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The following is a transcript for the episode "A Star is Scorned".
[Lola is using tweezers on her face when Lily reaches over]
Lori: "Uh, Lily, (we see her in Vanzilla's mirror, then pan over to Lily in her car seat reaching over to Lola) no touchy. (Lily puts her hand down and frowns) Lola's trying to get ready for her photo shoot today." (Lily groans and sits back)
Lori: "Sorry, Lols. No one wants to babysit, so I had to bring her along this time."
Lola: (continuing to apply makeup) "No problem, I have prepped for these gigs in my sleep. This is my fourth local ad this month. (Lily steals her false eyelashes) Today, I'm going with an understated look, but still hinting at glamour with these luxurious lashes. (gasps loudly) They're gone! (searches, then looks over at Lily, who is giggling and wearing the false lashes and some of Lola's lipstick. She poses like a model.) Haha, very funny, Lily, but Lola needs those (takes the lashes) and her lipstick (Lily sighs and hands it over) and her perfume (Lily groans and hands the perfume over, then groans in frustration).
[We are now at the place where Lola's photo shoot is about to happen. A producer is talking to Lola, while Lori is bouncing Lily on her knee.]
Producer: "Alrighty, Lola, this ad's for Dr. Feinstein's dental process, so give us your biggest smile. [cut to Lola] Now, let's get the "before" shot. (Lola does a toothy smile) And the "after"! (Lola puts false teeth in, flips her hair, and smiles again, the camera flashes) Brilliant! You're a natural, kid!"
[Lola is photographed on the dentist's chair, next to a tooth sculpture, and prepares to be photographed digging into a treasure chest]
Producer: "Great. Hold that pose."
[Lily coos, climbs off Lori's lap, and toddles over.]
Lily: "Lola! Lola!" (climbs into the chest)
Lola: "Sorry. This is my baby sister." (Lily climbs out of the chest with a crown on her head and giggles, then presses against Lola.)
Producer: (gasps) "Do not move! This is the cutest thing I've ever seen! (they smile and she photographs them) Do you girls ever work as a team?! I've got some big-time projects I could use you both for!"
Lola: (pulls away from Lily) "Actually, I'm kind of a solo performer. (realizes) Hold on, did you say, 'big-time projects'?"
[Lola and Lily are exiting Vanzilla outside Gus's Games and Grub]
Lola: "Now, remember, Lily: I've got lots of commercial experience, so just hang back (plays with Lily's hair tuft) and follow your big sister's lead. Okay? (Lily farts) I'll take that as a 'yes'."
Lori: (grunting and carrying a lot of dresses, speaks in a garbled way because some are in her mouth) "Uh, Lola, (spits the dress out) Could you grab something, please?"
Lola: "Of course! (takes Lily by the hand) Come on, Lily, time to sparkle!"
Lily: (saluting) "Sparkle!" (both run offscreen)
[They enter, and Lily gasps and stares in wonder at all the studio equipment]
Lola: (whispering) "Play it cool; don't look so impressed." (Lily nods, puts sunglasses on, and leans on an arcade machine)
Producer: "Here they are, my little stars! Okay, let's get you girls into makeup. (Lola walks off, carrying Lily. Lori shows up carrying the dresses and grunting) Ah, you must be their personal assistant."
Lori: "Uh, no, I'm actually their 'a-sister'."
Producer: "Whatever. We're a little crunched for time, so can you run these back to the dressing room? (hands more things to Lori) Oh, and this too! (tosses Lori a scarf and Lori collapses under the weight of the objects)
[At the arcade]
Producer: "All right. This commercial's for Gus's Games and Grub. Do ya know your lines?"
Lola: (laughs) "Does excellent cut quality raise a diamond's value?! (awkward chuckle) Yes. The answer to both is 'yes'."
Producer: "Okay, let's go for a take! (walks offscreen, sits in her chair) And, action!"
Lola: (laughs and plays a game) "Oh, dang it! That was my last token! (sighs) I'm having such a neat time here at Gus's Games and Grub! I wish the fun would never end! (pumps her fist, then Lily is lowered down, dressed as a genie and throwing glitter and coins. She giggles and makes baby sounds.) Why it's the Teeny Genie here to grant my wish for more tokens! (grunts as Lily throws tokens at her head, does an awkward laugh at the camera) Now for a limited time at Gus's Games and-- (Lily sways around making happy noises and throwing tokens) --Twenty-three tokens for the purchase of---(Lily bumps into Lola, making her spin, then she crouches on the floor, frustrated) Cut! (gets up) Sorry, everyone. Take five. (walks off, then speaks to Lily, backstage, still suspended, and laughing) Okay, (grabs Lily by the turban) real funny stuff, sweetie, but the director doesn't want to see you doing your own thing like that. It's all about being cute and professional, okay?"
Producer: (walks up) "So, about Lily..."
Lola: "I know. I was just telling her."
Producer: "I loved seeing her do her own thing!"
Lola: "Uh, what now?"
Producer: "As a matter of fact, I was thinking we trim some of your lines so we get to the Teeny Genie even faster!"
Lola: "Oh! (tries to hide her disappointment, Lily goes over to her face and chews a token) Such a wonderful idea!" (awkward chuckle)
[A clapper claps and we cut to the spa, where Lola and Lily are dipping their feet in a pool of mud and wearing white bathrobes]
Producer: "Okay, this ad's for the family spa package, (pan over to her) so put on some mud masks and... just have fun with it.
Lola: (rubbing mud on her face) "See, Lily, like this, with poise and grace. (Lily throws mud at her and exclaims) No, no!" (Lily laughs and continues throwing mud until Lola is covered from head to toe)
Producer: (walks over) "The shot's a little crowded. (Lola follows her) Let's try something new. Lola, mm, how about you move back? (Lola gets into the pool) More. (Lola backs out of the pool) Little more. (Lola backs into a bush) Perfect!" (Lola stares out of the bush and growls)
[The clapper claps again and we see the scene on the page of a magazine]
Lori: "Wow, you guys look amazing!"
Lola: (who is revealed to be at the Burpin' Burger) "How can you tell? You can't even see me!"
Producer: (offscreen) "Places, everyone, for the Burpin' Burger spot!" (Lola walks off)
Lola: (walking over to the producer and Lily, who is cooing in her high chair) So, I came up with some backstory for my character. How about (dramatically in a English accent) I'm a rich debutante, who should be dining on caviar, but secretly, I'd much rather have a double belcher!"
Producer: "We've cut your part. We're gonna have Lily star in this one." (Lily giggles)
Lola: (shocked) "What?!"
[The scene cuts to the Loud house, with Lola in her and Lana's room]
Lola: (pacing in frustration) "I can't believe my very own baby sister is trying to steal my place in the spotlight! Look at this ad! (shows it to Mr. Sprinkles who flops down as though passing out) I know, Mr. Sprinkles! I am just as horrified as you are!" (walks offscreen)
Leni: (knocks and enters) "Hey, Lols, can I get my magazine back? I wanna read it on the-- (Lola growls and throws the magazine at the wall, Leni is taken aback) bus to work."
Lola: (screams and flails her arms, then pinches her nose and grunts) "Sorry, Leni, it's not you. I'm just so frustrated right now!"
Leni: "(groans in sympathy) Let's talk about it after I get home. Everyone has to set up early to be ready for the Reininger's Cutest Kid auditions."
Lola: (perks up then runs over to Leni and grabs her face) "Cutest kid?! (gravelly voice) Tell me everything!"
Leni: (garbled) "The winner gets to be the face of the Cutest Clothing department."
Lola: (gasps, kisses Leni on the forehead) "Forget the bus! I am driving you to work in my princess jeep!"
Leni: "Really? Yay! I'll grab my helmet!" (leaves)
Lola: (chuckles evilly and picks up Mr. Sprinkles) "This is my chance to prove I'm still the star. Of course you can come and watch me audition, but we won't tell Lily! Shh!"
[Scene cuts to the competition]
Lola: (does a ribbon dance) "Sparkle!"
Ms. Carmichael: (applauds along with another woman) "I think we both agree. Miss Loud, you're one of our finalists. Congratulations! We'll see you tomorrow at the callbacks."
