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[Camperzilla drives past the welcome sign of Washington D.C., and a few tourists taking their picture in front of a George Washington statue while another pair and an elderly man stare curiously at it. Lynn Sr. is driving while Rita is riding shotgun.] Rita:[with golden VIP passes] "It's amazing that Jesse got us VIP tour passes to the White House. Are you kids excited back there?" [The kids are watching from the windows.] Lynn: "I know I am! I read that the White House has its own bowling alley." Lana: "I hear there's a whole room devoted to ice cream sundaes." Lola: "I can't wait to see the dresses worn by all the First Ladies." Lynn Sr.: "I'm excited to take a peek at that kitchen. I bet they have wooden spatulas dating back to the 1800s." [Camperzilla passes the Washington Monument and the Thomas Jefferson Memorial] "Oh, I can just imagine all the splinters I'm gonna get."
[The White House. The Louds are in the reception hall, and the kids are admiring the halls] Lana: "Ooh, cool." Leni:[taking a selfie with Lori in front of a painting] "This is totes amazing." Lisa: "Everything's huge!" [Lynn Sr. and Rita check in at the front desk.] Rita:[to the receptionist] "Hi there, we're the Loud family and--" ???: "Loud indeed." [Footsteps are heard, and a foot of authority slams right behind the Louds. They look back and see a man with a bulldog-esque face and a black suit] "Ah, you must be my VIP tour." [starts jotting notes on his clipboard] "Well, looks like we'll be skipping the bowling alley, sundae room, dress room, and the White House kitchen." [The Louds are all shocked] Lynn: "What?!" Lana: "No fair!" ???: "I can't risk anything getting broken because of an unruly group of tourists." Mr. Coconuts: "Hey, why do you get to decide what we see, pal? You're not the president." Bullsworth: "Bosley Bullsworth's the name, and I am the president..." [The Louds gasp] Lola: "What?!" Lynn Sr.: "The what now?" Bullsworth: "...of the White House Tour Guide Association. I'm known as the Bulldog." Lincoln: "Um, why do they call you the Bulldog?" [Bullsworth shows off why, immediately barking and snarling at them. They all flinch from the barking.] Lynn: "Ah, now it makes sense." Bullsworth:[clears throat] "I expect you all to be on your best behavior. Today is the President's birthday, and I won't have you ruffians ruining it." Leni: "Ooh, can we sing to him?" Bullsworth: "Yeah, that sounds like ruining it to me. There will be no singing, no wandering off, and no touching anything. Do not test the Bulldog. I would hate to have to put you all in the White House dungeon." [The Louds gasp, and he chuckles] "Just kidding. I would love to put you all in the White House dungeon! Now follow me." [leaves] Lynn Sr.:[turns to receptionist] "Hi, there's not really, like, a dungeon here, right?" Receptionist: "There is. In fact, a month ago, a guy taking a tour turned on a light without permission. He spent a week down there." [The Louds gasp] Bullsworth: "I don't see you behind me!" [The Louds frantically follow him.]
[Later, the Louds are following Bullsworth in the halls, Rita taking notes and the others all bored out of their minds. Lily is sleeping in Lynn Sr.'s arms while the other kids groan.] Lincoln: "Excuse me, Mr. Bulldog, sir, but this is the seventh hallway you've shown us. Can we see something more exciting?" Bullsworth: "All right. I suppose I can show you one room." [The kids get excited] Lynn: "The bowling alley?" Lana: "The sundae bar?" Lola: "The dress room?" Bullsworth: "The White House library." [Everyone except Lisa groans.] Lisa: "Sorry, but that is way better than a sundae bar." [Lynn spots the bowling alley] Lynn: "Oh, the White House bowling alley?! Oh, man, it's right here!" [Lynn looks to see her parents and Lily following Bullsworth to the library.] Lori: "Go on and take a peek. We'll cover for you." Lynn: "Woohoo!" [enters the bowling alley and is amazed at what she sees. It's a pristine bowling alley filled with three bowling lanes and a trophy case] "Whoa!" [goes bowling and scores multiple strikes, even firing two bowling balls to score a strike] "YES!"
[Meanwhile in the library...] Bullsworth: "And that's the presidential library. Any questions?" [Everyone else is bored, except Luan. Rita is holding the asleep Lily as Lynn Sr. is snoozing on her shoulder] Luan: "Ooh, yes! Can the president pardon himself so he doesn't have to pay late book fees?" Bullsworth:[sarcastically] "Oh, hilarious. Alright, now let's make sure we haven't lost anyone." [starts counting] "Two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve--" [realizes Lynn is missing] "Hold on, are we missing someone?" [begins to activate bulldog mode] [The Louds get nervous when Lynn comes back] Lynn: "Sorry. Just tying my shoe." Bullsworth: "Oh, all right. Now, because you surprised me by behaving in the library, I'm gonna show you another exciting place..." [The kids just stare unimpressed as Lynn Sr. snaps awake] Lynn Sr.: "I'm awake!" Bullsworth: "The White House laundry room." [The others, except for Leni, Lisa, and the parents, groan.] Luan: "Ooh! I bet it was President Washing-ton's favorite!" [laughs] Bullsworth: "I'm gonna pretend that I didn't hear that. All right, follow me."
[Bullsworth leads the bored Louds down the hallways, passing by the sundae room. Lana stops to gaze at the room.] Lana:[gasps] "White House sundae room?!" Luna: "Psst. Go live your best life, dude. We got your back." [Lana enters the room and is amazed at what she sees.] Lana: "Whoa." [There's stations for sprinkles, an ice cream bar, portraits of a president licking an ice cream cone, and a list of presidential favorite flavors. Lana gets some ice cream, adds sprinkles, and a cherry. With a laugh, she eats her creation in one bite and burps.]
[Meanwhile, Bullsworth leads the rest of the Louds out of the laundry room.] Bullsworth: "...and that's why fluff and fold was added to the Constitution. Now let's make sure that we're all still here." [realizes Lana is missing] "Wait a minute, someone seems to be missing!" [Everyone frantically looks at each other when Lana comes back, still with ice cream around her mouth.] Lana: "Sorry, just tying my shoe." [Luna is shocked to see that Lana has incriminating evidence that she has broken the rules, and frantically wipes the ice cream from Lana's mouth. Both sheepishly chuckle.] Bullsworth: "All right, now I have a real treat for you: The office supply closet." [The others groan] Luan: "Ooh, I bet that's a real staple of the White House!" Mr. Coconuts:[laughs, but then realizes everyone else is glaring at them] "Oh, wow, tough crowd."
[The Louds are still following Bullsworth around the halls when Lincoln spots the First Ladies' Boutique and gasps. He grabs Lola and shows her the room.] Lincoln: "Lola, this is the room with the First Ladies' dresses. Go. We'll cover you." [Lola eagerly enters the room. She gasps and squeals at all the finest dresses out there.] Lola: "Ooh la la, très chic." [goes to a dress and reads a label] "'First Lady's dress for president's birthday party tonight'... Well, I don't think she'd mind." [Later, she dons the dress and poses on the dress's pedestal] "Hello, it is I, Lola Loud, your beloved First Lady. Nah, forget that. Your president!"
[Meanwhile, outside the supply closet, Bullsworth has spotted Lola's absence when Lola comes back.] Lola: "I was just tying my shoe." [sheepishly smiles] Bullsworth: "Hmm. An awful lot of loose laces today. All right, moving along. Time to visit the White House recycling room." Luan: "I bet that room--" Bullsworth: "No."
[Later, they return to the reception hall] Bullsworth: "And that concludes our tour. I'm surprised. I expected you to be trouble, but you were all well-behaved. Eh, too bad for me. I didn't get to let the dog out." [activates bulldog mode and snarls at them again] "All right, please make your way to the White House exit." [leaves] Lynn: "That is one strange little man." Rita: "Kids, I'm sorry you didn't get the tour you hoped for, but I'm proud of you for being so good." [Lynn and the twins wince in guilt for breaking the rules] "Now, who wants to hit the hotel pool?" [The kids all excitedly follow her, except for the guilty trio.] Lynn: "Wait!" [The parents freeze] "We can't leave. There's one little problem." [Flashback to Lynn in the bowling room. She throws a bowling ball, but accidentally tosses it so hard, it breaks the wooden floor of a bowling lane, causing her to gasp in horror. Back to the present.] Lana: "Actually, two little problems." [Flashback to Lana at the ice cream bar and guzzling ice cream from one of the dispensers, but the handle breaks, causing the ice cream to overflow. Her mouth can't handle that much ice cream, and she collapses. Back to the present.] Lola: "Make that three little problems?" [sheepishly chuckles] [Flashback to Lola wearing the First Lady's dress, strutting all over the floor when she trips and accidentally rips the dress's bottom half off and gasps in horror. Back to the present.] Rita:[angry] "Seriously?! I can't believe the three of you!" Luna: "Uh, make that four." [Flashback. Luna is in the presidential music room and rocking out on a gold guitar when she accidentally snaps one of the strings. Back to the present.] Lincoln: "Five." [Flashback. Lincoln is in the president's office, spinning around on his swivel chair] Flashback Lincoln: "Woohoo!" [He accidentally spins out of control and hits a bust of his presidential namesake, causing it to land on the ground and break into pieces. He gulps in horror. Back to the present.] Rita: "Kids, how could you?! Your father and I are very disappointed, aren't we, honey?" Lynn Sr.: "Uh..." [sheepishly chuckles] "Well, um..." [Flashback. Lynn Sr. is in the kitchen and humming to himself as he plays with a spatula. He accidentally flings it into the president's birthday cake, which collapses. Back to the present.] Rita: "Lynn!" Lynn Sr.: "You'll have plenty of time to yell at me later, Rita, when the Bulldog tracks us down and sends us to the dungeon forever." Lincoln: "He's not gonna do that because we are going to sneak back in and fix everything before he notices. Just follow my lead." [goes to the receptionist] "Excuse me, before we get back on the road, would you mind if we used the restrooms?" Receptionist: "They're right down the hall you just came from." Lincoln: "Thank you, ma'am." [leaves]
[In the bowling alley, Lynn removes the bowling ball from the broken floor, and Rita gets out a Mommy Must-Have Portable Sander before sanding the floor and fixing the hole. In the sundae room, Lori uses one of her hair clips and inserts it into the broken dispenser. The spilled ice cream has covered up the entire floor, and Lana sucks it all up in her mouth like a vacuum, much to Lori's dismay. In the First Ladies' Boutique, Leni sews up the First Lady's dress, and Lola hides the seams with a bow from a bouquet. In the music room, Luna grabs one of Luan's hairs and uses it to restring the broken guitar. Luan simply grows back the plucked hair, much to Luna's confusion, but Luan shrugs. In the president's office, Lincoln and Lucy shoddily glue the Abraham Lincoln bust back together. Lucy gets the idea to turn the bust's frown upside-down, and both siblings thumbs-up each other. In the kitchen, Lynn Sr. finishes re-baking the birthday cake, now looking far more extravagant than the original. Lily takes the time to eat the leftover batter.]
[The Louds regroup at the reception hall and catch their breath] Receptionist: "Have you all been in the bathroom this whole time?" Lincoln: "Well, we are a big family." [chuckles] Leni: "Hey, how does my hair look? I wanna be picture-perfect for all these cameras." [The others gasp in horror and scream upon realizing there are cameras everywhere in the White House.] Lisa: "Of course! The whole building is under surveillance. I should have known." Lana: "So it doesn't matter that we fixed everything. There's still proof we went where we weren't supposed to." Lisa: "If we can get into the security room, we can remove the footage that shows us making a mess today." [gets out a tablet] "And I've accessed the White House blueprints online. The security room is down the hall. We just need to get past the receptionist again." Lincoln:[goes to the receptionist] "Um, excuse me, but we all need to use the restrooms again." Receptionist: "I feel your pain, folks. I'm cursed with a tiny bladder, too." Lincoln:[chuckles] "Yeah, thank you." [leaves]
[They make it to the security room, but it's heavily locked] Lisa: "Geez, tighter security than expected. Hmm..." [gasps when she notices a vent. Cut to the security room, with the Louds inside the vents] "The camera room is directly below us. We can gently lower ourselves down--" [Unfortunately, the vents aren't strong enough to support a family of thirteen and quickly break, causing the Louds to plummet down into the room.] "Quick, quick, quick, we're looking for a hard drive where they'd store all the video footage." Bullsworth: "You mean like this one?" [They gasp when they see him with the hard drive, having gotten inside the room. He howls] "I knew all of you were trouble." [taps his nose] "My Bulldog senses are never wrong. Time to call the president." Lincoln: "Please don't, Mr. Bulldog! We're really sorry. We were so curious, we couldn't help ourselves." Bullsworth: "Maybe time in the dungeon will teach you to show respect." [calls the president] "Hello, Mr. President. Yeah, Bulldog here." [The Louds listen to the phone call, dreading their inevitable punishment] "I caught some tourists who ran amok in the White House today, and I just want you to know I'm sending them to the dungeon so that your birthday is safe. What's that? The bowling alley lane has never been so smooth?" [The Louds are surprised] "And the ice cream machine no longer leaks? OK, but--huh? First Lady loves the new design of her dress?" [Lola confidently grins] "And your guitar is finally in tune? OK, but what about the bust--now he's smiling and doesn't scare you?" [Lincoln and Lucy grin at each other] "And you snuck some frosting off the new cake, and it's even more delicious than the smooshed one?" [Lynn Sr. and Lily laugh and smile in pride.] "What? All right, hang on." [hands the phone to the Louds] "He wants to talk to you." Rita:[nervously takes the phone] "Um, hello, Mr. President. This is Rita Loud. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, thank you, sir. Gang, the President is so happy with the improvements we made today that he invited us to his birthday party!" [The Louds are excited to hear that] Luan: "This better not be a joke!" Lincoln: "No way!" Bullsworth: "This is wrong. But if you're gonna meet the President, I'll accompany you to keep you in line." Rita: "I'm sorry, Bulldog, but he specifically said you weren't invited." [Bullsworth's smile fades] "He wants us to meet him in the party room." Lisa: "I know where that is. Follow me." [The Louds stampede out of the security room, trampling Bullsworth and knocking him to the ground.] Bullsworth: "The Bulldog is not happy." [whimpers] [An iris closes in on Bullsworth. The end.]
