The following is a transcript for the episode "House of Lies".
[At the Loud House.]
Lana: "Hey, Lori? Can you take me to the dump? [Pans over to Lori with her phone and Lisa with her science kit in the living room.] All the good trash gets dropped off today. Flip's, the hospital, the hazardous waste plant..."
Lori: "Ooh, sorry, Lans, I can't. I have to... uh, stay home and do homework."
Lana: [disappointed] Aw, okay. Guess I'll just dig through Lynn's trash. Sometimes there's some good stuff in there."
[After Lana goes upstairs, Lori takes out the car keys and is about to leave.]
Lisa: "Eldest sister, where are you going?"
Lori: "The mall. There’s a clearance sale that is literally calling my name!"
Lisa: "But you just told Lana you had homework."
Lori: "Well, yeah. I didn’t want to take her to the dump, so I told a little white lie. No big." [She leaves]
Lisa: "Mmh... [She takes out her tape recorder and records.] Interesting development. Lori has blatantly lied to Lana and seems to have no remorse over it.
[Later, the siblings are outside their front door chatting as Lynn Sr. pulls into the driveway with Vanzilla. Leni comes out with an orange hairstyle.]
Leni: "Hey, you guys! What do you think of my new look?" [She walks by and goes past her siblings, who starts to compliment Leni's hair, to go inside.]
Lucy: "Oh, uh, love it."
Lynn: "It softens your jaw line."
Leni: "Thanks! Isn’t it great?" [She closes the front door.]
Lola: "What was she thinking?"
Lori: "Literally no clue."
Lana: "Her hair looks like the old carpeting in Vanzilla."
Lisa: [suspicious] "Mmh, more lies."
[Later, it’s dinnertime in the dining room.]
Lynn: [sniffs something] "Do you guys smell something nasty?"
Lynn Sr.: "Hey! [Shows up with a dish of green glob.] Hope you’re hungry, gang, I finally perfected my new cabbage casserole!" [He takes out a spoon and passes the casserole to each family members' plate.]
Lola: "Wow, Daddy. Smells...great!"
Rita: "Some of your best work, honey."
Lynn Sr. "Wait! I forgot the fish sauce! It really brings out the sulfur notes!" [He leaves to get it.]
Lynn: [to the rest of her family.] "Quick, ditch it before we have to eat the fish sauce!"
[The family grabs their dish to find someplace to throw the casserole away. Lincoln grabs the whole dish, throws the casserole in the toilet, closes it, then goes back to the dining room with the others with empty dishes. Lisa, the only one who didn’t throw her casserole away, take notice of this.]
Lisa: [records] "The lies continue."
[In Lisa's room, she examines the calculations of honesty and lying on her chalkboard.]
Lisa: [records again] "I fear for my family's wellbeing, truth is the foundation of any functioning society, where as lying can only lead to chaos and ruin. I must rectify this problem."
[Lisa, while wearing a welding helmet, drills something. She takes it off and it's revealed that she was inventing metal green glasses with small red lights on each side. She takes off her old glasses and puts on the new one and blinks.]
[The next day, the family is having breakfast in the kitchen and Lisa comes by and sees Luna and Luan arguing.]
Luna: "Just tell me where it is, brah!"
Luan: "Well, I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about!"
Lisa: "Hm, what seems to be the problem here?"
Luna: "Luan's always borrowing my gong to "punctuate" comedic moments and now it's missing! I know she took it!"
Luan: "No, I didn’t!"
[A buzzer sound is heard.]
Lisa: "Luna, you’re right. Luan is lying."
Luan: [denying] "No, I’m not!"
[The glasses buzzes again.]
Lisa: "Oh, yes you are. Behold, my latest invention: lie-detecting glasses." [She takes them off then puts them back on.] "They allow me to track micro-expressions, pulse, pupil dilation, and perspiration to determine untruths. This family is guilty of excessive lying, and I must correct the problem before it's too late."
[She leaves while her family look at each other with worry.]
[Later on throughout the day, the bathroom is shown to be very messy.]
Lynn Sr.: "All right, which one of you water buffaloes destroyed the bathroom?"
Lynn: [Comes out of her room.] "Wasn’t me, Dad."
Lisa: [By the stairs while her glasses buzz.] "That’s a lie."
[Lynn glares at her for being ratted on. In the same room, Rita is showing Lucy her latest chapter of her novel.]
Rita: "So, what'd you think of the new chapter?"
Lucy: "Umm... I really liked it."
Lisa: [Walks by as her glasses buzz.] "Fib."
[In Lisa and Lily's room, Lily is drawing scribbles and shows it to Luan.]
Luan: "Oh, it’s beautiful, Lily! I love it!"
Lisa: [Shows up upside down as her glasses buzz.] "Untruth."
[Lily glares at Luan. In Lori and Leni's room, Leni is brushing her hair as Lori comes in with her towels.]
Lori: "Leni, there’s no hot water left! Did you take another 40-minute shower?"
[Leni spins Lori inside their room, looks around for Lisa, then closes the door.]
Leni: "No. I was in there, like, five minutes."
[Lisa's glasses buzzes from inside the vent.]
