The following is a transcript for the episode "Crimes of Fashion".
[The episode begins in the Fortress of Solitaire.]
One-Eyed Jack: [in Clyde's voice] "Well, Ace, we've narrowed down the suspects to...the Card Shark, Snake Eyes, and the Old Maid." [shows said cards] "But which one made off with the golden die?"
Ace Savvy: [in Lincoln's voice] "It's as clear as the mustache on your face, Jack. Only one of these villains could've done the deed. And that is..."
[It reveals that Lincoln and Clyde are reading the comic in Lincoln's living room, dressed up as Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack, respectively.]
Lincoln: "My money's on the Card Shark."
Clyde: "Same. The guy never blinks, you just can't trust him. OK, let's see." [turns the page to show that it was indeed the Card Shark.]
Clyde: "Nailed it! We just solved our fifth case in a row." [he and Lincoln fist bump] "We're on a hot streak."
[Right then, the front door opens and a pretty sad Leni walks in.]
Lincoln: [concerned] "Hey, Leni. How was work?"
Leni: [on her knees hugging the newel] "Terrible!"
Lincoln: [he and Clyde rush over] "What happened? I thought things were going great at the store."
Leni: "They were...until this afternoon..."
[Flashback to Reininger's that afternoon. Leni is helping Girl Jordan at the check-out counter.]
Leni: "Your receipt's in the bag, along with some samples of our new scent: Sugar Cookie Sunshine."
[Girl Jordan beams at this and looks in her bag. Leni notices a woman picking out a skirt and she walks over.]
Leni: "That skirt would look great on you. And it also makes a cute poncho."
Woman: [gasps with delight] "You just changed my life!"
Ms. Carmichael: [clears her throat] "Uh, Leni?"
Leni: "Hi, Mrs. Carmichael. How's the monthly inventory going?"
Ms. Carmichael: "Not great. Several scarves have gone missing. Can you come with me?"
Leni: "Are we going on a scavenger hunt?"
[End of flashback]
Leni: [tearing up] "There was no scavenger hunt. She thinks I stole the scarves!"
Lincoln: "What? Why would she think that?"
Leni: "They were all from my department, and they all went missing in the month that I've worked there, so she said she had to let me go. And I said, 'Go where?', and she said, 'That means you're fired!'" [wails screamingly and heads upstairs.]
Lincoln: [to Clyde] "That is so unfair. Leni would never steal anything."
Clyde: "This is worse than the time Crazy 8 was falsely accused of stacking the deck." [Lincoln gets an idea] "If only there was someone who could help clear Leni's name."
Lincoln: [gets on the stairs and crusades] "You mean like, us?" [makes a heroic pose]
Clyde: "Lincoln, I know we have these amazingly accurate uniforms, but we're just 11-year-old boys."
Lincoln: "11-year-old boys who just solved their fifth case in a row. We're ready to deal out some justice!" [whips out his deck of cards]
Clyde: "Wow, you just sounded like Ace. If I had hair on my arms, it would be standing up."
[Reininger's. Clyde walks up to a stand of mini-packs.]
Clyde: [admiring one of the packs] "So cute for fall." [looks around and pulls out his walkie-talkie] "Jack to Ace, no suspects sighted by the mini-backpacks, over."
Lincoln: [wearing a sun hat] "Copy. No suspects by the-" [Somebody grabs his cape] "Whoa!" [turns around to see it's a boy younger than him.]
Kid: "Cool costume! I'm playing superheroes, too. Wanna see my hideout?" [pulls tighter on his cape]
Lincoln: "Aah! [takes his cape back] "Actually, this isn’t a costume, it’s a uniform. And, I’m not 'playing', I’m investigating. [Looks around] Where are your parents?"
Kid: [Points at Ms. Carmichael, who is still working on the monthly inventory] "My mom's too busy to play, too."
[The fact that Ms. Carmichael is the boy's mom surprises Lincoln, suddenly Clyde comes on the walkie]
Clyde: "Ace! Suspect spotted by the scarfs. And, you won’t believe who it is."
Lincoln: "Sorry, kid. Gotta follow this lead." [runs off]
[Cut to Lincoln and Clyde hiding behind a stand near the scarves, where they find a girl their age sneaking up to the scarves.]
Lincoln: "Gabby? It can't be her. She lent me her safety goggles in gym."
[Gabby looks around, grab a couple of scarves, and sneak off. Lincoln and Clyde hide to avoid being seen.]
