Colonel Crackers is Luan's old ventriloquist dummy. Although he appears to be an inanimate puppet, Crackers is capable of talking on his own. Lincoln is shown to be frightened whenever he speaks.
Colonel Crackers wears a dark blue hat, a blue jacket with gold buttons, and epaulets. He has gray eyebrows, a long gray mustache, and bags under his eyes. He also has only one arm, as the other has gotten lost somehow. He also has really small pupils.
He strongly resembles the cereal box mascot, Cap'n Crunch.
"Head Poet's Anxiety" revealed that Luan had Mr. Coconuts when she was much younger, so it's unknown when or why she acquired Colonel Crackers.