The following is a transcript for the episode "Rocket Men".
[Somewhere in the far reaches of the galaxy, a crystal is in the claws of a fish alien.]
Captain: "That peace crystal belongs to the people of Galganon, I'll give you one last chance to return it."
Fish Alien: "Never."
Captain: "Fine, then we'll take it back ourselves. Petra! Fire the photon ray."
TV Announcer: "The exciting conclusion of Starship Groupers will be coming up, right after these messages."
Lincoln: [Who's watching the show with Clyde.] "Dang it, commercial break."
Commercial Announcer: "He-hey, kids," [the TV shows a boy with a jet pack.] "ever wanted to live and train like a real astronaut?" [The boys gasp with intrigue, as some kids on the TV do a moon jump.] "Then we've got the camp for you." [A boy is driving a moon rover.] "The Space Cadets Experience is a week-long sleep-away camp;" [Some girls collecting moon rocks.] "where you'll learn everything about being an astronaut." [Some kids watching a shooting star.] "Ask your parents now if you can join the adventure."
Lincoln: [Him and Clyde in awe.] "Wow, that looks so fun. Clyde, we have to go to this camp."
Clyde: "Absolutely, I'm gonna go home right now and ask my dads." [Races off, but returns, with tissues.] "Well, after we finish the movie, I always cry when they restore the peace crystal to Galganon."
[Later, Lincoln is wearing his blue suit, and giving a presentation to his parents in the living room.]
Lincoln: "...And that's why I really wanna go to the Space Cadets Experience."
[Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other.]
Rita: "Uh, sounds great sweetie, but also kind of expensive."
Lincoln: "But Mom, when you do the math, it's actually a great value, think about how much money you'll save on food while I'm gone."
[This intrigues Rita and Lynn. Meanwhile, at the McBride's residence, Clyde is giving his own presentation.]
Clyde: "So I really think this camp will be a good opportunity for me."
Howard: "We're glad you're interested in trying new things honey, and, you look so dashing in that suit."
Harold: "But it's a whole week away from home, are you sure you're ready?"
Clyde: "Yes, Dr. Lopez and I have been working on stepping outside my comfort zone."
Harold: "Okay son, if you're sure you can handle it..."
[Split screen with Lynn Sr.]
Lynn Sr.: "Well Lincoln, if you really wanna go..."
Lynn Sr. & Harold: "The answer is yes."
[The boys are excited, do a salute, and walkie talkie each other.]
Clyde: "Cadet Lincoln, all systems are a go."
Lincoln: "Same here, Cadet Clyde, we have lift off."
[At the Space Cadets Experience entrance, Lincoln and Clyde are waiting to be let in.]
Automated Voice: "Front gate, commencing, opening sequence."
[The boys watch with amazement as the gate opens.]
Lincoln: [Seeing the camp] "Woah."
[The camp looks like so much fun. The boys come in and squeal with excitement.]
Tarreyn: [Approaches Lincoln and Clyde.] "Welcome, space cadets! My name's Tarreyn, and I'll be your camp counsellor. Ready for your first activity?" [The boys' nod] "You'll be hunting for moon rocks in real space suits." [Cartwheels off]
Lincoln: [Gasps] "Moon rocks!"
Clyde: "Space suits!"
[They squeal again as they head off. The boys zip up their suits, and begin jumping around in a room made to look like the moon when Clyde bumps into a star.]
Clyde: "Phew, this is a lot more tiring than it looks on TV." [Takes out his inhaler and tries to use it, but he's wearing a space helmet and the inhaler flies out of his hands. Clyde gasps.] "My inhaler!"
Lincoln: "I got it."
[Lincoln tries to grab it, but misses, and bumps into Clyde, and they land in some craters.]
[Later, the boys are in the multi-axis trainer.]
Clyde: "Alright, human gyroscopes."
Lincoln: [To the operator of the machine.] "Eh, just so you know, we're like pro thrill-seekers, so don't be afraid to turn it up to eleven." [The guy shrugs, does so and starts texting. Lincoln and Clyde are spun on all three axes of rotation.] "This is a little more intense than I thought it'd be!"
Clyde: [Getting the snot spun out of his nose.] "Same here!" [To the operator.] "Could you please take it down to a nine?!"
[The guy presses a button, but accidentally makes it go so fast, a skull and crossbones are seen in the whirlwind.]
Male Counsellor: [Realizing his mistake and turns it off.] "Whoops, wrong button, sorry dudes."
[The cadets fall out of the gyroscopes face-first and are now dazed, and nauseous.]
Clyde: "Where's the little astronaut's room? [Lincoln runs off] We'd like to freshen up."
[In the restroom, Clyde splashes some water into his face and turns off the sink.]
Lincoln: [Inside the stall] "Woah, Clyde, you gotta see this," [Opens the stall] "check it out."
[A futuristic-looking toilet is shown, shining in all its glory.]
Clyde: [Amazed] "Wow, a real life space toilet."
Lincoln: "I wonder how you flush it?"
Clyde: "Oh, I think it's this handle." [Clyde uses the handle, and almost gets sucked into the toilet.] "Ah! Help, the space toilet's got me!"
