The following is a transcript for the episode "Making the Grade".
[The elementary school. The bell rings, and Lincoln enters Mrs. Johnson's class.]
Lincoln: "Lincoln Loud in the house!" [passes by his classmates as they give him a high-five each.]
Rusty: "Oh yeah!"
Zach: "L-Train pulling into the station!"
Liam: "Howdy, Loudy!"
Clyde: "Saved your seat, buddy."
Lincoln: [sits down and sighs; to the viewers] "Fifth grade. After half a decade with these guys, I really feel like I'm part of the gang. Yep. Life is pretty good."
Mrs. Johnson: "Attention, class. I'd like to introduce our new student: Lincoln's little sister, Lisa Loud."
Mrs. Johnson: "Why don't you sit next to your brother? Clyde, you don't mind moving, do you?"
Clyde: [heartbroken] "Of course not." [blubbers and calls Dr. Lopez.] "Hello, Dr. Lopez? Do you have any openings this week? I'm having trouble accepting change again."
[Clyde leaves his desk which Lisa now occupies.]
Lincoln: [upset] "Lisa, what the heck is going on?"
Lisa: "I asked to be transferred here because kindergarten is a complete waste of my time."
[Flashback to Lisa's last kindergarten class.]
Ms. Shrinivas: [showing her students a book about monkeys.] "There are two boy monkeys and three girl monkeys. How many are there total? Let's count together."
Ms. Shrinivas and students: "One monkey, two monkeys-"
Lisa: [interrupting off-screen] "Five!"
[It's shown that she's working on some chemicals at the play table.]
Ms. Shrinivas and students: [resume] "Three monkeys, four monkeys-"
Lisa: [interrupting again] "For the love of Pythagoras, it's five!"
Ms. Shrinivas: "Lisa, you seem a little cranky. How about we all take a nap?"
Lisa: "No time for that. I'm this close to synthesizing an antidote for streptococcal pharyngitis; street name: Strep Throat."
Ms. Shrinivas: [drags Lisa with a pillow.] "You can play more later, sweetie."
[End of flashback]
Lincoln: "Okay, kindergarten's not challenging you, but why do you have to come to my class?"
Lisa: "I wanted to go straight to med school, but that dunderhead in the principal's office said fifth grade was the best he could offer."
Lincoln: "Fine. Just try not to rock the boat, okay?"
Mrs. Johnson: [writing on the board] "Okay, class, you should have read up to chapter 12 of your world history books. Lisa, since you're new, I don't expect you to have-"
[Lisa reads the book instantaneously.]
Lisa: "Done. Interesting read, if a bit light on indigenous cultures."
Mrs. Johnson: "Wow! If a former kindergartener can read the whole book this quickly, I expect all of you to do the same. By tomorrow."
[The rest of the class groans.]
Lisa: "If you want us to retain the information, I suggest a pop quiz."
Mrs. Johnson: "Agreed!"
[The class groans again and Lincoln facepalms.]
Mrs. Johnson: "Okay, class, time to present your robotics projects."
[The students get out their projects.]
Mrs. Johnson: "Lisa, it's okay if you wanna sit this out."
Lisa: "Give me a moment." [runs off and comes back with a robot she constructed.] "Say hello to Todd. He's fluent in over 600 languages."
Todd: "HOLA. BONJOUR. GUTEN TAG. GOODBYE." [blasts the other projects with laser vision.]
Lisa: "Oh, and he destroys anything inferior to him."
[The students groan again.]
[The cafeteria. Lincoln walks up to his peers who are not happy right now.]
Lincoln: "Hey, guys. Make a little room." [They look at him and refuse to make room.] "It's me, L-Train! What's the problem?"
Liam: "The problem is your sister."
Lincoln: "Look, I know Lisa's different, but she'll grow on you." [tries nudging into the table.] "Now, if I could just-"
Rusty: "Sorry, you're sitting over there." [points to a particularly extremely dirty table.]
Lincoln: [terrified] "The sticky table!?" [fumes with frustration]
[The Loud House: Lisa and Lily's room. Lincoln knocks on the door frame.]
Lisa: "Lincoln, enter. I'm just drafting a proposal to eliminate recess."
Lincoln: "That's exactly what I need to talk to you about. You're acting way too smart in class. It's annoying everyone, and they're taking it out on me. Could you please just try and act like an average kid?"
Lisa: "That's like asking a sea cucumber to act like a cephalopod." [Lincoln has a blank stare to that response with crickets chirping.] "I see someone didn't do his science homework."
Lincoln: "Lisa, please. Thanks to you, I've been banished to the sticky table. Look at these pants!" [shows a milk carton stuck to his butt.]
Lisa: "I sympathize with your plight, Lincoln, and I suppose that acting average could be a fascinating sociological challenge. Okay, I'll do it."
Lincoln: "Thank you. You're the best." [hugs her]
Lisa: [notices something] "Grab my saw; I'm stuck to your pants."
[The next day in Mrs. Johnson's class, Lisa has her hair done with a hairpin holding it up and she's not wearing her glasses.]
Lisa: "Greetings, classmates! It's me, Lisa."
Lincoln: [hardly recognizing her] "Whoa. You look so...average."
Lisa: "Thank you. I created an algorithm based on the traits of typical fifth graders and reinvented myself accordingly."
Lincoln: "Don't you need your glasses?"
Lisa: "Pshaw. I took care of that."
[Lisa takes off her glasses and blasts herself with an ocular vision surgery laser; end flashback.]
Lisa: "Physical appearance was the easy part. Acting average is a far greater challenge, so I invented this baby to keep me honest." [puts some kind of collar around her neck.]
Mrs. Johnson: "Okay, class, who can recite the Gettysburg Address?"
Lisa: [raises her hand] "Four score and-" [gets squirted by water from her collar and yelps.] "I mean, 85 Elm Street! Get it?"
[The kids except Lincoln all laugh and high-five Lisa.]
Mrs. Johnson: "Who knows the most common gas in the Earth's atmosphere?"
Lisa: [raises hand] "Nitrogen!" [gets squirted again] "Gah! I mean, methane!" [toots loudly] "Get it?"
[The kids laugh and high-five her again.]
Mrs. Johnson: "Time for a pop quiz, everyone."
[The kids groan. Lisa pulls out her remote and summons Todd who enters.]
Todd: "POP QUIZZES STINK." [blasts the pop quiz sheets into ashes.]
Lisa: "I reprogrammed Todd to be average, too."
[The kids all cheer for her.]
Lincoln: "Okay, moment of truth." [He and Lisa arrive at the table with his peers.] "Hey, guys. Mind if we sit down?"
Rusty: "Lincoln and his super cool sister? Sh'yeah! Slide down, guys!"
[He, Zach and Liam do just that and Lincoln and Lisa sit down.]
Lisa: "This cafeteria fare has no nutritional value, and so I would like to make a proposal."
[Lincoln gets a worried look on his face.]
Lisa: "FOOD FIGHT!!!"
[Cut to after the fight where the boys are messy and sitting outside the principal's office. Lisa steps out.]
Lisa: "Yes, Principal Huggins, it will not happen again, sir." [closes the door and showed she had her fingers crossed.] "Or will it?"
Rusty, Zach, and Liam: "OOH!!!"
[Lisa passes them and high-fives them each.]
Zach: "Nice one, L-Dawg."
Liam: "You sure burned his biscuits."
Lincoln: "Lisa, I think you're officially part of the gang."
Assistant: "McBride, Principal Huggins will see you next."
Clyde: "He doesn't scare me." [steps in confidently, but then begins pleading sorrowfully.] "I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE DON'T PUT THIS ON MY RECORD!"
[That night at home, while Lincoln is reading comic books before going to sleep, he hears some noise just outside his room and finds that Lisa is getting rid of all her genius stuff.]
Lincoln: "Lisa, what's going on?"
Lisa: "Meh, just getting rid of all this stupid old science stuff."
Lincoln: "You don't have to go that far."
Lisa: "Oh, I do. Lincoln, you have opened my surgically-corrected eyes. Being part of the gang is way more fun than being smart. Say hello to the new Lisa Loud! Street name: L-Dawg!" [shows her room now covered in Boyz Will Be Boyz posters.] "Have you heard of Boyz Will Be Boyz? They're not quite Stravinsky, but-" [gets squirted again] "Gah! I mean, they're so cute!"
Luna: "Dude, you gotta help me cram for my test tomorrow."
Lisa: "Sorry, I'm out of the tutoring game."
Luna: "Bogus! Since when?"
Lisa: "Since Lincoln showed me the joys of being average."
[Luna growls at Lincoln, who smiles nervously.]
[The next night at dinner, everyone is eating at the dining room table, but Lisa's older sisters suddenly gags and spits out their meal and complain that it wasn't cooked right.]
Lynn Sr.: "It's not my fault! The recipe is in metric, and Lisa usually helps me with the conversions."
Lisa: "Thanks to Lincoln, I'm out of the conversion game, except for converting beans to methane." [toots hard enough to make the table bounce.]
[The rest of the sisters growl at Lincoln who gulps nervously and leaves the table.]
[The next day, the kids are riding in Vanzilla when they hear a radio contest.]
Jay Rock: "I've got free passes to the Royal Woods Day Spa for the first caller who can name all three classifications of rocks!"
Lola: "Eee!!!" [calls the radio station and gives the phone to Lisa.] "LISA, TELL HIM THE ANSWER!"
Lisa: "Hard rock, soft rock, and indie."
Jay Rock: "Uh...no. You lose, baby!"
[Lori and Lola look at Lisa dissatisfied.]
Lisa: "What? Thanks to Lincoln, I'm out of the geology game."
[Lincoln is kicked out of the van with an annoyed look on his face.]
[Back home, the phone rings and Rita answers it.]
Rita: "Oh, hi, Dad."
