The following is a transcript for the episode "Child's Play."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Luna and Luan's room; the Moon Goats are counting their money] Luna: "Subtract Chunk's roadie fee, cost of guitar strings, all of Sully's sunflower seeds. That leaves us a grand total of..." [Mazzy does a drumroll on Sam's head, but Sam stops her] "93 dollars." [The Moon Goats groan] Mazzy: "Not even close to enough for the new speaker system we want." [The Moon Goats fantasize themselves playing with the new speaker. Mazzy pops the imaginary bubble and they all sigh] Moon Goats: "Sweet." Sam: "We'll have to dream on. It'll take a zillion years to earn enough dough." [Suddenly Luan shows up] Luan: "Hey, it's the Moon Goats! My favorite baaa-nd!" [The Moon Goats only stare awkwardly] Mazzy: "Ba-dum-tss." [Luan clears her throat and moves to her mirror.] Mr. Coconuts: "Everybody, look the other way." [Luan reveals a safe hidden by the mirror] "I can't chance any squealers." [Luna and Sam shrug and the Moon Goats avert their eyes] "You, too, toots. Mr. C trusts no one." Luan: "Oh." [averts her eyes] Sam:[opens her eyes] "Isn't Luan Mr. Coconuts?" Luna: "I've stopped asking." [Sam resumes hiding her eyes as Luan has Mr. Coconuts fiddle with the safe combination. He gets it open, revealing a stash of money] Mr. Coconuts: "Cannonball!" [dives in] [Luan opens her bag to reveal a new stash of money] Moon Goats: "Whoa!" Luna: "Dude, is that all from those kiddie parties you've been performing at?" Luan: "You bet. They're a real gold mine. Parents pay big bucks for toddler entertainment." [Mr. Coconuts emerges from the money stash and spits out some coins.] Mr. Coconuts: "Nothing like a dip in the ol' Cash-cific Ocean." [swims in the money as he laughs] Luna: "You thinking what I'm thinking, Moon Goats?" Sully: "Yeah, but I forgot my swim shorts." [The others stare at him] "Wait, we're not all thinking we want to swim in the money?" Mazzy:[disappointedly] "Oh, boy." Luna: "Hey, Luan, any chance you could hook us up with some of your clients? We could use the extra cash." Luan: "Sure, I'd be happy to." Luna:[runs over to Luan and hugs her] "You're the best, sis! I can already hear those sick new speakers!" [The Moon Goats cheer as they leave the room. The safe has been closed] Mr. Coconuts: "Hey, let me out of here!" Luan: "Oh." [laughs] "Sorry. That's all my vault. You're lucky I peeked and saw the combination." Mr. Coconuts: "And that's why Mr. C trusts no one."
[The Moon Goats are now performing at a birthday party] Luna: "Happy fourth birthday, Caitlin and Amanda! One, two, three, four!" [They start playing "Play It Loud"]
♫ Play it loud, play it loud ♫ ♫ I got no time for turning it down ♫ ♫ Play it loud, play it proud-- ♫
[The force of the music is so strong it blows back many of the guests, knocks out Audrey's pacifier, destroys a piñata, and blows the birthday cake onto two toddlers, both of whom start crying as Renee's mom tries to calm them down. The Moon Goats stop playing as they cringe at the chaos they have wrought.]
[The Loud House garage] Luna: "OK, so apparently our regular songs are not a big hit with the kiddie crowd, but I got an idea. We are gonna have to write some new tunes they'll be into." Sam:[takes out a notepad] "I'll take notes. Let the brainstorming begin!" [Later, Sam moans in exhaustion as Luna paces around and Mazzy and Sully are also exhausted. Sully finishes his hot dog, gets up, and gasps. The others perk up] Luna: "You got something, Sully?" Sully:[belches] "Sorry, it's just gas." [Sam faceplants into her box. Later, the Moon Goats still have no idea] Luna:[groans] "We got zilch." Sully: "Agh! And we've been working forever. How long has it been? Hours? Days?" Mazzy:[checks phone] "It's been seven minutes." [They all groan] Sam: "This is way hard. How are we supposed to know what kind of songs toddlers rock to?" [Just then they hear Lily singing. They peek their heads out and see Lily riding her tricycle in the backyard]
Lily: ♫ I like my trike ♫ ♫ My itty-bitty bike ♫ ♫ Watch me ride through the grass ♫
♫ Try to follow me ♫ ♫ All around the tree ♫ ♫ I hope I don't go too fast ♫
Luna:[as Lily finishes her song] "You thinking what I'm thinking, Moon Goats?" Sully: "Yeah, I want to ride that trike too." [realizes] "I'm not good at this game."
[Later, the Moon Goats perform Lily's song at another toddler's birthday party]
Luna and Sam: ♫ I like my trike ♫ ♫ My itty-bitty bike ♫ ♫ Watch me ride through the grass ♫
♫ Try to follow me ♫ ♫ All around the tree ♫ ♫ I hope I don't go too fast ♫
[The toddlers love the performance] Luna: "Dudes, we nailed it!" Birthday Boy: "Another song!" Sam: "Sorry, little guy, but we've only got--" Birthday Boy:[grabs Sam] "It's my birthday, and I want another song!" [throws her away] "Song! Song!" [The other toddlers join in on the chanting as they back the Moon Goats into a corner] Toddlers: "Song! Song! Song! Song! Song! Song!" Mazzy: "Oh, hey, look, there's Blarney in the backyard. With candy! And, uh, puppies!" [The toddlers get excited and leave] Birthday Boy: "Puppies!" [The Moon Goats take the opportunity to exit through the window] Luna: "Let's move!" [As they leave, Sully notices Michelle clinging onto his leg and pushes her off.]
[At the Loud House's kitchen, Lily is eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the table as Rita washes the dishes.]
Lily: ♫ Peanut butter jelly ♫ ♫ Go into my belly ♫ ♫ Glad it's not too smelly ♫
[Luna and Sam are taking notes while hiding underneath the table, rocking back and forth to Lily's impromptu ode.]
[Gus's Games and Grub; the Moon Goats are performing Lily's second song]
Luna and Sam: ♫ Peanut butter jelly ♫ ♫ Go into my belly ♫ ♫ Glad it's not too smelly ♫
[Gus is trying to serve spaghetti and meatballs to the Farrell twins, and accidentally spills it on Cheryl's hair.] Meryl: "Ooh, Cheryl, honey, I like you as a redhead!"
[Later, Lily is chasing Geo in the living room. The Moon Goats are taking notes while hiding, with Luna and Sam near the curtains, Mazzy in the fireplace, and Sully badly disguised as the lamp with the lampshade on his head.]
Lily: ♫ Furry roly-poly ♫ ♫ Rolling on the ground ♫ ♫ Silly fuzzy-wuzzy ♫ ♫ I chase you all around ♫
[As Lily climbs up on the couch to chase Geo, Sully tries to follow her, but he trips due to the lampshade obscuring his vision.]
[Tall Timbers Park; the Moon Goats are performing Lily's third song]
Luna and Sam: ♫ ...rolling on the ground ♫ ♫ Silly fuzzy-wuzzy ♫ ♫ I chase you all around ♫
Luna: "We're the Moon Goats! Congrats to Logan on graduating beginners jazz tap dance!" Logan:[tap-dances] "Tap, tap, tap, whoa! Ta-da!" [Luna and Sam descend into the crowd to meet their fans as Katherine Mulligan approaches] Katherine: "Excuse me, pardon me. Award-winning news celebrity coming through. Nice to meet you. I'm--" Moon Goats: "Katherine Mulligan!" Katherine: "Yes, I'm here with my niece, Adeline Mulligan." [turns around to reveal she's got Adeline in a baby harness on her back] "And I have to say, your band is really a toddler sensation. I'd love to have you perform on my morning show, Kat Chat. Start the day with a hot, steaming up of Katherine!" Luna: "A gig? On TV?! FOR REAL?!" Katherine: "Absolutely. And Katherine Mulligan pays a generous appearance fee. So what do you say?" Luna: "Let me discuss with my associates." [The Moon Goats huddle] Sam: "Guys, we could get those thumpin' speakers, like, way faster!" Mazzy: "Yeah, and probably still have some money left for that awesome stage package we saw, remember?" [They imagine themselves rocking out with the speaker and cannons that fire confetti] Sully: "Oh, so many pretty colors." Moon Goats: "We're in!" Katherine: "Great. Let's say tomorrow morning. Oh, and one thing, I want you to play a new song. Katherine Mulligan likes her performances the way she likes her breaking news: exclusive! Now I have to go. My niece has seemingly escaped." [leaves] "Adeline Mulligan, do not lick that cake!" [The Moon Goats cheer] Mazzy: "New speakers, here we come!"
[Luna returns to the Loud House, whistling to herself.] Luna:[singsong] "Lily? Where are you, baby sis?" [Lily is not in the living room, so Luna heads up to her and Luan's room, where Mr. Coconuts is still swimming in Luan's money safe] Luan: "Mr. Coconuts, can I close it now? It's been like an hour." Mr. Coconuts: "Chill out, doll! I'm not done with my moola bath." Luna: "Hey, uh, do you know where Lily is?" Luan: "She's gone." Luna: "Like, to the bathroom?" Mr. Coconuts: "Gone as in Splitsville. Hit the road. Flew the coop." Luan: "Mom and Dad took her with them to Aunt Ruth's cabin." Mr. Coconuts: "It's time for the old broad's yearly callus scraping, and believe me, it takes a team." Luna: "Oh, please say they'll be back soon." [left eye twitches] Mr. Coconuts: "They'll be back soon." [Luna sighs in relief] "There, I said it. But they won't. They're gone all weekend. Those calluses gotta be eight layers thick by now." [winces] Luna: "NOOOOO!!!!" [leaves]
[The front yard] Sam: "Without Lily, we've got no song for tomorrow morning. Our big TV debut is gonna be a big bust." Luna: "We gotta think of something." [They start thinking. Sully gasps] Mazzy: "I swear, if this is gas again--" Sully: "No, no, no, no, no. I just realized Lily's not the only baby in the city." Luna:[gasps] "Yes, yes! All we gotta do is snag a tune from another toddler! Sully, you're a total genius!" Sully: "Told you it wasn't ga--" [belches] "OK, some of it was gas."
[The Supermart. A toddler is scatting a tune in the fruit section] Toddler: "♫ Da da da da da da ba ba ba... ♫" [The Moon Goats reveal themselves to have been hiding in the fruit section, taking notes. The toddler starts crying as her mom comforts her and glares at the Moon Goats, forcing them to hide.]
[The Moon Goats enter a toy store and grab a kazoo, ukulele, and microphone. Three toddlers are playing with a robot, a dinosaur, and a toy animal, but the Moon Goats remove the toys and hand over their own toys.] Luna: "OK, how 'bout a tune, little dudes?" [The toddlers growl] "Uh-oh..." [The toddlers throw the mic at Luna.] Toddlers: "GIVE US BACK OUR TOYS!!!" [They continue to throw the toys at the Moon Goats, who run for it.]
[Royal Woods Mall. Four toddlers are riding the mall train] Conductor:[bored] "All aboard." [As the train takes off, the Moon Goats are revealed to have been resting on the caboose] Sam: "Hey, kids. How about a little choo-choo song?" Toddlers:[laugh] "OK! ♫ Choo choo choo a-choo... ♫" [The train passes through the tunnel, knocking the Moon Goats off. A security guard glares at them and points them out of the building.]
[The Loud House living room] Mazzy: "Well, we did achieve one thing: Now we can't shop anywhere in town." Sam: "And we've still got nothing for the show tomorrow." Luna: "Guess I'll have to call Katherine and cancel." [sighs] "There goes our equipment money." [As she prepares to call Katherine, Sully plays a kazoo] Sam: "Um, Sully, why do you have a kazoo?" Sully: "I bought it when we were at the toy store. I used to love these when I was little." [plays "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"] Luna: "Sully, that's it! Songwriting is all about tapping into your personal experiences, right? So if we want to write tunes for little kids, you thinking what I'm thinking, Moon Goats?" Sully: "Yeah! We need to be little kids!" Luna: "No, Sully. Wait, you actually got that one right!" Sully: "Yeah! Sully for the win! This calls for more kazoo!" [He plays more kazoo]
[Now Luna and Sully are on the swings, with Sam and Mazzy pushing them.] Luna: "Push me!" [Luna accidentally falls off her swing and hits Sam. The four share a laugh, even with Sully wrapped on the top by his swing. Now Mazzy is riding on a roundabout with Luna pushing her. Mazzy is going so fast she gets green around her mouth, but Luna pushes her so fast she gets flung off.] Mazzy: "That was epic!" [hurls] [The Moon Goats are now bouncing in a bounce house with various toddlers. Later, they exit the bounce house. Sully is wearing a bonnet] Luna: "Come on! We got us a tune to write! Hey, thanks for letting us bounce, little dudes!" [Sully stays behind as the Moon Goats leave. He takes off the hat and offers it to Jayden, its real owner.] Sully: "And thanks for letting me wear your sweet hat, dudette." Jayden:[gives it back] "Sully can keep." Sully:[touched] "Radical..." [puts it back on] Luna: "Come on, Sully!" Sully: "Oh, gotta run, kiddo." [leaves] Jayden: "Bye-bye."
[Now the Moon Goats are performing on Kat Chat; Sully is still wearing the hat]
Luna and Sam: ♫ Swinging, bouncing, this way and that ♫ ♫ Sully's wearing a big, silly hat ♫
[The performance is broadcast on TV, with toddlers watching and enjoying it. Meanwhile, at Aunt Ruth's house, Lily enjoys the performance on TV as Rita and Lynn Sr. reluctantly scrape Aunt Ruth's calluses.]
♫ As long as I'm here with my friends ♫
Lily:[giggles] "Moon Goats!" [Cut back to the studio.]
Luna and Sam: ♫ Playtime never ends! ♫
Katherine: "I'm Katherine Mulligan and I have to say, our phones are ringing off the hook. Parents are telling us their kids love the new Moon Goats tune. They also want to know where Sully got the cool hat." Sully: "Shoutout to Jumpin' Jayden from the bounce house, y'all!" [plays a victory tune on his kazoo]
[The Moon Goats are having a concert at Tall Timbers Park] Luna: "Dudes, I can't wait to try out our bangin' new speakers!" [Their long-desired speakers have finally arrived, which they embrace] Mazzy: "Pretty sure our fans are gonna dig these." [The band don identical bonnets] Luna: "We're the Moon Goats, and we want to start off with a brand-new song called 'I Like Applesauce'!" [They start playing]
Luna and Sam: ♫ Applesauce, you're the boss ♫ ♫ So sweet and yummy too ♫ ♫ Applesauce, won't you toss ♫ ♫ A spoon so I can eat you? ♫
[The toddlers in the crowd enjoy the performance. Lily is among them, sitting on Rita's shoulders, and rocks out in approval. The song ends with confetti cannons firing. The end.]
