The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
Act I[]
[It's a sunny summer day at the Loud House. Lincoln opens his bedroom window and breathes in the fresh air.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "It's summer break for the Louds. That means three months of nonstop fun!" [In the front yard, the Loud kids are enjoying themselves. Lori is golfing with Cliff as her caddy, Lola and Lynn are taking Lola's jeep for a spin, Luna is playing guitar, and Lana takes a ball out of Charles's mouth before throwing it for him to play fetch. Meanwhile, Mr. Grouse is growing his petunias when the ball knocks one of them over, much to his dismay. Charles shows up, trampling the rest of the petunias, and grabs the ball before kicking the dirt in Mr. Grouse's face. Lola and Lynn then drive by a puddle near Mr. Grouse, splashing water on him.] Mr. Grouse:[growls and takes off his now moist sunhat] "Summer break for the Louds. That means three months of nonstop torture." [Mr. Grouse then gets hit in the head by a golf ball and deadpans. Luna is still playing guitar when a sound of an engine is heard, having her notice and gasp surprisingly. Luan pops up as Lynn Sr. and Lisa peek out the front door, the father gasping as well. What pulls up in front of the yard is a new recreational vehicle. Lynn and Lola stop the jeep as they, the other siblings, and Lynn Sr. admire it. The RV door opens and the one stepping out is none other than Rita.] Lynn Sr.: "Rita?! Whose RV is this?" Rita: "Ours! At least for the summer. Earlier today, I was in Jesse's office at the Gazette!" [Flashback to earlier that day in Jesse's office at the Royal Woods Gazette] Jesse:[on the phone] "Here's the cover story, Linda: Travel writer does column about manure farms in Michigan. Editor Jesse Hiller furious! Nobody wants to read about cow doo-doo over their morning coffee. Well, I've just been handed this news update: You're fired!" [angrily hangs up; Rita has been watching all this and clears her throat] "Oh, what am I gonna do, Rita? Wanted: Someone to write our summer travel column. Someone willing to hit the road, zigzagging the country in an RV, all expenses paid, willing to start extra, extra soon!" [Rita eagerly accepts with a grin. Back to the present.] Lincoln: "So does that mean...?" [Lana gasps excitingly] Rita: "Yep, and she's letting me write the column! What do you say? You guys up for a summer-long adventure?" [The kids and Lynn Sr. all cheer.] Lola: "Finally, I'll escape this fourth-rate town!" Mr. Grouse:[laughs with glee] "They're leaving for the whole stinking summer!" [cartwheels with joy] "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" Leni: "Aww, isn't that sweet? He's totes happy for us." Lana: "C'mon! Let's check out this RV!" [Lori and Leni dash to the RV as well as the other Louds, except for Rita, who gets a quick kiss on her cheek from Lynn Sr. The siblings enter the RV and needless to say, they are impressed at the interior as the twins dash off to explore.] Lola: "Oooh." Luna: "Sweet!" Lincoln: "Wow!" [Lola opens a closet door, only to find Lucy hanging upside down from the rack.] Lucy: "I call dibs on this crypt." [Luna sits at the driver's seat.] Luna: "Check out the sweet stereo system!" [She presses a button to turn on the stereo, and she is blown back from the intense sounds of rock music playing. She turns it off, and her hair is shown messy as she leans back in the seat.] "This is gonna be a rockin' summer!" [Lisa parts the curtains from a set of bunk beds while holding a clipboard. Some moths escape as Lori walks up to her.] Lori: "What are you doing, Lis?" Lisa: "Well, this run-of-the-mill recreational vehicle requires some alterations to make it suitable for our family of thirteen. Therefore, Lana and I are assembling a list of upgrades to make before our journey." [writes in her clipboard] Lana:[offscreen] "Add 'toilet' to the list!" [Lori and Lisa perk up the second Lana made herself heard. The camera pans over to the bathroom as its door opens. Lana's face is stuck in the toilet, and when she pulls herself free, her head is now cylindrical.] Lana: "This thing's gonna need way more pullin' power!" [reverts her face back to normal] Rita: "OK, family, so here's our route." [unravels a map detailing the travel route] "Jesse's got a strict schedule of places for us to visit, so we need to leave tomorrow morning. First stop: Niagara Falls!" [points at the place in question on the map, earning excited chatter] "We'll be there for the annual barrel race." [shows a poster of the event, reading: BARREL RACE: WHY DO WE STILL DO THIS?] "Competitors go down the falls in wooden barrels." [Lynn snatches the poster and is awed by the event, but Rita takes it back] "No, Lynn. You're not joining them." Lynn:[dismayed] "Aw, boo! Major foul!" [kicks the side of Leni's seat in anger, breaking a piece of it] Lisa:[writes in her