The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Camperzilla arrives at the South West State Fair.] Lynn Sr.:[driving] "Here we are, kiddos; the South West State Fair. Yee-haw!" [The kids all go up to the windows and are amazed at what they see. Various sights and fun attractions and rides all around.] Lola and Lucy: "Wow." Lana: "Whoa." Luna: "Rockin'." Rita: "Oh, hon, there's a spot." [There's only one parking spot, and Camperzilla parks right there.] Lynn Sr.: "Ah, perfect. Like a glove. Now who's--" [tries to open the door] "Uh-oh." [Camperzilla is so wide, the Louds are practically trapped between the other two cars parked and can't get out.] Lucy:[smiling] "Trapped, with no way out." Lisa: "Incorrect." [She presses a button on her remote and activates the upgraded rooms. The Louds climb up to the top of the RV and get out from there before sliding a ladder down to ground level.] Lynn Sr.: "Huh. Good thinking, Lisa." [After the parents get situated on the ground, they and their children notice three other kids with notepads, excitingly running past to a crowd of people.] Girl: "I want to get there, hurry up! Go, go, go, go!" Boy: "Oh, man, this is so exciting." [The Louds head over to the crowd, curious about what is attracting these people.] Older Boy: "Can you sign this for me please?" Woman: "I love you!" Girl #2: "Yay!" [In the center of the crowd, a dark-skinned bearded man, wearing glasses and a cowboy-esque getup, is signing autographs, one being to a ginger haired boy.] Rita:[recognizes him] "Wait, is that...?" Older Boy: "Can you sign this?" Woman #2: "I love you." [The man turns around, and to his surprise, he recognizes Rita.] ???: "Huh? Rita? Is that you?" Rita:[gasps in delight] "Brad Plaid?!" [Lynn Sr. raises an eyebrow in puzzlement as Rita and Brad run up to each other and share a hug.] Brad: "Hot diggity, it is you!" [straightens his glasses] "And I thought these glasses were monkeying with me. What's a Michigander like you doing here?" Rita: "I'm actually writing a column about life on the road with a big family." Brad: "No kidding? So you became a writer after all? I always knew you would." Lynn Sr.:[off-screen] "Hey, honey." [The rest of the Louds approach the two.] Brad: "Howdy, sir. Would you like an autograph?" [takes out a pen and signs his name on Lynn Sr.'s forehead] Rita: "Oh." [laughs] "This is my husband, Lynn." [Lynn Sr. wipes the ink off] "Everyone, this is Brad. He and I knew each other from Camp Can Do when we were kids." Brad:[laughs] "We were practically hogtied at the hip. In fact, we were each other's camp crushes..." [Rita laughs, remembering that] "...if I remember right." Lynn Sr.:[chuckles while glaring with jealousy] "How adorable." Lynn: "So, Brad, my man, what's with the crowd? You, like, famous or something?" Brad: "Well, I'm somewhat of a..." [brings his guitar out and strums it; singing] "♫ ...country singerrrrrr ♫" Louds (sans Lynn Sr.):[intrigued] "Ooh." / "Wow!" Brad: "I'm on tour cross-country with my horse." [The camera pans to his truck; a wooden sign on top reading "Croonin' Cowboy", and on one side of the truck is a picture of him and his horse] "They call me the Crooning Cowboy." [tips his hat] [The kids and Rita are even more intrigued, but Lynn Sr. expresses discomfort and annoyance.] Lynn: "That's so cool." Lynn Sr.: "Okay, great. But we better get going. Lots to see and do." [pushes his kids along] "Just me and my family." [puts an arm around Rita and moves her along too] "And Rita, who is my wife." [chuckles] [Rita looks at her husband, confused.] Brad:[off-screen] "Say, y'all should check out my show after the rodeo tonight. How do front row seats sound?" [The kids and Rita instantly rush back to Brad clamoring in excitement, leaving Lynn Sr. stunned.] Lana: "So cool!" Rita: "That is so sweet of you, Brad." Lynn Sr.:[jealous] "Yes. Yes, so, so sweet." [feigns realization] "Oh, I just