The following is a transcript for the episode "Pulp Friction".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The episode opens up on a city at night. In a warehouse, Lincoln as Ace Savvy and Clyde as One-Eyed Jack are hanging above a shark tank with the shark leaping up, trying to devour them.] Wild Card Willy:[laughing evilly] "Game over, Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack!" Ace Savvy: "Think again, Wild Card Willy! I've got a few more cards up my sleeve!" [Ace drops a handful of cards on the ground with his sisters. Just then, a horn blares and the van comes in with Lori's persona at the wheel.] The High Card: "Alright, girls, [lifts up her mask] let's deal with these losers!" THE HIGH CARD [The van opens up revealing the rest of the girls in their Ace Savvy personae.] Wild Card Willy: "Eep!" [hides behind one of his henchmen.] "Get them!" [The girls leap into action with Lily and Lola's personae starting the fight off.] Henchman #1:[to his partner] "You take the baby, I'll take the princess." The Queen of Diamonds: "Excuse you. I am the queen." [She flicks her hair as her tiara sparkles.] THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS [The Queen tosses her diamond tiara and knocks out Henchman #2. Henchman #1 comes charging at them as Lily holds up some stinky diapers.] THE DEUCE [The Deuce tosses her diapers that act as stink bombs and nails the other goon. Luna's persona turns up the volume.] The Night Club: "Get ready to do the Bad Guy Shuffle!" THE NIGHT CLUB [The Night Club blares her guitar at the minions and knocks them into a hole dug up by Lucy's persona.] The Eight of Spades: "No aces in this hole." THE EIGHT OF SPADES [Lynn's persona charges via comic panels into the goons with a headbutt.] The Strong Suit: "52 Pickup!" THE STRONG SUIT [One of the goons lands on a pile of other defeated minions with Lisa's persona keeping an accurate count.] The Card Counter: "Or more precisely, six." [smashes another henchman's face with her calculator.] "Make that seven." THE CARD COUNTER [As Ace and Jack draw closer to the tank, they notice Leni's persona.] The Eleven of Hearts: "Hey, guys, check out my new outfit. It's perfect for fall weather and springing into action!" [uses the sash on her outfit as a utility rope, swings over the tank and saves Ace and Jack.] "Ugh, these belts are so 90's!" [pulls their chains off and sets them free, she drops them.] THE ELEVEN OF HEARTS [Wild Card Willy makes for the exit.] Ace: "Wild Card's getting away!" [Lana's persona is working on the shark tank.] The Royal Flush: "Hey, Willy, go fish!" [loosens the bolt on the pipe.] THE ROYAL FLUSH [The tank comes loose with the water and sharks coming out; Wild Card evades it but gets knocked back by a jack-in-the-box style weapon set up by Luan's persona.] The Joker: "I see your bet and raise you!" [laughs] THE JOKER [Ace and Jack beat and tie up Wild Card Willy.] Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?" Willy: "'Cause that's the only way to clean up. So, I guess it's off to jail for me." [It then shows Willy in a jail cell with a caption reading END in the lower right corner and it was a comic Lincoln and Clyde made, they were showing it to Liam, Girl Jordan, and Rusty.] Lincoln and Clyde: "The end." Liam and Girl Jordan: "Awesome!" Rusty: "That was sick. Where'd you get the idea for all those butt-kicking super ladies?" Lincoln: "From my sisters. They've always got my back. [perturbed] Except for Lola. You never turn your back on Lola." Liam: "So, if you fellas win the contest, they'll make this here into a real Ace Savvy comic?" Clyde: "And we'll get to meet the creator, Bill Buck!" [holds out a photo of said creator.] Heavenly voice: "Bill Buck~..." Girl Jordan: "Well, I think your comic's totally gonna win." Liam: "Darn tootin'." Rusty: "Word." [At that moment, Principal Huggins grabs the comic book away from them.] Principal Huggins: "Loud, McBride, school time is meant for learning, not for doodling degenerate fantasies! This trash belongs to me now!" Lincoln: "But Principal Huggins, you can't take our comic!" Principal Huggins: "Oh, and now you're giving me sass? That's detention! Today! Till 5:00!" Clyde: "But we have to get to the post office by 4:00. That's the contest deadline." Principal Huggins:[sarcastically] "Oh, I didn't realize. I'll just give it back to you. [serious] NOT!"
[Detention] Principal Huggins: "I've got just the thing to keep those doodling hands of yours busy: cleaning erasers." [gives them the erasers and leaves.] Lincoln:[throws the erasers aside.] "But we're not criminals. All we did was make a comic. And we're getting it back." [tries to open the door but can't.] "Dang it. He locked us in from the outside." [Lincoln tries to get out via the window, but Huggins stops him by welding it shut. He snarls while Lincoln starts cleaning the erasers nervously.] Lincoln:[throws the erasers away again.] "Okay, Plan B. We'll sharpen a bunch of pencils and dig our way out." [Just then, the door opens to show it's Lola.] Lola:[twirling her tiara] "Or I could just pick the lock." [puts the tiara back on.] "Not that your idea wasn't great." Lincoln: "Lola? Why are you busting us out?" [Lana appears] Lana: "'Cause we heard about Huggins confiscating your comic book." Lola: "The one starring me as Queen of Diamonds!" Lana: "And me as the Royal Flush!" Lola: "You think we're gonna let some power-tripping principal take away our chance to get famous?" Lincoln: "Sweet! Now we just gotta find a way to sneak into Huggins' office and get our comic back." Clyde: "Maybe we could use your pencils." Lana: "Forget that." [brings in janitorial equipment] "Hop on!" Clyde:[defeated] "I tried, buddy." [They get into the waste bins with Lana pushing them toward Huggins' office while he's doing his work.] Clyde: "We gotta find a way to get Huggins out of his office." Lana: "It's taken care of." [Principal Huggins' secretary Cheryl comes running by.] Cheryl: "Principal Huggins! Principal Huggins! We have got a situation in the gym!" [In the gym, Coach Pacowski is being chased by bats summoned by Lucy in the rafters with her arm sticking out with three bats on it.] Principal Huggins:[heading for the gym] "I'm on it!" [Cheryl goes to her desk.] Lincoln: "Now we have to distract Cheryl." Lola: "It's taken care of." [Lisa is at Cheryl's desk.] Lisa: "Hello, Cheryl. I took the liberty of assessing the school budget, and encountered numerous instances of wasteful spending." Cheryl: "Oh, that's very cute, sweetie, but I'm sure everything here is in order." [Lisa places a ton of files of such spending on Cheryl's desk.] Lisa: "Item one: the two dozen fresh cut roses you sent yourself on Secretary's Day. Put on a pot of coffee, sweetie. We're gonna be here a while." [While she has Cheryl distracted, Lincoln and Clyde sneak into Huggins' office searching every nook and cranny for their comic.] Lincoln: "Come on. Come on. Where is it?" Clyde:[pointing] "There!" [They find it in his satchel, but before they can grab it...] Principal Huggins:[unaware that Lisa took Cheryl's place.] "Problem solved, Cheryl. We got rid of the bats, and Coach is resting comfortably after his rabies shot." [grabs his coat which Lincoln was hiding under as he grabs his trench coat to hide in.] "I'm headed home for the day." [gets a file from Clyde's arm while he's not looking.] "You can let Loud and McBride out of detention at 5:00, but only if the erasers are clean." [takes his satchel and leaves] [Lincoln sees the satchel is gone and gasps.] Lincoln: "Oh no! Huggins just took our comic home with him!" Clyde: "And worse: we didn't finish cleaning the erasers!" [holds out the erasers]
[The kids burst out the door and see Huggins leaving on his golf cart.] Lincoln: "There goes Huggins! How are we gonna catch up to him?" Lana: "It's taken care of." [Vanzilla drives up and they all hop in.] Lori: "Lincoln, where have you been? The post office closes in 30 minutes!" Lincoln: "Change of plans. Principal Huggins has the comic. Follow that golf cart, High Card!" Luna: "Let's rock, dudes!" [Luna starts playing some action music on her guitar and Lori, with determination in her eyes, chases after Principal Huggins.] Principal Huggins:[singing along] "♫Ooh, girl! / If I could / Ooh, girl!♫" Lynn:[holding a boomerang out the window] "I got eyes on the comic!" [She tosses the boomerang, but Huggins hits a pothole and the boomerang misses.] Principal Huggins: "Yeesh!" [The boomerang instead picks up a raccoon.] Lynn:[ducks down] "RACCOON!" [The raccoon lands in Vanzilla and attacks the Loud kids and Clyde for a little turbulence. Principal Huggins comes to a stop at an intersection, sees it's clear and goes. Vanzilla comes to a stop because Scoots is passing the crosswalk and taking a little too long. Lori honks the horn.] Lola:[impatient] "MOVE IT, LADY!" Scoots:[sarcastically] "Oh, am I going too slow for you?" [sets her scooter in slow reverse.] Lori: "Guys, we're literally losing him!" Luan: "Don't worry. He won't give us the slip!" [grabs Lola's banana and Lana's slingshot and fires the banana ahead of Huggins.] Principal Huggins:[still singing] "♫Ooh, girl / Doo-doo-doo♫" [hits the banana peel and loses control.] "Whoa!" [As he tries to regain control, the comic falls out of his satchel and Lincoln and Clyde get it back.] Clyde:[checking his watch] "We still have five minutes to get it to the post office." [They get back in Vanzilla.] Lincoln: "Let's roll." Luna: "And rock!" [But before she can get into the music, the van doesn't start.] Luna: "Dudes, I can't play action music if there's no action." [Lori and Lana check the engine, it's completely damaged.] Lana: "Bad news, guys. We pushed Vanzilla too hard." Lincoln and Clyde:[aghast] "NOOOOOO!!!" Leni: "Hey, guys! Check out the new look!" [sporting a sash like The Eleven of Hearts'.] Lynn: "Leni, this isn't the time to talk about fashion!" [Leni takes off the sash and reveals that she's using it to tie Vanzilla to a passing pickup truck to tow them to the post office.] Lucy: "I never thought I'd say this, but... [kind] good thinking, Leni." Leni: "I got the idea from Lincoln's coloring book." [They arrive at the post office just in time.] Lincoln:[to the pickup truck driver] "Thanks for the tow!" [It reveals to have been a pig driving and his farmer in the passenger seat giving a thumbs up.] Lola: "Just hurry up and make us famous!" [Lincoln pulls out his cards like Ace. He and Clyde enter the post office and run up to the mailing window.] Lincoln:[at the same time as someone else.] "This needs to be mailed by four o'clock!" [Lincoln and Clyde turn around and find out that the other person is Principal Huggins.] Lincoln and Principal Huggins:[shocked] "What are you doing here?!" [Principal Huggins drops something in his state of surprise.] Lincoln:[pointing at it] "Is that a comic book?" Principal Huggins: "A what? No! I mean, shouldn't you boys be in detention?" [Lincoln picks it up.] Clyde: "It is a comic book! The Adventures of Ace Savvy and the Principal Valiant by Wilbur T. Huggins." Lincoln:[gasps] "You're entering the Ace Savvy contest?" Clyde: "And your name is Wilbur?" Principal Huggins:[pointing the other way] "Look! New commemorative stamps!" [When the boys have their backs turn, Wilbur grabs his comic and runs only to bump into Scoots and pratfall.] Lincoln: "So, that's why you confiscated our comic book and put us in detention: to knock us out of the running!" Principal Huggins: "Okay, okay, I did it. But I had to. When I heard how great your comic was, I knew mine wouldn't stand a chance." Clyde: "But, sir, why is a comic book contest so important to you? You're a successful school administrator. You've got your own golf cart." Principal Huggins: "Yes, it's true. I have it all. But it wasn't always this way." [Flashback to Huggins' childhood] Principal Huggins:[narrating] "When I was your age, I didn't have a lot of friends. But I had Ace." Young Wilbur:[reading his comic] "Yeah, get 'em, Ace! Way to deal out some justice!" [The other kids playing baseball hit the ball through his comic book and laugh at him.] Batter: "Look at him!" [End flashback] Principal Huggins: "Those comics meant the world to me. I wanted to win the contest so I could meet Bill Buck and thank him for getting me through a lonely childhood. But I went too far. I'm sorry, boys. You deserve to win, not me. As Ace Savvy would say, deal me out." [takes his comic and leaves forlornly.] Clyde: "Wow. I guess there's more to Huggins than meets the eye." Lincoln: "Yeah. And his story just gave me an idea." [Principal Huggins hops in his golf cart for home.] Lincoln and Clyde: "Principal Huggins, wait!" Principal Huggins: "Oh, yes. Of course. You'll need my administrator ID to report me to the school board." Lincoln: "No. We're not reporting anyone. Clyde and I get it. Ace has gotten us through some tough times, too." Clyde: "Yeah. Like when Lori first got together with Bobby. It was a rainy Tuesday. I wore suede shoes. That was a mistake." Lincoln: "I think he gets the idea, Clyde." [to Principal Huggins] "And we're not mad, because you just gave us a much better ending for our comic." Principal Huggins: "I did?" Clyde: "You did." [checks his watch] "But we gotta hurry. We only have a minute." Principal Huggins: "I think I can buy you a few minutes." [Back in the post office, Wilbur walks up toward the mailing window where the lady there pulls the curtain down.] Lee: "I'm sorry, sir. We're closing." [Wilbur pulls it back up.] "Ooh." Principal Huggins:[smoothly] "Hello, Mrs..." [reads her name tag] ...Lee, is it? I believe your son Wyatt attends my school. How would he like a little..." [nudges eyebrows] "...extra recess? Maybe a get-out-of-gym pass?" [He holds up the pass and Lee likes where he's going; he gives the thumbs up, giving the boys time to change the ending to their comic.]
[Return to the comic with the new ending.] Ace: "Willy, why do you always have to play dirty cards?" [takes off his handkerchief.] Willy:[downtrodden] "I'm not an evil guy. I was just dealt a bad hand. As a lonely kid, the only game I knew was Solitaire. So, I guess it's off to jail for me." Ace: "I have a better idea." [Cut to a heist having been pulled by Scoots' Ace Savvy villain persona.] Jack: "The Old Maid's making off with the jackpot!" Old Maid: "You'll never catch me, Savvy!" [laughs] Ace: "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, 'cause we've got a new card to play." [Willy appears by Ace and Jack.] Willy: "Time to deal out some justice!" WILD CARD WILLY [The comic stops with Bill Buck reading it in his studio.] Bill: "I love the ending! Especially when we learn Wild Card was a lonely kid. I read a lot of entries with great action sequences, but none with this kind of heart." Lincoln: "It was inspired by our principal here. He really wanted to meet you." Principal Huggins:[speechless] "Sir, it is an honor. I just never-ah, this is the best day of my-" [passes out from the excitement] [Lincoln and Clyde just shrug it off; enter Lincoln's sisters.] Lola: "Hey, what did you think of the Queen of Diamonds? Wasn't she your favorite part? Here! Let me show you some of my ideas for an action figure and a bed sheet set." [The rest of the kids gather around Bill and talk to him about the comic.] Bill: "Whoa! This is kind of a...full house!"
