User blog:InklingBear/Life of Pets - Mint Condition

Story #11 - Mint Condition
 1:05pm 

It was yet another good old Tuesday down in the residential area of Royal Woods. Light grey clouds spread across the gloomy sky as they sluggishly floated past the Loud House. Who knows what the animals or even the parents were up to at this particular moment as they waited for the kids to come home from school?

Inside the living room interior, Rita had a rather curious reaction to a small burlap sack the size of his palm that her husband was looking at inches away from his face as he emerged from the dining room from unpacking a few bags of groceries from earlier on in the day, all while he ad-libbed a tune in his head.

"Where did you get that thing?" Rita politely asked.

Lynn Sr. pointed at the item. "Oh this thing?" he responded. "Somebody was giving them away as I left the store. He insisted me persistently to take one, so I did, as I was desperate for the guy to stop yammering about 'em."

Rita looked puzzled. "Alright then..." She wanted to take the time to ask her husband for a small favor. "Do you mind taking me to the mall?"

"You look perfect the way you are honey." Lynn Sr. answered.

"Thank you but they have some real nice jeans up there and I really need your opinion on which ones look better on me."

The husband started to gyrate the toy in the palm of his hands. "Well, the way your figure looks, I bet they'll look great no matter what you put on."

"I'm getting the feeling that you're just saying that."

Lynn Sr. broke a sweat. "Honey, I'm not! Whatever made you think that?"

Rita hesitated for a small brief moment. "...I don't know. Could you just take me to the mall?"

"Alright!" Lynn Sr. responded with no pause or silence in between. He tossed the small burlap bag aside as they both headed out the front door before the wife closed the door from behind. They both hopped inside their van and backed out of their driveway before drifting off outside the neighborhood.

A few moments of silence took place inside the house until the sound of a yarn ball came bouncing down the staircase, followed by Cliff the cat a second later chasing after the toy. He leapt in the air for a good half of a second as he handed directly on top of the ball of yarn. He rolled around on the carpet floor as if he was wrestling a light weight fighter before he was upright, pinning down on the item like he was more superior.

"Gotcha!" Cliff exclaimed, looking down at the yarn with a devious little smile. "Thought ya could escape my feline wrath huh? Well you're sorely mistaken there, yarn!"

The black feline of the household spun the ball of yarn around as he chuckled about for a few seconds before he started to grow tired of the item. He pushed the item aside as he slightly drooped his feline head down, his eyes halfway shut as he exhaled another breath, rubbing one of his paws against the carpet floor of the living room.

"Welp, there goes another activity I've grown tired of." the black cat said to himself. "Now I'm bored again. What else is there ta do?"

A few seconds of Cliff brainstorming about how to spend the rest of his day later, an interesting oil scent emitting from the small burlap bag next to the front door answered his question as it made its way into the black feline's huge nostrils, influencing the cat to perk his head back up to deeply inhale the smell.

"Ooh... what is..." Cliff sniffed the scent again. "...that smell?"

He looked around the interior of the room as he continued to sniff up the stench before he noticed the burlap bag next to the door seconds later. He was soon fixated on the item as he would soon slightly tilt his feline head.

"Huh. That's strange." Cliff said before walking over to the small bag. He scratched his head trying to figure out where it came from as it just appeared out of nowhere in the cat's clear point of view. "I don't remember seein' this thing around the house."

He sat there quietly, staring the small sack down as he bent down to smell it once more. Overtime, the smell of oil seemed to stimulate the receptors from his big nose, neurons alternating his hypothalamus as it caused the curious feline started to smile after each sniff. He slowed moved his tail around as he backed away from the sack. His eyes taken over by swirls with pink hearts of love floating around his feline head as he subtly purred from triggered happiness before he laid on his back.

"Whoa... Why am I... so... happy all of a sudden?" Cliff said, with a highly euphoric tone. "What's goin' on now..."

Cliff was getting relaxed now. His eyes slowly squinted as they started spiraling out. He continued to purr and move his tail around as he got on his belly. He put his paws directly on top of the small burlap sack as he slowly smooched on one end of the bag before he used his nose to nuzzle on the tiny item.

"Wowee! I could... get used to this I mean..." he sniffed on the sack once again. "I've never felt anythin' like this before. It's so calm... so relaxin'... all of that!"

He laid his feline head on the sack as he soon started to pant slowly like a enthusiastic canine on a hot afternoon.

