User blog:AustinDR/In Regards to the Leaving Situation

So with a few members leaving the wiki, I'll come clean on something; I had previously thought about leaving for months before the others began to seemingly abandon ship. Now, it's not that I now hate the show; while I may have made that one blog about the reasons as to why the Loud House could be hated, that didn't reflect on how I personally felt about the show. In all honesty, I still love the show, but...I no longer have fun watching the show.

I guess I'll start from the beginning. Before the show came out, I really, really hated my life. I hated everything about myself: I hated how I was terrible at math, how it seemed that everyone was better at something than I was, how I had to take medicine for behavioral issues, and I especially hated how I had Asperger's. It felt like a curse; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't be normal in all honesty. I felt that my whole life was some sick joke, that I was some plaything for some cosmic force. I guess you could say that I was displaying early signs of being depressed. So much so, in fact, that I really had no problem with the idea of dying. Sometimes, I imagined myself hanging myself with my belt, or wrapping it around my neck until I lost consciousness. Sometimes, I would think about popping the whole medicine bottle in my mouth, and overdosing so that at the very least, I would die relatively peacefully. Or, I would just do the simplest of things and take a knife and stab myself repeatedly with it. I dreamed about death, I felt that it as the only thing that could free me from my terrible life. Of course, I never told my parents or my grandmother about my suicidal tendencies, but eventually, I came clean about my problems, so I am now taking anti-depression medicine. Even then, I still hate my life, but I'm trying to not think that everything would be better if I died.

But anyway, onto my introduction to the show. I first heard about this show thanks to videos on YouTube advertising it. From what I had first seen of the show, I was unimpressed. It seemed stupid, like some blatant attempt to be on the same level as the kids. I had no intention of even giving the show a chance because I knew for a fact that it would bomb, and probably quickly disappear like many Nicktoons before it. But, I was wrong. When I saw only one episode of the show, I quickly fell in love with it, and I began to adamantly watch it. I became a raging fan of the show. I loved the characters and designs, I loved the comic strip feel of the show, and several episodes heavily reflected on my life. While you may think of it as just a show, the Loud House really helped me whenever I felt down. While I don't love all of the episodes of the show, I felt genuinely happy for the first time in my life. Of course, I tried to show others about how much I appreciated the show for helping me, but they either ignored me because I would continually devote time discussing the episodes, or they would bluntly say that they hated the show for the most dubious of reasons. There were a few people that did share the love I had for the show, though, so that made it more worthwhile for me.

But....whenever I watch a new episode of the show now, I no longer have that sense of joy I had when I first watched it. Now, the first two weeks of new episodes was phenomenal; there was hardly a dull episode. It just felt that each episode bordered from being good to near perfect. That, and I also loved the show for how it took risks; I felt proud to be a fan of a show that introduces same sex parents without making such a big deal out of it, and I also commended the show for introducing a boy with Down syndrome into the ensemble of characters. It felt that I wasn't only watching a show, but a show that was making history. I thought at that rate, the show wouldn't have any bumps....but then it happened. I don't know where my joy disappeared. If I had to say, I guess it started with the second season. There were several episodes that I absolutely loved like the Christmas episode or "Lock 'N Loud." Some I loved because they had me laughing for hours, while others were sentimental and hit close to home for me. But I guess what ultimately caused the shift for me was "L is for Love." Don't get me wrong, while I still absolutely love this episode....everything just changed in how I thought about the show. With Luna, I already gave my spill on her. While I like her, I find her bland, sometimes forgettable. I mean, especially with season 2 in how she gets pushed to the side, along with Leni, but who's counting? While I love the twist...overtime, I started to really, really develop grievances with it. While it's great that Luna is bi, that didn't make her a better character. Taking that away, she is still bland, sometimes irritating, and hollow. And yet, many people just ate this reveal up sometimes saying that "L is for Love" is the best episode of the series just because of the reveal, or that Luna was the best character just because she liked girls. I knew going out of the episode that Luna would be loved for that one aspect, but it didn't develop her that much as a character at all. Look, I have no problem with Luna's sexual orientation; anyone that does should just drop the show instead of complain about it, but to just love Luna just because she's bi....no.

I won't get into the fandom debacle, as everyone already shared their thoughts on it, but I will speak about the episodes this week. Sigh....to be frank, I was disappointed. Barring Garage Banned and maybe Job Insecurity, none of the episodes came off as great. Some episodes ranged from okay to meh. They were hardly memorable, they were boring (or sometimes felt that they were missing a few minutes), and the worst part is that hardly any of them made me laugh. Besides the aforementioned episodes, none of the others made me even muster up a chuckle. It got to the point that I was seriously debating just seeing what else was on. That is not a good sign. I was more interested in Welcome to the Wayne than I ever was with the Loud House. And then there's with giving my thoughts on the episodes. I used to really love giving my point of view on episodes on the show. Sure, they may not have been in agreement to whatever anyone else had in mind, but I felt that I was actually being productive. With this week's episodes...it felt more out of obligation than from any true love for the episodes. I just felt disappointed....usually the show would be the perfect catharsis for me whenever I felt self-hatred for myself, but, that joy was gone....I just felt more empty than I had before. Not even the theme could get me pumped up for a new episode.

Overall, I am not leaving the wiki as many others are, but I saw this as an opportunity to explain what I thought about the matter.