User blog:Metool Bard/Fanfiction: Tee'd Off

This one is a bit of a fan episode of sorts. I honestly haven't written in a script format since my early days in the MMC (Mega Man Community, for the uninitiated), so I apologize if I'm a bit rusty. Anyway, enough waffle; here's:

Tee'd Off
Plot Summery: After a harsh exchange of words, Lynn challenges Lori to a round of golf, but not before dragging Leni and Lincoln into their squabble.

Script
''[We begin in the backyard of the Loud House. Lori is decked out in her golfing attire, and she sets down a golf ball on a tee. She then rummages through her golf bag and pulls out a club. She walks over to the tee and takes careful aim at a cup she set up a few feet away. As she sets up her shot, she notices the camera. She smirks at the audience.]''

Lori: When you have as many talented siblings as I do, it’s sometimes hard to stand out. Between Luna’s music, Luan’s comedy, Lisa’s brains, Lana’s technical expertise, and Lola’s pageants, people often ask me: Lori, where do you fit in? What special talents do you have?

[Beat]

Lori: Well, okay. No one really asks me that. But that’s because they already know what I’m good at. And that’s golf.

[Lori continues to line up her shot.]

Lori: Lynn may be the sporty one in our family, but when it comes to golf, she can’t hold a candle to me. I’ve been playing this game since she was literally still in diapers. I don’t mean to brag or anything, but I might have a good chance at making the Masters Tournament someday. And that’s something no one can take away from me.

???: Heads up, Linc!

''[Lori perks up, confused. It turns out she’s a second too late, as a tennis ball zooms by, smacking her in the cheek and knocking her to the ground. As she recovers, Leni walks over, looking over at the damage. Lynn and Lincoln are at her heels, tennis rackets in hand. Leni sighs and shakes her head.]''

Leni: Fault!

Lynn: [fuming] Aw, what?! That was a let at best!

Leni: No, you hit Lori in the face. That’s your fault. Now apologize.

Lincoln: [to Lynn] I told you making Leni the referee was a bad idea.

[Lori shakes herself and gives Lynn an angry look.]

Lori: Guys, do you mind?! I’m trying to work on my putting over here!

Lincoln: We’re really sorry, Lori. We’ll play somewhere else.

Lynn: Hold up, time out. [she gives Lori a peculiar look] Since when do you practice sports in the backyard? That’s my schtick.

Lori: [haughtily] What? I’m not allowed to keep myself in top form? I happen to take my golfing very seriously, FYI. Not that you would ever understand.

Lynn: [narrows her eyes] What’s that supposed to mean?

[Lori begins to line up her shot once again.]

Lori: You may be good at a lot of sports, Lynn, but this is one game you just can’t hack.

[Lincoln gulps, knowing full well what’s coming next.]

Lincoln: Um, uh, Lori? Maybe you should just—

Lori: [ignoring Lincoln] Golf is a sophisticated sport. And, well, when I think of the word “sophisticated,” I definitely don’t think of you.

Lynn: Are you saying you would beat me at a sport? You, of all people?

Leni: [frantically] Guys, there’s no need to—

Lori: That’s exactly what I’m saying, Lynn Loud Junior. ''[she taps the ball, which rolls smoothly into the cup. She gives Lynn a smug grin.]''

Lynn: [sulks] Lucky shot.

Lori: Oh, you think you can do better?

Lynn: Oh, I don’t think. I know! No one can beat Lynn Loud at any sport!

Lori: Wanna bet?

[Lori and Lynn glare at each other for a few seconds before Lincoln steps in-between them.]

Lincoln: Girls, there’s no need to fight. Why can’t you just accept that you’re both good at sports?

Lynn: No way! There is no chance in the world that Ms. Prissy Pants over here can beat me at my own game!

Lori: I’ve literally been playing this game for longer than you’ve been alive!

Leni: [starts counting on her fingers] Wait, is that true? I could’ve sworn you started playing golf when you were five. And I think Lynn was alive back then.

Lori: [exasperated] Leni, you’re not helping.

''[Lynn looks at Lincoln, then at Leni. After a moment’s pondering, a lightbulb goes off in her head, and a mischievous grin crosses her face.]''

Lynn: Tell you what, Lori? You sound pretty confident in your golfing skills. How about we have a little contest?

Lori: You want to challenge me to a round of golf? [scoffs] No sweat.

