User blog:MrTyeDye/Fanfiction Review: Popcorn Flick

My first review got a pretty positive response, so here's another one!

An explanation of the rubric and grading scale can be found here.

Also, I should point out once again that my review will contain spoilers for the story, so if you've been meaning to read it, do it now before looking at this.

Now that that's out of the way, let's get started!

Popcorn Flick by Weavillain
 Official Synopsis:  A night of bonding between brother and sister turns into a night of panic, horror, and uncertainty. A tradition of fun and games develops into a frantic situation that demands immediate intervention. In the end, it is up to Lynn to save her little brother, Lincoln, from death. Can she rise to the occasion or will death snatch the Loud family's only son away?

Full Synopsis:  Lynn Sr. decides to take the entire family out to eat to celebrate his new promotion. Unfortunately, he makes the reservations on the same night of the TV premiere of Eliminator: Origyns, a movie that Lincoln and Lynn Jr. have been dying to see. The two children manage to convince their father to let them stay home and watch the movie by offering to do all the chores around the house for a week.

The two of them grab a bowl of popcorn, get comfortable on the couch, switch on the TV and enjoy the ride. Or try to enjoy it, anyway. Much to their disappointment, the movie turns out to be garbage, and they turn it off halfway through. Moments later, an offhand comment by Lincoln triggers an intense, tearful heart-to-heart conversation about the events of the infamous No Such Luck, and it's revealed that Lynn still feels awful about what she did. Lincoln, who by now has more than forgiven her, decides to cheer her up by offering to play a game with her. She suggests "popcorn football," a game that has the two players flicking popcorn kernels into each others' mouths, and Lincoln accepts.

It all goes well until one of the kernels gets lodged in Lincoln's windpipe, causing him to choke. Lynn, stymied and horrified by this turn of events, desperately tries to save him. After a failed attempt at the heimlich maneuver, she runs up to her room, grabs her phone and calls 911. The emergency responder sends an ambulance over to the house, and Lynn, with the help of the responder's coaching, successfully uses CPR to keep Lincoln alive until the ambulance arrives. Unfortunately, Lynn accidentally breaks a couple of his ribs in the process (which is a common hazard of CPR, even when it's performed properly).

Lynn, wracked with guilt, feels responsible for hospitalizing Lincoln, even after the doctor tells her that he could have suffered severe brain damage or even died if not for her CPR. This, combined with her lingering guilt from NSL, convinces Lynn that she's a failure of a big sister to Lincoln, and that the best thing she can do for him is stay away from him.

Lincoln comes back from the hospital, and his family is elated to see him again… except for Lynn. After a few days of being given the cold shoulder by his sporty big sister, Lincoln confronts her in her room and demands an explanation. Lynn confesses that she feels like a borderline monster after what happened, breaking Lincoln’s heart. He reassures her that nobody’s perfect (adding that he’s not exactly a saint himself), and that despite her imperfections he’ll always love her no matter what. The two tearfully embrace, The End.

So that's the story in a nutshell. Let's break it down!

Story: Like Luan's Problem, I can't call this the most original fic out there, premise-wise. I have to admit I rolled my eyes a bit when I saw the synopsis. I guess I'm just a little too used to seeing fics that put Lincoln in the hospital or bringing him to death's door. The fanbase seems to love doing that. Case in point... *deep breath*

Requiem for a Loud, Syngenesophobia, Unwavering Bonds, One Step Too Far, 124 Decibels, Sour Spot (yes, I've done this too), Don't Leave, Luan's Problem, Pranking Pariah, Losing Him, and at least a couple other fics in which the fact that Lincoln ends up in the hospital is technically a spoiler.

Point is, on a base level, this isn't really anything I haven't seen before. But for what it is, it’s well written and effectively paced. Weavillain has the fic start out in casual - even mundane - territory, and then carefully introduces Lynn’s guilt into the story before throwing her that big curveball. Dude knows what he’s doing.

I also think that the final chapter was written at just the right length. Lynn’s treatment had to go on for at least a little while before Lincoln could get believably fed up, but Weavillain doesn’t let them do too much moping around before arriving at the resolution.

Finally, I admire Weavillain's restraint in his attempts to avert the whole "St. Lincoln" fanfic cliche. In Chapter 2, Lincoln acknowledges the fact that he kind of brought the events of NSL on himself, and in Chapter 4 he brings up his selfish actions in Making the Case, Out on a Limo and Picture Perfect, but both of those moments are quite brief and the majority of the focus is on Lynn's guilt. Given the fact that the deification of fanon Lincoln is a major pet peeve of the author, I have to give him props for addressing the issue in a way that doesn't smack the reader over the head.

4.5/5

Prose: If there's any reason to check out this fic (and I mean that in a purely rhetorical sense, because there are plenty of reasons to check out this fic), it's the prose. The prose is absolutely phenomenal, particularly during the third chapter, which covers Lynn's desperate bid to save Lincoln's life. Every moment of that traumatic experience is described in vivid, excruciating detail.

And if you don't believe me or you think I'm exaggerating, this is how Chapter 3 begins:

Both brother and sister were of one accord in body and mind.

Body; limbs were seized and frozen from the gravity of the moment, allowing only chattering compulsions as they felt the breath of the reaper chill the air and turn their blood into arctic water.

''Mind; synapses were fiery hot, chugging molten panic through their bodies as dread and helplessness crushed their lungs under each passing second. The sensation didn't ebb the chill of anxiety bred from a sheer feeling of weakness.''

''There was one stark difference, however; at least Lynn was capable of breath. She was just rendered to small, spastic puffs as her eyes singed from the fresh tears that refused to cease. How could they do otherwise when they were gazing upon the dying…choking...paling…oh God, Lincoln was dying.''

''Lincoln. Her brother. Dying.''

I rest my case. Weavillain is truly gifted when it comes to setting a scene, and this is quite possibly his strongest demonstration of that gift. I wish I had this level of talent.

5/5 

Mechanics: Aside from the errant typo here and there, no complaints. 4.5/5

Adherence to Canon: This, admittedly, is a little  on the iffy side for me. On one hand, I have no complaints with the way Lincoln is written; he sounds very in-character and Weavillain has his voice down pat.

My problem is with Lynn. I don’t really buy her being that remorseful about the events of NSL, at least not before the whole popcorn incident. At the end of that episode she gave one brief apology to Lincoln, and that was just because she was wrong about him being a jinx. I could see her being somewhat guilty about it, but in Chapter 2 she was practically flagellating herself, and that’s not something we’ve ever really seen from her on the show.

But that’s a pretty minor complaint, and I respect the author’s effort to make Lynn more sympathetic. 5/5 

Immersion:

Another perfect score from me. This fic never stopped keeping me engaged and emotionally invested. And I’m not just talking about the excruciatingly tense near-death experience in Chapter 3 and the feels-heavy reconciliation in Chapter 4, because the beginning of the fic has some pretty funny and cute bonding moments between Lincoln and Lynn (mixed in with some intentionally unsubtle jabs at Terminator: Genisys). I especially liked the part where Lynn offers to share her blanket with Lincoln, who immediately catches on to the fact that she's plotting to Dutch oven him. The way she feigns offense at his accusation is just adorable. And speaking of adorable, I was pretty tickled by Lola’s brief role in Chapter 4 as an overbearing nurse.

So… yeah. Gripping from start to finish. 5/5

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Story: 4.5/5

Prose: 5/5

Mechanics: 4.5/5

Adherence to Canon: 4/5

Immersion: 5/5

FINAL SCORE: 23/25

So... what'd you think? Was I fair? Did you agree? What do you want to see me review next?