The following is a transcript for the episode "Insta-gran".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[A car pulls up into the Loud House.] Loud kids:[looking through the dining room window] "They're here!" [They run to the door and Lincoln falls down by his sisters.] Lincoln:[To the viewers] "It's a big night at the Loud House. Pop-Pop's coming to dinner and he's bringing a very special guest!" [The doorbell rings, the sisters open it, and Lincoln steps up.] Albert: "Hey, family, I'd like you all to meet my main squeeze, [brings his said squeeze to the doorway] "Myrtle." Rita: "Nice to meet you, Myrtle! Let me introduce everyone." Myrtle: "Oh, no need. Let's see if I have this right: Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, Lynn, Lincoln, Lucy, Lana, Lola, Lisa and Lily." [Lily laughs, while her siblings are just stunned.] Lynn Sr.:[Amazed] "Wow, in birth order! That's impressive." Myrtle: "Well, what's impressive is raising such delightful children. Albert, can you take my coat?" [The family gives a thumbs up, and Albert winks. Later, they're all eating at the dinner table.] Myrtle: "Lynn, your food is just heavenly!" Lynn Sr.: "Oh, you're sweet to say that." Myrtle: "Not as sweet as this corn! [winks in Luan's direction] Luan:[Laughs at the pun, but then becomes slightly despondent.] "I can't have any, because I have braces." Myrtle: "Well, the world better brace itself for your pretty smile." [She and Luan laugh.] "Oh, Lynn Jr., are those your trophies? Pop-Pop said you were named MVP on six different teams!" Lynn: "Well, technically seven but they don't recognize air hockey yet." Lisa: "Has my paternal forebearer familiarized you with my achievements?" Myrtle: "Oh, you bet. He told me all about your fecal research. Impressive stuff." Lisa: "Would you like to see some slides?" Rita: "Maybe after dinner, sweetie." [Later, in the living room, Lincoln is showing Myrtle his Ace Savvy comic.] Lincoln: "So this is Ace Savvy, and here's his partner, One-Eyed Jack." Myrtle: "Card puns? How clever!" [Albert comes in the room, with Lynn Sr. and Rita.] Albert: "Sorry to break up the fun, but Myrtle and I should get going." Loud Kids: "Aww!" Myrtle: "I'm sorry I didn't get to sample your mud pies, Lana." Lana: "It's OK, made you one for the road. [Gives them to Myrtle] "Don't forget to heat before serving." Myrtle: "Thank you for everything. Oh, it was so wonderful meeting you all." [The kids say goodbye.] Lori: "Come back soon." Myrtle:[laughs] "I might just take you up on that." Albert: "Isn't she great? Good thing I stole her away from Seymour. [With a slightly hostile tone] "That hound dog had his eye on her." Myrtle: "Yeah, his left one. Buh-bye!" [The parents laugh, and the siblings talk about how they loved Myrtle.] Lisa: "Myrtle, wait! My fecal slides!" [She trips on the stairs, dropping her fecal slides. At the bottom of the stairs, Lana happily embraces getting hit by the slides, while everyone else is horrified.] Louds: "AAAH!" [Cuts to the outside of the house, where a loud crash is heard.]
[The next day, the siblings are coming home from school and are surprised to find Myrtle vacuuming the living room.] Myrtle: "Oh, hi fam! I found your hide-a-key!" Luna:[confused] "Uh, wasn't it under the thorn bushes?" Myrtle: "Also, I found your bandages." [shows her scratched-up arms.] "I just couldn't wait to get back over here and spend some more time with my 11 new grandkids. Speaking of which... [Picks up a box] "SURPRISE! [Drops the box in the middle of the floor.] "I made these with my glue gun." [She pulls out a homemade sweater which reads LIFE IS SWEETER WITH A GRAN GRAN.] Lisa:[reading sweater] "'Life is sweeter with a Gran-Gran'? Was your room well-ventilated when you worked with this glue?" Myrtle: "I was thinking that maybe you kids could call me Gran-Gran!" [Puts down the sweater and picks up the box.] "Why don't you try 'em on?"
