The following is a transcript for the episode "Lola Loud".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Lola:[to the listeners] "Hi. It's me, Lola Loud! It's my turn to do an episode of Listen Out Loud: the Loud family podcast. Don't worry, there won't be any of that lame junk that my brother and sisters talked about in their episodes. On my show, you're gonna get what you've been waiting for: the inside scoop of what really goes on at the Loud House. Welcome to... The Low Down with Lola. First, I better lock my door, just in case..." [Lola locks her bedroom door] "Okay, dear listeners, let's get to the good stuff. Last Tuesday, someone let one rip in Vanzilla, almost causing Dad to crash into a tree! I don't want to name any names, but here's a hint: she's the oldest Loud sibling. Still in a fog? It's Lori. She said it was her shoe, like she always does, but nobody was buying that for a second. Moving on! Item number two. Somebody in the Loud House has been interrupting everybody's shut-eye with her unbearable snoring. Far be it from me to rat out the culprit, but her name starts with an L... and ends with an -isa! In case you can't spell, that's Lisa." [the sound of water sizzling is heard] "Ooh! That sound means we have a hot one coming up! Get a load of this. My sources tell me that-" [Before Lola can continue, a banging is heard at her door. It turns out to be none other than her twin] Lana: "Lola! Let me in!" [tries to open the door, but it's locked; Lola groans] "I got four fresh flies for Izzy!" Lola: "Too bad! You can feed her later!" Lana: "It'll only take a second. What are you doing in there?" Lola:[frantically sets up her tea party set] "Uh... I'm hosting an afternoon tea party, and my guests and I do not care for interruptions!" Lana: "Lola, just open the door!" Lynn:[from downstairs] "Incoming football!" [the football lands upstairs, and she rushes up to get it. She sees Lana] "Lana, why are you standing outside your door?" Lana:[scoffs] "Lola won't let me in because of some dumb tea party." Lynn: "That's weird. I heard her tell Mom not to bother her because she was applying one of her ten-minute masks." Lola: "What, like I can't do both at the same time?!" [Lucy suddenly appears behind Lynn and Lana, startling them] Lucy: "She told me she was practicing a speech for one of her pageants." Lana:[irked] "Lucy, could you please not sneak up on us like that?" Lucy: "Sigh. It's just how I move through the universe." Lynn:[suspicious] "Lola's definitely up to something." Lana:[banging the door] "Open the door!!" Lola: "GO AWAY!!! I'M BUSY!!!" [to the listeners] "Pay them no mind, dear listeners. Now, getting back to that sizzling gossip I promised! Here at the Loud House, someone clogged the toilet a record eleven times in the last week. This is strictly between you, me, and the lamppost, but the culprit is a certain sports-playing sub-eating- oh, let's just say it. It's Lynn!" Lynn: "Did I just hear her say my name?" Lincoln: "What's going on?" Lana: "Lola's up to something. She's locked herself in our room." Lincoln: "Oh, that's because it's her turn to do the podcast today. So, there you go, mystery solved." Lola:[grateful] "Thank you, Lincoln!" [angrily] "Now, can you all please leave?! I am on the air!" Lana:[suspicious] "Wait a minute. Okay, fine, you're doing your podcast. But why did you lie about it before?" Lola:[at a loss for words] "Well, I just, uh... I just-" [From downstairs, Lori screams in horror, and rushes upstairs] Lori: "You guys! Bobby just texted. He's streaming the podcast on his phone. You literally won't believe what Lola is saying about us!" [bangs the door angrily to get Lola's attention] "I did not fart in Vanzilla! It was my shoe! You better tell everyone that!" Lola:[smug] "Nice try, Lori. But my listeners can..." [sniff sniff] "...sniff out the truth." Leni: "OMGosh, what else is she saying about us? Did she tell everyone that I accidentally stepped on Lincoln's model spaceship, then threw out the pieces in Mr. Grouse's trash so he would never find them?" Lincoln:[realizes] "Wait, you're the one who took my ship?" Leni: "Darn it, Lola! You did tell everyone!" Lisa: "Leni, you just told everyone." Leni: "Oh, right. I see what you're saying... I think." Lori: "OK, you guys, I've pulled up the podcast on my phone! We can listen in, too." Lola: "Welcome, new listeners. Now where were we? Ooh, here's a beaut: At breakfast yesterday, the Loud House's resident jokester laughed so hard at her own lame joke that she snorted milk out of her nose, spraying it on everyone's cereal!" [gags] "Yuck!" Luan: "Can I help it if I know how to milk a joke?" [laughs to rimshot] "But seriously, let us in, Lola!" Lori: "You better stop gossiping about us, or you are in serious trouble!" Lola: "It's my podcast, and I can talk about what I want! Those were the rules!" [to the listeners] "Now what else do I have for you dearies? Oh, ding ding ding ding ding! Here's a humdinger! Which Loud sister was recently seen talking in the mirror, pretending to give her acceptance speech to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?" Luna: "Dude, that's my private biz!" Lola: "Well, you just had it confirmed by the source!" Leni: "Lori, give me your cuticle scissors!" Lori: "Leni, is now really the time to do your nails?" Leni: "To pick the lock!" Lori: "Oh, right." [runs off to get said scissors] Lola: "Stay with me, dear listeners. I'm just going to go barricade the door to, you know, keep the riff-raff out." [quickly shoves two pieces of furniture to barricade the door] "That should hold them. Now, back to business. Guess which spooky Loud sister used the last of Dad's fancy black pepper to make one of her potions? Still in the dark? It's Lucy." Lucy: "Grr. I have ways of punishing you that extend beyond this realm." Leni:[picks the lock] "I got the lock open!" [finds the door won't budge] "Dang it, the barricade!" Lynn: "We're gonna have to bust through. On my count! One! Two!" Lola: "Ha! You'll never get through!" Lynn: "Three! CHAAAAARGE!" [The siblings rush the door and burst through the barricade.] Lola: "I stand corrected." Lincoln: "Somebody grab the mic!" Lola: "I'm not going down without a fight!" [The siblings start fighting Lola over the mic] "Which spaced-out Loud sister brought a bar of soap to look at a meteor shower? If you guessed Leni--" [gets dragged into the sibling brawl] Siblings: "Give it!" "Let go!" "Hey, no biting!" Lola: "Stop it! You're hurting my arm!" Lori:[takes the mic] "I got it!" Lola: "Give it back!" Lori: "No way!" [to Bobby] "Bobby, if you're listening, it really was the shoes, I swear!" Lincoln: "Show's over, Lola. I hope it was fun while it lasted, because you're never doing another podcast." Lynn: "That's for sure!" Lola: "That is not fair! Haven't you heard of freedom of the press? Hello? The people have a right to know the truth!" Leni: "Oh yeah? How would you like it if I told everyone about the time you stepped on Lincoln's model spaceship and then buried the pieces in Mr. Grouse's garbage can?" Lisa: "Uh, that was you, Leni." Leni: "Oh, right. But my point is, gossip is really hurtful. So, you are done." [The other siblings murmur in agreement.] Lola: "But I don't want to stop doing the podcast! What if I promise not to gossip anymore?" Lynn:[buzzer noise] "No sale. Why would we ever trust you?" Luna: "Yep. Sorry, brah. You're permanently cut off." Lola: "You guys, wait! Please let me tell my dear listeners just one more thing. [to the listeners] Guess which Loud sister ate half the cookies Dad made for Kotaro's birthday party?" Luan: "Lola, what did we just tell you?!" Lola: "ME! I ate 'em! And guess which sibling cheated during family board game night? This is strictly off the record, but it was me!" Leni: "Lola, what are you doing?" Lisa: "Um, I believe I understand. She's attempting to get back in our good graces by revealing salacious details about her own personal life." Leni: "What are you doing?" Lucy: "Sigh. She's trying to win our trust back by gossiping about herself." Leni: "Ohhhh." Lola: "Here's another hot one: which member of the Loud family had an allergic reaction to some glitter lotion, making her face swell up like a hideous balloon? Yep, me again." Lori: "Okay, Lola, you made your point. What do you say, guys? Should we trust her again?" Lana: "I say we get her to reveal a few more things. This is getting good!" Luna: "Nah, it's cool. All is forgiven, Lols." [The other siblings murmur in agreement again.] Lola: "Yaaaay! Thanks, you guys. [to the listeners] Well, dear listeners, this is officially the end of The Low Down with Lola. But don't worry. I'll be back in a few weeks with a new, improved podcast! Stay tuned! [to her siblings] I'm sorry, guys. Actually, it's a good thing you stopped me when you did, because I was about to tell the listeners about that time we ordered all those movies on demand, thinking they were free..." Lincoln: "Lola! The mic's still on!" Lola: "Oh no! I thought I turned it off!" Lynn Sr.:[calling] "Kids, you know we're listening to this, right?" [The kids shout in panic and then turn the mic off.]
