The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[In the front yard, Luna plays "Taps" on a trumpet as her siblings are gathered in mourning, except Lola who just looks bored] Leni:[tearful] "OMGosh, guys, I totes didn't think this day would actually come..." [dabs her eyes with a tissue] Lincoln: "It won't be the same around here, that's for sure." Lucy: "I've already begun to make funeral arrangements. How do we feel about lilies?" [They're looking at a totaled Vanzilla, which is hooked on a tow truck.] "They were the deceased's favorite." Luan: "Are you sure their favorite flower wasn't car-nation?" [laughs] Lynn:[annoyed] "Ugh. Luan, read the room." [Rita is speaking to the truck's owner, Flip.] Flip: "Eh, sorry about your loss, chief, but not too sorry to demand payment for towing this pile of bolts." [Rita hands over money, and Nacho unhooks Vanzilla from the tow truck before Flip drives off with Nacho in tow.] Luna: "Of all the places for Vanzilla to bite the dust. Dudes, I didn't think we'd get out of there." [Flashback to earlier at a car wash. Several drivers are angrily waiting for their turn.] Driver #1: "Aw, come on, what's the holdup?!" Driver #2: "I've been sitting here forever!" [Vanzilla is inside the car wash, but unfortunately, the machines have gotten inside the vehicle, with the Louds getting brushed, sprayed with water, and covered completely in soap. Back to the present.] Luna:[traumatized] "That was a long seven hours." [Lincoln burps out some bubbles from his mouth, to which Luna notices. They look over and see Lana and Lynn Sr. tearily clinging onto Vanzilla.] Rita: "Oh, I know it's hard. Vanzilla's meant a lot to this family ever since Great-Grandpa Loud bought it, but I think it's time to just let it go. Emotionally and physically." [Lynn Sr. and Lana only tighten their grips on Vanzilla, denting the van. Rita grunts at Lynn Jr., who grabs the van and lifts it before shaking Lana and Lynn Sr. off.] Luna: "Mom's right, and at least we can rest easy knowing Vanzilla had a long, rocking life." Lola: "Yeah, to be honest, I'm shocked we didn't have it scrapped years ago." [Her siblings only glare at her for her insensitive quip.] "Oh, I'm wrong for saying that?!" [scoffs] "A toad's been living in the rear speaker since before Lily was born!" [The toad in question is watching from the van, and ducks behind the windows.] Lynn Sr.:[tearful] "How could you all be so heartless?! We should be doing everything we can to try to save Vanzilla!" Lana: "She's always been there for us. Lynn, when everyone else was too scared to play baseball with you, Vanzilla was your catcher!" [Vanzilla does indeed have the baseball-shaped dents to prove it.] Lynn:[rubs the dent] "Yeah." Lynn Sr.:[grabs Rita] "And Rita, when you wanted 'Mommy Alone Time', Vanzilla gave you the soundproof haven you needed." [Flashback. Rita is in Vanzilla and screaming her frustrations to the heavens, but no one can hear her, not even a toddler riding her tricycle past the Loud House. Back to the present.] Rita:[rubs Vanzilla] "Oh, thank you for that..." Lana: "So whaddya say, huh? Give us one more shot to save her? This was Gramps's van once, too! I bet he can help us!" Rita: "Well..." [Lana and Lynn Sr. break out the puppy eyes, with the toad also joining in. She gives in to their puppy eyes and sighs.] "OK." Lana and Lynn Sr.: "Woohoo!" Rita: "But just until this weekend. Then we have to shop for a new van." Lana and Lynn Sr.: "Woohoo!" Lynn Sr.: "Don't you worry! We'll get her up and running like new!" [Lucy heads into the backyard where Boris is digging up a grave for Vanzilla.] Lucy: "Sorry, Boris." [Boris peeks out from the grave] "Funeral's off. But keep your shovel handy. This isn't over yet." [Boris sighs.]