"I think I'll call ya... Karen."

 Three Minutes Later 

Cliff was up on the blue family couch, looking at the television screen in his upside down point of view as one of his paws was hanging down as he licked on a cherry lollipop in the other paw. "Whoa... this looks even better this way." A scene was currently being premiered where two men were playing a very simple card game.

"Do you have any... Rip Van Fishies?"

"Go fish!"

He sighed. "I'ma guess I'ma go fishin'!"

The mention of the word fish had Cliff licking his lips in satisfaction. "Mama mia, I'd love some-a that." the cat said to himself in a daze, wagging his tail. "I'll gladly snarf down... all the fish ya got." He fell off the couch and onto the carpet floor a few seconds later.

"It'sa your turn!"

 Six Minutes Later 

A very happy Cliff wandered around the room of Lisa and Lily Loud as he was still affected from the stimulant from the sack. He started laying on his back once more, swinging his hind legs around while he wagged his tail again, before he started to roll around on the floor until he bumped into Lisa's desk, accidentally knocking a book off the surface of the table.

It missed his feline head by a couple of inches as it opened up to a random page upon making contact on the carpet floor. The cat got on his four paws as he took a peek at one of the pages, reading it to himself with a smile.

"Step one: Insert nutrients in a flask... as shown in the picture." He expanded his eyes as if he was looking at something pleasing. He hesitated as he was fixated on the image presented to the feline straight from the book. He snickered for a bit before he looked towards the audience.

"Wow... I feel that... I should pull off a joke here but... I suddenly remember that this is... a kid's show."

 Nine Minutes Later 

Cliff clumsily paraded around the dining room interior as he held the burlap sack in his mouth while he rolled the ball of yarn around in front of him.

"C'mon you guys, I've got a great idear..." he said to the inanimate objects, pushing the ball of yarn in front of him next to the dining table. "You sit right there..." He tried to balance himself on top of the ball. "...and I hop up on top of ya..."

As he was making some progress, he ended up rolling backwards for a couple of feet into the living room until he lost his balance as the burlap sack was free from the black cat's hinges and fell on top of a misplaced whoopee cushion. The sound that imitated a long fart lasted for at least a few seconds, influencing Cliff to show off a surprised reaction until the cushion was completely out of air. He smiled for a bit before he started to laugh it off as if it were some kind of joke.

"Wow... good one Heaven." He said to his ball of yarn as he blushed from embarrassment, thinking he was the one who broke wind. "You've outdone yourself... once again!"

He sniffed the air again for a quick second as he still managed to smell the sack inches away from the mellow feline. The stench influenced the happy black feline to lay down on his back again as he moved his paws around. Charles walked into the scene, his attention completely fixated on Cliff's actions as he tried the best he can to piece together what the black cat was doing in his corrupted little mind.

"Hey cat?" Charles said, attempting to grab the feline's undivided attention.

Cliff lifted his head off the carpet as he looked over to the white dog. "Huh?" He smiled at him soon after. "Oh, heya dog! Let me get up 'n greet ya."

The happy feline rolled back on his fours before he turned around to get a good sight of Charles in his point of view. "That's better. How ya doin'? Have ya met my pals, Karen and Heaven?"

Charles looked blankly at the feline, confused as to what he was talking about. "Huh? Who are ya talkin' about?"

Cliff pointed at the sack and the ball of yarn next to the dog. "Them... right next ta youse!"

Charles looked at the two inanimate objects before turning back to the cat, tilting his head in confusion.

"Ain't that just a ball of yarn 'n a burlap toy though?"

Cliff walked over to put his paws on the dog. "Great pals, am I right dog?" He winked.

Charles started to get a bit concerned about the cat. "Um... you alright there, cat?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" he hugged the white canine as he softly purred, slowly moving his tail around in excitement. "I've never been a happier animal in my life! What more could a cat ask for?"

"I've never seen this side of ya before..." Charles' worried expression took over his canine face. "What's causin' ya to act like this? Who did this to ya?"

Cliff decided to sing his response to the concerned white canine in A minor. "Who can treat ya like me, my canine friend? Nobody, baby!"

Charles was surprised for a brief moment. "Wow cat, I didn't know ya could sing."

"Nobody did!" Cliff said.

Charles gulped. "Well, if nobody did this to ya, why are ya doin' this to yerself?" He caught a scent in the living room as he sniffed it up for some seconds. He made an attempt to decipher what kind of stench it was before he turned back to the feline. "Hey, what's that smell?"

