The following is a transcript for the episode "Feast or Family".
[It's a typical day at the Loud House, Lincoln is reading a comic, Leni on the couch painting her nails, Luna playing with her guitar, Lynn laying on the couch with her dirty worn-out socks emitting a green stench from them, Lucy sitting between Leni and Lynn with a small box, Lana playing tug-of-war with Charles with a bone, Lily playing with blocks by smashing the purple and yellow together and finally Lynn Sr. playing his cowbell while dancing to the sound. Just then Lynn Sr. starts to smell something.]
Lynn Sr.: “What's that smell?”
Leni: “Oh, I just put on a fresh coat.”
Lucy: “I have a few things decomposing.”
[Lucy opens the box to reveal three bats coming out of it and a purple haze admitting from the box, then she closed the box.]
Lynn: “Ah, just airing out the dogs!”
Lynn Sr.: “Um, okay... well, it’s not Leni’s nails, or rotting flesh,” [Lynn Sr. gags at the thought.] “it’s definitely not feet. This smell is...” [he sniffs the air.] “divine. Huh?”
[Lynn Sr. begins floating out of the living room and into the kitchen towards the smell, where it is revealed that Luan is making something, with Mr. Coconuts sitting on the counter next to her.]
Lynn Sr.: “Luana Banana, it’s you?”
Luan: [Turns around with an unenthused expression, holding a sandwich on a plate.] “Oh, hey Dad.”
Lynn Sr.: “Is that a Monte Cristo sandwich? On brioche?”
Luan: [Rolls her eyes] “Aww, I messed it up.” [Holds up the piece of bread.] “It’s supposed to be on bread.” [Throws the sandwich away, hitting Mr. Coconuts and knocking him over. Lynn Sr. screams and dives, catching the sandwich.]
Lynn Sr: “No, brioche is bread. It’s French!” [Gets up] “Hey, what’s the occasion?” [Realizes and holds up the sandwich to inspect it.] “Wait, this isn’t a trick sandwich, is it?”
Luan: [Sighing] “No, we picked electives in school, and I got locked out of my top two choices.” [Counting on her fingers.] “Advanced Punning, and To Hee Hee or not to Hee Hee, the Philosophical Joke in You. And now I’m stuck taking Intro to Cooking, and I can’t imagine a more boring class."
Lynn Sr.: [Eating Luan’s sandwich] “Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I can’t imagine a more delicious sandwich! Luan, you have some real talent!”
Luan: [Skeptical] “Really? I don’t know much about food. Comedy is more my bread and butter. [Laughs] “Get it?”
Lynn Sr.: [Laughs] “Good one, honey! Actually, cooking is a lot like comedy. A balance of creativity and performance. Just give me a chance to show you how much fun cooking can be! It’s always been my dream to share my passion with one of you kids!”
Mr. Coconuts: [To Luan] “What do you have to lose?”
Luan: “I’m in!”
Lynn Sr.: [Accidentally spitting on Mr. Coconuts.] “Woohoo!”
Mr. Coconuts: [Shaking to get the spit off.] “Ugh! Say it, don’t spray it, pal!”
[For her first project, Lynn Sr. is wearing a chef's hat and takes out a matching one.]
Lynn Sr.: "Here we go, matching chef hats." [Puts it on his daughter.] "You gotta look good to cook good."
Mr. Coconuts: "Hey, what about me?"
Lynn Sr.: "Nuh, kay, uh..." [Looks around. He takes a coffee filter and blows it up, making a makeshift chef hat, he puts it on Mr. Coconuts.] "Here you go. Now, let's see that syllabus." [Luan gives it to him and he looks at week one.] "Ah yes, first assignment: eggs. The versatile rockstar of the food world, you can boil 'em, poach 'em, fry 'em, shirr 'em, quiche 'em, scotch 'em, benedict 'em." [Luan and Mr. Coconuts are very bored.] "And always remember, it's okay to yoke around in the kitchen." [Starts juggling three eggs, but eventually drops them. Luan laughs.] "There it is, I knew I'd get you to crack a smile." [Cracks some eggs into the frying pan, they make a smiley face.] "Go ahead, give it a fry."
