User blog:Thomperfan/I love my lips

(It starts out with me talking with Rita and confessing one of my deepest fears.)

Me: (singing) If my lips ever left my mouth, packed a bag and headed south, that'd be too bad. I'd be so sad.

Rita: I see. That'd be too bad? You'd be so sad?

Me: That'd be too bad.

Rita: Ok.

Me: If my lips said "Adios! I don't like you. I think you're gross." That'd be too bad. I might get mad.

Rita: Hmm, that'd be too bad? You might get mad?

Me: That'd be too bad.

Rita: Fascinating.

Me: If my lips moved to Duluth, left a mess and took my teeth that'd be too bad. I'd call my dad.

Rita: Oh, dear. That'd be too bad? You'd call your dad?

Me: That'd be too bad.

Rita: Hold it! Did you say your father? (I nod) Facinating! So what you're saying is, if your lips left you...?

Me: That'd be too bad, I'd be so sad, I might get mad, I'd call my dad. That'd be too bad.

Rita: That'd be too bad?

Me: That'd be too bad.

 Rita: Why?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: 'Cause I love my lips! Be-de-be-bap bop be-de-bap-boo ee-be-dap-bop boop-ba-da-ba-bow yaba-dab-bop ba-de-ba-da-boom bom be-da-ba-ba-buh-dow yaba-dab-dab bbbrbbrbrrbrbbrum ebahdebayabagabbear bealllabealblllebleeallelallell bum.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: Oh my. This is more serious than I thought. Noah, what do you see here? (Rorsharch test)

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: Um, that looks like a lip.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: What about this?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: It's a lip!

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Rita: And this?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: It's a lip, it's a lip, it's a lip, lip, lip. It's a lip, it's a lip, it's a lip, lip, lip. It's a lip, it's a lip, it's a lip, lip, lip. It's a liiiiiiiiiip! It's a lip, lip, lip.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: Noah, tell me about your childhood.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: When I was just two years old, I left my lips out in the cold and they turned blue. What could I do?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: Oh dear. They turned blue, what could you do?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: Oh, they turned blue.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: I see.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: On the day I got my tooth I had to kiss my Great Aunt, too. She had a beard and it felt weird.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: My, my. She had a beard and it felt weird?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: She had a beard.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: Oh...

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: Ten days after I turned eight, got my lips stuck in a gate. My friends all laughed. And I just stood there until the fire department came and broke the lock with a crowbar and I had to spend the next six weeks in lip rehab with this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee, right on the lip. And we couldn't even talk to eachother until the fifth week 'cause both of our lips were so swollen, and when he did start speaking he just spoke Polish, and I only knew like, three words in Polish, except now, I know four because Oscar taught me the word for lip. "Usta!"

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: Your friends all laughed. Usta. How do you spell that?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: I don't know.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: So what you're saying is, that when you were young...

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: They turned blue. What could I do? She had a beard and it felt weird. My friends all laughed... Usta!

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: I'm confused.

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: I love my lips! Be-de-be-bap bop be-de-bap-boo ee-be-dap-bop boop-ba-da-ba-bow yaba-dab-bop ba-de-ba-da-boom bom be-da-ba-ba-buh-dow yaba-dab-dab

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Rita: (while I'm singing) Uh, Noah. Noah, wait Noah. Noah, I've got enough. thank you. Noah. Excuse me! Noah. Noah!

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;"> Me: Have I ever told you how I feel about my nose?

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Rita: Oh look at the time!

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">Me: Oooooooooh...

<p style="font-weight:normal;font-family:"HelveticaNeue",Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;">THE END