User blog:InklingBear/Life of Pets - Loo The Coup

Story #2 - Loo The Coup
12:30 pm

It was a interesting Monday afternoon down in Royal Woods, Michigan. Charles, Cliff, Geo and Walt were all sitting on the surface of the living room couch, watching a program the four animals have never seen or heard of before in their lives: a rather silly, yet practical cute little show that looks like it's meant for children when really it's just a cartoon with a family-friendly demographic, but the yellow canary himself being grumpy as usual asks the black cat a question, regarding the show that's currently being broadcasted on the television screen.

"Ugh. Isn't there anything else we could watch besides this... sweet garbage?" Walt asked.

"I'm pretty sure it's not that bad of a show," Cliff answered. "Ya never know if you don't give it a chance."

"Cat's right, bird," Charles added. "I've never heard of this, but I'm willin' to give this lil' show a chance!"

Geo smiled for a short time as he looked up to the canary on top of his transparent ball.

"I got no knowledge whatsoever of this new program but at least it's interesting enough to spark some curiosity." he positively said.

The four animals returned their attention to the television screen, watching a scene where a pale mother bunny is going to escape a second story house window to meet up with her future fiance without getting caught by her sleeping father downstairs using the help of her kids. A blue cat, an orange fish and her youngest daughter were busy tying bed sheets and clothes together to create a sturdy rope to maneuver down the ground in the gloomy night outdoors, which was unfortunately too short for her to climb down safely. The kids look anxious on what to do next as they try to draw out some ideas as quietly as they can without drawing them any noticeable attention.

"The rope's still too short, ma!"

"Man, what are we gonna do now?"

"Is there anything else we can use to extend this thing?"

The mother sighed as she can't believe she's gonna have to do something in front of her kids.

"Kids, y'all might wanna shield your irises."

The four pets quickly started widening their eyes as the dog quickly told the cat a command as Walt and Geo softly gasped along with Charles covering his eyes with his paws.

"Hurry cat! Flick through somethin' else!"

"Okay!"

Cliff reacted as quickly as he could, changing the channel as the television shows a small snippit of a dialogue from another show.

"G'night everybody!"

Cliff flicked the channel again. This time, he got to a title sequence for The Hot Bench before the real show started announcing a preview of the program's segment.

"It appears that her ex-husband has been accused of damaging property, and she's planning to sue him for a total of five thousand dollars."

The pets all looked at one another, still temporarily traumatized from the show they've all never seen before.

"Jeez! How can they do that on a show that's aimed towards a young audience?" Cliff said.

"What the heck's wrong with people nowadays, sneaking in stuff like that?" Walt added.

Geo's stomach rumbled, slowly growing painful by the second. He squeezed his eyes shut, surviving through the rumbling madness before it temporarily stopped. Not only that, he had to go tinkle more. He immediately started to rapidly tiptoe as if he couldn't wait any longer to hold it in.

"Guys, I think I might need to hit the loo." he said, rolling off of the couch as Walt flew upwards from his ball, onto the carpet floors as he made his way to the stairs. Charles took a glance to the little hamster approaching the stairs before grabbing his attention, dismounting from the couch as well, following him from behind.

"Hang on there Ham," he said to Geo. "Lemme help getcha up there."

Cliff and Walt, now landing on the edge of the couch, returned their wide open oculars to the television screen in front of them, watching the lawsuit situation go down.

"It's my stuff that I paid for with my own money! If I buy it, then I have to right to do as I please with them!"

Angry chatter kept omitting from the TV before Cliff thought of something, regarding Geo.

"Bird, I just had this thought..."

"What?"

"You ever wondered why the Ham has to go upstairs to do his bidness all the time?"

"Why do you think I should care where he goes to use the bathroom..?"

"Cause that's where the bathroom is. The downside to that is that there's only one bathroom in this house, and it had to be up on the second story."

"Eh, all houses are different from others. And sometimes you gotta live with what you got and make the best of it."

"Well yeah but..."

The cat hesitated as Walt suspiciously stared directly at him, one eyebrow raised.

"...but what?"

"It's not like we're not housebroken-"

"To be honest with you, it kinda varies."

"Well, I guess you're right on that."

In the upstairs hallway, Charles managed to safely get Geo's ball up on the last step, placing him on the carpet. The little hamster quickly rolled to the open bathroom door, entering the interior, somehow closing the door from behind, jumping out of his transparent ball and onto the seat of the toilet to try and relieve himself before Charles slowly approached the door. He sat right in front of it, softly whistling to pass some time. But, by the time he stopped whistling, the hamster finished his business.

About a minute and a half later, the white dog himself heard a small, faint splash omitting from the toilet bowl from the other side of the door. Not only that, he also heard faint cries of help from the hamster, his fear growing bigger that he was about to drown in that filthy water inside the bowl.

"Aah! Somebody! Help!"

Charles took immediate action. He stood on his two hind legs, extending his paw out to reach the bathroom door knob to open the door. As he entered the interior from the creaked open door, he headed for the fishing net in the corner of the bathroom interior, grabbing hold of the tip of the item by the mouth as he ran over to the toilet, putting the net into the filthy water, scooping the wet hamster out of the bowl before setting the net down on the bathroom floor.

Geo had gasped for air a couple of times before shaking off some of the excess toilet water from his fur, looking up to the dog as if he was some sort of superhero.

"Phew. Thanks so much, dog!" He praised.

"Don't mention it, Ham. You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess."

The hamster wiped off his little forehead.

"My gosh, that was... pretty terrifying."

"You know, I've been in worse."

Geo wondered what situation Charles could've been in that may have been worse than the one he was in a couple of seconds ago.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, for me it was almost just as bad as someone downright scoldin' me for drinkin' outta some huge water bowl."

Couple of years back, Charles was in the bathroom without the lights on, lapping up the clear filthy water straight from the toilet bowl for a short amount of time just before young Lincoln showed up, pushing open the creaked door. The white-haired boy flicked the lights on to reveal the dog still licking up the toilet water from the bowl before he walked over to the dog, now licking his lips, picking him up from the floor, pulling him away from the toilet.

"Charles, no! What are you doing?!" he said as he scolded the thirsty panting dog as he wagged his little tail, holding him a couple inches away, only to get interrupted mid-sentence by a moist tongue to the kid's face.

"Aah! Boy, that's gross!"

Lincoln set the white canine down, wiping off the wet saliva from his face cheeks with his right arm.

"Oh." Geo reacted.

He thought to himself for a quick second, regarding Charles' noodle incident.

"Could that possibly be why the toilet lid is always down every time we come in here..?"

Charles shrugged to him as he answered back.

"I really don't know why I like to drink from there sometimes but I do. It's pretty much a dog thing if you ask me."

Cliff and Walt made their way upstairs, both heading into the bathroom where the two pets are.

"What's going on here?" The canary asked.

"We heard some noises up here. You guys alright?" The cat concernedly added.

Charles and Geo looked at each other before looking back to Cliff and Walt.

"We're good." The hamster answered.

"Yeah, what he said." The dog added.

Walt turned his attention to Geo, preparing to ask him a simple question.

"Hey, I gotta ask ya this little question I got. Why do you always have to run upstairs to the bathroom to do... y'know, when you could've just gone outside behind a bush or something and save ya the trouble of ascending those sturdy stairs?"

Geo hesitated and sighed.

"You want the truth?" he said.

"Yes, please." The canary answered.

The hamster inhaled for a second, before exhaling, preparing to give Cliff his straight and honest answer.

"Not long ago, one of the humans in the household took the time to teach me how to use this toilet."

The trio of pets, looked blankly at him.

"Really?" Walt said, before turning to Cliff and Charles. "You guys hearing this?"

"Yeah, but I sorta knew how to use the toilet myself back like two years ago."

"So, they took the time to teach you two how to use that thing but not us?" Walt said, slightly irritated.

"What are you, the special duo?"

The canary was growing with anger, questioning the little hamster.

"This is not the time for jealousy, bird." Charles said to the canary before they all looked back to the moist and filthy little hamster.

The hamster hesitated, staring back at them the way they stared at him before he continued to explain about how he's able to use the toilet.

"This thing's for whenever you need to do your business in, so if you gotta go... you go in there. But, don't forget to flush after every release!"

Charles was starting to grow afraid now, widening up his eyes, his heel realization that the toilet is for going to the bathroom.

"Wait a minute... yer sayin' that's not a huge water bowl I can drink out of?!"

Geo confidently nodded his head, making Charles feel a little bit grossed out.

"Bleh! I had my tongue in there and everythin'!"

The dog immediately started spitting on the bathroom floor in front of him, brushing possible traces of germs off of his long tongue as Cliff and Walt both laughed uncontrollably at the humiliated canine.

"My gosh, I can't believe you actually drank from the toilet!" Walt obviously stated, trying his best to hold in his laughter from Charles' gross little incident.

"You really thought that was a big bowl for where the family serves ya water?" Cliff added to the fire.

"Zip it, bird 'n cat!" Charles angrily said to the two of them, slightly blushing but still grossed out before turning away from the two, resuming his spitting and tongue rubbing.

Cliff swiftly gestured that Charles was a little loco in the ol' noggin for it with a savage smile behind his back, while he was still spitting out the germs. Walt turned to Geo, recapping on how to use the toilet and how it works.

"So lemme see if I got this correctly. First, you sit on the toilet, take as much time as you need in order to do some business and when finished, you flush."

"You got it, my friendo!"

"Alright then."

Charles stomach started rumbling, causing him to pause his spitting session. He needed to go, almost immediately as Geo pointed out the noise from the dog.

"Sounds like the dog might needs to give it a try." Geo said to Charles.

"The right way."

"Alright quick! Everybody get out!" Charles loudly commanded as the three pets escorted themselves outside in the hallway, before closing the door from behind the three of them. But before he got into position to start doing his business, he ran over to the sink, hopping up to turn on the faucets to drown out some of the noise as if it was nobody's business. The slightly constipated dog jumped up on the toilet seat, walking in a quick circle before he got into position.

Cliff and Walt sat patiently on the other side of the door, calling dibs on who gets to go next after Charles was doneas their stomachs strated growling, getting slightly noisier and noticeable every second they waited.

"I'm next up, bird." The cat said, getting closer to the door.

"Freeze. That's where you're wrong, feline!" The canary rebutted, getting in his face.

"What do you mean I'm wrong? I have to use the bathroom more than you do!"

"I'm sure you'll survive with one more animal in line, since I take way less time to go than you do!"

Cliff and Walt glared directly into their eyes, squinting them tighter, building up some fury as they hissed and growled.

"Oh no, not this again..." Geo said, growing concerned as he threw his head down.

Flush.

The faucets stopped running in the latrine, followed by a quick opening of the door. Charles emerged from the interior with a short trail of toilet paper from his hind paw, sighing in great relief right before the yellow canary zipped right inside, leaving Cliff the cat in the dust.

He was really devastated.

"Ay! No fair, bird!"

"Oh yeah, it's totally fair! Suck it up, cat!" Walt taunted, rubbing it in Cliff's face.

"Why ya little biped!"

He became even more desperate to go, his stomach growling more louder as he tries to fight the pain.

"Meooooowww!"

"You did it, dog!" Geo praised to Charles.

The bathroom door closed, bumping the white dog's bum as it pushed him forward about a couple inches. He hatched up an idea that could leave the family members in a bit of a surprise once they came back home.

"Hey Ham," he said.

"What is it?" Geo asked.

"This is actually rather great achievement, learnin' to be potty trained all of a sudden!"

"Doesn't it sound sophisticated for you?"

Charles got a tiny bit confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you got class. Like it feels good to have experience... did I word that right?"

"Oh. Then yeah, my class sure is fine tonight!"

Charles smirked, along with waggling eyebrows as Geo gave off a side glance.

"Oh boy." He said, silently judging the dog for saying that... line.

Cliff stepped in to correct the Hamster's definition of the word he mentioned.

"Actually Ham, it means to have experience... in fashion and culture."

It became clear to Geo, after a short time of processing the information.

"Ohhh..."

The bathroom door creaked open again along with omitting a flushing sound from the toilet as Walt flew out from the room before Cliff made a run for it inside the interior, quickly closing the door from behind. He took a small bit of time to turn on the faucets to drown out some of his business.

"I am gonna get that backstabbing Loud for not teaching me about this earlier."

The slightly mad canary flew right back downstairs, onto the living room couch to catch the remaining latter half of the program still being broadcasted on the bright screen of the television.

Charles resumed his conversation with Geo.

"As I was sayin', with the four of us learnin' to use the toilet, they can finally get rid of the litterboxes, and I can stop goin' outdoors, diggin' holes out just to do my business. Cause honestly, after a while, the smell of our own waste gets way too overwhelmin' inside the house for any of us to bear."

"I can kinda see where you're going with that statement." The hamster said.

He stopped and sniffed out the air for a short time before he walked to the bathroom door, knocking on it a few times.

"Hey cat! Flush in there ya stinker!"

"Oh shut it, dog!" The cat said as it was barely noticeable due to the sound of running faucets behind closed doors.

The white dog, subtly snickered.

"I really can't thank ya enough, Ham. Least there ain't gonna be any more musky scents in this house."

"Wait, what about dirty towels and clothes?"

"Oh yeah, there's those..."

Charles rubbed his head for a brief moment, before making his way down the stairs as Geo followed him from behind.

"Dog, have you ever wondered why the cat still uses his litter box if he already knew how to use the toilet?" He asked.

"I really have no idea, Ham. Life in this house, it's a big mystery." Charles answered without hesitating.

The two pets arrived at the living room, where Walt was expressing boredom, still watching the television program, now currently on a commercial break. Charles headed directly for Cliff's musky litter box, sitting stationary in the corner of the room.

"With the way we're all trained to use the bathroom now, the cat won't be needin' this thing anytime soon."

A brief moment later, Charles went outside, emerging from the doggy door and onto the porch from the back of the house, dragging the litter box with him wherever he went while he had a clothespin closing his nostrils.

It was that putrid to his nose somehow.

He dumped the contents out onto the side of the porch before setting the container aside. Unfortunately a skunk crossed paths with the litter being dumped all over its innocent body, burying it deep inside the content. A beat later, it popped its head out from the litter, seething with anger as it looked up to see who was the one responsible for dumping it right on its head.

It caught a small glimpse of the dog's paws, dusting his paws off before jumping out from the pile of litter, running its way up the stairs in an attempt to try to block the dog from going back in the house. He stood right in front of the doggy door, glaring deep inside Charles' eyes with paws crossed, refusing to move a single muscle as the dog took a step back from the musky skunk.

"Scuse youse. Might ya move?" He said before the angry skunk shook his head sideways.

Charles took a big gulp as he stared the skunk down, eyebrows raised in the process. The skunk was determined to fulfill his nasty retribution. It turned around, shaking his butt high in the air, as he deviously smiled at the scared dog.

"Ruh-roh..."

Back inside, Cliff, Walt and Geo sat together back on the couch, watching a different television program.

"In this case, we have a mother whose car went up in flames due to her fifteen-year-old son not getting the game 'Claw of Duty'."

Geo started up a brand new conversation with the two pets.

"Oh my gosh. Isn't this one of the craziest things you've seen so far today?"

"Yeah, it is." Walt answered.

"I'm with ya on that, bird." Cliff added.

A long beat later, Cliff caught a whiff of something in the living room, with the canary and hamster doing the same a few seconds later.

Something real smelly was afoot.

The cat tried to waft the air with his right paw, before blocking his nose with the left.

"Geez! What is that smell?"

Walt and Geo quickly glanced over to the cat, before he looked back at the two of them, acting rather suspicious about him.

"Don't try to pin the blame on me!"

"Well, you were the first to complain." Walt said to the cat.

"And that makes ya think I'm the caper here?"

"Well..." Geo softly said.

"How dare you guys!"

The three all argued towards one another, throwing accusations left and right when they were supposed to find out where the random stench was coming from. A few seconds into their fight, Charles blankly walked into the living room, his upper coat all smelly now, hygiene dropping after each passing second. He made his way to the side of the couch before sitting down with ears flopped, whining in defeat.

Cliff, Walt, and Geo paused their arguing to pay attention to the smelly dog. They silently gasped in shock, instantly concerned about him as they jumped down from the couch and onto the carpets.

"Whoa!" Walt exclaimed.

"Oh my gosh..." Geo said.

"Dog? Aw no, what happened to ya?" Cliff asked.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Charles answered before he got up, taking a step away from the rest of the pets to look singled out before sitting on his two hind legs, making himself look like he was stretching and flexing.

"Just know that... I had a lil' tussle with an outdoor skunk a few minutes ago."

"I thought you said you weren't gonna talk about it..." Walt said, confused.

"Ya lost, didn't ya?" Cliff asked with a small smirk.

"Quiet, Cat." Charles answered to Cliff as the mangy feline let out a small snicker along with Walt and Geo for a while.

Charles was unamused, rolling his eyes before taking a glance at the audience.

"This stinks. Literally."

Cliff popped up from behind, holding his nose with his paw.

"Hook, line and stinker everybody!"

Charles growled at the incredible, yet lame pun the cat made before he shook his head in mere disappointment, all the while Cliff laughed.

~End~

Trivia

 * Wanna know what the pets were watching in the beginning? The Amazing World of Gumball.