The following is a transcript for the episode "Racing Hearts".
[Lori knocks on the bathroom door.]
Lori: "Come on, Leni, hurry up. Other people live in this house too, you know."
[Leni appears on the stairs.]
Leni: "But Lori, Mom said no running on the stairs."
Lori: "Oh. Sorry, Leni. I didn't real... Wait. If you're not hogging the bathroom, who is?"
[The door opens and reveals Luna, with her robe and a face mask.]
Luna: "It's me, dude."
Lori: "Luna? Are you... primping?"
Luna: "I'm just getting ready for the Royal Woods Astonishing Quest. Sam's my partner, s-so I want to look good."
Lori: "Sam? Shut up."
Leni: "Tell us everything."
[Lori and Leni enter the bathroom.]
Lori: "This is your first date, isn't it? You must be so nervous."
Luna: "Nah, just stoked. I know Sam and I are gonna be perfect for each other."
Lori and Leni: [Smiling] "Eee!"
Lynn: "Excuse me, ladies. Mind wrapping this up? I got some calluses to scrape off."
[Lynn wiggles her right toes and Lori and Leni look in disgust.]
Lori: "It's all yours, Lynn. We gotta head to the Quest anyway."
Leni: "Sorry you're banned this year."
Lori: "Though, to be fair, you were a tiny bit, um..." [Clears throat] "aggressive last time."
[Flashback to the previous year's Astonishing Quest.]
Lynn: "Whoo!" [Tackling people out of her way.] "Move it, slowpokes!" [Gloating her victory in front of other participants.] "Kiss my first place heinie, losers! Whoo!"
Lynn: "I don't know what you're talking about. But anyway, I moved on. Now, whose file can I borrow?"
[Luna, Lori, and Leni squirm backwards in disgust.]
[At the quest, everyone is getting together with their partner, Luna looks around and sees Sam sitting at the fountain.]
Luna: "Hey, Sam."
Sam: "Hi, Luna."
[Sam gets up and offers a hug, but Luna offers a high five.]
Luna: [In union] "Up high."
Sam: [In union] "Bring it in."
Luna and Sam: [Realizing] "Oops," [Luna offers a hug and Sam offers a high five.] "Let's try that..."
[They realize that they're doing it again, and get a little frustrated, but they laugh it off.]
Luna: "I'm not sure what we're supposed to do here."
Sam: [Offers a handshake] "Mm, put her there, partner."
[They shake hands and laugh.]
Mayor Davis: "Hello, everyone. As mayor of Royal Woods, it is my pleasure to welcome all of you to this year's ASTONISHING QUEST!"
[Everyone cheers. Lincoln and Clyde fist bump, Scoots and Helen snap and point at each other, Albert and Myrtle high-five, and Lori, Leni, Rita, and Lynn Sr. glare at each other. All the while, Luna and Sam are excited.]
Mayor Davis: [Plays a gong sound effect on her keyboard.] "Got this from my kids for Christmas." [Plays a laser sound effect.] "I like that one. So, here's how the quest works: [Luna and Sam are given a letter.] teams will get clues that lead them to locations where they have to complete challenges. The team that finishes the last challenge first will win, the key to the city!" [Pans to the city's key. Mayor Davis covers it with a blanket.] "Nah, just kidding. You get this trophy." [Picks up a tiny trophy with the words "YOU DID IT!" engraved into the center.] "It's cute. Any questions?"
Scoots: "Uh, yeah, you want to save time and hand the trophy to Helen and me now?"
Helen: [She and Scoots high five.] "Ooh, sick burn."
[They laugh triumphantly.]
Mayor Davis: "Good one, Scoots." [Plays a rimshot] "Okay, teams, you have the first clue. On your marks, get set... [Accidentally plays a fart sound effect.] Whoops, that's not it." [Plays the right one, which is an air horn.] "Go!"
Sam: [Pulls out the first clue] "Your first challenge will be easy to master, if you're handy with a blaster."
Luna: "Dude, it's 'Lazer Maze'."
Scoots: "Thanks for the tip, doll."
[She and Helen ride away.]
[Later, Sam and Luna enter Lazer Maze, where it's pitch black.]
Lazer Maze Employee: "Welcome to Lazer Quest, my dudes, you need five hundred points to get the next clue." [Turns the lights in the room on.] "You can grab your gear inside, go forth, questers."
[Luna runs in with Sam behind her. In the arena, Luna scopes around and ducks in cover, Sam follows after her, unsure of what to do.]
Luna: "Okay, Lisa and Darcy are on the left, Scoots and Helen are trying to flank us on the right, let's move." [Fires her lasers, zapping Lisa and Darcy.]
Lisa: "Oh, dang it, told you not to wear white, Darcy."
Luna: "Yes! A hundred points, we only need four hundred more."
[She and Helen come out of nowhere, blasting confidently, Luna takes cover.]
Luna: "Sam! Cover me!"
[Luna fires back at Scoots and Helen, Sam tries to work her blaster, but she fiddles around with it before dropping it and hitting Luna with a laser.]
Scoots: "Haha! thanks for the assist, butterfingers."
[Sam and Luna eventually get their five hundred points and leave the arena.]
Lazer Maze Employee: "Well done sharpshooters, took you a little while, but here's your next clue." [Hands them an envelope] "Pew! Pew! [Walks off]
Sam: "Uh, sorry about that Luna, laser tag just isn't my thing."
Luna: "That's okay, I get into it, but I know it's not everyone's jam, anyway," [takes the clue out of the envelope.] "we still got the next clue; How, now, brown cow, don't take a lickin', you'll win this round unless you're chicken."
Sam: "Hmm, cow, chicken, oh, that's easy."
[Later, they arrive at Liam's family's farm, Liam is waiting at his 'Astonishing Quest' booth, when Sam and Luna run up.]
Liam: "Ooh, uh, howdy, welcome to my family's farm, your challenge is to collect a dozen eggs from yonder hen house," [hands them a basket, and they run in.] "Ooh, you city folk might wanna breathe through your mouths."
[In the hen house.]
Sam: "Bawk, bawk, bawk-bawk, ba-gawk, bawk. [The chickens come up to her.] "Ooh, aren't they cute?"
Luna: [Seeing how pointy their beaks are, shudders.] "I don't know, brah, those beaks look pretty sharp."
Sam: [With a full basket] "All done, one dozen eggs."
[Sam points to Luna and clicks her tongue. Just then, the chickens surround Luna and start pecking around her feet.]
Luna: [Panicking] "Shoo, dudes! Aah!"
[Luna freaks out and knocks Sam over, splattering their eggs all over themselves. Eventually, they get another dozen eggs.]
Liam: "Here's your next clue."
Luna: [As Sam takes out the clue.] "Sorry I messed that up, farms aren't really my thing."
Sam: "That's okay, I mean, I love them, but, I get they're not for everybody."
Luna: "We'll just avoid any dates that involve lasers and livestock."
[They laugh awkwardly.]
Sam: "So, here's our next clue; Feeling restless? In a rut? Come over here, and shake your butt."
Luna: "Ooh, I know that one."
[Later, Sam, Luna, and some of the other teams are at the 'Werk it Dance Studio', Luna is excited, but Sam is uncertain.]
Dance Instructor: "Okay, questers, who's ready to get their cardio on, eh? Just follow the dance moves to get the next clue."
Luna: [Throwing the goats] "Whoop! Whoop!"
[Sam is nervous.]
Dance Instructor: "Alright! Five, six, seven, ocho!"
[He turns the music on and starts shaking it, everyone else does the same, except Sam who is having trouble, and accidentally falls on Scoots' lap.]
Scoots: [Not very pleased about this.] "Shove off, missy, this seat's taken."