remembered. We're a sing-along kind of family at concerts, and we don't know any of your songs. Guess we'll have to pass. Well, thanks anyway." [finger-guns Brad and starts to leave] [Brad laughs as he walks up to Lynn Sr. and signs a vinyl album.] Brad: "Take my 'Greatest Hits' album." [shoves the album into Lynn Sr.'s hands] "Y'all will catch up in no time." [The album's front cover shows Brad playfully wrestling with his horse, along with his signature in the bottom right corner.] "Now you kids are gonna love the fair." [Lynn Sr. looks to the side, annoyed] "I'll be your personal guide." [sidesteps] "Let's head 'em up, and move 'em out!" [The kids and Rita follow Brad while Lynn Sr. stays behind and groans begrudgingly. He lifts the album up and flips it over, the back cover displaying a heart with three song titles, and a header in the center reading: "ALL THE HITS!". But the songs' titles show a suspicious theme.] Lynn Sr.:[reading the titles; terrified] "'Rita-'Round the World'? 'All I Need Is Rita'? 'Rita Likes Pita'?" [gasps] "All his songs are about Rita! Brad is obviously obsessed with her!" [aggressive] "And it looks like he's trying to rekindle his Camp Can Do flame. Well, not on my watch, buster. Oh, you think you're such a big man? Well, you're not so big." [tosses the album away] [Unfortunately, he just so happens to be right next to a giant wooden statuesque cutout of Brad.] Brad:[on intercom] "A big Brad Plaid howdy to y'all!" Lynn Sr.:[exasperated] "Oh, come on!"
[Later, Brad is leading the Louds, plus a jealously-pouting Lynn Sr., through the fair, walking past a milk bottle knock-out game.] Lana: "Yeah, whoa!" Luan: "So cool!" [One of the prizes is a toy unicorn. Lola notices and rushes out of the pack to gawk at them, spinning Lynn Sr. away.] Lola:[squeals] "Look at those unicorns! Eunice has been begging for a baby brother." [Lynn Sr. cracks his knuckles in preparation for the game, but is interrupted by Brad, who puts an arm around his neck.] Brad: "Well, I'd be happy to." Lynn Sr.:[shoves Brad off] "Yeah, I got it, Bryson." [He pulls out some money from his pocket and hands it over to the game attendant. The teen attending the game takes the money and hands over two balls to Lynn Sr., who grabs one of the balls and throws with all his might... but it misses the bottles.] Lynn Sr.: "Hands are a little sweaty, just from the heat." [pulls his sleeves back] "I'm not nervous or intimidated in any way." [Rita's brow furrows at that remark. Lynn Sr. grabs the other ball and throws it. This time, it misses one pyramid, lands on the counter, and it taps another pyramid, which barely budges. He grumbles and forks over even more money, and the attendant hands over a basket of balls. He throws every single one of them at the target, but keeps on missing, some of them severing the strings holding prize teddy bears and another hitting the attendant on the head.] Attendant: "Ow!" Lynn Sr.: "Sorry!" [Eventually, he's down to his last ball. Panting from exhaustion, he throws it at the pyramids, but it misses one of them and hits another pyramid hard enough to knock over one bottle.] Attendant:[comes back up] "We have a winner!" [Lola is bouncing with excitement as Lynn Sr. wipes his brow.] Lynn Sr.: "Phew! We'll take the unicorn, please." Attendant: "Sorry, sir, but that prize is for knocking down the whole pyramid." [He hands over a squeaky mouse toy to Lola, who grumbles.] Brad: "Allow me, partner." [He grabs a ball and throws it, which knocks over one pyramid, bounces to the left and knocks another pyramid over, and bounces to the right and knocks the last pyramid down. Lola gasps with excitement as Brad adjusts his hat. The attendant carries over a pile of unicorns, and Lola excitedly climbs up the pile and hugs one of the unicorns.] Lola: "Yeah! Thanks, Dad. I mean, Brad." [Lynn Sr. growls, fearing he has now lost his own children to Brad's influence.]