[Later in the garage, Lynn Sr. is pushing Vanzilla up with a car jack when a boat horn sounds.] Lana: "Hey, it's Gramps and his boat truck!" [Leonard pulls up in a boat-themed truck, which even comes complete with a mast, a crow's nest, a steering wheel, and a mermaid decor on the bow.] Leonard:[panicked] "How's my favorite kiddo holding up through all this?!" [goes out for a hug] Lynn Sr.:[thinking his dad means him and tries to return the hug] "Aw, well, thanks, Dad--" [It turns out Leonard was referring to Vanzilla as he tearfully embraces his old van, much to Lynn Sr.'s dismay.] Leonard: "All righty, what's the game plan?" Lana: "We gotta narrow down the problem so we can get her running like new, and I know just the thing."
[Later, Vanzilla is parked at the very top of a very steep hill, with a nervous Lynn Sr. at the driver's seat. He chuckles nervously.] Lana: "So if we get Vanzilla going fast, we may be able to roll-start the engine, and then we'll know the problem is the pistons." Lynn Sr.: "That's a, uh, pretty big hill." Leonard: "Now remember, son, when you get enough speed, try to start her up." [Leonard and Lana push Vanzilla down the hill. Lynn Sr. screams with fear before he takes his keys and puts it in Vanzilla, trying to start the engines, but it doesn't work.] Lynn Sr.:[shrieks] "It won't start! It won't start!" [Vanzilla reaches the base of the hill and goes all the way up to the top of a second hill. Lynn Sr. leans out the window and throws up in the bushes.] Leonard:[having witnessed all that] "Hm. Well, I'll be chummed. So it's not the pistons." [Unfortunately, Vanzilla isn't quite perfectly at the top, and it begins to slide back down.] Lynn Sr.: "No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" [Vanzilla keeps oscillating between both hills, and every time he reaches the top of either hill, he throws up in the bushes.] "Oh, not again!" [continues oscillating and throwing up between the hills] Lana: "Maybe we shouldn't have picked the guy with the weakest stomach to do this." [She and Leonard wince as Vanzilla returns to the top of the first hill] Lynn Sr.: "It was nothing!" [throws up in the bushes and goes down again] "Ah!"
[That dark and stormy night, a lightning rod is perched on top of the garage, with Lana installing a cord to connect it to Vanzilla. Leonard and Lynn Sr. are wearing goggles.] Lana: "If something's up with Vanzilla's electrical system, then we need a huge jolt of power. Lisa said her lightning rod should do the trick." [Leonard puts goggles on Lana. Thunder is heard as lightning strikes the lightning rod. The surge of power makes its way to Vanzilla, covering it in dust.] Lynn Sr.: "All right." [gets in and puts the keys in, but the engine doesn't start] "Huh. Nothing." Leonard:[sighs] "So it's not the electrical." [Suddenly another thunderclap is heard] Lana:[nervous] "Uh, Dad, I'd get out of there if I were you..." Lynn Sr.: "Huh? What?" [Another surge of lightning-powered electricity strikes Vanzilla, electrocuting Lynn Sr. as his father and dirt-loving daughter wince. Now he's covered in soot] "OK, dibs on not starting the van next time." [collapses]
[Later, Lana has disassembled Vanzilla, but they've found no such luck in finding the problem.] Lana:[sighs] "We've been out here all night, and we still don't know what's wrong." Lynn Sr.:[holding a rusty object] "Yeah, but at least I found this grimy old cowbell. Must've left it in Vanzilla." [uses his wrench as the mallet and clangs the "cowbell"] Leonard:[chuckles] "That's no cowbell." [grabs the "cowbell" and cracks it with his wrench, causing the rust to fall off and revealing it's a rusty cylinder gasket] "It's the left crank cylinder gasket." Lana: "Ah, yes! The good ol' LCCG. How'd I miss that before? And look how rusted it is. This must be what's wrong with Vanzilla!" Leonard: "Yup. If we can replace it, maybe we can save the old girl." Lana: "Hey, Flip always has a lot of used car parts around. To Flip's!"
[Flip's Food & Fuel. The three Louds have taken the rusty gasket and Flip is examining it.] Flip: "Yep, it's a left crank cylinder gasket, all right. Busted for sure. Good thing I got a ton of 'em." Louds: "Yeah!" Flip: "But none for a Fung van like yours." Louds: "Aw." Flip: "'Cause there ain't no such thing." Louds: "Huh?" Flip: "There is a Fungo." [He grabs an old van catalog and shows it to the Louds, blowing the dust off.] Lana:[recognizes the Fungo model] "Hey, that's our van! The letter O must have fallen off." Leonard:[gasps] "So that's where this came from!" [takes off his belt] "I found it in our driveway when I was a little minnow." [reveals the missing "O" is his belt buckle] "I've used it as a belt buckle ever since." [His pants fall down, exposing his lobster boxer shorts, and he chuckles in embarrassment.] Flip: "Eh, don't worry about it, chief." [He's also in his underwear, with Nacho also reclining on the ground wearing his own underpants] "Ol' Flip likes to keep it casual too." [The Louds are disturbed by the sight, Lynn Sr. covering Lana's eyes.] "Anywho, uh, I got some crummy news. I don't got a gasket that fits a Fungo van. Nobody does. The company went belly-up ages ago. But I might have some good news." [Lynn Sr. hands over money] "I didn't ask for the bribe yet!" Lynn Sr.: "We're short on time." Flip:[takes the money] "Well, you could try asking for the part from the inventor himself, Freddy Fungo. He lives in the abandoned factory outside of town." Lana: "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!" [She's not wearing her overalls and shoes, exposing her own polka-dotted boxers] Lynn Sr.: "Lana, honey, where are your pants?" Lana:[sheepishly] "I thought we were all taking 'em off."
[The three drive over to the dilapidated remains of the abandoned Fungo van factory. The gates are blocked off with caution tape, and there are signs reading KEEP OUT! and DO NOT ENTER. They cautiously approach the gates.] Lana: "Well, here goes nothing." [presses the intercom button] Freddy:[on intercom] "What do you want?!" Lana: "Mr. Fungo, we came about your van. See, we--" Freddy:[on intercom] "I don't ever want to hear about that stinking van again." [The force of his voice is enough to blow Lana back to the ground, stunning her. Leonard gasps.] "Now make like a busted muffler and hit the road." Leonard: "If there's one thing being an old sea dog's taught me, it's if the crab won't come to you, you gotta go to the crab!" [Lana and Lynn Sr. glance at each other.]
[Later, the three form a human tower, Leonard at the bottom, Lynn Sr. in the middle, and Lana on top. Lana tries to reach for the gate, but Leonard strains from the combined weight and collapses with Lynn Sr. Lana ends up holding onto one of the gate's bars, but the bar ends up bending down and taking her with it.]
[Later, the three are still looking at the gate.] Lana: "If we can't go over, then we go under!" [Leonard and Lynn Sr. nod in agreement, and she digs under the ground only to hit something metallic] "Uh, guys? I, uh, may have hit a--" [A geyser of water blasts from the hole, blasting Lana upwards and into the crow's nest of Leonard's car] "A water main." [Leonard's seagull squawks.]
