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[The story begins in Mrs. Johnson's class, and there's a spider in a tank that the students are eyeing.] Lincoln: "Hey, Frank." Classmate: "Frank! Over here, buddy!" Clyde: "He's so cool!" Mrs. Johnson: "Now, before we pack up, I need a volunteer to look after Frank this weekend while I'm out of town." [The kids all volunteer to look after him, especially Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Come on, please, Mrs. Johnson! Me! Me!" Mrs. Johnson: "Lincoln." Lincoln: "Yes!" Clyde: "Way to go, Lincoln!" [All the other kids moan in disappointment.] Mrs. Johnson: "Now, Lincoln, this is a major responsibility. Frank needs to be fed twice a day; and under no circumstances should he be let out of his cage. Unlike me this weekend." [She chuckles. The kids all awkwardly glance at each other in confusion. Soon, the bell rings, and every student except for Lincoln leave.] Lincoln: "Well, see ya Monday, Mrs. Johnson." [Grabs Frank's cage and leaves school.]
[Lincoln is walking with Clyde, holding the cage.] Lincoln: "This is gonna be the best weekend ever!" Clyde: "I'm not sure your sister Leni will think so. Remember last Halloween?" [Flashback to last Halloween; the doorbell rings.] Leni:[Dressed as a flamingo and running down the stairs.] "I got it!" [She answers the door to see Clyde in a spider costume.] Clyde: "Trick or tre-" Leni: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [She sprays bug spray everywhere and runs out the door while knocking Clyde over on his back.] Clyde: "I'm all right..." [End flashback] Clyde: "She hid in her room for three weeks." [Lincoln stops and turns to the viewers.] Lincoln: "If I had to worry about my sisters every time I wanted to do something, I'd never do anything." [to Clyde] "Besides, I have a plan. Stealth mode." [Lincoln waves his hand in front of his face and changes his expression to a more focused look. He hides behind the tree and tiptoes into the house.] Clyde: "Now I'm worried." [Lincoln opens the front door ajar and peeps to see if Leni is around.] Leni: "SPIDER!!!" [is being chased by Luan holding a rubber spider over her face.] "GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!" Luan: "Aw, come on. It's fake." [Lincoln advances in and closes the front door. Next, he conceals Frank's tank with a trench coatfrom the coat hanger and tries to sneak upstairs. Before he approaches the first step, he hears Walt chirping. He quickly moves back to the coat hanger and grabs a hoodie.] Lincoln: Ssh... [He covers up Walt's cage with the hoodie while going upstairs, causing the bird to squawk; he makes it to his room and uncovers Frank's tank.] Lincoln: "There you go, buddy." [A knock of the door is heard. As the door opens, it is revealed to be Lana holding Lola's doll.] Lana: "Can I borrow the big kid scissors?" [She sees Frank and gasps, with her pupils dilated. She pushes Lincoln aside and looks inside the cage.] "Hey, what's that?" [Excitedly] "Oh-ho! He's so creepy!" [To Lincoln] "Can I play with him? Can I?" [Lana and Lincoln trade handslaps.] Lincoln: "No, no. [Firmly] Frank stays in the cage." Lana: "Aw..." [Enter an angry Lola] Lola: "Lana, give me back my dolly!" [She sees Frank. Her pupils dilate too. She gasps and squeals] "He's so adorable!" Twins: "Has Leni seen this?" Lincoln: "No. And we want to keep it that way, don't we?-- So, shh." [--The Twins grab hold of Lola's doll, trying to take it from one another. Soon after, Lisa enters.] Lisa: "Excuse me, some of us are trying to solve for Y." [She sees Frank] "Ooh! Is that an Aphonopelma chalcodes?" Lincoln: "Uh...it's a tarantula. My class calls him Frank." Lisa:[Gets a closer look, along with the twins in awe.] "Fascinating specimen. Has Leni seen this?" Lincoln:[Annoyed] "No! That's why I'm trying to keep him a..." [In no time, all of the other sisters who are not Leni are gathering around Frank's tank and ogling him.] Lincoln: "...secret." [Overlapping crosstalk continues as the girls keep looking at him.] Luna: "Has Leni seen it?" Lincoln:[Losing temper] "Guys, for the last time! Leni's not gonna see--" [Leni opens the door.] Leni: "See what?" Siblings:[covering up Frank's tank] "NOTHING!" [Leni gasps and her siblings gasp back.] Leni: "Oh, my gosh! Are you planning a surprise party for me?! Wait! Don't tell me. I wanna be surprised." [leaves] [The others sigh with relief.] Lori:[leaving with the others] "That was close. You'd better know what you're doing, Lincoln." [leaves Lincoln to it] [Lincoln looks in the tank to see that Frank is looking a little upset.] Lincoln: "Hey, you look a little sluggish, buddy. Bet you'd really like to get out and stretch your legs. I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt." [carefully places Frank out of his tank and onto his drawer.] "Now, where did I put those crickets?" [gets them out of his backpack.] "Maybe this'll cheer you up." [notices he's gone] "Frank? Where'd you go? Frank, come out! This isn't funny!" [beat] "Crud..." [gets out a magnifying glass and looks for Frank.] "Where are you, Frank? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?" [bumps into the twins] Twins: "Where's who?" Lincoln:[faking relief] "There you are! The two cutest twins in town! Found 'em! See ya!" [takes off] Lola: "He was talking about me." Lana: "I sure hope so." [The twins go back to skipping rope; Lincoln checks Lisa's research table and knocks over a few of her beakers.] Lisa: "What in Schrödinger's Cat?!" Lincoln: "Sorry, Lis! I'll clean it up later." [An explosion occurs which blows Cliff away and Lynn comes running out of her room playing Basketball, which worries Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Lynn! Freeze!" Lynn:[freezes] "We're playing Freeze Tag? Cool!" [Lincoln checks Luna and Luan's room and gets bonked by Luna's drumstick during her jam session.] Lincoln: "Ow!" Luna: "Dude!" Lincoln: "Really dig what you're laying down there, sis!" [checks their closet and sees a spider and thinks it's Frank.] "Gotcha!" Luan:[she takes off her Groucho Marx glasses while she was reading a Comedy for Dummies book.] "What are you doing with my fake spider?" Lincoln: "Fake? Oh, nothing." [hands it back] "Here. And here's your fake dog poop." Luan: "I don't have any fake dog poop." [Lincoln reviles in disgust.] "Just kidding!" [They both laugh and Lincoln resumes his search.] Lincoln: "Where are you. Where are you? Where are you?" [checks under the bathroom door.] Lori:[bursts open the door] "What are you doing, you weirdo?!" Lincoln: "I'm...uh...looking for my contact lens! Oh! There it is!" [picks up a lint ball and pits it in his eye, making it squint.] "That's better." [runs off to his room past Lynn who's still standing still.] Lynn:[through clenched teeth] "Can I unfreeze now?"
Lincoln:[frantic] "Crud, crud, crud!" [The others open the door.] Lori: "Alright, Lincoln! You don't wear contacts! What is going on?" Luna: "You've been acting even weirder than usual, bro." Lola: "Yeah. There's no way you think Lana is cute." [Lana picks her nose in agreement and they demand answers.] Lincoln: "Okay, I'll tell you! Well, Frank was looking sluggish, so I took him out of his cage to get a little exercise, and then I turned to get the crickets, and he was gone." [The girls ramble about Lincoln's blunder and worry about Leni finding out about Frank; Leni appears.] Leni: "What are we whispering about? Oh right! My surprise party! Don't worry. I won't tell me!" [The second she turns around, Frank is shown to be on her back and the others scream in horror and follow them to the kitchen.] Leni: "See? I know nothing. Just making a smoothie." [She opens the fridge to get her ingredients. When her back is turned, an outline ring around the top of her spine appears with a question mark, revealing that Frank is gone again; the other sisters mutter about the issue, while Leni takes a can of spinach and puts the contents into the blender.] Sisters:[Crosstalk] Where did he go? Where? Where's the spider? Lola: What are we gonna do? Leni: "Oh, I need milk." [She opens the fridge door. The others notice Frank on the milk bottle and are alarmed.] Lisa:[Panicking] "Wait!" [Rushing over to the fridge slamming the door shut] "You're lactose intolerant!" Leni: "No, I'm not. [To everyone else] I'm tolerant of everyone, whether they lack toes or not." [She opens the fridge again] Siblings: "NOOOO!!!" [Dramatic music plays as everybody notices Frank's not in that spot anymore.] "Huh?" [Everyone else sighs with relief while Leni pours the milk into the blender.] Lily: "Eee, pider!" [Frank is scurrying across the floor and Luna traps him under a pot; Leni turns around to see what's going on and Luna and Lily pretend to have a jam session by banging pots and pans and utensils together; Leni digs the beat; as she's too distracted by the tune, they look under the pot to see Frank escaped again.] Leni: "So, who wants to try my new recipe? It's curds and..." [takes a sip while Lincoln notices Frank on the ceiling light.] "...way, way too much spinach." [Her siblings look up and gasp] "Ugh! I know! What was I thinking?" [Frank plops right onto her glass.] Leni:[thinking it's fake] "Ha! Nice try, Luan, but I'm not falling for another one of your fake spiders. [Suspiciously as she and takes a closer look] Though, this one looks pretty real." [Frank blinks, leading Leni to realize...] Leni: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [With dramatic music playing in the background, she carelessly drops her glass onto the floor and busts out the bug spray.] Siblings: "NOOOO!!!" [The siblings try to stop her, but they're too late; Leni activates the spray, unleashing a massive spray cloud which covers the entire screen.] Leni:[Running off in fury] "WORST SURPRISE PARTY EVER!!!" [The cloud clears up and Lincoln spots what appears to be Frank's corpse.] Lincoln:[Lamenting] "Frank! No-ho-ho-ho-ho!" Lucy: "I just wanna say I'm sorry for your loss... and that I'd be honored to serve as funeral director." [She holds out a brochure for a business she owns called "Lucy's Lament"] "I keep an assortment of caskets on hand. Were you thinking shoebox, or for a little more money, mahogany?"
