The following is a transcript for the episode "Kernel of Truth".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The episode begins at Royal Woods Middle School. Stella can be heard talking inside.] Stella: "Hey, guys, I think I found something. Follow me." [Inside Royal Woods Middle School, Stella points to a door that says, 'KEEP LOCKED'.] "Quick, up there." Lincoln: "Make way, coming through." [Rusty, Liam, Clyde, and Zach are carrying him on the top. He looks through the door and tries to see something. As he looks through the window, the others collapse and fall down. The boys groan in pain.] "It was pitch black, I couldn't see a thing." Liam: "I don't know fellers and Stellers, I think we're on a goose chase." Rusty: "No way! My cousin, Derrick, sworn that there was a secret game room somewhere in this school." Zach: "But, we've checked every hallway from here to the boiler room." Stella: "Hey, guys," [Stella is now at a door that is boarded up and says 'Keep Out'.] "over here, check this out." [Stella opens the door and walks in. The lights are out. She then turns the lights on. Lincoln and the boys rush to the door, but are all stuck in it. They are amazed at what they see. Stella pulls a microphone out of a box. The boys walk in.] Liam: "Well, hash my browns. Zach: "I knew it! This is where they experiment on kids! Lincoln: "No, Zach, this is clearly an old news studio. The school must've had a show or something." Rusty:[Pops out of a box, holding a photo of the old news crew.] "Check out the vintage news cuties." Zach:[Recognizing one of them.] "Dude, gross, that's my mom!" Lincoln: "Hey guys, I just had a great idea. We could be the next news team." Clyde: "So fun, and, it would be a great way for us to spend more time together at school." Zach: "Camera still works." [Blows off the dust, which Clyde then wipes off his glasses.] Stella: "I'm Stella Zhau, and I say; let's do this. Wait, where's Rusty?" Rusty:[Still ogling over the photo.] "There's just something about those eyes of hers." Zach:[Grabs the photo; offended.] "Dude!" [Crumples it] Rusty: "What? You should take it as a compliment." [Zach stares angrily at Rusty.]
[Meanwhile, Meryl is in her office, watching something on her laptop, when the gang loudly approaches her. She grabs her laptop and turns away from them.] Liam: "Umm… Maybe we were in her blindspot." Clyde:[Comes up to her and taps her.] "Meryl? Yoohoo, Meryl." [Meryl turns back, plugging her ears, and drops under her desk. Clyde looks.] "Oh, she's watching that soap opera, "Southern Hospitality", Jackson just came back from the dead, only to find his long lost fiancé, had fallen into a coma." [Clyde sees his friends giving him mixed expressions.] "I try to stay current." Meryl:[Returns] "Ooh! Can't a girl get some quiet around here?" [Clyde nervously backs away.] "Okay, now what do y'all noisy little jitterbugs need? But hurry, my show's back from commercial in thirty seconds." Zach: "Well we found an old news set, it was pretty cool. Rusty dented the camera when he dropped it." Rusty: "Why would you tell her that?" Lincoln: "We need to talk to Principal Ramirez. It's urgent." [The other smile at Meryl.] Meryl: "Well, I don't know, she's with someone." [Her show returns] "Ooh, it's back on, just go on in." [Takes her laptop and leaves. The gang is okay with this.]
[In the principal's office, they pitch their proposition.] Lincoln: "And that's why we are absolutely perfect to restart the news show. A-thank you." Principal Ramirez: "Well, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but there's a reason we ended that news show… nobody watched it. The Daily Marsupial called it… 'a punishment worse than detention.'" [Holds out an old school newspaper.] Stella: "But, our show could be different." Clyde: "I have news experience." [Hold a photo of him doing the morning announcements.] Rusty: "And this face was made to be on TV." Principal Ramirez:[Sighs] "I don't know." Lincoln: "Please give us a chance, we already practiced our action news team pose." [They demonstrate their pose, and Zach accidentally smashes the principal's statue, they awkwardly laugh.] Principal Ramirez: "Fine, I'll give you a shot." [The gang cheers.]
