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[The episode starts off with a shot of the school, which then shows Lincoln and his friends having lunch.] Clyde: "Liam, would you be interested in my hand-cut sushi? It's Yellowtail." Liam: "You know I am. Hey, you want my deviled eggs? They're farm-to-table." Rusty: "Lincoln, is that your dad's homemade pudding?" Lincoln: "It is. What are you offering?" Rusty: "One bologna sandwich, fridge-to-table." Lincoln: "Throw in your buffalo chips, and we've got a deal." Zach: "So, no takers on my tuna kit?" Rusty: "Your mom's still buying those, huh?" [Zach sadly nods] Lincoln:[notices something] "Guys, here comes the new girl! The one I met on the bus." [The guys all look and see the new girl, Stella, with a lunch bag walking their way.] Liam: "Ooo-wee, She sure is easy on the eyes." Zach: "Oh yeah. And I hear she speaks three languages." Clyde: "Have you guys heard her laugh? It's so... contagious." Rusty: "I like the way her hair smells." [The other boys' gawk] "What? Too far?" Lincoln:[gasps] "Here she comes! Be cool! Be cool!" Stella: "Hey, guys. Anybody wanna trade for my carrots?" [The other boys try to act cool. Rusty is drooling green liquid, Zach is nibbling on a straw from a milk carton, Liam is nervously staring, Lincoln is drinking but coughs out and chokes, and Clyde swallows a deviled egg, but coughs it out.] Stella: "Uhhhh...right. So, yeah. I’ll just, uh...yeah." [leaves] Lincoln: "Wonder what that was all about?" Zach: "I don't know, but I'm glad we played it so cool."
[Later in gym class, the guys are playing dodgeball.] Rusty: "Okay, guys, snake formation!" [Zach, Lincoln, Clyde, and Liam hide behind Rusty, imitating snake sounds.] Zach: "Keep an eye out for Girl Jordan. Last time, she blindsided us." [Enter Stella] Stella: "Hey, guys, what do you have going on here? Some kind of defensive maneuver? Can I get in on this?" [The boys are frozen in place, just awkwardly staring.] "Okay...well, good luck." [leaves] Lincoln: "Seriously. Why does she keep coming over to us?" [gets pelted by a dodgeball] Zach: "Aw, come on, Girl Jordan! Coach didn't even blow the whistle yet!"
[Now they are in their science class, Zach picks up a beaker.] Clyde: "I think we can all agree I should handle the Bunsen Burner after what happened last time." Zach: "Yeah. Rusty and his aftershave." Rusty: "What can I say? It sets the ladies on fire too." [Enter Stella once again] Stella: "Hey, guys, need another lab partner? Otherwise, I have to be with Mrs. Johnson. Not that she doesn't seem cool, but you know what I mean." [The other boys try to act cool once again until Zach drops the beaker, which explodes. Stella just leaves.]
[Later, they are waiting outside the nurse's office.] Rusty: "You burned off my mustache, Zach!" Zach: "It was like, two hairs, Rusty." Lincoln: "I still don't get it. Why does Stella keep coming over to talk to us? That's three times in one day." Liam: "Maybe she's trying to sell us a time-share." Zach:[gasps] "Maybe she's spying on us for the CIA." Rusty: "Guys, what you don't know about women could fill a library. She obviously has a crush on one of us." [Zach, Liam, and Clyde grow surprised to hear that.] Lincoln: "Now that you mention it, I was picking up some vibes." Liam:[chuckles] "Dang! I wonder who she likes?" Clyde: "I guess we'll just have to wait till she makes her next move." Rusty: "I hope I have time to grow back my 'stache."
[Later, the boys are at their lockers, prepping themselves. Liam combs his hair up, Clyde puts a tissue in his shirt pocket, Lincoln flosses his teeth, Zach cleans his glasses, and Rusty applies breath spray.] Rusty: "Anyone want some breath spray? Sour green apple, it's a total lady killer." [Closes his locker] Zach:[Putting his glasses back on] "I'll take some. That tuna kit didn't do much for my breath." Lincoln: "Here she comes. Play it cool." Stella: "Hey guys." [Stops when she sees the boys are just staring at her again.] "Lincoln, do you wanna go to the Burpin' Burger after school?" Lincoln: "Yes! I knew it was me!" [Realizing what he just did] "I mean, sure, I think I'm free." Stella: "Great, my family's on a health kick and I'm really craving some fries." [walks off] "I'll meet you by the busses." [Lincoln gets pulled in by the rest of his friends.] Zach: "Aw, Lucky!" Liam: "You dog!" Clyde: "Congratulations, buddy." Rusty: "Ugh, it’s always Lincoln." Lincoln: "What can I say? I mean, I am having a really good hair week."
[The next day, Lincoln is bragging to the others about his time with Stella.] Lincoln: "You should have seen her on that claw machine! She was a boss." Zach: "Man, she's cool." Lincoln: "And get this, we both prefer curly fries to regular, it's like we're meant for each other." Rusty:[still jealous] "Well, everyone prefers curly fries." Clyde:[looks out the classroom door] "Oh! Here she comes." [Stella walks into the classroom, waves at the boys, and walks over.] Zach: "Probably gonna ask about date number two." [Elbows Lincoln] "Eh? Eh?" [Lincoln smiles, and plays it cool, only for Stella to walk right past him like he wasn't even there.] Stella: "Hey, Rusty." [Rusty accidentally slams his desk top onto his hand, and yelps in pain.] "Do you wanna go to the flea market with me later?" [The other four stare in disbelief.] Rusty:[still in pain] "Totally, totally." Stella: "Cool." [Walks off] Rusty: "Gah!" [Takes out his hand which is now aching from the pain.] Lincoln:[Whose turn it is to be jealous] "What was that, man?! Stella and I have a thing going on! Rusty: "What do you want me to say?" [Stroking his hair] "I guess she decided she prefers red sauce over white sauce." [Points to, the extremely angry, Lincoln's hair.]
[The next day, the boys are on the jungle gym, Rusty now has the bragging rights.] Rusty: "...and then we went out for ice cream and it turns out we both like waffle cones." Lincoln:[Sitting on the ground, jealous] "Well, everyone likes waffle cones" Zach:[Looks over] "Hey, check it out, Rusty." [Stella is walking over to the boys, waving.] Rusty: "Probably wants to lock me down for the whole weekend." Stella: "Hey, Liam." [The boys are surprised] "You wanna go to the mall after school? I know this sounds weird, but I really like trying on wigs at the wig store." Liam:[So amazed, he falls off the jungle gym, but gets back up.] "Don't sound weird to me, I'm in." [Stella gives him a thumbs up and leaves.] Rusty:[back to being jealous] "What the heck, Liam?!" Lincoln:[smugly] "Tough break, 'red sauce', I guess she's more into biscuits and gravy now." [The next day, the boys are in the classroom, Liam showing them the photos he and Stella took. Suddenly, Stella taps Zach's shoulder, waves, and makes pistol gestures, as she is asking Zach to go laser tagging. Zach's eyes turn to hearts, and Liam bangs on his desk with jealousy. The next, next day, Zach is showing the boys the video of he and Stella laser tagging. Stella then taps Clyde's shoulder, waves, and does a little dance, as she is asking Clyde to the arcade to play Dance Battle. Clyde's eyes turn to hearts, and Zach, out of jealousy, punches the drinking fountain, and drops to the floor, clutching his injured hand. The next, next, next day, Clyde shows the boys a photo of him and Stella playing Dance Battle, and they all rage with jealousy.]
[After school, Lincoln is walking home, talking to himself.] Lincoln: "Ugh! I'm so confused, why does Stella keep asking out all of us? What is her deal?" [He walks into the house, where his sisters are watching The Dream Boat.] Lisa: "Male sibling lacking melanin, care to join us in viewing The Dream Boat?" Lincoln: "Eh, I'm not really in the mood." [Walks to the stairs, when suddenly one of the characters on the show says something.] Kelly: "I'm really torn, they're all great guys, but I'm still not sure who I want to be my first mate. Guess I'll just wait 'til one of them blows me out of the water." Lincoln:[Still talking to himself] "Oh, so that's what Stella's doing." [Runs back down the stairs and shoves Lisa over.] "Move over."