[Lincoln has settled for the shoe box deal, and all the children except for Leni attend Frank's funeral along with Cliff, Charles and Walt. Clyde arrives with a casserole dish.] Clyde: "Hey, Lincoln. I brought you this casserole. My nana says that there's no greater comfort in times of grief." Lincoln: "Thanks." [sighs] "This might as well be my funeral, too. Our whole class is gonna hate me for letting this happen to Frank." [They gather around to pay their respects to Frank.] Lucy: "We are gathered here to mourn the untimely passing of Frank the Tarantula, a pet beloved by all." Lola:[spiteful] "Except Leni!" Lana:[Angrily to Lola] "The murderer!" [The sisters argue over one another again] Lori: "Yeah! This is all Leni's fault!" Lincoln: "Guys, this isn't Leni's fault. It's mine." [Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Leni is washing her hands to wash away any and all tracings of Frank.] Leni: "Ew! Ew! Ew!" [overhears Lincoln] Lincoln: "I knew Leni was afraid of spiders, but I brought Frank home, anyway. It was a bad idea. I guess I deserve to have my whole class hate me." [Cliff prematurely coughs up a hairball. Moments later, he runs away] Lola: "Ew! Gross, Cliff! Show some respect!" Lana:[Notices and points to something odd] "Whoa, weird! This hairball looks like Frank!" [She picks it up] Lola: "Ew! Gross, Lana! Show some respect!" [Lincoln then looks at the hairball and the corpse, which also looks like Cliff's hairball.] Lincoln: "Because this isn't Frank! It's a hairball, too! Which means... [Excitedly] Frank could still be alive!" Lynn Sr.:[Offscreen screaming] "AAAHH! SPIDER!" Lincoln: "And it sounds like Leni just found him!" Clyde: "Uh, that wasn't Leni. I know that scream." [Another flashback to last Halloween; Clyde had come to after Leni had mistaken him for a spider and attacked him.] Clyde:[coughs a little] "Oh, hi, Mr. Loud. Trick or tre-" Lynn Sr.: "AAAHH!!! SPIDER!!!" [tramples Clyde and runs after Leni.] Clyde: "I'm all right." [End flashback] Luna:[grinning] "Dad's afraid of spiders?" [A horn honk in the background. It is a pest control van which pulls up out front.] Lori:[Concerned] "And it looks like he's got the exterminator on speed dial!" Kids: "Frank!" [The kids watch as the exterminator gets out of his van and notices two caterpillars.] Exterminator: "Oh, hello, cute little caterpillar family." [shots them with bug killer and laughs wickedly.] Lincoln: "It's okay, sir. There's been a misunderstanding. You don't need to kill the spider." Exterminator: "Huh. What are you, a spider hugger? [At Lincoln's face] Nobody stops me from getting my spider..." [He heads into the house.] Lincoln: "I gotta go save Frank!" Lynn:[still in her freeze tag pose and through clenched teeth.] "We can help!" Clyde: "I can help, too!" [They clamour over each other to Lincoln.] Lincoln:[Firmly] "Okay. You guys distract the exterminator while I look for Frank." [The others clamour again while they head in to do their job, but Lynn is hopping about; Lincoln runs up to her and tags her.] Lincoln: "Unfreeze." [Lynn now hustles]
Luna:[fake screaming] "There's a big scary spider in the last room on the right! I hope someone can exterminate this ugly spider!" [The exterminator sprays what looks like a spider and laughs triumphantly, but it turns out to have been one of Luan's fake spiders, making the exterminator flinch.] Luan:[tauntingly, wearing her Groucho glasses and holding a fishing pole with a fake spider in it.] "What's the matter? Afraid of a little rubber spider?" [laughs] Exterminator: "I ain't afraid of nothin'." [Camera shifts to the right. Behind the Exterminator's back is Lucy.] Lucy: "Excuse me." [The exterminator screams at the sight of her and Luan smiles.] "The scary spider went in there." [points to the bathroom] Exterminator:[checking under