[The next day, inside the news room.] Zach: "We're going live in 5… 4… 3… 2…" [Signals] [The 'RECORDING' sign lights up and the best friend anchormen are ready with their papers.] Lincoln: "Good morning Royal Woods Middle School! I'm Lincoln Loud." Clyde: "And I'm Clyde McBride!" Lincoln & Clyde: "And kangaroo… this is your news!" Clyde: "Breaking news, today is Mr. Bolhofner's birthday. We've got reporter Stella Zhau, live on the scene." [Stella is outside Mr. Bolhofner's trailer.] Stella: "That's right Clyde, I'm here with the birthday boy. Mr. B, how does it feel to turn sixty-two?" Mr. Bolhofner:[Offended] "I'm thirty-four!" [Slams the door. Stella awkwardly laughs. Cuts back to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Now Rusty Spokes with sports." [They go to Rusty, who's applying breath spray.] Liam:[Holding the camera] "Rusty, you're live." Rusty:[Loses the spray and laughs.] "I'm here, with the soccer team's captain, Lynn Loud." [Offers her the mic] Lynn: "Ugh, Rusty, we're trying to practice here." [She leaves and Rusty awkwardly laughs.] Rusty: "Lynn! Wait!" [Goes after her] "How are you feeling about today's game against Hazeltucky?" Lynn:[Takes the mic] "More like Hazel… lucky if they score a goal." [Gives the mic back] "Don't move, I need to run a few drills." [Walks off with the ball.] Rusty: "That's today's sports news, Lincoln and Clyde, back to-" [Lynn kicks the ball at him.] Lincoln & Clyde: "Ooh." Clyde: "Kicking it with Lynn Loud is definitely not a goal of mine." [They laugh] Lincoln: "Let's check back in with Stella, who's learning how to whip up that famous cafeteria one bean chilli." [Stella is in the cafeteria, with the rather surly looking lunch lady.] Stella: "I'm here with Chef Pat!" [Chef Pat grunts] "And together, we're cookin' up some trouble." [Looks in the pot] "Is that a shoe?" [Takes it out. Pat looks at her... and grabs the camera. Back at the studio, Lincoln and Clyde are initially shocked.] Clyde: "Well, that's the news for today." Lincoln: "From all of us here at Action News. Have a hoppy day kangaroos." [The boys laugh.] Zach: "That's a wrap." Liam, Stella, & Rusty:[Excitedly enter] "How did we do?" Lincoln: "I think we... nailed it!" [They all celebrate.] Clyde: "I can't wait to hear what everyone thought about our first episode."
[In the principal's office.] Principal Ramirez: "Everyone hated your first episode. Sorry, I'm going to have to cancel the show." Lincoln: "What?!" Clyde: "How's that possible?" Principal Ramirez: "Your action news had no action and no news, no one found it interesting, except for Mr. Bolhofner, who is suing the school." Lincoln: "Well, what if we can change that? What if we can come up with a really great story that will hook people?" Principal Ramirez:[Still reluctant] "Alright, I'll give you twenty-four hours." [The gang smiles.]
[Back in the studio.] Zach: "Ooh! I got the story. We investigate undercover aliens posing as teachers at our school." [Lincoln, Clyde, Liam, and Stella look at him.] Lincoln: "Still a no Zach." Zach:[Scoffs] "Okay, you'll be sorry when Mr. Googenheimer starts his invasion." [Rusty enters] Rusty: "I'm back with the snacks." [Tosses them some beet chips.] "But don't hate, the vending machine and the cafeteria both sold out of popcorn again. Which is weird, cause it's supposed to be restocked every morning." Stella: "That is weird. Who could be snapping up all the popcorn before anyone else can get to it?" Lincoln: "Guys, this could be the story we need to save our show." [The gang agrees.]
[Very early the next morning, the gang is staking out the school, hiding behind the front steps. The sound of a truck backing up is heard and Lincoln takes out his binoculars. The truck belongs to the snack company.] Lincoln: "There's the truck, Liam start recording." [Liam does so. The delivery guy is waiting with a box full of popcorn, and a hooded figure approaches him. He hands the driver a wad of cash and takes the box. The driver leaves without question.] "Let's go!" [They run for the figure.] Rusty: "Make way!" [Rusty jumps on something.] "I got him! And he smells terrible!" [The gang watches Rusty piled on the trashcans.] Zach:[Sarcastically] "Good job, Rust, you caught trash." Stella: "And the real culprit got away." Lincoln: "That's alright, we still have some good footage, let's go show Principal Ramirez."
[In her office, Principal Ramirez likes their video.] Principal Ramirez: "Now this is a news story. But, who's the culprit?" Lincoln: "Umm… We don't know yet, but we're really close." Principal Ramirez: "Well, now I gotta see how this turns out, I'll give you the rest of the week to crack it." Lincoln: "Yes! You can count on the Action News Team." [They do their pose again. And knock over the, just repaired, statue again. They awkwardly laugh.] Principal Ramirez:[Calmly] "Just get out."
[The next morning, they are staking out by the steps again, the truck arrives. The bush next to the gang starts talking.] Zach: "There's the driver, right on time." [The gang is startled by the talking bush.] Rusty: "Zach! You've been there the whole time? We thought you overslept." Zach: "It's called camouflage, Rusty." Liam: "Hey, y'all, where the heck's the popcorn culprit?" [The driver is just standing there with the popcorn, alone.] Lincoln: "Guess he's a no show. At least we can still talk to the driver." [They run in his direction while Lincoln is on the microphone.] "Action News Team! Do you have anything to say about the popcorn situation?" [The driver freaks out, drops the box and makes a run for it. The gang chases him and corner him at the soccer net.] "We saw you meet with someone yesterday. Who have you been selling all the school's popcorn to?" Driver: "What are you talking about? Today's my first day, the last guy got transferred to Indianapolis." [The gang gasps.] Zach: "Popcorn perp must have arranged it, he must be onto us." Stella: "Wait, but why did you run from us?" Driver: "You see a weird looking bush coming at you, your instincts tell you to run." [The driver leaves and the gang is bummed out.] Clyde: "Well what do we do now?" Zach: "We need to find a way to lure the culprit out of hiding." Lincoln: "I've got a plan! Zach, we're gonna need your tracker, and Clyde's spice kit."
[Later, Clyde is holding a plastic bag of popcorn.] Clyde: "If the culprit likes popcorn, there's no way he'll be able to resist… Clyde's famous rosemary parm corn." [Zach slips his tracker into the bag and Stella tapes it to the snack machine. The gang walks off laughing.]
[That night, they're at the McBride's house, watching the tracker signal on their laptop.] Lincoln: "Okay guys, we'll take turns watching the tracker. Settle in, this could be a while." [There's a pinging.] Stella:[Gasps] "Popcorn on the move. It's showtime." [The tracker shows to be leaving the school. The gang gasps.] Lincoln: "Come on, let's go." [They ride their bikes through the moonlit night. Zach has the laptop taped to his handlebars.] Zach: "They're heading to the wharf." [They make it there. But the tracker is shown to be getting on the Canadian ferry boat.] Lincoln: "He's making a break for Canada!" Rusty: "Oh no he's not! Liam, gonna wanna film this." [Rusty pedals as fast as he can.] "Time to shine!" [He tries to jump his bike onto the boat just as it's leaving, but he falls into the water.] Liam: "Don't worry, Rust, I got it."
[At school the next day, Lincoln opens his locker and takes his reporter's jacket.] Lincoln: "Well, without a story, I guess this is the end of the road for the Action News Team." [The gang are all sad. Lincoln goes to put his jacket in the trash when he notices something.] "Guys look." [Pulls something out of the trash.] "It's a ferry ticket and it's timestamped from last night. The culprit must be in the building." Stella: "Let's go find him. The Action News Team is back in business!" [Assumes her part of the pose… But then realizes that her friends have already taken off.] "Right, we can… We can do the pose later." [Follows them, and Liam sees something in the hall.] Liam: "Look y'all, a popcorn kernel, and there's a whole trail of 'em." [Liam's friends follow it.] "Ha, good grits, and I thought Meemaw was a messy eater." [They follow the trail through the halls. Which leads them to the very same door they tried to see into before finding the news studio in the first place.] Lincoln:[Tries to open it] "The door's locked." Rusty: "Step aside." [Charges] "Liam, you're gonna wanna film this." [Rusty runs straight into the door.] Liam: "Don't worry, Rust, I got it." [Stella goes to the door, takes out her hairpin, and picks the lock.] Stella: "Bingo." Lincoln: "Okay this is it, let's do this." [Inside the room] "Action News Team! We're coming in!" [The gang burst into the room, assuming their action news team pose, and find a dark room, the walls lined with popcorn, and Meryl watching her show. She turns, with bloodshot eyes, to face the gang] "Meryl? You're the one who's been taking all the school's popcorn?" Meryl: "Oh, I'm so sorry, I just wanted a quiet place to watch my soaps, and nothing soundproofs like popcorn." [Begs] "Oh, please don't air this, kids, I could lose my job." [The gang looks at each other, knowing they can't do it.] Lincoln: "We would never do that Meryl, even if it means we don't have a story. Which means we don't have a show." Meryl: "Awe, y'all are the sweetest." [Gets an idea] "Wait, I know of another big story that'll save your show."
[Later, Liam is following Clyde with the camera.] Clyde: "For years, it's been a legend, but no one's been able to find it. Until now!" [Lincoln opens the condemned locker outside Meryl's secret room, they enter a little hall.] Lincoln: "Thanks to an anonymous tip, the action news team has uncovered… The school's secret game room." [Clyde opens the door at the end of the passageway behind the locker, revealing what is in fact a game room. The students watching can't believe it and set off.] "Well that's our report for today." Clyde: "We've got some games to play." [Suddenly there's a rumbling and the camera stops. Lots of students flood in to play, followed by Principal Ramirez and Meryl.] Principal Ramirez:[Applauding] "Bravo, I've been looking for this room for years. Great work team, you can keep your show." [The gang cheers] "Now Meryl, you up for a round of air hockey?" Meryl: "You bet your biscuits." [Principal Ramirez takes off and Meryl smiles at the kids.] "Oh, and Zach, I owe you a new tracker." Zach: "It's all good." [The gang laughs as Meryl goes to play air hockey. Rusty approaches them.] Rusty: "GUYS, I just got a new lead on another story. Rumor has it, there's a hot tub in the Teachers' Lounge." Lincoln: "The Action News Team is on the case." [They assume their pose, and they knock over the gumball machine.]