[Scoots throws Sam off, and she lands on the other teams. After the dance, the other teams continue on the quest, while Sam and Luna talk outside the studio.]
Sam: "Sorry, dancing's not really my thing."
Luna: "As in, all, dancing, like, even at, concerts?" [Sam shrugs] "Cool, I get that." [Awkward silence and Luna pulls out the next clue.] "Here's our next clue; Your muscles ache, but don't you stop, your challenge is to reach the top. Huh."
Sam: "Ooh, ooh, ooh, I know this one."
[Later, they are at the park's rock climbing wall.]
Rock Climbing Instructor: "Alright, just reach the top to get the next clue."
Sam: [Almost at the top] "Almost there, how you doin' Lunes?"
Luna: [Dangling from her rope] "It's not really my thing."
[Sam isn't surprised by this, she grabs the clue and they head down.]
[Later, Luna is sitting on a bench next to a row of port-o-potties, depressed. Leni walks up to her.]
Leni: "Hey Luna, look at this cute backpack Lori gave me for the quest." [Leni shows Luna the backpack, which is actually a leash, handled by Lori, who walks up to them, and motions for Luna not to tell.] "Where's Sam?"
Lori: "So, how's it going?"
Luna: "Not good dude, I thought Sam and I were gonna have everything in common, but it turns out we have like, nada.
Leni: "Oh, well, at least you have nada."
Lori: "Leni, nada means nothing. Okay, don't panic, this is totally normal with new couples, it even happened with Bobby and me."
Luna: "Really? So how'd you deal?"
Lori: "I embraced the things Bobby liked, and he embraced the things I liked; just be open to the stuff Sam's into, and you might actually enjoy it." [Luna likes the idea, suddenly Lori realizes something.] "Oh no, Leni got off her leash! Leni!" [Runs off] "Here, Leni!"
[Later, Sam and Luna are walking down the streets, Luna reading the next clue.]
Luna: "Okay, next clue; Mail that burger, back to sender, try something healthy, from our blender."
Sam: "Oh, the organic juice store." [Runs off]
Luna: [Unsure] "Awesome."
[Later, at the store...]
Juice Store Clerk: "Namaste, fellow quester, your challenge is to identify as many ingredients as you can, in our new 'Earth Warrior' juice."
Sam: "Mmm, hope it's as good as your spinach spritzer. Eh?"
Luna: [Pretending to like organic juice.] "Yeah, mmm, let me get in on this."
[She and Sam smile at each other, the clerk hands them the juice and they both drink.]
Sam: "Okay, I'm tasting; kale, wheatgrass, dandelions, nutritional yeast and-
[Right at that moment, Luna spits her juice out, and all over Sam.]
Luna: "Fish oil." [Smiles awkwardly]
[Later, they are at Tall Timbers Park, in a sailboat.]
Sam: [Reading the clue that led them here.] "Tie the knot and cast away, the wind's at your back so don't delay. Yes! I love sailing."
Luna: [Nervous about this] "Totally, I mean, you know, who doesn't."
[Luna tries to get on board, but her right foot gets stuck in the mud, and her left foot makes it into the boat, which starts drifting away, putting Luna in a very uncomfortable situation.]
Sam: [Offers Luna a hand] "Here, here, let me help you." [Pulls Luna on board. Sam handles the tie rod, while Luna just keeps low, nervous.] "All we gotta do is make it across the pond, Luna, hoist the main sail."
Luna: [Not knowing what that means] "Um, yeah, uh, the main sail."
Sam: [Confused] "Right by the boom." [Luna still has no clue.] "That pole."
Luna: "Right, the pole." [Luna works on the knot, but she lets the rope go and the sail starts spinning freely, the girls duck the first round, but on the second round Luna finds herself hanging from the boom, and lands on Sam, the sail then starts spinning faster and the whole boat launches them into the pond, they get out at the end of the pond, not saying anything, and Luna sees the clue.] "Well, we got the clue." [Sees Sam's lack of enthusiasm about this] "I'm sorry about that Sam, you know, sailing's just-"
Sam: [Having heard this before.] "Not really your thing?" [Luna nods] "Then why didn't you just tell me that?"
