User blog:InklingBear/Life of Pets - The Guard Pawsition

Story #9 - The Guard Pawsition
 8:30pm 

It was a dark little Sunday night down in the wonderful residence of Royal Woods. Skies were pitch black all around as clouds started rolling in, sprinkling the place with heavy rain all over as some subtle thunderclaps filled in the empty void.

The interior of the Loud House was extremely dim, sans the living room as the pets got as comfortable as they could, sitting there on the family couch as the four animals gazed their eyes upon a television screen in front of them. It broadcasted a never before seen police program, discussing a thought out documentary on how to train a canine to become part of the police force.

The constructive and motivational dialogue spoken from the flat television screen gave the canine a little bit of a reminder about the last few words that the muddy-loving tomboy Lana Loud said to the pup before her and the rest of the Loud family left to send Luan down to a summer camp earlier today, but unfortunately had to spend a night down at the Buttz motel as Vanzilla unfortunately broke down.

"Be a good boy, Charles. Please protect our house while we're gone. And if anybody tries to burglarize you, you chomp 'em right in their butts!"

Given his docile and somewhat lazy nature, that statement influenced the dog to throw his head down as it reminded him of what he had become before he flopped his ears down slightly, sighing about the terrifying incidents he caused for the family.

"Y'know what you guys?" Cliff said, grabbing Charles, Geo and Walt's attention for a brief moment. "We've never spent the night without those humans around before. Aren't y'all the least bit concerned?"

"Eh, I'm sure they'll be fine." Walt answered.

"Yeah, cat," Charles added. "I know they'll be back, I just know it!"

A full minute passed before the white canine got up and walked into the kitchen as the three pets assumed he would grab something to snack on, influencing the animals to make a request to the dog.

"Ay, could ya grab me somethin' too, dog?" Cliff asked.

"Yeah?" Walt and Geo added simultaneously.

Charles showed no hesitation as he continued walking into the kitchen. "Yeah, sure."

As Cliff, Walt and Geo were to themselves, they continued to gaze upon the television program. A moment later, the black cat hatched a thought about being a guard cat along with the other two pets, who thought the exact same thing.

"You guys thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Cliff asked.

Walt turned his attention to the curious feline. "Yeah, I think so..?"

"Same here." Geo added.

Cliff scratched his chin, eyes facing up towards the ceiling. "Wouldn't it be cool to become a guard pet just like the dog?"

Geo smiled. "Yeah, that sounds like it could be very rewarding!"

Walt tilted his little head wondering about the cat's suggestion. "Eh, you really think so?"

"Well, yeah," Cliff answered. "I mean, guardin' the house from potential danger, scarin' off robbers with low ingenuity, it'll be fun!"

Geo came to a conflicting realization as he added the cons of the job to the conversation. "But it can also be very dangerous!" he said, grabbing the cat and the canary's undivided attention.

"How so?" Cliff asked.

Walt stepped in to answer the cat's question. "I mean, who's to say that they're armed? They could have weapons on them!"

The cat broke a sweat as he scratched his head. "Oh yeah, I hadn't thought about that..."

"But that's the point of being a guard pet," Geo said in shear confidence. "They always face the criminal masterminds no matter what the risks are!"

That sentence alone perked up the two animals with a small dose of determination. They looked at each other for a brief moment before they both turned to the hamster.

"You're right, Ham," the cat said. "We should try this out for ourselves!"

"Yeah!" Geo exclaimed as he thought about the cool times about being a guard pet for the house. As they were returning their attention to the television screen, a thought came floating around the canary's head.

"There's one problem though." he said. "We don't know anything about being a guard pet."

"Don't worry, bird," Cliff said, winking at the bird. "I think I know a perfect little candidate in this household that'll know somethin' about this."

A few seconds later, Charles walked back into the living room, carrying a box of pet food for the four animals to munch on during the night. The minute he got close to the family couch, he stopped to notice Cliff, Walt and Geo smiling at the baffled white canine.

He stood there, staring into the eyes of the three animals as if they did something naughty behind his back. Did they want something from him? Did they want to praise him for getting them something to eat to satisfy their stomachs? Charles had to find out sooner or later as he spoke to break the awkward silence as the box fell to the green carpet floor below.

"What's the hay's goin' on here?" he asked, slightly tilting his canine head.

The cat hesitated as he inserted a beat of uninterrupted silence. "Nnnnnothin', dog!"

Walt tried to ask a simple question to the dog. "We were just wondering if..."

"...you could teach us how to become a guard pet!" Geo concluded.

Charles stared blankly into their eyes again as he expressed a rather confused emotion as he grew curious of their request. "Wha... what makes ya think I'd be the one up for the job?"

Cliff jumped off the couch as he motioned towards the confused canine. He made an attempt to give him some motivation to help the three pets with their wish. "C'mon, dog! One of the humans took the time ta teach you how ta become a guard dog."

"And you sorta did great with it after you munched on a burglar's butt that one time." Geo added.

"Yeah," Charles admitted. "Only cause there were some tasty bacon from the seat of his pants, I can't help it! The scent of bacon from there led me right to 'em. It smelled so good! And don't get me started on the aftertaste."

He chuckled as he blushed, wagging his tail from the thought of pig meat. The three pets stood there in awkward silence, attempting to recuperate as they glanced at each other before brushing off the dog's dialogue.

"Anyway, you'll be a great trainer ta us!" Cliff confidently said.

"Yeah, come on!" Geo said. "You got this in the bag!"

"Eh, I dunno 'bout that you guys." Charles answered. "If I really wanted ta, then I would. But then again, I love bein' such a lazy dog, plus Royal Woods' got a very low crime rate. So, I'm afraid I can't help y'all with that, sorry."

Charles walked away, back into the kitchen. But just before he could make it in the dining room, the black feline whipped out a cell phone one of the Louds unintentionally left behind and loaded up a video on the dog. "Well then, I guess ya wouldn't mind if this video of ya not realizin' that reflection of ya in the mirror isn't another dog hits the web."

The video showed Charles looking at himself in the mirror as he growled with rage, barking uncontrollably as he ran into the mirror at full force with his face. He ended up shattering the glass into a couple of pieces as he unconsciously fell down to the floor before the video ended there.

Charles was slightly enraged by the cat's sudden blackmail and lampshaded his actions as he drooped his ears and glared directly into the cat's eyes, pointing towards the device. "Hey, that dog's a jerk!"

 15 Minutes Later 

Cliff, Geo and Walt sat side by side on the carpet floor in front of the staircase with determined scowls across their faces. They all watched Charles military walk back and forth in straight lines, booting up his speech to train his friends to protect the Loud House to the best of their aptitude.

"Alright, you animals," he said. "This is no time for games here. It's all serious bidness from this point onwards!"

"Sir, yes sir!" the three animals exclaimed.

"This house is a valuable possession that belongs to us in this family, and it's our duty as pets ta protect it at all costs!"

"Sir, yes sir!"

Charles made a fist from one of his paws as he pounded his other paw with each sentence he delivered to the animals. "A real guard pet knows no fear! A real guard pet is always on the lookout for any and all surroundins'! A real guard pet-"

Walt interrupted the serious and determined pup, influencing him to stop where he was. "Get on with it already!"

The dog got up in the canary's face, still holding his angry expression as the canine gestured to his beak. "No back sass, bird!"

He resumed walking in straight lines as he continued his speech.

"A real guard pet knows who ta attack and who ta protect!"

"Sir, yes sir!" the three animals exclaimed, yet again before Charles moved on to his first lesson, showing their guard faces.

He growled, showing off his sharp teeth as he let out a loud bark to the three pets as a demonstration to showcase dominance in the house. "That's a war face! Now let me see yours!"

