The following is a transcript for the episode "Gown and Out".
[The episode starts at Royal Woods Elementary, where they are hosting the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant.]
Cheryl: "Welcome back to the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant. Up next, we are kicking off the talent portion with Lola Loud and her famous ribbon dance!"
[A spotlight shines on Lola as she twirls her ribbon the air.]
Lola: "It's Lola."
[She performs the ribbon dance as her family cheers her on.]
Lincoln: "Notice how the ribbon never touches the floor. Sign of a real pro."
[The interview portion]
Cheryl: "How would you define true beauty?"
Lola: "To me, true beauty means having big hair and an even bigger heart."
Crowd: [touched] "Awwwwww!"
Lincoln: "Yes! Perfect balance of sap and sass."
Lynn: "Ok, how do you know this junk?"
Lincoln: "Do you seriously not remember when I was the twins' pageant coach?" [notices something] "Shhh! They're announcing the winner!"
Cheryl: "And your next Little Miss Royal Woods is...!" [The audience gasps in shock] "You guessed it." [The audience gasps again] "Lola!"
Lola: [surprised] "Whaaat?"
[Cheryl places the crown on top of Lola's head as the audience cheers.]
[Backstage, Lola meets up with her family.]
Rita: "Oh, we are so proud of you, sweetie!"
Lola: "Thanks, you guys. It was nothing."
Cheryl: [comes in with some papers] "I have some exciting news, sweetie. Winning this title qualifies you for the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan Pageant!"
Lola: [suprised to hear this] "Wha-? A-A regional pageant? I've never competed at that level before."
Cheryl: "Pack your bags! Cause it's a coming up next weekend!"
Lynn Sr.: "Next weekend? I have my pastry workshop."
Rita: "And I have my dental conference."
Lola: "But, but it's my first shot at the big time!"
[Rita and Lynn Sr. then thought of something and look at Lori.]
Lori: [Holding her phone] "Are you looking at me? I can feel you looking at me. Uh, look, no offense, but being a pageant chaperone... isn't really how I planned to spend my weekend."
Rita: "What if we threw in a spa package? Hmm?"
Lori: "You literally have a deal."
Lola: [cheers at this and hugs Lori] "Thanks, Lori!"
[Next weekend comes with Lori and Lola at the Caribou Suites Hotel. Lori is carrying Lola's luggage.]
Lola: "Lola Loud, checking in for Little Miss Southeastern Michigan." [Notices other pageant participants texting on their phones.] "Hi, I'm Lola. Isn't it exciting to be competing in the big leagues?"
Chinah: "Well, not as exciting as nationals last year. It could be fun. Hi, I'm Chinah, with two H's."
Jackie: "She holds the record for the most titles won before age 7."
Chinah: "Oh, that's nothing. Jackie here does toothpaste commercials."
[Jackie shows her pearly whites.]
Claudette: "And my name is Claudette."
Lola: "Woah! Are those sequins French crystal?"
Claudette: "Oui. All of my gowns are made in Paris. Aren't yours?"
Lola: [chuckles nervously]
Lori: "Come on, Lola, I've got our room key."
Lola: "Heh, oh darn. Gotta run." [dashes off] "Okay, okay, stay cool, Lola. Just 'cause these girls have fancy dresses, shiny teeth, and names with extra letters doesn't mean you can't compete with them, heh!" [Groans while Lori struggles to carry the luggage, and ends up tripping backward.]
[Lola and Lori are outside the stage where the rehearsals are.]
Lori: "Well, good luck at rehearsal. Not that you need it."
Lola: "Thanks, sis. Enjoy your spa day."
Lori: "Ah, believe me. I will." [Scene changes to her at the spa] "What do you mean you're full? Can't you please squeeze me in? I'll take your worst masseuse."
Clerk: "Mmm, I'm afraid Greg's booked, too. We had like 12 pageant moms request deep tissue."
Lori: [sighs] "Yeah, I get that. It's okay. I'll just try again tomorrow."
Pageant Mom: "Ow! Greg, that's my spleen!"
[Back with Lola...]
Announcer: "Next up, talent! Jackie, let's see your gymnastics routine."
Lola: "Oh, tumbling. Cute."
Announcer: [Jackie begins her routine] "And there she goes! Giant swing with a full release! She spins 360 degrees and a half turn with climb, jump, and a handstand!"
Lola: [Gasps in amazement]
Jackie: "Eh, not my best."
Announcer: "Next up, we have Lola performing...Oh, a-a ribbon dance. Cute."
[Lola nervously walks up with her ribbon, which gets caught in a nail on the floorboard, sending her flying backward.]
Announcer: "What is the single most significant event in human history?"
Chinah: "Great question! It depends whether we approach from a socioeconomic or geopolitical perspective."
Lola: [decides to bail after hearing this.] "Gah, excuse me! Excuse me!"
[Lori is watching The Dream Boat in the hotel room when Lola comes in.]
Lori: "Oh, hey, beauty queen. How were rehearsals? Did you kill it?"
Lola: "Uh...yeah. You know it. Crown's in the bag. Uh...I'm just gonna go steam up my pores for tomorrow."
[Lola walks into the bathroom, turns on the sink, and sulks against the bathtub as she calls Lincoln on her phone.]
Lincoln: "Lola, what's wrong? [gasps] Did your hair fall flat?"
Lola: "No, it's not my hair. It's the other contestants. They're... um..." [whispers it into the phone.]
Lincoln: "What was that?"
Lola: "They're... BETTER than I am! What if I don't win? What if I looo... loooo... ooooo..." [starts to get nauseous] "I can't even say it without getting nauseous!"
Lincoln: "Lola, you're not going to lose! You're a pageant powerhouse! Now make sure you get to bed early tonight, you don't want to wake up all puffy eyed and blotchy."
Lola: "Yeah, yeah..." [picks up an eyeliner and gets an idea.] "Or do I...?"
[The next morning, Lori is waking up from her sleep.]
Lori: [yawns, but then sees Lola pretending to be sick.] "Ah!" [gasps] "Lola! What happened?"
Lola: [fake coughs and imitates a scratched up voice.] "I don't know. I do feel a little under the weather, but, the pageant must go on."
Lori: [lays Lola back down] "Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are clearly sick. I'm so sorry, Lola, I know how much you wanted to compete but, you just can't."
Lola: [sighs] "That's alright. I'll get over it, someday." [her expression changes to a happy tone.] "Well, enjoy the spa."
Lori: "Pssh, forget the spa. I am staying right here. Maybe a fun sister day will help cheer you up."
Lola: "What?! No! Y-Y-You don't have to do that."
Lori: "I know I don't want to, I have to. Now, sit tight. I'm gonna hit the gift shop for supplies."
[Later, Lola's bed was crowded with heart-shaped balloons and flowers. Lori enters.]
Lori: "I'm back~." [gasps] Oh, good, the flowers and balloons arrived. First up, mani-pedis. I got coral and sea foam, you get first pick.
Lola: 'Whoa, these are the fancy brand."
Lori: "What's money when you have a sick sister?"
Lori: [on the phone] "Room service? I'd like two chocolate chip cookies. Warm please, with your coldest milk."
Lola: "But those cookies are $5.95 each!"
Lori: "What else am I going to do with my really hard earned babysitting money?"
[Lola looks down sadly.]
Lori: "And, the winner of the Little Miss Unsightly Skin Rash Pageant is... Miss Lola Loud!" [singing] "Oh, Little Miss Unsightly Skin Rash." [scatting]
[Right then, Lola starts crying, unable to take this anymore.]
Lori: "Lola! What's wrong? Is your condition getting worse?"
Lola: "No, I don't have a condition, unless you count being a terrible person. I'm not really sick. I faked all this with makeup to get out of the pageant." [sniffling]
Lori: "But why? I don't understand."
Lola: [sits on the bed] "Well, I've never competed at this level before, and the other girls are really talented. I couldn't stand the idea of lo--lo--lo... [retches]
Lola: "Yeah, that thing. I'm sorry I lied. I understand if you're mad."
Lori: [sits next to her] "Actually, Lols, I'm not."
Lori: "No, I get it. I almost skipped homecoming because I was worried I wouldn't win queen." [Flashback to Lori that day in her room looking sad in front of her mirror, she then looks at her dress.] "But... in the end, I sucked it up, put on my dress, and went anyway." [Grabs her dress. End of flashback.] "And I'm so glad I did."
