User blog:American Titan/AT's Famous Fanficks 8: "Water Park Panic"

Most of the Loud family was gathered in the living room for a family meeting. Rita called Lincoln, Lola, Lucy, Lexi, Lynn, Luan, Leni, and Lori down to have a small discussion regarding an announcement Rita wanted to tell the kids.

“Well, I’m certainly impressed at all of these excellent report cards from this spring semester you guys just completed at school!” Rita exclaimed with joy.

“Thanks Mom.” Lincoln said gleefully.

“It pays to know the nerds at school for tutoring help. That or either I’m just so gorgeous that they were all desperate to help me out.” Lexi said with a smile.

“My bets are going towards Lexi threatening everyone to help her out or else they would be getting one of her famous ‘knuckle sandwiches’ for lunch! Hah ha ha!” Luan replied.

Lexi rolled her eyes at Luan.

“Anyway, what’s this announcement Mom?” Lori asked. “I am losing precious texting time.”

“And I’m losing time not coating my toenails in a twelfth coat of nail polish!” Leni joined in.

“Leni, that’s waaaaaaay too many coats, dear. Loosen up on the paint.” Lori told her.

“Oh, ok! But I don’t wanna waste anything. Hmm...I know!”

Leni opens the bottle of nail polish and begins drinking the entire thing as everyone stares blankly at her.

“Waste not, want not! *hic*” Leni said.

“Well, anyways, since you all did so well in school this past spring, I’ve decided to take you guys somewhere special to kick off the summer.” Rita said.

“Is it Pop Pop’s?” Lucy asked embarrassedly.

“Nope!” Rita told Lucy.

“Good, because I am so sick of wearing boy’s underwear,” Lucy muttered softly.

“What was that, Lucy, honey?” Rita asked.

“I’ve been dabbling in writing an expressive sonnet about my disdain for said presents that Pop Pop keeps giving me, because he thinks that I’m a dude whenever he sees me, but I’m having writer’s block.”

“Well, as I was saying, Lucy, you’ll have plenty of time to take off your normal wear as you swim and slide around in your bathing suits at Slip N Slide Water Arena for the upcoming weekend!” Rita said.

The kids instantly brightened up with uncontained joy.

“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” they all shouted. The noise even made the house shake a bit.

“Ok, ok, guys. Quiet down, it’s nothing too special.” Rita instructed them.

They all became quiet at once and then rushed over to their mother and tightly hugged her.

“Ahh, too tiiiight!” Rita squeaked.

The kids then all stopped hugging her at once and then went back to their seats.

“Alright, I have just a couple of rules for the trip first,” Rita said.

“We get to clobber ugly men at the park that look like pedos, right?” Lexi asked.

“Err, rule number one, no hurting anyone at the park. They paid good money to visit it just like we are doing, Lexi, hon.” Rita said.

Lexi relaxed a clenched fist she made in excitement to the announcement.

“I’m so glad, that I can already feel the breeze in between me knees,” Luan squealed. She then let out a tiny fart and tells the audience, “Beans for dinner. ;P”

“And I can get a Hollywood tan and take it slow!” Lola added in.

“Rule number two, no swimming naked. I don’t want any strangers at the park getting any ideas of abducting my precious babies. Rule number three, no tanning, it messes up your skin.” Rita said.

Lola frowned at that rule and tried thinking of what else she could do at the park.

“Rule number 4, assign a buddy that you’ll be spending most of your time next to and stick together.” Rita said.

“I call Lucy!” Lynn shouted.

“Dibs on Lori!” Leni squealed. “We’re totes mcgoats going to have a cray cray visit!”

“Totes mcgoats?” Lori said in confusion.

“I’m going with Linky Winky!” Lexi chimed.

“Ahh, stop calling me Linky Winky, would you?” Lincoln told her.

“But I love that nickname! After all, you're so ADOOOOORABLE!” Lexi teased.

“Bleck.” Lincoln replied.

“Hey Luan, can we pair up and then I can just stay nearby you in the kiddy slides area?” Lola inquired from her big sister.

“Aw dang it!” Luan said. “Looks like my roadshow is going solo. Ah well, at least I can make myself laugh with my comedy genius! Anything that will make my lil sis happy.”

“I’m sure that Luan is the only one here who puts her ‘comedy’ and ‘genius’ in the same sentence.” Lucy retorted.

“Hahaa, yeah, yeah. Just wait until I’m performing next to Jeff Dunham myself.” Luan playfully retorted.

“Hey mom, do we need to pack anything?’ Lincoln asked.

“Just a bathing suit and a towel, sweetie. I’ve got the rest.” Rita said to everyone. “Including everyone’s favorite, plenty of mother-approved, safety necessary SUNBLOCK!!!”

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.” Lola sarcastically responded.

“I am bring a spare pair of boxers just in case my bathing suit rips.” Lincoln admitted.

“Smart idea, Linc. Everyone, pack your supplies and meet me down here after breakfast. And let’s have some fun in the sun!” Rita said.

The Loud siblings packed their waterpark gear and quickly ate their breakfast so they could get to the waterpark faster.

They got on the road and headed out with all of their belongings. Despite their best efforts to beat the crowds into the park, however, a car accident happened on the expressway which built up a small crowd of bumper to bumper car traffic thanks to the magic appeal of rubbernecking.

“Aw, come on! Why do all the cars have to be on the waterpark road?” Lola shouted. “MOVE IT OR LOSE IT, YA SUNDAY DRIVERS!”

“I wish I could get outta this seatbelt so I can test out these new punching gloves of mine as I bop these loser cars all the way up to heaven!” Lexi loathed.

Suddenly, phone audio could be heard playing a rock song.

“GOTTA GO FAST! GOTTA GO FAST! GOTTA GO FASTER, FASTER, FASTERFASTERFASTER GOGOGOGOGOGOGO-”

The family all turned their heads to see Luan listening to a Youtube video on her phone.

“What? I like the Sonic X theme song! Hah!” Luan explained.

Everyone else in the car groaned.

Though after the traffic died down the Louds got to the water park, where they all stared at the glorious sight before them in awe.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!”

I said awe. A-W-E. Awe.

“Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh!!!”

After buying tickets into the park, Rita told everyone a few things before they went their separate ways.

“THERE’S THE SUNSCREEN AND THE TIME DEADLINE AND THE SLIDES AND THE FUN AND THE BUDDY SYSTEM AND THE STRANGERS AND THE EXPENSIVE SNACK BAR AND THE-”

“Mom, don’t worry. We’ll be fine.” Lincoln calmly said as he kissed her on the cheek.

“Oh, I know you kids will. Have fun, you rascals!” Rita happily shouted to them as they ran towards the changing rooms to get changed.

Lynn and Lucy were looking around the many huge slides to find the perfect one they could ride first.

“OH MY GOD LUCY, LOOK! IT’S THE DEVIL’S DROP.” Lynn screamed in excitement. “One of the top ten biggest water slides in the universe, sis! And that includes the waterpark on Mars, too!”

“Do you have to start with the biggest slide, Lynn? It looks a bit too crazy for me,” Lucy said.

“Come on, scaredy cat!,” Lynn said as she pulled Lucy towards the line.

“Oh geez, those stairs look so high up.” Lucy said as she was being dragged up the short line to the slide. “It’s like those creaky wooden stairs wrapping around an old haunted house.”

“Whazza matter, scaredy cat, cat got your tongue?” Lynn teased her. “It’ll be fun, trust me!”

“Ha ha ha, very funny, Lynn.” Lucy said dryly. “You owe me one.”

Meanwhile…

Luan and Lola entered the kiddie slide section. It was filled with quite a young crowd, with no one or no slide attractions there for Luan, but she decided to stay close to her buddy here anyway to make Lola enjoy her stay at the park. After all, Luan had been here plenty of times already.

Luan could overhear a conversation with a young girl that sounded a lot like Lola nearby. A lot of young kids were gathered over near her listening in as the adults snoozed away, with how they could care less about their own kids.

