User blog:007Jamesdean/Spice of Life

It starts in the kitchen. Laney goes in and she sees Lynn putting peppers on her meatball sub sandwich.

Laney: Uh, Lynn? Why are you putting that many peppers in your sandwich?

Lynn: You know how I like my sammies, Laney. Hot 'n' spicy! [Pours hot sauce on her sandwich]

Laney: Yeah, I know that. But aren't you worried that it might be too spicy? You might burn your tongue off with that much hot sauce.

Lynn: If I get lucky! Me? I'm a maniac for spicy! I crave the hotness! [Lynn takes a bite out of her sandwich and her face starts to turn red] AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!! [She was so hot that she breathed out fire from her mouth. Laney puts out a small flame in her hair]

Laney: Okay, that can't be good for your intestines.

Lynn: (Taunting) What's the matter Laney? You afraid of a little spice?

Laney: What? No! I'm not scared! In fact, I welcome a bit of spice in my life.

Lynn: Then I guess you won't mind taking a bite out of my sub then. [Lynn gives her sandwich to Laney. Feeling nervous, Laney struggles to take one bite. A meatball from the sub falls into Laney's mouth and then her face turned burning red and a burst of fire came out of her mouth]

Laney: AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!! [She frantically ran to the sink and drank some water out of the faucet; pants]

Lynn: HA! I knew you couldn't handle it! You should've seen your face! [laughs, Laney growls at her]

Laney: Oh yeah!? Well if you think you can handle spice better then prove it!

Lynn: [smirks] Do I smell a challenge?

Laney: Oh yeah! I challenge you to a SPICE-OFF!

Lynn: Oh it is on!

In the backyard me, Varie, Vince, Aylene, Cody, Hercules, Zoe, The Eds, Naruto and the girls, Jeri & the Lion Guard, the rest of the Loud Kids, the Teen Titans, My Children, Sasuke, Kakashi, Lady Tsunade, Minato, Kushina, Lynn Sr., Rita, Riley, Sector V, Ronnie Anne, Lilly, Clyde, Star Girl, Hulk, and Sandman & Penny were sitting in rows. Laney and Lynn were on opposite sides of a table with plates by them. Lincoln was a referee for this.

Satanic Cultist Choir sings.

Lincoln: All right, lets go over the rules. Both of you will taste food that has been slathered in hot sauce. Each one hotter than the last. Last one standing wins.

Me: This is gonna be intense guys. I love blazing nuclear hot spicy food but I've never seen Laney take on Lynn like this.

Varie: Me neither.

Aylene: This is gonna get rough.

Lynn: You won't last a minute Lanes.

Laney: Oh I'll last way longer than you!

Lynn: Not if I last first!

Laney: Oh you'll be last all right. Last place! [Laney and Lynn growled at eachother. Lincoln blows a whistle]

Lincoln: Enough! Lets get this competition started. [Lisa walks up]

Lisa: Indeed big brother. I have done some research on some of the hottest peppers in the known world and I've taken the liberty to concoct some of my own brands of fermented spicy condiments; street name: Hot Sauce for your competition today. First challenge... [Holds out a bottle of hot sauce] Peruvian Party Jalapeno Sauce on Jambalaya. [Pours the sauce on two bowls of Jambalaya] You may begin.

Laney and Lynn each hold a spoon and throw them away and they started drinking the Jambalaya from the bowl.

Lynn & Laney: Ahh.

Lincoln: Looks like we got a tie.

Naruto: Boy that was good.

Sasuke: It sure was.

Lynn: Come on Lis. You call that spicy? That barely made me sweat!

Lisa: That's because that sauce was at the blandest on the list.

Vince: We have just begun to scratch the surface of the world of spice.

Carol: We sure have.

Lisa: Moving on. Challenge #2: [Holds out another bottle with a picture of a skeleton in a hard hat working in a steel mill] Industrial Spanish Serrano Sauce on Meatloaf. [Pours the sauce on the meatloaf and Lincoln cuts two slices for Lynn and Laney] You may begin.

Serrano peppers are at 25,000 Scoville Units and are one of the most commonly used peppers in the world.

Laney uses a knife and fork to cut a piece of the meatloaf and eats it while Lynn uses a fork to eat her whole slice. The two then begin to sweat.

Lynn: What's the matter Laney? Too much for ya? [Laney glares at her and then eats the whole slice of meatloaf. We all gasped and then tears started to flow from Laney's eyes.]

Lincoln: Another tie!

Lori: Wow. I've literally never seen Laney like this before.

Lola: Yeah. I always thought that she was a complete scaredy who's too afraid to take risks. [We glare at her] I said thought! That doesn't mean it's true.

Ino: I don't like spicy food that much but I can't believe that Laney is eating such deadly food.

Tenten: The only one in the Leaf that loves spicy food is Lee.

Nicole: I remember. He knows a curry shop that saved his life.

Naruto: Don't remind me of that sis.

Sasuke: My tongue still burns from that.

Sakura: Mine too.

Fu: Same here.

Kakashi: This is turning out to be an interesting challenge for her.

Lady Tsunade: I agree Kakashi.

Laney: Come on Lisa! Gimmie something spicier! Bring it!

Lisa: Very well. Challenge #3: [Brings out another bottle with a picture of a belly dancer in the middle of a desert with fire in the background] Sahara Sriracha Spice on Shrimp Cocktail. [Pours the sauce in two cocktail glasses and gives them to Lynn and Laney]

Lynn starts eating one shrimp covered in sauce and starts to turn red while Laney eats the shrimp cocktail one by one and drinks the entire hot sauce on the glass. We all cheered as Laney's face turned even redder. Lynn glared at her.

Lynn: I know I said this before but. Oh it is on!

A montage played of Lynn and Laney eating hot sauce covered foods, each one hotter than the last. They ate hot dogs, chips & salsa, sandwiches covered in jalapenos and more. Soon enough they were both completely red from head to toe with yellow bloodshot eyes.

Me: Sweet Fireballs! These two are really tough!

Jared: They sure are dad.

Laney: Just give up Lynn. I'm clearly the sauce master!

Lynn: Nu-uh! No way I'm gonna let you take my crown sis- [Burps out fire and then covers her mouth] Lisa! Bring on the next sauce!

Lincoln: (Worried) I don't know about this guys. You have eaten alot of spicy foods. Anymore and I think you're gonna explode!

Laney: (Aggressive) YOU CALLIN' ME A WIMP FRECKLES!

Me: Whoa!

Cody: That is cruel.

Linka: Yeah.

Lincoln: Whoa! Laney! Calm down! You're not acting like yourself!

Luna: That's just the spice talkin' bro. I've seen this case before. She's gone into Full Heat Nirvana. Her mind is only focused on one thing now: Spicyness.

Hercules: I know this all too well. It's what happens when you eat a lot of spicy food.

Lincoln: You've seen this before?

Luna: Yeah. One time Chunk and his friend were having a hot sauce drinking contest and Chunk had gone hog wild on everyone! [Holds out her phone] I still have a video of the whole thing. You should've seen Chunk dudes. It was crazy.

Lincoln gulps.

I look at the video and it was nuts. Chunk went absolutely ballistic and pulverized a rival into pulp.

Me: Whoa! He sure did a number on him Luna.

Luna: Yeah.

Sam: He sure did.

Lisa: Pfft. Illogical. People can't have psychological breakdowns from drinking too much hot sauce. Chunk and his friend were probably acting like complete buffoons.

Lori: Like those two? [Points to Lynn and Laney who were fighting eachother on the table]

Lincoln: [gasps then blows the whistle] All right! Break it up you two! [Lynn and Laney growled at eachother and went back to their seats] Okay, lets get this over with.

Lisa: Indeed. I've saved the hottest one for last... [Lisa ran to her room and comes back pushing a black safe. She dials in the combination and opens it revealing a glowing neon red bottle of hot sauce with a picture of a Nuclear Explosion with a pepper shaped cloud and a devilish skull right behind it] Behold! (Thunder & Lightning crashes) Netherworld Tonsil Torture Death Sauce! (A huge wall of Fire erupts behind them in the background and Demonic Laughter and Satanic Cultist Music is heard) Made from concentrated extract of the Carolina Reaper and Dragon's Breath Peppers! The hottest peppers known to man!

We all gasp in sheer horror. But Lynn and Laney were ready for anything.

Me: This is not gonna be pretty!

Varie: Oh man!

Aylene: I can't believe that they are gonna eat a sauce that blazing!

Vince: Me neither!

Lori: This will literally kill them!

Lucy: I'll be sure to say something nice at your funerals.

Naruto: That sauce will destroy them!

Fu: No kidding.

Hinata That sauce is gonna rip their stomachs open!

Tayuya: Like I said before. I don't like peppers but this is awesome!

Me: That hot sauce is so powerful and radioactive that it's making my geiger counter go haywire!

Natilee: That's like handling a nuclear fuel rod.

Edd: I can't believe that they are gonna eat that much painful spice.

Ed: It's not gonna be pleasent Double D.

Luan: This will definitely SPICE up the competition. (Laughs to rimshot) Get it?

Most of us laugh while Luan's siblings groan.

Me: (Laughs) That was a good one Luan.

Eddy: (Eddy) That was funny.

Lilly: It was funny.

Lynn Sr.: (Laughs) Good one.

Ronnie Anne: (Laughs) That was funny.

Lisa poured two drops on each cracker and places them to both Lynn and Laney.

Lynn: I have one question Laney. When you scream uncle after you eat this, will you be referring to our uncle or just uncles in general?

Laney: It won't really matter anyway Lynn. 'Cause you won't be able to hear me over the sound of a steam whistle coming out of your ears! [Laney and Lynn glare at each other]

Lisa: Ready? Commence consuming.

Lynn and Laney ate their hot sauce covered crackers and they started to glow red with hottness and began to shake. Their color changed from red to blue. We all backed away and braced ourselves for what's about to happen. Lynn and Laney continue to shake violently until they stopped. And we all look on with confusion.

Lincoln: Well... Looks like this whole thing is a ti-

KRABOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly a huge explosion went off and Lynn was seen flying high into the sky and then fireworks exploded in the sky.

Everyone: Ooooh.

Lynn then fell right back to Earth in a smoldering mess.

Lynn: Ughhh...

We all cheer wildly for Laney.

Lori: And the new reigning champion of spice is Laney Loud!

We continue to cheer until Laney burps out a huge burst of fire.

Me: Look out!

We were running away and screaming for our lives and then Laney fell to the ground.

Laney: Uhh... (Coughs)

Me: Laney that was awesome!

Lynn: Yeah. Well Laney... Looks like you've beaten me. I never actually thought any of you guys other than Lincoln could beat me at anything. Nor do I like the idea of losing. But you! You've got fire in your belly Lanes!

Laney: (Raspy) Yeah. I guess I got a little carried away... (Coughs)

Volcana: But you have got to be the toughest girl of fire ever Laney.

Lola: Yeah. You have a strong flame.

Lana: That was awesome!

Lily: It sure was.

Lily put her hand on Laney's shoulder and it burned.

Lily: (In Pain) YEOWCH!!!!! That is hot!

Lily splashed her hand with her water.

Lynn: Yeah. But don't feel too bad for that Laney! That was awesome! I guess you can handle a little spice in your life after all.

Laney: Thanks Lynn. But I think it's best if I stay away from spice for a while... [Her stomach gurgles loudly and Laney groans in pain] AAAUGH!!!! [Holds her stomach in pain] WHAT IS THAT!?

Lynn: That would be the sound of your bowels screaming. That's the price you have to pay for living the spicy life.

Laney: OH SWEET CORN IT HURTS! [Runs off to the bathroom] OUTTA MY WAY!

Varie: I better help her.

Varie follows Laney.

Lynn: Heh. That's my sister. [Lynn's stomach growls loudly] ACK! WAIT FOR ME! [Runs after Laney.

2 hours later, Laney was in her bed with a cold rag on her head and she had a glass water on her nightstand.

Varie: You have a bad stomachache because you ate too much spicy food.

Laney: I know Varie. But I beat Lynn and proved that I can be spicy.

Varie: You sure did. And you and Lynn destroyed the toilet after throwing up like that. It was all like acid.

Laney: That was an extreme challenge. But I sure showed Lynn and now I'm paying for it.

Varie: Yeah but you'll be better by tomorrow. Get some rest okay.

Laney: Okay.

Varie left and Laney got some sleep.

THE END.

Another Fanfiction complete.

I gave Kinghammer the idea for the Spice of Life chapter and he did a fantastic job with it. I wanted to make this a sequel to my chapter Hot Sauce Louds. Laney sure showed Lynn that she is a spice demon like Lincoln. She proved that LYnn isn't the only spice demon in the Loud House. Let me know what you all think.

See you all next time.