[The next day, Lincoln is at school with his date khakis on, and his hair done up. He walks up to his locker and is surprised at what he sees, Rusty is wearing a white suit, Zach had his teeth whitened, Clyde is not wearing his glasses, and Liam is spraying on cologne, which goes in his eyes.] Zach:[Noticing Lincoln, and smugly] "Well, well, well, look at you Mr. Date khakis." Lincoln: "It's laundry day, I couldn't find my jeans." [Suspiciously] "What about you guys?" Zach: "What? I happened to have a coupon for teeth whitening." [Zach smiles, a smile so shiny, it blinds the other boys.] Liam: "And I always wear this much cologne." Clyde:[Facing the wrong way] "And, I've been meaning to ditch my glasses." [Liam turns Clyde around to face the group.] Rusty:[Saying out loud what they're all thinking.] "Okay guys, let's be real, we all watched The Dream Boat last night, we know Stella hasn't decided who she likes and were all trying to 'blow her out of the water'." [They all ramble in agreement.] Zach: "Well, uh... this is awkward." Clyde: "It doesn't have to be. We can be gentlemen about this." [They all ramble in agreement, again. At lunch, Stella sits at a table, alone, puts her headphones on, and starts eating, the boys walk in and see this. At first, they smile and casually walk to her, but they soon grow determined looks and start hurrying.] Clyde:[As he pulls into the lead] "STELLA!" [But due to not having his glasses, he runs right into Coach Pacowski.] [Liam jumps over Clyde and pulls ahead, but Zach slides over a table and cuts Liam off, he then blinds Liam with his smile again.] Liam: "Gah, too bright!" [Stumbles backwards and lands in a recycling bin. Rusty chases after Zach, and grabs a bottle of mustard off a table, he squeezes it onto the floor and Zach slips out of control and falls.] Rusty: "Yeah!" [Rusty takes the lead, with Lincoln in hot pursuit. Suddenly, Lincoln gets an idea, he sees that Girl Jordan is eating spaghetti and meatballs. He quickly takes out a pudding cup and calls to her.] Lincoln: "Girl Jordan, I'll trade you my pudding for a meatball." [Whizzes right past Jordan, taking the meatball right off her fork, and leaving his pudding before she even knows what happened.] "Thanks." [She just looks at her, now empty, fork, wondering what happened to her meatball. Meanwhile, Lincoln lines up his shot, and throws the meatball, which hits Rusty in the back so hard, that he falls over in slow motion.] "What? You said she likes red sauce." Rusty: "Low blow, man. This is dry clean only." [Runs off] [Lincoln sees that Stella is ripe for the picking, the last man standing does a quick victory dance, and goes over. But right at that moment, Stella, completely unaware of what just happened right behind her, gets up and leaves, just as Lincoln suavely sits. Lincoln sees that Stella's gone and is now bummed out.]
[Later in gym class, the guys have miffed looks on their faces, crossing their arms, not even looking at each other.] Zach: "In case anyone's interested, I'm out of the snake formation." Liam: "Well, I actually left it earlier than you. I just didn't tell you." Rusty: "The snake formation is officially dead." Clyde: "Fine by me!" Lincoln: "Me too!" [Just then, the whistle blows. They look down at the dodgeballs, then each other. Lincoln picks one up and is about to throw it, but gets pelted by Rusty.] Rusty: "That's for the meatball!" [gets pelted by Zach] "Ow!" Zach: "That's for the mustard!" [gets pelted by Liam] "Oof!" Liam: "That's for blinding me!" Clyde:[throws one at Liam but hits Lincoln instead.] "Take that!" [And just like that, they immediately start beating each other up. Coach Pacowski blows his whistle and goes over there to break them up while the other students, including Stella, who looks on.]