Lynn: Hang on. Haven’t finished yet. [she reaches over and drags Lincoln close] We’ll make it two on two. Me and Lincoln against you and Leni.

Lincoln: What?! Why do we have to be part of this?!

Leni: Yeah! Like, I don’t know how to play golf! I don’t even know where left field is!

Lynn: [smugly] Oh, don’t worry, Leni. You’ve got the best teacher in the world, apparently. [smirks at Lori] Isn’t that right, Lori?

[Lori stares a Lynn for a moment before a confident smile crosses her face.]

Lori: If you’re trying to scare me, it’s not gonna work. I’ll teach Leni everything I know, and we’ll literally wipe the floor with you!

Lynn: How about we make it official? Say, Saturday at Hole In One-derland? And the loser has to do the winner’s chores for a month.

Lori: Oh it is on, Lynn Loud.

Lynn: Great! We tee off at noon on Saturday.

''[Lynn spits into her hand and extends it to Lori. Lori cringes at the display, but reluctantly shakes Lynn’s hand. Lincoln clears his throat.]''

Lincoln: Um, don’t Leni and I get a say in this?

Lori and Lynn: No!

Lori: C’mon, Leni. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover. After I wash my hands.

''[Lori stomps off in a huff. Leni gives Lincoln a sheepish shrug before following her.]''

Lynn: Heh. This’ll be a piece of cake. C’mon, Linc!

''[She grabs Lincoln by the arm and rushes off. Before Lincoln is dragged away, he looks at the camera and sighs.]''

Lincoln: This won’t end well. [disappears in a cloud of dust as he’s dragged off by Lynn]

***

''[We cut to the second floor hallway of the Loud House. Lynn has a bag of golf clubs slung over her shoulder and a golf ball in hand. Lincoln is with her, struggling to lift his own golf bag, which is overflowing with clubs.]''

Lincoln: [straining] Lynn? A-are you sure I need this many clubs?

Lynn: A good golfer is prepared for anything, Lincoln. If we’re gonna beat Lori and Leni on Saturday, you need to learn your stuff.

[Lincoln drops his golf bag and gives Lynn a bemused look.]

Lincoln: Lynn, I already know how to play golf.

Lynn: [deadpan] Lincoln, just because you’ve beaten Clyde at Disgruntled Fantasy Links ten times in a row doesn’t mean you know about golf.

Lincoln: Hey! I’ll have you know that I still have the high score in Wii Sports Golf in this house!

Lynn: [muttering under her breath] Rub it in, why don’t ya?

Lincoln: What?

Lynn: I said that still doesn’t count. Life is not a video game, Lincoln. Nothing can compare to the real deal.

''[Lynn sets up a golf tee and places a ball upon it. She then takes out a golf club and begins to line up her shot.]''

Lincoln: [nervously] Um, Lynn? Are you sure it’s okay to do this indoors?

Lynn: Relax, Linc. I do this all the time.

Lincoln: Yeah, we know. And more often than not, it gets people hurt.

Lynn: Oh, will you stop whining? Nothing bad’s gonna happen. [she draws back her club] Fore!

''[Lynn smacks the golf ball with all her might, causing it to bounce all throughout the corridor. Lincoln ducks under his golf bag as the ball ricochets everywhere, eventually bouncing into the twins’ room. There is a splash and a scream heard offscreen.]''

Lincoln: You were saying?

''[Before Lynn can respond, a soggy and irate Lola emerges from her room. She is holding a teacup with Lynn’s golf ball in it.]''

Lola: I believe this is yours.

Lincoln: [smirks] Well, now you have to win, Lynn. Laundry is usually Lori’s chore, and I happen know firsthand how hard it is to steam clean chiffon.

Lynn: [sulks] Oh, shut up.

***

''[We cut to a golf course. Lori is driving a golf cart while Leni sits next to her, her nose buried in a book entitled “How 2 Golf.”  Leni is wearing a very stylish golfing outfit, complete with a red kilt, white gloves, and a brown scarf.]''

Lori: Okay, Leni. I know you’re nervous, but trust me. Golf’s not that hard to learn.

Leni: [scratches her head, still reading her book] I dunno, Lori. Some of this stuff sounds, like, really complicated.

Lori: You’ll get the hang of it once we start playing.

''[Lori pulls up to the first hole. She gets out of the golf cart and sets up a tee. Leni steps out as well, still reading her book.]''

Lori: Let’s start off with your golf swing. That’s literally the most important part of the game, after all.

Leni: Um, okay. Let’s see here…  [reads from the book] “Take your golf club in hand, plant your feet firmly on the ground, and address the ball.”  Sounds simple enough.

''[Leni puts away her book and takes out a golf club. She walks over to the tee, kneels down, and begins scribbling on the ball with a golf pencil. Lori raises an eyebrow.]''

Lori: Um, Leni? What are you doing?

Leni: What? Don’t you do this when you play golf?

Lori: Leni, you’ve watched me play golf before. When have I ever started randomly doodling on the ball?

Leni: I’m not doodling on it. I’m addressing it, just like the book says.

''[Curious, Lori walks over and kneels down next to Leni. Sure enough, she had written “1216 Franklin Avenue” on the golf ball. Lori pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head.]''

Lori: No, Leni. When they say “address the ball,” they don’t mean, well, that.

Leni: Ooooh~. Okay, I gotcha. Let me try again.

''[Leni stands up and rereads her book. She then takes her club and walks over to the tee.]''

Leni: Okay. Approach. Plant your feet firmly. Head down. Arms straight…

''[Lori’s eyes light up. She’s clearly excited by the prospect that Leni is starting to understand the rules of golf. Then, just when she expects Leni to hit the ball, Leni instead gives the ball a friendly wave.]''

Leni: Hello, ball!

[Lori groans and smacks her forehead.]

Lori: This is gonna be harder than I thought…

***

''[We cut to the next day in the backyard of the Loud House. Lynn is setting up a golf ball on a tee, while Lincoln is dragging the heavy bag of golf clubs.]''

Lincoln: [straining] Seriously, Lynn. I-I don’t think we need this many clubs.

Lynn: Who’s the sports expert here, Lincoln? You or me?

Lincoln: I’m just saying that I don’t think Lori carries this many—

''[Lynn scowls and marches right up to Lincoln. She starts jabbing her finger into his chest.]''

Lynn: Get this through your head, buster. Sports are my deal. Not Lori’s, mine. And we’re gonna prove that to her on Saturday. Got it?

Lincoln: [raising an eyebrow] That’s what all this is about? Lynn, you’ve always known that Lori is good at golf. Why are you getting so defensive about it now?

Lynn: I-I’m not being defensive! I’m just protecting my reputation! Lori called me out, and she’s not getting away with it!

[Lynn takes out a golf club from the bag and thrusts it into Lincoln’s hands.]

Lynn: Now let’s see your swing!

Lincoln: [groans] Fine.

''[Lincoln walks up to the tee and lines up his shot. He swallows and closes his eyes.]''

Lincoln: [to himself] Just imagine it’s Wii Golf, just imagine it’s Wii Golf, just imagine it’s Wii Golf…

''[Lincoln swings the club with all his might. The ball sails across the backyard, which impresses Lincoln. His delight soon fades when he notices the ball heading straight for Lucy, who is busy digging a new grave.]''

Lincoln: Lucy, watch out!

''[Lucy looks up just in time and sidesteps the ball. It lands in the hole she was digging.]''

Lynn: Woo~! Hole in one! [she smirks at Lincoln] Not bad for an amateur. But next time, the term you’re looking for is, well, “fore.”

Lincoln: [sighs] Sorry about that, Luce!

Lucy: [seemingly unfazed] Sigh. No worries, Lincoln. It wouldn’t be the first time Lynn’s sports equipment ended up in my stuff.

Lynn: [indignant] I said I was sorry about stuffing all my lucky balls inside your coffin! Sheesh, you never let things go.

Lincoln: [clears his throat] Um, can we have our ball back, please?

Lucy: [shrugs] Alright. But I better not see it in my grave again, or I’ll be giving it its last rites.

Lincoln: Got it.

''[Lucy scoops up the ball from the hole and marches it back to Lincoln and Lynn. She then gets right back to digging.]''

Lynn: Forget the Duchess of Darkness. You’re not too shabby with a club, Linc. I just know that together, we’ll beat the pants off of Lori and Leni.

???: I wouldn’t be so sure about that, Lynn.

''[Lynn turns to see Lori and Leni, both dressed in their golfing outfits. Lynn sneers.]''

Lynn: Oh? And what makes you think you have a shot against us?

Lori: You mean besides the fact that I’ve been playing this game longer than you, and that I was good enough to make it onto the Varsity Golf team when I was just a freshman?