Luna: "I just wanted us to have something in common," [sighs] "haven't you noticed? We've kind of got nothing."
Sam: [Understanding] "Yeah, I noticed, that's such a bummer cause, I kind of thought we were perfect for each other."
Luna: "Me too."
Sam: "Well, what do you think? Should we call it quits?"
Luna: "Well, we've come this far, we, we might as well finish the quest anyway, you know, as friends."
Sam: [Heartbroken] "Right, friends."
[They're both heartbroken by this.]
Luna: "Well, I guess I should, read the last clue; One last challenge, and then you can gloat, this Astonishing Quest, ends on a sweet note."
[Later, they enter 'Larry Berry Bakery', still bummed out, and see the other teams.]
Mayor Davis: "You made it, girls, congratulations, let me show you to your station. [Escorts them to a table] "Your last challenge is to bake an apple pie, good luck." [Plays a laser sound effect on her keyboard.]
Luna and Sam: [Seeing the situation they're in.] "Ooh, baking's not really my thing."
[Luna gasps, and they smile at each other, realizing they finally have something in common.]
Luna: [Reading the recipe] "Okay, two sticks of butter." [They both reach for the butter, Luna grabs both sticks and Sam's hand lands on hers, they look at each other, blushing, Sam pulls away and awkwardly smiles, Luna puts the butter in the bowl and awkwardly smiles back.] "One cup flour." [Sam puts the flour in] "Two cups of lard." [Luna puts the lard in.] "And, uh, maybe we should mix it up now."
[Sam grabs the bowl, puts it under the mixer, and turns it on hi. It starts mixing, but since they're not holding the bowl, it starts spinning with the mixer, and the dough splatters all over Sam. The girls look at themselves, and Luna, seeing that she's still clean, starts laughing, Sam looks at Luna unamused, but then grows a devilish grin, which turns into a sinister look, she grabs Luna and gives her a big hug, and they start laughing together, so much that they fall over, and continue laughing on the floor, once they stop laughing they look at each other, Sam smiles at Luna, and Luna smiles back. Suddenly, an air horn sound goes off.]
Mayor Davis: "Spatulas down, folks, we have our quest winners. [Plays a drumroll sound effect.] "Scoots and Helen were the first to finish the final challenge and bonus: their pie is delish. [Hands the trophy to them.] Congrats, ladies."
Scoots & Helen: "Woo-hoo!"
[The two ladies then do a victory lap. Luna looks back at Sam.]
Luna: "Well, we didn't win, but I had a lot of fun today. I think I was wrong before, I know we don't have a lot in common, but maybe we can discover new things we both like, you know, like, together."
Sam: [smiles] "I'd really like that. And, uh, next time, I'll try not to hit you with any lasers."
Luna: "I'll try not to spit any juice on you."
[They both laugh and then hug. Luna then looks at her two oldest sisters, Lori, giving a thumbs-up, and Leni is in awe. Luna smiles and gives them a thumbs-up back.]
Leni: [Hears a dog barking] "Ooh, cute dog." [Walks towards it] "Is it a corgi?"
[Lori pulls Leni back on the leash and Scoots and Helen speed across them.]
Helen: [Hops off the scooter and throws the pie onto the ground.] "Eat my crust, losers!"
[She laughs, until her mask falls off, revealing her to actually be Lynn, who realizes that she's been exposed.]
Mayor Davis: "Lynn Loud?! I thought I banned you!" [Plays a siren sound effect.]
Lynn: "Uh oh, floor it, Scoots!"
[Scoots speeds across Lynn, who hops back on, and they escape.]
Mayor Davis: [Chases after them] "Get back here with that trophy!"
[Luna and Sam laugh at this. They then look at each other and smile.]
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts