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The following is a transcript for the episode "Jeers for Fears".
[The episode starts off at Royal Woods Elementary as the bell rings, signaling the end of the day. Lincoln and Clyde are at their lockers when they hear some of their classmates talking.]
Richie: "I hear the screams are so loud, you can't even hear yourself scream."
Trent: "I hear it's so scary, they give you diapers before you go in."
Chandler: "I hear a deranged clown chases you with barbecue tongs." [They notice Lincoln and Clyde approaching them]
Lincoln: "What are you guys talking about?"
Richie: "The Royal Woods House of Terror just opened up for the season and we're finally old enough to go." [pulls out the brochure for it] "Check it out, zombies, vampires, mutants, all waiting to pounce on you the minute you step inside."
Chandler: [covers the brochure with his hand] "Dude, don't bother telling them about it, they'll never go. Everyone knows they're the biggest chickens in our class."
Lincoln: "Oh yeah?! Then how come we already got tickets to it, Chandler."
Clyde: "We did?" [Lincoln nudges him; now nervous] "Oh, right, we did, I totally forgot, because I'm so excited, and not at all terrified."
[Clyde gives a nervous chuckle until a book falls over in Lincoln's locker, startling the two boys to scream and hold on to each other. They realize what they are doing and regain cool postures.]
Chandler: "Oh, really? When are you going?"
Lincoln: "Uh, tomorrow night."
Chandler: [looks at his friends before responding] "Cool. Then we'll get our tickets for tomorrow night too." [Lincoln and Clyde grow nervous to hear that] "That way, we can all go together." [chuckles]
Clyde: [faking excitement] "Great. Looking forward to it."
Chandler: "I'll bet you are." [folds the brochure into a paper airplane and throws it at Clyde's head as Chandler and his friends leave.]
Lincoln: "Oh man! What did we just do? How are we gonna get through the House of Terror?"
Clyde: [grabs Lincoln's shoulders] "I won't even get up to pee at night if my Blarney night light isn't on! [gets out his phone] "I'd better call Dr. Lopez." [waits for her to answer but no response] "Oh no, it went to voicemail!" [breathes into a paper bag]
Lincoln: "Wait... [plucks the brochure airplane out of Clyde's hair] ...I've got an idea. Maybe we can toughen ourselves up before tomorrow night, so we'll be able to handle the House of Terror, and I know who can help us." [throws the brochure airplane somewhere else and Clyde sighs in relief]
[At the Loud House, Lincoln talks the situation to his sisters]
Lincoln: "So, what do you say? Are you up for scaring the daylights out of us?"
[The sisters cheer in response]
Leni: "I'm in!"
Lisa: "Lucy, you're our resident scream queen. What do you suggest?"
Lucy: "I've got a few ideas." [Thunder crashes. Cut to Lincoln's room where Lucy knocks on his door.] "We're ready, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "We can do this."
Lincoln & Clyde: [They glance at each other] "Clincoln McCloud!" [They share a high five]
Lincoln: "Thanks for the encouraging pat, buddy."
Clyde: "You too."
Lincoln & Clyde: [realizes] "That's not me..."
[The boys look at their hands before turning around to see a giant hooded figure standing behind them]
Sisters: [Pop out of the hood at once] "BOO!"
[Lincoln and Clyde freak out, run right into the walls, and in a daze, pass out on to the floor. The girls take the hood off, and see that this wasn't one of their better ideas. The two boys are now in blankets, shaking terrified and Lucy approaches them]
Lucy: "This is my fault. I gave you too much fright too soon."
Lincoln: [his voice vibrating] "It's okay."
Clyde: [his voice also vibrating] "You meant well."
Lucy: "We'll dial the scares back a little for round two."
[The two boys nod their heads. Later, they meet up with Lucy, who is on the couch, for the second round]
Lincoln: "Okay, Luce, we're ready to try again."
Clyde: "What have you got for us?"
Lucy: "Actually, I just ordered you guys a pizza." [the doorbell rings] "Oh, and there it is."
Clyde: "Pizza? Not afraid of that."
Lincoln: "Me neither."
Lincoln & Clyde: [dash for the front door] "Puh-puh-puh-pizza!" [They laugh, but when Lincoln answers the door, it's actually revealed to be Lynn in her masked killer costume with a chainsaw. The two boys scream, run around, hit their heads on the doorway of the dining room, and fall down; heads spinning]
Lynn: [she and Lucy look down at them and lifts her mask] "Huh. Too much?"
[Cut to the two boys back in their blankets, this time, with Lynn on the couch]
Lucy: "Sorry. I'll dial it back some more." [Later, Lincoln, Lucy, and Clyde approach Lisa and Lily's room] "You guys better now?" [The two boys nod their heads] "Okay, let's try this again." [Opens the door and gestures the boys in]
[The room is dark, and from that, Lisa emerges]
Lisa: "Lincoln, Clyde, I'm glad you're here, I have a bone to pick with you. [The boys look at each other confused] "Or should I say, two-hundred and six bones."
[Pushes a button and a giant plastic skeleton drops down. The boys freak out again, run into the doorframe, and are knocked out again]
Lucy: "Sigh." [Later they are outside the basement] "Here's an easy one, all you have to do is go down in the basement."
Lincoln: "We can definitely do this." [Lucy opens the door] "Though it sure is dark down there."
[The boys quietly go downstairs, until they step on a squeaky stair, they panic, run back up, and slide facedown across the kitchen floor, Clyde sliding right out the doggy door]
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