clipboard] "Yep. Replace side of seat." [Lynn is then launched out of the RV by a blast of water] "And main water line." [Lincoln then notices something on the map.] Lincoln:[gasps] "Look!" [points to a section of the route] "We'll be going right by Dr. Weirdly's Bizarritorium!" [His family stare at him, confused] "It's a roadside oddities museum!" [They still don't know what he's talking about; he takes the hint] "I could tell you how super awesome it is..." [takes out his phone, which displays a video he presses play on] "...but I'll let Dr. Weirdly himself do the talking." [The video starts with a shot outside the Bizarritorium as Dr. Weirdly oddly zooms into frame, via spinning, and there's an unrefined green screen surrounding the doctor.] Dr. Weirdly: "I'm Dr. Weirdly, and welcome to my Bizarritorium!" [Star transition into the interior; some odd knick knacks are displayed as he walks by them with his question mark-like cane] "Here, you'll find curirios of the odd and peculiar." [walks by a dog, who bleats like a sheep] "Be amazed by the three-legged dancing rooster!" [parts the curtains to reveal a rooster, who indeed has three talons. It tap dances and crows. The video then transitions to a sea martian as a mermaid as a few tourists look in curiosity.] "Marvel at the Martian mermaid!" [One of the tourists takes out his phone to snap a picture. The video cuts to a mummy tomb, and it opens up with a creepy mummy inside.] "Behold the Mystic Mummy of Mystery!" [On the mummy's ring finger is a golden ring with purple jewels for eyes] "And his Royal Ring of Royalty!" [The ring shines; the video cuts back to outside the building once more] "So odd! So peculiar!" [The video ends as Lisa and Lynn Sr. hold both ends of Lincoln's phone with one arm each, watching it alongside Rita.] Lisa:[unconvinced] "So patently false." Lincoln:[on his knees; pleadingly] "Can we stop by the Bizarritorium on our way? Please, please, please, pleaaaase?" Rita: "I don't know, sweetie. Jesse made it clear that I cannot miss that barrel race." [Rita looks to see that Lincoln is now giving her the puppy eyes.] Lynn Sr.: "I'm not gonna lie, hon, the dancing rooster has some real talent." [Lynn Sr. and Lisa continue watching the video, and Leni, Luna, and Lynn have now joined them.] Rita: "Okay, we can stop, but only if we have extra time." Lincoln:[victorious] "Yes!" [gets out of the RV and runs inside the house, happily] "Whoo-hoo!" Mr. Grouse:[still doing cartwheels] "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" [His back gives out, and he groans in pain] "Ow, I think I threw my back out. But this is still the best day of my life!" [starts walking back to his house] "Yay!" [His back cracks] "--oh! Yay!" [His back cracks a second time] "--ooh!" [laughs it off anyway]
[That night, everyone is asleep, except the sole boy. The lights turn on in Lincoln's room. Lincoln is in his bed.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "If I want to be able to stop at the Bizarritorium, I have to make sure we end up with lots of extra time." [gets out of bed] "Phase One: Operation Turn the Clocks Forward." [dons a ninja outfit] "This calls for some David Steele stealth action." [Lincoln sneaks out of his room and into the twins'. He does a quick barrel roll before quietly grabbing Lola's alarm clock and tries to set it an hour ahead, but...] Lola: "Hey!" [Lincoln panics, thinking that Lola is awake and is about to bust him, but it turns out she's just sleep-raging in bed and grabbing Mr. Sprinkles in lieu of her tiara] "Hands off! This crown's mine, Lindsay! Keep your greasy runner-up mitts off!" [resumes snoring] [Lincoln sighs in relief and finishes setting her clock to 10:10 PM. Later, at 12:10 AM, Lynn Sr. snores peacefully in his and Rita's room as Lincoln rappels from the ceiling and pulls out a finger on a prop. Lincoln tries to use it to set Lynn Sr.'s alarm clock forwards, but Lynn Sr. slaps a hand on the clock. Forced to use desperate measures, Lincoln tickles his dad to clear the coast.] Lynn Sr.:[giggles] "Rita, stop!" [goes back to sleep] [Lincoln sets the clock to 1:10 AM, and rappels back up. Later, he sneaks into Luna and Luan's room and uses the curtains as his cover to make his way to Luan's alarm clock. Unfortunately for him, she's jury-rigged the clock with several self-defense mechanisms. It gets out a foghorn and blares it at Lincoln's face, then whips out a gag flower and sprays water at him, then lets out several farts as he gags, and finally gets a pie and throws it at him. Fed up with Luan's traps, Lincoln grabs the clock and bashes it on the desk. Somehow, Luan slept through the whole thing. He sets the clock an hour ahead, but realizes too late Mr. Coconuts is awake and has been watching him all along. Panicking, Lincoln shushes Mr. Coconuts and closes his eyes before sneaking out of the room. However, Mr. Coconuts's eyes snap back open.]
[The next day, early in the morning. Lincoln wakes up, holding up a stopwatch.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "Now to get us on the road. Phase Two: Operation Move It or Lose It." [Lincoln starts the stopwatch. A groggy Lori, Luna, and Luan are in line for the bathroom, deprived of an hour of sleep.] Lori: "Is it just me, or did it literally feel like a short night?" Mr. Coconuts: "Beats me. I was having dreams about a clumsy, white-haired ninja." [Lincoln shows up with a megaphone.] Lincoln:[on megaphone] "Attention! The Loud Summer Express leaves in T-minus..." [checks stopwatch] "Nine minutes!" Lola: "Hey!" [She's in the bathroom with her lipstick messed up] "NEVER YELL WHILE I'M DOING MY MAKEUP! You're just lucky I look fabulous no matter what." [In the kitchen, a sleep-deprived Lynn Sr. pours himself a cup of coffee when Lincoln shows up with the megaphone.] Lincoln:[on megaphone] "T-minus seven minutes!" [Lynn Sr. is so startled, he spills the piping hot coffee on himself] "Oh, sorry, Dad." Lynn Sr.:[panicking in pain] "Aah, hot! Hot! Coffee hot! Aah, hot, hot!" Lincoln: "I loaded all the breakfast stuff in the RV so you can cook on the road!" [Lynn Sr. slips and lands on the floor, right onto the coffee.] Lynn Sr.: "Still very hot!" [Lincoln gets the family's luggage out the door. He carries Lori's golf clubs and Luna's guitar to the RV, heads back to the luggage pile, pushes the rest of the luggage including Tanya, Lucy's coffin, and Lola's enormous, overstuffed bag to the RV, heads back before catching his breath, and finally pushes all his sisters (minus Lucy and Lisa) to the RV. Lisa stands in front of the RV with a remote device.] Lisa: "Before we depart..." [Lana zips next to Lisa] "Lana and I want to announce we've made several RV upgrades we think you'll enjoy. We give you..." [presses a button, revealing extra modifications including more rooms] "Camperzilla!" [The siblings are beyond impressed and run inside Camperzilla to check out the modifications. Lynn plants herself onto one of the couches as Lily and Luan look around, amazed. Lincoln dashes across the RV, past Leni and Luna, who are also amazed at the improved interior.] Leni: "It's a mini house on wheels! So cool!" [Lincoln climbs a ladder to find a near-exact replica of his room, complete with the bed, the decorations, the posters, Bun-Bun, and his comics.] Lincoln:[impressed] "Whoa..." [Lana is at the toilet.] Lana: "And check out the toilet! I added triple-vortex suction power!" [Lincoln lands next to her before she flushes the toilet. It generates a miniature tornado, which is so strong, it rips his pants off his body, much to his shock.] "Huh?" [Luna and Lily laugh at Lincoln's misfortune. Lana goes to the toilet bowl and, with some effort, removes Lincoln's now-soaked pants and hands them back to him. He takes his pants back, not pleased. Rita is in the driver's den as Lynn Sr. takes shotgun.] Rita: "Niagara Falls, here we come!" [Camperzilla takes off]
[Camperzilla drives straight out of Michigan, passing the state border.] Lynn Sr.:[making pancakes] "♫ Makin' up some flapjacks / Told you that I would / Pilin' up the short stacks / Tall ones if you're good ♫" [accidentally flings a pancake off his spatula and out of the open window] "D'oh! Ding-dang darn it! Not again!" [He looks out the window and sees that the car behind them has been hit with countless pancakes. It drives out of control and crashes off-screen. He can only sheepishly chuckle as his son simply stares at him.] Lincoln:[lounging; to the viewers] "Good news! We're way ahead of schedule! Looks like nothing's gonna stop us now!" [His mood is ruined by Lola barging into the driver's den.] Lola: "We need to stop! I've gotta tinkle!" Lincoln:[grabs her] "No. No stopping. Just do your tinkling in the RV toilet." Lola: "I can't. Somebody clogged it." Lana: "No way! Nothing can stand up to triple-vortex suction power!" [Lynn, Lily, Luan, and Luna are having breakfast, enjoying pancakes, scrambled eggs, and sausages.] Lynn: "Tell that to the fourteen chili dogs I ate for dinner last night." [She burps so hard, Lily, Luan, and Luna are disgusted. Luna collapses from the stench.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "OK, OK, emergency change of plans. Time for Operation Get Them In and Out of the Rest Stop as Fast as Possible."
