The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Act I[]
[Halloween night: The wind is blowing and the moon gives off an ominous green glow. Ghost decorations are hanging from the branches of the Loud house tree, and the Loud house is decorated with giant inflatable pumpkins, gravestones, purple streamers, and a giant spider decoration with a giant web attached to the roof and the tree.] Lincoln: "Attention, all crew: Get to an evacuation pod. As for me, I'm going down with the Andromeda." [salutes] "It's crew before commander on this ship. BRACE FOR IMPACT!!" [The screen zooms out, showing he is dressed like a space captain and pretending to steer a spaceship. He screams as his pretend ship loses control and he falls off his bed, playing dead as he lies on the floor. He wakes up and speaks to the viewers.] "Don't worry, I'm not really dead." [stands up] "Tonight is Halloween, and I'm just getting into character. I'm going as Commander Nick Fox. He's the star of an old sci-fi movie that me and my friends are obsessed with: Planet Protection Patrol--or as we call it, Triple-P." [Lincoln shows the viewers a DVD of said movie, which features the six heroes: Commander Nick Fox, the leader in an orange jacket; Dr. Mucus, a blue squid-like hybrid; Tech Sergeant Cronk, the only female member of the group; Trunk, a literal sentient tree trunk; Deputy Dream Dude, a red-haired muscular man; and Lieutenant Blorb, a short man with orange and yellow flamelike hair.] "It's about a group of space soldiers who protect the earth from evil aliens. We're each going as a member from the crew. I picked the commander because we're a lot alike: Handsome, daring, ready for anything!" [Lucy opens the door dressed as a skeleton, accidentally knocking him over.] Lucy: "Apologies, Lincoln, but we need you to test out the haunted house." Lincoln:[painfully] "Be right there." [Lincoln exits his room and peeks through a green curtain.] Lincoln:[feigning fear] "Oooh-hoo-hooooo, fog." [The hallway is tinted purple and covered in fake spider webs, and a green fog covers the floor. He walks through it, pretending to be frightened.] "Oooh, aaah, spiders." [He walks downstairs.] "Oooh, so spooky." [The living room is decorated like a haunted cemetery.] "I sure hope someone doesn't jump out." Luan:[She pops out from behind a stack of jack-o-lantern decorations dressed as Mr. Coconuts.] "Welcome to the Loud House of Horror, Toots!" Lincoln:[still not really frightened] "Aah, a giant demented Mr. Coconuts? Didn't see that coming." [Luan cackles] "And what's that behind me? Oh no." [He backs up to a pair of gravestones, and Lori and Leni pop out from behind them and snarl, both dressed as black cats. Lincoln is still not scared.] "Human-sized cats? Terrifying." [He walks to a coffin, and Luna pops out, dressed as a zombie. Lincoln screams in false horror.] Luna: "Want brains, brah!" Lincoln:[He reverses as Zombie Luna advances on him, but he is still not scared.] "Aaaaahhh. Not zombies." [Luna begins biting his head.] "Oh no, the pain." [He frowns, unamused.] Leni: "Say cheese!" [She takes a picture with a camera, and Luna stops biting Lincoln.] "Do you want your free souvenir pic? Everyone who goes through the haunted house gets one." [Lori, Lucy, and Luan come up as the picture comes out. Lucy takes the photograph.] Lucy: "Ugh, this is ghastly. Lincoln wasn't scared at all." Lincoln: "Yes, I was. I'm still shaking in my commander boots." Lori:[glances at the photo] "Lincoln, you're literally yawning in the photo." [She reveals the photo, showing Lincoln yawning as Luna bites his head.] Lincoln: "'Cause I was so tired of being scared!" [realizes his sisters aren't buying it] "Okay, you're right. It's just, you always do the fog up the stairs thing, and Luan was Mr. Coconuts three years ago, and you two are always black cats. It's just, I've seen it all before." Lucy: "We need to make some spooky adjustments and fast. We can't be anything less than terrifying. I won't stand for it." [The older sisters nod in agreement.] Lynn Sr.: "Hey, what up, Halloween team?" [He reveals a plate of cookies shaped like witches' fingers.] "Anyone want a witch finger cookie?" Lucy: "And why are you so calm? Usually on Halloween, you're barricaded in the bathroom by now." Lynn Sr.: "Well, I think it's because I get to be by your mom all night." [Rita trips beside him and stands up, revealing the two of them are dressed together in a monster costume with two heads and three legs.] Rita:[sighs] "I wanted to go with last year's undead bride and groom." [Flashback: Rita and Lynn Sr. are shown dressed as a pair of zombies in a wedding dress and tuxedo, moaning and groaning to piano music. End of flashback] Lynn Sr.: "Oh, this is way better!" [They begin walking] "Left foot, right foot, middle foot! See, it's working for us!" Rita: "Honey, you're crushing my toes." [The front door opens and Lynn comes in, dressed as a zombie athlete and moaning. She is carrying a skull shaped bucket of candy. Next comes Lily, dressed as a werewolf with a small bag of candy. She howls, and then Lola comes in dressed as a spider and dragging an enormous sack of candy.] Lola: "We got our biggest haul ever: Look at all this candy!" [holds it] "But not too closely. It's mine! People loved my costume." [chuckles] Lana:[She comes in after her twin, dressed as a fly.] "And mine!" [She runs around making buzzing noises, to Lola's annoyance.] [Finally comes Lisa, who is wearing a carbon atom costume with several smaller atoms attached to it.] Lisa: "Unfortunately, the terrifying nature of my costume was lost on our Philistine neighbors." [She groans, and her whole family is puzzled.] "Hello, I'm sodium bicarbonate. If I lose an ion, look out, Sally!" Clyde:[outside]"Hey, Lincoln! We're here!" Lincoln: "Coming! Mom, Dad, can I trick-or-treat with my friends for a bit? I promise I'll be home by 8:00 to help with the haunted house." Rita: "Of course." Lynn Sr.: "You bet." [Lincoln runs outside, where Clyde, Stella, Liam, and Rusty are waiting. Each of them is dressed as another of the characters from Planet Protection Patrol. Rusty is flexing his muscles to his friends' bewilderment.] Lincoln: "Greetings, my trusty crew!" [He leaps down and lands beside Clyde, who is dressed as Dr. Mucus. They perform Vulcan salutes.] "Dr. Mucus, I need you to analyze this planet's soil samples." Clyde: "On it, Commander!" [He puts on a pair of rubber gloves and grabs a pile of substance from the ground.] "Hmm, surprisingly warm..." [They realize to their disgust...] "Ugh, that's dog doo!" Lincoln:[He leaps acrobatically over to Stella, who is Sergeant Cronk.] "Tech Sergeant Cronk, what's the status on our engine?" Stella: "Let me run some diagnostics." [She types at an imaginary keyboard making beeping sounds.] "Beep-boop-bop beep-boop. Firing all cylinders, Commander." [Cut to the front door: Lincoln's sisters are staring at them.] Lisa: "Are they aware people can see them?" Lincoln:[He turns to Liam, who is in an actual tree trunk.] "Trunk, safety check the perimeters." Liam:[salutes] "Aye-aye, Commander!" [He walks around, but struggles to do so.] "Ugh, shoulda gone with somethin' lighter, like balsa wood. This sugar maple is doin' a number on my back." [Rusty is dressed as Deputy Dream Dude, having an inflatable torso jumpsuit. He inflates the arms to give himself big muscles, and then he flexes them.] Lincoln: "Deputy Dream Dude..." [confused] "What's your job again?" Rusty: "Duh, I'm the ship's stud muffin." [He draws chest hair on his costume with a magic marker and flexes his muscles.] [A horn sounds as the Gurdles drive up in their van. Zach, dressed as Lieutenant Blorb, hops out of the back with a sack full of stuff. He closes the van door.] Mrs. Gurdle: "Have fun, Zach. We're off to the movies. See you when all this nonsense is over." [They drive away.] Zach: "Bye Mom, bye Dad!" [looks at his friends] "They're not really into Halloween. They think it's a conspiracy by big candy." Lincoln: "Okay, then... Lieutenant Blorb, you brought the gear?" Zach: "Oh yeah, check it out!" [He opens the sack and reveals just ordinary household appliances.] "Real alien-fighting equipment, just like the Planet Protection Patrol!" Rusty: "Dude, is this a joke?" [grabs a mixer] "We're supposed to be space soldiers, not whipping up a Bundt cake." Zach: "Whuh? Uh-uh!" [takes it back] "Be careful with that! All of this stuff works, Rusty. My parents built everything themselves. They also made me swear I wouldn't turn anything on. This is all just for looks." [Everyone else grabs something.] Stella: "Not that we need it, cause we looked pretty amazing already." Liam: "That's for sure." [The Action News Team performs a pose, with stars, planets, and the movie's title appearing around them.] Lincoln: "Triple-P!" Lynn: "Yikes! Do you guys want me to come with you for protection?" Lincoln: "Huh? What do you mean?" Lynn: "You look like a magnet for bullies, no offense." [grabs one of Clyde's tentacles] "Especially Clyde, no offense." Clyde: "None taken. As a member of the Huey-Huey species, I have a way of flushing out negative comments." [He gargles and waves his tentacles up and down.] Lynn: "You're really driving my point home." [Clyde glares] Rusty: "Uh, I think we'll be just fine. I don't think anyone's gonna want to mess with this." [He flexes his muscles so hard, but one of them pops and deflates. He gasps and chuckles nervously.] [The Loud sisters all laugh and walk back to the house, leaving Lincoln's friends embarrassed.] Lincoln: "Ignore them, guys. Let's ride. I've charted a course for the best candy spots in town!" [Lincoln gets on his bike and puts on his helmet. Rusty and Clyde ride up beside him.] "Triple-P, away!" [They all ride off into Royal Woods while the sisters enter the house, still laughing. But as Lisa walks in, one of her ions gets caught outside the door. She pulls it inside, but it falls off and rolls into the middle of the room.] Lisa: "Uh-oh, I lost a hydrogen. Stay back!" [The scene cuts to outside, showing the inside of the house glowing bright green and giving a sudden flash. Then it just fades away, and Lisa groans.]
