Recipe for Disaster/Script

The following is a transcript for the episode "Recipe for Disaster".

Script

[Lincoln is on the couch in the living room with Charles, eating blueberries. He tosses one up and catches it in his mouth. He tosses another one way up, stands up on the couch, ready to make the catch, when someone knocks on the door, making him fall behind the couch.]
Leni: [Upstairs] "Can someone get that?"
Lisa: [Also upstairs] "Who's at the door?"
Lola: [Also upstairs] "Ugh! Lincoln!"
Lincoln: [Gets up] "Okay, okay, alright." [His sisters upstairs keep nagging at him to get the door.] "I'm going!"
[He opens the door, and sees a frantic Clyde.]
Clyde: "Lincoln!"
Lincoln: "Hey Clyde, what's-"
Clyde: [Briskly walks in] "No time for small talk, Lincoln."
[Lincoln follows Clyde to the kitchen, where he dumps three boxes from his bag onto the counter.]
Lincoln: [As Clyde opens the boxes.] "Clyde, what's going on?" [Looks at the empty boxes, as Clyde takes the contents.] "'Frosty Farm's Frozen Feasts'?"
Clyde: [Preparing the microwavable meals.] "We have a big problem."
Lincoln: "I'll say, your dads bought frozen dinners? Is everything okay at home?"
Clyde: [With the meals] "Oh, yeah, we're just eating these until their vintage stove arrives from Italy. But that's besides the point!"
Lincoln: "So, what is the-" [Clyde shoves hot mac 'n' cheese bites in Lincoln's mouth, Lincoln fans it off.] "Okay, that was hot and-" [Then Clyde shoves hot lasagna into Lincoln's mouth.] "Ah, really Clyde, why are you-" [Then hot Salisbury steak, Lincoln fans his mouth and finally swallows.]
Clyde: "Well? Well? Taste anything familiar?"
Lincoln: "Hmm, this lasagna kind of tastes like my dad's, and so do the mac 'n' cheese bites, and the Salisbury steak; how is that possible? Wait, [gasps] did someone steal my dad's recipes?"
Clyde: "What other explanation could there be? When I tasted these, I flipped out!"
Lincoln: [Goes to the fridge] "Okay, before I flip out too, let's be a hundred percent sure." [Opens the fridge door and grabs his leftovers from the fridge.] "Grab those frozen dinners and follow me!"
[In Lisa's room, she calibrates a device, which opens a panel, and slowly ejects a tray.]
Lisa: "Place your samples here, gentlemen."
[The boys nervously do so.]
Lincoln: "Should we be wearing goggles too?"
Lisa: "Uh, no, these are just for dramatic effect. I built this chemical analyzer with grant money from the Norwegian government, it'll break down the ingredients in both Dad's leftovers, and the frozen meals in question." [The machine prints a sheet of paper.] "Hmm, fascinating, a one-hundred percent match, right down to Father's secret ingredient in the mac 'n' cheese bites."
Lincoln: "A dash of caramel?"
Lisa: "Affirmative, it's a rather clever bit of food science, the sweet brings out the salty." [Smacks her lips]
Lincoln: "So someone really did steal my dad's recipes. Looks like this is a case for..."
[The boys change their regular clothes into their Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack cosplays. With a yellow background having the One-Eyed Jack and Ace Savvy logos.]
Lincoln and Clyde: "One-Eyed Jack and Ace Savvy!"
[Cuts back to Lisa's room.]
Lisa: "Do you wear those under your clothes everyday just waiting for an opportunity such as this?"
Clyde: [Pulling on his eyepatch] "You bet your Norwegian grant money we do!"
[His eyepatch snaps back and he falls into Lily's crib.]

