The following is a transcript for the episode "Blinded by Science".

Script

[Lisa is in her room, she presses a remote and her closet turns around revealing her collection of experiments. She proceeds to go through them]
Lisa: [Picks up a piece of broccoli with a brain] “Brain broccoli… Nope.” [Opens a briefcase] “Family fecal and hair samples… No.” [Picks up a creature with a bird's head and snake body] “Sorry snakebird, genetic engineering is too pedestrian for a day this big.” [The snakebird crows. Lisa picks up a ketchup bottle] “Combustible ketchup… No.”
[Carlessly tosses it away just as her brother enters the room]
Lincoln: “Lis...” [Sees the ketchup] Aah!” [Ducks, letting it explode in the hall] “What's going on here, We heard the snakebird and mom sent me to check on Lily.”
Lisa: “Nah, she's fine.”
[The crib is empty. Lisa looks up and sees Lily riding the snakebird. Lincoln rescues her and puts her back in the crib]
Lisa: “As you can see I'm in the midst of a crisis of epic proportions, I'm slated to give a keynote research presentation at this year's Genius Con, and I have no new research to present.”
Lincoln: “Hmm... You know what always helps me think? A flippee.
[At Flip's Food & Fuel, Lincoln gets a flippee for Lisa, Lisa drinks, and gets a brainfreeze]
Lisa: “I'm in extreme pain but I have no additional neurological activity to report.”
[Flip arrives carrying a giant steel barrel and drops it straight onto his foot.]
Flip: [Not even noticing] “Hey! What's with the sour face? Your goldfish die or something?”
Lisa: Uh. There's a 500-pound steel drum on your foot.”
Flip: Dang It! That's twice today [Flip removes the steel barrel from his foot, Lisa and Lincoln see Flip's flattened foot. Flip blows on his thumb and reinflates his foot. He opens the barrel] “Hard work really gets my stomach grumbling [Flip eats the cheese that was in steel barrel]
Lincoln: Is that the same cheese we put on our nachos
Flip: [With mouth full of cheese] “Eh. Cheese is cheese, Chief” [Flip swallows and clutches his stomache] “Gah! My heart!
Lisa: “Far be it for me to question your ailment, but the heart is located in the thoracic cavity, in a space known as the mediastinum.”
Flip: “Ah, not Flip's. Mine's in my belly.”
[Flip reveals that his heart is actually in his belly.]
Lisa: "Extraordinary pain tolerance, misplaced organs, and a diet consisting of mostly gas station cheese?” [Gasps] “Flip, how would you like to be the subject of my new research project?"
Flip: "Ah, Flip ain't no science man."
Lisa: "My research will be presented at one of the largest scientific conferences in the world. It would be great publicity for the Food and Fuel!"
Flip: [gets money in his eyes] "Well, you got yourself a deal." [burps out of his ear, wilting a plant]
Lisa: "Wow. First, we'll need to run some routine tests!"


[The Loud House backyard, Lisa has a watch and is clocking Flip holding his breath underwater.]
Lisa: "Five minutes. That's amazing, Flip!" [Flip inhales the water in three gulps and flies out with a burp. Next Lisa and Flip are in the garage] "Now, we're going to see how you hold up in subzero temperatures." '[Dons a heavy jacket and then freezes the room. Flip is mostly fine, but his mustache is frozen. He taps it and it breaks. Lisa rubs her glasses.] "Amazing." [Lisa runs Flip through a CAT scan, revealing food, bones and organs in weird places] "Fascinating."


[Genius Con. Lisa is backstage]
Lisa: "Experts in every scientific field are at this conference."
[She looks back at Flip licking a lollipop. Lincoln and Clyde approach]
Lincoln: "Hey. Sorry we're late."
Clyde: "We had a lengthy discussion about what smart casual means."
Lisa: "What are you two sub-cranials doing here?"
Flip: "They're here to do promotion. You got the samples?"
Clyde: "Yep."
Lincoln: "And the new Flip's Food & Fuel pneumatic Flippee cannon!"
Lisa: "Ugh. Just don't embarrass me. This is a big night for me."
Lincoln: "Come on, Lis. We're pros."
[accidentally shoots a flippee, it hits someone off-screen]
Lisa: "Sorry. Dr. McClouth!"