Lisa: "Brazen falsehood."
[Lori and Leni look on with deadpan expressions on their faces.]
[Later, Lisa is getting a box of apple juice from the fridge and gets startled by her glaring family.]
Lisa: [calm] "Greetings, family. Can I help you?"
Lola: "You sure can. You can stop using your terrible glasses!"
Lori: "They’re literally driving us crazy!"
Lisa: "Look, I'm simply doing what's best for this family. Every lie drags us closer to chaos and ruin."
Rita: Sweetie, I agree, but sometimes a little white lie helps smooth things over."
Lisa: "I firmly disagree. There's no such thing as a good lie." [walks out of the kitchen.]
Lynn Sr.: [sighs] "Okay, it's clear what we have to do."
Lincoln: "Tell the truth?"
Lynn Sr.: "No! Destroy those ding-dang glasses!"
[The whole family gathers together making a plan. Later that night, Lisa is seen sleeping in her and Lily's room. Lily makes a noise to see if she's fully asleep, then she puts her fist up for the family to come. Lana spits out napkins into Lisa's ears so she can't hear anything. Leni walks over to her drawer and picks the lock with her hairpin. Then she gets her glasses and tosses them to Lincoln. He puts them in a sock then throws it out the window. Lynn goes across the house wearing her ninja suit and gives it to Lori. She goes over to the driveway and Lola runs them over with her car. Then Lori tosses it to Rita who throws it away in the trash. She throws up the peace signs as that happens, so did the family.]
[The next morning, the family, except Lisa, are having breakfast, then Lisa walks in disappointed.]
Lisa: "Ahem. Anyone care to explain this?" [She dumps out the glasses pieces in the sock]
Lola: [Gasps; sarcastically] "Are those your special glasses?"
[The whole family says they feel bad and sorry when all of a sudden, the room starts flashing red lights.]
Camera: "Lie! Lie! Lie!"
Rita: "What is that?!"
Lisa: "I anticipated pushback to my effort to stamp out lying, so I created a backup system of lie-detecting cameras." [It shows a bunch of cameras installed all throughout the house.] "You'll find them conveniently located in every room of the house."
Lynn: "Not for long!" [She grabs a broom and jumps up to attempt to knock one of them down, but then, a bubble pops out of nowhere in front of the camera and knocks Lynn back onto the floor.]
Lisa: "I anticipated this as well. Hence the protective shields."
Luna: "This isn't right, dude, you can't just force this on us."
Lisa: "It may sting at first, but eventually you'll see I'm doing this for your own good." [Lynn glares at her]
[In Lisa and Lily's room, Lisa is watching her family on a monitor system while eating some popcorn.]
Lisa: "A new day, a new chance to restore truth to the Loud House."
[One of the monitors shows footage of Lincoln reading a comic in his room when Leni comes in wearing a cap.]
Leni: "Hey, Lincoln, what do you think of my new haircut? [takes off the cap to reveal a slightly bad haircut.] I went to this new place where they cut your hair in under three minutes, or it's free."
Lincoln: "Um, it's great. You look amazing."
Camera: [alarm blares] "That's a lie."
Leni: "You don't like it?"
Lincoln: "Uh, I mean, it's not terrible."
Camera: [alarm blares again] "He is still lying through his chipped teeth."
Leni: "Just tell me the truth, Lincoln!"
Lincoln: [grows frustrated] "Okay, okay, it's the worst haircut I've ever seen! There's bald patches everywhere, and then just this random rat tail in the back."
Leni: [angry] "Ugh!" [slams the door]
Lisa: "Excellent, this is why the truth is important. Now that Leni knows her hair looks awful, she can remedy the situation."
[Later, Rita is showing Lucy another chapter of her novel in her and Lynn's room.]
Rita: "So, don't keep me in suspense, what do you think?"
Lucy: [She looks the cameras installed in her room.] "Maybe we should talk in the car."
Lisa: "I also installed cameras in Vanzilla."
Lucy: "Fine, it's boring, Mom. You spent ten pages describing a garden."
Rita: [takes back her work, now hurt.] "That was supposed to be a metaphor, but fine."
Lisa: [witnessing this] "Harsh, but every writer does need truthful feedback."
[The living room]
Lana: "Hey, Lori, are you free? I need a ride to the dump. On Thursdays, the hair salon throws out the extra hair, and it makes the perfect stuffing for a beanbag chair, if you can tolerate the smell."
Lori: [As Lana was talking, she looks at the cameras nervously.] "A ride? Uh, well, uh... [sighs, knowing she has no other choice.] "Technically, yes, I am free to give you a ride."
Lana: [joyful] "Whoo-hoo! Yeah!"
Lori: [gets out the keys; annoyed.] "Come on."
Lisa: [witnessing this as well] "Mm-hmm. Well, it seems as though everything is on track. And now, as everyone continues to tell the truth, it's time for my midday celluar rejuvenation. Street name: nap."
[As Lisa takes her midday celluar rejuvenation, throughout the day, her family are saying nothing but the truth against their will.]
Luan: "I re-gifted your present to Pop-Pop."
