The following is a transcript for the episode "Crashed Course."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[At the Loud House's living room, Lincoln is investigating a box addressed to him using a stethoscope to detect anything inside.] Lisa: "Sibling?" [Lincoln yelps and falls under the couch] "I'm discerning a heightened sense of anxiety. What's the prob?" Lincoln: "Ronnie Anne sent me that package, so anything could pop out." [Cut to a flashback of Lincoln's birthday. He opens a package to find a series of soiled diapers and gags with Leni over the stench. Second flashback to Lincoln opening a Christmas present, only to get splattered with eggs. Third flashback to him opening a package in his room. Sergio exits the box and attacks Lincoln while a camera deploys itself and takes a picture of the attack. Back to the present.] Lisa: "Mmm. Come with me."
[Lisa and Lily's room. Lisa puts the package on a table while wearing a hazmat suit.] Lisa: "Behold..." [unmasks herself] "My patented high-resolution electromagnetic imaging scanner." [An alarm blares as the scanner scans the package] "Yikes. The package contains an epic amount of expired ketchup. No sudden movements... it could go off at any moment." Lincoln:[notices something] "Hey, what's that?" [The scanner focuses on a letter] Lisa: "Hmm. It appears a piece of mail is stuck to the bottom of the package." [focuses on the letter to reveal a report card] "It's Lori's progress report from Fairway University!" [They gasp as they read the report and exit the room as Luna rocks out offscreen] "Leaping lip toads! Did you see those grades?! A 68, 67--" [gasps] "A 65?!" Luna:[comes out of her and Luan's room] "Dudes, I'm trying to practice over here. What's all the noise about?" Lincoln: "Lori! She's getting failing grades in all her classes!" Luna: "Not possible. I just talked to her on the phone. She said she's doing, quote, ♫ 'literally so awesome'! ♫" Lisa:[sighs] "A textbook case of denial." Lincoln: "We have to have an emergency meeting."
[A sibling meeting occurs in Leni's room. Lincoln grabs Lori's shoe and bangs it like a gavel] Lincoln: "We have a big problem, everybody. Lori's flunking out of Fairway." [All the siblings gasp as Leni gets a message on her phone] Leni:[checks her phone] "OMGosh, you guys. Just look at her SwiftyPic page." [shows Lori's various posts of her having fun] "She's not focusing on college, like, at all." Lisa:[wheels in a TV] "Siblings, I've run a computer simulation of what Lori's future will look like with such dismal grades." [shows a slide of Lori getting expelled] "Our elder sister will be kicked out of college." [shows a slide of her at Flip's stirring cheese] "She'll start working by day at the Food 'n' Fuel as Nacho's cheese intern." [shows a slide of her feeding Scoots] "By night, she'll be Scoots's personal pudding feeder." [The siblings shriek at that possibility] Lana: "We gotta go and help Lori before she messes up her whole life." Lisa:[sighs] "Sadly, it won't do any good. For reasons unknown, she always rejects our spirited attempts to help." Lincoln: "Well, you're in luck because I've already got a plan." [takes the clicker and shows his own presentation] "We go to Fairway, staying undercover so Lori won't see us. Then we remove all of her distractions so she has no choice but to focus on school." Luna: "Whoa, nice one, bro. Let's do it!" [The siblings agree] Leni: "For sure." Luan: "Oh, good idea." Lily:[off-screen] "Present for me." [It turns out Lily is sitting on the package. Lisa gasps in horror] Lincoln: "Lily, no! Don't open that!" [Lily opens the package, and it explodes, drowning the entire room in expired ketchup. The siblings all float in the ketchup as Lily rides on the box, laughing.]
