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The following is a transcript for the episode "Don't Escar-go."
Script[]
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The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
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[Open at the McBride house. The gang is admiring the food Clyde has made.]
Zach: "That looks delicious."
Clyde: "I also baked pain au chocolat, pain suisse, and croissants."
[The gang cheers]
Lincoln: "So, what's the occasion, Clyde?"
Zach: "Yeah, are you buttering us up for something?" [adds butter to a slice of bread and eats it]
Clyde: "OK, here goes. The reason I created this Célébration de Friendship Brunch is because I've got some big news. It all happened last night."
[Flashback to earlier. The phone rings]
Howard: "Clyde, can you get that? And please be careful. That phone is older than our 1930's Dust Bowl glasses."
Clyde: [picks up] "Hello?"
[On the other end is Nana Gayle, calling from Sunset Canyon Retirement Home.]
Nana Gayle: "Clyde, it's Nana Gayle. Ooh, I've got big news. My best friend, Fleur DuPont, just came to town for a surprise visit. She happens to be the dean of one of the finest cooking academies in the world."
Clyde: "I know that academy! It's nearly impossible to get in. They wouldn't even let the Queen of England in. Granted, I've heard her sponge cake is dry-"
Gayle: "Clyde, get your buns over here! And bring your baked goods, too! If Fleur tries them, oh, she's sure to let you in."
[Clyde happily hangs up. Back to the present.]
Zach: "So, what happened?"
Clyde: "She loved everything I made! In fact, Dean DuPont said I just have to pass one last exam tonight. I have to cook her an entire dinner. If I nail it, I'll be into the academy!"
[The gang starts celebrating]
Stella: "Yeah!"
Lincoln: "Yeah!"
Rusty: "Yeah, alright!" [Clyde sniffs] "Clyde, what's wrong?"
Clyde: [sniffs] "There's only one drawback: The school's in... Paris."
Lincoln: [despairing] "NOOOOOOOOO!" [collapses]
Liam: "Aw, it's happening again. Clyde's leaving us, just like when Lincoln done went to Canada."
Clyde: "Let's not lose our heads here. I'm not a thousand percent sure I'm going yet. They might not even pick me."
Rusty: "Your food is divine." [eats some food] "Of course you'll get in."
Clyde: "I'll miss you guys like crazy, but this is an incredible opportunity." [starts imagining the foods he'll cook there] "Where else can I learn to cook sole meuniére, concombre a la menthe, escargot..."
[Lincoln rushes into the imagination and brushes it aside.]
Lincoln: "Wait, Clyde. What if you could learn to cook all those things here in Royal Woods? I know someone who can teach you. Then we wouldn't lose you."
Rusty: "Ooh, give it a try, Clyde. Please?"
Stella: "Yeah, we're your crew, table 10 at lunch, the Action News Team! We have to stick together."
Clyde: "But who are you thinking could teach me?"
Lincoln: "I know just the guy."
[Lynn's Table; Lynn Sr. is dressed in a French outfit and has a fake mustache]
Lynn Sr.: [in a French accent] "Bonjour, Clyde. Ready to cook French food?" [normal voice] "I'm so excited, I can't wait."
Clyde: "Wow, thanks, Mr. Loud. I had no idea you studied French cuisine."
Lynn Sr.: "Well, I follow a French cooking vlog, which is basically the same thing. Every time my boy Charcuterie Sheldon goes live, I feel alive!" [Walks Clyde to the kitchen. The others grin, thumbs-up each other, and leave.] "We're going to make escargot, just like you were gonna learn in Paris. Charcuterie Sheldon said the key to 'snailing' it is the sauce." [Chuckles] "Get it? 'cause... 'cause we're cooking snails."
Clyde: [Chuckles] "Good one, Mr. Loud."
Lynn Sr.: "Let's start by mixing some butter..."
[Clyde opens the butter and puts it in the pot.]