Lincoln: "It's totally her. Come on."
[They follow Gabby and find her in front of a mirror.]
Gabby: "Oh, I know I'm gonna get in trouble, but..." [looks around and walks off]
[Lincoln and Clyde nod to each other and they attempt to catch her in the act, but at the same time, her mom is right in front of her.]
Lincoln, Clyde, and Gabby's Mom: "Hold it right there!" [The two boys grow surprised.]
Gabby's Mom: "Gabby, you already have a closet full of scarves."
Gabby: "Mom, please, just let me buy it. [pulls out a gift card] "I have a gift card."
Gabby's Mom: "Your aunt gave you that for a sensible pair of shoes. Now put that scarf back."
Gabby: [goes to put the scarf back but sees Lincoln and Clyde.] "Clyde? Lincoln? What are you doing here?"
Clyde: [nervously] "Oh, you know, just, shopping for some-"
Gabby: "Training bras?"
[They turn to see that they are in front of the training bras stand, and accidentally knock it over to their surprise. Fiona approaches the scene.]
Fiona: "Ugh. Do you have any idea how hard these things are to put back on hangers?"
Lincoln: "Uh, sorry. We'll clean it up."
Clyde: [He and Lincoln pick some of them up.] "I'll just gather these, uh, items." [slings a bra to his eye] "Ahh! My crime eye!" [falls over]
[Later, the two boys are back at their hiding spot.]
Clyde: "Okay, so we'll be more careful next time." [Lincoln notices something] "No one's a suspect unless they're extremely suspicious."
Lincoln: "Like, say, a senior in the junior's department?" [They see Scoots stopping in front of the scarves.] "Scoots. We know she's done some hard time in mall jail."
Clyde: "Maybe she's just here to buy a gift for her parole officer."
[They look to see Scoots taking one of the scarves and go into the fitting room.]
Lincoln: "Then why is she going into the fitting room?"
Clyde: [gasps] "You're right. She's probably going in there so she can stash the scarf in her bag."
Lincoln: "Let's get her!"
Clyde: [stops him] "Wait! We just can't barge into a fitting room."
Lincoln: "Dang it, you're right. We need a way to stop her on the way out." [sees a couple of hangers] "Ooh, I've got it!" [takes the hangers]
Clyde: "Spike strip!"
[A line of hangers is layed across the floor, making a potential spike strip.]
Lincoln: "Let's see her try to scoot over these."
Clyde: "Haha, yeah. They'll have to start calling her Stops."
[Suddenly, a horn is heard and they see Scoots wearing the scarf as a dress, arriving at a fast speed, holding a stack of money.]
Scoots: "Make way! Mama's late for a toga party!"
Lincoln: "Uh oh! I think we messed up again."
Clyde: "Mrs. Stops, scoot! I mean, Mrs. Scoot, stop!"
Scoots: [tosses the money on the check-out desk.] "Here's your twenty bucks, I don't need a receipt."
[The two boys get out of the way and the tires on Scoots' scooter pop after running over the hangers, causing her to spin out of control, and crash onto a perfume display, knocking its contents onto Lincoln and Clyde.]
Scoots: [offscreen] "My b! Put it on my tab!"
Fiona: [approaches furious] "Seriously?! You two again?!"
Clyde: "We’ll clean this up."
[They start cleaning up and Clyde takes one of the dresses off a mannequin, which leads to accidentally knocking over more mannequins. Lincoln and Clyde wince at this; Cut to outside shot of Reininger's.]
Fiona: "Get out!"
[Later, Lincoln and Clyde are at the food court. Lincoln is eating a soft pretzel, and Clyde is sipping a soda.]
Lincoln: "Okay, so we're 0 for 2, but I'm sure Ace and Jack have made a few false accusations in their careers."
Clyde: "Totally. Remember that lawsuit they had to settle with The Bluffer?"
Lincoln: "We just have to be more careful not to jump to conclusions."
Clyde: [As Lincoln was talking, Clyde darts his eyes at someone.] "Right. And if we see someone walking quickly away from the store, clucthing a bag with blue fabric sticking out of it."
Lincoln: "Exactly." [realizes] "Wait, what?"
[They see Fiona running to the exit with the said blue bag with fabric sticking out of it. Lincoln gasps.]
Lincoln & Clyde: "Fiona!"
Lincoln: "It makes perfect sense. That's why she threw us out of the store, she didn't want us on her trail."
