User blog:InklingBear/Life of Pets - Bait and Switch

Story #28 - Bait and Switch
12:30 pm

Just another Monday afternoon where the family's out and about on a chilly day. Empty skies and light gusts of wind befell the great neighborhood of Royal Woods. It's not everyday on a season like spring the state of Michigan receives cool weather like this. Despite this, nobody had second thoughts about it. It's not like they would doubt the weathermen would correctly predict the future or anything… right?

Now, the four pets the Louds knew and love sat on the couch, spending their time watching yet another television program for who knows what time. A documentary on common house pets were on the air, currently explaining the history of cats. This should be interesting, for a house pet like Cliff.

"Ain't dis nice, you guys?" the feline asked. "A nice lil' documentary about my kind."

"Eh, sure I suppose?" Charles responded.

"Pretty cool!" Geo added.

"What makes you so special?" Walt furiously spat.

Charles was somewhat worried with Walt's bitterness. "Gee bird, what's with da attitude?" he asked.

"It's none of your concern okay?" the bird retorted. "But seriously, what does make a prissy feline like you so special than the rest of us?"

"Yeah, I'm curious too… kinda." Geo said.

"Will ya kids chillax for a sec dere?" Cliff said. "I'm pretty sure that I ain't any different from all of youse put together."

From that one sentence alone, it had the feline thinking as he received some glares from the other pets. Uncomfortable from the angry straring, he quickly decided to take back what he said.

"Alright alright, I get yer point! Just stop lookin' at me like dat!"

"Everyone in da animal kingdom's unique in dere special ways, ya know." Charles said.

"No wonder why the bird lashed out on you, cat." Geo said.

"At least someone gets me." Walt calmly uttered.

Confident, the dog cleared his throat. "Ya see, dogs like me are great wit' our noses, our mouths can be cleaner den a humans, and we usually get whatever we want by simply beggin' fer it."

"Don't forget dat ya spend most of yer lifespan latherin' in filth, tastin' anythin' dat comes outta ya, and puttin' yer nose where dey shouldn't be!" Cliff added.

"Ew." Walt and Geo reacted.

"Well at least it ain't as bad as you cats lickin' yerselves all over!" Charles retorted.

Understanding in agreement, Geo said, "He's got a point there."

Still disgusted, Walt spat "Still gross to me."

"...I gotta go to the computer now."

"Why though?" Charles said.

"Um… r-research purposes?"

"Ya better stop right dere, Ham. I've still got some words ta spit out!" Determined to get his own point across, Charles turned to Walt and fired back. "Well what about birds like you, throwin' up into da mouth of yer offsprings?"

Cliff and Geo were in shock. "What?!" Geo said. There goes something he never knew about Walt's kind. The bird couldn't think of anything to defend himself. Maybe he was right. He shook his head before he attempted to brush it off.

"S-so what?" Walt spat. "At least my kind is not any more gross than you, you dumb-"

Charles shared an angry glance, thinking the yellow avian was going to say what he thinks he'll say. In note of this, Walt tried to drop the sentence right there, to no avail. "...dummy!"

"Now what about da hamster over dere?" Cliff said.

Geo inevitably sighed from the disturbing and horrifying nonsense. "Alright guys, stop the gross talk and get back to the positive side of things!" he recommended. "What other things make you special in your own way?"

"I know one ting, I'm man's best friend!" Charles said.

"I-I can be man's best friend too ya know?" Cliff argued. "At least I can snuggle and purr effectively unlike youse."

"I-I tink I can do dat too!" Charles responded uneasily. He even went as far as to try and do it on Cliff with the smallest bit of success. The feline wasn't even close to being impressed by his efforts. Sighing, he pushed him off his shoulder.

"You can stop doin' dat now, dog." Cliff said. "Dat was awkward."

Charles growled under his breath. He wanted to test him at this point. "Oh yeah?" he said. "Well let's see ya do any bettuh tryna act like me!"

Feeling rather confident the second those words read the canine's lips, Cliff responded with "Heh, no problemo, dog. I'm pretty sure anybody could act just like ya." He even gave a small lick on his cheek to prove he was ready for it all.

"Bleh!" Charles reacted repulsively, wiping his cheek off.

"We should turn this into a bet!" Walt suggested, waggling his eyebrows towards the hamster with a smile.

"Sounds like fun!" Geo agreed.

Ten Minutes Later

When everything was settled between the four pets, Charles and Cliff sat right next to each other, acting like obedient animals until further notice. Walt and Geo approached them in assurance, about to unveil the rules of their bet.

Stern, Walt made the announcement. "Alright you two, you know the rules. First one to cave, loses!"

Turning over to Cliff, Charles said "I've been waitin' ta take ya down fer a long time, pussycat! Yer dog meat!"

Turning to Charles, Cliff spat "Oh such confident words fer ya ta deliver towards me dog. I've been eager ta prove who's da best in dis family fer so long, ya flat-faced butt sniffer!"

As Charles got an embarrassing shade of pink on his face, Cliff snickered to himself for a quick second.

"We'll see how ya like it when ya hafta take da blame fer everyone's fartin'!" Charles spat back.

"And we'll see how ya like it when ya hafta cough up somethin' ever so often!" Cliff fired.

"Are you guys ready or are you going to keep up the trash talk?" Walt asked.

"Let's a-go!" Charles spat along with Cliff. Their game faces were finally on.

The second everyone was ready with their full on assurance, the bird and the hamster officially spat "Go!"

The battle was on now. Determined, Cliff immediately started barking and panting. He walked around in circles, while Charles let out a simple word.

"Meow." he uttered. He didn't seem that excited about it in the slightest, but he wasn't going to lose to the cat anytime soon. A glance over to the excited feline later, he licked at his paw and brushed his head.

As the two were into their ruse,Geo and Walt stirred up a small conversation between themselves. "You know, I'm surprised we didn't think to switch their bodies or whatnot." Geo said.

Scratching his head, Walt said "To be honest, it's such a tiring and unoriginal trope for years. I still can't believe some of those television shows still use it to this day."

"What with the predictable outcomes and stuff like that?"

"Yeah, it sounds so boring just thinking about it."

In the background while Geo and Walt talked amongst themselves, Cliff sniffed at the pudgy canine while he acted curious. Surprised at the sudden action, Charles made an attempt to hiss at the feline, only to sneeze out of nowhere, causing the cat to jump back a couple steps before running off into the kitchen.

The hamster was really thinking for a moment. "If only those humans could write more original sounding plots instead of copying others then maybe things could be more you know, entertaining."

"I heard that 2003 was the best year for entertainment."

Geo gasped a small breath. "Really?" he curiously asked.

"You bet." Walt concluded.

As the two notice that Cliff was gone, and Charles was on his way upstairs to find ways to pass some time, they both turned to each other sinisterly, making bets behind their backs.

"Ten bits on the dog." Geo said.

"Ten bits on the cat." Walt spat, before the two proceeded to shake their paws and wings.

Outside, Cliff was near a tree in the backyard. He spent some time examining it while he rocked around on foot. He had to go to the bathroom, and fast. Knowing he can't use his litter box, the feline sighed heavily. If he wanted to relieve himself, he had to do it the way most dogs did so. Whether it was a tree, or a fire hydrant, that was their main targets when they needed to let it all out. Some went as far as letting it all out the other end. But no matter, Cliff had to do what he had to do.

Already uncomfortable, he lifted his hind leg behind the tree and showered a portion of it down with his business. "I don't understand how da dog can tolerate somethin' like dis…" he uttered. "I mean, ya don't see cats doin' dis stuff." A quick moment of shudders later, he was finally relieved. "Ah, dat feels so much bettuh."

Walking back to the porch to enter the kitchen once again for some food, he came across a beach ball, surprisingly still in good shape. "Hmm, I wonder…" Curious to play with it, he bounced it a couple of times before it became airborne. Slowly motioning his tail, he tried to keep it in the air for however long he can. "I gotta say, imitatin' dis dog ting ain't so bad after all."

As Cliff continued to play with the inflatable item by his lonesome, Geo rolled out to the porch to observe his doings, waiting to bust him if he ever caved. So far, it didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon. Cliff seemed to be having fun acting like such a playful mutt.

Back inside on the second floor of the Loud residence, Walt flew in room through room trying to find the wherabouts of Charles. He later found him in the bathroom, clawing his way through some rolls of toilet paper. It seemed like he was already bored out of his mind, but he wasn't going to cave in just yet.

"Meow." Charles irritably uttered. "Dis stinks."

The second the dog's eyes landed a swift gaze on the yellow bird, he instantly turned to him and said "Where's da ball o' yarn?"

"How would I know that?" Walt responded.

That sudden response had Charles roll his eyes. "Oh please, I've seen ya wit' dat cat hundreds o' times. How do ya not know where he keeps his tings?"

The bird was growing irritated with the dog now. "Oh sure, just assume that I know every little thing that goes on in this house."

A single hmph later, he turned on the clueless canine. Charles sighed profusely before he decided to lick himself once again. His sounds of slurping audibly increased, influencing the bird to turn back to him. Widening his eyes and a silent gasp in, he reacted in an uncomfortable matter.

"Okay, that is just sick." Walt angrily spat, noticing the dog cleaning off his legs.

"Gee, ya sure love ta complain about everythin' don'tcha?" Charles uttered neutrally to Walt.

"...I blame the society for that." the bird uneasily replied.

Slightly coming to an agreement, Charles responded with "Well dere's dat." before resuming back to cleaning himself. Taking note of this, Walt rolled hs eyes.

"Ugh…"

Two Hours Later

From Charles attempting to climb walls and falling every time, to clawing at the furniture while Cliff chased his own tail around, to digging holes, their exhausting efforts resorted to great hunger. The dog may have been really bored as all living heck while the cat played all around the yard like he never did in his young lifespan to his heart's content. But alas, it was time for them to put something inside of their growling stomachs.

Lynn Sr. was home alone with the four mangy animals now. As he prepared Charles and Cliff's bowl for them to devour together, the aforementioned pets zipped into the kitchen for some grub. They both sat down obediently, waiting for the man to present them their food for the day. Tails wagging and happy panting from the cat, they were happy to see the sight of what they got to eat, Puppo Snax for the dog and Meow Mix with a hint of salmon for the cat.

"Eat up, pets!" the man said. "And now to go outside so I can do… well… stuff."

The minute he walked out of the kitchen to do whatever he wanted until his wife and children returned home, Cliff licked his lips and prepared himself to dive right into his food, but not before Charles switched the bowls right under him. From that sudden move alone, Cliff was confused for a second.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "What up wit' dat?"

Charles hissed at the cat again, causing him to jump back once again before munching into the cat's food. His munching gradually got slower as his strong nostrils took in the fumes of the flavor of salmon in the kibble. He never ate anything like it before and clearly, he didn't expect the taste it had in store for the curious white pup. Somehow gross to him, he lifted back up from the cat's bowl and munched awkwardly on the food. He wanted to spit it out so bad, but he couldn't.

Rubbing it in, Cliff taunted the poor dog. "How's it taste, muthapuppa?" he sinisterly spat.

Trying to the best of his ability to swallow, Charles clearly hesitated, and it showed to the prissy feline next to him.

"Dat's right, don'tcha dare spit dat out!"

Charles was definitely going the other way with the feline's taunting words. Though it felt unnecessary, it was words of encouragement to the troubled canine. As he finally managed to gulp down the nasty cat food, he immediately tried to catch his breath. Seconds later after collecting himself, he turned to the feline to glare at him.

"I can't believe ya just spat dat right outta yer mouth, cat." Charles said in a monotone expression.

"And I can't believe yer actually bein' all surprised from me sayin' dat." Cliff retorted. "If anythin', dat sounded like somethin' you would utter sometimes!"

A small bit of silence later, Cliff returned to his dog-like behavior. "I mean… arf arf!" He dug into the dog's food, suddenly surprised with the taste. It was almost like he didn't know exactly what he was missing out on. For once, the feline enjoyed something new, a different brand of pet food. He didn't stop until every single piece of it was devoured.

Charles thought to himself "Whoever invented dose slow eater bowls fer us is obviously wasting dere time and money on makin' dose tings. Dey know dey can't stop us from eatin' a whole bunch o' food at once."

A loud belch from the satisfied feline later, he once again licked his lips. "Dat was some grub huh… cat."

"Eh whateva... dog." Charles uneasily responded, wafting the air once.

He grabbed the cat's bowl of food and dumped it out into the trash bin next to the fridge. He wasn't ready for what his innocent gaze landed upon next. Catching an eye full of the cat licking himself in a rather… unspeakable place, Charles quickly gasped in a good amount of air. Shielding his eyes from the absolute horror, he tried to call the nasty feline out.

"Agh! Disgustin'! What da pete's sake are ya doing, ya nasty heretic?!" Charles exclaimed, only to get scoffed by the content feline.

"Heh, I dunno what da heck yer complainin' about." he spat.

Getting more grossed out, Charles was now on the edge of vomiting. Seeing the cat do some of his dirty work was enough to literally make him gag. He had to make a break for the upstairs bathroom and fast. With no time to spare, he zipped out of the kitchen, and finally spit out his food.

Determined to win, Cliff turned to the readers. "Dat mutt ain't gonna last long, if ya ask me."

Then, a voice came along.

"Honey, I'm home!"

The mother was home from picking up her children from school. With a baker's dozen humans in the household now, could they still be able to keep up their at and not break anytime soon? There was only one way to find out.

"And now, it's about ta get a lot more difficult…" Cliff gulped.

As one of the kids whistled for Cliff, he immediately followed. Geo and Walt on the other hand, were still determined about their bet. If they were still able to handle acting different for more than two hours, then they were certain they could keep it up for just a while longer.

Turning towards each other, they both spat "Oh, you are so going to lose!"

In the living room, Luan was downstairs watching her show called 'Real Mimes of Miami' while Cliff was at her feet. Leni decided to join her too, curious to know what she was watching. Walt and Geo joined in as well, out of the teen's ways as they observed anything that's about to go down. About a minute into her show, the ditz of the family was curious.

"Hey Luan, do you know what makes this show so good?" she asked.

The jokester of the family knew she would ask a question such as that. She was prepared to provide her an answer. "Well Leni, if you must know, this show has some pretty great humor and the drama between everybody is so realistic that it's absolutely stunning! Even though they can't talk, you can feel the emotion they express towards each other!"

"Wait, they lost their ability to talk?" Leni said, as Charles walked up to her feet. "How is that possible?"

As the canine brushed against her legs, the second eldest of the siblings let out a small yelp. Looking down, the dog tried to purr, but instead he omitted a soft growl. Still yet to break character, Cliff panted as he put his gaze on the jokester.

"Charles, you spooked me!" Leni said. "You can't do that! I almost thought you were a ghost!"

Rolling his eyes, Charles tried to meow again, but it sounded so awkward to the three of them. With confused looks, they all glanced at each other. Cliff glared right at the struggling canine. He thought, "Why don'tcha give yerself up already? Dere's no way you can keep pullin' dis off." He was determined to get this battle over with so he could finally reign champion of their dumb little bet. Wagging his own tail, the feline jumped onto her lap and tried a few rough licks on Luan's face.

Luan was completely dazed as to what was happening. Cliff was never this affectionate towards anybody in the family before. Well, maybe Lana to some degree, but never anybody else. His tongue had Luan giggling to herself slightly. Charles was understandably grossed out to some degree but he wasn't going to throw in the towel just yet. He wasn't going to lose to no dirty feline like Cliff for a while.

"Cliff, you're definitely… not making a lick of sense right now!" She chuckled to herself before turned to the readers, adding "Get it?"

Even more stubborn than before, Charles hopped onto Leni's lap, clawing in at her skin. The sudden pain from Charles' claws penetrating Leni's skin and her dress had her screaming a bit louder than before.

"Ow! Ow!" she uttered. "Charles, stop! Your claws are digging into me!"

As Geo and Walt observed the ruckus the two pets are causing, they started to rethink some stuff about the bet they had between them.

"Mmmaybe this went a bit too far for our tastes…" Geo said.

Given the events that took place earlier, Walt uttered "I'm surprised you didn't say that when the cat went as far as licking his-"

"Shush!"

"Get down, Cliff, you little rascal!" Luan said in an uncontrollable laugh.

"Charles, I said stop!" Leni commanded once again. Once that didn't work out as planned. Leni picked up the content dog and set him back down on the floor, accidentally putting a tear in her dress. Luan picked up the feline off of her, only to get an accidental scratch on her shoulder from getting startled from the sudden touch.

whine

meow?

Both girls were in shock now as they realised what Charles and Cliff had done to them. They had no idea what to do next. From noticing the tear in her dress, instead of the usual screaming, Leni instead shed tears. "My dress!" she screamed before running upstairs.

"Cliff…" Luan uneasily uttered. "H-how… how could you…"

Seeing the pain in her eyes had Cliff drrop his ears down. He was sorry from what just happened. He didn't mean it, but could she really blame him from being such a fraidy cat at some point? In this case, the joker was conflicted on what to do. Stumped, she got up and joined Leni upstairs.

Charles and Cliff had no idea what to do now. Was it really worth keeping up the bet or would it be a good time to end it all right then and there? Given what just now happened, the two pets would inevitably agree with the latter choice. Their heads were down, full of shame. To make matters worse, what if something were to happen to them? Would they be punished for unintentionally attacking the teenagers? They would act like they would fear for their lives, but instead, a simple talk would be in order right about now.

As Charles and Cliff sighed, Geo and Walt came to them, acting rather clueless as to what went down.

"You guys…" Geo uttered.

"What happened?" Walt said.

"I tink… we mighta gotten carried away from all dis mess." Charles answered.

"Ya ain't kiddin', dog." Cliff added.

Charles reached a paw out to Cliff. "Look, I'm sorry we've doubted each other when we said we couldn't act like each other. Our lives are already interestin' enough and we're all unique in our own lil' way. Sure, our habits sometimes can be uncomfortable or disgusting ta have but it's what makes us da way we are. It was nice bein' a cat fer once... I guess. But I swear, dat we'd never do somethin' like dat ever again."

"I hafta admit, I've never felt so free to be such a carefree little pupper in my lifespan." Cliff said. "I rather enjoyed it. Although I didn't like some of da habits ya possess but hey, what da heck."

"Anyway, who won?" Charles asked.

With a glance, Geo and Walt simultaneously uttered "...It's a tie!"

"Oh." Charles and Cliff both said uneasily.

With nothing else to do, the four pets sat alone in the living room. Silence befelled them all until one of them decided to break it.

"So what should we do now?" Walt asked.

"How 'bout some ball?" Charles suggested.

"Sure, I'm down fer dat." Cliff said.

With the others in agreement, they followed Charles outside in the backyard.

~End~

