User blog:Thomperfan/White Hare (my version)

This was a version that I wanted to do WAY earlier, but now that the transcript is complete, I finally got it finished. Enjoy!

(It starts with Lincoln in his room, dressed up like a cool biker guy from the 50s. Just then I come in through the window.)

Me: Hey, Lincoln. (notices his clothes) Whoa. Cool outfit.

Lincoln: Why thank you, Nolan. I can’t wait to tell you why I have all this stuff on, you see…

Clyde: [on the walkie talkie] Lincoln are you ready to introduce yourself to the new girl today?

Lincoln: Or Clyde can tell you.

Me: Oh right, that new girl that moved into the neighborhood a few days ago.

Lincoln: Mm-Hm. [On walkie talkie] that's an affirmative. I’m all set, got my threads, [camera looks at temporary tattoo] got my temporary tatt, and a list of slang I got from a teen magazine.

Clyde: That's great buddy, but, do you really need all that? You're already cool. You jumped that puddle on your bike the other day.

Me: Yeah, and then you helped me get my ball from that tree.

Lincoln: Well the way she wears her bow in her hair, the new girl seems super cool. So I've gotta up my game.

Clyde: I hear ya, and you only get one chance to make a good first impression, if you blow this you'll have to wait for another girl to move to town, and who knows when that'll be.

Lincoln: Thank you for that added pressure.

Clyde: Don't mention it! So what's the plan?

Lincoln: I'm gonna catch her on the bus this morning so I can have some 1 on 1 time with her.

Clyde: Good thinking! You need a wingman?

Lincoln: Thanks, but there are some things a man must do alone.

Clyde: I get that, I said the same thing to my dads the first time I used a public restroom. Good luck buddy! [Gets off walkie-talkie]

Lincoln: [gets off walkie-talkie] And now I have just one less obstacle, to get out of the house before my sisters figure out what I'm up to.

Me: Hey, Lincoln. I know you said you wanted to do this alone, but you know how your sisters are. I wanna help you get past them, and then you can do your own thing with the new girl.

Lincoln: OK, sure thing, Nolan. So what’s your idea?

Me: I’ll wear a really large wig, you’ll get under it, and then we’ll sneak past your sisters without them even knowing you’re there.

Lincoln: Genius! But, where are we gonna a wig?

Me: Way ahead of you. (Presents a really large and long black wig.) Now, get on my shoulders.

(Lincoln gets on my shoulders and I put the wig on. I go down the stairs and try to go out the door. When suddenly…)

Sisters: [Off-screen] Hold it!

Me: (nervously) Uh, hey girls.

Lori: Nolan, what are you doing?

Me: Oh nothing, Lori. Just going out for a walk.

Lana: What’s with the hairdo?

Me: Oh, it’s just a new look. I wanted to try something new.

Leni: But Noey, you don’t need a new look. Your hair is perfect just the way it is.

Me: Uh, yeah, I know, Leni, but this is just something temporary-(Lincoln wobbles a little bit from inside the wig and grunts) Ow!

Lynn: What was that?

Me: Nothing. It was nothing.

Lisa: Elder friend, the jig is up. We know you’re hiding something under that artificial hair.

Me: Girls, I’m not hiding anything, I’m just going for nice wal-(Lincoln starts to lose his balance, which causes me to rock a little and then I tip over, knocking off my wig and revealing Lincoln.) Dang it. We almost has them.

Lincoln: (sighs) Thanks, anyway, buddy.

Lisa: Elder brother, Did you really think we wouldn't notice that you're dressed like a stereotypical Hollywood representation of a 1950's greaser?

Lincoln: This is gel, not grease, and besides can't a guy wear something different to school for a change?

Luan: Not in this house.

Luna: What's the sitch, bro?

Lincoln: There is no sitch!

Clyde: [on the walkie-talkie] Lincoln? Come in! I thought of some topics for you to discuss with the new girl.

Sisters: New girl?!

Clyde: Like corn nuts, are they corn, or are they nuts? Discuss!

Me: [in the walkie talkie] Clyde, this is not a good time right now. [turns off walkie talkie]

Lori: So you thought you'd impress the new girl by wearing this?

Lincoln: No, no no no no! I don't need your help. I've got it all planned out. [backs up and smashes into Lola]

Lola: Lincoln.

Lincoln: No, I'm sure you have your own plan and want to tell me what to do. But the last time I took your advice I got a black eye. [flashback to "Heavy Meddle" were Lincoln gets punched by Ronnie Anne]

Leni: But, Lincoln!

Lincoln: No I've only got one chance to make a good first impression, and I want to do it my way!

Sisters: Lincoln!

Me: Don’t worry, Linc. I know what to do. (I take out a chocolate bar, and the girls stare at it mesmerized.) See the chocolate, girls? (The girls get on their knees and start panting like dogs, I move the bar back and forth, and the girls follow it like dogs.) See it? See it girls? Go get it!

(I run with the chocolate bar, and the sisters follow it, panting and running on all fours.)

Lincoln: Thanks, Nolan!

[Lincoln runs off to the forest where there is a bunny habitat]

Lincoln: Whew! Hope I didn't stink up the jacket. I'll hide here until the bus comes. [Looks at bunny] Hey there little guy! [Counts the rabbits] 23, 24, 25! [To the viewers] Wow, that's a lot of sisters, I can't even imagine what that would be like.

Lynn: [Off-screen] Hey Lincoln!

[Lincoln gets startled by this and jumps up, hitting a branch causing him to fall unconscious]

(I’m now a penguin named North and trying to get to the door, with the wig, when suddenly…)

Rabbit Sisters: [Off-Screen] Hold it!

North: (nervously) Uh, hey girls.

Betty: North, where are you going, and why are you wearing that wig?

North: Oh, I’m just going for a walk, Betty, and the wig is just a new look I’m trying out.

Blair: But Northy, why are you wearing a black wig? It’s the same color as your feathers! No one will notice it. Try wearing a blonde wig, that’ll stand out more.

North: (blushing) Uh, heh heh, thanks Blair. But I’m fine with not standing out, I’m not really much of a-(something inside of his wig start wobbling) Whoa! Whooooooooa! (he tips over knocking off his wig and revealing Lincoln, now as a rabbit named Warren.) Dang it.

Nerdy Rabbit: Warren, Why are you dressed like a hoodlum from the wrong side of the forest?

Bippa: Yeah, what's the sitch?

Warren: There is no sitch!

Danny: [on the walkie talkie] Warren, I 've come up with some topics for you to discuss with the new girl.

Rabbit Sisters: New Girl?!

Danny: [on the walkie talkie] Butter lettuce. Is it butter, or is it lettuce? Discuss!

Warren: Danny, I'll call you back. [turns of walkie talkie]

Betty: Tell us everything about her.

Warren: There's nothing to tell, Betty. It's a just new girl at school.

Brenda: I hate her already.

North: But you don't even know her, Brenda.

Belinda: Neither do you, that's why we're helping. Ohhh I love matchmaking!

Bella: What's the use? Life's just an endless stretch of misery. Occasionally brightened by despair.

Bodhi: I think your Chakras need some like realignment, Bella.

Bianca: [Paints a picture] Look guys, I captured the moment in oils, I call it "Portrait of a clueless boy and his clueless friend being saved by his Sisters".

Warren: [Pushes his sisters back] Guys, I don't need your help!

[Warren gets a text from Bridget saying "YES YOU DO!"]

Warren: No I don't, Bridget!

Beatrice: Yes you do, by my calculations, the chances of you successfully chording said new girl without our help are an abysmal 25 to 1.

Warren: Yeah, I'm quite used to those odds.

Brooke: [in a state of panic] But what if your plan doesn't work!? What if you ruined your chance to make a good first impression?! What if you grow old and alone?! What if I grow old and alone?! What if the world ends tomorrow?! What if... [Interrupted by North]

North: Brooke! Nothing is gonna happen. Warren already has a great plan.

Warren: Yeah, and I'm running out of time! Now if you excuse me, I'm leaving.

Bippa: Oh yeah, mate? And just 'ow do you plan on gettin' past the 25 of us?

Warren: Well I plan to... Run! (Runs away, and North follows him)

Betty: Get them!

Barbra: This calls for some chase music!

Bethany: [Checks her list] I didn't have this on my to-do list for the day, but what the heck?

Bernadette: Warren, North, you stop running this instant or I'm telling Mom!

Warren: Look! Shiny object!

Pink dress Rabbit: [confused] Oooo where? Huh.

[Betty tries to grab Warren and North, but misses]

Betty: Grab them, Beth!

Beth: Huh, what? [snoring]

[Bailey blows her whistle]'

Bailey: Ugh! Beth, get in the game!

Beth: Go... [Falls back to sleep on the couch]

Warren: North, hurry up! They’re gaining on us!

(North is trying to keep up with Warren, but his short webbed feet are slowing him down.)

North: I’m trying! (groans) Curse these short legs! (Just then Beulah catches North and hogties him.) Well, there’s my exercise for the day.

[Warren heads for the door, when suddenly...]

Beulah: Yee-haw! Rope them doggies!

[She twirls her lasso, catches Warren before he can escape and hogties him]

Bertha: Gotcha! [Starts to bench press them]

North: Please, put us down, Bertha!

[Bertha carries Warren and North back and drops them on the floor]

Bebe: What a hare-rasing development! [Laughs] Get it?

[The rabbit sisters groan]

Beverly: Oh, Warren, North, honeys you’re going about this all wrong.

Blair: Totes.

Remaining Sisters: Yeah!

[Blair removes Warren's sunglasses]

Warren: Give me those back!

North: Yeah, Warren needs to look cool!

Beverly: Please, girls don't want a cool guy. Warren, what girls really want is a sensitive guy.

Blair: [Removes Warren’s jacket and puts a lavender shirt on him] Ditch the leather and go with lavender. [Gets Warren up] It's a much better match for your fur tones.

[Betty starts pushing Warren and North to the door]

Birdie: [Gives Warren books] Read her a poem. Brie: [Gives Warren a smoothie] Offer to share a healthy and delicious kelp smoothie. Blanch: [Gives Warren medicine] But check her allergies first. Bernice: [Gives Warren a rabbit's foot] Keep this rabbit's foot for luck. Sisters:Eww! Blair: Compliment her clothes. Belinda: Compliment her eyes. Warren and North: But- Beverly: Be kind.

Warren and North: But-

Bella: Be romantic.

Warren and North: But-

Bodhi: Be present.

Warren and North: But-

Betty: Now go. [Betty shoves Warren and North out the door and closes it. But then opens it.] And North, don’t make Warren look bad. (Closes the door again.)

Warren: (Sighs) Come on, buddy. Let’s go. (Heads off and North follows him.)

[Warren nervously sits down on a stump, looks around, and sees the new girl, he nervously walks up to her.]

Warren: Hey, hi, [offers a handshake] you're new to Royal Woods aren't you? [takes his hand back before the new girl can shake it.] I've been watching you for days.

New Girl: [Weirded out] Uh, what?

Warren: I, I mean, I've been meaning to introduce myself. [Offers a handshake, for real this time.] I'm Warren.

New Girl: Oh, [actually getting to return the handshake.] nice to meet you Warren.

Warren: I like how big your ears are.

New Girl: [Insecure] They're big?!

Warren: No! No, uh, you'll grow into them. [Realizing that wasn't helping, gets even more nervous] I mean, do you like poems? [Pulls out 'The Sonnets of Shakesphare'] Shall I compare thee to a summers day? Thou fart more lovely, [realizes what he just said] I mean thou art more. [Desperately trying to change the subject] What do you think about butter lettuce?

New Girl: [Not even sure how to respond to that] You know, I just remembered, I forgot my backpack.

Warren: Wait, wanna share a kelp smoothie?

New Girl: [Annoyed at this point, but still trying to be nice] Um, sure, why not?

Warren: Wait, before you any, do you have any allergies? Cause I'd hate to see you break out in puss filled blisters. [Awkwardly smiles]

New Girl: [Grossed out by that comment] Ew, on second thought, no thanks.

Warren: Are you sure? It's really delicious. [Drinks, and spits it out in repulse] It tastes like manure. [Looks back at the new girl and realizes he spit it right in her face] Sorry I'm sure I have a hanky [pulls out the rabbits foot, which the new girl notices] Oh, whoops, that's not it.

New Girl: Ew! Is that a rabbit's foot?!

Warren: What? No, just a fuzzy mozzarella stick. [Pulls out a hanky any starts wiping the new girl's face] Sorry, let me help you. Uh, that stain oughta come out just fine, if not, you'll have an excuse to get a new dress. [The new girl is now offended] Orange totally clashes with your fur tones anyways.

New Girl What!?

[Right at this moment, a rabbit wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket appears next to the new girl]

Big Kid: Is this creep bothering you?

New Girl: [Smugly] Yes.

[Warren's jaw drops in disbelief]

Big Kid: Hey, lavender shirt, don't you know it ain't cool to upset a lady?

Warren:I was just-

Big Kid: [Shoves Warren] Take a hike. [Pushes Warren to the ground and puts his arm around the new girl] C'mon let's get out of here.

New Girl: I like your leather jacket, you're so cool.

[She giggles as the two head on their way, Warren picks himself up, and sadly walks back over to the stump and sighs, Danny joins him with a popsicle, followed by North.]

Danny: So, how'd it go? [Removes the wrapper and the popsicle and starts chewing on the stick]

Warren: I don't wanna talk about it.

Danny: [Pats Warren's head] Ah, you don't have to, I watched the whole thing with North, from the bushes.

Warren: So much for making a good first impression.

Danny: It's okay pal, I'm sure a new bunny will move to the woods soon, well once our coyote population goes down. [Warren sighs] I don't understand why you changed your plan, why did you dress like that, and say those things, and make horse poop smoothies?

North: Danny, Warren wasn’t going to change his plan, but his sisters found out what he was up to, and told him to that stuff!

