The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[It is an early weekday morning at the Loud House, and Lincoln is putting the finishing touches on something.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "Ever wonder what it's like to grow up in a big family? Well, so does my teacher. Our class assignment is to do a report on our families. With ten sisters, I can sum up mine in one word: "Chaos"!" [Reveals a diorama of Lincoln's daily chaos in a replica of the show's first promotional poster.] "It took 3 weeks, 4 boxes of pasta, 2 tubes of glue, and 27 popsicle sticks, but the centerpiece of my project is finally finished. Pretty accurate representation of the Loud Family, I'd say. But making this thing was the easy part. The real challenge is getting it to school on time and in one piece to give my report. Sounds easy, right? Not in my house. If you want to get all ten of your sisters out the door on time, you have to get up pretty early, and you have to have a plan." [Thudding sounds are heard. A commotion starts to take place and the water from Lincoln's glass starts to shake, indicating only one thing.] Lincoln: "The ten-headed beast has awoken. Wish me luck. Ah!" [He takes the diorama and steps out the door but quickly busts out an umbrella to avoid a pail of water pouring onto him and his diorama.] "Not today, Luan." Luan: "Oh, we'll see about that. Pailure is not an option!" [laughs] "Get it?" Lincoln: "I'll just take this to the car later. But first..." [Calls] "Luna. A little "Man with the plan" music?" Luna:[Holding her guitar and tossing her pick.] "You got it, man!" [Starts playing while Luan prepares to strike again.] [The twins are fighting over a dollar.] Lola: "It's my dollar!" Lana: "No, it's mine!" Lola: "Let go!" Lana: "No, you let go!" Lincoln:[To the viewers pointing at the twins.] "Right on cue." Lola: "You let go!" Lana: "Stop it!" [Lincoln takes their dollar.] Twins: "Hey!" Lincoln:[gives them exact change] "Half for Lola, half for Lana." Twins: "Thanks, Lincoln!" Lucy:[right behind her brother] "Good morning, Lincoln." Lincoln:[startled] "Yah! Good morning, Lucy." Lucy: "For my new poem, I need a word that rhymes with "choose"." [Lily starts walking around the room.] Lincoln: "Uh...how about "lose"?" Lucy: "That works." [writes it down] Lincoln:[holding Lily's baby clothes] "Time to get dressed, Lily!" Lynn:[with a football] "Hey, Lincoln! Think fast!" [tosses it] [Lincoln tosses Lily in the air and catches the football.] Lynn:[chuckles] "Nice catch, Lincoln." Lincoln: "Nice throw, Lynn." [gives it back to Lynn. He catches Lily and starts to dress her.] Lori:[on her phone with Bobby] "OMG, Bobby. I literally had to call you right away. I am just so excited about the homecoming dance." [Lincoln notices that Luan has placed another bucket right above Lori and Leni's door and quickly opens his umbrella to save Lori before she gets drenched by a pail of water.] Lori: "I know, right? You're so sweet!" [giggles] [Lincoln makes the "I'm watching you" gesture to Luan.] Luan:[determined] "I'll get the drop on you yet." [laughs] "Get it?" Lori:[to Lincoln] "What do you want?" Lincoln: "Lori, could you maybe hang up the phone and get ready for school?" Lori: "Cool it, twerp. I'm quite capable of doing two things at once." [Leni comes by with a bubble from her gum and trips.] Lincoln: "Leni?" Leni: "Note to self: never walk and chew gum at the same time." Lincoln: "Time's running out!" [rushes back to his room.] Lynn:[with a Soccer ball] "Lincoln! Think fast!" [kicks it] [Lincoln dives and catches the ball into another room offscreen; Lola and Lana walk out of their room; Lincoln tosses the ball back, heads into his room and picks up his project.] Lincoln: "Okay, let's get you downstairs." [Lisa comes out of her room with a steaming flask.] Lisa: "Scatter! She's gonna blow!" Lincoln:[U-turns] "Or not." [puts his project back in his room.] "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!" [adds an extra chemical to the flask and stops it from exploding.] "Phew. Lisa, you're always forgetting the dinitrotoluene." Lisa: "Silly me. Much appreciated." [it explodes anyway] "I'M STILL ALIVE!" Lynn:[dressed as Lunatic Lynn] "AYYYEEE!!! LUCHA LIBRE!" [lunges and screams as she falls down the stairs.] "Todo bien..." Lincoln:[sees Lily walking along the hallway behind him.] "Lily! Pants!" [slips baby pants on Lily.] [Lola and Lana are arguing over who gets to use the bathroom first.] Lola: "I was here first!" Lana: "No, I was!" Lola: "Nuh-uh, I was!" Lana: "No way! I was!" Lola: "You always say that!" Lana: "You do!" [Lincoln puts on a pair of roller skates and goes into the bathroom.] Lola and Lana: "Hey! No cutting!" [Lincoln gives them their toothbrushes and liberally applies toothpaste to them.] Lola and Lana: "Thanks, Lincoln!" [Lincoln tosses the toothpaste tube back where it belongs and skates down the hall.] Leni: "Has anyone seen my zit cream?" [Lincoln hands it to her.] Lori: "I literally found the cutest dress to wear!" [Lincoln looks annoyed at her lack of punctuality.] Lucy: "A word that rhymes with "stuck"." Lincoln: ""Luck"." Luan: "How do you stop a rhino from charging?" Lincoln: "You take away his credit card!" [Luan laughs] Lincoln:[leaping over Lisa who's writing a mathematical formula on the wall.] "Mom said no solving for X on the walls!" [passes by Lucy who's about to ask him for another rhyme for another word in her poem.] "Same! Blame! Game! Fame!" Lynn: "Where the heck are my roller skates? I've got field hockey today!" Lincoln:[takes them off and returns them] "Wait. There's no roller skates in field hockey." Lynn: "The way I play, there is!" [grabs them and goes to put them on.] [Lily comes toddling by.] Lincoln:[grabs her] "Gotcha!" [to the viewers] "Phase one of Operation Get Ready For School and Into the Car on Time is complete. Now comes phase two: breakfast." [Carries Lily down the stairs.] Luna:[finishes her number] "THANK YOU!!!"
[Breakfast is being made; an egg falls onto the skillet and it's shown that Lincoln is in charge of cooking today.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "Cooking is usually Dad's territory, but I gave him the day off 'cause I have to kick things into high gear." [begins serving certain eggs to certain sisters.] "Egg whites for Leni, sunny-side up for Luna, funny-side up for Luan..." Luan: "Great yolk!" [laughs] Lincoln: "...scrambled for Lynn, fried for Lisa, deviled eggs for the twins, and..." Lori:[still on the phone with Bobby] "Oh, and I picked out the perfect tux for you to wear, Bobby." Lincoln:[growing more irritated] "...hard boiled for Lori." [serves some runny eggs on Lily's high chair.] "Extra goo goo gooey for Lily." [serving some rather burned eggs to Lucy.] "And for Lucy, extra well done." Lucy: "If I had a heart, it would be swelling right now."
[Everyone has finished breakfast and is heading for the door.] Lincoln: "All righty, then, we are dressed and fed, and now we have our backpacks and lunches prepared to dietary needs. We're just waiting on Lori." [Enter Lori with the keys to the van.] Lori: "No, not puke, Bobby. Puce. It's-- like a reddish brownish." Lincoln:[--Groans] "Everyone, wait here while I grab my project!" [He runs up the stairs. Cliff and Charles run out of his room before he picks it up.] "Time for phase three: getting you out the door and in one piece." [Geo rolls his hamster ball right under Lincoln's foot, causing him to step on it and slip.] Lincoln: "Whoa, whoa!" [rolls down the stairs and stops right in front of the door before impact.] "Phew. Okay then, we're all ready to go? Time for phase four, out the door!" [to the viewers] "Like I said, if you want to get all your sisters out the door on time, you have to have a plan." [Right before they can get out the door...] Lori:[angry at Bobby] "Fine! If you don't wanna wear the tux, then I don't wanna go to the dance! In fact...I DON'T EVEN WANNA GO TO SCHOOL!" [screams in frustration] Lincoln: "So close..." [puts his project down] "Wait!" [The other sisters chat over each other and are about to walk back to their rooms, but he cuts in front of them and stops them.] "No no no no no. Everyone, stay right where you are." [heads upstairs] "Lori, wait! You're the only one who can drive us!" Lori:[Angrily] "GET MOM TO DRIVE YOU!" [shuts herself in her room.] Lincoln: "But she's already left!" Leni:[suddenly with a light blue skin pigmentation.] "AAAHH!!! I'M BLUE!!! MY SKIN'S TURNED BLUE!!!" Lisa: "Technically, it's a shallow shade of cerulean, but why split hairs?" Lincoln: "Lisa, what did you do?" Lisa: "I secretly switched Leni's blemish cream for an experimental skin pigmentation ointment I've been working on." [Leni starts shaking and whimpering with worry.] Lincoln:[Shocked] "Why would you do that?!" [Leni tries to contain herself.] Lisa: "Because she wouldn't let me try it on her if I had asked." Lincoln:[Bossily] "You go upstairs right now and get something to fix it!" Lisa: "Fine. Hairless apes: 1. Science: 0." [heads upstairs] Lincoln:[Starting to lose his temper and clenches his fists.] "Can't something go my way for once?" Luna: "You can't always get what you want, bro." [Lincoln flops] Lucy:[Right behind him again] "Lincoln, I've finished my poem. It's called "Failure"." Lincoln:[Too down to be startled by her lurking.] "Lucy, I really don't have time for-" Lucy:[Cuts him off] "Failure. [Lincoln flops further] It is not an option, yet it's something you choose. [Lily comes walking by giggling.] The man with the plan is destined to lose." [Lincoln notices and becomes shocked] Lincoln: "LILY! Where are your clothes?!" [Notices that she is walking without her diaper] "And where's your diaper?!" [Give chase] Lily: "Diabo poo-poo!" [Laughs and walks behind the sofa] [Lincoln steps in something nasty.] Lincoln:[Nauseated] "I found the diaper..." [Lily still laughs. Later, he changes his shoes into a fresh pair after that.] Lucy:[Still reading] "Failure. You know there is no one else to blame. For the choices you make are always the same." Lincoln:[Banging on Lori's door in desperation] "Come on, Lori! Please? I have my report this morning!" Lori:[Angrily refuses to come out] "GO... AWAY!" [Lincoln hears arguing between the twins again.] Lola: "The peanut butter sandwich is mine!" Lana: "No, the jelly sandwich is yours!" Lola: "No!" [Lincoln groans in frustration.] "You like the peanut butter and I like the jelly!" Lana: "You like peanut butter and I like jelly!" Lola: "No, I like jelly and you-" [Lincoln takes their sandwiches.] Lola & Lana: "Hey!" [Lincoln swaps two of the sandwich toppings around. Now, both sandwiches have peanut butter and jelly.] Lincoln:[Puts the sandwiches into their lunchboxes; Bossily] "Now, you each have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich." [Closes them] "Now, get to the car." Lola & Lana: "Thanks, Lincoln!" [They head to the car] Lisa:[With a first aid ointment] "Here's the antidote." Lincoln: "Thank you!" [Immediately suspicious] "Wait a second..." [Tests it on Walt, who suddenly blows up like a blimp, revealing that Lisa was about to trick him just get him off her back.] "The real antidote?" Lisa:[Finally hands him the actual antidote] "Fine." [Grumpily goes to the car.] "Hairless apes: 2. Science: 0." Lincoln:[Hands it to Leni] "Here." [Leni sighs with relief and goes to use it.] Lucy:[Still reading] "Failure. It's all your fault, this streak of bad luck. No escape from this cycle in which you are stuck." Lincoln: "Stop! I've got a poem for you now. It's called "Lucy". Dark as night, hair like tar. Take your spooky self... to the car." Lucy: "Sigh." [Heads to the car in defeat] "Once again, your poetic brilliance has put me to shame." Lynn: "Think fast!" [comes charging through the hall with her roller skates and crashes into Lincoln, knocking him and stripping him down to his underwear.] Lincoln: "Ow..." Lynn: "Where is my field hockey stick? I have roller derby today!" Lincoln: "There's no field hockey sticks in roller derby!" [spins her around and launches her outside to the van.] Lynn: "The way I play, there iiiis!" [She rolls and crashes inside Vanzilla. The skates come off and the van door closes.] "Ow!" Leni: "Finally. I look perfect and beautiful again." [Just as she's about to get in, Lincoln shields her with the umbrella from another bucker of water because Luan was at it again, leading him to glare at her angrily.] Luan:[also fed up at Lincoln] "Oh, come on! I thought we were pails!" [laughs]"Get it? Get it?" [Leni gets in, while Lincoln starts thinking to himself.] Lincoln: "How am I gonna deal with Lori?" [gets an idea] "Got it!" [calls her using the family phone.] Lori: "Hello?" Lincoln:[deep voice] "Hey, babe. It's your boyfriend, Bobby. I just wanted to say that I'm...I'm sorry and that I will wear any tux you want." Lori:[gasps and squeals with delight, having fallen for it.] "Oh, Bobby!" [laughs with joy and comes out of her room as Lincoln hangs up and is now in a good mood.] "Would you hurry up, Lincoln? It's always such a hassle getting you out of the door in the morning." [picks Lily up and heads to the car.] [Lincoln smiles knowing everything's back on track, grabs his project and closes the door; however, he sees Luna is getting some help putting her amps into the van.] Lincoln: "What's all this?" Luna: "It's my gear, dude. I have rehearsal." Lincoln: "And who's that?" Luna: "This is my roadie, Chunk." [Chunk tips his hat to Lincoln.] Lincoln:[Bossily] "No no no. He was not part of the plan. You, out! I'll take care of this." [Chunk walks away upset] Luna: "Thanks, bro!" [gets in the car] [Lincoln gets Luna's gear into the trunk and heads to the shotgun seat, but the camera pans to his diorama, which is right on the driveway about to be squashed.] Lincoln: "Operation complete! And with ten minutes to spare! A Loud House first, I might add. Let's roll!" [As Lori starts up the car, Luan can be heard laughing in the background. Lori changes the setting to Reverse mode, and starts rolling out, but realization hits Lincoln.] Lincoln: "STOOOOP!" [Lori stops the car with the tires screeching to a halt. Lincoln rushes out in a panic; thankfully, his project is safe.] Lincoln:[picks it up] "Phew. That was close." [slips on one of Lynn's skates and trips...] "Argh!" [...falling on his back. The project lets go of his hands as it flies in the air; in slow-motion.] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" [Too late; his project hits the ground and is broken. He watches the broken pieces fly down to the ground. He falls to his knees and picks up some of the pieces.] Lincoln:[lamenting] "All of this work for nothing...how could I be so stupid?! How? How? How?" Lori: "If you're done with your pity party, [Camera zooms out, revealing that the Loud sisters are willing to help him.] maybe we could help." Lynn: "Yeah. 11 heads are better than 1." Luan: "Try not to lose yours." [laughs] Luna: "Yeah. Every little thing is gonna be alright." Lincoln:[hopeful] "Really? You'll help?" Lola and Lana: "It's what families do." Lincoln: "But... I'm supposed to give this report in ten minutes and this thing is destroyed. What can you guys do?" [Although Lincoln has lost all hope, his sisters smile confidently with an idea.]
[Mrs. Johnson's Class; Lincoln is giving his report.] Lincoln: "In conclusion, in my family, every day is a challenge. But you can be sure that when I need them, my sisters will always be there for me. All of them." [It is revealed that his sisters are in his classroom and are all standing perfectly still and replicating his project.] Lincoln: "And sure, life in the Loud House can be summed up in one word: chaos. But I love that chaos. And I wouldn't trade it for the world." Mrs. Johnson:[applauding Lincoln's performance] "That was a fantastic report, Lincoln. I'm giving you an A." [gets drenched by a pail of water.] "Aaahh!" [Lincoln gasps and the bucket falls on her head.] Mrs. Johnson: "Make that an A-minus." [Everyone except Luan is speechless to see Mrs. Johnson's expense.] Luan:[triumphant] "Pailed it!" [laughs]
[The end.]