[Fairway University, parking lot B. A crash is heard, then Leni drives Vanzilla to a parking space while a stop sign is stuck to the windshield.] Leni:[singsong] "We're here~!" [The stop sign slides off the windshield.] Lincoln:[exits] "Alright, we're going to do this David Steele style." Luan: "Aww. Playing spy again?" Lincoln: "Luan, this is not playing. I have this mission planned out from top to bottom." [rips off his clothes to reveal his David Steele outfit] "So first, we gotta disguise Vanzilla so Lori doesn't spot it. Good thing I always carry my David Steele family van camouflage." [takes out a tarp and throws it over Vanzilla, making it blend in with the background] "Now all we have to do is find-" Leni: "Lori! Guys, it's Lori!" [Lori is talking to a few classmates] Lori: "Yeah, three pars in a row. It was unreal." Classmate: "Wow." Leni:[waving her arms] "Hey, Lori, it's me, your sister, Leni!" [Luna and Lynn tackle her to prevent her for blowing their cover. The others hide, and Lincoln accidentally runs into Vanzilla, knocking him unconscious as Lynn drags him under a bush.] Lori:[having heard the commotion] "Huh?" [realizes there's nothing] "Hm." [leaves] [The other siblings pop up and sigh in relief.]
[At the campus cafe, Lori is video-chatting with Bobby] Bobby: "Hey, Babe, are you posting more acai smoothie pics?" Lori:[sips smoothie] "You know it." [Lincoln, Lucy, and the twins pop up from behind the soda machine.] Lana: "Ugh. She's not getting any studying done with all those gadgets. Her grades are gonna keep swirling down the old toilet." Lucy: "Perhaps the dark arts can help." [Later, Lori is still scrolling through social media while sipping a smoothie when Lola and Luan pop up in chef disguises.] Lola:[Italian accent] "Bon journey, nice-a lady! Can-a we have a moment of-a your time?" Lori:[somehow not recognizing her sisters in those disguises] "Um, kind of busy right now." Luan:[Italian accent] "But mama-mia, we have to know which dish the students like-a the best." [shoves spaghetti in Lori's mouth] [While Lori is distracted, Leni swipes all of her electronics and gives them to Lucy underneath Lori's table.] Lucy: "Spirits of Wi-Fi and things that you dial, render these gizmos worthless a while." [Lori's electronics turn off. Lana gives them back to Lori, and Lola takes her cue to remove the sample from Lori's mouth and leave] Lola:[Italian accent] "Well, I gotta go. Arrivederci." [Lincoln grabs the tray and they leave] Lori:[gags] "Oh, sorry about that, Boo-Boo Bear." [notices her electronics are off] "Boo-Boo Bear?!" [Cut to outside the cafe. Lori can be heard screaming, and another student is so startled he crashes his golf cart near the cafe.]
[The siblings are now outside Lori's dorm hall] Leni: "Guys, I just overheard Lori talking to some friends. She's about to go hang out with them all afternoon." [The siblings gasp] Luna:[notices something] "Hey, wait." [A construction worker is lowering sand in a course] "I have an idea, dudes."
[Lori arrives at her dorm floor and sees a yellow construction line. Luna shows up disguised as a construction worker] Luna:[deep voice] "I'm sorry, miss, this area is closed, major construction. We're expanding the hallway to put in, uh, a golf cart lane." Lori: "Ooh, that'll be so convenient." [She heads down the elevator as Luna takes off the fake beard and sighs] Luna:[in walkie-talkie] "Dudes, success!" [Lori exits out of the stairs] "Correction: Failure. She got past my tape by using the stairs." [Lincoln, Luan, Leni, and Lisa are hiding in the janitor's closet. They close the door when they see Lori pass by. Lori enters her dorm, only to see her friends bolting out of her room] Lori: "Wait, where's everyone going?" Student: "Not when there's a possum infestation!" [Duncan pops out of the room as the student screams and runs. Lori looks back, sees Duncan, and runs too.] Lana: "Ha-ha! Good job, Duncan." [They high-five]
[The siblings leave Lori's dorm hall] Lincoln: "Great work, everybody. I'm pretty sure there can't be anything left to distract Lori." [Suddenly the Casagrande mercado van pulls up with Bobby at the wheel, gasping.] Luan: "Bobby, why are you here? Uh, I mean, hi." Bobby: "Lori hasn't responded to my calls. I think I might have done something wrong, so I came to spend the day with her. What are you guys doing?" Lola: "Lori's not here! She's out, uh, searching for her favorite putter, which is lost, so, uh, that's why she couldn't call you back. Bye." Leni: "Yeah. I-I say you go home and wait till you get a call from-" Lynn: "Lori!" [Lori is walking with Marisa] Bobby: "Are you sure?" Lola:[pushes Bobby towards the van] "Yep, drive safe, sweetie." [shoves him into the van, and he drives off] Lori:[having completely missed the van] "Guess I'll go study with you in the library, Marisa. It's weird. I've suddenly got nothing else to do." [The other siblings pop out of the bushes] Lincoln: "Mission complete. We got Lori back on track. Time to head home." Lucy: "If we can find Vanzilla." [The siblings realize this. Cut to the parking lot, where they try to find Vanzilla. Lincoln once again walks into it] Lincoln:[in pain] "Found it."
[Back at the Loud House, most of the siblings are gathered near the TV when Leni enters with a letter] Leni: "Guys, another Lori progress report." [Lincoln grabs the letter and shines a flashlight on it, revealing Lori's grades] Lincoln:[gasps] "A 62?!" [The siblings gasp] Luan: "That's lower than before!" Luna: "And I heard her tell Mom and Dad she has a major test today." Lynn: "If only there was a way to make sure Lori aces it." Lincoln:[gasps] "I have an idea." [grabs his disguise chest] "My trunk of disguises." [begins plucking wigs out of it] "Cheryl, Principal Ramirez, Meemaw... aha! Lori!" [takes out a Lori wig] "We're going back to Fairway."
[Lori is heading to class when Vanzilla pulls up, windows open.] Leni: "Hi, Lori." Lori: "Hey. What are you guys doing here?" Luna: "We heard you have a big test today, sis, so we're taking you out for a power lunch." Lori: "Oh, I don't think I have time for-" Lola:[grabs Lori] "Sure you do, sweetie." [pulls her into Vanzilla] [As Vanzilla drives off, Lynn, Lisa, Lincoln, and Lana peek out from behind the stairs and smile. Cut to inside the classroom building, where they're dressed in a giant trenchcoat with Lisa wearing the Lori wig, Lincoln in the middle, and Lynn and Lana at the bottom.] Lisa: "All clear." [they head to the classroom, but Lisa notices that both Lana and Lynn are walking] "Uh, guys, I only need two legs." [Lana gets on top of Lynn next to Lincoln. Inside the classroom.] Coach Niblick:[to a student] "Right, right." [the door opens] "Oh, hello, Lori." Lisa: "Salutati-" [realizes] "Uh, I mean," [imitates Lori] "Hey, Coach. Lori Loud's literally ready to take the exam. Would you literally point me to my seat?" [chuckles] "You know me. Silly Lori, always forgetting. Literally." [Coach Niblick and the other student look at each other.]
[Meanwhile, Vanzilla runs a stop sign, cutting off two cars on either side] Lori: "Guys, are we almost there?" [In the back, Lucy blows up a paper bag and gives it to Lily who gladly pops it] Leni: "OMGosh, that totes sounds like a nail in the tire. Better pull over." [Lori groans]
[Back at Fairway, the students drive out onto the course, including Coach Niblick and Lisa, who is still dressed as Lori] Lisa: "What's going on? I thought we were taking a test." Coach Niblick: "We are. It's the same as all your others, a game of golf." [Chuckles] "Not like you have anything to worry about, Lori. You've been crushing it lately. What was your last score? Uh... a 62?" [Lisa is shocked that Lori's low score was actually a good thing] Lisa:[Who also can't golf like Lori] "Oh dear." Coach Niblick: "What's that?" Lisa:[In her Lori voice, worried] "I said, uh... BRB." [Skedaddles. Once there's no one else in sight, Lisa ducks into the coat] "Siblings! How shall I put this? We goofed! Lori's grades were really golf scores, and in golf lower is better. It appears she's actually doing great in school." Lincoln:[Gasps] "Okay, I'll text the others, we have to get Lori back to take this test." Lynn: "In the meantime, I'll cover. Not to brag, but I'm the best ball whacker around. Everybody switch!" [They switch places inside the coat, struggling a little to do so, and Lynn ends up on top, wearing the wig. They take to the field]
[Meanwhile, back at Vanzilla] Lori: "Guys, I really need to get to my test." Luna:[Hitting the back of the van with a wrench] "We're doing our best here, dude." [Luna winks when suddenly, Leni gets a text] Leni:[Gasps] "Look at this text from Lincoln. We gotta get Lori back now." [Shows the text to the younger sisters. Lola gasps] Lucy:[In unison with Lola] "Gasp." [Just then, they hear the sound of deflating air. The front tire goes flat, actually having a nail in it] Leni: "Oops, forgot about that. I didn't wanna feel icky about lying so I made it true." [Luna groans] Luna:[Sees something] "Don't worry, dudes, we're in luck." [There's a shiny golf cart right on the sidewalk]
[Meanwhile, Lynn winds up her shot, but it goes flying past the flag and into a tree] Lynn:[Flabbergasted] "What!?" [Coach Niblick scoots away and Lynn angrily bends her club] Lincoln: "Okay, immediately go to plan B. Distract Niblick until Lori gets here."
[Later, Coach Niblick is looking at his watch] Luan:[Offscreen] "Golf-o-gram for Coach Niblick." [Coach Niblick looks and sees Luan and Mr. Coconuts, each wearing purple top hats, giant mustaches, and holding golf clubs as canes. Luan starts singing and tap-dancing] "♫Ohhhhhh, don't you drive your golf ball toward the hazard on the green.♫" [Coach Niblick is amused] "♫Swing too hard and miss the shot, you'll sprain your tender spleen!♫" [Knocks Coach Niblick into a sand trap, he looks up and sees Lana wearing a grey beard and mustache] Lana: "Hey, Mister, how'd you like to see my friend play fetch?" [An alligator crawls out of the water trap and Lana takes out a golf ball] "And... go get it, boy!" [Thrws the ball and the alligator gets excited. Unfortunately, the ball lands right on Coach Niblick's head. Seeing where this is going, Coach Niblick screams and runs for it, the alligator in hot pursuit. Coach Niblick hides behind a tree, where he meets Lincoln, also wearing a mustache and beard] Lincoln: "Good day, I'm with the department of college golf course safety. Time for your annual inspection." [Starts measuring a nearby flag] "I'm very strict." [Using the flag, Lincoln knocks Coach Niblick into another pond. Meanwhile, the other siblings are golf carting as fast as they can] Lori: "Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!" [Lees the situation] "Oh no, the test already started." [Runs up to Coach Niblick] "Coach Niblick! I'm here." Coach Niblick:[Takes the lilypad off his head] "Sorry, Lori, I don't know what's going on with you today, but times up. You failed the exam." [Coach Niblick angrily leaves] Lori: "Failed? But how did this happen?" [Realizing all her siblings are present in a bizarre situation, gets suspicious] "Wait! Why are you guys all here? And why are you wearing disguises?" [Luan's mustache falls off] Lana:[Sighs] "We saw your progress reports…" Lucy: "..And thought you got bad grades, and you'd be kicked out of Fairway." Leni: "And become a pudding feeder." Lincoln: "So we decided to take your test for you. Boy, we messed up. We're really sorry, Lori." [Lori is aghast, but calms down] Lori:[Being as much a Loud as they are] "Well, in a weird Loud family way, it does show you care." [Sighs] "But that test was huge, I don't know what I'm gonna do." Lincoln: "Don't worry, we can fix this. We just have to get Niblick back." Lana: "Leave it to me." [Whistles and her alligator friend emerges from the pond. Lana jumps on its back] "Alright, Anthony, ride like the wind!" [They set off]
[Later, Lori sinks a shot at point blank. Coach Niblick is watching, but for some reason, the ground seems to be vertical] Coach Niblick:[Who's scarf is somehow falling sideways] "Well struck, Lori. Congratulations! You pass with flying colors. Now would someone get me out of here?" [Coach Niblick is inside the Alligator's mouth] Lana: "Oh, right. Anthony, drop it." [Anthony the Alligator gently lets the Coach go. Coach Niblick is still freaked out and runs away. Meanwhile Lori's siblings cheer] Luan: "Amazing job, Lori. We'll never putt into your business again." [Laughs and joins the others who are leaving] Leni: "Bye, Lori." [Hugs Lori and joins the others on the golf cart as they, and Anthony, wheel away, waving goodbye]
