The following is a transcript for the episode "Home of the Fave".
[The episode starts off in the living room. Lincoln is playing with his yo-yo, Lola is making a macaroni necklace while Lily is trying to get her hands on it, and Luan is practicing a comedy routine with Mr. Coconuts.]
Lynn Sr.: [with the keys] "Hey, kids, anyone up for a trip to the market with ol' Dad-o?"
Luan: "I'll go! I'm out of banana peels. Lincoln's about to use my last one."
Lincoln: "What? No, I'm nooooooot." [Slips on the banana peel as he says that and he looks up to find a carton of eggs taped to the ceiling with a note that says "YOLK'S ON YOU". The carton opens by a string pull and the eggs splatter all over Lincoln, much to his annoyance.]
Luan: [laughs; to her dad] "I'm also gonna need a dozen eggs."
Lola: [raises her hand] "I'll go too! Lily ate all the macaroni off my necklace."
[Camera pans to show Lily eating said macaroni and lets out a big burp, satisfied. Luan pats her head afterward.]
[Lynn Sr., Luan, and Lola head off to the supermarket in Vanzilla.]
Luan: "Hey, Dad, wanna hear some knock-knock jokes?"
Lynn Sr.: "Does Cliff poop in my shoes? Heck yes, I do!"
Lola: [deadpan] "Well, here we go..."
[Fade transition to a few minutes later. Lola is already annoyed by the joke telling and laughing of her sister and dad.]
Luan: "Okay, here's another one. Knock, knock."
Lynn Sr.: "Who's there?"
Lynn Sr.: "Europe who?"
Luan: [snickers] "No, you're a poo."
[Luan and Lynn Sr. laugh once more as Lola facepalms herself with both hands and falls back into the seat, exasperated.]
Lynn Sr.: [between laughs] "Stop, stop, I can't drive!"
[At the supermarket, Luan in riding on the front of the cart and Lynn Sr. is pushing.]
Luan: [Stopping her Dad] "Hey Dad, I think we need a different cart, this ones got a leek." [Pulls a leek (the vegetable) from the cart and laughs.]
Lynn Sr.: "Are zucchini me?" [Holds up a zucchini as he says that. He and Luan laugh once more.] "Did you get it, Lola? Like, "Are you kidding me?" but I said, "Zucchini me?" [laughs]
Lola: [sighs and facepalms] "I get it. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the pasta aisle." [Starts to walk off]
Lynn Sr.: [Over the grocery store intercom.] "Attention shoppers, please excuse this Lynnterruption."
[Lola turns to them annoyed.]
Luan: "And, settle in for some Luantics."
[They laugh as Lola rolls her eyes and heads over to the pasta aisle.]
Lynn Sr. and Luan: [Playing patty cake] "Went to the store for a loaf of bread, bought a can of beans instead." [Both make fart noises]
Lola: [Looks up from her magazine and sighs; To the man behind her.] "Just be glad you missed this song at the meat counter."
Annoyed Customer: [Groans, and hold up a bag from the meat department.] "I didn't."
[Later on the drive home...]
Luan: "Hey Dad, what did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells."
[They both laugh]
Lynn Sr.: [Between laughs] "Because of the nose." [He hears Lola groan] "You okay back there, sweetie? You seem a little quiet."
Lola: [Clearly aggravated] "I'm fine."
[They reach the driveway and Lynn Sr. opens the van door.]
Lynn Sr.: "Do you need help getting out of your seatbelt, Lola?"
Lola: "I can get it myself." [Tries to unbuckle it, but seeing that it won't work, she struggles to get out of it until giving in.] "Actually, I, I-I need help."
[Lynn Sr. unbuckles her seatbelt and Lola storms out of the van, much to his concern.]
[In the kitchen, Lynn Sr. is putting away the groceries, sees Lola headed for the fridge and takes two packets of pasta out of his bag.]
Lynn Sr.: [As Lola passed by him again, drinking her juice box.] "Hey, sweetie, here's your macaroni, we've also got some whole wheat penne if you wanna make dangle earrings."
Lola: "Brown earrings? Hard pass." [Takes the elbow pasta and leaves.]
Rita: [Noticing Lola's mood] "Uh oh, someone's upset. Did Lana eat her mud mask again?"
Lynn Sr.: "No, she's mad at me, I...I think I messed up."