[Now they're back in Leonard's car] Leonard:[growls] "If we can't go over, and we can't go under, then by Ahab, we go through!" [He activates the horn, which protrudes from the crow's nest, and accelerates his car into the gates, launching them skywards through a hole in the factory's window before they land inside and get up groaning.] "Just like I planned it." [They've landed on a Fungo van as Lana admires the factory.] Lana: "Whoa." [chuckles] [The factory is full of Fungo vans, mice running amok, a water machine, and a mostly intact poster advertising the company. Lynn Sr. and Leonard also admire the factory, but then Freddy shows up] Freddy: "I thought I told you bozos to shift into high gear and beat it." [He steps out of the shadows, holding a remote] Lana: "But Mr. Fungo, you gotta listen!" Lynn Sr.: "A--about your van, it's a--" Freddy: "Big--" [blows raspberry] "Right? I get it already, pal." Leonard: "No, no, no! We came here to--" Freddy: "Laugh at me like all the rest. Ha! Sorry to ruin your fun, but Freddy Fungo's running on empty." [pushes the red button, causing a buzzer to blare] "Now, out you go!" [The Louds are seized by three cranes that lift them up and begin to drag them out of the factory.] Lana: "We're not here to laugh at you. We love your van!" Lynn Sr.: "Yeah, w-we came to ask you for a new left crank cylinder gasket to keep it alive." Freddy:[touched] "Wait. You... y-you love my van?" [The machines stop] Leonard: "Of course we do. It's a member of the family! Well, I even keep a picture of the old girl in my wallet." [shows a picture of himself in his prime fishing with Vanzilla] Lynn Sr.: "Me too." [shows a picture of himself and Rita on their wedding day with JUST MARRIED!! painted on the back window of Vanzilla] Lana: "I keep one in my hat!" [shows a picture of herself as a toddler on Lynn Sr.'s lap in the driver's seat gnawing on the steering wheel] Freddy:[sniffles] "In all these years, I thought my career had blown a tire, that I was a great big failure." [Fade to a stylized flashback] "You see, I came from a big family." [Freddy and his siblings are all riding in their car] "We could never all fit into the same car at one time." [Freddy is kicked out of the car, dizzy.] "So when I grew up, I designed a van with room for the whole family." [Freddy is shown making blueprints for his Fungo vans, and even jumps on top of one to advertise it.] "But when I tried to sell it, nobody wanted it. Back then, it was all about sporty--tail fins and convertibles." [His potential customers are all distracted by a sports car and eagerly pursue it.] "So I had to close the factory." [The gates of the factory close. Back to the present. He sighs.] "But to hear my van's meant so much to your family, why, I'm a success after all. Now let's burn rubber. We gotta go save your van." [runs off, but then realizes] "Right." [chuckles] "Gotta let you down first."
[Later, with the Louds down, Freddy rummages through the leftover parts] Lana: "So, is this where you keep the gaskets?" [One of them accidentally hits Lynn Sr., knocking him down.] Freddy: "Yes, it is." [The Louds cheer, Lynn Sr. getting up while rubbing his bruises.] "If I had any. But I don't." Louds:[disappointed] "Aw." Freddy: "But fear not. Fasten your seatbelts." [grabs some blueprints] "We're gonna make one from scratch." Lana:[excited] "Making our own car part? I gotta be dreaming! Dad, pinch me." [Lynn Sr. pinches her arm] "Nope, I'm not." [pinches him back] Lynn Sr.: "Ow! What was that for?!" Lana: "Well, just in case you were dreaming." [Lynn Sr. ruffles her head, and she chuckles.]
[Later, the four set to work on making the gasket. Leonard pours molten iron into a mold, then Lynn Sr. hammers the newly-forged gasket on an anvil as several mice watch, then the mice bring the gasket over and Lynn Sr. uses a saw to smooth things out as Lana watches, and finally, Lana dips the gasket and cools it to its final state.] Lana:[laughs] "Yes!" [The others cheer.]
[Back at the Loud House, Lana installs the gasket in Vanzilla in front of her entire family, including Lori.] Lana: "Alright, Gramps, give it a try." [Leonard climbs in the driver's seat] "Oh, please work, please work, please work..." [Leonard turns the key and the muffler sprays smoke all over the Louds, who cough, before the engine finally roars to life once again. Everyone cheers as Lana embraces Vanzilla.] "Aw, I knew you'd pull through, old girl." [The toad hops on Lana.] Leonard: "Hey, Lana, get in here!" [The Louds take a family photo with Freddy, with Leonard manning the camera. He gives it to Freddy.] "Now you'll have a family photo for your wallet too, Fungo." Freddy:[touched] "Aw. I'll never tire of looking at this." [Meanwhile, Lucy goes back to the backyard, where Charles, Geo, and Cliff are all dressed for Vanzilla's funeral while Boris stands outside the grave with a bouquet of flowers.] Lucy: "Sorry, Boris. They fixed the van after all. Funeral's off for good." Boris:[sighs] "You Louds are exhausting. Boris needs a nap." [jumps inside the grave and starts snoring] [The end.]