Lynn: That doesn’t mean anything when you’re going up against a sports legend, Lori. Besides, what about Leni?

Lori: What about her? She’s learning the game. [turns to Leni] Aren’t you?

Leni: Yeah. Um, kinda. I mean, like, I still don’t get the whole “less points is good” thing…

Lori: [palms her face] Leni, I want you to listen carefully. When it takes fewer tries to get the ball in the hole, that’s a good thing. Therefore, you want a low score. I’ve literally explained this to you a bazillion times; what about it is so hard to understand?!

[Lynn snickers, prompting a dirty look from Lori.]

Lynn: Yeah, okay. Sure. Leni is so ready for Saturday.

Leni: [brightly] You really think so?

Lori: [deadpans] I don’t care what Lisa says; one of these days, we really need to teach you about sarcasm. [she turns back to Lynn] Anyway, scoff if you must. Because once Saturday rolls around, you’ll be singing a different tune.

''[Lynn snorts and places her golf ball on the tee. She then proceeds to line up her shot.]''

Lynn: Somehow, I doubt it, Lori. How about I give you a taste of what you’re up against? [draws back her club] Fore!

''[Lynn whacks the ball with all her might, sending it sailing over the backyard. Mr. Grouse is trimming his hedges when the ball arcs down and smacks him in the head.]''

Mr. Grouse: Ow! [glares at the Louds] Doggone it, Loud!

Lynn: [hollers back] To be fair, I did yell “fore!”  Um, can we have the golf ball back, please?

Lincoln: [rolls his eyes] Here it comes…

Mr. Grouse: Not a chance! My yard, my property!

Lincoln: And there it is.

''[Mr. Grouse stomps back inside with the golf ball. Lynn gives Lincoln a dirty look.]''

Lynn: “Let’s play outside,” you said. “It’s so much safer,” you said!

Lori: [giggles] Oh, wow. I’m so threatened by the way you can hit the ball out of bounds.

Leni: Why would you be threatened by that?

[Lori sighs and pats Leni on the head.]

Lori: I’ll explain later. [turns to Lynn] Now, if you’ll excuse us, Leni and I have some actual golfing to do.

''[Lori walks off. Leni gives Lincoln a sheepish smile.]''

Leni: Don’t worry, Lincoln. If Lori wins, I won’t make you do all of my chores for a month.

Lincoln: I… didn’t think you would, Leni.

Leni: [shrugs] Just thought I’d let you know.

''[With that, Leni walks off. Lynn crosses her arms and growls.]''

Lynn: Stupid Lori. She thinks she’s all that and a bag of chips, but we’ll show her. Right, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Yeah, refresh my memory. Why are you dragging me into this? Heck, why are you dragging Leni into this?

Lynn: ‘Cause you’re both golf newbies. Duh.

Lincoln: You just said I was not too shabby with a club.

Lynn: [shrugs] That just means you’ve got potential. Which is good, because I doubt Leni is half the golfer you are.

***

[We cut to the golf course, where Leni is still reading her “How 2 Golf” book while Lori practices her swing.]

Leni: So, like, it’s a race to see who gets their ball into the hole first?

Lori: Yep.

Leni: And each time you try to get the ball in the hole, you get a point.

Lori: Technically, it’s called a “stroke,” but yeah, pretty much.

Leni: So that’s why you don’t want a lot of points!

Lori: [cheerfully] Now you’re getting it!

Leni: I am? Yay~! [she claps her hands excitedly before a thought strikes her] But, why didn’t you just say that before?

[Lori’s eye twitches.]

Lori: I did say that be— [sighs] Never mind. Let’s see your swing.

Leni: Um, okay. [takes a golf club out of the bag] Approach. Head down. Arms straight. [gives the golf ball a friendly wave] Hello, ball!

Lori: [rolls her eyes] Ugh…

''[Leni starts to line up her shot. She looks over at the flag, then down at the ball. She begins to gyrate her hips and roll her shoulders back. She continues this odd dance for a few seconds before Lori starts losing her patience.]''

Lori: C’mon already!

[Leni flinches and nearly drops her club.]

Leni: Sorry, Lori! I just…  I don’t want to hit the ball after saying “hello” to it! That’d be rude!

''[Lori facepalms and lets out a frustrated growl. Suddenly, her expression brightens as an idea hits her.]''

Lori: Okay, Leni. In the future, just forget about addressing the ball. You’re paying too much attention to it.

Leni: But isn’t the ball the thing I want to go into the hole?

Lori: Yes, but you’re being too uptight about it. You want to relax. Here, I’m gonna teach you a little trick I learned when I started playing.

[Leni steps out of the way as Lori approaches the tee and lines up her shot.]

Lori: So, try to imagine that the ball is something you really want to hit. Observe.

[Lori draws back her club and whacks the ball with great force, sending it several yards away.]

Lori: [scoffs] Hmph. Take that, Lynn.

Leni: [gasps] Lori! What a thing to say! Are you really that mad at her?!

Lori: Well, I…  It’s not that…  I was just…

''[Lori tries in vain to explain herself, but finds that even she doesn’t know where that outburst came from. She sighs.]''

Lori: Look, that was just an example. I still love Lynn, absolutely. The point is, don’t think about the ball. Just picture it as something else.

Leni: Um, if you say so.

''[Lori sets up another ball, and Leni begins to line up her shot. After a few seconds, she sighs.]''

Leni: I can’t do it, Lori. I can’t think of anyone I’d want to hurt that badly. And I don’t know why you’d want to hurt Lynn.

Lori: Leni, I don’t want to hurt her. I just…

''[Lori squirms a bit, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation. Soon, another idea pops into her head.]''

Lori: OMG, Leni! There’s a spider on the ball!

Leni: [shrieks] AH~! SPIDER~!

''[Leni whacks the ball and sends it flying. It ends up landing just shy of the hole. Lori grins from ear-to-ear.]''

Leni: [panting] D-did I get it?

Lori: Alright, Leni! Nice on!

Leni: Nice on what?

Lori: On the gre—  You know what? It doesn’t matter. You’re getting good at this, Leni! I just know we’re gonna crush Lynn and Lincoln on Saturday!

Leni: Um, yeah. Super. [she sighs]

***

[We cut to a golf montage, alternating between Lynn and Lincoln and Lori and Leni.]

*Lynn hits a ball into Lucy’s grave, prompting Lucy to take out a book and recite a eulogy.

''*Leni starts doing her warm-up dance while lining up her shot. Lori patiently waits for her and starts texting while an aggravated Flip honks the horn on his golf cart and shakes his fist angrily.''

''*Lincoln putts the ball across the living room. It’s about to roll into a cup when Geo bounds in out of nowhere and blocks his shot. Lynn facepalms.''

*Lori explains the different kinds of clubs to Leni while Leni tries to get her ball out of a sand trap.

''*Lynn hits a ball into a mud puddle. Lana accidentally packs it into a mud pie and eats it. Realizing her mistake, she spits it out, and it rolls down a rain gutter. Lynn growls, throws her club to the ground, and starts jumping up and down on it.''

''*Lori mentions spiders, causing Leni to freak out and whack the ball, getting a hole in one. Lori cheers and hugs her, though Leni still looks concerned.''

''*Lincoln is playing Wii Sports Golf in the living room, and he manages to get a hole in one. He smirks at Lynn, who simply rolls her eyes and facepalms.''

***

''[We cut to Lori and Leni’s room on Friday night. The two eldest sisters are in their pajamas and just getting ready for bed.]''

Lori: I’m telling you, Leni. Once you set your mind to it, you’re really good at golf. Lincoln and Lynn literally don’t stand a chance.

Leni: [glumly] Yeah. Totes.

Lori: [tilts her head] Are you okay, Leni?

Leni: [gives Lori a concerned look] This isn’t just about Lynn accidentally hitting you, is it? Why are you so mad at her?

Lori: [sighs] Leni, I’m not mad at her. I’m just frustrated, that’s all. I mean, where does she get off, thinking that she’s literally the only person in our family who can be good at sports? That’s like saying Lucy is the only one who can like ghosts, or that you’re the only one who can like fashion, or that Lisa’s the only one who can be smart. It’s ridiculous.

Leni: Have you told her that?

Lori: [continues ranting] And she knows I’m good at golf! This shouldn’t be an issue! So what if I want to practice my putting in the backyard one time?! I’m allowed to do that, right?!

Leni: Have you told her that?

Lori: [continues ranting] And besides, she’s the one who dragged you and Lincoln into this, not me! I’m glad I’ve been able to teach you how to play golf, Leni, but you literally have no stake in this! Neither does Lincoln! What on Earth was Lynn thinking?!

Leni: Have you told HER that?

Lori: [turns to Leni] What would you say to her if you were in my shoes, huh?

Leni: [deadpans] Can you tell me something?

Lori: What?

Leni: If you really feel this way, why’d you goat her into challenging you?

Lori: I… think you mean “goad.”

Leni: [blinks] Right. What did I say?

Lori: [sighs and shakes her head] I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m really sorry, Leni.

[Leni gives Lori a warm smile and places a hand on her shoulder.]

Leni: It’s okay, Lori. I just know that no matter who wins tomorrow, nothing’s really gonna change. You’re still a great golfer, and Lynn’s still a great athlete. And for what it’s worth, I really had fun learning about golf with you.

Lori: [gives Leni a sideways glance] Really?

Leni: Oh, totes! I mean, like, I still don’t know where left field is, and I’m still not clear on the whole “addressing the ball” thing. But that doesn’t matter to me. I’m just glad I got to hang out with you and be a part of something you like.

[Lori smiles and gives Leni a hug.]

Lori: Thanks, Leni.

Leni: [returns the embrace] Well, I try. [past Lori on the back before releasing the embrace] Now, let’s get some sleep. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.

Lori: [thoughtfully] Yeah…

***

''[We cut to the next day at Hole In One-derland. Lori, Leni, and Lynn step out of Vanzilla, with Lori carrying a small bag of clubs. Lincoln stumbles out, a massive bag of clubs on his back. It’s so heavy that he has to carry the bag while walking on all fours. Lori notices this and raises an eyebrow.]''

Lori: Um, wow. You, uh, you have enough clubs there, Lynn?

Lynn: Not just any clubs. All of these are my super lucky clubs. Now there’s no way Lincoln and I can lose.

Lori: Uh-huh. Well, we’ll just have to see about that. Right, Leni?

Leni: Like, yeah! May the best team win!

Lynn: Thanks. We intend to.

''[The three of them walk up to the first tee. Lynn turns and scowls when she notices that Lincoln is lagging behind.]''

Lynn: Yo! Shake a leg, Linc! We’re burning daylight!

Lincoln: [crawling with the heavy bag of clubs on his back] Keep talking, Lynn! I’m following your voice!

***

''[We launch into a montage of the golf game. At the first hole, Leni is doing her warm-up dance. Lynn taps her foot impatiently.]''

Lynn: Any day now, Leni!

Lori: Don’t rush her. She’s got this.

''[Leni hits the ball, and it lands just shy of the hole. Lynn sulks.]''

Lynn: Beginner’s luck.

***

[At the third hole, Lincoln hits the ball into a sand trap.]

Lincoln: Dang it.

Leni: Don’t worry, Lincoln. You just need a sand wedgie!

Lori: That’s sand wedge, Leni.

[Lynn snickers.]

Lori: Oh, don’t look so smug. Need I remind you that Leni and I are ahead by two strokes?

Lynn: Still beginner’s luck.

***

''[At the sixth hole, Lori lands an impressive drive. Lynn snorts.]''

Lynn: Not bad, Lori. But now watch a master at work. [turns her head] Hey, Linc! I think I’m gonna need more club!

''[Lincoln is on his back, crushed by the massive bag of golf clubs. He somehow manages to pull one arm out from under the bag, brandishing a club. Lori sighs.]''

Lori: When this is over, you owe Lincoln big time.

Lynn: What? Mom always said Lincoln needed more exercise.

***

''[At the ninth hole, Lynn is scowling at the scorecard. She starts making some edits to it with her golf pencil, but she doesn’t get far before Lori catches her in the act.]''

Lori: Nice try, Lynn.

Lynn: Aw, come on! You know I’m a scratch golfer!

Lori: [rolls her eyes] Lynn, that’s not what that term means, and you know it. If you’re going to beat us, you have to do it honestly, understood?

Lynn: [pouts] Yes, Mom.

***

[At the twelfth hole, a Par 6, Leni lines up her shot.]

Leni: Four!

''[Leni hits the ball, landing a hole in one. Lynn’s jaw drops.]''

Leni: Whoops, sorry. Six! Or, is it negative six? Ugh, I’m confused.

Lori: [smiles and pats Leni on the shoulder] Just think of it as winning the race, Leni.

Leni: [smiles back] Oh, right.

