The Loud House Encyclopedia
The Loud House Encyclopedia

The following is a transcript for the episode "Can't Lynn Them All."

Script[]

Paramount Skydance Corporation Logo The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.

[Open in a wrestling arena where the Meat Mountain and Hungry Hungry Herbivore are facing off in the ring.]
Announcer: "Tensions are running high tonight, folks! The Meat Mountain and the Hungry Hungry Herbivore are locked in a tight match!" [The Meat Mountain grabs the Hungry Hungry Herbivore by the face, preventing the latter from reaching him.] "Ooh, the Meat Mountain has the Herbivore in the classic five-fingered hand crutch!"
[Lynn and Lincoln are in the audience, with Lincoln munching on some nachos.]
Lynn: "CRUSH HIS BONES!" [to her brother] "Man, I love sitting ringside! You can, like, almost taste the sweat."
[The Meat Mountain throws the Hungry Hungry Herbivore on the ropes and then tackles him. The Meat Mountain's sweat hits Lincoln's nachos. In disgust, Lincoln puts the nachos down.]
Lincoln: [annoyed] "And I'm gonna go get new nachos." [leaves]
[Off-screen, the Meat Mountain throws the Herbivore out of the ring, the latter landing in the audience right next to Lynn and knocking Lincoln's nachos into her hands.]
Lynn: [offering some nachos to the Herbivore] "Nacho?"
Announcer: "Wait a minute. What's the Meat Mountain doing now?"
Meat Mountain: [to the audience] "Who wants a piece of meat?!" [No one in the audience is willing to challenge the Meat Mountain or speak up to the point that crickets can be heard chirping in the background. Liam is among the audience as a chicken lays an egg in his head in panic.] "Oh. An arena full of chickens, huh?"
Lynn: [irate] "No one calls me a chicken, ya turkey!"
[She leaps into the ring, much to the Meat Mountain's confusion.]
Meat Mountain: [breaks kayfabe and whispers to Lynn] "Hey, kid, I don't want you to get hurt." [pats her on the head] "Why don't you scram?"
[Lynn grabs his hand, spins him around, and then slams him into the arena three times before standing on his back.]
Lynn: "Meat Mountain? More like a meatloaf, chump! Ha!"
[The audience roars in applause.]
Announcer: "Oh, the Meat Mountain has been reduced to rubble! In an avalanche of pain!"
[The audience continues to cheer for Lynn's victory.]


[Lynn and Lincoln are about to leave the arena]
Bella: "Hey, kid, wait up! I'm dying to ask: How in the world did you ever pick up the Mountain?"
Lynn: [scoffs] "The three C's of powerlifting, baby: Confidence, calves," [points at her calves] "and quads." [slaps her quads]
Bella: "Uh, 'quad' starts with a--" [Lynn picks her up] "Oh-ho-ho! Whatever you want it to start with!" [Lynn puts her down] "I'm Bella Big Bucks, the top promoter for Motor City Wrestling." [offers a handshake]
Lynn: "Lynn Loud." [shakes her hand]
Bella: "Look, we both know pro wrestling is staged, but your athleticism and strength will be big-time assets in my ring. How would you like to be my next star wrestler?"
[Lynn and Lincoln get excited and high-five at that.]
Lynn: "For real? That would be amazing!"
Bella: "Great! Let's talk about your character. Who does Lynn Loud wanna be in the ring?"
Lynn: "Hmm..."


[The Loud House; Lynn and Lucy's room. Lynn and Lincoln are looking in her closet.]
Lincoln: "Let's see what we've got to work with." [notices a foul odor from her closet, gags, and coughs from it] "OK, a lot of smells..." [looks inside to see a row of identical jerseys] "But not a lot of variety."
[Leni suddenly peeks out from the jerseys.]
Leni: "Couldn't help but overhear you talking fashion." [Lynn and Lincoln yelp at her appearance as Leni walks out of the closet] "'Cause I can help."
Lynn: "No offense, Leni, but we're not putting together prom outfits. This is wrestling!"
Leni: "Um, I love wrestling. Did you guys watch that "Rage in a Cage" tag team match last week where one of the Python boys turned on his own partner by putting him in a cold-blooded clutch?" [Lynn and Lincoln are confused] "I just get so into the storylines. It's like a big, sweaty soap opera." [Lynn and Lincoln smile, realizing Leni genuinely is into wrestling and can help them. Leni pulls them in a group hug.] "Makeover time!"