[Rusty is shown pedaling down the street.] Rusty: "Engaging warp drive." [presses imaginary buttons] "Beep-boop, boopity boop." Zach: "Easy, deputy. Your vehicle doesn't have that function." Rusty:[annoyed] "I installed it, okay?" [Lincoln rings a doorbell, and the respective onomatopoeia appears onscreen, cutting to the Planet Protection Patrol squad outside a door holding treat bags.] Action News Team: "Trick-or-treat!" [The resident dumps a bowl of candy into their gift bags. The screen triple splits showing Lincoln knocking on another door, a resident dropping candy from a jack-o-lantern container, and the candy landing into Stella's bag. Candy falls down as a screen transition to Lincoln, Rusty, and Clyde on their bikes. Lincoln speaks into his watch.] Lincoln: "Commander's log: Fifteen minutes into our mission, and candy extractions are going well, aside from this box of raisins." [Lincoln pulls a box of raisins out of his sack and tosses it away. Liam struggles to get onto his bike, but two shadowy figures with glowing eyes pop out from behind a bush and stare at him. They hide as Liam jumps onto his bike.] Liam: "Phew." ???:[The figures pop up in front of him.] "BOO!" [Liam is startled and falls over into his friends. Lincoln looks up and gasps as the two shadows tower over the six of them and approach. Lincoln quivers in fear, but as the figures come into light, they are two people dressed in hoodies wearing hockey masks. They take their masks off and cackle, revealing them to be...] Lincoln: "Chandler? Trent?" [Chandler and Trent laugh.] Trent: "Man, you should have seen all your faces!" [He and Chandler mock them, pretending to be scared and laugh. The boys look embarrassed, but Stella gets angry.] Stella:[gets in their faces] "Oh, leave us alone and take your bad breath somewhere else!" [Her stern attitude makes Chandler and Trent flinch, but Chandler huffs and glances at something on the ground.] Chandler: "What's this dumb-looking thing?" [He picks up Zach's mixer.] Zach:[nervously] "Uh, no, no-no! Don't touch that, Chandler! It's a real cosmic communicator!" Chandler:[sarcastically] "Guess I shouldn't do this then." [He turns the mixer on, and it sends a signal toward the sky. Chandler mimics radio static.] "Earth to aliens: We've got some space geeks here who are dying to meet you. Why don’t you come down so you can all have an intergalactic dork party?" [Zach gets angry] "Glorky-glork!" Zach:[He tries to grab it back from Chandler, but he keeps it away.] "I said don't touch that!" Chandler: "There are millions of people in costumes tonight, but somehow, yours are the dumbest!" [He pushes Zach away, and Lincoln catches him.] Trent: "Yeah, check out McBride. He's a squid!" Clyde: "I am not a squid! I'm Dr. Thelonious Mucus, chief science officer of the Starship Andromeda. But warning: If threatened, I will deploy my tentacles!" [He tries to swing them but whacks himself in the eye.] "Ow!" [Chandler and Trent laugh.] Zach: "Give us back our equipment! You don't know what you're doing!" Chandler: "Here, go make an omelet with it!" [He tosses it and runs off with Trent, cackling.] [Zach catches the device and stands up.] Lincoln: "Forget them, crew. It doesn't matter what they think." Clyde: "And you can't expect their small minds to appreciate the brilliance of Triple-P." Rusty: "Yeah, keep walking, chumps!" Chandler:[offscreen]"What was that?" Rusty:[He cowers behind Stella, to her annoyance.] "Nothing." Lincoln: "Okay, on to Cheryl and Meryl's!" [They ride off, passing two kids dressed as a hot dog and mummy. But as they do, the street lights flicker, which the kids notice. Then a large shadow appears over them, which the kids notice. They get frightened and run away, indicating that Chandler's attempt to mock Zach's gear did summon something after all.]
[Chateau Royal Condos: A wolf howls as the Planet Protection Patrol arrives.] Lincoln: "Here we are. Last year, Cheryl and Meryl let us take a whole handful of candy!" [The group runs inside and rings the doorbell to the Farrells' apartment, but there is no response to their confusion. Lincoln knocks on the door, and it mysteriously opens by itself.] "It's open. Maybe Cheryl and Meryl are giving out candy inside?" [The gang peeks inside.] "Hello? Hello?" [The apartment is empty, but there is a yellow substance on a TV dinner table near the couch, and the television is giving a strange, glowing static. Lincoln speaks into his watch.] "Commander's log: We've enter the far reaches of the Farrell condo in search of candy. No signs yet of intelligent life." [The group walks inside, and Stella turns off the television.] Liam: "Well, they must be around here somewhere." [He dips his finger in the yellow substance, and it's gooey and sticky, which disgusts Stella.] "These dinners here are still warm." Stella: "Gross, what is that?" Liam:[holding his finger near Stella's face; the latter backs away, wincing squeamishly] "Looks like lemon gelatin to me. That's good eatin'." Rusty:[makes radio static offscreen] "Andromeda Crew, assemble!" [The scene cuts to him closing the door and revealing a bowl of candy.] "I've hit the motherload!" [He holds up the bowl.] Lincoln, Clyde, Zach, and Stella: "Oooohhh!" Lincoln: "Hmmm..." Clyde: "Everything okay, Commander?" Lincoln: "It's probably nothing, but why would they leave the door open, and the candy out like this? It's kind of weird." Zach: "Maybe they're just on the honor system." Rusty: "Well, I'd be honored to take their candy." Lincoln: "Hmmm... I guess there's nothing to worry about. Let's move out, Triple-P. Time to hit up Flip's. This is the one night of the year he gives away anything for free." [The five of them exit the Farrells' apartment, but Liam is seen eating the dinners, which catches Zach's attention.] Zach: "Hey, uh, Trunk, you coming or not?" [Liam places the tray down and jumps off the couch, but he gets the sticky substance on his trunk and is pulled back into the couch.] Liam: "Dang, that's some hearty gelatin. I gotta get their recipe!" [The gelatin drips down the screen as it transitions.]
