The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The Louds' double-decker bus is driving along serene meadow. When suddenly they cross into the spooky shadows of the Transylvanian woods just as lightning flashes. Luna and Lana look out the window in fear, so does Lincoln and Luan. Lucy however is loving this] Lucy: "Can we please pull over? Look at all this great stuff we're missing." Rita: "Sweetie, we agreed to pass through Transylvania so you can see all your horrible, ghoulish sights. But there is no way we're getting off this bus. We don't wanna traumatize Lily." [Holds up Lily, who is now wearing dark sunglasses and headphones, and doesn't even know where they are right now.] Luan: "Plus, we can't risk being on the road after dark. Everyone knows there are vampires in this neck of the woods." [Laughs and elbows Lucy.] "Get it? Neck? Seriously though, I'm scared." Lincoln:[Shudders in fear; to the audience] "That makes twelve of us. The Loud's are still double decking across Europe, and is was Lucy's turn to choose our next destination, Transylvania." [As Lincoln speak, the screen rolls to a map view, showing their double-decker bus leaving their previous stop, crosses through Austria, Hungary and Serbia until they finally reach Transylvania, Romania. The map screen then rolls back up to Lucy.] Lucy: "Everybody relax. Sadly, there's nothing to fear. There haven't been any real vampires in Transylvania for centuries." [Suddenly the bus rumbles] Lynn Sr.: "Huh?" [Sees something] "What's that?" [Outside on the road is a shadowy four-legged creature with lots of fur and glowing red eyes that look in Lynn Sr.'s direction. The creature growls and Lynn Sr. screams] "Werewolf!" [He swerves the bus through a bush and onto an adjacent road. He keeps swerving and the bus crashes. Lucy gets up, rubbing her head and sees what her father saw] Lucy: "Gasp!" [The creature steps out of the shadows and was revealed that the creature that Lynn Sr. avoided is actually a sheep. It bleats before runs away. Lynn Sr.'s family gives him mixed expressions.] Lynn Sr.: "Ooh. Sorry, my night vision is not too great." [Chuckles]
[Later, Lana is checking one of the tires, which is now flat by the crash.] Lana: "Well, the tire's shredded. Yup, along with everything else." [The hull of the bus is intact but the wheels are all broken and the front side is flattened] "Without my tools, we'll definitely need a tow." Lori: "Ugh! Good luck calling one. There's literally no service out here." Lynn Sr.: "So… we're stranded in the creepy Transylvanian woods where no one can hear us scream?" [A crow lands on his head and caws at him. Lynn Sr. screams again and jumps into his wife's arms] Rita: "We can't stay out here. We'll just have to knock on someone's door and ask to use their phone." [Sees that they're standing in front of a residence] "Oh, maybe those people are home." [She's looking at a Victorian castle on top of a skull-shaped hill whose lights are on inside. More lightning strikes. Lucy's family all whimper at the thought of going there] Lucy: "Looks nice."
[They approach the castle, Lucy leading the way, she casually knocks on the knocker. The door creaks open, revealing an older couple in Victorian attire. The Loud's scream, except for Lucy] Rita:[Clears her throat and nervously chuckles] "Hi. Sorry to bother you. Um, we have a flat tire. Do you have a landline we could use?" Ulla: "Yes." [The Louds are satisfied by this news] Rita: "See kids?" Lola: "We're saved." Ulla: ""And no." [The Loud's groan] "We have one, but it's not currently working." Rita: "Oh! Well, maybe you can point us in the direction of a hotel?" Nos: "There are no hotels. Not for miles and miles." Lynn Sr.:[Wants to be somewhere else as soon as possible] "Okay, you heard the man. We'll just sleep in the broken bus." [Pushes his family away] Nos: "I don't advise sleeping in your bus after dark." [Grows an ominous tone] "There are many horrible, terrible, bloodsucking…" [All but Lucy whimper at the idea of where this man is going. Suddenly his tone goes flat] "Gnats. I hate gnats Ugh!" [Squishes one on his neck] Ulla: "You are welcome to stay here for the night. We have plenty of room." [Lucy is thrilled by this, but everyone else is not] Rita: "Oh that's so nice, but we wouldn't want to impose." Lynn Sr.: "Thanks anyway!" [Pushes his family away again, this time much faster] Lucy: "Wait. Why can't we stay?" Lynn Sr.: "Look at those two. They're giving off seriously spooky vibes." [The couple are still standing at the door. Nos wipes is nose and Ulla squishes another gnat] Lucy: "You always tell us not to judge a book by its cover." Lynn Sr.:[Who knows that's true] "Uh, yes, unless that cover is really scary." Lucy:[Who knows she's just as scary] "I'd expect this from most normies, but not my own family. You can sleep in the bus, I'm going inside." [Calmly raises her chin and fearlessly goes back to the castle. Meanwhile the gnats have taken notice of the Louds] Lola:[Swats one and yelps] "That's it! I'm getting eaten alive! I'll take my chances in the castle." Rita: "The bugs are pretty bad." Lana: "So bad." Leni: "Ditto." Lisa: "You said it." Lynn: "I'm team castle." Rita:[As she and the kids walk past Lynn Sr.] "Let's go, Honey." Lori: "I'm sure it'll be fine." [Just then a large clump of gnats sets their sights on Lynn Sr. they take on the shape of a screaming skull, which scares Lynn Sr. into the castle. The skull laughs at him]
[The Louds are now being welcomed into the castle] Nos: "Well, here we are." Lucy: "I love the decor of your castle. It's very mid century goth." Ulla: "How lovely of you to notice. Please, come in." [The Louds enter] Nos:[Realizes something] "Oh! Forgive us, we have not introduced ourselves. I am Nos F. Ratu and this is my wife, Ulla." Lynn Sr.: "Nos F. Ratu, why does that name sound familiar?" [Suddenly he trips over something. He shrieks when he realizes it was a coffin] Nos: "Apologies for the darkness. Our power goes out when it's windy." [Suddenly a swarm of bats swoops down] "We also have a little bat problem." Lynn Sr.: "Little? You know on second thought…" [Before he can finish, Ulla shuts the door, which has a barricade lock that closes] Ulla: "No one leaves this house!" [The Louds gasp] "Without getting a good night's sleep." [Gives them a sinister smile, everyone but Lucy gulps]
[Later, the Ratu's show the Louds the their guest room] Nos: "Here we are. Please come in, make yourselves at home." [The room has two king-sized beds. The frightened Louds enter first followed by Lucy] Lucy: "Thank you for your hospitality." Ulla: "You're very welcome." [She and Nos take a closer glare at Lucy] "What a lovely girl. We always dreamed of having a daughter just like her." Lynn Sr.:[Chuckles, claiming what is his daughter] "Yeah, she's a keeper." Nos: "Well, we'll leave you now, you must be weary from your travels. Scream if you need anything." [Lets out an evil sounding laugh as he closes the door, which Lynn Sr. immediately blocks] Lynn Sr.: "Okay, here's the plan… The Ratus are clearly vampires." Lisa: "Irrefutably." Lori:Literally." Leni: "Totes." Luan: "One hundred percent." [Lucy slaps her face] Lynn Sr.: "So, no one leaves this room for any reason. We'll escape in the morning while they're asleep in their coffins. Lucy: "Again, all the vampires around here were driven out years ago by fearful villagers. The Ratus are just nice people who are trying to help us." [Moment of silence] Lynn Sr.: "Who's gonna help me barricade this door?" Everyone but Lucy: "Me!" [Lucy just watches everyone raise their arms in shock]
[Later, Lily is placing the last book on top of the bookcase. The door has been blocked] Lynn Sr.: "There! No one is getting in or out." [Suddenly there is a knock on the door] Nos: "Dinner is ready. Ulla made her famous blood sausages." Lynn Sr.: "Uh, that sounds yummers, but, uh, we're not feeling well." [Pretends to retch] "Yeah, must be the old double-decker bus sickness. Yeah." [Everyone else pretends to be sick too] Ulla: "I'm sorry you all are ill. I'm sure some rest will do you well." [They leave, not suspecting that the Louds think bad things about them] Lucy:[Can't believe her father right now] "Seriously, it was super nice of them to make us dinner." Lynn: "Dude, they're vampires! We are the dinner." Lincoln: "Can everyone stop saying 'dinner'? I'm really hungry." Luan: "Hi, Really Hungry. I'm Luan." [Laughs while Lincoln glares at her] "But seriously, I'm starving." [Everyone agrees that they're hungry too] Lynn Sr.: "Okay, nobody panic. There's some Lynnsagna on the bus. Someone just has to sneak out and get it." Everyone except Lynn Sr. and Lucy:[Touches their noses] "Dibs not!" Lynn Sr.:[Even though Lucy didn't say anything either, Lynn Sr. groans] "Dang it."
[In the dining hall, Nos and Ulla are enjoying their dinner, and don't notice a rope of bedsheets drop outside the window right behind them] Nos: "Oh, Ulla they are so juicy." [Takes a big bite, splattering blood on the window where Lynn Sr. is climbing down. He sees the splatter and yelps, but immediately covers his mouth. He tries to go back up, but the rope snaps and he falls to the ground, which was right below him anyway. He quickly gets up and gets out of sight before the Ratus can wonder what the sound was]
[Back at the bus, Lynn Sr. has gotten the Lynnsagna, only to walk right into Nos] Nos: "Is everything alright?" [Lynn Sr. screams, then hides the brown bag behind his back] Lynn Sr.: "Uh… Yeah! Oh… Great! I just… I just… I was getting some air. You know, stretching the ol' walking bones." [Nos suddenly makes a growling sound and bares his teeth at Lynn Sr. holding his hands up like claws. Lynn Sr. is certain he's about to get bitten. Suddenly Nos simply sneezes] Nos: "Ugh! Excuse me." [Sneezes again] "My allergies are acting up. It's Romanian ragweed season. I must go inside. [Sneezes again. Lynn Sr. is relieved, when suddenly the gnats attack him again and more crows try to steal the Lynnsagna. He makes a run for it]
[Lynn Sr. manages to climb back in the guest room window, but all he has is some of the brown bag] Lynn Sr.: "The Lynnsagna mission was a fail. No further questions, please." [Lucy's starving siblings groan] Rita: "Well, I say we hit the hay. We can't be hungry if we're not awake, right? We just need one person to stay awake on neck watch." Everyone except Lynn Sr. and Lucy:[Touches their noses] "Dibs not!" Lynn Sr.:[Even though Lucy still didn't say anything either, Lynn Sr. growls] "Ooh, I hate dibs not! Fine, I'll do it. And you can all rest easy knowing your ol' Dad is watching over you like a hawk."
[Morning finally arrives, and Lynn Sr. is snoring like a bulldozer. He wakes up to everyone, despite being perfectly neck-bite free, glaring at him. All except Lucy who seems to be missing] Lynn Sr.: "What?! I just shut my eyes for that last second there." Lincoln: "So you didn't see who moved all the furniture?" [The door is unbarricaded and wide open] Lynn Sr.:[Gasps] "Well at least everyone is safe and sound." Lily: "Where's Lucy?" [Lynn Sr. suddenly realizes Lucy isn't here] Lynn Sr.: "Ah! They took my baby!" [They look down out the door and see the shadows of the Ratus surrounding Lucy] Ulla: "Yes, this way to the basement." [They lead Lucy away] Lynn Sr.:[Gasps] "They said they wanted a daughter just like her. They're clearly taking her to their dungeon to bite her so they can live together for eternity!" Rita: "Let's get 'em." Lori: "Mom, Dad, stop. This is ridiculous. We can't hunt vampires… without vampire-hunting supplies." [With that, they dump out the contents of their bags] "Alright, what have we got?" Lincoln: "Ooh! Dad's souvenir garlic from Italy. This will keep them away." Lisa: "Oh, and I've got the UV flashlight to simulate sunlight." Leni: "And I've got the travel pillows to protect our necks." [Everyone has their pillows on] "Cute! We so look like legit vampire hunters you guys." [Prepares to take a photo] "Say blood." Everyone:[Despite having been frightened by the concept of blood all night, smile] "Blood!"
[Later, the Louds are sneaking towards the basement where the Ratus and Lucy are laughing] Lincoln: "That's Lucy! Hurry!" [They all hurry past Lynn Sr.] Lynn Sr.: "Hey, wait for…" [Trips over another coffin and tumbles down the stairs, knocking everyone else down the many stairs with him. They all tumble into a room. In the room they the Ratus with Lucy, who is holding her hair away from her neck] Rita: "Get your fangs away from our daughter!" Lynn & Lana: "Yeah!" Lynn: "Release the garlic!" [Starts rapid-firing garlic at the Ratus, much to their discomfort and Lucy's shock] Ulla: "Ow! Stop it!" Lisa:[Shines the very bright flashlight at them] "Taste UV rays, you immortal beasts!" [This blinds the Ratus. They stumble backwards into a shelf on glass jars which shatter, splattering red fluid all over them] "Aah! Blood!" Lincoln: "Come on, Lucy, Let's go!" Lucy: "Wait, you don't understand." [Lincoln sees two swollen bite marks on Lucy's neck] Lincoln:[Screams] "We're too late. Those vampires already bit her!" [The rest of the family gasps] Lynn Sr.: "You monsters!" [Lucy's vengeful family let out battle cries and charge. The Ratus scream and Lucy gets in between] Lucy: "Stop!" Lynn Sr.:[Gasps] "She raised her voice. It must be her new vampire side." Lucy: "I'm not a vampire. The Ratus didn't bite me. The gnats did." [Her family gasps] "So I unlocked the door and went to ask these nice people for some anti itch cream and a bandage. That's why they brought me down here." Nos:[Cowering in fear with his wife] "Yes, this is where we keep our first aid." [Holds up the kit. The Louds start to feel bad] Rita: "Oh! Ha… Wow. We just thought, you know, Transylvania, the bats…" Lynn Sr.: "The coffin upstairs." Nos: "Coffin? You mean our tanning beds? Transylvania gets very little sun in winter. We need to maintain our base tan." Lincoln: "What about all this blood on the floor?" Ulla: "You mean my homemade blackberry juice? Oh! Looks like we've lost a whole season's worth." [The Ratus are saddened by this. The Louds now feel like the monsters] Lynn Sr.: "Oh man. We really messed things up. You've both been so nice and welcoming, and look how we treated you. You're not the monsters. We are." Rita: "Yes, we're all so sorry. Please let us make it up to you. We'll start by cleaning this mess." Lynn Sr.: "Hey, good idea. And since we missed your dinner, I'll cook us breakfast." [The Ratus like the sound of this]
[Later that evening, the Loud's bus is fixed and the satisfied Ratus are standing at their castle gate Ulla holding a piece of garlic bread] Ulla: "Thanks for cooking for us all day. I can't stop eating this garlic bread." Lynn Sr:[Now with a deep tan] "And thank you for letting me use your tanning bed." [A very hairy mechanic is working on the bus] Mechanic: "You're all set!" Nos: "Safe travels!" [They all wave goodbye. Lucy and Lynn Sr. approach where the mechanic is. The mechanic walks away] Lynn Sr.: "You know, kiddo, if I hadn't learned my lesson, I'd think that mechanic was a werewolf." [They both laugh at the idea. Later, the Louds are leaving Transylvania, under the light of the full moon. Once they're out of sight, the mechanic pounces out of the bushes, sees the moon, and howls, revealing he really is a werewolf. The end.]