[Later, they are outside the nurse's office again with ice packs covering where they got hit. Nurse Patti gives the last one to Clyde.] Nurse Patti: "Now how did this happen? I thought you boys had a snake formation." Rusty: "Those days are over." Nurse Patti: "Well, that's a shame. I always thought it was so nice the way you all looked out for each other. [walks back into her office] Lincoln:[realizes what they've done] "She's right. What are we doing? Are we really gonna throw away our friendship over a girl?" Liam: "Well, that ain't what I want." Clyde:[facing the other way] "Me neither. You guys are my support circle." Zach:[turns Clyde around] "I honestly don't think I can make new friends at this point." Lincoln: "I can't believe we ever let things get this far." Rusty: "And the crazy thing is, none of this is even our fault! It's Stella's! For pitting us against each other!" [The rest of the guys clamour in agreement.] Liam: "I say we go give her the what for right now! Snake formation, fellers?" [The boys all get up and walk in a line while imitating snake sounds.]
[Stella is at her locker when the boys approach her.] Lincoln: "Stella, we need to talk to you." Stella: "Oh, hey guys. What's up?" Clyde:[facing the other way yet again.] "Oh, I think you know. We're through with your mind games." [Zach turns him around.] "Uh, thanks, Lincoln." Stella:[confused] "My what?" Liam: "Don't act all innocent. You nearly broke up our friendship." Rusty: "Asking us all out on dates, then making us compete to see who would 'blow you out of the water'." Stella: "Blow me out of the water? What are you talking about?" Lincoln: "Doesn't matter. We're done. You couldn't choose one of us for a boyfriend, so now you don't get any of us." Stella:[laughs] "What? I'm sorry for laughing, it's just... you guys are so off base. I don't want a boyfriend, I just wanted to be friends, with all of you." Zach: "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Stella: "Uh, you may recall that every time I walked up to you guys as a group, you acted like total weirdos. That's why I was trying to get to know you one on one, or what you call 'dates'." Boys: "Ah." Stella: "You know, maybe this was a bad idea. It seems like you guys just can't handle being friends with a girl. I'm gonna go hang out with my lab partner, Mrs. Johnson." [leaves] Lincoln: "Oh, man. We really messed up." Clyde: "It's too bad 'cause Stella's really fun. I was hoping she'd teach me how to master the claw machine." Liam: "Yeah, and I was hoping she'd help me pick out a wig for my mee-maw." Zach: "And she would've made a great addition to our snake formation. She could've been the rattle." Lincoln: "Well, maybe if we go tell her how sorry we are, she'll give us another chance."
[At lunch, Stella is eating her sandwich, alone.] Lincoln: "Hey, Stella." [Stella turns to face the boys.] "We just wanna apologize for how we acted." Liam: "Yeah, you were right. Just cause you're a gal and we're fellers don't mean ya had to be fixin' for a romance." Rusty: "What we don't know about women, could fill a library." Lincoln: "We just hope you can forgive us, because we all really liked hanging out with you, as a friend." [A brief moment, and Stella returns to her sandwich. Which Lincoln can only assume is a no.] "Um, okay, well, that's cool. I guess we'll just, uh, see you around." [Stella looks at them as they sadly leave, when suddenly...] Stella: "Hang on." [The boys stop and listen] "Lincoln, what's in that thermos?" Lincoln: "My dad's homemade tomato soup." Stella:[Thinks about it] "I'll trade you my fruit salad for it." Lincoln: "Deal!" [Walks over to Stella, followed by the astonished others.] Liam: "Hey, uh, how about swapping them there rice cakes for some hush puppies?" Stella: "Definitely." Zach: "Any chance you'd trade your juice box for a tuna kit?" Stella: "Sorry, dude. That's where I draw the line." [The boys laugh, except for Zach who is rather bummed out. Stella gestures for the boys to sit with her, and they happily do so.] Clyde: "After lunch, we can work out our new snake formation." Stella: "Just wanna throw it out there: have you guys ever considered a scorpion formation?" [pulls out a diagram of said formation] "It's 22% more effective." Boys: "Ooh!" Lincoln: "We're listening." [Stella smiles at this.]
