The following is a transcript for the episode "Bummer Camp."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[At the Loud House, the kids are watching The Dream Boat] Announcer: "We now return to a special episode of The Dream Boat. Brynn finally reveals who's won her heart." [Brynn's suitors are a pirate and a man wearing nothing but swim briefs, both holding roses. Suddenly Leonard calls in, with the call interrupting the program.] Leni: "OMGosh, Brynn chose Gramps! I did not see that coming." Lisa: "No, Leni, I rigged the television so our calls are routed through it. That way none of us would have to leave the room and miss out on all of the seafaring dishiness." [The call connects; Leonard is at Camp Mastodon] Leonard: "Hello?" [static] "Is this thingy on? I just see me." [backs up and sees his kids] "Up, there you are! Ah, hi, my little minnows!" Lincoln: "Hey, Gramps. What's up?" Leonard: "Well, kiddos, I'm in a bind. I got a new batch of campers coming in a week, and my counselors just bailed on me during training! I'm as stuck as a boat at low tide! Why, without counselors, I'll have to close down Mastodon and return to life at sea." [The kids gasp] Lincoln: "Wait, what?" Leonard: "Ah, breaks my heart. I love this ding-dang camp. All the summers your dad and I spent here together..." [sighs] "So, if you know any counselors, just let me know. Gramps, over and out." [tries to end the call] "How do you... where do I- WHOA!" [He drops the camera in the lake, where a fish swims over before the call disconnects.] Lynn:[irate] "Gramps leaving?! Major foul! I don't want him to go!" [starts venting her rage by kicking the couch] Luna: "None of us do, dudette. We just got him back!" Lucy: "We have to find some counselors for Gramps. I'll see if any of my undertaker friends are looking to pick up extra cash." Lincoln: "Wait!" [Lynn stops kicking] "We can be Gramps's counselors. Then the camp will stay open and he won't go. Who's with me?" [the sisters start cheering]"Camp Mastodon, here we come!" [notices they're still watching The Dream Boat] "Um, guys?" Lola: "Yeah, we're gonna need five minutes. We have to see who Brynn picked!"
[At Camp Mastodon, Leonard finishes hammering in a sign saying "CLOSED FOREVER"] Leonard:[sighs] "Well, Leonard, looks like you're going down with the ship." [A horn is heard. Vanzilla, with Leni at the wheel, pulls up to the camp.] Loud Kids: "Hi, Gramps!" Leonard: "Kids!" [hugs Lana] "What the heck are you doing here?!" Lincoln: "Hope it's not too late for your new counselors to start!" Lynn: "Yeah! We aren't gonna let Mastodon close. Looks like you won't be needing this!" [removes the sign] Leonard:[hugs his kids] "Well, batten my hatches, my little Loud life-savers!" Lana:[suffocating] "Gramps... Need... air!"
[The kids are now at the docks in life-vests] Leonard: "Here are your sleeping quarters!" [shows them his boat] Luna: "But you've got all those cabins." Leonard: "My crew sleeps on board! But don't worry, my boat has every creature comfort!"
[The Louds are cramped in hammocks. Lincoln is repeatedly hit by a blowfish] Lincoln: "Ow. Ow." Lucy: "Horror of horrors... It would appear there are no bathrooms." Leonard: "Oh, silly sand dab. Of course there are!" [takes out a dirty bucket] Loud Kids: "Ew..." Lana:[embraces the bucket] "I'll name him Sloshie Jr.!" Leonard: "Well, his name is actually Frank, but that has a nice ring to it. Anyway, I'll let you get settled in." [climbs the ladder to the deck]
[The kids are fast asleep when Leonard suddenly blows the horn. Lincoln, Lana, and Lynn confront him on deck] Lynn:[grouchy] "Come on, Gramps, lay off the horn! It's 3:00 in the morning!" Leonard: "My crew starts early. Like we said in my fishing days, a minute after dawn and mackerel are gone!" Lana:[laughs] "Mackerel, always in a hurry." [The three siblings fall back below deck] Leonard: "We'll meet at 0400 hours for training. See you then, crew!" [Lana's eyes are dizzy] Luan: "Leni, what are you doing?" Leni: "If we're not meeting for 400 more hours, I'm getting some beauty sleep." [She slips on her sleep mask and the others sigh.]