“You know, my DADDY is bringing another gigantic slide into this waterpark at MY request, with how I’m his lovely daughter and all that crud!”

“Wow, Tiffany, you sure are lucky to get free admission into this place every day! Do you even get free food from the pricey concession stands?”

“You know it, loser breath! I’m the queen of this here park, and what I say GOES!”

“Yeah, plus she gets a free wedgie everyday from going down the slides,” Luan laughed.

Lola laughed at Luan’s joke in hysterics. “She seems like a total loser herself. Even I don’t brag as hard as her.”

“So what are you going to do in this section of the park? Go down some small slides? Try to meet some boys?”

“Eh, I was dying to get a tan here. But if you say no, then we can do other things.”

“Oh no, of course you can get a tan! Don’t worry about me! Hah!”

“Thanks, sis. I owe you one.”

Lola hugged Luan’s legs, due to how small she is in height.

“Just make sure to tan responsibly now, Lola. You don’t want a sunburn like Mom keeps warning us about.”

“I know. I’ll make it a short tan.”

Lola sat down on a beach chair in her bathing suit, put on some sunglasses and suntan lotion, closed her eyes, and went to sleep as the sun shined bright on her.

“Alright, Luan,” Luan thought to herself, “I’m going to have great time in this waterpark, and I’ll start by doing…”

“Nothing! Yes!”

Luan started looking around the kiddie area out of desperation for something to do. She couldn’t enter the kiddie pool because she exceeded the height restrictions, and the group of elementary school kids talking wouldn’t let a 14 year old into the conversation.

“Ooh, boy, this is going to be hard…”

Meanwhile…

Lincoln and Lexi were waiting in line for one of slides tired and quite bored.

“UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.” Lincoln blurted out.

A few guests in the line turned their heads to give Lincoln a dirty look, then turned back again to face forward.

“I know you are bored Lincoln but, we can’t make a scene,” Lexi whispered to Lincoln angrily.

“Yeah, I guess, Lexi. But this line is BORING, these people are BORING, and this fanfiction is BORING!”

“Fanfiction?” Lexi said confused.

“Nevermind.” Lincoln quickly spat out. “In order to unbore ourselves, we must speed up this section of our trip to the waterpark.”

“I can pants you and make you extremely angry, Linky Boo.” Lexi giggled.

“Oh, hush. We just need to find a way to get to that sweet, luxurious, water filled slide.”

Lincoln and Lexi drooled over such a reward.

“I got it!” Lexi said. “Hey Lincoln, Bun Bun got destroyed in our dryer.”

“WHAT?!?” Lincoln replied loudly. The people in front of him and Lexi gave them a second dirty look.

“Yeah, Mom told me to tell you, but I guess I forgot about such a stupid toy.” Lexi devilishly grinned.

Lincoln was funing red with anger now in his face. He exploded into a fit of rage.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!”

Fists were flying like he was wrestling the air. He was crying like a lunatic. And most importantly, he was making quite a scene that some people in the line noticed.

“Oh, screw this, let’s just go to the kiddie slides,” a group of teens said as they went out of the line.

“My son doesn’t have to listen to this loud, obnoxious brat scream! Come on, the next town over has a great waterpark, too!” a father said, leaving the line as well.

“Score one for the Louds back home.” Lexi said. “Great acting, Linc!”

“WWWWWHHHHHHHYYYYY DID NOT TELL ABOUT POOR, CUTE, INNOCENT BUN BUN.” Lincoln yelled. “HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND EVER SINCE I WAS BORN.”

“Uh Lincoln, Bun Bun is not destroyed.” Lexi said. “See him in Mom’s luggage over there?”

Lexi pointed to Mom getting her own tan nearby. Lincoln could see Bun Bun’s head sticking out of the items she brought to the waterpark.

Lincoln’s face turned pink in embarrassment. People in line were still watching him and snickering to themselves with how he acted.

Lincoln whispered to Lexi, “Honey, then why did you tell me that?

Lexi whispered back, “Because now, we’re two groups in line shorter than before. We scared two families away, you know.”

Lincoln and Lexi both exchanged a devilish grin.

“This is going to be fun…”

Meanwhile...

Lori and Leni were posing in the heated hot tub, seeing which pose would attract the most boys over. No one seemed to be interested in them over other girls, though.

Lori could see Carol Pingrey at the other end of the hot tub, where she was talking to a new boy she just met. Lori hid her face in shame.

“Oh god, Carol’s at the waterpark today, too. Let’s get outta this hot tub, Leni.”

“But I like it in here, it’s nice for my pores and skin. And it feels nice and warm, like whenever I toot in the bath!”

Lori then saw a bunch of air bubbles pop up right next to her. She quickly wafted her nose with her hand to avoid the nasty stench.

“Beans for breakfast. ;P” Leni told her.

“I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich for lunch.” Lori yelled as she slugged Leni.

“Ow!”

Carol saw Leni and knew her from high school, along with Lori, of course, so Carol waved hi to the two. Leni waved hi back as a kind gesture.

“Oh no, she sees us, OUT NOW!”

Lori dragged Leni out of the hot tub by her bathing suit. Carol watched, smiling.

“Call me sometime, Leni, and we can hang together!” Carol said

“Like, totally for sure!” Leni replied back. “Ouchy, you’re giving me a wedgie, Lori.”

Meanwhile…

Lucy and Lynn got to the top of Devil’s Drop.

“I’m scared out of my mind, Lynn.” Lucy said. “The devil himself must possess such a ride.”

“You’re just rejecting the fact that I’m a great coach, Lucy,” Lynn triumphantly told her.

“Far from that, Lynn,” Lucy replied.

“Tee hee!” Lynn giggled.

“Who’s going first?” the guard at the top asked.

“She is,” Lynn said as she pushes Lucy down the slide.

“WAIT NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!” Lucy screamed out of her mind.

“HAVE FUUUUUUUUN, LUUUUUUCYYYYYYYYY!” Lynn screamed down as she was sliding down.

“I’M GONNA DIE, I'M GONNA DIE, I’M GONNA DIE…”

The water was rushing up against Lucy’s arms, hiding her face from looking at the slide or how high she was. Her life was flashing before her eyes.

Halfway down the slide, she started to feel a draft but could care less about it with how fast she was plummeting down the thing, almost as fast as a bullet.

SPLASH!

She arrived at the bottom of the slide, skidding across the pool of water at the bottom until her feet eventually lightly tapped the plastic end of the pool.

“Phew! I’m glad this is over!” Lucy said reluctantly. “But why is it so drafty.”

“Please stand up and off the ride so the next guest can slide down. Thank you and have good da- Oh, my goodness…” a loudspeaker next to the slide said.

Lucy then looked at where her bathing suit used to be…

...except it ripped off of her, exposing her completely naked body to the entire waterpark crowd there.

Two girls that were just chatting with Tiffany in the kiddie section a minute ago were pointing at Lucy and laughing their butts off at her.

“I see London, I see France, I see that girl has no underpants!”

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” Lucy screamed yet again.

“Two lifeguards to the Devil’s Drop exit pool, please. Two lifeguards to the Devil’s Drop exit pool.” the loudspeaker said.

“NO, WAIT, DON'T LET THEM SEE ME, URGH!” Lucy thought to herself. “I need to get out of sight!”

Lucy immediately ran out and hid in the bushes, not caring if anyone saw her.

She frantically was panting due to how embarrassed she was.

“Lynn, I swear to God…” Lucy thought to herself.

But her thoughts were suddenly cut short as she realized that two boy lifeguards were coming over to assist her. She had to be as quiet as possible for them not to notice her.

“Hey, where did she go?”

“Hello? Girl? We brought towels for you to cover up!”

Lucy was desperate to get a towel or two wrapped around her until she could get back to the changing room to change back into her normal clothes, but she didn’t want the stranger lifeguards touching her while she was like this. Lucy did her specialty: staying completely silent and hidden behind the bushes. Eventually, the lifeguards gave up and walked back to the lifeguard podium with their towels.