[At Lynn's table, he's prepping some meatballs.]
Lynn Sr.: [Singing to himself] "♫ Hey, workin' in the kitchen, singin' this ditty, mixin' up meatballs, for my... spaghetti ♫" [Thinks if that was any good.] "Eh, that works." [Just then, Ace and Jack enter.] "Ace Savvy and One-Eyed Jack! Grab a seat, at Lynn's Table, crimefighters eat free."
Lincoln: "Thanks Dad, but right now, the only appetite we have, is for justice!"
[The boys do some fighting moves.]
Lynn Sr.: "Ooh, on the job, eh, huh? Who are you solving a case for today?"
Lincoln: "Umm, you."
Lynn Sr.: [Confused] "I'm sorry, what's that?"
Clyde: [Holding a frozen dinner box.] "We think someone stole your recipes, and sold them to Frosty Farm's Frozen Feasts."
Lincoln: [Takes out the lab report.] "We've got the chemical analysis to prove it."
Lynn Sr.: [Looks at the analysis] "Woah, woah, woah, how could that be?" [Goes over to the shelves.] "My recipe book is right here on the shelf, next to all the jars I need Lynn Jr. to open for me." [Realizes that the book isn't there.] "Wait a minute, where? Where is it?" [Throws things off the shelves, muttering to himself.] "It's gone," [Breaks down] "My book! My precious book is gone!"
Clyde: [With a notepad.] "Can you describe it for us?"
Lynn Sr.: [Gasps] "It contains all the recipes I've ever learned! Starting with, my first, home-ed class, in mi- in mi- in mi- in middle school." [Presses his face to the floor.]
Lincoln: "It's okay Dad, just tell us what it looks like."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, right, uh, well it's a- it's a black book, with food stains on the cover, and property of Lynn Loud written inside." [Looks at his back pocket.] "Ooh, ooh, hang on, hang on," [takes something out.] "this is us, last Thanksgiving." [Gives Lincoln the photo.] "I miss her so much!
Lincoln: "Don't worry Dad, we're on the case." [Runs off] "We won't fold 'til we find the thief."
Clyde: "And then we'll be cashing in on that free meal, save me some of that spagh-itti."
[Clyde follows Lincoln, while Lynn Sr. cries on the floor. The boys pace around in front of the restaurant.]
Lincoln: "Okay Jack, we know the book was kept in the restaurant kitchen; who had access?"
Clyde: [Draws some cards] "Just the employees;" [his hand has three playing cards with drawings of the restaurant's three employees taped to the front.] "Grant, Kotaro, and your dad, and we know it's not your dad." [Removes that card]
Lincoln: [Takes the remaining two cards.] "Than we have our suspects, looks like it's time to serve up some justice."
Clyde: "Ooh, [Gives two thumbs-ups] nice restaurant themed pun."
[The boys head off, and the card with Kotaro spins onto the screen.]

[Kotaro is at an ATM machine, when Ace and Jack startle him.]
Lincoln: "Hello, Kotaro."
Kotaro: [Sighs] "Hi boys, what are you doing here?"
Clyde: "We'll ask the questions if you don't mind," [Regarding the ATM screen.] "you sure have a lot of money in your account, care to explain how you acquired it." [Makes a face]
Kotaro: "Not really."
Lincoln: "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."
Clyde: "Psst, Lincoln, I only know the easy way."
Kotaro: [Sighs] "Fine, my great aunt passed away, and left me the money."
Lincoln: "Pfft, really? The old deceased aunt story? Try again."
[Kotaro gives them an aggravated look, when Lucy pops up and scares all of them, making Lincoln jump into Clyde's arms.]
Lucy: "Hi Kotaro, I hope you were happy with the memorial service."
Kotaro: [Makes his withdraw] "I was, thank you Lucy." [Gives Lucy the money.] "Your eulogy really captured her inner beauty."
[Lucy escorts him away, and Ace and Jack look on with remorse.]
Lincoln: "Uh, we're sorry for your loss!"
Clyde: "We should really send flowers."
[The card with Grant spins onto the screen.]

[Grant is bicycling along, when Ace and Jack catch up with him on the tandem bike.]
Lincoln: "Hey Grant, is that a new bike? Sure looks expensive."
Grant: "Oh yeah, it was a-"
Clyde: "Yeah, and those sneakers; are they new too?"
Grant: "Yeah."
[Lincoln and Clyde begin to grow suspicious.]
Clyde: "Must've cost a pretty penny."
Lincoln: "Where'd you get the money to pay for them?" [Angry] "By selling my dad's recipe book to Frosty Farms Frozen Feast!?"
Grant: "These were gifts from my parents, my birthday was on Saturday."
Clyde: "The old "My birthday was on Saturday" story? Try again."
Grant: "You guys were at the restaurant when Mr. Loud brought out a cake and everyone sang to me."
Clyde: [Remembering] "Oh, right! It has his famous cream cheese frosting, and a dash of caramel sauce! You know, I'm sensing a theme there. Sorry, Grant."
Grant: "It's okay." [Notices something up ahead.] "Car."
Lincoln "What?"
[Lincoln and Clyde hit the parked car as they fly off the bicycle and hit a garbage can groaning in pain while Grant cycles off in the distance.]