Cliff widened his eyes as he knew the exact source of the stench. "Oh yeah..." He walked over to his two toys, picking up the burlap sack off the floor. "It must be Karen! Look at her!"

"Wait... so this burlap sack... is Karen?" Charles understandably questioned as the feline started to waft the stench towards the white canine's black nostrils.

"Oh yeah, dog." Cliff answered. "Ain't she a doll?"

The dog stared blankly at the item as he grew more fixated due to it's attractive scent. The cat soon demanded the canine to give it a try. "Well c'mon, give her a whiff!"

Charles tilted his head. "Eh... ya sure 'bout that?"

Cliff winked at the curious pup. "Trust me on this my canine companion. Relaaaaax..."

The white dog hesitated for a small period of time, before he placed his nose on the sack, inhaling deeply as the same exact effects were being applied to the stimulated canine's receptors. Seconds of sniffing the surface of the burlap sack later, it triggered a rather happy reaction from the dog, mellowing out as the stench of the sack essentially managed to calm his nerves down. His eyes spiraled out seconds after, squinting his eyes ever so slightly.

"Wow!" Charles reacted.

"Smells nice, don't it dog?" Cliff asked.

"This smells amazin', cat..." Charles responded with a small bit of hesitation. "It's better than pet treats..."

"Even better than... butts?" the cat added, to try and irk the white canine. But it slightly did as the mention of the word butt influenced the dog to face the cat with a bored blank expression.

"Hey now." Charles said. "Let's not go there a'ight?"

"Sorry, dog."

The white canine sniffed the surface of the toy once more before he decided to rub his moist nose on one side of the toy. Hearts flew around his canine head as he mellowed out overtime. Cliff grabbed onto the other with his mouth, pulling it away from the dog as he tried to get it back. They argued with each other after each tug on the toy.

"Wait, hold on! I'm not done with 'er yet!"

"I'm not done with 'er either! I wanna smell her too!"

"But cat, she likes me!"

"No way dog, she like me more!"

They both pulled as hard as they could, trying to get the other to lose their grip on one end of the toy. After a second or two, the toy started to tear in half before it tore all the way through, spreading it's contents over the two pets as they dropped the sack that's been split in two. They stared down at the item before they looked towards each other's eyes, speaking only one word about the situation.

"Whoa..."

 Five Minutes Later 

In the kitchen, Geo was in the sink inside of his dirty transparent ball as he was busy rinsing off the muck on the surface. Walt watched as he sat next to the handles, waiting for the hamster to finish freshening up. As Charles and Cliff walked clumsily into the kitchen without the ball of yarn and covered with mint all over their fur yapping about something as they wagged their tails, the yellow canary turned his attention on the cat and the dog. He started to wonder what was going on with the two loopy animals as he flew to the edge of the counter, unintentionally letting the water level rise up in the sink with Geo in it due to his clear ball blocking the sink's drainage.

"Now let me tell ya somethin'." Cliff said to the dog. "The first time I ever laid eyes on ya pal, I thought you were such a silly lil' pupper. You loved barkin' around the house all day long tryin' ta catch me."

Charles put his paw over the black feline. "And when I first saw ya cat, I kinda figured you'd be trouble. But I started ta grow to youse overtime the second I sniffed yer-"

"What's going on with you guys?" Walt interrupted, cutting the dog off mid-sentence as he grabbed both of the animals' undivided attention for a short span.

"Oh, hey you!" Charles said to a confused Walt. "I didn't think I'd see ya around here today."

"Me neither..!" Cliff added as he stroked the canine's head. "Thought you'd be in your little bird house, blowin' off steam as usual..!"

Walt stared them down for a second before he slightly squinted his eyes at the two animals. "Did something fall on top of your heads recently? You guys definitely aren't acting like yourselves."

Geo was in trouble. He had only a few seconds to grab Walt's attention before the hamster was to the point he couldn't open up his ball to tell the canary to shut off the faucet.

He had to act fast.

By that, it means right now.

He creaked open his ball as water splashed down on the lid. "Hey stop!" he yelled out to the yellow canary. His voice influenced him, Charles and Cliff to look over to the hamster in the sink closing the lid to his ball. Walt flew back over to the faucet handles, twisting on one of them as the water pressure soon came down to just a few drips per second as the water level in the sink was three fourths of the way full now.

The brown hamster wiped off his forehead in relief. "Close one!" He looked around for one to two seconds "Now what am I going to do now with my ball blocking the drain?" His question had the other pets thinking. "I'm not strong enough to break my ball free!"

Walt was quick to turn his point of view over to Charles and Cliff, playfully wrestling each other on the floor. The bird knew he wasn't strong enough to get Geo's ball unstuck. He had to get their attention again.

"Hey you guys!" Walt exclaimed as the two animals paused their play session together. They looked over to the flying bird with a serious expression on his face. "I figure that we could use a little help over here..?"

"Yes, help!" Geo yelped.

Charles got on his fours without hesitation with Cliff doing the same seconds later as he shook himself off before he was free from anything that was still stuck in his black fur. "Comin'... ya guys... right after... I go... pee..." The dog fell back on his belly, getting more relaxed as he closed his eyes, sleeping temporarily on the checkered pattern floorboard. Cliff sluggishly walked over to the counter as he prepared to make a jump on top of the counter.

He leapt up a few inches, grabbing hold of the edge as his claws dug into the concrete. He lifted himself up until he was able to catch a break. He managed to set his four paws on top of the counter now, right next to the sink.

"Tada...!" he said, whilst a clap track plays in the background. He turned his attention to Geo, grabbing hold of his ball, lifting it up as water finally went down the drain. He set him down right next to him as he praised the black feline for his little deed.

"Thanks, cat!" Geo said, smiling as he slowly inhaled and exhaled through his nose.

"Anythin' for my little pal, Ham." Cliff responded with a little hug. "I wonder what were ya doin' in there...?"

Geo looked up at the ceiling as he thought to himself before he looked back into the feline's eyes. "Oh... I was just washing off my ball." he said. "I mean, I can't have a dirty ball blocking my view of wherever I'm rolling to."

"Wow... that makes perfect sense..!" Cliff said.

Walt was still confused, yet he grew more concerned overtime as he flew on top of the snoozing white canine. "Seriously you guys, are you alright?"

"Alright as a bright ol' sun!" Cliff answered the canary as he dropped down to the floor, walking over to Charles' backside. "C'mon dog, let's go do something... cool." He used his mouth to grab on to the dog's short tail and dragged him out of the kitchen. Walt flew back to Geo, trying to come up with a plan to get the two animals back to normal.

"What are we gonna do?" Walt asked the hamster. "I've never seen those two act so different."

Geo thought to himself as he looked at the bird. "I have no idea. Maybe we should just wait a while and see where this goes? I'm sure whatever's happening to them will eventually blow over soon."

"Well... alright." Walt agreed. "If nothing happens in the next ten minutes, you best believe we're gonna do something about it." Walt asked the hamster an interesting followup question. "By the way, did you see all that stuff on the dog? What do you think that is?"

Geo shrugged as if he doesn't know what he was talking about. "Beats me."

"Well, I'm gonna find out." Walt said with determination. "Come with me."

 Another Five Minutes Later 

Back inside the living room, Charles and Cliff were rolling around together on the carpet floor for a couple of minutes straight. Their minds now set on a frolicking adventure with an attractive playmate with them having a fun time.

"This is fun isn't it?" Cliff said.

"You bet." Charles answered before an idea popped up inside his canine cranium, influencing him to stop rolling around. "I've got an even cooler idea- I mean, somethin' I've been meanin' ta ask ya."

The former six words alone managed to influence the crazy feline to stop rolling around on the floor as well. "Oh?" he uttered. "What's that?"

Charles extended his paw out towards the cat. "I want ya... ta kiss me."

Cliff hesitated on his answer as he scratched his feline head before he willingly decided to go for it. "Oh... well... okay." He bent down, slowly approaching the dog's face before he bent forward. The two pets closed their eyes as the cat's big nose made direct contact with the canine's as he rubbed it from side to side, lasting for at least a couple of seconds. Walt and Geo walked in on the two and sat there quietly, watching the entire scene between the two go down.

Charles happily sighed. "I love ya, ...pal." the dog uttered whilst he wagged his tail.

"Aw, shucks. I... love ya too, mate." Cliff responded, influencing the canary and the hamster observing the scene to glance towards each other before the hamster decided to express pleasure and delight as the canary looked on in confusion.

"This is so cute. Wouldn't you agree?" Geo said to the bird.

Walt tilted his head. "I don't know, Ham. This is kinda creeping me out."

One final second of their eskimo kiss later, the effects of the oil that originated from the burlap toy finally managed to wear off on the two happy animals. The receptors in their noses finally turned back to normal as the neurons stopped alternating their hypothalamus. They opened up their eyes staring deep into each others eyes as their eyes finally stopped spiraling, before they jumped back away from each other a few inches as they both yelped out simultaneously.

Oh, they were real surprised. They never thought the animals would find themselves in this awkward a situation.

"Whoa!" Charles yelled. "What the heck's goin' on here?"

"Shouldn't I be askin' ya that question, dog?" Cliff glared at the dog. "You were all up in my face!"

"Well why were ya all up in mine?" Charles growled.

"Don't ya dare give me that look!" Cliff commanded before he started to mimic the canine's aggressive action.

They crept closer to each other as they continued to argue with each other for quite a bit of time before Geo and Walt popped up between them to stop the fight.

"Hey, calm down!" Walt and Geo exclaimed, as the bird looked to the cat while the hamster looked at the dog.

"I think I know what happened between to two of you." Walt said. "You guys may have been exposed to an plant that triggers a different behavior once you inhaled it through your noses."

"It's called catmint. Apparently supposed to make you feel happy and mellow." Geo added to the bird's explanation.

Cliff and Charles glanced at each other with rather confused expressions.

"I don't remember any plant I've came across today." Cliff said.

"Me neither." Charles added.

"Well... do you remember smelling something unusual that might have caused you to act differently?"

The feline and the canine thought to themselves for a second. "Well... I think I remember a small pouch I saw earlier that might had an interestin' smell." The cat admitted, influencing the bird to perk up.

"Aha! It must be that burlap bag." Walt said.

"Huh?" Charles and Cliff reacted.

"That bag must have traces of the plant inside and you two must have fallen victim to it's scent."

"I wonder where it's at now?" the dog asked the cat.

"Before I find it, where did you guys know this stuff?" Cliff asked the two smaller pets.

"The place where one always goes to figure something out!" Geo answered.

"The internet." Walt bluntly added.

"...Alright." Charles said.

Cliff walked over to the front side of the family couch, which was where the torn up burlap toy was located, with small pieces of catmint scattered in a small pile. "This is it right here."

"Yep, that's it." Walt said.

"Oh." Charles said. "Well that's somethin'."

"The effects of this stuff only works on most cats... sometimes dogs too, but it only calms them down." Geo said. "It's a common item down at the pet store."

"Nice." Cliff commented. "I will admit though, I've never felt that way before. I almost don't seem to remember what I did for the past half hour or so."

The white dog prepared himself for a lengthy answer to the cat. "If you want a quick recap, you called your toys Karen and Heaven, ya messed around with a four year old's book, ya took the blame for a whoopee cushion when ya thought ya farted, talked about our very first time seein' each other, nuzzled with my nose and then confessed yer feelings ta me."

"Which again was real cute!" Geo added.

"Ah whatever, Ham."

"But then again, same here, cat." Charles said. "It was real nice if ya ask me."

He happily panted.

"Well, glad to clear things up!" Walt said. "I'm gonna go talk to a couple friends."

"Me too!" Geo said after the canary flew off into the kitchen followed by Geo rolling to the same location as the bird. The two animals sat there again, staring down at the torn up toy with a small pile of catmint.

"Dog, ya thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Cliff said to the white pup.

"I think I know where yer goin' with this, cat." Charles answered.

The two pets both bent down, sniffing the pile inches away as it would soon activate their receptors, eyes spiraling out as if they were in a trance.

Here we go again.

 Ten Minutes Later 

Lynn Sr. opened the front door. His eyes got a sightfull of Charles and Cliff rolling around for a quick second before he observed the two animals laying together, wagging their tails as if they were more than just buds.

"I gotta get that shopping list from the kitchen!" he said as he sprinted into the kitchen, soon tripping on the floor causing him to land on a puddle, but not before yelling out as he fell.

"Bad boy, Charles!" he yelled.

Charles sighed in relief as Cliff purred as he petted the dog again on the head.

~End~

Trivia

 * The dialogue from the show Cliff was watching resembles the 1995 PC game Mario's Game Gallery.
 * Halfway in, Cliff references the song "Nobody" by Keith Sweat.