User blog:Teag J. Brohman/Steamed Hams: Loud House Edition

Steamed Hams: Loud House Edition

I actually got the idea for this a while back, I hope you like it ——————————————————————————————————————————————————

(We open on a shot of Huggins’ House, a figure rings the doorbell)

(Huggins opens the door)

SUPERINTENDENT: Well, Wilbur, I made it... despite your directions.

HUGGINS: Ah, Mr. Superintendent! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

SUPERINTENDENT: Uhh...

(Huggins walks in to get the roast from the oven, only to find out it’s been burnt horribly)

HUGGINS: [gasp] Oh egads, my roast is ruined! (Looks at the Burpin’ Burger from his window) But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Wilbur!

(Huggins’ attempts to jump out the window, only for the superintendent to walk in)

SUPERINTENDENT: Uh-

[cue song] Wilbur with his crazy explanations, The superintendent's gonna need his medication, When he hears Huggins’ lame exaggerations, There'll be trouble in town tonight! [end of song]

SUPERINTENDENT: Wilbur!

HUGGINS: Superintendent, I was just, uh... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?

SUPERINTENDENT: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Wilbur?

HUGGINS: Uhh... no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... steamed clams! (As soon as the superintendent leaves, Wilbur jumps out of the window and rushes to The Burpin’ Burger)

[a few moments later]

HUGGINS: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

SUPERINTENDENT: I thought we were having steamed clams.

HUGGINS: D'oh, no. I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!

SUPERINTENDENT: You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"

HUGGINS: Yes. It's a regional dialect!

SUPERINTENDENT: Uh-huh... uh, what region?

HUGGINS: Uhh... upstate Michigan?

SUPERINTENDENT: Really? Well, I'm from Lansing, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."

HUGGINS: Oh, not in Lansing, no. It's a Detroit expression.

SUPERINTENDENT: I see. [beat] You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Burpin’ Burger.

HUGGINS: Oh ho ho ho... no, patented Huggins burgers. Old family recipe.

SUPERINTENDENT: For steamed hams?

HUGGINS: Yes.

SUPERINTENDENT: Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.

HUGGINS: Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second.

SUPERINTENDENT: Of course.

(Wilbur walks into door behind him, he comes out a second later)

HUGGINS: [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.

SUPERINTENDENT: Yes, I should be- (notices fire in other room) Sweet Cod Oil, what is happening in there!?

HUGGINS: Aurora borealis?

SUPERINTENDENT: Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?

HUGGINS: Yes!

SUPERINTENDENT: May I see it?

HUGGINS: No.

(we then cut to Huggins and the Superintendent walking out the door)

HUGGINS’ MOTHER: Wilbur, the house is on fire!

HUGGINS: No, mother—it's just the northern lights!

SUPERINTENDENT: Well, Huggins, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.

HUGGINS' MOTHER: Help! Help!

(The Superintendent turns around noticing Huggins’ Mom screaming for help, a nervous Wilbur gives the thumbs up to distract the superintendent)

(As soon as the superintendent leaves, Huggins rushes inside with a fire extinguisher)

THE END

Let me Know what you think of it in the comments below