[The boys are now sitting in front of the restaurant.]
Lincoln: [As he takes a banana peel off his shoulder and tosses it away.] "Well Jack, it looks like our investigation has run dry. I don't know who else could've stole my dad's recipe book to Frosty Farms' Frozen Feast."
Clyde: "Maybe no one sold it to them. Maybe they just stole it. [Takes one of the dinner boxes out of his backpack.] I mean, if the company's right here in Royal Woods."
Lincoln: [Gets up] "You're right! Maybe someone who works there ate dinner here and liked the food so much, he stole the recipe book for his company."
Clyde: [Also gets up] "Exactly! To Frosty Farm's Frozen Feast headquarters! Time to cook this thief's goose."
Lincoln: "Ooh, [gives a thumbs-up] nice restaurant themed pun."
[They dash off. Later, they arrive at the Frosty Farms headquarters via tandem bike. The boys flip inside and at the receptionist desk.]
Clyde: "Greetings citizen, my partner and I are conducting an investigation into frozen food fraud."
Lincoln: "We're going to need a conference room to interrogate all your employees, and a bright light to shine in their faces."
[The two get thrown out and they hit the flagpole, sliding down. They come back disguised as plumbers.]
Lincoln: "Good morning, we're plumbers, [Spins his wrench around] here to unclog your pipes."
Clyde: "Cause as we said, we're plumbers."
[The receptionist rips off the boys' mustaches and they yelp at the slight pain. The two then get thrown out again, hitting the flagpole again. They come back as firefighters as Lincoln imitates a siren.]
Lincoln: "Excuse me, sir, we got a call about... why am I blanking? Uh, smoke and flames and stuff on the fifth floor."
Clyde: "We need to get up there immediately to put it out."
[The hose Clyde is holding then sprays water, launching them out and hitting the flagpole yet again.]
Lincoln: [deadpan] "That one's on us."

[Later, the boys are just sitting on the steps, wondering what to do next.]
Clyde: "Now what, Ace? We've played all our best cards."
[Suddenly a delivery truck pulls up, they look and see the driver unloading boxes.]
Lincoln: "Looks like we've been dealt a new hand."
[The boys grin at each other. The receptionist allows the delivery driver through. In the storage area, Lincoln kicks his way out of a box, Clyde pops out of his, taking a breath.]
Clyde: [Getting packing peanuts out of his ear.] "We might have over done it with the packing peanuts."
Lincoln: [Vomits up a mountain of peanuts.] "Now to look for clues."
[The boys get out, and Clyde falls into Lincoln's peanut mountain. Lincoln listens at a door, and shakes some boxes. Suddenly, an aroma hits Clyde's nostrils.]
Clyde: [Sniffs] "Smell that Ace?"
Lincoln: [Sniffs] "Sautéd onion? Breadcrumbs? A touch of sage? My dad's meatloaf!"
Clyde: "Follow that warm and comforting scent!"
[The boys follow the scent and find that it's coming from a room at the end of the hall. They peek through one of the windows and find an elderly woman mixing in a bowl, and the recipe book is right there.]
Lincoln: "My dad's recipe book. [To Clyde] I think we found our thief."
Clyde: "Time to turn up the heat in this kitchen."
Lincoln: [Kicks the doors open and he and Clyde enter.] "Freeze, recipe thief!"
Mildred: [Startled] "Heavens to baked Alaska, you boys gave me quite the start."
Clyde: "Drop the spatula, lady, [She drops the spatula] you're busted!"
Lincoln: "We know you stole that recipe book!"
Mildred: [Looks at the book] "What? [Now stern] That's just crazy as two boys wearing pajamas in the middle of the day. [Grabs the book] I've had this cookbook for decades."
Lincoln: [Doubting] "Oh, really? [Takes the cookbook out of her hand.] Then how come the name on the inside cover says, "Mildred Scalise". [Realizes] "Wait, who's that?"
Mildred: "That's me, I told you that recipe book is mine. [Points over to a framed photo of a young Mildred with her recipe book outside Frosty Farms.] I used it to create this company."
Lincoln: [He and Clyde flip through the pages.] "But these recipes are the same as my dad's. [Turns to Mildred] He used them to create his restaurant."
Mildred: "Well, it sounds like your dad stole the recipes from me. You better take me to meet him."
[The two boys gulp nervously.]