[4:00 AM. A seagull flies into the lake to nab frozen fish as the Louds stand in the lake, the kids shivering.] Lisa: "This water is colder than the liquid nitrogen freeze chamber in winter. Why are we out here, pray tell?" Leonard: "Leonard Loud's crew catches its own chow. Why, back in my seafaring days, we ate nothing but fresh fish." Mr. Coconuts: "Heya, pal, we got these newfangled things called grocery stores now. You know, you buy things?" Leonard: "Oh, why buy fish when you could catch it?" [hears the movements of one fish, then carefully watches it before nabbing it] "Ding!" [laughs] "Your turn, and I want everyone to do it the right way... by hand." [The kids start fishing by hand. Lola fishes out a turtle and puts it back in the water.] Lynn: "WOO-HOO-HOO!" [dives in the water and comes out riding a giant sturgeon] "LOOK WHAT I CAUGHT!" [The fish bucks her off and slaps her back on land. She trudges back in the water] "Rematch! You and me, fishface!" Leonard:[catches Lynn] "Don't worry, crew. You'll be doing this every day, so you'll catch on." [The kids groan]
[Later, Leonard unveils a barnacle-covered canoe] Leonard: "You gotta scrape the barnacles off this so it'll be ready for the campers." Luan: "Barna-call me crazy, but why not get another canoe?" Leonard: "No way! It's still got lots of life! Besides, back in the day, we couldn't wait to scrape barnacle! Have fun, minnows!" [leaves] [The kids are left to their own devices.]
[Later, Luna repeatedly breaks shovels trying to break the barnacles, with Leni and Lola having brought a box full of them and the entire supply being exhausted. Lynn uses a hammer to break the barnacles, but fails. Lincoln grabs a jackhammer and begins removing barnacles as his sisters cheer, but is sent careening into the woods. Eventually, all the barnacles are gone, and the sisters are all exhausted.] Leonard: "Well, rig my sails! I'm impressed, kiddos! Guess you won't have any trouble with the rest of 'em!" [points to even more barnacle-encrusted canoes] "Well, let me know when you're finished!" [leaves] Lisa: "Now we know why all those other counselors quit." Lynn: "Yeah, Gramps is running this camp like he ran his fishing boat, and it's 0% fun!" Lisa: "And if he keeps this up, he'll run off his future campers, too. Mastodon will be done for, and Gramps will leave us! I'm afraid we must tell him." [The runaway jackhammer chases Lincoln.]
[That night, Leonard plays accordion in front of a campfire as the kids sit exhausted, save for Lily who is warming her hands] Lola:[whispering to her siblings] "Well, who's gonna start?" [All of them (except Lily) do Nose Goes. Lily looks back at her siblings and realizes what that means.] Lily:[sighs] "Dang it." [approaches Leonard] "Gramps?" Leonard:[chuckles] "Yes, little minnow?" Lily: "Fishy stuff no fun. Bad for camp." Leonard:[shocked] "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whaddya mean?" Luna: "Gramps, dude, what Lily's trying to say is that all that fisherman stuff was great, when you were a fisherman." Leni: "But it's not so great for a camp. You have to make people wanna come here." Lisa: "Which means changing how you run this establishment. Perhaps, uh, make it more like how it was when you and Father were campers." Leonard: "But I was a fisherman for so long! It's all I know!" Lincoln: "Well, you gotta try! And we can help you!" Leonard:[stands up] "I gotta think it over, kiddos, and I do my best thinking on my boat." [He enters his boat and blows his horn] Lana: "Woo-hoo! Gramps says he'll give it a try!" [looks to see her sisters looking in confusion] "I'm fluent in boat horn."
[The Louds are at an archery range] Lisa: "Alright, Gramps, time to get your proverbial camp legs back. Surely you must remember archery." Lynn: "It's a cinch! Watch." [fires an arrow and hits the bullseye] "You're up, Gramps." [Leonard looses his arrow, but it hits a deer on the rear.] Leonard: "Dang it." [gets an idea] "I know just the thing!" [He gets a giant harpoon and fires it at the target, breaking the tree and causing it to break.] "Aw."
[The Louds are now on Leonard's boat with Lola water-skiing.] Leonard: "Water-skiing?! Well, shellac my hull! This I'll get right for sure! LOLA, SWEETIE, GET READY!" Lola: "Prepare to be dazzled." [He starts the boat as Lola strikes poses while water-skiing. Suddenly the giant sturgeon passes by the boat] Leonard: "Ooh! Look at the size of that one! He's getting away! Hang on, kids!" [He chases the fish and immediately jerks to starboard, causing Lola to let go of the rope and accidentally land in a bush.] "Looks like he got away." Lola: "Uh, can somebody help me out here?!" Leonard: "Oh! Lola, sweetie, I forgot you were back there!" [growls to himself] "Another netful of nothing, Leonard!"
[It's now sunset and the Louds are now at a picnic table] Mr. Coconuts: "Cheer up, Gramps, there's no way a fella can foul up s'mores. Knock on wood." Lincoln: "Yeah, you can do this." [Leonard carefully places the two halves together. Later, he serves the s'mores.] Leonard: "Here you go, little minnows. Gramps's famous s'mores." Lynn: "Now the best part: pounding it." [The kids take a bite] Leni: "I'm tasting chocolate, definitely graham cracker and marshmallow, but there's something I just can't place." Leonard: "Yep, that's lake trout. I thought the scales would give it some extra zing." [The kids are all disgusted at what they just ate and immediately spit them out.] Lola: "Gross!" Leonard:[groans] "I'm as hopeless as a schooner with no sail!" Lincoln: "Don't worry, Gramps." Lynn: "Yeah, we'll start over first thing in the morning." Leonard: "I appreciate all your help, kiddos, but you've done everything you can do." [ruffles Lynn's hair] "I'm just not cut out to run this place. As much as I love Camp Mastodon, I'll have to sell it." [The kids complain] "Ah, it's OK. I guess I'm meant to be a fisherman. You can all bunk in the cabins tonight. I'm gonna head out in the morning, follow the tide, wherever it takes me." [the kids hug in, protesting] "We'll see each other again someday, my little..." [tears up] "MINNOWS!" [He heads off to his boat sobbing.] Lily: "Don't want Gramps to go." Leni: "It's been so great having him back and spending time together." [His horn blares] Lana: "Rough translation: Gramps says, 'Ding-dang-darn it.'"
[The next morning, Leonard unties the rope and his boat heads off into the unknown.] Leonard: "Looks like it's just you and me, Frank." [suddenly he hears the kids shouting over each other] "What the heck?" [he checks under the deck to find the kids] "Kids?! What are you doing here?!" Lynn: "We're going with you, Gramps!" Luan: "We promised to help you out for a week. Now we'll just do it on your boat." Leonard: "Ah, you silly sea cucumbers! You don't even like the fisherman's life!" [The kids pop up on the deck] Luna: "Doesn't matter, Gramps, dude. We'll do whatever it takes to be with you." [grabs a mop] "I'll learn to swab the deck." [slips] Lynn: "And I'll learn how to hoist junk." [hoists Lily, who giggles] Lola: "And I'll even learn to..." [shudders] "...pee in a bucket." Lana: "Sloshie Jr., Lola! He has a name." Lincoln: "Gramps, all we really care about is spending time with you, even if it means doing a bunch of boat stuff that we are not good at." Leonard: "You know what? If you all can try to make it work at sea, I can try harder to make it work on land. Especially if it means I get to be with my minnows! Bring it in!" [He brings them all in for a hug once more] Lincoln: "Gramps... need air."
[Later, Camp Mastodon is back in full swing. Leonard and the kids oversee the process] Lincoln: "You're doing great so far, Gramps." Leonard: "Who's ready for some water-skiing?!" [He starts his boat with a camper skiing behind it] Camper: "Yay! I'm doing it!" [Suddenly the giant sturgeon eats her] Leonard: "HEY! Come back here with my camper!" [dives in the water to rescue her, grabs the sturgeon, and gets back on land] "Bad ray sturgeon! Spit her out right now!" [The fish spits out the camper] Camper: "Wow. That was awesome! I wanna do it again! Woo-hoo!" [She dives back into the water. The kids cheer at Leonard being a great camp host, and he chuckles too. The fish burps. The end.]