Leni: "I laughed, but I don't get it."
Lola: "Your bedtime stories feel... phoned in."
Lynn: "Your poems are the worst."
Lucy: "Your breath smells like the undead."
Lynn Sr.: "I can't remember your middle name."
Rita: "I wasn't still at work, I was hiding in the laundry room, eating pudding."
[Later at dinnertime, the family are at the table and are nothing but upset and ticked off. Lisa then comes down the stairs.]
Lisa: "Apologies for my tardiness, family, I was having quite the REM cycle. [takes her seat at the table.] "So, what's on the menu, Father?"
Lynn Sr.: [presents the dish] "Cabbage and fish sauce! Back by popular demand!" [notices that nobody is in the mood for cabbage.] "Hey, what's the matter? Aren't you guys hungry?"
Lana: "Dad, I hate to say this, but thanks to Lisa, we have no choice. This dish is gross, and not in a good way."
Luna: "It's super gnarly."
Lola: "It smells like Walt's bird cage."
Lynn Sr.: "But, but the other night, you all-"
Rita: "We didn't like it then either. After you went to bed, we ordered takeout."
[Hurt by how his family really felt about the meal, he slams the lid down and tosses the dish out the window. He then goes into the kitchen and comes back with some bowls and boxes of cereal and puts them on the table.]
Lynn Sr.: "Well, have fun eating cereal for dinner!" [leaves the room]
[Lana, still upset, pours her bowl of cereal, and she eats it in a huff, so does the rest of the family. Seeing this, Lisa attempts to lighten the mood a little.]
Lisa: [clears her throat] "So, Luan, got any jokes to liven this dinner up a little?"
Luan: "Well, since some people find my jokes pretty forced, I rather not."
Lisa: [slight pause] "Mother, any compelling work stories?"
Rita: "Some say my voice makes them zone out, so I'll pass."
Lisa: "Okay... Uh, uh, Lori, how about treating us to some juicy gossip?"
Lori: "Oh, I wouldn't want to annoy anyone with my stories that go on and on."
Lynn: [having enough of this] "Ugh, I'm outta here! Lost my appetite."
Camera: [alarm blares] "That is false. You still have it."
Lynn: "Fine, I'll eat in my room!" [takes her bowl of cereal and leaves.]
Luna: "Me too!"
Leni: "I totes can't believe you would say that to me!"
Rita: "I probably don't eat cool enough!"
[The rest of the family leave with their cereal, leaving Lisa alone at the table.]
Lisa: [sighs] "I admit eating alone isn't ideal, but I still think this is for the best."
Camera: [alarm blares] "Lie."
Lisa: "No, it isn't! I'm doing my family a service and I'm certain they'll thank me someday."
Camera: [alarm blares again] "False. You no longer believe that."
Lisa: [slumps in her chair, frustrated.] "Okay, fine, you're right. This experiment has been a disaster. I thought enforcing honesty would save my family, but instead, it brought them to ruin."
Camera: "Talk about irony."
[Later, in the living room...]
Lisa: "Attention, family! Could you please gather in the living room?"
[Lisa's family gathers in the living room as so.]
Lynn: "What now? Did you make fart-detecting glasses?"
Lisa: [chuckles] "No. Listen, I wanted to apologize for subjecting you to my experiment. While I still think the truth is best... I see now that little white lies do help maintain social harmony."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, thank goodness."
Lucy: "That's a relief."
Lana: "No backsies."
Lisa: "So, with no further ado, I will now destroy the cameras. Father, a boost, please?" [Her father does so] "Only a few hundred of these to remove." [Just as she was about to take one down, the protective seal pops up, knocking down both her and Lynn Sr.] "Ah, yes, I forgot they're protected with military grade self-defense systems."
Lincoln: "Oh no! Are we stuck with them forever?"
Lisa: "Hmm... [gets an idea] There may be another way." [Later, her family are in different rooms of the house, holding flashcards, and Lisa is watching them on the monitor system.] "Okay, everyone ready? Commence."
Lynn: [reading one of the cards] "One plus one is six!"
Camera: [alarm blares] "That is a lie."
Lana: [reads another one] "The moon is made of blue cheese!"
Camera: [alarm blares again] "Falsehood."
Lori: [reads another one] "The Earth is literally flat!"
Camera: [alarm blares once more] "Fabrication."
[The family takes a deep inhale and let out more various lies all at once. So much that the detector system couldn't handle much more of this, overloads, and explodes, blowing the roof off the house, destroying all the cameras.]
Lisa: [comes down the stairs] "And that's how you do it."
[Lisa's family gathers around her and cheer, now that the cameras are destroyed and things can go back to normal.]
Lynn Sr.: "Whew! All that fibbing worked up an appetite. [gasps] Who's up for some of Dad's famous squid ink surprise?"
[The family look uncomfortable at this, until Lisa speaks up.]
Lisa: "Ummm, Father... that sounds delightful."
Lynn Sr.: [giddy] "Whee! Coming right up!" [dashes off to the kitchen.]
Lincoln: "Now you're getting the hang of it."
Rita: [quietly] "I'll get the takeout menus."
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts