The following is a transcript for the episode "Roadie to Nowhere".


[Outside the Loud House, Chunk is parked in the driveway shining his boots, Luna, carrying her axe, approaches him]
Luna: Yo, Chunk, right on time, dude.
Chunk: I slept in your driveway, so I wouldn't be late. [Opens up curtain inside his van.]
Luna: Whoa, that's hardcore, bro.
Chunk: Load it, drive it, rig it, repeat. That's the life of a rock n' roll roadie, isn't it?
Lynn Sr: [Grunts while carrying one of Luna's amplifiers, speaking in a british accent] Ello, 'ello, Chunk. Pip pip cheerio—oh!
[Lynn Sr. nearly drops the piece of equipment, but chunk catches it and places it on the van]
Luna: [To Chunk, while trying to make sure her father doesn't hear] Don't mind my dad, he spent one semester abroad and he thinks he's a brit.
Chunk: Ha, ha, that's alright love. [Goes to secure the rest of Luna's equipment onto the van; speaking in a heavy British accent] Watch at me china all the mae west of the Duchess of fife, or the wee dustbin lids to.
Lynn Sr.: [Having no idea what Chunk just said, and still in a british accent] Uh, right, eh couldn't agree more.
[Chunk enters his van, Luna pops out the other sunroof]
Luna: Catch you later pop-star.
[She and Chunk drive away]
Lynn Sr.: Good luck at your audition, honey. [Once they're out of sight, pulls out a British to American dictionary] Wee dustbin lids, must be in here somewhere.

[In the high school auditorium, the stage lights are off as Luna starts playing, and they come on and Luna starts singing]

"♫Dropping records on a weekly basis.

[Guitar riff]
Playing shows in exotic places.
[Guitar riff]
Rockin' out to a cheering crowd.
[Guitar riff]
Hear them screaming Luna Loud.
[Guitar riff]
My favorite colors are platinum and gold.
Bein' a rock star never gets old.
My life is a dream [brief pause] a crazy rock and roll dream.
[Guitar riff, Chunk tip toes out and places a second guitar around Luna's neck and Luna manages to play both.]

Stage Dive!

[Luna throws herself off the stage, not realizing that there are only three people, who she just lands on.]
Luna: [Helps her teacher up] Sorry dude, I hope I passed the audition.
Ms. Vaporciyan: [Shakes the stars out of her eyes.] Oh, you did more than pass. You're gonna be headlining the Royal Rumble, congratulations dear.
Chunk: Smashing love, your biggest gig yet.
Luna: Waoo! Next stop, rock and roll fame!
Ms. Vaporciyan: [Recognizing Luna's roadie] Is, is that Chester Monk?
Chunk: The one and only, great to see you Ms. Vaporciyan. [Picks up Luna's guitars and walks away]
Luna : [Amazed] Woah! You know Chunk?
Ms. Vaporciyan: I was his first teacher when he moved here from England. I always thought he was gonna be such a big rock star. You know, he headlined the Rumble too.
Luna: He did?

[Later, in Chunk's van, Chunk is driving Luna home]
Luna: Why didn't you tell me you headlined the Rumble dude?
Chunk: Didn't wanna [honks his horn] toot me own horn, but yeah, was quite a show, five encores but who's counting. [Reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out his old yearbook] Have a butchers at me yearbook.
[Looks at Chunks yearbook and reads what Chunk said in it]
Luna: Next stop, rock and roll fame? [Flashback to earlier] Next stop, rock and roll fame! [Ends flashback, Luna is stunned that Chunk was just like her in high school.]
Chunk: [Nudges Luna] Great minds think alike, ay love? [Luna smiles in agreement, than looks back at the yearbook. Chunk notices something on the road] 'Ello governor [stops the van and gets out.] just what I was fancyin' [as he pulls an old washing machine off the road]
Luna: [Confused, talks to herself] Why is he grabbin' that junk off the road? [Looks at the yearbook one more time and starts to look worried] What if I don't make it as a rock star? I don't wanna end up livin' in a van man.

[Later, at a record store, The Spin Cycle, Luna is applying for a job.]
Record Store Owner: So, why do you wanna work in a record store?
Luna: Well, I really wanted to be a rock star, but that's probably never gonna happen, so I figured this is another way I can share my love of music with people.
Record Store Owner: Right on, you're hired. [Hands her a staff pin.]
[Luna puts the pin on just as a customer walks in]
Luna: [Excitedly slides over to the customer] Welcome dude, how can I help you?
Teen Girl Customer: Do you have Mick Swagger's new album? I hear he's pretty good.
Luna: [Unable to believe what she just heard] Pretty good? Mick's basically a rock god. But you can't just start with his new stuff, you need to know where the man's comin' from. [Grabs an album] Let's start with his first album "Where I'm coming from". [Yanks the customer to the other records, the customer yelps at this, Luna loads more albums on her] This is Mick's fifth album where he went reggae, if you play it backwards its a country album, so its actually his fifth and sixth.[Pulls the customer away again, which she again yelps at, they are later at the display counter, Luna picks up a pink record, while the customer is shuddering in fear] Mick's ninth album is super rare cuz instead of vinyl they made it out of hard candy.
Record Store Owner: Luna, you gotta chill out.
Luna: Dude, I'm with a customer.
[The store's door bell rings]
Record Store Owner: You mean, that customer? [Pointing at the door, Luna looks in that direction and sees that the customer ran off, which bums her out. The store owner escorts Luna out] Yeah, I love your enthusiasm kid, but it's also why I'm firing you.
[Holds his hand out, and Luna gives pin back, then she just looks at the ground, depressed.]

[Later, at a karaoke bar, Karaoke-Dokie, Luna is applying for another job.]
Luna: I figured this is another way I can share my love of music with people.
Club Manager: Cool, you're my new afternoon DJ.
[Later, Luna is DJ'ing for a rather surprising karaoke singer]
Mrs. Johnson: Ooh, girl. If I could, ooh, girl. Give you the, ooh, girl.
Luna: Yeah girl! Sing it!
Mrs. Johnson: [Slightly annoyed with Luna interrupting her, starts to sing louder, but, Luna starts cheering louder and winds up stealing the stage. Because of this, the club manager fires her and makes her give the mic back, much to her depression]

[Later, back at the Loud House, Luna is laying on her bed, depressed, when Lisa comes in wearing her lab coat and riding some contraption.]
Lisa: Greetings third-eldest sister, just making the rounds for my weekly DNA cheek swabs. [Luna sighs as she opens her mouth and stick out her tongue, Lisa takes a DNA sample, places it into a container, and then notices that her third-eldest sister seems down] I don't typically acknowledge human emotions but, you seem unusually dispirited.
Luna: You're too young to understand.
Lisa: Tish, tell that to the nobel committee.
Luna: Respect, well I'm worried about my future dude, makin' it as a rock star seems impossible, but I can't find to fit anywhere else in the music biz, just don't know what to do know.
Lisa: Hmm, I would advise a practical approach, [pulls out a chart] according to national labour statistics, the fastest growing fields are health care, food service, and technology, I suggest you delve into those.
Luna: I hear what you're layin' down sis.
Lisa: [Putting on thick mitts] Wish me luck, Lola's next and she's a bit of a biter.
[Leaves, while Luna think about what she said.]

[Later, at the dentist, Luna is hanging out with her mom]
Luna: Thanks for letting me shadow you today.
Rita: Sure, honey.
[Flip struts in]
Flip: Ready for this?
Rita: [Looking at her records] Actually, Flip, we've been ready for you for ten years.
Flip: Don't bust my chops, you try runnin' a twenty-four hour convenience store. [Flip opens his mouth, Rita moves aside Flip's moustache, and has a look at Flip's, really disgusting, mouth. She starts pulling out junk, much to Luna's horror, as then starts struggling with something jammed in very tight.]
Rita: What is this?
Flip: My meat molar, a tooth fell out so I made a replacement with some beef jerky.
[That statement traumatizes Luna, causing her to faint]

[Later, Luna is at the Aloha Comrade watching her dad work]
Luna: Thanks for letting me check out the restaurant.
Lynn Sr.: Sure thing, hon. [Scoots rolls in] Ooh, a customer, hey, why don't you take this one?
[Luna brings Scoots her meal]
Luna: Here you are, ma'am. One cob salad.
Scoots: [Looks at her salad] Hey, what's the dealio? I asked for extra bacon.
Luna: Oh, sorry, my bad. [Luna takes the salad, and brings it back later, with extra bacon]
Scoots: [Sniffs] This blue cheese smells whack. [Luna sighs in irritation, takes the salad again, and brings it back, with fresher cheese] Hey! Why is there so much bacon on this?
Luna: [Exasperated] Are you kidding, dude? Fine! I'll fix it for you!
[Grabs the extra bacon right off the plate and throws it on the floor in frustration.]
Lynn Sr.: [Scared of what might happen next] You know what? I got this one, honey. [Takes the plate]

[Later, Luna is with Mr. Grouse at his IT job, Mr. Grouse is working on a code, and Luna is playing with the controls for the desk height]
Luna: The tech field seems pretty rad, Mr. Grouse. Thanks for letting me hang with you.
Mr. Grouse: [Slightly irritated] It would be a lot more rad if you'd stop fiddling with my desk, I'm trying to debug this code. [Hits enter, but screen pops up a "catastrophic error" message] Catastrophic error? [Groans] That's the berries.
Luna: [Crackling her knuckles] Let me give it a try, brah.
[Starts entering codes, hits enter, and the computer returns a "Successful code" message.]
Mr. Grouse: Holy Telito, how do you pull that off?
Luna: Guess I learned a thing or two about computers from recording music.
Mr. Grouse Well, you've got a future here, young lady.
Luna: [Gleeful] Really?!
Mr. Grouse: You betcha, and it's a heck of a gig, great job security and a solid retirement plan.
Luna: Sweet, sounds a lot better than living in a van, plus I see you get casual Fridays.
Mr. Grouse: [Who is revealed to be wearing socks with sandals, and orange bicycle shorts.] Eh, casual what now?
[Luna, getting the impression that he was just wearing that anyway, has nothing to say]

[Later, at the high school Mrs. Vaporciyan is playing the trombone, when Luna comes into her classroom]
Luna: Mrs. V, I just wanted to tell you, I'm dropping out of the Royal Rumble. [Mrs. V plays a wah, wah, sound effect on her trombone] I know I'm never gonna make it as a rock star, so I'm done with music, IT is my jam now, it's a heck of a gig, great job security, solid retirement plan, it's more practical.
Ms. Vaporciyan: Well, wait, Luna, honey, you don't have to give up music completely, lots of people play as a hobby.
Luna: Naw, it would just break my heart, my achy breaky heart. [Looks slightly depressed about her decision.] Sorry to mess up the rumble Mrs. V. [Starts to leave, when she sees something on the desk] "Chunk and the Pieces" What's this?
Ms. Vaporciyan: Chester gave me that, his band is playing at the red herring tonight.
Luna: Chunk has a band? I thought he gave up music a long time ago.

[That night, Luna goes over to the red herring and sees Chunk on the stage, singing]

"♫I'm a little East London,

and I'm a little Royal Woods.
But when it comes to rock and roll.
I've got the goods.
You can call me Chester,
or you can call me Chunk.
Either way, baby,
rock out to funk.
♫" Are you ready to get funky?
[Crowd cheers]
Right, let's take it to the rinse cycle.

[Boots up the washing machine from earlier, and start playing his guitar.]''

Luna: So that's what he wanted it for. [Starts cheering] Go Chunk! Rock on! [Throws up the goats. Later, Luna helps Chunk with his equipment.] That was awesome dude, I had no idea you still played.
Chunk: Yeah, once you get the performing bug, you just can't shake it, can ya?
Luna: [Sympathetically] Hey, I know it's none of my biz, but that stuff in your yearbook made it seem like being a rock star was all you ever wanted, are you bummed you didn't make it?
Chunk: Who says I didn't make it, I may not be playing the sold-out arenas, but I'm doing what I love, that's my definition of makin' it.
Luna: Even if you have to live in a van? I mean, no offense, it's a sweet van.
Chunk: [Laughs] I don't live in it love, I got me own flat.
Luna: [Confused] What?
'Chunk [Laughs again] I only sleep in my van the night before a big gig. Talkin' of gigs, you all sorted for the big Rumble?
Luna:Well, I am now.
Chunk: [Picking up a number of guitars] Brilliant, just let me know how many guitars you need.

[Later, at the high school, Luna is rocking her performance. Her family and the whole audience is cheering]

"♫Got the rock'n'roll bug and I just can't shake it.

[Guitar riff]
Follow your heart if you really want to make it.
[Guitar riff]
I tried my hands at dental hygiene.
[Guitar riff]
But at the end of the day, it just wasn't my scene.
[Guitar riff]
You can live your life full of doubt.
or you can do what you love and it'll all work out.
My life is a dream [brief pause; winks to the viewers] the greatest rock and roll dream.
[Guitar riff, Chunk tip toes out with Luna's second guitar]
♫" Ladies, and Gentlemen! We've got some Rumble Royalty in the house! Give it up for Chester 'Chunk' Monk! [Chunk tips the hat to everyone and starts singing along with Luna.] "♫You can live your life full of doubt.
or you can do what you love and it'll all work out.

My life is a dream [brief pause] the greatest rock and roll dream!

[They end the song and everyone cheers for them.]

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