The following is a transcript for the episode "Net Gains".
[The episode starts late afternoon, Lynn is standing outside Vanzilla, she unties her shoes with one hand each, then reties them in the same manner, she then throws three dirt clots over her left shoulder.]
Lynn Sr.: [Waiting in Vanzilla, as Lynn starts running around the front of the van, and jumping aroung the back.] Uhh, you ready, honey?
Lynn: Hup, hup, hup. Not yet. [runs around the front of the van, then starts jumping around the back.] Hup, hup, hup. Okay, now I'm ready.
[Lynn gets in the van, and she and her dad drive off.]
Lynn Sr.: [While Lynn is adjusting her seat up and down.] Wow, honey, I know you always have your superstitious rituals before a tryout, but they seem more... intense than usual today.
Lynn: Can't take any chances. It's for my FLIBBR.
Lynn Sr.: Your what?
Lynn: FLIBBR. [rolls up her sleeve revealing the letters F, L, I, B, B (outline only), and R written on her arm.] It stands for football, lacrosse, ice hockey, baseball, basketball, and roller derby. I've won a championship for each sport except for basketball. That's why it's really important that I kill it at tryouts today, so I can get on the best team, win the title, and get my missing B. [pointing to the B that is just an outline.]
Lynn Sr.: [Concerned] Oh, that's great honey. Those are all temporary right?
Lynn: [Looks up] Dad! Don't take Elm! It's unlucky!
[Lynn Sr. screams as Lynn makes a sharp turn away from Elm.]
[Later that evening, at the gym.]
Referee: Hello new players, and welcome to the annual Royal Woods girls basketball league tryouts. This year we have five teams with open spots on their rosters. [pans over to four girls wearing blue uniforms.] The Abscessed Molars, sponsored by Dr. Feinstein, [they smile, their shiny teeth a glitter, next over to four girls eating garlic knots.] The Garlic Nets, sponsored by Gus' Games and Grub, [next over to four girls wearing orange uniforms.] The Belchin' Ballers, sponsored by The Burpin' Burger, [they belch, next over to four girls wearing red jumpsuits.] The Turkey Jerkies, sponsored by Flip's Food and Fuel, [The girl on the far right drops the ball and it bouces into her face, in daze, she kicks it knocking the crutch away from the girl on the far left, who falls over due to the cast on her leg, out of the two girls still standing, the one on the left yawns and lays down, the last girl just waves. Next, over to four girls wearing green uniforms.] and The Brie Throwers, sponsored by Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet. [They each pull out a trophy] You didn't have to bring your trophies guys.
The Brie Throwers: [Nonchalantly] Oh, did we bring our trophies?
Lynn: [Looking at the Brie Throwers] Dang. Best uniforms, best name, most trophies. That's my team.
Referee: Let's start the draft. The lowest rank team will have first pick, so, Flip, who's your pick?
Flip: [Who is just there to sell flipees] Hey zebra stripes! Can't you see I'm busy makin' money over here?
Lynn: [Worried] Oh no. Please don't pick me!
Flip: Eh, whatever. I'll take Lincoln's sister. Now leave me alone.
Lynn: [Gasps, scene cuts to outside the building as Lynn screams in despair] NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[The next day, Lynn comes into the gym and sees Maya napping on the court, and then wake up when she gets hit in the head with the ball.]
Paula: Hey! No napping on the court, Maya.
[Paula tries to step over Maya, but Maya drops to the floor, knocking Paula's crutch over, causing Paula to fall on her. Right after, Amy gets a phone call.]
Amy: Hi mom. Yes, I'm wearing my mouthguard.
[The ball bounces off Maya's head again, and Diane catches it.]
Diane: Got it. [The ball slips out of her hands, hitting Amy in the face.] Sorry, my palms sweat when I get nervous.
Lynn: [to her FLIBBR on her arm] Okay, this is bad, but I am not giving up on ya FLIBBR. [Walks over to her new teammates.] Alright guys, take a knee.
[All except Paula do so.]
Paula: Uh, [points to her cast] I can't take a knee.
Lynn: Uh, fine, Paula, you can stand. Do you guys like being in last place?
Maya: [Yawning] No.
Lynn: Well, then I say let's start winning some games. [Amy speaks through her mouthguard, making it hard to understand her.] What?