Rita: "What makes you say that?"
Lynn Sr.: "Well, I took Luan and Lola to the store earlier and you know how Luan and I come up with some of our best material there."
Rita: [deadpan] "Mm-hmm."
Lynn Sr.: "Well, I think we got carried away and Lola might've felt left out. I don't want her to think I'm favoring Luan over her."
Rita: "Oh, honey, I'm sure she doesn't think that."
Lynn Sr.: "No, no, my dad used to play favorites all the time and it drove me nuts."
[Flashback to Lynn Sr.'s childhood. A young Lynn Sr. comes out of his house mixing something in a bowl.]
Young Lynn Sr.: "Hey Dad, you ready to make some Key Lynn Pie with me?" [Sees that his father is driving off in Vanzilla with his brother, which makes him feel sad; Now hurt.] "Oh, they must've had other plans. I guess I can make it by myself." [He then tries to get back into the house but finds that he accidentally locked himself out.] "Ding dang darn it!"
Lynn Sr.: "I can't believe I did the same thing to Lola. I have to fix this!"
Rita: [With her purse] "Well, I'm sure you can make it up to her, just, please don't get her another pony. That did not work out." [Leaves the house]
[Later, Lynn Sr. enters Lola's room, while she's making her necklace.]
Lynn Sr.: "Hey sweetie, ar-are you busy?" [Lola doesn't answer, so Lynn Sr. comes in the room.] "Well, I just happened to come across these matching princess dresses at the mall," [holds up said dresses] "and I thought..."
Lola: [Looks at the dresses and gasps with delight.] "That's my color!"
Lynn Sr.: "Of course, powder pink. But wait, there's more."
[Pulls out a pair of earrings, which Lola absolutely loves.]
Lola: [Gasps with even more delight.] "Stick on earrings!" [Hugs her father, giggling.] "Yay! Daddy!"
[Lynn Sr. is overjoyed. Later, the two are playing in a fort made from the couch, which they gleefully knock over. After that, they are driving around in Lola's car, gossiping.]
Lola: "Did you hear, the Goosemans got into it with the postal worker?"
Lynn Sr.: "No, way, tell me more."
Lola: "Okay, so, apparently one of their packages showed up wet, and they just lost it." [Later, they are playing 'Floor is Lava' in the living room.] "Be careful, the floor is lava."
Lynn Sr.: [Jumps from the ottoman, but lands in the lava.] "Ah! I'm burning!" [Lola rescues him] "You saved me!"
Lola: [Realizes something] "I forgot, There's snakes on the couch!"
[Lynn Sr. jumps back into the lava, Lola laughs at this. Later, Lynn Sr. is putting lipstick on.]
Lola: "Now blop."
Lynn Sr.: [He does so and notices his reflection.] "Wow. This is my color."
Lola: "Told you so. Ruby red."
[Later, they are in the backyard having a pretend pageant. Lola does her thing, and her dad, and two of her stuffed animals, all give her a perfect ten. Then, Lynn Sr. struts his stuff, but nearly trips over his heels, the stuffed animals give him perfect, and Lola gives him a nine.]
Lynn Sr.: [Amazed] "Wow! A nine?"
Lola: [Realizes she's holding the card upside-down.] "Oh, oopsie, sorry," [turns the card around] "that was a six."
[Lynn Sr. just shrugs. Later they are eating popcorn, and watching 'Prison Pageant Wars'.]
Lynn Sr.: "You up for another episode of 'Prison Pageant Wars'?"
Lola: "Obviously, we have to find out what talent Lil'Juice goes with." [Leans on her father, who is overjoyed to tears.]
[Later in the hallway...]
Lynn Sr.: [whispers] "I had fun too, sweetie. Okay, have a good nap." [Closes Lola's door and sighs in relief] "Problem solved." [Turns around to find Lynn in front of him and gets startled.]
Lynn: "Hey, Dad, I thought we were gonna work out together."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, oh no, I'm sorry, LJ, I must've spaced it. I, I-I don't know how that happened. [Lynn crosses her arms, upset.] B-But I'm free now, let me just change out of this."
Lynn: "Eh, never mind. I'm just gonna hit the showers." [Walks away to the bathroom.]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, o-okay."
Lynn Sr.'s Thoughts: Ding dang darn it! Now Lynn's feelings are hurt. Don't panic, you can fix this.