[The conference begins]
Announcer: "Please welcome Lisa Loud!"
Lisa: "Greetings, colleagues. I, Lisa Loud, Ph.D, JD, MD, and occasional DDS, present to you an epic discovery. I give you 'Anamalia Cordata Mammalia Flipia'!" [Shows Flip on stage. He belches]“Now, to the naked eye, an ordinary human male. But a closer look reveals something far different. His liver is in his neck, his skin is one big callous, he has gills, his heart beats like no other.” [Holds the microphone where Flip's heart is] “And last but certainly not least, my greatest discovery of all…” [Turns Flip around and brings out an x-ray] “The specimen has two posterior crevasses, street name… butt cracks!
[The crowd is awed. Flip kicks through the x-ray]
Flip: “So head on down to Flip's Food 'n' Fuel after the show, come for the snacks, stay for the cracks.”
[Shakes his booty and Lisa sheepishly takes him away. Lincoln and Clyde come out on stage and start firing Flippees everywhere]
Lincoln: “Oh yeah!”
Clyde: “Flip's Food 'n' Fuel!”
[Lincoln and Clyde keep giving out Flippees. Offstage, Lisa is ecstatic]
Lincoln: [Runs up to his sister] “Great job, Lis!”
[There's a slow clapping offscreen. They look in its direction and a female scientist steps out of the shadows]
Dr. Linnaeus: “Bravo Ms. Loud, absolutely brilliant presentation.” [Takes out a business card] “Dr. Carol Linnaeus, pleasure to meet you.”
Lisa: [Reads the card] “Incognito Laboratories? Never heard of it.”
Dr. Linnaeus: “Lisa, I'll be frank, your discovery may be the basis of a new field of science, we would love to do further research on your test subject at our facility. Just for a day or so.”
Lisa: [Gasps] I'm honored. What do you say, Flip?”
Flip: “Eh, I'm not interested.”
Lisa: [Aghast, jumps on Flip] “Flip, I beg of you! I could be Lisa Loud, the mother of modern biology!”
Flip: “That's all fine and dandy for you, chief. But, uh, what's in it for old Flip there?”
Dr. Linnaeus: “Did I mention we pay handsomely?”
Flip: “I'm in! Eh, thanks for calling me handsome.”
[Chuckles flirtatiously]
Dr. Linnaeus: “Eh, okay.” [Takes out a pen and a stack or paperwork] If I could just have your initial here, we'll be on our way.”
[Flip signs everything]
Flip: [To Lisa] “Thanks short stack, between the cash and free publicity. Ooh, I owe you big time.” [To Lincoln and Clyde] “Now you boys watch the Food 'n' Fuel 'til I get back.”
Lincoln & Clyde: “Aye, aye, Flip!”
Dr. Linnaeus: [Snaps her fingers and takes Flip] “Now, please come with me.”
[Tosses Flip into the back of her car, joins him, and they take off]


[The next day at the Loud house, Lisa takes another look at the business card]
Lisa: “Hmm… Let's see what you're all about.” [Goes on her computer and says out loud what she types]Dr. Linnaeus.” [The internet can't find anything] “No results found? Hmm. That's odd. How about, uh… “[Types again] “'Incognito Laboratories?” [this time she gets one result] “Aha. You can't hide from me.” [Clicks the link, and her computer explodes] “Ah! Well, it's confirmed, there's something very wrong here.”
[There's a squeaking offscreen]
Lily: “Kitty-cat.” [Pets a rat]
Lisa: “That's not a kitty, that's a rat.” [Takes it away] “And there's something attached to his collar.” [Takes a note from the collar. The collar discloses the rat belonging to Incognito Laboratories. Lisa reads the note] “A business card from Incognito Labs, and there's a message… Halp? Who would mispell help?” [Gasps] “This is from Flip.” [Sniffs it] “And it reeks of saline, he's… he's been crying.” [Picks up the rat] “Take me to him, Rattus.”
[The rat agrees and they take off]


[That night, They on top of a building and gets her spy drone ready. Incognito Labs is right there, and Lisa's drone goes up to a window]
Lisa: “I have a visual.” [Gasps. Flip is running on a hamster wheel on all fours while Dr. Linnaeus watches with a sinister look. Flip starts spinning with the wheel] Have they no humanity? They're treating Flip like a lab rat!” [The rat gives Lisa a dirty look] “What? Are you giving me that look cause I've offended you as a lab rat? Or is it because I treated Flip the exact same way?”


[Later, Dr. Linnaeus gets into her car, fastens her seatbelt, when Lisa appears in a carseat in the back. Dr. Linnaeus gasps]
Lisa: “Why are you still holding Flip?!”
Dr. Linnaeus: “If you're referring to Test Subject: 599, we're prepping it for a very important mission… Incognito Labs specializes in aeronautics and astronomy. Street name…”
Lisa: [Stops her] “Don't street name me. I know what space travel is.”
Dr. Linnaeus: “We've long wondered how the human body would hold up unprotected in space. We just never had the right test subject, until now.”
Lisa: [Gasps] “You mean?”
Dr. Linnaeus: “We're gonna shoot the subject into space without a spacesuit.”
Lisa: “But the g-force alone would obliterate him!”
Dr. Linnaeus: “You said it yourself, it's barely human. Meeting adjourned.”
Lisa: “Listen, lady, I'm not going anywhere until you let Flip go!” [Dr. Linnaeus presses a button on her dashboard, which opens the sunroof above Lisa, then she takes out a remote. Seeing where this is going] “Oh-no.”
[The remote is for the backside center ejector seat and Dr. Linnaeus sends Lisa out]


[At Flip's Food 'n' Fuel, Lisa rushes in]
Lisa: “Gentlemen,” [Lincoln and Clyde] “I'm here on a matter of grave importance. The scientists who took Flip are planning on shooting him into space, and I need your help breaking him out of their lab before they can.”
Lincoln: “We're in.”
[Some flippee lands on Lisa's head]
Lisa: “Pray tell, what happened in here?”
[She's talking about the giant mountain of flippee the boys were cleaning up]
Lincoln: “The flippee machine exploded.”
Lisa: “Hmm… I think I have an idea.”