The dog walked to the animals one by one, each showing off their hostile expressions to show they mean serious business much to the surprised reaction coming from the white canine.

"Yeah! That's what I wanna see," Charles complimented. "Next up, we've got security measures ta tackle!"

Cliff slightly hesitated. "What kind of security measures?"

A few seconds later, the cat, canary and the hamster found themselves carrying kitchen appliances, backs towards each other as their sighs shared a portion of the living room.

"Oh." Cliff reacted, with little surprise.

Walt was confused for a brief moment. "I thought he was talking about setting traps," he softly spoke. "That's honestly better than this boring old method!"

Charles walked around the trio of animals in a rather large circle, still holding on to his determined expression. "Well, this seems better since traps can easily go downhill with just a slight miscalculation." he said as Cliff, Geo and Walt, glanced at each other for a slight second. "Anyway, ya animals always have to be on your guard, and watch out for anything unusual in this house. When you see it, go after it and take 'em down!"

"Gotcha, sir!" Geo said as the black feline and yellow bird shifted their eyes towards the determined hamster before they said something similar.

"Yes sir!" they added before Charles went into the dining room, hiding from the eyes of the three pets as he was getting ready to test them with Lincoln's stuffed bunny, Bun-Bun. A brief moment of silence befelled the tensions of the cat, canary and hamster before the canine threw the stuffed animal into the room. As it hit the floor in front of the unsuspecting feline, he suddenly jumped up a few inches, letting out a huge meow as he took off in a short straight line before turning around a split second later.

Walt and Geo tried the best of their ability not to let out a laugh as the unexpected reaction from the black feline caught both of them completely off-guard, including the dog. Cliff grew slightly irritated from the sudden appearance of the stuffed bunny in the living room before he noticed the bard and hamster's faces, turning more red with each passing minute. They were heavily smiling at each other as they really wanted to laugh right now, but they needed to be serious as it wasn't the time to break.

"Let it out," Cliff sighed. "Y'know ya want ta."

Those seven words was enough to get the animals to burst out into snickering for a couple of seconds at least to finally get it out of their systems before they both returned back into serious determination.

"Okay, we're done snickering now." Geo said.

"Great, cause I wasn't ready for that at all," Cliff gestured towards the dining room. "He knows I don't like bein' startled! I say do over!"

Charles emerged from the dining room as he sighed in dissatisfaction. "Okay... then let's try this."

A moment later, the animals were in the kitchen. Charles was outside the doggy door as the rest of the animals were inside, listening to the canine for further instructions.

"Remember what I said earlier, ya animals." Charles reminded.

"Right!" the three pets answered back, up until one of them completely forgot what they were supposed to do.

"What were we supposed to do again?" Geo said.

Charles sighed. "You'll see in a minute as I ain't got time ta explain it again."

The dog prepared himself for the session. He lifted his rear high up before he entered through the doggy door. His sudden appearance was a signal for Cliff and Walt to tackle him down on the floor. Geo observed this as he now realized what they're were doing. This was what Charles was talking about.

"Oh yeah, I see what we're doing now." he said.

 5 Minutes Later 

A small montage takes place for the pets preparing themselves for future crime scenes. Cliff was in Lori and Leni's room, extending his claws out as he filed them to get them sharp. He examined them very closely and decided they weren't sharp enough to his liking and resumed filing them.

Walt and Geo were together, working up a plan to execute a trap they wanted to do. The bird rolled out a piece of paper as it revealed a rather simple list of instructions to set it up, which happened to be a tripwire trap. The bird and the hamster glanced at each other for a good few seconds before they concluded with a determined, yet neutral nod.

Back to Cliff in the eldest of the siblings' bedroom, he just finished up sharpening up his nails to his satisfaction. Before he left, he tested them on a pair of pants that had been lying around on the carpet floor.

SCRATCH!

The feline's scratching opened up a small tear in the clothing. The cat felt like he was mighty enough to guard the house one day, but since Royal Woods does indeed have a low crime rate, it'd probably never take place in the near future. But hey, they never know.

Charles was in the bathroom as he was squirting out toothpaste. He brushed his teeth as thoroughly as possible for a good amount of seconds before he spat into the sink, showing off his pearly whites in the mirror in front of him. After a second of silence, he talked to the audience. "What? A dog can't get his teeth cleaned to chomp on some burglar butts?"

Down to Walt and Geo, the bird held down tightly on the string using his beak as the hamster took his time, tying up the string end to the open doorway, leading into the kitchen. As the trap was finished, the two of the pets looked on top of the doorway as it held about a few pounds of garlic powder. The two seemed satisfied with how it turned out and gave each other high fives to a plan well executed.

The montage had finished up now as the four pets were back in the living room ready to go if any danger was presented in the house. Charles praised the three animals for the good work they've managed to do in about an hour.

"Great work, fellas," he said. "Tomorrow's another night to whip up some more trainin' for ya. But for now, I think it's time ta rest."

"Agreed, sir." Cliff yawned.

"Yes, sir." Walt and Geo responded simultaneously before they too yawned as they both fell asleep, followed by the dog and the cat closely behind.

As the animals all slept for a while now, they were disturbed by a loud sudden noise that came directly out of the blue.

SHATTER!

The animals all woke up at the same time, shaking from the sound. They were instantly given the suspicion that somebody must have broken into the household as they were too afraid to go see what it was.

"What... what was that?" Geo quietly said.

"Somebody must've broke in!" Charles answered. "I never thought this would happen."

"I thought ya said this place has a very low crime rate!" Cliff said.

"That doesn't mean this happens every so often, cat!"

"Yeah," Walt added. "I mean, it's not like this place is oh I dunno... a convenience store or a bank, both of which are one of the most common targets in a stickup."

Charles winked at the canary. "The bird's got a point."

Sounds of steps and rummaging through the fridge and the pantry emitted from the kitchen clear enough for the pets to take notice. "So... what are we waitin' for?"

"Let's just call the fuzz!" Geo recommended.

"Ham, if we were ta do that, then all this trainin' we did together would be completely pointless!"

"The cat's right," Charles took the lead as he was the first to sluggishly walk to the dining room. "C'mon guys. Let's go bust us a thief."

Cliff was the next candidate to walk behind Charles, followed by Walt and Geo close behind after hesitating a few seconds. As they reached the open doorway leading to the dining room of the house, the dog and cat crept their way to the side of the doorway leading to the kitchen, where the noise was currently located.

The two animals gulped as they prepared themselves to have a glance inside the kitchen to see what was going on. But, before they do so, they noticed a tripwire trap Walt and Geo had worked on as they look up to the ceiling to notice the garlic powder still in place.

Charles was the first to take a look inside the kitchen, as it would soon turn out that their suspicion would become undeniable. He caught sight of an open door to the kitchen along with some broken glass scattered in front of the doorway. The dog also took notice of an uninvited man, dressed in all black clothing as he rifled through the cabinets for a brief moment before he got down on his fours to check the bottom cabinets.

Unbeknownst to the human being, he was in for a rough little surprise if he didn't realize in time that he was no longer alone in the interior of the household.

Charles pulled his head back into the dining room as he glanced towards the curious feline. He nodded to him as it confirmed that it was definitely their suspicion before he returned his attention back to the man, growing more determined and angrier for each passing second that went by.

He watched out for the trip wire as he didn't want to draw any attention and foil the bird and hamster's hard worked plan before he charged full force at the man's rear end, all while he growled under his breath. He opened up his jaws wide and closed them down tightly on the man's buttocks, influencing the bad guy in this situation to scream and jump, hitting his head on the cabinets.

He got up on his feet to find Charles teething savagely on his pants. He moved to the best of his ability in hopes to get the snarling canine off of his butt as Cliff watched the battle occur. He turned to Walt and Geo and promptly gave the two a thumbs up.

"Wish me luck you two!" the cat said before he went in the kitchen to go for the man's legs.

The sudden appearance of the hissing feline in front of him now made the man jump again, letting out a squeak.

SCRATCH!

The force was enough to leave a scar or two on the man's legs as it got him down on his fours again as the backside of his pants started to tear. A good amount of pain occurred in more than one place for the man as he grabbed ahold of his leg and his rump before the angry canine tore through his shirt now as he pulled on it with great force to the point where it slowly tore off the man's body.

Walt and Geo moved in front of the doorway to the kitchen to watch the white canine and black feline take turns mauling the man. They were extremely surprised with what the two pets can do all thanks to Charles' quick training to become a guard pet.

"You know something?" Walt said to the hamster.

"Yeah?" Geo responded back.

"We regret nothing about getting the dog to train us on how to protect this house."

Geo smiled towards the bird. "Given the observation that they rendered the guy almost completely naked with few scratches around his legs, I feel like that was totally worth the training."

Walt was about to agree with the hamster's well said statement until the man, now only wearing pants to which the majority of the clothing is torn to pieces, emerged from the kitchen, falling on top of the trip wire the two set up as it would release the garlic powder, showering ten pounds of it onto the man below, leaving very well placed satisfied reactions on Walt and Geo.

The white substance made contact with his eyes as it would soon sting after a couple of seconds. He screamed in pain as he wiped his watering eyes out as he attempted to get back on his feet, only to notice a very angry Charles and Cliff as they growled and hissed at the man assuming he was looking for more trouble with the two animals. But no, he was very traumatized now, to the point where he almost sprang a leak in his trousers.

"Curse you, mangy animals!" he shouted before he bolted out the kitchen door into the night, running straight for the horizon. Charles went to the kitchen door to observe the man run for his like as if he was still being chased down by the animal.

"And I better not ever catch ya settin' paw in this household, again!" he shouted at the man before closing the door with moderate force thrown in.

The four pets all cheered for each other to their first defeated robber. Barking, meowing, tweeting and chatter clashed against one another as they all approached closer to each other before they huddled up in a group hug.

"Well, we did it you guys." Charles said.

"That was awesome!" Geo complimented to the dog and the cat.

"Agreed." Walt added.

"Looks like all that trainin' really paid off!" Cliff stated, looking at each of the three pets. "I gotta hand it to ya dog, that was real aggressive of ya tearin' that guy's clothes off."

"Hey, what can I say?" he wagged his tail. "I like the taste of cotton... 'n wool."

A second of silence took place before the sound of Vanzilla came from the driveway. The Loud family finally made it back home for the night as they all entered their house through the front door, influencing the pets sans Charles to go to them.

The canine stood there, simply sniffing around for something to eat until Lana and Lincoln came into the kitchen. Surprised expressions took over their faces as they noticed the shards of broken glass on the kitchen floor as the mud loving tomboy ran to the white canine.

"What happened in here while we were gone?" Lincoln asked.

Lana petted Charles on the head, influencing the happy pup to wag his tail even more as he stomped his hind paw in excitement. She turned her sights onto her big brother to answer his question. "Somebody must've broke in here while we were gone for most of the day! And I'm willing to bet that good ol' Charles here scared 'em off!"

"The last time I checked, Royal Woods has a very low crime rate-"

Lana interrupted the boy. "But you never know! Anything could happen while we're not here!"

"Yeah, I see where you're going with that, Lana."

Lincoln thought of something that could help out who could have broke in their house in their absence as he left the kitchen.

"Hey Lisa, I can't believe I'm asking this but you still have those cameras set up?"

Charles opened his eyes wide as he would soon gulp in absolute fear.

~End~

Trivia

 * The video Cliff was blackmailing Charles with was supposed to be a reference to Family Guy.
 * There were some references to Lock 'n Loud.