The following is a transcript for the episode "A Grave Mistake".
[A peaceful night at the Royal Woods Cemetery, Lucy and Fangs are running.]
Lucy: [Panting] "Hurry, Fangs. We're gonna be late."
Bertrand: [Smacks a skull gavel] "Good evening fellow members of the Morticians Club, I've called this meeting because I have, terrible news." [The Morticians Club reflect on this, just as Lucy takes her seat.] "Oh, no, no, no, no, in this case the terrible news is nothing to be excited about; My father accepted a job as a lifeguard on the S.S. Fun Times Party Cruise." [Boris plays something on his keyboard.] "And since I can not legally separate from them," [Boris plays again] "I must move with my suntanned family." [Boris plays again, and the club reflects on this tragic event.] "Thank you dear friends, but please, dwell not on my misfortune, instead let us focus on more important matters." [Brief moment of silence, and Bertrand clear his throat, trying to get Boris' attention. Boris sees this and plays his piano again.] "Try and keep up Boris. More important matters like... Who will replace me as president?"
[Fangs makes a gesture to Lucy.]
YOU GOT THIS
[Lucy gives an "Oh stop" motion to Fangs.]
Bertrand: "I have however already chosen my successor," [Lucy and Fangs get excited.] "I really think she's earned it," [Lucy and Fangs get more excited.] "so please welcome our new president..." [Lucy gets up] "Haiku." [Haiku squeals in excitement and goes up to the podium, and Bertrand offers her the gavel.] "Haiku, do you accept?"
Haiku: "So unexpected, but an honor to bang the, skeleton gavel. That was a haiku I just wrote."
[Bangs the gavel, and there's a moment of silent and Bertrand realizes something.]
[Boris plays his keyboard, and Lucy's heart breaks.]
[Back at the Loud house, Lucy is venting to Lincoln.]
Lucy: "It's not right that Bertrand picked Haiku to be president over me, she just turned goth last year."
Lincoln: "Yeah, and you've been planning funerals since you we're two, it is unfair."
Lucy: "Exactly, thank you."
Lincoln: "I think you should stick up for yourself, tomorrow morning tell Bertrand that you're interested in the job too, he might listen."
Lucy: "Alright, I'll do it."
[The next day, the Mortician's club is in the schoolyard, Bertrand drawing a chalkline around Boris on the ground, the rest of the club applauds, and Lucy comes up to them.]
Lucy: "Gloomy morning everyone, I have an announcement... I've thought it over and, I too, would like to be considered president." [The other club members are surprised this.] "I think I'd do a great job, after all; who stays late to make sure the dissecting forceps are put away? And who thought of our group motto; Keep Calm, and Embalm? And who carried our team in the grave digging competition?"
[The club members agree that Lucy's the one who did all that.]
Dante: "You dug an eight footer."
Bertrand: "Yes Lucy, you've made a good case for yourself. How about this? After school the club will meet, and we shall put it to a vote."
[Haiku is aghast, and Lucy is satisfied, when the announcements start.]
Clyde: "Good morning Royal Woods Elementary, Clyde McBride here with my sidekick, you're mascot, give it up for Ricky the Rooster." [Clyde is in the office with an aged rooster.] "Ricky, how about giving the good morning cock-a-doodle-doo?" [Ricky pecks Clyde's nose.] "Ow!" [Scene returns to the Mortician's Club outside.] "Ricky wait, remember you're condition."
[The Mortician's Club enters the school as Ricky proceeds to attack Clyde.]
[Later, Lucy opens her locker, and Fangs goes to his lounge.]
Lucy: "All I need is four votes and I can win this thing, I better do some campaigning. Have a nice sleep Fangs." [Closes her locker. Later she is with an upside-down Dante.] "Listen Dante, if I win the presidency, I'm planning a field trip to casket con."
Dante: "Really? Tickets are so hard to get," [The camera flips, revealing the two on the monkey bars, and that Dante is actually hanging by his arms, and Lucy is the one who's upside-down.] "You've got my vote." [Holds out a hand to shake Lucy's, only to fall off the monkey bars.] "Still got my vote."
[Next, Lucy is in the bathroom with Persephone.]
Lucy: "So, I can guarantee we'll serve funeral potatoes at every meeting, my Dad's recipe is to die for."
[The two finish with their business and come out of the stalls.]
Persephone: "Okay, I'll vote for you."
[They prepare to shake hands, but stop, remembering where they just were.]
Both: "Wash first."
[Next, Lucy is showing Morpheus a drawing of Mortician's Club capes.]
Morpheus: "Matching capes would be nice, but, I'm still voting for Haiku, sorry."
Lucy: "But why?"
Morpheus: "She wrote a very beautiful haiku about my pet crow, Thorn." [Hold up Thorn, who squawks.]