[Camperzilla pulls up to a gas station; Lincoln throws open the door.] Lincoln: "Alright, people, five minutes!" [rushes outside and speaks into his megaphone] "C'mon, let's see some hustle!" Rita:[confiscates his megaphone] "Let's give Mr. Bullhorn a rest, OK?" Lincoln:[protesting] "Mom!" [The sisters begin to head to the bathroom. Lynn Sr., who is carrying Lily on his shoulders, spots the pancake-covered car with its owners glaring at him while trying to scrub the pancakes off. He sheepishly chuckles and leaves as Lily waves at them.]
[Inside the convenience store, Lori takes the opportunity to go to the vending machine and get a snack. She inserts a coin and inputs the code for the snack, but it doesn't go in, so she angrily bangs on the vending machine. Lincoln comes over, taps her shoulder, walks away, and then rams the machine with all his might before collapsing. Lori's snack falls out of the machine, and a bruised Lincoln hands it over to her before pushing her out of the store. The other snacks fall out of the machine as soon as they leave.]
[Lincoln walks up to the women's restroom and finds a very long line, then sees his sisters in the back.] Lincoln: "Oh, no, with this line, we'll never make it to Dr. Weirdly's on time." [looks at the stopwatch and panics at the remaining time] "Hmm..." [gets an idea; he dashes off and stands on top of one of the shelves] "All right, folks! All-you-can-eat pancakes over in the parking lot! Hot off the hood! Get 'em before they're gone!" [The women in front like the sound of that and rush outside to get some pancakes, chattering excitedly. Squinting, Lincoln motions his sisters to use the bathroom quickly. They all go in, except for one, who gets locked out.] Lori:[angry] "Hey!" [jiggles the handle]
[Outside, Luna, sipping a drink, Lucy, and the twins hop in Camperzilla. Holding his stopwatch, Lincoln notices Lily chewing on one of the hood pancakes before grabbing her and taking her back to the RV.] Lily:[defeated] "Dang it." [The elder man shakes his cane in anger as one of the women enjoys her pancake. To the left of her, a baby is crying, held by another woman.]
[Camperzilla passes by a sign saying Niagara Falls is 90 miles away. Lincoln looks out the window and sees a sign saying the Bizarritorium is off exit 16.] Lincoln: "The Bizarritorium's the next exit!" [heads to the driver's den] "Mom, we have extra time. Can we stop? Please? Can we?" Rita: "Oh, why not? Dr. Weirdly's, here we come!" Lincoln: "Yay!" [He is surrounded by a golden aura of happiness.]
