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I've tried everything to get into this trophy case.
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The following is a transcript for the episode "Roadie to Nowhere".
Script
[Outside the Loud House, Chunk is parked in the driveway shining his shoes, Luna, carrying her axe, approaches him]
Luna: Yo, Chunk, right on time dude.
Chunk: I slept in your driveway, so I wouldn't be late. [Opens up curtain inside his van]
Luna: Whoa, that's hardcore bro.
Chunk: Load it, drive it, rig it, repeat. That's the life of a rock n' roll roadie isn't it?
Lynn Sr: [Grunts while carrying one of Luna's amplifiers, speaking in a british accent] Ello, 'ello, Chunk. Pip pip cheerio--oh!
[Lynn Sr. nearly drops the piece of equipment, but chunk catches it and places it on the van]
Luna: [To Chunk, while trying to make sure her father didn't hear] Don't mind my dad, he spent one semester abroad and he thinks he's a brit.
Chunk: Ha, ha, that's alright love. [Goes to secure the rest of Luna's equipment onto the van, speaking in a heavy British accent] Watch at me china all the may west of the Dutchess of fire for the wee dust bin lids to?
Lynn Sr.: [Having no idea what Chunk just said, and still in a british accent] Uh, right, eh couldn't agree more.
[Chunk enters his van, Luna pops out the other sunroof]
Luna: Catch you later pop-star.
[She and Chuck drive away]
Lynn Sr.: Good luck at your audition honey. [Once they're out of sight, pulls out a British to American dictionary] Wee dust bin lids, must be in here somewhere.
[In the high school auditorium, the stage lights are off as Luna starts playing, and they come on and Luna starts singing]
"♫Dropping records on a weekly basis.
[Guitar riff]
Playing shows in exotic places.
[Guitar riff]
Rockin' out to a cheering crowd.
[Guitar riff]
Hear them screaming Luna Loud.
[Guitar riff]
My favorite colors are platinum and gold.
Bein' a rock star never gets old.
My life is a dream [brief pause] a crazy rock and roll dream.
[Guitar riff, Chunk tip toes out and places a second guitar around Luna's neck and Luna manages to play both]
♫"
Stage Dive!
[Luna throws herself off the stage, not realizing that there are only three people, who she just lands on]
Luna: [Helps her teacher up] Sorry dude, I hope I passed the audition.
Ms. Vaporciyan: [Shakes the stars out of her eyes] Oh, you did more than pass. You're gonna be headlining the Royal Rumble, congratulations dear.
Chunk: Smashing love, your biggest gig yet.
Luna: Waoo! Next stop, rock and roll fame!
Ms. Vaporciyan: [Recognizing Luna's roadie] Is, is that Chester Monk?
Chunk: The one and only, great to see you Ms. Vaporciyan. [Picks up Luna's guitars and walks away]
Luna : [Amazed] Woah! You know Chunk?
Ms. Vaporciyan: I was his first teacher when he moved here from England. I always thought he was gonna be such a big rock star. You know, he headlined the Rumble too.
Luna: He did?
[Later, in Chunk's van, Chunk is driving Luna home]
Luna: Why didn't you tell me you headlined the Rumble dude?
Chunk: Didn't wanna [honks his horn] toot me own horn, but yeah, was quite a show, five encores but who's counting. [Reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out his old yearbook] Have a butchers at me yearbook.
[Looks at Chunks yearbook and reads what Chunk said in it]
Luna: Next stop, rock and roll fame? [Flashback to earlier] Next stop, rock and roll fame! [Ends flashback, Luna is stunned that Chunk was just like her in high school]
Chunk: [Nudges Luna] Great minds think alike, ay love? [Luna smiles in agreement, than looks back at the yearbook. Chunk notices something on the road] 'Ello governor [stops the van and gets out] just what I was fancyin' [as he pulls an old washing machine off the road]
Luna: [Confused, talks to herself] Why is he grabbin' that junk off the road? [Looks at the yearbook one more time and starts to look worried] What if I don't make it as a rock star? I don't wanna end up livin' in a van man.
