11 Louds a Leapin'/Script

[ACT 1]

[pan down to the Loud House, which is decorated with a bunch of Christmas decorations, then zooms into Lincoln's room] Lincoln: [pulls on his snow pants and talks to the viewers] "It's the day before Christmas" [puts an orange sweater on over his head] "and there's no better time to be in the Loud House." [puts on a Charlie Brown Christmas-esque cap] [Lincoln exits his bedroom and pulls off Lana's scarf, causing her to spin into the bathroom] Luna: [singing] "♫Christmas time is totally rad / I want those gifts, so I won't be bad!♫" [stops her song and groans] "Aww! Come on!" Lincoln: "Having trouble with this year's Christmas song, Luna?" Luna: "Bro, I'm stuck like Santa in a chimney!" [inspired] "Ooh! That's not bad!" [starts singing a new song] "♫I'm stuck like Santa in a chimney! I've been good all year, so gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!♫" [stops yet again] "Aww, rubbish!" Luan: [pops out, dressed as a reindeer] "I'll say! Those lyrics make no frankincense! [chuckles in a Santa Claus tone] "That's one!" [clicks on a remote resulting in a counter appearing with the number 1 on a Christmas tree] "My twelve puns of Christmas are off to a great start. I've only got to come up with eleven myrrh!" [chuckles] "Make that ten!" [clicks her remote] [The counter now says 2] Lily: [blows a raspberry] Leni: [walks up the stairs wearing a red and green dress and ornament earrings] "Hey, Lincoln! I just made the perfect Christmas outfit." Rita: [off screen] Hey, has anyone seen my plaid Christmas table cloth? [Leni looks down and notices that she used the table cloth, then shushes Lincoln as she walks into her room] Lori: [on her phone, talking to Bobby] "Oh, don't worry about buying me a gift, Bobby Boo-Boo Bear. I mean, sure, it's our very first Christmas together" [split screen widens to show Bobby, Lori's voice is still heard over the phone] "and I'll probably remember what you give me for the rest of our lives, but no pressure." [zooms away from Bobby in the calendar section of the mall, holding two calendars. He switches his phone to his other ear.] Bobby: [on his phone, calling Lori] "Right. Uh, no pressure, Babe." [chuckles and hangs up before falling on his knees and crying] [return to the Loud House where Lincoln is at the bottom of the steps. He pulls out two different boots out of a pile that are each one of his sisters.] Lincoln: "Oops! Wrong ones!" [throws the boots out of the way; to the viewers] "Excuse me. This might take a while." [Lincoln prepares to dive into the boot pile when Lola zooms in] Lola: [appearing very innocent] "Hey there, favorite big brother! Allow me to dive into that pile of smelly sweaty footwear and find your winter boots for you. "[curtsies, then dives into the pile] [Lincoln looks on in confusion. Lola then emerges from the pile with two brown boots] Lola: [gasps for air] "Here you are, good sir!" [puts Lincoln's winter boots on his feet] "Two big brother boots. Boy, these are stylish!" Lincoln: [suspicious] "Okay, what do you want?" Lola: [quiet voice with an evil grin on her face] "To get a good haul from Santa." [normal voice] "See, contrary to popular belief, I am no angel. So, if I'm going to get on Santa's nice list, I have one day to undo twelve months of naughty!" Lisa: [off screen] "You're wasting your time." [wheels in a whiteboard with equations as she comes on screen and begins pointing to sections with a candy cane]  "Factoring in sleigh speed, time zone changes, and reindeer bathroom breaks, it is scientifically impossible for this so-called Kris Kringle  to deliver gifts to the approximately one billion qualifying children. As you can see, X equals no stinkin' way." [bites into her candy cane] Lola: [growls] "You're lucky I'm being nice right now!" [Geo, in a Santa cap with a bell on it, rolls on screen and passes the Christmas tree. Charles is sleeping underneath, dreaming of sugarplums, and Cliff is batting at the lights on the tree. Both of them are in Christmas sweaters. The screen pans to Walt in a scarf flying to a partridge in a pear tree decoration. He lands on the branch and flirts with the fake partridge before it falls down.] Rita: [nailing a purple stocking for Lily to the wall at a distance from the fireplace where the other Louds' stockings are hung and next to a pink one for Lola] "You know what I want for Christmas? A bigger fireplace." Luan: [pops up, holding a holly berry] "What's that, Mom? I can holly hear you!" [chuckles and clicks her remote] "That's three!" [The counter says 3] Lily: [pops out of her stocking and blows a raspberry before getting picked up by Rita] Luan: "Lily, are you [picks up her yellow stocking] stocking me?" [off screen after the screen pans to Lincoln, chuckles and clicks her remote] "That's four!" [Counter says 4; Lincoln turns around a corner to find Lynn lifting a dresser and Lucy looking underneath] Lynn: "See anything?" Lucy: "Nope." [Lynn puts the dresser down and winds her arm] Lincoln: "Looking for gifts for Mom and Dad, Huh? [whispers] Have you checked Dad's underwear drawer?" Lynn: [sarcastically, walking away] "Have we checked Dad's underwear drawer?" Lucy: "Lincoln, please. This is not our first rodeo." [A smell comes in. Lucy leaves and Lincoln walks in the kitchen wondering what the smell was] Lynn Sr.: [singing] "Dashing to the stove... [stops singing] Hey, son! You're just in time to try the Crown Jewel of Ol' Dad's Christmas Eve feast...[Opens the pot and smoke comes out all over the kitchen]...The Figgy Pudding!" [Smoke comes through the window] Lincoln: [chuckles] "And ruin the surprise at dinner? I don't think so!" Luan: "Look at Dad getting figgy with it! [chuckles and clicks her remote] Number 5!" [Counter says 5] Lynn Sr.: Ah, I love the 12 Puns of Christmas. Luan, you wanna try my pudding?" Luan: "Sorry, Dad. Yule have to ask someone else. Get it? Yule? That's six! I just sleigh myself! Ooh, 7!" [clicks her remote twice] [The counter goes to 6 and 7 as both laugh] Lynn Sr.: "Sleigh!" Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Yup. Everyone around here is full of Christmas cheer". Mr. Grouse: "LOUDS! What's that awful stench?" Lincoln: "Well, everyone except for our crabby old neighbor, Mr. Grouse. He really lives up to his name. Especially around Christmas." Mr. Grouse: "LOUDS! Turn down that annoying music! LOUDS! Shut off all those horrible lights!" Lincoln: "Sheesh. [Walks outside] Well, I'm not gonna let Mr. Grouse take away my Christmas cheer. I've got a week off school, ten inches of fresh snow, and this guy! [referring to a snow sled] The Fearsome Flyer 8000! Or as I affectionately call him, "Big Red". We've been waiting all winter for the perfect sledding conditions. So if you'll excuse us..." [runs off shouting but suddenly gets caught in a net] Lana: "Woo-hoo! My reindeer net worked! Sorry, Lincoln. I'm just getting ready for tonight. [gets Lincoln out of the net] I'm gonna catch one to keep as a pet!" [Car tires screech and then crashes and the horn blares] Lana: "Woo-hoo! My reindeer pit worked! Uh, don't worry, buddy! I got a winch!" [Runs off to the car with her winch]

[scene changes to Lincoln with his sled on top of a slide in the backyard] Lincoln: "Now, where was I? Ah, yes. It's just you and me, Big Red." [puts helmet on] "Let's do this." [slides down the slide] "Ha ha! Yeah!" ''[Big Red hits a rock, causing Lincoln to scream and landing head first in snow. Big Red then dramatically falls into Mr. Grouse's yard]'' Lincoln: "Nooooooooo! [to the viewers] This is a disaster! When stuff goes into Mr. Grouse's yard, it never comes back." ''[Flashback #1: On a summer day, Leni's beach ball apparently went over Mr. Grouse's fence. Leni winces as Mr. Grouse yells.]'' Flashback Mr. Grouse: "My yard, my property!" ''[Flashback #2: At night, Lana's toilet plunger apparently went over Mr. Grouse's fence. Lana looks sad as Mr. Grouse yells.]'' Flashback Mr. Grouse: "My yard, my property!" ''[Flashback #3: On an autumn day, Lola's ribbon apparently went over Mr. Grouse's fence. Lola looks angry as Mr. Grouse yells.]'' Flashback Mr. Grouse: "My yard, my property!" [cracks Lola's ribbon like a whip] [Flashbacks end] Lincoln: "Well, I'm not letting Big Red suffer the same fate. Especially on the first day of vacation." [grunts as he attempts to climb over the fence] Mr. Grouse: [yelling offscreen, startling Lincoln] "Louds! [pan to the Louds' roof with three festive air dancers that look like elves on top] Take down that eyesore. You're bringing down the property values!" [view returns to Lincoln]  Lincoln: "It's too risky to go in alone. I'm going to need backup." [pulls out a walkie talkie] ''[scene changes to the McBride house. Clyde is in his room, tying a mistletoe leaf to a crooked branch.]'' Lincoln: [over walkie talkie] "Clyde, come in!" Clyde: "Hey, Lincoln! Just working on my mistletoe. [taps the leaf] This year, I'm not gonna squander my one chance to get a holiday smooch from Lori." [the screen splits to show both Lincoln and Clyde] Lincoln: [rolls his eyes] "I'm rootin' for you, buddy. But, can it wait? I've got a Code Six emergency!" Clyde: Oh no! What went over the fence this time? [gets an idea] Was it Bobby?" [Clyde's fantasy: Somehow, Bobby ended up on the other side of Mr. Grouse's fence. Clyde and Lori hold hands as they look on at Bobby, who is being held by his shirt collar by Mr. Grouse.] Fantasy Mr. Grouse: "My yard, my property!" [Lori and Clyde skip off as a harp vibe plays] Fantasy Bobby: "Babe?" [Fantasy ends] Lincoln:"Negative. It was Big Red!" Clyde: "Noooooooo!" [Clyde's side of the split screen disappears] Lincoln: "Put on your snow boots. It's time to put Operation Scale the Fence and Retrieve Big Red Before Mr. Grouse Finds It and Takes It Into His House Forever and Also Think of a Shorter Name For This Operation into action!" [scene change to the McBride house where Clyde has a red turtleneck stuck over his head] Clyde: "Sorry, I got stuck in a turtleneck. Could you repeat that? Never mind. I'm on my way." [hits his face on the closed door]

[In the living room, Lincoln runs upstairs while Lynn lifts the sofa, now missing its cushions.] Lucy: [looks under the sofa] "No presents for us under here." Lynn: [drops the sofa] "Dang it!" Lucy: "We could look in the basement. How do you feel about lifting the water heater?" Lynn: [tightens her belt] "Let's do this!" ''[After Lynn and Lucy run off screen, Lori pops up as the Waltz of the Sugar Plum Fairy plays. She tiptoes to the row of stockings and takes a yellow and red present out of her mother's pink stocking. She sniffs it and sighs in satisfaction.]'' Lori: "I don't think Mom will mind if I just peel back the corner a little." [tugs on the ribbon] Luan: [off screen] "Hold it! [camera pans to show her] You are mistletoe-tally busted!" [Lori's eyes narrow as Luan chuckles and clicks her remote] That's eight!" [The counter reads 8] Lori: [high-pitched sigh] "I can't help it. The sound of the paper tearing, the smell of the tape, that moment when you stick the bow in your hair. [tackles Luan] Gimme that!" Luan: "You gotta kick this habit, Lori. We don't want a repeat of last year." [Lori's eyes widen as a flashback of the previous Christmas starts: tearing sounds are heard as the Loud siblings, sans Lori, look on. The view changes to show Lori, rocking in an unwrapped box with several bows in her hair. Many unwrapped presents are in the background.] Flashback Lori: [laughs] "You guys got some great stuff!" [Flashback ends] Lori: "You're right, Luan. I gotta fight this!" Luan: "Well, there's no time like the present! [chuckles and presses her remote] That's nine." [Counter reads 9] Lori: [returns the present to her mother's stocking] "I can be strong. I will not open another gift until Christmas morning." [The doorbell rings. Lori opens the door.] Short Delivery Man: "Delivery for Miss Lori Loud." [stuffs a giant green and red present through the door] Lori: [reads the tag] "'''To Lori. Open immediately. [stops reading and groans] Universe, you are literally testing me." [The Short Delivery Man walks away but yells as a crash is heard. Letters fly off and Lana comes outside.] Lana:''' "Woohoo! [runs over to see the Short Delivery Man in a metal cage] My reindeer cage works!" [Lori is now pushing her big present inside] Leni: [comes down the stairs in a white dress made of tinsel] "Hey guys! Forget what I was wearing before. This is the perfect Christmas outfit." Rita: [from the dining room] "Has anyone seen all my tinsel?" Leni: [shushes Lori and Luan] Luan: "Oooh! I'm gonna tell!" Leni: "No no no!" Luan: [pulls on the ribbon on Leni's dress] "Just ribbon ya! [chuckles as Leni sighs and presses her remote] That's ten!" [Counter says 10] [Lola has approached her mother in the dining room] Lola: [feigning kindness] "Oh, mother. You've done so much to make this glorious holiday perfect. Allow me to look for the tinsel and after I find it, I'll rub your tired, aching tootsies." Rita: [pulls paper dolls out of a box] "Thank you, Lola. That's very nice of you." Lola: [gasps and faces skyward shaking her fist] "Did you hear that, Santa? She said "nice"!" Lisa: [walks in the background with her candy cane, speaking in a sing-song tone] "Wasting your time..." Lola: [to herself] "Control yourself, Lola. She's not worth it." [Lincoln runs past with binoculars to go outside. He climbs up the slide to get a view of Mr. Grouse's house. Clyde suddenly pops up.] Clyde: "Hey, Lincoln!" Lincoln: [screams and slides down the slide, hurting his rear] "Clyde!" Clyde: "I'm okay!" [wearing his crooked branch on his hat] Lincoln: "I see you toned down the mistletoe this year." Clyde: "Yeah. I don't want a repeat of last year." [Flasback: Clyde puts on yellow lip balm and walks along with a bush of mistletoe on his head.] Flashback Clyde: "Pucker up, my Christmas queen!" [A hawk swoops down and picks up Clyde, causing him to scream. The flashback ends.] Clyde: [sighs] "So what's the plan?" Lincoln: [draws with a twig to show the plan] "You'll go to the front door and sing Christmas carols here. When Grouse comes out to yell at you, I'll hop the fence and grab Big Red here." Clyde: "Strategic genius! [points to a yellow puddle in the snow] One question: what's that?" Lincoln: [grossed out] "Ugh! Charles!" [Charles shrugs innocently as he enters the house]

[Clyde is at Mr. Grouse's front door] Clyde: [talking into walkie talkie] Turtledove to Sled Man Walking. I'm in position." Lincoln: "Copy that, Turtledove. Commence caroling."