Absent Minded/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Absent Minded".

Script
[One afternoon at the McBride resistance] Lincoln: "Wow Clyde! Perfect attendance since kindergarten? That's really impressive." Clyde: "Thanks Lincoln, but it's not that big of a deal." Lincoln: "Are you kidding? You're the first kid at our school to get this award in 30 years!" Clyde: "You're right! It is a big deal! I gotta document it in my school journal." [Clyde goes into his drawer and read his journal] " [11/13] Got attendance award at school today, beautiful ceremony." Lincoln: "You write in that every day?'' Clyde: "Yup, every day since kindergarten. Great way to preserve important memories...Here. [7/13] "Stayed after school to clap erasers, it was AMAZING. [7/14] Traded my dad's quiche for Rusty's leftover pizza, BIG MISTAKE. [4/5] Accidentally bumped Mollie in the hall, felt guilty the rest of the day... [4/6] Didn't go to school today... [3/6] Aced a math test. [Clyde realizes something] Wait, what?!? [back to 4/6] DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY?!?!? [screams super frantic] NOOOO!!!!!! [super frantic] I can't believe it! I'm a fraud!!! I'm gonna have to return this." [tries to grab it, but Lincoln stops him] Lincoln: "Clyde, don't you dare!" Clyde: [pushes Lincoln] "BUT I DON'T DESERVE IT!" Lincoln: "Are you kidding?! So you missed a day out of, what, 1,000? That's still pretty awesome, Clyde." Clyde: [Gesturing to his award] " Perfect attendance Lincoln, what do you think that means?" Lincoln: [Looks at the plaque] "That's fair buddy, you've got my support, do what you need to do." Clyde: [Sighs and starts a new entry in his journal for the next day] "''Took back plaque. Devastating blow, but the right thing to do.

[The next day, Clyde walks into the principal's office] Clyde: "Principal Huggins, got a second? Principal Huggins: "I always have time for a V.I.P. like you, Mr. Perfect attendance." Clyde: "You shouldn't call me that sir." Principal Huggins: "Don't be so modest son, I know what a big deal this award is, you know the last kid to win it thirty years ago," [points to himself with his thumbs] "this good looking guy right here." Clyde: [Unzips his duffle bag containing the plaque] "Actually I uh," [looking at the plaque] "just discovered that I uh," Principal Huggins: [Cutting Clyde off] "I'd like to make you, my junior administrator. It's a lot of responsibility," [Offers the stunned Clyde a badge] "You'll raise the flag everyday, help Cheryl with the clerical work, weigh in on the cafeteria menu, oversee the hall monitors, and read the morning announcements!" Clyde: [Stunned] "M-m-morning announcements?" Principal Huggins: "Well if you're going to stutter like that you can't do it, and if all goes well, who knows McBride? Who knows? Maybe someday you'll be sitting at this very desk!" Clyde: [Gasps as he starts fantasizing about what it would be like to be principal, he imagines himself in his office, a wedding photo of him and Lori behind him making a call on the intercom] "Lincoln Loud Jr. please report to the principal's office...again." [Puts his feet on the desk as his fantasy ends] Principal Huggins: "So what do you say?" [Clyde takes one more look at his plaque, thinks, and tosses the bag away] Clyde: "I accept sir!" [Shakes his hand] [Principal Huggins takes the badge, and places it on Clyde, who is very excited]

[The next day, Principal Huggins' golf cart pulls up in front of the McBride resistance, Huggins honks for Clyde] Clyde: [Gasps] "The golf cart? No way!" Principal Huggins: "Just one of the perks of being junior administrator." [Later, they pull up in front of the school] "Later Mr. Junior administrator." [Walks away] Lincoln: [Who just happens to be standing within earshot] "Wow Clyde! Junior administrator? So, Principal Huggins didn't care that you missed one day of school?" Clyde: "Actually, I didn't tell him, he offered me this job and said he thinks I could be principal someday, it's the dream I never knew I had. Do you think less of me for not being honest?" Lincoln: [As he and Clyde walk off] "Not at all, and I think you'd make a great principal." Clyde: "Thanks buddy, I'll try not to be too hard on Lincoln Jr." Lincoln: [Confused, and slightly disturbed] "What?"