[Later, outside Incognito Labs, Lisa is riding on Lincoln, wearing an extra long lab coat to hide him, and he's pushing a dumpster] with a radioactive warning symbol taped on]
Lisa: “Radioactive waste coming through.”
Guard: “Got ID?” [Lisa gives him the Incognito Laboratories card with her picture taped on and a label reading LEMME INN stamped over where it used to say LINNAEUS] “Ah, hi, Dr. Inn, nice to see you, come on in.” [Opens the gate, when suddenly the radioactive waste sneezes] “Did you hear?”
Lisa: “Achoo!” [Nervously laughs and pushes the dumpster in] “Allergy season.”
[Once they're out of the guard's sight, Lincoln and Lisa take off the coat and Lincoln lets his sister down. Clyde comes out of the dumpster. The trio runs in. A scientist casually leaves out a door, not noticing a bag being dropped behind him, propping the door open. Above the door, Lincoln, Lisa and Clyde slide down and enter. They sneak through a corridor until Lincoln stops them. He points up at a security camera. Then he takes out the flippee cannon]
Lincoln: “Cheese me.”
[Clyde and Lisa load bags of nacho cheese into the barrel and Lincoln fires. Outside, the security guard is too busy sleeping to notice the cameras all going dark. The gang continues through the corridor when Lincoln triggers an alarm laser. The trio yelp and the guard appears]
Guard: [Mad] “Hey, how did you kids get in here?”
Lisa: “Ice this fool!”
[Lincoln and Clyde make flippee balls and load them into the cannon. They fire at the guard and one hits him right in the side of the jaw, taking him out. More guards arrive]
Lincoln: [To Lisa] “Go for Flip, we'll keep 'em busy.”
Lisa: [Goes off] “You got it.”
Lincoln: [As Clyde loads the cannon] “Time for these guys to chill.”
[Gets the cannon ready. Meanwhile, Lisa gets into the room where they're holding Flip. Flip is in a glass hamster cage, drinking gas station cheese out of a dropper. Lisa gasps and runs up to him]
Flip: “Ah, alright! You got Sal's message!”
Lisa: [Pets the rat] “Hello again little Salvador. Now come on Flip, we need to get you out of here.”
Flip: “No can do half-pint, this cell is locked with the most complex passcode on Earth.”
Lisa: [Thinks] “Passcode… Incognito Labs… Incognito in latin spelled backwards is…” [Enters the code, it works] “Yes!”
Flip: [Sees the open door. Impressed] “Hey.”
Lisa: “Come on!”
[Drags Flip away. She runs with him, but is stopped by Dr. Linnaeus at the door]
Dr. Linnaeus: “Not so fast.”
Flip: “Ah, crud.”
Dr. Linnaeus: “Don't be a fool, Lisa, you're walking away from fame, fortune. All for a test subject?”
Lisa: “No, Doc! That's where I had it wrong, he's not a test subject, he's a human being who deserves to be treated with respect!
[Flip passes gas out of both crevasses. Lisa is disgusted]
Flip: “Wow, I didn't know there were trains coming out of both tunnels.”
Lisa: “And by the way, his name is Flip. Now step aside!”
Dr. Linnaeus: “I can't let you do this! That's my test subject now!”
[Two more guards join her. Lisa freaks out, grabs Flip, and they run the other way. The doctor and guards chase them. Lisa and Flip stop outside the open rocket]
Lisa: “Flip, help!”
[Flip panics and grabs another flippee out of his side]
Flip: “My emergency flippee!”
[He takes the lid off with his mouth and chucks the flippee. It makes a slippery mess which the guards and Dr. Linnaeus slip on. They land in the rocket that was intended for Flip and get locked in. Lincoln and Clyde join Lisa and Flip]
Lincoln: “Way to go, Lisa! You did it!”
Automated Voice: “Launch initiated.”
[Dr. Linaeus looks out the door angry, but then realizes that she's the one getting launched into space. And she does get launched]
Flip: “Awe, thanks for savin' old Flip's bacon.”
[Hugs Lisa]
Clyde: “This calls for celebratory flippees!”
[Takes some out of Lincoln's bag. They all clink their cups together and drink. Suddenly Flip lets out a yell]
Flip: [Clutches his knee] “Brain freeze!”
[Falls backwards. The kids laugh]

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