The following is a transcript for the episode "Born to Be Mild."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Carl is narrating one of his comic books] Carl:[As Master Kitsune] "So you found me, Falcón… And here I thought you were all muscle and no brains!" [As El Falcón] "The joke's on you! I am both! Eat my weapons of justice, evildoer!" [A thudding sound is heard. He's narrating for the school lunchlady] "Oh, man, El Falcón's the coolest! He really kicked Master Kitsune's butt!" [The lunch lady - uninterested - slaps mashed potatoes on Carl's tray.] "I'll tell you how it ends tomorrow." Lunch Lady: "Can't wait. Next!" [Carl sits at a table and hears obnoxious laughter. In the back corner of the cafeteria, Alexis and his tuba are surrounded by Becky's brother Ricky and Ricky's friend Julius. Ricky puts a block, a potato, some crayons and a carton's worth of milk into Alexis' tuba topped off with the carton] Ricky: "Yeah, okay, do the thing." Alexis: "Dairy's not really great for brass instruments." [Ricky and Julius become cross.] Julius:[Poking Alexis' head.] "Just do it already." [Alexis takes a very deep breath, and plays his tuba, the milk bubbles out like a farting sound in a bubble bath. Ricky and Julius laugh out loud] "Hilarious!" Ricky:[Exits] "I like funny sounds." Julius:[Rubs Alexis' head, messing up his hair.] "Same time tomorrow, tuba boy!" [Alexis rubs and straightens his hair] "I'll bring some more fun stuff for your horn. I'm thinking pickle juice!" [Laughs and leaves] Alexis:[Calls after him] "Please don't! And my name is Alexis." Carl:[Approaches Alexis, having witnessed all that] "What was that all about?" Alexis: "Oh, the usual." [Cleans out his tuba] "Ricky and Julius picking on me like they do every day." [Pulls a live rat out of his tuba. The rat runs away] Carl:[Can't believe this, as Alexis dumps out the rest of his tuba] "Dude, you let them do this you every day? Why?" Alexis: "What choice do I have? I'm a hugger, not a fighter." Carl: "Well, good luck with that." [He goes to the door when his comic falls out of his pocket, he picks it up and El Falcón talks to him] El Falcón: "Help him, Carl! For justice!"
[Carl agrees] Carl: "Alexis, I'm gonna help. I'm gonna teach you how to be a tough guy so no one messes with you." Alexis: "Uh, okay. First, let me just…" [He takes another deep breath and blows the rest of the slop out of his tuba. At another table, Laird is innocently eating his lunch and singing to himself, when the stuff lands on him. A boy walks by and is shocked] Laird: "Ugh. Mondays, am I right?" [The boy just backs off]
LATER THAT DAY [In the park, Carl is looking up to the top of a pair of stilts] Carl: "Welcome to the Falcón School of Tough Guys! I'm your professor, Carl Casagrande." [Flexes like El Falcón] Alexis:[On the stilts] "Carl, what am I doing up here?" [Almost loses his balance] Carl: "It's all about attitude!" [Leans on one of the stilts.] "We're building up your confidence." Alexis: "By walking on stilts?" Carl: "It's an exercise. If you want to feel big you gotta act big!" Alexis:[Tries to visualize it] "Right. I'm big. I'm a giant." [A pigeon flies past him] "Hey a birdie." [Another pigeon flies into his face, Alexis looks in the direction the pigeons came from and sees an entire flock, who attack him] "I'm falling!" [Alexis stumbles around. On the ground, Carl tries to avoid the stilts, but trips, Alexis falls right on top of him. The pigeons finally disperse, but Sancho poops on Alexis' head. Then immediately, Sancho flies into the tree] "Are you okay, little guy? Let me just…" [Helps Sancho up] "Oops, I got some of your poop back on you." [spits on his hand and rubs Sancho against the tree, much to Sancho's discomfort] "Don't worry, birdie. I'll clean you up." El Faclón:[To Carl] "We have a lot of work to do." [Carl groans]
ONE BATH LATER [Carl and Alexis are outside their building] Carl: "Okay, now that you can walk the walk, mostly, it's time to talk the talk. Tough guys like me and El Falcón are all great at trash talk." [Mans up] "Check it!" [Clears throat] "Your shirt is lame." Alexis:[Not realizing he's being insulted] "My dad bought me this shirt." Carl: "Where'd he buy it? Lame-o's Warehouse?" Alexis:[Still not realizing] "I think he got it at the mall." Carl:[Sighs and facepalms, getting irritated] "No, that was an example of trash talk. Now you try." Alexis: "Your house is really… cozy?" Carl:[Deadpan] "Wow, that was bad." [Normally] "Okay, look, when in doubt… uh… make fun of their hair. That always works." Alexis: "Uh… Your hair is.. not shiny?" Carl: "Ouch, man, hitting where it hurts." [Takes out a mirror and combs his hair] Alexis: "I'm sorry I didn't mean…" Carl:[Angrily confronts him] "No! Stand by what you said!" [Normally] "Plus, a tough guy never apologizes." [Just then, Carl's favourite primo exits the mercado] "Now that you've got the basics down, let's try this for