User blog:American Titan/AT's Famous Fanficks 10: "Straight To Video"

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU…

21st Century Hound Productions

The Weinersteiner Company presents…

“IN A WORLD, DESOLATE AND DECIMATED AFTER A WORLDWIDE THREAT…”

A bomb is seen dropped onto a big city and it explodes, destroying the entire city.

“ONE MAN WILL RISE ABOVE ALL OF THE RUBBLE…”

A pile of bricks is shown, with the bricks being from a destroyed city building from the bomb. A hand is slowly seen, coming out from under the bricks.

“...AND HE'S READY TO FIGHT BACK.”

The hand suddenly grips one of the bricks in the pile and crushes it. The mysterious, strong man emerges out of the brick pile, revealing himself as Ace Savvy, who was unaffected by the explosion and isn’t hurt in any way, not even a scratch.

“WITH ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE ACTION COMICS SUPERHEROES RETURNING TO THE BIG SCREEN. ONE EYED JACK…”

One Eyed Jack meets up with Ace Savvy near an old bar, now in ruins in the city.

Jack: “Savvy! You’re back in action?”

Savvy: “And better than ever.”

Jack: “Wouldn’t mind helping an old accomplice out for one last fight?”

Savvy: “I’ve been waiting to hear those words all day, compadre. Now let’s kick some!”

“...FEMME FATALE…”

Fatale: “They’ve escaped the containment area! Guards, after them!”

“...SLIMEY…”

Slimey, Ace Savvy’s pet, is reunited with his old master for the first time after the terrorist attack. He jumps up onto his master’s leg.

Savvy: “Slimey! Oh, good boy, good boy.”

Ace Savvy is so moved by how Slimey has survived the bomb that for one of the first times ever depicted, he sheds a single tear.

“Woah! Usually they never show him crying! That breaks his uber-serious character and motivations!” Lincoln commented at the TV.

He was watching a movie trailer on the Action Channel during a commercial break. It was advertising the new, upcoming Ace Savvy animated movie, the first one ever since the 1970’s! It’s safe to say that the 1970’s movie didn’t hold up well over the years, so Lincoln was excited that they were finally making a new one. And it looked so cool, too!

“ACE SAVVY FIGHTS OFF ALL OF THE BOMBING BADDIES, IN HIS NEW MOVIE, CALLED-”

BZZZZZZZZZZZRT, went the TV.

Lola picked up the TV remote and changed it to something else.

“I hate this channel.” Lola said.

“NO, NOOOOOO!!” Lincoln gasped.

The TV blasted on full volume, “MY LITTLE PEGASUS, I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE, MY LITTLE PEGASUS, BLAH BLAH BLAH ADULT JOKES THAT LITTLE KIDS WONT UNDERSTAND, MY LITTLE PEGASUS…”

“Squeeeeeeeeeee! My Little Pegasus is starting! Hooray for me!” Lola cheered.

“WHAT’S THE MOVIE CALLED, WHAT’S THE MOVIE CALLED?!?” Lincoln shouted at the TV.

Lola started singing along loudly to the annoying theme song to shut Lincoln up with his whining.

“MY LITTLE PEGASUS, WHY CAN’T WE ALL BE BEST FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS?” Lola scream-sang at the top of her lungs.

“Hey, shut up and eat my pants!” Lincoln said.

Lincoln swiped the remote out of her hands and turned it back to the ultra-manly movie trailer playing on the Action Channel.

“Ew! Gross boy movies! Watching this garbage can give girls like me cooties!” Lola complained.

“Shush, shush!” Lincoln winced at her.

“Hmph!” Lola crossed her arms impatiently.

ACE SAVVY IN...THE ANIMATED APOCALYPSE. IN REAL D 3D AND IMAX. NOW PLAYING IN THEATERS.”

“Wow! This new movie sounds GREAT! Especially for a date with my ever-so-caring and Ace Savvy-loving girlfriend, Brittany!” Lincoln jumped for joy in front of the TV screen.

“No one will date such a rude boy like you, Lincoln! Now move outta the way of MY Pegasus show, or I’ll tell Mom and Dad that you looked in their private magazine collection again!” Lola explained to him, still angry about how he interrupted her cartoons.

“Whaaaa! How did you find out about THAT?!?” Lincoln said surprised.

“I have my secrets.” Lola smiled devilishly to herself.

“Dang, I can never trust Lori and Leni with keeping anything a secret.” Lincoln whispered to the audience.

“Let’s go, big boy! Hustle, hustle, move it, move it!” Lola shouted to Lincoln. He was still blocking the TV with his body.

Lincoln bolted away from the TV so that Lola wouldn’t snitch on him.

Well, that pega...whatever show looked quite important to Lola. It must be well written stuff. Let’s listen in to it before we jump to the next scene.

“Why, Butterbeer, I would LOVE to have a pinkalicious tea party with you and all of my everypony friends! Tee hee! Now, let’s bake some tye dye cupcakes to share at the party! Yaaaaaaaaaay!”

OKAY, NEXT SCENE, NOW...

“Thanks for taking me to the new Ace Savvy movie, Lincoln,” Brittany said. “I don’t get out of the house much, with how school is giving me loads of homework these days.

“Yeah might as well treat my lady to something like Ace Savvy,” Lincoln said happily.

Brittany kissed Lincoln on the cheek as they walked to the movie theater together.

“Don’t worry about the tickets. With my humongous funds, I’ve got plenty of money to cover-” Lincoln said.

“I’ve got $14 for a movie ticket.” Brittany said with a smirk.

“Imeanuh funds, who said something about funds? That $14 will do us nicely, right.” Lincoln’s face turned red, embarrassed. Brittany rolled her eyes.

“I hope you don’t reveal your underwear,” Brittany said.

“And why would such a stud like myself do such an act?” Lincoln asked in a cool sounding macho voice.

“You don’t have a belt on. I can see the elastic band of your underwear from here.” Brittany giggled.

“Yipe!” Lincoln squealed.

ONE WALK BACK TO THE HOUSE SO LINCOLN COULD GET A BELT ON LATER...

“So were those boxers or briefs you were wearing?” Brittany asked.

“Whichever you want to believe they were.” Lincoln replied.

He blew a bubble out of the mint bubblegum that he was chewing on. He needed something to freshen his breath after the journey for a belt.

FLASHBACK!! FIDDELY, DIDDLEDY, WIDDLEDY...

Lincoln and Brittany needed to pass through the living room where the TV was to get to the belt in Linc’s bedroom, and Lola was still watching her show while they passed by the living room. Lincoln took one look at the rainbow pegasus garbage she was watching and vomited on the floor. Brittany was in hysterics about the entire thing. Lola was so disgusted by the smell of it that she turned off the TV and ran back into her bedroom.

END FLASHBACK

“I believe that you’re wearing briefs.” Brittany remarked.

“And why is that?” Lincoln questioned. He blew another bubble.

“Because briefs are funnier!” she replied. She giggled again.

“Oh yeah? Well I guess you can’t tell what color they are now with this high tech belt on.” Lincoln said in his cool voice again.

Brittany, without even trying, pantsed Lincoln in the middle of the public sidewalk, where some people were driving by and some people were outdoors. Lincoln’s jaw dropped and the gum he was chewing on fell out of his mouth onto a neighbor’s lawn.

“Green gum, like the barf you did in the house!!!” Brittany was laughing herself into tears.

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t wear briefs,” Lincoln said. “The doctor say they were ruining my thing.”

Lincoln pulled his pants back up and readjusted the belt tiiiiiiiight around his waist.

“So, Melvin The Superhero Guy?” Brittany giggled.

“Da, dada daaaaaaa!” Lincoln said monotonously. He was still embarrassed about Brittany being able to pants him, but he was having fun entertaining her.

While Lincoln wasn’t looking like the coolest kid ever, he was impressing Brittany with each step they took towards the theater. And making her happy was all that really mattered.

“Lincoln eats honey, he has a plush bunny, and Lincoln wears boxer shorts that are funny!” Brittany sang.

They arrived at the theater after a walking a few more blocks. It said on the sign “NOW SHOWING: ACE SAVVY ANIMATED APOCALYPSE, TICKETS $14 EACH”.

After purchasing their tickets, they sat down in the theater just as the movie was starting. The 21st Century Hound logo appeared in all of its glory. But the movie didn’t start up just yet. The movie opened on a snowy field, and it didn’t take place in a city. It looked more like a snowy forest.

“This is the Ace Savvy movie?” Lincoln whispered to Brittany.

“Must be a cold opening.” Brittany whispered with a smirk.

“Ha ha ha. That’s hilarious.” Lincoln whispered sarcastically.

“I’m the joke master blaster!” Brittany whispered excitedly.

“Luan would be so proud.” Lincoln whispered back.

“Shh! The movie’s starting!” Brittany quietly said.

“SHH! THE MOVIE’S STARTING!” the entire movie audience shouted out loud to Brittany.

“What a Catch 22 this is.” Brittany mumbled to herself.

“Hey, boys and girls! It’s ‘Mary The Sheep’s Fluffy Adventure’!,” the movie narrator said in a wacky, voice.

“HUH?!?!?” the entire movie theater shouted.

“Did we walk into the wrong theater?” Lincoln asked Brittany.

“I didn’t see this on the movie schedule at the ticket booth.” Brittany wondered.

“AHH, HA, HA, HA! Hello, all you moviegoers! What is the up, dawgs!” an old man in the front row told everyone. He quieted the theater down. People in the audience were still confused.

“Hi! My name is Greedy Movie ExecutiveProducer!” the old man told everyone.

Lincoln raised his hand with a question.

“Yes, the diseased albino haired boy in the back!”

“So your family last name was ‘ExecutiveProducer’, and your mom named you…‘Greedy’?” Lincoln asked.

“Ahh, hah, hah! Yes! Yes, she did! Now, let’s ignore that question because I hate discussing that part. Ahh, hah, hah!” Greedy told the audience.

Lincoln was weirded out beyond belief.

“I am the artistic producer and creator of this short film, ‘Mary The Sheep’s Fluffy Adventure’!”

Someone in the audience shouted, “But this short film doesn’t look like it was artistically creative at all!” The audience member pointed to the Mary The Sheep character, who looked like she came straight out of an Illumination movie.

“Ahh, ha, ha! Well, as the big head of 21st Century Hound, we have decided to give our audience’s a little bang for their buck, you see. Now, instead of watching JUST the feature film, you get to watch this completely harmless, safe for work, advertiser friendly masterpiece of a short film, too!”

“Baaaaaaah, it sure is c-c-cold out here! Do you all wanna sing a song to warm this barnyard farm up, children?” Mary The Sheep calmly said in a patronizing voice on the screen. The short film was playing in the background still.

“But we don’t want this garbage! We just came to see the action film NOW!” a mother in the audience said.

“This poorly made PBS Kids-esque plot is most unworthy of our paying dollars, my good man.” Eddy told him. Eddy, Reddy, and Teddy were three of the audience members who had paid good money to see some ultra awesome fighting superheroes, and not this on-model cartoon trash.

“Ahh, ha, ha, haHAAAAAA! Silly children! Short cartoons have been going on since the 1920’s in movie theaters!” Greedy enforced his rule over the poor audience.

“But at least all of the old cartoons were timeless! Timeless is something you always want to go back to and rewatch. This looks dated ALREADY, and that’s something you NEVER want to rewatch.” Brittany made a point to the Hollywood producer.

She pointed at the movie screen which now showed Mary The Sheep trying to cross a river, but there was no bridge nearby.

“Oh no! How will I ever make it across the bridge into town NOOOOOOOW?” Mary The Sheep told the audience. “I know! I’ll call an Uber cab over!” She pulled out an Iphone from underneath her fur and opened up the Uber app to hitch a ride over.

“$150 for a drive over the river! What cheap prices! And on this great, free app too! Download today, kids! WITH PARENTS PERMISSION SEE RULES AND DETAILS RESULTS MAY VARY THIS PRODUCT HAS BEEN KNOWN TO CAUSE SEVERAL TYPES OF CANCER VIA SKIN RADIATION PERMITTED BY LAW” Mary told the audience.

“Booooooooooooooooooo!!!” The audience was throwing their popcorn at the screen and at Greedy.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH, HA, HA, HA. Welp, I’m gonna let you guys enjoy my wonderful cartoon! Bye, folks! Word outta here!” Greedy ran out of the theater.

“And GOOD RIDDANCE!” Lincoln shouted as he ran out of the theater. The audience cheered.

“He probably ran away because he was being pelted with popcorn.” Brittany whispered to Lincoln.

“He probably ran away so he wouldn’t have to watch this terrible short film.” Lincoln whispered back.

Now usually, the short films that are presented before movies tend to be around 6 to 8 minutes long. The audience doesn’t know this just yet, but this short film was originally supposed to be broadcast on Disney Junior, but even they thought it was too cringey, so they never aired it. Greedy ExecutiveProducer got his hands on it and lazily tacked this unnecessary abomination onto the Ace Savvy movie. As a result, this “short” turned out to be 22 minutes in length, but the audience doesn’t know about that yet. Let’s see if they start to realize what’s going on.

After a few minutes of the short showing how Mary drove to her destination with a smoking New Yorker driver, which was very boring, Mary the Sheep knocked on someone’s door in town. The resident answered her knock. It was an old lady voiced by Tara Strong, likely in an effort to save money on the voice acting (by not paying them as much as Hollywood actors).

“Ahh, whaddya want, ya fluffy hippie?” the old woman hissed.

“I’m looking for a good home to stay in to find Christmas traditions, which I love so much! SQUEEEEEEEEE!” Mary said to her.

The movie audience gagged their throats listening to this puffy, “cute” waste of time.

“This is as bad as those cartoons Lola watches on the TV all the time,” Lincoln complain.

Brittany was cheering on, “Turn the lamb down, turn the lamb down!”

The old lady on the screen shouted “BUZZ OFF, YA FLUFFNUGGET!” and slammed the door in Mary’s face. Mary could be seen with tears in her eyes. She started to cry on-screen.

The entire audience was acting like they were in a football stadium, and the home team scored for them.

“WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOO!”

Brittany shouted, “Score one for the boys back in the movie seats!”

Until, the door reopen to reveal the old lady again. “Maybe I was too harsh on you sonny. After all, you’re just looking for the truth to Christmas, the holiday we all hold so near and dear to our hearts! Please come in and warm your tuckus up.”

“Hey! I’m Jewish! What the hell’s a Christmas?” an audience member shouted at the screen.

“Did I mention that this sucks?” Lincoln whispered to Brittany. She nodded in agreement.

“I’d rather be stuck folding the underwear in the laundry basket than watching this garbage,” Brittany said to Lincoln. “And I mean my whole family’s laundry.”

SIX MINUTES LATER…

The short was still going.

Santa Claus had arrived on screen beside Mary, after she wished upon a star for him.

“Ho, ho, ho! Yes, Mary, it’s me! The Santa Claus fresh out of that Coca Cola commercial!”

“Woah! It really is you, Santa! Good thing my purple talking backpack could help locate you so quickly.” Mary said excitedly.

The camera then cut to the purple backpack for a quite abrupt scene.

“BACKPACK, BACKPACK.” the backpack barbarically shouted.

Mary and Santa laughed at the poor living piece of school wear.

“I need something to give me a reaction, I’ve lost all emotions.” Lincoln said. “Brittany, do something, ANYTHING.”

“I can’t! This film is sucking away my SOUL!” Brittany replied.

“Now, Mary, to find what you seek, you must first cheer up the only naughty kid on my naughty list this year! Ho, ho!”

“And who would that be, Santa?”

“Why it’s old Jimmy, of course! The kid who never goes out to the movies or asks his parents to buy our new Mary The Lamb figurine sets!”

“Excuse me, fine lady,” Reddy said.

Lincoln and Brittany groaned.

Eddy, Reddy, and Teddy were sitting right behind the two of them. The laughingstocks of Royal Woods. This should be pretty interesting.

“What do you want?” Brittany asked in annoyance.

“My sweet, for you, I would purchase ALL the figurine sets towards making you mine. Or perhaps, after our timed marriage, you could purchase all said toys for me. Mmm…”

Teddy intervened, “But, Red, don’t you have enough toys that you stick up your-”

“Let the man speak, fool! He’s in the process of wooing here!” Eddy interrupted.

Brittany was about ready to do something that normally required Lynn’s massive strength to pull off.

“Hopefully, these female substances cannot simply resist the sheer power of corporate made, stuffed animal objects. Similar to how I cannot resist the allure of the female hot cross buns. MMMMMM…” Reddy explained.

“That’s the last straw!” Brittany shouted.

She pulled her back and kicked all three boys through the theater roof so hard, that a twinkle in the sky appeared along with the shoes staying behind.

“Oh sweet, free shoes.” Lincoln said, stuffing all three pairs into his empty popcorn bucket to take home.

EIGHT MINUTES LATER…

The short was still going.

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, will you?” Lincoln yelled at me. The entire audience looked up at the ceiling.

Enjoy your movie, ya poor souls!

“Can I give Lincoln a wedgie, Mr. Ceiling Man?” Brittany asked.

I don’t see why not.

Brittany tugged on his boxers, giving Lincoln severe discomfort.

“GAAAAAAAH! Yeesh!” Lincoln screeched in pain.

That should do as a punishment to you.

“Now, Janice, or whatever your name was from earlier, after all we’ve done to show you what Christmas really means, do you want to change for the better?” Mary asked the little boy on-screen, James.

“NO!!!” James shouted at her. Mary was shocked.

“Don’t make this go on for any longer! Whyeeeeeeeeeee!!” Brittany shrieked.

“At least you’re underwear isn’t in discomfort.” Lincoln complained.

“But do make those poses where you bend over your seat for movie candy longer. I think my stem is arising whenever I see your ‘bottom’ from that skirt, madame Brit.” Eddy said with a smirk

Eddy was still smashed inside of the theater’s ceiling somehow, looking down at Brittany’s body...for research, of course! He got stuck in between the ceiling and the roof, and never went flying into the sky from Brittany’s initial punch, unlike his other two friends.

“Lincoln, give me your pants and belt!” Brittany shouted.

“Oh wait, no NO NO…” Eddy shouted.

Brittany launched herself up to the theatre ceiling, and whipped Eddy’s butt with Lincoln’s belt.

“YEEEEEE-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!” Eddy shouted, and rocketed up into orbit. Now he was launched up into the sky.

On the ground, Lincoln covered up his naked bottom region while blushing red, because she stole his pants and belt.

“I thought I was wearing underwear.” Lincoln asked. “I never go without it.”

When Brittany fell back down towards the ground of the theater, now with there being a gaping hole in the ceiling, she handed Lincoln’s pants and belt back to him.

“Erm, pretend that these are your long, blue undies.” she said to him, handing them back.

“Why?” Lincoln asked.

Brittany looked down at his groin region for one last time.

“Don’t ask.” she said while blushing.

As hard to believe as this is, the short before the actual movie was STILL in its 22 minute run time. In fact, the guy in the projector booth had to pause it right where it was because the audience’s attention was on Brittany kicking Eddy’s butt. Back to the show, now that everyone was calmed down.

“But why not, Jim?” Mary asked the boy.

“Because throughout this whole ordeal, I never got one present! Hmph!” the boy said.

“But John, that’s not the true meaning of Christma-” Mary got interrupted.

“Here, just give the brat a toy.” Santa was sick of all of his whining throughout the short film. He pulled out a Mary The Lamb plushie out from his magical present bag.

“A MARY PLUSH! YES! It’s what I always wanted!” the boy screamed. Despite him looking quite masculine, he gave a forced hug to the doll. The camera zoomed in on the quite expensive price tag on the plushie.

“Now THAT’S the true meaning of Christmas!” Mary joined in.

The three characters laughed and laughed until the end credits played.

“Thanks the Lord, the son, and the holy ghost that’s finished with!” Lincoln wheezed. “Wait, is something flying out from the ceiling?”

It was a pair of off white tighty whities that landed right on Brittany’s face.

She could feel a clear, slimy liquid on the tip of her nose. It felt freshly made.

“EWWW! Nerd germs!!!” Brittany squealed.

“Wait, were those from that kid you spanked to space?” Lincoln asked.

Brittany’s face turned pale.

“And you don’t usually act all girly! You’re supposed to be Miss Macho, remember?” Lincoln asked with a grin.

“Yeah, well ‘macho’ this!” Brittany threw the undies at Lincoln so that the splotch of clear slime landed and touched his tongue.

“BLECK! ACK! YICK! Gross nerd germs!!!” Lincoln yelled.

Brittany laughed out loud. It was the first time she laughed in this movie screening, and it wasn’t even at the movie itself.

“Wait how did the underwear come off without the pants?” Lincoln asked.

Before Brittany could answer, Greedy came back into the movie audience, now with a high-tech metal suit on to protect him from any incoming weapons.

“AHHHHH, HA, HAHA. So how was the short, peeps, up in this crib?”

The entire audience gave him a dirty look.

“It was terrible,” Brittany shouted.

“It was product placement-filled!”

“It wasn’t even SHORT!”

“Well, I have something to give you as thanks for this film!”

An audience member threw a rotten sandwich at Greedy.

“AHHHHHH, DON'T STAIN THE SUIT NOW! IT RUSTS EASILY, YOU LOVABLE COWBAG!” Greedy boomed with his loud voice.

Greedy wiped the sandwich juice off of his suit. His arms moved like a robot as he fake smiled to audience while cleaning the mess up.

“Well, now that that’s done folks, you can watch your stupid Ace Savvy movie and SHADDAP! AHHHHH, HA, HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!” Greedy yelled at the crowd.

Lincoln threw the underwear at Greedy as his revenge.

Greedy broke out of character for the first time in years of being a businessman, and yelled, “AHHHHHHHHH! Ew, gross nerd germs on my suit!!!” and he ran out of the theater once again.

“I knew my Spongebob underwear tricks would help one day.” Brittany said.

But no time for chit chat now. The anticipated movie was starting. Everyone was at the edge of their seats waiting for it to start. Some people in the audience who were too on the edge of their seats actually fell off from the seats, but despite some minor injuries, they peeked their head up from the ground to watch the movie.

“Oh, boy! The moment I’ve been waiting for!” Lincoln thought to himself with glee.

The movie narrator announced, “Long ago, in a land without order…”

The audience went ballistic in cheering as the movie panned over a destroyed city in beautiful hand drawn animation, from the 1970’s TV special.

This was back when computers could not be utilized the way they are today, so instead, animation studios were forced to animate using hand-drawn animation, paints, and cels, all that fancy stuff. The old footage looked just as good today as it did 40 years ago.

“...a hero emerged for out fair city.”

“And his name...was Ace.”

A CGI hand emerged from the rubble, revealing the superhero Ace Savvy and the title of the movie. But as the title played, something seemed...off.

The trailer looked so much better visually, maybe because it used so much footage of the characters being hand-drawn, like the city was in the beginning. What happened?

“The man in the ceiling here has a point, Brit. What happened?” Lincoln asked Brittany. She shrugged her shoulders.

The opening credits for all the actors and such flew by the audience in a motion that would signify that these would be special effects in a 3d viewing of the movie. But this wasn’t a 3d viewing of it. It was a cheaper 2d screening, to save Lincoln and Brittany some money when they purchased tickets for it. The movie acted as though it was catering to a 3d movie audience, which kinda felt insulting, knowing that everyone there saved their money for a 2d experience and was getting less than those willing to spend a few more bucks for those 3d glasses.

After the opening credits passed, we get a glimpse of a suburban neighborhood, the one where Ace Savvy grew up when he was just a little boy. The houses all seemed too realistic and not really cartoony like the comics were. When we first see the Ace Savvy as a kid and his adopted parents, it finally hits the audience.

The whole movie will be in CGI.

“Oh god.” Lincoln sighed.

“Whaaaaaa?” Brittany said in disbelief.

Now in the modern age when computers have advanced, animators have found ways to animate cartoons through them, as early as Pixar’s Andre & Wally B, and Dire Strait’s primitive Money For Nothing music video. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that all of this computer animation can hold up as well as the hand-drawn animation of old. And the animation studio here cut several corners when working on this unfortunate movie…

A knock on the door was heard, introducing Ace Savvy’s first childhood villain into the mix, Taxman Maxman. His goal was to replace all of the TV receptors in the neighborhood into ones that purely hypnotized the entire community into worshiping Maxman as a god-like figure. Ace Savvy in the comics stopped this plan quite quickly, but let’s see how the movie deals with this dilemma here.

“Hello, my good man. Who are you?” Ace’s adopted dad opens the door.

A wacky man with shot out black & white hair and a polka dot t-shirt stands at the door. He’s Taxman Maxman, and he seems to be a walking seizure of a man who is animated horribly in his computer form.

“WHY, MY PA-PA-PRODUCTS CAN SERVE EVVVVVVVRYONEEE JUST NIIIIIIIICELY, YEEEEES.” Maxman states.

He walks into the house, scaring Ace and his adopted mom.

“We don’t need you or your services. Please leave our house, now.” the father tells him.

“YOU WONT KNOW HOW TO LIIIIIIIIIIVE, WITHOUT MY PRECIOUZ PRODUCT SALES-SA-SA-SA-SA!”, Maxman shouted at them.

The little kids in the audience were laughing their heads off, while everyone else was confused.

“Come on, Max, you’re better than this!” an audience member yelled at the screen.

In the comics, he was quite an intimidating villain, manipulating all of the residents so well into installing his special television program. But here…

“MY, MY, A LOVELY TV WE’VE GOT HERE. BUT THE CHANNELZ HAVE GA TA GO, MISTA LEONAAAAAAAAAAD.” Maxman told the father.

Just then, Max takes a loud and wet fart on-screen.

The little kids in the audience are howling in laughter.

“MY DEAREST MISTAKE, MY TUMMY TUM TUMZ GET UPSET-TATA, WHEN SALES ARE DOWN, YESSSSSS.” Maxman explained.

Maxman then walks into the house’s kitchen and flings an unopened bag of potato chips off of the shelf onto the ground.

“What are you doing with our food, sir?” the dad asks.

“OH HOHOHOHOHOOOOOOO, SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, LEONAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.” Maxman stated.

He then smashes the bag of chips on the ground with his foot.

“My! That was a perfectly good bag of chips! Never opened.” the mother adds.

“NO ONE IS PERFECTLY GOOD, WITHOUT THE SECURITITTIES, OF TV BRAND EXXXXXXXXXXXX.” Maxman adds.

The parents kneel down on the ground to mourn their wasted bag of potato chips.

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?” Lincoln is stunned at what he’s seeing.

“And what does selling TV channels have to do with potato chips?” Brittany chimed in.

The next scene didn’t fare much better, either.

After defeating Maxman, it showed how Ace grew up to become the superhero who he was perhaps best known as...after quite and interesting transformation sequence, depicting Ace as a teenager, mid-superhero.

Lincoln had never seen Ace as a teenager. These epic tales of his life as a masked marauder have never been told before!

“These epic tales of Ace’s life as a masked marauder have never been told before, Brittany! Isn’t this great?” Lincoln whispered over to Brittany.

Brittany was stunned, her eyes glued to the screen, as she stared in horror.

“...something wrong, girl?” Lincoln pondered to her.

Lincoln looked up at the screen to view quite a grotesque scene of teen Ace explicitly locking himself in the house bathroom, fondling himself to a specific Playboy centerfold.

“Oh, yes, Rita. You ARE my bae...Mmm…” Ace Savvy delightfully cooed to the dirty mag.

“Oh god, not this again!,” Lincoln screamed in horror. “Where’s Ace’s underwear in this scene?!?!?”

“On top of that, that centerfold looks strikingly similar to a younger version of your mom.” Brittany added.

Lincoln blushed and told her, “Don’t remind me.”

“You need to tell me that story one day,” Brittany said.

Lincoln whistled to himself, making sure not to disturb the other moviegoers out of embarrassment.

A few scenes afterwards, we cut to Ace battling Doctor Destroyer, the first battle he ever won as a grown, mature hero, proving himself worthy to his hometown. However, need we remind you that the movie was done by means of those lovely computers?

“Alright, Doctor Destroyer! Your time is near, and your days of bank plundering are up!” Ace Savvy triumphed.

“Ahh, Ace Savvy. Why, I wouldn’t be too sure about the victory march just yet! BEHOLD!” Destroyer yelled.

Just then, Doc launched one of his mechanical tentacle arms at our hero. In the comics, Ace Savvy moved his head just in the nick of time before the tentacle went right through his skull to injure him. But here…

The tentacle arm clips right through Ace Savvy’s head. The animators apparently must have forgot to animate Ace ducking out of the way.

“WHAT? How could I have missed entirely?” Doc said in shock.

“I guess I’m too fast for your blasts!” Ace taunted him.

“Erm...Brit, you saw that robot arm go RIGHT through his head, right?” Lincoln was confused.

“Yeah, who couldn’t have seen that?” Brittany replied.

“WE ALL SAW THAT!!,” the audience yelled.

The movie continued over the audience backlash.

“Well, Mr. Happy Savvy, prepare yourself, for my OCTOPUS-ARMED SUPREME ATTACK!!!” Destroyer yelled once more, revealing seven more arms out of the back of his…….well, back.

“Happy Savvy?” Lincoln said confused. “How is that an insult?”

“Riveting dialogue they got there.” Brittany noted.

“Hup!” Ace Savvy wasted no time in stylishly avoiding the crazy robot arms, eventually moving so quickly and flying so fast in the air that he tied them all up in a huge knot, defeating the evil Doc and sending him to jail...at least, in the comics.

The robot arms eventually all got tied up, getting Doc into his own robotic armed mess, but Ace Savvy stayed completely still on the screen once more in his heroic pose as the robotic arms all clipped through his body. I suppose they didn’t have the budget to animate such COMPLEX movements, but it’s ok! The audience understands...

“THIS IS WORSE THAN THE LAMB MOVIE!!” an audience member screeched.

...or not!

“It’s amazing how the studio likes to screw over fans like this, Linc,” Brittany said.

“And these updated visuals don’t help matters out.” Lincoln was beginning to slouch in his movie seat. For one of the first times ever, Lincoln was becoming BORED with the movie. It’s the first occurence of him becoming BORED with anything Ace Savvy-related. Astonishing, really.

“How long have you been an Ace Savvy fan?” Brittany asked. “You seem quite disinterested.”

“Girl, I’ve admired the Ace for eleven years and running now. This is abysmal.”

“But aren’t you eleven years old, Linc?” Brittany asked.

“Yeah! I was first introduced to him in the womb. From a picture of him inside a comic book that my momma ate.” Lincoln told her.

Brittany was sooooo weirded out.

“It’s...a long story as to why she ate a comic book.” Lincoln further chimed in.

Brittany looked at the remaining popcorn left in the bowl they bought and suddenly she didn’t wanna eat any more of it.

“I’m not hungry,” Brittany said, giving the rest of it to Linc.

“Good thing my secret plan was to gross you out of it. Honey, you ate most of this bucket up. Hah!” Lincoln said triumphantly, chowing down on his popcorn prize.

Brittany slugged Lincoln in the arm.

“Ouch!,” Lincoln yelled.

“SSSSSSHHHHH” the audience whispered at him.

“Hmph,” Linc thought to himself.

The movie was almost finishing up. They were on the Duke Of Pearl’s lair scene, one of the darkest and grittiest Ace Savvy defeats ever put into comic book history! The Duke was one of Ace’s most formidable foes, and one of the hardest to defeat. It looked like this movie wasn’t gonna end pretty.

Lincoln started to perk up as Brittany was nudging his shoulder. They were both excited to see the great evil Duke on the big screen. Surely, this would be the shining achievement of the film!

Ace, bruised and torn from his brawl with the Stone Bodyguards, was brought forth to the Duke’s throne, in his evil, crumbling castle, in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle.

“Ace, what a pleasant surprise. Care to witness the destruction of your precious, insignificant Earth? At the exact moment when I shall take control of the entire planet as supreme dictator, as well.” Duke began his speech.

“Cut the crap, Duke. It’ll never *cough* work.” Ace was weak after his defeat with the Stone men, and he coughed up blood, but he still had his words by his side.

One of the guards slapped Ace across the face with his cinderblock hand, giving Ace a black eye.

“Good boy.” Duke complimented him.

Lincoln was shivering in excitement. This was getting good.

“Now, when I press this button, all of the army, navy, marine, what-have-you, weapons across the GLOBE, will be attracted to my gigantic magnet on the island. Without any weapons in the world, I shall be the supreme power to withstand for EVERYONE!” Duke explained.

Ace Savvy was having a coughing fit of huge proportions, worrying of the Duke’s sheer power.

“Duke, I used to know of you...when you *cough* defended the GOOD in this world!” Ace tried to get to Duke’s soft spot.

“NOTHING shall bring me back to where I once stood, Mister Savvy! NOTHING!!!” Duke victoriously shouted at him.

“Duke, I knew when...you used to have a mother.”

The Duke Of Pearl stopped his speech for a second. He stared at Ace.

“She always cared...for you. She was...your everything. Your...spirit. But everything came to a halt...when Maxman hypnotized her, and made her fall into that lava pit in the...urgh...volcano...”

The Duke was stunned. He was remembering all those times he had spending with his mom.

This scene may sound sweet, but in the comics, the Duke was a completely ruthless man, hellbent on getting revenge for the villains who killed his family. While he did love his parents, he never had a soft spot for anything after that, and he certainly didn’t have any other emotions other than bitter and angry. This is what made him the most feared Savvy villain to this day.

Getting back to the movie, Duke was still standing there, silent. The memories that he had made him form a tear in his eye.

Suddenly…

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAH! WEEEEEEEEEEEEH!” the Duke burst out in sadness.

“No!” Brittany gasped.

“NOOOOO!” Lincoln gasped.

“MY MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! SOB! CRY!”

The Duke was acting mentally insane by this point, with all of the tears flowing out of his eyes.

The Duke turned his head to Ace Savvy, dieing on the ground before him, in a puddle of his own blood. He raced down from his throne to kneel beside him.

“You okay, Ace?” Duke asked.

“I think I’m going to...ugh…” Ace told the Duke.

“I think IIIII’M going to VOMIT!” Lincoln said in disbelief.

The Duke of Pearl reached into his back pocket to take out an Acetonium pill.

In the comics, Acetonium pills were used in early Savvy comics to completely revitalize and replenish Savvy’s health. They were taken out of the comics in issue #10 because the original creators of Ace Savvy thought that they were too overpowered and plot-convenient. But NOT HERE!

The Duke slowly put the pill inside of Ace’s mouth. He started to weakly chew on it and swallow, slowly growing his strength back.

“Lincoln, are you okay?” Brittany asked. She saw Lincoln turning red and had a big twitch in his eye ready to explode.

The Duke hugged Ace, hoping to bring him back to his normal self.

After a few seconds of chewing on the pill, Ace Savvy started to get stronger and stronger, wiping the blood away from his nose.

He started to stand up from the ground. The Stone Bodyguards gave him space and backed away from him.

Ace reached over to the Duke, still in tears, and respectfully shook his hand.

“Thanks for playing fair...friend.” Ace Savvy proudly exclaimed.

The Duke smiled back and hugged him.

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-AHH! ACE SAVVY BETRAAAAAAAYED UUUUUUUUUS!!!!!” Lincoln screamed, exploding in the theater. Lincoln went into Brittany’s skirt ripping off her Ace Savvy underwear.

“Lincoln! What the heck?!?” Brittany told him. The entire theater crowd was laughing at Lincoln’s overexaggerations.

“WE MUST GET RID OF ALL OF IT!” Lincoln exclaimed loudly.

He saw that the popcorn bucket he was eating out of had a picture of CGI Ace Savvy on it. He ripped the bucket to shreds using his teeth.

“ALL OF IT!” Lincoln was swinging around the theater wildly.

Lincoln was throwing over soda and popcorn kernels at the movie screen. He reached into his pocket to rip out a wallet stored in there with his trembling hands. The wallet had an Ace Savvy logo on it, and had $1000 of his chore money stored inside. He ripped the wallet into a billion pieces with his bare hands.

“ALL OF IT!” Lincoln continued.

“Sir!,” a theater usher yelled at Lincoln when he came in. The theater usher was followed by Greedy ExecutiveProducer.

“AHHH, HA, HAAAAA! Yes! That’s the boy that’s destroying my million-dollar theater! Now GET HIM THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!! AHHHH HAHAAAAAAAA!”

Lincoln saw that the movie theater screen displayed the end card for the movie, with Ace Savvy announcing to the town that the Duke would now fight for good alongside him. With spit drool all over his mouth, almost as if he had rabies, he jumped up to the top of the movie screen and tore the whole thing in half like paper.

“AHHHHHH! My ten thousand dollar movie screen!” Greedy shrieked.

“ALL OF IT!” Lincoln ranted on.

Lincoln then noticed that the fuming Greedy and the theater usher were both wearing Ace Savvy t-shirts on to promote the movie. Ironically, Greedy was wearing a Taxman Maxman character shirt.

Lincoln ran up to the two angry theater employees and ripped off their shirts, exposing their stomachs. He then shredded the t-shirts by eating them.

“ALL OF IT!,” Lincoln said as jumped towards the two.

The usher grabbed Lincoln by his pants and kicked him right out of the theater.

“YA-HOO-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!” Lincoln could be heard yelling in pain as he was sent flying out of the theater. Greedy and the usher evilly watched Lincoln flying across town with smiles on their faces, after Lincoln destroyed their theater.

Brittany was stunned and afraid.

“Um...I’ll just...exit out of this door here…” she told the two. They were unphased, still looking at Lincoln being flung through the air.

Brittany ran out of the theater, looking for Lincoln and to give him back something he left behind.

She didn’t know where to start at first, but then she got an idea of where to head.

She ran towards a dumpster full of stinky trash in the middle of the city and counted down.

“Three, two, one…”

“AY-EEEEEEEEEE!!” Lincoln could be heard screaming.

He landed right in the middle of the smelly, rotten dumpster. His fall was so strong that it closed the metal dumpster lid on him, slamming his face into the slimey trash below.

“Welcome back, honey.” Brittany said to him in the trash.

She helped open the dumpster lid back up and dug out the unconscious Lincoln from under all of the scrap.

“Nice booty wooty there,” Brittany complimented Lincoln.

“All, of, it...urgh…” Lincoln’s head was spinning.

“You need all of it to cover yourself,” Brittany said. She handed him a pair of Ace Savvy underwear she was carrying. She taped it back together after Lincoln ripped the pair in half in the theater.

“I thought I was wearing Melvin The Superhero undies.” Lincoln said.

“You also thought you were doing the world a favor by destroying a movie theater. Now get changed, big boy.” Brittany teased him.

Lincoln grumbled and put the uncomfortable, taped Ace Savvy undies on.

“I need to go home and get changed into something more decent,” Lincoln said.

He raced back home and then back to the same stop in the city, where Brittany waited for him.

“Glad I could make you run about five miles there and back for what you did to my panties,” Brittany further taunted him.

“Brittany, that movie was exceptionally awful.” Lincoln said between his sweating, from running so quickly.

“I know, right? Who would be so cruel to make such a disaster?” Brittany wondered.

Suddenly, Lincoln realized something. He gave Brittany a smile to emphasize it.

“Oh, no. I hate when you give me that smile…” Brittany said.

“It’s HOLLYWOOD’S fault!” Lincoln exclaimed. “And the only solution to this gaping dilemma is to stop it at the source!”

“And how do you propose we do that, Linckinz?”

“Well, the source is in Hollywood, right?” Lincoln led on.

“Yeah, and we can’t possibly get out there! We have no money!” Brittany exclaimed.

She was right. They didn't work many jobs because of the TV show they had to tend to, and it didn't pay much. But hey, at least they get worldwide animated recognition!

“Don’t worry, my sweet! With my cunning social skills and quick thinking, I have a foolproof plan, that will get us straight into the heart of Movie City!” Lincoln cried out in joy.

“Oh boy, here we go again,” Brittany said monotonously.

Grabbing Brittany’s arm, he ran with her into the Royal Oaks international airport that just so happened to be right next door from where they were standing. How convenient!

“Wait, don’t we need to pack things like underwear?” Brittany asked. “I am not going to California dressed like this. I look terrible in this skirt.”

“Who needs a change of clothes, when we have the spirit of ADVENTURE!” Lincoln explained.

Brittany rolled her eyes.

“What about Bun Bun? He’s all lonely in your room. What if someone tried to sell him?”

“Bun Bun is perfectly safe in my hiding spot, as he will cheer me on from the sidelines as I take down the evil masterminds behind these disastrous theater productions!” Lincoln added.

“Yep, he’s gone insane.” Brittany thought to herself.

Lincoln walked up to the ticket agent at the front desk, who was a nice looking lady named Amanda. When she saw Lincoln, though, she made a slight frown.

“They all know me here.” Lincoln gloated to Brittany.

“I bet.” Brittany replied.

“Wow, Amanda! Got promoted from ice cream scooper to airport ticket salesman, eyy? How nice, how niiiiice!” Lincoln fake complimented her.

Amanda gave Lincoln a deadpan stare. She remembered what craziness Lincoln put her through last time.

“Now then, two tickets to the heart of Hollywood please, my good madame!” Lincoln boasted.

“Sir, do you have any money on you for a flight?” Amanda said to him.

“Don’t I get free flights just from mentioning my name?” Lincoln told her, slightly worrying.

“No, that's not how it works here.” Amanda said to Lincoln.

Lincoln was a little embarrassed now, as expected.

“Mm hmm, now then, perhaps we can get some tickets aboard with a little reward for the nice lady, eyyy?” Lincoln tried to slide Amanda a crumpled up $5 bill, winking at her.

Amanda gave him a dirty look still.

Lincoln winked two more times at her.

“NEXT!” Amanda called the next person in line up to the stand.

“Pretty please, I will give you my stuffed rabbit. My rabbit, my undies, my HEART!”

“No sir,” Amanda said. “You get out now until you have the money.”

“Erm...my sister?”

“Next!”

“She’s good at sports!”

“SECURITY!” Amanda yelled.

A security guard came up to the desk.

“Duhhh, do we have a problem ere?”

“Two of em.” Amanda pointed to the two lovebirds.


 * KA-BAM!*

“EEEEEEEEEEEEYAH!” Lincoln screeched as he got booted out of the airport. They seemed to have been kicked a great distance by the strong security guard. When they finally hit the ground, Lincoln landed onto a rock hard star inscribed into the sidewalk, and Brittany landed softly on a palm tree.

“Uyy yuy yuy. Welp, I guess that answers that,” Lincoln said.

“Good thing, too, so I can pack now,” Brittany said.

Lincoln lifted his head off of the hard sidewalk pavement. The dent from the star was impacted onto his forehead.

Brittany got down off of the tree to meet up with Lincoln. She noticed the imprint on his forehead.

“Maurice LaMarche?” she said to Linc.

Lincoln looked inside a nearby shop at a mirror. Looking at a reflection of his head, he had the words Maurice LaMarche imprinted into his forehead.

“Huh? How did this get there?”

Lincoln looked down on the sidewalk to see Maurice LaMarche’s star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, near the Chinese theater.

“Wait a second. Could it be…?”

“Lincoln, we’re in Hollywood!” Brittany said.

“WHOOPEEEEEEE!” Lincoln jumped for joy. He then faceplanted onto the sidewalk again because he was still dizzy from the impact.

“What do you have on you, because we need to think about how to survive.” Brittany said.

“...Lincoln?”

She saw him unconscious on the sidewalk, with strangers stepping on him and over him.

“AYYYY, IM WALKIN HERE!” a Fonz impersonator shouted at him.

Brittany dragged Lincoln away from the hectic crowd.

“We need shelter, hon. The clouds look like dark and stormy, like it’s going to rain soon.”

Brittany noticed a huge building that said “The Weinersteiner Company” on a sign attached to the massive skyscraper. It had a big roof that could shield them from the bad weather.

As soon as they went under it, the rain began to downpour.

“Ah, great. We’re stuck under this crummy roof now. How can this get worse?” Brittany wondered.

A lightning bolt struck a telephone pole right near the building, causing it to snap and fall down towards the sidewalk. It struck the Fonz impersonator on his head, smashing him into the hard concrete street like it was playing Whack A Mole, then it proceeded to electrocute him with the now-broken electric telephone wires. It scared Brittany. She jumped into Lincoln’s arms ala Scooby Doo when he gets scared.

“Jinxed it.” Lincoln called out.

“Lincoln Marie Loud, I have had it with you,” Brittany screamed. “We’re stuck in Hollywood without money, without a hotel for the night, because you thought you could be a wiseguy to the clerk at the airport. What are we to do now?” Brittany complained.

“Relaaaaax! We’ll just chill inside this strange and likely dangerous building for shelter. Problem solved!” Lincoln calmed her down.

“I’m sure this won’t lead us anywhere important.” Brittany sighed.

“Besides, I remember I have fifty bucks stashed in my socks,” Lincoln said.

“Fine. We stay the night in here, don't touch ANYTHING, then we leave the fifty bucks on the counter here and leave.” Brittany told Lincoln.

“Loud and clear, captain!” Lincoln agreed.

Brittany picked the door lock with one of her hair clips. It worked, and the door opened. It was all dark inside, with no one to be seen.

“Alright, let’s get washed up in a bathroom, and then get to sleep. It may be a cold, hard, granite floor, but this place is better than nothing.”

“Gotcha, Brit.” Lincoln confirmed.

“Hey, Brittany?”

“Yes, Linc?”

“I’m sorry for getting us out here. I didn’t know the security dude could kick us that far.”

“It’s OK, Linc, it was an accident. Let’s just get some rest for tomorrow. Then we can figure this all out.”

“Let’s figure out a plan first. What I was thinking is that we pay, leave, then go to the store.”

“That’s a nice plan, Linc. You keep thinking.” Brittany told him as she dozed off to sleep.

“If he only has fifty bucks and he's gonna leave it all here, then how are we gonna purchase anything at the store?” Brittany thought to herself.

Lincoln secretly grabbed his hidden Bun Bun out of his shirt.

“I never forget to bring you alongside my adventures, Bun Bun, but I’ll have to pawn you off tomorrow,” Lincoln thought. He snuggled up beside his prized stuffed animal, waiting for tomorrow’s sun to rise.

The next morning…

Lincoln woke up bright and early, leaving Brittany sleeping.

The bathroom was right near the exit door to the building, and Lincoln needed to take a whizz before they left to search for a way home. When he walked towards the bathroom, he saw a HUGE group of people waiting to enter into the building. They were excited, and some of the people in the crowd were quite impatient.

“We want in!”

“Do you work here? Open up the doors!”

“Savvy 2! Savvy 2! Yeaaaaaaaaah! Let’s go!”

“Savvy 2?” Lincoln thought to himself.

He left the crowd alone and went into the bathroom. All of the people watching him booed him.

“Brittany, wake up,” Lincoln yelled.

“Huh?” she slowly opened her eyes to look at Lincoln.

“We might need to leave through a window. There’s this rabid group of people waiting outside for something, but I don’t know what.”

After Lincoln let all of his lemonade flow out into the toilet, he washed up and went back up to the front doors to view the crowd. They were angry at him now. They called him names too offensive to put inside of a children’s fanfiction, spit at the doors, and banged against them, wanting in.

Lincoln walked right up to the door and stuck his tongue out at them. He wasn’t letting such rude ruffians in.

“Nya nya nya, nya nya, nyaaaaaa!” Lincoln teased.

Just then, a man in a business suit walked up to the door with a set of keys, telling the crowd of people to calm themselves. They let him through to the door.

“Uh oh.” Lincoln said.

Brittany saw the man with the door keys and hid herself inside of the bathroom.

The man put a key inside of the door lock and unlocked it. CLICK!

“Mother.” Lincoln said in defeat.

The crowd ran crazily through the building crushing Lincoln with their shoes, flattening him into a pancake. They all ran up the stairs of the building to the top floor.

After all the crazy crowd filed through the lobby of the building, Brittany exited the bathroom to check on Lincoln.

“Well, I didn’t know this place included a continental pancake breakfast!” Brittany playfully stuck her tongue out at Lincoln.

“Very funny, Miss I Didn't Even Try To Help.” Lincoln sassed back at her.

“Tee hee!” Brittany giggled.

“Anyway, we need to go to a pawn shop,” Lincoln said, dusting himself off.

“Well, whatever that crowd ran into the building for, it seems to be important.” Brittany exclaimed to him. “While we’re here, we should check upstairs to see what’s happening.”

“Eh sure, I want to spend some more time with my best friend compared to those buttmunches up there.”

“Come on! I’ll be by your side, so no one messes with you again.”

“sigh, Fiiiiiine.” Lincoln said.

“Yay! Me and my lil pancake are gonna have so much fun today!” Brittany cheered.

Lincoln smiled. After what happened yesterday, at least she was having a good time

“So, I wanted to tell you about my plan to get home...,” Linc said as they climbed the stairs.

40 STORIES OF STAIR CLIMBING LATER…

“I am going to pawn Bun Bun and then we can have enough funds to go back home on the bus.” Lincoln told of his secret plan.

Brittany was laughing so hard.

“Linc, sweetie, you think they’re going to pay top dollar out there for a 10 cent stuffed animal?”

Lincoln’s cheeks turned red. He looked down at the floor to hide his face from her.

Brittany gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s keep that $50 with us. They’re too busy today here to notice that we stayed the night, anyway.”

“So what will we do now, I don’t think fifty bucks can buy us a bus pass back.”

“We’ll see, Linky.”

When they reached the top of the stairs, they noticed a big line, wrapping all the way around an office in the center.

The people waiting in line saw Lincoln and Brittany and began to gossip.

“Hey, weren’t those the employees that were downstairs just a while ago?”

“The rules do say that employees here get to cut to the front of the line.”

“But the boy stuck his tongue out at us, like we were a bunch of ANIMALS or something!”

“The rules for the contest said that breaking any of the rules could lead to arrest.”

After a few more seconds of chatter, the entire line of people let Lincoln and Brittany pass them.

“Erm...thank you?” Lincoln said to them.

“You know, this seems quite odd.” Brittany remarked.

“Tell me about it.”

They walked into to see Greedy, along with a black swivel chair with someone in it. Greedy called the next people into the room, Lincoln and Brittany.

Greedy told them, “ AHHHH-HA-HA, THE BOSS WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU NOW, YOU DIRTY SLIMEBALLS. AHHHHH-”

“Shutting it up now.” the boss in the swivel chair said to Greedy in a harsh tone. Greedy piped down immediately.

Lincoln and Brittany looked at each other in confusion.

The boss swung his chair around to look at them. In the chair was Meat Bowl.

“Seasons greetings, children.” Meat Bowl told them.

“You sound like I’ve heard about you before, but I can’t put my finger on it. Hmm…” Lincoln pondered.

“Likely seen me in Handsomerest Man Living magazine, no?” Meat Bowl gleefully bolstered.

Lincoln and Brittany both knew that was a lie, but decided to suck up to him.

“Right…” Lincoln replied.

“So, knowing what in for, hmm?” Meat asked the two.

Lincoln suddenly remembered the entire purpose of his visit. It seemed to have been sidetracked through a lot of filler.

“Yeah! The first Ace Savvy movie was HORRENDOUSLY supercrudafrickarificexpialiBULLDUNG, and we’re here in Hollywood to take down whatever evil masterminds were behind creating such an abominable picture!” Lincoln blurted out, unknowing that both Greedy and Meat were the two executive producers of the movie, that could flick any switches they wanted in terms of the movie’s creative control.

Brittany facepalmed. Not from how Linc was telling this to the movie’s biggest names attached, but because how cringey he was while doing so.

“Greedy, sent in these two imbeciles? That doesing it, YOU ARE THE FIREdd…”

Before Meat Bowl could fire Greedy, he reached over and whispered something into Meat’s ear.

“Uh huh...ooh...yes…” Meat listened.

“Right then, childrens, we have specialist presentation for excellent input in movie feature.”

Lincoln was confused. Yelling at some random boss guy got him access to a rewarding movie presentation?

“Whaaa?”

“Anyway, sit buttskis down een screening room for presentation most special,” Meat Bowl laughed.

Meat Bowl showed them into a screening room, where other successful focus testers that were in the line sat beside them.

“Have fun now…” Meat told them with an evil grin.

Lincoln and Brittany asked didn't know what was going to happen next.

All of the people in the room seemed to be random strangers that they saw in the line beforehand, except for those three chaps that seem to have broken through the roof of the screening room, named Eddy, Reddy, and Ted- OH MY GOODNESS HOW DID THEY GET HERE.

“I do believe I’m still seeing stars, fellas.” Reddy commented on how they seemed to have been booted into the exact room where their Royal Oaks fighter, Brittany, kicked them into.

“My glutes still hurt from the belt whipping.” Eddy commented.

“Lucky! I would be making free glasses of homemade MILK for everyone if that Michigan princess kicked my butt harder. HURRRRRRRRRR” Teddy pointed out.

“You wanna kick their butts back into Royal Woods?” Lincoln told Brittany.

“Nah, my legs are too tired from walking all over the city.” she replied.

“Hey, good looking. I’m a big boy now, with no shoes on,” Teddy said.

“If my long, red hot chili pepper constitutes for my lack of height bodywise, then I guess I’M a big boy, too! SLURPSLURPSLURP” Reddy smacked his lips at Brittany.

Luckily, the three prepubescents were too stupid to recognize her from Michigan. A change of clothes did the trick.

“Wait, Mr. Narrator, how did Brittany have a change of clothes?” Lincoln asked.

She always comes prepared, unlike you.

“Not at the convention,” Lincoln said.

Doh! Whenever it’s plot convenient, okay, kid?

“Stop breaking the fourth wall, you two,” Brittany snapped.

Hush hush, children, the bossman is coming in.

Inside of the screening room, with four walls surrounding the lucky focus group audience, Meat Bowl smashes through the fourth of the walls using the metal armor Greedy used earlier.

“Hurdy, hur, hur.” Lincoln muttered.

“Now, my preciousest audience, know why here?” Meat started.

“No, not really!” everyone sang back at him.

“Where’s the free booze that was advertised?” an older gentleman chimed in.

“Where’s the pizza and candy you promised?” a kid asked.

“No boozes, no children luring devices into cars by pedos, instead, watching special film preview, yes.” Meat explained.

Greedy pulled out a SmartBoard and pointed to the projector on the ceiling of the room.

“AHHH HAha!”

He turned on the projector to reveal a Powerpoint presentation with a video inside. They were on the title slide of the Powerpoint. The title said “Ace Savvy 2”.

“Not that much worry. We realize mistakers een first moviee, we fix now.”

Meat turned to the next slide.

“Decreased sale profitss for Ace Savvy merchandise down pooper seence last weeks. No toy sales. No candy sales. No licensed plunger sales. We know what audience want, so audience get.” Meat continued.

The slide showed a graph of the Ace Savvy movie’s item sales going into a toilet, complete with a flushing sound effect when he turned to the next slide.

“Sequel een works. Expanding on first movie, we have update and revitalize the Savvy witheen all of us.”

The crowd started to get excited, despite Meat’s forced American accent and tone.

“We includes grand old timers, such as The Jack Of The One Eye (One-Eyed Jack), Fa-tall-e Fem (Femme Fatale), and Slimer (Slimey), in much realistic setting.” Meat proudly announced.

Could this be…?

No stupid, poorly done CGI…?

A return to hand drawn animation for Ace Savvy…?

These questions raced through Lincoln’s mind. NOW he was excited.

“Gentlemans and ladies, pleased to announce ze new Ace Savvy 2 movie trailer! Co-starring ze celebrities!” Meat proudly proclaimed.

The audience cheered. Except for Brittany. Something seemed fishy about this.

“Lincoln, they’re having celebrities in this movie and not sticking with the original cast?” Brittany whispered to him.

“Likely some celebrity voices, for these ANIMATED characters!” Lincoln boldly assumed.

“Now, just be fragile with this, as thees iis ze only film copy of trailer we having, we lose this or ruin this and all hard work we done shall shatter, like the glass vase.” Meat warned.

“AHHHH, HAAAAHAHA, AND I’LL CATCH ANY TROUBLEMAKERS WHO DARE DISRUPT THE VIEWING EXPERIENCE, EYY, BOSS?” Greedy chimed in.

“Good pet slave. Here. Have treat.”

Meat threw Greedy a MilkBone, which Greedy nibbled on while acting as if he were a puppy.

While Greedy gnawed on his prize, Meat started up the trailer.

Everyone had eyes their eyes glued to the screen for the big momen- HEY, HEY, YOUR EYES AREN’T GLUED TO IT!

The narrator brings out a bottle of Elmer’s glue, presses the solo non-excited boy in the focus group room up close to the screen, and Elmer glues his eyes to it.

There we go.

The trailer opens up with a live action view of the city, like most superhero movie trailers do. Then it cuts straight away into the most run down apartment in the scene.

“Hey Beter, where are the crimes in this city?” the Ace Savvy said, played by Patrick Warburton.

Brittany was beyond insulted for the casting choice right off the bat. She knew that Warburton didn’t fit such a role. They got someone who didn’t care about the hero, but rather a big name celebrity. Plus, his voice is the same in everything he appears in!

One-Eyed Jack didn’t help matters either. Played by Gilbert Gottfried, he yelled across the apartment, “The only CRIME around here is them not putting enough pepperoni on this pizza!”

Ouch! His voice is annoying ME, and I can’t even hear it from here!

A pizza was seen between the two of them as they sit on the couch in their living room. The crime alert continued to buzz loudly in their faces as they nonchalantly continued to munch on their pizza.

“You know, this pizza needs to be delivered by Pizza Arena, it’s much better delivered,” One Eyed Jack said.

“A good call, my faithful companion.” Ace Savvy blurted out.

After burping loudly, Ace continued to ignore the beeps for the crime alert, instead slowly reaching for the phone to call up one of the many sponsors for the movie, Pizza Arena.

“Hurry up, you sloth!”

“I know, I know, Jack, someone needs help on the crime alert radar or whatever.”

“NOOOO! THE PIZZA’S GETTING COLD!”

“Product placement in ACE SAVVY?!?!?!” Brittany screamed in rage.

Trailer Narrator: THIS SUMMER…

“That was the opening trailer scene? It wasn’t even funny!” Lincoln blurted out. He started to twitch his eye. Again.

“And quite out of character.” Brittany added. She joined in with Lincoln in the eye-twitching activity. She was angered over...basically everything in the trailer so far.

Trailer Narrator: ACE RETURNS TO THE BIG SCREEN…

Slimey comes up to them in the living room and rubs up against Ace’s leg. Slimey here looks quite grotesque, as opposed to his cute appearances in other forms of media.

“Why does Slimey’s face look like a frozen turd with eyes and a mouth?” Brittany pondered to Lincoln.

“Slimey! Hey, boy, you wanna play fetch?”

Slimey then burped loudly and farted at the exact same time.

“Ha, ha! Oh, Slimey!”

Brittany was slightly disgusted by such characterization of one of the most caring and adorable characters in the franchise.

“Hey Slimey, want a slice of Pizza Arena?” Savvy asked.

“Arf, arf!”

Slimey went up to the pizza box and ate the whole thing, as drool spewed out of his mouth.

Trailer Narrator: SAVING THE WORLD…

Ace Savvy is seen tearing a Pizza Arena slice into two with his teeth.

Trailer Narrator: ONE SLICE AT A TIME...

“Mmm, Pizza Arena, you the best,” Savvy said.

The trailer finally cuts to a scene located outside of the apartment.

“With the real Mona Lisa in my possession, I can sell this to a wealthy art collector and make MILLIONS of dollars, to help me build my feminist empire!” Femme Fatale shouted to our “heroes”, hovering above the city with a pink glittery jetpack.

“Ayy Femme Beter, you’re no match for the power of delicious taste!” Ace Savvy yelled at her from the ground.

“Hey, look Savvy! It’s the pizza delivery man!,” Jack told him.

“Right on time. Ayyyy Slimey, fetch!” Ace Savvy waved his hand towards the Pizza Arena delivery truck.

Slimey ran at sonic speed, picked up the delivery truck by using his immensely strong jaw, and flung the truck at Femme Fatale.

“NOOOOOOOO!” she screamed in defeat.

“She gets defeated...by an ADVERTISEMENT?” Lincoln hollered.

He and Brittany started to get furious by this point. The lazy, pandering depictions of the franchise was bad enough. Now they’re literally flinging advertisements in front of their faces?

“Sigh. Calm down, Lincoln,” Lincoln said to himself. “Maybe it’s like satire of the original Ace Savvy. Plus, I don’t wanna embarrass Brittany this time around. She’s been through enough these past few days.”

The pizza truck explodes onto Femme Fatale and the Mona Lisa painting. Femme Fatale is crushed by the truck as a very cartoony, CGI, squash-and-stretch ambulance picks her up and takes her into jail. The camera then cuts to the original Mona Lisa painting, broken into a thousand shreds.

But our heroes don’t have time to care for such minute details! There’s yummy PIZZA to attend to!

“Now THIS is a pepperoni pizza! Mmm, MMM!” One-Eyed Jack told Ace.

“PIZZA AGAIN?!?!,” Brittany exploded with fuming anger.

Trailer Narrator: ACE SAVVY AND ONE-EYED JACK, SAVING THE WORLD...TO CURE THEIR PERSONAL BOREDOM…AND HUNGER FOR PIZZA

“Ayyyy Jack-eter, whaddya think about those people who hate our franchise?” Ace Savvy told Jack, then proceeding to stare directly at the screen.

“Oh, we’ve gotta surprise for them! I can’t wait until our third movie, which will consist of two parts: Let’s Get UBER Serious, and The Really Real Return Of Duke Of Pearl!” Jack taunted.

“I believe I heard those titles somewhere before.” Lincoln told Brittany.

“THEY’RE TRYING TO CASH IN ON A CERTAIN OTHER CRAPPY SUPERHERO CARTOON!!!!” Brittany yelled.

“Woah! Brittany, don’t get so riled up. I mean…”

Lincoln took one last look at the screen.

The movie wasn’t even being subtle about it. The animated Teen Titans from TTG legit appeared on screen besides Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack.

“And we’ll be there to help you dude bros!” Beast Boy shouted.

“Like, the for sure we will! L O L. Whoo!” Starfire chimed in.

“Pizza rocks!” Cyborg unnecessarily responded.

“So what pizza joints do you guys go to?” Jack asked.

“Uhhh, Pizza Arena, of course!” Robin commented for the team. The other Teen Titans nodded in agreement.

“Well, dig in! It’s an all you can eat buffet!” Ace Savvy announced to them.

Trailer Narrator: ACE SAVVY 2- ELECTRIC BOOGALOO. COMING SOON TO THEATRES.

“They’re having a crossover in this movie...with one of the worst cartoon superhero teams of all time…” Lincoln sighed quietly in defeat.

Lincoln started to feel his blood boiling again. He was trying to hold it in for Brittany, but he was rising to the point of no return.

“THAT DOES IT!” Brittany yelled. “THIS MOVIE HAS TEABAGGED ME!”

Lincoln snapped. He realized that Brittany was supporting him if he went ballistic.

“HULK SMAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!” Lincoln screamed.

The sarcastic grins on Meat’s and Greedy’s faces from watching their cringing trailer audience turned to sheer horror.

“No nonono child, wait, wait!” Meat tried to reason with Lincoln. Lincoln ignored him. He was too in the moment.

As the oddly specific Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme song raced through Lincoln’s head, he felt his arms become solid fists of fury. He PUNCHED through the studio wall with his left fist, making a gaping hole.

“Slave, get Rangers of Power song off building radio, stat!” Meat Bowl yelled to his business partner.

“RIGHT AWAY, SIR! AHH-HA.” Greedy responded as he zoomed down towards the tower’s radio room.

Lincoln SMASHED his right fist into the wall as well. Another piece of it crumbled all the way down the building, smashing itself onto the pavement below.

Brittany on the other hand was kicking the SmartBoard screen off of the wall, causing it to fall off and shatter.

“YOU DIRTY LITTLE CROOKS DIDN’T EVEN LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES!” she screamed. Her legs and feet grew to immense muscular proportions, similar to how Lincoln got his arms and hands all bulked up.

She kick several audience members out nearby through the roof.

“SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!”

“I REGRET ALL MY LIFE CHOICEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!”

“BANZAIIIIIIIIIII!”

“BUT I HAD A DREAAAAAAAAAAAAAM”

Meat was standing back, and was beyond worried about the destruction, like the showing at his theater in Royal Woods.

“Slave, worry about theater breaks? Audience living in danger? Lawsuits to come if building collapses? The humanity of it all?” Meat coughed.

“MEAT, BUDDY OL PAL, I DO BELIEVE THE ONLY THING I’M FEARING IS THAT WE’LL BE LIABLE TO PAY FOR ALL THE FUNERALS! AHH-HAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”

“Greedy?...Greedy, baby?”

Greedy jumped out of the window himself.

“Me fellow accomplices always deathing like thees.”

Lincoln and Brittany were about done kicking and punching the safety out of the building they were standing in. They just needed to do one more thing.

They saw a stack of bricks amidst all of the crumbling building remains beside them.

“After you, madam,” Lincoln offered politely.

“Thank you, my kind sir,” Brittany accepted. “Ooh, what does this brick do?”


 * plink*

She flicked a brick out of the stack.


 * BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM*

The building started to rumble and shake, Brittany and Lincoln have done it this time.


 * KKKKKKKKKKLAAAAAAAA-BBBBBB LLLLLLLLAAAAAMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*


 * BANG!*


 * ZONK!*


 * BOING!*


 * CRACK!*

The building completely fell to unimaginable destruction across town. Luckily, only the building, it’s assets, and most of the evil people that germinated within the focus group were damaged beyond belief, and nothing of value was lost.

Lincoln slowly got up from the heap of brick. Holding a brick in his hand from amidst the rubble, he tried to crush it with his bare hand, but he failed. After all, that only works in movies.

“Urgh...where am I? Am I born yet?” Lincoln was seeing stars.

“Ergh…” he heard Brittany squeal out from underneath some metal plumbing pipes.

Lincoln raced over to Brittany, uncaring of what shrapnel he walked over…

“OW OW OW OW”

...to save his fair maiden.

The radio besides her was still working, barely, playing the Power Rangers theme very quietly, as the batteries slowly started to die in it, and the song faded out.

Lincoln grabbed Brittany from the rubble she was under.

“Uh...Lincoln...I’m sorry for going crazy and being a hypocrite,” Brittany said.

“No, I’m the one who started it. I shouldn’t have lashed out at those patronizing film producers. It was their film and they had the right to direct as they please.”

Lincoln realized something.

“Wait, now I remember. You helped me out when I was angry, by staying by my side...didn’t you lash out, too?”

“Yeah, I guess I couldn’t hold my anger in, like you did. I’m a mess.” Brittany replied.

Lincoln and Brittany looked at each other. Lincoln gave her a flirty eye wink.

“BFF’s for life still?” Brittany asked.

“I’d say more than that.” Lincoln smoothly added in.

Lincoln and Brittany french-kissed each other under the sunset, holding each other in their loving arms.

Just then, they saw another pile of bricks moving from behind them.

“YOU……..” Meat said as he came out of the rubble.

“Eyy! What do you want, you jerk?” Brittany yelled over to him.

“We are TRYING to enjoy a tender moment ‘ere!,” Lincoln shouted.

Fortunately, he was still quite dizzy from all of those heavy bricks falling on top of his noggin.

“......you….. UGHHHH”

He fell on the pile of hard bricks again, smacking his head up against the edge of one, knocking him unconscious.

“Uh oh.” Lincoln squealed.

A FEW HOURS (and one ambulance) LATER...

Lincoln and Brittany soon joined Meat Bowl in the hospital, not because they cared for his well-being, but rather because they were stuck out here and didn’t have much to do around town with $50 and a stuffed bunny on hand.

“Tsk, tsk, Mr. Meat. The building you owned was in such crappy condition. It wasn’t our fault for destroying it,” Brittany argued.

Meat gave them a blank, deadpan stare from his hospital bed, where he was entirely bandaged up like a frozen mummy.

“Oh, don’t worry, my pretties. You know I will make you PAY for the ruins, BIG TIME.” Meaty mumbled out.

Lincoln and Brittany were listening to the radio that Meat Bowl had beside his bed.

“And now, back by popular demand. The song everyone’s been talking about!” the DJ announced. “The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers theme song!”

As soon as the song started to play, Meat Bowl BROKE out of his mummified arm cuff in an instant.

“Would look at that. I am feeling betterest already.” Meat Bowl commented.

“BRITTANY, TURN THE SONG OFF, TURN THE SONG OFF!!”

“I’m trying!” Brittany tried to calm Lincoln down.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the theme song was so popular, that every radio station was playing the exact same Power Rangers song at the exact same time. And the radio’s off button was broken.

“IT’S STUCK,” Lincoln screamed.

“Well, well, well, what here do have? The tables have turninged.” Meat rose up from his bed, breaking off both of his leg cuffs with a SNAP.

“Oh no, what are you going to do?” Brittany mumbled.

Meat crept towards the two slowly and suspensefully…

...just to pass them, to get to his open hospital door.

“Oh, oh, that’s good. He’s probably just getting a drink of water or something.” Lincoln calmly stated.

Meat grabbed the door handle and closed it, locking it afterwards.

“Prepare your anuses.” Meat softly cooed.

“Erm, are you willing to make a peace offering?” Lincoln pondered.

GO, GO, POWER RANGERS


 * CLANG!*


 * KABOOM!*


 * BOING-A-ROING!*


 * ZOOM!*


 * KNOCK!*


 * THUD!*


 * KA-CHOW!*

GO, GO, POWER RANGERS

LATER ON...

We see both Lincoln and Brittany at a theme park locker room in their underwear. An Ace Savvy theme park, in fact. Owned by Meat Bowl, Lincoln and Brittany were now forced to work as Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack walkaround characters for the park. None of the money they made went to them, and they had to work here until they could pay back all of the damage expenses they incurred.

“Dangit! How did we even get into this hot mess of a job?”

“Theme park mascots out in California don’t even pay well at minimum wage! Plus, while you’re walking around sweating your butt off in thissuit, it feels like all the super glue bursts outta my balls and sticks em to my legs!”

Lincoln reaches down into his groin area to peel something off. You can hear an audible and painful RIIIIIIIIP as he does so.

“YEEEEEEE-HAH!” Lincoln screeched in pain.

“Well, it could be worse. We could be home, being forced to have another tea party with Lola.” Lincoln tried cheering Brittany up.

“I would love to be home in Royal Oaks regardless of tea parties, thank you very much.” Brittany rolled her eyes.

“Okay, Wendy’s girl,” Lincoln sarcastically joked about Brittany’s appearance. “Got any ideas on how to get there?”

“Well, maybe I’ll come up with something during the night, when we sleep.” Brittany told him.

It was getting late, around bedtime. Lincoln and Brittany decided to get some sleep.

They opened up a thin, small, cramped, uncomfortable metal locker. This was where they both crammed into each night to sleep.

“Urgh, always a tight fit…” Lincoln commented, trying to squeeze into his left half of the locker.

“I wish we brought pajamas,” Brittany said as she squeezed her legs inside.

“I don’t mind it.” Lincoln grinned at her.

“How lewd, Lincoln Loud!” Brittany intimidated Lincoln’s sister, Lola.

“What, we’ve seen each other in our underwear before,” Lincoln said. “I think we are worse than most teenagers?”

Meat Bowl, now feeling much better than when the building crumbled on top of him, walked over to the locker to make sure his walkaround mascot slaves were asleep.

“Bedtime, you two rapscallions bratties! Only 1,253 more days left to job work! So get slumber for tomorrow’s sun, yes!” Meat barked at them. His ego had increased ever since he got legal control of them to entrap them in their job until the debt was paid off.

“Well, it may be bad living conditions for the next 1,253 days, but at least I’ll get to spend them all beside you.” Lincoln winked at Brittany.

“Aw! Lincoln, you’re so cute!” Brittany cooed at him.

“You’re the best One-Eyed Jack an Ace Savvy could ask for.” Lincoln complimented her.

Just as they were going to exchange a kiss between each other, Meat Bowl SLAMMED the locker door on them just before they could do so. He grinned to himself as he walked away from the locker.

“OWWW!” Lincoln and Brittany yelled simultaneously.

The End

“Wait, that’s it?” Lincoln said as he broke the fourth wall.

Pretty much, yeah.

“How about me and Brittany getting back home?”

You’ll get back home in the next fanfiction. Hush, child.

“You writers are really copping out here, especially the co-writer!”

Blame our busy schedule. We’re victims of circumstance!

“Plus, why does it end here?”

Umm….because this is the start of a beautiful friendship! Yes!

“You just made that up! Boy, I wish you two writers had at least one brain.”

Well, feast your eyes on our mighty CAPS LOCK POWERS.

“No, I want...”

THE END