[Leni has given Lynn a wrestling makeover]
Leni: "What do you think?"
[Lynn is in a wrestling outfit with spikes everywhere, like the shoulder pads, the scrunchie, her arm bracelets, and the soles of her boots. She tries to lift her left leg but accidentally removes the carpet due to being stuck on her left boot. Then she realizes her right bracelet is stuck on her bedpost and tries to remove it, but accidentally rips the bedpost off before getting her left bracelet stuck on her closet door as she accidentally lifts her right leg with the carpet stuck on her right boot. Finally, she tries to get her left bracelet free from the door, but rips it off too as it falls on her.]
Lynn: [weakly] "Too spiky."
[Leni and Lincoln wince at that.]


[Now Lynn is in a fairy costume.]
Lynn: "Not gonna happen." [Now she's dressed as a clown.] "No way." [Now she's wearing Lincoln's usual attire.] "Who wears this?" [Lincoln is disappointed as she takes off the polo and gets back in her usual clothes.] "Look, guys, this isn't working. None of these feel, I dunno, authentic."
Leni: "Hmm. Maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Like, my fave wrestler, Pixie Cutz, used to be an actual hairstylist. Her character feels supes authentic."
Lincoln: "Yeah. What is Lynn Loud really passionate about?"
Lynn: "Huh..." [gets an idea] "Oh, wait! I've got it!"


[Now she's decked in sunglasses, a black jacket, a red singlet, her hall monitor sash, and black combat boots with yellow laces and green socks.]
Lynn: "You've met Lynn Loud, hall monitor. Now meet..." [turns around to show she's got her own logo on the back] "...the Brawl Monitor!"
[Leni and Lincoln grin at each other, realizing Lynn has finally got the right wrestling character.]
Lincoln: "Oh, yeah!"


[Back at the wrestling arena.]
Bella: "The Brawl Monitor! It's hip, it's fresh, I love it! OK, kid, now I see the Brawl Monitor as a hero type, so I'm gonna put you up against a bunch of baddies. You whoop 'em good, and the fans will love it. You ready to become a star?"
Lynn: "Let's rumble."
[She blows her whistle as the camera zooms in on her face.]


[The Brawl Monitor is now up against a mad scientist-themed heel. She takes off her jacket, hops on the scientist's back, and then throws him into the ropes.]
Lynn: "One hall pass to Loserville." [slaps a note on his forehead]
[The crowd goes wild as she finger-guns.]


[The Brawl Monitor basks in the glory of her fans as a clown-themed heel sneaks up on her. She grabs his bowtie, lifts him up, spins him around to rid him of his comedy props, and throws him on the ground, now stripped down to his boxer shorts with nothing else on him.]
Announcer: "And it looks like Creeps the Clown won't be haunting anyone's dreams tonight!"
Lynn: "One hall pass to Loserville."
[She slaps a note on Creeps the Clown's forehead and basks in the attention.]


[The Brawl Monitor is now pulling on the tail of a cat burglar-themed heel, who is trying to escape.]
Announcer: "Looks like the Cat Burglar's about to use up her ninth life! Me-ow!"
Lynn: [repeatedly slams the Cat Burglar on the ground] "That's one hall pass to..." [throws the Cat Burglar away]
Brawl Monitor Fans: "LOSERVILLE!"
[The Cat Burglar sails out of the arena as the Brawl Monitor embraces the attention.]


[Later, Lynn is standing backstage as kids line up to take selfies with the Brawl Monitor. As a boy takes a picture, Lynn slaps a piece of paper with her autograph on his face.]
Lynn: "There ya go." [A girl takes a selfie with her, and Lynn slaps an autographed paper on her face.] "There ya go."
[Bella walks up to her.]
Bella: "Good news, kid. I've lined up your next match, and it's big. You're gonna tangle with one of our top wrestlers, Tippy the Cow." [The camera pans to a poster of Tippy, who is listed as a wrestling champion.] "She moonlights in the ring during Dairyland's slow season."
Lynn: "I'm gonna smoke that bag of brisket!"
Bella: "No, you're not. Brawl Monitor beats up on bad guys, but Tippy is a fan favorite. You got to let her win."
Lynn: [lifts her sunglasses] "But--" [Bella stops her by putting her hand over her lips.]
Bella: "No buts. If you're going to be a star in this sport, you got to learn to play the game."
Lynn: "Fine. I'll do it, but I'm not gonna like it." [She lowers her sunglasses.]