Kotaro: "Clive." [Enters the kitchen] "The lunch rush is starting."
Clyde: "Uh, should I come back later?"
Lynn Sr.: "No, no. You'll learn on the fly." [Slowly trots off] "Next step. Add some garlic to that." [Clyde starts working on the garlic. Lynn Sr. - working with Kotaro - adds sauce to the sandwiches on Kotaro's tray. Kotaro hurries off with the tray, but Lynn Sr. remembers something and tries to call him.] "Hold on!" [Kotaro stops] "Don't forget the nacho cheese!" [Kotaro picks up a nacho cheese bottle from his apron and squeezes it all over the sandwiches before continuing service. As the big pot starts steaming, Clyde picks up the cheese bottle and squeezes a bit into his pot. The contents seep through the big pot behind Clyde, causing Lynn Sr. to rush to it and open the lid.] "Oh-oh! It's way too hot. No worries, just add ice cubes." [He turns the knob down on the cooker and adds ice cubes to the big pot. Afterwards, Clyde copies Lynn's last action.]
Clyde: "Okay, you're the teacher."
Lynn Sr.: [Hurrying back] "Gotta pour on that pesto." [Clyde copies him; Hurrying forth, carrying a box of milk cartons] "Need to use that milk before it goes bad." [Clyde copies him again; Hurrying back with a box of ingredients and some plates.] "Ah, I got to throw those fish heads someplace." [Runs forth, carrying a pot] "It's time to dump all the chunky chili." [Clyde continues adding ingredients and starts stirring his pot.] "Stir till frothy." [Lynn Sr. places his latest order at the pass and calls for service.] "Finished! Order in the window!" [Clyde finishes off too. However, he strains while his wooden spoon gets stuck in the pot as he tries to pull it out. Eventually, he pulls it off - with the mixture clumped together in a big slimy ball with it - onto the plate. Kotaro takes the three dishes from the pass with one arm. As soon as Clyde puts his dish on the pass, Kotaro grimaces in disgust, but picks it up anyway. Lynn Sr. goes to Clyde, tired out.]
Lynn Sr.: "Ah, sorry I got busy, Clyde. So, did you add the garlic?"
Clyde: "Oh, I added everything you said. The crew is enjoying it right now."
[Cut to his friends' table. All of them are retching, feeling sick.]
Lincoln: "Well, what other chefs in Royal Woods do we know?"
[They are in Chef Pat's kitchen. The chef is holding a box.]
Stella: "Chef Pat, do you know anything about French cooking?"
Chef Pat: "Pfft, I know everything." [The team smile] "I used to be the head chef on a sixty-foot yacht off the French Riviera. Here." [Hands to the Team a Buckwheat galette from her hair] "Try a nutty buckwheat galette."
[Lincoln blows into it, then they all break it up and try a bite, all liking the taste.]
Zach: "Nutty. Smooth. So why do you cook sloppy joe's all the time?"
Chef Pat: [Annoyed] "'Cause that's what you kids like." [Walks into another room. A worried Lincoln barges the doors open, wanting to ask one more thing.]
Lincoln: "Chef Pat, you have to teach Clyde about French cooking, or else he's moving to Paris." [Skims along the floor behind her back, sits up and begs] "Pleeeease!" [The team join Lincoln.]
Chef Pat: "Hmm. That's a lot to ask, but I'll do it, on one condition." [Picks up a spatula] "While I'm with Clyde, you guys gotta take care of my niece, Waffles--" [She slides open a cupboard door. Waffles appears inside of it growling and jumps down to the floor, acting like a dog.] "If she tries to bite you, give her waffles. They calm her down." [She tosses a waffle across the kitchen. Waffles pounces over to get it, barking.]
[Clyde puts an open recipe book on the table, showing the Quiche Lorraine recipe.]