[Back at Lynn's Table, Lynn Sr. is sitting near a potato sack, still sad, peeling the skin off one of the potatoes.]
Lynn Sr.: [Singing to himself] "♫ In the kitchen, with so much to cook, but I feel lost, without my book. ♫"
Lincoln: [As he and Clyde run in.] "Dad!"
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, Ace, Jack," [An angry Mildred steps in the door, Lynn Sr. gets serious.] "Is this the thief who stole my recipe book?"
Mildred: "Who are you callin' thief? Thief!"
[The boys get scared.]
Lynn Sr.: "I should call the FBI!"
Mildred: "Go ahead, you're the one who's going to the clink!" [Suddenly they recognize each other.] "Wait, is that you Lynn Loud?"
Lynn Sr.: [Gasps] "Ms. Scalise?"
Lincoln: "Wait, you two know each other?"
Lynn Sr.: [Rather excited] "Yes! Ms. Scalise is my old middle school home-ed teacher, she, she taught me everything I know about cooking."
Mildred: "Oh, now Lynn, There's a lot we learned from each other."
[Flashback to middle school, when they were younger.]
Lynn Sr.: "We would experiment on recipes, creating new twist on all sorts of old favorites."
[A dash of caramel accidentally falls into the pot.]
Young Lynn Sr.: "Oh no! I knocked caramel sauce into the mac 'n' cheese, it's ruined!"
Young Mildred: "Now, wait a second Lynn." [Tastes] "Hmm, oh, it's delicious, the sweet brings out the salty."
[Lynn's pupils turn to stars, when the principal comes on the PA.]
Principal: "Will Flip please report to the principal's office? Again."
Young Flip: [Runs into the room] "Mind if I lay low here a while?"
Teacher: "Get back here Flip!"
[Flip ducks under the sink, while some teachers run past the room.]
Young Flip: [Sigh of relief] "Thanks Ms. S."
[He closes the cabinet. At the end of the day, Mildred is writing in a black book.]
Mildred: "After every new dish we created, I would write the recipe down in a black notebook, so I wouldn't forget it."
[Young Lynn is then shown in his room doing the same thing.]
Lynn Sr.: [Gasps] "I did the same thing."
[End of flashback]
Mildred: "So there was no recipe theft after all."
Lynn Sr.: "We created them together, and I say we continue to share them; well I think Lynn's Table and Frosty Farm's Frozen Feasts can co-exist."
Mildred: "Oh, I'd like that too, in fact, since you lost your book, you're welcome to borrow mine anytime."
Lynn Sr.: [Touched] "Awe, thanks Ms. S." [Grabs some chef hats.] "Now what do you say we celebrate by creating something new together."
Mildred: "Oh, just point me to the caramel sauce."
[The two go.]
Clyde: "Well Ace, looks like we solved another tricky case."
[The boys high five.]
Lincoln: "Yeah, but there's still one mystery; what happened to my dad's recipe book?"

[Meanwhile, at the Royal Woods Library, Leni tosses three books onto the counter.]
Leni: "I'd like to return these please."
Lola: [Drives her car up to Leni.] "Leni! Stop! Those aren't library books! There Dad's cookbook, Lucy's poetry book," [aggrivated] "and my diary! Didn't you see the glitter trail?"
[Lola points to said glitter trail.]
Leni: "Oh, whoops, I was just trying to be helpful."
Lola: "Grab the books and hop in." [The girls drive off.] "First stop Dad's restaurant to give him back his book."
Leni: "You're being totes dramatic, I'm sure he hasn't even noticed it was missing."