[Later, the Brawl Monitor is up against Tippy]
Announcer: "She's usually the face of Dairyland, but tonight, Tippy is the face of udder pain!" [The Brawl Monitor is thrown on the ropes.] "Ooh, and it looks like somebody cheddar call an ambulance for the Brawl Monitor!"
[Tippy's fans cheer from the audience. Back in the ring, Tippy grabs the Brawl Monitor and throws her into the ropes. The Brawl Monitor gets up and charges, but Tippy sticks a leg up to trip the Brawl Monitor. Tippy laughs at the Brawl Monitor's misfortune, as do her adoring fans, before proceeding to repeatedly slap the Brawl Monitor in the face with her tail before finishing with a tail jab.]
Announcer: "And it looks like Tippy is really milking this victory!"
[Tippy does a victory dance, and then taunts the Brawl Monitor by offering a hand to help the latter up, only to pull it back.]
Lynn: [angered] "That's it."
[The Brawl Monitor grabs Tippy's udders, forces her on all fours, and then mounts her before slapping her rear. Tippy rears and runs around the arena before crashing into the ropes.]
Announcer: "I can't believe I'm saying this, folks, but the Brawl Monitor wins!"
[The Brawl Monitor basks in her victory, but is then booed and pelted with produce.]
Lynn: "Ouch."


[Backstage.]
Lynn: "OK, look, I know I beefed it and lost my cool, but Tippy was--"
Bella: "Never mind that. Did you see what happened out there?"
Lynn: "Uh, I saw a lot of angry people giving me not-so-nice gestures..."
Bella: "I saw opportunity. In this business, a good villain can be just as big as a hero. New plan: I'm gonna have you beat every good guy, gal, and goody-two-shoes in my stable. We'll turn you into the ultimate wrestling heel!"
Lynn: "But aren't people just going to boo me all the time?"
Bella: "Oh, definitely. But you'll be a bigger star than ever! What do you say, kid?" [offers a handshake]
[Lynn hesitates to make the deal, thinks about it, and then...]
Lynn: "I'm in."
[She spits on her hand and returns the handshake.]


[A baby-themed face is sucking on a bottle of milk in the ring when the Brawl Monitor, now with the jacket on in combat to fit her new role as a heel, shows up, smacks the bottle out of his hand, and starts tickling him.]
Announcer: "And the Brawl Monitor bullies the Widdle Baby into submission with a tickle tornado!"
[The crowd boos as the Brawl Monitor grabs the bottle and starts spraying milk everywhere.]


[The Brawl Monitor is now up against an ice cream-themed face. She leaps off the turnbuckle, pulls out two ice cream cones, and throws them. The ice cream-themed face sees this and screams before getting pelted in the eyes. The crowd boos.]
Announcer: "Ouch! Looks like the Ice Cream Man won't be scooping out any joy today!"
[The Brawl Monitor throws an ice cream cone at the camera.]


[The Brawl Monitor is up against an old lady, waves at the crowd, and kicks the old lady's walker, causing her to collapse.]
Announcer: "And it looks like the Brawl Monitor is sending Sweet Old Granny to the retirement home!"
[The audience boos and throws food at the Brawl Monitor, who simply basks in the glory.]


[The Brawl Monitor walks out of the arena to meet up with Lincoln and Leni, while being booed at by a gathering crowd.]
Lincoln: "Yeesh. This is kind of intense. Are you OK?"
Lynn: "Pfft. This is just part of the game. And besides, I sold out the arena tonight. I mean, I don't wanna brag, but the Brawl Monitor is huge." [More boos are heard as the Brawl Monitor dodges an incoming tray of nachos, which hits Lincoln in the face.] "Plus, sometimes, I get free grub." [takes a bite out of a nacho]
Audience Member: "You're the worst!"


[Flip's Food and Fuel. Flip is cutting his toenails when the Brawl Monitor enters.]
Lynn: "Hey, Flip. Lemme get a double XL Flippee."
Flip: "That'll be 50 big ones."
Lynn: "50 bucks? For a Flippee? Since when?"
Flip: "Eh, it's a new bully tax, just for you... Brawl Monitor."
[Lynn is then hit with an incoming Flippee, which is thrown by Nacho, who blows her a raspberry. She narrows her eyes and growls in anger.]


[The Brawl Monitor is driving her golf cart around the halls of Royal Woods Middle School. Suddenly, she is shot at with several spitballs, causing her to lose control and crash into the lockers. Meryl approaches her.]
Lynn: [weakly] "A little help here, Meryl?"
Meryl: "For the Brawl Monitor? No way!" [She fires more spitballs and leaves.]
Lynn: "Wow. Even Meryl hates me?"


