User blog:Epar Lana/The Louds MST The Irate Gamer S1E1

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cJXZUHF_Tw

The camera shows Lincoln and his sisters sitting on the family couch in the living room. Lincoln sat in the dead center with Lily in his lap, Lana and Lola to his right, Lynn and Luan to his left, Luna, Leni, and Lori were behind the couch, and Lisa and Lucy were on the floor, in front of the couch. “Hey guys! I’m Lincoln, and these are my sisters, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa, and Lily!”

“Hi!” said eight of the sisters.

“Greetings, fellow homo sapiens,” said Lisa.

“Hiyahhhhh!” Lily blurted out.

“Today, we decided to take a break from MST’ing those fanfics out of us, and we’re gonna make one out of a user named the CB Network, who calls himself the Irate Gamer. He rages at a bunch of games like the Angry Video Game Nerd. So sit back, relax, and let’s get started!” said Lincoln.

'''A MST3K row of silhouetted seats appeared at the bottom, while Chris Bores, seated in the seat seen farthest left, watched the first Back to the Future movie. “Sweet! Oh this movie rocks!” Bores exclaimed while moving his hands back and forth.'''

“So I see he’s starting off with a MST3K reference,” said Lincoln.

“Which is passable enough, until you realize he was planning on releasing these on DVD, in which case, he would’ve been receiving lawsuits,” said Lisa.

“Also, those hand motions looked like they were repeating,” said Lana.

'''The scene changed, and Bores says, “Uh oh!” After another change, he says, while flailing his arms again, “Sweet! This is cool!” '''

'''The scene then changes to Bores standing outside a theater that doesn’t have any recognizable text outside of “box office.” Bores says, “I just got back from watching Back to the Future, and it is the coolest movie ever. I cannot wait to go home and play the game.”'''

“It was the coolest movie ever,” corrected Lisa.

“What movie theater would play movies from the 80’s?” asked Luan.

“One that cares more about box office sales apparently,” said Lisa.

“I have a better question: why was he the only one watching the movie?” asked Lori.

“Either that, or he’s ruining the movie for everyone else by talking during it!” said Lola, who angrily pointed at the screen.

“And I’m guessing he already knew a game was made for it before seeing the movie?” asked Lynn.

The scene cuts to Bores’ room in his apartment, where he inserts an NES cartridge of the game into the NES and says, “Now it’s time to pop this video game in and play the game.”

“Yes; we needed to be reminded that that was a game by saying the word ‘game’ twice,” said Lisa.

'''The scene cuts to the title screen of the game. Bores says, “Now the first thing you’re gonna see is the Back to the Future logo. That’s the last thing that’s pretty much cool in this game.”'''

“Woah; you shouldn’t jump to conclusions like that, dude,” said Luna.

'''”You first start off in Hill Valley, and your objective of all things is trying to go around trying to collect clocks, which has nothing to do with the basic plot of Back to the Future,” Bores says while beginning to play the game. “But along the way, you’re gonna have all kinds of things to avoid. Way too many.” '''

'''Bores starts listing them off while running into each one on purpose. “There are things like trash cans, hula hoop girls, park benches, pot holes, big bullies, things that look like coffee cups? The f***?”'''

“Oooooh! He said a bad wooord!” Lola exclaims while pointing at the screen.

“So there’s giant coffee cups?” Leni asked, interested.

“No, those are trash cans that are standing up instead of lying down,” said Lori. Leni frowned and said, “Oh.”

'''”And these two guys that walk back and forth carrying a plate of glass which seems to be invisible to the naked eye until you crash into it,” continued Bores. “By the way, what the hell are two delivery men doing out in the middle of the street with an expensive piece of glass anyway? Can we say lawsuit?” He runs into the sheet of glass and plays a sound clip of a guy moaning in pain after breaking glass.'''

“Where’d he get that sound from?” asked Leni.

“I don’t know,” said Lincoln.

'''”Now, if that still wasn’t enough, there are these little annoying bees that follow you everywhere, and at certain points of the game, swarms of them come out and attack you at one time,” said Bores. “Now, I wouldn’t mind this so much, but these were not even in the f*****’ movie!”'''

“Oooooh!” Lola said again while pointing at the screen.

“I’d save your ‘ooh’s,’ Lola; I have a feeling this won’t be the last time he’ll say something colorful,” said Lisa.

