The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Lincoln: "The house is buzzing with good cheer this time of year, and it's not just because it's time for Lana's Semi-semi annual bath." Lana:[Upstairs] "Ah, yeah! [Comes out of the bathroom] Rita: "I take it you enjoyed your bath." Lana: "Yeah, it's worth being clean, to see how brown the water got. But the best part is this!" [Holds out a dirty hairball.] "I found it in the drain. Can I keep him?" Rita:[reluctantly] "Sure." [Lana squeals in excitement, hitting Rita in the face with her new friend. Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "It means Christmas is almost here, and that means present planning, and as the resident man with the plan, i'm great at gift giving, That is, when i don't wait until the last minute in the mall closes." [Lincoln bikes his way to the mall, with a snowplower blowing snow in his face. He makes it just as a few customers leave.] Lincoln: "Yes! It's open! I've still got time!" [The lights go out, and the doors close.] Mall Announcer: "Attention shoppers. The Royal Woods Mall is now closed. I'm sure your loved ones will understand how badly you messed up. Merry Christmas!" [Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Well that's not happening this year, New Year, New Plan, A great plan, Something that says, Lincoln Loud doesn't forget to give presents to his family, While i look around the house for inspiration, I'll be thinking about some classic Loud family gift giving memories, starting with Bobby's Christmas surprise." Lori: "Wait! I still have one more!" [shows her giant present she's been waiting to open.] "I saved the best for last!" [shakes it] Present: "Ow!" [Everyone looks on awkwardly over what made that noise. Lori opens it up and reveals it to be her boyfriend.] Bobby:[weary] "Merry Christmas, Babe..." Lori:[gasps] "Boo-Boo Bear?" Bobby: "I couldn't find anything good enough to buy you for our first Christmas together, so I decided to give you myself." Lori: "Ah. That's literally the perfect gift." [hugs him] "Oh, I got you a present, too." Bobby: "I hope it's food and water." [Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Lola also tries to convince us every year that her presence is our present, It's not very convincing, Oh, maybe i could do some sort of party, but those don't always go as planned." [Flashback to one surprise party. Lynn is watching from the door's window and gets down.] Lynn: "Okay, she's coming. Everyone hide." [Lincoln, Luna, Luan, Lucy, Lana, Lola, and Lisa hide and Lily covers her eyes. Leni is outside with a party hat and present and Lori walks up to the door.] Lori: "Leni, what are you doing?" Leni: "Shh! I'm hiding for your surprise party." [Everyone inside groans at the spoiler. Flashback to another ruined surprise with Lisa looking angry and holding something.] Lisa: "Siblings, I am perplexed as to why I have just received an invitation to my own surprise birthday party." Leni: "Oh! I sent that. I wanted to make sure you'd be there." [Lori shuts her up and the others groan disappointed. Switch to another flashback with Leni talking to Luna and holding dresses.] Leni: "Luna, should I wear the pink or blue dress to your surprise party?" Luna:[upset] "Dude!" Leni:[clueless] "What?" [Enter Luan wearing two yellow and brown striped party hats.] Luan: "I pink you just blue the surprise!" [laughs] "Get it? But seriously, you ruined it." [End flashbacks, Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Lucky for us Leni surprised us all and gave us this unforgettable gift giving moment." Lynn Sr.:[acting] "I guess I'll put my key in and open the front door now!" Leni:[Gasps in horror] "Mom's here!" [Everyone gets into a hiding spot. The parents come in and the guests burst out.] Kids and guests: "SURPRISE!!!" Rita:[gasps with joy] "Oh my goodness!" Leni: "Happy birthday, Mom!" [She walks over to her and hugs her.] Rita: "Oh, kids, you've really outdone yourselves. Look at these decorations! You remembered violet is my favorite color." [smells something] "And do I smell Pad Thai?" Leni: "Yep. And German chocolate cake for dessert." Rita: "Thank you so much, kids. This is the perfect party." Lincoln: "Actually, you should thank Leni. We tried to do this without her, but it was a disaster." Leni:[Confused] "What do you mean, you tried to do it without me?" Lincoln: "Uh...yeah. We're sorry, Leni. We were afraid you'd spoil the surprise. We didn't realize you're the only one of us thoughtful enough to make a party really special." Lori: "In fact, from now on, how would you like to be our