[Later, at a record store, The Spin Cycle, Luna is applying for a job]
Record Store Owner: So, why do you wanna work in a record store?
Luna: Well, I really wanted to be a rock star, but that's probably never gonna happen, so I figured this is another way I can share my love of music with people.
Record Store Owner: Right on, you're hired. [Hands her a staff pin]
[Luna puts the pin on just as a customer walks in]
Luna: [Excitedly slides over to the customer] Welcome dude, how can I help you?
Teen Girl Customer: Do you have Mick Swagger's new album? I hear he's pretty good.
Luna: [Unable to believe what she just heard] Pretty good? Mick's basically a rock god. But you can't just start with his new stuff, you need to know where the man's comin' from. [Grabs an album] Let's start with his first album "Where I'm coming from". [Yanks the customer to the other records, the customer yelps at this, Luna loads more albums on her] This is Mick's fifth album where he went reggae, if you play it backwards its a country album, so its actually his fifth and sixth.[Pulls the customer away again, which she again yelps at, they are later at the display counter, Luna picks up a pink record, while the customer is shuddering in fear] Mick's ninth album is super rare cuz instead of vinyl they made it out of hard candy.
Record Store Owner: Luna, you gotta chill out.
Luna: Dude, I'm with a customer.
[The store's door bell rings]
Record Store Owner: You mean, that customer? [Pointing at the door, Luna looks in that direction and sees that the customer ran off, which bums her out. The store owner escorts Luna out] Yeah, I love your enthusiasm kid, but it's also why I'm firing you.
[Holds his hand out, and Luna gives pin back, then she just looks at the ground, depressed]
[Later, at a karaoke bar, Karaoke-Dokie, Luna is applying for another job]
Luna: ...so I figured this is another way I can share my love of music with people.
Club Manager: Cool, you're my new afternoon DJ.
[Later, Luna is DJ'ing for a rather surprising karaoke singer]
Mrs. Johnson: Ooh, girl. If I could, ooh, girl. Give you the, ooh, girl.
Luna: Yeah girl! Sing it!
Mrs. Johnson: [Slightly annoyed with Luna interrupting her, starts to sing louder, but, Luna starts cheering louder and winds up stealing the stage. Because of this, the club manager fires her and makes her give the mic back, much to her depression]
[Later, back at the Loud House, Luna is laying on her bed, depressed, when Lisa comes in wearing her lab coat and riding some contraption]
Lisa: Greetings third-eldest sister, just making the rounds for my weekly DNA cheek swabs. [Luna sighs as she opens her mouth, Lisa takes a DNA sample, places it into a container, and then notices that her third-eldest sister seems down] I don't typically acknowledge human emotions but, you seem unusually dispirited.
Luna: You're too young to understand.
Lisa: Tih, tell that to the nobel committee.
Luna: Respect, well I'm worried about my future dude, makin' it as a rock star seems impossible, but I can't find to fit anywhere else in the music biz, just don't know what to do know.
Lisa: Hmm, I would advise a practical approach, [pulls out a chart] according to national labour statistics, the fastest growing fields are health care, food service, and technology, I suggest you delve into those.
Luna: I hear what you're layin' down sis.
Lisa: [Putting on thick mitts] Wish me luck, Lola's next and she's a bit of a biter.
[Leaves, while Luna think about what she said]
[Later, at the dentist, Luna is hanging out with her mom]
Luna: Thanks for letting me shadow you today.
Rita: Sure honey.
[Flip struts in]
Flip: Ready for this?
Rita: [Looking at her records] Actually Flip, we've been ready for you for ten years.
Flip: Don't go bustin' my chops, you try runnin' a twenty-four hour convenience store.
[Flip opens his mouth, Rita moves aside Flip's moustache, and has a look at Flip's, really disgusting, mouth. She starts pulling out junk, much to Luna's horror, sa then starts struggling with something jammed in very tight]
Rita: "What is this?"
Flip: "My meat moler, a tooth fell out so I made a replacement with some beef jerky.
[That traumatizes Luna, causing her to faint]
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