The following is a transcript for the episode "Breaking Dad".


[The episode starts with an exterior shot of the Loud House, which then shows Rita calling her kids down.]
Rita: "Kids, let’s go! You're late for school."
[The kids rush downstairs in the form of a fight cloud, which leads to Rita pulling Lily up high before they rush into her, leaving her torn. She pulls Lily down and smiles, before hearing the sound of Lynn Sr. and his cowbell.]
Lynn Sr: "Woo!"
Rita: "Oh, lookin' good, sweetie."
Lynn Sr.: "Thanks, honey. I'm ready to ring in the funk at Cowbella. Two days of nothing but cowbell music, can you imagine?"
Rita: "Not in a million years. I hope you and Kotaro have a wonderful time." [kisses her husband's cheek and puts Lily in a little car seat.] "Could you guys do me a favor and drop Lily at daycare on your way? I got my hands full today." [hands Lily's car seat to Lynn Sr. and leaves.]
Lily: [notices the cowbell] "Bah bell."
Lynn Sr.: "That's right, sweetie." [notices Lily biting on it and moves it away.] "Aah, watch the drool." [chuckles] "It rusts."

[Outside, Lynn Sr. is waiting for Kotaro to show up.]
Lynn Sr.: "Come on, K-Dog. Don't wanna miss the Red Hot Bell Peppers." [He hears his phone go off and pulls it out to find something that shocks him. He then calls up Rita.]
[Cue split screen]
Rita: [picks up] "Hi, honey. What's-"
Lynn Sr.: "Emergency! Daycare is closed for the day. The Koch kid flushed a diaper down the toilet again and flooded the place. Can you come home and watch Lily?"
Rita: "Oh, honey, my day is packed. The Fox quintuplets are all getting their cavities filled and we only have enough gas for four of them."
Pam: [having heard this] "Wh-what?"
Rita: "Whoops." [lays her back down] "Don't worry about that, sweetie."
Lynn Sr.: "How about I drop Lily there, huh? I'm sure she'll be fine around all those sharp dental tools."
Rita: "I think you're gonna have to skip the music festival today." [Lynn Sr. moans in sadness] "I'm sorry, honey, you can still go tomorrow. Gotta run, okay? Good luck."
Lynn Sr.: [hangs up and sighs in disappointment.] "Okay, Lily. Daddy needs to call Uncle Kotaro and cancel Cowbella. I'll try not to hold it against you, I mean, it's not technically your fault." [He then sees Mr. Grouse pushing over his recycling bin into the sidewalk, which gives him an idea.] "Maybe I don't need to cancel. Hello, Mr. Grouse! Lovely day, isn't it?"
Mr. Grouse: "It'd be a whole lot better if my gout wasn't flaring up."
Lynn Sr.: "Ahh, cool, cool. Uh, say, how would you like to spend this beautiful day at my house babysitting this adorable ragamuffin, huh?"
Lily: "Goo-goo."
Mr. Grouse: "I don't know anything about babies, except they don't like me."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, no, there's nothing to it, and Lily'll love you. Heck, she already does, don't you, Lily?" [The second Lily looks at Mr. Grouse, she immediately starts crying.] "See? Tears of love."
Mr. Grouse: "Nice try, Loud, I'm not running a kennel here." [goes back into his house.]
Lynn Sr.: "I'll give you a lasagna~."
Mr. Grouse: [comes back out] "Ten lasagnas."
Lynn Sr.: "Three."
Mr. Grouse: "Seven."
Lynn Sr. & Mr. Grouse: "Five! Deal!"
Lynn Sr.: [hands Mr. Grouse Lily, her stuff, and the keys.] "Here's everything you need. Call me if there's any problems."
[Just then, a horn honking is heard, and Kotaro's van pulls up front.]
Kotaro: "Hey, Lily. Hi, Mr. Grouse." [pulls out his cowbell] "You ready to ring it and ding it, Lynn?"
Lynn Sr.: [pulls out his as well] "You bet your bells I am!"
[Both start rocking out with their cowbells, before Mr. Grouse interrupts them.]
Mr. Grouse: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, how about ringing it and dinging it in the van there, pal?"
Lynn Sr.: "Cool." [kisses Lily's cheek] "Bye, honey. Be good for Mr. Grouse. Whoo!" [gets in the van and they drive off.]
Mr. Grouse: "It's just you and me, kiddo. How are we gonna spend the day?"
Lily: "Poo-poo."
Mr. Grouse: "Ah, that's not what I wanted to hear."

[Later, Kotaro's van arrives at the Cowbella music festival, where the performers are performing on stage, which Lynn Sr. and Kotaro begin to rock out to. Until, Lynn Sr.’s phone goes off and gets off from the crowd to answer it.]
[Cue split screen]
Mr. Grouse: "Loud, your daughter won’t stop crying. I turned off my hearing aid, but I can still hear her! You gotta come home."
Lynn Sr.: "Now, now, Mr. Grouse, no need to panic. It’s just a easy fix, okay? Just speak to her with a British accent."
Mr. Grouse: "Oh yeah, I could do that, or you could just get your butt back here."
Lynn Sr.: [stammers] "Give it a try. I'll guide you through it, okay?" [British accent] "Cheerio! Jolly good! Pip pip!"
Mr. Grouse: "This is ridiculous." [not even trying] "Cheerio. Jolly good. I forget the rest."
[Right then, Lily stops crying and giggles.]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, there you go! You're a natural!"
Mr. Grouse: "I wouldn't mind another lasagna for my troubles."
Lynn Sr.: "You got it!" [hangs up, takes a deep breath, and makes his way back into the crowd.]

[Lynn Sr. and Kotaro are rocking out with their cowbells in the crowd.]
Kotaro: "Woooo!"
[Just then, Lynn Sr.'s phone goes off again and answers it.]
Mr. Grouse: "Loud, your crazy daughter won't stop throwing her toys at me." [A teddy bear then hits the lamppost and falls.] "I'm not doing this anymore."
Lynn Sr.: "No, no, no, hold on. No need to overreact. Uh, this is just Lily's mid-day cranky time, try doing pratfalls. Always works for me."
Mr. Grouse: "Fat chance, Loud. At my age, if I go down, I stay down."
Lynn Sr.: "Ahh--what if I throw in another lasagna?"
Mr. Grouse: "And I'm falling."
[Lily is about to throw another toy but sees Mr. Grouse doing the pratfall and she laughs.]
Lynn Sr.: "Hey, Lily sounds good."
Mr. Grouse: "Yeah, better than me. I landed on some jacks."
Lynn Sr.: "Cool, cool." [hangs up and gives Kotaro a thumbs up meaning it's all good and continue to rock out.]

[Later, Lynn Sr. and Kotaro are waiting in line for the bathroom until Lynn Sr.'s phone goes off again. Lynn Sr. groans in frustration and answers it.]
Mr. Grouse: "Loud, your kid won't eat anything I give her." [Lily makes a face as she shoves the bowl out of the way, making it fall to the floor and break.] "I’m done! You need to get back here!"
Lynn Sr.: "Ah, easy, Mr. G., she's just fussy. I keep some homemade peach puree in the fridge for times just like this."
Mr. Grouse: [Mumbles while getting the puree] "Meh..Homemade peach puree, why didn't you say that in the first place." [gets the puree out and presents it to Lily, Which then she happily takes and eats.] "Whoa, she gobbled that right up."
Lynn Sr.: "Ah, that's a relief. And speaking of relief, it's my turn." [Opens up bathroom stall and goes in.]
Mr. Grouse: "GAH! For Pete's sake, Loud, Hang up!"

[Later, Lynn Sr. and Kotaro are "rocking out" to more cowbell music, when Lynn Sr.'s phone goes off, again.]
Lynn Sr.: [Groans with exasperation] "Ding, dong, dang it." [Answers] "Okay, Mr. Grouse, you win, I'm on my way home."
Mr. Grouse: "What? Why? Everything's swell."
Lynn Sr.: [Totally caught off guard] "I, but, it is?"
Mr. Grouse: "You bet, we're having a gas, I was just calling because the little tyke spit up on my shirt, you mind if I borrow one of your sweaters?"
Lynn Sr. "Oh, not at all."
Mr. Grouse: "Good, cause I already did." [Camera zooms out to reveal that, Lily giggles and Mr. Grouse tickles her.] "I won't bother you again, Loud, enjoy your silly bell thing."
[Call ends]
Kotaro: "Should I get the van?"
Lynn Sr.: "Bell no, we're good for the rest of the day."
Kotaro: "Sweet."

[The festival has concluded. Kotaro's van pulls up in front of the Loud House and Lynn Sr. gets out.]
Lynn Sr.: "WOO-HOO!"
Kotaro: "WOOO-HOO! I can't wait for tomorrow!"
Lynn Sr.: "Me neither, K-Dog! Day two!" [The two do a handshake with their cowbells, Lynn Sr. closes the van door, and Kotaro drives off. Later, Lynn Sr. is giving Mr. Grouse the lasagna he owes him.] "Here you go, Mr. Grouse. Seven trays of lasagna, as promised. Looks like this worked out bell for both of us." [laughs]
[Mr. Grouse just ignores the joke and is about to leave when suddenly, Lily starts tugging at his pants.]
Lily: "Dada. Dada!"
Lynn Sr.: [chuckles and picks her up.] "No, no, no, that's Mr. Grouse, sweetie. I'm Dada."
Lily: [reaching towards Mr. Grouse.] "Dada! Dada!"
Mr. Grouse: "Aww, isn't that cute? She thinks I'm her Dada."
Lynn Sr.: [feeling jealous] "Yes, yeah, downright adorable." [chuckles while glaring]
[Mr. Grouse heads out and Lily looks out the front window.]
Lily: "Dada! Dada!"
Lynn Sr.: "OK, sweetie, that-that-that's enough of that." [closes the curtains]
Lily: "Dada! [opens the curtains back up to see Mr. Grouse walking back to his house.] Dada! Dada! [points at him] Dadaaaaaa."
Lynn Sr.: [gasps in shock] "What have I done?"

[Later that night, Rita enters the house and sees her husband on the couch in a fetal position, whimpering.]
Rita: "Honey, are you okay? How was your day with Lily?"
Lynn Sr.: [sits up] "I have a confession to make, I went to Cowbella and left her with Mr. Grouse."
Rita: [gasps] "Lynn!"
Lynn Sr.: [stammers] "Before you get mad at me, I'm already paying for it. Lily got along so well with Mr. Grouse... [tearing up] ...and now she's calling him Dada." [sobs]
Rita: "Oh, honey, Lily is just getting used to words, she probably doesn't know who any of us are yet."
Lynn Sr.: "You think so? Maybe I'm overre-"
Lily: [Walking up to Rita] "Mama, mama, mama."
Lynn Sr.: [Even more hurt, cries again and runs off.] "I lost her."
Rita: [Picking Lily up] "We need to work on your timing, sweetheart."

[The next day progresses, basically the same as the previous.]
Rita: [Calling upstairs again] "Okay kids, let's go!" [This time she dodges the dust cloud. She than calls her husband.] "Honey, we're off! I just called the day care and they're open, can you drop Lily off before Cowbella?"
Lynn Sr.: [Coming downstairs with Lily, and speaking in a declarational tone.] "That's a negative! I'm not going to Cowbella, I have something more important to do today," [holds his youngest up]" win my daughter back."
[Said daughter blows raspberries at him, much to his displeasure.]
Rita: [Completely unable to believe what her husband just said.] "Win her back? Lynn, you're making too much of this."
Lynn Sr.: "That's easy for you to say, she still loves you." [Rita just rolls her eyes at this, and just leaves.] "Okay Lily, time for Operation: Remind You I'm Your Daddy And That Guy Next Door Is Just An Old Coot With A Bad Lasagna Addiction."

[Later, he is reading Lily a story, in a British accent.]
Lynn Sr.: "...and the pig, and the goat, lived 'appily eve' afta'. The end. Bob's your uncle, Grouse isn't your father, pip pip." [Smiles at his very confused daughter. He later changes her.] "Ba-da-da, da-da-da-, and boom, there, all clean. [He then pratfalls, something Lily laughs at.] "Landed on some jacks, but totally worth it." [Later, Lily is sitting on the kitchen floor, playing with a block, when Lynn Sr. comes to her with one of her favorite dishes.] "Here you go honey, daddy's homemade peach puree." [Lily babbles with excitement.] "So, just to review, I'm daddy, this is my peach puree, and I made it just for you." [Lily eats the puree, her taste buds tingle with glee.] "Ah, yeah, yeah, you like it now, wait 'til I put sprinkles on it." [Lily gets even more giddy. He opens the cupboard and gets out the sprinkles.] "Sure they're bad for her teeth, but I'm waging a war here." [Just then, he sees that the cat door has been used and Lily is nowhere in sight, he opens the door.] "Uh, Lily?" [Sees Lily sitting right there, pointing over, he picks her up.]
Lily: [Still pointing] "Dada. Dada!"
[Lynn Sr. looks where she's pointing and sees Mr. Grouse raking leaves.]
Lynn Sr.: [Throws the sprinkles on the ground.] "Dang it!"

[Later, at the Royal Woods Mall.]
Lynn Sr.: "Well, if I'm gonna win you back, I gotta get you away from that geezer's magnetic pull."
[A kid walks by with a balloon.]
Lily: "Oons, ah-ba-oons."
Lynn Sr.: [Getting an idea] "You want a balloon?" [Lily nods] "Daddy's on it." [It is shown later on that he has gotten every single balloon from the stand for Lily and she is holding on to them while Lynn Sr. is about to pay for them.] "Mr. Grouse probably would only buy you one balloon, but your real daddy thinks you deserve them all."
[While he was talking, the guy running the stand looks up to see Lily floating upwards with the balloons and points, getting Lynn Sr.'s attention. He sees this as well, screams in panic, and quickly gets her down. Lily then laughs.]

[Later, Lynn Sr. and Lily, with one balloon, pass the toy store. Lily sees something she likes.]
Lily: "Teddy."
Lynn Sr.: "You want a new teddy bear? Daddy's got you covered." [Later, he is seen dragging a giant teddy bear out of the store.] "Mr. Grouse probably would've bought you that rinky-dink one. Real daddy goes the extra mile."
[Just then, the automatic doors close on the teddy bear's neck, having it rip off its head, which makes Lynn Sr. go into a slight panic once again.]

[Back at the Loud House, Lynn Sr. is pushing Lily on the swing repeatedly in the backyard. The teddy bear is seen with its head tied together.]
Lily: "Goo." [giggles]
Lynn Sr.: "That's fun, isn't it? And real daddy will do this all day if you want."
Lily: "Dada!"
Lynn Sr.: [Gasps with excitement] "Ah! That's right! I- I'm Dada." [Sidebar] "You did it Lynn, you got her back." [Returns to Lily, wiping the tears off his face.]
Lily: "Dada!"
Lynn Sr.: "Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm Dada! Underdog!" [Swings her, and passes underneath.]
Lily: [Pointing] "Dada!" [Lynn Sr. sees that she's pointing at Mr. Grouse again.] "Dada."
Lynn Sr.: [Groans in despair] "You're breaking your father's heart." [Lily accidentally swings into his nose.] "And his nose."

[Later that night, Lynn Sr. is in his bedroom crying while his wife is consoling him.]
Lynn Sr.: [speaking through tears] "I chose Cowbella, over my daughter and now I've lost her forever."
Rita: "Honey..."
Lynn Sr.: "Uh, it's-it's alright. The most important thing... is that Lily is-is happy, and if that means spending time with Mr. Grouse instead of me, then I'll just have to... accept that." [takes out his phone and calls up Mr. Grouse.] "Hello. Mr. Grouse?" [sniffs] "Uh, I was wondering if you'd let- [Mr. Grouse asks who this is] Lynn, Lynn Loud. Yeah, I was wondering if you'd like to-to come over for-for dinner tonight. I know Lily... I know Lily would love to see you." [Rita consoles him again and Mr. Grouse asks if they're gonna have lasagna.] "Yes, fine, we'll have lasagna."

[Later, Mr. Grouse shows up at the door, now with the sweater in his hand.]
Mr. Grouse: "Hey there, Loud, took my gout pills and I'm ready to eat." [gives Lynn Sr. his sweater back.] "Here's your sweater back. Didn't have time to wash it, didn't feel like it either."
Lynn Sr.: "Okay... [sighs] "Lily, say hi to-"
Lily: "Dada!"
Lynn Sr.: [annoyed at this point] "Yes, I know you think Mr. Grouse is-"
Lily: "Dada." [Lynn Sr. looks down and to his surprise, she's actually tugging his pants and reaching her arms up.] "Dada!"
Lynn Sr.: "Wait, me? I don't understand. What's happening?"
Lily: [takes the sweater out of Lynn Sr.'s hand and wraps herself inside it.] "Dada, Dada, dada."
Rita: "Honey, I get what's going on. Mr. Grouse was wearing your favorite sweater, that's why Lily was calling him Dada."
Lynn Sr.: [gasps with realization] "Holy smokes, you're right!" [picks Lily up with his sweater still wrapped around her and laughs with joy.] "What a relief. You hear that, Mr. Grouse? She knows I'm her dad! Isn't that wonderful?"
[The Loud parents see that Mr. Grouse is already eating the lasagna they were supposed to have.]
Mr. Grouse: "Cool, cool. You got any pepper flakes?"

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