The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[On a bright sunny day, Camperzilla drives through a mountain range.] Lincoln:[to the viewers] "You know, I'm really getting used to life on the road. Living with the bare essentials isn't so bad." [The camera zooms out to show Lincoln and Lana playing video games.] Lana: "You said it." [Both siblings clink their game controllers and play on. Lori is seen relaxing in a massage chair.] Lori:[her voice vibrating] "RV living is literally the life for us." [Suddenly, Camperzilla makes a stop, which she notices] "Why are we stopping?" Rita: "Exciting news. For my next piece in the travel series, we are all going to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado." [Lincoln and Lana stop their game to look out the window, as does the rest of the siblings. Lori pulls up the blinds to reveal indeed the majestic beauty of the Rocky Mountains, but the siblings are uninterested.] Lincoln: "Cool." Lola: "Definitely rocky." Luna: "Sweet." [Lori shuts the blinds, but Rita pulls them up again.] Rita: "No, I meant we're going outside for an invigorating 10-mile hike! You guys are going to love it." [This time, Lana shuts the blinds, the siblings still uninterested.] Lincoln: "Nah." Luna: "I'm good." Lola: "You kids have fun." Lynn Sr.:[strained] "Come on, fam." [He enters wearing Lincoln's blue convincing suit, and it is a tight fit on him as he does a twirl.] Lincoln: "Hm? Is that my convincing suit?" Lynn Sr.:[pulling down the jacket] "Maybe. It'll be great to get out the RV for a while..." [wheezes] "...for some fresh air." [puts an arm around his wife] "Your mother and I made some of our best memories hiking, and we want that for all of you." [chuckles] Rita: "There's nothing like enjoying what nature has to offer." [The couple intertwine hands] "So, what do you say, kids?" Lincoln: "Mm, maybe it's because I've never been on the receiving end of that suit, but I'm convinced. Besides, how bad can hiking be?" [crosses his arms confidently]
[The siblings are on the hike, and they are sweating and panting, deadly exhausted. Mosquitoes surround them as Lana smacks one on her cheek.] Lori:[holding her phone out] "Ugh, there is literally no signal." [Some mosquitoes gather in front of Leni and Lily. The second oldest tries to swat them away as Lily flinches.] Leni: "Ugh, get away!" [Lily then lets out a burp so powerful, the mosquitoes drop to the ground. The toddler smiles, satisfied. Lynn moves a tree branch out of the way, only for it to smack Lucy square in the face, who falls to the ground like a corpse. Lola stops and notices.] Lucy: "Leave me here. I belong to the mountains now."
[The hike goes on, and the siblings are still exhausted.] Lincoln: "Too hot." [Winds blow in their direction, making them shiver] "Too cold." [The winds stop] "Too hot." [The winds come back] "Too cold." [The winds stop and Lincoln is getting frustrated] "And now it's hot again! But hey, we are making lifelong memories, right?" Lola: "Ugh, more like lifelong nightmares." Lynn: "I agree. This hike's a bust." Lana: "I bet Mom and Dad are having as rough a time as we are." [The siblings look over to their parents, who are actually enjoying the hike as they both breath in the fresh air.] Lynn Sr.:[puts an arm around Rita] "I've never felt more alive!" [The siblings stop and groan in misery.] Luna: "We're never gonna make it, dudes." Lori: "We have to convince Mom and Dad to let us go back to the RV. Lincoln, pull out the convincing suit." Lincoln: "Dad stretched it out. But, don't worry, I have a plan. Follow me." [Lincoln runs off, and his sisters eagerly follow, until Lisa falls into a puddle.] Lisa:[resurfaces] "Uh, siblings, would someone mind lending me a five-fingered appendage?" [No response; sarcastically] "Good to know you can always count on family." [jumps out the puddle and dashes off]
[The Louds are now hiking near a river. Rita whistles a melody while Lynn Sr. looks at a map. Seeing this, Lincoln gives a thumbs-up to Lucy, who points back at him as the rest of the siblings nonchalantly walk along. Lucy stops, takes off the backpack she's wearing, and drops it in the river.] Lucy:[acting] "Oops. All of our food has fallen into the river." [puts a backhand to her forehead] "Now, we will perish." [The parents hear this and notice the food-contained backpack riding its way across the river. They both yelp in panic.] Lynn Sr.: "Oh, no, my homemade grano-Lynn bars!" [They chase after it.] Rita: "Luan, I think you can reach it!" [Luan is kneeling down, and the backpack approaches her, but Mr. Coconuts reaches for it instead.] "Luan, just use your human hands!" [Mr. Coconuts is still reaching his arm out and the backpack makes its escape.] Mr. Coconuts: "Well, too late, toots. Looks like our food is down the river, and we're up a creek." [The parents stop to catch their breath and Lynn Sr. faints from exhaustion. Lincoln approaches and pats his mother's back.] Lincoln:[feigning sympathy] "Aw, looks like if we don't go back to the RV, we'll starve." [He and his sisters gather around Rita, hands clasped together and pouting.] "Bummer." [casually] "All right, let's go, everybody." [The siblings start to head back but Lynn Sr. stops them.] Lynn Sr.: "No, no, no, this will just give us the opportunity to live off what nature has to offer. Don't worry, kids." [points onward] "The hike continues!" [He pushes his kids along as they cheer halfheartedly.]