Lynn Sr.: "LJ, wait!" [Just as he was about to run after her, he trips over his dress, making him tumble and roll down the stairs, falling on the floor.] "That's what I get for running in heels..."
[Later, both Lynns are in the basement, practicing their vertical jump distance. Lynn Jr. lands on the boxes perfectly, but Lynn Sr. falls.]
Lynn: "Walk it off, Dad."
[Now they are sharing a very long spicy sub. Lynn Sr. puts his hot sauce on and gets ready to eat. Meanwhile, Lynn Jr. is crawling on the floor, putting her hot sauce on as fast as she eats.]
Lynn Sr.: "Uh, slow down honey, I'm trying to keep up here." [Starts eating. Later, they are in the backyard, playing football.] "Fifty-seven! Tapioca! Charles! Hut! Hut! Hut!"
[Lynn Jr. passes between her legs and goes long, Lynn Sr. throws her the ball, she dives, and catches it, laughing.]
Lynn: [In union with her father] "Whoo! Yeah! Alright! Alright! Alright!"
Lynn Sr.: [In union with his daughter] "We did it! We did it! Woo-hoo!" [Looks over and sees Luna outside the garage, looking at him blankly, she tries to tune her guitar but the string breaks and she angrily goes into the garage.] "Huh?" [Later, he and Luna are having a jam session when Lana comes out from under Vanzilla. She wipes the grease off her hands and looks at him with a sad expression, he gets nervous. Later, he and Lana are at the kitchen sink giving Hops a shower, Hops tries to escape and Lynn Sr. goes after him, he catches him in the living room but sees his son looking at him, and back at the TV, Lynn Sr. sees that he did it again. Later, he and Lincoln are watching 'Legends of the Hidden Temple' and wearing their 'Orange Iguana' costumes, they do a tail hi-five and cheer. He then looks over and sees Lori looking at them unhappy, she grumpily returns to her texting.] "Ooooohhhhhhh." [Later, he and Lori are playing mini-golf in the front yard, but he looks up and sees Lisa watching them with a sad expression, he gets nervous again. Later, he's reading a science textbook with her.] "In prophase, the nuclear envelope breaks down as spindle fibers emerge from the c-, cen-, c-, cen-, cen-..."
Lisa: "Sound it out."
Lynn Sr.: Centrosomes? [Lisa pats his knee, then Leni walks by, looking unhappy. Later, Lynn Sr. is modelling for Leni, who accidentally pokes him with the needle.] "Oooowwww," [laughs it off] "it's funny how that hurt" [Leni laughs too, she goes back to sewing and Lynn Sr. can see in the mirror that Lily is sad now. Later, he is dressed at 'Fenton the Feel Better Fox' and dancing with Lily, who is laughing. He then sees Lucy hanging from the vents. That night, he is taking her around the cemetery, showing her their ancestors.] "...and this was your great-great-great grandfather, Lynwood Loud, he was the first Loud with flat feet."
[The next afternoon, Lynn Sr. is making dinner.]
Lynn Sr.: "Bah bah bow, way to go, Daddy-O, now my kids know I don't play favorites."
Luan: [Sees what's on the stove] "Ooh, you made my favorite!"
Lynn Sr.: [Thrown off] "What?"
Luan: "Oh, beef stroganoff, my fave."
Lynn Sr.: "It i-it is?"
Luan: "Yeah, Dad, you know I can't get anoff of it." [Walks away laughing]
Lynn Sr.: [nervously laughs] "LOL, sweetie, haha, that's- Ding dang darn it to heck! If I make Luan's favorite dinner, the kids will think she's my favorite and we'll be back to square one!" [Rubs his forehead in stress] "Ooohh..." [gasps and gets an idea] "Easy fix." [Cuts to the dining room where Lynn Sr. is covered in food and he blows the small flame off his oven mitt.] "Kids! Dinner's ready!" [The kids come down and see that their dad has made each of their individual favorites.] "Dig in, fam."
Lori: "Wow, Dad, did you make eleven different dishes?"
Lynn Sr.: "Yep, no big deal. Just wanted to do... [catches his breath for a second] ...something special, so I made all your faves."
[The kids take their seats at the table.]
Lana: "Even my worms au gratin?"
Lynn Sr.: [Reveals Lana's favorite dish] "Au course. Haha."
Lana: "Au right!"