Lincoln: [Helps Clyde] "I got you!"
[Lincoln manages to pull Clyde out of the toilet and the boys tumble out of the stall.]
Clyde: [Looks at his right foot.] "It ate my loafer."
[Later, in the cafeteria...]
Clyde: "How excited are you for our first space dinner?"
[The server puts gelatinous green stuff on Lincoln's tray, Lincoln is disgusted.]
Lincoln: "Maybe a little less excited now." [The boys go to a table.] "Well, there's no way it can taste as bad as it looks." [The boys try it, and spit it out.] "Wow, [Clyde shivers] I was so, so wrong."
Clyde: [Sighs] "This is honestly one of the most disappointing moments in my life."
[Just then, the girls sitting next to them start talking.]
Girl #1: "I'm having a blast. Can you believe in less than twenty-four hours, it'll be our turn in the flight simulator?"
Lincoln: "Flight simulator? That sounds cool."
Girl #2: "It's the most intense activity at camp."
Girl #1: "Yeah, some kids went on it today, and three of them passed out. So hardcore, I can't wait."
[The girls squeal with excitement, and the boys gulp with fear.]
[That night, the boys are in sleeping bags.]
Lincoln:"Okay, there's no denying it, camp is horrible, we can't stay here."
Clyde: "And we definitely can't face the flight simulator."
Lincoln: "We have to ask our parents to come and get us." [Clyde nods, they open their sleeping bags, and fall up to the ground, the sleeping bags are revealed to be hanging upside down.] "Man, I hate these space sleeping bags."
[One kid hushes them. The boys step outside and call their parents.]
Clyde: "Hey Dads, I'm just calling to..."
Lincoln: "Hey Mom and Dad, I have something I need to tell you."
Lincoln & Clyde: "Camp is awful, I wanna come home."
Rita: "Awe, I'm surprised to hear that, you sounded so excited about it."
Harold: "But it sounded like something you would love."
[Their husbands join the conversations.]
Lincoln: "It's just not anything like I thought it would be."
Clyde: "Turns out, it's not fun at all."
Lynn Sr.: "I'm sorry to hear that, buddy."
Howard: "It's a real shame."
Rita: "But your dad and I think you need to give camp more of a chance."
Harold: "You should spend more time there before giving up on it."
Lynn Sr.: "I'll bet if you stick it out, you might even find you like it."
Lincoln: "I'll give it more time, night Mom and Dad."
Clyde: "Bye Dads." [They all hang up, and the boys sigh.] "Well, I'm stuck here.
Lincoln: "Me too, our parents don't get how bad camp is, and it's only going to get worse."
Clyde: "I can't do that flight simulator, Lincoln, I won't survive it."
Lincoln: [Determined] "Well, there's only one thing to do; we have to escape, we can take a bus to Liam's and hide out in his barn for the rest of the week."
Clyde: "That plan's completely nuts, and I'm totally in."
[They fist bump.]
[Later, they are wearing camouflage, and sneaking around.]
Lincoln: "The front gate's the only break in the fence; that's our way out. How'd you know to bring camouflage?"
Clyde: "I pack for every occasion, and yet I forgot my backup loafers."
[They get to the front gate.]
Lincoln: [Looking at the control panel.] "Uh..." [Presses a button, and nothing happens.] "Hmm, maybe it's a different button." [Lincoln tries another button, which sets of green light and an alarm.] "Whoops! Not that one." [Tries another one.]
Clyde: "Not that one either! Turn it off! Turn it off!"
[Just then, Tarreyn comes up and turns it off.]
Tarreyn: "Cadet Clyde, Cadet Lincoln, what's going on?"
Lincoln: "Uh, we're looking for our cabin, got lost on the way back from the, uh, little astronauts room."
Tarreyn: "Wow, you guys got really turned around, come on, I'll show you."
[They all walk off. On the way, Lincoln notices something.]
Lincoln: "Hey Tarreyn, what's that?" [Points to a vehicle.]
Tarreyn: "That's the moon rover, you guys will get to take it for a spin on day three."
Lincoln: [Whispers to Clyde] "We could use that to crash through the front gate."
[They get to the cabins.]
Tarreyn: "Here's your cabin," [gives them a map.] "and a map so you don't get lost next time."
Lincoln: "Thank you." [Tarreyn front handsprings away, and Lincoln crumples the map.] "There won't be a next time, cause we're gettin' out of here." [Fist bumps Clyde, and tosses the map towards the trash, but misses.] "Dang it." [Picks it up and puts it in the trash.]
[Later, the boys sneak up to the rover, and hop in.]
Lincoln: "We'll be gone before anyone realizes we're missing, buckle up, Clyde."
[Lincoln floors it, but the rover only goes so fast, yet kinda slow at the same time.]
Clyde: "Floor it, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "It's already floored."
[Clyde groans and Tarreyn walks up to them.]
Tarreyn: "Uh, what are you guys doing?"
Clyde: "We... were just so excited to drive the moon rover, we couldn't wait."
