Thread:WillTheArthurandBusterFan5050/@comment-24200891-20161016135746/@comment-24669562-20161017190937

Hi FirstDrellSpectre This is not going to be easy for me to say or do and I don't want to hurt you but I have to talk to you. And I will warn you this is not going to be the best message you have gotten from anyone. I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't keep pushing me to read and comment on (all) your fanfics. I mean you are a good fanfic writer and you write Loud House fanfiction way better than I can. And you even think of others when you write your fanfics, or so it seems to me. And I know you like it when I comment on your fanfics, some people don't like reading my long comments, even find it annoying, and I'm thankful you like my comments, including my long ones. I do tend to write long messages and I am very expressive. But you need to understand that I'm not always going to read your fanfics or comment on all of them. I'm not saying I don't ever want to read your fanfics, that's not what I'm saying, I plan to read your fanfics but I will read them in my own time and comment on them in my own time. And please try to understand that there are some fanfics I cannot read at all because my conscience won't let me, even if you rewrite them or readjust them in a way you think I'll be able to read them, like the one about the breasts. I know you meant well when you wrote that and I know it's just a story about  young girls getting their upper chests developed and expanded and that it's a story about early bloomers and late bloomers (and in-between bloomers) and the late bloomers feeling left out because others got theirs early, there's a Cosby Show episode about that and there's a Braceface (an animated show kids watch, it was on Disney once but only seasons 1 and 2) episode about that. I forget what I did with the Cosby Show episode but I wasn't even comfortable watching the Braceface episode, my conscience wouldn't let me so I stopped watching it. I know you didn't mean for the fanfic to be pornographic, and I hope I'm not accusing you of making it such, but it kind of feels like pornography to me. Maybe it isn't and maybe I'm over-reacting and may need to do some research on this. You already know I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses and that there are some things I cannot do like reading stories about birthdays and holidays among other things and we talked about this before http://theloudhouse.wikia.com/wiki/Thread:7906, I'm going to add more to that. Other people know I'm one of Jehovah's Witnesses too and there are people out there both on the internet and off the internet watching what I do and what I say and how I behave. And with them knowing what I am they expect me to do certain things and expect me not to do certain things, expect me to be certain ways and not certain other ways, and they are watching me to see if what I do and don't do. And there are many people who are have been very critical of me or who are displeased with me and some people are or have been after me (okay maybe not "after me," but there are people who speak very negatively about me.) Remember when I told you about that picture I drew of a cartoon character going to the bathroom, urinating standing up? (It's in the link I posted above, not the picture but the conversation, we talked about that before) I drew that picture thinking it was no big deal, or not that big of a deal, didn't see it as pornography or else I wouldn't have drawn it let alone posted it, and cartoons children watch actually show cartoon characters going to the bathroom, even showing boy cartoon characters urinating standing up, and The Loud House is one of them (See "Ties that Bind,") But what I did lead to a lot of controversy and though some seemed okay with it, many people were disgusted and offended by it and were very upset with me about it. And when I told one of my relatives about it, she was very stern with me and was not pleased in the least about it. She's still upset I did that though that was months ago. And she does not want me doing that or anything like that anymore in any manner, form, or fashion for any reason even if it is just a cartoon character. And I didn't want to tell her and intended not to but I also didn't want her to find out I did this, so I told her and got it over with, and again, she was not at all happy and might even feel embarrassed of me and I cannot blame her. I mean I didn't mean to offend anyone with that picture and I wasn't trying to but people were offended anyway. What is more, some time in 2014 I also wrote a fanfic about Daniel Tiger and Prince Wednesday urinating standing up after watching the actual episodes "Prince Wednesday Goes to the Potty/ Daniel Goes to the Potty" http://danieltigerneighborhood.wikia.com/wiki/Prince_Wednesday_Goes_to_the_Potty and I wasn't happy seeing Prince Wednesday or Daniel sitting down to use the bathroom, I mean I didn't mind that but I wish they didn't show it and I didn't like seeing that so I stopped watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood for a while and wrote a story about Daniel and Prince Wednesday (and later in the fanfic, their fathers) urinating standing up since that's what males in general do. I mean I know all males start off sitting when going to the bathroom when being trained but some start standing and I wanted Daniel and Prince Wednesday to. Some people liked my fanfic, or were at least okay with it, and I had one person thank me for writing it. And again, I didn't mean for it to be pornographic, I just wanted something to make up for what I saw in the real episode. But some people, maybe many, were offended by it and very upset, one person even commented "EW WHAT IS THIS (S-word)?!" I'd rather not see people use the bathroom at all than see them sitting on the toilet doing whatever and regardless of the gender. And in both cases, I wrote something like "If this offends you, don't look/read" or "you are asked not to look." And I tried to make it as innocent as possible but even that was not enough. And I mentioned I didn't mean for it to be pornographic but that still wasn't enough. People gave me a hard time about what I wrote and drew, even calling me a pedophile or accusing me of being one. Now some people think I'm a pedophile and a hypocrite! And so I deleted my picture and I deleted my fanfic and cancelled my plans to make more fanfics/ fan art like that. I didn't want to and tried resisting but I couldn't take the pressure and I felt it was the best thing to do and though I deleted those works, the damage is still done and it's still catching up with me. I've lost my trust with many people and will never get it back. That's kind of okay, by the way some of them talked to me, they're salty language, and how they acted, I'd rather have nothing to do with them anyway. I'll admit I am particular about things, what I see and don't see, and how things go and like/ prefer things a certain way and can get upset, admittedly unduly upset if some things are not a certain way, some of it is because of my autism, not all of it but at least some of it is. My point? People know I'm JW and are watching what I do and will know what I do and expect better out of me and now that I did what I did, people think bad things about me and don't trust or respect me, and what is worse, some of them now think JW's are bad people and won't trust us anymore, hence the "hypocrite" part and it's all my fault! I have disgraced JWs and I have to live with that for the rest of my life now! What I did affected everyone in the universe and some people are still after me for it. Actually that's not my point, this is: that is why I cannot read some of your fanfics at all even if you make them so that I can read them, because people are watching me and if they see me reading some of your fanfics, depending on what they're about, and they'll know by my comments, they might think very badly about me and about my fellow JWs and I cannot risk that and cannot afford anymore of that. My reputation is strained now and I cannot afford to make it worse. And there are people out there that are judgmental, bullies, trolls, foamers and those quick to make people seem worse than they actually are and come to bad conclusions about people, and tell others what they think about the people they learned about. And those people don't know what your intentions are and some don't even care what your intentions are and will still go after you. and I'm a victim of that. In fact this is one place that talks very negatively about me (WARNING, very salty language and lots of insults!): https://kiwifarms.net/threads/willm3luvtrains.17151/ I don't like coming to this website for psychological reasons and because of all the bad talk on there. I don't agree with everything said about me but I cannot do anything about them. And don't try to confront them yourself or they will get you too! They're picking on enough people as is although some of those people they're talking about I don't or might not approve of their actions either. Admittedly because of this, I should disappear from the internet altogether (Wikia, Fanfiction.net and Deviant Art) and never come back again, not even as somebody else because then they'll figure out it's me. But I'm not leaving the internet right now, but things will never be the same for me again. I don't feel as free and secure on the internet anymore and my sense of security has been destroyed and my reputation has been strained. And again, it's ALL my fault. This goes to show that just because you have the freedom and ability to do something doesn't mean you have the right to do it. And I know it seems like I'm letting others run my life and letting other people's opinions sway me and I don't want that. I don't want to let others dictate everything I do and I don't want to live by everyone's opinions, which everyone is entitled to, not everyone agrees with my opinions, but it's also not a good idea to insist on your rights, you have to respect other people's feelings even if it means personals inconvenience. That's enough about that part. You also need to understand that I'm not always going to be on Loud House Wikia, I'm not always going to feel like being here. And I have other things I need to do, have to do, and admittedly, want to do and I need to have a life outside of The Loud House Wikia and other Wikias I happen to be part of and there are several, Fanfiction.net and especially Deviant Art where I spend much of my time and need to take long hiatus' from. One day I may have to leave Deviant Art, Fanfiction.net, and the Wikia and never come back, hopefully not anytime soon but I will if i have to. And you'll recall I have my mother to take care of and plus I have my own health problems, physical and mental (other than autism, I also suffer from depression, anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and other mental-emotional-and psychological problems.) It's not that I don't want to read your fanfics, FirstDrellSpectre, I do want to read them, but I'm not always going to feel like reading them and I honestly feel like you're being pushy and insisting one me reading your fanfics and commenting on them. I know you like my comments, I appreciate that very much, not everyone likes my comments. But you need to stop constantly telling me to read your fanfics, I will read them and comment on them in my own time! And it's not just you, I'd do this with anybody though I really don't like to. I admit I've written fanfics and eagerly wanted people to comment on them, even got vocal about it, but the people who heard me told me I cannot force anyone to comment on my stories and now I know and understand why. I mean I still like people to comment on my stories, preferably if they're nice but I do want honesty, I won't always like my comments but I cannot control what others say or do, I can only control what I say or do. I mean I don't mind sometimes being reminded of your fanfics but I would appreciate it if you please cut down on it. How would you feel if I wrote fanfics and kept pushing you to read and comment on them? I'm really sorry if I sounded like a jerk to you and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and made you feel despondent. I don't like to hurt or upset anyone and I don't like talking to anyone this way anymore than I like to be talked to this way, I want to be a nice person, and I hate upsetting others, but I cannot please everyone and I cannot satisfy everyone's desires. I know no one is going to give me everything I want and I cannot do it for anyone. I don't mean to but I am going to displease others, including you. I like you, although I don't know you all too well so I cannot like you that much, you don't know me either, but I don't dislike you or hate you and I'll never hate you even if you really hurt my feelings (DON'T!), and we're not friends, in fact, I'm not friends with anybody on this Wikia and would rather not be, being aquaintances with you and everyone else online is as much relationship as I prefer, and again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. And as I said, you write Loud House fanfiction better than I can, seriously you're very creative, and you should continue to write Loud House fanfiction, don't let anything I said stop you or guilt you! Just please remember that I will get to them when I get to them and it could be a while before I read any. But please also understand that there are some fanfics I cannot read period for my safety. Again, I don't like talking to anyone this way, including you, and I hate being mean to other people and again, I'm sorry if I sounded mean and sounded like jerk to you and I don't look forward to doing this to you again or to anyone else, but alas I will. I don't even like doing this to my own mother and sometimes I have to. I hope I wasn't too mean and hope I was assertive with you or not too hard on you but I really needed to talk to you about this and to nip this in the bud. That's all from me. What's your rebuttal? Fire away! If you don't like me anymore and want nothing else to do with me after this message, I'll respect your decision.