[The Loud house: Lola is fluffing Lucy's face when they hear someone humming. They peek out the window and see Darcy, dressed as a pirate and walking accordingly as she approaches the porch.] Lucy: "Lisa's friend Darcy is walking up. Let's look alive--er, strike that, look dead." Lola: "Scaring a five-year-old? At least this we should be able to pull off." [Everyone hides as Luan turns off the light.] Lucy: "Luan, wait." [She runs over and splashes fake blood all over her sister, to Luan's disgust.] "That's better." [Luan groans] Darcy:[She walks up to the front door and knocks on it.] "Trick-or-treat! I'm D-aaarrrrgghh-cy!" [chuckles] Luan:[opens the door] "Enter the Loud House of Horror... if you dare!" Darcy:[She is not afraid.] "Cool fake blood." [She enters the house, to Luan's confusion.] [Darcy enters the house as Luna walks down the stairs, mumbling and groaning like a zombie. But she suddenly coughs out her cosplay teeth.] Luna: "Huh?" [She puts them back in her mouth and chuckles nervously.] [Darcy laughs and walks into the living room, leaving Luna disappointed. Lola descends from the ceiling by rope and snarls like a spider, but Darcy is still not scared. In fact, she giggles as one of Lola's spider appendages rubs against her head.] Darcy: "That tickles." Lola: "Ugh, be more scared!" [Darcy walks over to the cemetery decorations as Lynn Sr. and Rita walk up and roar. But instead, the parrot on Darcy's hat squawks and flaps its wings, scaring them instead as they fall backwards.] Lynn Sr.: "Demon bird!" [They hit the ground, and Darcy just laughs. A camera flash clicks as Leni takes Darcy's picture, but when it comes out, they are confused.] Leni and Lucy: "Huh?" [The picture shows Darcy laughing instead of being scared, and Leni lowers the picture to see Darcy is still excited while their parents are lying on the ground in their costume.] Darcy: "That was so fun! Can I do it again?" [Rita and Lynn Sr. frown.] Lucy: "Disappointed sigh." [facepalm] "This might be our worst Halloween ever." [End of Act I.]
Act II[]
[Flip's Food & Fuel: The screen fades in on the glowing moon and pans down to the building as an owl hoots and a wolf howls. The wind blows, and a fly buzzes by the "Open" sign. It lands on a spider's web, and the screen zooms in as a spider catches the fly and eats it.] Flip: "Alright Nacho, almost there." [He watches in excitement as Nacho--dressed as a hot dog--pulls a rope out of a hole in the floor. He struggles to get it out, and a giant sack flies out and lands on the ground. It leaves a cloud of dust as Flip and Nacho cough.] "Ooh, hot taquitos! Didn't I tell you I had a buttload of candy in the in the crawl space?" [He grabs the sack and reaches in for a piece of the candy.] "I got it for pennies on the dollar 'cause, technically, it's from World War II." [The camera cuts to the piece of candy, which says it was made in 1942 by the US Army, and a wheezing sound is heard.] "Hey, you want a piece?" [The camera pans to Nacho, who nods and opens his mouth. Flip throws it into his mouth, but the candy is so heavy that it knocks him backward into the wall. Nacho spits it out, and the candy breaks the ground.] "Look at that: Still good." [Nacho jumps out of the wall and chitters, pointing at his wrist.] Flip: "Yeah, yeah, go have fun trick-or-treatin' with your pals." [Nacho heads out.] "But stay away from that shifty possum. He's a bad influence." [Flip dumps his sack of miniature cannonball candy into a jack-o-lantern bucket on the counter, and some spiders fall out. He puts the sack away, but suddenly the lights start flickering. Flip scratches his head and shrugs...] "Hmm." [...but as he turns his back, the door opens on its own.] "Okay Nacho, what'd you forget?" [But there's nobody at the door, and the wind blows the door shut, which startles Flip.] "Nacho?" [He hears another thudding sound, and a box of cereal falls off the shelf. Flip gets nervous.] "Hello? Who, who's there?" [He notices a jar rolling along the aisle by itself, and it comes to a stop at his feet. Now Flip is getting frightened.] "Y-you can take anything, from the clearance shelf!" [The lights flicker again and the security camera beeps. Suddenly, a large shadow covers Flip, and the scene cuts to the TV for his security camera. Flip cowers as a growling sound is heard, and then the TV goes to static. Outside, the lights flash green as the roaring noise is heard, and then the lights go out as it becomes silent.]
[Lincoln rides his bike through a puddle as he and his friends pedal through Royal Woods. As they pass a few houses, the street lights flicker. They arrive at Flip's and enter.] Rusty:[singsong] "Trick-or-treat, smell my feet. Give me something good to eat." [elbows Zach] "You like that one, Lieutenant Blorb?" [Zach rolls his eyes and walks away.] "Come on, it's a classic." Liam: "Yoo-hoo, Flip! Where ya at?" [The six of them stop in the middle of the store, realizing it's empty too.] Lincoln:[to his watch] "Commander's log: There are oddly no signs of life here either. I'm raising our official alert level to orange." Zach: "Eyes on the prize, Fox. We've got candy to find." Clyde: "No, the commander is right. It's not like Flip to leave any of his merchandise unattended." Liam:[He glances at the counter.] "Huh? Woo-hoo, jackpot!" [He points at Flip's candy, and everyone else sees it.] Planet Protection Patrol:[The word appears above them.] "Candy!" [They begin swiping the candy.] Zach: "Load up, guys!" Rusty: "What a haul!" [The lights flicker again, but they don't notice. Stella takes a piece of candy and licks her lips. She eats it, but as she tries to bite it, the word "CRUNCH!" appears and shatters to the sound of breaking glass. She spits it out, as well as a tooth.] Stella: "Yup, that's expired." [She feels around the gap in her mouth from where she lost the tooth, then she places the lost tooth back inside her mouth and shoves it in. In response, Zach spits out one as well and Rusty throws his into the Flippee machine, causing Flippee juice to pour out. Zach runs over.] Zach: "Dude, free Flippees!" [He places his sack under the flowing juice.] Lincoln: "My commander senses are tingling. Hmm... Something feels off." Rusty: "I bet this is just Flip playing a Halloween prank." [glances into the security camera] "Okay Flip, you can come out now." [Zach's sack is filled with Flippee juice, but when he tries to walk away, it is so heavy that it pulls him back into it.] "Oh, Flip? Come out, come out wherever you are." [He suddenly steps in the yellow slimy substance from Cheryl and Meryl's apartment and slips.] "Whoa!" [He launches into the air and lands on his bottom, making Lincoln and Clyde cringe. Rusty reaches behind him and gets the substance on his fingers.] "Eww! I slipped on Flip snot!" [He shakes it off, flinging it into Clyde's glasses.] Clyde:[He takes the stuff off his glasses.] "Ugh, gross!" Rusty: "Your name is Dr. Mucus." [chuckles nervously] Clyde:[gasps] "That's Huey-Huey for 'intelligent', you unevolved Earthling!" [Lincoln's watch beeps, so he checks it.] Lincoln: "Oh, it's almost 8:00. I need to head home soon." [runs toward the door] "We should get a move on if we want to hit one more house." [Liam, Zach, and Stella follow him out.] Rusty: "Ugh, get away from me!" [He runs out of the store as Clyde follows him, chuckling.]
[As the Planet Protection Patrol bicycles away from Flip's, they pass the streetlights, but they don't flicker. Suddenly, Lincoln notices something ahead.] Lincoln: "Is that...Trent?" [Up ahead, he can see Trent by himself waving them down.] Zach: "Don't make eye contact." [The Planet Protection Patrol ignores Trent and pedals away, except Clyde, who screeches to a stop and feels guilty about leaving Trent all by himself.] Stella: "Clyde, what are you doing?" Clyde: "I know he's a jerk, but what if he needs help? The Huey-Huey are a compassionate people, and I'm trying to embody my character." Rusty: "Respect, Mucus." [Lincoln sighs, so they all head back to Trent.] Clyde: "What's going on?" Trent: "Hey, have you guys seen Chandler?" Zach:[annoyed] "Thankfully not." Trent: "Weird. He went to go take a whiz in that bush over there and he never came back. If you run into him, tell him to hit me up on my cell." [walks away] Lincoln:[to his watch] "Commander's log: The crew has encountered another potential missing person." [A crow caws, and he gets nervous as he looks around the neighborhood. But there is only a few papers being blown in the wind. Lincoln gulps in fear.] "And I officially have a bad feeling about tonight." [cringes] Rusty: "Halloween will do that, dawg. Your brain is just playing tricks on ya." [Suddenly, a cackling voice is heard in the distance. The six kids huddle together in fear as a silhouetted figure runs down the street to them...] Mrs. Bernardo: "You are all going to die!" [The kids shriek, but the figure holds up a flyer] "...Of laughter when you see my one-woman Halloween improv show, playing this week only at the Royal Woods Cemetery!" [The figure is revealed as Mrs. Bernardo, and her flyer is advertising a show of comedy and goofs titled Whose Scream is it Anyway? A Bernardo Production.] "Everyone will pay..." [The kids get afraid...] "$10 for entry except seniors and active military, who get in free!" [Mrs. Bernardo runs down the street, throwing flyers in the air and cackling maniacally. The Planet Protection Patrol walk over to one of the flyers.] Zach: "Got to admit, that was effective advertising." [picks up the flyer] "I'm buying a ticket." [Clyde runs over and finds Trent's hockey mask lying on the ground.] Clyde: "Uh-oh." [picks it up] "Trent dropped his hockey mask. Let's give it back to him." Lincoln:[His watch beeps and he gets nervous.] "Okay, but we've got to hurry." [The streetlights flicker again as the Planet Protection Patrol rides down the street, looking for Trent. They come to a corner and stop.] Lincoln: "Aren't those Trent's boots?" [The screen cuts to Trent's boots, which have strangely been discarded and are smoking.] Stella: "Pretty sure they weren't smoking a minute ago...and he was in them." [Zach takes off his helmet and runs over to Trent's boots. He picks up one, but it's stuck to the sidewalk with the same yellow substance from before. It snaps and Zach touches it, observing it and smelling it.] Rusty: "That looks like the junk I slipped in at Flip's." Stella: "And the same stuff we saw on Cheryl and Meryl's dinner." Liam:[disgusted] "Wait, I ate that." Clyde: "What the heck is it?" Zach:[realizes] "Uh, we may have a problem." [He reaches into a pouch under his jacket and pulls out a test tube. He scrapes some of the yellow stuff on it.] "If this test tube turns purple, the substance in question is... alien DNA!" [The others whimper in horror. Zach holds a syringe over the test tube and squeezes a drop of blue liquid into the test tube. In slow-motion, it drops into the yellow substance and glows. The substance turns red...] Lincoln, Clyde, Stella, Rusty, and Liam:[relieved] "Phew." [...only to immediately turn purple! Everyone gasps in horror.] Stella: "So the reason these people are disappearing is...aliens are abducting them?!" Zach:[frightened] "Affirmative, Cronk!" [A buzzing noise is heard, and everyone yelps. But Lincoln realizes it's his phone, so he answers it.] Lincoln:[nervously] "Mom?" Rita:[The scene cuts to her and Lynn Sr. in the kitchen, the latter of whom is taking more witch finger cookies out of the oven.] "Lincoln, we need you to come home. Lucy wants you to put a dead body in the bushes." Lincoln:"Forget the haunted house!" [Haunted organ music begins playing] Rita:[confused] "'Forget the haunted house'?" Lynn Sr.: "What?" Lincoln: "Lock the doors and don't let anyone in! There are aliens afoot!" Rita: "I'm sorry sweetie, I can't hear you. It's really loud in here." [to Luna] "Luna! Would you mind? I'm on the phone!" Luna:[She is revealed to have been playing the haunted music on an organ.] "No prob, let me just do a quick finale." [She plays the finale, but one of her gloves flies off and hits Lola, which gets her angry.] Lola: "Mom! Luna hit me!" Lincoln: "ALIENS! THERE ARE ALIENS IN ROYAL WOODS!!!" Rita:[not believing him] "Okay mister, time to slow down on the candy. You sound frantic." [Obviously, Lincoln is frantic, knowing his family is in danger! As proof, the lights flicker, and then the doorbell rings.] "Hold on, Lincoln, there's a trick-or-treater at the door!" Lincoln:"Mom! No, don't open it!" [Unfortunately, his parents ignore his warning and open the front door to an unseen visitor.] Rita: "Welcome to the Loud House of Horrors! Enter if you dare!" Lynn Sr.: "Ooh, cool costume. Leni, get a picture." [Leni comes over and takes a picture of the visitor with her camera, and it comes out... But then the visitor snarls.] "Wait, wait, wh-what are you doing?" [The shadow of the visitor conceals them, and the screen turns black, with only Lynn Sr. and Rita screaming in horror. The scene cuts back to Lincoln, and the line cuts.] Lincoln:[voice breaking] "Mom? Dad? Anyone?" [Lincoln looks at his friends, and they are all horrified.] [The scene cuts to Lincoln pedaling frantically down the road toward home with his friends close behind. Lincoln is desperate to help his family, but as he approaches his house and runs inside...] Lincoln: "Hello? Anyone here?" [...the house is empty, and Lincoln is horrified.] Stella:"Lincoln? I found something." [She has found Leni's picture, stuck in a pile of the alien slime. She picks it out and is stunned.] Lincoln: "What is it, Stella?" [Stella shows him the picture, and as it fades into visibility, Lincoln sees the creature that attacked his family: It has a yellow body with three eyes, several tentacles, and is pointing a blaster at the camera. Lincoln is horrified to realize that his family was abducted by the aliens too!] Lincoln:"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" [End of Act II.]
Act III[]
[Lincoln and the rest of the Planet Protection Patrol run down the street frantically.] Lincoln: "Are your families all safe?" [The screen pans back to Liam, Stella, and Rusty, who are all on their phones. They all give a thumbs-up.] Liam: "Oh, yeah, Mee-Maw said she an' Virginia are hunkerin' in the henhouse." Zach:[He is shown trying to talk to his parents through a waffle maker.] "I'm still trying my parents!" [The waffle maker makes strange noises.] "Hello? Hello?" [Rusty and Stella are bemused.] Stella:[to Rusty] "Should we tell him he's been talking to a waffle maker for the last five minutes?" Zach: "It's a waffle phone, Stella! My parents made it so the government can't listen to our phone calls." [The waffle maker phone makes a dead line beeping noise.] "Ugh, still no service! They must not be close enough to syrup." Lincoln: "Don't give up!" [glances ahead and gasps] "We're here! Come on!" [They arrive at the police station.] [Inside the police station, the officer at the desk yawns. The Planet Protection Patrol barges in and begin talking all at once. The officer stops them.] Officer: "Okay, okay. One at a time, please." [However, the kids immediately talk all at once again, so the officer stops them again.] "Let's try that again." [to Rusty] "You first, Muscles, from the beginning." Rusty:[clears his throat] "I was born on a moonless night, a perfect baby with a full head of flaming red hair..." Officer: "Yeah, let's fast-forward a bit." Lincoln:[He shows the officer the picture of the alien.] "Look! This alien has landed right here in Royal Woods and is abducting people! It even took my family!" [The officer takes the photo.] Officer:[unconvinced] "Uh-huh, right. Every Halloween, it's the same: Worst night of the year." [Just then, Officer Schoffner comes up.] Officer Schoffner: "Hang tight, guys. I can help you. Be right back." [She hurries off.] Liam: "Finally, someone who gets it." Officer Schoffner:[She hurries back in, this time dressed as another creature of Planet Protection Patrol.] "Corporal Kweeb reporting for duty, Commander Fox!" [She takes a stapler and fires three staples like a gun.] "I love Planet Protection Patrol!" [The kids and the other officer are surprised.] "In fact, I was gonna go trick-or-treating after my shift." [Clyde gasps in delight, but the male officer groans.] Clyde: "Greetings, sister. It warms my suction cups to see a fellow Huey-Huey." [Officer Schoffner bows to Clyde, and the two of them gargle and wave their tentacles up and down together.] Lincoln: "ENOUGH HUEY-HUEYING! You don't understand, officer, this is real! You have to believe us!" Officer Schoffner:[She winks, not understanding the situation.] "Tell you what: Swing by the station later, and we can keep this going!" [The kids all groan and leave, realizing the police aren't taking them seriously.] Male Officer: "Uh, think you and your tentacles can cover the desk? I need a break." [Schoffner glares]
[Outside the police station, the kids are disappointed.] Lincoln: "If nobody's gonna help, then we'll have to stop these aliens ourselves! Who else is better equipped to save the world than us? We're Triple-P, the galaxy's last resort!" Liam: "So what's the mission, Foxy? Where do we start lookin'?" Stella: "How about over there?" [A flaming meteor is shown. It circles the moon and lands on a hill in the distance, exploding upon impact. The kids gasp and hurry toward it.] Rusty: "If that's an alien, I'm gonna go all," [karate chops] "hi-yah! on its space butt! Wait, do aliens have butts?" Zach: "In the Glord Nebula, they have five." Rusty:[gasp] "That's, like, ten cheeks! Perfect. The more, the better."