Clyde: [gets out of his seat] "Come on, Ace! Let's go deal with this joker!"
Lincoln: [stops him] "Wait! We need one more player at the table."
[They went back to Reininger's to find Ms. Carmichael, but then her son shows up underneath the dresses and startles them.]
Kid: "You're back! [points to Clyde] And you brought your sidekick!"
Clyde: [slightly offended] "Uh, excuse me, we're partners."
Kid: "Can we all play superheroes now?"
Lincoln: "Sorry, we can't. We're about to crack the case."
Kid: [disappointed] "Aww..." [He sadly walks back to the dresses and hides in them.]
[Lincoln and Clyde were looking again until Lincoln notices something.]
Lincoln: "There she is!" [Ms. Carmichael is at the exit putting up a "Help Wanted" sign at the door and Lincoln and Clyde run up to her.] "Ms. Carmichael, we can prove that Leni didn't steal those scarves."
Ms. Carmichael: [confused] "Uh, who are you?"
Lincoln: "Clearly, we're detectives."
Clyde: [shows Ms. Carmichael the Ace Savvy comics.] "Here are five cases we've previously cracked."
Lincoln: [begging] "Please come with us, there's not much time!"
[Ms. Carmichael looks slightly suspicious, she then switches the open sign to closed and follows Lincoln and Clyde to find Fiona, who was in the parking lot getting ready to leave, and as soon as she enters her car, she sees Lincoln and Clyde in the front mirror.]
Lincoln: "Stop right there Fiona!"
[Fiona gets out of her car, annoyed.]
Clyde: "Open the trunk."
Fiona: "What? Why? I'm not doing that".
Ms. Carmichael: "I think you better." [Fiona was surprised to see her boss.]
Fiona: [defeated] "Okay, you caught me."
[She opens the trunk and zips open her duffel bag and there was something blue inside.]
Lincoln: "Mrs. Carmichael, I think you'll find this bag contains at least one blue--"
[But when Fiona pulls something out of her duffel bag, it turned out it was a blue dress, much to Lincoln, Clyde, and Ms. Carmichael's surprise.]
Lincoln & Clyde: [shocked and confused] "Dress? Huh?"
Fiona: "Yep. I brought this at Stader's after my shift. Sorry, Mrs. C. I know we're not supposed to shop at our competitors, but it was such a good deal.
Ms. Carmichael: "Well, I can't say that I approve, bu-- [She looks at the tag on the dress, and sees that Fiona was right.] Wow, they are giving this away. [She gives the dress back to Fiona.] Do they have it in a 12?"
[Fiona closes the door of her car]
Lincoln: [clears throat] "Uh, Fiona? We're sorry for accusing you."
Clyde: "These things sometimes happen in our detective work. You're bound to play a few bad hands until you win the jackpot."
Fiona: "Whatever. I'm leaving now." [Drives away from the parking lot.]
[Ms. Carmichael is not amused at the boys.]
Lincoln: "Well ma'am, we've made a mistake." [determined] But don't worry, we're not giving up until we find the real shoplifter."
Clyde: "It would really help if we could have access to your private employee files and customer mailing list."
Ms. Carmichael: [sighs; facepalm] "Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do for Leni, but I don't need two kids in costumes disrupting my store. Now please, just stay out." [walks away]
Lincoln: [He and Clyde try to run after her, but stop.] "Give us another chance! Ace and Jack can't rest until they done found some justice! [He pulls out the cards, but some fell out of his costume, and Fiona runs over the cards, crushing them.]
[At the Loud House, Lincoln and Clyde were feeling miserable in the living room.]
Lincoln: "I feel terrible, Clyde. We failed Leni, and now she'll never get her job back."
Clyde: "I just don't know how we got it so wrong. Is it possible that reading comic books doesn't make you a good detective?"
Lincoln: "I guess that's possible. [Clyde frowns in sadness] Maybe we really are just two kids in costumes. [He takes off his cape]
Clyde: "You're right." [He takes off his fake mustache, but covers his mouth after feeling the pain.] "Ow. That wasn't a good idea."
[Leni comes downstairs whimpering in sadness.]
Leni: [voice breaking] "Oh. Hey, you guys. Don't mind me, I'm just looking for stuff to fold. I really miss it. [She sees Lincoln's cape hanging on the couch.] Oh, can I fold this?"
Lincoln: "You can have it. I'm done wearing capes."
