User blog comment:Thomperfan/Selfie Improvement (my version)/@comment-32807753-20180224234946

Hey buddy. Real talk.

I don't really think you had that big of a role in this fanfic sans the epilogue. I think if you tried to give yourself a bigger role that actually impacts the story, I think your self-insert stories could work. Most of the episode is kind of the same with you sort of at the side making some comments here and there. I think you only had like 9-10 lines here (again, sans the epilogue), which is kind of disappointing because I was hoping you would have a bigger role. My advice? Try thinking of clever ways you can make an impact on how the episode goes. Of course you don't have to make it a total game changer, but make it in a way where you actually affect the episode in a way. If the character can be written out of the story completely and nothing story-wise would change, the character feels shoehorned (no offense). Try to avoid doing this.

Another thing I think you should try doing is try to flesh out your OC. Maybe if you tried giving your OC some negative/interesting traits to stand out, your OC can be a lot more interesting. Maybe give your OC more traits (pet peeves, fears, insecurities, etc.) that would help give yourself some character development.

That's all I have to say. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just offering some genuine advice. Hope you understand.