Clyde: "I was thinking we could try the Quiche Lorraine recipe--"
Chef Pat: "Okay, but I got a whole school to feed so" [Walks to the fridge and collects large boxes of eggs] "we're gonna need to multiply this by, like uh-- five-hundred, I think." [She starts breaking eggs into a mixing bowl] "Math wasn't my best subject. I'm more of a fine arts gal."
[Meanwhile Waffles growls and returns to the five other members, hungry for more waffles.]
Waffles: "Waffle!"
[Rusty throws a waffle. He turns the bag upside down and shakes it - nothing left.]
Rusty: "I'm starving and Waffles won't share." [Chucks the bag and walks to Chef Pat offscreen.] "Hey, you got any snacks in there?"
Clyde: [Off-screen] "Oh, no, we used too many eggs." [An explosion rocks Rusty, sending him flat on his face with a mountain of egg mess and forcing the rest of his friends to brace themselves.]
Rusty: "I don't think this Chef Pat thing is working, dawgs."
[Stella helps Rusty up.]
Liam: "Yeah, Clyde's gonna pick Paris for sure." [Zach sulks]
Lincoln: [Confident] "Well, we're not giving up, right?"
Zach: [Confident] "Heck no."
Liam: "This ain't over till the rooster crows in the morn'."
Rusty: "We gotta keep the gang together."
Lincoln: [Kneels down] "Good." [Worried] "Now I hate to do this, but we're gonna have to go with Plan B: Sabotage his final dinner tonight."
[At night-time, the team walk into Clyde's house and ring the doorbell. Clyde - wearing a chef's hat and smart uniform - opens and lets them in.]
Clyde: "Thanks for coming, guys. If this dinner goes well, I know I'll be moving, but don't worry. I've already started working out a daily schedule for video chatting." [The rest of the team are confident with the idea, while laughter is heard from the guests. Clyde introduces everybody to each other.] "Guys, this is Dean DuPont. Dean DuPont, these are my friends. They insisted on being here for moral support." [Steps aside as Rusty comes to touch her hand.]
Rusty: "Bonjour, mademoiselle." [Kisses her hand] "Mwah."
Dean DuPont: [Chuckles] "Enchante. What a cultured young man." [Chuckles again]
Clyde: "Dinner is about to be served. Would you all please follow me to the dining room?" [Everybody is sat in their dining room seats.] "Everyone, I'll now bring out les hors d'oeuvres." [Goes to the kitchen and starts cooking. A moment later, Lincoln jumps out of his seat to give him a hand.]
Lincoln: "Clyde, let me give you a hand."
[He pushes Clyde into the kitchen while he runs. Clyde pulls the middle drawer, revealing the hors d'oeuvres.]
Clyde: "Now where did I put the fresh chives?" [Clyde heads off to find the missing item. Lincoln notices the salt cellar on the work-top, and gets an evil idea. He grabs the salt and pours it all over the hors d'oeuvres. Just then he notices Clyde coming back, quickly putting the salt back to where it was and showing a guilty expression. Clyde sprinkles the chives on top of the hors d-oeuvres.] "Perfect! And here are the mini croque monsieurs." [A plate of sandwiches rises out from the middle drawer. He picks it up and serves both plates to the customers.]
Lincoln: "Uh, why do you have two plates?" [Puts the salt cellar on the floor. Clyde serves the hors d'oeuvres to his pet cats.]
Clyde: "This one's for the cats." [The cats start eating, but they suddenly shriek and faint, shocking Lincoln. Meanwhile, Dean DuPont tries a bite of the sandwich.]
Dean DuPont: "Mm, Clyde, c'est un delice."
Clyde: [Running back to the kitchen with Lincoln and the fainted cats still there] "Time for the second course."
Lincoln: "Uh..." [Lincoln tries to get Clyde's attention, but Rusty, already walking in, beats him to it.]
Rusty: [To Lincoln] "Psst, I'll take this one."
[Back in the kitchen, Clyde places his chicken dish on the table and walks away. Rusty, without looking, picks up an item from the fridge. It reads *90K SCOVILLE SAUCE, which is spicy as indicated on the chili. He takes the lid off and pours it all over the chicken dish, causing it to glow red. Rusty starts carrying his dish towards the dining room, while Clyde is carrying a platter to the kitchen table.]
Rusty: "You look like you got your hands full, dawg." [Clyde stops, and gives him a thumb up] "I'll get this one to the table."
[Rusty serves the chicken dish in the center of the table, amazing the guests. However, Clyde snatches it back, giving it to Zach instead.]
Clyde: "Actually, this one is for Zach." [He delivers the dish to Zach. Zach gasps with delight, while Rusty groans and does a facepalm, realizing that his best friend will be sabotaged instead. Clyde is then seen pulling a trolley with the platter to the dining table.] "This is for everyone else." [He places the platter in the center of the table and opens it out, revealing a beautifully cooked salmon dish with slices of lemon. The guests ooh in excitement; to Zach] "Zach, I know you're not a fish guy, so I made you a chicken substitute."
Zach: "Thanks, Clyde. How thoughtful." [He tucks in and was going to take the first bite of his glowing red dish, but Rusty interrupts him by making grunting, coughing and panting noises.]
Howard: "Come on, Zach, take a bite. Clyde went to a lot of trouble."
[Rusty squeezes his eyes shut. As soon as Zach bits it, the dish explodes, leaving him singed.]
Zach: [Weakly] "It's a little spicy."
[Rusty flops and walks away.]
Clyde: "Hmm, I did put some arugula in there." [To the guests] "Well, while you all enjoy the salmon, I'm gonna bring out the main course; shallot showered entrecote." [Walks to the kitchen.]
Liam: "Heck, Clyde, I'll give you a hand."
[They walk into the kitchen. Clyde is about to deliver the main course, until...]
Liam: [Gasps; feigning fright] "Good gravy!" [Clyde puts the dish on a table. Liam tries to make Clyde look at what he's pointing to.] "Is that a yellow Sac spider? Oh it's a'jumpin'." [Points the other way] "Now it's over there."
Clyde: [Suddenly alert, grabbing a swatter] "What? Where?" [He goes to find the pest, while Liam sabotages his main course by adding all kinds of ingredients. He pushes the platter down with his butt, but struggles as the main course is a lot bigger. He eventually gets the dish sealed inside the platter and starts service.]
Liam: "Got it! That's a whole lotta spider guts. We can serve the grub now." [Clyde comes with him as Liam puts the platter on the dining table. He and Zach wink and give thumbs up to each other. Lincoln, Stella and Rusty do the same. Clyde stands next to Fleur DuPont.]
Dean DuPont: "I'd like to make a toast to Clyde and his amazing future at the academy. You'll spend every minute honing your cooking skills. A semester of pasties, a semester of soups, a year of souffles--" [--Lincoln suddenly has a negative thought on his mind.] "And after you finished the academy, you'll study crepe making in Brittany--" [Clyde's friends look at each other, in disbelief and sadness, while Clyde feels like it's a dream come true.] "Then onto the Jura mountains for compte cheese making. You have a very bright future ahead of you, Clyde."
Howard: [Sharing a hug with Harold] "Oh, my gosh, it's everything our sweet baby Clyde has ever wanted." [Lincoln starts to sulk.]
Dean DuPont: "The toast est finie. I cannot wait any longer to try this delicious food."
[She grabs the platter by the handle. Lincoln, having lost his patience, slams the platter down, preventing her from lifting it off.]
Lincoln: "You can't open that!"
Dean DuPont: "Qu'est se qu'il ce passe ici."
Lincoln: [Pulls the platter towards him] "Uh..."
Dean DuPont: [Pulls the platter towards her, sending him off his feet] "I'd really like my dinner, s'il vous plait."
Clyde: [Angry] "Lincoln, stop it. Give her the meal."
