The following is a transcript for the episode "Fluff and Foiled."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Open on Lincoln screaming in his room.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "You may be wondering why I'm screaming, and no, it's not because I just found out Lana's been hiding her booger stash in my room." [He flips his mattress to reveal Lana's booger stash on the underside and gags in disgust.] Lana:[from outside his room] "It's not a stash. It's an exhibit celebrating all things nasal! You should be honored!" Lincoln: "Lana, stop listening at my door!" [flips his mattress back and sighs; to the viewers] "Anyway, I was practicing my ride scream. Today's the annual Udder Madness Day at Dairyland. Clyde and I never miss it." [takes out a map of Dairyland] "If you can go on the ten most stomach-curdling rides before the park closes, you win an awesome prize. And this year's prize is gonna be legen-dairy." Luan:[laughs] "Good one, Lincoln!" Lincoln: "OK, if there's anybody else at my door, please step away!" [Every single sister can be heard grumbling outside his room as they leave.] Luan:[Disappointed] "It was funny." Lincoln:[To the viewers] "As I was saying, check out this year's prize." [takes out a picture of a Tippy hat] "This moo-tiful Tippy hat. It's gonna look so good with the rest of my Udder Madness collection. Let me show you." [goes to his drawers to find more of Lana's booger stash and nearly hurls] "Lana!" Lana:[from outside] "Don't touch! Those are the fresh ones! They need to harden!" [Lincoln sighs and reaches for his Udder Madness collection, careful not to touch Lana's fresh boogers. First, he takes out a Tippy bobblehead.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "I've got a Tippy bobblehead," [takes out an udder backpack] "an udder backpack with squirt action," [squirts milk from the udders; takes out a cheese curd bucket] "and a light-up Tippy cheese curd bucket." [activates the light-up function; his pupils are temporarily dilated as a result before he puts it back] "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to wi--" [opens the door to find his parents in front of his door] "Come on. You weren't listening at my door too, were you?" Lynn Sr.: "No! We didn't hear anything about a light-up cheese curd bucket." [chuckles] Rita:[sarcastically] "Nice save, hon." [cheerfully] "Lincoln, we just wanted to remind you that you are on laundry duty today." Lynn Sr.: "No Udder Madness until your udder stuff is done." Luan:[off-screen] "Nailed it, Dad!" Lynn Sr.:[laughs] "Thanks, honey!" [The parents leave] Lincoln: "Not a problem. I'll just ask my--" [Lisa clears her throat as she enters with a long document.] Lisa:[unfurls the document] "As representative for the collective group hereby known as the Loud sisters, I am here to inform you that after the five previous instances, none of us will be covering your laundry responsibilities." [rolls it back up] "In layman's terms, you're on your own." [leaves] Lincoln:[nervously to the viewers] "This is not good..."
[Later, the sisters are in line at Lincoln's room with their laundry. Luna is at the back of the line behind Lisa, Luan, Leni, Lana, Lola, and Lynn, with Lucy at the front of the line showing her bloodstained laundry to Lincoln.] Lucy: "I need this for tomorrow's full moon ritual." [Lucy dumps her clothes on the floor, and they land with a squelch.] Lincoln:[unnerved] "This is fake blood, right?" Lucy: "Sure..."
[Next is Lynn. She tosses her clothes at Lincoln, resulting in a malodorous jock strap covering his face.] Lynn: "Got a game tomorrow! Need my lucky uniform." [Lincoln smells the jock strap and retches] "Oh, ha! Yeah, that's just the sweat funks." [Lynn stretches the jock strap towards her. When she lets it go, Lincoln gets flung across the room and crashes off-screen, groaning.]
[Next is Lola.] Lola: "Delicate cycle, cold wash, perm press, and while you're at it, an iced decaf latte with a splash of honey." [flips her hair] "Now would be good." [Annoyed, Lincoln simply points her out the door] "Can't blame a girl for trying." [leaves]
[Last is Lisa. She is wearing a hazmat suit and holding her radioactive clothes with a pair of tongs.] Lisa: "Oh, and to get the uranium out, use sodium hydrogen carbonate, street name: baking soda." Lincoln:[concerned] "Should I be wearing a hazmat suit too?" Lisa:[shrugs] "Eh." Todd:[enters holding a pair of jean shorts] "DON'T FORGET MY JEAN SHORTS." [throws them at Lincoln's face] "BIG BEACH DAY COMING UP."
[The pile is overwhelming. Lincoln surfaces from Lynn's dirty clothes, gasping for air.] Lincoln: "Twelve separate wash and dry cycles?" [mischievously to the viewers] "I've got a better idea."
[In the basement, Lincoln gets in a 100m sprint-like starting position. He charges forward and attempts to push the laundry into the washing machine all at once. The first attempt makes him fall back on the ground in a daze. He quickly gets up and tries again. He successfully manages to get all the clothes in there.] Lincoln: "Phew. All twelve loads packed at once. Sorry, ladies." [pours two bottles of detergent into the washer] "I've got a hat to win." [tosses them aside] "Cold setting should cover it." [sets the dial to cold and presses it on. It doesn't work, so he presses it again. It still doesn't work, and he groans as he rapidly presses it. He checks the laundry and smiles as the water comes in, but then the clothing overload causes the detergent to pour out of the washer. He looks at the viewers in panic.] "Uh-oh." [Cut to the kitchen. The detergent pours out of the basement, blasting Lincoln with it and outside the house.]
[Later, Lincoln is back in the basement, with the washing machine now completely destroyed.] Lincoln: "It's busted! Time for Plan C..." [takes out his walkie-talkie] "McB." [speaks into it. Split-screen between him and Clyde, who is in his room.] "Clyde, I've got a Code Aquamarine on my hands." Clyde: "You tried stuffing your washing machine with 12 loads at once to get to Dairyland on time for Udder Madness, and now your washing machine is broken?" Lincoln: "Exactly. Do you think I can use your machine?" Clyde:[winces] "Ah, I would say yes, but I've got a Code Chartreuse over here." Lincoln: "Your dads are washing their vintage rugs, and nobody's allowed to interrupt their 12-hour wash cycle?" Clyde: "Yup." [sighs] "I wish we had more machines here for you, but pre-Victorian washing machines are very hard to come by." Lincoln:[gets an idea and gasps] "More machines! Clyde, that's it! Meet me at the laundromat in five minutes."
[Tumble Laundromat. Lincoln meets up with Clyde and brings the laundry in a wheelbarrow.] Lincoln: "With all the machines here, we'll be at Dairyland in no--" [He and Clyde enter the laundromat, but stop in surprise at what they see before them. Various elderly people are occupying most of the machines. One is sitting on a bench, snoring away] "...time." [confused] "Um, what is going on?" Tyler:[approaches the two boys] "It's Senior Day at the laundromat, little dudes. I'm here dropping the beats while the wrinklies wash their sheets." [finger-guns them] "Pew, pew, pew, pew!" [Tyler sprints to his DJ setup and plays his beats so loud, it wakes up an elderly man in fright.] Old Man:[shakes his cane angrily] "Quit honkin'! Go around me!" Lincoln:[growls in annoyance and turns to Clyde] "There have to be some open machines." [points in one direction] "You take that side." [points to the other] "I'll take this one." [The two split up as Lincoln rolls in the wheelbarrow of laundry, passing by several taken machines.] "Taken. One hour. Taken. Two hours." [Meanwhile, Clyde passes by several taken machines when he spots something.] Clyde: "Got one!" [goes to the open machine] "Hey, Linc!" Cranky Senior:[to Clyde] "Hey! Are you holdin' that machine? No holding machines! It's the rule." Clyde: "Oh." [nervously chuckles] "My-my friend is actually on his--" Cranky Senior: "Hey, everybody! This kid's trying to hold a machine!" [The elders get angry and walk towards Clyde with their arms outstretched, surrounding him. Clyde gets scared and whimpers.] Clyde: "LINCOLN!" [Meanwhile, Lincoln continues to walk past more occupied machines, until he hears a buzzer sound go off.] Lincoln: "Someone's done!" [He rushes off, and peers around the corner to find an elderly lady walking away with her load of clean clothes, and the washing machine is now open. He confidently wheels in the wheelbarrow towards the machine, when suddenly, he sees Scoots enter from the other side, her clothes in her scooter's basket. She revs her scooter, and both of them immediately get in a stand-off with each other as a tumbleweed of clothes rolls by.] Lincoln: "Scoots..." Scoots: "Loud..." [They let out battle cries and charge at each other with the fate of the washing machine at stake. Lincoln smiles in confidence, but Scoots frowns, grabs one of her boxer shorts, and throws it at Lincoln, knocking him out and claiming the machine for her own, tossing her clothes in there.] Scoots: "Haha! This wrinkly's still got it!"
