User blog:Chanyhuman/Head Poet’s Stage Fright ( Genderbent Head Poet’s Anxiety)

The fallowing is a Genderbent version of Head Poet’s Anxiety.

Story

[One morning at Sunset Canyon Retirement Home, Lane is entertaining on the day trip bus.]

Lane: "Guess who I bumped into on the way to the optometrist? Everyone!" [The elders laugh the joke.] "What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? I'll never part with it."

[The elderly continue to laugh and applaud. Bernie laughs so hard, that her dentures fly out.]

Scout: *To Nan-nan* "There go Bernie's teeth again."

Nannann: "How about that talent, eh? That's my grandson."

Lane: *Takes a bow* "A-thank you very much." *Puts his funny glasses on. * "Well, this is my stop, so I mustache you, to excuse me."

[The elders laugh as the bus pulls up in front of the Loud House and Lane gets off, walking past Linka and Clare who are on their bikes.]

Linka: "What's that all about?"

Lane: "Oh, that's my new gig, I'm the entertainer on the Giggling Geezer."

Clare: "Giggling Geezer?"

Lane: "The bus Sunset Canyon uses to take the seniors on day trips, do you realize what this means? Today the Giggling Geezer, tomorrow the Royal Woods Theater."

Clare: "Tomorrow? Can we still get tickets?"

Lane: "No, not tomorrow, tomorrow, someday tomorrow, I hope to be the youngest person to ever perform there."

Linka: "Well, congratulations, keep reaching for those dreams."

Lane: *Touched* "Aw, thanks, you're so supportive." *Heads into the house*

Linka: *To Clare* "The more success he has, the less time he has to prank us."

Clare: "Ah." *sits down on her bike seat which turns out to be woppee cushioned; picks it up.* "Guess he still has time."

[Lane goes into the house and up the stairs, and gasps when he steps on something, or rather someone. He looks down and sees Lars depressed.]

Lane: "Lars, what are you doing on the stairs?"

Lars: "Sigh, I submitted my best poem to the Transylvania Review, they didn't want it, I must not have what it takes to be a poet."

Lane: "Your first rejection letter, huh? Well step into my office, I wanna show you something."

[Cuts to Lane’s room, Lars is laying on the bed, while Lane brings out a bag full of papers.]

Lane: "These are my rejection letters."

Lars: *Takes a look* "It's like a coffin for your dreams."

Lane: "It's just part of the creative life, you can't expect to shoot to the top right away, when I was your age, I had to start at the bottom."

[Flashes back to when he was eight years old, and performing at Charlotte's birthday for her Chris and Wilma, using a hairbrush as a microphone.]

Lane: * narrating* "Performing for our pets birthdays."

Young Lane: "What did the Dalmatian say after eating a snack? That hit the spot." [The pets don't seem very interested.] "Wow, ruff crowd." *Notices that Charlotte peed on his shoe, and is now provoked. * "Dang it, Charlotte!"

[Flash forward, as Lane continues to narrate, to where young Lane performing at the bowling alley's open mic, with his soon to be soul mate Ms. Coconuts.]

Lane: *narrating* "It was a long time before I was ready to try my act out in public."

Young Lane: *Laughs* "Good one, Ms. Coconuts, you bowl me over. *Looks around only to find no applause. *

Ms. Coconuts: "Guess that one landed in the gutter, toots."

[Ms. Coconuts laughs, but the audience starts booing throws curly fries at both of them.]

Young Lane: *Using Ms. Coconuts as a shield. * "Ah! Curly fries!"

Lane: *narrating* "Even then, I still had a lot to learn about comedy."

[The flashback changes to Lane graduating from clown school.]

Lane: *narrating* "So I enrolled in a clowning academy." [His instructor places a red nose on his face and shakes his hand, only get joy buzzed, which he laughs at.] Lane: "Finally, after paying my dues, I was ready to build my own business."

[Flashback to his 'Funny Business' performing at a kids birthday; he jumps through the banner.]

Lane: "How do turtles talk to each other? On their shell phones.

[He laughs as the kids cheer, and as Lane takes a bow his hat falls off, end of flashback; He puts his hand on Lars’s shoulder.]

Lane: "Just be patient, and keep trying, and no matter how hard it gets, remember, you always have a brother who knows you're *Puts his funny glasses on.* spec-tacular!"

Lars: *smiling* "I feel a lot better. You know so much, Lane. Maybe you could help me become a more successful poet."

Lane: I suppose I could stanza to do that. After all, I am pretty well versed in mentoring. We'd make quite a couplet!"

[They both laugh.]

[Later in Lars’s room, Lane writing 'LARS’S PLAN' on a whiteboard. He then underlines it, and starts a list of things to do.]

Lane: "Okay, so your first step is to, sharpen your skills, at home."

[Later, they are in the living room with their mother, reading the manuscript Lars created for the Aloha Comrade's new menu.]

Lynn Sr.: "'Fresh tuna, shrouded in a cold beet sauce, and laid to rest on a bed of pineapple' Great job Lars, this is the perfect update to the Aloha Comrade menu" [Lane winks at Lars.] "I was just gonna say 'fish and sauce'”.

[Cuts to Loki and Loni’s room, Lars and Lane watching Loni read Lars’s review of a black sequin tux.]

Leni: "'Looking for an outfit that'll knock them dead? This black sequin tux shimmers like the eyes of a hundred vampires, on a moonless night.' This is perfect, I can't wait to put it on my fashion blog". *Tears the page out of the notebook, and shoves it onto his computer screen. * "Done."

[Lane and Lars just look at each other; Afterwards, they are now back in Lars’s room, Lane writes the next step down.]

Lane: "Nice work, the next step is to get some formal training."

[Cuts to the Royal Woods Recreation Center, where Lars is enrolled in a poetry class.]

Poetry Teacher: "Okay class, give me your best rhymes for rose."

Poetry Student 1: "Chose."

Poetry Student 2: "Close."

Poetry Student 3: "Bows."

Lars: "Decompose."

Poetry Teacher: *Impressed* "Ooh, evocative."

[Lars smiles; Cuts back in his room, Lane writesdown, thee next step.]

Lane: "The next step is to start putting your work out there."

[The scene changes to the Artist Alley; Lars and Lane are at a booth called This MortalToile, with a sign that reads 'Hand-Stitched Pillows (of darkness). A married couple walks past and the soon to be father sees their pillows.]

Goth Dad: *To his pregnant biker wife. * "Oh honey, these pillows would be perfect for the nursery," *picks up his two favorites* "I can't decide, 'Rage Against Conformity' or 'Embrace the Darkness'?"

Lane: [As Lars wraps up the pillows for them.] "Get 'em both, you might have twins."

[Later they are back in Lars’s room, Lane writes the final step.]

Lane: "Okay, you're almost ready to read your work in public… But first, you gotta build a thick skin."

[Lars gets nervous about this step; That night in Lane’s room, Lars is standing in front of a brick wall frontage, reading a poem.]

Lars: "Melancholi night before a hopeless dawn. The sun is rising soon, but all my joy is gone."

[Stops as every siblings, except Lane and Loni, start booing at him.]

Loni: *Being his usual kind self* "Oh, I don't wanna do this."

Lane: "It's for his own good."

Lexx: "I'll show you how it's done." *At Lars* "That poem is terrible! I've been more moved by Lynn's farts!"

Lynn: *passes gas* "Aw, thank you."

Lexx: "You smell weird, your hair is wrong, and I would not recommend you to my friends!" [Gives him a glaring look, but Lane gives him a 'reassurance' smile, and Lars writes something else in his book.]

Lars: "Mean little blonde, you throw stones and sticks… But what would you know? You're only six."

Lane: *Proud* "Boo-yah! Great come back! That's my boy. Lars, time to take the show on the road."

[The next day, Lane takes Lars on the Giggling Geezer.]

Lane: "Why couldn't Tammie ride a bicycle? Because Tammie was a goldfish." [The seniors and Lars laugh] "A-thank you. Thank you. Now I present to you our visiting poet, Lars Loud, I know he’ll show you a good rhyme."

[He gives Lars the intercom mic; Lars looks at all the seniors, whom are all looking at him.]

Lars: "The end is near, give up all hope."

[The elderly are horrified]

Lane: "Why don't we try another one," *whispers to Lars* "you gotta know your audience."

[Lars switches to a different poem.]

Lars: "Ode to Nan-Nan."

Nan-Nan: "I like it already!"

Lars: "Warm eyes and anchor tattoo, blends her food, no need to chew, orange suspenders, she's got style, she'll lift your soul with just a smile."

[Nan-Nan sheds a tear, as all the seniors cheer for Lars. During this point, the bus pulls up in front of the Loud House and Lane and Lars get off.]

Lane: "Well Larsy, I'd say you're ready to fly solo now, but if you ever have any questions, you can come to me.

Lars: *smiles* "Thank you Lane, you're the best mentor ever."

Lynn Sr.: *watches through the window and notices Lars’s smile. * "Honey! Lars is smiling, get the camera!"

[The next day, Lane is back on the Giggling Geezer.]

Lane: [Having already made the setup, most likely involving bananas.] "That sounds more appealing."

[Both he and the elders laugh, and Bernie's teeth fly out the window, again.]

Scout: "Driver, pull over, Bernie lost her chompers again."

[The driver stops, and Lane gets out with Bernie.]

Lane: "Gum on, I'll help you find 'em" *sees somebody approaching*

[Lars scooters up to them and stops in front of Lane.]

Lars: *Sweating and breathing with exhaustion.* "Lane, I've been chasing you for six blocks, I have amazing news, my poetry teacher is hosting a poetry festival, and has asked me to be a part of it."

Lane: *Thrilled for Lars* "That is amazing, congrats!"

Lane: "It's going to be, at the Royal Woods Theater."

[Lane is shocked, realizing that all his years of hard work and commitment, were all for nothing, he then cranks a forced smile.]

Lane: "Yeeeee! You don't say."

Lars: "No kid has ever performed on stage there before."

Lane: *Clenching his fists* "You don't say."

Lars: "Is your face okay?"

Lane: *Now cringing* "Yes," *Wraps his arms around Lars neck and face like a boa, and said through clenched teeth. * "it's just so happy for you," *tightening his arms and unclenching his teeth* "it's just so, so, great how you didn't have to struggle too long to make your dreams come true," *tightens his arms even more, and clenching her teeth once agai. .* "so, so, great."

Lars: *Using what was left of his strength to try to get Lane’s arm off his neck.* "I... can't... breathe." [Keeping his fake smile on, Lane lets Lars go, and starts patting his helmet as Lars catches his breath.] "Thank you so much, Lane," [Lane’s eyes start twitching] "if it wasn't for you, I never would have made it to the Royal Woods Theater."

Lane: "Yes, I know."

[Lars scooters away, and Lane’s false smile disappears.]

Bernie: [Pops out of a bush with a pinecone, thinking it's her teeth.] "Found 'em!" [Lane’s distressed look turns to an irritated look as Bernie shoves the pinecone into her mouth, and realizes.] Bernie: "Whoops, not my teeth."

[Back at the house, a very bummed out Lane opens the fridge, sighs, closes the fridge, and Lars pops up behind the door, scaring Lane, and setting off his gag flower.]

Lars: *Trying to get more advice, as Lane wipes his shirt. * "I'm really nervous about my reading tomorrow, do vocal exercises help? I know one called the endless moan." *Moans endlessly, while Lane just glares. *

Lane: *Sarcastically* "Sure, do that, that's great."

[Now in his room, Lane is brushing Grey, when Lars pops up behind him seeking more advice.]

Lars: "Which shade of black do you think is better for the reading? 'Eternal Sadness'? Or 'Vacant Tomb'?"

Lane: "I don't know," *annoyed* "Eternal Tomb."

[Later that evening, Lane is brushing his teeth. After he spits, and sees Lars in the mirror.]

Lars: "I read that making good eye contact with the audience is important." *Lane turns around* "How's this?" [He makes eye contact with Lane. His eyes may be covered, but it’s easier for him to see than it looks.] "Is this better?" [Lane gets angry, and storms off, shoving Lars aside, Lars is oblivious.] "How about this?"

[Lane is watching TV with an annoyed expression on his face, when Lars suddenly appears in front of him.]

Lars: "What if I get stage fright? I mean, I could handle the Giggling Geezer, but this crowd is going to be huge."

Lane: *turns off the TV and snaps at him* "Why are you even asking me, Lars?! You're the genius who got a gig at the Royal Woods Theater, not me! So, why don't you figure it out?!"

[Storms up to his room, just as Linka comes down.]

Linka: "You done with the TV?"

[Lane slams the door.]

Linka: "Whoa."

Lars: "What was that about?"

Linka: "I think I know. There's something that I need to tell you."

[The next day, Lane is putting on his formal attire.]

Lane: *To himself* "Okay, let's just get this over with." *Sighs* "Maybe they'll set us behind someone with big hair so I don't have to watch my brother steal my dreams."

[He walks out of his room, and to his confession sees the rest of his family being their usual chaotic selves, Lexx comes out of the bathroom with his sleep face mask...]

Loni: *Offscreen* "But Loki, I was wearing fuchsia today.

[Lynn is doing upside-down crunches, and Levi comes out of Lars’s room with medical equipment.]

Lane: *To Levi* Hey, what's going on? Why isn't anybody ready for Lars’s reading?"

Levi: "Lars will not be doing said reading."

Lane: "What? Why not?"

Levi: "He claims to be ill, though I just checked his vitals and he seems medically fine. It must all be in his head."

[Lane pokes his head into Lars’s room and sees Lars laying in his bed.]

Lane: "Hey Larsy, Levi said you're too sick to do the reading."

Lars: "Cough, cough, yeah, my throat is killing me, and I think I've got a fever."

Lynn: *having just finished his crunches, mocks at Lars.] "That was weak."

[Lane watches Lynn leave the room, and feels Lars’s forehead.]

Lane: "Hmm, you feel fine to me." *Pauses* "Is there any chance you're faking, just because you're afraid to go on stage?"

Lars: "Umm, *sits up* not exactly."

Lane: "Hmm, well, something's going on," *puts his hand on Lars’s shoulder* "you can tell me."

Lars: "Sigh, okay, Linka told me it was your dream to be the youngest person to ever perform at the Royal Woods Theater," *puts his pillow on face* "I don't wanna take that from you."

Lane: "Really? So you're giving up on this huge opportunity just for me?

Lars: How could I not? After all you've done for me."

Lane: *Feels guilty and realizes what he needs to do. * "Alright!" *Takes the pillow off Lars fac. .* "Get out of bed!"

Lars: "What?"

Lane: *Sits up Lars* "You're doing the festival!" *gets two collared shirts from Lars’s closet and examines them. * "I think we should go with Vacant Tomb."

Lars: "That's actually Eternal Sadness." *gets off his bed* "Lane, I don't understand. What about-?"

Lane: "What kind of a mentor would I be if I allowed you to miss this opportunity? Look, I'm sorry I got jealous before. You've earned this."

Lars: *Runs up to Lane and hugs him, surprising Lane. * "Thanks, Lane."

[Lane returns the hug, just as Lynn Sr. walks by.]

Lynn Sr.: *Makes sure she's seeing it right* "Honey! Lars hugging someone, get the camera!"

[That night at the Royal Woods Theater, Lars’s whole family and the seniors from the Giggling Geezer are watching the festival, Lars’s poetry teacher comes out to introduce the next poet.]

Poetry Teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our next poet, Lars Loud."

[The crowd begins to applause as Lars takes the stage. Lars sees his family and adjusts the microphone.]

Lars: "This poem goes out to the person who got me here, my big brother, Lane." "Dreams burnt to ash, hope tangled like laces, till love swept in, with puns and funny faces. Where my path will lead, the light’s still dim, but if ever I'm lost, I'll look up to him."

[Lane smiles upon this.]

Trivia 


 * I decided to experiment with clothing designs while working on this reenactment.
 * When I saw the original episode, I almost instantly wanted to work on a Genderbent reenactment on it.
 * Tip; Try to support your family members and friends all the way, even if they make you jealous.
 * The original was written by Abi Wurdeman and Phil Wurdeman.
 * Plaese support the official release.