[Later, Luna is playing banjo on stage as Brad leads her siblings in line-dancing, all wearing their own personalized cowboy hats.] Brad: "Your kids are natural boot-scooters, Rita." [The parents are also line-dancing; Rita wearing a cowboy hat too] "Bet they learned it from you." [goes up to them and offers Rita a hand] "Speaking of, care to dance?" [Lynn Sr. lowers Brad's hand and takes Rita out for dancing, much to Brad's dismay.] Lynn Sr.: "Sorry. Maybe next song, Brody." [The parents resume line-dancing together.] Rita: "Are you feeling OK, hon? Because you've been acting a little--" Lynn Sr.: "Charming? Debonair?" [twirls her around] "Like someone who isn't crumbling on the inside?" [He sends her spinning away, and unknowingly locks hands with an older woman.] Tootsie: "Old Tootsie's gotcha now! Hang on." [She starts aggressively dancing with Lynn Sr., and eventually flings him into the air. He lands in a water trough, just in time to watch his wife having fun dancing with Brad, who tosses her in the air and catches her before they continue dancing. Lynn Sr. growls in anger at the sight.] Tootsie: "Time for another fling, chicken wing!" Lynn Sr.: "No, no, no--" [She grabs him and pulls him back into the dance] "Ah!"
[Later, Brad is carrying Lily on his back as the other Louds follow him.] Lana: "This is so fun." Leni: "Brad's so cool." Lincoln: "Can I get boots like Brad's?" [Lynn Sr. is following them, grumbling and muttering under his breath, when he notices a sign reading Come Join Our BBQ COOK OFF, and that gives him an idea.] Lynn Sr.:[gasps] "Barbecue cookoff... Hey, Brent, what do you say we put our grill skills to the test?" Brad: "Sounds like fun, partner." [Lynn Sr. starts laughing maniacally as his family gets weirded out, which he quickly notices.] Lynn Sr.: "Uh..." [clears throat] "Excuse me."
[The barbecue cookoff commences. Lynn Sr. dons his toque, growls in determination, and starts mixing ingredients together as Brad casually starts grilling. Eventually, Lynn Sr. presents his creation to the judge] Judge: "And what do we have here?" Lynn Sr.: "It's my famous pulled chick-Lynn sandwich with a side of mac-Lynn-cheese. Enjoy." Judge:[eats the sandwich in one bite] "Mmm." Lynn Sr.: "Room for seconds?" [grabs a plate] "Or should I say, sec-Lynns?" [realizes the judge is gone] "Wha--huh?!" [drops his plate in shock] [Brad presents his own plate, a shish-kebab dish, and hands it to the judge, who takes a bite.] Judge: "Mmm, these are delicious. And what'd you call them?" Brad: "Shish-ke-Brad." [The audience laughs] Judge: "He's good." [Lynn Sr. is offended and jealous.] Lynn Sr.: "How dare he? Food-based puns are my thing!" [turns to address his family] "Can you guys believe this?" [realizes they're gone] "What?" [The rest of his family are enjoying the shish-ke-Brads, Lynn Jr. licking her plate clean. Lynn Sr. turns around and growls in anger, accidentally squeezing a ketchup bottle so hard, its contents splatter all over his face, toque, apron, and shirt.] "Oh, come on!"
[Later, Lynn Sr. is at a water trough and trying to wash the ketchup off himself when Lincoln approaches.] Lincoln: "Here, Dad. I got you a clean shirt." Lynn Sr.: "I--" [realizes it's a Brad T-shirt and recoils in disgust before addressing it] "You. You may have won the first three rounds, Brad Bleh, but I'm not out yet, you hear me?!" Lincoln: "Um, Dad, you feeling OK? You're yelling at a T-shirt." Lynn Sr.:[feigning enthusiasm] "What? Everything's fine!" [now distraught] "You know, apart from Brad trying to steal your mom away!" Lincoln:[incredulous] "What? Dad, you're losing it. Brad's not trying to--" [Suddenly, they overhear Brad.] Brad: "Hoo-wee, do I got a big surprise for Rita." [Lincoln and Lynn Sr. peek around the corner. He is obliviously taking to a cactus due to him cleaning his glasses] "You're gonna love this, Chuck. I've got a seat for her on my private jet. After the concert tonight, I want her to fly away with me." [Both father and son gasp in shock.] Chuck: "Uh, I'm over here, sir." [Chuck is leaning against the doors to a bull pen, which Brad notices as he sheepishly puts his glasses back on.] Brad: "I knew that..." [Lincoln and Lynn Sr. hide out of sight, the latter completely panicking.] Lincoln: "Whoa, you're right. Brad's totally trying to steal Mom away." Lynn Sr.:[sits on the ground in a fetal position] "Lincoln, what am I gonna do?" Lincoln:[thinks] "Leave it to me. Brad's not the only Man with a Plan 'round these parts."