[Luan juggles two eggs and Mr. Coconuts, then cracks the eggs into the pan and fries them. Later she puts the omelette onto her dad's plate.]
Luan: "So, how'd I do?"
[The omelette looks like Lynn Sr.'s face, Luan puts a parsley sprig over the ear.]
Lynn Sr.: "I've always wondered how I'd look in egg," [sniffles] "It's just... it's just more beautiful than I ever imagined." [Suddenly Charles steals the omelette, Luan and Lynn Sr. gasp.] "Bad Charles! Stop eating my face!"
[Chases after him, and Luan checks off the assignment.]
[For her next assignment, Luan is chopping up a carrot while Lynn Sr. places a little surprise on the veggie plate.]
Lynn Sr.: "Wow honey, impressive knife work, swift but safe." [She attempts to pick up the plate, but her dad stops her.] "Hold on there, a good chef always inspects her crudité platter." [Luan takes a very close look at the platter, and comes across a severed finger, she freaks out.] "It's, uh, finger food. Get it?"
Luan: "Well, aren't you a fun guy?"
[She holds up a mushroom and tosses it into Lynn Sr.'s mouth.]
Lynn Sr.: [Enjoys, but then retches.] "That one had some dirt on it."
[For her third assignment, Luan is dusting a chocolate cake with powdered sugar.]
Luan: "Finished the lava cake."
Lynn Sr.: [Inspects it] "Well it's got the four Cs of a great cake; chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, and creativity." [They high five, when the cake starts rumbling.] "Uh, honey, how much baking powder did you use?"
Luan: "Oh, I'm not sure, you made a pun and I got distracted." [Suddenly the cake erupts lava, which smashes through the ceiling, sending Lola flying.] "Oh-no, sorry Dad."
Lynn Sr.: [Catches some cake lava on his tongue.] "No Luan, I lava it, happy accidents in the kitchen are part of the fun."
[They continue catching cake in their mouths and Luan checks the assignment off her syllabus.]
[Luan's final assignment is last.]
Lynn Sr.: "Final exam: Cooking dinner for ten or more people."
Luan: [Nervous] "Oh, an entire dinner, that seems intense."
Lynn Sr.: "Intense, but fun, the best part of being a chef is bringing others joy with your food, and I've got the perfect dish."
[Removes a sheet from a number of ingredients.]
Luan: "Pasta, clams, butter," [sees something behind more clams and gasps.] "Geo?" [Removes the clams.] "Dad! We can't cook our hamster."
Lynn Sr.: "What? No, no, scram Geo." [Geo scrams] "It's my famous Lynn-guine, the first dish I ever served anyone, and now it's your turn."
Luan: "You really think I can pull it off?"
Lynn Sr.: "Of course. And besides, who better to test your chops on than your own loving, supportive family."
[Meanwhile, the said loving, supportive family are all arguing with each other in the dining room.]
Lola: "I'm getting hangry!"
Lynn Sr.: [With the finished meal.] "Quiet down in there!" [Sighs. To Luan.] "You got this kiddo."
[Luan looks at her linguine, takes a breath, and goes to the dining room, where Lola has started gnawing on the table, and serves.]
Luan: "Okay, what you have in front of you, is Dad's famous Lynn-guine and clans, it's prepared al dente, in a beurre blanc sauce and finished with just a hint of parsley. Bon appetit."
[The family enjoys their meal, Charles and Cliff unintentionally kissing from the same noodle, the chefs watch with anticipation, and everyone gives a thumbs up. The two chefs return to the kitchen, listen to everyone commenting, and do a celebratory dance.]
Lynn Sr: "Oh, ya crushed it!"
[He checks the last assignment off Luan's syllabus.]
Luan: "Oh man, you were right Dad, seeing those empty plates, and happy faces, is making me feel so... warm."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, honey that meant-" [Sees something] "Oh, that might be because the oven's still on." [Turns it off]
Luan: "No, no, I mean it, that felt almost as good as getting a big laugh on stage. I'm kinda bummed my elective is over, I've had so much fun cooking with you Dad."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that, cause the fun doesn't have to end."
[Pulls down a banner that reads...]
Luan: [Gasps] "Lynn & Luan's Table?"
Lynn Sr.: "Yeah! That's right honey, I want you to carry on the Loud Legacy and take over the restaurant someday."
Luan: [Can't believe it] "What? Me? No. Who? Me?" [Shakes her head] "Really?"
Lynn Sr.: "Ah! I can see it now, you and me taking on the restaurant world by storm, cracking jokes and yolks, making puns and buns."
Luan: "Well, I have been having a lot of fun."
Lynn Sr.: "And there's so much more to be had."
Luan: [Thinks] "Hmm, let's do it."
Lynn Sr.: [Starts to have a moment.] "Oh, it's happening! This might be the happiest moment of my life." [They high five, and Mr. Coconuts pops in.] "Ah! Get in here you big dummy!"
[The three hug.]
[Later that night, at four in the morning, Luan is peacefully snoring away, when she's awoken by a gong.]
Luan: "Ah! Luna! I thought we made a roommate pact. I don't dip your hand in warm water while you're sleeping and you don't play your gong after ten p.m."
Luna: [Lowers herself] "Wasn't me dude."
[The gong goes off again, it's revealed to be Lynn Sr. playing it.]
Luan: "Dad? What are you doing?"
Luna: "Maybe he's sleep gonging." [Goes back to sleep.]
Lynn Sr.: "A good chef rises early to source the freshest ingredients."
Luan: "But it's-"
Lynn Sr.: "Fun, right? All good practice for when you take over the restaurant. Wait 'til you meet our fish lady, you're gonna love her."
[He takes off and Luan groans.]
[Later, at the farmer's market, Lynn Sr. is looking at the fish stand, and the lady offers him a big one.]
Lynn Sr.: [Gasps and smells] "Oh yeah, that's the good stuff Deb." [Takes the fish.] "Grab a sniff of the ocean Luan."
[He tosses the fish at Luan, who is half asleep, but gets knocked over by the fish, her bunny slippers flying.]
[Back at the house, Luan is whisking batter, her dad breathing down her neck.]
Lynn Sr.: "Fluffier." [Luan whisks harder.] "Frothier." [Luan whisks even harder.] "Foamier!" [Luan whisks so hard the whisk flies out the window.]
Luan: [Sighs] "Alright Dad, we need to talk."
Lynn Sr.: [Tastes] "Aw, we sure do, honey, this sauce is amazing, I think we found ourselves a new menu item."
Lynn Sr.: "Hang on, I gotta call my sauce guy." [Calls him] "Ay! Mikey Marinara, you're never gonna believe what my daughter made."
[Walks off, and Luan groans.]
[At school, Luan is having lunch with Benny, Ruby, and Shannon.]
Shannon: "I've really been getting into..."
[Suddenly Lynn Sr. shows up.]
Lynn Sr.: "Hey honey."
Luan: [Gasps] "Dad." [Nervously laughs to her friends.] "What are you doing here?"
Lynn Sr.: "I brought lunch." [Holds up a picnic basket.]
Luan: "But, I already have lunch."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, you can't be eating basic PB&Js, if your gonna take over the restaurant you need to work on refining your palette." [Reaches into the basket.] "Okay, I got Limburger cheese." [Rolls it into the middle of the table, where Benny & Ruby are revolted by the stench, and Shannon turns around to puke.] "A main course of beef Bourguignon." [Tosses it into the middle of the table, splattering Luan's friends.] "And don't worry, I brought dessert, it's an oldie but a goody, it's baked Alaska. Well almost."
[Takes out a blowtorch, puts on a welding mask and attempts to finish baking the Alaska, only for it to set on fire. Lynn Sr. tries to blow it out, but it sets off the sprinklers. Luan's friends run out of the cafeteria, and Luan just watches, humiliated.]
[Back at the house, Luan slumps on her bed and groans.]
Luan: "Mr, Coconuts, keep this between us, but, I don't wanna cook anymore. Dad's kinda taken all the fun out of it, and I don't know how to tell him that, he's just so happy. You know?" [Doesn't get an answer] "Mr. Coconuts?" [Mr. Coconuts' throne is empty and Luan gasps, shocked. In his room, Sheriff Lincoln is playing cards with Hopalong Bun-Bun, when Luan bursts in.] "Lincoln! Have you seen this funnyman?" [Hold up a missing person poster.] "Two feet tall, orange hair, has a real ear for punchlines."
Lincoln: "I know Mr. Coconuts Luan, but sorry, don't know where he is."
[Luan groans. Later, she's shining a lamp in someone's face.]
Luan: "So, you haven't seen him, and you also have a poo-poo?"
Lily: [Nods] "Mmm-hmm."
[Luan groans again. She asks on the top bunk.]
Luan: "Luna, have you seen Mr. Coconuts?"
Luna: "Actually no, and if I'm being honest it's been kinda nice."
[Luan bursts into the kitchen.]
Luan: [Frantic] "Lock down the house! Call the cops! File a missing person's report! Mr. Coconuts is officially MIA."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, honey relax, Mr. Coconuts is fine." [Luan is relieved.] "Yeah, I put him into storage."
[Luan is shocked.]
Luan: "Wait! Why would you do that?!"
Lynn Sr.: "Luan, when I decided to dedicate my life to food, I didn't touch a cowbell for months, comedy can wait, you need to focus on cooking if you're going to take over the restaurant."
Lynn Sr.: [Not even listening.] "Of course first, you're gonna have to attend the Culinary Institute of Michigan, but someone with your talent should breeze right through."
Luan: [Face reddening] "Dad."
Lynn Sr.: [Still not listening.] "After that, it's on to an apprenticeship, maybe you can go somewhere fun like Paris, oh, or Kansas City, I heard they're doing great stuff with ribs down there." [Luan is very red with fury, steam seemingly flying out of her ears.] "After that, you can take over-"
Luan: [Can't take anymore, explodes.] "I'm not taking over the restaurant!"
[Luan storms off, and the steam is revealed to be coming from the pressure cooker, which Lynn Sr. turns off. Lynn Sr. thinks, and goes over to the cupboard, opens it, and a pot inside, revealing Mr. Coconuts.]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, don't give me that look, I was just helping to nurture Luan's talent." [Mr. Coconuts slumps over, his head swaying. Lynn Sr. sighs.] "Oh, you're right. What have I done? I need to fix this."
[In her room, Luan is laying in the dark, with a tissue in one hand, mournfully looking a photo of herself and Mr. Coconuts. There's a knock at the door.]
Luan: "Come in, I guess."
Lynn Sr.: [Opens the door] "I made apology apple turnovers."
[He comes in and offers them to Luan, who takes a bite and puts it back.]
Luan: [Disdainfully] "Hmm, there underbaked."
Lynn Sr.: Ouch, I deserved that, but I had a long talk with my new sous chef and realized something, I kinda took the fun out of cooking by laying on the pressure a little too thick."
Luan: "Ya think?"
Lynn Sr.: "It wasn't fair of me to force my dreams onto you, sweetie. It's just, none of you guys have ever taken an interest in my passion, I got carried away. Let's just forget about the restaurant for now"
[Moment of silent thinking.]
Luan: "You were excited Dad, I get it, apology apple turnovers accepted. Now how about you and me tag-team a family dinner tonight?"
Lynn Sr.: "I promise to be a fun guy, and not a pressure cooker." [Laughs]
Luan: "I'm game. Wait, who's this wise new sous chef giving you all this great advice?"
[In the kitchen, there's is something under a sheet.]
Lynn Sr.: "Meet the newest member of the Loud cooking family." [Lynn Sr. removes the sheet, Luan gasps, and hugs her beloved Mr. Coconuts.] "He came highly recommended."
Mr. Coconuts: "And, I can really dice and slice."
Lynn Sr.: "Shall we get back to having fun? I think we make a great pair." [Holds up a pear.]
Luan: [Grabs Geo, who's eating a stick of butter.] "You butter believe it."
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