User blog comment:FirstDrellSpectre/Fanfiction - Coach Lynn/@comment-24669562-20160709194931

Very nice story, better than what I could have come up with!

Lynn sure was determined to make a better football player out of Lincoln although he didn't want it but he forced it on her! Thankfully Luna intervened and did encourage Lincoln a bit.

Brittney though was very mean and selfish, all because of her jealousy, am I right? She was rude to Lynn and to Lincoln. And despite what Lynn did for her brother, Brittney was still mean to her, not to mention unappreciative, she thought only about herself, as did Lynn admittedly.

On the one hand, Lynn wasted Lincoln's time, although admittedly Lincoln needed other passions than comics and video games, but that sounds like me. I need (but admittedly don't want right now) other passions than railroad crossings and trains, well there's cartoons, power lines, also my faith but we won't get into that on this site.) But I have some empathy for Lincoln.

On the other hand, he became a better football player although for the wrong reasons but he's still better. I think a lot or all of us fall victim to being better people for the wrong reasons: because others want us to be more so than us wanting it for ourselves. Advice, somethings are important to do and some things you have to do, there's no way around it, but don't just do it to be pleasing, do it because it's the right thing to do and do it for yourself and from the heart, not just for other people. I mean be considerate, but don't let others rule you. Am I right?

Now the criticism/ nitpickiness. There were some  spelling and other keying  errors in this story, like the word "sarted"

"- I saw your  football match, it was... - Lynn sarted with angry glare but didn't finish as her brother started talking"  did you mean "started" You were probably typing fast so I understand.

(I'll only cover SOME of the errors, not all of them)

Another example is one of the things Lincoln said during the first 4th-wall-break,

" Lynn is wants to be the best in every sport... "

Did you mean, "Lynn wants to be the best in every sport..." or "Lynn is wanting to be the best in every sport..."? Just something to consider.

I'm not sure about the word "deman." What did you mean by that one, it sounds like a new word to me, or were you trying to say "demean" or "demand?" or what? Just curious.

This is just my opinion but this story would have been better without the H word. But it's your story, not mine, and again, that's just my opinion

Okay no more kibitzing, I wasn't put on earth to be a corrector or busybody. Hope you're not mad or hurt, I'm sorry if I made you that way.

This story should go on Fanfiction.net All we need, if we don't have one yet, is a The Loud House category. If they don't have one, one can be requested, but they won't put up categories unless there's at least one fanfic for the cartoon (I requested three categories in order to put up fanfiction and I wrote up the fanfics for the cartoons in order for them to put them up. They don't like empty categories.)

All right the first Loud House Fanfic ever read by me! Now I have to come up with some fanfics myself.