the bathroom door.] "Hmm..." [sniffs] Lori:[bursts open the door] "What are you doing, you weirdo?!" Exterminator:[Embarrassed] "Oh, well, uh... I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I didn't..." [Clyde appears in his spider costume from last Halloween and starts acting.] Clyde: "Roar! I'm a spider. Come and get me!" [the exterminator nonchalantly shoves him aside.] "I'm all right." [The twins ensnare the exterminator into a jumprope tangle and high five each other and Lily shoves her pacifier in his mouth; he spits it out in disgust.] Lisa: "Kids. They can be so juvenile. Mouthwash?" [shoves the container in his mouth, and when he sloshes it, he spits it out. Also, steam flows out of his ears and water pours through his eyes.] "My special ghost pepper formula. The tingle means it's working." [Enter Lincoln, holding a magnifying glass] Lincoln: "Frank's not downstairs. So, he must be..." [He spots Frank in front of the bathroom door, whom blinks. The Exterminator confronts Lincoln with a firece gaze.] Exterminator: "Upstairs..." [Lincoln tries to save Frank, but the exterminator tangles him with the jump rope and beats him to Frank.] Exterminator: "Ha! I've got you now!" [Frank trembles in fear of his untimely demise.] Lincoln:[Begging while trying to wriggle] "WAIT! STOP! NOOO!!!" [The exterminator blasts bug killer everywhere, thus dooming Frank; the kids all gasp at his apparent demise; just as the cloud dissipates, someone in a hazmat suit appears.] Lincoln: "Huh?" Exterminator: "WHA?!" [The person in the hazmat suit takes off their helmet and reveals to be Leni and it shows she just saved Frank.] Lincoln:[overjoyed] "FRANK!" [The other kids cheer.] Luan: "Yes, Frank!" Lynn Jr.: "Woohoo!" Exterminator:[Threateningly to Leni] "Why you..." Leni:[strong-willed] "Hold it right there, mister! If you exterminate this spider, you'll exterminate..." [pointing to Lincoln] "...this boy's future! [Picks up Lincoln, thus freeing him of the jumprope] Everyone will think he's a spider killer," [Puts him down] "and no one will ever trust him again! Do you really want that on your conscience?!" Exterminator:[Remorsefully while lowering his mask.] "Wow...I never thought of it that way. Lady, you just changed my life." Lincoln & Leni: "Really?" Exterminator:[Disdainfully while frightening the two while rock music plays] "Of course not, you spider huggers! Exterminator out! Here's my bill." [plants the bill on Clyde's face and leaves.] Lincoln: "Leni! That was amazing! But why?" Leni: "I heard what you said at the funeral. And besides, maybe spiders aren't so bad after all. I mean, this one's kinda cute." [Frank blinks again. Leni notices it and becomes scared, flinching with her eyes squeezed shut.] "No, it's not! Take it! Take it!" [gives Frank back and runs off.] "Ew ew ew ew ew ew! It blinked at me!" Lincoln: "Let's get you back in your cage, Frank." Lisa: "I always thought Frank was a strange name for a female spider." Lincoln: "Frank's a girl?" Lisa: "Mm-hmm. I can tell from the markings. Plus, female spiders always get sluggish before they give birth." Clyde: "Frank's gonna be a mommy?" [The sister gather around the spider.] Sisters: "Aw..."
[Monday; Frank has now been renamed Frances and all the sisters who are not Leni bid farewell to her.] Lincoln: "I'll miss you, Frank, but I'm glad things are gonna be back to normal around here." [In her room, Leni is brushing her hair.] Leni: "20...21...22...23..." [However, ominous music plays as an egg sac appears in the vents; A horde of baby spiders hatch and scurry through the vents into Leni's room. The camera cuts to Lincoln, closing the front door and holding the cage with Frances inside. He has a guilty look on his face.] Leni:[Off-screen screaming] "AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! SPIDERS!!!"
