The following is a transcript for the episode "Cat-astrophe."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[At the McBride's residence, a trio of cats are playing violins as two more walk past. There are many cats present for the sophisticated party being held for Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti. Howard and Harold approach them] Harold: "May I top off your milk bowls? Anything for the two graduates of Madame Furball's Acadamy for Refined Felines." [Howard straightens the cat's graduation photo] Howard:[Tearing up] "Our fur babies are growing up." [Clyde is serving the guests] Clyde: "More homemade fish pâté muffins?" [The guest cats accept] "So glad you guys could join us for Cleo and Nepurrtiti's party." [A cat asks Clyde a question] "Yes, Mr. Fancypaws, we were able to secure Royal Woods's premiere cat entertainer." [The entertainer is Mrs. Bernardo in a cat costume] Howard:[Runs up with a spray bottle] "Vad Mrs. Bernardo! No scratching the furniture." [The other cats run as Howard sprays Mrs. Bernardo, who hisses and scampers away. Just then, Harold gets a call on his bluetooth] Harold: "Go for Harold." Gayle:[Doing her nails] "Harold it's your mother." Harold: "Oh, hi, Mom. Clyde, come say hi to Nana." Clyde: "Hi, Nana Gayle." Nana Gayle: "Hey there baby. What time are you boys coming around for our annual birthday celebration?" [Harold realizes something] "You didn't forget my big day, did you?" Harold:[Shocked] "Your big day." [Harold looks at Howard, with a face that Howard knows. Howard gasps and checks his calendar app and sees that under CLEO + NEP PARTY is NANA'S BDAY DON'T FORGET Howard faints on a cat. Harold awkwardly chuckles as Clyde pours water on Howard] "Of course not, Mom." Gayle: "You guys always throw me the best parties, it's the highlight of my year." Harold: "Oh, and you're gonna love the one we have planned for you this year I mean what kind of son would i be if I didn't have a beautiful thoughtful party plan for my dear mother? A monster! A horrible unforgivable monst…" [Clyde swipes the earpiece] Clyde: "Okay, love you Nana. Bye." [Makes kissing noises and throws the earpiece into a cat's milk] Harold:[Freaks out] "Oh my heavens!" Howard: "How did this happen?!" Clyde: "We got distracted planning the cat's graduation party." [Suddenly, Harold gets his head back on] Harold: "Listen up, McBrides, I just promised Nana Gayle a beautiful thoughtful party and we are gonna deliver." Howard: "You're right, Har-bear, we can do this." Clyde: "Yeah, if we can pull off that three-person production of Fiddler on the Roof, we can do anything. Let's move." [Clyde goes to the door, his dads follow] Harold: "Mrs. Bernardo, you're in charge." [In the entertainment room, Mrs. Bernardo is licking her paw and gets a hairball in her throat. Harold sighs and looks at Cleo and Nep] "You two are in charge, and keep Mrs.
Bernardo away from the couch." [Gives them the spray bottle and leaves. The two cats look at the party]
[The McBride's SUV zooms down the streets of Royal Woods] Clyde: "We have fifty-two minutes until we need to be at Sunset Canyon. What's the plan?" Harold: "Let's split up. Howie, you get the presents and party supplies, I'll get the cake, Nana's favourite, red velvet, of course." Clyde: "And I'll find a mime to perform." Howard: "Nana does love her mimes." Harold: "If we can pull this off Nana will never know we forgot her birthday. Okay, McBrides, hands in." [They stack their hands] McBrides: "Go, McBrides!"
[At Larry Berry Bakery, the McBrides drop Harold off. Unfortunately for him, Lola is there buying up all the cakes] Lola: "..And I will take that very last red velvet cake." [The baker obliges] "I'm sparing no expense for Eunice's sweet sixteen party. Put it on my tab." [Harold is horrified] Harold: "Lola, wait! I need that red velvet cake. I'll give you anything." Lola: "Anything, huh? Hmm, not much to choose from here. I'll take your watch." [Harold confidently leaves the bakery with the cake] Harold: "How am I doing on time all right now?" [Looks at his wrist] "Oh right, my watch. Maybe I can tell by the sun." [Looks up] "Let's see, it's about half past…" [Walks right into a road sign, smashing the cake] "Ah, no!" [Some kid skates by and laughs at him]
[Next, Howard stops at the Hazeltucky Party outlet, only to find all the shelves are empty] Howard: "Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." [Goes to the counter] "Rich, where did all the party supplies go?" Rich: "Cheryl and Meryl cleaned us out. Something about a Southern Hospitality watch party." [Points to the window. Howard is shocked to see Cheryl and Meryl loading the store's entire stock into their pickup truck. They drive away and a little tiara reading 'YOU'RE A QUEEN' falls out] Howard: "A plastic tiara's better than nothing." [In the parking lot a little girl approaches the crown] "I'm sorry, young lady. But I saw it first." [The two start fighting over it, until the girl's very large dad arrives. He and his daughter get the crown and he growls at Howard] Large Man: "Long live the queen!" [They leave]
[Meanwhile, Clyde hurries to the Loud house and bangs on the door. Rita answers] Clyde: "Hi, Mrs. Loud. Bye, Mrs. Loud." [Darts past Rita and right upstairs to Luan's room, where Luan is already in her mime outfit eating an imaginary sandwich] "Luan, oh good you're already mimed up. Please, please, please can you perform for my nana's birthday party?" [Luan gestures that she can't] "You have another gig?" [Luan acts like a unicorn, pretends to blow a candle out and eats a piece of cake] "Eunice's sweet sixteen party?" [Luan holds her hand out] "Yeah, I can't pay you what Lola's offering." [Sighs] "Well, tell Eunice I said happy birthday." [Luan shakes her head and zips her lip] "Oh, that's right, you can't. You're a mime." [Leaves]
[Later, the McBride's SUV returns home, Clyde and Howard get out] Clyde: "I totally failed Nana Gayle." Howard: "You failed? I just tried to steal a tiara from a little girl." [Harold returns] Harold: "Come on, before we head to Sunset Canyon to break my mom's heart I need to clean this velvet frosting off my sweater vest." [They enter, and see Mrs. Bernardo doing a symphony for the cats] Clyde: "At least we managed to throw one successful party today." [The McBride's gasp] Harold: "That's it! We'll take everything from this party and use it for Nana's party." Howard: "Grab everything except the cats." [The McBrides start gathering up everything] Harold: "Mrs. B, there's been a last-minute change of venues." [Mrs. Bernardo growls at him] "Who wants a fishy treat?!" [Immediately, every cat in the house attacks him for the treats] "No, no, no! Just Mrs. Bernardo." [Falls over. Mrs. Bernardo also pounces on him]
[Later, they pull up at Sunset Canyon. Howard and Harold carry in the decorations, and Clyde leaving a trail of fishy treats which Mrs. Bernardo is licking off the ground] Clyde: "Wow, didn't think she would eat them. But then again she's famous for really committing to a role." [They enter the dining room] Harold: "Well, Nana Gayle should be down here any minute. Let's get this party set up." [Howard sets up all the McBrides set up all the cat-themed decorations. Clyde empties a can of cat food onto a plate, shapes it into a cake and tops it with a star candle. Harold puts up a framed picture and realizes it's of Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti] Harold: "Oops, wrong one." [Puts one of Nana Gayle over it] "Hey, McBrides, we did it." [At that moment, Scoots, Tyler, Bernie and Seymour enter, amazed by the decor] Bernie: "Ooh, fancy." [Scoots sniffs the cake] Scoots:[Revolted] "Ah, yuck! I can't believe I was interrupted during the greatest nap of my life for this sorry excuse for a party." Tyler: "Babe, this party is tight the guys would totally dig it." Scoots:[Yanks Tyler closer] "Ssh! No one can know about the guys or we'll get kicked out of here!" Howard: "May I interest you in a complimentary flea collar? They're all the rage right now." [Laughs, in a way that disturbs Scoots and Tyler. Just then, Nana Gayle walks in] Gayle: "Ooh." Howard, Harold & Clyde: "Happy birthday!" Gayle: "Ah! You boys. You planned yet another…" [Gets another look at the decor] "Unique party for this old timer." [They hug] "Is a milk fountain?" [Is looking at a fountain of a cat pouring a bottle of milk. Seymour is licking the milk from it] Harold: "Yes. Because growing up, you would give me a glass of milk with every meal so I wanted to return the favour." Gayle: "Oh, honey, that's so touching." Scoots: "Touching? More like Weirdsville." Howard: "Time for cake!" [Clyde cuts their makeshift cake and passes it out] Bernie: "Is this cake made out of fish?" Howard: "Um, yes, in honor of our… infamous McBride family fishing trip last year." Gayle: "Ah yes, when we fished for nineteenth-century Kevin Glaze pottery at the swap meet, that day was a hoot and a half." Scoots: "That's not fishing! And no one wants a fish ca-" [Harold stuffs Scoots' piece into her mouth] Harold: "Time to open presents!"
[Later, Clyde brings out a wrapped box] Clyde: "This one's from me, Nana." [Gayle opens the box] Gayle: "Oh my goodness." [Takes out a litterbox] Scoots: "A litterbox? What kind of lame-o birthday present is that?" [The McBrides have no idea how to answer] Clyde: "Litterboxes make great… Uh…" [Notices the roses on the table] "..Flowerpots!" [Grabs the roses and stuffs them inside the litterbox] "So you can plant some begonias to brighten up your room." Gayle: "Oh, I'm the luckiest Nana in the world." Scoots: "You gotta be kidding me, Gayle. This party stinks more than your fish cake." Howard:[A little miffed] "Have more, Scoots!" [Flings more into Scoot's mouth] Harold: "And now, let's all give our full attention to…" Howard: "Our spectacular Nana Gayle birthday extravaganza entertainment…" Clyde: "Mrs. Bernardo- I mean… Catarina the singing feline." [Mrs. Bernardo, still in the cat suit, clears her throat, and starts meowing opera music and dancing around, at one point landing on Gayle's skirt] Gayle: "Oh my." Clyde: "Catarina, look." [Shines a laser pointer on the ground, which Mrs. Bernardo follows out the window. Outside, she crawls around a tree and hangs from a branch] Scoots: "Ah, this lady's freaking Scoots out. Why didn't you just hire a clown?" Howard: "Uh, Clyde, do you wanna field this one?" Clyde: "Uh… Piñata time!"
[Later, Tyler is holding up a mouse piñata and Scoots is nowhere to be seen] Harold:[Hands his blindfolded mom the stick] "You're up first, birthday girl." [Gayle takes her swings while everyone cheers. Suddenly, Scoots charges into the dining hall with an umbrella like a knight with a lance] Scoots: "Make way! Mama wants candy!" [Scoots smashes the piñata, which is full of catnip] Tyler: "Woah, this isn't candy, it's catnip." Bernie: "Hay, who puts catnip in a piñata?" [Just then, the whole room starts rumbling] "Oh no sounds like the pudding machine's about to blow again." [Everyone looks to the exit where a swarm of cats is rushing in. They stars eating the cake] Tyler: "Hey, it's the guys." Scoots: "Tyler, your Scootsie told you to keep the guys in my room." Bernie: "Scoots! You'e been hiking multiple cats in your room? Sunset Canyon only allows one pet per resident." [Just then, a cat attacks Bernie's face] "Ah! Oh I wish it had been the pudding machine!" [The cats keep going wild, the McBride family huddles together as Tyler gets the cat off of Bernie. Tyler stumbles back and bumps into the portrait of Nana Gayle, knocking it over, revealing the portrait of Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti under it. Tyler notices the portrait, when another cat attacks him. Nana Gayle notices the portrait too] Gayle: "Wait! What is this?" [Goes to the portrait and the other McBride's cringe. Gayle sees the portrait and thinks back to everything else] "Fish cake, milk fountain, weird lady in a cat suit. Boys, what's going on?" Harold: "I'm sorry, Mom. we got so distracted planning Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti's graduation party that we forgot your birthday." Howard: "We thought if we brought everything from the cat's party here we could still give you a great birthday." Clyde:[Takes Gayle's hands] "We're sorry, Nana. We really messed up." Scoots:[Loving this] "Yeah ya did! Come on, Gayle, let 'em have it! Mama loves the drama." Gayle:[Laughs at the idea] "There's no drama, Scoots." Scoots: "Boo! Fine, I'll go ake my own. Tyler! I told you your cats couldn't live with us. We're takin' 'em to your sisters." Harold: "You're not mad at us, Mom?" Gayle: "Of course not. The fact that you worked so hard to put a party together shows just how much you love me. No matter how odd it was." Harold: "I guess our plan was a bit of a cat-tastrophy, wasn't it?" [The McBride's laugh and sigh] Bernie:[Covered in mad cats] "Um… a little help over here."
[That night, the Howard Harold and Clyde return home, for some reason the inside of their house is glowing purple, they don't notice] Clyde:[Yawns] "What a day. I'm glad Nana Gayle forgave us." Harold: "And Bernie too, his face should heal nicely from all that cat scratching." Howard: "Well, thank goodness our fur babies are so well behaved." [Opens the door and is shocked by what he sees. Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti's classmates are having a wild party with disco lights, scratching up the couch, pouring cat treats all over the floor, swinging from the chandelier, having blind box races. A conga line passes with Cleopawtra and Nepurrtiti in the middle. They see the McBride's and shrug] Harold:[Angry, stakes out his phone] "I'm calling Madame Furball's Acadamy and demanding a refund." Clyde: "After this song! Come on, Dads." [Howard looks at Harold, and they shrug. The McBride's then join the conga line]