Leni: "Well, it doesn't have to be a cape, you could wear it as a scarf too." [She wears Lincoln's cape like a scarf.]
Lincoln: [surprised] Wait, did you just say scarves?"
Leni: [in disbelief] "You're right, what was I thinking? Wrong season Leni." [She then changes the cape into a beach cover up.] "How about a beach cover up?"
Lincoln: "No, no, "scarf!" [gets down from the couch.] "Clyde, that's it! If a cape can be a scarf--"
Clyde: [finishes the sentence] "Then a scarf can be a cape!"
Lincoln: "I think I know who the culprit is."
Clyde: "So do I." [the two boys fist bump]
Lincoln: "Leni, can I have that back? We have a crime to solve."
[Leni gives Lincoln back his cape, and then Lincoln puts it back on.]
Leni: "At the beach?"
[Clyde went back to get the fake mustache he pulled out and leaves.]
[Lincoln and Clyde return to Reninger's and went inside.]
Lincoln: "Okay, let's split up. You look in the accessories section. I'll cover the shoes."
Ms. Carmichael: "Ahem." [Lincoln and Clyde stop in surprise.] "I thought I told you to stay out of my store."
Clyde: "Don't worry, ma'am, we'll be gone in a minute. We just need to talk to your son."
Ms. Carmichael: [looks surprised] "My son?"
[Her son runs up to Clyde and tackles him.]
Kid: "You're back! You're mustache looks crooked."
[Clyde fixes his mustache.]
Lincoln: "Hey! Any chance you still want to play superheroes?"
Kid: "Yeah! [jumps on Clyde's gut] I'll show you my hideout!"
Ms. Carmichael: "Hideout? What hideout?"
[Ms. Carmichael's son grabs Clyde's hand and leads the way as Lincoln and Clyde follow him.]
Clyde: "I think we should all go see it. Especially you Mrs. Carmichael."
Ms. Carmichael: "Ugh, fine. [threateningly] But if you boys are wasting my time again, I will have you banned from the mall until you're 18."
Clyde: [worried] "No more fro-yo?"
Lincoln: [Worried] "No more comic book store?"
Clyde: [Whispers] "You better be right, Lincoln. The stakes are high."
[Ms. Carmichael's son leads them outside the store's supply closet and pushes a shopping cart out from in front of it.]
Kid: "So, here’s my hideout." [The others starts to walk towards but the kid stops them.] "Wait, just let me put in the password." [Pokes the dresses as if they were buttons.] "Beep Boop Beep Boop."
[He then moves the dresses aside and opens the door. Lincoln, Clyde, and Ms. Carmichael follow him inside the closet, and then the lights turn on to reveal that the missing scarves are on the mannequins and they look like capes.]
Ms. Carmichael: [gasps] "The scarves!"
Kid: "Mom, they're superhero capes."
[Ms. Carmichael finally realizes her mistake]
Ms. Carmichael: [sighs] "Wow, I had it all wrong. Thank you, boys."
Lincoln: [He and Clyde fist-bump] "No problem, ma'am. I guess you can say that justice was in the cards." [The two boys smile in triumph.]
[And so, Leni is at her job and was happy to be back. She then sees a woman near the jackets looking at a black top.]
Leni: "Cute top! And did you know that you can also wear it as a pencil skirt?"
[Ms. Carmichael appears]
Ms. Carmichael: "Oh, Leni, I can't apologize enough for accusing you of stealing those scarves. Is there any way I can make it up to you?"
Leni: [thinking] "Hmm... Are there any sweaters I can fold?" [Ms. Carmichael smiles, just then, Lincoln and Clyde arrive.] "Hey you guys! Thank you so much for getting my job back. I've been telling everyone at the mall what totes amazing detectives you are."
Lincoln: "We know! We just got a new case at the pet store."
Clyde: "A chameleon's gone missing. [feels unsure] They think, he's just really hard to see, so it's possible he's just in his cage."
Leni: "Well, if there is anyone who can solve the case, it's Blake Saucy and One-Arm Joe."
[Lincoln and Clyde frown at that statement.]
Lincoln: [gives Leni a thumbs up] "Eh, close enough. [towards Clyde as he pulls down his cape.] Ready to deal out some justice?" [Clyde shakes his head in agreement.]
[Lincoln and Clyde run off, but then they knocked down a sunglasses stand and they both fell down and grunt in pain.]
Fiona: [runs up to Lincoln and Clyde; annoyed.] "Seriously?"
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