Lisa: "Uh, would you mind consuming that in an alternate location? Say the garage."
[Lynn Sr. is about to sit down in the chair next to Lisa's, but then realizes.]
Lynn Sr.'s Thoughts: Wait, if I sit by Lisa, it'll look like she's my favorite.
Lynn Sr.: [Taking his platter] "Uh, kids, I'm just gonna sit in the corner tonight, that way I can see and hear you all equally."
[He takes his chair and drags it to the corner, much to the kids' confusion. While eating her baby carrots, Lily accidentally bites her finger.]
Lily: "Ouchie!" [cries]
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, oh, oh no, did you bite your finger, sweetie? Hang on, daddy will fix your boo-boo, here we go." [kisses Lily's finger, and sees everyone else looking at him.] "But, you're not the only one daddy cares about Lily, boo-boo kisses for everyone, heh, heh." [Proceeds to kiss everyone else's fingers, starting with Lucy.] "There you go." [Then Lori] "There you go." [Then Lynn] "There you go." [He's about to kiss Lana's finger.] "One more."
Lana: "Ah, might not want to do that, Dad. I've been on quite a picking spree."
Lynn Sr.: "Well, I'll keep your kiss in my pocket."
[He goes back to his seat and attempts to cut his steak, but to due to his stress, he breaks the plate and Cliff eats the remains, and Lynn Sr. is now sad.]
Lucy: "Are you feeling okay, Dad?"
Lynn Sr.: "Oh yeah, I'm fine, never better! How was your afternoon, sweetie?"
Lucy: "Sigh. Fine. Dug a grave, contemplated getting in it."
Lynn Sr.: [Cutting Lucy off] "Hold that thought! I mean, how was everyone's afternoon? Not just Lucy's but you know, also Lucy's."
[The kids stare at him confused again.]
Leni: "So, who should go first?"
Lynn Sr.: [Thinks for a second] "Oh, I-I know, uh, we'll pick numbers from a hat."
Leni: "Who do you want to pick first?"
Lynn Sr.: "Uhh, well, ya, uh, [stammers] we'll pick numbers from another hat to decide that." [chuckles]
Leni: "Oh, okay. So, who should pick first from the second hat?"
[Lynn Sr. has no clue what to say now, he loses it and runs out the back door screaming. Outside, he is laying on Charles' doghouse, with Walt perched on his nose until he flies off. The kids come out to see if he's okay.]
Lincoln: "Hey, Dad, everything okay?"
Lynn Sr.: [Sighs] "I'm sorry kids, but no matter what I do, I'll never be able to keep things fair. I try not to play favorites, but, obviously I failed."
Lincoln: "What are you talking about, Dad? We know you don't play favorites."
Lynn Sr.: "But, but, Lola, weren't you mad at me for giving Luan so much attention at the store?"
Lola: "That's not why I was mad. I mean, yeah, shopping with you two is always annoying, but my beef was with the checkout lady, she wouldn't give me a free balloon, she said I didn't deserve it." [Steamed] "She doesn't know my life!"
Lynn Sr. "Huh. But, LJ, weren't you upset with me for spending time with Lola when I was supposed to be working out with you?"
Lynn: "I wasn't upset about that. I just found out my favorite QB broke his collarbone, he's out for the whole season."
Lynn Sr.: "Wait, so, none of you kids thought I was playing favorites?
Lisa: "Negatory. We all feel equally assured of your affections."
Lori: "Yeah Dad, it's actually kind of embarrassing how much you love us."
Lynn Sr.: [Brought to tears again] "Oh, kids, thank you, I'm just so glad none of you feels left out."
Lola: "Aww, come on Daddy, bring it in."
[They group hug]
[Later, Lynn Sr. and Rita, who is reading a book, are on the couch.]
Lynn Sr.: [sighs in relief] "So, it turns out that the kids were fine. I guess I really don't play favorites the way my dad did."
Rita: "See, I knew you had nothing to worry about. You're a wonderful father."
Lynn Sr.: "Aw, thanks, Rita." [Just then, Cliff jumps on his lap and Lynn Sr. starts petting him.] "Oh, Cliff, who's Daddy's big boy? Who's Daddy's big-..." [He then hears the other pets and sees that they're staring at him angry, thinking that he has a favorite pet. He gulps nervously, realizing it's back to square one.]
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