[Spitballs provide the scene transition to the arena's backstage, where Lynn is nervously pacing as the Brawl Monitor.]
Bella: "Exciting, isn't it? Your match is gonna be televised everywhere. Even people in Canada are gonna hate you, and they love everyone!"
Lynn: "Yeah, so... I'm not so sure I want to be the villain anymore. I thought people love to hate me, but now I think they just hate me."
Bella: "That's a small price to pay for stardom, kid, wouldn't you say? This is what you wanted." [Lynn groans] "Now I've lined up the perfect opponent tonight. I need you to go out there and pulverize him, 'kay?" [She walks away and slaps Lynn's shoulder, leaving her annoyed.]


[The arena]
Announcer: "Well folks, it's time for our main event!" [The Brawl Monitor is shown doing squats in preparation for her opponent.] "Tonight, the Brawl Monitor squares off against the one, the only..." [The screen cuts to a large silhouetted opponent. The lights come on and reveal the opponent to be...] "Santa Claus!"
[Sparklers shoot off and the audience cheers as the billboard displays Santa Claus and "Jingle Jingle", with "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" playing in the background. The Brawl Monitor is shocked.]
Lynn: "You've got to be kidding me."
[Santa jumps onto the stage and starts tossing presents out of his sack.]
Santa: "Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas, everyone! Ho-ho-ho-ho!"
Lynn: "I have to throw this match." [The bell rings, and the Brawl Monitor growls and runs over to Santa.]
Santa: "Ho-ho--Oh!"
[The Brawl Monitor runs straight into his belly and is launched backward into the arena ropes. They launch her straight back into Santa and knock them both over.]
Audience: "Boo!"
Lynn: [whispers] "Put me in a chicken wing."
Santa: [whispers] "Ho-ho-no! Stick to the script. You're supposed to win!"
Lynn: "But, I don't want to win!"
[She grabs Santa's beard, pulls on it, and releases it. Santa's beard hits his face and twirls around as he stands up, smacking him as it stops.]
Santa: "That's not very holly jolly of you." [He chuckles and shakes his face as the Brawl Monitor begins poking his belly. Santa growls and smacks her hand.] "Stop it!" [Seeing this opportunity, the Brawl Monitor screams painfully and hops backward.] "I didn't even do anything!" [The Brawl Monitor hops back over and collapses.] "I won't let you throw this match!"
[Santa Claus runs over to the corner of the arena and climbs onto the fence. He leaps into the air and lands on his head beside the Brawl Monitor.]
Announcer: "Wow! It looks like Santa might be delirious from too much milk and cookies, because he just missed the Brawl Monitor by a mile!" [The Brawl Monitor stands up and runs over to Santa's sack of presents. She grabs a large candy cane and hits herself on the head with it. In response, Santa punches himself in the face. The Brawl Monitor gives herself two wet willies, and Santa steps on his foot and wedgies himself.] "And it appears that both wrestlers are now...kicking their own butts?"
Lynn: "Pin me, coward!"
Santa: "Nuh-uh, I'm not gonna be on Bella's naughty list this year."
[The Brawl Monitor notices the sack of presents and grins.]
Lynn: "Fine!"
[The Brawl Monitor grabs the sack and runs over to him. Santa takes off his hat, expecting her to hit him on the head. The Brawl Monitor leaps into the air, but instead of hitting Santa Claus on the head, she throws the sack toward the side of the arena. It bounces off the ropes and smacks straight into her, knocking her over. Santa Claus stands over her in shock, but before he can do anything, the Brawl Monitor kicks him into the air. He lands smack dab onto the Brawl Monitor.]
Announcer: "Santa has pinned the Brawl Monitor! The winner is Santa Claus!"
[The bell rings and the audience cheers for Santa Claus "defeating" the Brawl Monitor. Santa gets up and looks around in surprise, while Lynn sneaks off the stage. She is about to reach the exit when...]
Bella: [offscreen] "Hey!" [She walks up to Lynn in annoyance.] "What was that all about? Next time you pull a stunt like that--"
Lynn: "There is no 'next time'! I'm out! I'm done being hated, and I'm done wearing this stupid singlet! It's chafe city!" [She leaves while Bella glares at her.]
Bella: "You'll come crawling back!"
[In response, Lynn throws the singlet into Bella's face. She loses her balance and falls over, and the bell rings as the episode ends.]

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