Amy: [Removes her mouthguard] I said, but we're not very good.
Lynn: [Standing in front of a USA flag.] You're not good now, but once coach Lynn gets through with you guys, you're gonna be lean, mean, dunking machines. Now lets get to work. [Later, Diane throws the ball at the hoop, only for it to bounce off the rim, hitting Diane in the face, causing her to fall backwards and knock over the other girls like dominoes.] Okay, change of plans, as soon as you get the ball throw it to me.
[Cuts to game one, The Turkey Jerkies vs. The Garlic Nets, the ref blows his whistle and the tipoff starts, Paula, with her crutch, tips the ball to Lynn, who winds up her shot and scores.]
[The ref blows his whistle again, Amy is surrounded, but gets the ball to Lynn, who makes another basket.]
[The ref blows his whistle again, Diane now has the ball and is surrounded, her wipes her palms on her jumpsuit.]
Diane: So sweaty.
[The ball slips out of her hands, but Lynn gets hers on it and shoots.]
[At this point, Lynn is just making shots, catching the ball as it comes out of the net, and putting it back in, while the rest of her team just watches from the opposite side of the court, unamused. In the end the score is Turkey Jerkies 42, Garlic Nets 18, Lynn runs over to her teammates excited, unlike them.]
Lynn: We did it! We won a game! Ha! Doesn't it feel good?!
Amy: It would feel better if we got to play more.
Lynn: Guy, guys, guys, you're missing the big picture. A win is a win, no matter who's playing.
[Amy, Paula, and Diane walk away grumbling, while Maya has fallen asleep, again.]
Diane: Come on Maya, [Wakes up Maya] you don't wanna spend the night here again.
[Diane and Maya walk out, Leaving Lynn by herself.]
[At the second game, The Turkey Jerkies are huddled up.]
Lynn: Alright Turkey Jerkies. Same strategy as last time.
[The others mutter in agreement.]
[The Turkey Jerkies and The Abscessed Molars run out onto the court, the ref blows his whistle and starts the tipoff, which Lynn loses, but Amy catches it.]
Amy: [Excited] Hey, I got it.
Lynn: Amy, over here.
Amy: [Sighs] Fun while it lasted.
[Amy throws Lynn the ball, and Lynn dunks it.]
Lynn: Yeah, yeah. That's the stuff. [The Abscessed Molars are not happy, one signals for the others to keep an eye on Lynn, to which they comply. Later, Paula gets the ball.] Paula, hit me.
[Paula does so, unenthusiastically, Lynn catches the ball, but then realizes that she's surrounded, she tries to protect the ball, but yelps as it gets knockes out of her hands, this happens again later, some more time later Lynn is surrounded again, but this time Amy is open.]
Amy: Lynn, I'm wide open.
Lynn: [Struggling] I can do this. [As soon as she says that, the ball gets knocked out of her hands again. The game ends, the final score The Turkey Jerkies 12, The Abscessed Molars 36, Lynn walks over to the bleachers where her team is sitting, while holding her sore back.] Sorry I couldn't pull out the win. They figured out our strategy.
Paula: Well, since it didn't work, maybe we should all get to play now.
Lynn: Woah, woah, woah, woah! Let's not go crazy. We still wanna win right? Just give me a moment to think.
[Amy gets a phone call.]
Amy: Hi mom.
Lynn: [Groans] Amy, turn off your dang ringer!
Amy: Gotta go.
[Amy hangs up, and Lynn gasps as she gets an idea.]
Lynn: Wait, that's it.
[Lynn races off]
[Later, at Flip's Food and Fuel, Lynn is negotiating with Flip.]
Flip: Eh, what the hecks a ringer?
Lynn: Another really great player. I can't carry the whole team, but if we snag a few, the Turkey Jerkies can win the championship.
Flip: [Showing no interest] Championship? I'm only in this to sell flipees. Win, lose, who gives a hoot? People are still gonna be thirsty.
Lynn: Flip, Flip, Flip, you gotta think bigger. Sure you can sell some flipees at the games, but what about when the seasons over? Think how many more flipees you'll sell when you have a big banner on your store that says "Flip's Home of the Champions", Eh?
Flip: [Suddenly interested] Oh, you're painting a mighty pretty picture. I'm in, but I'm not payin' for the banner.
Lynn: Eh, fine. Let's go find some ringers.
[Later, Lynn and Flip are driving down the road in Flip's van, they stop outside the basketball court at Sunset Canyon Retirement Home and see two old guys playing basketball.]
Lynn: Too old. [Next they stop in front of the park when they see two babies playing with a basketball.] Too young. [Next they stop outside the prison basketball court when they two prisoners playing.] Too rough.
Prisoner: [Seeing them] Hey, Flip!
Lynn: You know that guy?
Flip: [Chalantly] Nope!
[Flip drives off quickly. They later stop in front of another basketball court and see two emos standing next to a ball.]
Lynn: Too sad. [They later stop in front of a dog park when they see two dogs playing.] Too canine. [They continue driving, when suddenly Lynn sees someone.] Woah, woah, wait. Pull over there. [They pull over outside a basketball court and see two girls who definitely know what they're doing.] Sweet, Lou Dunbar. [She runs out of the van to talk to them.] Hey, you guys are amazing. How would you like to play in the Royal Woods girls league?
Morgan: We'd love to, but we can't. we don't live in Royal Woods.
Lynn and Flip: Huh?
Megan: You're in Beaverton. Royal Woods ends at that sign over there.
[Pointing at the sign that reads; Leaving Beaverton, Welcome to ROYAL WOODS.]
Flip: Oh, does it now? [Ties a chain to the sign, and gets into his van, which is tied to the other side of the chain, pulls the sign over, and straightens it.] Problem solved.
[Suddenly a police siren goes off, and an officer speaks to Flip through the speaker.]
Cop: Step away from the sign, sir.
[Back in Flip's van, Flip is holding a citation.]
Flip: Eh, I'll just file this with all my other tickets. [Crumples it up and throws it in the back of the van.] Well, I'm taking you home, Junior. Sorry we didn't find your ringers.
Lynn: But we did find them. We just need to find a way for them to play. Maybe they and their families could move into your garage.
Flip: Uhh, I don't know kid. I don't really like people.
Lynn: Ah, it's only for a little while. And think of all the flipees you'll sell.
Flip: Hmm, okay, I'm in. But I'm not payin' for their hot water.
[Back at the gym]
Lynn: Hey guys. Say hello to your new teammates, Megan and Morgan.
Maya: Eh, why do we need new teammates?
Lynn: Eh, heh, ho, you'll see.
[Later, the third game starts, The Turkey Jerkies vs The Belchin' Ballers, the ref starts the tipoff, Morgan casually catches the ball without even jumping, the then casually tosses it to Megan who simply places is in the basket.]
Lynn: [Ecstatic] Yes, nice hustle. [Diane and Amy, who are also on the court, just look at each other. Later, Megan and Morgan are both surrounded, but they are still able to casually throw the ball between themselves.] Guys, I'm open. [They ignore her] Uh, a little teamwork dudes? [Morgan places the ball in the basket.] Here, I'm wide open man. [Morgan instead takes the shot, and makes the basket, much to Lynn's annoyance. Later, Megan and Morgan are just dribbling up the court, while Lynn groans over not even being able to keep up with them, the toss the ball among themselves, sink the shot, again, and give each other five, much to Lynn's annoyance. The game ends, The Turkey Jerkies 42, The Belchin' Ballers 6, Megan and Morgan give each other five.] What gives? You two were supposed to join the team, not be the team.
Morgan: Relax, Loud, a win is a win no matter who's playing.
[Lynn remembers when she said that.]
[Later that evening, Lynn walks up to her original teammates.]
Lynn: Everyone take a knee. [Paula raises her finger to say something.] Paula you can stand. [Everyone except Paula takes a knee.] I owe you an apology. I treated you all like crud. This is supposed to be about having fun but I totally blew it by focusing on the win, so listen, I wanna make it up to you guys, at the next game. Everyone gets to play an equal amount.
Paula: Are you sure? The next game's the championship, what about your FLABBR?
Lynn: It's FLIBBR, [rolling up her sleeve] and it's not important anymore, being a true champion isn't about winning a trophy, it's about treating your teammates with respect.
[Flip comes over, his cart squeaking like crazy.]
Flip: Whoa, whoa, whoa! What about all my Flippee sales?
Lynn: Flip, Flip, Flip, you're not looking at the big picture, sure you'll sell some flipees being home of the champions, but think of how many more you'll sell as champion of the underdogs. Eh?
Flip: Ooh, yeah, there are a lot of underdogs in this area/ I'm in.
Morgan: Well, we are out. We came to win.
Flip: Well, fine then. Your parents can just leave a check for the room and board in the garage. [Megan and Morgan just scoff at this and walk away.] Well, it was worth a shot.
[The next day, the fourth and final game, The Turkey Jerkies vs The Brie Throwers, goes underway.]
Announcer: Welcome to the Royal Woods girls basketball league championship, we've got Jean Juan's Brie Throwers vs. Flip's Food and Fuel's Turkey Jerkies, some names, don't you think, Pep?
Pep: My names Pep, who am I to judge?
Announcer: [The ref comes out onto the court with the ball.] There's the ref, and the whistle, and here's the tipoff. [Paula wins the tipoff with her crutch, the Announcer summarizes everything as it happens.] Turkey Jerkies take the ball and easily run it up the court, [Lynn passes it to Maya.] the Jerkies pass it around [Maya passes to Lynn.] Back to Lynn Loud who runs it forward, but the Brie Throwers are on her.
[Lynn throws Paula the ball.]
Announcer: Lynn passes to Paula, who nails it! [Paula bounces the ball of her crutch.] Ooh, it's off the rim.
Paula: [Getting hit in the face with the ball.] Ow!
[She falls over, the Brie Throwers showing concern, Lynn offers her a hand.]
Lynn: That's okay, good hustle Paula.
[Paula is very happy to hear Lynn say that.]
Announcer: Ouch, she is gonna feel that tomorrow, huh Pep?
Pep: I don't feel anything anymore.
[Later, Maya is dribbling up the court, passes it to Lynn, who then passes it to Amy, who takes a shot, but it's intercepted by a Brie Thrower.]
Lynn: [Clapping] Nice try Amy, you almost had it.
Announcer: Diane dribbles up court, [Diane passes to Maya] passes to Maya, who takes a shot, [the ball rolls along the rim] ooh, it's rolling around, [Paula, using her crutch, tips it in.] ooh, Paula taps it in from below.
Lynn: [Clapping] Ah, crutch play, Paula.
Announcer: Diane and Amy run the ball up court.
Lynn: Amy, I'm open, I'm open!
[Diane throws Lynn the ball.]
Announcer: She passes to Lynn, Lynn Loud with the ball, alley oop! [Lynn makes the alley oop.] The Jerkies are really hustling out there, but will it be enough Pep? Will it be enough?
Pep: Ooh, don't spoil it for me.
Announcer: Lynn's got the ball.
Lynn: Maya, catch!
[Lynn passes to Maya.]
Announcer: Maya's got it, [Maya yawns] oop, getting sleepy there, [Maya takes another nap, using the ball as a pillow.] making herself comfortable.
Lynn: Maya! Wake up! Clocks running out!
[Maya wakes with a start.]
Announcer: Maya wakes up, Maya's on the move, but the Brie Throwers are on her, and with time running out the Jerkies gotta make a move. [Make takes a shot,it bounces on the rim, but goes in, as the buzzer goes off. The Turkey Jerkies go wild.] Well Pep, in our twenty years of calling games, I don't think we've ever seen anything like that.
Pep: Has it been only twenty? Feels like a thousand.
Jean Juan Player: [Walking past The Turkey Jerkies, with the rest of The Brie Throwers following her.] What are you celebrating for? You just got creamed, fifty to twelve.
Diane: We don't care. We all got to play.
Maya: Thanks to Lynn.
[The four of them pick Lynn up...]
Paula, Amy, Diane and Maya: Lynn! Lynn!
[...but due to their lack of muscle, they drop her, resulting in all of them being in a pile on the floor. Flip comes over with his squeaky cart.]
Flip: Great job, team. One free Flippee for all of ya!
The Turkey Jerkies: [Pump a fist up] Yeah!
[Flip hands the team a cup with five straws, literally meaning one Flippee.]
Lynn: [As she and her team's excitement turns to disbelief.] Seriously, dude?
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