official party planner?" Leni:[Pauses and thinks, then claps excitedly] "Yay! Thanks, you guys." [To her father] "You hear that, Dad? I'm planning your surprise party next! But don't worry, I'll send you an invitation." [Everyone else in the room facepalms from Leni's big spoiler, Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Oh, Leni was so close, Speaking of surprises it was right in this room that i opened for Ronnie Anne, That's the last time i do that again." Lincoln: "Well, the good news is, your package finally arrived!" [holds it up] Ronnie Anne: "Cool! Hey, could you open it for me? I wanna make sure it's not damaged." [Lincoln opens the box, and a pie splats over his face. Ronnie Anne laughs while Lincoln scowls in anger.] Ronnie Anne:[still laughing] "Oh, man. That cost me 25 bucks, but it was so worth it. Smell ya later, lame-o." [signs off] Lincoln:[cleaning himself off, irritated] "Ugh! Ronnie Anne!" [Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Hmmm... Maybe i can repurpose something here in the attic, i wonder if anybody wants my old clothes for Christmas." Lincoln: "Whoo-hoo!" [Wearing a propeller Bernie, bib, and a tiny shirt and riding a tricycle.] "Watch out! Number one baby boy coming through!" [--Lincoln speeds past his parents, sending them into a spin. He stops his joyride, puts his pacifier in his mouth and sucks it. His parents confront him.] Lynn Sr.:[Angrily trying to talk some sense into the kid.] "Lincoln! That shirt is way too small for you! And that tricycle is falling apart!" Lincoln: "What? No way. The handlebars are a little loose, but she still drives like a dream." [Points at the bib] "And look, here's the stain from my very first Flippee." [He scoops the stain with his finger and sucks it in his mouth.] Rita:[Annoyed] "Alright! I think we've seen enough."
[Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "On second thought, maybe i should go with something more homemade, like the present we got Dad for his birthday." [[Inside the room Rita is comforting her crying husband, Lincoln enters.] Lincoln: "Hey Dad," [He comes in sadly, followed by his sisters.] "We're so sorry we ruined your birthday." Lynn Sr.:[Who's actually crying tears of joy.] "What are you talking about? You kids gave me... the best gift ever." [Holds up their scrapbook, and hugs it.] Lana: "Our scrapbook?" Lynn Sr.: "Yeah. I'm sorry I opened it before you got home, Cliff-- dragged it in here, and blew your big surprise." [--The camera pans to the corner of the room. Cliff is trying to get the tape and Post-it notes off his paws.] Lori:[As she and the others join their parents on the bed.] "So, you like it?" Lynn Sr.:[Sobs] "I love it! It reminds me of... of all the great memories we've made together. Noth-nothing could beat that!" [Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "That scrapbook was way better than our backup." Lincoln: "This is actually pretty fun!" [They are in the back lot, Tucker is personally giving Lincoln a bronco buster ride on his own back.] Lola: "Daddy would not like this." Lucy: "Yeah, Dad's very sensitive to, uh, whatever this is." Lori: "Sorry Flip, we're going to pass." Tucker:[Drops Lincoln] "No problem, it's not for everybody." [Gives Leni a sheet of paper] "Here's the bill for the test run. There's a customer survey on the bottom, and I'd sure appreciate a five star rating. Eh?" [Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "The living room, Home to my unbroken Muscle Fish Fighter highscore, and our secret Santa exchange, So many great presents and so many ugly sweaters, One of my favorite secret Santa gifts i ever gave was right over there" Lincoln: "Lola, open your gift." Lola:[opens her gift, revealing them to be earrings] "Wow, Lincoln! These are the prettiest earrings ever! They're so gorgeous I don't even care they smell kind of funny." [hugs Lincoln] "They must have cost a fortune!" Lincoln:[hugs her back] "They were totally worth it." [Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "And now that Lily is old enough, She participates in secret Santa too, I think everyone's going to be fighting for a Lily present this year." [Lily waddles up to Lincoln and gives him a rolled up paper. He opens it to reveal a finger painting of her giving him a Rip Hardcore backpack.] Lincoln:[gasps] "Amazing!" [smiles as tears well up in his eyes] "Thanks, Lily. I love it." Lily: "Merry Christmas, Lincoln." [The two siblings hug, Then it cuts to Lincoln] Lincoln: "Good presents can come from anywhere, or anyone, Like if you've been really good all year, You might get a visit from all Santy Flip, Just be sure to leave out a plate of Nacho Cheese and Beef Jerky before bed." Lynn Sr.: "Flip, what's going on?" Flip: "Please, it's Santy Flip. And I got goodies here for everybody." [hands Lynn Sr. a turkey] "Here ya go, skipper. Get that bad boy in the oven tout suite." Lisa: "The Gobblesworth Farm? Appears to be legitimate." Flip:[checks the label and notices Tammy on the logo] "Oh, so that's what happened to her. Hey, uh, can I have that label?" Lynn Sr.:[peels off the label] "Here you go. Hey, thanks for the turkey, Flip." Lola: "So I heard something about goodies?" [The Loud kids are playing with toys from Flip's sack.] Lincoln: "Whoa, look at all this stuff!" Flip:[sighs] "You did good, Flip, old boy. It feels nice to give back once in a while." Lincoln: "Whoa, the Flippee machine? This is totally the best gift ever!" Flip: "Yeah, oh, Santy Flip got a bit caught up in the moment, didn't mean to..." [The Loud siblings hug Flip] Lynn: "Aw, bring it in, guys!" Lincoln: "Merry Christmas, everybody." Flip: "Aw, heck. Merry Christmas to us all! Ho, ho, ho!" [shoves the Flippee machine back in the sack, Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "I gotta ask Flip when he's bringing back my Flippee machine, He said he had to take it home and fix it, and now i'm saying that out loud i realize i'm never getting back, Dang it, Well all this present talk made me remember my all time favorite gift giving moment." Lincoln: "Merry Christmas, Mr. Grouse." Lana: "We all chipped in and got you something." [Lincoln gives him the present and Mr. Grouse opens it.] Lynn: "It's a bus ticket." Luan: "So you can go see your family for Christmas tomorrow." Rita: "And since you can't be with them tonight..." [Rita and Lynn Sr. finally reveal their faces.] "...we're bringing our family to you." Lynn Sr.: "How 'bout it, neighbor?" [Everyone huddles together and smiles.] Mr. Grouse:[sternly] "LOUDS!!!" [as everyone gets scared. Grouse smile in a thankful tone] "You've made this the best Christmas ever. Thank you. [Louds and company smile] I'd say you all landed permanent spots on Santa's nice list." Lola:[joyfully] "Even me?" Mr. Grouse: "Even you." [Lola runs up and hugs Mr. Grouse's leg.] Lisa: "Once again..." [bursts into tears and sobs, Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln:[sobs] "Dad's probably just cutting Christmas onions again, What a picture perfect look at some classic Loud gift giving moments" [gasps] "Wait, Picture Perfect, That's it, I'll update our family portrait i made for Mom and Dad for their anniversary, Here's to hoping it goes smoother than last time." [The backyard. Lincoln is focusing the camera to make sure everyone, kids and pets, stays perfectly in the frame.] Lincoln: "Okay, that's it. Leni, scooch to the left." [Leni moves to her right which is Lincoln's left.] "Your other left." [Leni gets it right.] "Perfect! Someone grab Lily." [Lucy grabs her and puts her back in the frame.] "Thank you. Good. Just gotta set the timer, and..." [sets it and joins the others in the shot.] "Everybody, say cheese!" Loud Kids:[while holding big smiles] "Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." [The camera still hasn't gone off.] Lynn:[holding her smile] "When is it gonna flash? My jaw's cramping up!" Loud Kids: "...eeeeeeeeeeeeee..." Lincoln:[holding his smile] "Give it a second!" Loud Kids: "...eeeeeeee..." Lori:[gives up] "Yeah, I knew he'd blow it." [gets out her phone] "Let's do selfies instead." Leni:[gets out hers] "Totes!" Lincoln: "No, wait!" [Lori and Leni take a selfie with Lincoln getting caught by the flash and feeling dazed from it.] Lincoln: "DOI!" Luan: "I nose just what this picture needs." [puts on her gag glasses and laughs.] Lincoln: "Come on, Luan. You can't wear those in the photo." Luan: "Oh, don't be such a Groucho." [laughs and squeaks a fake cigar.] Luna:[with her guitar] "What this photo needs are some tunes." Lincoln: "No, no, no, no, no. Photographs don't have-" [Luna plays a loud chord and blows Lincoln away.] Lincoln: "-SOUND!" [thuds] Lola: "You're ruining the picture! Maybe you should take off that gross hat." Lana: "Maybe you should take off that gross face!" [Lana throws mud at her but Lola ducks and the mud hits Lincoln instead.] Lincoln:[seeing a naked Lily] "Lily! Where is your diaper!" [The photo shoot goes out of control with the girls and pets being themselves.] Lincoln: "GUYS, PLEASE! CAN WE ALL JUST SETTLE DOWN?!" [The camera takes the picture, Then it cuts to Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Happy Holidays, Everyone!"
