The following is a transcript for the episode "Lynn Loud".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The episode begins with the marching band melody "Fight! Fight! Fight!"] Lynn: "What up, people?! Welcome to Listen Out Loud. Lynn Loud, AKA LJ, AKA Five-Time Winner of the Presidential Fitness Award, in the house!" [applause] "For my podcast, I've come up with a kick-butt "at-home workout", so you can learn how to break a sweat without ever leaving your house. Why? Because gym memberships are expensive! Also, because sometimes people get banned from all the gyms in town for eating spicy subs in their saunas." [horn blows] "Whatever, I offered to share! Anyway, listen in for how you can work out!" [buzzer] "First up: cardio! One easy way of getting the old ticker going is running laps. Personally, I don't run my fastest unless I'm being chased. So for extra motivation, I'll be using my big sister, Lori, for this demo. We're outside her room right now." [The door to Lori's room opens.] Lori:[talking to Bobby on her phone] "OK, Boo-Boo Bear, it's your turn. If I was a fruit, what would I be?" Bobby: "Um... a blueberry?" Lori: "Oh, that's so cute! OK, go on..." Lynn: "This is really gonna make Lori mad, but in my defense, she drank my last protein shake. Here we go!" [Bursts into Lori's room. Lori screams] "I'll take that!" [steals Lori's phone] Lori: "Hey! Give me back my phone!" [starts chasing Lynn] Lynn: "This is where I really wanna pick up those knees!" Lori: "Stop it, you maniac!" Bobby: "Babe, are you being kidnapped?! Tell me what to do!" Lori: "You little-" [starts fighting Lynn] "Ow! Lynn!" [Lori keeps chasing Lynn around the house] Lynn: "Hopefully I can get in a solid five laps around the house before Lori tires out." Lori: "Lynn... I am literally... gonna rip your ponytail off!" Lynn: "Gotta catch me first! C'mon, LJ! Push it! Push it!" [stops running] "Haha! I beat my personal best!" Lori: "OMG, I hate running. This is why I golf." Bobby: "Baaaaaaabe! Should I get ransom money together?" Lynn: "'Sup, Bobsled? Your blueberry's just fine. Here's your phone back, Lori." [tosses her phone back] "Thanks for being a sport." Lori: "Like I had a choice!" [notices something] "Lynn, it's literally covered in sweat!" Lynn: "OK, listeners, let's head inside for another cardio staple." [buzzer] "Might as well do this at a light jog just to keep the heartrate up." [jogs while panting] "So we're gonna play some racquetball." [grunts while swinging the racquet] "Don't have a court? No prob, Bob! Just use the hallway." [bounces the ball] "Serrrrrrve's uuuup!" [The ball ricochets all over the halls, causing chaos] Lisa: "Really? With the racquetball?!" Lynn: "Heads!" [The ball enters Lisa's room and destroys her lab] Lisa: "Gaaaah! My lab!" Lynn: "Oh, my B, L-Dawg." Lisa: "Your 'B' just cost millions in grant money." [someone activates a fire extinguisher] Lynn: "Whoo, alright! Now that we've got a good sweat going, it's time for some weight training, baby! Let's head to the dining room where we can activate beast mode!" [buzzer] Rita:[writing an e-mail] "Dear Principal Huggins..." Lynn: "It's no prob if you don't have a weight bench, you can use other junk! Like your dining room table!" Rita:[continuing] "...So sorry that Lola made a substitute teacher cry..." Lynn: "Yo, Mom, you mind taking five while I power through some reps?" Rita:[sighs] "I guess." Lynn: "Now, you wanna squat down and lift with your legs... not your back!" [Lynn proceeds with her reps] Rita: "Er, Sweetie, maybe you could lift something else? I really need to finish this e-mail." Lynn: "Oh, sure, Mom, my B, I'll just live the china cabinet." Rita: "Good idea, Honey…" [realizes] "Wait, what? Lynn Jr., absolutely not!" Lynn:[stops] "Fine, fine, at least I got a little quad work done." [buzzer] "Now, let's move on to our abs! Personally, I find sit-ups boring, so I've developed a more fun way to go. All you need is two people in a fight! Luckily in my house, fights start all the time!" Luna:[In her room, upset] "Oh, come on! Ew!" [Luan is also in the room, laughing] "Dude, stop hiding pudding in my boots! It's not funny!" Lynn: "What did I tell ya?" Luan: "Sorry, I know you're not a-custard to it!" Luna: "One more pun and I'm serious, I'm gonna…" Luan:[Not listening] "Fine, I just thought you'd be tapio-kay with it!" [Luna screams and attacks Luan] Lynn: "Great, let's head upstairs while this fight is still raging." [Luna and Luan are still fighting] Luna: "I am gonna knock you out!" Lynn: "Now, my technique is to jump in... plant your feet firmly…" Luan: "Stop pulling my hair!" Lynn: "And push back the two fighters!" Luna: "Lynn, come on!" Lynn: "You really wanna work your core here!" Luna:[Still mad] "Let me at her!" Luan: "Don't let her at me!" Lynn: "Hold as long as you can!" Luna: "No biting, brah! You got metal in your mouth!" Lynn: "And release!" Luan:[realizes where this is going] "Uh-oh!" [Lynn lets go and the Luna and Luan start screaming again and crash. The buzzer sounds again.] Lynn: "Whoo! Alright, that was a great set. Now, let's talk about increasing your vertical jump distance. All you need is a surface about three feet off the ground, which is the exact height of my sister Lucy's coffin." [jumps on and off the coffin] "I recommend... three sets... of ten reps!" Lucy: "Lynn, I'm in here." Lynn: "Oh, cool, what's up?" [continues her reps] Lucy: "Could you cut it out?" Lynn: "Ah, sure Luce, my B." Lucy:[exits her coffin] "Great, you've scuffed the varnish." [buzzer] Lynn: "Ugh, alright. Next, I'm gonna teach you guys how to get definition in your arms, like Michelle Obama. She's my upper arm role model. For this demo we're gonna need to go to the kitchen. All you need are some cans. Ah, this sparkling water should work nicely. Now, keeping the upper arms stationary, exhale and curl the cans. Keep going until you feel the burn in your biceps." [does her reps] "Boom! Done!" Lincoln:[enters the kitchen] "Oh, hey, Lynn! Can I have one of those?" Lynn: "Er, sure, Stinkin', but you might wanna give it a minute cause…" [Lincoln opens his can and gets sprayed in the face. The buzzer sounds again.] Lynn: "Lastly, I'm gonna teach you guys how to turn any room into a steam room! Since there's no one in the living room, we'll do it here. First, you wanna turn the thermostat all the way up. Grab a hose and…" [Her entire family stops her] Luna: "Are you insane?" Lynn: "Oh, cool! Group steam?" Rita: "Sweetie, no, I'm sorry but your at-home workouts are a little..." Lola: "Annoying!" Lucy: "Yeah, you're driving everyone crazy." [everyone agrees] Lynn Sr.: "I'm just glad it's over!" Lynn: "Oh, my B, guys! I didn't realize I was being such a pain in the glutes." Lynn Sr.: "It's OK, LJ, we know you didn't mean any harm." Lisa: "Do we know that?" Lynn: "Hmm, what if there's a way I can still work out but instead of annoying you guys, make you happier than you've ever been?" Lori: "That sounds unlikely." Lincoln: "Yeah, how are you gonna pull that off?" Lynn: "Well, taking out the trash is your chore, right, Stinkin'? Check it!" [picks up a bag] "Boom! Trash!" [picks up another bag] "Boom! Recycling!" [runs them both outside] "Boom! Curb! See, did your chore for ya, and worked on my triceps!" Lincoln: "Sweet! Thanks, Lynn!" Rita: "You know, I like where this is going." Lynn: "Luna, I can lift the sofa while you're vacuuming." [does so] "Oh, and Lori, I can speed fold all the shirts after you wash them!" Lynn Sr.: "Hey, you wanna help your old man organize the pantry? Got a lot of heavy cans in there!" Lynn: "Don't you know it? Great for the delts!" Lana: "How about walking Charles?" Lynn: "Done! In fact, I was just about to tell the listeners that I always end my workouts with a half marathon! Come on, Charles! Let's go, buddy! Alright, we're gonna pause the podcast for a second, be right back, listeners!"
[goes to walk Charles] "Hey, guys! LJ back with ya! Just dominated everyone's chores and now it's time to wrap up the podcast! But don't forget the most important part of your workout: Always stay hydrated." [goes to the fridge] "Ooh, sparkling water!" Lincoln: "Lynn, you might not wanna..." [Suddenly there's more splashing, this time Lynn gets sprayed in the face] Lynn: "My B."