[Clown laughter is heard. Chuck steps to the side and opens the bull pen's door to let Lincoln and Lynn Sr. in, who are disguised as clowns, and wearing cowboy hats.] Lincoln: "Nothing to see here." Lynn Sr.:[honks his clown nose] "Just two rodeo clowns heading to work. H-Hey!" [Chuck shuts the door, staring oddly afterwards. Inside the barn, Brad's horse is in her stable as Lincoln and Lynn Sr. step in front of Brad's dressing room.] Lincoln: "Now for phase two. I'll sneak into Brad's dressing room and swipe his glasses, and you'll switch Brad's horse with a wild bull." Lynn Sr.: "Don't you think he'll notice?" Lincoln: "You've seen him without his glasses. He can't tell a person from a cactus. Before he can figure it out, he'll be bucked all the way to Timbuktu." Lynn Sr.:[places a hand on Lincoln's back] "Nice thinking, son." [Lincoln enters the dressing room before checking to see if the coast is clear. Once he's in, he takes Brad's glasses off the vanity.] Brad:[from outside] "I'll be right there." Lincoln: "Uh-oh..." Brad: "Just got to grab something from my dressing room." [The doorknob jiggles and Brad steps inside. Lincoln is posing as a coat hanger.] "Where did I put those dang glasses?" [feels around] Announcer: "Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to welcome the Crooning Cowboy?" [Brad gasps and leaves his dressing room.] Lincoln:[relieved] "Phew." [Brad suddenly opens the door again, looking suspiciously at the "coat hanger".] Brad: "Hold up a minute." [takes his hat off Lincoln's head] "At least I got my ten-gallon." [leaves for real] Lincoln: "Oh, that was close." [takes out Brad's glasses] [Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. carefully approaches Stomper's stable, Stomper being a bull.] Lynn Sr.: "Hey, Stomper, we're just gonna go for a little walk. Okay, buddy?" [Stomper snorts, making Lynn Sr. flinch in fear. The bull then walks away as Lynn Sr. opens the stable's gate and starts clanging his cowbell. It's enough to tick off Stomper, eyes turning red in fury.] Lynn Sr.: "That's right, Stomper, follow me-eeeeeeee!" [flees as the now angered Stomper chases after him] [Lincoln comes out of Brad's room with Brad's glasses still in hand, and immediately gets out of the way as Stomper continues to chase Lynn Sr. around the bull pen. And while that occurs, Lincoln opens the horse's stable and leads her out.] Lincoln: "Come on! Come on! Quickly!" [He leads her into Stomper's pen and closes it. Meanwhile, Lynn Sr. is still being chased by Stomper and makes it to the horse's stable, leaping out of the way onto one of the beams on the roof as Stomper skids right into the horse's stable.] Lincoln:[shuts the gate] "Nice going, Dad." [They high-five and leave as Stomper groans, now dazed.] Lynn Sr.: "Now, let's go watch Brad completely beef it. Pun intended." [laughs] [After both leave the bull pen, Brad blindly opens the stable Stomper is in and climbs on the bull. Stomper stumbling albeit as it trots.] Brad: "Whoa, steady, girl." [It is time for the rodeo. Lincoln and Lynn Sr., no longer dressed as clowns, take their seats in the audience alongside their family, Lynn Sr. menacingly looking ahead for what's to expectantly come.] Announcer: "Everyone, put your hands together for the Crooning Cowboy and his pita-loving noble steed, Rita!" [The sisters cheer as Lincoln and Lynn Sr.'s faces drop in aghast, coming to a startling realization.] Lincoln and Lynn Sr.: "Rita is a horse?!" Lynn Sr.: "That means Brad's obsessed with Rita the horse, not Rita the wife!" [gasps] "What have I done?!" [Brad, and the still dazed Stomper, take the stage.] Brad: "Howdy, folks." [brings out his guitar] "How 'bout I play a little song for you?" [The audience cheer; Brad starts to sing, strumming his guitar] "♫ Welllll, she don't eat oats-- ♫" [Stomper finally snaps out its dazed state and locks its gaze onto Brad in red-eyed fury. It angrily rears] "Whoa!" [Stomper furiously runs around in circles] "Ahh! What's gotten into you?!" Lynn Sr.: "I put Brad in danger." [stands up and puts his clown wig and nose back on determinedly] "I've got to save him!" [enters the bull pen arena] "Brad, listen to me! You're sitting on a bull!" [Stomper ceases and lets out a roar. It rears once again and snorts angrily.] Brad:[confused] "I'm sitting on a what now?" [Stomper finally bucks Brad off, and then it looms over him, having Brad flinch. Just then, the bull hears Lynn Sr. clanging his cowbell once again. Its attention focused on him, Lynn Sr. screams and runs away as Stomper chases him around the arena. Rita and the girls call out to him in concerned panic, while Lincoln just watches with guilt knowing he's also responsible for this. The bull eventually corners Lynn Sr. near the fence and hits him on the rear so hard, he's sent flying out of the bull pen, losing his clown disguise. His family gasps and heads out to save him. He eventually lands on the waving hand of the Brad cutout and tries to hold on, but eventually loses his grip and lands on the real Brad, who is about to save him with hands outstretched.] Lynn Sr.: "Oh, Brad. Thanks for breaking my fall." [The Louds show up] Rita: "Lynn! Oh my gosh, are you OK? What is going on?!" Lynn Sr.:[gets up and sighs] "Sorry, Rita. I really panicked when I thought you were gonna get on that plane, but then I realized you're not a horse." Rita: "Uh, OK..." Lynn Sr.: "Let me rephrase. I was so afraid that you were gonna run off with Brad that I... I sabotaged the show." Rita:[reassuring] "Honey, there is nothing between me and Brad. Why would you think that?" Lynn Sr.: "I know that now. But it is weird that he named his horse after you." Brad: "No, I didn't." [The couple look over. He's talking to a cactus again] "I named her after my granny, Margarita. Why, she'd eat an apple right out your hand. Granny, not the horse." [Rita and Lynn Sr. glance at each other confused after a beat, before the latter turns to his wife.] Lynn Sr.: "I'm sorry, honey." [turns Brad around] "And I'm sorry, Brian-- Brad." Brad: "Oh, there you are." Lynn Sr.:[chuckles] "I might have gotten a teensy bit carried away." Lincoln: "I'm sorry too." [walks up to Brad, holding out the glasses] "Here, these are yours." Brad:[takes his glasses and puts them on] "No harm done, partner. If nothing else, you helped me put on one wild show." [slaps his knee; to Lynn Sr.] "And boy, you gotta teach me your cowbell technique. That's the one thing I could never master." Lynn Sr.:[confident] "Well, you know, it is an art form." Brad: "Say, I still gotta finish the show before Rita, the horse Rita..." [Rita silently chuckles] "...and I jet off on my plane." [puts an arm around Lynn Sr.] "And I sure could use a little more cowbell in the big finale." [Lynn Sr. gasps and grins in excitement.]
[And so, Brad starts up the finale of the show. This time, he's on his horse, playing his guitar and singing his greatest hit.]
Brad: ♫ Well, she don't eat oats ♫ ♫ And she don't eat hay ♫ ♫ There's just one thing she'll nosh ♫ ♫ At the end of the day ♫
[Rita the horse turns to Brad and smiles. Pitas are tossed into the arena as she catches one in her muzzle and eats it. Lori, Luna, the twins, and Lily throw more pitas from the audience.]
♫ Is that unleavened bread that tickles her hide ♫ ♫ And she'll eat it when it's plain ♫ ♫ Or with some hummus on the side ♫
[Lynn Sr. accompanies him, playing his cowbell on beat with Brad's guitar playing.]
♫ Rita likes pita ♫ ♫ Rita likes pita ♫
[Rita the horse dances and chomps down two more pitas, enthusiastically headbanging to the song. She resumes dancing.]
♫ It's the only thing I feed her ♫ ♫ And there ain't no nothing sweeter ♫ ♫ Rita likes pita ♫ ♫ Rita likes pita ♫ ♫ And she makes my life complete-a ♫ ♫ So I always feed her pita ♫ Come on!
[The audience cheers. So do the Louds, continuing to throw more pitas out onto the arena. And Stomper is with them, happily cheering with Lily on the bull's back. The end.]