Warren: Yeah, you know how they are.

Danny: [Lovingly] I know how Betty is. [Pictures Betty hopping through the woods in slow motion]

North: Are you picturing her hopping through the woods in slo mo again?

Danny: Whaaaat? [Pops his thought cloud] no.

Warren: [Pulls out the rabbit's foot] A lot of good you did me. [Tosses it away, and falls over knocking himself out]

Danny and North: Warren!

[Lincoln comes to]

Lincoln: Wow, what a nightmare, I was definitely right to run away from my sisters, they would have ruined everything. [Hears chattering, and looks at the rabbit, whose sisters ambush him and give him a flower, Lincoln whispers to him] Don't listen to them, they'll ruin everything, they don't know what they're doing. [A brown female bunny hops up to the rabbit, and almost instantly, they rub noses, the female takes the flower, and they hop along, while the sisters high four. Lincoln realizes that he was wrong] Woah, maybe they do know what they're doing, [panicking] which means maybe my sisters know what they're doing! Which means maybe their plan is better than mine! Which means maybe I should stop talking to myself, because I only have five minutes to find out before the bus arrives! [Runs back into the house and finds it empty] Oh no! I'm too late! They're gone! [He looks out the window and sees the school bus almost heading this way] Ah, I'm gonna miss my big chance! [He hears Lori clear her throat, turns around to see me and all of his sisters blankly staring at him, and gets on his knees] Oh, thank goodness you haven't left yet! Look, I was wrong, I want your help! My plan is going to fail! Tell me your plan! Tell me what to do!

Lori: [Trying to turn her brother off] Lincoln.

Lincoln: [Still in panic mode] Tell me what to wear!

Lynn: Lincoln.

Lincoln: [Grabs Lynn by the collar] Tell me how to act!

Leni: Lincoln.

Lincoln: Tell me what to say!

Sisters and I: [All grab Lincoln and put him down] Lincoln!

Lincoln: What?!

Me: Lincoln, calm down. Your sisters have something they wanna say to you.

Lori: [Relieved that their brother was ready to listen] We weren't going to tell you any of those things. [Puts her hand on Lincoln's shoulder]

Lincoln: "What? Why? You didn't wanna change me?"

Lori: "No, we wanted to know why you changed yourself."

Lincoln: "I just- [Rolls up his sleeve, showing his tattoo] I just thought-"

Leni: "Lincoln, you're perfect just the way you are."

Lori: "You're kind."

Leni: "You're fashionable."

Luna: "You're rockin'."

Luan: "You're funny."

Lynn: "You're tough."

Lucy: "You're deep."

Lana and Lola: [Hug Lincoln] "You're friendly."

Lisa: "You're smart."

Lily: [Crawls up to him] "You Yincoln Youd."

Me: And we wouldn’t have you any other way.

[Lincoln feels touched at this and smiles at his sisters and his friend]

Lori: "Now, give me the jacket, [Ruffles Lincoln's hair to its original style] and go out there, [Holds up his orange polo] and just be you."

Lincoln: [Smiles at us, but this is cut short when the bus drives past the house] Ah, the bus is leaving!

Me: (determined) We didn’t come all this way to quit now! (I get down on my knees) Lincoln, get on my shoulders, I’ll get you to that bus!

Lincoln: Sweet! (he scrambles into his shirt and gets on my shoulders.)

Leni: (sighs) Oh Noey, you are so brave.

Me: I know.

Leni: (Kisses me cheek and Lincoln’s cheek) Good luck, boys.

(The two of us hurry outside and start chasing the bus, the bus driver sees us in the mirror.)

Lincoln and I: Wait!

(The kids on the bus laughing as the bus stops and Lincoln gets on, I collapse while Lincoln makes his way to the new girl.)

Me: (panting) Oh… man!... Go get ‘er, buddy!... WOOO!

Lincoln: Hello, um, my, uh, name is Lincoln Loud.

New Girl: Nice to meet you Lincoln Loud.

Lincoln: So, you're new to Royal Woods?

New Girl: Yeah, it's lonely being the new kid in town.

Lincoln: Maybe you just haven't met the right people yet.

New Girl: [Moves her backpack] Would you like to sit down? [Lincoln sits next to her] Um, I didn't think you were gonna catch the bus.

Lincoln: Yeah, [holding his shirt] Good thing I'm dressed like a caution cone, or the driver never would have seen me.

New Girl: [Laughs] You're funny Lincoln Loud, [offers him a carrot stick] carrot stick?

Lincoln: [Accepts] Thanks. [Takes a bite as he and I give each other a thumbs up] Oh, by the way, what's your name?

[The bus drives on, and the two rabbits from before are seen to have been watching, they look at each other, rub noses again, and hop off on their way]

THE END