Lucy: "But writing a poem doesn't make you a great president, there's a lot more that goes into it."
[Thorn squawks at her.]
Morpheus: "Thorn is very fond of the Haiku."
[Finally, Lucy is with Boris at the cemetery.]
Lucy: "If I'm elected president, I'm gonna move some club money around and buy you a new keyboard."
Boris: [Plays his keyboard] "That would be amazing Lucy, but if you're looking for my vote, it's too late, Haiku promised that she'd take the club for a ride in her hearse."
Lucy: "Pfft, it's just her parent's station wagon painted black."
Boris: "Eh, what can I tell you."
[Plays his keyboard, Lucy huffs.]
[The next day at school, Lincoln is taking his books out of his locker, he closes the door, and Lucy appears.]
Lucy: "Hey Lincoln."
[Lincoln jumps back and drops his books.]
Lincoln: "Hey Lucy, so what'd Bertrand say?" [Picks up his books]
Lucy: "We're going to vote tonight."
Lincoln: "Hey that's great."
Lucy: "No, it's not great, Haiku and I each have three votes, which means Bertrand will have to break the tie, and of course he'll choose Haiku again."
Lincoln: "Ah man, I'm sorry Lucy, at least you gave it your best shot."
Lucy: "I can't give up yet, Haiku doesn't know what's best for the club, but I do."
Lincoln: "Too bad you don't have one more member who could vote for you." [Lucy smiles, and Lincoln knows why.] "I walked right into this one didn't I?"
Lucy: "Lincoln? What in Hades handbag are you doing here?"
Lincoln: "Oh well, I was hoping to join you guys. I've really taken an interest in death lately." [Screams] "Ah, a dead snake!" [Gets up} "That was an excited scream."
Boris: "Really, Lucy? Your normie brother?"
Lucy: "Why, I'm as surprised as you are!"
Bertrand: Very well. As a new member, I supposed he'll vote for our current ev-"
Lincoln: [Abruptly] "I vote for my sister, thanks."
Lucy: [Excitedly shoves Bertrand aside and takes the gavel.] "Ooh, wow, guess that means I won."
[Bertrand looks at her with anger, as does Boris, and Haiku.]
[The next day at school, Lucy is walking alone with Fangs.]
Lucy: "This is amazing Fangs, my first day as president, I can hardly wait to read the opening obituaries."
[Suddenly she hears Clyde sobbing in the bushes.]
Clyde: "Why? Why Why?"
Clyde: "Oh, uh." [Comes out of the bush] "Hi Lucy, this bush is where I go when I need a good cry."
Lucy: "What happened?"
Clyde: [Sniffles] "You know our school mascot and my morning announcement buddy, Ricky the Rooster?" [looks at a locket of him and Ricky.]
Lucy: "With the fractured waddle, the artificial heart, and the gout?"
Clyde: "Yes, he, he, he went to the big barn in the sky."
Lucy: "I'm so sorry for your loss Clyde." [Puts her hand on his]
Clyde: "Thank you, I can't believe it was only yesterday he did this to my arm." [Shows his heavily bandaged arm, and continues crying.] "I miss him so much!"
Lucy: "You know, the Morticians Club could host a funeral for Ricky, to honor him, I mean, I'm president now and all, I'll bring it up at our meeting tonight."
Clyde: "Really? That'd be great."
Principal Huggins: "It sure would," [comes out of the bush too.] "I could use some closure."
Lucy: "It's settled then, I'll give Ricky the funeral he deserves."
[That night, Lincoln is the only one in the cemetery as Lucy enters.]
Lucy: "Hey, where is everyone? I have big news, we're planning Ricky's funeral."
Lincoln: "Sorry Lucy, everybody quit."
Lincoln: "Yeah they left a scroll." [Gives the scroll to Lucy.] "They feel betrayed by you for stealing the presidency."
Lucy: "Well, then you and I will just have to put on Ricky's funeral by ourselves," [Tosses the scroll away, it lands on something.] "and when they see how beautiful it is, they'l realize that I deserve to be president."
Lincoln: "Not sure that's the takeaway here."
Lucy: "Come on," [runs off] "We've got a lot of work to do."
[Lincoln runs after her.]
[The next day, at Ricky's funeral, Lucy has a huge picture and a shrine built to Ricky.]
Lucy: "We did it Fangs."
Principal Huggins: [Offscreen; unamused] "Miss Loud, is this some kind of joke?"
[The ice sculpture is melted.]
Lucy: "Gasp, my ice sculpture."
Principal Huggins: "Ricky gave us a lifetime of service, and you honor him by making him look like a giant thumb?"
Lucy: "It looked just like him this morning, I didn't know it'd get this hot today."
Principal Huggins: "You didn't check the weather?" [Walks off in a huff.]
Morpheus: [As he and Dante walk up to Lucy.] "What the heck, Lucy?"
Lucy: "What? Is something wrong with the refreshments?"
Morpheus: [He and Dante open their containers.] "Chicken nuggets?"
Lucy: "Gads!" [Goes to her brother] "Lincoln, what happened? I told you explicitly to get popcorn, Ricky's favorite."
Lincoln: "The microwave in the teacher's lounge was on the fritz, so I got these instead." [Eats one]
Lucy: "And it didn't occur to you that serving chicken at a rooster's funeral might be... inappropriate?"
Lincoln: [Realizes] "Okay, now I see it."
[Just then, Cheryl clears her throat, she's on the podium.]
Cheryl: "I'd just like to say a few words before we get started, if I may." [She starts to whimper. Offscreen, football sounds can be heard.] "Every mornin' we- AAH!" [She gets hit with a football and thrown off the podium.] "I'm okay!"
Lucy: "Lincoln, I thought you reserved this field!"
Lincoln: "You said you were going to."
[The ball lands near them, and they end up in the middle of a dog pile.]
Lucy: [Gets out] "Sigh, this is bad, but I can still turn this around." [She's at the podium.] "My last gift to Ricky will be to send him to the heavens, in this." [Gestures to a giant trebuchet, with Ricky's coffin attached, everyone gasps.] "Finally, he will get to experience the joy of flight."
Cheryl: "A trebuchet?"
[The other audience members don't get it either.]
Lucy: "Time to go home, Sweet Prince." [Winds up the trebuchet] "Farewell."
[Lucy sets it off, and Ricky gets flung into the air like a football, only to get intercepted and taken away by a passing airliner.]
Principal Huggins: [Sullen] "Hey, he was supposed to go to the big barn in the sky, but you put him on the ten a.m. to Cincinnati!?"
[He and Cheryl cry. Lucy sees what she's done and everyone starts booing.]
Lucy: [Mortified] "No, no, no, no, no." [Lucy sees the rest of the Morticians leave.]
Dante: "Ugh, this is atrocious!"
Morpheus: "Just the worst!"
Boris: "Some funeral."
Lucy: "Wait, don't go." [She runs up to them.] "Hold on, I'm sorry guys, this funeral was a complete disaster and it's all my fault. It's obvious I'm not the amazing president I'd thought I'd be, and I'm sorry I made Lincoln join the club, it was a cheap trick." [The club grows sympathetic.] "But honestly, the worst part is; Ricky deserved a better goodbye than this. Sniff."
[The club members look at each other.]
Haiku: "You know Lucy, maybe it's not too late to save this funeral."
[The rest of the club surround Lucy with forgiveness.]
Haiku: "A president can't do everything herself, we are a club after all, let's send Ricky off right."
[Later, at the redo funeral, Principal Huggins and Cheryl takes their seats again.]
Luna: ♫Ricky, Ricky the Rooster.
Principal Huggins: [Aggravated] "Well this better be good."
[The funeral setup is a lot better this time Haiku comes up with Ricky's coffin.]
Lucy: "Thank you Haiku," [in a hushed tone] "for finding Ricky."
Haiku: "No problem, he was just circling the baggage claim at the airport."
[Lucy takes the coffin and goes over to Dante, who's holding a basket tied to several balloons, and puts the coffin in.]
Lucy: "Thank you Dante."
Dante: [For all to hear] "For Ricky! Dusk and it's sweet embrace! It is time!"
[Boris plays his keyboard.]
Bertrand: "Right on cue."
[Persephone releases a cage of crows.]
Lucy: [Whispers to Haiku] "I called in a favour for the grand finale."
[Just then, Luna comes in singing with an acoustic guitar.]
[Dante lets the basket go, and the crows follow it into the sky.]
Come on everybody let's tell him, good bye.
He was such a, morale booster.
Now he's gone and we're feelin' blue.
But we'll never forget his cock-a-doodle-doo.
[The crows form a heart around the basket as it rises.]
Time to let this old bird fly.
[Principal Huggins and Cheryl hug each other crying.]
Principal Huggins: "It's so tasteful."
[The Mortician's Club gather in the podium.]
Lucy: "What a wonderful Mortician's Club effort." [Takes Haiku's hands.] "But it was Haiku who really saved the day. You know, I think Bertrand had it right all along, you should be president.
Haiku: "Oh, I don't know how about... Two co-presidents? You and me work together, to make a great team. Uh, that was a haiku I just wrote."
Lucy: "I love it, and I think that's a great idea."
[The two friends hug.]
Luna: "Thank you Royal Woods! Good night!"
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