The following is a transcript for the episode "Lincoln Loud".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Lincoln: "Hey there, listeners. Lincoln Loud here. I hope you're excited as I am to kick off this next batch of Loud House podcasts." [Clyde is heard cheering] "A-thank you. A-thank you. And today, we're lucky to have a very special co-host. Please give a warm welcome to the one, the only, Clyde McBride! Woo! Yeah!" Clyde: "Thanks for having me, Lincoln. Long time listener, first-time co-host, and boy am I pumped to be here!" Lincoln: "Listeners, we've got something awesome to tell you about. Let's go to my backyard and check it out." [they go out the door] "Clyde, watch out! Sprinkler!" [they dive out of the way] Clyde: "Thanks, buddy. That was a close one! Whoops, got a bit of water on the mic…" Lincoln: "So today's podcast is all about our amazing new treehouse." [trumpet playing] "Huh, Luna must be practicing her trumpet again." Clyde: "She really nailed that high C. Shall we climb?" Lincoln: "After you, buddy!" [they get climbing] "Clyde and I spent weeks building this bad boy." Clyde: "It may look a little wobbly, and the floors are a little crooked, but…" Lincoln: "Clyde! They can't see it." Clyde: "Oh, right, right. I mean, it's incredibly sturdy. An architectural masterpiece! A timeless work of art." Lincoln: "Well, don't oversell it. Ah, here we are!" Clyde:[Sniffs] "Hmm, love that pine scent." Lincoln: "Yup! And you can see the whole neighborhood from up here." Clyde: "Oh, look! There's Mr. Grouse!" Lincoln: "Hey, Mr. Grouse! Little car trouble?" Mr. Grouse:[groans] "Butt out, Loud!" Clyde: "Our bad. Our bad. Back to the tour. When we designed the treehouse, our goal was to make it as relaxing as possible." Lincoln: "Which means we had to have… Bean bag chairs!" Clyde: "They really cradle your lower back! Which is great for long hours of video gameplay." Lincoln: "And if we scoot the bean bags to the side, we can show you something even cooler. A hidden compartment in the floor. It's got a lock on it that can only be opened if both of us are here." Clyde: "That's right! We each only have half of the combination." Lincoln:[enters his half] "My part's done!" Clyde:[enters his half] "Mine too!" [the compartment door opens] "Pretty cool hiding spot, right?" Lincoln: "It's the perfect place to hide super rare comics that aren't safe at our houses." Clyde: "But we don't have any of those yet. So for now it's filled with snacks!" [goes through the snacks] "Oh, trail mix! Dibs on the raisins!" Lincoln: "Buddy, you're doing me a favor. I'm more of a peanut man myself." [they enjoy their snacks] Clyde: "Ah, this is the life!" Lincoln: "Agreed, my good man. Now, what do you say we tell them about the best part of the treehouse?" Clyde: "The pièce de résistance." Both: "The hammock!" [They don't see their hammock] Lincoln: "Clyde, where's our hammock?" Clyde: "I have no idea! It was right here this morning." Lincoln: "Oh, no. Oh, no. Someone must have stolen it!" Clyde: "But what kind of monster would do that?" Lincoln: "There's only one way to find out. We investigate. Ace Savvy and One-Eye Jack style!" Clyde: "Good thing I always wear my One-Eye Jack costume under my clothes." [switches outfits] Lincoln: "Ditto!" [also switches outfits] Clyde: "So, where should we begin?" Lincoln: "By questioning the most likely suspects my sisters." Clyde: "Well, wait. Why are they the most likely suspects?" Lincoln: "Trust me, they are. This is your lucky day, listeners! You're gonna get a front-row seat at a real live criminal investigation." Clyde: "Let's go deal out some justice!" [They go to deal. They start with someone making very sloppy eating noises] Lincoln: "Lynn!" Lynn:[Mouth full] "Sup, Stinkin'?" Lincoln: "We have some questions we'd like to ask you. What have you been up to all morning?" Lynn: "Uh, none of your beeswax." Clyde: "Uh-huh. Very suspicious." Lynn:[groans] "Okay, whatever. I'll play ball. Uh, well first I ran a ten-K, then I did like a hundred pushups. then I ate a meatball sub, then I did a hundred more pushups. Now I'm here talking to you dorks, carbo-loading with a pile of spaghetti." [slurping] "Satisfied?" Lincoln: "Hardly." Clyde: "Please excuse us for a moment. Ace, her story sounds pretty plausible." Lincoln: "She's lying, Jack. It's written all over her marinara-covered face. This is the same rat that swiped the batteries from my alarm clock for her ding-dang electric toothbrush." Clyde: "Okay, that is pretty evil, but we have nothing that links her to the hammock. Maybe we should move on to another sister." Lincoln:[groans] "Fine. Okay, Lynn. That'll be all for now. Just don't leave town." Lynn: "But I've got an away game!" [The boys move on] Lincoln: "Look, One-Eye Jack. There's another suspect out in the driveway. Let's go question her." [they go to the driveway] "Lana." [Hops ribbits] Clyde: "And Hops! Good day to you, Sir." Lana: "Sup, guys?" Lincoln: "Enough with the pleasantries! We're gonna need you to tell us where you've been all morning." Lana: "Uh… I mean, I guess I've been right here in the driveway working on an engine." Lincoln: "A likely story" Clyde: "I don't know, Ace. She is working on an engine." Lincoln:[scoffs] "Nice alibi. Can anyone corroborate it?" Lana: "Corroborate? It's called a carburetor, you ding dong!" Lincoln: "No, no, I mean, is there anyone who can confirm your whereabouts?" [Hops ribbits] Lana: "Oh yeah, Hops can! He's been here with me the whole time!" Clyde: "Is that right, Hops?" [Hops confirms] "No one is paying you to say that." [Hops confirms again] "Ace, her alibi's water tight!" Lincoln: "Don't fall for it, Jack! This is the same little sneak who once stole my leftover mac and cheese bites." Clyde: "Well, you can't blame her. That's one of your dad's most legendary dishes." Lincoln: "Fine, let's move on. Please stand by, listeners." [they move on] Clyde: "Okay, now we're outside Lola's room." Lincoln: "Considering her record, we probably should have come here first." [they burst in, startling Lola] Lola: "What are you two doing? This tea party is invite-only!" Lincoln: "This is a formal investigation! Tell us, Lola, what have you been up to all morning?" Lola: "I dunno, I was just here having a tea party!" Clyde: "Then why are you sweating?" Lincoln: "What are you trying to hide?" Lola: "Nothing, you can't prove anything!" Lincoln: "Just admit it, Lola, you're obviously guilty!" Lola: "Fine, I did it, I'm sorry! I've been hiding all of my vegetables under the couch for a month! I didn't know they would attract so many maggots!" [sobbing] Lincoln: "Um, Okay. A. That's gross and B. That's not what we're investigating!" Lola: "Oh, then forget you ever heard that. More tea, Eunice?" Clyde: "So, you didn't steal our hammock?" Lola: "Eww, no! Why would I steal a weird net bed? You know I only sleep on the finest Egyptian cotton!" Clyde: "Well, Ace, I guess she checks out." Lincoln: "Checks out? She already confessed to one crime! She's probably on a spree!" Clyde: "I don't think we're getting anywhere with these interrogations. Maybe we should change our tactics?" Lincoln: "What are you thinking, Jack?" Clyde: "Hmm, I got it! Remember comic issue four-fifteen? The one where Ace captures Snake Eyes?" Lincoln: "Of course, a mysterious stranger broke into the fortress of Solitaire! In order for Ace to figure out who it was, he had to lure the burglar back to the scene of the crime!" Clyde: "Bingo! We just need to find something to lure the thief back to the treehouse! Something irresistible!" Lincoln: "Well, based on the fact that the thief stole a hammock, we know it's someone who likes to relax." [gasps] And I've got the perfect bait! Listeners, please stand by, we've got a trap to set." [they get going] "Okay, we're back in the treehouse with Leni's Luxurious Bubbling Foot Spa." Clyde: "It also comes equipped with soothing music for extreme relaxation." [plays some music] Lincoln: "Okay, Jack, to the bushes!" [they exit their treehouse and hide] "When the thief comes out to swipe the foot spa, we'll jump out and nab him!" Clyde: "And now we wait." [they get waiting. The music is still playing] "Wow, even from down here that's really soothing!" Lincoln:[yawning] "Yeah, extremely relaxing." [They both start snoring until they are awakened by footsteps walking] Clyde: "Ah, what was that?" Lincoln: "Jack, there's someone in the treehouse, let's move!" [they go, but fall over] "Dang it, my butt's asleep!" [they go, and climb into the treehouse] "Stop right there!" [the culprit yelps] "Mr. Grouse? I'm glad you're here, did you see which one of my sisters took our hammock?" Mr. Grouse: "Your sisters? I'm the one who took your hammock! I'm not proud of it but here we are." Lincoln: "Why would you do that?" Mr. Grouse: "Well, I saw you kids set it up this morning and boy, did it look like a slice of heaven! So, I snuck up here to take a little cat nap but when I woke up, I was all tangled in the dang thing! I had to gnaw my way through the ropes to escape! Good thing I sprang for the resin dentures." Clyde: "Yep, my nana has those too, she can eat corn on the cob again!" Mr. Grouse: "Tell your nana we gotta hang! Anyway, I went to the store to get a replacement hammock and I was just coming up here to set it up when I tripped over your blasted foot bubbler! You boys need to learn to put your toys away!" Clyde: "Is that really the takeaway here?" Mr. Grouse: "Ah, you're right! I had no business sneaking up here in the first place! I hope you boys can forgive me." Lincoln: "What do you say, Jack?" Clyde: "I think we're thinking the same thing, Ace!" Both: "It's no big deal!" Clyde: "That's our catchphrase!" Mr. Grouse: "Don't care, that's mine. But I'm glad you forgive me. See you around!" Lincoln: "Hey, Mr. Grouse, tell you what, if you ever wanna come back and use the hammock again, you're welcome to." Mr. Grouse: "Oh, I appreciate that– Whoa!" [falls out of the treehouse] "On second thought, maybe I'll wait until you put in an elevator." Lincoln: "Well, listeners, I guess I was wrong about my sisters. Next time, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt." Clyde: "Now, how about we celebrate solving the case with some juice boxes from our secret stash?" Lincoln: "Sounds perfect, dibs on the fruit punch!" Clyde: "I'm glad to hear it, Lincoln, you're doing me a favor, buddy! I'm more of an apple man myself." Lincoln:[enters his half of the code] "There's my half of the combination." Clyde:[enters his half] "There's mine." [the door opens] Lincoln: "Lana! Hops! How'd you get into our secret compartment?" Lana: "Maybe you bird brains should have come up with a better combination than your birthdays!" Clyde: "Aww, you know my birthday?" Lincoln: "Is that really the takeaway, Clyde?" Clyde: "Fair point." Lincoln: "Well, listeners, looks like we've come to the end of another Listen Out Loud podcast. See you next time!"