[Lincoln is now in front of Dr. Weirdly's... and his aura of happiness fades away] Lincoln: "Huh?!" [gets down on his knees] "NOOOOO!!!" [The Louds are now in front of Dr. Weirdly's, which is out of business] "How can it be out of business?!" Mr. Coconuts: "What a shocker, huh? Who isn't into a bunch of creepy, old tchotchkes?" Rita: "Aw, I'm so sorry, sweetie." Lynn Sr.: "Look on the bright side, kiddo." [ruffles his head] "We've got a big summer ahead of us. I bet we'll find a mummy somewhere else!" [Lincoln stays outside the building as the rest of his family enters Camperzilla.] Lincoln: "All that work for nothing..." [He rests his head on the door, but finds that it's still open and falls on the ground as it opens. He gets up, coughing dust out of his mouth, and finds the remnants of the museum, exhibits broken or stuffed in boxes as a rat scurrying all over the place, chittering. He looks down and notices something] "Whoa! The Royal Ring of Royalty!" [picks the ring up] "It must have fallen off when they were packing up the mummy!" [The ring gleams, and Lincoln puts it on.] Lynn: "C'mon, Stinkin'!" [Lincoln heads back in Camperzilla, and it takes off. He collapses in his bed.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "Well, even though I didn't get to see the Bizarritorum, at least I ended up with a cool souvenir. Who knows? Maybe it'll be my very own good luck charm." [As he sleeps, he is unaware the eyes of the ring glow a bright purple. An ominous cloud of darkness looms over Camperzilla, manifesting a face filled with flowing, golden eyes and roaring at the Louds. End of Act I.]
Act II[]
[As Camperzilla continues its journey to the Niagara Falls, a darkened raincloud looms over the top of the RV as thunder rumbles and patters out rain. Inside the RV, Lisa takes notice of the rain through the window while Lincoln reads an Ace Savvy comic and Lucy reads a spell book. Behind them, Lynn Sr. is trying to work the stove.] Lisa:[looks at her phone] "Hmm, how odd." [shows the screen to her two siblings] "According to my storm radar app, it's not supposed to rain today." Lynn Sr.: "Well, that can't be, Lisa. Your app must be broken." [breaks off one of the stove's knobs and groans] "Along with the ding-dang stove!" [Lynn Sr. tosses the knob away and opens the fridge to put the frozen patties away, when a repugnant smell makes itself known, having him smell it. Revolted, he fans the stench. Luna and Luan are in a pair of bunk beds, also disgusted.] Luna: "Dude, shut the door! That is rank!" Mr. Coconuts: "Ugh! P.U.!" [covers his mouth] [Lana pops out of the fridge, holding a carton of expired milk, being the evidence of that foul stench.] Lana: "Ah, the milk is just the way I like it: warm and chunky." [She chows down the chunky milk, having Luna and Luan gag and draw the curtain.] Lynn Sr.: "Well, that's weird. The fridge was working before." [walks away, as Lana hops out the fridge and shuts its door] "Well, I guess we're stopping for lunch." [Lana is about to take another swig of her chunky milk, until a loud pop is resonated, having her splat the milk onto the fridge. She then tries to find some remaining in the carton, but it is empty, much to her disappointment.] Rita: "What was that? Please don't tell me we have a flat tire!" [Another loud pop, which makes the RV slant, Lincoln drop his comic to the floor, Lana's back against the fridge, and Lucy plop her head onto her book, and then she looks out the window.] Lucy: "We don't. We have two flat tires." [As shown, one front tire and one back tire have been flattened.] Lana:[enters the driver's den] "Don't worry. There's a restaurant up ahead." [points to a burger place called "Busy Burger"] "I'll fix the tires while you grab some grub. I'll have us back on the road in a jiffy." [takes out her wrench]
[And so, Camperzilla makes a stop at Busy Burger, just as the raincloud stops raining. Rita opens the door and cautiously looks around before she and the other Louds frantically rush inside the restaurant. There, they take up a booth.] Lynn Sr.:[frantic] "Okay, kids, let's go. Everybody be quick with your orders." [Lynn Sr. sits down on a chair, until it collapses from under him, and he falls to the floor. His family gasp at this.] Rita:[gets him upright; concerned] "Honey, are you okay?" Waitress:[shows up] "Welcome to Busy Burgers! Sorry about the chair. Haven't seen that happen in the 60 years I've worked here." [The ceiling lamp snaps off and shatters on the table, which splits in two, then the legs on Lori's chair fall off, and finally, a ketchup bottle squirts out its condiment all over the wall.] "Or any of that." Rita: "Why don't we just order? Lincoln, you go first." Lincoln:[decides on his order] "I'll try the Busy Burger with fries, please." Waitress: "Ah, I'm afraid we're fresh out of burgers." [shrugs] Luna: "Dude, isn't this a burger joint? Don't tell me you're out of fries too." Waitress: "Oh, no, no, we got lots." [The Louds gasp excitingly] "But the fryer's on the fritz." [Now they are disappointed, sighing.] Lori: "We'll literally just take thirteen orders of whatever you have. To go." [Cut to outside of Busy Burger as the Louds walk out, Lynn Sr. holding a paper bag with stained mustard on the bottom.] Lynn Sr.: "Well, mustard sandwiches are never anyone's first choice, but at least we've got lunch." [He has spoken too soon, for the bag tears open and the sandwiches splatter onto the pavement. Seeing this, Lynn Sr. throws the top part of the bag to the pavement too, and groans in exasperation.] Lana:[with her toolbox] "The tires are fixed. Let's hit the road!" [notices] "Ooh, mustard sandwiches! My favorite!" [eats a sandwich on all fours] Lynn Sr.: "Record time on the repair, Lana. At least something's going our way." [Too soon again. Thunder rumbles once more and a downpour befalls on the Louds.] Luan: "Looks like you soak too soon!" [The Louds quickly rush back to Camperzilla until the lightning strikes a tree, to which it collapses onto the RV. They groan in disappointment.] Lana:[dons goggles] "I'm on it!" [She rushes offscreen and the sounds of a chainsaw are heard.]
