The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Lincoln: "Hey guys. It's me, Lincoln Loud, outside Gus' Games & Grub. And I'm so excited to be taking over the Listen Out Loud podcast once again. Tonight I'm hosting with my best buddy in the whole world. The Lord of Table Manners, The Earl of Etiquette, The Duke of Desserts." Clyde: "It's me! Clyde McBride. Sorry I was just trying to introduce myself before any more cars. Honk! Jeez, sure is busy tonight. Hey! Watch it, lady!" Lincoln: "Listeners, tonight we're going to be reviewing Gus', our favorite spot in Royal Woods. Let's go inside." Clyde: "Wait Lincoln, I just realized something. If we go in there with all of this recording equipment… Everyone will know that we're recording a podcast review." Lincoln: "As always, you're right, Clyde. And if they know that, then they're gonna give us special treatment and it won't be a fair review. So there's only one thing that we can do." Clyde: "Please say disguises. Please say disguises." Lincoln: "Disguises!" Clyde: "Yes!" Lincoln: "How about cowboys?" Clyde: "Or French clowns? Ooh, la la. Bonjour mis amis. Je voudrais un slice of pepperoni, et un lemonade s'il vous plait." Lincoln:[clapping] "That was amazing. I'll just follow your lead. Mua si un French fry." [laughing] Clyde: "Or maybe we just review Gus' as ourselves. And hope we don't get any special treatment." Lincoln: "Yeah, that's probably a good idea." [they head for the door when someone cuts them off] "Whose van is that?" Flip: "Move it ding dongs! Flip's squeezing in that compact spot." Lincoln: "Go Clyde, go!" [they run in and enter] "Whoa, listeners, it is really packed in here. Looks like they even have a hostess working tonight." Clyde: "Ooh! I think I see a few spots in the back." [they go over, until Lynn tramples them] Lynn: "Outta the way Stinkin'! I gotta fill my tank. Ugh, dibs on the back room." [Lynn’s baseball team run in]" Clyde: "And Lynn's baseball team just took every last table." Lynn: "Yeah, we just crushed Hazeltuckey. And now we're gonna crush some wings." Baseball Team:[cheering] "Wings! Wings! Wings! Wings!" Clyde: "Maybe they'll just eat and run?" Lynn: "Keep them coming, my lacrosse team is on the way." Lincoln: "Come on, let's go talk to the hostess. Get a look at her nametag Clyde. It could help our chances." Clyde: "Excuse me..." [clearing throat] "Jeannette, can we get a table for deux?" Janet: "It's Janet." Clyde: "Oh. The traditional American pronunciation. She must be new." Janet: "Wait's anywhere from twenty minutes to a few hours." Clyde: "But I have a hard lights out at nine!" Janet: "Here, take this buzzer." [the buzzer buzzes] Clyde: "Uh, why is it so angry?" Lincoln: "But we've never had to take a buzzer before." Janet: "We're real busy. It's the weekend of the Royal Woods Cherry Pit Spit. That thing will buzz again if your table's ready." Lincoln: "You mean when our table is ready?" Janet: "Sure." Clyde:[hyperventilating] "We're never gonna get a seat! We're never gonna eat again!" Lincoln: "Clyde, put the paper bag away, it's gonna be fine." Patron: "Hey Scoots! Show them the winning pit spit!" [Scoots spits a pit] Clyde: "Dangit! I've been hit by a cherry pit spit." Scoots:[spits again] "Oh no, my teeth." Clyde: "Incoming!" [Scoots starts spitting again] Lincoln: "Come on Clyde, let's take cover in the arcade." [they go to the arcade] Clyde: "Okay, better." Lincoln: "Well as long as we're over here waiting on a table, we might as well review some games." Clyde: "Good idea. Let's hit the hoops machine." Lincoln: "Now you're talking. Listeners, what's also great about Gus' is the wide selection of games." [Lynn pushes him away again] Lynn: "Move it. Don't even think about it Stinkin'. That hoops machine is all mine. I got hot wing energy to burn off." [burps] Lincoln: "Ew, dragon breath." Lynn: "Gimme some space! I'm working here." [takes her shots] "Whoo! Lynn Loud can't miss. Lynn Loud! Lynn Loud! Lynn Loud!" Lincoln: "This is gonna be a while. Should we go play Dance Battle?" Clyde: "No, anything but that. You beat me every time. Mm, how about Smack-a-Rat?" [they play] Lincoln: "And... winner! I give this game two thumbs up." Clyde: "My thumb is throbbing." Lincoln: "Hey! Since our table is still not ready, Dance Battle? You know you wanna." Clyde: "That's okay. You know my dads haven't had a chance to hem these pants yet. And are they really Dance Battle-y enough? I don't know." Lincoln: "Come on, do it for the podcast." [they play] Clyde: "Yeah, work it." Lincoln: "Sweet moves Clyde See? You're a dancing machine." Clyde: "I can't believe it. I'm finally gonna win!" [they continue, suddenly their buzzer goes off] "Ah! The buzzer buzzed." [this throws Clyde off balance] Lincoln: "Two more thumbs up for this game." Clyde: "Ow, and two sprained ankles. At least our table is ready." [they go to Janet] Lincoln: "Hi, our buzzer buzzed." Janet: "Oh yeah, I gave you the broken buzzer. This one goes off all the time for no reason. Here's a new one." [the buzzer goes off] "Wait's anywhere from twenty minutes to a few hours." Clyde: "Seriously? We have to start over?" [gets really upset, but calms down] "I'm not mad at you Janet, I'm mad at the situation." Lincoln: "Isn't there anything you can do? We come here all the time and we've never had to wait this long." Clyde: "I'm not usually a complainer, but I'm starving." Janet: "Wait here." [goes and gets something] "From all of us here at Gus' we apologize if your gaming and grubbing was not the greatest. Please accept these complimentary garlic knots." Lincoln: "Wow, free knots? Okay, we're cool with waiting." Clyde: "Yeah, we'll wait with some delicious knots." [eats] "Hot knot! Hot knot! My mouth is on fire!" Lincoln: "Well, good thing Gus' has the best ice in the world." Clyde: "Listeners, we're headed to the ice bar." [they go chew in some ice] "Aw, so good." [they continue] "Ah, that really cools it down." Lincoln: "You guys won't believe how many kinds of ice this place has." Clyde: "Cubed, pebbled, slivered. What kind are you enjoying, Linc?" Lincoln: "Shaved." [they continue chewing] "Hey look! I think a table just opened up." [they go to Janet] Janet: "Your table's ready." Clyde: "Finally. Pepperoni supreme, here we come." [suddenly, someone shoves them again] Lincoln: "Chandler, what gives?" Chandler: "Hey Janet, any chance this voucher from my dad can score me that table?" Janet: "Ooh, a free septic tank cleaning? Right this way." Lincoln: "But that was our table!" Janet: "Sorry, but if you saw my bathroom pipes, you'd understand." Clyde: "Lincoln, I'm really starting to think that maybe Gus' isn't as great as we…" Lincoln:[covers Clyde’s mouth] "Don't say that Clyde. Don't even think it. It's not Gus' fault." [suddenly an alarm goes off] "And now Chandler just won something." Janet: "Congrats! You sat at Gus' golden table! You get to spin the wheel of pizza!" Lincoln: "What? When did they get a wheel of pizza?" Chandler:[laughs] "This was supposed to be you guys." Crowd: "Wheel! Of! Pizza!" [Chandler spins the wheel] Clyde: "Why do good things happen to terrible people?" Chandler: "Yes! A wad of cash! Money is the best." Clyde: "Now can I say it?" Lincoln: "I'll say it for you Clyde. Listeners, we're gonna have to give Gus' all our thumbs down." [sighs] "Let's get out of here." Gus: "Hey, hey! Wait up." Lincoln: "Is that who I think it is?" Clyde: "It's… It’s Gus himself!" Lincoln: "Why would he be talking to us?" Gus: "Lincoln, Clyde, where you going?" Clyde: "You know who we are?" Gus: "Of course. Pepperoni supreme, extra cheese, crust well done, but not burnt. You think because I'm cooking up pies in the back means I don't know my best customers? Don't think you can just sneak out of here." Clyde: "Oh, sorry about that Mr. Gamesngrub." Gus: "Please, my father was Mr. Gamesngrub. I'm Gus." Lincoln & Clyde:[amazed] "Gus." Gus: "Look, you caught us on a pretty crazy night. The Cherry Pit Spit hit us hard. But there is no way I'm letting my regulars out of here without treating them to a full meal on the house." Lincoln: "Wow, thank you. But where are we supposed to sit?" Gus: "Follow me." Clyde: "The back entrance?!" Lincoln: "Whoa!" Gus: "Order up! Coming through." Lincoln & Clyde: "Whoa!" Gus: "Lincoln, Clyde, your seats." Lincoln: "You're letting us eat in the kitchen?!" Clyde: "This is where the magic happens." Gus: "Now, I made your usual, but here's a few things that we're working on from the test kitchen." Lincoln: "Whoa. A spaghetti pizza?" Clyde: "A flight of dipping sauces arranged from cool to hot?" Lincoln: "A chocolate lasagna for dessert!" Gus: "That's right. Now see what you think. Whatever you like, we'll add it to the menu. And we'll call it the Clincoln McCloud." [Lincoln & Clyde can’t believe it] "Buon appetito. Hey! Who parked a van in the compact spot? Johnny? Was it you?" [goes to see. Lincoln and Clyde enjoy their meal] Clyde: "This spaghetti pizza is divine." Lincoln: "Well listeners, I guess that settles it. Gus' gets all of our thumbs up." Clyde: "I would put my thumbs up, but they're busy trying the various dipping sauces." Lincoln: "Clyde, you can use a breadstick. I can't believe we ever doubted Gus'. It's truly the best spot in Royal Woods. Until next time, I'm Lincoln." Clyde: "And I'm Clyde. Ooh, more garlic knots!" [they eat, and gets burned again] "When will we learn?" Lincoln: "To the ice machine!"