real." Bobby:[Innocently sweeping, notices the boys] "Hey, Carl, Alexis. How's it going?" [Carl ushers Alexis forward] Alexis:[takes a breath] "Bobby, your hair is so bad if you treated it with that dirty broom it'd still be an improvement!" [Bobby looks at the broom, sad. Suddenly his real hair springs out of place] Bobby:[Tears up] "I got something in my eye. I'll be right back!" [Runs into the mercado, crying. Carl just laughs] Carl: "You did it!" [Elbows Alexis] "How does it feel?" Alexis: "Terrible. But powerful? But terrible." Carl: "Great, now we're getting somewhere." Bobby:[still inside the mercado, wailing in pain] "Nooo! I look like a broom?!" [A puddle is growing under the door of the mercado entrance.] "Why didn't anyone tell me?!" Alexis: "I really do feel bad about that." Carl: "Fight it! We still got work to do." [They take off. Meanwhile, Vito is about to enter the mercado, only to get swept away by a wave of Bobby's tears]
[As Vito gets washed all the way off the pier, Carl and Alexis' are in Carl's room] Carl:[Takes a brown leather jacket out from under his bed] "Now that you've got the attitude down, we gotta make you look scarier, too." [Puts the jacket on Alexis. Alexis likes it] "First of all, stop smiling all the time. Try making a mean face like this. Huh!" [Holds up an image of El Falcón. Alexis tries to make a mean face, but it doesn't really work for him] El Falcón: "That's not what I look like, is it?" Carl: "No!" [To Alexis] "You look like a cute kitten! I want to see a scary lion, bro." Alexis: "Sorry! I guess I'm in too good a mood right now." Carl: "Try to think about something that makes you angry." Alexis:[Thinks] "Maybe... not being able to go to band practice? No, that doesn't make me angry. It just makes me sad." [Tears up] "I love band practice." Carl:[Flinches and gestures a 'Had enough' sign] "Okay, stop. No tears. I'll figure out something else" [Looks in his comic and gets an idea] "That's it, you need a scar! Scars are tough." [Goes back under the bed and finds a marker pen.] "Aha!" [Takes the lid off] Alexis:[Scared] "Please don't hurt me!" Carl:[Groans] "Relax, this won't hurt a bit." [Gets closer to the very scared Alexis, snickering]
THE NEXT DAY [The bell rings at Chavez Acadamy. The students chatter amongst themselves, but gasp when they see someone approaching. Alexis walks through the halls, his tuba having tough guy stickers on it, his hair done up, and a scar right across his eye. Everybody gets out of his way. Alexis approaches Carl] Alexis: "My tough new look must be working. Everyone seems real scared of me." Carl: "Yeah, they are. Plus I've been spreading rumors about you all morning. It's the final step in your tough guy makeover: Reputation." Alexis: "What kind of rumors?" [Two girls innocently walk down the hall] Girl #1: "I heard he made a grown man cry." Girl #2: "I heard a pigeon pooped on him, and he got so angry that he pooped on him, back." [They see Alexis and run off. Alexis gives Carl a suspicious look] Carl: "What? It's a little bit true. Now go out there and don't let anyone mess with you anymore!" [Sends Alexis off] El Falcón: "Well done, Carl! You're a good person with very shiny hair." Carl:[Takes out a mirror] "Yes, I am." [Chuckles]
[In the cafeteria, The lunch lady is cowering behind the counter and gives Alexis his mashed potatoes. Suddenly, Alexis' two friends arrive] Julius: "Hey, tuba boy! We've got a bunch of new stuff to try today. Let's see how your tuba likes packing peanuts." [Laughs and approaches Alexis. Alexis stares him down; Noticing the scar] "Dude, what's wrong with your face?" Alexis: "Nothing. My face is just like this. What's hm... wrong with your hair?" [Everyone 'oohs' and laughs.] Julius: "What do you mean?" Alexis: "Oh, just that it looks grosser than the feathers of the pigeon I pooped on after I pooped on it." Ricky:[Angry] "Hey, man. Not cool!" [Ricky approaches Alexis. Alexis yelps and turns around in fear, accidentally clanging Ricky right in the head with his tuba. With stars in his eyes, Ricky stumbles backwards, knocking himself and Julius over, they both end up covered in their own packing peanuts] Alexis: "Whoops, sorry! I mean, ha, I totally meant to do that!" Ricky:[Really mad now] "That's it! Bike rack! After school!" [He and Julius storm off, and shake the packing peanuts off, which immediately cling to Laird] Laird:[sighs] "Tuesdays, am I right?" [Carl is throwing his tray out when Alexis approaches him] Alexis: "Carl, I went too far! Ricky and Julius want to meet me at the bike rack! Nothing good happens at the bike rack." Carl: "Huh, sounds like they want to fight you." Alexis: "What do I do? Maybe I can talk to them and then hug it out." Carl: "No! That's the weakness in you talking! You gotta take a stand, Alexis." Alexis: "But it's two against one, I'm gonna get creamed." Carl: "Don't worry. I'm coming with you, and I'll bring my boys." Alexis: "Boys?"
LATER THAT DAY [Everyone gasps. It's Carl, Lalo and Sergio. At the bike rack standing next to a whimpering tuba, which Carl picks up, revealing Alexis hiding inside. Alexis chuckles and Carl hands him the tuba. Ricky and Julius are ready] Students: "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" [Everyone gasps as Carl takes out a pocket tool. Which is actually just a comb] Boy #1: "It's a comb." Boy #2: "Ah, that's not so bad." Sergio:[Squawks] "You messed with the wrong tuba boy!" [Sharpens his claws in his beak. A squirrel arrives, eating an acorn, which it then smashes on the ground and points forward. The squirrel growls, Lalo growls back. Suddenly, Alexis turns green and he retches] Alexis: "Sorry, just give me one second. [Vomits into a plant] Julius: "I'll give you one last chance to apologize. Alexis:[Returns, and thinks] "I apolog…" Carl:[Stops Alexis] "No way! You guys apologize! Then we won't kick your butt!" Students: "Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" Ricky: "Let's do this!" [Both groups scream and charge at each other, in slo-mo. They are about to collide when suddenly…] Principal Valenzuela:[Right in the middle, angrily] "What is going on here?!" [Both groups stop and end up tripping over themselves. The other students skedaddle while they can] Carl:[With Alexis' tuba stuck on his head] "Hey, Principal Valenzuela. So, funny story…" Principal Valenzuela:[Demanding] "My office, now!"
[Carl, Alexis, Ricky & Julius are sat at the principal's office] Principal Valenzuela: "Okay, start talking. Who started this and why?" All Four: "They did!" Principal Valenzuela:[Sighs] "Fine. Then you're all going to be suspended!" [All four are aghast] Julius: "What?" Ricky: "Aw, man." Alexis: "Does that mean I can't go to band practice?" [Starts crying] Carl: "Wait! It was my fault. Don't suspend Alexis, suspend me. I wanted him to fight. I thought if he stood up for himself he wouldn't get picked on anymore." Alexis: "It's not all Carl's fault, he was just trying to help me. And he's right, I do need to stand up for myself. I just have to do it in my own way." [To Ricky and Julius, peacefully] "I really don't like it when you guys put weird things in my tuba. It's hard to clean and it always sounds bad afterwards." Ricky: "But I like the funny sounds" [Principal Valenzuela clears her throat. Ricky and Julius see her glaring at them] Julius:[In unison] "We won't do it again." Ricky:[In unison] "We're sorry." Alexis:[Elated] "Great! So now can we hug it out?" [Both Ricky and Julius find this odd] Ricky: "What's a hug?" [Principal Valenzuela clears her throat and growls at them] Julius:[Sighs as he and Ricky get up] "Sure." [Alexis hugs Ricky and Julius. At first they're unsure about this, but then they gasp as the power of the hug indulges them] Ricky: "I like hugs." Julius: "Me too." Principal Valenzuela: "Since you used your words to resolve this, no suspension this time. Bravo, boys." [Let's the boys go] "One last thing, Mr. Flores. Are the rumours true? Did you really revenge poop on a pigeon? All the teachers are dying to know." Alexis: "Maybe. Maybe not." [Exits and the principal closes the door behind him] Principal Valenzuela:[To the three teachers who come out from behind the desk] "Sorry, ladies, I can't confirm or deny the rumors." [Mrs. Galiano snaps her fingers]
[Lalo and Sergio exit the building, followed by Alexis and Carl] Carl:[Amazed] "Wow, talking worked better than fighting." [Takes out his comic] "I wonder why El Falcón doesn't do it more." Alexis: "Maybe he just doesn't have a friend to teach him how. If you ever want to enroll in the Alexis Flores' School of Talking and Hugs…" Carl:[Groans] "Okay, fine, do it. But make it quick." [Alexis hugs Carl] Alexis: "The hug might be short-lived, but the happiness stays forever." [The power of the hug indulges Carl too] Carl:[Sighs, and holds up his comic, which now features El Falcón hugging Master Kitsune] "Yeah, I guess this is kind of nice." El Falcón: "Yeah, it kind of is." Alexis:[Collects his tuba from the bike rack] "No one will ever mess with you again, Tuby." [Blows his tuba, and Laird comes out] Carl: "Laird?" Laird:[Gets up] "Tuesday afternoons, am I right?"