[Lincoln reaches the top of the hill and gasps as his friends arrive.] Lincoln: "Looks like it crashed over there!" [He points to an orange, smoky glow emanating from behind a bunch of leaves.] Zach: "Guys, I know I promised my parents we wouldn't use our gear, but..." [He pulls out a hair dryer wrapped in Christmas lights.] "Desperate times." [His hair dryer sparkles.] Rusty: "Sick!" [He and Stella reveal similar hair dryers, followed by Clyde and Liam.] [The six of them poke through the leaves and see the light coming from a crater in the ground. It fades out, and a shadowy figure crawls out, moaning. It walks toward them, its eyes glowing in the dark. The kids gasp, but as the figure comes into view, it's revealed to be Flip. He is covered in twigs, leaves, and alien substance. He also is only wearing his underwear.] Lincoln: "Flip?" Flip:[dizzy and mumbling incoherently] "Aliens! Test tubes! Goo!" [He collapses and the kids come over to him.] "Big ship!" [Clyde slaps Flip with one of his tentacles.] Clyde: "Snap out of it! Also, I'm sorry." [Flip groans] Zach: "What the heck happened to you?" Flip:[stands up] "Okay, so there I was, putting out perfectly legal candies at the Food & Fuel, when all of a sudden, the lights start flickering! I was about to give Royal Woods Electric an earful, when I come face-to-face with this goo-man! He zapped me with some sort of abductor ray!" [The kids gasp] "Next thing I know, I'm in a ship covered in goo and scared out of my mind!" Rusty: "Whoa! Did you happen to see if the aliens had butts?" Flip: "Oh, they had butts alright. Five of 'em!" Lincoln: "Forget the butts! Did you see my family?" Flip: "The whole lot of 'em! They had us stuffed in these tubes like we were gas station beef sticks!" Lincoln:[gasp] "What?!" [Clyde faints] "Nobody beef-sticks my family!" Stella: "How did you manage to escape?" Flip: "I didn't have to. They gave me the boot! I guess ol' Flip wasn't good enough for their weird alien probe-fest. Eh, could be 'cause my body's 85% nacho cheese." Zach: "So where's their ship now?" Flip: "I don't know, but you'd better find them fast, chiefs! They're collecting humans, and they only need one more before they're outta here!" [Clyde stands up, dizzy.] Lincoln: "It's not too late! We just need to find them before they get to that last human!" Stella: "But we don't know where they are. They could be anywhere." Clyde:[gasp] "Look!" [He points to a row of streetlights along a sidewalk path heading to town.] "Flickering lights! That's been happening all night. It must mean an alien is nearby." Lincoln: "Follow those lights!" [The six of them run after the lights, past Flip.] Flip: "Hey, you tell those aliens I want my pants back! Those are my skinny jeans!"
[Franklin Avenue: An alien slithers up to Mr. Grouse's house, hissing and snarling. It knocks on the door, waking him up.] Mr. Grouse: "Oh, I'm already tucked in." [knocking] "You're not gonna go away, are you?" [knocking] "Fine, I'm coming, but I don't have any candy!" [He gets out of bed.] "Eh, ahh, let me check the fridge, maybe I have some cold cuts." [Outside, the lights on the street continue flickering. Lincoln and the Action News Team arrive at the corner of Olive Street and Franklin Avenue and run toward the alien.] Lincoln: "Commander's log: Andromeda crew now entering Franklin Street. Proceeding with caution. Once we immobilize the target, we'll grab its abductor ray, and we'll reverse the beam, safely bringing back my family, Cheryl, and Meryl." Clyde: "What about Chandler and Trent?" [Lincoln is annoyed to even think about saving them.] Lincoln:[reluctantly] "Fine, them too." [Stella suddenly stops, and everyone else bumps into her and falls over.] Stella:[She gulps and points ahead.] "There it is." [The kids stand up and see the alien waiting outside Mr. Grouse's house. The camera zooms in on it and it turns around, noticing something and snarling. The kids get frightened and hide behind a large pile of leaves.] Lincoln: "Okay crew, set phasers to immobilize." [Lincoln flips the switch on his hair dryer phaser, and the Christmas lights change from red to green.] Liam: "Wait! What if that there alien tries to zap us?" Zach:[He notices something and gasps.] "I know!" [He runs over to some trash cans and grabs six of the lids, bringing them to his friends.] "Everyone take one of these!" [He hands a lid to each of them.] Rusty: "These will protect us against an abduction ray?" Zach: "Oh yeah. The elemental composition of these bad boys repels alien photons, rays, blasters, phasers, and unwanted odors." [Rusty suddenly farts, and Liam blocks the smell from his face using his trash can lid. Then he smells it.] Liam: "No odor detected." [He gives a thumbs-up.] [Liam, Rusty, Zach, Clyde, Stella, and Lincoln line up with their phasers.] Lincoln: "Alright, follow my lead." [The camera cuts to the alien.]"Hey, slime ball! Over here!" [Through the perspective of its three eyes, the alien scans the neighborhood and notices a hooded figure. It grunts in response and expands four arms, one holding its abductor ray Flip mentioned. It approaches the figure and prepares to blast it, but the wind knocks it over. A jack-o-lantern rolls out of the hood, and the alien snarls in confusion and looks around.] Lincoln:[offscreen] "Triple-P!" [The screen pans to him.] "Shooting star formation!" [The Planet Protection Patrol dons their phasers and shields, and they begin firing at the alien, making war cries. The alien dodges them and watches as they approach with their shields.] "We've got you now, alien!" [But the alien glares and prepares its own weapon. It returns fire, aiming at Liam, but the blast ricochets off his shield, then Stella's and Zach's, and it strikes a bird in a tree. It disappears upon impact. Realizing its blasts don't work on the shields, it makes its own battle cry and reveals its other three arms, all holding similar guns. It begins spinning around and firing its blasters, but the Planet Protection Patrol block its shots with their shields. Suddenly, it stops shooting, and everyone notices.] Stella and Clyde: "Huh?" [The alien realizes its blasters aren't doing anything to the kids' shields, so it retracts its arms and slithers away. Liam sees him trying to escape.] Liam: "Hey! He's tryin' to skedaddle!" [The alien comes out of a bush and runs down the street. Lincoln, Clyde, Stella, Zach, and Rusty follow him through the bush while Liam pushes through the fence. He instead rolls down the street in pursuit. Lincoln fires at the alien as he tries to immobilize it, and the alien returns fire. It comes to a garage with a picture of a cemetery taped to it and runs into it, not realizing it's a decoration. Lincoln and Clyde's shadows appear, and the alien growls in surprise as the Planet Protection Patrol surrounds him.] Lincoln: "We got you now!" [He fires his phaser, but the alien ducks and avoids it.] "Whoa!" [Hiding in a strange belt it wears, the alien slithers past the group and rises, preparing to fire again.] Stella:[amazed] "It can do that?!" [She gasps and ducks as the alien's blast narrowly misses her. She rises again, and the alien flees again.] [The alien slides down the street with the Planet Protection Patrol making battle cries and shooting their phasers. The alien slithers past a fence, and the kids run past it as well. The alien pokes its eyes out from behind a tree, then it hides behind a bush and then another tree--which turns and reveals itself to be Liam's trunk costume.] Liam: "Timber maneuver!" [He falls onto the alien, causing it to drop its phaser as well as a glob of its slime. The alien struggles to break free, but the kids approach him. Lincoln fires his phaser at the alien, successfully immobilizing it.] Lincoln: "He's immobilized! Phase one complete, crew!" Clyde: "Permission to celebrate, Commander?" [Lincoln nods] "Woo-hoo! Aw yeah, gimme some tentacle!" [He slaps Rusty and knocks him over.] "Oops, sorry." Zach:[He picks up the alien's phaser.] "Oh, a Flerbian particle configurator! These are top of the line. I just need to reverse the polarity of the beam, and then we can bring everybody back!" [However, nobody notices the un-immobilized glob of the alien's DNA become a tentacle, and it crawls its way along the ground. It crawls its way to Stella and climbs up her leg while Zach is reconfiguring the phaser.] "And, got it!" [Suddenly, he notices something and gasps.] "Stella! Don't move!" [The screen cuts to Stella, showing the tentacle is holding her phaser.] Stella:[puzzled] "Huh? What, why?" [She glances down and sees the alien's tentacle grasping her weapon and she freaks out.] [The tentacle fires Stella's phaser at the rest of its body, freeing it from its immobilization field. The alien towers over Lincoln, Clyde, Rusty, and Stella and glares at them in anger.] Lincoln:[nervously] "Uh-oh..." [The alien swats at them with its tentacle. It suddenly approaches Clyde--who doesn't have a shield--and it aims another phaser at him. Clyde gets afraid.] Clyde: "Ahhh! Where's my shield?!" Lincoln: "Clyde! Take mine!" [Lincoln tosses his shield to his best friend. Clyde catches it and reflects the alien's blast.] Clyde: "Phew." [The alien, realizing Lincoln is vulnerable, growls and turns toward him. Lincoln bravely stares down the alien as it points its phaser at him, ready to shoot. Seeing him in danger, his friends get frightened.] Clyde: "Lincoln!" Lincoln: "It's always crew before commander." [He nobly closes his eyes and salutes to his friends. The alien's phaser powers up and fires at Lincoln, and the blast hits him! Lincoln's body is enveloped in a purple light, and he disappears in a flash!] [His friends open their eyes, and seeing their best friend gone, they gasp in horror!] Stella:[desperately] "Lincoln!" Clyde:[teary-eyed] "No!" Zach:[angered] "Give us our friend back!" Rusty: "YOU MONSTER!" [Rusty and Zach charge toward the alien, but the alien, now having the last human needed, fires its phaser upon itself. It disappears before anyone can touch it.] Stella: "He's gone! What do we do now?!" Zach:[He hears a sound and gasps, pointing toward the sky.] "Up there!" [The aliens' spaceship rises into the sky.] "They're leaving!" [The spaceship flies away, leaving the rest of the kids staring in horror. They become saddened over losing their dear friend Lincoln.] Liam:[saddened] "Ahh, what were we thinkin'? We're not Triple-P. We're just a bunch of cosplayin' dorks." Clyde:[heartbroken and tearful] "And now I've lost my best friend." [He tosses away his shield.] "I'll never forget the sacrifice you made, Lincoln. You were the only Clincoln to my McCloud!" [He begins crying over the loss of his best friend.] Zach:[thinks for a second, and then he gasps.] "Clyde! Quit crying!" Clyde:[He stops crying and turns around.] "Huh?" Stella: "Wow, Zach, way insensitive." Zach: "No, no, no! I meant there's still a way to save Lincoln and the others!" [Clyde wipes away his tears and grins hopefully.] "Follow me!" [Zach runs off, and his friends follow him, determined to rescue Lincoln.] [End of Act III.]
Act IV[]
[Gurdle house: Zach enters the garage and turns on the light. His friends poke inside and see a bunch of machines. The screen pans to a strange device covered by a white sheet. Zach runs over and pulls off the sheet, revealing it to be a modified photo booth.] Zach: "Taa-dah!" [His friends are puzzled.] Clyde: "We're gonna save everyone with...a photo booth?" Zach: "Guys, this is my mom and dad's newest invention: A teleportation device. It dematerializes whatever's inside and beams it somewhere else! That's how we can get on that spaceship!" [Everyone squeezes inside.] "Okay, let's turn this bad boy on. It's manual, so there's a crank on the side to keep the power going." Rusty: "Sounds like a job for the Dream Dude!" [Rusty kisses his air muscles and steps outside, pushing the crank.] Zach: "First thing we have to do is track the ship's location with our radar." [He presses a few buttons, and two satellite dishes on top of the booth--one made out of a colander--begin moving. But the booth loses power. Zach pounds on the inside of the booth, and it powers back up.] Rusty:[groans in exhaustion] "You want to move it along in there?" [wheezes] "Not that I'm tired. I could do this all day!" [Zach presses another button, and the machine powers up. The screen inside the booth powers on, showing a kitten filter called "Kitten Around".] Stella: "Ooh, there are so many fun filter options!" Zach: "Focus, Stella!" [The screen switches to live feed outside the house, then it locates the aliens' spaceship and locks onto it.] "Found it! Okay Rusty, get in here!" [Rusty stops cranking and gets inside the teleporter with his friends.] "I'm engaging teleportation!" [He pulls a handle, and the machine begins shaking and sparking, producing smoke.] "Full disclosure: I'm not 100% sure this'll work. Last time my parents tested this, they were aiming for Saturn, but ended up in the Burpin' Burger bathroom." Clyde: "Wait, what?" [The booth glows and levitates, and then the glow fades. A set of pictures come out of the dispense slot, showing Liam smiling while the others are nervous and uneasy.]
[In an unknown location, the five members of the Planet Protection Patrol appear in a flash. They land in what looks like a bathroom and believe the teleporter didn't work.] Stella: "Aw man, the Burpin' Burger bathroom again?" Rusty: "I could go for some fries." [His friends glare at him.] "What? Lincoln would want us to eat." Zach:[looks down] "Wait. One, two, three, four..." [He gasps as the screen zooms out, revealing the toilet has five bowls.] "This toilet seat is built for five alien butts! We're on the ship!" Stella: "We got to find out where they're holding everybody. Set phasers to immobilize." [The crew powers up their phasers and they exit the bathroom. As the doors open, they can see six aliens in the control room. Rusty runs out, growling and aiming his phaser.] Rusty: "Trick-or-treat, alien scum! Tentacles up and nobody gets hurt!" [The aliens gasp in shock and turn toward the group. One of them swats Rusty's weapon away.] "Ow! I said nobody gets hurt!" Stella:[She and the rest of the crew aim their weapons.] "Last warning, creeps! Tentacles up!" [The alien swats away their phasers as well. Clyde is shocked.] Clyde:[grins] "So that's how you want to play? Triple-P! Meteor shower attack!" [Liam, Zach, and Stella charge while Clyde throws his cosplay ears like boomerangs. One whacks an alien in the head, making it dizzy.] Liam: "Watch your multiple butts! Here comes the Trunk Tornado!" [He spins around and knocks over two aliens. Two more roar and charge at Zach.] Zach:[notices their goo] "Aha!" [He grabs one glob of their goo.] "Take that!" [He throws it at one of the alien's eyes, then another one, knocking it over.] Liam:[Making a battle cry, he rams into the other one and knocks it over.] "Guess y'all barked up the wrong tree!" [Three more aliens are surrounding Rusty. He backs away nervously, but he gets an idea.] Rusty: "Check this out." [breakdances] "Bet you've never seen sweet moves like these!" [The aliens are confused.] "Back on Earth, we call this the Pop..." [knocks away two] "...and Lock!" [kicks the third] "Aw, yeah!" [Stella makes a battle cry and charges at one of the aliens, but when she leaps at it, she gets caught in its body. She notices her phaser, so she lunges out of the alien's body and grabs it, pointing it at it.] Stella: "No more nice Cronk." [She fires and immobilizes the alien.] Zach: "Whoa, sweet move!" Stella:[She shudders at the yellow alien slime dripping from her body.] "Ugh. It was like being inside a pudding cup!" [Another alien snarls, and Rusty hides behind her. Stella fires at it and two more, immobilizing them, but another one pops up and Rusty points at it.] Rusty: "Look out!" [Stella immobilizes it, then the last one. Liam runs over.] Liam: "That'll teach 'em to mess with Triple-P! Now to find them captives." Clyde:[focusing] "Hmm... my Huey-Huey instinct is telling me they're...this way." [He points to a door beside him.] "Also, it's the only other door in the room." [He opens the door by pressing a button on its control panel.] "Come on!" [The Planet Protection Patrol hurries through the door, and Liam waits anxiously while Zach checks his watch. The door is to an elevator, which makes its way to the sixth and top floor. As the doors open, they all gasp. Ahead of them are several green test tubes, and inside them are their missing friends!] Leni: "Yay, we're rescued!" Rita: "Oh, thank goodness!" Lynn Sr.: "We don't like this." [cries] Lola: "You'd better believe I'm leaving a review of this establishment!" Lucy: "Five stars all the way." Lynn: "Bust me out of here!" Clyde:[He runs up to Lincoln's tube.] "I'll save you, buddy!" [He tries to lift the glass tube, then biting it, then punching it, but it's too durable and he gets worn out.] "I came in way too hot." [He slides down to the ground.] Lincoln: "Guys, look for a red lever! In Triple-P, there's always a red lever!" [Liam, Rusty, Stella, and Zach look nervous, but they hear a pounding. It's Chandler pounding on the glass to his tube.] Chandler: "Over here!" [The red lever is right next to his test tube.] Stella: "Wow, Chandler's actually being helpful!" Chandler: "Hurry up, losers!" [The Planet Protection Patrol glares at his typical response.] Zach: "There's our guy." [Liam, Zach, and Stella run over to the lever, and Zach jumps onto its control panel. But he can't remove the glass casing from the lever.] Zach:[straining] "This case won't budge!" [He is pulled into it and falls over. He stands up in a daze.] Stella: "Let me try to blast it open." [She reveals her phaser and fires at the case, but the glass doesn't break.] Chandler:[annoyed] "Great, we're never gonna get out of here." Rusty: "Allow me." [He sprints toward the glass and tries kicking it, but upon hitting the case, he ends up kicking himself in the face and falling over to his friends' shock. He pulls his foot out of his face and groans.] "Nothing's strong enough to break open that dumb case!" Lola: "Is anyone else coming, or just you guys?" Liam: "Stand back, y'all. Time for the old Cow Pie Kid scattershot!" [He reaches into his trunk and throws one of Flip's cannonball candies at the glass case. Sure enough, it breaks the glass! Liam catches his candy and chuckles.] "Hey, who woulda thought Flip's candy was actually good for somethin'?" [Zach pulls the lever, and the green fluids are sucked out of the tubes, letting their captives free. Meryl's hair gets caught in the tube, and Lori and Leni slide on the floor in disgust.] Leni: "My pores can breathe again!" Rita: "We're free!" Cheryl: "Bless your hearts!" Chandler: "What about me?" [His tube suddenly releases him, and he falls.] "Whoa!" [He hits the floor and pushes himself up.] "Geez, took you nerds long enough." [Trent lands on top of him.] Stella:[sarcastically] "Loving that 'attitude of gratitude'." [Suddenly, the ship begins shaking and the alarm blares. The ship shakes and stops, and the alarm continues blaring.] Lynn Sr.:[afraid] "What's going on?!" Clyde: "That kind of alarm on the Andromeda always signaled a power failure!" [He grabs Lincoln.] Lisa: "Gadzooks! Those aliens weren't just abducting us willy-nilly! They were using us as...human batteries! And now, with no source of power, this craft will plummet to Earth and crash!" [The Loud sisters gasp in horror, but Lola begins pushing them back toward their tubes.] Lola: "Back in your pods, human batteries! I have a mani-pedi on Friday I can't miss!" Lincoln:[offscreen] "Nobody needs to go back in because the ship isn't going to crash. We've watched Triple-P a million times. Remember the emergency landing they did on Kaley's Comet? We can do this. We know the protocol. Who's with me?" [Clyde salutes. Then the screen pans between the other four members of the Planet Protection Patrol: Zach salutes, then Rusty, Stella, Liam gives a thumbs-up. Finally, the screen pans on Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Crew, to your stations!" [End of Act IV.]
Act V[]
[The Planet Protection Patrol take up positions in the ship's control room, with Lincoln as the captain.] Rusty: "Deputy Dream Dude's got the slimeballs covered to make sure there's no funny business this time." [The screen pans out to reveal the immobilized aliens. One glob of DNA tries to approach him, but Rusty disintegrates it with his phaser.] "Not today, goo-boy." [blows on his phaser] [The Louds and Farrells come over to see their rescuers taking action.] Lincoln: "Lieutenant Blorb, status report!" Zach:[He is targeting Earth on a monitor.] "Total freefall in three...two..." [The ship starts freefalling, and everyone screams. Lincoln remains determined despite the terminal velocity of the ship, but it begins flaming as it accelerates. Lori is pushed back against the ship's wall as she clutches Lily, and she holds her up as the rest of her family plus Cheryl and Meryl hit the same spot.] Lynn:[She is standing up and enjoying the high speed freefall.] "SICK G-FORCE, BABY!" Lincoln: "We got to slow this down or we'll never survive the impact!" Clyde:[monitoring their radar] "Don't worry about that. This meteor shower is probably gonna destroy us first!" Lincoln:[sighs calmly] "That's a relief." [He suddenly realizes what Clyde just said.] "Wait, what?!" [Sure enough, the ship is plummeting through a meteor shower!] "THIS CALLS FOR EVASIVE MANEUVERS, STAT!" [He takes the steering controls.] Stella: "We have just enough reserve power left for you to steer, Commander!" Rusty: "Ooh, can I charge my phone?" [Stella growls at him] "Or later is fine." [slinks down] Lincoln: "Hang on, everybody!" [Lincoln begins steering the freefalling ship through the meteors.] "Things are about to get bumpy!" [The ship dodges one meteor while everyone struggles to hold on. Lincoln pulls back on the controls and steers past another meteor, but the keyboard alarm goes off. Zach quickly presses on the flashing buttons as the ship accelerates, with everyone screaming in horror. The ship travels through a meteor and begins rattling. Lincoln spins the controls to guide the ship through the meteor's cave and out of it, then he grabs the controls. The ship exits the meteor shower and begins falling to Earth.] Clyde: "Well done, Commander. We're out of the meteor shower, but still falling fast!" Lincoln: "Then we're just gonna have to do our best to bring her down safely! Tech Sergeant Cronk, engage landing gear!" Stella: "On it!" [She grabs the lever and tries to engage the gear, but it won't budge.] "Trunk, give me a...limb!" [Liam salutes and jumps down from his chair to join Stella. The two of them try to pull the lever together, but maple sap from his trunk is shown on Liam's hands. Some of it drips down into the lever's machine, and it sparks as it shortens out.] Stella:[gasps in horror] "The sap from your costume's gunked up all the gears!" Lincoln: "I need that landing gear down ASAP!" [Stella pulls with Liam, but she falls to the floor.] Liam: "Dang it, Commander! I'm a talkin' tree, not a miracle worker!" [He keeps trying.] Zach: "We're coming in too hot! We'll never survive the impact!"
[The ship is still flaming, and Lincoln is getting nervous.] Lucy: "As tempting as a fiery demise sounds, I have an alternate idea: We can land in the big spider web in our yard. It's made out of tarantula silk, one of the strongest materials in the world." [Lincoln's friends are surprised at Lucy's idea.] Clyde:[salutes] "Awaiting your directive, Commander." [Lincoln is nervous about the direness of the situation. He glances toward the mirror, and he envisions Commander Nick Fox bravely saluting. Realizing that it's the only way to save everyone, he gets determined.] Lincoln:[He exhales and adjusts his commander's hat.] "Dr. Mucus, set course for 1216 Franklin Street. [cut to an extreme close-up on Lincoln's mouth] We're going home." [Clyde agrees and sets up the target. The monitor focuses on Michigan, then on Royal Woods, and the target is locked on for 1216 Franklin Avenue. Clyde presses the monitor.] Clyde: "We're locked on, Captain!" [He gives a thumbs-up, and Lincoln returns it.] Lincoln: "Let's do this!" [The ship freefalls back into Earth's atmosphere and flies over the trees. Lincoln groans as the ship flies over Royal Woods, heading for its target. It knocks over a tree.] "BRACE FOR IMPACT!!!" [The ship descends toward some houses, knocking over a chimney, a satellite dish, and two antennae. The debris hits the ship's windshield, but the windshield wipers repel it. Lincoln's family, Cheryl, Meryl, and the other members of the Planet Protection Patrol struggle to hold on and get nervous about crashing. Lincoln is nervous too, but then Chandler peeks out from behind the captain's chair. For once, even he is putting his faith in Lincoln.] Chandler:[nervously] "Come on, Lincoln Lame-o!" [The ship crashes through two more trees and right into the giant web decoration. It runs into Charles, who is gently pushed into a hole he's digging, and fortunately, the web brings the ship to a stop.] Everyone: "Phew." [Charles barks, and the ship is lifted up as the web straightens out. Unfortunately, the momentum flings Lily across the ship. Lily screams, and then she begins to fall, screaming again.] Rusty:[gasps] "I got you, Lily!" [He runs over and overinflates his suit. Lily crashes into him, and the two are knocked to the floor. Thankfully, Lily is okay, and she pops out of Rusty's suit.] Lily:[giggles] "Deputy Dream Dud, my hero." Rusty:[weakly] "It's 'Dude', but I'll let it slide because you're two." [Lily giggles] [Everyone cheers for Lincoln and his friends saving them. Lincoln runs over to his other friends.] Lincoln: "We did it!" [He and his friends group hug in victory.] Rita: "I am so proud of all of you kids!" Lynn Sr.: "Me too! Though, to be honest, I was out cold for most of the big finale." [chuckles] Lori: "Sorry we gave you a hard time earlier." Lola:[walks up to her big brother] "Yeah, we shouldn't have called you pathetic dweebs destined for a life of solitude." Lincoln:[confused] "I don't remember you saying that." Lola: "Oh, right." [chuckles] "That was after you left." [Lincoln glares at her.] Lisa: "I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth, but, I kind of want to watch Triple-P now." Lana: "Me too! You know what, we should have a viewing party!" Meryl: "Ooh, count me in, girl! I'll bring the snacks. I got a delicious recipe for crab nebula dip!" Liam: "Look! The immobilizin' ray's plumb wearin' off!" [The ray wears off, and the aliens freak out.] Rusty:[grabs his phaser] "No funny steps, slimewads!" Zach: "Rusty, wait! I think they're trying to tell us something." Liam: "Us humans, no talkie jibber-jabber." [One of the aliens reaches for its belt, and it turns a knob on it which changes languages.] Alien 1:[switches to Spanish] "Hola." [switches to French] "Bonjour." [switches to alien gibberish and finally switches to English] "Hello." [clears its throat] "I'm sorry, is that better?" [The Planet Protection Patrol are confused at realizing the aliens can talk their language, but they give a thumbs-up.] "Earthlings, please accept our apologies. We were passing through your galaxy and running low on fuel." [Flashback: The aliens are piloting their ship when it suddenly stops and splutters as the fuel runs out.] "That's when we received a transmission from one of your communicators." [Another alien reveals its communicator transmitting a message. End of flashback.] Chandler: "Ha! Your stupid omelet thing! I knew it!" [The Planet Protection Patrol glares as Chandler points at them.] "You're not heroes! You guys brought the aliens here! It's all their fault!" [However, one of the aliens replays the transmission, revealing it was actually Chandler who brought them.] Recording of Chandler:"Earth to aliens: We've got some space geeks here who are dying to meet you. Why don’t you come down so you can all have an intergalactic dork party?" [Chandler realizes his folly.] Alien 2: "Then the bad Earthling revealed you all disguise yourselves on your human holiday." Recording of Chandler:"There are millions of people in costumes tonight, but somehow, yours are the dumbest!" [Chandler frowns, realizing he's been found out.] Alien 2: "That gave us the idea to infiltrate your species and use you as a power source. It's well-known throughout the galaxies that human make great batteries." Alien 3: "Unfortunately, I'm always putting them in upside down." [chuckles] Lynn: "Nice going, Chandler." Lori: "You're literally the worst." Chandler:[showing no regret] "I'm so over all this!" [He presses the keypad and opens the door.] "Chandler out!" [He walks backwards, but he suddenly falls and lands in the Louds' web as karma.] "Ew, gross!" [The Planet Protection Patrol laugh at Chandler's literal downfall.] Alien 2: "Anyhoo, according to intergalactic law, you have defeated us and may now vaporize us." [The other two nod in defeat.] "Uh, but please, not the face." Clyde: "What? No! There's an old Huey-Huey proverb: Gleep, glipe, glank, gloopity-gloop-gloop, glop, grump, grank, grick-grick." [Everyone is confused, having no idea what that means.] "Rough translation: 'Forgive and forget'." Stella: "So, what do we do with them?" Liam: "They could always bunk in the barn with the animals!" Lisa: "Or, I can simply create a human-free alternative fuel to power their vessel back home." Alien 2: "Hmm, we prefer Option B." Lucy: "Okay, if you do us a favor first." [Jack-o-lanterns fly across the screen as a scene transition.]
[Later that night, Darcy returns to the Loud House of Horror as a wolf howls. She climbs up the stairs into the upper hallway, filled with excitement. The door to Lana and Lola's room opens, and Lynn comes out of it and moans like a zombie, but Darcy is not scared. Lana and Lola drop from the ceiling and screech like spiders, but Darcy laughs. Then Luna and Luan come out from their room and snarl, but Darcy laughs even more. Next, the door to Lori and Leni's room opens, and Lori, Leni, and Lily pop out from there and howl. Darcy is still laughing. Finally, the bathroom door opens and there is a green glow. Darcy gasps and walks to it, and two of the aliens' silhouettes rise. A third one roars and traps Darcy in its gelatin-like prison. Finally, Darcy is actually scared, so she runs out of the house screaming in fright. As she does, Lucy takes her picture. Darcy screams and runs to her mom, hugging her.] Darcy: "That...was...awesome!" [Her mom smiles.] Lucy:[She reveals the picture of Darcy screaming in fear.] "That's what I'm talking about." [She shows the picture to her sisters, and they all cheer at the success of their haunted house.]
[Candy is thrown into the air, and Zach zaps it with the aliens' phaser. Luna and a child in a ghost costume clap and giggle. Lana and Lola jump on an inflatable pumpkin, Cheryl and Meryl admire Stella's costume, and Rusty is gloating to some more kids dressed as a tiger and a nun.] Rusty: "Bam! I kicked him right in his fifth butt! Yeah, pretty much saved the whole day." Nun Child: "Ooh!" Tiger Child: "Wow!" [Lincoln and Clyde walk over to the aliens.] Alien 3: "We are loving Halloween!" Alien 2: "In fact, we are going to take the holiday back to our planet." Stella:[She and the rest of the Planet Protection Patrol walk over.] "Nice! Triple-P protected Earth and scored a win for space diplomacy." Officer Schoffner:[offscreen] "Corporal Kweeb reporting for duty!" [She runs over] "Sorry it took so long. Things were pretty busy at the police station--" [She suddenly trips on a rock and lands inside one of the aliens.] "Wow! Great job with the alien costumes. So realistic!" [The Planet Protection Patrol laughs, and the episode ends.][Happy Halloween!]