Lynn on the other had another road bump for poor Lucy, after she was done with the slide, of course.

“WOO HOO! That was amazing! Let’s do it again, Lucy!......................Lucy?”

Lynn couldn’t seem to find Lucy anywhere.

“Lucy? Where are you, ya big baby?”

No response.

“Ahh, I’ll just check the BABY section of the park then. She probably walked there to ride the stupid little kids rides!”

Lynn walked right past the bush towards the kiddie section.

Lucy sighed a breath of relief. At least one positive came out of this.

But, Lynn actually went to the changing room where their clothes were stored.

“So Lucy abandoned me, time to make her regret that decision.” Lynn devilishly laughed.

She took all of Lucy’s clothes expect for her boy underoos and threw it away in the trash can outside the park.

“Boy, I am so glad I am not Lucy right now, otherwise I would be embarrassed beyond belief.” Lynn laughed.

Lucy caught a glimpse of all this from the bush and hid her head into her arms. “This is not cool,” she thought to herself.

Meanwhile…

Luan was nearly asleep when she saw an old stage right near the kiddie section of the park. It was old and abandoned, as it used to be the stage for birthday parties where special guest performances would take place, such as clowns and mimes for the birthday star. But the birthday area was deteriorating ever since the option to have birthday parties at the park was removed.

Luan remembered having her sixth birthday party there. That’s where Chuckles the Clown performed for her at her request. That birthday party and that stage where Chuckles performed is what inspired her to follow the path of a professional comedian, even if everyone else at the party was freaked out by the demonic looking clown.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea!” Luan thought to herself. She pulled out some comedy supplies that she packed in her bag, just in case. She went up to the old stage and started setting up some of the supplies.

“Maybe these children will like my material here, just like how I did all those years ago.” Luan said. “This is for you, Chuckles.”

Luan picked up a megaphone and announced to the kiddie section of the park.

“Attention, one and all! Don’t be shy! Take a break from the water slides and step right up to see The Magnificent Loud! Admission is free for all!”

Tiffany and her groupies, along with the other little kids playing in the kiddie pool, stared at Luan in confusion as she boasted herself on the stage.

“Okay, let me see what I have in my bag here.” Luan said.

“Would you look at that! A magic hat! Now, which one of you kids wants to see what’s inside?”

Tiffany’s groupies were interested. One by one, they abandoned talking to Tiffany about her ego in favor of sitting down at the old wooden party chairs to watch Luan’s performance. Tiffany was quite angry.

“That girl took away MY crowd of boys that were listening to ME! And I’m certain that I was impressing quite a few of them with my beautiful body! GRRRRRRR!!!” Tiffany thought to herself.

“Alright, I pulled out…,” Luan said to her audience of quite a few little kids from the kiddie pool.

“A RABBIT!”

Luan accidentally pulled out a penny from the hat.

“Whoops! Sorry! Lemme try again!”

Luan threw the penny away and reached in again to pull out…

“A RABBIT!”

She pulled out Lucy’s bathing suit this time.

“Huh? How did this get in there? My mistake, heh!”

“I will pull out a darn rabbit whether this stupid hat likes it or not! Hah!”’

The crowd laughed along with her. It made Luan so happy, even though she was messing up with her trick.

“Alright, this time, I definitely have a rabbit!”

This time she pulled out a rabbit holding her panties which made all the kids laughed in hysteria.

The rabbit told Luan in a deadpan voice, “Rabbits are for more than just magic tricks, you know.”

The rabbit then kicked her in the face and hopped off with her panties.

The crowd was loving Luan. She never felt this respected before for her comedy!

All except Tiffany, who was in the corner of the birthday section frowning.

“Listen does anyone have another pair of panties for me, my rabbit stole my only pair.”

“I’ve got a diaper!” one audience member told her.

“Naaaaaah, that’s fine, you can keep that on. Hah! I should’ve been more prepared. Now, who wants to see animal balloons? Raise your hand if you do!”

Everyone in the crowd raised their hand except for Tiffany.

Meanwhile…

Lola was getting her tan, but she was getting a couple of visitors without her even realizing.

Eddy, Teddy, and Reddy weren’t exactly the handsome bachelors of Royal Woods Elementary. The only three friends the boys had were themselves, as no one else wanted to even be near them. But why would they? They were creepy, weird, weaboo, video gaming, anime loving nerds. The outcasts of the entire school. Their intelligent brains and high school grades couldn’t save them from daily humiliation from both bullies and their own classmates. Secluded from seeing women as they studied for their tests 24/7, they were starstruck when they saw Lola just resting there in such a beautiful pink bathing suit.

“GUYS! Look what I found! snicker, snicker”

“Shut up, Ted! You’ll wake her up!”

“The forbidden fruit of the waterpark, a candid sleeping dame in the flesh!”

“And speaking of fruit, I feel my banana growing!”

They all got eerily close to Lola, gathering around her as she slept. She could slightly feel them breathing down her neck.

“I think I’m in love, Red!”

“I never knew FEMALES could go to waterparks!” hnggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh

“When I marry this damsel in distress, she can make me my own bologna and lard sandwiches in the kitchen where she belongs.”

“She can help me do all the hard work studying for my Calculus tests so I can focus on more important things, like mastering Tetris.”

“She’ll pack my lunches each day so I can become my own man.” hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

“But how should we communicate with the fragile wooman? After all, she’s too weak to lift a 10 lb weight or speak English.”

“We must awaken her with true love’s first kiss.”

“Or we can touch her leg to wake her up.”

“Great idea, Edd! Man, you always have the best ideas!”

“I ain’t touching it! My mom says touching girls inappropriately will give you stomach cancer!”

“Oh wow! Then I won’t touch it either!”

“Suit yourself, you bozos. I’m gettin some HAWT leg tonight!”

Eddy reached over quietly and slowly to touch Lola’s leg. As he got closer and closer, he started to drool with excitement. He was finally going to get this chance that he always dreamed about! But, just as he was a mere inch away from his prize…l

Lola: “Touch me and I’ll cut you.”

“非常警報！女性は目が覚めた！クイック！私のお母さんのビーチチェアのセーフゾーンへ戻る!” (“Red alert! Female has awoken! Quick!! Back to the safe spot at my mom’s beach chair here!”)

“オーバー、アウト、司令官、エディ!” (“Over and out, Commander Eddy!”)

The three boys ran away as Lola continued her summer tan.

Meanwhile…

“Well, at last we can, like, stay warm walking to the next slide! The sun is a scorcher today!” Lori told Leni.

She felt a little bad that she had to take Leni out of the hot tub while she was having fun, so Lori was walking with Leni to any other attraction she wanted to go to.

“You stretched my elastic from my bathing suit. Hmph.” Leni admitted.

“Yeah, yeah, a good soak in the wave pool and you’ll forget it in a second IMEANUM the wave pool looks nice! Yes!” Lori said.

“I wonder how Lori would like it?” Leni thought to herself.

After the hot tub, and among all the little energetic brats from first/second grade in there, the wave pool was the second biggest place to find attractive high school men in the park. It must have been only second due to all of the defecation that babies did in the wave pool while their parents weren’t looking.

We arrive at the wave pool a few moments after one, too.

“Attention waterpark guests! Please exit the wave pool, as we have a Class 2 contamination in the wave pool. Leave with all of your belongings for the time being as we clean the water up for all guests to enjoy! Thank you for your stay at our waterpark!” a megaphone announcement called out to waterpark guests.

Lori could obviously point out the baby culprit. A little boy without his diaper on, laughing as his embarrassed mom walked through the midst of dirty looks from guests.

Leni could see the floating diaper with quite a unique piece of chocolate inside.

“Yum, chocolate! Gimme, gimme!”

“LENI, NO! STAY OUT!”

Lori pulled her back away from the wave pool. Leni gave her a dirty look.

“Man, you’re no fun, Lori.”

“That’s poop, like what Charles makes!” Lori said.

Lori was setting a good example for all of her eligible boyfriends looking at her. A group of them were all winking at her and blowing kisses towards the pair. Lori blew some back.

“Screw the chocolate, gimme a man!” Leni thought to herself. She grabbed a hold of Lori’s bikini bottom.

“YIPES,” Lori squealed.

“Who needs a waterpark-ruining bossypants when you can have me, boys? Tee hee!” Leni shouted over.

“Woo, woo!” one of them shouted back. Leni blushed.

“Leni! What the hell??” Lori gave her a mad look.

“Well you said it was my turn to pick the next ride.”

“Yeah, so?”

Leni looked at the handsome high school juniors and seniors.

“I wanna ride them next.” Leni blushed so that her face was redder than a cherry.

“Look, Leni, I’m sorry for taking you out of the hot tub, but I couldn’t let Carol judge me like that.”

“So CAROL started this, huh? You think that CAROL will really humiliate you that much, huh?”

“...What?”

“Grow a pair, Lori! Have some self-dignity in yourself. You shouldn’t let Carol be in control of who you are!”

“Oh, you want a knuckle sandwich now Leni?!?”

“Oh, it’s on now!”

The two started to wrestle with each other near the wave pool. Everyone waiting for the pool to reopen in that area just stared at them.

“Urgh! It’s human pretzel time!” Lori twisted Leni’s leg.

“Now, it’s the front wedgie.” Leni grabbed Lori’s bikini bottom in the front.

Some parents were shielding their children’s eyes. As of course, the parents watched the brutality themselves. The first and second graders, who were 100% mature as always, cheered the behavior on.

“FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!” the lot of them shouted.

Meanwhile…

“Mommy, I’m scared of these stairs up to the waterslide.”

“Why is that, Billy?”

“Because they feel like they’re going to break at any second.”

“Relax, honey. I’m sure nothing will happen to-”

STOMP, STOMP, STOMP

“AHHH! MOMMY! GET ME DOWN NOOOOOOOOOOW!!!”

STOMP, STOMP

“Okay, honey! I’m sorry!”

Billy and his mother ran down the stairs back towards the kiddie section.

Lexi jokingly yelled back at them after she stomped on the stairs with the strength of her own feet.

“What? It’s only three stories tall of a slide!”

“You know Lexi after this slide, you want to grab a soda.”

“A soda will be so worth it. In fact, I have one with me now! Let’s share it.”

Lexi shakes up the soda can so quickly and aims it at the next guest in front of them. He is a big, strong, muscular weightlifter who won several awards for his strength.

SPLAAAAAAAAASH!!!

“Whoops! Silly me! Looks like that’ll take a good bath to wash out! Hah, hahaaaaaaa!!!”

The muscular bodybuilder turned around slowly and gave both Lincoln and Lexi and extremely angry look. Lincoln pissed his pants in fear as he realized what was about to happen. Lexi was too busy laughing to even notice.

“Um...Lexi……...Lexi, stop laughing…”

The look grew angrier, and angrier, and ANGRIER.

Until…

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I WANT MY MOMMY! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

The bodybuilder ran down the stairs, knocking over others in his way like bowling pins. Some of these guests felt so unconscious that they stumbled their way down the stairs, too. Some even fell unconscious into the uncleaned wave pool, still suffering from a fairly recent diaper accident.

Lincoln’s original fear suddenly turned into hysterical laughter, and soon, he was laughing along with Lexi, too.

“Honey, that was a close one. Don’t try that again, please.” Lincoln told Lexi.

Lexi could barely speak throughout her laughter.

“Duelly noted, hahaa!”

“Lexi, do you have any wipes?”

“For what?”

“I might have peed myself.”

The fancy British family in front of them gasped.

“Quite right, I’d rather not mix YELLOW into my pure, CLEAR waterpark water.”

“Let’s dillydally off to the Monty Python Flying Circus showing at the roundabout theater, my dear chap father.”

“Good show, jolly good show, son.”

They elegantly walked down off the stairs, passing by all of the bowling pins still recovering from their traumatic experience.

“But seriously do you have wipes?”

Lexi facepalmed.

“Here. Take them.”

Lexi pulled out two wipes from her bathing suit.

“Man, you always have a ton of convenient stuff hidden up your bathing suit, Lex! Thanks!”

Lexi blushed.

“Don’t mention it………..as in legit DON’T mention it.”

“Though we should check up on Lynn and Lucy, you know how they get.”

“We should, after our final guests ahead of us leave! Look! We’re almost at the top!”

Lincoln and Lexi saw a man and woman couple in their mid 20’s just up ahead of them, talking about kissing and how beautiful they were and all that crap.

“Bleck! I know just the trick to deal with them!” Lexi whispered to Lincoln.

“So, you like the Big Kahuna ride too, huh guys?” Lexi said to the young couple.

“Why of course we do! It’s our favorite ride here!”

“Hi, nice to meet you! I’m Lexi, and this is my boyfriend, Lincoln!”

“hi” Lincoln softly said to them. He was nervous.

“Oh, the story of how we met! I was studying Economics with him in the college library, and we blossomed our relationship as he lectured me on how to take the final exam! He’s such a sweetie!” Lexi improvised.

“Great to hear, Miss Lexi! We wish you guys the best of luck in your relationship!”

Lexi kissed Lincoln on the cheek. Lincoln was sweating with nervousness, if that's even a real word.

“hi” Lincoln said again.

“We even had a baby recently! Oh, it’s going to be so sweet!” Lexi said.

“We WHAT?!?” Lincoln screamed.

“Oh honey, honey, shh shh. Yep, you guys! Our baby!” Lexi added.

“How adorable, Richard! They’re having a baby already.”

“Young love indeed, my sweet Mary Ann.”

“Lexi, what the hell are you trying to get at with this...baby?”

“Lincoln, no! Don’t bring this up again!” Lexi fake yelled at him.

Lincoln saw where this was going from here. He put on a fake devilish grin.

“I need you to take off your underwear then, when we get home. So we can have another chance at birth after...your miscarriage.” Lincoln told Lexi and the couple.

The couple shrieked.

“LINCOLN! STOP!” Lexi said.

“Oh, such a tragic tale, too. The young, innocent fetus required such dainty care after its conception. Perhaps it would have been kept that way, had you not spent all night out at the bar drinking...AFTER FLUNKING THE ECONOMICS TEST?!?!?”

“You cold hearted traitor!” Lexi started to produce fake crocodile tears from her eyes.

“Lexi...I’m sleeping with someone else from now on.”

Lexi and the couple gasped.

“And his name...is Bun Bun.” Lincoln added.

“You’ll never set foot in my house again!” Lexi shouted at Lincoln.

The two then got into a slapping contest while fake crying.

“Erm, Richard, maybe we should leave these two ‘lovebirds’ be.”

“Great idea, honey.”

The couple walked all the way down the stairs. The entire line was stunned, looking up at the fake Lincoln and Lexi slap fight.

When the couple was completely out of the line, Lincoln and Lexi quit the fight when they realized that they were next in line to ride. The lifeguard at the top was amazed at such wild behavior.

Lincoln and Lexi shouted at the same time, “VICTORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

Meanwhile…

Luan was having more and more fun performing for the children. They were starstruck at her funny magic tricks, her complex balloon animals, and her interactivity with the audience. She made sure to keep her content family friendly, too, and soon enough, even some parents were sitting down with their children to enjoy the show.

Then she started doing her stand up.

“So the chicken crosses the road to get to my doctor’s office, he tells me ‘Help! I’ve got a broken wing!’, and I’m like ‘Your fault, buddy! Sell it to McDonalds, maybe they can mix it in to their pink slime nuggets!’ Hah! Get it?”

No one was getting it.

The crowd had been hearing several unfunny one liners, zingers, and puns from Luan and even they could agree that they sucked.

“Hey, if Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, then why is there a song about him? Hah, hah!”

“What do you call a rabbit that steals your undies? Bouncing Boxers! Get it?””

“What’s the DEAL with Seinfeld TV reruns?”

“What do you call Mac from ‘Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends’ when he eats too much sugar? A ‘Mac Attack’!”

“If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?”

“Give a baby a bottle of milk and they’ll drink for a day. Give a baby their own IPhone and they won’t bother you for weeks! Hah!”

Someone in the audience spoke up.

“Hey funny girl, what do you and Seinfeld reruns have in common?”

An impatient heckler in the audience yelled out to Luan. She had no idea people were getting tired of her standup.

“I don’t know! What DO I and Seinfeld reruns have in common?”

“Both of you are old and funny for so long.”

The audience was in hysterics for the first time in a while.

“Good one out there! Ooh, ooh, I’ve got another!”

The audience groaned again. Luan didn’t care as she was so caught up in the moment.

“You know dolphins are so smart, that within two weeks of captivity, they’ve trained people to stand at the edge of their pool and throw them fish! Hah, hah, haaaaaaaaaaaah!”

“If we quit voting for presidents, will they all go away eventually?”

“Booooooooo. Political jokes are not funny.” an audience member told Luan.

“Aw, come on! I’m just trying to make this old party stage great again! Hah! Oh man, I’m good!”

Some other painful quips from the overly long standup routine included such classics as...

“Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Maybe this waterpark will be a good place to try this experiment out on! Hah! Get it? GET IT?”

“Eventually, we’ll all reach the point where we stop lying about our age and start bragging about it!”

“Who copyrighted the copyright system! WHOOPS! Better not say that joke, I hear it’s already copyrighted!”

“I’m still here today to entertain you folks because when I was in elementary school, I refused to play in any sports with ambulances waiting at the bottom of a hill! Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

Suddenly a water balloon filled with soda hit Luan in the face.

“Huh?” Luan said.

Some members of the crowd started snickering.

“You stink!” Tiffany shouted out to her. “Twenty five cents for a soda balloon to throw at this bimbo!”

The crowd started to mutter to themselves while looking at Tiffany’s newly created water balloon stand. But Luan was thinking about other things besides what her audience was doing.

“Phew, is it hot up here. I haven’t even gone on ONE water slide yet.” she thought to herself.

“Step right up, folks, don’t be shy, only a quarter a pop!” Tiffany advertised, like the devil she was.

Slowly but surely, she was selling her water balloons like crazy, making around $50 in profit for herself with just this small group of kids.

“It’s worth every penny!” one boy noted as he handed Tiffany his quarter.

Luan was pelted by soda balloons which, but a hit and miss for her.

“Well at least it’s a cool down, but now I’m stickier than Lynn’s underwear after a football game.” Luan said to herself.

Then she realized something.

She wasn’t expecting anything as a reward from her audience. They must have saw her sweating and cared so much as to cool her off.

In the midst of the soda balloon pelting, she said happily out to the audience “Yes! Oh, thank you, my kind children! You love my act so much! Thank you!”

The audience was beyond confused. Especially Tiffany.

Everyone slowly put down their soda balloons and Tiffany was no longer making any money off of her “business”.

“Hey, guys! Lookie here! Soda balloons, now only 5 dollars per balloon! Whaddya say guys!” Tiffany said with an enraged face.

“GUYS!!!”

“Hey look! Isn’t that Tiffany’s dad?” a boy in the audience said out loud.

And it was. The owner of the waterpark, walking right this way with two security police officers right behind him.

“Ooh, Daddy has come to the rescue, finally! OH, DADDY! GET THIS CLOWN OFF OF MYYYYYYYYYYYY WATERPARK STAGE!” Tiffany said with glee.

Luan was scared. Tiffany's dad and the two policemen walked onto the old stage, and walked up to Luan.

“Ma’am, do you know that going up on this stage is trespassing?” one cop told her.

“I...uh…” Luan peed herself in her bathing suit

“Now, hold it, officers. This young girl isn’t in trouble just yet.” the waterpark owner began to say.

“HUUUUUUUH?!?” Tiffany yelled.

“This young performer was just trying to put on a free admission show for the younger children at the park. Is that so wrong?” Tiffany’s dad explained.

“Well, sir, this stage is dangerous to be standing on. The roof is old and can crumble at any moment. Er, we were just trying to prevent injury is all-” the other security cop told their boss.

“One more word about arresting this young performer and you’re fired, Mr. Heffley,” the waterpark owner told them.

Tiffany’s jaw dropped. She began throwing and bursting her unsold, 5 dollar soda balloons on herself in anger.

“As a token of our gratitude, Miss...er…”

“Luan, sir.”

“...Luan, I shall offer you a job here at this waterpark when you turn of age so that you may perform for children of all ages as you please,” Tiffany’s dad told Luan.

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” the audience went.

“Maybe, perhaps without the stand up jokes. The kids seemed to like your other routines more.” Tiffany’s dad added in.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!” the audience went.

“Oh yes, Mr. Owner, sir! Count me in!” Luan said with excitement.

“Splendid! Now would you be of age 15 or older?”

“My 15th birthday is coming up in April of next year.” Luan told him. “And can I have a new pair of panties?”

“Apply for a job here as soon as you can after your birthday, and we’ll see you then.”

“Can do!” Luan told him with a smile.

The two exchanged a firm handshake.

“For the panties, just go to that gift shop over there. Tell ’em the boss said that one pair is on the house.”

Everyone in the audience was cheering.

And yes, I do mean EVERYONE this time.

Tiffany decided to drown her sorrows out with beer at the waterpark bar while crying her eyes out.

Hey, hey! I don’t mean THAT kind of beer! Root beer! Sheesh!

Meanwhile…

“Ahh! Man, that sleep must have done me good with my tan! Let’s see how it’s turning out!” Lola said to herself.

Lola took off her cucumber eye mask to peek at her luscious, sunbathed…

...completely same white paleness as before.

“GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-AH!” Lola shouted out loud.

Some of Tiffany’s former groupies gave her a dirty look as they passed by her to get into the kiddie pool.

“Why didn’t this stupid sun bake my skin while I was sleeping for all that time? I could have been going down all those waterslides!” Lola screamed.

“That’s it, I’m bringing out the big guns!”

Lola reached into her tiny, petite backpack and pulled out a gigantic solar panel.

“HEE HEE HEEHEEEEEEEE!” she laughed.

Lola focused the solar panel on her lounge chair so that the light was shining on it burning hot.

Lola also took out a piece of paper from her backpack and an ant who snuck in there.

She threw the piece of paper into the spot where the light was shining and it burned completely in midair.

Lola smiled devilishly at the innocent ant she was holding.

“Help me.” the ant squealed out.

Lola threw the ant into the bean of the sun. When it hit the ground, its body caught on fire within a second.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!” the ant lightly screamed.

“HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT-” it wailed out as it ran over to the kiddie pool to douse the flames.

“Yes! PERFECT for my Hollywood tan!” Lola said victoriously.

Lola took out half of a cucumber from her backpack and sliced up two new slices for her eyes. She then put some moisturizing facial cream all over her face and then sat back into the flaming hot area where her chair was, putting the cucumber slices over her eyes and falling asleep again.

“Beam me up, Sunny. ZZZZZZZZZZZ...”

Meanwhile...

Lincoln and Lexi finished going down the Big Kahuna.

“OH MY GOSH THAT WAS AMAZING,” Lincoln shouted excitedly.

“It was like a nice journey down a slide that felt like Koopa Cape from Mario Kart Wii, trademarked.” Lexi added in.

“That was so worth everyone in the park hating us now!” Lincoln told Lexi.

The fancy British son who was paired up with the British father in line suddenly threw one of Tiffany’s soda balloons at Lincoln’s head, covering him with carbonated gak.

“You people are crude, rude, and lewd.” the British son told them.

“Weird, but Lexi! You wanna check on Lucy and Lynn?” Lincoln asked.

“Sure, wherever they are. I kept hearing something about a Lucy while we slid down the slide, but that must just be an employee working here.” Lexi said.

