The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Commercial Announcer: "The world's coolest spy just got a whole lot cooler, He's David Steele, and this winter, he's got a license to chill!" David Steele Actor: "Time to put your plans on ice, Doctor Snow!" [The Dr. Snow actor orders his henchmen to attack David Steele. They gang up on him, but he spins and kicks them away, only for a pair of straps to wrap around him and pull him upward. Next, the henchmen are seen performing a kick line, with Dr. Snow skating past. As David Steele struggles with his bonds, he spins again and knocks the henchmen down. The crowd cheers, and David Steele fends of the henchmen as they try to attack him once again. Doctor Snow rushes at him, then he jumps, and the actor spins him around and tosses him into a pile of snow along with his henchmen. He winks to the camera. Cut to Lincoln and his friends watching the commercial in the Loud House living room, enthralled. A clatter is heard and the kids (except for Lincoln, who is still staring at the TV) look toward the sound.] Lynn Sr.: "Sorry for the racket, kiddos." [Lynn Sr. stumbles around as he balances various cooking appliances and utensils in his arms.] Lynn Sr.: "Woah. (chuckles) Off to the restaurant for our annual cannoli night. Needed extra supplies." [He turns towards the door as a bowl falls. He catches it with his foot and tosses it back on the pile. A whisk falls to the floor.]] Lynn Sr.: "Oops." [He picks up the whisk with his foot and flips it back in place.] "I'll wash that later." [He leaves. Lincoln, still glued to the screen, waves goodbye.] Commercial Announcer: "The tour wraps up in Ontario, Canada tonight. Get your tickets now, before they melt away." Lincoln: "Hey, look! The show's just across the river. We can take a ferry there." Clyde: "Yes." Zach: "Woo!" Liam: "Great idea." Lincoln: "Maple leaf pose!" [Lincoln and his friends all pose in the shape of a maple leaf, except for Kara.] Kara: "You guys really have a pose for everything, don't you?" Rusty: "Quick, How much money do we have?" [They dig through their pockets, and pull out a few dirty dollar bills, a handful of change, a tooth, a half-eaten mint, and a pistachio shell] Stella: "It looks like we have enough for..." [disappointed] "Awww, one small popcorn at the show." Rusty: "Dang, How are we gonna raise enough money? Also, Dibs on the popcorn." [They hear a pained cry outside.] Liam: "Sounds like the pained bleat of a sheep in labor, I better call Meemaw." [Liam uses his phone to call his Meemaw. Kara looks out the window.] Kara: "Okay, Not even close, It's Lincoln's grouchy neighbor shovelling snow." [Mr. Grouse is seen struggling while shovelling .] Lincoln: "Hmmm... I may have an idea to get us the money. Follow me." [Lincoln's friends cheer as they hurry out of the living room.] Liam: "False alarm, Meemaw. You can put the birthing gloves back."
[Mr. Grouse is panting in exhaustion. Lincoln and his friends run up.] Lincoln: "Hey there, Mr. Grouse." Mr. Grouse: "Eh, sorry, not home." Lincoln: "We couldn't help it overhear your, uhh, struggle, For a small price, We can get rid of that snow for you." Rusty: "And as our first customer, I'll throw my winter album, "The Twelve Days of Rustmas" for free." Mr. Grouse: "Yes to the shovelling; no thanks to the record." Rusty: "No take backs. You won't regret it." [Cuts to one of Lincoln's friends shovelling snow. Zach shovels the pathway, tossing snow onto Rusty and burying him. Rusty growls.] Mr. Grouse: "[Hands Lincoln a dollar] "I gotta say, I am impressed. And the album? Well, I've heard worse." Rusty: "I get that a lot." Lincoln: "Looks like we're in the snow shovelling business, If we divide and conquer Royal Woods, We'll have those tickets in no time." [He and his friends give a cheer.]
[At City Hall, Mayor Davis is trying to get rid of the snow, when Lincoln, Clyde and Kara walk up.] Mayor Davis: "Good morning, future voters. Are you here to get your tickets for tonight's winter light show? We're nearly sold out." [She presses a key on her keyboard, making a cash register “cha-ching” sound effect.] Clyde: "We're actually here to offer you our shovelling services." Mayor Davis: "Ooh, That would be amazing! If you could help me clear this area, I can finish working on my lighting effects. Watch this." [She plays a melody on her keyboard, as the string lights decorating City Hall roof blink on. Lincoln, Clyde and Kara are in awe. The colored spotlights then turn on, their brightness causing the three kids’ eyes to burn as they fall backwards. The lights turn back off.] Mayor Davis: "Well, I’ll just leave you little workers to it." [She leaves. Lincoln, Clyde, and Kara get up from the ground, still dazed from the bright lights. They bump into each other as they start shovelling snow.]"
[At Ms. Bernardo’s house, Stella and Liam have just finished clearing her driveway.] Stella: "All done, Mrs. B." Mrs. Bernardo: "Ah, bravo, industrious children! Now, would you like your payment in cash, or in the form of a preview of my one-woman rendition...[she holds up a chestnut] ...of The Nutcracker?" [She twirls and tosses the nut in the air, kicks it. It ricochets off a tree, a stop sign, and a cat asleep on a roof. It flies back to Mrs. B, who catches it in her teeth, and cracks it into bits.] Stella and Liam: [unimpressed] "Cash works."
[At Sunset Canyon Rusty and Zach are just finishing up as Scoots looks on.] Scoots: "Let's see some hustle, you loafers! I need this driveway clear before tonight's big holiday bingo game!" [Grunting, Rusty and Zach put the last shovelful of snow on the pile. They give a sigh of relief, when Scoots drives up.] Scoots: "Great; now you can clear the back driveway." [Cut to the back of the rest home, which is absolutely buried in snow.] Rusty and Zach:(anguished) "NOOOOOO!!!"
[Back at the Loud House, Lincoln dumps the money they earned into Stella's hands. Stella counts it.] Stella: "One, two, three, four, five. Okay, It looks like we have enough..." Lincoln: "Maple leaf pose!" [They strike the pose again.] Stella: "...For three-and-a-half tickets." [Kara jumps on top, making her friends collapse.] Kara: "These poses are harder than they look." Liam: "Aww, this is bogus. We cleared every drive way, walk way, runway, Heck, if it ends in "-way", we done shoveled it!" [He gestures to the 5-day forecast on TV, which shows sunny weather for the whole week] "and the forecast ain't calling for any more snow." Zach:(scoffs) "This'd be a lot easier if we were Glorby Florby aliens." [Zach's friends blink in confusion.] Zach: "They can control the weather with their minds." Lincoln: "We may not have alien powers. But I do have a genius sister with the weather controlling machine."
[Lincoln opens Lisa's closet and rummages through her things. He pulls out a dial of some sort, then a jar containing green goo, which grows a face and moans creepily. Lincoln, freaked out, hastily puts it back. Then he finds what he's looking for.] Lincoln: "Found it! The Cloud-Seeding Machine!" Rusty and Zach:[leaning in, eyes wide]"Woah!" Clyde: "It kinda just looks like a toaster." Lincoln: "Lisa has a very strict..."[he turns the machine, showing a crudely-drawn image of Lincoln's face with a red "no" symbol through it]..."'no sibling shenanigans' policy with her devices, so we'll have to be quick." [He activates the machine and selects the snow icon. A map of Royal Woods then appears on the screen, and Lincoln traces a circle around the area. The machine begins working. The room darkens and thunder is heard. The friends look out the window and see fresh snow beginning to fall.] Clyde:[gasp] "It's working." Lincoln: "Now we just need to figure out where to hide it from Lisa while it's running, Hmmm..."
[Lincoln sneaks into the kitchen, holding the machine. He glances around to make sure everything's clear. He opens a cabinet and places the machine inside.] Lincoln: "There we go.[A background of cascading money is seen as Lincoln rubs his hands together.] "Time to shovel some snow and make some dough!" [A montage begins. Lincoln shovels Mr. Grouse's pathway. He gives Lincoln some money. Cut to a split screen of Stella and Zach shovelling, followed by another split screen of someone handing Zach money and him putting it in the jar. Cut to of Liam being handed money, then Stella, and then Rusty being showered in dollar bills. Cut to yet another split screen of the money jar gradually getting fuller, until it's nearly overflowing. Cut to the ticket booth for David Steele on Ice where Lincoln places the jar on the counter. The ticket seller takes the jar, and hands Lincoln the tickets.] Lincoln: "Maple leaf pose!" [They strike the pose once more, and Kara successfully jumps on top, without toppling her friends over.] Kara: "I did it!" Lincoln: "Now to turn off Lisa's machine and bring it back to her room."
[Lincoln runs into the kitchen, followed by his friends, and hops up onto counter. He opens the cabinet, then looks shocked. The cabinet is completely empty. A lone fly buzzes out.] Lincoln:[panicked] "No, no, no! The machine is gone!" [Lincoln's friends gasp.] Lincoln: "Quick, we gotta find it!" [Lincoln's friends all scramble to find the machine. However, Rita shows up and sees what's happening. She clears her throat. The kids stop what they're doing.] Lincoln: "Before you say anything, it's not what it looks like." Rita: "Well, It looks like you just lost something and are now tearing the kitchen apart." Lincoln: "Okay, then. It's exactly what it looks like. I had something on that shelf up there. Do you know what happened to it?" Rita: "Your father's been grabbing all kinds of stuff for cannoli night. He probably has it." Lincoln: "It's okay, we'll be fine...as long as my dad doesn't touch any buttons." [Cut to the Lynn's Table kitchen, where Lynn Sr. is indeed pressing the buttons.] Lynn Sr.: "What is up with this high tech toaster?" [groans] "How do you get it to work?" [Cut to Lincoln and his friends trudging through the ensuing blizzard.] Clyde: "I think he touched some buttons." Lincoln: "Come on, We have to turn off that machine or we'll never get to the show." [They struggle with all their might against the snow and wind.] Rusty: "Little help, dawgs?" [Liam looks back to see Rusty frozen in a block of ice. Liam rushes up to him and pushes him from behind.]
[Lincoln and his friends burst through the kitchen doors and see what Lynn Sr. is doing.] Lincoln:[gasp] "Dad, that's not a toaster!" [He runs up to his father and snatches the machine out of his hands.] It's Lisa's cloud seeder!" Lynn Sr.: "Oh. That explains the setting for the atmospheric pressure." Rusty:[Offscreen] "Hey, Good news everyone!" [Liam has succeeded in partially freeing him from the ice block. Rusty is holding up his phone.] Rusty: ""The Twelve Days of Rustmas" just hit #81 in Antarctica!" [His friends give annoyed looks.] "Oh, and it looks like the last ferry to Canada is still running." [Cut to a close up of his phone, which shows that the ferry is on time. His friends all gasp.] Liam: "Well, What are we waiting for?" [He breaks the remainder of the ice, freeing Rusty's legs.] "Let's shake a turkey leg!" [Lincoln turns off the machine. He and his friends run up to the front door and open it, only to find a wall of snow blocking their way. The snow pushes itself in, with Lincoln getting embedded in it. He falls over. He pops back up, his face covered in snow, but is undeterred, raising his shovel above his head.] Lincoln: "Dig like you've never dug before!" [He let out a battle cry and charges toward the snow, as do all his friends. They attack the snow wall, shovelling with all their might and tunneling their way through the snow.] Lincoln: "Zach, Location check." [Zach leaps up and burrows his way through the snowy roof. He pops out on the surface. He wets his finger with his mouth and feels for the breeze.] Zach: "Keep plowing North!" [He ducks back down in the snow.]
[They burst out of the snow, having finally found their way to the ferry dock.] Stella:[gasps] "We made it!" [The kids smile at the sight of the ferry having not yet departed. They run on board.] Friends:[chanting]"Steele on ice! Steele on ice!" [A TV inside the Ferry suddenly turns on, showing Patchy Drizzle giving the weather report.] Patchy Drizzle: "Breaking news: Royal Woods buried under six feet of powder! Meanwhile, Surrounding areas are sunny and snow-free. It's as if we have our own private blizzard, All local events have been cancelled, including: the Winter Light Show, Holiday Bingo, the One Woman Nutcracker and Cannoli Night at Lynn's Table. This meteorologist would call that a perfect storm of disappointment." [Lincoln and his friends all sigh, feeling guilty.] Clyde: "Look what our selfish David Steele dreams did." Lincoln: "Guys, We gotta do the right thing." Clyde: "You're right, buddy." Zach: "We gotta go back." Liam: "Who needs Canada, anyway?"
[Lincoln, Clyde, and Kara are once again shovelling the front of City Hall. Lincoln uncovers Mayor Davis' keyboard. She runs up.] Mayor Davis:[elated] "My Keyboard!" [She plays the keyboard and the lights turn on again, causing Lincoln, Clyde, and Kara's eyes burn once more.]
[Rusty and Zach are shovelling Sunset Canyon, hauling heavy snow on the ends of their shovels, which break off. Zach, looking disapointed, attaches "The Twelve Days of Rustmas" album to the end of the shovel, and resumes hauling. Rusty, looking heartbroken, kisses the album, and does the same. Scoots wheels into view.] Scoots: "Bingo is back on, baby!"
[Stella and Liam are busily shovelling Ms. Bernardo's driveway, when suddenly she dancing onto the scene holding a pair of tickets for her one-woman performance. She hands them to Stella and Liam, who both smile awkwardly.]
[The gang convenes at Tall Timbers Park.] Lincoln: "We did it, guys! Good work." [They hear a car horn offscreen. They turn and see a bus covered in snow. Its headlights flash.] Liam: "Oh no, Looks like we've missed a car." [Liam starts to shovel away at the bus. Lincoln and the others join in. Stella clears some snow off the side and sees the logo for "David Steele on Ice".] Stella: "Uh, guys, I think this is the tour bus for..." [The David Steele kicks the door open and leaps out, spinning.] David Steele Actor: "David Steele On Ice!" [Lincoln's friends gasp, awestruck] Clyde: "Wow, This is some serious winter magic happening." [The David Steele actor jumps in front of Lincoln.] David Steele Actor: "You guys are lifesavers! We got trapped on our way back from Canada and thought we be stuck in that bus until spring. You know, We'd love to do something special for you, kids, as a thank you, if you're up for it, that is." [Lincoln and his friends are screaming for joy. The David Steele Actor grins.]
[Lincoln and his friends watch as the skaters perform on a frozen pond. The Dr. Snow actor skates up, laughing evilly. The David Steele Actor somersaults over him and lands in front of him.] David Steele Actor: "Time to go Toe-to-toe pick, Doctor Snow! [The two begin to fight. The Dr. Snow actor spins the David Steele actor above his head.] David Steele Actor: "Uh, This is where we would have music, but our sound systems is packed away." [Rusty gasps and runs onto the ice.] Rusty:. "Lucky for you, There's a chart-topping recording artist in da hizz-ouse!" [He nearly falls over, but regains his balance.] "Woah." [He clears his throat and starts to sing] "♫ On the third day of Rustmas, the Rustman gave to me- ♫" [The Dr. Snow actor crashes into Rusty. They both fall over and the David Steele actor is catapulted into the snow. Lincoln and friends cringe.] "♫ A bruised rib and a sprained knee... ♫ Oh, I see a remix coming." [The episode ends.]