[Lynn growls and grits her teeth.]

Lynn: ‘Scuse me for a second…

[Lynn marches off to the driving range and begins hitting balls like crazy.]

Lynn: [to herself] You wanna lose, Lynn?! You wanna be the mayor of Losertown?! Raah~!

''[She charges back to the hole and smashes the golf ball. The ball goes sailing through the air and lands in the hole…  on Hole Thirteen. All four of the Loud siblings stare in awe, with even Lynn herself surprised by her own strength. After a beat, she turns to Lori.]''

Lynn: That, uh…  That counts, right?

Lori: [stunned] Um, yeah. Sure. Whatever.

***

''[We cut to the eighteenth hole. Lincoln is tallying up the score.]''

Lincoln: So, you guys aren’t gonna believe this, but both of our teams are tied right now.

Lynn: Alright! So this one’s for all the beans in the kitchen!

Leni: Lynn, we had franks and beans last night, remember?

Lori: She means this hole is where it really counts, Leni. Let’s do our best.

Lynn: [snorts] That’s not gonna be enough, Lori. Just remember, I’m the sports master of this family.

Lori: [mumbles] I never said you weren’t…

Lynn: What was that?

Lori: Nothing. Lincoln, you’re up first.

Lincoln: [gulps] Um, okay.

''[Lincoln steps up to the tee and lines up his shot. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.]''

Lincoln: Just imagine it’s Wii Golf, just imagine it’s Wii Golf…

''[Lincoln hits the ball, and it lands on the edge of the green. Lori whistles.]''

Lori: Wow. I wouldn’t expect a shot like that from you, Lincoln. Nice on.

Lincoln: [blinks] Nice on what?

Lori: [groans] On the green. That’s what you say to compliment someone who gets close to the hole.

Leni: Oh, so that’s what that means.

Lynn: [scoffs] If you think that’s impressive, watch a pro in action! [she places a ball on the tee, spits into her hands, rubs them together, and draws back her club] Fore~!

''[Lynn smashes the ball and lands a hole in one. She sneers at Lori.]''

Lynn: Top that.

''[Lori doesn’t respond. She just calmly sets up her golf ball on the tee, lines up her shot, and follows through with a powerful swing. She, too, lands a hole in one. Lynn snorts.]''

Lynn: Touché.

Leni: [swallows] Guess I’m up.

Lori: You’ll be fine, Leni. Just remember everything I taught you.

Leni: O-okay.

''[Lori places a golf ball on the tee and gestures to Leni. Leni approaches the ball and straightens out her stance. She then gives the ball a friendly wave.]''

Leni: Hello, ball!

[Lincoln and Lynn both blink in confusion before turning to Lori.]

Lori: Don’t ask.

''[Leni then proceeds to do her little warm-up dance. After a few seconds, Lynn begins to grow impatient.]''

Lynn: You’re just delaying the inevitable, Leni! Just hit the freaking ball!

Lori: [sighs] Spider…

Leni: [shrieks] AH~! SPIDER~!

''[Leni smacks the ball with all her might, landing a hole in one. Lynn is flabbergasted.]''

Lynn: How—?! But you—! How did you—? She shouldn’t have…

Lori: Well, looks like we win. [she gives Lynn and Lincoln a gentle smile] Good game, guys. You really gave us a run for our money.

Leni: Yeah! You’re actually not that bad, Linky!

Lincoln: [smirks] I guess all that Wii Sports Golf really did pay off for me, huh, Lynn?

''[Lynn doesn’t respond. She’s too stupefied by her loss. Lori kneels down and places a hand on Lynn’s shoulder.]''

Lori: Don’t feel too bad about it, Lynn. If anything, you and I are evenly matched. [she chuckles] I guess I underestimated you, huh?

Lynn: [blinks] Huh wha? But, I still lost.

Lori: Only because Leni managed to beat Lincoln. And even then, you guys were pretty close.

Lynn: “Close” only counts in horseshoes. C’mon, Lori. Just get it over with. You won; I lost. Go ahead and rub it in my face. I know you want to.

Lori: [lets out another chuckle and shakes her head] Actually, I don’t. If anything, I owe you an apology.

Lynn: [blinks in confusion] Huh?

Lori: [sighs] Lynn, I’m sorry for egging you on like I did. I guess I got a bit frustrated with how you thought that you were the only one who could be good at sports. But just because I’m good at golf doesn’t change the fact that you have a lot of talent yourself.

Lynn: [sheepishly] I suppose. I dunno, I guess I just found it kinda weird to see you doing something that I usually do.

Leni: Since when is it weird for siblings to have something in common?

Lincoln: She’s got you there, Lynn.

Lynn: [lets out a sad chuckle] Yeah. When she says it like that, it does make me feel kinda dumb. [she sighs]

Lori: It’s okay, Lynn. We both overreacted. In fact, what do you say we call the whole bet off? You don’t have to do my chores for a month.

Lynn: [gives Lori a peculiar look] Wait, what? Why? You’re the one who won.

Lori: Yeah, but you wanna know something?

Lynn: What?

Lori: I literally couldn’t care less if I won or lost to you today. It wasn’t like it would erase everything I accomplished or anything. And the same goes for you, too. You’re no less of an athlete just because you didn’t beat me at golf. At the end of the day, it’s just a game.

Lynn: Huh. That, um…  That’s one way of looking at it, I guess.

[Lynn looks over at Leni and Lincoln before bowing her head in shame.]

Lynn: I’m sorry I dragged you two into this mess. I really don’t know what I was thinking.

Leni: If it makes you feel any better, Lori didn’t know what you were thinking, either.

Lincoln: That makes three of us.

[Lynn smirks and hefts up the heavy bag of golf clubs with little effort.]

Lincoln: [deadpans] Seriously?

Lori: Just let it go, Lincoln. Like I said, Lynn owes you big time.

Lynn: Heh, guess I do. Hey, what’s say we get some ice cream on the way back? My treat.

Lori: [smiles] Actually, Lynn, in golf, the person who gets a hole in one on the last hole usually buys refreshments for the group.

Leni: Wait, but, like, I got a hole in one on the last hole. So did you and Lynn. So, who’s buying?

''[Lori and Lynn look at each other for a moment. After a beat, the two share a laugh. The other siblings join in as they pile into Vanzilla.]''

Lori (voice over): We all have our own talents and interests at the Loud House. Sometimes, those talents and interests align with each other, and that’s totally okay. And while Lynn still seems to struggle with the concept, sometimes you just need to relax and realize a game is literally just that.

''[We cut to the Loud House, where the four siblings get out of Vanzilla enjoying their frozen treats. Lori looks over at Leni and smirks.]''

Lori (voice over): Actually, while teaching Leni how to golf had its share of headaches, it was actually kinda fun in the end. I wonder if the others would be interested…

''[Lori envisions a brief montage of her teaching her other siblings to play golf. First, there’s Luna, who is playing air guitar using her club.]''

Lori: [pinches the bridge of her nose] Luna, stop goofing around. You’re literally embarrassing yourself.

Luna: Just tryin’ to find my groove, dude.

[We then see Lori with Luan, who is sporting a pair of fashionable pants.]

Luan: Check it out, Lori! I got a pair of my fancy golf pants for our game! I would’ve worn my other pair, but it’s at home.

Lori: I don’t see anything special about those pants. Why are they called golf pants?

Luan: ‘Cause I’ve got a hole in one! [laughs] Get it?

Lori: [facepalms] Ugh…

[We then see Lori with Lana, who is digging through a sand trap.]

Lori: Lana! You’re destroying private property!

Lana: I’m just trying to dig my ball out!

Lori: Just use a sand wedge!

Lana: But then how am I supposed to find something for lunch?! I’m hungry!

[We then see Lori with Lola, who is looking at her ball in a sand trap.]

Lori: C’mon, Lola. You’re holding up people behind us.

Lola: If you think for one minute that I’m going to get this golfing gown dirty, you’re crazy.

[We then see Lori with Lisa, who is conducting scientific measurements on the green.]

Lisa: Hmm. Winds are north-northwest, blowing at five miles per hour. If I manage to hit the ball with exactly ten newtons of force at this angle, it should be enough to counteract the…

[We cut back to Lori in reality, who now has a concerned look on her face.]

Lori (voice over): On second thought, maybe I’ll just hold off on that idea…

The End

Trivia

 * Disgruntled Fantasy Links is a reference to Grumps Dream Course, a fan-made hack of the game Kirby's Dream Course that was created specifically for the Game Grumps.
 * If you're wondering why Lori didn't picture herself teaching Lucy how to golf at the end, it's because the two have played golf together in the past.  Specifically in the episode Back in Black.