[Later, Clyde and Lincoln sit on a waiting bench, completely dejected. Lincoln removes Scoots' boxers from his head.] Lincoln: "This is gonna take forever. There's no way I'm gonna make Udder Madness." [Suddenly, a commercial for Dairyland plays on TV.] Tippy: "Come on down to Dairyland for Udder Madness!" [A montage of the park's most stomach-curdling rides plays] "Dairyland: Where creams really do come true!" Clyde:[shakes fist in frustration at the TV] "Quit rubbing it in, TV!" Lincoln: "Clyde, wait. I've got an idea. Udder Madness is still on." [Clyde grins in agreement.]
[Lincoln and Clyde arrive at Dairyland with the wheelbarrow of clothes disguised as a person.] Lincoln: "Dairyland, the world's largest washing machine." [After a girl gets her ticket, he and Clyde walk up to the ticket stand next] "Three tickets, please." [The ticket guy notices the clothes-shaped person, and Lincoln catches on] "Oh." [chuckles] "That's, um, my good friend Khaki. Yeah, he's, uh, he's really into fashion." [The boys smile sheepishly in hopes that he bought it. In response, the ticket guy shrugs and holds up three tickets. Cut to the entrance of Log Tose Intolerant, then to Lincoln, Clyde, and Khaki on the ride.] Ride Operator:[dully] "Welcome to Log Tose Intolerant, the water-based flume ride for the log tose intolerant." [slurps his drink, then punches holes in Lincoln and Clyde's tickets] "Please keep all hooves, bells, and udders inside the log at all times. Moo." [The operator then looks at Khaki suspiciously, making Lincoln and Clyde think they're gonna get caught, but it was just to strap the clothes in. The two boys sigh in relief, and then the operator pushes a button, starting the ride. As the milk-bottle log makes its way to the top of the lifthill, Lincoln takes out some detergent and pours it on Khaki. Once that was done, they take the drop down.] Lincoln and Clyde:[excitedly] "YEAH!" [The log makes a splash, transitioning to Lincoln, Clyde, and Khaki's photo displayed on a screen. With all of them drenched, Lincoln and Clyde are about to pick up that said photo.] Clyde: "We'll take three copies." Lincoln: "Clyde, we only need two." Clyde: "Oh, that's right. You two can share." [The employee gives Clyde their two copies, who then passes one to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "That's one ride down. Nine to go." [points to Khaki] "Now to dry these bad boys and get another ride punch."
[Now they're at the Cheese Wheel. Riding on Clyde's shoulders, Lincoln has strapped all the washed laundry on the poles of their seats via clothes hangers, with one of Leni's dresses hanging from Clyde's seat. They take their seats and get their tickets punched via the same operator from earlier. Once they are strapped, the ride begins. They're raised up, and then it starts spinning.] Clyde:[feels Leni's dress] "Lincoln, they're not drying fast enough!" Lincoln:[to the operator] "Can we go faster, please?" [The operator shrugs and makes the ride go faster.] Clyde:[feels the dress again] "It's working!" [Unfortunately, two clothes hangers holding one of Lynn's jock straps and Luna's skirts snap off, and the jock strap flies right into Lincoln's face. He takes it off him.] Lincoln:[yelling over the speed] "CAN... WE... STOP... GOING... FASTER?!" Ride Operator:[mishearing his plea] "You want it faster? Well, OK." [He makes the ride even faster than ever, causing all of the laundry to start flying out of the ride. Some of the clothes hit the ground while others hit guests right in the face.] Guest: "It's raining clothes! I love Udder Madness Day!" [Lincoln and Clyde exit the Cheese Wheel, completely dizzy from going way too fast.] Clyde: "Now... going what to do we are, Lincoln?" [snaps out of it] "I mean, what are we going to do now, Lincoln?" Lincoln: "I don't know. My laundry could be anywhere." [Tippy runs by the boys, with Lisa's clothes burning the mascot from the radioactivity.] Tippy:[screams] "It burns!" Lincoln: "And on anyone! It's gonna take forever to find it all." Clyde: "Don't worry. We'll get your laundry, and our Tippy hats." Lincoln and Clyde: "Clincoln McCloud!" [They fist bump.]
[Now they are at Dunk a Cookie. Lincoln shoots the milk gun directly at the target, being a cookie, and knocks it down. The bell dings, and he and Clyde laugh victoriously. Lincoln points to his prize, which is a Tippy plush wearing Lana's hat. The same operator takes it down from the shelf and hands it to Clyde, who then tosses the hat into the wheelbarrow. Next, they emerge from a bush and find Flip and Nacho eating ice cream, Flip wearing Lucy's clothes, and Nacho wearing Lola's clothes. Lincoln offers them cash, and they smile. Nacho tosses his ice cream away and takes the cash, counting the bills. Flip and Nacho return the clothes to Lincoln and Clyde, then walk away, and Flip is now wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his boxers, having the two boys stare awkwardly at that. Both then toss the clothes into the wheelbarrow with the others. Finally, they are at a petting zoo. Lincoln takes Leni's dress off one of the wooden fences, and notices Clyde has latched onto an aggressively stampeding bull, screaming. Lincoln screams too and tosses the clothes into the air before running off, and the bull gives chase.]
[Later, they have all the laundry back in the wheelbarrow, Clyde holding a clipboard and writing in it.] Lincoln: "Lucy's veil, Lola's pageant gloves, Lisa's hazmat suit... That's everything. Now let's go finish those rides and win that Tippy hat." [Lincoln wheels the wheelbarrow onward, and Clyde puts his clipboard away. Before he can follow him, he notices that Lincoln is unknowingly heading directly towards the cheese fountain.] Clyde: "Lincoln, wait! Cheese!" Lincoln: "Huh? We don't have time for photos, Cly-- " [trips and falls in the fountain] "Ahh!" [He surfaces, and notices the laundry and the wheelbarrow sinking into the cheese] "No, no, no!" [A cheese bubble emerges and pops, having him flinch, and then sighs. Clyde walks up to him.] "What was I thinking, Clyde? I should've just done the laundry the right way like I was supposed to. I've gotta go back home and fix this mozzarella mess." [starts gathering the clothes] Clyde: "I'll come help! Clincoln McCloud always sticks together." [Lincoln rolls all the laundry into one colossal ball of cheese out of the fountain, then himself out. He puts a hand on Clyde's shoulder.] Lincoln: "I can't let you do that, buddy. This is my problem. You finish those rides without me. You deserve to win that hat." [Lincoln rolls the ball of cheese to the exit. As soon as he leaves, Clyde notices Lincoln's punch ticket in a splatter of cheese, and gets it out.]
[Lincoln returns to the Loud House's basement with the cheese sphere of laundry. He fishes out a book from between the broken washer, and dryer, and the book is covered in dust. He blows it off the cover, which displays a wrench.] Lincoln: "Machine repair instructions." [opens the book] "Here goes nothing." [In a three-panel shot, he gets to work on repairing the washer via wrench, and a flathead screwdriver to put in the screws. He then attaches the washer's door upright and pushes the button. The machine starts to run smoothly, meaning it's as good as new] "Alright. Here we go."
[The daytime fades into nighttime at the Loud House. Lincoln is still in the basement, now snoozing on two stacks of clean, and neatly folded laundry of many stacks. A door is then heard opening.] Clyde: "Hey, buddy." [This wakes up Lincoln, resulting in him falling off the laundry. He quickly gets up as he sees Clyde wearing a Tippy hat] "Congrats! You got the laundry done." Lincoln: "And you got a hat!" Clyde: "Not just a hat." [reveals another Tippy hat] "Two hats!" Lincoln: "But, how?" Clyde: "You dropped your punch ticket, so I just rode everything twice." [Clyde gives Lincoln the second Tippy hat, who gasps happily and puts it on his head.] Lincoln: "You're the best friend ever. Thanks, Clyde." [The two friends hug. Todd enters wearing his beach getup, including his jean shorts, as they release.] Todd: "AND THANK YOU, LINCOLN. THE JEAN SHORTS ARE PERFECT. BEACH VOLLEYBALL, HERE I COME." [pulls out a volleyball and spikes it, which then ricochets and rockets into him, crashing off-screen] "OW." [Lincoln and Clyde glance at each other and share a laugh over it. The end.]