[Later, all the kids are wearing the sweaters, much to their displeasure.] Myrtle:[Affectionately] "Aww! You look so cute! Now come on, I have even more surprises!" [Lucy opens up her room, and sees that Myrtle colored it in her least favorite color: pink.] Lucy:[hisses] "What have you done with my cobwebs?" Myrtle: "Oh, sweetie. I tore them all down because they had spiders in them!" Lucy: "Yes, Elijah, Amaria, and Little Jojo. May they rest in peace." [She lays down on her bed.] Lynn: "Uh, where are my lucky jerseys? They should be in a big messy pile right here." Myrtle: "I took 'em to the dry cleaners. They got every last stain out." Lynn:[Miserably] "Oh. So everything that made them lucky." Myrtle:[Presses Lynn's cheek] "Well, who needs luck when you have talent like-- yours?! [--winks, lets go of her cheek and walks away.]
[Later, Lisa is on screen holding a conference call to a large group of people.] Lisa: "In conclusion, I have identified the necessary isotope for the-" [Just then, Myrtle appears too, cutting off Lisa.] Myrtle: "Aww. You're talking to your little science friends? Hi, I'm Lisa's Gran-Gran." Lisa: "Yes. We're in the middle of something important right now. Perhaps you could excuse us?" Myrtle: "Oh, you know what, you just do your thing like I'm not even here, and I'll just be tidying up!" Lisa:[growing nervous] "I prefer you don't!" Myrtle: "Ooh, these beakers are full of junk!" Lisa:[Panics] "NO, WAIT! [An explosion blasts her away. Crowd gasps.]
[The camera cuts to the door behind a bathroom.] Lincoln: "I usually have a barber do this." Myrtle: "Well, why pay a stranger when you've got a Gran-Gran? There, Ah! [Lincoln opens the door, revealing that Myrtle had given him a Liam-style bowl cut] "You look so handsome!" [He miserably walks along the hallway until Luan appears.] Luan: "That haircut really bowls me over! [Myrtle clicks her scissors while Lincoln starts frowning.]
[Later, in the twins' room.] Myrtle: "Spit shine! [licks her thumbs, and 'cleans' the twins' faces.] "Ah, there. No mud, no make-up, just sparkling faces that I could eat right now with some steak sauce. [Rubs the twins' heads together.] "Om-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom-nom." [She skips as she leaves the room. Simultaneously, Lola powder puffs herself, and Lana mud pies herself.]
[Later, in the living room, a buzzer sounds on the television. It shows a chart of several deleted recordings along with three options: "Delete", "Sort" and "Go Back". The title of the program NAIL POLISH WARS with a caption and channel is also shown.] Lori: "Um, what happened to our episodes of "Nail Polish Wars"?" [Myrtle pops up behind them. Lori and Leni yelp and flail their arms after being startled.] Myrtle: "Oh, I deleted those. Yeah, see, the language is just so negative." [Leni and Lori facepalm.]
[Later, Myrtle is in her car, waving goodbye.] Myrtle:[Calls] "Adios, grandbabies! See you real soon! [Drives away] Lucy: "That woman is a nightmare." Lynn: "No way I'm calling her Gran-Gran." Lola: "It gets worse! Look, she left her day planner." [Everyone looks] Lynn:[gasps in shock] "She's coming to all my games for the rest of the season?!" Lisa: "My conference in Sweden?! How did she get clearance?!" Lori: "She's coming on my next date with Bobby?!" Lincoln: "We have to do something. We can't live like this!" Luna:[pulls out a ski mask] "You especially can't, brah. [Lincoln puts the mask on.] Lola: "Well, there is one thing we could do: Break them up." [The siblings protest] Lana: "Lola!" Leni: "That's terrible!" Luan: "Is it though? I mean, Pop-Pop is such an awesome guy! Should he really settle for someone like Myrtle?" Lisa: "She has a point." Lori: "Well, even if we wanted to do that, how would we?" Lincoln: "I might have an idea. Remember when Pop-Pop said that Seymour had his eye on Myrtle?" Lana: "Yeah, the left one." Lincoln: "Maybe that's our answer!
[The scene changes to Sunset Canyon Retirement Home. Luan walks up to the pool with a drink tray where Seymour is swimming.] Luan: "I made this whole pitcher of lemonade for my grandpa, but he's got acid reflux. Whatever shall I do with it?" Seymour: "Ooh! I'll take a glass! [Excitedly swims towards Luan and her jug.] Luan: "Here you are, Mr. Seymour, sir!" Seymour:[drinks the whole thing] "Ooh, tart! [Shows a disgusted look. Lana takes a photo and winks.]
[Later, Lori is dressed up as an old lady in the dining room.] Lori:[old lady voice] "Oh, my soup's literally too hot! How am I ever going to eat it?" Myrtle: "Oh, let me help, dear. [blows on soup, and Lucy takes a photo.]
[Later, the siblings are in Vanzilla, on the computer, working on the photo.] Lincoln: "And now to make a love connection. [places the photos of Seymour and Myrtle into a romantic background, and moves them closer until they appear to be kissing.] "Bingo." Leni: "Um, Lincoln, Bingo's not 'till 4:00." Luna: "Rad job, dude. That's gonna make Pop-Pop way jealous!" Lola: "I bet he breaks it off with her tonight." Lincoln:[prints the photo] "OK, Lynn, you're up." [Lincoln hands Lynn, who is wearing a ninja suit, the photo. She slips it into an envelope, and back flips her way to the retirement home. She later emerges from behind the ceiling tiles, slips down a rope, throws the envelope under the door, and retreats.] Lana:[annoyed] "Man, what's taking Lynn so long?" Lynn:[pops up] "Hi! [her siblings yelp in surprise] "Mission accomplished." Lori: "OK. Let's get out of here before anyone sees us." [They all look towards someone tapping on the windshield.] Myrtle:[Off-screen] "Too late! [Appearing on the windshield] "I see you!" Siblings:[in surprise] "AAH!" Myrtle:[brings out a cake] "Oh, you angels came for my birthday party, didn't you?" [The siblings clamour over each other with puzzled looks.] Siblings: "Uh..." "Of course!" "Yeah. Uh-huh!"
[At the party] Myrtle: "Well, here we are, Party Central! As soon as your Pop-Pop gets here, we can get this shindig started." Lincoln:[looks around] "Shouldn't we wait for the other guests, too?" Myrtle:[despondent] "Oh, no other guests." Luan:[sympathetically] "What about your family?" Myrtle: "Well, I don't really have any. I was an only child and somehow, I never got around to getting hitched. I was just too busy traveling and living my life. And to be honest, I never really missed having a family, until I met your Pop-Pop and you guys, and, well, I know you're not my real family, but gosh darn, you all sure feel like it." Lori:[hastily] "Um, Myrtle, can you excuse us for a second? We, um, all have to go to the bathroom." Myrtle:[winking] "You take after your Pop-Pop."
[The siblings are waiting outside the girls' toilet.] Lola:[aggravated] "OK, what gives, Lori? I don't have to tinkle!" Lori: "Don't you guys get it? This is why Myrtle's been smothering us so much. She never had a family of her own. She's probably just trying to make up for lost time! Yes, she can come on a little strong, but her heart's in the right place." Lucy: "I feel terrible." Lana: "Me too." Luan: "We should go apologize." Lincoln: "Uh, guys, we have a bigger problem. We put that photo under Pop-Pop's door." Siblings:[Cuts to the outside as the siblings remember that.] "Aah!" [Back inside, Lori debriefs everyone on the new plan, and Lynn is suddenly wearing her ninja suit again] Lori: "OK, new plan. Twins, you distract Myrtle. Lynn and Lincoln, you get the photo back. The rest of us will find Pop-Pop and keep him away from his room. Break!" [Everyone except Lynn and Lincoln runs off.] Lynn: "Let's move out, Lincoln!" Lincoln:[notices Lynn wearing her ninja suit.] "Hey, when did you change into your ninja suit?" Lynn:[slyly] "What happened to your bowl cut?" Lincoln: "Touché." Lynn: "Hai!" [She back flips away, Lincoln tries to do a front flip after her, but knocks over a table, dropping to the ground. Later, Lynn slides down her rope, Lincoln tries to do the same, but falls.] Lincoln: "Woah! Ooh." Lynn:[fiddles with the doorknob] "Locked. Not a problem. I got this. [holds up a walker] "Hoa, [hits the door with it, forcing it open] "Ah! [gives the walker back to the lady leaning on a table.] "Thanks, lady." [They look in the room and find the photo is on the nightstand, ripped right down the middle.] Lincoln: "Oh no, he's already seen it!" Seymour:[offscreen] "Help! Someone call this maniac off!" [Lincoln and Lynn look at each other and gasp in horror. Scene changes to the swimming pool where Seymour is running around the outside, but Pop-Pop is chasing after him swinging a pool noodle.] Albert: "I knew you had your eye on my girl!" Seymour: "That's not true. The left one's got a mind of its own." Albert: "Pictures don't lie, Seymour! [They stop running] "And now I'm gonna take it to ya!" Seymour: "You're a crazy man!" [He tries to get away, but Pop-Pop swats Seymour into the pool.] Albert: "Ya!" Lincoln:[As he and Lynn run in] "Pop-Pop, stop!" Albert: "Stay out of this, kids! Mr. Kissy Face has it coming. [Body slams toward Seymour] "Rah!" Seymour: "Dang it." [A big splash is seen from outside the window. Pop-Pop is now holding him and trying to drown him underwater.] Lincoln and Lynn: "Pop-Pop!" [They jump in the pool and try to break up the hold.] Lincoln: "Let him go!" Lynn: "Let him go!" Lori: "What is going on?" Lori, Luna, Lana and Lola:[Cutting in and shocked by what they see] "Pop-Pop!" Seymour: "Call Sue! Call anybody!" [Seymour breaks away and swims free. Everyone else in the pool gives chase.] Scoots:[comes in from offscreen] "Geezer fight! I got 50 bucks on Al!" Albert:[Possesses Seymour now] "Ha!" Lincoln:[Nervous] "Pop-Pop, no! The photo's fake!" Albert:[Hears what Lincoln said and stops.] "What?" Lana: "It's true. We made it on our computer!" Albert: "Why in the heck would you do something like that?" Lori: "The truth is, we were trying to break you and Myrtle up." Albert: "Don't you like Myrtle?" Luna: "I think we just didn't understand her!" Luan: "She was smothering us like a pork chop. But we didn't realize it was because she never had a family!" [The rest of the siblings come in.] Lana: "We may take it for granted that we have a big family, but not everybody's so lucky!" Lincoln: "We're really sorry for the way we acted. We hope you can forgive us." Albert: "Of course I can. I know Myrtle can be a bit much, but that's also what I love about her. She's a spitfire." Scoots: "Ugh, Bleh, this is gettin' too mushy for me. Scoots out! [Drives off] Albert: "Seymour, I think I owe you an apology too." Seymour: "Nah, don't worry about it, Al." Lori: "Don't we have a birthday party to get to?" Albert: "You know it!" Seymour: "Can I come too?" Albert: "You're gonna have to, Seymour. I can't move my arms anymore!" [Everyone laughs]
[Back at the party.] Siblings: "Happy birthday, Gran-Gran!" Myrtle:[Touched] "Did you hear that, Al? They called me Gran-Gran! Oh, thank you, everyone." Lori: "Thanks for the cake and the party, Gran-Gran. But we should probably get going." Myrtle: "Okay, then, I'll drop by tomorrow." [The siblings look worried about that.] Albert: "Uh...how about Sunday instead? I got us tickets to the RV show tomorrow." Myrtle: "Oh! [Laughs, while Pop-Pop winks.] Siblings: "Bye, Gran-Gran! [They walk away] Scoots: "Seymour, quit eyein' my cake! You already had your piece!" Seymour: "I can't help it. The left one's got a mind of its own!"