Rita: "You've been waiting at the train station for an hour? Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry! Just stay put. I'll be right there." [hangs up]
Leni: "Aw, poor Pop-Pop. What happened?"
Rita: "Well, usually, when Pop-Pop's on a train headed east going 80 miles an hour and he has 230 miles to his destination, Lisa can tell me exactly when he'll arrive."
Lisa: "What can I say? I'm out of the algebra game. Right, Lincoln?"
[Lincoln gulps nervously while hiding his face with his comic.]
[The next day at school, Lincoln and Lisa who is now wearing a leather jacket are waking down the hall when Ms. Shrinivas shows up.]
Ms. Shrinivas: "Oh, Lisa! Thank goodness you're here! We need the antidote you were working on."
Lisa: "Sorry, Ms. S, I'm out of the disease control game. My big brother here showed me how lame and annoying it is to be an egghead." [walks off] "And I am outta here!"
Ms. Shrinivas: [angrily to Lincoln] "Way to go, buster. Now all my kids have strep throat."
Lincoln: "I'm sorry, but I didn't have a choice. If she kept acting like a brain, I was gonna be out of the gang."
Ms. Shrinivas: [sarcastically] "Well, as long as it's for a good reason." [slams door]
Lincoln: "I was gonna have to sit at the sticky table!"
[The other fifth-graders are cheering for cool Lisa while her brother rushes toward her.]
Lincoln: "Lisa, you have to go back to being smart!"
Lisa: "What? And give up all this?"
Fifth Graders: [chanting] "LISA! LISA! LISA!"
Lisa: "Not likely."
[Zach's trying to use the water fountain, but it won't turn on. Lisa nudges it and water comes out like normal now.]
Zach: "Thanks, L-Dawg!"
Lisa: [Fonz impression] "Ay!"
Lincoln: "Lisa, listen to me. Any half-wit can be part of the gang. No offense, Zach." [Zach stares blankly after that last part.] "But no one else I know can heal sick people and save dad's cooking and figure out what time Pop-Pop's train is arriving. What I'm trying to say is, the world needs smart Lisa."
Lisa: "Flattering words, big brother, but I already bought this leather jacket."
Lincoln: "I'll pay you back for it. Just go finish the antidote, please."
Lisa: "What about the gang and being part of it?"
Lincoln: "I'd rather be the one to suffer than a classroom full of kids with strep throat. Man, I can't have that on my conscience."
Lisa: "Okay. But if I go back to being smart Lisa, you're getting the whole package, i.e., unabashed superiority and zero tolerance for ignoramuses. It'll probably be back to the sticky table for you."
Lincoln: "That's a chance I'm willing to take."
Lisa: "You're a good man, Lincoln Loud. As Socrates once quipped-" [gets squirted again] "YAK! Ah, to heck with this thing!" [takes the collar off and tosses it aside.]
[Lisa, now back to her old look, is busy working on the antidote.]
[Lisa arrives at kindergarten with the completed antidote and notices all the kids crying, moaning, and whining over their suffering from strep throat.]
Lisa: "Line up, no pushing, there's plenty for everyone."
[The cafeteria lunch line]
Lincoln: "So, how'd it go this morning?"
Lisa: "We lost one." [Lincoln is shocked] "I'm kidding! It went fine. All cured."
Lincoln: "Good job. Lunch for two at the sticky table?"
[Lisa nods in acceptance and they head for the sticky table.]
Zach: "L-Train and L-Dawg! Park it!"
Lisa: "I must give you fair warning, I have reverted to my previous incarnation."
[The gang doesn't get it.]
Lincoln: "Smart Lisa's back."
Liam: "Smart Lisa's fine by me. My little sissy's in that there kindergarten class."
Rusty: "Yeah, and that virus could've spread to all of us. I can't get strep. I've got a date on Friday."
[Lisa and Lincoln sit down with the gang.]
Zach: "We're sorry we treated you badly before."
Liam: "Our class sure is lucky to have someone with smarts like yours."
Lisa: "Thanks for your support, guys, but you don't have to worry. I'm going back to kindergarten."
[Clyde suddenly appears]
Clyde: "So I can have my seat back?" [calls Dr. Lopez] "Hello? Dr. Lopez? I don't need that appointment after all."
Lincoln: "What about wanting a challenge?"
Lisa: "Meh. Kindergarten, fifth grade, it's all a snooze fest to me. I'm gonna pursue my own studies either way, and kindergarten does have one major advantage."
[Ms. Shrinivas's kindergarten class]
Ms. Shrinivas: "Okay, boys and girls, nap time. Now, Lisa, I know you're not gonna want a nap, but-"
Lisa: [in pajamas and a nightcap and holding a pillow.] "Are you kidding? After the day I've had, I am bushed. Oh, and by the way, Ms. S, if you attempt to wake me up before my required 45 minutes of REM sleep, you'll have to answer to Todd."
[Todd enters into the room]
Todd: "NAMASTE, MS. SHRINIVAS."
[Ms. Shrinivas has a nervous look on her face.]
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts