The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Lincoln appears in front of a map screen] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "The Loud's European road trip continues. Next stop, Athens, Greece!" [Lincoln whizzes off, as the Louds' Europe trip takes them from Transylvania to Athens, Greece. The Louds are on a tour of the Parthenon, while a bored Lincoln is trailing behind them] Tour Guide: "Today, all that's left of the Parthenon are these beautiful ruins. But this place was once an open-air market." [He suddenly hears the sound of a crushing rock behind him, and turns around with a disapproving look] "Ponytail, this is not your gym." [Cut to Lynn deadlifting a broken greek pillar, only for her to disappointingly chuck it away, causing it to shatter] Tour Guide: "As I was saying, this place was once an open-air market, kind of Ancient Greece's version of a mall." Leni:[gasps excitedly] "I wonder if I could use my Reininger's discount here?!!" [Lincoln, who is still bored, lets out a yawn] Clyde:[over Lincoln's phone] "Lincoln, how could you yawn? You're in Athens. Surrounded by incredible Greek history!" Lincoln: "If I wanted to see a building slowly crumble, I could've stayed at my house." [he trips on a piece of rubble and falls down. Lincoln peaks his head up, but the accident has caused his phone to get lodged in his mouth, which he promptly spits out] "And I'm tired of tripping on broken stuff." [Cut to the rest of the Louds still on the tour checking out some Ancient Greek vases] Tour Guide: "During their many travels at sea, Greek heroes often encountered incredible creatures; Like the singing Sirens, the Minotaur, and the One-Eyed Cyclops." [As the tour guide talks, the camera pans over to each vase, showcasing each of the creatures he is describing] Clyde: "Ooh, I love Greek Mythology! Hold your phone up! I don't want to miss all the juicy details!" Lincoln:[picks his phone back up] "Those were just myths, they weren't even real, like David Steele." [Lincoln does some fighting poses, only for him to accidentally kick a Spartan helmet on display] Lincoln: "Woah!" [holds his phone up to the helmet] Ooh, check this out!" Clyde: "That looks like an Ancient Spartan helmet!" Tour Guide: "Very good kid, getting free tour on the phone? Back then, soldiers helmets were said to be forged by the Gods on Mount Olympus, giving them magical powers." [puts a clothes peg on his nose] "Now, if you'll follow me, we'll take a peak at Ancient Greek plumbing systems." Lincoln: "Bleh!" Lana:[gasps] "Sweet!" [Lana pops out of a garbage can and runs off in excitement, while the tour guide follows with another disapproving look on his face. Suddenly, an idea pops into Lincoln's mind] Lincoln: "You know what I have to do, right?" Clyde: "I would say treat an Ancient artifact with respect, and don't touch it. But I know you, so I won't bother." [zips his lip shut] [Lincoln puts on the helmet. But, suddenly, a glowing portal appears behind Lincoln and he is pulled right through it.]
[Lincoln is suddenly transported onto an island] Lincoln: "Whoa, what just happened? Clyde, did you see that? Huh?" [But, the phone has...] "No reception?" [Briefly looks around at the scene] "How did I end up on an island?" [Takes off the helmet and observes] "Wait, the guide said these helmets are supposed to have magical powers. I bet when I put it on, it transported me here. I hope it can also take me back. Come on, magic helmet." [Puts the helmet back on, and try to concentrate on getting back to Parthenon, but only lets out a small flatulence instead] Clydius: "Helmet trouble?" [walks over to Lincoln] Lincoln: "Clyde!" [hugs him] Clydius: "Actually, it's Clydius McBridius." Lincoln:[lets go of Clyde] "What's going on? Where am I?" [briefly pauses] " When am I?" Clydius: "Relax. You're in Greece... [Lincoln sighs in relief] ...,and it's 450 B.C. [Upon hearing this, Lincoln fainted and collapsed, and woke up to realize...] Lincoln:[gasps. and takes off the helmet] "This helmet didn't just blast me onto an island. It transported me back in time! I should've never tried it on." Clydius: "You're a time traveler? Yes, I knew it was possible! I'm writing a short story on this pottery." [shows Lincoln a picture of himself on the Greek pottery, travelling through a time portal] "It's about a time-traveling kid, but I don't have it figured out yet." Lincoln: "Wow, very cool, Clyde...ius. You know, I can use your expertise. The helmet may have brought me here." [Puts the helmet back on] But, it doesn't seem to want to take me back, and I need to return to my family. Any ideas?" Clydius: "Hmm, perhaps you have angered the gods by taking something that doesn't belong to you. I bet you'll be able to return to your time if you put it back where you found it." Lincoln: That would be the Parthenon. Any chance you could sail me there?" Clydius: "Heck, yeah! If I can see time travel in action, I might be able to finish my story! Come on!