Lola: (squeals, then leaps over to Mr. Sprinkles) "I did it, Mr. Sprinkles! (dances with him) Now, I'll be Reiningers' cutest kid and everyone will forget all about (notices Lori holding Lily and throws Mr. Sprinkles, who crashes) Lily?! Lori!? W-what are you doing here?! Um, shopping for ribbon wands like me? Because I totally didn't just audition for anything at all. (awkward chuckle)
Lori: "Oh! Lily just did! To be Reiningers' cutest kid! (scratches Lily's cheeks and Lily blushes) The store called and personally requested her!"
Lola: (her eye twitches) "Personally.. requested?!"
Ms. Carmichael: "Absolutely! Word spread all over town about how cute she is. That's why she's our other finalist!"
Lola: (holding in her anger) "A finalist?!" (breaks her ribbon wand)
[In Vanzilla, Lily is chewing on her rattle]
Lola: (thinking) "Ugh, look at her, plotting her next move to take me down! If she wins the Cutest Kid competition, I am finished in this business! I have to beat Lily, but how?! Everything she does is adorable! (Lily soils her diaper and Lola and Lori gag, Lori winds down the window, and Lily giggles) Well, not everything! (evil smile, then speaks out loud) Hey, Lori, may I borrow your phone when we get home? I wanna record, um, my audition, to, y'know (does another evil smile) practice." (evil laugh)
[Lily is recorded throwing her dinner, riding on a muddy Charles, unraveling the toilet roll, and crying to a sleepy Lynn Sr. at bedtime]
Lola: (from inside Lisa and Lily's closet) "That's right, Lily; show us your worst."
[At the contest]
Lori: "Lols, can you watch Lily? (gives Lily paper and crayons to draw with) I'll let the judges know that the two finalists are here."
Lola: "Pshaw, let me do it. You just stay here and help Lily get ready. (chuckles and walks off) Be right back. (walks over to the judges) Hello, Mrs. Carmichael. I wanted to let you know that Lily and I are here for our callback. Oopsie, almost forgot. (hands them a USB) Before my sister auditions, you should watch the video on the thumb drive. You might find it, hmm, how should I say this? Not so cute. (winks) Well, bye." (runs off and sits by Lily) Good luck, Lily (chuckles), may the cutest sister win. (Lily shows Lola her drawing while Lola applies makeup) Not now, Lily, I'm touching up my blush. Wait, what is this?" (looks at the drawing, which is of her and Lily surrounded by hearts)
Lily: (points at herself) "Lily, (points at Lola) Lola, (points at a heart), love."
Lola: "This is us? (Lily nods) Wait, you were never actually competing with me. (Lily chuckles) You just wanted to have fun together, didn't you? (Lily hugs Lola and laughs, then Mrs. Carmichael plugs the USB in, Lola runs over) I need to get that thumb drive back!"
Mrs. Carmichael: "I beg your pardon."
Lola: "Uh, (awkward chuckle) I almost made a really dumb mistake, so if you could just (climbs on the table) kindly return that?"
Mrs. Carmichael: "I'm afraid not. It's our job to choose the right child to be the face of Reininger's, so we have to consider everything, including the contents of this drive."
Mrs. Carmichael: "Now, Lola, I'm warning you! (Lola jumps on the table and growls, then literally burns with rage, screaming, and chases Mrs. Carmichael around the store, knocking over some mannequins, then tackles her, still screaming, and grabs the drive) Lola Loud, you are disqualified!"
Lola: (walking off) "I can live with that."
Mrs. Carmichael: (awarding Lily a pink sash with "cutest" written on it) "Congratulations, Lily, you're officially Reininger's cutest kid!" (Lily chews her sash and coos while the audience applauds)
[In Vanzilla, Lola is applying her makeup]
Lori: "So, Lols, you bummed about this whole 'Cutest Kid' thing?"
Lola: "Nope. Cutest sister won. Besides, it's what got me today's gig: the director heard about me tackling Ms. Carmichael and said she had a part I'd be perfect for."
[The clapper board claps again and we see Lola in a karate outfit]
Producer: "Commercial for the Karate Corner, take one! (Lola does karate on the dummies) Cut! That's a wrap, people! Great work, Lola!"
Lola: "Ah, thank you. (walks off) Whoo, that took a lot out of me. I could really go for a chilled juice box right about now." (frowns at Lori, who is again carrying stuff)
Lori: "Still not your assistant!"
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