'''”But there are so many bees in this game, you’d think Marty stumbled across a bee’s nest or something. I mean, where did all these bees come from?” A cover of the first Back to the Future movie appeared, with four giant bees and the number zero photoshopped onto it. “Back to the Future, Part 0: Marty vs. the Bees? I don’t think so.”'''

“Nice photoshop skills,” Lori said sarcastically.

“I know, right?” Leni said unsarcastically.

'''“Now, when you’re playing this game, you’re gonna see all kinds of crazy shit,” said Bores. “Like, what game designer thought it would be a good idea to place a clock over here?” He zooms in to where a clock is placed just in front of the side of a building. “Does he really expect me to have some sort of disturbing death wish?” As he slams into the building, an impact sound plays, followed by him yelling, “F***!”'''

“Told you,” Lisa told Lola.

The camera shows an angry Bores saying, “And I bet the idiot who designed this game has some sick, perverted pleasure in knowing that people are playing his game, getting pissed off, and he sits back and laughs his a** off!”

“Wait; how do you laugh your butt off?” asked Leni.

“You don’t,” said Lori flatly.

“Oh.”

'''The camera shifted back to the game. “Now the gameplay gets old very quick,” said Bores. “And you have level after level of the exact same thing. Swerve around this, dodge that. In fact, there are very few useful items to use in this game. One of them is your skateboard.” He shows Marty approaching a skateboard. “And when it does appear, it looks more like something that would kill you rather than help you!” '''

'''“Now, even if you do happen to pick the skateboard up, it’s not gonna help you out all that much. All it does is make you go faster, and that becomes a big problem, because there are so many things on the screen at one time, that you’re bound to crash and burn into something!”'''

“But it helps you beat the level faster!” said Lincoln.

“Yeah; seems useful to me, dude,” agreed Luna.

'''”And while we’re at it, why is Marty wearing a black, sleeveless shirt? Shouldn’t this be red?” Bores asks as he zooms in on a still frame of Marty, whose shirt gets digitally altered to red once the aforementioned color is mentioned. '''

The first movie’s poster appears, with Bores saying, “It’s red in all the movie posters.” 

A scene from the first movie appears, with Bores saying, “And it’s red in most of the movie!” 

'''The game re-appears, with Bores saying, “I mean, jeez! Since we’re throwing everything that’s accurate about the movie out the window, why not give Marty a gun?” A gun appears in Marty’s left hand. “It would make more sense for him to have a gun! At least give Marty a sporting chance to at least get through this level!” Marty fires the gun, causing a CGI explosion to engulf a hula dancer. “H*** yeah!” exclaims Bores. He then fires the gun at an upright trash can, or “thing that looks like a coffee cup,” causing the same explosion to appear. “Time to get revenge on this hula hoop b****,” says Bores. He fires the gun, and the same explosion appears a third time. '''

The camera cuts to Bores, who says, “Now that’s what I’m talking about.”

“Lazy special effects failure is what I’m talking about,” said Lisa.

'''The game re-appears. “Now, if you aren’t heart of hearing, the background music should be driving you to the point of insanity,” says Bores, who briefly raises the game’s audio. “Now, it’s not that bad, but for starters, this music was not even in the movie!”'''

“Really? Although it is pretty fast, It sounds a lot like The Power of Love, which was in the movie,” said Luna.

'''”And because it’s looped over and over and over again, it’s gonna drive you absolutely insane!” says Bores. The game then shows him being introduced to a different level. “Now, providing that you survive the streets of Hill Valley, you end up in Lou’s Cafe. It’s nice and refreshing to see a change in scenery after four levels of the exact same stuff.” '''

The camera shows Bores. “Now, this stage may look simple, but it’s gonna drive you f*****’ crazy.” The camera cuts back to the game. “Now, the objective of this level is to try to hit the guys running towards the counter, before they reach you. Now, it starts off nice and slow, and with the board set up the way it is, you have to first line up your shots just perfectly, or they’ll miss the target completely. But here’s the catch: after you manage to nail a few of ‘em, they start coming out faster and faster, and more at a time! It becomes a s*** storm of Biffs!” 

'''The camera cuts back to Chris, who says, “And I dare you to get past this level. No wait, I f*****’ double dog dare you to get past this level, because it’s f****** impossible. I can’t do it. I’ve tried fifty f****** times, and I just can not do it! Without cheating, I don’t know how this is not possible!”'''

“You’ve only tried twice,” said Lucy.

“And you’ve got a double negative at the end of your statement there, Mr. Bores,” added Lisa.

'''The game re-appears. “Now, I managed to hit 19 of these guys, and that is absolutely trying my best at this level,” Bores says as he zooms in on that number, which has a blue circle appear around it.'''

“Does he think we’re blind?” asked Lana, a mix of confusion and concern.

'''”But do you know how many you have to hit before advancing?” asked Bores. “50! I can’t even get half of that, and they want me to hit 50?! Who the f*** was designing this thing?!” '''

Bores shows Super Mario Bros for the SNES and says, “There’s not even 50 stages entered in the game of Super Mario Bros!” He shows the Legend of Zelda for the SNES and says, “There’s not even 50 weapons in the game of Legend of Zelda!” He then shows the title screens of the first six Mega Man games and says, “And there’s not even 50 stage bosses in the games Mega Man 1 through 6 combined!” 

'''He goes back to the game and says, “So why the h*** do you have to hit 50 of them to advance? It’s just utter and complete b*******! And if you don’t hit 50 of ‘em, what do you think would happen? You get to try again, right? Wrong! Instead, they send you back to the beginning of the previous level!” '''

The camera cuts back to Bores, who says, “This game is so bad, it makes every movie Mariah Carey made look like a f*****’ masterpiece.”

“She didn’t make any movies until 2017, and this video was made in 2007!” said Lynn.

“Wonder what he’d think about that movie then?” wondered Lincoln.

'''”This game is so bad, I wish I could just go back in time, and stop it from ever being created! Hey. That’s an idea,” says Bores. He pauses, then adds, “I think I’ll do just that!” before getting up. He starts up his silver 2006 Dodge Stratus with a stock sound effect, adds a scene from the movie where the DeLorean reaches 88 MPH, and Bores’s Stratus explodes via another CGI effect.'''

“Lame,” said Luan.

'''The shot of a building appears, with the sign outside having “LJN Ltd. Offices” photoshopped onto it. We cut to inside, where Bores is dressed in a suit and is wearing a brown wig. He’s fake laughing while saying, “You tell Mr. Sylvester I’ll handle all of the Back to the Future games!”'''

The Louds were unimpressed. Lisa facepalms.

'''”Mr. Caldwell?” says a female voice. '''

Mr. Caldwell, as his name is apparently, gasps and says, “Yes Bernice?” 

Bernice says, complete with a shot of the room’s loudspeaker, “Sorry to disturb you, but there’s a young gentleman here wishing to speak to you.” 

'''“Oh well, go ahead and send him in!” says Mr. Caldwell. '''

'''The real Bores comes in and says, “You’re just the guy I’m looking for.” He points the Nintendo Zapper at Mr. Caldwell. A stock gunshot sound effect plays as a jelly stain appears on a glass window. '''

'''Bores, who looks noticeably translucent, says, “Well, looks like I’ve saved the day!” He breathes a sigh of relief, then notices his translucency himself and asks, “What the hell?” He then adds, “Oh, s***! I altered the timeline! I don’t exist in this timeline! NOOOOOOOO!” His cry fades as he himself fades. '''

'''The scene cuts to Bores playing a different game, where he says, “God, this game s****! Why couldn’t they make a cool game, like Back to the Future. Uh, it was a cool movie! I don’t know how you could f*** something like that up!” He sighs and says, “Stupid games.” Just then, the video ended with a fanfare and a white flash into black.'''

The siblings just sat there in confusion. “Well, more special effects failure,” offered Lisa.

“Bores is born in 1978, it says,” Lincoln shows his sisters his phone screen. “He technically would exist; he’d just be nine years old?”

“Then why isn’t he nine years old?” asked Leni.

“There might be two of them; nine year old him, and the him that disappeared!” said Lana.

“Siblings, siblings, as intriguing as conversations like this tend to be, we must conclude this one, as after all, this is a man who seems to be pretty lazy. We’ve got other things to waste our breath on,” said Lisa.

“Ooh, like who can hold their breath the longest!” said Leni.

“Well, that wasn’t exactly what I was implying, but…” All of the siblings promptly inhaled.

Just then, Lynn Sr. and Rita walk in, the former saying, “Hey kids!” After a pause, “Kids?” He and Rita turn to each other, and Lynn Sr. says, “Honey?”

“I have no idea.”

The two parents shrug, then leave the scene.

THE END