“I suppose.” Lincoln replied.

Lincoln and Lexi got out of the slide’s exit pool, split up, and began their search for the two sisters.

Lincoln walked back over to the chair where Rita was tanning and was a little scared. God knows he didn’t want to find just Lynn and have her daredevil instincts ruin his day out at the waterpark.

“Please have Lucy with you, please have Lucy with you…” Lincoln thought.

When he got close enough to the chair, he could see Lynn by herself crying that Lucy was lost somewhere else in the waterpark. But luckily, Lincoln had time to sneak into the boys changing room just before Lynn could notice him.

Lincoln was breathing heavily, planning an escape route out of the changing room back onto some rides.

Then he thought about how Lynn must have been sad that no one wanted to ride with her on anything.

“Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Lucy, you better be doing something SPECTACULAR at the waterpark right now…”

Lincoln slowly walked over to the chair where Lynn was crying to herself.

Lincoln said monotonously in defeat, “Hey Lynn, did Lucy ditch you?” He patted her back. “There there, it’s OK.”

Lynn instantly brightened up when she saw Lincoln.

“SQUEEEEEEEE! LINKY!”

She tightly hugged him until he could barely breathe.

He collapsed on the hard ground when she let go. Before he could get back up on his own feet, Lynn was already dragging towards a ride she wanted to go on with him.

“Hey, Lincoln! Have you ever heard of the DEVIL’S DROP?”

“Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.” Lincoln replied.

“Luuuuuuuuuucyyyyyyyy, where are youuuuuuuuuuu?” Lexi called out.

“So cold,” Lucy whispered to herself. Without any clothes on, this summer day with a scorching sun was actually keeping her quite cold without any clothes on as she lay in the shade of the bushes.

She was writing a poem behind the bushes.

“Like the snow of Antarctica, Like a mother polar bear playing with her young, Like a small penguin dancing to the beat of the music, Like the snow line streets of wintertime downtown, With the poor frigid homeless Waiting for their daily meal At The Soup K i t c h e n.”

“Nice poem! Can you write one for me sometime?” Lexi asked Lucy from outside the bush.

“AB-BA-BA, LEXI?!?!?” Lucy shouted in disbelief.

Some guy lifeguards walking nearby turned their heads because they thought they heard something come from the bush, but they assumed it was just a mating call of a bird in the bush and they walked away.

Lucy quietly went down to a whispery voice.

“Leave me alone. I don’t want you seeing me like this. I’m...nude…”

“I saw you naked when you were changing into your bathing suit today. Come on, I won’t be embarrassed!” Lexi said. “We’re family, and we stick together!”

“First off, ew.” Lucy said. “But second off, yeah, I just really need a towel or two to cover myself up so I can walk around without anyone noticing I’m naked.”

“I’ll get you some towels and your normal change of clothes, unless you wanna ask Mom for some money to buy an overpriced bathing suit at the gift shop.”

“I’ll just take it easy relaxing next to Mom for the rest of the day writing poems and short stories. I didn’t even really wanna go on water rides, anyway.” Lucy told Lexi.

“I got an idea for a horror story, the girl who got boy underwear.” Lexi jokingly tease Lucy.

“Hush up and just get me some towels.” Lucy rolled her eyes.

“I’ll be right back!” Lexi assured her.

Lexi ran into the locker room getting her a towel and unfortunately she could only find Lucy’s underoos so she brought those along as well.

“This was all I could find in your locker. Here’s a towel.” Lexi said.

Lucy wrapped the towel around her body and stepped out of the bush when no one was looking.

“Huh? My underwear?” Lucy said confused.

Lexi giggled because of the silly design on the underwear.

“Oh, right, Lynn trashed the rest of my clothes.” Lucy explained.

“She did?”

“Yeah, Lynn thought I abandoned her because that stupid devil’s slide ripped my bathing suit off, so I had to hide in here.”

“BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA, THAT'S HILARIOUS!!!”

“Oh, stop it! Now I don’t even have a spare change of clothes with me. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.”

“You have your briefs. Man, last time, I saw anyone wearing briefs was Lincoln in 3rd grade.”

“I guess that was so minor of a memory that only someone REALLY fascinated with Lincoln in undies would remember that.” Lucy said with a grin.

“Let’s get you changed, Lucy,” Lexi said, embarrassed.

Meanwhile…

Rita was relaxing in the sun until two security officers came up to her.

“Ma’am, are you the mother of those two teens in the wave pool area?” one police guard asked her.

Rita sighed. Whenever something bad happened, it could always be traced down to the Loud family.

“Probably. I’ll go with you boys to calm whatever’s happening down.” Rita reluctantly replied.

“TAKE THIS, YA NUMBNUT!”

Lori ripped out a chunk of Leni’s hair.

“OOOOOOWWWWWW!!!”

“Hahaa! Look everyone! It’s FAKE hair!!!”

“YOU LITTLE-”

Leni tackled Lori’s face to the ground, breaking her nose against the hard, dry concrete ground.

Lori fought back and punched one of Leni’s teeth out.

“THAT’LL SHOW YOU WHO’S BOSS!”

Leni banged her head against the stone wall of the wave pool.

She got back up and picked Lori’s entire body up with her hands.

“Hey! What are you doing, you nimrod?!?”

“HAAA-RUP!”

Leni threw Lori all the way into the deep end of the wave pool, where her head managed to land exactly INSIDE the soiled diaper filled with doo doo.

Leni was grinning in victory and laughing her head off at the same time.

“That’ll take, like, WEEKS of spa to rub that scent out!” Leni yelled over to Lori all the way at the deep end of the pool.

“LORI MARIE LOUD! LENI MARIE LOUD! COME HERE AT ONCE!” their mother yelled in anger. The two cops were waiting beside her.

Leni stopped smiling and turned towards her mother. They both realized that they were in trouble. HUGE TROUBLE more like it.

Lori threw the diaper away quickly in disgust and started slowly walking towards her mother in defeat.

They both realized that the fight had turned into a huge mess. And it wasn’t getting them anywhere, either.

“Why were you guys fighting?” Rita asked. “I want answers, NOW!”

Leni could barely mutter out anything. She was thinking of how she hurt Lori over a stupid reason to pick a fight with her. Lori was thinking the same.

The two of them could then overhear the boys they tried to impress earlier laughing at something they were looking at on their phones.

It turned out that the boys recorded the entire fight and posted it to Youtube. Even Carol Pringrey was joining along in the crowd watching the video as her and one of the boys french-kissed each other.

“Oh, man! This thing has one million billion hunkagazillion views already!” one of the dudes said to his fellow broham.

“We’re already getting requests to put in company ads on this video! We’ll all be rich from ad revenue!” Carol noted. She gave Lori an evil smile after she said that to the group. Lori’s jaw dropped.

Leni was surprised, too. She didn’t know that Carol was really like this.

When Lori finally got out of the wave pool, she walked up to Leni and froze.

They weren’t walking towards their mom like Rita instructed them to, but she kept quiet. She motioned the guards to keep quiet, too.

Lori looked at Leni with regret in her eyes. Leni did the same to Lori.

After a few seconds of staring at each other, they both started to tear up.

They gave each other a tight hug and burst out crying.

“I’m sorry for hurting you, Leni!” Lori told Leni out loud.

“I always have loved you as a sister, Lori, and I always will!” Leni said to Lori.

The mothers watching thought that this end to such a brutal fight was adorable as they all gasped in aww.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!”

Finally, these people get it right this time.

The children watching that had siblings they were hanging out with mostly hugged each other and told each other “I luv you.”

Some of those young siblings barely even exchanged hands with one another in fear of exchanging cooties, but that’s besides the point.

“Let’s totally never fight like this again.” Leni told Lori.

“I never want to hurt you like this. I regret ever getting mad at you.” Lori told Leni. “Oh, and Lori, Mom has some extra strong shampoo for your hair, but it says ‘Warning: Your hair may fallout’”

“Eh, what the heck, I’ll use this stuff up at the changing room showers. Anything to get this stench out.”

They hugged each other once again in total forgiveness.

“That’s what I was waiting for, girls.” Rita told them both. “And I love you, too.”

Just as they were about to hug their mom, they could overhear loud laughing, even louder than last time.

“What sissies! They actually think that WUVVING EACH OTHER UP means something! AWWWWWWWWWWWWW, blow me.” one of the dude bros said while bursting out loud in laughter.

“I got that on video, too! This one’s gonna go viral even faster than the first one!” another one of them noted.

“Especially with the ugly mother at the end acting so cringey and stuff!” Carol added.

Lori and Leni listened in and were furious at the group. But with their mother and two waterpark cops looking at them, they couldn’t do anything to them.

Lori and Leni slowly turned towards their mother, looked up at her face, and sighed.

But Rita gave them a nod with her head.

The two sisters looked up at her with surprise.

“Yes. Go right ahead.” Rita told them.

The two cops nodded yes as well.

“Well, dear sister, care to teach Carol and those boys a lesson?” Lori suggested to Leni.

“What a great idea, sis! I wish I thought of it myself!” Leni replied.

They both curled their fists up tightly, ready to give out some knuckle sandwiches.

Carol and the boys saw them walking towards where they were and tried to find a way out of the wave pool area, but the only entrance/exit to the area was through a narrow passageway blocked off by Rita and the two cops, who were smiling devilishly. It was either stand in that spot or go into the diaper-infested wave pool water. They ran almost inside of the wave pool but the germ-filled diaper accident prevented then from stepping into the actual water. They were stuck.

Leni announced to everyone watching, “LET’S SO GET READY TO RUMBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

Meanwhile…

“Where are we ever going to start with dressing me up in decent looking clothes, now that Lynn trashed all the clothes I wore to the park?” Lucy asked Lexi.

“First put on your undies,” Lexi said. “Not wearing underwear is a bad idea.”

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh I DONT HAVE ANY MORE UNDIES, YEP-A-ROO!” Lucy said quickly with a fake smile, sweating a little.

“Oh, come now. I know I saw a spare pair of them in the backpack you brung in.” Lexi devilishly grinned at Lucy.

“And they looked like they had that ‘Beat Em Up Bats’ design on them, too.”

“I hate wearing boy’s underoos though.” Lucy mentioned. “As well as boy underwear, too. I just brought those stupid things along so I could throw them out here. Hmph.”

“I still remember the day Pop Pop gave you those undies, too, as your only Christmas gift from him. He keeps thinking you’re a grody boy! HAHAHAHAHA-” Lexi chuckled.

“At least, I don’t keep track of the underwear Lincoln wears.” Lucy rebutted.

“Well, I don’t want you getting a rash near your booty on my watch. Those undies will protect you until you can get back home and replace your undies yourself, so wear ‘em.” Lexi said while trying her hardest not to smirk.

“You’re just saying that because you wanna take a picture of me after I put them on.” Lucy noted, seeing Lexi’s Iphone in her hand on Camera mode.

“Am not!” Lexi falsely assured her, trying to hide her Iphone quickly.

“I hate Beat Em Up Bats.” Lucy said. “And I hate life for cursing me to look like a boy to people with poor vision.”

“Ah, quit stalling and get em on! It’s almost time for us to meet back up with Momma.” Lexi reminded Lucy.

“Fine.” Lucy said. She pulled up the briefs while Lexi took a ton of pictures of her in the underwear, one them replacing her old photo for Lucy’s contact. Lucy could hear Lexi faintly saying the word “Instagram”.

After a few seconds, Lexi ran over to Lucy to show her something on her phone.

“See? Lynn thinks they look nice on you!” Lexi told Lucy. Lexi pointed towards a comment on an Instagram picture she posted, showing Lucy in her new undies. It was Lynn who just posted a hysterically laughing emoji as a comment.

“Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.” Lucy muttered. “I wonder if Lincoln has this bad of a time with his underwear.”

“Last I heard, Lynn was escorting him down the Devil’s Drop. That’s a bum destroyer right there!” Lexi told Lucy.

Both of them shuttered at how bad a wedgie such a tall slide can give to all the victims who dare to ride it.

“I hope Lincoln’s butt is safe.” Lucy said. “But I need some pants and a shirt.”

Two new comments popped up on Lexi’s Instagram post. Luna Loud commented from home “Rockin threads, Luce! I’ve never seen those on ur booty b4! XD LOL” Rita Loud commented “I’m glad I haven’t bought you girl panties yet. Looking good, baby girl.”

“Pants first.” Lucy said embarrassed.

“OK, so since you didn’t bring any other spare clothes, we need to gift shop it from here. They probably won't have socks, though, but I don’t think you’ll need them. Hah!” Lexi told Lucy.

“No worries, I’ll just stick my stinky feet in front of your nose the entire ride home .” Lucy taunted back.

“Well, I’ve dealt with worse odors before.” Lexi remarked. “Never wash Lynn’s underwear, ya hear?”

Lucy playfully stuck a tongue out at Lexi as they made their way to the gift shop, filled with overpriced shirts and pants.

“Wait why is Luan at the counter?” Lexi asked noticing her older sister. She was talking to the clerk at the cash register.

“So the thrift store donation guy started getting sassy with me about how I only had one shirt to donate to him, so I told him ‘Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a shirt.’ HA HAAAAAAAAAAAA! GET IT?!?” Luan told the salesman.

“Look, kid, I don’t care how many bad jokes you tell me, you’re not getting that plush toy at a 50% off discount.” the tired and annoyed cashier told her.

“Hmph. Service without a smile.” Luan replied.

“Listen, I’ll give you some...er...free panties if you go away.” the cashier told her.

“Thanks, I needed the panties anyway, my rabbit stole the pair I bought.”

The cashier pulled a pair of cheaply made panties with the waterpark logo etched into the clothing item.

“Here. Now shoo.” the salesman said hastily, wanting to serve the customers that were actually paying for their gift shop souvenirs.

Luan went away from the cashier desk and saw Lucy and Lexi browsing the gift shop. She went over to talk with them.

“Hey, Lucy! Lexi!” Luan greeted them. “Erm, why is Lucy wearing Lincoln’s underwear?”

“Lynn…” Lucy muttered. She was guessing that Luan wouldn’t understand.

“Ahh, shouldn’t have picked her as a waterpark buddy today, I know. You could’ve swapped with me, Lola abandoned me first thing in the day to give herself a fancy schmancy tan.” Luan explained.

“Aww, what? I could’ve avoided the Devil’s Drop with you as my buddy? Dangit!” Lucy said.

“Lynn always forces people to do the things she wants. You should know, too, Luce. You pair up in your bedroom every night. Hah!” Luan noted.

“Also, those underwear aren’t Lincoln’s! They’re Lucy’s underwear from Pop Pop!” Lexi blurted.

Lexi couldn’t hold her laughter in much longer. Her and Luan burst out in hysterics at the same time, pointing at Lucy.

“Yeah, yeah, the faster we find some new clothes for me, the better.” Lucy told them.

“Ooh! I have an idea! What stuff do you need in here?” Luan replied.

“A shirt and some pants.” Lucy said.

Luan quickly grabbed a shirt and pants from the half stuff and thankfully they were well made…

...despite the price tag still being hefty.

Luan walked up to the cashier desk again. Lucy and Lexi stood back, not wanting much to do with paying for the overpriced clothes.

But instead of pulling her wallet out, Luan stood there until the cashier wearily turned around from looking at his computer to face her.

“What do you want?” the cashier told her in an irritated tone.

“You know, I recently picked up a few more joke books.” Luan told him.

“Cool. I don’t care. Leave before the security I called shows up.”

“Teen Titans Go and Breadwinners joke books.” Luan remarked.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” the cashier screamed in all caps.

Luan grinned.

“TAKE THE SHIRT, TAKE THE PANTS, TAKE EVERYTHING! JUST GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THOSE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!” the cashier screeched.