[Later, the Louds are back on the road, still being followed by the raincloud, and with Camperzilla now sporting a dent where the tree hit it. In the driver's den, Lynn Sr. is driving and Rita is riding shotgun. Polka music is playing on the radio, much to their irritation. Rita's eye twitches while Lynn Sr. growls. Luna peeks into the driver's den.] Luna:[groans] "Can we change the tunes?" Rita: "I'm trying, but the tree must have damaged the radio." [She tries to change the radio, but it's still stuck on the polka station, and tries to turn it off] "And now it won't turn off!" Lola: "Hello?!" [There's a hole on the roof of Camperzilla, and the rain is pouring inside. Lola is standing underneath it with an overflowing bucket] "We have bigger problems!" Leni: "Ooh, I have an idea." [opens an umbrella and puts it over the hole] Lisa: "Uh, I wouldn't do that." Leni: "OMGosh, are you superstitious about opening umbrellas inside?" Lisa: "No, I'm more worried about--" [Lightning strikes the umbrella, causing electricity to course through the RV] "That." [The lightning courses its way into the dashboard of the driver's den, causing Camperzilla to wildly spin out of control. Lisa, Leni, Lola, and Luna hold on for dear life. Lynn Sr. pushes on the brakes, but they are not working.] Lynn Sr.: "The ding-dang brakes are out!" [Camperzilla crashes into a sign reading Brake Check Area 1/4 Mile, Drive Safe. The parents are completely winded from the experience. The Louds all exit Camperzilla, completely dazed. They find their luggage all strewn across the ground, including Lori's golf clubs and one of Lincoln's game controllers.] Lori:[picks up her broken golf clubs and sighs] "What is going on? We're literally having the worst luck ever!" Lucy: "This is worse than bad luck. It feels like a curse. Did anyone anger a warlock?" [They all shake their heads] "Did anyone insult a fortune teller?" [Same response] "Did anyone take a sacred ancient heirloom?" [Lincoln perks up as everyone else shakes their heads once more. He looks at the Royal Ring of Royalty, chuckles nervously, and goes over to Lucy.] Lincoln:[nervously] "Hey, Lucy? Uh, hypothetically speaking, if someone were to, I don't know, borrow a ring from, like, an ancient mummy, that wouldn't be bad, right? Just asking for a friend." [Unfortunately, Lola overhears and immediately realizes what's going on.] Lola: "MOOOOOM! Lincoln stole a ring from the Mystic Mummy of Mystery and cursed our family!" [The sisters chew Lincoln out for screwing them over.] Luna: "Oh, come on!" Lori: "Seriously?!" Lana: "Way to go, Lincoln!" Lily:[throws her milk bottle] "Bad Lincoln!" Lola: "Not to mention the ring is tacky." [Lightning strikes close to where Lola is standing, and Lincoln flinches] "Sorry, Mr. Mystic Mummy of Mystery, sir!" Lincoln: "Guys, I'm sorry. It was an honest mistake. Can't I just put it back?" Lucy: "Unfortunately, no." [shows him her spell book] "According to my spell book, once you put the ring on, you activated the curse." Lynn Sr.:[dismayed] "Well, that's just great! I guess we're cursed for life now! Check that off the ol' bucket list!" Lucy: "Not necessarily. According to this, there is one way to lift the curse. We'll have to make an offering to the spirit of the mummy. But we'll need to gather ingredients for a potion first." Rita: I'm sorry. We do not have time for that. We have to get to that barrel race." [walks back to the RV] "That mummy is just gonna have to wait." [reaches for the door, but lightning strikes Camperzilla, knocking her back on her back] "OK, offering it is." Lucy: "The first ingredient is hoary bog moss, found deep in the swamps."
[A map is shown with Camperzilla driving over to the swamps. Fade to the swamps, where Lana is tracking the moss by scent as she enters the water. The others are at the swamp, most of whom are revolted to even walk through the swamp. Lily excitedly reaches for the swamp as she giggles, and Leni is so disgusted, she isn't even standing in the water, and poking at it with a branch.] Lori:[frustrated] "Ugh, all this moss literally looks the same." [Something bubbles underneath the water. It moves over to Lola.] Lola: "Ew! Ew, ew, ew! Ew!" [scrambles up Lynn Sr.'s shoulders] "Something touched my foot!" [A mud-covered swamp monster emerges from the waters.] Lynn Sr.: "Swamp monster!" [Lola shrieks and leaps off Lynn Sr. back to shore. The others make their way to shore as Lynn Sr. is so terrified he falls into the water. The beast makes its way towards him] "AAH!! IT'S COMING FOR ME!!!" [collapses] [The mud falls off the "monster", revealed to be Lana. She's got the hoary bog moss.] Lana: "Found it!" [Lynn Sr. has sunk into the water as the others stare in disgust and horror] "Where's Dad?"
[The Louds make their way into the forest] Lucy:[narrating] "The next ingredient is Violet Clingius, found in the heart of the forest. Its vibrant color makes it easy to spot." [Sure enough, Leni finds it immediately, with a bright, yellow flower attached to a big plant. She makes a beeline for the flower and tries to remove it.] "But, beware: It's a hugger." [The plant grabs Leni, her arms trapped in its embrace.] Leni: "Aah! Help!" [The others (sans Lily) rush over to help free Leni, but are also grabbed by the plant as it repeatedly slams them onto the ground left and right before spinning them around. While all this is happening, Lily heads over and grabs the flower. The plant flings the others into the swamp. As they emerge from the water, Lily comes over and grabs their attention with a giggle, revealing she's got the flower.]
[Now they're exploring in a cave] Lucy:[narrating] "The last ingredient is the precious moonstone found in the darkest, dankest cave. Difficult to find and even more difficult to extract." Lola: "You can't hide bling from Lola Loud!" [sniffs, catches a scent, grabs a pickaxe and slams it on the rock that is the source of the scent, revealing the moonstone] "Found it! Next time, give me a real challenge." [Lola peeks through a miniscope to take a closer look. Suddenly, the cave rumbles.] Lynn: "Is that real enough for ya?" [A massive rock lands right next to the Louds. Lola grabs the moonstone and they all run away from the collapsing cave. They leap out of the entrance just as rocks block it off. They've parked the even more dilapidated Camperzilla outside of the cave, with Lucy having set up a cauldron to make the potion.] Lucy: "Now we can undo the curse."
[Later, Lucy has set up a banishing circle with candles and salt and Lincoln in the center wrapped in toilet paper.] Lincoln: "Um, are you sure the spell book says you have to wrap me in toilet paper?" Lucy: "It doesn't. That's just payback for cursing our family." Lincoln: "Fair enough. Carry on." Lucy: "Everyone, gather 'round. It's time to banish the curse." [Luna, Lori, and Luan add the ingredients in the cauldron. Lucy starts stirring the potion as the Louds gather in a circle.] "Ancient mummy, sleeping tight, we lay these gifts upon your shrouds." [uses a pipette to gather the potion] "Deadly nightshade, moss and stone, lift the curse placed on the Louds." [drops the potion on the Royal Ring of Royalty] "Everybody. Lift the curse placed on the Louds." Louds except Lincoln:[chanting] "Lift the curse placed on the Louds. Lift the curse placed on the Louds." [The ring removes itself from Lincoln's finger and levitates in the air. The dark clouds gather as the spirit of the Mystic Mummy of Mystery forms from within, laughing ominously. The ring disintegrates and is absorbed into the spirit's being. A mystic wind surrounds the circle and the Louds, and then transfers to Camperzilla, restoring it to its pristine condition. Its duty done, the spirit fades, and the weather is back to being sunny.] Lincoln: "Guys, it worked!" Lynn Sr.:[chuckles] "Well, would you look at that? The Louds conquered an ancient curse! Go, us!" [They embrace each other] Rita:[realizes] "Just one problem." [checks watch] "We've only got 30 minutes to get to Niagara Falls in time for the Barrel Day competition. We'll never make it!" [Lisa and Lana look at each other and nod. Lisa takes out a button.] Lana: "We've got this one covered. It was one of our upgrades to the RV." [They all climb in Camperzilla] Lisa: "I suggest everyone buckle up." [The parents buckle up, and Lisa presses a button, deploying rocket boosters from the back of the RV. The boosters fire up and blast off, causing Camperzilla to zoom off into the distance, the Louds screaming all the while.]
[A map screen shows Camperzilla boosting its way to Niagara Falls. Cut to Niagara Falls, where the Barrel Race is underway. Camperzilla zooms by so fast, it destroys the banner, and parks while barrel racers are racing. The park is so sudden, everyone lands on the windshield, faces smooshed against the glass.] Lana:[muffled] "We're here." Lisa: "It seems the jet boosters are a smashing success!" Rita: "Let's just hope we made it in time for the race." [Unfortunately, they're too late, as the race is already over with the winner holding his trophy, still in his barrel and being hoisted by a crowd.] Winner: "Woohoo! I just won the race! I sure hope there was a journalist here to see it!" Rita:[dismayed] "Great." [The kids all exit the RV, their hair frazzled from the trip.] Lynn Sr.:[also frazzled] "Are--are--are we still alive?!" [realizes] "Oh, thank goodness. Thank goodness." [smooches the ground] [Rita exits the RV, sighing in disappointment. Her phone rings, and she takes it out. The caller is Jesse.] Rita: "It's Jesse." [Her family gasps] "I guess I'll just tell her the truth. Hopefully, she'll understand. I mean, things happen, right?" [picks up] "Hey, Jesse." Jesse: "Rita, what's the scoop? How was the barrel race? I can't wait to read your column on it." Rita: "Well, about that, we hit a little snag, and we missed the race." [Jesse isn't happy] "But I assure you, this will not happen again. We're back on track and super excited to get to our next destination." Jesse: "I don't know, Rita. If you couldn't make your first deadline, maybe you're not fit to be a travel writer. This just in: you're out. I'm taking you off the assignment." [Rita is disappointed she has been laid off the assignment. Lincoln sighs with guilt, knowing it was all his fault.] Rita: "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand." Lincoln: "Wait, no!" [snags Rita's phone] "Let me explain! Ms. Hiller, this is Lincoln Loud. Please don't take this away from my mom. She's a great reporter." Rita: "Lincoln--" Lincoln: "It's my fault she missed the race. If I hadn't gotten the family cursed by a mummy, she would've crushed the barrel race story." Jesse: "Did you say 'cursed by a mummy'? Stop the presses! Tell me more, kid!"
[And so, Lincoln is telling Jesse the story of their adventure.] Lincoln: "...and then the rain disappeared, and we raced to Niagara Falls in record time thanks to the rocket boosters on the RV." [shows the rocket boosters] Jesse: "I see. Well, newsflash: I love this story! It's got everything: mummies, curses, flying pancakes. It's brilliant!" [The other Louds gasp as Lincoln hands the phone back to Rita.] "I changed my mind, Rita! The trip's back on, but you can tear up my itinerary. Go wherever you want! Here's the hook: Out-of-control family has random, bizarre adventures on the open road! It's different, it's fun, and people love a good old-fashioned hot mess." Rita: "Well, I don't know about hot mess, but we'll take it! Thank you, Jesse." [hangs up] [The Louds all cheer and hug each other] Lori: "That's awesome, Mom!" Rita: "And thank you, Lincoln. OK, guys, you heard her. Where should we go next?" Lola: "Ooh, hooray for Hollywood!" Lana: "America's Largest Ball of Garbage!" Luan: "Whoopee Cushion World or bust!" [They all enter Camperzilla as Lily laughs, and Lincoln closes the door. The toilet flushes.] Lynn: "Oh, uh, hey, guys, I think the toilet's clogged again." [Camperzilla takes off] "Yeah, must still be the curse." [Camperzilla runs over the teared up banner and leaves Niagara Falls, heading to their next destination.] Louds: "Ugh, Lynn!" Lynn Sr.: "I'll get the plunger..." [The end.]