[The back and forth war with the platter continues.]
Lincoln: "Uh, nope. Unfortunately, I cannot do that." [The platter is now fully in his grasp.] "Zach, run!"
[Zach jumps off his seat and runs while Lincoln tosses the platter in the air, causing Clyde to gasp in horror. Zach catches it and continues running, but an angry Clyde chases him, trying to get it back.]
Clyde: "Give it back, Zach."
[Zach trips on the edge of the rug and loses grip of the platter, sending him flying and crashing into the wall. Just then, Rusty opens the door next to the said wall and catches the platter, being chased by Clyde.]
Rusty: "Stella, Liam, catch!" [He throws the platter, spinning high in the air like a discus. The five guests sitting together: Harold, Howard, Dean DuPont, Gayle and Seymour, gasp in panic and duck under the table. Stella and Liam react to this and form a tower on the doorway. Liam - on top - catches the platter, but it's too heavy. The duo are forced to run backwards while balancing the heavy dish, crashing into a wall and knocking some cooking equipment over. Clyde quickly hurries over to stop a rolling trolley full of oranges, panting and sighing in exhaustion. The five guests rise back to their seats, breathing a sigh of relief. However, Stella and Liam scream and uncontrollably run backwards into the dining room, still with the platter in Liam's grasp.]
Stella: "Watch out!"
[Stella and Liam collide with the trolley of oranges, losing grip of the platter as it is released mid-air. The platter opens, causing the contents to fly out and splatter all over the bracing guests, and all over the room. Clyde - also covered in food mess - walks to the corner in fury.]
Clyde: "What is wrong with you guys?!"
Lincoln: [Nervous] "We couldn't let Dean DuPont have her dinner because we sabotaged it."
Clyde: [Annoyed] "What?!"
Liam: "Sorry, Clyde. We just didn't want you to get into that fancy Francy academy." [Stella nods. The rest of Lincoln's friends surround Clyde.]
Zach: "You'd live so far away from us."
Lincoln: "But we can't hold you back from the most amazing opportunity you've ever gotten." [Clyde miserably looks away from him; to Dean DuPont.] "Please give Clyde another chance to cook for you. His food is incredible." [To his friends] "Come on, guys, we'd better go." [He and his friends leave Clyde alone, but Clyde hurries to them to say something before they leave the front door.]
Clyde: "Wait! Look, it's not cool that you guys tried to ruin my dinner, but I've changed my mind about the academy." [Everyone, including the guests, gasp in shock, along with the cats. Clyde and his friends return to the dining room once more.] "I know it's an incredible opportunity, but the curriculum sounds a little intense. I mean, cheese making in the mountains? I have a phobia of tall, snowcapped places." [To Dean DuPont] "And no offense, but I really don't want my future planned out." [Takes his chef's hat off] "I love cooking, but I don't know that I want to spend my whole life doing it. I might change my mind and become a teacher or a motorcycle stuntman." [His dads gasp; to the guests] "I'm sorry for all the trouble."
Dean DuPont: "I understand, Clyde, but a talent like yours shouldn't go to waste. I think there's still a way we can cook together."
[Dean DuPont is doing her vlog cooking a recipe.]
Dean DuPont: [Over laptop speakers] "Dip the eclair into the chocolat, allowing the excess to drip off." [In Clyde's kitchen, Clyde, wearing a chef's uniform, copies Dean DuPont via his laptop. He smiles.] "Tres bien, Clyde!"
Clyde: [To Dean DuPont] "Merci! These part-time classes are the highlight of my week." [The camera zooms out, revealing that Lynn Sr. and Chef Pat are sat with him around the kitchen table.]
Lynn Sr.: "Ours too!"
[Suddenly, Waffles perches from outside the window and growls, frightening Lynn Sr.. Chef Pat delivers her a waffle. She eats it, burps, and collapses on the windowsill. The episode ends.]
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