The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Luna is in the living room, sitting dejected on the couch with her hands covered by one of the pillows when Sam suddenly shows up at the front door.] Sam: "Luna!" Luna: "Huh?" Sam: "The dudes from the Cherry Pit Spit just called and guess who they want to headline the festival!" [Sully and Mazzy show up] Sully: "The Moon Goats! Band bleat!" [Sully, Mazzy, and Sam all bleat like goats, but realize Luna isn't joining in; in fact, Luna sighs again.] Mazzy: "Luna, we didn't get a bleat out of you. What's wrong?" Sam: "This is huge!" Luna:[hoarsely] "Bad news, dudes. My doc put me on shred rest and voice rest after last night's gig." [She shows her hands are bandaged, much to the band's horror. Flashback to last night at the Burnt Bean. Luna is rocking out to applause and shreds so hard while letting out a rock scream that she ends up burning her own hands. She then takes a look at her burnt hands and screams in pain as she lets go of her guitar. Back to the present.] Luna: "Doc said no shredding or rock screams for a month." Sam: "We can't play the Cherry Pit Spit without you." Luna: "There's no way I'm letting you guys miss this opportunity. Sam, you can take over lead vocals, and I'm sure we can find a temporary musician to replace me. We'll just have to hold auditions ASAP."
[The Moon Goats put up fliers all over town for a band audition set at Royal Woods High tomorrow. Mazzy puts one up on a tree, Sam puts one up at Flip's Food & Fuel, Sully puts one up at the high school cafeteria, and Luna puts one up at the lockers. A couple of students notice and take interest.]
[Luna puts up an audition flier at the Tall Timbers Community Board when she suddenly hears upbeat rock music. She looks for the source and finds a girl by the pond, rocking out to the local fauna, and realizes she's found the perfect replacement. When the new girl is done, two ducks clap and hand her pumpernickel.] Nina: "Pumpernickel?" [pats one of the ducks] "Aww, you guys." [Luna shows up, panting.] Luna: "I hate to interrupt when you're in the zone, but as a fellow guitarist, I have to introduce myself. I'm--" Nina: "Luna Loud! Lead singer and guitarist of the Moon Goats! I saw your last show. You were all..." [imitates Luna's guitar solo] Luna: "Well, I don't know if I did that..." Nina: "I'm Nina." [She offers a handshake, but realizes Luna's hands are bandaged, so they opt for an elbow bump instead.] Luna: "As you can see, um, I'm sort of out of commission, and the Moon Goats are supposed to play the Cherry Pit Spit this weekend. We're looking for a temporary guitarist." [Nina's ducks fly on her guitar.] "You should totally audition." [hands Nina a flier] Nina:[gasps and takes it] "Yes! Count me in!" [to the ducks] "Ya hear that, my peeps? I might finally be in a band." [The ducks quack in approval.]
[The Loud House. Luan enters her and Luna's room to find Luna with an ice pack on her burnt hands.] Luan: "Hey, I heard the Moon Goats landed the Cherry Pit Spit, but how's the band gonna play without you?" Luna: "Actually, I found the perfect understudy at the park today. She's insanely good." Luan:[nervously] "Hmm..." Luna:[concerned] "What is it?" [Luan and Mr. Coconuts walk to their bedroom window.] Luan: "Yeah, it's just risky to hand your band your replacement." Mr. Coconuts: "So true. You see, Ponytail here was once cast as the lead insomniac in the school production of Little Shop of Snorers." [Flashback to the school theater during rehearsal] "One day, she was rehearsing, and her voice just gave out." Flashback Luan:[voice crack] "♫ Suddenly Sleep-- more! ♫" [Mrs. Bernardo and two other directors wince at the voice crack.] Mr. Coconuts:[narrating] "They had to find a temporary understudy." [A shepherd's crook comes in and yanks Luan off the stage, and another girl shows up as her understudy.] Luan's Understudy: "♫ Suddenly Sleepmore! ♫" Mr. Coconuts:[narrating] "The new girl had such stage presence, Mrs. B decided to replace Luan permanently." [Mrs. Bernardo and the other directors approve of the understudy's performance as Luan watches from the wings and sighs dejectedly. Back to the present, with Luan in the same position.] Luna:[sighs] "I don't want Nina to replace me." Luan: "Then you can't let the Moon Goats hear her play." Luna: "But I already told her about the audition. She was so stoked! There's no way she doesn't show." Luan: "Hmm..." Mr. Coconuts: "Leave that to us, doll." [menacingly] "We'll make sure Nina's strummed her last chords." Luan:[disturbed] "Oh, whoa there." [chuckles] "We just mean we'll make sure she doesn't make the audition." Mr. Coconuts:[menacingly] "Yeah, that's what we mean." [Luan is still disturbed.]