[Now the parents are foraging for berries.] Rita: "Great idea having us forage for our own food, honey." [puts some berries in a basket] "This will make a great addition to my column." Lynn Sr.:[grabs a branch with berries on it] "Mm, right? Nothing like huckleberries fresh off the branch." [eats some and winces in pain] "Oh, thorn." [He shows there's a thorn on his tongue, which starts throbbing in pain. Meanwhile, Lisa and Lola are also foraging for berries, Lynn eating some from her basket. Lana pops out of the bushes with some berries.] Lana: "Incoming!" [She cannonballs into Lisa's basket, splashing berry juice all over Lola, and gives a thumbs-up to Lisa.] Lola: "Lana, you clod! You know red isn't my color!" Lincoln: "That gives me another idea!" [Lola is confused about his idea.]
[Later, Rita has removed the thorn from Lynn Sr.'s tongue and is bandaging it up. She pushes his tongue back in his mouth, and he gives her a thumbs-up. Enter Lola, her face and hands covered in berry juice in a way that resembles rashes.] Lola:[acting] "Oh, no. I seem to have a bad case of poison oak!" [rubs her arm and coughs] "Oh, cruel world." [collapses in Lucy's arms] "We must go back to the RV." [She feigns unconsciousness and Lucy drops her.] Rita: "Don't worry, honey. I've got this." [leaves and comes back with a brown mixture and lathers it on Lola's "rashes"] "Voila. An all-natural cure for poison oak." Lola:[sniffs it] "Ew! What's in this?" Rita: "Herbs, spring water, and squirrel excrement." [Lola's left eye twitches when she hears that last ingredient, and she lets out a bloodcurdling scream so loud, some birds fly out of the trees. She then shakes the cure and the "rashes" off of her body.] Lola: "Ha, what do you know? I'm cured." [chuckles] Lynn Sr.: "Ah, great work, honey. Your mom is awesome." [points] "Onward." [The kids continue to reluctantly follow their parents. Lincoln notices a sign. reading: "BEWARE OF MOUNTAIN GOATS".] Lincoln: "'Beware of mountain goats'... I have one more idea."
[The Louds are now hiking across a steep hill. Lincoln stops and notices his parents stopping as well to take a look at the map. He smiles mischievously and turns to thumbs-up Lori and Lily, who take the hint.] Lori: "Mom, Dad!" [The parents glance at them] "Lily's got a full diaper." [holds up Lily] [With the exception of Luna, Luan, and Lynn, the rest of the siblings then hold their bladders, feigning discomfort.] Luna: "And we all have to go too." Lynn:[in unison] "I have to take a leak!" Leni:[in unison] "I have to pee!" Lisa:[in unison] "I need to evacuate my bladder too." Rita: "Of course. Bathroom break, everyone!" [While the parents turn their attention back to the map, their kids look at one another and smile slyly before running off, two groups splitting into two directions. The parents are suddenly interrupted by a thunderous bleat mixed with Lynn's voice. They turn to the source and see the silhouette of a mountain goat atop an outcrop of rocks, still bleating.] Lynn Sr.:[shrieks] "It's one of those Rocky Mountain goats I've heard about. They're very aggressive. They've been known to injure people." [The goat is still bleating] Rita: "Kids, everyone come back!" [Lynn Sr. hides his face in the map. The "goat" retreats behind the outcrop and is revealed to be a construct made of leaves and branches. Lincoln uncovers the construct, formed by Leni, Luna, Lana, Lisa, and Lynn (who is holding the branches that act as the "horns"). The kids all come back to their parents, Lynn still holding on to the horns. They notice and she sheepishly hides them, having the parents glance at each other oddly.] Rita: "We're sorry to say this, but the hike is off. We've had an angry goat sighting. It's just too dangerous for you kids to be out here with those beasts roaming the woods." Lynn Sr.: "Time to head back to the RV, ASAP." [The parents run off, and the kids all cheer that their plan worked. The parents come back to glare at them suspiciously, having the kids quickly change their demeanor.] Kids: "I mean, 'Oh, no'." / "Terrible." / "This is terrible."
[The Louds dash back to Camperzilla.] Lynn Sr.: "Hurry like your lives depend on it! Because they do!" [bumps into three real mountain goats, and he and the family are in fear as he backs away] "No one make any sudden movements..." Leni: "OMGosh, our sisters make really convincing mountain goats." Lisa:[Shaking her head and talking quietly] "No, Leni. Shh! It seems Lynn's roar summoned actual mountain goats." [The mountain goats growl and angrily flare their nostrils, the leader goat sweeping its hoof, ready to charge. They inch closer menacingly as they bleat.] Lana: "I'm not quite as familiar with this Rocky Mountain dialect, but I can tell they are not happy." [The goats stomp down their hoofs. Luna gets an idea.] Luna: "Maybe I can soothe them with a lullaby. You know, Moon Goat to mountain goat." [The goats growl once again. Luna starts singing to the tune of "Hush, Little Baby" and playing a pink ukulele in hopes to calm them.]
♫ Sleep angry mountain goats on this mountain hike ♫ ♫ With visions of whatever goats like ♫ ♫ Just lie down now and shut your sleepy eyes ♫ ♫ Please let the Loud family stay alive ♫
[Unfortunately, that song did nothing to change the mountain goats' demeanor. Cut to the Louds all running away.] Luna: "Ah, tough room!" [The mountain goats are in hot pursuit. The Louds run past a sign reading "HIKING PATH", and another one that reads "DANGER" with skull and crossbones at the bottom. They keep running until they are all forced to stop in front of a decaying bridge that is inches high from a stream. Lynn Sr. gets nervous.] Lynn Sr.: "Okay, careful. Follow me." [He steadily starts going across the bridge until one of the wood planks he steps on breaks in two, causing him to slip through and cling onto the ropes, almost plummeting.] Rita: "Lynn!" Lori: "Oh, no!" Lincoln: "Dad!" Lucy: "Gasp." [Lynn Sr. flails his legs around as he tries to lift himself back up, to which he successfully does.] Lynn Sr.:[relieved] "Whew." Lori: "Okay, I am literally not crossing that." [crosses her arms] "I'd rather take my chances with the goats." [The others immediately book it and start going across the bridge. Lori shrieks when she sees the goats closing in on her and gets on the bridge too] "Wait for me!" [The Louds start crossing the bridge, but then they notice the goats started to gnaw on the rope holding it together.] Lincoln: "They're gonna break the bridge! Run!" [They hurry across the bridge as fast as they can, but the goats manage to cut the rope, causing the rest of the bridge to collapse. The Louds hold on for dear life as the bridge hits the cliff on the other side.] Rita: "OK, kids, stay calm. We need to use the bridge as a ladder to get back up." Lola: "Make way!" [Lola climbs up on top of the Loud pile, kicking Lisa out of the way.] Luan: "Come on! Ow!" [Lisa nearly falls out of the pile, but Lynn Sr. catches her in time.] Lola: "Beauty before age!" Lori and Luna:[dismayed] "Lola!" Lola:[to Lily] "And before you, too." [climbs up the bridge] [Lily groans and blows a raspberry at Lola as the rest of the Louds make their way back up, too. Rita accidentally kicks Lynn Sr. in the face as she climbs up.]
[Eventually, Lynn Sr. is the last one to climb up the bridge and onto the cliff.] Lynn Sr.:[pants from exhaustion] "See that? The Louds can handle anything Mother Nature throws at them." [sighs in relief, and then sees his family in a sweaty and fatigued pile] "Now, let's see where to go next." [searches his pockets] "Where's the map?" [realizes and looks down at the collapsed bridge] "Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no!" [The map is shown to be on one of the wood planks. He tries to grab it until the wind scurries it away and down into the stream] "No!" [Lynn Sr. then looks to see that the goats are laughing at his expense, which slightly annoys him, but he is more focused on the loss of the map.] Rita:[panicking] "Great, so we're completely lost with no food, and no way to call for help!" Lisa: "Ah, yes." [takes out a calculator and crunches some numbers] "Given our circumstances, I calculate our chances of survival at, uh... 35%." Lynn Sr.:[appalled] "Gah!" Lisa:[realizing] "Oh, wait." [crunches more numbers] "Forgot to carry the one." [Lynn Sr. is in relief] "5%." [Now, Lynn Sr. screams in horror and passes out as he collapses into Rita's arms.] Rita:[remorseful] "We never should have taken you kids on a hike." [Lynn Sr. instantly comes to] "We just wanted to make some lifelong memories together." [She and her husband hold hands.] Lynn Sr.: "And now..." [tears up] "It seems lifelong means only a few hours. This is all our fault!" [He breaks down sobbing and hugs Rita, who returns it. The kids now feel guilty.] Lucy: "Actually, Mom and Dad, this is all our fault." Luna: "We didn't want to do a 10-mile hike, so we sabotaged it." [Lynn Sr. gasps in shock.] Rita:[angry] "You what?!" Lynn Sr.:[also angry] "Kids! How could you?" Luan: "We're sorry." Mr. Coconuts: "You should be. I tried to talk 'em out of it." [Luan gives a side glare at the puppet before looking over to her parents, still frowning disapprovingly. She sheepishly hides Mr. Coconuts.] Lincoln: "But don't worry. We got us into this mess. And if we work together, we can get us out of it. Right, guys?" [His sisters instantly agree.] Lana: "Totally!" Lisa:[walks into a forest area] "Well... judging by the sun's position in the sky, and knowing we took an easterly road, the RV must be, uh..." [eagerly points] "This way!" [The Louds grin happily.]
[Lori looks down a narrow cliff.] Lori: "How are we supposed to get down?" Lynn Sr.:[finds something on the ground] "Ooh." [picks up a vine] "We'll use what nature provides." [He and his family use the vine as a rope to climb down the cliff. Once they land on the ground, they find another obstacle: a rapid stream.] Luan: "Oh, how are we gonna get past these rapids?" [Offscreen, Lynn is heard grunting, along with some wooden sticks crunching. The camera pans over to show she found a huge lumber log and holds it up above her head.] Lynn: "We'll use what nature provides."
[Now, the Louds are riding the log down the rapids, Lynn, Luna, and the twins enjoying the thrill.] Leni: "How are we gonna get past this waterfall?" [She points ahead, and they are indeed approaching a waterfall.] Luan: "We'll use what nature--" [screams] Mr. Coconuts: "Never mind!" [The Louds' log goes down the waterfall anyway, and it makes a huge splash below. Once that was over, they continue down the rapids; some stones surrounded in their path.] Lincoln: "Everyone lean left!" [They lean the log left] "Lean right!" [They lean the log right; points] "Aim for that beaver dam!" [The Louds ride the beaver dam like a ramp, sending them upwards across the mountain range, and make an albeit rough landing. They find that they are back at where Camperzilla is parked.] Lynn Sr.: "We made it." [The Louds sigh in relief.] Lynn:[incredulous] "Can you believe when that bridge broke?" Luan:[also incredulous] "And you've got to be kid-ding me with those mountain goats." Lana:[also also incredulous] "I thought we were goners in those rapids." [The parents get off the log.] Lynn Sr.: "Okay, okay, we get the message." [They walk forlornly back to the RV.] Rita: "We'll never take you on another hike again." Lori: "What do you mean?" [The parents stop] "We literally loved it." Lisa: "I concur." [excitedly] "Talk about an adrenaline rush." Luna: "Nature is rad!" [throws up the horns] Lincoln: "Mom and Dad, can we sleep under the stars tonight?" [The kids clasp their hands together, smiling, and their parents are overjoyed to oblige.] Lynn Sr.:[laughs] "I'll go grab our mattresses!" [He dashes off to go retrieve the mattresses from the RV, but once he opens the door, he finds that the goats are somehow in there. One is enjoying the massage chair, one is chewing up the couch, and one is gnawing on a tree branch. They all notice him and furrow their brows, and the goat snaps its branch in two with its teeth, nostrils flaring and growling aggravatedly at Lynn Sr., who stares in shock and anxiously shuts the door.] Lynn Sr.: "Or we can sleep on the ground..." [The end.]