Lola: [Slightly confused] "But, I thought Carol Pingrey won homecoming queen?"
Lori: "Oh, she totally did," [Flashback to Carol receiving her crown, and Lori looking on with disappointment.] "and it definitely hurt at first." [Just then, her beloved Bobby-Boo-Boo-Bear offers her his hand.] "But, if I hadn't have gone, I would have missed out on an amazing night" [Bobby pulls his beloved Babe onto the dance floor and the two have an amazing night. End of flashback.] "The competition is going to get tougher as you get older, but you can't let it stop you from-"
Lola: [Finishing Lori's sentence] "Doing what makes me happy."
Lori: "Exactly! So what do you say? You still wanna do this thing?
Lola: [Remorseful] "Yes, but it's too late, the pageant starts in ten minutes and look at me, I'm a complete disaster."
Lori: "Don't worry, I'm calling an expert." [Pulls out her phone, and speed dials a boy with white hair.]
Lincoln: "Okay Lori, grab a makeup wipe, the one with the green tea extract, we don't need to be irritating the skin right now."
Lori: [Following Lincoln's instructions] "One with green tea extract, check."
Lincoln: "And, start warming up the curling iron while your at it." [Lori does so, but Lincoln groans.] "The one inch barrel, not the three quarters, have you ever heat styled before, woman?"
[That night at the pageant.]
Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Little Miss Southeastern Michigan Pageant." [Starts singing] "Beautiful girls, I'm talking 'bout the beautiful girrrrls." [Backstage, Lola is quivering with fear.] "Just crazy for the beautiful girrrrrrrrls."
Lori: "Go get 'em, Lola."
Lincoln: [Through video chat] "Remember; eyes forward, chin up, tushy clenched."
Announcer: "Let's meet our contestants" [Lola hurries onstage to join the others.] "Let's hear it for these beautiful girrrrrrls." [The crowd applauds. Later on in the pageant.] "Lola Loud and her ribbon dance." [Gives Lola the stage. Lola spins her ribbon and performs like there's nothing to it.]
Lincoln: "It's like she's one with the ribbon."
[Later, it's time for the interview.]
Lola: "As partial as I an to a sparkly tiara, I'd have to say that a girl's most important accessory is her brain."
[The audience loves Lola.]
Lori: "So good."
[The pageant is almost concluded.]
Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. Can we please bring out all our beautiful girrrrls? [Said beautiful girls come out on stage, hands in hands, and the audience cheers.] "The second runner up to Little Miss Southeastern Michigan is... Claudette. [Claudette is honored and steps up, the other girls, and Lola, clap for her, and rejoin hands when the announcer continues.] "The first runner up iiiissssssss... Jackie. [Jackie does what Claudette did.]
Lola: [To herself] "Oh my gosh, one left, I could win, I could still-"
Announcer: "And your next Little Miss Southeastern Michigan iiiiiiiissssssssssssssss... [Lola gains confidence] "Chinah." [Lola is now disappointed. Chinah goes up and receives her sash.] "She's Little Miss Southeastern Michigan."
[Lola is still bummed that she lost, but claps anyway. She then looks over to her chaperone and her coach.]
Lori: "Lols," [in union with Lincoln] "You were so great, Lola."
Lincoln: "Way to go."
Lola: [Feeling a lot better] "Congratulations, Chinah."
[The crowd applauds. The pageant is over, Lola slides to Lori and gives her a big hug.]
Lori: "Aww, you done good out there, sis."
Lincoln: "Your best work since last fall's Little Miss Fusion Cuisine Pageant."
Lola: "Thanks guys, you were right, Lori. Even though I lo-, lo-." [Sighs, knowing she can't say it, and then smiles.] "didn't win," [eye twitches] "I'm really glad I did it."
Jackie: "Nice job, Lola, we're gonna have to watch out for you next year." [Casually leaves]
Lincoln: "Speaking of next year, Lola, I think we should add some tumbling moves to your ribbon dance, I'll-" [Lori turns her phone, and her brother, off.]
Lori: "Goodbye, Lincoln. Now come on, you and I are going to hit the spa for some well deserved pampering. Word of advice though, do not ask for Greg."