The following is a transcript for the episode "Party Down".
[The Loud House basement]
Rita: "We're off to the movies, honey. Have fun at your party tonight!"
Lynn Sr.: "Lynn-sanity Sr. brought you some props! Nothing brightens up a party like a lampshade on the head!" [He puts a lampshade on his his head and starts dancing, while Rita giggles.] "Huh?"
Lori: "No offense, Dad, but I'm 17. I'm not throwing that kind of party."
[She flips through a magazine and shows a page to her parents.]
Rita: "50 ways to throw a sophisticated party."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, gotcha. So, it's more of a fake vomit affair, huh?"
[He pretends to throw up fake vomit, and he and Rita laugh, while Lori looks annoyed.]
Rita: "Come on, honey. We don't wanna miss the previews."
[They leave. Lori, Leni and Bobby are about to start decorating, when Lynn Sr. comes back.]
Lynn Sr.: "I'd be kicking myself if I didn't at least ask." [spins his propeller] "Propeller beanie?!" [Lori, Leni and Bobby stare at him.] "And, I'm out." [leaves]
Lori: "Oooookay. Item #1: Say more with great decor. Color coordinated coasters, check. Scented candles, check. Confetti-" [Notices Bobby spreading the confetti.] "Bobby, sweetie, you're bunching the confetti." [takes the bag from him] "You're supposed to scatter it whimsically, like this."
[She twirls around while scattering. Just then her siblings rush down with their party supplies and cheer.]
Lana and Lola: "We brought our bouncers!"
Lisa: "I've constructed a chocolate fountain! It started out as a nuclear fusion device, but I accidentally dropped my chocolate bar in it."
Lincoln: "And I've been working on my party tricks all week!" [He takes off his pants and falls down, while his sisters laugh, while Lori looks annoyed.] "Knee farts!"
Lori: [annoyed] "Guys! Sorry, we're not doing any of that. This is going to be a sophisticated party."
Lori: "Well, I'm glad you feel that way, because you're not invited. It's just for the older kids."
Lincoln: "Yeah, sorry guys. It's just for us."
Lori: "Lincoln, put your pants back on. You're not invited either. Just Leni and Luna."
Lincoln: "What?! Come on!!"
Luan: "Ooh! And me! Please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeease!"
Lori: "Fine! But you have to be cool."
Luan: "Cooly noted!"[laughs; voicing Mr. Coconuts] "Get it?"
Lori: "Don't make me regret my decision."
[Luan and Mr. Coconuts look at each other shocked.]
[Lincoln goes back to his room having put his pants back on.]
Lincoln: "I did not spend a whole week mastering party tricks just to be shown the door." [slams his door and busts out the trunk.] "Lori doesn't want Lincoln Loud at her party, but she didn't say anything about..."
[Cuts to Lincoln disguised as a Russian citizen and talking to the bouncer, Leni.]
Lincoln: [feigning Russian accent] "Lincolnovich Loudinski! I am new foreign exchange student."
Leni: [looks at the list] "I don't see your name on the list."
[They check the list.]
Lincoln: "Uh, that is shopping list."
Leni: [disappointed] "Oh. So, feta cheese isn't coming? I was so excited to meet her."
[Lincoln rolls his eyes, pat's Leni's shoulder and goes down into the basement.]
Bobby: "Party's pretty sweet, babe."
Lori: "Thanks, Boo-Boo Bear. Now for Item #8: Make your party all that with some sparkling chitchat." [grabs Bobby who yelps and goes over to some of her friends.] "So, has anyone done any travel lately? I hear the Galapagos Islands are beautiful this time of year."
[Her friends don't know how to respond.]
Chaz: "Uh...me and Tad went to the quarry and threw rocks at ducks."
[Lori looks disappointed at that statement. Just then, an amplifier screeches and some music starts blaring courtesy of Luna as some of the guests enjoy it.]
Lori: "Hey, guys!" [the music stops] "Did you check out the origami station?" [shows some origami and pushes the guests away to talk to Luna.] "Luna, what are you doing?"
Luna: "Just trying to liven up the proceedings, dude?"
Lori: "Well, it's way too noisy. Item 4 clearly states that easy listening makes for easy talking."
Luna: "What's item five? Put everyone to sleep?"
Lori: "You are on warning!"
[Leni takes a photo of their little argument with her phone.]
Leni: "Super cute! I'm totes posting this."
Lori: [looks at the photo] "You totes are not! This is not sophisticated! Post this." [strikes a glamorous and sophisticated pose.]
Leni: [takes the picture] "Awesome! You look so constipated."
Lori: [frustrated] "Sophisticated, Leni!"
[Leni looks confused at her.]
Lori: "Item 7: Tasty bites make tasty nights." [gathers some snacks on a tray and offers them to her guests.] "Anyone for a mushroom polenta on toast points?"
[Her guests gag and Luan and Mr. Coconuts pop up.]
Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "I've got a buddy who's a mushroom. He's a real fungi!"
[The guests laugh and Lori drags Luan away to talk to her.]
Lori: "Luan, I told you to be cool."
Luan: "What? I'm just trying to yuck it up a little."
Lori: [groans] "There's no yucking at a sophisticated party."
Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "Unless someone eats a polenta. Bazing!"
Lori: "You are both on warning!" [goes over to her guests with a jar of paper pieces.] "Guys, who's up for some Charades?" [beat] "I'll go first." [reaches in for something to act and reads it.] "Okay." [holds up two fingers to say it's two words.]
Tad: "You have to go number two."
[Lori looks unimpressed. Luna sits around bored and starts playing some music with the washboard and brush, getting the guests' attention.]
Chaz: "Chaz like."
[Luna then starts playing music with the laundry equipment and the crowd cheers only for Lori to break it up.]
Lori: "Guys, guys. I just put out some fresh salmon mousse." [turns to Luna as the guests walk away.] "Ugh. Luna, what did I tell you?"
Luna: "But, dude, they were pickin' up what I was layin' down."
Lori: "Well, you need to pick up and leave before you ruin my party!"
Luna: "Whatever, brah." [leaves]
Luan: "It's too bad. She had a real clean sound." [as Mr. Coconuts] "Guess you have to wash your step around here." [normal voice] "Yeah, or you'll get hung out to dry."
[As she laughs at her jokes, Lori points toward the exit, telling her to leave.]
Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "Oh. Okay. We fold." [laughs as she leaves]
[Meanwhile, the guests are laughing at Lincoln as Lincolnovich juggling with one foot on his head.]
Becky: "Do another one, Lincolnovich!"
Lincoln: [holding Becky's face] "For you, бабушка, no problem!"
[He steps and shakes his underwear out without taking his pants off, much to the astonishment of his audience; Lori grabs "Lincolnovich" and tears off his mustache.]
Lori: "Lincoln, I told you you're not invited!"
Lincoln: "But my tricks are killing!"
Lori: "I'm trying to throw a sophisticated party, and you're literally waving around your underwear! Now...SCRAM!"
Lincoln: [in Russian accent] "We will hear about this at embassy!" [leaves]
Lori: "Um, excuse me, everyone. I'm sorry for all my annoying siblings. Now that they're gone, we can get back to our charades and toast points."
[The others mumble and feign excitement.]
[The living room. Lincoln has just arrived.]
Luan: "You got kicked out, too, huh?"
[Lincoln sadly nods]
Luna: "Don't worry, brah. This party's way more rockin'. A-one, two, three, four!" [starts playing]
[The twins start dancing and Lynn is bouncing on one of the bouncers.]
Lynn: "Check out this major air!" [bounces high and away] "Yee-haw!"
Lucy: [forming a séance with the pets.] "Charles, I see your grandfather. He's a labradoodle."
[Lisa and Lily are drinking from the chocolate fountain.]
Lisa: [hooked] "Oh, mama! This Theobroma Cacao, street name: chocolate, is working wonders on my serotonin levels!"
Lily: [pouring some into her bottle.] "Goo-goo!"
Lincoln: "You're right. This party's way better. Mind if I sit in?" [takes off his pants and does some knee farts while his sisters laugh.]
Luna: "Yeah, little bro! I dig what you're layin' down!"
[They all have a good time upstairs. Back down in the basement, one of the guests is bored out of his mind.]
Lori: "I don't get it, you guys. I've been following the list, but people don't look like they're having fun."
Leni: "I think they're having fun."
Lori: "Leni, Joey is literally doing his homework." [shows Joey doing so in the corner.] "Hmm...I know what my mistake was!"
Bobby: "You listened too closely to some silly magazine instead of following your own instincts?"
Lori: "No. I left out Item 24!" [goes to the dance floor] "Okay, everyone, line dancing!"
Lori: "Don't worry. It's easy. Just watch me." [taps her feet and does the following moves she calls.] "Grapevine right, grapevine left, back three steps, and scuff!" [turns on some country music on her phone.]
Becky: "Um, Lori...um...can I get a drink?"
Lori: "Sure, Becky. As soon as I get a good grapevine out of you."
[They laugh awkwardly]
Becky: [pretending to make a ringing sound] "Brring! Oh, there's my phone!" [fakes getting a call] "Oh, what's that, Mom? You stubbed your toe? Really hard? And you need me to come home right away? Oh, sorry, Lori. Family emergency." [leaves and sighs relieved]
Tad: [following her] "Oh, uh, sorry. She's my ride. Wait up, Rhonda!"
[The other guests run upstairs out of the party while passing Lori making her spin dizzy.]
Guests: "She's my ride, too. / Me too. / I'm blocking her in."
[Dana and Chaz are about to leave but Lori stops them.]
Lori: "Wait, you guys! Where are you going? We haven't, uh..." [checks the magazine] "...made vision boards yet?"
Chaz: [whispering to Dana] "I don't need a vision to know I'm bored." [to Lori] "Awesome party, Lori."
[He and Dana then leave.]
Bobby: "Don't feel bad, babe. I mean, a stubbed toe? That is pretty serious."
Lori: "Eeh. Nice try, Boo-Boo Bear. But I know my party was a bomb."
Leni: "What do you mean? Joey got all his homework done."
Lori: "Guys, if you don't mind, I literally wanna be alone for a little bit."
[Bobby and Leni go upstairs and Lincoln comes down.]
Lincoln: "I saw everyone leaving. Are you okay?"
Lori: [sighs] "I'm fine."
Lincoln: "Well, we're all hanging out upstairs if you wanna come join us. I mean, it's nothing "sophisticated", but-"
Lori: "You know what? I think I'm done with sophisticated." [tosses the magazine in the trash and notices something else in it.] "Oh. So that's where all the salmon mousse went. Wonderful."
[They leave the basement.]
[Upstairs, the living room is fully decorated and the other sisters are wearing party hats. Lincoln and Lori arrive.]
Lincoln: "Hey, guys, look who's joining the party."
[The other sisters cheer. Lisa, experiencing a sugar rush, runs up to them.]
Lisa: [hyperactive] "Can I offer you a chocolate covered gelatinous confectionary, street name: marshmallow?"
Lucy: "Lori, come join our séance. We just discovered that Walt's ancestor is a pterodactyl."
Luan: [as Mr. Coconuts] "And my ancestor's a coffee table."
Luna: [brings Lori to the mic] "Dudeage! Come sing a duet with me."
Lori: "No, no. You know I'm not a good singer."
Luna: "Come on. I'm doing your fave." [singing] "♫Ooh, girl, give you the♫"
[Lori joins in]
Lori and Luna: "♫Ooh, girl, world girl, give you the, ooh, girl, world girl!♫"
Lynn: [bounces past Lori] "Coming through!"
Lola: [bouncing as well] "I'm gonna beat you!"
Lori: "I'm gonna beat both of you!" [grabs a bouncer and starts bouncing with the crowd cheering; catches up and crosses the finish line made out of toilet paper.] "And the new bouncy ball champion is Lori Loud!" [dunks herself with the chocolate fountain.]
Leni: "I am totally posting this."
[Leni posts a photo of Lori having so much fun. Becky, Dana, Chaz and Tad, now hanging out elsewhere, get the post and smile. Just then, the doorbell rings. Lori answers it and sees that it's Becky with pizza.]
Becky: "Yeah, my mom's toe, it's all better."
[The other guests come in.]
Guests: "Oh, yeah, and she's still my ride." / "Mine, too." / "Yeah, I needed to block her back in."
[Lori is happy to see her guests back. Everyone is having fun.]
Lucy: [telling Joey his fortune] "I see a B minus in your future."
Joey: [disappointed] "Oh, man. Why do I even bother studying at parties?"
Chaz: "Great party, Lori. Chaz like."
Lori: "Well, actually, it's not my-"
Lincoln: "Yeah! Lori throws the best parties."
Lori: [smiles and gets an idea.] "I know what would make this even better!" [holds out the box] "Party props!"
[Everyone grabs a prop and starts having fun with them. Just then, Rita and Lynn Sr. come in and gasp at the state of the party.]
Lori: "Uh, Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. Things got a little out of hand. Please don't be mad."
[The parents laugh]
Rita: "We're not mad. We're thrilled!"
Lynn Sr.: "Honey, this is the kind of party a 17-year-old should have!"
[The parents put lampshades on their heads and everyone laughs.]
Lincoln: "Hey, everyone! I got another pair of undies! Time for an encore performance!" [starts doing his underwear trick.]
Lynn Sr.: "I taught him that!"
[Lincoln successfully performs his trick and the party-goers cheer for him.]
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