[Lincoln and Clydius sails off on a boat to Parthenon] Clydius:[holding three lemons] "Help yourself to a lemon." [Lincoln takes a lemon] "Lincoln, was it?" [Lincoln nods] "I come out of that island to get these so I can put them in my homemade yogurt." [Suddenly, the two boys heard beautiful, entrancing music, and Lincoln became hypnotized by it] Lincoln:[charmed] "Hey, what is that beautiful music?" [Clydius is hypnotized, too, but snaps out of it as more music continues] Clydius: "It's the Sirens! They used their voices to hypnotize sailors and lure them over to their islands, so they can devour them!" Lincoln:[still charmed] "They're calling to me." Clydius:[plugging his ears with lemons] "Quick! Use these to shut out the music..." [Lincoln puts the lemon on Clydius' mouth, making him fall down, while Lincoln mesmerizingly walks onto the front edge of the boat, looking towards it as the cloud clears to see three beautiful sirens singing]
Sirens: ♫ We just want to meet you ♫ ♫ We are totally not trying to eat you ♫ ♫ Nothing here is suspicious ♫ ♫ But you sure look delicious ♫
[A hypnotized Lincoln holds his hands out to the beautiful sirens, who reveals glowing green evil eyes, and razor-sharp teeth. The boat was stopped and cracked by the rock as the sirens tried to eat Lincoln] Clydius: "Lincoln, no!" [Clydius grabs Lincoln as he jumps over the sirens, and drags him to another island] Lincoln:[hypnotized] "Beeauutifullllll." [As they stay on solid land, Lincoln finally snaps out of it.] Clydius: "Come on, we gotta get out of here!" [Lincoln and Clyde make off. The sirens shriek at them, and swim off. Then, the duo stopped, knowing they were safe.] Lincoln: "Thanks for the save. I'm sorry that I almost got us devoured, and that I wrecked your boat." Clydius: "Don't worry. My dads insured it, but we do need to find another boat, if we want to get back to the Parthenon." Lincoln: "Hey, check that out!" [Just then, the boys see the hedge maze, with a sign that says "Free Boat."] Lincoln: "Free boat!" [Lincoln goes off. Clydius tries to object to it, but goes along with Lincoln anyway] Lincoln: "A hedge maze! This'll be super easy! I don't want to brag, but I'm kind of an expert at these." [runs off into the hedge maze] Clydius: "Lincoln, no!" [Lincoln and Clydius enters the maze, after a brief moment of twists and turns, the two bump into each other in the middle of the labyrinth.] Clydius: "We can't be in here!" Lincoln: "Why? What's the big deal?" Clydius: "The "big deal" is the Minotaur!" [Indeed, the Minotaur, appearing behind Lincoln, roars at the two bystanders] Minotaur: "You two are trespassing at my maze! Prepare to be devoured!" Lincoln: "You know, heh-heh. Funny story. You're the second creature that's wanted to eat us today. I mean, what are the odds?" [The Minotaur gets close to Lincoln's face, and roars at him, making the helmet spin around, until the back of the helmet covers Lincoln's face. The two boys run away from the Minotaur, who now give chase throughout the labyrinth. Amidst the chase, Clydius saw the vines in the hedge, and grabs it.] Clydius: "I've got an idea!" [The Minotaur arrives, catching up to the boys. Unfortunately for him, Lincoln and Clydius pull the vines tightly, making him trip, and get stuck in the hedge, knocking him out of the game momentarily.] Lincoln: "Now let's find that boat, and sail back to the Parthenon!"
[Later on, they made it to the end of the maze, and on the other side of the island, they finally found a ticket back to the Parthenon.] Lincoln: "There it is!" [They woo-hooed and high-fived, and are about to go back home, but bumps into the wooden club of one final challenge] Cyclops: "Who goes there?! Seriously, I can't tell. I don't have the best peripheral vision." Lincoln: "The Cyclops!" [Clydius whimpers in fear. Eventually, the Cyclops looks down, and sees the two boys] "We're just two super nice Greek guys, looking to borrow a boat." Cyclops: "To use my boat, you must solve an ancient riddle. If you fail--" Lincoln:[sighs] "Let me guess: you'll devour us." Cyclops: "What? Ew! No! Gross! I've been vegan for three years, and I've never felt better." [Lincoln and Clydius sighs in relief] "If you fail, I'm gonna club you to pieces!" [Lincoln's turn to whimper, and shiver in fear] Clydius: "It's okay, I got this. My dads are always running flashcards at me, in case I ever meet the Cyclops." [To Cyclops] "So, what's it gonna be? Math? Science? Philosophy?" Cyclops: "Here is your riddle, boys" [clears throat] "Why was six afraid of seven?" Clydius:[confused] "Huh? What kind of ridiculous question is that?" Lincoln: "Don't worry, I got this. Thanks to my sister, Luan, I know a ton of bad jokes. Six was afraid of seven because seven ate nine." Cyclops:[groans in annoyance, due to Lincoln getting it right the first time] "That's correct!" Clydius: "Wait, we won? Yes! Ha ha! Bet you didn't see that coming." [high-fives Lincoln] Cyclops:[angered] "Was that a dig on my eyeball?! The deal is off! [roars, and gets closer to Lincoln, with Clydius hiding behind him] "I'M GONNA POUND YOU INTO A MILLION SMART ALECK-Y PIECES!" Clydius: "Well, Nana Galius always says, 'When life gives you lemons... [picks up a lemon from his bag]...make lemon juice!'" [Just like that, he squirts lemon juice into his eyes, burning them. The Cyclops throws away his club as he screams in pain, and flails his arms as he wildly runs into a palm tree, knocking him down instantly.] Lincoln: "We'll take the boat now, thank you." [The two boys head to the boat, and set sail]
[The two boys finally made it to its destination, and Clydius is holding the boat in place at the port] Lincoln: "Yes! We made it to Athens!" [Lincoln and Clydius get off the boat, and walk towards the Parthenon] "Let's head to the Parthenon. This should be SUPER easy! All I need to do is put the helmet exactly where--" [But, just as the journey comes to an end, Lincoln and Clydius stops in shock to see the now fully-crowded civilization, with the Pathenon way before the 21st century, complicating matters a bit] "Oh, no!" [Later, at the market] "I forgot that Parthenon isn't a museum yet. Everything looks completely different. I don't know where to put this thing. I'm gonna be stuck at 450 B.C. forever, and never see my family again." [Just then, hope arrived as Clyde saw something that catches his eye] Clydius: "Wait!" [Clydius runs off, and finds a poster, looks at it, and hands it over to Lincoln, who takes a closer look at it, and reads it] Lincoln:[reading]"LOST: ONE SPARTAN HELMET. CONTACT RUSTUS THE GREAT." Clydius: "Well, maybe your helmet belongs to this guy, and if you return it to him, that'll send you back home!" Lincoln: "Okay, how are we supposed to find this 'Rustus the Great?'" Greek Civilian: "He's right over there, doing the Pop-us and Lock-us." [Surprisingly, "Rustus the Great" turns out to be an ancient Greek version of Lincoln's friend, Rusty, breakdancing, while the crowd cheers for him] Rustus: "Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!" Lincoln: "I should've known." [Rustus finishes off with a "Cameron Diaz" pose, making the crowd applaud his dancing] Greek Inhabitant #1: "All right! Yeah-heh-heh!" Greek Inhabitant #2: "All right!" Rustus:[standing up] "What's up, Greek dawgs?" [notices Lincoln's helmet] "Is that my helmet?" Lincoln: "If this works, I don't have time to say goodbye, so... [hugs Clydius, and Clydius hugs him back] ...thank you for helping me get here." Clydius: "Are you kidding?! Thank you! Now, I can finish my "Pottery Schwartz" story!" Lincoln: "You know, where I come from, we call those 'comics.'" Clydius:[thinking about it] "Comics. I like that!" [The two boys hug again] Rustus: "Aw, that's sweet! Helmet, please?" [Lincoln hands over the helmet to Rustus, who puts it on, and looks at the hand-held mirror] Rustus: "Aw, yeah! Fits like a glove! Huh?!" [Just then, Rustus and Clydius notice the blue portal around Lincoln again, in which he is pulled through.]
[Lincoln then arrives back to the present day Parthenon, where Lynn bumps into him.] Lynn: "Hey! Where you been, Stinkin'?!" Lincoln:[happily hugging her] "Lynn!" Lynn:[escaping his grip] "Ugh! Gross! What are you doing?!" Lincoln: "I'm just so happy to see you!" [The Loud family and parents appeared behind Lynn and Lincoln, respectively] "To see all of you!" Rita: "Aw, that's sweet, honey. But, you shouldn't have run off. We have been looking all over for you." Leni: "Oh, were we supposed to be looking for Lincoln?" [shows off a bag full of Greek sandals] "I found a huge sale on vintage sandals!" [The tour guide appears, taking back the sandals from Leni] Tour Guide:[exasperated] "That wasn't a sale rack! It was a showcase of ancient Greek footwear! What is with this family?!! Rita: "Listen, Sweetie, you have been a real trooper with all these historic tours, so your Dad and I decided we're gonna spend the afternoon doing whatever fun thing you want." Lincoln: "Actually, I'm starting to think history is fun. I'd love to hear more about Greek Mythology." [Suddenly, Clyde's voice is heard from Lincoln's pocket] Clyde: "Me too!" [Lincoln takes his phone out to find his video chat with Clyde has returned] Lincoln: "Clyde, you're back!" Clyde: "I'm back? You're back! And I lost you when you put on that helmet." [notices something] "Hey, look at that vase behind you." [Lincoln turns around to find the vase Clydius showed him earlier, now fully detailed recounting the events of their story] Clyde: "Is that us on it?!!" Lincoln: "Woah! Clydius actually finished his story!" Clyde: "Who's Clydius? And is that... RUSTY?!!" Lincoln: "Buddy, do I have a story to tell you." [As Lincoln walks off, the scene cuts to another close up shot of the vase as the iris stops on the drawing of Lincoln and Clydius in the center. The drawing of Clydius gives a wink to the audience as the iris closes completely.]
