocked but then puts on an angry scowl and storms out of the lunch room with her food tray in her hands.)

Clyde: Whoa, Lincoln. I think you really hurt her feelings.

Lincoln: C'mon, Clyde, Ronnie-Anne is the toughest girl at school. She'll be fine.

(Later that day, Lincoln comes home after school.)

Lori: YOU MONSTER! (she screams, throwing a tissue box at Lincoln.)

Lincoln: Ow! What was that for?

Lori: You made Ronnie-Anne CRY!

Lincoln: Cry? I didn't mean to! Wait, how do you know?

(Lori tries to aim a teddy bear at Lincoln, but he jumps out of the way before it hits him.)

Lori: Bobby told me...(starts to cry) RIGHT BEFORE HE BROKE UP WITH ME!!

Lincoln: What? Why does Bobby care? (Lori throws a couch cushion at Lincoln, prompting him to duck;she opens a photo album showing a picture of Bobby and Ronnie-Anne together.)

Lori: Because, Bobby is literally Ronnie-Anne's brother! He said he could never date someone related to someone who hurt someone he's related to! Or something like that!

Lincoln: Ronnie-Anne has a brother? I thought she was raised by trolls.

(Lori throws a bunch of CDs in rapid fire fashion; Lincoln shields himself with the cushion.)

Lori: D'AAAAHH!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT BOBBY WAS TALKING ABOUT!

(Lori chases after Lincoln, who hides behind the chair; he trips, and Lori catches him and holds him up by his shirt.)

Lori: You have to make thinf right with Ronnie-Anne!

Lincoln: Okay! Okay! I'll call her right now and apologize! (picks up the phone)

Lori: NO (hangs up the phone) Nuh-uh! Actions speak louder than words! Bobby has to see you being nice to her. That's the only way he'll get back together with me! Which is why we're going on a double date!

Lincoln: WHAT?!

Lori: It's all been arranged! We have a reservation at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet at six! AND YOU! WILL MAKE HER! FEEL! LIKE THE MOST SPECIAL GIRL! IN THE WORLD!

Lincoln:(gags) I'd rather lick the bathroom...

(Lori picks up the end table and threatens to crush him with it.)

Lincoln: I'll go iron my khakis! (runs out of the scene. Up in his bedroom, Lincoln gives Clyde a call on his walkie-talkie.) Clyde, I need your help.

Clyde: What's up, Lincoln?

Lincoln: I have to go on a double date at Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet with Ronnie-Anne.

Clyde: Ohh, I love fusion cuisine! But why?

Lincoln: Because, you were right. I did hurt her feelings, she told Bobby, and he broke up with Lori, and Lori's making me--(hears nothing but static on his walkie-talkie.) Clyde? Clyde?

(Clyde doesn't answer him because, he is dancing in front of a gold-framed portrait of Lori with a spotlight shining on it.)

Clyde: Clyde and Lori sitting in a tree/Oh there's no room for dumb Bobby! Woo!

(Later, the two pairs of siblings arrive at the restaurant. Lori and Bobby look to see each other, but their respective siblings don't.)

Lori: Hi, Bobby

Bobby: Hey babe--I mean, Lori.

(Ronnie-Anne rolls her eyes.)

Lincoln: Hi, Ronnie-Anne. (Lori heavily nudges him) You're looking lovely this evening.

Ronnie-Anne: Yeah, we weirdos clean up nice. Let's just get this over with.

(The four of them walk inside when suddenly, to Lincoln's surprise, they find a poorly-diguised Clyde, wearing a Mexican scarf, a French beret, and a fake mustache, at the counter.)

Clyde: Good evening, Monjour et Senoritas. Welcome to Jean Juan's French-Mex Buffet!

Lincoln:(pulls Clyde towards him) Clyde, what are you doing!?

Bobby:(noticing the bowl of mints situated on the counter.) Ohh, mints! (eats one)

Clyde:(growls jealously at Bobby and then turns his attention back to his best friend.) Just here to help you, buddy.

Lincoln: I know what you're up to. Please don't mess this up for me.

Clyde: Don't worry. You won't even know I'm here!

(But just as Clyde steps back onto the phone book he was standing on, he knocks the counter over and spills the bowl os mints, startling Lincoln and making Lori jump into Bobby's arms. As Bobby puts Lori down, a waiter slips on the mints and crashes offscreen, sendinf a mask rolling away from where he crashed.)

Clyde: So, table for three?

Bobby: Actually, there are four--

Clyde:(ignoring his rival) Very good. Three. Right this way. (He brings Lincoln, Lori, and Ronnie-Anne to their table, and then pulls up a chair for Lori as he calls her...) Ma'amsellita.

(Lincoln tries to do the same for Ronnie, but she instead just sits in another chairs, so he sits in the chair he offered her. Bobby approaches their table.)

Bobby: Wow, table blankets? Pretty romantic.

Lori: I know. Isn't it?

Bobby: I mean, whatever. it's fine. (Clyde suddenly pulls away the table's last chair.) Hey, thanks, man. (He prepares to sit down, thinking Clyde has pulled up the chair for him, but instead Clyde walks away with the chair and Bobby end sup hitting the floor with a thud.) Ow! Hey, wait! (He pulls a nearby potted plant to use as a seat. Lincoln, not sure of what to say right no, looks at Ronnie-Anne, who's still scowling at him. but she is then suddenly started by the appearance of a Mexican band.)

Musician: Ooh, la la! Young amour! This calls for... musica! (But before he and his two companions can peform...)

Lincoln: No, no! Please, no musica. (The three musicians dejectedly walk away.) ...So, I hear the Quiche Rancheros is excellent.

(His attempt at small talk does not appear to have done him any good;Ronnie-Anne is still scowling at him.)

TBC