User blog:American Titan/AT's Famous Fanficks BONUS ROUND: "leni, lincoln, n lana beat up i lav animaniacs"

It was a peaceful winters day in Royal Woods, or Royal Oaks, or whatever I type up as the town name here. I think I’ve gotten them switched up multiple times. But, my lack of knowledge on the show bears no meaning. Instead, we focus on I’m Gay today.

No, no, I myself am not gay. I’m talking about I’m Gay.

NO! STOP CALLING ME GAY! I’M NOT GAY! I’m saying that I’m Ga-ARRRRRGH!

Okay, okay, calm down, AT. Let’s nickname him something else.

A man who’s literal name is “I’m Gay”, formerly known as “I Lav Animaniacs”, has decided to take a stroll into the town of Royal Oak Woods. In an attempt to please himself for the afternoon, Sir I Lav Animaniacs is heading straight for the house belonging to the Loud residence. I wonder what he’s planning to do for them? Or what he’s planning to do to them?

When ILA arrives at the front door of the house, he finds the task of ringing the doorbell to grab the resident’s attention to be quite a perplexing task. Instead, he grabs a stone from off of the ground and throws it against the door, making a loud BANG sound against it.

From the kitchen, Leni answers the door.

Leni: “Hello, stranger! Can I help you?”

I Lav Animaniacs: “hey”

Leni: “Umm...have we met before, sir?”

ILA: “who the hell are u”

Leni: “Well, you must know who we are, if you came to our house out of everyone else’s!”

ILA: “stfu i know everything”

Leni: “Erm, what does ‘sttfoo’ mean, sir?”

Leni is confused out of her mind.

Lincoln is coming down from the stairs. He overheard the conversation.

Lincoln: “Is something wrong, Leni? Who’s at the door?”

ILA: “hey, a house”

Lincoln: “........yes, this is indeed a house, sir.” He already knows that something is up.

ILA: “let me come inside”

Lincoln: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t let you do that.”

ILA: “why”

Lincoln: “Because we don’t have to.”

ILA: “why”

Lincoln: “Because it’s OUR house.”

ILA: “why”

Lincoln: “Because on a wintery, snowy day like today, you shouldn’t go out in a t-shirt, shorts, and flip flops when you dress up for the day.

I Lav Animaniacs stood for a little bit, puzzled at what Lincoln said to him. It was a freezing day, and ILA was indeed dressed lazily in a t-shirt, with shorts and flip flops.

After a long pause, I Lav Animaniacs replied back to Lincoln.

ILA: “why”

Lincoln: “Ok, this is getting pointless.”

Lincoln tries to shut the door on I Lav Animaniacs, but he pushes back on it by force.

ILA: “no u”

Lincoln: “Come on, ya stupid hippie, moveeee! You’re letting all the cold air in!”

Snow was slowly starting to blow into the house where the door was. Leni was starting to build a tiny igloo where the snow was, just behind Lincoln’s feet.

Leni: “Don’t worry, Lincoln! I’m making us a shelter to keep us warm!”

ILA: “gimme some hot choclate”

Lincoln: “Get out of the way or I’m going to slam this door in your face!”

ILA wasn’t backing down. He still pushed against the door with force.

ILA: “i need warmth”

Lincoln sighed. He realized that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with this buffoon.

Lincoln: “Fine! If I make you a cup of hot chocolate, will you be HAPPY?”

ILA: “yee, ty”

Lincoln (to himself): “Urrrrrrrrrgh. I don’t even know what he’s trying to say!”

Lincoln (out loud to ILA): “I’ll make you ONE cup of hot cocoa, but you HAVE to stay outside the house. I still don’t want you coming in. Understood?”

ILA: “yeah yeah whatever”

Lincoln closes the door and angrily stomps over to the kitchen, smooshing Leni’s cute little igloo in the process by stepping on it accidentally. Leni frowned.

Leni: “Aww, man! You ruined my eskimo thingie!”

Lincoln grumbled angrily to himself as he prepared the hot water for the drink.

Once it was all finished up, Lincoln walked over to Leni.

Lincoln: “Put a coat on and come outside with me. I don’t like the looks of this guy. He looks dumber than you.”

Lincoln pointed to ILA, smearing his face and tongue against the window. Suddenly, his tongue rubs across an icey portion of the window, and his tongue gets stuck to it. He tries to pull it off, but to no avail.

Lincoln: “Scratch that, he is dumber than you.”

Lincoln (to Leni): “Can you come out with me, just to protect me in case he tries to harm any of us? With two people, one of us can call 911 if anything happens!”

Leni strikes a sailor pose signaling “yes”.

Leni: “Aye, aye, captain!”

Lincoln sighed.

Lincoln: “This is going to be a long day.”

Lincoln and Leni dress up properly for the chilly winter weather by putting on hats, gloves, and jackets, before stepping out of the house. Lincoln walks over to I Lav Animaniacs, whose tongue is still stuck to the window.

Lincoln: “Bottoms up!”

Lincoln smiled as he poured some of the boiling hot chocolate over ILA’s tongue. The immense heat from the drink freed his tongue from the icey window.

ILA: “EEEEEEEE-YOW!”

Lincoln grinned evilly. Leni felt a little bad for him.

ILA buried his tongue into the snow and tried fanning it off with his hands. After a few minutes, he was feeling all better. He walked back over to Lincoln and Leni.

Lincoln: “Here’s your stupid drink.”

Lincoln hands ILA the rest of the hot chocolate.

ILA chugged the entire hot chocolate down, and then spit it back up. Some of it ended up on Leni’s new, fashionable jeans.

Leni: “Dude! What the hell?”

ILA: “it tastes like crap”

Lincoln: “Why did you have to ruin Leni’s pants because of it?”

ILA: “i want coffee now, make me coffee”

Lincoln: “How ungrateful! You’re getting nothing else from us. Get off of our property!”

Leni hid behind Lincoln’s back, crying and scared.

ILA: “no u”

I Lav Animaniacs noticed Leni hiding behind her brother’s back.

ILA: “hey whats she doing back there”

Lincoln: “She’s afraid to talk to YOU.”

ILA: “well thats gay”

Lincoln and Leni looked at him in confusion. Leni had tears in her eyes.

Lincoln: “Um………..what?”

ILA: “shes probably feeling his butt right now”

Leni: “.......nooooooo??”

ILA: “yeah that triple gay”

Lincoln: “I don’t...understand...what we’re doing that deems us as gay…”

ILA: “you gaybos wanna marry each other”

Leni: “Eww! No!”

Lincoln: “What’s wrong with you?”

ILA: “go on, give her a kiss”

Lincoln: “Ok, if you don’t leave right now, we’re calling the police. This has got to stop.”

Leni continued to bawl her eyes out behind Lincoln’s back. Lincoln shook his head at I Lav Animaniacs.

ILA: “but i want coffee”

Lincoln: “Go BUG SOMEONE ELSE for it then!!!”

Lana peeked her head out of the door. She had a winter outfit on, ready to go across the street to have a snowball fight with her friends, but she noticed how this stranger seemed to be intimidating her brother and older sister.

Lana: “Um, is everything alright, Linc?”

Lincoln: “Not really.”

Lincoln points to Leni, who is still crying, and I Lav Animaniacs, who is now in a hypnotic gaze looking at Lana.

Lana: “Don’t worry, Linky! I’ll deal with this guy for yah!”

While I Lav Animaniacs is distracted by Lana, Lincoln sneaks around the side of the house, bringing Leni with him, and calls up 911.

ILA: “the luscious ladyy”

Lana’s eyes bulge out.

Lana: “WHAT did you call me?”

ILA: “ur hot”

Lana is creeped out.

ILA slowly walks towards her.

Lana: “Ermmm, please, don’t get close to me.”

ILA: “that coat is hot”

Lana: “Arrrrrrre you talking about how warm it keeps me?”

ILA: “lemme give ya a nice kisssss”

Lana: “Nope, not interested, GET AWAY.”

I Lav Animaniacs cooes at Lana as if he were lovestruck.

ILA: “siiiiiiiigh”

Just before ILA can make his move on Lana, an entire swarm of police cars drive up to the house, surrounding I Lav Animaniacs in a circle.

Some policeman hover above from several helicopters. They shine their headlights onto ILA, who is still trying to kiss Lana.

Policeman #1 In Helicopter: “Suspect has been located. Send backup! Move, move, move!”

Policeman #2 (steps out of police car and yells into a megaphone): “We have you surrounded. Put your hands up and back away from the child!”

ILA doesn’t do either of those requested actions.

ILA: “that’s really hot”

Policeman #2 (aiming a gun straight at ILA): “GET ON THE GROUND, NOW!”

ILA: “why”

All of the other policeman step out of their cars and aim their guns at I Lav Animaniacs. Lana is paralyzed with fear. Lincoln signals a hand motion for her to crawl over to them. She does, and is taken into safety with Lincoln and Leni.

They then both walk over to the backyard shed, where Leni is waiting for them. Leni has headphones on to block out loud noise. Lincoln puts on a pair of his own headphones, and gives Lana a pair.

Lincoln (to Lana): “This is going to get messy.”

Lana slips the headphones on as fast as she can.

Policeman #2: “FREEZE! HANDS IN THE AIR, OR ELSE!”

ILA is stunned. After a long pause, ILA finally cooperates and does as the police officers tell him to…

...or not.

ILA: “no u”

POOM-POOM-POOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOMPOOM

ILA: “REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeee...”

The End