The following is a transcript for the episode "No Bus No Fuss."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[In the front yard of the Loud House, Lucy, the twins, and Lisa are waiting for the bus] Lola:[annoyed] "Where's Lincoln? We're going to miss the bus." Lisa: "It is precisely 7:31 AM, which mean Lincoln will misplace his backpack in three, two..." Lincoln:[looking for his backpack] "Where did I put my backpack?" [finds it] "Never mind, Cliff was napping on it." Lisa: "Followed by a hasty breakfast." Rita: "Lincoln! Your burrito and OJ!" Lincoln: "Give me a second!" Lisa: "I suggest you move three steps to your right." [Lana moves three steps to her right. Lincoln runs off with his burrito and OJ, with Cliff trying and failing to get into his backpack. Lincoln's OJ and burrito fall, but he catches it.] Lincoln: "Yes!" Lisa: "I suggest you don't get too attached to that burrito." Lynn:[steals Lincoln's burrito] "Yoink!" Lincoln: "Wha-? Hey!" Lynn: "Ha-ha! Snooze, you lose, Stinkin'!" [eats the burrito] Lisa: "Like clockwork." Lola: "Lynn, what are you doing?" Lynn: "Track just started, baby. I'll be getting my sprint on to school for the rest of the season. See you chumps later." [As Lynn runs off, the bus arrives, and the Louds board the bus.] Lincoln: "Lookin' good, Ernie! Love the new beaded seat." [Ernie gives him a thumbs up. He goes to greet his friends] Stella: "Morning, Lincoln." Rusty: "What's up?" Lincoln: "Hey, everybody! Finally Friday, am I right? Or Or should I say, Fri-yay? This girl knows what I'm talking about!" Girl:[chuckles] "I do! I do know what he's talking about!" Clyde: "Oh, Lincoln! I always love your early morning shtick!" [A spring comes loose, sending Lincoln's backpack flying. He catches it] Lincoln: "That's okay. I guess I'll just sit in the back to-yay." Clyde: "Uh-oh! The sequel!" [Lincoln sits at the back of the bus and prepares to sip his OJ, when he's suddenly approached by three bullies.] Anderson: "Um, what do you think you're doing, sixth-grader?" Lincoln: "Having a little pulp-free OJ. Or should I say, O-yay?" Clyde: "Oh yeah! Hit 'em with that trilogy!" Taylor:[rolls her eyes] "Ugh, no. He meant why are you sitting in our seat?" [jabs Lincoln] Lincoln: "Oh, uh, I didn't think this was taken." Anderson:[chokeholds Lincoln] "Let me explain something to you, little man. See this line?" [points to a yellow line] "Eighth-graders in the back and babies in the front! Wah-wah-wah!" Pablo: "Yeah! Wah-wah!" Taylor: "Dude, he just said that." [The bullies drop Lincoln] Lincoln: "Well, no problems here. I'll just, uh, get out of your way." [The bus bumps, causing Lincoln to spill his OJ on Anderson] "Whoops, sorry! Let me get that for you!" [rubs the stain] "Hmm, was it clockwise scrubbing or counterclockwise?" [keeps rubbing the stain, but makes it worse. Anderson growls] Clyde: "Never scrub, always dab!" Stella: "Lincoln, use this stain-removing pen!" [throws the pen and hits Anderson, leaving a red stain and enraging him more] "Oops, I guess that was a marker." Zach: "Soak up some of the OJ with the bread from my sandwich!" [throws the sandwich, but it spills on Anderson] Liam: "Don't worry, Lincoln! Help is on the way!" [throws cow pie on all three bullies, enraging them] "Oh, family secret. Cow manure can get out anything, even the frown on a tipped-over cow!" [lathers the stain with cow pie] "Oh, it was horse manure for stains, cow manure for shingles." [Anderson grabs Liam by his backpack, and Lincoln and the rest of his friends look at each other nervously.]
[The bus arrives at Royal Woods Middle School. The other students, the bullies included, leave the bus.] Students: "I'm glad that wasn't me." [As everybody leaves, Lincoln, Clyde and Stella stagger off the bus last, beaten and bruised, with their underwear pulled up ridiculously high. Lincoln's cowlick has two chunks torn out of it, Clyde's glasses are broken and bent out of shape, and Stella has her hair messed up and her right eye swollen shut.] Lincoln: "Thanks for trying to help me, guys. I guess it could have gone worse." [Liam emerges with a wedgie over his head and falls.] Rusty: "Speak for yourself, man." [He and Zach have their underwear tied together. Lincoln chuckles nervously.]
[Later that afternoon.] Rusty: "It took all afternoon and a pair of bolt cutters, but the Fire Department finally separated our wedgie." Zach: "Now I know way too much about Rusty and his birthmark." [The bus arrives] Stella:[nervously] "Ready to face those eighth-graders again?" Lincoln: "I don't think we have anything to worry about. I'm sure they've cooled off by now."
[The bus drops off Lincoln and friends at the Loud House. All of them are bruised and have their underwear tied together.] Lincoln: "So... not cooled off." Clyde: "I don't have enough strength or underwear to keep riding this bus." Lincoln: "There's got to be another way to get to school." [All of them wonder.] Liam: "We can't hoof it. It's too far." Rusty: "And bikes are out. I outgrew mine! Must be that growth spurt I just hit!" Lincoln:[notices Vanzilla] "Hey! What if we ask our parents to drive us to school? They could each take a different date." Stella: "Ugh, that's a no-go. My parents leave super early every morning. My mom has work and my dad has hot yoga." Lincoln: "That's OK, that still leaves... five sets of parents, which is enough for the week." [everyone agrees] "Then it's settled. We start on Monday." [All but Clyde leave, Clyde the only one who hasn't forgotten something] Clyde: "No, wait!" [All of them crash into each other due to the wedgie] Rusty: "I'll call the Fire Department."
MONDAY [The bus arrives at the Loud House. Lucy, Lisa, and the twins get on. The bullies snarl at Lincoln, who smugly waves at them as the bus leaves. Lincoln then hears a horn, and it's the Gurdles driving a van. Zach opens the window, waves, and pulls Lincoln on board.] Lincoln: "Good mor-" Mrs. Gurdle: "Shh! Keep your voice down! You'll scare away the alien lifeform!" [Lincoln looks at a dog walker with a barking cocker spaniel.] Lincoln: "Uh, the dog walker?" Mrs. Gurdle: "Don't be absurd, the cocker spaniel. He's picking up intergalactic signals in that cone." [The Gurdles slowly approach the dog walker, forcing him to flee. The friends sigh.] Stella: "Zach, can you do something? We're going to be late!" Zach: "I think my parents might be on to something, though." [The others sigh.]
TUESDAY [Mimi pulls up to the Loud House in a tractor. Lincoln sheepishly laughs and gets on.] Mimi: "Hope you kids don't mind sitting on the road to Vegas." Liam:[Virginia feels carsick] "Oh, pull over, Mee-maw! Virginia's getting carsick again!" [Virginia vomits on Clyde] "Never mind. She's doing better."
WEDNESDAY [The Spokes' beat-up car pulls up to the Loud House and picks Lincoln up. Rusty rides shotgun with his dad while Lincoln is crammed with the rest of his friends.] Rodney: "There I was, a young salesman fresh out of textile school torn between my two loves..." Rodney and Rusty: "Rayon and polyester!" Rusty:[chuckles] "He tells this one a lot." Rodney:[spots the same dog walker from Monday] "Ha-chaw! A potential sale! Kids, grab a racket and don't take no for an answer!" [sprays himself with cologne, the kids cough, and he gets out of his car] "Let the cologne soak into your pores, kids!" [takes out a t-shirt] "Sir, I'm about to introduce you to the new you!" [runs off chasing the dog walker] Rusty: "And I've got a nice two-piece from the good boy collection!" [follows his dad] [The other kids cough.]
THURSDAY [It's the McBrides' turn to drive the kids.] Howard: "Can't be too careful carrying six precious angels." [The kids are all wearing helmets and with pillows strapped to their seatbelts.] Clyde: "Dad, are we ever gonna go?" Howard: "Just one last safety precaution." [Harold wraps the McBrides' car in bubble wrap.] "OK, kids, hold on tight." [The McBrides' car drives very slowly, much to the kids' dismay.]
FRIDAY [The kids are in Vanzilla with Rita driving.] Lincoln:[relieved] "Finally, one normal ride." [Unfortunately, right when Rita arrives at the school and tries to park, a red car takes the spot in front of Vanzilla.] Rita:[angry] "Oh, the rules don't apply to you. Go ahead, Your Majesty!" [honks the horn and leans out of the window] "Hey, move it!" [She moves out of her spot, accidentally cutting in front of another car. Lincoln looks back and sees Mr. Bolholfner is the driver, angrily glaring at Vanzilla.] Lincoln:[worried] "Oh, great. Mr. Bolhofner."
[The cafeteria] Zach: "I'll say it: Carpooling was a bust." Stella: "There's gotta be another way to get to school." Lincoln and Clyde: "Hmmm... I got it!" Lincoln:[simultaneously with Clyde] "Lisa built a teleporter." Clyde:[simultaneously with Lincoln] "We could take the city bus!" Lincoln: "Your thing. Let's go with your thing." [The others agree.] Rusty: "Yeah, the bus will have plenty of leg room for my second growth spurt. Doc says it could come any minute." [Mr. Bolhofner cuts in front of Lincoln] Lincoln: "Hey!" Mr. Bolhofner: "See how it feels, Loud? Tell your mother I said hi."
MONDAY Lincoln:[at a bus stop reading a map] "All we have to do is take the A bus to the queue, switch to the magenta line, cross over to the 17 but only if it's a local. Then it's a straight shot to school!" [The others agree. On the bus, Stella and Liam are standing under some guy's armpit stains, a girl's dog is glaring at Lincoln, Clyde is seated, but in a tight space. Zach is trying to grab the strap, but he's a little short, Rusty is tall enough and gives Zach a boost. Later, they wait for the second bus; on board, Clyde struggles to find fare.] "Phew. Guys, we did it! I think this bus takes us right to school!" [A bump says otherwise, the gang looks and sees that they're actually on a ferry.] "Dang it!"
TUESDAY Lincoln:[at a dumpster] "OK, this plan I feel really good about." [They're looking at a beat-up airplane.] Flip: "Hey, thanks for choosing Flip's Trips, where all sales are final." [hands over a brochure] Lincoln: "No longer under state investigation?" Flip: "I've been told I can legally say that now." [The plane breaks, revealing a raccoon.] "It was cosmetic! Probably." [Later, the kids are on the plane. Flip tosses the raccoon on to the propeller.] "We here at Flip's Trips pride ourselves on safety." [tries to fit in the seat] "So fasten your seatbelts!" Liam: "Mine's too loose!" Clyde: "Mine's too tight!" Lincoln: "Mine's a garden hose?" Flip: "Just hug each other tight." [The plane flies] Lincoln: "This might actually work out!" Flip: "Alright, aim for the strumps! The only way out is down, chief! You're gonna need these!" [hands over parachutes] "The parachutes are extra, but I'll just add that to your bill! " [presses a button called "Send 'em packin'"] Clyde: "I'm having some trouble putting my parachute." [is sent flying] Rusty: "Wait, wait, wait-" [is sent flying] [The other kids are sent careening into the tree.] Zach: "I'll say it: This plan stinks worse than Rusty's dad. Rusty: "There's nothing wrong with my dad's cologne. Maybe you're just not a man enough to pull it off." Lincoln: "I guess we're out of options. This afternoon we'll have to get back on the school bus." [The others groan.]
[Later that morning.] Lincoln: "Hey, check it out." [He sees that the bullies have wedgied three boys. A fourth wedgied boy walks out of the bus before the bullies come running out of the bus laughing. Lincoln's gang go ask two boys who are removing their wedgies.] Stella: "Wait, the eight-graders are wedgie-ing you now?" [The boy tries to explain, but his wedgie muffles his voice. Lincoln removes the boy's wedgie, and the boy exhales in relief.] Boy: "Thank you! Ever since you guys stopped taking the bus, they started picking on the rest of us!" Liam: "Well, guess it's our turn again." [They all look down in sadness. Lincoln looks at a girl struggling to remove her wedgie as another wedgied girl struggles to walk.] Lincoln:[coming up with an idea] "Wait a minute, guys. Maybe it doesn't have to be anybody's turn."
[They look at him while Lincoln smirks.]
[That afternoon, the bus arrives, and Lincoln and the others smirk at each other. Lincoln gets on the bus. The bullies are talking amongst themselves, when they notice Lincoln approaching them.] Anderson: "Well, well, well. Look who's back for more." [Lincoln takes a step forward from the yellow line, shocking the bullies.] Taylor:[rolls up her sleeves] "Looks like someone forgot the rules of the bus: babies in the front." Anderson:[cracks his knuckles] "Let's remind this twerp how things work back here." Lincoln:[arms crossed] "No. You can't tell me where to sit anymore." [The bullies look at each other and laugh.] Taylor: "Like you can stop us all by your puny self." Lincoln: "Actually, I'm not by myself." [Lincoln's friends appear, and the bullies notice the other students and Ernie glaring at them.] Clyde: "We're tired of being bullied by you." Stella: "And together, we don't have to be afraid anymore." [The bullies back away from the other students. Pablo groans nervously, while hiding behind Taylor as she and Anderson look around] Taylor: 'OK...like...take it easy." [The bullies look at each other and sit down, realizing they've been defeated.] Anderson: "Whatever." [The students all cheer, and Ernie joins them in celebrating. The bus jolts] Lincoln: "Ernie, the parking brake!" [Ernie hits the parking brake and gives a thumbs up. The friends high-five, when suddenly, Rusty gets taller] Stella: "Rusty, did you just-" Rusty: "Told ya, growth spurt."
