User blog:Thomperfan/LH episode commentaries- Driving Miss Hazy (transcript)



Lincoln: "Come on, Lori! This is a lot of laundry! I don't think it's worth it."

[Lincoln is carrying a huge load of Lori's laundry and Lori is holding the keys to the family van.]

Lori: "Do you want a ride to the comic book store or not?"

''Lincoln: [sighs] "Fine." [prepares to leave but Lori stops him.]''

''Lori: "Whoa whoa whoa! Where are you going? Those are just my jeggings. Let me get the rest." [tosses remainders into pile] "Wore that yesterday...wore that Tuesday...whoops! That definitely needs to be washed!"''

[the pile falls on top of Lincoln and he pulls it off.]

OK, does someone want to explain why Lincoln is doing Lori’s laundry?

[Insert an image of Lori's driver's license.]

''Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Lori's the only Loud kid with a driver's license. Which means that, in this house..." [gets one of Lori's socks tossed on his face] "...there's no such thing as a free ride."''

Of course. So, apparently, whenever the siblings want to get a ride somewhere, Lori makes them do favors for her, like doing her homework, and writing poems for her boyfriend. Um, yeah, Lori, there’s a term in the english language for what you’re doing right now. It’s called: Being Lazy. If you have trouble doing these things, ask for help, but don’t make them do all the work, and don’t bribe them with stuff they need.

''Lana: "Hey, big sis!" [holding Lori's retainer] "I found your missing retainer in the garbage, and there was some perfectly good gum stuck to it!" [blows a bubble showing she's been chewing it.]''

Lori: "So, where do you need a ride to?"

Lana: "Ride? I just like digging in the trash."

OK, Lana does not count, because you basically asked her to do something she loves. Also, notice how Lana was open on how she likes doing this stuff. I still do not buy that she would be embarrassed by it in the last episode I covered.

Lori: [content with their services; picks up her homework, poem, and retainer in order.] "Thank you, thank you, and thank...ew! See, Lincoln?[Holds her sisters] These guys respect our arrangement.

Yeah, Lori, the only reason they respect their arrangement is because they know, it’s their only option, if they were old enough to drive, I’m pretty sure you would be doing all of that stuff by yourself. Oh wait. She probably knows that already, doesn’t she? (sighs) Lori has not been the best sister in the past few episodes. I know no one can be the best sister, but Lori has been doing some really questionable things ever since the show began. Get the Message anyone? And things are not really looking up for her in this episode. I mean who knows? Maybe Lori will be better in this one. I guess we’ll see.

So, after Lori sends Lincoln on his way to the laundry room with all of her clothes, he accidentally bumps into Leni. Oh boy, we get to see more of this angel. Uh, did just say angel? Uhhh, I meant character. Yeah, that’s right, character. (laughs nervously) So, what’s she up to this time?

Leni: "I need a ride to the mall, so Lori told me to make her bed, which is weird, cause I'm pretty sure she already has one."

Oh, of course. Leni, I don’t think Lori wanted to you to make her a new bed, She probably meant, fix the covers, fluff the pillows, stuff like that. Just clarifying.

Lincoln: "Wait. Why are you doing chores for Lori? Aren't you old enough to drive yourself to the mall?"

Um, yeah, that is a very good question, Linc.

Leni: "Yeah, but I failed the driving test 12 times. Everyone's given up on teaching me. Dad's still mad about the Fire Hydrant Paperboy Nun Incident."

[flashback to said incident; Leni had crashed the van into a tree and set a fire hydrant to spring a leak with a nun screaming at the top of her lungs in a panic and a paper boy is hanging by a branch.]

Leni: "Should I leave a note?"

[Lynn Sr. is sobbing over his daughter's failure; end of flashback.]

Uh oh. It looks like we’ve got a Code Yellow: A SpongeBob Driver. What is a SpongeBob Driver? Well, if you haven’t seen any episodes of the show SpongeBob SquarePants, which is almost impossible because it’s one of the most popular shows out there. SpongeBob, while being the kindest sponge in the ocean, is also the worst driver in the whole ocean. He’s been in Boating School for as long as the series has been going and has been unintentionally putting his teacher Mrs. Puff through torture. So, when other people or cartoon characters drive terribly, I refer to them as SpongeBob Drivers. Now this doesn’t mean I have anything against them as people or characters, I’m just saying they drive like a certain yellow sponge.

So, Lincoln offers to teach Leni how to drive. No, he does not have a license, but he does have a really high score on his favorite racing video game, “Total Turbo XXII”.

''Leni: [eager] "FUN!" [worried] "Wait. Are there nuns in it?"''

''Lincoln: "Nun that I know of!" [chuckles]''

(laughs) Looks like Luan is not the only one who can make funnies. So after telling his plan to the audience, Lincoln, along with Leni get started on playing the game.

Lincoln: "So, you ready to get started?"

''Leni: "WAIT! I need my special driving outfit!" [changes into her special driving outfit and makes a couple of poses.]''

Oh, my. No, Nolan! Snap out of it! Don’t get distracted! So after Leni gets a few more things she finally starts.

[The game starts and Leni's image is the player.]

Lincoln: "Okay, all you have to do is keep the steering wheel straight, and you'll-"

[As soon as Leni starts playing, she crashes into the wall and the game is over.]

Leni: "Like that?"

Lincoln: "Um...let's try again."

[Leni chooses to continue]

Lincoln: "Just keep the wheel straight."

[Leni crashes again]

Lincoln: "Okay, one more time."

[Leni continues]

Lincoln: "The road is straight, so keep the wheel straight."

[Leni crashes again and her virtual self jumps out of the car and it explodes, resulting in yet another game over.]

(sighs) Even in the game, she drives like SpongeBob. So, after Lincoln tells Leni the #1 rule of driving: keeping your eyes on the road, Leni complains about how they’re not going anywhere fun. So Lincoln tells them that they’re going to the mall.

Leni: [gasps and takes controller back] "Why didn't you say so?"

Game announcer: "GAME ON!"

''[This time, Leni plays the game like a pro with words of praise such as "Good!", "Holy Cow!" and "Dang, Girl!" appear on-screen.]''

Lincoln: "Wow! Go, Leni!"

''Leni: [her player stuck behind a Sunday driver.] "Move it, slowpoke! Mama needs a new driving dress!" [drives off a billboard and moves ahead; gets to the mall at the end of the level and beats Lincoln's high score.]''

(Gasps) Holy Smokes. I think I’m in love. Uh, nothing! I didn’t say anything. So now feeling confident, Leni goes to take her driving test a 13th time. She comes back later, with some unfortunate news.

Lincoln: "Did you pass?"

[Unfortunately, a cop is right behind Leni to give some bad news.]

Cop: "No, she did not! She did, however, refuse to obey the speed limit, fail to use her turn signals, and she redirected the test vehicle toward the mall, where she proceeded to hip-check and tackle Mrs. Jelinsky!"

[The citations are labeled "Crazy Mall Chick", "Incident Report", "Forgot the speed limit", "What are "blinky blinks"??", "Hijacked test vehicle", "Assaulted Instructor Jelinski", and "NOTE: Culprit is dangerous"; Mrs. Jelinsky is in the police car yelling at Leni for her maniacal driving.]

(sigh) Well that settles it. A video game is NOT the right way to learn how to drive.

Lori: [having heard everything] "Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln. That's your plan? Teaching Leni to drive? She can't even drive a lawnmower."

[flashback to when Leni tried mowing the lawn.]

''Leni: [panicking] "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! MAKE IT STOP! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" [drives the mower through the hedges; end of flashback.]''

''Lori: "Trust me. You're gonna fail. You and Leni both. Now, where's Lynn? She owes me a pedicure." [looks for Lynn]''

(groans) Thank you, Lori, for your excellent words of support. Not. Please tell me that is not going to be Get the Message: The sequel. And on a side note, poor Leni. I hope she wasn’t seriously injured.

So Lincoln goes to see Leni again, and- Oh my. Leni made that?! Wow, I swear Leni gets better, every time she’s on screen. Lincoln says he’ll teach Leni to drive again, but this time, he’s gonna do it by the book. He gets a practice makeshift car to practice with. And pretty soon, Lynn, Lucy, and the rest of Lincoln’s sisters appear and say they want to pitch in. Wow, it’s great to see the girls also do not approve of Lori’s actions.

So with the car all set up, Lincoln goes over the car parts, and then proceeds to teach Leni how to actually drive.

Lincoln: "Okay, first, fasten your seat belt."

[Lola puts some of her beauty pageant sashes on them to simulate the seat belts.]

Leni: "That was easy."

Lincoln: "Next, check your mirrors."

Leni: [panicking] "Why? Do I look bad?"

Lincoln: "No, no, no, no. I meant-"

Leni: [runs off] "Stop the car! I can't drive in this hideous condition!"

No, Leni! You look great! Perfect even! Uh, nothing! Heh, heh. So with Leni all changed up, Lincoln decides to move onto the next lesson.

Lincoln: [sighs] "Lesson 12: Avoiding road hazards. There's a squirrel in the road. What do you do?"

''[Lily walks in dressed in a squirrel costume and makes squirrel chatter sounds; Leni gets out of her side and screams in horror. Lincoln throws the manual on the floor in frustration]''

I don't know what to talk about: The fact that Lily is so adorable in that squirrel costume or the fact Leni’s scared of it. Eh, I guess I’ll just move on, so it’s been a couple of minutes, or hours, and Leni is still not getting the hang of driving, but when Lincoln tells Leni what a turn signal is, Leni says something that changes everything.

Leni: "Oh! You mean the blinky blink?"

Lincoln: [discombobulated] "The... blinky blink?"

''Leni: "Yeah. It's right by the spinny thingy." [points to wreath]''

''Lincoln: "The spinny..." [realizes] "That's the problem! I haven't been speaking Leni!"''

Leni: "There's a country named after me?"

Um, yes Leni. It’s not a country, but it is a place named after you. It’s called Comune di Leni, and it’s in Italy. Loud House episode commentaries: Teaching you stuff you probably never knew. So Lincoln decides to use simpler vocabulary and symbolism, and it works. And soon Leni gets it right and is ready for the lawn mower.

Lincoln: "Remember what we practiced, Leni!"

''Leni: "Go-go boot!" [accelerates] "White shoe!" [stops for a squirrel to pass] "Go-go boot!" [accelerates; heading for the hedges.]''

Siblings: [worried what might happen] "Whoa! Watch out!"

''Leni: "Good side!" [turns left in the nick of time.]''

[Everyone starts cheering for her.]

Lincoln: "She's doing it! Yeah, nice job, Leni!"

Leni: "I'm doing it!"

Yes, you are doing it, Leni! She’s finished the SpongeBob driving phase and is now driving like a boss. Lori is doing her laundry, like she should’ve been doing in the first place, and notices what her younger siblings have accomplished.

Lori: [suddenly hears the others cheering outside and finds out that Leni has improved so much that she can now sign her name on the lawn.] "I'm not giving up the car keys that easily."

Oh no. Lori, what are you planning on doing? (sigh) Obviously something not good. So later, it’s bedtime for the Loud siblings, and once Leni goes to sleep, Lori does this.

[Lori was only pretending to sleep; she slips a fake driving instruction tape over Leni's ears to ensure that she will remain the only kid in the family with a driver's license and Leni will be doomed to fail.]

Recording: "Never check your mirrors. Always comment on your driving instructor's weight. In America, we drive on the left side of the road."

[Lori goes back to bed with a sinister grin on her face with Leni being none the wiser.]

(gasps) Well I never! Lori not only robbed her younger sister of her driver’s license, but also set her up to get injured or killed, all so her siblings could keep on doing things that she should be doing herself. Wow. Well folks, it looks like we may have found ourselves Get the Message 2, only worse.

So the next day, Lincoln is waiting for Leni come back from her driver’s test, when Lori comes up and tells him to do her laundry and she’ll drive him to the comic book store. Lincoln rejects this and says he’d rather wait for Leni to come back with her license, and Lori says Leni won’t pass and that she made sure of it. Lincoln realizes Lori did something bad, and gets her to fess up, by threatening to shrink her favorite sweater.

''Lori: [admitting defeat] "STOP! FINE!" [grabs sweater and puts it on] "I might have sabotaged Leni by giving her bad driving instructions while she slept, but it's just because if Leni can drive, my room will never be clean and no one will ever need me for anything ever again!" [Raises her voice pitch near the end.]''

Hm. Lori, that is, not a good excuse. First of all, your room can be clean, because you can clean it yourself! You’ve got two arms that are not broken! Use them to pick up your stuff! Second, just because your siblings won’t need you to drive them to places, doesn’t mean they won’t need you for anything else! You’re the oldest sibling for crying out loud! No pun intended. I’m sure they’ll need you for other things. (sigh) I get that the writers were trying to give Lori some insecurities, and maybe even some development, but it doesn’t work, because it feels too rushed. We never come back to this line, and it’s played off as if it wasn’t important or anything. And it doesn’t make Lori look anymore likeable than she is now. Which is not a lot.

Lincoln, like any sane person, calls Lori out for supposedly putting Leni in danger.

Lori: "I didn't think of that..."

Tsk. Tsk Tsk. Shameful Lori. Just shameful. That’s all I’m going to say here. Lori and Lincoln hurry to the DMV, to see if Leni’s still OK, and thankfully she is, but she didn’t pass her test.

Cop: "No, she did not! She did, however, drive on the wrong side of the road, neglected to check her mirrors and commented on the driving instructor's weight!"

Yep. I figured as much. Honestly anyone who thought Leni would still pass her driver’s test after the stunt Lori just pulled, must have been lying to themselves. Leni gets back in the car, and starts lamenting on how she failed and how she’s sorry for failing everyone.

Leni: "You even learned to speak Leni. Which I still can't believe there's a country named after me."

Leni, it’s not a country that’s named after you, it’s a- Oh, never mind. Hearing her younger sister lament about her failure, makes Lori feel guilty and she fesses up to Leni.

Lori: "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! It was my fault! I sabotaged your test."

Leni: [not knowing the meaning of the word] "Sabo...tage?"

Lincoln: "It's like she went and bought the dress she knew you wanted."

Leni: [gasps] "HOW COULD YOU?!"

Hm. Lori and Leni getting into a tussle over a dress. I wonder if that’ll be a plot for a future episode. Hmmmmmmmm. Nah!

Lori apologizes to Leni and says she has a way she can make it up to her.

Lincoln: "It was really nice of you to help Leni practice for her next test."

Lori: [a little shaken] "It's the least I could do."

[Leni has driven the van into a swimming pool, having forgotten all she learned from Lincoln's training.]

Leni: "Is this the carpool lane?"

(Sigh) That’s Leni. Wow. Finally an episode after the pilot I can call good. The last three episodes were either bad, or just meh. But this episode is one I actually consider good. And the best thing about it, is my favorite Loud sibling, Leni. Every onscreen moment she has is a good one, she’s just cute, and pretty, and funny a- Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. And it was nice to see that even though she drives like SpongeBob, and probably will be for quite some time, it’s nice to see that she never gives up and is always willing to try again. Those are things that I really admire in a girl, uh, I mean, character. Hopefully she will get her license in a future episode, and won’t give up until then.

Lincoln was also good in this episode, you can tell he wants to put an end to the problem he’s in and find a way to please Leni, his other sisters and himself. He doesn’t come off as unlikeable in any part of this story. Also, him being able to speak Leni shows us that he knows his sisters that well. And speaking of the sisters, the other sisters, besides Lori, were all there and still the same characters we’ve established them as and they each have their moments to shine.

And now we come to the worst sister in this episode, Lori. Now to this episode’s credit, it’s not just as bad or worse than Get the Message, because unlike in that episode, where Lori feels little to remorse for any of her actions, here, Lori does feel legitimately guilty, delivers a sincere apology and finds a way to make it up to Leni. But it still doesn’t leave out that Lori’s actions were inexcusable. She bribes her siblings by making them do stuff she should be doing herself, just so they can get to places they want/need to go, and she sets Leni up to get herself killed, all so things can stay the way they are. And the writers try to give Lori some development, but it doesn’t work because her insecurity confession gets so easily brushed off, and doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense, as I explained above. Hopefully Lori will stop making her siblings do chores for her, whenever they want to get a ride somewhere, and seeing how Lori is feeling guilty, I’d say we have a good chance.

Another thing worth noting, is that Clyde is nowhere in this episode. He doesn’t appear on-screen, heard off-screen, or even mentioned. So this makes this first episode where Clyde is absent. I’m okay with that. Although I do wonder how he would react to Lori’s actions? Would he realize Lori was not the angel he always thought she was? Eh, Probably not. That does it for this episode. No Guts, No Glori is next. Thank you for watching.