User blog:Steven A. Lucas/Steven Lucas in The Loud House: Raw Deal (FANFIC)

Hello, it's me Steven Lucas again. Today is the 3rd Anniversary of Raw Deal. I do not own the rights of the show, it belongs to the creators and the staff. In this fanfic, one of Lucy's fortunes will be on me that I'll be given a number. I really hope you enjoy this fanfic, and beware if your future has been predicted.

Steven Lucas in The Loud House

Raw Deal

Originally Written by Karla Sakas Shropshire

Re-Written by Steven Lucas

[The episode begins with the Loud Family on a road trip in Vanzilla.]

Lana: "Dad, are we there yet?"

Lynn Sr.: "Not yet, kiddo. A few more hours."

Lana: "Oh, okay." [beat] "Are we there yet?"

Steven: Relax Lana, we’ll be there. Just hold your horses. We’ll get there.

[Lincoln is looking at a guidebook of the place the family's visiting.]

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Today, we're going to Grand Venture State Park, and it's gonna be awesome! We're gonna hike, and fish, and check out the caves..."

[As he explains what they're gonna do, imaginary panels of him doing those activities appear.]

Leni: "And I can't wait to see Pop-Pop!"

[Her siblings look at her confused.]

Steven: Leni, why would you think your grandfather is coming?

Leni: "The guidebook said there was an old geezer in the park."

Lincoln: "Geyser, not geezer. See? Here it is." [shows her the actual geyser in the guidebook.]

Luna: "I hope we get to see it blow. That would be rockin'!"

Lisa: "I wouldn't hold my breath. It's been inactive for years."

Steven: So, does it mean that there’s low water pressure in that geyser.

Lisa: Precisely.

Leni: "So, it is like Pop-Pop."

Lana: " Now  are we there yet?"

Lynn Sr.: "Lana, stop asking."

Lana: "Well, Hops is asking, not me!"

Lola: [struggling with the seat belt] "This seat belt is wrinkling my dress!" [pants with anger]

Steven: We’re bored, can we do something while you are driving.

Rita: "Why don't you guys play some car games?"

Lynn: "How about Football? I'll be the QB. Hike!" ''[tosses her ball in the car, causing it to nearly rear off-road and make her family scream in panic. She smiles nervously.]''

Rita: "How about something a little less dangerous?"

Steven: Yeah, something that isn’t involving with Lynn’s energetic attitude.

Lucy: "I have a new deck of fortune telling cards. I could give everybody readings." [shuffles the cards]

''[Her siblings and Steven agree to that and want their fortunes told. She puts on a turban as the background changes to a spacial setting.]''

Lucy's Siblings: "Me first!" / "Over here, Lucy!"

Steven: I want to know my fortune, Lucy.

Lucy: "It's Madame Lucy."

Lucy's Siblings: "Ooh!"

Steven: Wicked.

''[The cards are dealt. The first card shows a galleon sailing on the ocean.]''

Lucy: "Lori, you will go on a long trip."

Lori: [excited] "Ooh. Maybe Bobby's taking me to Italy! He is working at that pizza place."

Steven: Or maybe a trip to New York.

[The next card shows a mermaid giving a blow kiss to someone.]

Lucy: Steven, you will be given a number.

Steven: Awesome. Was it from just a number or do I guess a number on a scale from one to million?

[The next card shows a castle door opening up to planets in the night sky.]

Lucy: "Lola, the universe will open doors for you."

Lola: [scoffing] "Ha. Tell me something I don't know."

[The next card shows a knight on his steed facing strong winds.]

Lucy: "Luan, you will soon be blown away."

Luan: "How fortunate!" [laughs as her siblings groan at her joke.]

Lynn Sr.: [laughing] "Good one!"

[Lynn throws her Football at Luan for that one.]

Luan: [still laughing] "Ow!"

Lisa: [disbelieving] "Poppycock. Could these predictions be anymore non-specific?"

[The next card shows a wizard with a crystal ball.]

Lucy: "Lisa, you will make an amazing scientific discovery before entering the park today. Is that specific enough for you?"

Lisa: "Specific, yes. Plausible, no. As a woman of science, I cannot take any of this seriously."

Steven: Come on, Lisa. Don’t be such a sourpuss about Lucy’s magical power of fortune telling.

Lucy: "Well, the cards don't lie. [tells the rest of the sisters' fortunes before finally telling Lincoln's.] Last but not least: Lincoln." [draws the card and gasps at what she sees.]

Lincoln: [concerned] "What? What does it say?"

Lucy: [changing the subject] "So, uh, who wants to play football?" [grins casually]

Lincoln: [desperate] "Lucy, come on! Tell me!"

Lucy: "Fine. Your day at the park will end in..." [reveals the card to show the grim reaper.] "...tragedy."

[A suspenseful music sting plays for the card as Lynn Sr. is looking through the radio.]

Lynn Sr.: "Ooh, a radio station of music stings! Neato-burrito!"

[The music sting plays again as Lincoln worries about his fortune.]

[The family stops at Ed's Gas & Snack.]

Lynn Sr.: "Okay, kids, ten minutes for bathroom and snacks. If you miss the cut-off, I can't promise I'll still be here

[Lincoln's sisters and Steven get out of the car, but he closes the door, much to Lisa's disbelief.]

Lisa: "Aren't you coming?"

Steven: Yeah, aren’t you coming?

Lincoln: "Nope. I'm staying right here."

Steven: Come on, it’s just a fortune. There’s nothing going to happen to you. These predictions are not real. It’s just for fun.

Lisa: "Oh, you're not worried about Lucy's silly predictions, are you?"

[Lori accidentally steps on an oil slick, slips out of control while screaming and crashes into the trash.]

Steven: Lori, are you okay?

Lori: "That was literally embarrassing."

Lucy: "It was also literally your fortune. "You will go on on a long trip"."

[Lincoln gasps at this fact.]

Steven: [realizes the joke] Oh, I get it. [laughs] Sorry, that is pretty funny.

Lori: [sighs in disappointment] "So, I'm not going to Italy?"

Lisa: "Relax, Lincoln. It's just a coincidence."

[Lincoln gets out and hears Luan giggling.]

Luan: "Let me know if you get tired, Dad."

Lynn Sr. "Good one, honey. That's why you're my heir." [hits Luan with a jet of air that sends her flying into a bunch of tires.] "Oh, sorry, sweetie. Your dad's just an air-head."

[They laugh as the other kids look on apathetically.]

Lucy: [appearing next to them and startling them.] "Fortune number two: "You will soon be blown away"."

''[All except Lisa gasp in astonishment. The rest of the girls except Lisa head into the mini-mart while Lincoln shakes in panic.]''

Lisa: "More like coincidence number two."

Lucy: "We will see."

Steven: [to Lisa] Yeah, Little Miss Debbie Downer.

[As the rest head in, a charming man named Mr. Universe opens the door for Lola.]

Lola: [curtsies for him] "Oh, thank you, Mr. Universe." [realizes a few seconds later] "AGH! THE UNIVERSE JUST OPENED DOORS FOR ME!"

[The others gasp again]

Lucy: "And...that's number three."

Lincoln: [pleading] "Lisa!"

Lisa: "Eh. Pure happenstance."

[Inside the store, there's a long line for the ladies' room.]

Lynn: [rushing to the door] "Gotta go! Gotta go!"

Twins: "Back of the line, sister!" [point to the back]

Lynn: [runs to the back] "I CAN'T WAIT THIS LONG!" [starts doing jumping jacks] "Don't gotta go. Don't gotta go."

Leni: [holding a pair of pink boots with bows.] "OMG! These boots are totes adorbs!"

Lana: [comes out of restroom] "Ha! I found a dollar in the toilet!"

[Steven walks up to Thicc QT and fixes his hair.]

Steven: Hey there. Guess I didn’t see you, because you really are the sunlight that blinded me. So any interest in going out with me.

''[Thicc QT laughs at Steven’s joke. She gives him a piece of paper that has her phone number.]''

Steven: Sweet!

Lucy: "Just like I predicted." [reveals the next card which is an hourglass.] "Lynn, your patience will be tested." [reveals the next card which shows arrows piercing a heart.] "Leni, you will fall in love." [reveals the next card showing a bunch of coins.] "Lana, you will become filthy rich." [reveals the card from earlier] Steven, you’ve been given a number.

[The four gasp in shock]

Lucy: "What can I say? The cards don't lie."

[Lincoln whimpers in fear and runs up to the cashier.]

Lincoln: "Excuse me. Where are your first aid kits?"

Lisa: "Oh, Lincoln, please." [points to Lynn] "That is a coincidence." [points to Leni] "That's hyperbole." [points to Steven] That’s just growing pains. [points to Lana] "And that's gross exaggeration." [puts on rubber glove and takes dollar from Lana.] "Filthy, yes. Rich, no.".

Lana: [Takes back dollar] "Ugh. It's about quality, not quantity!

Luna: "Oh yeah! The vending machine gave me an extra bag of chips! The best things in life are free, bros!" [pops open a bag and wolfs down some chips.]

Lucy: [shows a card with two people holding chalices.] "You will be rewarded double."

[Lincoln panics more and is now in the car wearing a biking helmet, a chest plate, an athletic cup, and a gas mask which he is breathing heavily into.]

Steven: Lincoln, do you think that you are overreacting quite a bit.

Lisa: "Oh, Lincoln, please. You're embarrassing yourself."

Lincoln: [muffled] "I'm just being sensible."

[Lisa takes the mask off him.]

Lincoln: "I'm just being sensible. Lucy said my day would end in tragedy, and all her other predictions have come true."

Lisa: "Not mine. I haven't made any scientific discoveries yet."

Lincoln: [realizing] "Wait a minute. That's true!"

Lynn Sr.: "Alright, kiddos, welcome to Grand Venture State Park!"

Steven: Hooray, we made it!

Lincoln: [herding his sisters] "Let's go, people! Move it! Move it!" [pushes them]

Lola: "Lincoln, why are you pushing us?"

Lori: "Yeah. What's the rush? We are literally the only people here."

Steven: Okay, what is wrong with you Lincoln? You are acting weirder than I thought.

Lincoln: "If we can get in the park before Lisa makes any discoveries, that means Lucy's predictions are bogus and I'm home free." [pushes them in] "Yes! We made it!" [takes off his protective gear and starts dancing.] "Science: 1, medieval hocus pocus: 0. Right, Lis?" [notices she's not with them] "Lis?" [sees her coming] "Lisa, hurry up! Get in here!"

Lisa: "Sorry. I had to finish that chapter."

[Just then, a giant egg drops right between them and hatches.]

Lisa: [gasps] "Sweet mother of scientific discoveries! It's an owl with deer antlers!"

[Lincoln screams in horror and goes into a daze.]

Lisa: "Lucy, I concede that your psychic predictions are uncannily accurate. And now, I'm off to show this fascinating creature to the park ranger. See you later, Lincoln! Well, maybe not."

[The suspenseful sting plays again as Lincoln awaits his fate.]

Lynn Sr.: "Yes! I can get the music sting station on my phone!"

[The family heads toward the caves.]

Lynn Sr.: "All right, gang. First stop is the Grand Stalactite Caverns."

Steven: Ooh. That looks amazing.

Lucy: "Ooh. If it's dark, I'm in."

Lincoln: "Ooh. If it's dark, I'm out."

Rita: "Lincoln, you've been looking forward to this trip for months. Don't you wanna check out the caverns?"

Steven: Yeah. Relax Lincoln, there are no bats or bears in that cave. Just come in and see.

Lincoln: "And get impaled by a stalactite?"

Rita: "Are you really gonna let a silly prediction ruin your fun?"

Lincoln: "Yes, I am. I'm gonna stay right here, where it's nice and safe."

[Sometime later, some screeching is heard.]

Lincoln: [screams] "KILLER BATS!"

''[Some butterflies fly out. One of them lands on Lincoln's nose.]''

Lincoln: [calmly] "Oh. They're just butterflies." [panicking] "Who are probably fleeing from killer bats!" [runs off screaming]

[Lisa is showing this new species of owl to the park ranger.]

Lisa: "I call it the "Dowl"."

Park Ranger: "Remarkable. I'll arrange a press conference immediately. Lucky for us, I always carry bunting." [holds up the bunting]

''[The family is swimming at the lake. Steven is just having fun in the water.]''

Lynn Sr.: "Ah, Grand Sparkling Lake."

Lynn: "CANNONBALL!" [cannonballs into the lake with a huge splash.]

Lynn Sr.: "Watch it, Lynn! You'll ruin the Grand Venture guide!"

Lana: "Come on in, Lincoln! We got the whole lake to ourselves!"

Steven: Yeah! Can’t you see how much fun I’m having. Come on, it won’t hurt!

Lincoln: [on the dock] "Yeah, right. So I can get eaten by a piranha? Or zapped by an eel? Or attacked by a swamp creature?"

Lola: "Don't be a dope. There's no such thing."

Steven: Yeah, the last one is just an urban legend, or something that we all see in a monster movie.

[Lynn Sr. emerges from the lake covered in algae.]

Lincoln: [screaming] "IT'S HIM!" [swings a branch at him] "Back, you hideous beast!"

Lynn Sr.: [removing the algae] "Hey, hey, hey! I didn't pick out these shorts! Your mother did! Huh."

[Now they're visiting a gorge.]

Lynn Sr.: "Presenting Grand Vista Gorge. The most beautiful view north of the Rio Grande."

Luan: "Beautiful? Don't you mean GORGE-ous?" [laughs]

Steven: [laughs] That’s pretty funny, Luan.

Rita: "Have any of you seen your brother?"

[Lynn and Steven runs to the side of the gorge and notices Lincoln inching his way up the trail.]

Lincoln: [frantic] "Oh. Are those fire ants? Uh, that could be quicksand. Yikes! I'm pretty sure that's poison ivy."

Lynn: "LINCOLN! GET YOUR BUTT UP HERE!"

[Her voice echoes]

Lincoln: [softly] "Shh! You wanna cause an avalanche?"

Lynn: "WHAT?!"

[A rumbling sound is heard, but it's just a small leaf swaying to the ground.]

Steven: Lynn, don’t yell so loud.

Lynn: Sorry Steven. I’m just checking on him, if he’s coming or not.

[Steven rolls his eyes.]

Lynn Sr.: "Next stop, Grand Current River."

''[The family and Steven are fishing. While everyone has their lines in the river, Leni has hers in the bush.]''

Luna: [to Lana] "Hey, little dudette, hook me up with another worm."

Lana: [eating the worms] "Sorry. All out."

Steven: Lana, those are only used for fishing purposes only. Not for eating.

Lana: Sorry, I was hungry.

Steven: Great! Now what are we supposed to use for bait. Anyway, isn’t Lincoln missing out all of this.

Rita: "Lincoln, you should join us."

Lincoln: [hiding under the canoe] "Yeah, right! And get swept down the river? Or contract a deadly parasite? Or slip on a rock, bang my head, get amnesia, and wind up in Tijuana? I don't think so!" [goes back to hiding]

[The family is having a picnic.]

Lana: [patting her belly] "Ugh. I wish I hadn't filled up on worms."

Steven: Yeah right. More like you ate our fishing bait. Anyhow.

[Steven grabs his burger and takes a bite.]

Steven: Mmm. These burgers are so good.

Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln, are you sure you won't join us?"

Steven: Yeah, you don’t want to starve.

Lincoln: [in the picnic basket] "Yeah, right! And attract bears with the smell of the burgers? I don't think so!" [goes back to hiding]

Steven: Okay. I’ll save a plate for you. Enjoy living in that pic-a-nic basket. [laughs] Get it? It’s Yogi Bear.

Lori: "I think bears also like the potato salad in that basket."

[Lori's words causes Lincoln to come out of the basket yelping and run to a field.]

Lincoln: "I'll just stand in this field." [frantic] "Wait. Then I could get struck by lightning. Maybe I'll be safe in that log." [hides in said log] "But there could be rabid beavers!" [gets out of the log] "Back to the picnic basket!" [about to get back in] "No! Wait! The bears!" [trips]

Lynn Sr.: "Ah, what a day. Grand Venture State Park, you always know how to show us a grand time."

Lincoln: [heading for the exit] "This is great. I may actually get out of here alive."

Lynn Sr.: "Lincoln, where are you going? We've got Lisa's press conference."

Lincoln: "You guys go without me. The flash from the cameras could blind me."

[His dad grabs his arm and takes him to the conference, where Lisa is about to announce her latest discovery.]

Lisa: [at podium] "Members of the press, I have made a discovery that will forever alter our understanding of the animal kingdom. I give you..." [reveals Dowl] "...the Dowl! Or Loudicus Lisa, if you prefer."

[The rest of her family, Steven, and the press are amazed while Lincoln flinches and screams at the flash of the cameras.]

Lisa: "As you can see, the antlers of the Dowl are..."

[Suddenly, the little bird shakes off the antlers and Lisa makes another discovery, one not so scientific.]

Lisa: "...Made in China?"

Steven: [confused] What?!

[The park ranger does a spit take.]

Park Ranger: "Excuse me. I just remembered I, uh...left the iron on in the park ranger station. Forest fires are no joke." [proceeds to leave]

Lisa: [stopping him] "Hold it right there, bub! What gives?"

Steven: Yeah, is there a reason why this “Dowl” is a hoax.

Park Ranger: [sighs] "Okay. I concocted the whole thing. I bought the antlers at a yard sale and glued them on the owl."

Lisa: [livid] "You think science is some sort of a joke?"

Steven: Or is there any reason why there aren’t enough tourists coming to this park.

Park Ranger: "No. It's just that ever since the geyser stopped erupting, no one comes to the park anymore. I thought a little publicity would bring people back."

Steven: Sorry, but that is considered “false advertising”. Shame on you, sir.

[Lisa goes back to the podium.]

Lisa: "My apologies to you all. Obviously, the Dowl is a fake."

Lincoln: "A fake?" [gasps] "So Lucy's prediction for you wasn't true!"

Lisa: "That is a logical conclusion."

Lincoln: "Which means mine wasn't true either!"

Lisa: "Second logical conclusion."

Lincoln: "I ruined my whole day for no reason."

Lisa: "Thrice, a logical conclusion."

[The family's getting ready to go home.]

Lynn Sr.: "Okay, kids, you have five minutes to get in the car. And if you miss the cut-off, no guarantees."

Lincoln: [to the viewers, disappointed] "Well, I guess there's a lesson here. You can't live your life in fear, or you'll miss out on it. And that would be a tragedy."

Steven: Hey Lincoln. Sorry that your day didn't end so well. But at least I had fun with your family.

Lincoln: [disappointed] Thanks Steven, but I just still feel bad about my day. Come on, let's go home.

''[Before they head to the car, the ground starts shaking and there's a rumbling sound. Lincoln and Steven rushes over and sees something amazing.]''

Lincoln: "It's the geyser! Whoa!"

Steven: Wow! I definitely had to record this. [takes out his phone and records the erupted geyser.]

''[Lincoln and Steven looks on to see the geyser's majestic eruption in awe. All of a sudden, the car's horn honks and the rest is leaving without him.]''

Lincoln: "He really is leaving me behind. Sheesh. I always thought that was an empty threat." [chases after them] "GUYS! WAIT!"

Steven: STOP THE CAR!

[The car stops and Lincoln and Steven gets in.]

Lincoln: [jubilant] "Guys! Guys! You won't believe what happened! I just saw the geyser go off!"

Steven: Yeah, I recorded the whole thing on video!

[His sisters are getting some sleep after a fun day.]

Leni: [groggily] "Ugh. Lincoln, you told me Pop-Pop wasn't gonna be here."

Lincoln: "Leni, it's not...never mind. This turned out to be the best day ever." [goes to sleep for the ride home.]

Steven: [smiles] I’m glad that he had a good day. Anyway, I'll tell them that the geyser erupted and my video recording when we get home.

Lisa: "Well, Lucy, I guess you'll be throwing out those silly cards now that you've been completely discredited."

Lucy: "WRONG. I can prove fortune telling is real with one last prediction."

Steven: Okay. Tell me, if there’s an ending card that’ll end this cartoon.

Lucy: Alright, if you wish. [draws one more card] "The end is near."

Lisa: "Oh, please. Give me a-"

[Cuts Lisa's line off to show an end card in the style of Lucy's fortune telling cards with a Dowl on it]

THE END

Steven: Ha! In your face Lisa! I knew this is the end of this episode!

Lucy: "Told ya. The cards don't lie."