Luan, Lexi, and Lucy all left the store and went into the women’s changing room. Luan felt quite victorious. Lexi and Lucy was stunned. Especially Lexi. Usually to get what she wanted, she would’ve normally just yelled at the cashier dude with all her might, then she would’ve practically wrestled him to the ground for a free shirt.

“Thank goodness for these panties or else my butt would look like a baboon.” Luan said. “Mom gives out spanks for not wearing underwear.”

“Your butt so looks like a baboon’s, Luan.” Lexi teased her. “You’re just denying the facts.”

“Hah! Very funny, Lexx.” Luan giggled. “Though, you’re the Angry Panties Girl.”

Luan noticed Lexi was wearing Angry Video Game Nerd panties.

“I just like to admire my hero, even though he still can’t manage to land that d**n plane in Top Gun NES.” Lexi told Luan.

“I wish you didn’t grab me Hot Dog pants and a I Love Hot Dogs shirt.” Lucy whined. “I look like one of those people that dies first in an 80’s horror movie.”

“That was the only pair of clothes in that gift shop that paired up well. Don’t worry about it, Lucy! You’ll look fiiiiiiiiiine!” Luan assured her.

“OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWIIIIIIIEEEEEE, THAT HURTS MOMMA.” a person screamed.

“Did I just hear the Goofy scream in real life? That’s a first!” Lexi told the other two sisters.

“Wait, I think that was Lynn.” Luan said.

“You never know. Lincoln screams like a wussie whenever I creep up behind him and scare him.” Lexi said with a grin.

“Well, here goes nothing.” Lucy said, stepping out of the dressing room in her very touristy outfit. She saw Lexi take a quick photo from her phone and then quickly hid her phone out of view again.

“You look adorable.” Lexi admitted.

“Shaddap and let’s find Mom already. It’s time for us to gather around her chair and leave the park.” Lucy said.

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!

“Gah! Huh? Wha? Where am I again?”

Rita woke up from quite the nap on her recliner. Her alarm clock she set on her phone woke her up and notified her that it was time to gather up her kids and go…

...right after admiring the smooth tan she acquired in her slumber.

“Ooh, yeah. Just like how I used to tan back when i was in college.”

“KIDS! TIME TO GOOOOOOOO!!!” Rita yelled out.

“MOMMA, MOMMA, I need help!” Lynn cried and ran to her.

“Oh, what is it, sweetie?” Rita said.

With tears in her eyes, Lynn turned her butt towards Rita to reveal that she got a gigantic wedgie from going down the Devil’s Drop.

The bottom of the tubes making up the slide was wet from all the water rushing down it, but the sides of the slide weren’t that wet. Lynn decided that when she was racing down for the final ride of the day to treat it like she was rocking back and forth like she was on a halfpipe, but things didn’t turn out so well for her when her butt and her bathing suit scraped against the dry sides of the slide.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAH! WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Lincoln shouted, all soaking wet from just having gone down the Devil’s Drop. “That ride was amazing and so didn’t give me one of its infamous bathing suit wedgies! YEEHAW! I’m going on that thing again TEN times next time I go here!”

Lincoln noticed Lynn standing next to him. He wanted to thank her Loud family-style for forcing him onto such a great ride.

“Awesome choice, Lynn!”

He slapped her red, swollen butt in appreciation.

Lynn screamed at the top of her lungs in pain.

“HOLY MOMMA!!!!!!!” Lynn cried like a newborn baby.

Lori and Leni soon joined the three. They wheeled themselves to their mom’s chair all covered in casts and bandages.

“I lost my hair but it was literally worth it!” Lori said.

“I guess those boys put up a nasty fight, huh?” Rita asked them.

“Oh, don’t worry, Mom! They’re in much more pain than us!” Leni said gleefully.

Leni rubbed her head up against Lori’s stomach cast. Lori bent her head down as far as it could go and kissed Leni’s hair.

“I love you too, sis.” Lori told her.

“MOMMY.” Lola cried as she barely could run. She was completely sunburnt red like a action figure package left melting in the sun.

“Oh god, are they all going to be crying today?” Rita thought to herself.

“I...can’t...move...need...sunscreen…” Lola slowly said.

“Oh, honey! I told you not to tan today! And look where that got you!”

“Lola’s lucky. At least she can still feel her butt and stuff. This wedgie is killing me.” Lynn said.

“Here, Lola sweetie, I’ll give you some sunblock, which you SHOULD have put on in the first place.” Rita told her.

She squeezed a handful of sunblock into her hand and started putting it onto Lola’s cherry-colored left shoulder.

“PAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!” Lola screamed.

“Ah well, I tried.” Rita said, putting the sunscreen away because she couldn’t touch Lola in this state. Ironically, sunscreen would be the only thing that would ease Lola’s pain at the moment.

“Hey Mom, can I have Bun Bun now?” Lincoln asked.

“I’m holding Bun Bun hostage until the big man of the house can help me locate the other girls.” Rita said playfully.

“They’re coming out from the changing room right over there!” Lincoln pointed over to Luan, Lucy, and Lexi.

“Welp, can’t argue with that. Here’s your reward.”

Rita handed Bun Bun over to Lincoln as he hugged his cuddly companion.

“Don’t say anything about my underwear or my outfit.” Lucy said in agitated tone.

“Fine. We won’t say anything.” Rita assured Lucy. In a few seconds, everyone was in hysterics over Lucy’s outfit.

“Hey! I said not to say anything.” Lucy frowned.

“Laughing out loud isn’t saying any words. Hah!” Luan added in.

“Don’t worry Lucy, embarrassing moments come and go.” Lincoln assured her.

Lincoln gave her a little hug, which made her feel better.

“Well, at least Lynn got what she deserved for tossing my clothes into the trash.” Lucy said.

“Advice, switch over to cartoon panties.” Lincoln said. “Boy underoos aren’t your style.”

“Duelly noted.” Lucy replied.

“Oh, Mom! I got a paying job working at this waterpark, too! The manager liked my jokes THAT much!” Luan told Rita.

“Good job, sweetie! Literally!” Rita exclaimed in joy.

“Erm, you wouldn’t mind driving an hour or two each day to drop me off every day for work until I can drive my own car, right, Mom?” Luan shyly asked.

Rita rolled her eyes.

“Let’s go home, Lucy has had it rough today.” Lexi told everyone. “Besides, I need to get back to my daily ritual of trolling young Call Of Doody players online!”

“Everyone, get changed out of your bathing suit in the changing rooms and meet back here. We’ll get going back home soon.” Rita announced to the kids.

After everyone got changed into their normal clothes, they loaded into the car and drove home.

Lori and Leni couldn’t walk so Lexi had to lift them into their seats.

Lola had to stand in her seat to avoid her butt and back from touching the car seat. The seatbelt she buckled into was piercing into her sunburn bad still.

Lynn crouched down on the floor under Lola to avoid having to make her sore butt sit down on the car seat.

And Lincoln, Lucy, Luan, and Lexi sat near each other and talked about how awesome their day was.

When they arrived at home, it was late at night, and school was tomorrow. So everyone decided to go to sleep.

Except for Lucy, of course.

Before she went to bed, after Lynn was fast asleep in their shared bedroom, Lucy took out a secret cardboard box that she stored underneath her bed.

“Lynn’s asleep, so I can take off my pants.” Lucy whispered to the very patient audience who just read through this long mess of an adventure.

Lucy quickly ripped off her shirt and pants and tossed them into the laundry chute.

But she kept her Beat Em Up Bats underwear on.

“Sorry I insulted you earlier, my sweet undies.”

Lucy opened up the cardboard box to reveal a Beat Em Up Bats wall poster and plushie.

She hung up the poster right next to her bed. Holding the plushie in her hand, she ran over to the light switch, shut the lights out, and ran back into her bed.

She fell asleep cuddling up with her secret, soft Beat Em Up Bats plush doll right beside her. And in the comfort of her Beat Em Up Bats underoos.

THE END