[Nina frantically makes her way to the bus stop, heavily exhausted. She checks her watch and sighs in relief. A bus shows up and she gets on. Unknown to her, Luan and Mr. Coconuts are also at the bus stop, disguised in trench coats, fake mustaches, and hats. Luan laughs sneakily as she gets on board the bus and sits a few seats behind Nina.] Luan:[pulls the pull cord; in a deep voice] "This is my stop." [bus stops] "Wait, uh, never mind." [The bus keeps going, but then Luan pulls the pull cord again] "Wait, this is my stop." [bus stops] "Oh, nope. Not this one, either." [The bus continues, but then she pulls the cord again] "Wait. Oops." [The bus stops again] "Silly me. I guess it must be the next one." [Nina growls in irritation.]
[Royal Woods High. Luna peeks out of the band room to see students lined up for auditions.] Auditionee: "I can't wait to try out." Luna: "Cool. Someone here's gotta be good enough to replace me." [enters the room; the Moon Goats are at a table, ready to listen to auditions.] "OK, let's see what ya got." [Liam is the first one up, and he has a jaw harp and starts playing it to the beat of his sheep bleating. The band cringes at his playing.]
[Back on Nina's bus, and Luan is still stalling her.] Luan:[deep voice] "Ooh, maybe this is my stop." [pulls the pull cord and the bus stops] "Oh, wrong again." [chuckles] Nina:[groans] "I'm getting off! I'm never gonna make it in time!" [She gets off the bus and skateboards her way to school. Luan hops off the bus and growls in irritation.]
[Back in the audition room. Boris is playing his keyboard. The Moon Goats are at this point completely bored out of their minds, Mazzy faceplanting herself onto the table and Luna's eyes twitching. Sully, on the other hand, gets emotional.]
[Nina is still skateboarding her way to Royal Woods High, only to get blocked by Luan, who is holding a stop sign and blowing a whistle.] Nina:[sighs] "Just my luck." [Luan is posing as a construction worker and has blocked the road with detour signs. She continues to blow her whistle and redirect Nina, who skateboards through the path Luan is pointing.]
[Later, Nina skateboards her way to a park, but Luan, still posing as a construction worker, has set up a sign pointing at a play structure and telling her to go through there. Nina sighs and skateboards through the structure, sliding down the slide and leaping over Michelle and another toddler, who are playing at the base of the slide. The toddlers cheer at her skateboarding. She makes it out of the detour.] Nina: "OK, back on track." [continues]
[The auditions are still going. Now the Moon Goats are looking at Nacho, who has become a one-raccoon band and is playing discordant music that is making the Moon Goats all groan and faceplant.] Sam:[sighs] "We've been here for hours, and no one has been close to good enough. Is there anyone else out there?" Luna: "Let me take a look." [She looks out the door and Joey, holding a sousaphone, is the only one left in line. He sheepishly waves. Suddenly, the doors rattle, and Nina finally makes it. Luna gasps in horror, grabs Joey, drags him inside the band room, and puts up a sign reading AUDITIONS OVER!.] Nina: "But wait! Oh, auditions are over?" [sighs and leaves in dismay] [Back in the band room, Sam, Mazzy, and Sully notice Luna pushing Joey to them.] Luna:[feigns] "Oh, look at that! We found the perfect replacement! Let's pack it in, people." [Luna's bandmates look at each other, confused.] Sam: "But he hasn't even played yet." Luna:[still feigning] "Pfft, 'hasn't played yet'." [pulls Joey close to her, much to his confusion] "Guys, don't you know who this is?" Sam, Mazzy, and Sully: "No?" Luna: "He's... the one, the only...!" [A second of silence as Luna looks at Joey.] Joey: "Joey." Luna: "Joey! Musical prodigy and rock god." Sam, Mazzy, and Sully: "He is?" Joey: "I am?" Luna: "You can't ask someone of Joey's caliber to audition. It's insulting! Besides, a tuba player will really set us apart." [Luna's bandmates look at each other again, unsure about her replacement, before Sam finally says...] Sam: "Uh, okay. If you say so." [shakes Joey's hand; Joey almost losing his balance due to carrying his sousaphone] "Welcome to the band, rock god." Joey:[sets himself straight] "Awesome! I didn't even think I had a chance of--" Luna:[covers Joey's mouth and laughs] "So modest." [pulls Joey aside as her bandmates get excited; whispers] "Okay, dude, meet me at my garage tomorrow and I'll teach you everything you need to know for the gig." Joey: "Sweet!" [He fist pumps, but his elbow accidentally opens his sousaphone's spit valve, and spit sprays out and onto Luna's boots; Luna is annoyed at this] "Sorry." [closes the valve] "I guess I haven't emptied my spit valve in a while."
[The Loud House's garage. Luna is sitting on one of many boxes, checking her phone before noticing Joey has shown up.] Luna:[gets off the box] "Alright! Let the jammin' begin. Show me what ya got, Joey." [Joey takes a big inhale while Luna crosses her fingers] "Please be good enough, please be good enough..." [Joey plays a peppy sousaphone melody, and Luna sighs in relief] "Thank goodness! He's actually good enough!" [Unfortunately, Joey is also marching along the garage as he plays] "Uh, dude?" [He passes by a vase and nearly knocks it over, and she catches it just in time. He continues to crash into various objects in the garage.] Joey:[weakly] "Go Acorns!" [Luna helps him up.] "Sorry, Luna. I've been in marching band since middle school. When I rock the tuba, my feet gotta move." [dances] Luna: "Yeah, cool, dude, but you're gonna be on a tiny stage where there's no room for that." [hands him his tuba] "So let's try it again. Without the marching." [Joey plays the same melody while trying to resist the urge to move around. Unfortunately, he eventually gives in to his urges and marches forward, knocking over a lamp, a ladder, and a shovel before crashing.] Joey: "Ow. Sorry. I can't stop it." Luna: "Hmm." [gasps] "I think I know who can help us with this."
[Now she's brought Lynn into the garage.] Luna: "Joey, this is my sister, Lynn. Lynn, this is Joey." Joey:[greets] "Hey." [Lynn suddenly grabs Joey and starts to lift him.] Lynn: "Hut, hut. Let's see." [tosses him in the air and benches him] "Hut, hut." [sets him down] "Oh, yeah. I can work with this." [Luna and Lynn attach ankle weights to his ankles. Both then finger-gun each other. After that, Joey plays the melody again. Unfortunately, his marching was strong enough to lift the weights and march around. Lynn and Luna try to think of another plan.]
[Luna and Lynn pour dry cement around Joey's sneakers. Joey slips his feet into them.] Lynn: "This dry cement will hold him in place." [Joey tries to move around, and he is relieved that the cement seemed to work. Both sisters smile and give him a thumbs-up before Lynn gives him his sousaphone. She and Luna high-five as he plays the melody again, until they notice that Joey's marching was actually able to split the cement in two. As he marches around, Lynn and Luna groan.]
[Now Lynn and Luna have a cord wrapped around Joey's chest and tied to Vanzilla. Lynn hands him his sousaphone, and as he plays the melody again, he struggles to march, just barely making Vanzilla budge. Luna and Lynn are ecstatic and fist bump , thinking it seems to be working, but he ends up marching so fast, he drags Vanzilla with him. Luna gasps in horror.] Lynn:[Can't believe this] "What?!" [The two Louds chase after their van.]
[Later, Luna is watching Joey march around the garage, completely stumped on how to get him to stand still.] Sam: "Hey, Luna!" [Luna yelps as the Moon Goats show up.] Mazzy:[confused] "Um, what is Joey doing?" [Joey sheepishly waves at them before continuing to march. Luna hastily slams the garage door.] Luna:[Inside the garage] "Dudes, he has a very unique creative process. No one can see him before showtime. Trust me!" [The Moon Goats look at each other confused, but Sully just shrugs it off. Meanwhile, Joey is still running around the garage. To Lynn] "This is hopeless." Lynn: "No, it's not. I know how to make this kid's weird one-man parade work."
[At the CHERRY PIT SPIT, Luna's friends are warming up when Lynn walks in carrying Joey on a treadmill. Luna enters after them and Lynn just leaves] Sam: "Um, why does Joey have a treadmill?" Luna: "Uh, it's all part of his unique creative process. Don't worry, it's gonna be great." Store Manager: "Hey, Moon Goats, you're up." [Luna's friends go to the stage, looking nervous. Luna gives them two thumbs up as Joey drags the treadmill to the stage] Sam: "Alright, Pit Spitters, are you ready to rock?" [The crowd, which includes Luan and Lynn, cheer. Luna watches from backstage as Mazzy taps her sticks together to start them off. The Moon Goats play, With Joey marching on the treadmill] Luna: "It's working!" [The treadmill is keeping Joey in place] "It's weird, but it's working." [Unfortunately, Joey's sousaphone accidentally taps the controls for the treadmill, making it go from three miles per hour to twenty. Joey tries to keep up but instead gets flung back. Sully and Mazzy see and get out of the way just before Joey crashes into Mazzy's drums, his sousaphone landing on his head. Everyone gasps, including Luna] Sam:[To the crowd] "Uh, technical difficulties. We'll be right back!" [Goes as the curtains close] "Luna, what is going on? And do not say it's part of his unique creative process." Luna:[Sighs] I'm sorry, dudes. This is all my fault. I know I've let you down, but I promise, I will fix it. I'm gonna do what I should've done in the first place." [Joey walks past her, the sousaphone still on his head, and crashes offscreen. Luna passes him on her way to the exit] "I just need to make a quick trip to the duck pond." [The Moon Goats have no idea what that means] Sully:[Thinking he knows what that means] "Huh, I just call it the bathroom, but, hey, whatever." [The girls don't think that's what Luna meant]
[Later, Sam grabs Joey's legs, Sully has Joeys arms, and Mazzy has the sousaphone] Mazzy: "One, two, three. Pull!" [They get Joey out of the sousaphone, but accidentally fling him] Luna:[Opens the door] "Hey." [Ducks as Joey flies right out the door] "Uh, this is Nina." [Nina enters, followed by some quacking ducks] She's who should've replaced me from the start. She's amazing." Sam: "Are you sure? 'Cause I don't wanna be harsh, but your last pick didn't exactly go smoothly." Luna: "This time you can trust me, dudes. Nina's the real deal. Check out those calluses." [Nina shows her hands, which have the calluses of a real rockstar] Sam, Mazzy, and Sully: "Woah!" Store Manager: "Hey, Moon Goats! You gotta get back out there. People are starting to leave." [All who are performing take the stage while Luna scoops up the ducks] Mazzy:[Counts them in again] "One, two, three!" [They play like nobody's business and Nina shreds it. Luna loves it and so does the audience] Nina: "Huh? They're spitting cherry pits at us." Sam:[Laughs] "That means they like us." [They keep playing, and the crowd loves it. The Moon Goats approach Luna] "Yes! We did it!" Luna:[Luan's words still in mind] "I know, right? She's totally better than me. And listen, if you wanna replace me with her, I get it. I just want what's best for the Moon Goats." Sam: "Are you kidding? Sure, she's amazing, but so are you." [Hugs Luna] Sully: "Come on, the Moon Goats wouldn't be the Moon Goats without you." [Group hug] Luna:[Relieved] "Aww, you guys." [Nina approaches them with her quacking friends] Nina: "Hey, Moon Goats. Thanks for this awesome opportunity!" [The Moon Goats look at each other, knowing they're all thinking the same thing] Luna: "How would you like to open for us at our next gig?" Nina: "What? Are you serious?!" [Squeals in excitement] "Can we do an official Moon Goats band bleat?" [Goes up to them] Sully: "Get in here, Joey!" [Pulls Joey in and they all bleat together and laugh]
[The end.]