Tarreyn: [Stops the rover with one foot, not mad at all.] "I get that, but, it's the middle of the night, come on, back to your cabin."
Clyde: "Can you, uh, point us in the right direction? We don't have the map."
[Back at the cabin, the boys are looking at the map more thoroughly.]
Lincoln: "Okay, back to square one." [Sees a building on the map.] "Hey, check out this recycling building at the edge of camp."
Clyde: "Wow, their commitment to recycling is very impressive." [Brief silence] "Oh, I see, the back door lets out into the forest."
Lincoln: [Grabs his bag] "Let's go."
[The boys get to the building.]
Lincoln: "This is the place." [Works on the panel, while Clyde covers his ears; the door opens.] "We're almost free."
[The boys enter the building, it's very dark inside, Lincoln trips over his own feet.]
Clyde: "Hang on, I think I found the light switch.
[The lights come on.]
Lincoln: "Whoa, even the recycling building is space themed."
[Suddenly, the room turns on.]
Automated Voice: "Welcome, to the flight simulator."
Clyde: "We really need to work on our map reading skills."
Lincoln: "Let's get out of here before it starts."
[The boys try to escape, but the door won't open.]
Automated Voice: "Door lock, engaged. Preparing for take off, please take your seats [Seeing no other option, the boys hurry into their seats and buckle up. The male counsellor, who's not even paying attention, turns the simulator on.] Commencing countdown:" [The simulator rises up.] "three, two, one, blast off."
Lincoln & Clyde: "Woah!"
[They are thrown back into their seats by the G-force.]
Automated Voice: "Your task is to safely navigate through the asteroid field. Or your ship will be destroyed."
[The boys freak out when they see the asteroids and grab the steering wheels.]
Lincoln: "Right! Left! Right! Oh no, sharp left, sharp left!"
[They almost avoid the asteroid, but it hits them.]
Automated Voice: "Direct Impact! Severe damage to core. Life support system will shut down, unless it's repaired."
Clyde: "How are we supposed to do that?"
Automated Voice: "Put on your spacesuits and exit the ship. Locate the blinking panel. Disable it before time expires to complete the mission."
Lincoln: "Okay Clyde, we can do this."
Automated Voice: "Sixty seconds remaining. Fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-seven, fifty-six..."
[The boys disengage their seat belts and get their suits. They look out the shuttle.]
Lincoln: "There it is, the control panel."
[The boys go to it.]
Automated voice: "...twenty, nineteen, eighteen..."
[Clyde starts spinning out of control.]
Lincoln: "Cadet Clyde, initiate code leapfrog!"
Clyde: "Roger that."
[Lincoln leaps off Clyde to gain speed, and pulls Clyde's cord to bring him along.]
Automated Voice: "...three, two, one." [The boys flip the switches, and celebrate their victory.] "Mission accomplished, deactivating zero gravity."
[The boys realize, and fall, they are now dangling by their cords.]
Lincoln: "Uh, can somebody help us get down now? Please?"
Male Counsellor: "Huh?" [Sees them on the monitor] "Oh, be right there." [Goes off]
[Later, the boys exit the simulator, full of pride.]
Clyde: "The part where you leapt off the side of the ship, that was crazy!"
Lincoln: "I can't wait for tomorrow when they let us try out the jet packs."
Tarreyn: [Walks up to them] "Hey, Cadets Lincoln and Clyde, [Grows sad] your parents just called to say they're coming to get you, they should be here soon. [Starts sobbing] I... I'm so sorry camp wasn't right for you."
[Tarreyn tears up, and leaves. The boys are sad now too, and take off their helmets.]
Lincoln: "Awe man, I was actually starting to like it here."
Clyde: "Me too, but I guess we have to leave."
[They sigh, and walk off.]
[Early morning, outside the entrance to the camp, the boys despondently wait.]
Howard: [As he and Harold run up and hug Clyde.] "Oh, my baby! Are you okay?! We're so sorry for leaving you here!"
Rita: [As she and Lynn Sr. calmly walk up to them.] "Hi boys."
Lincoln: "Hi Mom, hi Dad."
Rita: "We had a parent huddle and realized we never should have made you stay."
Lincoln: "Actually, you guys were right, after a little more time we realized we like camp, we shouldn't have given up so quickly."
Clyde: "Yeah, and to be honest, now we're sad to leave."
[They take their bags.]
Lincoln: "But we asked you to come, and you drove a long way to get us, so..."
Rita: "Sweetie, don't worry about us, if you wanna stay you can stay."
Lincoln: "Really? Are you sure?"
Howard: "Yes, we're proud of you, it seems like you both learned an important lesson about sticking things out."
Lynn Sr.: "Plus, we passed a twenty-four-hour pancake house, that I would not mind trying on the way back."
Harold: "That sounds mighty delish."
[The parents hug their sons and take off.]
Howard: "Have a great rest of your week cadets, we'll see you Saturday."
Clyde: [In unison] "Bye Dads!
Lincoln: [In unison] "Bye guys!"
[The boys celebrate getting to stay, then Clyde realizes something.]
Clyde: "Dads, wait!" [Runs after them] "Do you have any backup loafers?"
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts